Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

SashaJames has created a new chat.

SashaJames has added TimothyStoker and MartinBlackwood.

SashaJames has named the chat Archives

ARCHIVES

SashaJames: Hi everyone! I thought it would be a good idea to have a work chat now we’re all moving down to the archives :)

SashaJames: I couldn’t find Jon. Do any of you have him on FaceBook?

TimothyStoker: you think he even has facebook? 

TimothyStoker: or like a phone???

SashaJames: We know he has a phone, Tim.

MartinBlackwood: I couldn’t find him

MartinBlackwood: Not that I’ve looked or anything

MartinBlackwood: Until now

TimothyStoker: sure, martin. sure. 

MartinBlackwood is typing…

TimothyStoker: not like i havent seen u staring at him in the breakroom

TimothyStoker: how u gonna deal w working this close to the loul 

MartinBlackwood is typing…

SashaJames: loul? What does that mean?

TimothyStoker: love of ur life (his)

MartinBlackwood has left the chat

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E

Your oh so humble Captain is typing…..

Stop letting this one inside is typing….

Stop letting this one inside: Congratulations On The Promotion, Archivist

Your oh so humble Captain: I got the job!!!

Your oh so humble Captain: Wait 

Your oh so humble Captain: Nikki how did u know?

Stop letting this one inside: Jolly Good Job I Am Proud Of You

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: well done Jonny!!!!

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: Congratulations!

Let him feed the kitties 2020: Well done :))

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: congrats Jonny

Your oh so humble Captain: @World’s #1 book fucker @the 

only one with brain cells left @worlds #1 ship fucker no congratulations for your favourite captain?

Let him feed the kitties 2020: first mate

worlds #1 ship fucker: Fuck off, Jonny 

the only one with brain cells left: soz was doing stuff

World’s #1 book fucker: science is stuff

AVATARS OF THE W H O R E

The clown fucks lads: NEW MEAT NEW MEAT NEW MEAT

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ NEW MEAT NEW MEAT NEW MEAT

Sky fucker but a manlet: ????

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ NEW MEAT NEW MEAT NEW MEAT

Bowones: Meat??

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ Well now you’ve ruined it

Toxic ass vape fog: I have no idea what is going on

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ Your ex hired a new archivist

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ We are one step closer to replacing him

The clown fucks lads: He’s Really Nice. He’s My Friend

No thots only worm: Elias?????

The clown fucks lads: No! The Archivist, Silly! His Name Is Jonny, 

And He’s In My Band

Fire simp: You’re in a band???

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ȇ̸̼̍: Youre in a b a n d ?????

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ also wait does that mean he knows???????

The clown fucks lads: I Mean I’ve Told Him I’m Plastic

The clown fucks lads: How Could He Not Know?

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ Soon Bitchard will be g o n e

THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS

Peter Lukas (Lonely): @Elias Bouchard (Eye) Congratulations on your new archivist

Elias Bouchard (Eye): @Peter Lukas (Lonely)  thank you <3

Peter Lukas (Lonely): @Elias Bouchard (Eye) <3

Jude Perry (Desolation): Gross

Jude Perry (Desolation): Also we need a shorter title this one is annoying

Helen (Distortion/Spiral) renamed the chat Divorce Central

Elias Bouchard (Eye ) renamed the chat THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS

Helen (Distortion/Spiral) set the nickname for Elias Bouchard (Eye) to Eliass Bitchard (Eye)

Peter Lukas (Lonely) set the nickname for Eliass Bitchard (Eye) to Elias Bouchard (Eye)

Jane Prentiss (Corruption): Gross

AVATARS OF THE W H O R E

Divorced Plukas has been removed from this chat -

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ was being gay on main 

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ For Bitchard?

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ ye

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ Gross

ARCHIVES

TimothyStoker has added 

MartinBlackwood to the chat

TimothyStoker: Im sorry martinnnnnnnnnnnnn

TimothyStoker: yk i love u

TimothyStoker: forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

MartinBlackwood: fine.

TimothyStonker set the nickname for 

MartinBlackwood to Pining on main

Pining on main set the nickname for 

TimothyStoker to AssholeTim

AssholeTim: rude

SashaJames renamed the chat Archival Assistants

SashaJames: Please keep it professional, everyone.

TimothyStoker has created a new chat.

TimothyStoker has added SashaJames and  

MartinBlackwood.

TimothyStoker has named the chat Work 

Bitches

SashaJames: @MartinBlackwood i see you taking tea to Jon - be an angel and get his FaceBook? 

MartinBlackwood has added JonathanSims

JonathanSims set their nickname to JonSims

TimothyStoker: jonathan

JonSims: Timothy?

TimothyStoker: fuck

TimothyStoker set his nickname to TimStonker

TimStonker set the nickname for MartinBlackwood to Yearning on main

Yearning on main: No.

Yearning on main set his nickname to Martin

JonSims: ????

Martin: Don’t worry just Tim being a dick

JonSims: Okay, that makes sense. What is this Facebook group supposed to be for, anyway? 

TimStonker: Archives gang!!

SashaJames: I thought a work chat could be handy 

SashaJames: Hope that’s ok!

JonSims: Stonker?

TimStonker: um

TimStonker: that was intentional?

Chapter Text

WORK BITCHES

Strip Poker Stoker added GerardKeay to the chat

Strip Poker Stoker set the nickname for GerardKeay to The Gothfather. 

Our lovely lesbian mum: Who’s this?

Strip Poker Stoker: gerry

Strip Poker Stoker: he vibes here 

The god of tea and pining: Hi Gerry! how do you take your tea?

The Gothfather: black like my soul

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: mood

Strip Poker Stoker: y’all are drinking milk then?

Strip Poker Stoker: fucking disCOSTANG

The god of tea and pining: Jon I know how you drink your tea. 

The god of tea and pining: You put far too much honey in to count it as black

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: :(

The Gothfather: black coffee or caramel frappuccinos

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: ew coffee

The god of tea and pining: :(

Strip Poker Stoker: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Our lovely lesbian mum: I hate to be unprofessional 

Our lovely lesbian mum: But I hate you more

Our lovely lesbian mum: Coffee drinkers deserve no rights

Strip Poker Stoker: you know what, Sash?

Strip Poker Stoker: you’re right

Strip Poker Stoker: go die, Gerry

The Gothfather: rude

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E

 Your oh so humble Captain: ok gang coffee v tea 

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: I just drink water

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: Sometimes I put lemon and cucumber in it :)

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: And if I’m feeling frisky, maybe a lime~

Smoke inhalation’s a bitch, ain’t it?: red bull

Stop letting this one inside: Is Hot Chocolate An Option?

Stop letting this one inside: With Cream And Marshmallows

World’s #1 book fucker: Ooh yeah! Hot chocolate and a nice book

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: yh hot chocolate hits

Stop letting this one inside: :D

the only one with brain cells left: I brewed coffee in monster once?

worlds #1 ship fucker: Battery acid

Your oh so humble Captain: Wow

Your oh so humble Captain: Very helpful guys

Your oh so humble Captain: but also vodka

let him feed the kitties 2020: I like tea!!

Your oh so humble Captain: t h a n k. y o u. 

THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS

Helen (Distortion/Spiral): Do we have to invite him to the meeting lol?

Elias Bouchard (Eye): ???

Helen (Distortion/Spiral): Apologies, wrong chat

Elias Bouchard (Eye): what?

AVATARS OF THE W H O R E

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :  fUCK  

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : lolllllll

Gwen stacey can fite me: [slow_clap.gif]

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ : point still stands

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : do we HAVE to?

Chapter Text

ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS

SashaJames: Hi, so

SashaJames: Tim and I got drinks :)

SashaJames: (And pedicures, of course)

SashaJames : He spent at least an hour talking about Jon

SashaJames: You two can yearn together, Martin!

AssholeTim: wasn’t just talking ab jon, sash

AssholeTim: i was also 

AssholeTim: wait

AssholeTim: fuck

AssholeTim: was only talking abt jon obviously 

Pining on main: I am so confused

AssholeTim: stay confused

SashaJames: Tim was yearning for Jon. You can pine together :)

SashaJames: Enjoy!!

SashaJames has left the chat

AssholeTim: fuck

Pining on main: You like Jon too, Tim??????????

AssholeTim: um

AssholeTim: ahaha

AssholeTim: maybe ;)

Pining on main: fucking plot twist

Pining on main renamed Asshole Tim to Yearning on main

Yearning on main: I don’t yearn, I simp

Pining on main renamed Yearning on main to Tim Simper

Tim Simper: that, and repress my emotions B)

Tim Simper: :point_right::sunglasses::point_right:

Tim Simper: I hate this fucking app

Pining on main: Tim no :(((

Pining on main: I’m here if you wanna talk? :)

Tim Simper renamed Pining on main to Mumfriend Yearnwood

Tim Simper: but low key

Tim Simper: pls

Mumfriend Yearnwood: You okay?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: What’s making you sad?

Tim Simper: a lot :(

Tim Simper: i’m mad bc i’m a n g y

Tim Simper: and i’m sad bc 

Tim Simper: well

Tim Simper: Trauma~

Mumfriend Yearnwood: :((((((((

Mumfriend Yearnwood: You wanna talk about it?

Tim Simper: kinda?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: take your time bb :)

Mumfriend Yearnwood: you want me to bring some tea? I think there’s a couple biscuits left <33

@MartinBlackwood messaged @SashaJames

Martin: Can u give Tim a hug for me?

Martin: I would but just left the institute :((

Martin: Jon sent me to check out a statement

Martin: smthn ab spooders?

Sasha: Yeah, of course!

Sasha: How come?

Martin: he seemed sad D:

Martin: he’s gonna vent to me while i walk but he deserves a hug. I brought him tea but had to dash

Sasha: Of course! Stay safe :)

Martin: will do, love u xxx 

Sasha: Love you too x

@TimStoker messaged @SashaJames

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Tim: sasha

Sasha: You okay, Tim?

Tim: NO

Tim: i think

Tim: you know how I was rambling ab marto yesterday

Tim: as well as jon

Sasha: Yeah?? That’s why I was forcing you to communicate

Tim: well

Tim: um

Tim: fuck

Tim: he jsut

Tim: i am simping

Tim: how is he this adorable?

Tim: also he called me ‘bby’ and sent <33 be jealous

Sasha: Why would I be jealous? I’m not the one yearning

Tim: BC HES AMAZING AND EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE HIM

Sasha: :)))))))))))))))))))))))) 

Sasha: ‘love’

Sasha: Are you...what did you call it? 

Sasha: ‘Simping’?

Tim: wait fuck

Tim: um

Tim: im leaving i hate it here

Tim: imma go talk to marto instead.

Sasha: Gay /j

Chapter Text

@MartinBlackwood messaged @JonathanSims :

Martin: would u still love me if i was a worm ;)

Jon: ??

Martin: never mind, I can’t come in

Martin: i have a bit of a bug

WORK BITCHES:

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: Gerry, please stop Juuling in the archives.

The Gothfather: no

The god of tea and pining: would y’all still love me if i was a worm??? 

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: You’ve already asked this…….

The Gothfather: ?????

Our lovely lesbian mum: Is this another reference I don’t understand?

Our lovely lesbian mum: … You’re spending too much time with Timothy.

Strip Poker Stoker: @ The god of tea and pining Yes. 

The god of tea and pining: sHIT guy stheres a weird worml ady outside my apartmnt she stol emy ohone an di donr know whatt o do she juts gave it bcak pls hlp me

The god of tea and pining: Wait @ Strip Poker Stoker really?? 

Strip Poker Stoker: UwU

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: tim no

The Gothfather: tim nO

Our lovely lesbian mum: Is this ANOTHER reference I don’t understand?

The god of tea and pining: this is jane again; martin squeaked and i was curious 

The god of tea and pining: also yh tim no

The Gothfather: It was on this day that timothy stoker lost his rights

The Gothfather: also jane?? Who??

Strip Poker Stoker: he squeaked????????????????????? :0

Strip Poker Stoker: wait shit we have bigger concerns

Strip Poker Stoker: Actually no

Strip Poker Stoker: he squeaked! :D

Our lovely lesbian mum: tim please

The Gothfather: tim pls

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: tim p l s 

Strip Poker Stoker: nice of u to show back up boss

Strip Poker Stoker: m a y b e we should go save mario?

Strip Poker Stoker: *MARIO!

Strip Poker Stoker: **MARTO

Strip Poker Stoker: I hate it here

The god of tea and pining: *MarTIN

The god of tea and pining: she gave my phone back

Strip Poker Stoker changed The god of tea and pining ’s name to MahhhTIN

MahhhTIN: can someone um come resciue me maybe?

MahhhTIN: scary wrom lady’s still here

Our lovely lesbian mum: maybe ask if she’ll let u leave?

MahhhTIN: she said yh?

MahhhTIN: but only if i call her sexy worm lady ????

The Gothfather: sounds kinda hetero

The Gothfather: But like good luck lmao

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: Martin, stop playing around.

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: Stay safe, though.

Strip Poker Stoker: be careful love u

MahhhTIN: turns out she wasn’t lying?

MahhhTIN: am omw

AVATARS OF THE W H O R E

No thots only worm: do u think Martin would like me if i give him a worm on a string? 

No thots only worm: or several worms on strings?

Several people are typing…

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 5 - A Brief Interlude of Pining

@GerardKeay messaged @MartinBlackwood :

Gerry: Hey are u staying in the archives tonight?

Martin: yeah

Martin: Jon put me up in a little airtight room

Martin: why?

Gerry: I low key live here now lmao

Gerry: You wanna get takeout?

Martin: sounds nice :))

Gerry: There’s a rlly nice thai a couple blocks away?

