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Kirishima watched Bakugou from the opposite side of the older boy's room. He was hunched over Kirishima's essay he was reviewing, marking edits in bright orange highlighter. Even after three years of having a great tutor, there was still a lot of orange. Just the thought of editing the long paper made him sigh, which Bakugou laughed at. He absentmindedly touched the semicircle necklace that hung from his neck. Bakugou had made fun of him when he bought them friendship necklaces, but he hadn’t taken it off since. Kirishima could see the silver glint in the lamplight as he passed it between his fingers, completely focused on the other’s poorly written paper. His face was soft without any of the anger he usually held in his expressions, and Kirishima smiled as his fingers reached for the matching semicircle on his own neck. God, he was beautiful.
Okay, Eijirou, don’t be weird. “Kats, can I ask you a question?”
“I’m not doing your math homework for you.”
“That wasn’t my question.” Bakugou huffed, which Kirishima took as his cue to continue. “What is going to happen after graduation? I mean, it’s coming up soon, and I just keep thinking about all of us. All our friends, our classmates.” He fidgeted with the strings on the edge of Katsuki’s blanket.
“We’ll graduate and never see each other again,” he said bluntly.
Kirishima sat up, a worried expression hardening his face. “You don’t really think that, right? At least, not us. We’ll still be best friends.” He wanted to say that confidently, but it came out as more of a question.
Bakugou turned to him with a soft smile, something most people never saw on the perpetually angry boy. “Of course, dumbass. We’ll always be best friends.”
Kirishima smiled back, and his heart melted at those words. We’ll always be best friends.
Liar.
“Have you talked to Bakubro recently?” Sero and Kaminari looked at each other, not sure what to say to their friend. Not sure what that tone meant.
Mina finished setting up the next round of Mario Kart and sighed. “Kiri, you know he never answers the group chat.”
“I’m not talking about the group chat. He hasn’t been answering my texts.” He set his phone down beside him and put his head in his hands. “He always answers my texts.”
“Trouble in paradise?” Jirou asked. She was tucked into Kaminari’s side, watching the conversation and game with disinterest. She was just waiting for her turn to destroy everyone, so Kirishima handed her his controller. He wasn't in the mood to play.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” She glanced at his hand covering his necklace before selecting her racer. She decided to not mention that she saw anything. “Did something happen between you two?”
Kirishima shook his head. “Same as ever. Then he stops replying to me a few days after graduation. I just don’t know what I did wrong.”
“Maybe nothing,” Kaminari said. “You know how he is.”
“Not with me. We were-” He sighed. “We were different,” he said quietly.
His friends all shared a look. They all knew, of course. Maybe it was time for Kirishima to admit his feelings to someone. Even if it’s not Bakugou. Even if they thought it was too late for anything to happen.
“Do you want to tell us something, Eiji?” Mina said, pausing their game that had just started.
He shook his head, but it was out of defeat not refusal. “I- Katsuki-” Kirishima let out a shuddered breath. “He doesn’t know. And he can’t know. But you guys…”
Sero nodded. “We know.”
“It’s been since our first year, but I could never tell him. He would hate me for sure, then I’d lose him. And I couldn’t lose him. Oh God, I can’t lose him.”
“I promise Bakugou could never hate you,” Kaminari assured him. “Maybe you should go see him”
Jirou frowned at her boyfriend. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”
“You sound so surprised.”
“Yeah, I am surprised. It was your idea.”
They started lightly bickering, but Kirishima was already thinking about other things. Visiting Katsuki? Could he just show up at his house without saying anything? Maybe he was mad at him. Maybe he wouldn’t want to see him.
“It’s worth a shot,” Mina said gently. “You won’t know what’s going on unless you talk to him. And this might be your only chance to actually get something out of him. You know how stubborn he can be.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go see him if he doesn’t get back to me soon.” He stood, running his hands through his hair which fell past his shoulders now.
“You should wear your hair down more often. I know you like that comic book hero a lot, but your hair needs a break from all the product you use to get it like that. It’s bad enough you dye it so much.”
“You just think it looks nice.”
“No, Shitty Hair, I think you’re going to go bald if you don’t take it easy.” Bakugou scowled. “But maybe it does look a bit less shitty than normal.”
