Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Was this really the place?

Amity glanced at the card in her hand, small and white like a business card, but with less info and different material. It was a peculiar thing with glowing letters and a symbol of a snowflake on it. 

“Are you in love with an absolute moron? Someone who causes more problems than they solve? Then we have the place and people for you.”

It appeared in her pocket about a week ago, after Luz tried testing an unidentified potion on herself, causing her to sweat orange juice until Eda could get an antidote. She ignored it at first, after all, she wasn’t in love with anyone. This was very quickly proven wrong after she spent an entire night planning her and Luz’s wedding. 

Aside from the text and snowflake, the card was curiously empty, but of course, that was a test. After a quick examination, there was more writing, in invisible ink. This revealed a code, which was deciphered into another, and another, and another, until finally giving her an address, a date, and a time. Whoever made this was clearly very clever.

It all led to a small, quaint cafe in a town called Blytonbury. It was a cute place, with cozy decorations and the pleasant smell of baked goods. Surprisingly, there was no one else, not even a cashier, there with her, aside from a blonde girl with green highlights and a girl with a ponytail as white as snow.

“Amity Blight,” the blonde spoke, sipping a cup of tea with a grin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Amity approached cautiously as the other woman offered her a seat. “We’re always looking for new members of our group.”

“Your group? Who are you?” Amity questioned, still unsure of what was happening.

“My name is Diana Cavendish, and this is Weiss Schnee.”

“We’re like you, Amity,” Weiss spoke, pouring her a cup of tea. As creepy as the situation was, they were trying their absolute hardest to make the green-haired witch- the younger green-haired witch comfortable. Amity eventually gave in, taking a seat and taking a sip of a sweet, flavorful tea. “Make yourself at a friend’s house. We’ve paid to have the cafe all to ourselves today. You don’t have to worry about anyone embarrassing you or revealing anything that you will say.”

“Isn’t it, ‘make yourself at home?’”

“Normally it is, but of course, we don’t like our homes.”

“S-same. How did you know?”

“Like we said,” Diana chimed in, “We’re like you.” Amity smiled. She found her people.

* * *

Quite some time passed as they discussed their school lives, poor home conditions, and of course…

“So Diana, how is Akko doing?”

With one question, the entire conversation shifted.

“Oh! Akko’s doing fine. Thank you for asking, Weiss,” Diana replied, far more enthusiastic and cheerful than before.  “She’s been getting better at flying. If only she wouldn’t be so reckless.”

“Who’s Akko?” Amity asked, a curious tinge in her voice.

“Diana’s girlfriend,” Weiss interjected, causing Diana to turn as red as a tomato.

“H-hey! We’re not officially dating yet! We’re just friends!” She yelled, shaking the table and tipping over their empty teacups.

“Oh? You’re just friends? Last week you said she kissed you!”

“IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP KISS!” Amity watched in awe, these stoic, steadfast girls transforming into gossiping schoolgirls in seconds. “Besides, don’t act like you aren’t this way to Ruby!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Weiss slammed a fist against the table, almost knocking over the teapot

“You told me she fell off the dorm’s roof and thought it was attractive!”

“SHE WAS TRYING TO MAKE ZWEI FLY, IT WAS ADORABLE!”

“Can somebody please explain to me what’s happening?” Amity finally interrupted, their outburst quickly ending and returning to a civil tea party.

After a long, uncomfortable silence, Diana finally answered, “Well, Amity, the real reason we have our group is- well-”

“We’re in love with absolute buffoons,” Weiss finished, prompting an understanding nod from the witch.

“Exactly.” They both stared at Amity, who looked as if she was solving 50 calculus questions at once. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry, it’s just- I feel like I know you better than I do myself,” Amity spoke with tearful eyes, with tears of joy and bliss.

“There there,” Weiss muttered, giving Amity a quick hug and patting her back. “We’ve all been there before. Why don’t you tell us about your dummy?”

“Well, Luz is really something else,” Amity blurted, cheeks redder than Diana’s were (no one seemed to think much of this as they were all lovestruck idiots, but it very clearly was not normal and possibly even unhealthy). “She just tries so hard at everything but fails almost every time. She never gives up despite this. I love that about her.” She paused, never actually having said that out loud before. “That felt really good to finally say. Wow.”

“That’s what we were hoping for. It’s alright for you to feel like this. You don’t have to be little miss perfect all the time.”

“We both know what you’re going through, and we will help you,” Diana began. “Akko and Ruby are just like Luz, and we know more about dealing with these feelings than anyone else.”

Amity stared in confusion before saying, “But neither of you seem to be handling this well.” Weiss was bewildered, trying to rebuke her but failing while Diana took a long drink from her empty teacup.