Gerry: can send you the menu link?

Martin: sounds nice :)))

Martin: wait shit i’ve already said that :(

Martin: i’m sorry :(

Gerry: nono dont apologise!!

Gerry: you’re all good :)))

Gerry: it’s kinda cute tbh ;)

Martin: askjbfgighdj

Martin: :))

Gerry: I’ll let you know when it arrives

Gerry: acc do u want me to bring it to you?

Gerry: we can vibe :)

Martin: hate to be predictable but

Martin: sounds nice :))))

Gerry: ok nice! Driver is 10mins away so will be there soon

Gerry: you have a laptop w you?

Martin: no :/

Gerry: i’ll bring mine if u wanna Netflix and chill?

Martin: oh um

Martin: -///- 

Gerry: and when I say netflix and chill, tim said u never watched She-ra and you HAVE TO

Martin: that sounds fun :)

ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS

Mumfriend Yearnwood renamed the chat PINING ON MAIN

Mumfriend Yearnwood: so uh

Mumfriend Yearnwood: i think we’ve reached the point where I can um...vent?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: I’m staying in the archives

Mumfriend Yearnwood: and obvi gerry lives here

Mumfriend Yearnwood: fuck

Mumfriend Yearnwood: how do i have a yet another crush

Tim Simper: ???

Mumfriend Yearnwood: HE’S SLEEPING ON MY SHOULDER

Mumfriend Yearnwood: HJSGDKYUGDKS I’M-

Mumfriend Yearnwood: ADJSVKS I WISH I COULD SEND A PHOTO

Mumfriend Yearnwood: also you know how he always dresses rlly like???? Cool and like goth and like punk and like hot? With the leather jacket and things? He’s wearing a jumper that’d fit ME

Mumfriend Yearnwood: it’s still black but like- 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Tim I’m-

Mumfriend Yearnwood: HDBJAHBJHHBCHDJDHNHBAHDABDH

Tim Simper: has martin.exe stopped working?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: YES

Mumfriend Yearnwood: BHWBGERGCFYWG

Mumfriend Yearnwood: LOOK AT ME! I’M NOT EVEN REWRITING MY KEYSMASHES

Mumfriend Yearnwood: WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

Tim Simper: i diagnose u with a casw of

Tim Simper: the big gay

Tim Simper: also the feels

Mumfriend Yearnwood: :((((((((((((((( helpful

Mumfriend Yearnwood: u realise i am self aware right?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: anyway time to add this onto my list of hopeless crushes :(

Tim Simper: Tragic but I wouldnt say hopeless

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Jon doesn’t even talk to me T-T and

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Gerry was talking ab this Michael person? He didn’t say it but he is clearly pining :( and 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: um

Tim Simper: um?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: nope thats it

Tim Simper: ???????????

Mumfriend Yearnwood: thats it two crushes thats all

Mumfriend Yearnwood: thats it

Tim Simper: ‘yet’ another?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: it’s called hyperbole, tim

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Get educated, Tim. We went to college. 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: anyway can we get back to my current breakdown topic thanks?

Tim Simper: ok so ur pining?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: HE’S SLEEPING ON ME AND WEARING A COMFY SWEATER AND HIS EYELINER AND LIPSTICK HAVE SMUDGED A BIT AND I KINDA WANNA KISS HIM AND AHHHHH 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: and he bought me food and insisted on paying and then we watched netflix and he was c u d d l i n g w me :’)

Tim Simper: gayyy

Mumfriend Yearnwood: why did I think u would be helpful smh

Tim Simper: i’m sorry bby :) love u

Mumfriend Yearnwood is typing...

@MartinBlackwood messaged @SashaJames :

Martin: hi sasha rlly sorry to bother u 

Martin: but um 

Martin: i have no non-work friends and um you are the only one i can message ab this

Sasha: Hi Martin!! Are you alright?

Martin: i think i might have a crush on all the others um

Martin: no offence to you!!! 

Martin: am not into wamen

Sasha: No offence taken, I am not into anyone

Sasha: But Martin?? It's 3am????

Sasha: I’m up anyway, so don’t worry, but why are you having a relationship crisis? Just out of curiosity

Martin: so uh you know ab Jon already. But Gerry is currently sleeping on me? And tim sent me ‘ i’m sorry bby :) love u’ and it made my heart do a thing 

Martin: gay brain go brrrrrr 

Martin: anyway go sleep sasha i’ll just have my breakdown quietly :’)

Sasha: Good luck 

@TimStoker messaged @SashaJames :

Tim:  SASHA I FUCKED UP I SAID I LOVE YOU TO MARTIN WHAT

Tim: I MEAN TECHNICALLY I SAID I LOVE U

Tim:  WHICH COULD BE PLATONIC

Tim: BUT HE LEFT ME ON READ

Tim: SASH WHAT IF HE HATES ME

Tim: SASHA I SAID I LOVE U

Sasha: lmao

Sasha: I’ve heard

Tim: improper grammar??? Who are u and what did u do to sasha

Sasha: This is Not!!l!! Sasha, she’s ded. This is 3am Sasha. Fear me

Sasha: Lol

Chapter Text

AVATARS OF THE W H O R E

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : Can i add my bf?

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ : bf???

The clown fucks lads: bf??????

Gwen Stacy can fite me: bf???????

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: bf???????

No thots only worm: michael!!!!! you didn’t tell us you had a boyfriend?!?!?!?!?

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : BEST friend

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : NOT BOYFRIEND

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : BEST FRIEND

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : i mean i wish but

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂  unsent the last message

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ : gay

Gwen Stacy can fite me: gay 

No thots only worm: g a y

The clown fucks lads: That Is Pretty Gay!

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: gay :)

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : fuck off

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : but also can I?

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : His name is Gerry he knows abt us!!!

No thots only worm: is he an avatar tho 

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : i mean no but

Gwen Stacy can fite me: then no

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : he hates leitner and once told Elias to go fuck himself

No thots only worm: ADD HIM

The clown fucks lads: Add Him, Michael! An Enemy Of Elias Is One Of Us

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ : ADD HIM

Gwen Stacy can fite me: ADD H I M

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: yeah add him dude

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂  added GerardKeay

The clown fucks lads renamed GerardKeay to “She doesn’t even go here!”

“She doesn’t even go here!”: um hi what is this place?

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : GERRY!!!!!!!!!!

“She doesn’t even go here!”: Hi Mikey <3

Sky fucker but a manlet: gayyyyyy

“She doesn’t even go here!”: Hi everyone else :))

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : @ Sky fucker but a manlet rude 

Sky fucker but a manlet: what??? I didn’t get to say it before ok

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: valid

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : not valid!! We’re gonna be nice to Gerry!!

No thots only worm: lol nah

No thots only worm: don’t be a coward

No thots only worm: @ ‘mikey’ ^

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : nO 

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : i hate you all

“She doesn’t even go here!”: :(((

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : @ “She doesn’t even go here!” you are the only exception <3

Sky fucker but a manlet: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

@EliasBouchard messaged @JanePrentiss:

Elias:  Hi Jane

Elias: Remember when I asked you to fuck with Jon to leave him ‘marked’ 

Elias: That was Martin, not Jon, Prentiss.

Jane: Haha yh ik

Jane: I wanted to be his friend :))))

Jane: It didn’t work :((((((

Elias: Well could you perhaps get over it and bother Jon????

Jane: if I bother Jon will you leave the chat and help me befriend martin??

Elias: No

Jane: Then No.

Jane: If i bother Jon will u fuck off? <3

Elias: Okay?

Jane: Then sure!! But im not gonna hurt him then Martin would never be my friend :(

Elias: You care far too much for these people

Jane: He was pining ok it was hilarious

Jane: Who tf is pines when theres

Jane: wORM

Jane: I would die for him <3

Elias: What the fuck?

AVATARS OF THE W H O R E

No thots only worm: Elias told me to fuck w Jon any ideas?

No thots only worm: dont wanna hurt him bc i want martin to be my frend

“She doesnt even go here!”: ?????????????????????

No thots only worm: Oh!!! Gerry!!! Are there any good ways to sneak into the archives?

No thots only worm: With w o r m s

“She doesnt even go here!”: um????

“She doesnt even go here!”: why????

No thots only worm: If i do Elias will fuck off

“She doesnt even go here!”: Ok valid will send u a lil map sketch thing. The wall in Jon’s office connects to tunnels

“She doesnt even go here!”: If u hurt anyone i will be mad and a n g y

“She doesnt even go here!”: I will burn ur worms

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: I’ll help, G!!

“She doesnt even go here!”: <3

Sky fucker but a manlet: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ messaged @GerardKeay:

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: Hey babe I met one of ur coworkers

Gerry: fuck

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: Her name was Sasha! She was nice :)

Gerry: ok valid at least its not one of the pining gay idiots

Gerry: will go do damage control

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: I love you

Gerry: um love u too um

WORK BITCHES:

Our lovely lesbian mum: Hey Jon, when you’re free I’d like to give a statement?

Our lovely lesbian mum: I met this very strange and slightly unsettling man

Our lovely lesbian mum: And also another worm victim

The Gothfather: Oh that’s just my bf

The Gothfather: Mikey, not the worm guy

MahhhTIN: Omg you asked him out?????? Or did he ask you????? congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Gothfather: Okay um *a future bf

The Gothfather: He typed I love you and I cried

MahhhTIN: Mood

MahhhTIN unsent the last message

Strip Poker Stoker: God Gerry ur yearning is showing

The Gothfather: oops

The Gothfather: i’m right tho y’all should meet him

The Gothfather: Martin are you staying here tonight luv?

The Gothfather: I can get him to come say hi?

The god of tea and pining: Um actually,,,,,, Jon said I could stay w him tonight,,,,,,,,,, but we’ll probs be staying late? You’ve seen his work schedule

The Gothfather: ur staying w Jon? Jealous

The Gothfather unsent their last message

The Gothfather: will ask Michael to come say hi during the day then :))

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: I’m free whenever you are, Sasha

@TimStoker messaged @GerardKeay:

Tim:  I saw that :)))

Tim: Before u unsent :)))))))

Tim: We caught you :)))))))))))

Gerry: Fuck

Tim: Dw it’s a mood

Tim: So anyway Jar since we caught u simping on main

Tim: U wanna join me and Martin’s simping-over-Jon chat?

Tim: In which we are hopeless gays 

Gerry: Tim did u just call me JAR????

Tim: Yh what ab it?

Tim: u wanna join?

Gerry: fuck it yeah why not

PINING ON MAIN

TimSimper added GerardKeay

Mumfriend Yearnwood: TIM WHAT THE FUCK

Mumfriend Yearnwood: WE WERE MAKING A NEW CHAT I THOUGHT

Mumfriend Yearnwood: GERRY DONT SCROLL UP

 GerardKeay: ???????????

Mumfriend Yearnwood removed GerardKeay

Chapter Text

MartinBlackwood has created a new chat

MartinBlackwood added GerardKeay and TimStoker

MartinBlackwood has named the chat “simping for Jon club”  

TimStoker has changed MartinBlackwoods name to Mumfriend Yearnwood

Mumfriend Yearnwood has changed TimStoker’s name to TimSimper

TimSimper has changed GerardKeay’s name to Monsterfucker 

Mumfriend Yearnwood : really sorry about that

TimSimper: aaaaaaaaaaa i forgot a convo we had on that chat 

TimSimper: marto is a rlly private person

TimSimper: And a hopeless lil gay

Monsterfucker: thats ok

Monsterfucker: aren’t we all

Monsterfucker: also monsterfucker?????

TimSimper: Michael

TimSimper: speaking of can i meet him too or does only marto get to meet him

Monsterfucker: Yeah will see if he can come now?

Monsterfucker: He’s in the breakroom :)))))))

TimSimper: omg he’s f r i e n d s h a p e d

Mumfriend Yearnwood: does he like hugs???

TimSimper: good hUG

Monsterfucker: He gives rlly good hugs :)))))))))))))))))))))

Mumfriend Yearnwood: :0 <3

Mumfriend Yearnwood: You were right Gerry he gives brilliant hugs :))))))

TimSimper: Statement of Timothy Stoker regarding the best hug he has ever recieved

Mumfriend Yearnwood: rude

TimSimper: You have never hugged me marto :’(

TimSimper: Not even once :((((((((

TimSimper: You’re the rude one

Mumfriend Yearnwood: I’ve hugged you!!

TimSimper: Yh but not properly :(((( only quick hugs

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Then come tf here, Simper

TimSimper: :)))))))))))))

Mumfriend Yearnwood … We should probably stop texting in the same room

TimSimper: No <3

Mumfriend Yearnwood: will not hug you until you put your phone away and come over here

TimSimper: bye bye phone

@Gerard Keay messaged @SashaJames:

Gerry: r tim and martin in love too?

Sasha: yes

Sasha: Rule of thumb, usually if they don’t want to brutally pipe murder each other, they are simping so immensely hard.

Gerry: called it

@TimStoker messaged @SashaJames:

Tim: SASH MARTO JUST HUGGED ME

Tim: WAIT NO NOT HUGGED

Tim: HE C U D D L E D ME

Tim: hes so soft im gonna cry sasha  :’)

Tim: i have never been more comfortable i want him to hug me again

Tim: two best ever hugs in one day :’)))))

Sasha: Your simp is showing

Sasha: Wait who’s the other hug?

Tim: gerry’s bf go hug him now 

@MartinBlackwood messaged @SashaJames:

Martin: u were right am simping

Martin: for tim

Sasha: Again? Really?