“Kiri, okay?” Jirou asked.
He flashed a big smile that was trying to hide the panic from that random memory. He wasn’t sure if he was succeeding in that, though. “Of course, man. I think I am going to head back, though. I’ll see you guys later.”
As soon as he left Sero’s house, he let out a sigh as his smile dropped. What was he going to do?
To Bakubro:
Can we talk man?
I really miss you
He pressed send without thinking. Maybe it was time to start taking some chances.
To Bakubro:
Its been a few weeks man and Im starting to worry
Is everything ok
Kirishima frowned at his phone and the texts that weren’t delivered. He checked and his service was fine. “Hey, Mom?” he yelled to the next room over. “Are your texts going out okay?”
“Yeah, honey. Are you having issues with your phone?”
“I don’t know,” he said quietly, fidgeting with his necklace without realizing.
To Denki:
Bro text me back when you get this
A reply came back a few minutes later
From Denki:
got it?
you all good bro?
To Denki:
Not sure Ill let you know when I figure it out
Frustrated, he called Bakugou, immediately receiving his voicemail. “Did he block me?” he mumbled to himself. “What is that idiot doing?”
He checked every social media platform he had, getting the same results each time. His messages went nowhere, and it was like Bakugou didn’t exist anymore. He really blocked Kirishima in every way he could.
Making up his mind, Kirishima went to talk to his moms. He was going to see Katsuki and talk to him whether he liked it or not.
“What do you mean he’s gone?”
Mitsuki frowned. “He wanted to go off on a trip before school started, so he left a few weeks early. He didn’t tell you? I swear, that little punk is going to be the death of me.” She sighed. “I’m sure he’ll text you when he gets back or when he’s settled in his dorm.”
Kirishima swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me, ma’am. Sorry to bother you.”
“Damn it, Katsuki,” she mumbled. “I’ll try to talk to him, but he’s so headstrong. I’m not sure if I can get through to him.”
“That’s okay. Please tell Masaru I said hello.”
“Alright, honey. Take care.”
Biting at the piercing in his lower lip, Kirishima called Midoriya, almost crying when he answered.
“Kirishima? Hi, uh, is everything okay?”
“Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Um, sure.”
“Thanks, I’ll be at your house in a few minutes.”
“Huh?”
“That doesn’t sound like Kacchan. Well, it sounds like something he’d do but not with you.” Midoriya handed him a mug filled with hot cocoa. It was April, so it wasn’t the best weather for the drink, but the shorter boy promised it would make him feel better. Kirishima wasn’t too sure about that, but he appreciated the gesture. “And you said nothing weird happened with you guys?”
He thought back to the last time he talked to Bakugou. During their entire graduation ceremony, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at his friend. And he knew if Bakugou caught him, he would be chewed out later. Still, with everyone talking about the future, all he could think about was a future with Katsuki. He knew it would never happen, at least not in the way he wanted, but he couldn’t stop himself from daydreaming through the whole ceremony.
“Hey dumbass, what were you thinking about all morning? You looked more spaced out than usual. Don’t tell me shitty Deku’s speech got to you?”
“I thought it was nice.”
“Yeah,” he mumbled, not really agreeing but not really disagreeing. “A little too optimistic, if you ask me.”
Kirishima laughed. “That’s why Aizawa didn’t let you make a speech. We know how your sports festival speech went.”
He laughed.“I won, didn’t I? I keep my word.” He looked off into the distance, seeming to get lost in his thoughts.
“You okay, man?” Kirishima smiled, elbowing him in the ribs. “Not getting emotional on me, are you?”
“No, just thinking.” He cleared his throat. “Were you staring at me earlier?”
“Oh, um,” Kirishima’s face felt hot, and he quickly looked away from his friend who was watching him closely. “Sorry, I guess I was just distracted. Thinking things over.”
Bakugou scowled for a moment before rolling his eyes, “Don’t think too hard. Can’t have you overworking your brain. I can’t handle two Dunce Faces.”
Kirishima grinned down at the smaller boy. “Oh, don’t act like you don’t love us.”
“I don’t. But I gotta go, the old hag is probably looking for me.”