“That may be true, however-” She was interrupted by a massive crash from outside, a brunette girl being dragged away by a broomstick that she had tied herself to. “AKKO?”

At the same time, Weiss removed her scroll, an unseen text from Yang waiting for her. Attached was a photo of Ruby, who had made a pair of makeshift wings using their sheets while on top of Beacon tower.

“RUBY?”

Both the witch and the huntress gathered their belongings, ready to dash out in seconds.

“Same time next week?” Diana quipped, prompting a quick nod from Weiss. “See you later, Amity.”

And within moments, they were gone. Amity pondered by herself for several minutes before finally leaving. She smiled. 

This was going to by fun.

Chapter Text

“Amity, who was that girl you were with last night?”

“She’s just a friend from school.”

“Right, a human is just a friend from school. What have I told you about friends?”

“We Blights only associate with the strongest of witchlings.”

“Exactly. I forbid you from interacting with that- that human.”

“But mom-”

“No excuses. Go to your room! Now!”

* * *

Amity slumped into her all too large room, falling onto her bed with a painful thump. Her face strained into a raisin-like visage, trying as hard as humanly (witchly?) possible to hold in her tears. Didn’t her so-called-mother understand not to interfere with young love? Or at least what could have been young love if someone wasn’t incapable of even saying a single word to their “friend.” Was it really so hard to say a simple “I love you,” or “I want to be more than just friends?” It’s just a simple phrase, like-

The narrator’s ramblings were interrupted by a soft tapping on her window. She stumbled out of bed, taking careful steps to stay quiet. Following her Nat 20 stealth check, her cabbage hair poked out, overshadowed by a pair of girls on a broomstick.

“Need a lift?” A fellow cabbage haired witch quipped, a gentle smile covering her face.

“Diana? What are you doing here?” Amity spoke in a mixture of a hushed whisper and a startled shriek.

“Hey! I’m here too,” Weiss retorted in a manner clearly intended to bring attention to herself.

Ignoring the Schnee, Diana continued, “We’re here to save you. I saw your grounding in my divinations and knew we had to save you!”

“But what if my mom checks in on me? Wouldn’t she know I’m-”

“We have everything covered. You need not worry. We came prepared with a 27 step plan to keep you safe.”

“Can we go faster? It’s step 6 already,” Weiss butted in, decidedly pointing at her wrist in a meaningless gesture.

“Right, sorry. The cafe is closed at the moment, so I figured we could go for a bit of a joyride instead. The night air should work wonders for our stresses.”

“That sounds perfect!” Amity excitedly replied, attempting to step outside before glaring at the ground below her. “Um, can that broom fit all of us?”

Taking out a cartoonishly shaped button, Weiss said with a smirk,  “Step 8.” With a single push, the broom extended to a much larger length, with small rocket boosters on the sides, to which Amity stared at in horror, recalling Luz’s stories of the Warden. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to use those. Constanze just adds those onto everything she makes for some reason.” She paused for a moment before adding, deadpan, “I can’t let Ruby get her designs.”

Following a cautious mounting, the bourgeoise trio took to the skies.

“Where to, Amity?” Diana asked, not taking her steady eyes off the road skies. “We can stay in the Isles if you’d like. We could also visit Vale. Blytonbury’s really nice this time of year. Really, really nice.”

“Hmmm. Blytonbury sounds nice right now?”

* * *

A cloud passed over them, feeling more like a damp bog than the fluffy cotton candy it seemed to be, but once they exited its misty grasp, they were soaring over the quaint English town. Lights flickered below them like fireflies in the night, with the charming clicks of the crickets being the chatters of ensuing crowds. A stage was set in the town square with a brunette girl, dressed in an extravagant costume, adorned with a custom fit cape and an oversized hat. The broom came to an abrupt stop, almost throwing the Weiss off in the process. 

“Watch it, you nitwit!” She screamed,  forcing Diana back into concentration. “What’s the matter with-” Her anger soon turned into a grin as she saw what lied below. “I think I get it.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You just wanted to see Akko’s show, didn’t you?” 

Diana turned from a cabbage to a tomato.

Amity turned red as well, but due to laughter rather than embarrassment.

“S-shut up! This isn’t even her actual show.”

“Oh? Care to elaborate?”

Diana stammered, her words coming out about as disordered and chaotic as she did, “This is her rehearsal. She, um, she didn’t want me to see it before the actual show.” Collective gasps came from Amity and Weiss, the former’s being very obviously fake. “Excuse me, what was that for, Amity?”

She snickered for a solid 10 seconds before finally stuttering, “You’re SO gay for her.”