Martin: :(((( rude

Martin: he sat on my lap ok im allowed

Sasha: Thats quite spicy if I may say

Martin: PLATONICALLY

Sasha: s u r e i t w a s

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E

Your oh so humble Captain: so um 

Your oh so humble Captain: friends and crewmates

Your oh so humble Captain: What does it mean if two of my co workers are cuddling  (at work) and i wanna join?

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: you’re touch starved?

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: I would diagnose you with pining

Your oh so humble Captain: Oh shit I thought I’d grown out of that

the only one with brain cells left: ???????????? that isn’t a thing?

worlds #1 ship fucker: People dont ‘grow out’ of feeling emotions Jonny

Your oh so humble Captain: oh

Your oh so humble Captain: don’t they?

Your oh so humble Captain: guess im just emotionally repressed then lol

Let him feed the kitties 2020: sAme

Worlds #1 book fucker: Are you okay, Jon?

Your oh so humble Captain: probably not

Your oh so humble Captain: i think i wanna join a cuddle sandwich :’)

Stop letting this one inside: I’ll Cuddle You Jonny!

Stop letting this one inside: Anybody Else Want To Come Over For Hugs?

Stop letting this one inside: I Will Lie On A Heater So I’m Not Too Hard And Plastic

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:  um wtf?

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: but also yeah will be over in 15

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: Cuddle pile?

Let him feed the kitties 2020: Cuddle pile. 

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: Ten I, too will be coming over 

WORK BITCHES:

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: Am heading out early today

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: Feel free to do the same

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: @ MahhhTIN I have left you my spare key, feel free to let yourself in. 

Strip Poker Stoker: where u going? got a hot date? ;)

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: No??

Chapter Text

@TimStoker messaged @MartinBlackwood:

Tim: ur staying w jon righttt?

Tim: if he’s letting u stay~

Tim: you should do something for him ;)

Tim: in exchange ;)

Martin: Like cook?

Tim: oh marto :’)

Tim:  bby no :’)

Tim: it’s fine have fun lmao

Tim: cooking works :’)

@MartinBlackwood messaged @JonSims:

Martin: What time are you getting in and do you want food?

Martin: You’re letting me stay, so I’d like to do something nice for you :)

Martin: Like cook?

Jon: Not sure when I’ll be back...

Jon: Currently with friends, will text when I leave.

Jon: No need for food but help yourself .

@MartinBlackwood messaged @TimStoker:

Martin: He didn’t want food :(((

Martin: You think he acc wants me there or is he like

Martin: being nice

Martin: I don’t want to annoy him or anything? Like by being in his space

Martin: shit do you think he left early to avoid me?????????????

Martin: I just don’t want to bother him

Tim: the idea of you bothering ANYONE is hilarious marto

Martin: Maybe I should just go back to the archives? Or my flat?

Martin: I don’t want to be a burden or anything

Martin: Tho I mean you’ve heard him. “He’s unlikely to contribute anything more than delays”. Not like it’s avoidable.

Tim: doN’T YOU DARE

Tim: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

Tim: YOU ARE NOT A NURDEN I WILL ACTUALLY F I G H T YOU

Tim: * BURDEN*AND IF JON THINKS THAT I WILL FIGHT H I M 

Tim: FUCK

Tim: also what? He said that?

Tim: fun fact my crush has just evaporated lol it no longer exists

Tim: -10/10 would not simp again >:(

Tim: i’ll simp for you instead you deserve it more

Martin: Please don’t

Martin: I don’t deserve it 

Martin: I mean look at jon then look at me lmao

Tim: MARTIN WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F U C K

Tim: MARTIN I LOVE YOU

Tim: YOU DESERVE THE ENTIRE ASS W O R L D

Tim: YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING

Tim: APPEARANCE TOO DON’T THINK I MISSED THAT BIT OF SELF DEPRECATION MARTIN YOU ARE 

Tim: THICCER THAN A FUCKING SNICCER

Tim: IN CONCLUSION YOURE REALLY H O T

Tim: WILL NOT ACCEPT YOU DISAGREEING

Tim: MARTIN DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE IGNORE ME MARTIN LET ME GIVE YOU MY L O V E 

@JonSims messaged @MartinBlackwood:

Jon: Hi this is Jon’s friend

Jon: Yes he does want food, he’s just a stubborn tit who doesn’t want to take care of himself

Jon: Wait are you work Martin???????????????????? From the Archives???????? Like the Martin?!??? Jon talks abt you!!!

Martin: oh

Martin: yeah i am

Martin: i’m sorry :/

Jon: T E A MARTIN

Jon: YOU’RE TEA MARTIN

Jon: Hi This Is Nikola Please Teach Me To Make Good Tea! Jon Talks About Your Tea! He Said It Makes Him Soft! Does He Mean His Skin?

Jon: He Does Not Like My Tea D:

Jon: Maybe I Don’t Put Enough Teeth In It

MartinBlackwood is typing…

Jon: hi this is basira. Gonna get TS to leave u be but hi martin!!! You are bb :)

Martin: um??

Jon: bc u make Jonny happy and he’s grumpy most of the time so it’s a relief for us

Jon: And Because You Make Him To Do Skin Care :D

Jon: thanks nik? Anyway we’re gonna pass on jonny’s love bc he won’t do it himself bc  he is too much of a COWARD to show emotion

Martin: um... thank you? :)

Martin: do any of you know what food Jon likes?

Jon: nope not a clue but pls feed him the man is too skinny he’s elbowed me SIX TIMES and it hurts :(

Jon: He lives off caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and spite

Jon: Save him pls

Jon: also Brian has told him he has to eat or he won’t be invited to cuddle pile next time so dont worry about convincing him:)))))))))

@MartinBlackwood messaged @TimothyStoker:

Martin: lol sorry for being sad on main

Martin: and then disappearing oops

Martin: can we forget that ever happened?

Tim: NEVAH!! You need to feel my love!!

Tim: and love yourSELF

Martin: lol nah <3

Tim: mother fUCKER-

Martin: but anyway i have IMPORTANT INFORMATION THIS CAN WAIT

Tim: ?!?!?

MartinBlackwood sent a screenshot

Chapter Text

simping for Jon club 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: We all know I love Jon but what the fuck 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: He has NOTHING in his fridge 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Orange juice, one of those tiny bottles of milk, half a block of cheese, like 2 eggs and carrots? 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: I was planning to cook for him but what the fuck? 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Also? His entire house is like a library he has like 50 cooking books and NO FUCKING FOOD TO COOK WHAT THE FUCK JON???

Tim Simper: martin are you okay?

Tim Simper: i have literally never seen you this worked up about anything

Tim Simper: including scary worm lady 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Yeah? She was scary but I am WORRIED FOR JON

Monsterfucker: have wondered this before but

Monsterfucker: how is that man still alive?

Tim Simper: We Do Not Know

Tim Simper: spite, probably?

Monsterfucker: lol mood

Monsterfucker: did i ever tell yall how i’m still alive?

Tim Simper: no?

Monsterfucker: s p i t e

Monsterfucker: also the gay™

Monsterfucker: bc looking at mikey adds YEARS to my life :)

Tim Simper: lol gay

Monsterfucker: i know

Tim Simper: also marto werent u gonna cook for jon? Bc h o w

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Yeah. He has mac and cheese ingredients I guess? 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: I’ll probably go shopping tomorrow? Buy some actual food?

Tim Simper: ooh mac and cheese 

Tim Simper: you’ve never cooked for me marto :(

Mumfriend Yearnwood: You’ve never invited me to stay with you

Tim Simper: then fucking come stay with me. 

Tim Simper: wait do you cook or c o o k.

Mumfriend Yearnwood: C o o k? I guess? I mean it’s fun?

Tim Simper: marry me

Monsterfucker: g a y

@MartinBlackwood messaged @SashaJames:

Martin: Tim said ‘marry me’

Martin: I am gonna DIE Sasha

Martin: shfbhsjshsdhjsdjhdsjh

Sasha: Are you okay, Martin?

Martin: Lol no. am PINING and Tim is not HELPING

@JonSims messaged @MartinBlackwood:

Jon: I’m leaving now

Jon: Should be with you in 20

Jon: I apologise for my friends. You really don’t need to cook for me

Jon: Believe it or not I can actually take care of myself

Jon: HI! This Is Nikola!! Believe It Or Not He Really Can’t

Martin: I’ll cook either way. You’re being rlly kind letting me stay, I want to do something in exchange. How’s mac and cheese work?

Jon: Macaroni and cheese sounds amazing, Martin, thank you. But you really don’t have to

simping for Jon club 

Mumfriend Yearnwood sent a photo  [Photo I.D a homemade macaroni cheese]

Mumfriend Yearnwood: fun fact

Mumfriend Yearnwood: The man I am in love with doesn’t even own BREAD

Mumfriend Yearnwood: A true hopeless case

Tim Simper: Make some

Mumfriend Yearnwood: I wanted to but he doesn’t have FLOUR!!! 

Tim Simper: wait i was joking 

Tim Simper: you can MAKE BREAD???

Mumfriend Yearnwood: yeah people make bread Tim

Tim Simper: NO I MEAN Y O U

Tim Simper: thats kinda hot

Monsterfucker: that’s kinda g a y

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Tim I've brought bread into work before?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Tim I make sourdough like every week

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Tim you’ve had my bread!!

Monsterfucker: wait you made that?

Monsterfucker: hate to channel Tim on main but 

Monsterfucker: marry me

@MartinBlackwood messaged @SashaJames:

Martin: SASHA

Martin: F U C K

Sasha: I’m not even going to ask

Sasha: Martin stop being a useless gay challenge?

Martin: rude :(

simping for Jon club 

Mumfriend Yearnwood: hi Jon is back

Mumfriend Yearnwood: AND HE JUST PUT AN ENTIRE TABLESPOON OF CHILLI FLAKES IN THE MAC AND CHEESE?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: DOES HE JUST EAT CHILLI FLAKES!?!?!?!?!

Tim Simper: probably

Monsterfucker: yepppp

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E

Your oh so humble Captain: is it weird if i ask my coworker-who's-staying-in-my-flat if he wants to watch a documentary or something?

  Your oh so humble Captain: he looks like he gives good hugs

  Your oh so humble Captain: or I could just ask him for a hug right??

  Your oh so humble Captain: no that’s probs weird?

Let him feed the kitties 2020: You are a hopeless homosexual

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: lmao I told you you were touch starved?

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: it’s not weird lmao, go hug Martin

worlds #1 ship fucker: Are you Okay Jon?

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: go get the first of many. Soon - cuddle piles

Your oh so humble Captain: we had a cuddle pile earlier?

worlds #1 ship fucker: Brian stop being cryptic challenge 

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: no <3

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: I fought for these prophetic powers and I WILL use them

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: Brian you realise just bc your character can do prophecy that doesnt mean you can?

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: Lol can’t I?

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: That sounds like a challenge, Marius

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: Brian KEEP being cryptic challenge

worlds #1 ship fucker: Brian nO

Worlds #1 book fucker: BRIAN NO

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: Brian no

Your oh so humble Captain: Brian no

Let him feed the kitties 2020: BrIan PLEAse nO

Stop letting this one inside: Brian Yes!!!!

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: Nikola nO

Stop letting this one inside: D: But Marius You Were My Favourite

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: ....Nikola yes???

worlds #1 ship fucker: MARIUS NO

Stop letting this one inside: So Easily Manipulated :D

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: :O

Your oh so humble Captain: You guys are no help anyway life update we are watching the princess bride bc it is apparently a ‘crime’ and ‘travesty’ that I have not seen it

Your oh so humble Captain: And also I am cuddling him instead of paying attention

Your oh so humble Captain: He smells like vanilla? And also tea? And kinda like lavender and baking bread? It’s nice :))

Let him feed the kitties 2020: gay

worlds #1 ship fucker: Gay

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: gayyy

Your oh so humble Captain: cuddling can be platonic, guys

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: you are describing how he SMELLS, Jonathan

Your oh so humble Captain: and?

Your oh so humble Captain: wait

Your oh so humble Captain: SHIT

Chapter Text

@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ messaged @GerardKeay:

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: hey babe Ɛ>

Gerry: hey love whats up?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: sooo like um 👉👈 I may have been caught spying on the Archivist?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: the hands are too short :(((

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: anyway yh he noticed me :/

  Gerry: he noticed you?

  Gerry: lucky lol

  Gerry: martin would be jealous

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: yeah i was painting my nails and the paint dripped onto his desk

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: it’s bc i was using a brush

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: i normally just dip my nails in paint cans but i was bored and it looked fun

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: you think he’s angry?

  Gerry: idk did he do anything??

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: stared?

  Gerry: I mean valid, you are pretty 

  Gerry: was gonna use an adjective so like pretty eye catching or fixating or something but you know what?

  Gerry: pretty fits

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: u-fucking-wu

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: babe :’)))

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠ sent a photo [Photo I.D it’s a uno reverse card but where the colour should be there is instead many eye straining neons in a swirling manner]

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: also i think jon was judging my nails but his are painted black so he has NO RIGHT

  Gerry: whats wrong with black nails?

Gerry: also did you just uno reverse me??? bitch

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: they’re YOUR colour! The Archivist doesnt get to s t e a l i t it suits you better

  Gerry: you steal all my uwus <3

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: cancelled

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: blocked and reported

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: c r i n g e

  Gerry: :’(((

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: no bby im sorry i love u

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: full homo

  Gerry: :’))

WORK BITCHES:

MahhhTIN: did i just hear michael???????

Strip Poker Stoker: michael’s here???? where???? i want hugs

MahhhTIN: idk i can just hear him like in the walls 

MahhhTIN: he yelped and now he’s laughing but like….sad?