Kirishima reached out to grab his wrist but caught more of his hand. Bakugou glared at him, but he didn’t let go. “Are you sure you’re okay? You know you can talk to me.” His hand was awfully sweaty. Maybe he was feeling sick.
“I’m fine.” Pressing his hand to his chest, he walked away, leaving Kirishima more than confused. He could always talk to him about it later.
Kirishima shrugged. “He was acting a little weird the last time I saw him, but I thought that was just Bakugou being Bakugou. I thought he was just emotional from graduating and didn’t want to admit it.”
“Hm.”
“I just can’t believe he cut me out like this without even saying anything.... Without even acting like something was wrong with us.”
Deku leaned back in his chair. “You could just find him when you start school in a few weeks. You are going to the same university, right?”
“Midoriya, it’s a big campus, and it’s not like I know what his schedule is like. I couldn’t even tell you where any of the engineering classes are on campus.”
“I’ll get his schedule for you.”
“Really?” Just like that?
Midoriya shrugged. “Sure. I’ll talk to Aunt Mitsuki and tell you what she says. I know Kacchan won’t give it to me, since he’s still pretending we’re not friends.”
Kirishima stood and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
“I think I do. And I think he’s being an idiot, so I'm happy to help. This isn’t the way to handle things, but you know Kacchan.” Midoriya gestured off to the side. “Always a drama queen.” It was obvious he knew a bit more about the situation than he was letting on, but he didn’t elaborate. Kirishima was almost afraid to ask. “Just knock some sense in him, okay?”
“Uh, sure?”
Kirishima was more anxious in the first weeks of school than he’d ever been. Midoriya hadn’t sent him Katsuki’s schedule, so he was tempted to just sit outside a random building that he knew had engineering classes and hope he ran into his friend. Every time he sat in a dining hall or library, he scanned the room for a familiar head of blond hair. He unconsciously looked for red gauges and baggy jeans and that worn out jacket he’s had for forever. He wanted so badly to see Bakugou again. Every time, he thought he saw him, but it was always someone else, and his heart was crushed again. Every time it wasn’t him. And Kirishima was starting to lose hope.
Then Midoriya sent him a text with Bakugou’s schedule attached.
From Midoriya:
Go get him :)
And that’s when he realized he knew. Midoriya knew how he felt about Bakugou. Did everyone know? Did Bakugou? Was this all because Kirishima fell for his best friend? Bakugou hated him so much he completely cut him out of his life. He started questioning if he should try to find him after all.
From Midoriya:
He misses you too
“Damn it. I’m going after him.”
Kirishima waited until his last class ended to go find Bakugou. Even though he wasn’t talking to him, he could already hear Bakugou yelling at him for skipping classes, so he just sat through that last hour with as much patience as he could muster. His last class would be finished in an hour and a half, and Kirishima was more than willing to wait by the front doors to catch him. He sat on a bench and just watched for a bit, eventually spotting him going to class. He wanted to go after him right then, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He knew how hard Bakugou worked to get into this program, and Kirishima wouldn’t take him away from his classwork.
But the second that class was over, he was chasing him down.
And that’s exactly what he did. His favorite blond was one of the first ones out of the building, so he didn’t have to wait much longer. He threw his bag over his shoulder and followed Bakugou until he almost caught up to him.
“Katsuki!”
Bakugou jumped at his voice, then cut through the flow of students onto a smaller, less crowded pathway. He was definitely trying to lose Kirishima.
“Damn it,” he muttered, maneuvering through the crowd in the same direction. “Sorry, sorry.”
Bakugou had almost disappeared out of his sight, but Kirishima caught a glimpse of him and took off running. He finally caught up to him and grabbed his arm. Kirishima didn’t know what to say to him. “Bakugou.” He wouldn’t even look at him. Okay, now that he was standing in front of him, Kirishima was pissed. He shoved him into the wall behind them, fists clenched in his stupid jacket he missed so much. “What the hell is your problem? It’s been over a month, Bakugou! Over a whole, goddamn month. And you- you just disappear? You stop seeing me and you stop texting me and you block me on everything? What is wrong with you? How could you just treat me like that?” Hot, angry tears were biting at his eyes. “What the fuck?”
