Archive of Our Own

The worst part of the desert isn't the heat or suffocating sand. In fact, compared to everything else they already suffered through, the terrain is the least of his worries. What has him tensed against the car door is Polnareff's driving. Sure, the idiots on the road don't know how to drive much better than he does, but his temper makes the situation all the more precarious.

His heart jolts when a car honks right next to his door, blaring belatedly that Polnareff nearly side-swiped him off the cliff. A spew of French curses follows, but disappears into the dust and baking sunlight. If only a more competent driver could take over, Kakyoin would feel much safer. He never feared for his life on this whole redemptive journey more than he does now. Several times he tries to judge the distance down the cliffside. Every conclusion he reaches is only certain death.

Every slight bend, bump, or dip in the road jostles them all against each other. Thankfully, there's enough space to fit all three of them in the back seat. But the only reason why it works is that, compared to Jotaro, Kakyoin only takes up half the space he does. Another bump, and he knocks his head against the car's frame.

Please Kakyoin pleads under his breath, don't kill us now, Polnareff!

Polnareff snatches the wheel from getting away from him, cursing again, as his passengers all lurch to the side. Kakyoin can't do anything to catch himself other than bracing himself against Jotaro's legs.

Swiping his bangs from his face, he hurriedly tries to right himself. How many times has he wished he could just lean against Jotaro the whole trip? This may be his one opportunity, he has a golden excuse. But the panic and fear of repercussion balances him right back up. Though, he lets his palm linger on top of Jotaro's thigh for just a moment. Just enough to register how solid Jotaro's form is.

Tossing his bang again, he covertly glances from behind his hair, sneaking a gage at Jotaro's reaction. Heat rises to his cheeks to find sharp eyes glaring straight at him. The window is much safer. Well, relatively safer. Arguably, Kakyoin can't decide whether watching the perilous cliff is worth avoiding Jotaro's gaze. Though, both really spell certain death.

Another lurch sends them the opposite direction. Smoothly, Star Platinum materializes to buffer Kakyoin from the car door, falling briefly against the broad shoulders before being straightened by the Stand's hands. Jotaro, however, falls victim to momentum.

Where'd you learn to drive? he growls at Polnareff openly, even as his hand braces against Kakyoin's knee and grips for support.

Do not worry! We'll be out of this soon enough! Polnareff calls over his shoulder.

Kakyoin blinks. Jotaro's hand hasn't left his knee.

The image of Yellow Temperance still hangs around in his mind. Sometimes, he finds himself unintentionally doubting his friends. His team. Are they his friends? Jotaro really doesn't have the experience to know. Still, he catches himself checking out everyone every so often to be sure he isn't fooled again.

He knew something was off when he thought he was hanging out with Kakyoin that day. He just couldn't put a finger on it. Anyone would have noticed his strangely aggressive behavior, but at that point, Jotaro didn't know Kakyoin well enough to know better. And it took rather too long to notice that Kakyoin shouldn't be that tall.

Regardless, now and then he'll ground himself with reality. Kakyoin only reaches his shoulder in height. It's a perfect height to him. Everyone else he knows is either his height or incredibly short. But Kakyoin is the perfect height to hold if he got close enough-

Pulling his hat down, he hides his thoughts from his expression, though he can't help the heat rising to his cheeks. He scowls against it, as if simply by frowning hard enough he can stop the warm blush. Besides, it's not like it's a bad thought. If there is an emergency - of which there have already been many - it would mean he could easily shield Kakyoin, or even catch him. As it is, his light weight almost seems concerning. He doesn't think about it too hard. He knows Kakyoin can take care of himself.

But is it really so wrong to imagine what someone that size would feel like in his arms? He's wondered if foreign women are taller, just as he's taller compared to most Japanese men. He shakes the thought quickly, not sure whether or not to feel like a native or a foreigner in his own home.