Strip Poker Stoker: @The Gothfather summon michael i want hugs

The Gothfather: i wish i could but he’s low key having a crisis

The Gothfather: i want mikey hugs too :(

Our lovely lesbian mum: Michael is here? Is that safe?

The Gothfather: yh hes fine he’s just crying bc jon seemed to be judging his nail polish :(

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: IT WAS YELLOW 

Strip Poker Stoker: marto wore yellow nail polish last week?

Strip Poker Stoker: it was cute :))

MahhhTIN: I was just trying out. Jon’s right it’s not a very good colour :(

Strip Poker Stoker: it was cute FITE ME

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: i’m sure it looked nice on your not-metre-long fingernails Martin

simping for Jon club

Mumfriend Yearnwood: does that count as a compliment??????

Mumfriend Yearnwood: i mean at least he’s noticed that my nails AREN’T a metre long

Mumfriend Yearnwood: that’s a win right??

Tim Simper: oh martin :(

Tim Simper: bby

WORK BITCHES

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: Also Gerry? Why WAS your boyfriend in my ceiling?

The Gothfather: he’s not my bf :(

@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ messaged @GerardKeay:

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: hey so um i can see Jon’s phone 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: and uh do u want to?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: be my bf I mean 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: or like go on a date? 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: lmao jk no worries im not asking you out or anything u dont gotta let me down gently

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: …. unless like you want me to?

Gerry: did u just ‘hahaha jk….unless?’ me???

Gerry: bc like if you asked me out i would say yes ;)

Gerry: but like no pressure if you’re not serious 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: if you’re serious then im serious

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: Gerry babe, would u like to go on a date with me?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: or uh would u like to be my boyfriend

Gerry: um both?

Gerry: if you’re serious?

Gerry: I really like you a whole lot

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: well shit bro me too 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: like a LOT a lot

Gerry: I like you a lot a lot too 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: :))))) so bfs? 

Gerry: bfs x

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: :))))))))) 

Gerry: love u mikey

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: while we’re here...um...do u mean love like ‘ur my best friend and i love you’ or like ‘im in love w you’

Gerry: um..

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: bc either way I love you too 

Gerry: wait really? 

Gerry: i’ve been pining over u for ages am not gonna lie

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: no way???? 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: like mood? 

Gerry: ok but why tf are u still in the ceiling? come see me. Am grinning like a madman and also I want a HUG

Gerry: babe ;) 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: my fucking HEART i will be right there

WORK BITCHES

The Gothfather: um never mind 

The Gothfather: he is :)))

Mahhhtin: Hate to say it but finally !

Strip Poker Stoker: gayyyyyy

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: OK, but why was he in my office though? 

Our lovely lesbian mum: Congratulations!! 

The Gothfather : okay at least Sasha’s nice to me 

Our lovely lesbian mum: You are officially the last to know!!!

The Gothfather: nvm

Chapter Text

WORK BITCHES

Our lovely lesbian mum has renamed Strip Poker Stoker to stop stealing my sexuality

stop stealing my sexuality has renamed our lovely lesbian mum to Our awesome aro mum

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: ??????

Our awesome aro mum: He’s poly 

Our awesome aro mum: I’m aro 

Our awesome aro mum: Simple logic; the arsehole stole my sexuality 

The Gothfather: poly gang!!!

stop stealing my sexuality: poly gang!!!

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: if ur both poly which of u stole my sexuality? 

stop stealing my sexuality: That’s a secret I’ll never tell~

simping for Jon club

Tim Simper: guess he’s aro then :(((((

Monsterfucker: f in the chat

Mumfriend Yearnwood : f 

Tim Simper : f

Monsterfucker: f 

WORK BITCHES

The Gothfather: do u want it back? I can steal some of mikeys 

The Gothfather: he can steal more from hallway people 

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: ??????? 

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: also nah 

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: ace is a vibe 

Our awesome aro mum: Aro-Ace solidarity 

Our awesome aro mum: Hang on, maybe we share a sexuality?

Our awesome aro mum: I’m pan/bisexual aromantic?

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: biro ace 

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: pun intended 

Our awesome aro mum: What pun?

The sad tired guy omg please sleep: like the pen? I dont know it popped into my head and i had to say it idk I’m tired

Our awesome aro mum: ?????

stop stealing my sexuality: jon get some fucking sleep challenge

stop stealing my sexuality has renamed The sad tired guy omg please sleep to The sad tired gAy omg please sleep

simping for Jon club

Tim Simper: so he’s ace! not aro! big happy

Tim Simper:   guess I’m out of the running then tho 

Tim Simper:   my one quality is hot 

Mumfriend Yearnwood : lies 

Mumfriend Yearnwood : so many lies 

Tim Simper:   no

Mumfriend Yearnwood : you’re kind, and funny - but your jokes are never to hurt other people which is really refreshing - and you have a really nice laugh, and you give amazing hugs, and you’re just like really interesting? and when you talk ab something you’re passionate about your eyes just light up

Mumfriend Yearnwood : and you tell stories really well, and know almost as much pointless but fascinating information as Jon does only yours is about podcasts and tv and obscure mythology and buildings, and like him you can make it s o interesting? 

Mumfriend Yearnwood : though acc I guess the buildings knowledge is actually often quite useful in our job 

Mumfriend Yearnwood : and yeah, you’re hot, but that’s not your only quality. 

Tim Simper:   oh um

Tim Simper:   I didn’t know you felt that strongly 

Tim Simper:   um

Mumfriend Yearnwood : you’re one of my best friends Tim :) 

Mumfriend Yearnwood : I’m not gonna let you put yourself down 

Monsterfucker: well that was fucking gay lmao 

Monsterfucker: am I third wheeling y’all here?

@TimothyStoker messaged @GerardKeay:

Tim: MARTIN JUST COMPLIMENTED ME AND IT WAS REAL SWEET BUT THEN HE

Tim: F R I E N D Z O N E D M E

Tim: wait shit that was meant to be to sasha

Tim: ehh fuck it polygang guess what i’m also maybe slightly in love w marto

Gerry: 👁👄👁 Oh Wow. Oh My God I’m SO Surprised. That Wasn’t Obvious At All.

Tim: okay well fuck you then

Gerry: I Totally Didn’t Call This The D A Y I Was Added To The Chat

Tim: i am being BULLIED

Gerry: lmao

Tim: you are no help

Gerry: lmao

Tim: :((((((

Gerry: feel free to vent to me ab martin being cute though

Tim: :))))))))))))))

Gerry: oh god should i regret that offer????

Tim: yes

Tim: ok so im kinda stressed?? Bc he’s so fucking adorable?? Like have you ever hugged him he is s o comfortable?? And just his existence gives me s e r o t o n i n????

Tim: like i see him and my day gets better and i stg i like him more than ive liked anyone (even jon) and dhjssjjgsjg hes just so,,,,,,,you know??? 

Tim: like his smile and his hands and the way he hums under his breath when he thinks nobody is listening and the way he’s memorised how all of us like our tea and he has a list in his phone of all our dietary requirements???

Tim:   which he didn't even ask for he just like remembered them from conversations??????? And i just djshhjshghsghhg i am simping s o fucking hard for this walking-representation-of-anxiety. 

Gerry: avatar of anxiety lmao

Tim: ???

Tim: anyway stop distracting me i’m pining

Tim: you’ve got me off topic now fuck

Tim: i just have so many emotions

Tim: no thoughts head empty only martin

Tim: okay but like anyway moving on from marto being a GOD amongst men, and the actual perfect human who can c o o k and b a k e and gives the actual best hugs that puts michael to shame and has FRECKLES and looks so adorable? soft man i would die for him the only valid person and also he’s like??? taller than me??? like im tall im used to being the taller person and yet marto is TALLER and honestly??? didn’t realise i’d find that so hot???

Gerry: i thought you were moving on?

Gerry: tho mood lmao

Tim: OKAY FINE IM MOVING ON OK he didn’t mention being poly and ik he’s real into jon and so probably is Not Into Me 

Tim: bc that would’ve been not-scary right? Bc WE both came out and Sash came out likee???

Tim: so I guess i have a crush on TWO non-poly people :((

Gerry: big sad lmao

Gerry: they might be though??

Gerry: idk marto has those v i b e s tbf?

Gerry: mikey is which is a win <3 

Tim: lucky shit

Gerry: i really am :)))

Tim: you’re not helpful :(((((

Gerry: i know but i am SIMPING for my BOYFRIEND is that not allowed?

Tim: no <3

Gerry: you break my heart, timathan stroke

Tim: :))))))))))))))

Gerry: no michael hugs for you then

Tim: :(((((((((((((((((((((

Gerry: i am drunk on this power

Chapter Text

AVATAR OF THE W H O R E

No thots only worm: thank u gerry for the help am now hidden in the archives :))

No thots only worm: well the worms are anyway but they are A Part Of Me

No thots only worm: can hear jon doing the statements and lmao there’s some creepy shit right there

No thots only worm: but also this one is about a homophobic vase and it’s HILARIOUS

No thots only worm: i guess sometimes the pots don't like the gays

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: betrayed by our own creation 

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ : is it time to cancel ourselves, michael?

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: yes, I believe it is, helen.

F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: the spiral is cancelled for home of phobia

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: I thought the institute was the home of phobia?

No thots only worm: sjdsjdhhjshdhjhd

No thots only worm: i hate that oliver

No thots only worm: but also yes

Sky fucker but a manlet: elias is both homophobic and gay

Sky fucker but a manlet: i will not take constructive criticism

Fite me Gwen Stacy: no you’re right and you should say it

No thots only worm: Anabelle am real sorry but mr archivist just killed a spider

No thots only worm: wait shit

No thots only worm: shit shit shit

No thots only worm: shit shit shit shit shit

No thots only worm: i wasn’t r e a d y

Fire simp: You okay??

the OG sky fucker: everything good?

Fite me Gwen Stacy: bby no!! Also are u alright jane?

No thots only worm: @“She doesn’t even go here!” forgive me. Invasion of worms eta now bc your archivist KNOCKED OVER A BOOKCASE 

“She doesn’t even go here!”: ah fuck

No thots only worm: have told worms to be nice?? My fingers are crossed?

WORK BITCHES

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Tim, Gerry, stay out of the archives. Prentiss has found us

The Gothfather: lol i know where are you all?

Mahhhtin: The room I was staying in. Prentiss is nearby, I think. You need to leave. Have you seen Tim???

Our awesome aro mum: Hang on, you know??

The Gothfather: um. no, i havent seen tim - dont know if he’s back yet :/

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: @stop stealing my sexuality Tim please check this chat, you need to get out of the archives

@JonathanSims messaged @EliasBouchard

Jon: Elias, the archive is under attack, you need to get people out. You replaced the fire alarm system with co2 right? 

Elias: New phone who this?

Elias: lol

Jon: ELIAS THIS IS MESSENGER IT HAS MY NAME ON

WORK BITCHES

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: TIM WE CAN SEE YOU PRENTISS IS THERE GET OUT

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: TIM PLEASE CHECK YOUR PHONE PLEASE RUN

Mahhhtin: TIM PLEASE!!! 

The Gothfather: why don’t you just yell?

Mahhhtin: SOUNDPROOFE

Mahhhtin: TIM PLEASE

Mahhhtin: TIM

Mahhhtin: T I M

Mahhhtin: Tim please i am actually begging you why the fuck are your notifications always off

Mahhhtin: shit 

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: have told martin to put away his phone because he’s started hyperventilating - Gerry if theres anything you can do please do it

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: s h i t

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: SHIT

Our awesome aro mum: To explain - Martin just sprinted out of the room. I’m going to try and stop jon from having an actual breakdown but may not be successful

Our awesome aro mum: Gerry, could you maybe get in touch with Elias? Or see if there’s anything Michael can do?

The Gothfather: ok do you know what happened to tim and martin though???

Our awesome aro mum: We can’t see, I’m sorry Gerry, it’s not looking good...

@GerardKeay messaged @M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎:

Gerry: hi babe would you mind me using your corridors? the institute is under attack and I need to get to the others

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: be with you in a moment love <3

AVATAR OF THE W H O R E

No thots only worm: MARTIN LEFT THE ROOM

No thots only worm: I HAVE WORMS ON STRINGS FOR HIM

No thots only worm: THEY ARE R A I N B O W

No thots only worm: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WORK BITCHES

Mahhhtin: hi we’re both fine but Prentiss is chasing us

Mahhhtin: i hid away spare co2 canisters so we’re both armed 

Mahhhtin: are you guys okay?

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Thank fuck

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Gerry and Michael are with us now

Mahhhtin: tim is coming to find you guys

Mahhhtin: i’m trying to find elias

Mahhhtin: and also apparently leading prentiss away - she is following me now

Mahhhtin: she yelled something about worms on strings - at this point im almost as curious as I am scared

Mahhhtin: lmao

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: please stay safe, martin. I’m very glad you’re alright

simping for Jon club

Mumfriend Yearnwood: GUYS DID YOU JUST S E E

Tim Simper: martin i love you but

Tim Simper: NOT THE TIME

Mumfriend Yearnwood: It’s always the time, Timothy

Mumfriend Yearnwood: Also shit lads prentiss just cornered me and

Tim Simper: AND YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT JON?????? MARTIN WHAT THE FUCK

Mumfriend Yearnwood: let me finish

Mumfriend Yearnwood: she cornered me and just handed me like 7 worm on strings? Pride flag colours? and then left???

Monsterfucker: lol mood

Monsterfucker: i think she wants to be your friend

Mumfriend Yearnwood: what????

Mumfriend Yearnwood: anyway I found elias he said ‘new phone who this?’

