Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nerdanel 

before we begin I want everyone to promise me we will not hold anything that happens in this game against each other. 

Mae

promise

Beach Waves

promise 

BestDad

fingolfin’s not here so promise

Curufin

i promise NOTHING 

Put A Ring On It

dad pls 

Curufin

promise 

Angst

promise 

also who changed my name

Thing 1

 :)

Thing 2

 :))

Me

promise mom 

Maedhros

tyelko why is your name me

Me

you’ll see 

Dead Body Reported!

Me

what

BestDad

what happened?

Beach Waves

what

Nerdanel

Tyelpe is dead 

I found his body in medbay

Mae

anyone near medbay

Thing 1

I was with Amras

Thing 2 

I was with Amrod

Angst

shocking 

Me

i bet it’s curufin

Curufin

WHAT

WHY

WHAT’S YOUR PROOF

WHY WOULD I KILL MY SON

MY OWN SON

Me

awfully defensive aren’t you curvo

Thing 1

that’s pretty sus curvo 

Thing 2

yeah curvo where were you 

Curufin 

I WAS WITH DAD 

IN ELECTRICAL

BestDad

yes. Curufin was with me 

Beach Waves 

can’t you vent from electrical to medbay

dad and curvo pretty sus 

BestDad

nerdanel i’m being betrayed

by our own sons

Nerdanel 

well you are rather sus dear 

BestDad

GASP

MY WIFE

BETRAYED BY MY WIFE AND MY SONS

Mae

it’s probably dad and curvo but let’s vote curvo first

Me

rip curvo

out the airlock with you

Curufin 

I hate this family 

Curufin was not An Imposter 

Emergency Meeting! 

Me

so it has to be dad

everybody vote dad

BestDad

what

no 

my beloved family please

Thing 2

bye dad

Beach Waves

goodbye father

Nerdanel

I’m sorry 

Thing 1 

cast father into the void

BestDad was not An Imposter

BestDad  

I told you so 

Dead Body Reported! 

Angst 

ITS MAE

I SAW HIM KILL ONE OF THE TWINS IN FRONT OF ME

VOTE MAE

Mae 

no it wasnt, it was Moryo 

I walked into electrical and he killed Amrod 

Angst 

WHAT NO 

YOU WALKED IN AND KILLED HIM

Mae 

mags was with me when tyelpe died, it’s not me 

Beach Waves

yeah i was with him 

Angst 

I REPORTED THE BODY

Me

hm sounds like a self report

pretty sus moryo

besides mae literally never lies about anything

Angst 

I cannot believe this 

bury me shallow i’ll be back

Me

sus

Angst was not An Imposter

Meanwhile, in the Ghost Chat

Put A Ring On It

you guys really need to work on being calmer

it makes you look sus when you shout

Curufin

DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO TYELPE

BestDad

he’s got a point 

Put A Ring On It

you too grandpa

Curufin

ha

BestDad

so tyelpe whos the imposter?

Put A Ring On It

you’re not gonna believe this 

Emergency Meeting! 

Me

okay we have to vote someone out

otherwise we all die

Mae

mags was just standing in reactor not doing anything

Beach Waves

hey i was doing the blinky keypad task

it’s not my fault it’s hard

Mae

you were there for like five minutes

Beach Waves

so? I kept messing up 

Nerdanel

That is a little too long for just one task 

And i was with Tyelko and Amrod so they should be fine

Beach Waves

how do you know how long i was in reactor anyways mae?

Mae

I saw you when i was fueling the engines and when i was done you were still there

Me

hmmm

Beach Waves

dont you dare say sus 

Me

sus

Beach Waves was not An Imposter

Defeat

Celegorm stared blankly at his phone screen. The red letters glared back up at him, mocking him with the two names displayed underneath them. Mom and Mae. The house was quiet until Curufin’s voice split the silence.

 “WHAT?”

Chapter Text

Flower Power

look frodo i have a little plant on my head

Underhill

thats very nice sam

weed man

I have my hat!