“I will throw you off this broom in an instant. I will cast a spell that eliminates you from this earthly realm.” None of her hollow threats deterred the others’ joy. What did stop them was the incessant shaking of the broom, bringing them lower and lower until, before they could even realize, they came crashing down onto a nearby roof. Luckily, Weiss managed to create a small ramp of ice, which, when they broke right through it, made their fall far worse than it should have been. Luckily, the witches had their own ideas, and by the time they hit the ground, Amity was lying on a pile of abomination goo with a dapper ferret on top of her head. Weiss, aura flickering, crawled out of a human-shaped hole beside them, lips quivering as anger radiated on her face.

“Weiss? Are you okay?” Amity spoke, picking Diana off of her head and placing her gently on the ground before her transformation reverted. Weiss strutted closer, seemingly enraged, before bursting into the biggest fit of laughter she had ever had (second actually, as there was an incident with Ruby and three whole turkey dinners). The others followed suit, and the trio was in hysterics. Their high ended as a volley of magical fireworks exploded above them, signaling the end of Akko’s show.

Amity took a quick glance at Diana.

Rosy cheeks. A hearty smile. She was truly in love.

“You should tell her how you feel,” She suggested, placing a hand on the older witch’s shoulder. “I’m sure she’d feel the same.”

“T-thanks, Amity,” she responded, her voice more elated and floaty than usual. “W-we should probably get you back home. We’re on step 24 right now.”

“Were you ever going to tell me your plan?”

“Nope. Never Will. Weiss, can you make us a summon. I think we broke Cons’s new broom. She’s not going to be happy about this.”

“You know,” Weiss replied, in deep thought, “I don’t know if I actually can. This AU is definitely still in Beacon and I don’t think…” The others stared at her, faces blank. “Never mind. There’s a leyline nearby. We can borrow some brooms and take that.”

“Sounds good!”

* * *

The trio soon took off, giddy with love for their dum-dums. But they were not as unseen as they thought. As the show ended, Akko took a quick detour backstage, eying the departing trio. Finding a safe spot, she removed her phone from its pocket, swiftly opening it and pressing the icon for Discord.

ShiniestChariot Today at 11:57 PM

@RedLikeRoses

You’re not gonna believe this

Chapter Text

“THIS IS A CODE RED! I REPEAT, A CODE RED!”

Amity was practically screaming into her scroll, sending a clear single of distress to her fellow former-tsunderes.

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down Amity,” Weiss consoled. Through her end, frantic paper flipping was heard along with several clicks of a pen. “What kind of red? I need to search the manual!”

“You have a manual for gay panic?”

“Of course! Granted, this is the first time it has been used. Now tell me, what kind of red is it? Blood? Blush? The one that I’ve dictated as simply a skull?”

“Skull? What-”

“A code skull! It’s worse than I thought.” The pair was interrupted by an ASMR tingling sip of tea.

“Weiss,” Diana spoke with the utmost poise and grace. “Just let Amity explain what happened. A manual like that is bound to be wrong."

“How would you know that?” The heiress former heiress practically screamed to the other heiress of questionable status. “Keeping plans for all occurrences is always a positive action to take.”

“Because none of Diana’s worked,” a new voice began, joining from Diana’s background.

“Lotte! Are you serious?” Diana snapped. “How did you even hear that? This call is private!”

“You have your phone on speaker. Hasn’t Akko taught you how to use it?” the voice continued.

“I’ll be right back, girls.” Sounds of struggle were heard from her end as Diana took several tries to hang up.

Amity and Weiss remained silent for moments before continuing on their own.

“So now that she’s gone, what shade of red is it?” Weiss began.

“We should probably discuss this in person."

* * *

About an hour later, one witch and the huntress arrived at their usual cafe. Weiss and Diana entered, taking seats at their usual table. The atmosphere this time was a far cry from previous meetings.

“Diana?”

“Yes, Weiss?”

“Why are there other people here?”

Sure enough, two other tables were in use.

“I thought we reserved this cafe?” Weiss protested, trying her best not to start a scene.

“I think it’s under new management,” Diana began. “Something about an elf with a cooking show.” She took a sip long enough to empty her teacup. “Either way, where’s Amity. I require another cabbage-haired witch in my presence.”

A bell rang as the door flew open, and Diana stared in horror as the amount of lettuce in the room was halved.

“H-hey girls,” Amity muttered, more nervous than ever.

“Amity!” Weiss exclaimed. “You’re just in time. Take a seat-”

“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?”

Diana dashed to Amity, grabbing her and shaking the poor, now purple-haired witchling.

“WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE CABBAGES TOGETHER!!!”

“Are you okay, Diana?” Amity replied.

“ I can’t be a cabbage aloooooone! ” Diana fell to the ground, as meek as Jaune was after a single post-dinner airship ride.

Dragging the older witch along with her, Amity made her way to Weiss, giving her a quick handshake and taking a seat. After Diana had finally ceased her outburst, she started their usual spiel.

“So Amity, what’s-”

“I KISSED LUZ!”

Weiss jumped into the air, knocking her chair over and nearly flipping the table.

“LET’S GOOOOO!!!!!” She screamed, prompting the entire room to stare in horror. “My apologies.” Picking her chair back up, she silently made several more shouts of joy before composing herself. She began taking a long sip of her tea, waiting for Amity to proceed.

“It was-”

“WOOOOOOO!!!!!” Weiss’s tea spilled all over the table, spraying from her face in the least couth way possible. “Sorry. That’s the last time. I promise.”

“So anyway-” Amity paused, glaring at an embarrassed Weiss.

“What?”

“So anyway, I was helping her find some info for how to get back to the human world, and one thing led to another.” Amity once more turned into a tomato.

“So you kissed her while looking for this info?” Diana questioned.

“No. I lost my job and then I kissed her. It was a lot better than it sounds.”

A slow clap began as Diana silently cheered, much better than Weiss’s failure. 

“Don’t worry. It sounds a lot better than me and Akko’s first kiss. What about you, Weiss? What do you think?”

“But this is an AU. Why would Luz still need a way back to her world?” She said, scratching her head and wiping hot tea off of her dress.

“What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?” Diana threatened, subduing Weiss through fear alone.

“That I shouldn’t do it.”

“Thank you.” Diana took another sip of tea from a cup that should have been emptied 4 sips ago. “But back to you, Amity. That sounds like it went much better than me and Akko’s first kiss.”

Switching to a more attentive position, Amity watched Diana like one would a movie, saying “Oh? Do tell.”

“It was before one of her shows. She wanted to find some new way to dazzle the audience and decided to go into the forest to find one. I went with her to keep her safe, which was ultimately unsuccessful.”

“What does that mean?”

“We blew up seven times.” Diana was deadpan while speaking, not surprising anyone. “After that, Akko suggested that we do a good luck kiss to prevent an eighth explosion. We kissed, but I assured her it was just as good friends would do.”

From elsewhere, a voice spoke, “Just as roommates would do.”

The trio turned to the voice, towards one of the other tables. The person sitting there was in an oversized coat and sunglasses, furiously shushing her pocket. They had distinct black hair and a red streak-

“Ruby?” Weiss screamed, storming towards what was either her friend or her lover.

“N-nooooo. I’m not Ruby, I’m. Uh. I’m- Ru- Ro- Rachelle???” Diana followed her friend, staring intensely at one of “Rachelle’s” pockets. “What are you-” Diana reached in and pulled out the most adorable rat by her tail.

“Akko?”

“I suppose those 14 kisses in the forest were friendship kisses,” the rat- Akko- Ratko began, a smug smile on her cute little face, “But what about the week after that? What about during our first duo flight? What about last night? Were those all ‘as friends would do?’”

Diana, red in her cheeks, placed Akko on the ground, leaving her to turn human once more with a simple uttering of Metamorphie Faciesse.

“Can we discuss this outside?” Diana whispered, grabbing Akko’s hand and dragging her away.

After they left, Amity’s attention returned to Weiss, pulling Ruby’s ear like a disgruntled grandma. 

“I think we should go as well,” the heiress spoke happily, soon leaving Amity on her own.

Amity stood there, waiting for moments for the possibility that Luz might show up next. It then dawned on her that they had talked for about 15 minutes and that Luz would most likely have passed out from lack of breath if she attempted using her invisibility for that long. Glum, she returned home.

But one table remained.

“Are they finally gone?”

“I think so. Lotte, you can dismiss the spell now.”

With a whispered word, the final denizens of the cafe revealed their true forms, not as simple civilians, but as a botanist, a fangirl, and a catgirl.

“They need serious help,” Willow spoke. “Thanks for organizing this, Blake. Being a wingman is pretty hard on my own.”

Stoic, the group’s de facto leader began her speech: “Willow. Lotte. We are seemingly the only ones who know how disgustingly oblivious our friends here are. Gus is tired of Luz’s panic, Sucy’s indifferent to everything. Yang is too infatuated with me to notice her own sister’s love life As such, it is up to us to get them together. Understand?”

Subtle nods were shared throughout the group before the topic grew blurry.

“Blake? Which Nightfall are you on?”