Several times he's thought of asking Kakyoin for a simple hug, just to see that, even if his theory is true, whether it would feel as comforting as he imagines. There just simply hasn't been a good time to bring it up.

As they unpack for another night at another hotel, he ponders his theories and dilemmas. Do you ask for a hug, or do you just go for it? Kakyoin seems like a private person, so it would be considerate to ask. Besides, it's not terribly common amongst students to be that friendly. He tries to imagine walking down the halls of his school. In his rush to avoid his unwanted fans, he finds himself blurring most of his memories together. How do the guys interact?

Oi, Jotaro, Kakyoin's voice draws him back to reality. Do you wanna check out the place? The lobby seemed interesting, I think they even have a waterfall.

More mysteries to solve also include Kakyoin's fascination with literally everything. Is that how he knows so much random trivia? Ignoring his own curiosity, he shrugs in agreement. Kakyoin flashes a smile before leading them out of their room.

As they walk towards the elevator, a memory breaks through his consciousness. Perhaps hugging is far too casual and friendly for guys, far too gentle and effeminate for them. But throwing an arm over the other's shoulders seems acceptable. Perhaps even Kakyoin wouldn't mind?

With his Stand's arm, Jotaro lightly wraps his elbow behind Kakyoin's neck. A subtle gesture, especially since no normal human can see his Stand.

Kakyoin glances over at the Stand's hand, pausing a moment in the hallway. When Jotaro thinks to recall his Stand, however, he notices Hierophant Green materializing next to him.

While Kakyoin presses the button for the elevator, Hierophant's arm extends to reach Jotaro's own shoulders. Kakyoin glances up with a mischievous smirk, as if calling him out for his trick. Two can play at that game, he can almost hear Kakyoin say.

Even if there's a comfortable space between them on the elevator, their Stand's arms on each other's shoulders feels closer than the two have ever been.

It's the third time he's called Jotaro's name, but the stubborn man refuses to hear him. That's the conclusion he reaches, anyway, since at this rate it's impossible that he just didn't hear him. Just because he pulls his hat down over his face doesn't mean it covers his ears.

Jotaro! he calls again, leaning in against his better judgement to see under the hat.

He pulls back just as quick. In the few minutes they have been waiting for the others to return, Jotaro had managed to fall asleep. Or at least, doze off enough to be ignorant of the world around them.

Frowning, he judges just how urgently he needs Jotaro's attention. On one hand, he was only going to strike up idle conversation while they waited. On the other hand, he wanted the conversation just so he could be reassured that he wasn't going crazy in the sunlight. The thought that the others might be in trouble still nags at his mind. Even if all Jotaro did was snap at him for interrupting his nap, he'd prefer knowing that Jotaro was aware of his concern than to hold all the worry himself.

Waking up Jotaro Kujo seems just as a great idea as poking a bear.

Biting his cheek, Kakyoin debates with himself again. Is the reassurance worth Jotaro's potential wrath? Or is it better to wait it out and hope for the best? If it really is nothing more than irrational worry, then Jotaro is sure to be pissed for disturbing him. But wouldn't Jotaro also rather be cautious than ignorant?

Before his brain can catch up, Kakyoin's hand grazes his arm. The moment of contact is enough to startle Kakyoin, but not quite enough to rouse Jotaro. Jotaro's casual touches are enough to jumpstart his entire nervous system, even if it's just accidentally brushing too close. But this is purposeful. He has to get over his flighty feelings just enough to wake up Jotaro.

He grabs Jotaro's bicep again, jostling it just enough that someone would have to be dead not to notice. The muscles under his fingers tense and the dark jacket shifts. Jotaro's shoulders roll back as he comes to his senses. And somehow, Kakyoin forgot to let go.

Jotaro's eyes burn his knuckles when he glances down, but before Kakyoin has time to fix himself, Jotaro glances around.

Stand user? he mutters under his breath to avoid detection. He doesn't question why Kakyoin hasn't moved, only trying to find the cause. He takes his hand back before he makes a bigger fool of himself explaining his actions.