Mumfriend Yearnwood: so idk where the co2 shit is

Mumfriend Yearnwood: hang on will return to the main chat

WORK BITCHES

Mahhhtin: brief summary prentiss cornered me and gave me worm on strings, elias was a twat and now idk where the big co2 system is

Mahhhtin: FUCK PRENTISS IS BACK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: be careful martin! If you need to run that’s okay, we can figure something out - i don’t want anything bad to happen to you

simping for Jon club

Mumfriend Yearnwood: GUYS !!!

Tim Simper: priorities martin!!

Mumfriend Yearnwood: rude :(

WORK BITCHES

The Gothfather: maybe ask her to leave?

Mahhhtin: like thats gonna work 

Mahhhtin: nvm it did 

Mahhhtin: tho elias has now left his office and hes low key scarier?

Mahhhtin: am gonna y e e t

stop stealing my sexuality: a vine??? Omg marto i’m so proud

Mahhhtin: ok am in artefact storage lmao gonna hide in here for a bit

Mahhhtin: shit sasha how did you work in here???? It’s fucking creepy

Our awesome aro mum: it’s horrible isn’t it. Stay safe!!

@JanePrentiss messaged @JonathanSims

Jane: am leaving now but some of my worms found the body of ur old archivist?? In the tunnels?? looked like she’d been shot lmao

Jane: also sorry for the disturbance next time don’t break your walls lmao

Jane: tell martin i love him and want to be his friend

Jon: What????????

WORK BITCHES

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: is everyone ok? Would like to take your statements if that's alright? Also martin, haven’t seen you yet, I’m kinda worried? Are you alright?

Mahhhtin: I am completely fine. I’ll come and give my statement in a couple of minutes, Jonathan

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: if you’re sure. You’ve been through a lot if you need a rest

simping for Jon club

Tim Simper: Martin? It’s been five minutes and you have not freaked out about that yet?

Mumfriend Yearnwood: About what?

TimothyStoker has created a new chat.

TimothyStoker has added SashaJames, GerardKeay and JonathanSims.

TimothyStoker has named the chat FUCK

FUCK

TimothyStoker: hey guys…? I think there’s something wrong with martin?

Chapter Text

NikolaOrsinov has created a new chat.

NikolaOrsinov has added MartinBlackwood and MartinBlackwood .

NikolaOrsinov has named the chat martin be my friend

Nikola: Hi Martin! Meet Martin!

Nikola: I Am Really Sorry For Replacing You? I Blame The Table 

Nikola: At Least I Saved You Though??? Be My Friend??

Martin: Hi what the FUCK????

Martin: Hi Martin, As you aren’t dead, I have been unable to absorb your memories so I may have to ask some questions?

Martin: WHAT THE FUCK

Nikola: Elias Asked Me To Keep The Other Martin And It Does Align With My Plans Of Getting Rid Of Elias So I Will :D

Martin: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Martin: Why would we be freaking out?

@MartinBlackwood sent a screenshot

Martin: What in this would be freaking out worthy?

Martin: JON SAID THAT???? 

Martin: HE WAS WORRIED????

Martin: Oh shit we’re GAY gay

Martin: Good to know!

Martin: Okay am still freaking out but I HATE this

MartinBlackwood set the nickname for MartinBlackwood to Not Martin

Not Martin: okay rude

Nikola: He Is Not Wrong, Though

Not Martin: I don't like you

Nikola: I Do Not Care! I Am Your Boss! :D

Martin: I am so confused

Martin: Where even am I?

Nikola: You Are In My House!

Nikola: I Will Be Back In A Bit! We Can Do Pedicures!

Martin: shit 

Nikola: I Will Not Hurt You! Jon IS My Friend And I Do Not Want To Make Him Sad

Martin: okay?

Martin: fuck can i tell tim i’m okay?

Nikola: He Does Not Know Anything Is Wrong

FUCK

Tim: martin hasn’t messaged or really spoken to me or even smiled at me in THREE DAYS

Tim: something is definitely wrong

Jon: You think he needs time off? I wouldn't be surprised if he had some kinda worm related trauma?

Tim: no but he sometimes messages me when he’s sad or spiralling?

Tim: or comes for a hug?

Tim: by wrong i mean...supernaturally

Gerry: well fuck lmao

Gerry: I can ask around? And get Mikey to as well?

Tim: please. something is wrong and im worried

Tim: i miss martin. OUR martin. normal bringing-us-tea-and-pining-on-main-and-giving-me-hugs-when-i-look-slightly-sad-martin

Gerry: gayyyyy

Gerry: tho also mood I want a martin hug round about now

Jon: much as it surprises me to say it, I miss him too

AVATAR OF THE W H O R E

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: who tf messed with martin and what did you do

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: Gerry is SAD and it is UNACCEPTABLE

Sky fucker but a manlet: gayyyyyy

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: I mean yeah? That’s not news?

Sky fucker but a manlet: i mean yeah we all know you are gay but you are being hopeless and gay for ur crush

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: *boyfriend

Sky fucker but a manlet: WAIT WHAT? WHAT DID U MEAN THATS NOT NEWS??? CONGRATULATIONS

Sky fucker but a manlet: and also gayyyyy

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠: omg! Michael! Why didn’t you tell me! Congratulations!

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: congratulations gays!

The clown fucks lads: I Am Very Happy For You!

No thots only worm: Congrats!!!

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: THIS ISNT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: GERRY IS UPSET, MARTIN IS WRONG, AND IT IS ONE OF YOUR FAULTS

The clown fucks lads: Oops

The clown fucks lads: Actual Martin Is Fine

The clown fucks lads: This Will Help Get Rid Of Elias, Though

The clown fucks lads: Please Do Not Warn The Archival Staff

“She doesn’t even go here!”: my friend is panicking, and you want me to let him continue?

The clown fucks lads: You Could Always Say It Is Trauma

The clown fucks lads: We Are Trying To Make Not!Martin Act More Like Martin :D

“She doesn’t even go here!”: can we at least see him?

“She doesn’t even go here!”: actual martin?? I’m worried about him

The clown fucks lads: If You Promise Not To Tell Jon?

The clown fucks lads: I Feel Bad Too But We Cannot!

The clown fucks lads: Or Tim Or Sasha

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: yeah yeah fine. G asked to see him so now can we?

The clown fucks lads: Come Over To Mine!

FUCK

Gerry: pretty sure martin is fine?

Gerry: i spoke to annabelle and she has eyes on him - he’s back at his apartment so it’s maybe just trauma?

Tim: oh no should i invite him to stay w/ me??? I dont have a spare room bc i’m not rich like jon but i have a sofa?

Tim: or like a big bed

Tim: that’d be weird though right?

Sasha: quit being gay on main tim

Sasha: though seriously is there anything we can do, do you know?

Gerry: i think we should just give him space

Jon: Gerry? Do you have a spy network?

Gerry: No?

Gerry: Annabelle does, though? technically? 

Jon: what the fuck?

Jon: whos annabelle?

Gerry: a queen. goddess. Spider wife

Jon: oh?

Jon: OH…...shittttt

Gerry: wait no not like that theres only room for one goth in this relationship

Jon: That is really not what I meant?

Gerry: then what did you mean???

Jon: trauma~

Tim: want to elaborate?

Jon: no

Tim: mood

Gerry: she’s fine dont worry

Tim: SHE’S SPYING ON MARTIN

Gerry: it’s just a couple spiders he’ll be fine 

@GerardKeay messaged @M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎:

Gerry: I feel really bad but i think i’ve reassured them

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: me too :(((

martin be my friend

NikolaOrsinov has added GerardKeay and M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ .

NikolaOrsinov has renamed M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ . to Fuckhands McKnife

NikolaOrsinov has renamed GerardKeay to Mikey’s Goth

NikolaOrsinov has renamed Herself to MoisturiseMe

MoisturiseMe has renamed MartinBlackwood to The Real One

MoisturiseMe has renamed Not Martin to The Other One

MoisturiseMe: now you are in the know

MoisturiseMe: you get to be in the chat!!!

The Real One: thank god - you filled in jon and tim, right?? And sash?? Are they okay???

 Mikey’s Goth: they think you’re just suffering bc Trauma now

The Real One: a relief i guess?

The Real One: please keep me updated though I m i s s t h e m

Mikey’s Goth sent a photo [Photo ID: a screenshot of the following messages

Tim: i miss martin. OUR martin. normal bringing-us-tea-and-pining-on-main-and-giving-me-hugs-when-i-look-slightly-sad-martin

Gerry: gayyyyy

Gerry: tho also mood I want a martin hug round about now

Jon: much as it surprises me to say it, I miss him too]

The Real One: THEY SAID THAT?????

The Real One: TIM SAID THAT

The Real One: J O N SAID THAT?????? JON M I S S E S M E??????

The Real One: ALSO TIM HDHHSHDGFGGGFD I MISS HIM S O MUCH I WANT A TIM HUG

The Real One: i’m glad i got a hug from you and michael earlier though gerry :)))) 

The Other One: I keep underestimating just how gay we actually are

The Other One: I will have to bear this in mind

@TimothyStoker messaged @MartinBlackwood:

Tim: hey martin, gerry mentioned you were still at your flat? You can come and stay with me if you want?

Martin: Thank you, Timothy, but I am alright. I am staying with a friend tonight

Martin: He is Really Hot wow I ‘hdhhshdgfgggfd’ really like him I can’t believe he invited me to stay?

Tim: oh okay

Tim: no worries

@JonathanSims messaged @MartinBlackwood:

Jon: Hi Martin, I know Prentiss is gone, but if you still want to stay in my spare room you can? Unless the sword-wall is too disturbing, of course

Martin: That is quite alright, Jonathan, but I am staying with a friend

Martin: I am ‘hdhhshdgfgggfd’ very gay for him.

Jon: are you okay, Martin?

Martin: Yes, of course. Why?

@TimothyStoker messaged @JonathanSims:

Tim: hey bossman is martin staying with you?

Jon: No, I’d kind of assumed he was staying with you?

Tim: oh...just bc he sent this 

TimothyStoker sent a screenshot

Jon: He sent me something very similar

JonathanSims sent a screenshot

Tim: SWORD WALL??? YOU HAVE A S W O R D W A L L???

Tim: shit wait not important

Tim: tho acc why did you think he was staying w me?!?!?!?!

Jon: He risked Prentiss for you I think that’s pretty self-explanatory?

Jon: Why did you think he was staying with me?

Tim: doesnt matter the important thing is it’s neither of us

Tim: could be gerry i guess?

Jon: I don’t think Gerry has a house? He seems to either stay in the archives or with Michael

Tim: oh fair

Tim: either way

Tim: s h i t

Tim: i guess he likes someone else :(

Jon: Oh um is that um a problem um?

Tim: probs wont come as a surprise but i am slightly in love with him

Tim: predictable i know but djsdjhjshjshd i just really like him a lot 

Tim: and just the thought that he’s pining for someone else that we dont even know is just a bit :(((

Jon: It’s not predictable

Jon: Though strangely enough, I too am feeling somewhat disappointed

Jon: It’s a shame, I thought I’d grown out of this at uni

Tim: jon w h a t

Chapter Text

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E

Your oh so humble Captain: hi lads

Your oh so humble Captain: it is now fact

Your oh so humble Captain: i have a c r u s h

Your oh so humble Captain: this is disgusting how do i get rid of it

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: Jon I love you but your brain???? what????

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: suggesting being an adult to you seems Wrong i’m sorry but um maybe try asking him out?

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: it is martin, right?

Your oh so humble Captain: yeah but thats just like not an option

Your oh so humble Captain: he seems to be pining for someone else 

the only one with brain cells left: RIP but so????

worlds #1 ship fucker: Lmao just ask him out lol

Your oh so humble Captain: NO

worlds #1 ship fucker: thats what i did

Your oh so humble Captain: yeah with a metaphorical spaceship

worlds #1 ship fucker: stop being a dick just bc youre sad

Let him feed the kitties 2020: lmao fake dating au make him jealous

Your oh so humble Captain: OOH

Worlds #1 book fucker : O O H

Your oh so humble Captain: ok that is a CONCEPT any volunteers?

Worlds #1 book fucker : I mean it works in fiction? Though even better concept get HIM to fake date you to get his crush jealous during which you fall for each other and have to kiss and happy ever after

Your oh so humble Captain: IVY ALEXANDRIA YOU ARE A GENIUS

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: WTF GUYS NO THATS NOT A GOOD IDEA

worlds #1 ship fucker: that is SUCH a bad idea

Let him feed the kitties 2020: i mean i suggested it but i was joking

the only one with brain cells left: ivy i love you but what the fuck

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: ^^^ i didn’t expect jonny to be an adult but you too??

Your oh so humble Captain: you guys are no help

JonathanSims messaged NikolaOrsinov

Jon: Hi TS cant believe im doing this but any relationship advice?

Nikola: Moisturise?

Jon: Nik wtf

JonathanSims messaged DrumbotBrian

Jon: Hi am suffering nobody has good advice help am crushing on a coworker what do I do?????

Jon: Brian?

Jon: nvm

JonathanSims messaged GeorginaBarker

Jon: Hi, Georgie - how are you?

Jon: It has been far too long but um

Jon: I’m slightly having a crisis, and also i miss you

Jon: And you’ve always understood me more than i understand myself

Jon: Shit i’m sorry you probably want nothing to do with me anymore

Jon: Ignore these, this was a bad idea

Georgie: hi Jon, it’s been a while. I miss you too, you were always one of my best friends even before we stupidly tried to date

Georgie: whats up?

Jon: Really not the kind of thing to talk to an ex about but um,,,im slightly infatuated with one of my co-workers

Georgie: oh????
Georgie: you never get crushes they must be something special - what’s their name???? What are they like???? 