Chapter Text

DianaCavendish Today at 8:50 AM

@MirrorMirror @LittleMissPerfect

It would seem that our rendezvous point has been compromised.

Mirror Mirror Today at 8:50 AM

Indeed. We must find a new location immediately.

Little Miss Perfect Today at 8:51 AM

I did some research last night. I found a new cafe we could try.

It’s a bit far away from the old place, but it has good reviews.

DianaCavendish Today at 8:51 AM

Can you show us?

Little Miss Perfect Today at 8:51 AM

Sure. I’ll send a link.

www.yelp.com/biz/lyco-reco

Seems like the perfect place.

Mirror Mirror Today at 8:52 AM

Seems up to code.

And the food looks good too.

DianaCavendish Today at 8:52 AM

Excellent.

I do also have one more question.

Little Miss Perfect Today at 8:52 AM

Which is?

DianaCavendish Today at 8:52 AM

How do I change my nickname?

* * *

Amity’s disguise was perfect. Oversized coat? Check. Cotton candy hair hidden in a hat? Check. Fake mustache? That one was a bit much. She decided against it.

She checked her scroll. 11:59. One minute until the meeting. The second the clock read 12, two other disguised figures appeared.

The three stared at each other in confusion.

“Did you copy my disguise?” Diana started, glaring at what might as well have been two mirrors.

“I thought my idea was original!” Amity replied. The pair stared at Weiss next, faces scrunched up like raisins. “Weiss, did you actually go with the fake mustache?”

The huntress, voice as deep as she could go, blabbered, “Who is this Weiss you speak of? My name is- uh. My name is Klein!”

“Weiss, you really don’t have to do that. The entire point is that we stay anonymous. You doing that is just gonna draw attention.”

“What do you mean? This disguise is foolproof!”

“It isn’t.” A new voice chuckled. Clad in a red uniform, a cheery blonde girl smiled at the trio. “You three aren’t up to anything suspicious, are you?”

“We’re-” 

Diana placed a finger over Weiss’s mouth, proceeding to say, “We’re just looking for a place to eat.”

“Then you’re at the right place! Lyco-Reco is the best dang cafe you’ll ever see! We-”

“CHISATO!”

The cafe door flew open, a stern, black-haired girl standing in the doorway.

“Takina! Did you come to say goodbye? How sweet.”

“No! You forgot your backpack!” The girl tossed an oversized bag to who could only be assumed to be Chisato.

“Oh! Thanks! Wouldn’t wanna be caught without this. Bye!”

“Have you had breakfast yet?”

“Well, I had some candies-” A takeout box was shoved into her hands.

“You need to eat real food, Chisato. You can’t work on an empty stomach.”

“Aww. Thanks, Takina! You’re the best!”

As the girl left, the trio stared at Takina, her face redder than her crush’s jacket.

“W-welcome to Lyco-Reco,” she stammered. “Shall I get you girls a table?”

The trio shared a knowing look. They were in the presence of a kindred spirit.

The cafe was a far cry from Last Wednesday Society. Gone were the sights of magic items and brooms, replaced with a quaint, homey vibe that felt like a warm hug. After they got seated, Takina handed them some menus, still blushing from earlier.

“So, Takina, how long have you worked here?” Diana began. If this was a prospective fourth member of the ILA, some more info would be needed.

“Not long. I transferred here recently.” Takina replied, taking out a notepad. “Can I get you girls anything?”

“Let’s see. You seem to specialize in parfaits.”

“Yes, our parfaits are our main attraction.” She paused for a moment, before continuing, “I- um. I need those menus back. Those are the wrong ones.”

“What do you mean?” Weiss asked, scanning the menu. “Are some of these-”

She was interrupted by Amity bursting into laughter.

“And she found it.”

Weiss soon followed suit, stifling her laughter as she dropped her menu.

“Girls! Behave yourselves,” Diana chastised, only to soon join them. “Takina was it? Why do you sell a parfait that looks so-”

“DON’T- don’t mention it!” Takina was flustered, taking everyone’s menus back. “I didn’t notice it was like that.”

“You didn’t notice you made an edible poop emoji?” 

“THAT WAS FROM A WHILE AGO, WE DON’T SELL THAT ANYMORE!”

“Fine. We won’t order it.”

“Are you sure?” Amity questioned, clearly considering the meal. “It does sound tasty. How did something like this even end up on the menu?”

“One of my coworkers decided not to tell me what she thought it looked like. Chisato encouraged it, and now we’re here.”

“Chisato? Is that your friend from earlier?”

“F-friend?” Diana took note of her blushing. The shade of red was brighter than Weiss’s, but not quite as vibrant as Amity’s. “Yes! She’s my coworker.”