I'm worried the others ran into one, Kakyoin mutters back. He crosses his arms to match Jotaro's reserved stance, and partially to contain himself from any more mistakes.

With a grunt, Jotaro leans back against the wall he was napping against, shrugging.

If they did, we'd know.

Of course. Only they can see Stand users, and it would be pretty hard to ignore Polnareff's battle cry or Avdol's flames.

Right.

Kakyoin leans against the wall himself. He glances over at Jotaro, just to see if he managed to fall asleep again so soon.

Whether or not he's paying attention, Jotaro stands just as still and calm. However, Kakyoin notices one thing.

Jotaro's fingers curl against his arm where Kakyoin had touched, and he wonders whether maybe Jotaro might've felt the same impact as he did.

It's been far too long on this trip, too much effort spent, too much blood, to back out now. It's only been a few weeks, but Jotaro can consider everyone his friend. Avdol, Iggy, Polnareff. Kakyoin. Especially Kakyoin.

But now Kakyoin is injured, and he may never see again. Of course he trusts the Speedwagon Foundation to do all that they can, but it nags in his mind. What if Kakyoin can never see again? The obvious solution is to use his Stand to feel his way around. Yet Jotaro can't help but wonder. What if Kakyoin has to use a walking stick all his life? Could his Stand see for him? Would Kakyoin want a guide like a seeing eye dog?

A rather selfish part of him imagines Kakyoin's hand on his arm again, holding on as he personally guides them around their school. Not one soul would mock Kakyoin for his blindness, he would make sure of that. Kakyoin would never have to feel alone in a sightless world. An even darker thought grips his mind, however, that maybe Kakyoin wouldn't want his help.

He's a determined and free-spirited individual on his own - why would he need Jotaro's help, or even want it?

With a sigh, he barely registers the last of the old man's words, announcing that they'll have to continue on without Kakyoin. Kakyoin already agreed and even encouraged them to continue, but JiJi insisted on the pep talk just outside his hospital room. Anger boils in his chest and his fists clench, but he doesn't bother correcting them. He's being too sensitive to the issue. If Kakyoin had a problem with this, he would've spoken up.

JiJi dismisses them, instructing them to gather everything and to meet in the car. Frowning, he mutters some bullshit about checking Kakyoin's room for stuff.

When he steps back in, he freezes, feeling slightly unwelcome but not knowing why.

It's me, he announces belatedly, noticing Kakyoin sitting up and facing blankly forward. His head tilts towards him however when he recognizes the voice.

Ah, Jotaro.

His voice is flatter than usual. It's expected that Kakyoin won't be quite himself while he recovers, but it grates on Jotaro's perception. Kakyoin could always handle himself. He doesn't even think to judge him for feeling frustrated about his condition.

We're packing up and leaving, Jotaro explains equally flat. Figured I'd check here before we left.

Of course.

Kakyoin's always so lively, so full of conversation and passion. It's almost as if obscuring his eyes obscures his mouth from speaking. The sterile room turns everything grey before him. Even the glimmer of Hierophant's emerald tendrils falls dim. Scowling behind his hat, Jotaro steps up to the foot of Kakyoin's bed.

Any normal person would be polite, ask questions like are you going to be alright? or are you sure you'll be fine if we leave? But it's all sentimental bullshit. Jotaro hates those questions and he can only imagine Kakyoin would too. He really has no other excuse to stay here, and yet he can't find the justification to leave. Sure, there's the journey still ahead and finding DIO. But it seems so distant and unimportant next to Kakyoin being hospitalized.

Do you want to know the strangest feeling about being blind? Kakyoin's voice, while still weak, perks up enough to convince Jotaro - Kakyoin will be okay. He has to be if he's engaging Jotaro in his random conversations.