“When did you start cursing like that?”
That just made Kirishima angrier. That was the first thing he said to him in weeks? He pushed Bakugou again, then dropped his fists to his sides. “I’m pissed, okay? I’m so beyond pissed at you.” Bakugou’s eyes were wide, and he grasped at the bag across his chest, but he didn’t dare move from where Kirishima slammed him into the wall. He just watched, cheeks red and mouth open, as Kirishima stood in front of him, shaking from anger. “Where do you get off thinking you could cut me off like that? Especially when- when I thought-” His voice cracked, and he couldn’t finish his thought. When I thought we were getting closer? When I thought I actually had a chance? When I thought we were actually connecting like I always wanted? He’d been thinking about all the moments that it felt they were more than just friends, those moments that gave him a tiny bit of hope. But it seemed Kirishima was just imagining everything. Bakugou must have realized he was thinking of their friendship in a different light, wanting more from it, and that’s why he pushed him away. “If you hated me that much, you could’ve told me. You could’ve just talked to me, Katsuki.” Kirishima tried to dry his face, but he was just so angry and the tears just kept falling.
“You think I hate you?”
“Of course! Why else would you just leave me?” Kirishima could hear how desperate he sounded. How crazed he was from those weeks away from Bakugou.
Bakugou squeezed his eyes shut like he was bracing himself for something. Probably expecting Kirishima to punch him in the face, which he was considering. “I was scared, okay!”
All the fight left Kirishima at that. His fists softened, and he stumbled back like Bakugou was the one to hit him. “What?”
“I was scared! I knew how you felt about me, but I can’t be with you!”
“Why not?” he said, grabbing onto his wrists, not out of anger but out of pure desperation.
“Because you’ll be disappointed in who I really am,” he said, dropping his head. Kirishima didn’t miss the tears that were welling in his eyes. “I can’t face you once you know I’m not the person you think I am.”
“Kats, I love you. And I love you for who you are, not some idealized version of you.”
Bakugou pulled his hands from Kirishima’s to cover his face. He dropped to his knees and started crying deep, ugly sobs. Kirishima knew this was a side of Bakugou he never let anyone see. “Dammit, Eijirou! You deserve someone better than me! That’s why I left. That’s why I had to leave you. I knew if I stayed, I would just keep letting you love me without doing anything about it because I’m a fucking coward. And I can’t be selfish anymore. I can’t just keep you to myself in case I ever get the courage to actually tell you-” He heaved in a large breath, pulling his fingers through his hair. “You deserve someone so much better than I could ever be.”
Kirishima knelt in front of the trembling boy. “And why do you get to decide that for me?” he asked, his voice gentle as if he wasn’t just yelling and cursing. Bakugou looked up, his uncertain, red-rimmed eyes meeting Kirishima’s strong, determined ones. “What if I want you to be selfish? Why do you get to decide you’re not good enough for me? Because you are.” He reached out and held Bakugou’s face in his hands. “Kats, you are the only person I want to be with. So if you feel the same, stop running.” Bakugou closed his eyes, letting more tears fall. “Hey, look at me Katsuki. I love you, and I’ll wait as long as you need if you want me to. I’ll be here for however long it takes for you to tell me what you need to tell me. And I’ll be here for as long as you want me around after that. So be selfish and tell me what you want.”
Bakugou grabbed at the sleeves of Kirishima’s letterman jacket. “I want you, Eijirou.”
He pulled Katsuki into a hug, not minding that they were on the ground or that he was crying directly into his chest or that people were passing by them with worried and confused looks. All he cared about was Bakugou Katsuki and the fact that he was actually hearing those words coming from his mouth. Katsuki wanted him, not as a friend but as something more. He could wait to figure out what that something was; he was happy to have a chance again.
“I’m sorry, Eiji. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Shh.” He started smoothing down his hair. “Don’t worry about it. It’s all okay. We’re okay.”
“But I caused all this trouble. I hurt you so much. How can you forgive me just like that?”
“We’re back together, which is what matters to me. But I know you’re going to beat yourself up about it. So to make it up to me, you can’t ever leave me like that again. Deal?”
“Deal.”