“Just a coworker? Nothing more?” She interjected, a smile on her face more sinister than Sucy’s when she’s looking for a test subject.

“I- I- um-”

“Yes?”

“I need to go!” Takina rushed off, slamming a door behind her as the trio heard her scream.

“Was I too hard on her?”

Weiss was quick to stop her, saying, “Compared to my initiation, this is was Ruby would call ‘mid.’”

“What did she do to you?” Amity asked, unaware of what she had just done.

“She sent me three letters every day. Each of them were enchanted to speak their contents repeatedly until I received them. When I wrote her back asking her to stop, she sent me a package with several binders filled with reasons why our situations were similar. She eventually flew by my window and showed me a two hour long presentation about why we needed to start the ILA.”

“That- Diana, are you okay?” Amity turned towards the cabbage, her face flushed.

“I don’t have many friends” was Diana’s only retort. 

“Well, you have us now. No need to do whatever that was again.” Amity pondered for a moment before continuing, “Wait, Diana, all you did for me was send a business card.”

“That was me,” Weiss replied, a terrified look on her face. “She had your letters prepared already.”

“You did.” Morbid curiosity overtook Amity. “What did they say?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“But I do!”

Their argument was cut short as Takina returned, her screaming session complete.

“I’ve brought the correct menus this time. Sorry for the wait,” she said, still somewhat flustered.

“Thank you, Takina.”

“Say, Amity,” Diana began, a crooked, wicked smile on her face.

“Yes, Diana?”

“Can you tell me more about Luz?”

Tomato mode was immediately activated.

“Di-Diana! You can’t just ask that out of nowhere!”

“Is there something wrong with that? I was simply asking a question. Have you two gone on a date yet?”

“Not yet.” Diana, Amity, and Takina all stared at Weiss, who had answered on Amity’s behalf. “You two only date in the human realm. It happened after season-”

“WEISS, I SWEAR! TO BEATRICE-”

“Fourth wall. Sorry.” Weiss immediately shut up. One day, she would get revenge on Nora for imparting that forbidden knowledge upon her.

“Who is this Luz?” Takina asked. Diana’s plan was successful. 

“Just the hopeless idiot I’m in love with,” Amity pined, swooning as she spoke. 

“You’re in love with an idiot?”

“The sweetest idiot in the world!”

“We’ve all got our idiots,” Weiss declared. “I have Ruby, who tried to eat a cookie through her nose.”

“And I have Akko,” Diana remarked. “She’s failing every class and I couldn’t love her more if I tried.”

“Idiots,” Takina muttered. “So Chisato.”

“It would seem so. Care to join us?”

“I would love to.”

* * *

“Where are they!”

Willow was close to flipping the table. The Wingman trio had been in Last Wednesday Society for the past three hours and the ILA was nowhere to be seen. She could only take Lotte showing Blake her Nightfall fanfic for so long. The bookworms were huddled around a laptop, a long, sprawling, incomprehensible wall of text spanning pages upon pages in length.

“I’m sure they’ll be here soon,” Blake reassured, proofreading a paragraph. “There’s a typo here, and a run-on sentence as well, in this section.”

“Oh! I’ll make note of that-” Lotte prepared to write something down, but shot back, with Blake following soon after.

“What’s wrong?” Willow yelled, getting ready for a fight. She rushed over and saw the cause of concern. The computer screen was black, with a singular symbol on it. 

And in the corner, some text appeared.

Walnut: We need to talk

Chapter Text

“No. NO. NOOO!”

Diana woke up in a cold sweat.

“This can’t be,” She muttered.

Akko stumbled awake beside her, beginning, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Go back to sleep, darling.”

“Okaaaaay. I looove you.”

“I love you too.”

Diana stormed out the door, walking to her broom and flying away like a madwoman.

At the ripe time of 3 am, Takina heard a noise, waking her up. She grabbed a gun, stepping out to see the cause. She burst forth, combat ready, priming her pistol and aiming it at an intruder.
“Diana?” She asked.

“Takina,” Diana answered. “Gather the others. There’s a situation.”

* * *

Who was this new Mercurian girl?
More importantly, why was she all Miorine could think about?

Suletta Mercury had won a duel for her hand in marriage, but more importantly, she won her heart.

Her bumpkin attitude.

Her complete lack of common sense and brain cells.

It was all so alluring!

Suletta Mercury.

Suletta Mercury.

She could repeat that name in her head all day long.

She could not deny it. She was in love with an idiot.

* * *

“She’s WHERE?”

Weiss screamed, startling the rest of the cafe.