Jon: He’s called Martin. He’s really nice

Georgie: don’t be a coward, tell me more

Jon: He brings us coffee and he smiles at me even when i’m being an asshole and he tries??? So hard??? And he sometimes blushes and ducks his head and it’s so cute? I just want to protect him? I mean he’s even shorter than me and he has these really dark eyes that are legitimately enchanting? And he bites his lip and stutters when he gets nervous which is most of the time but sometimes you’ll catch him when he’s enthusiastic about something or just really happy and it’s so special? like he’ll seem confident for once and it lights up the room. And i’ve only really hugged him twice and not recently but he smelt like baking bread and vanilla and lavender and warmth? He’s like sunlight

Georgie: oh you are GONE gone

Georgie: you want to come over for wine and ice cream after work?

Georgie: and the admiral

Jon: I fucking love you

Georgie: oh i know. I’ll send you my address. You wanna pick up thai from that place on the corner?

Jon: If you’re putting up with me i think you deserve hungarian

Georgie: oh shit i knew there was a reason i kept your number

Jon: Will see you in a few hours, Georgie :)

TimothyStoker messaged JonathanSims

Tim: Jon

Tim: Jon

Tim: Jon

Tim: Jon

Tim: Jon

Tim: Jon

Tim: Jon

Tim: fuck

TimothyStoker messaged SashaJames

Tim: Sasha

Tim: Sasha

Tim: Sasha

Tim: Sasha

Tim: Sasha

Tim: Sasha

Tim: ffs

TimothyStoker messaged GerardKeay

Tim: Gerry

Tim: Gerry

Tim: Gerry

Tim: Gerry

Gerry: yh?

Tim: FINALLY SOMEONE

Tim: MARTIN JUST WALKED SOMEONE DOWN TO GIVE A STATEMENT

Tim: which acc is probably why jon didnt respond 

Tim: he has an excuse sasha doesnt

Tim: ANYWAY

Tim: HE WAS F L I R T I N G 

Tim: have never seen marto flirt before but thats what it was

Tim: like he was doing that looking-up-from-under-raised-lashes and biting his lip and 

Tim: GERRY THEN HE ASKED THEM FOR COFFEE

Tim: GERRY I HATE THIS I WANT TO DIE

Gerry: thats not fun i’m sorry tim

Gerry: lmk if theres anything i can do?

Tim: dw ab it i’ll just cry :(((

Gerry: lmao

JonathanSims messaged TimothyStoker

Jon: Are you okay tim?

Tim: its been FIVE HOURS JON

Tim: but no

Tim: marto was flirting with your statement giver and asked him out on a date :(

Jon: Guess i’ll die then

Tim: mood

Jon: My emotions really do have shit timing 

Jon: This is why I normally repress them

Tim: also a mood

Tim: when did you realise?

Jon: When he was staying at mine

Jon: I blame my friends 

Jon: They are the ones who pointed it out

Tim: oh oof

Jon: Not my fault he smells nice

Tim: he dOES

Jon: Like baking bread and vanilla and sunlight

Tim: and lavender and tea and home

Jon: He kind of radiates warmth 

Tim: whoda thought you’re a simp along with the best of us

Jon: It doesn’t happen often, don’t get used to it

Tim: u agree marto is a GOD then?

Jon: Unfortunately, yes

Jon: But is that not just fcat?

Tim: fcat

Jon: Like you can type this well when drinking, Tim

Tim: THIS IS YOU DRUNK?????

Jon: I mean not Drunk. An old friend invited me over for wine and ice cream and cat 

Tim: You have friends???

Jon: Thank you, Tim

JonathanSims messaged GeorginaBarker

Jon: home safe

Jon: thanks for alcohol

Jon: and for letting me have admiral cuddles

Jon: love you georgie

Georgie: thanks for letting me know

Georgie: i had fun lets do this more often

Georgie: now SLEEP

DrumbotBrian messaged JonathanSims

Brian: the fifth is through the door :)

Jon: Brian it’s FOUR AM WHAT DOES THIS M E A N

Chapter Text

@DrumbotBrian messaged @ MartinBlackwood

Brian: Hi Martin 

Martin: Hello, Who is this?

Brian: Jon’s friend. Don’t ask how I got your details, it wasn’t through Jonny.

Martin: ???

Brian: A Thought has come to me.

Brian: The Grumpy archivist is teaspoon

Brian: That is all goodbye.

Martin: Okay?

Martin:  This is the wrong Martin?? Sorry

THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS

Elias Bouchard (Eye): The time is upon us to for another fear avatar meeting

Elias Bouchard (Eye): I have emailed around a form if people could fill out their preferred times

Helen (Distortion/Spiral): lmao could you not just Know it??

Peter Lukas (Lonely): Not if he wants to get anything in the divorce

Jude Perry (Desolation): divorce???

Annabelle Cane (Web): DIVORCE??

Helen (Distortion/Spiral) renamed the chat divorce central

Elias Bouchard (Eye) renamed the chat THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS

Annabelle Cane (Web) renamed the chat AVATAR THE LAST FEARBENDER IF ELIAS CHANGES IT BACK HE’S A P U S S Y

Elias Bouchard (Eye) renamed the chat THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS

Peter Lukas (Lonely): Stop being boring, Bitchard

Peter Lukas (Lonely): Or as Ms Cane worded it - Pussy

@DrumbotBrian messaged @M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎

Brian: sup i’m brian

Brian sent a photo [Photo ID: a uno +4 card with the 4 scribbled over and replaced by a 3]

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: huh??

Brian: I will not elaborate

Brian: Except to say

Brian: Collect them like Pokemon

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: what???? Like pronouns?? Or like people???

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: in the hallways?? 

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: bc i’m already doing both

Brian: 1) yes, people 2) no, not hallways

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: ????

AVATAR OF THE W H O R E

Gwen Stacy can fite me added PeterLukas

Gwen Stacy can fite me renamed PeterLukas to Toxic Ass Vape Fog

Gwen Stacy can fite me: our boy is BACK

Gwen Stacy can fite me sent a screenshot

No thots only worm: HE’S BACK

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: I’m re-added for that? 

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Just scrolled up I missed a LOT I should’ve divorced him earlier and got to witness the worm incident

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Nikola, I presume Martin is feeling quite Lonely on his own?

The clown fucks lads: No? We Have Been Vibing

No thots only worm: Dont you fucking dare plukas I WILL find you and infest you with worms and you will never be alone again, instead surrounded by the song and writhing but for You I will make it not comforting but Painful

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Um

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Okay 

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: ???

No thots only worm: Do not DARE touch martin he is too soft

No thots only worm: I want him to hug me one day :((

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Okay I’ll steer clear I guess?

The clown fucks lads: @No thots only worm I Can Ask Him? He Might Have Worm Trauma Though

No thots only worm: omg pls

The clown fucks lads: Come Over ;) But Be Careful I Do Not Wanna Spook Him He Still Thinks I Might Murder Him And Skin Him Alive I Think Maybe

@DrumbotBrian messaged @GerardKeay

Brian: hawaiian shirt. grey hair. that’s the Tea

Gerry: I’m sorry but no

Gerry: I would rather die than wear bright clothing

Gerry: also ik i dye my hair but it isn’t GREY

Gerry: also who tf are you?

Brian: Brian. And you have really missed the point 😔

Brian: r/whoosh

martin be my friend

MoisturiseMe: Hi Friends Do You Want To See A Fun Video?

Fuckhands McKnife: ץєร

MoisturiseMe: Care To Elaborate On The Font, First? 

Fuckhands McKnife: ץ๏ย ﻮคשє ๓є ค ภ๏г๓คɭ ภค๓є ร๏ ๓ץ ՇєאՇ ๓ยรՇ ๒є Ŧยภкץ :))

MoisturiseMe: I hate you

Mikey’s Goth: how dare you that’s my partner 

Mikey’s Goth: I have f i r e do you think plastic and fire work well together?

MoisturiseMe: Back To My Question Then?

MoisturiseMe: Video?

The Real One: what is it?

The Real One: bc I also disapprove of the michael hate

MoisturiseMe: My Band!!

MoisturiseMe: We Play Space Pirates

MoisturiseMe: Your Boss Is One Of The Singers :D

The Real One: Nikola if you do not send me this video I will give into my constant desire for arson and set you the fuck on fire

Mikey’s Goth: Holy shit marto

Mikey’s Goth: that’s low key hot

Fuckhands McKnife: քʊռ ɨռȶɛռɖɛɖ?

Mikey’s Goth: always

MoisturiseMe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eYALygp32w&t=2135s

MoisturiseMe: enjoy, gays :))))

The Real One: HOLY SHIT

The Real One: HOLY S H I T

The Real One: wow if i wasn’t already gay for that man

The Real One: HOLY S H I T 

The Real One: I mean his VOICE???? TO START???? CAN HE SING ME TO SLEEP PLS IK THATS NOT THE MUSIC GENRE BUT I THINK HE’D BE RLLY GOOD AT IT PLS I WANT HIS VOICE TO BE THE SOUNDTRACK TO MY LIFE

The Real One: but moving on um the eyeliner?????? D a m n 

Mikey’s Goth: mood martin :’) 

Fuckhands McKnife: ץ๏ย  คгє  Ŧ๏гﻮเשєภ  ภเк๏ɭค  Ŧ๏г  ՇђคՇ  שเ๔є๏  เร  คгՇ  คภ๔  เ  ɭ๏שє  เՇ

Fuckhands McKnife: ๒ค๒є,  ๓คгՇเภ,  เ  ฬเɭɭ  ן๏เภ  ץ๏ย  เภ  ץ๏ยг  รเ๓קเภﻮ

Fuckhands McKnife: ﻮєггץ, ץ๏ย  Շђเภк  ђє'ร  ק๏ɭץ,  ɭ๏שє?

Mikey’s Goth: doubt it but I hope so 

The Real One: when/if we are allowed back properly I will add you to our jon simps chat

The Real One: dhjdshsdjhh who allowed him to be that hot? And to SING LIKE THAT WTF??

@DrumbotBrian messaged @ TimothyStoker

Brian: hi it’s Brian

Tim: who?

Brian: doesn’t matter i have something important to say regarding relationships

Brian: man door hook hand car door

Tim: i know the meme but what?

Tim: are you high or something dude?

Tim: brb

Brian: i’m not high???

Tim: just chugged some vodka and I GET you man

Tim: so it’s like BIG polyam?

Tim: me jon martin gerry AND michael?

Tim: and like you know what?? I see it? 

Brian: wait YOU UNDERSTAND ME???

Tim: I mean yeah dude

Brian: plot twist

Brian: now Jonny cant call me overly cryptic

Tim: next time just tell him alcohol helps :) 

WORK BITCHES

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Tim why did you just leave the institute and return with HALF a bottle of vodka?

stop stealing my sexuality: some friend of urs texted meeeeeeee 

stop stealing my sexuality: imparted some life knowledge

stop stealing my sexuality: I needed to drink to understand

stop stealing my sexuality: jon in future alcohol solves all i now understand everything and really hope he was right

stop stealing my sexuality: bc that’d be fucking n e a t

stop stealing my sexuality: tho now im here….dronks?

Our Awesome Aro Mum: I would really rather not be fired

The Gothfather: oh lmao we can’t be fired

The Gothfather: so i’m down

MahhhTIN: same 

stop stealing my sexuality: wait rlly?? Martin?? Omg!!
MahhhTIN: yeah my uh...my friend is encouraging me to be more wild

stop stealing my sexuality: oh. nice.

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: You know what? I, too, will join drinks

@DrumbotBrian messaged @ MartinBlackwood

Brian: hi martin is this right martin?

Brian: important information

Brian: grumpy archivist is teaspoon

Martin: oh yeah i know

Martin: like obviously

Brian: WAIT YOU UNDERSTAND ME TOO???

Brian: hang on what do you think I mean?

Martin: he’s tiny so smaller than ordinary little spoon :)

Brian: fuck :(

@TimothyStoker messaged @ JonathanSims

Tim: okay this is gonna sound real dumb but

Tim: jon, you remember the conversation we had about martin yesterday?

Tim: i was drinking (i have quickly sobered up bc panic) and asked martin for a hug

Tim: if we can even call him martin

Tim: I hugged him and he smelt like coffee and citrus and shitty ass body spray

Tim: and also plastic

Tim: and i know that isn’t what he smells like but I can’t remember what he smells like

Tim: beyond the typed evidence

Tim: but whoever this is, it is not martin

Tim: does he even look the same? Probably not? Him being smaller than everyone feels wrong it always feels like i should be looking up at him but i always dismissed that as him having tall energy

Tim: i mean i say always

Tim: or maybe it was just that he’s too good for me

Tim: now i think about it his voice is too cold and too certain and confident

Tim: but i can’t remember what it’s meant to sound like

Tim: just like i only know what he smells like from the messages

Tim: i mean if it was just the citrus and body spray and coffee it’s explicable bc new cologne or whatever and he’s sleeping at a friends but we said he smelt like home and sunlight and warmth and whoever this is he just DOESN’T

Tim: i know you’re reading these messages i can see the read receipts please don’t ignore me i swear somethings wrong

Tim: i’m not going mad i promise

Tim: this is not our martin

Jon: Tim, you’re drunk. Take the rest of the day off, I’ll see you on monday

Tim: jon i swear i am not drunk

Tim: jon please believe me i’m not drunk

Tim: jon please this isn’t martin i swear on my entire fucking life 

Tim: j o n

Chapter Text

@JonathanSims messaged @ SashaJames

Jon: I’m worried about Tim, would you mind talking to him for me?

JonathanSims sent a screenshot

JonathanSims sent a screenshot

JonathanSims sent a screenshot

Sasha: Oh?? What conversation was this about Martin smelling like ‘home’?