Flower Power

it looks very nice gandalf 

esquireofrohan 

I HAVE A KNIFE

IN MY HEAD

pippiphooray

ME TOO

HornOfGondor

Im going to wear this helmet so you two don’t murder me

Strider

The entire point of this game is not to get murdered boromir

Greenleaf greenleaf

gimli look it’s you

Gimlisonofgloin

you need to stop with the short jokes

we are all the same height in this game

I am nothing like your tiny crewmate

Precious

precious 

weed man

frodo why is that thing here

Underhill

I don’t know, just go with it

Crewmate 

There are 2 Imposters among us

Precious 

precious 

Dead Body Reported!

Underhill

where

Greenleaf greenleaf

Rip boromir 

Strider

in medbay

he was on the scanner

weed man

precious sus

Precious 

PRECIOUS

PRECIOUS

PRECIOUS

Gimlisonofgloin

I did see precious going into electrical alone

esquireofrohan 

what does that have to do with anything

Gimlisonofgloin

you can vent to medbay from electrical

It would have been in and out

Something that stupid thing would definitely do 

Underhill

I was with precious for most of the round though

Flower Power

but not all

besides it’s a heavy burden frodo

let me carry it for a while

Underhill

NO

ITS MINE

Flower Power

CAST IT INTO THE FIRE

Strider

please can we just get rid of it

Underhill

fine

weed man

thank dad

Precious was An Imposter

pippiphooray

huh what do you know

Strider

is literally anyone surprised

weed man

nah 

Meanwhile...

HornOfGondor

Why do I always die first?

Precious

precious 

HornOfGondor

shut up

Emergency Meeting!

Greenleaf greenleaf 

Seriously i was doing the blinky light thing

I was almost done

Do you know how annoying that task is 

Strider

Legolas gandalf is dead 

Greenleaf greenleaf

Okay but i didn’t kill him 

Underhill

GANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALF

weed man

Fly, you fools!

HornOfGondor

they can’t see your messages gandalf 

weed man

damn

esquireofrohan

I saw sam acting sus 

he was following frodo everywhere

pippiphooray

That’s not sus that’s just sam being sam

Flower Power 

I have to protect Frodo from the imposter

Underhill

Thank you sam

I don’t know what i would do without you

Strider

Legolas you’re good at this 

Who’s the imposter

what do your elf eyes see

Greenleaf greenleaf

It’s gimli 

Gimlisonofgloin

It is not i was with you the entire time

Greenleaf greenleaf

It’s gimli vote gimli 

pippiphooray

GIMLI SUS

esquireofrohan 

GIMLI SUS 

Gimlisonofgloin

ITS NOT ME 

Gimlisonofgloin was not An Imposter

Gimlisonofgloin

Legolas i’m going to kick you all the way to the undying lands

Precious

precious

Gimlisonofgloin

Shut it you stupid piece of junk

I’m still not over you breaking my axe you know

That was my favorite axe

Precious

Precious >:)

HornOfGondor

DEAR GODS IT LEARNED TO EMOTE

GANDALF WHAT DO WE DO 

weed man

pray for your pathetic mortal souls

HornOfGondor

Well when you put it like that i don’t want to 

Dead Body Reported! 

Strider

uh oh…

Greenleaf greenleaf

avert your eyes tiny crewmate there’s about to be a double kill

Flower Power

WHO

KILLED FRODO

Underhill

Sam…

esquireofrohan

I SAW PIPPIN VENT

VOTE PIPPIN HE’S THE IMPOSTER

HE KILLED FRODO SAM

pippiphooray

WHAT

NO

NO I DIDN’T 

SAM

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME 

Flower Power has voted 

pippiphooray

LEGOLAS HELP ME OUT HERE

STRIDER

SOMEONE

Greenleaf greenleaf 

no

Strider

I’m sorry, Pippin 

pippiphooray

NO 

pippiphooray was not An Imposter

pippiphooray 

I’ve been betrayed

Gimlisonofgloin

welcome to the club

Emergency Meeting!

Greenleaf greenleaf

It’s merry i saw him vent 

Strider

That honestly doesn’t surprise me at all

Flower Power

Are you saying that merry killed frodo?