“Inside voice, Weiss,” Diana comforted, sipping her tea. “Please, we have to think through this carefully.”

“Carefully?” Weiss yelped like a crazy person, like Nora without her daily sugar intake. “Another one of us is struggling and we can’t reach her because SHE’S LITERALLY IN SPACE!”

“It is a tricky situation,” Amity muttered. She then noticed everyone staring at her. “Something wrong?”

“Did you get older?” Weiss asked. “Have a timeskip?”

“Timeskip?” 

“It should have taken a whole season for you to grow this much.” Amity did appear to be quite a bit older, after a second look. “It’s almost like the whole season took only three episodes!”

“I guess?” She still couldn’t comprehend Weiss when she got like that, even after all their time together. “Diana, you and Akko have been to space, right?”

“Only for a moment,” The older witch answered. “We haven’t been back since.”

Takina approached the table, carrying a tray of food, “Then what about you, Weiss?” She said, distributing the baked goods. “Does your company have the resources to get to space?”

“Dust doesn’t work in space,” The Schnee sighed. “And my company doesn’t do space stuff. Maybe in a WIP fic by the author, but not in actuality.”

“Unfortunate.” Takina pretended to know what that last part meant. “I doubt my superiors would have anything, either.”

“Then girls,” Diana sighed, putting her teacup down. “We need to create space travel.”

* * *

What was Miorine doing?

She just created a company just to save her crush from scrutiny! So much money and so much time we’re about to be put into this.

But, Suletta was happy, and how could Miorine say no to that adorable smile of hers? 

Another benefit of founding GUND-ARM inc was the added time they’d get to spend together.

The only thorn left in her side was Suletta’s mother, Prospera, but she knew that her love would win in the end.

* * *

“Space Vehicle test number 1.”

Amity marked write some notes on a piece of paper, staring forward at the Abomination-powered vehicle that stood before them. Weiss was in its cockpit, creating a shield around her with her Glyphs (the Semblance kind not the Titan kind).

“Are we ready?” Takina called out, her hand hovering over a comically large button.

“Ready!” The Huntress answered. Takina slammed her hand into the button, the spacecraft blasting off into the air.

And about a mile up, it ran out of abomination goo.

Diana winced as the vehicle came crashing down. Luckily, Weiss had ejected, flying down on the back of some giant insect.

“Test one, failure,” Amity sighed. “Let’s try Abomination power a few more times. 

“Am I the test subject in all of them?” Weiss asked.

“You’re the only one with a forcefield,” Diana noted.

“Aura, but yes…” She strapped into another vehicle. It was going to be a rough day.

* * *

So maybe Suletta killed a man in front of Miorine.

The two of them were separated, spending time away from each other. It gave the heiress some time to reflect, though. 

This was the doing of Suletta’s mother. 

Miorine always had doubt about how much Prospera actually had Suletta’s best interests in mind, but this confirmed her suspicions.

“If you run, gain one. If you move forward, gain two.”

Miorine was slowly starting to hate that phrase. It was a sign of Prospera’s manipulation and trickery.

She’d find a way to save Suletta, though.

She would.

* * *

“Space Vehicle test 37.”

The dust exploded before it could even be loaded into the spaceship.

If Abominations couldn’t sustain the ship until it reached space, then Dust was the next best option, even if it failed outside of the planet’s atmosphere.

Solving that conundrum was the best option.

Dust covered in Glyphs (the Titan kind not the Semblance kind) was loaded into the ship.

“ARE WE SURE THIS IS SAFE?” Weiss screamed. She was covered in soot, the result of countless failed tests. Unfortunately for her, there was enough time for her Aura to fully regenerate between tests, so there was no escape from her position.

“Test 37-” Takina began, only to be stopped.

“Wait,” Diana called out. “Something seems off.”

“Yeah, my bad,” Amity replied. “The Glyph combo seems to be off. Don’t launch.”

Takina gave a thumbs up, answering, “On it-”

“TAAAAAKIIIINNNAAAA!”

The cheeriest voice in existence approached.

“C-Chisato!” Takina panicked. “What brings you here?”

“Takina! I just saw the coolest thing!” The blonde waitress said, bouncing up and down like her life depended on it.

“Oh, really? What was it?” Takina leaned over, her elbow pushing the button.

“WAIT WAIT WAIT!” Weiss panicked. It was too late, though. The ship began to blast off, exploding in the sky.

Nobody noticed, as Chisato’s story was that engaging.

As Weiss crashed onto the ground, Chisato finished, “...and the dog got to keep the skateboard!”

“That’s incredible, Chisato,” Takina said with a smile. “Next time, maybe you can take me?”