What's that? he prompts. It feels odd to speak when he can usually just nod or shrug for Kakyoin to continue. His shoulders still shrug even if Kakyoin can't tell.

It feels like drowning.

Jotaro frowns and crosses his arms. He thinks to speak up when he notices a translucent smile in Kakyoin's features.

Ironically, I feel like I can see you thinking, he chuckles mirthlessly. You have a habit of either shrugging, nodding, or just frowning. You always cross your arms, though.

A shiver of self-consciousness ripples through him as he notices that he indeed always crosses his arms while he listens to Kakyoin. It's comfortable, but he didn't know Kakyoin noticed.

Anyway, he brings them back. It feels like drowning, where you have to orient yourself the best you can. It's difficult when one of your vital senses is ripped away from you. I suppose it didn't help that I was losing blood from my face.

Kakyoin laughs again, but Jotaro tries to fight the memory. Too much blood...

But it feels like, if I could just grab ahold of something, feel something tangible from the surface, where I know someone's there and it's not just me… Kakyoin trails off, his head aiming towards his hands as he turns them, fisting them back into the sheets.

I apologize if this is too deep. I just have no other way to describe it. This bed is only a life boat, but I can't see anyone on shore. I hardly even know if you're still here. You also have a habit of being silent.

Nodding, silently, Jotaro takes a step towards Kakyoin. As he approaches, he notices Hierophant's tendrils curling behind his back, as if seeking to register the world around him. The tendrils brush against him, sending Kakyoin's muscles into full alert for the split second to realize it's only him. Hierophant calms and gently brushes over his arms as they retreat. He wants to follow those tendrils, hold them delicately, make himself known to Kakyoin.

Glancing down, he notices Kakyoin's hands still gripping the sheets. It seems like a subconscious desperation to cling onto whatever is near enough.

I'm here. It's all he wants to say but he can't cough up the words. They lodge in his throat, choking him. He's here, he'll be here to defend him. But he can't. He's supposed to be leaving right now. He has to leave Kakyoin alone, drowning, sightless, confused, afraid. He didn't think it was possible for Kakyoin to be afraid of something, but he realizes anyone would if the ground was ripped from underneath them.

I'm here. There has to be another way to communicate that he wishes to stay, to guide him and help him, but only if he wants it.

I'm here. And he follows one of the tendrils, stroking it lightly like a cat with his finger, until Kakyoin registers his touch. The tendril curls over the back of his hand, monitoring his movements. Kakyoin glances in his direction. His eyebrows twitch as if struggling with all his might just to see Jotaro. A few more tendrils surround him unintentionally just trying to see the picture.

Jotaro doesn't pay attention to his Stand. He lowers his hand slowly while making sure Kakyoin can sense him. His muscles jump under his fingers when he touches Kakyoin's forearm. Hierophant coils back, mapping out his figure as he crouches beside the bed.

His fingers find Kakyoin. Too make up for Kakyoin's bandaged eyes, his gaze focuses on the slow movements. Like plates of earth sliding over each other until they fit between the fissures, Jotaro curls his fingers between Kakyoin's.

They can both hear the tiny gasp from Kakyoin's mouth as he experiences everything blindly. It's so simple, holding someone's hand, but it feels like he's grounded to reality. He's found dry land after struggling in the abyss of blurred senses. He can even hear the slight hum from behind Jotaro's lips, like he's about to speak.

Hierophant hesitantly pulls back from Jotaro, but Star Platinum is far faster. The Stand grabs the tendrils, not with any strength, but only the dexterity to keep them in its grasp. Kakyoin glares at Jotaro through his bandages, or rather, his Stand, before trying to wrap around Star Platinum's arms.

Somehow their hands find themselves naturally fitting against each other, palm to palm, as they observe their Stands. Jotaro watches Hierophant's full form emerge from behind Kakyoin, tucking closely to Star Platinum's form. While Jotaro may never understand the connection Kakyoin has with his Stand, he can only imagine it feels a bit like extra limbs. Hierophant can't seem to fully "see" either, relying on the tugging of his own tendrils to face Star Platinum face on, before wrapping its own arms around it's torso.