Greenleaf greenleaf

yes 

yes i am

die merry 

esquireofrohan

Legolas i can’t believe you’ve done this 

Flower Power

die betrayer 

Underhill

gandalf this game was a terrible idea

look at what it’s done to poor sam

weed man

frodo this is the most fun i’ve had in ages

Literal ages 

Let me have this 

Precious

precious 

weed man

it agrees with me but i’m going to spare you all and not tell you about the last time it had fun

HornOfGondor

Thanks for that

esquireofrohan was An Imposter

Victory

Gandalf raised his pipe to his lips and smiled as the sound of shrieking hobbits and punches echoed from the next room. Undoubtedly Sam fighting Merry for the grievous crime of killing Frodo, even in a game. He chuckled, blowing a smoke ring. Across from him, Aragorn shook his head, but there was the slightest twinkle in his eye. Gimli’s loud guffawing and Legolas’s delighted giggle followed a particularly loud screech, and Boromir stumbled into the room, despair written all over his face. 

“We are never, ever doing this again.” 

“No.” Gandalf agreed. “Next time, we’ll play Monopoly.” 

Chapter Text

HammerOfWrath

nothing personal, but if i’m imposter i’m gonna kill you all

swallow 

Rog what the angband 

King Turgon

If you kill your king its treason 

Mole Boy

If you kill your prince its also treason 

HammerOfWrath

I meant i was gonna win the game not actually murder you all

But you know what

If i have to hear any of you musicians playing in the middle of the night one more time i can and will commit murder

Lord of the Harp

Excuse you scales are a NECESSITY

Fountain 

I hate to agree with salgant but he’s right 

Scales are vital to success as a musician

Shut up and deal with it rog 

HorribleSwan

ecthelion idril says your flute sounds very pretty even when she hears it at two am 

Fountain 

thank you tuor 

twoforone

Shut up tuor not all of us can sleep like the dead 

Tree Hugger

just put leaves in your ears

you can’t hear anything if there’s leaves in your ears 

FlowerGleamAndGlow

Galdor i mean this in the best possible way

But please shut up <3

Tree Hugger 

no <3 

King Turgon

Someone please start this game before i take a page out of rog’s book and commit homicide 

gay 

all hail the king 

Crewmate

There are 2 Imposters among us

HammerOfWrath

murder time boys 

Emergency Meeting!

FlowerGleamAndGlow

so uh i think i saw someone vent out of admin

I walked in and someone was just disappearing

Mole Boy

that’s kinda sus glorfindel

swallow

how

I think it’s maeglin

HorribleSwan

hey let’s not accuse anyone yet

We don’t have any evidence to say that it was maeglin

gay

Well i haven’t seen him since the round started

Although i haven’t seen anyone since the round started because i was in reactor doing the blinky light task

Why is it so hard

Fountain

it’s not hard you just have the same attention span as eärendil 

gay 

fair

twoforone

Idk guys i think it might be maeglin

I have a feeling

HammerOfWrath

me too

I can vouch for galdor at least he was with me 

Tree Hugger

yeah rog and i scanned in medbay together

King Turgon

I was there too 

Tree Hugger

thanks your highness

Lord of the Harp

Well I think its duilin since he accused maeglin with no proof 

Fountain

shut up salgant

everybody skip 

No one was ejected. (skipped)

HammerOfWrath

Egalmoth why did you vote for me i told you i was innocent

gay 

you were gonna murder us all

sus sus sus 

HammerOfWrath

well now i’m gonna murder you specifically 

Dead Body Reported!

twoforone

GUYS ITS MAEGLIN

I SAW HIM KILL TUOR

VOTE MAEGLIN

Mole Boy

No it’s penlod vote penlod 

He self reported and framed me 

twoforone

it’s not me guys vote maeglin

swallow

I KNEW IT 

King Turgon

I’m so sorry my nephew

farewell 

FlowerGleamAndGlow

rip maeglin

he had a good run

Sort of 

Tree Hugger

goodbye mole child 

Mole Boy was An Imposter

HorribleSwan

betrayed...by my own cousin in law 

what a cruel cruel world 

it is a horrible day in the skeld and i am a dead swan

I miss my wife

Mole Boy

I miss idril too

HorribleSwan

go away maeglin you killed me

Dead Body Reported!