“Of course!” Chisato skipped away cheerfully, leaving the black-haired girl smiling like Chisato did all the time.

“Little help-” Weiss groaned, trapped under a pile of rubble.

* * *

What had Miorine done?

She made Suletta lose her duel. She ruined her chance at love.

It would keep Suletta safe, though. It would let her live a normal life.

She still missed her smile, though.

She missed her laugh.

She missed her face which would turn the same shade as a tomato when flustered.

She missed her.

Were her chances at wooing this idiot gone?

No.

She would persevere.

Somehow, that idiot would be hers.

* * *

“Space Vehicle test… I don’t know anymore.”

Weiss silently cursed herself as she stepped into the cockpit once more.

“To space!” The cheerful voice of Akko chimed. Diana stood beside her, a smile on her face.

“Thank you again, Akko. This is of vital importance.”

“Of course, Diana! Anything for you! Just…”

“Yes, Dear?”

“Are we sure this is safe?” Akko asked, strapping the end of the Shooting Star to the tip of the spaceship.

“Amity calculated a 15% chance of failure.”

“FIFTEEN?” Weiss screamed.

“With a margin of error of 10,” Amity added.

“TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT CHANCE OF FAILURE?”

“It’ll be fine. There are safety hover glyphs on your spacesuit.”

“I DON’T HAVE A SPACESUIT!”

“Oh. Um. Good luck?”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT-”

Takina pushed the button. 

The Shooting Star yanked the ship into the air, flying higher and higher and higher.

The three remaining idiot lovers watched from the ground, cheering as Weiss broke through the atmosphere.

“WE DID IT, GIRLS!” Diana cheered.

“Yay!” Takina chimed.

“It worked!” Amity exclaimed.

“Is she gonna come back down?” Akko questioned, scratching her chin.

The three of them stared at her.

After some silence, Diana mumbled, “You make a good point.”

* * *

Miorine leaned onto Suletta’s shoulder, a smile on her face as they watched the sunset. 

Gundams?

War?

Those were behind them now. 

Now, with matching rings on their fingers, they were finally happy.

“Mio Mio,” Suletta cooed. “I love you.”

“I love you too, my Suletta.” They leaned in for a kiss, a tender moment for just the two of them (plus the keychain on Suletta’s bag).

“Suletta!” Ericht’s voice spoke from the toy. “Miorine!”

“What is it, Ericht?” Suletta asked, a bit peeved that she was interrupted.

“Something in the sky! Something’s coming!”

“What?”

Miorine and Suletta watched as a spaceship crashed through the atmosphere, powered by what looked like a broomstick. It landed beside them, four girl hopping out.

“MIORINE REMBRAN!” Their leader, a blonde girl with green highlights began. “We’re here to help!”

“We’re with Idiot Lovers Anonymous,” A white haired girl who reminded Miorine a lot of herself began. “We’re here to help you with your idiot.”

“What?” Miorine yelped. Only then did the group notice a few things. One: Suletta. Two: The rings on their fingers.

“Oh,” Takina sighed. “We were late.”

“All that research…” Amity sighed. “I suppose time does work differently in space.”

“Come on, girls,” Diana grumbled. “Let’s go.”

The four of them got back into their ship, flying off and leaving the wives confused.

“Mio?” Suletta asked.

“Yes, love?” Her spouse replied.

“Am I an idiot?”

“Yes you are.”

“Oh…”

“But you’re my idiot.” Once the red-haired woman’s smile had returned, Miorine gave her a peck on the cheek “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

* * *

“Takina?” Chisato asked. “Are you sad?”

“What would give you that idea?” Takina asked, halfway through a tub of ice cream.

“Here, I know what’ll cheer you up!” Chisato grabbed her arm, pulling her away.

“W-Where are we going?”

“There’s a game we should try! It’s supposed to be really good!”

“What kind?” The two of them sat down in front of the TV, Chisato inserting a disk into a console Mika got them.

“I dunno. Kurumi told me it was fun.” The screen turned on, displaying the name “REVOLUTION.” Chisato handed the controller to Takina, chiming, “Wanna give it a try?”

“S-Sure,” Takina smiled. With the press of a button, the game began.

“...You idiot, stay away from me!” A character in the game yelled.

“BUT I LOVE YOU, MISS CLAIRE!” Another girl cooed in a singsong voice.

“What in the world?” Chisato blurted out.

The characters in the game stared at them, confusion on their faces. Matching confusion was on the two Lycoris as well. It took a few more seconds to register what was happening.

At once, Takina and the apparent ‘Miss Claire’ stared at one another, screaming:

“WAIT, CAN YOU SEE ME?”