Jon: Fuck off that’s not important

@JonathanSims messaged @ GerardKeay

Jon: Hi Gerry? I don’t suppose you know if Tim’s ok? I’m worried

Gerry: gayyy but also i can talk to him?

Jon: Please do. 

Gerry: you ok btw? me and mikey were wondering?

Jon: I’m fine, don’t worry. 

Jon: I don’t feel emotions

Jon: Also Michael was? I don’t know why, I’ve never even spoken to him...?

Gerry: THAT DOESN’T COUNT AS FINE

Gerry: also yh they seem to have taken a liking to you :) probably from when he was hanging in your ceiling but I could be wrong. 

Jon: Tell your bf I’m fine

Gerry: i’ll let ‘em know

Gerry: and also will tell it you’re lying

AVATAR OF THE W H O R E

The clown fucks lads: Hi Friends!

The clown fucks lads: I Cannot Invite My Cooler Better Friends Over Because Martin Is Here And Jarcavist Can Not Know But Who Wants A Cuddle Pile?

The clown fucks lads: I Am Sure At Least Some Of You Are Touch Starved

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: will martin be there??

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: the real one?

The clown fucks lads: Oh I See How It Is

The clown fucks lads: But Yes

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: then me and Gerbear will be there! We want martin hugs!

Sky fucker but a manlet: Gerbear??? 

Sky fucker but a manlet: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Sky fucker but a manlet: also i can’t sorry, i have a date tonight x

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: sorry I have a date

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: oh

The hot sexy death guy who is hot: fuck

 F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

‘She doesn’t even go here!’: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

The OG sky fucker: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Bowones: Gay

Breekon: gay

Sky fucker but a manlet: fuck you guys I guess

Hope: gay

fire simp: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

No thots only worm: gayyyy

No thots only worm: also i’ll come cuddle you nikki!!!

The clown fucks lads: Thank You You Are My Favourite

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Hugs are overrated

The clown fucks lads: You Are Overrated :D

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Fuck off. Hugs have too many people

No thots only worm: you mean two? seaweed smelling piece of shit you wouldn’t know human compassion if it bit you on the tit

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: What did I ever do to you?

No thots only worm: you threatened martin you limp sardine, what do you expect

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: Is this what being bullied feels like?

No thots only worm: yes. now go fuck yourself on a mouldy anchor and stop insulting hugs

No thots only worm: bitch

Toxic Ass Vape Fog: What the fuck just happened?

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠: idk but go OFF queen

B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠: also i’m down for hugs too Nikki :)

Gwen Stacy can fite me: me too :))

Gwen Stacy can fite me: and before i forget

Gwen Stacy can fite me: @Sky fucker but a manlet gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E:

Stop letting this one inside: My Turn For A Crisis :D

Stop letting this one inside: Sexy Worm Wife Just Went O F F Against Lonely Bitch Boy And It Was Slightly Hot

Stop letting this one inside: Plot Twist Even Though I Am Plastic I Can Like People As More Than Friends

Stop letting this one inside: And She Is Coming Over Soon

Your oh so humble Captain: Lmao my only advice is ‘moisturise’ lmao 

Stop letting this one inside: Rude

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: Just talk about your feelings Nik it isn’t that hard

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: Unless you’re emotionally repressed lol

Your oh so humble Captain: rude

Let him feed the kitties 2020: it’ll go amazing TS! Just ask her out! You are a beautiful woman and i’m sure she will see that

Stop letting this one inside: Mannequin! But Thank You Gun Tim

Your oh so humble Captain: why were none of you this nice to me smh

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: we believe in you Nikola!!

World’s #1 book fucker: Good luck! Let us know how it goes!!

worlds #1 ship fucker: Lesbian RIGHTS!!!!

the only one with brain cells left: we love you nikki!! I bet she will too!!

Your oh so humble Captain: what the fUCK GUYS?

Your oh so humble Captain: (though also good luck Nik)

Your oh so humble Captain: (everyone other than Nikola ignore that last message it didnt happen)

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: she likes you back don’t worry we love you!! And i am very prophecy so can confirm

Your oh so humble Captain: BRIAN ISN’T BEING CRYPTIC WHAT THE FUCK???

Stop letting this one inside: Thank You Guys!! Thank You Brian 

Stop letting this one inside: No Thanks For You Jonny [|):{D

Stop letting this one inside: You Can Keep being Cryptic If You Want Brian!

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: BRIAN KEEP BEING CRYPTIC CHALLENGE

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: THIS IS WHY YOU’RE MY FAVOURITE NIK

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: oh worm???? Thats the tea

Stop letting this one inside: Ooh! I See What You Did There!!

@JanePrentiss messaged @NikolaOrsinov:

Jane: me and annabelle are outside <3

Nikola: Fabulous! Helen, Michael, And Gerry Are Already Here

Nikola: The Door Is Unlocked

@JanePrentiss messaged @MartinBlackwood:

Jane: is this martin? or not martin?

Martin: Martin, why?

Jane: hi it’s jane

Jane: martin be my friend challenge

Jane: but also martin let me simp on main challenge?

Martin: you know what? Sure? 

Martin: though warning as you can probably tell both michael and gerry can see my phone

Jane: yeah bc you’re a martin cuddle sandwich

Jane: it looks comfy

Martin: it is :))

Martin: anyway pining?

Jane: so as u can see am cuddling w the avatar gals

Jane: well nikola is stroking my hair

Martin: i can see...?

Jane: I’M FUCKING GAY OKAY?

Martin: oh worm

Jane: are you being mean to me?

Martin: shit no that means like mood

Martin: ask her out she was on a chat earlier and squeaked which seems like crush behaviour?

Jane: fuck it ok i’ll ask to talk to her in private

Jane: wish me luck?

Martin: good luck!!

Martin: and from me and mikey too <3 - G

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E:

Stop letting this one inside: Thanks For The Advice I Have A Girlfriend Now

Your oh so humble Captain: Congratulations

Your oh so humble Captain: But also how the fUCK

Chapter Text

@JonathanSims messaged @GeorginaBarker 

Jon: GWEIRGU

Jon: GEROGIE FYCJ

Jon: GEORGIE

Jon: MARTIJN KISSED ME EHAT DI U DO

Jon: GEORGIE

Jon: G E O R G I E

Georgie: that’s a good thing right?

Jon: YES

Jon: OBVIOUSLY

Jon: BUT IT LASTED LIKE 5 SECONDS AND I DIDNT KISS BACK BC PANIC AND KNOWING HIM HE WILL OGERTHINK

Jon: GEROGIE WHAT DO I D O

@JonathanSims messaged @TimothyStoker

Jon: so um please dont hate me for this but i wanted to tell you myself

Jon: Martin kissed me

Jon: I dont know if it means anything? He walked off immediately after

Jon: I mean it lasted around five seconds and I was in shock the whole time

Jon: But I know you like him so..

Tim: jon that isnt martin

Tim: did you not listen to me

Tim: it isn’t him

Tim: he smells wrong and he acts wrong and he would've told me before you could

Tim: he also wouldnt have kissed you

Jon: Look, I understand that you’re jealous

Jon: But there is no need for these lies

Tim: no not like that

Tim: he would be too scared

Jon: You know, I really thought we could be adults in this

Tim: jon p l e a s e

Tim: i stg

Tim: i am in love with him

Tim: i would be happy for him

Tim: but this ISN’T HIM

Tim: jon please believe me

Jon: Drop it, Tim

Messages from @TimothyStoker to absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone

Tim: fuck. 

Tim: fuck i’m in love with him

Tim: in love

Tim: i can’t remember the last time -

Tim: fuck. 

Tim: i would die for this man and i can’t even remember what he looks like

Tim: and jon just thinks i’m fucking jealous

Tim: as though this isn’t all that martin wanted

Tim: WHO he wanted

Tim: does he really think i’m so selfish as to not want that for martin? For the man i’ve fucking fallen in love with?

Tim: because I fucking have, havent i

Tim: fallen for a man who so obviously wants another and NOT me as well

Tim: and that wouldnt even matter if he was still here

Tim: here and healthy

Tim: instead of this

Tim: replacement

Tim: i know its not him

Tim: but i’m forgetting everything i knew

Tim: i cant remember his voice or what he looks like or how he smells or hugs

Tim: is he even still alive?

Tim: either way i’ll probably never know how his kisses taste or how he shows love

Tim: fuck.

Tim: FUCK

Tim: this hurts lmao

Tim: I’ll have to give Jon evidence it’s the only way he’ll believe me

Tim: fuck. 

Tim: time to find some statements on being replaced or some shit

Tim: why is this my fucking life

Tim: i just miss martin

Tim: martin would’ve helped

Tim: he would’ve given me a hug and told me it’s okay and I wouldve wanted more but thats alright

Tim: pining is easy compared to this

Tim: fuck how can I not remember the man I have fallen in love with

Tim: i fucking hate my life

Tim: thanks void for letting me rant to you

Void: t h a t s a l r i g h t , i t w a s r a t h e r e n t e r t a i n i n g

Void: a l s o m o o d , i t o o, h a t e m y l i f e t o o

Tim: lmao same

Tim: FUCK 

Tim: FYCK]

Tim: WHAT THE FUCK

Tim: F U C K

Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E:

Your oh so humble Captain: GUYS HE FUCKING KISSED ME

Your oh so humble Captain: HE KISSED M E

Your oh so humble Captain: K I S S E D M E

Your oh so humble Captain: yeah it was like 2 seconds and i panic froze up but STILL

Your oh so humble Captain renamed the chat CAPTAINS GOT G A M E

worlds #1 ship fucker renamed Your oh so humble Captain to lil bitch first mate

lil bitch first mate: wtf nastya bringing down my mood

lil bitch first mate: leaving the chat

lil bitch first mate: bc f u all

lil bitch first mate left the chat

worlds #1 ship fucker: lmao

Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?: lmao

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: Lmao

Let him feed the kitties 2020: lmao

why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor: Lmao

World’s #1 book fucker: lmao

Stop letting this one inside: Laughing My Arse Off

the only one with brain cells left: lmao

@JonathanSims messaged @RaphaellaLaCognizi

Jon: fuck

Jon: fuck

Jon: let me back in pls?

Jon: raphaella???

CAPTAINS GOT G A M E

the only one with brain cells left sent a screenshot

Let him feed the kitties 2020: he must Suffer first

the only one with brain cells left: lmao aight

@JonathanSims messaged @GeorginaBarker 

Jon: He kissed me again

Georgie: you sound slightly less enthused than before

Jon: Idk

Jon: Objectively? The perfect kiss. 

Jon: Lasted at least a minute?

Jon: Not awkward levels of tongue or anything

Jon: Just smooth lips

Georgie: jon i love you but i really don’t need this much detail

Jon: Oops

Jon: Anyway, what i’m getting to is that it didn’t feel right?

Jon: Like I remember with you - apologies for bringing it up - it used to feel like home and warmth and I was never aware of anything else, and with him it just...happened. Weirdly cold and impersonal? It felt like what we should do not like it was natural or home

Jon: And you know what? Maybe I was wrong maybe I don’t actually like him like that

Jon: At least not enough

Jon: Guess I’ll have to tell him at some point but that’s scary

Georgie: you want to come over for wine and ice cream again? you seem like you need it

Jon: I would like that

Jon: Will be over in 30?

Georgie: my turn to get the takeaway - you want thai? indian? 

Jon: Thai? 

Jon: And thank you, Georgie. I don't know what i’d do without you

Georgie: die, probably

Chapter Text

martin be my friend

The real one: Hey Nikola? Um I left some things in the archives before I left and um

The real one: can I go pick them up at some point when it’s empty? 

MoisturiseMe: How About In A Couple Of Hours? Surely Jon Does Not Work That Late

MoisturiseMe: What Did You Want To Get

The real one: oh um just some poetry and things

The real one: my knitting, too

MoisturiseMe: Okay! I Will Come And Get You In A Few Hours

The real one: say hi to Jane for me :))

MoisturiseMe: I Will!

MoisturiseMe: Oh Fuck Oh Shit She Is Crying Okay

@TimothyStoker messaged  absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone  @TheVoid

Tim: Hi void it’s me, Tim

Void: H i :)

Tim: Fuck i thought i dreamed that

Tim: lmao

Void: N o, I ‘ m h e r e

Void: H e l l o

Tim: hi?

Void: Y o u c a n v e n t t o m e i t s w h a t e v e r y o n e d o e s

Tim: if thats okay? You can vent to me too if you want?

Void: T h a n k Y o u

Void: N o b o d y h a s e v e r s a i d t h i s t o m e b e f o r e

Tim: wow then they're assholes

Tim: screaming into the void should be a mutually beneficial arrangement

Tim: speaking of

Tim: I have found loads of evidence of some not people? replacing people? But if thats the case martin is probably dead

Tim: i need to find a polaroid or something with his voice on

Tim: i am so scared

Tim: what if i find out it’s true and can never see him again

Tim: idk whats worse

Tim: this imposter

Tim: this nartin

Tim: or never seeing either again

Tim: because either way i miss him so damn much

Tim: i fucking miss him

Void: I h o p e i t w o r k s o u t o k a y

Tim: me too

Tim: are you okay, void?

Void: n o t r e a l l y

Tim: you wanna talk about it?

Void: m a y b e l a t e r

@GeorginaBarker messaged @JonathanSims

Georgie:  you home yet?

Jon: nah i stopped off at the archives to pick something up

Georgie:  what??

Jon: s t a t e m e n t s :)

Georgie:  oh god jon take a break

Jon: georgie theres someone in the archives

Georgie: what?