Jotaro's stomach flexes under the vicarious feeling. It's like how he imagines hugging Kakyoin would be like, but instead of feeling the sensation, it feels like a memory even though it never happened.

Star Platinum's arms naturally wrap around Hierophant, causing Kakyoin to likewise frown in confusion.

That's not how I thought it would feel, he states softly.

Bad? Jotaro prompts. Kakyoin’s bang tosses as he shakes his head quickly.

Not bad, just... It's weird through Stands. I can feel something like it's there, but it's not. Like a ghost, or- or a memory or something.

Jotaro nods, understanding how difficult it is to put it into words. He squeezes Kakyoin's hand lightly, earning a light pulse of a squeeze back. His rough hands, fists so primed for violence and strength, feel so dangerous only in Kakyoin's palm. The way Kakyoin holds his hand feels almost wrong. Kakyoin shouldn't so readily trust him to give him comfort. He can protect Kakyoin. How can he ever comfort him?

As if hearing his questions, Kakyoin answers. He leans forward, finding Jotaro with slow movements, before his head finds his shoulder. It looks like an awkward position to be leaning so far, but Kakyoin's determination removes all of Jotaro's doubts. He doesn't let Jotaro move. So he stays, letting Kakyoin rest his head on his shoulder.

The longer time passes, the more he doesn't want to leave. The weight of something real against his shoulder, something so gentle in his hands. He can't leave Kakyoin now. But he has to. But he can't.

Star Platinum's form slips from reality, leaving Hierophant clueless. The tendrils quickly slink back to their user, coiling around Kakyoin like guardian snakes. Jotaro strokes a few of them with his free hand, petting them reassuringly. The instant he tries to pull back his hand from Kakyoin's he understands Kakyoin's strength.

Hierophant Green seizes his arm, binding him to Kakyoin's hand. His grip is tight, turning his own knuckles white and pinching Jotaro's hand. How could he have forgotten that Kakyoin can fight back, even if not nearly as broad as Jotaro, but with full strength nonetheless?

He flinches, not out of pain, but one of the first flashes of regret he's ever had. He makes mistakes, he knows, but nothing he truly regrets. He just doesn't know if he can forgive himself for letting go.

You have to go, Kakyoin states, head turning back to his bed blankly. He's a puppet, once given the gift of life and expressing all that he could, before the spark is ripped away.

Hierophant's tendrils loosen, still not leaving Jotaro, but not holding him back. Kakyoin's fingers likewise fall away like loose bindings. Slowly, Jotaro brings his hand back to himself, reverently touching his own fingers. It already feels like a fading memory, nothing stronger than a Stand's touch.

One of the tendrils coils into his palm, and without thinking, he holds it between his fingers. His eyes watch Kakyoin as he brings the tendril closer to his face, so close Kakyoin can feel his breath, so close that Jotaro didn't even realize his lips were touching it. With a sigh, Jotaro lets go of the tendril, only for it to cradle his jaw. His eyelids fall shut, trying to absorb all of Kakyoin without his sight.

Jotaro, Kakyoin breathes.

Kakyoin, Jotaro hums.

The tendril slips away, and they are both left floating alone. Jotaro nearly forgets that he can open his eyes to see. Resentfully, he takes a long last look at Kakyoin. He may never recover. He may never see again. But at least it keeps him far away from this final fight. At least it ensures his survival.

With an angry fist, Jotaro rips off a button from his coat. He flips Kakyoin's hand over, dropping it in and curling Kakyoin's fingers over it.

Is this... your button? he frowns, feeling it between his fingers.

Keep it safe. I'll be back for it.

He doesn't spare another second - his resolve is only so strong to leave once - breaking their soft trance with the soft sound of the door closing behind him.