Jon: Hes really tall

Jon: Taller than anyone who works here

Jon: Not Michael but Michael is Different

Jon: i saw him pass the entrance

Jon: and now i can see his shadow

Jon: in martin’s room from the worm incident

Jon: i'll keep messaging you just in case

Jon: theres someone else too, i think? He just spoke to them

Jon: his voice is so familiar but i dont recognise it?

Jon: shit he saw me

Jon: i think he’s coming over?

Jon: georgie im so confused he looks so familiar but idk who he is

Jon: he knows me though he said my name and it just feels right?

Jon: if that makes any sense? 

Jon: i am so confused he just seems right? My senses are all saying comfortable and friend but i have never seen this man before in my life

Georgie: what does he look like?

Jon: he’s just left

Jon: fuck

Jon: was martin here?

Jon: i can’t remember anything but seeing martin

Jon: but martin is short I described someone tall

Georgie: is this some spooky archives shit?

Jon: maybe? Shit, I need to talk to Tim

@JonathanSims messaged @TimothyStoker

Jon: Hey

Jon: I’m really sorry, Tim

Jon: I think you were right

Jon: I just saw martin in the archives

Jon: you know, 5’2, dark hair and eyes, dresses like the worlds ultimate twink

Jon: at least that’s what I remember

Jon: but I was messaging Georgie and I described him as tall

Jon: At least 6’

Jon: And feeling ‘right’

Jon: and martin feels

Jon: wrong? 

Jon: he kissed me again earlier and it felt wrong

Jon: maybe it’s just me but

Tim: I will be right there

Jon: thank you, Tim

Jon: I’m sorry I doubted you

@JonathanSims messaged @GeorginaBarker

Jon: update

Jon: my coworker is here

Jon: we called in martin

Jon: 5’2 twink

Jon: spoke to him

Jon: he came clean

Jon: He’s gone now. Apparently Martin is okay? Our Martin?

Jon: I hope so. I still can’t remember him, though

Jon: Tim seems to be struggling but i think he’s holding on for me

Jon: He hugged me and called Michael and Gerry and is now telling me that Martin is fine and will be back but I’m not sure if he believes it

Jon: I think he’s still hurt that I didn’t believe him

Jon: Not angry though, which is almost worse

Georgie: I don’t understand whats going on but are you okay?

Jon: Yes. Fuck, i’ll explain later. Gerry and Michael are here now and Tim broke down so i’m going to go and

Jon: i dont know. I’ll figure something out. I guess I should make a statement or something

Jon: I’ll talk to you later, Georgie

martin be my friend

The other one: I’m sorry, Martin

The other one: Martin Blackwood has now technically kissed Jon Sims, though, so that should be fun

The real one: YOU W H A T

The real one: WHAT!?!?!?!??!?

@GerardKeay messaged @JonathanSims

Gerry: we’ve got Tim home safely

Gerry: me and mikey will stay for him for a bit

Gerry: he seems pretty shaken and mikey said they thought he could do with some company

Gerry: are YOU okay?

Jon: i’ll be fine.

Jon: i’m always fine

Gerry: fucking bs

Gerry: i’ll leave mikey with tim

Gerry: he’s comfortable with her and he said they don’t mind

Gerry: what’s your address?

@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ messaged @GerardKeay:

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: hey baby you at Jon’s yet?

Gerry: yeah, just got there

Gerry: how’s Tim doing?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: he’s fallen asleep on my knee

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: it’d be kinda adorable if the circumstances were different

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: how’s jon?

Gerry: repressing emotions

Gerry: I’m going to make him eat and maybe try and make him some tea?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: gotta take care of these stupid fucking gays

Gerry: yeah

Gerry: will see you tomorrow baby

Gerry: hopefully actual martin will be back by then?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: I hope so

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: love you, gerbear

Gerry: love you, mikey <3

Chapter Text

@TimothyStoker messaged  absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone  @TheVoid

Tim: Hi again

Tim: permission to vent?

Void: a b s o l u t e l y t h a n k s f o r a s k i n g 

Tim: nartin is gone

Tim: but martin isnt back

Tim: it’s only been a day but i’m worried

Tim: is he captured? Dead? 

Tim: i cant even remember what he looks like

Tim: maybe i never will

Tim: fuck

Void: h e i s n t d e a d

Tim: wait how do you know?

Void: i k n o w e v e r y t h i n g

Void: e s p e c i a l l y d e a t h

Tim: ominous

Tim: but you know what? A relief

Tim: thank you, void :))

Void: y o u ‘ r e w e l c o m e

@JonathanSims messaged @TimothyStoker

Jon: Hey Tim, how are you coping?

Jon: Apologies again for not believing you

Jon: I was just...blinded by the futile hope that maybe he actually liked me back, I suppose?

Tim: fucking mood

Tim: what do you know about him?

Tim: actual martin?

Tim: i want

Tim: i need to remember

Tim: he smells like tea and baking and lavender and vanilla and sunlight

Tim: he is warmth

Tim: that’s all i know

Jon: He was tall. Taller than you and Sasha

Jon: Shorter than Michael

Jon: And broader, I think?

Jon: And his voice was familiar 

Tim: do you have any tapes with him on?

Jon: They’re missing 

Jon: I looked

Tim: i guess he stole them

Tim: wait shit

Tim: try his desk? or the room?

Jon: ‘Streets by Martin K Blackwood’? Sound useful

Jon: Tim

Jon: Tim I know his voice

Jon: Tim

Jon: He sounds softer than I expected? And more hesitant? Shy, almost?

Jon: But warm

Jon: His voice is so warm

Tim: I will be with you in two fucking seconds

@TimothyStoker messaged  absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone  @TheVoid

Tim: I know his voice

Tim: I REMEMBER his voice

Void: I a m v e r y g l a d

@TimothyStoker messaged @JonathanSims 

Tim: logically we know he’s strong

Tim: and he was a tea person. he made tea, not coffee. I have several messages about it

Tim: and he was a massive simp and he cared so much

Tim: he called me bby once and i cried

Tim: he was significantly larger than gerry to the point that gerry wearing a jumper that’d fit him was notable

Tim: either that or he had bad self image

Tim: or both

Tim: he was clearly comfy enough to sleep on?

Tim: he gave one of the best hugs i’d ever had

Tim: and was soft. Really soft

Tim: okay definitely low self esteem

Tim: really hot? Or at least I thought so. And definitely on the larger side, going off past messages

Tim: he could apparently cook

Jon: please stop using the past tense

Jon: he’s not gone.

Tim: sorry i just

Jon: i have joined in scrolling through past messages

Jon: he apparently looks like he gives good hugs

Jon: and we know how he smells

Tim: he wore nail polish

Tim: WEARS sorry

Tim: i messaged about him - ‘he hums under his breath when he thinks nobody is listening nd the way he’s memorised how all of us like our tea and he has a list in his phone of all our dietary requirements’ 

Tim: he has anxiety

Tim: he has freckles

Tim: that’s all i have

Tim: thats all i know

Jon: that sounds right but i can’t remember

Jon: at all

Jon: and that hurts

Tim: tell me about it

WORK BITCHES

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: This is as close as i can get to an official announcement

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: You may have noticed that Martin wasn’t at work today. The Martin we know was not our Martin. We don’t know if or when our Martin will be back. I hope so, but

Our Awesome Aro Mum: Please elaborate?

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Come to my office 

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Gerry, you might want to come, too

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: Tim please get some rest. Take the day off?

stop stealing my sexuality: what if he’s in danger? what if he needs our help????

The GothFather: please get some sleep Tim. Martin will be fine

CAPTAINS GOT G A M E

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers added JonathanSims

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers: he is having a bad time he’s allowed back

Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers renamed JonathanSims to Our beloved first mate

Our beloved first mate renamed the chat GIVE ME LOVE IM SAD

worlds #1 ship fucker: cuddle pile hours?

Our beloved first mate: please

worlds #1 ship fucker renamed the chat FUCK THE SHIP (i do)

martin be my friend

Mikey’s goth: martin??? you okay???? you haven’t come back to work?

Mikey’s goth: orsinov if you’re trapping him i will set you on fire and melt you down and watch you suffer

MoisturiseMe: I Let Him Go?

Mikey’s goth: martin?????

The real one: im sorry i can never return

The real one: other me kissed jon

The real one: i cannot look at him again

The real one: apologies i will never leave my flat

The real one: i will die here

Mikey’s goth: martin wtf?

Fuckhands McKnife: Շเ๓ ๓เรรєร ץ๏ย

Fuckhands McKnife: Շเ๓ ςгเє๔

The real one: he what???

The real one: bby nO

The real one: i will be there tomorrow 

The real one: must give tim hug

The real one: fuck it dont let them leave i will be there in 20 minutes

Chapter Text

@JonathanSims messaged @GeorgieBarker

Jon: Martin’s here

Jon: What do I do, Georgie?

Jon: I am overjoyed that he’s back but my brain keeps telling me to kiss him

Jon: I’m also conflicted. He is not The Same Martin who i flirted with and

Jon: You know what? I’ll just avoid him until things settle down 

Georgie: jon stop being a disaster challenge xoxo

@JonathanSims messaged @TimothyStoker

Jon: I know I sent you home but Martin’s back

Jon: You might wanna come back to the archives

Tim: he’s back???? Shit will be there in however quickly I can run there

Tim: JON YOU DIDNT MENTION HE WAS THIS HOT HE’S BACK AND HES HOT AND I WANT A HUG

Tim: fuck it im getting a hug

Tim: i remember him now

Tim: his voice and how he looks and how he hugs 

Jon: I’m glad 

@TimothyStoker messaged @TheVoid

Tim: Martin is back 

Tim: everything makes sense again

Tim: though shit i am in love with him

Tim: i didn’t expect that realisation to impact me so much

Tim: shit sorry this was meant to be an update, not a vent

Void: y o u c a n v e n t, i t s f i n e

Tim: i am so fucking gay for this man

Tim: s o gay

Tim: he is so good? So wholesome? And he hugged me for like fifteen minutes and told me that he missed me and I like slightly melted

Tim: I am In Love with him and shit if i dont want to tell him

Tim: i think it’d make him happy

Tim: even though i know he doesn’t feel the same

Tim: I just feel he deserves to know that somebody does

Tim: that somebody loves him so fucking all-consumingly

Tim: i wont, though

Tim: because that’s scary

Void: b a b y n o

Void: d o n t b e a c o w a r d

Tim: thing is i’m not even being a coward

Tim: bc yeah, i want him to know

Tim: i want him to have that

Tim: but i don’t want him to feel indebted to me

Tim: and i know he would

Tim: this beautiful, perfect bundle of anxiety would see that i loved him and that he didnt feel the same

Tim: and do anything to make himself feel worthy of that 

Tim: and i dont want that

Tim: i dont want to have to be worried that anything and everything he’s doing is to try and appease me?

Tim: i love him and that means for his sake i cannot tell him

Void: t h r o w b a c k t o w h e n i t h o u g h t y o u h a d t h e b r a i n c e l l

Tim: i thought you were the nice one :(

Tim: how are you doing though, void

Void: b e t t e r n o w i h a v e t h e f r o n t r o w t i c k e t s t o y o u r s t u p i d i t y

Tim: :(((

WORK BITCHES

@stop stealing my sexuality renamed @MahhhTIN to @MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck)

MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck): i missed you all <3

stop stealing my sexuality: i missed you too

stop stealing my sexuality: so much

Our Awesome Aro Mum: I’m glad you’re back, Martin! We were all really worried xx

The sad tired gAy omg please sleep: It is a massive relief, Martin.

The Gothfather: love you marto

MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck): i love you all

@TimothyStoker messaged @MartinBlackwood

Tim: ik Jon sent you home but if you dont wanna be alone my couch is always open

Tim: i have excessive amounts of alcohol and unlike jon i keep my fridge stocked

Tim: tho also you might wanna be alone or not with me and thats very understandable

Martin: i would love that, Tim

Tim: will let Jon know we’re leaving quickly - if you grab anything you need? 

Martin: deal <3

@TimothyStoker messaged @JonathanSims

Tim: marto is coming back to mine so imma leave now too

Jon: oh

Jon: congratulations?

Tim: oh nonono not like that i just

Tim: it feels if i let him leave i’ll forget him again

Tim: and i can’t risk that

Jon: I can understand that

Jon: Probably a good idea to give him your spare room anyway, trauma is quite possibly a concern 

Tim: i don’t acc have a spare room oops

Tim: i was just gonna take the couch

Jon: Oh, that’s fair

Jon: Good luck getting him to agree to that, though

Tim: i’m sure itll be fine 

@TimothyStoker messaged @GerardKeay

Tim: Gerry 

Tim: I missed him so much

Tim: Gonna need to go to bed soonish

Tim: It’s like 1am

Tim: But i’m gonna miss him

Gerry: share a bed duh 

Tim: Jar no

Gerry: i would

Tim: you aren't in love with him

@GerardKeay messaged @M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎:

Gerry: so uh

Gerry: opinions on martin, babe?

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: king, gives good hugs

Gerry: mood

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: permission to simp lmao?

Gerry: oh thank fuck

Gerry: and granted

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: ok so he’s babey

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: but also not babey bc he’s hella fucking competent and also? When he threatened Nikola to get the video? That was fucking hot

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: i mean we have a pining honesty policy so you know it hasn’t gotten to that point yet

M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: but still, this fucking man. He is warmth and softness and kindness and he is solitude and anxiety but above all of that he just cares? So much? He is yellow and gold and brown and also grey. He is baking bread and sunshine and fireflies. He is smores by a campfire and singing your favourite songs. He is empty streets in the pouring rain and the laughter spilling out of coffee shops. He is the feeling of coming home after a long day.