HammerOfWrath

HOLY ERU SOMEONE KILLED THE KING

Tree Hugger

THE KING IS DEAD 

KING TURGON WHYYY

TOO SOON GONE TOO SOON 

gay 

:)

FlowerGleamAndGlow

Egalmoth what the angband

Did you kill Turgon??

gay 

:)

Fountain

I think egalmoth is the other imposter

Vote egalmoth guys 

Fountain has voted

HammerOfWrath has voted

Tree Hugger has voted 

FlowerGleamAndGlow has voted

gay 

Wait guys no i was joking

twoforone has voted

gay

Wait please 

I’m not the imposter i promise

guys i didn’t do it

guys

GUYS PLEASE 

WAIT NO 

gay was not An Imposter

gay 

I hate everything 

King Turgon

you know i don’t always question my life choices 

But when i do i’m either spending time with my cousins or my lords 

and right now, i’m regretting everything 

Mole Boy

honestly uncle i’m surprised you made it this far

HorribleSwan

congratulations for not losing your mind sooner! 

King Turgon

This is why maeglin and tuor are the only two here i love

gay 

rude 

Maeglin literally killed tuor 

HorribleSwan

it wasn’t personal!! 

Mole Boy

it was absolutely personal 

Dead Body Reported!

FlowerGleamAndGlow

ECTHELION NOOOOOOOOOOO

WHO KILLED ECTHELION

WHY 

twoforone

So it’s probably not glorfindel

FlowerGleamAndGlow

ecthelioooooooooon

of course its not me

Lord of the Harp

well i think those theatrics are sus 

swallow

Of course you do 

Tree Hugger

hey guys i think its salgant 

He’s annoying me that’s pretty sus 

HammerOfWrath

Salgant sus

Lord of the Harp

This literally makes no sense 

Rog you’re supposed to be the responsible one come on 

Rog 

FlowerGleamAndGlow

Salgant accused me of killing ecthelion

I would never kill ecthelion

Right ecthelion 

Fountain

right 

I would probably kill glorfindel under extreme circumstances though 

Like if he broke my flute

gay 

Wow

twoforone

Well i guess we should just assume ecthelion responded and kill salgant 

PREPARE THE AIRLOCK 

swallow

AIRLOCK AIRLOCK AIRLOCK

Lord of the Harp

I hate all of you so, so much

Lord of the Harp was An Imposter

Victory

“Wait, Salgant was actually an imposter? I didn’t think it was him, I just wanted to vote someone off!” 

“Galdor, this is why I don’t like you.” 

“I am never playing this game, or any game, with you lunatics ever again. Clearly you’re all serial killers.” 

“Well actually Your Highness, the only serial killers here are Salgant and Maeglin, since they killed like five people between them. Oh and Rog, because he threatened to murder us all at the beginning.” 

“Egalmoth, do me a favor and hold still while I go get my hammer.” 

Chapter Text

Rainbow Dash

Remind me why I’m here

Boss Ass Bitch

It’s game night you old raisin, now get your head out of your tower and have fun for once

weed man

yeah Sauruman

Silver Queen

Mom my kids are here can you please change your name

Boss Ass Bitch

no sorry sweetheart <3

by the way Celeborn is looking over my shoulder he’s going to help me out

Undomiel

hi grandpa

Disaster 1

hi grandpa

Disaster 2 

hi grandpa

FlowerGleamAndGlow

hi grandpa

Boss Ass Bitch

Glorfindel Celeborn says hello to you too you zombie

FlowerGleamAndGlow

wow rude

Elrond defend me

Peredhel

not from my inlaws i won’t 

Shipwright

get wrecked glorfindel 

Rainbow Dash

Now I remember why I agreed to play in the first place

Because I get to murder all of you

Also who changed my name

Disaster 2 

hehe 

Disaster 1

hehe 

Rabbit Lover

now now everyone let’s calm down and have a fun game :)

weed man 

it would be more fun if those blasted hobbits hadn’t found my pipeweed stash again

Peredhel

you have many problems

Imposter

Rainbow Dash   Undomiel

Undomiel

:) 

Rainbow Dash

Eru preserve me I’m stuck with a demoness

Dead Body Reported!

Shipwright

oh wow look at that glorfindel’s dead again

Boss Ass Bitch

that makes three times 

if he dies again i’m stealing his alcohol

^that was celeborn

Silver Queen

guys we have to find out who killed glorfindel

weed man

do we though

Peredhel

yes 

you’re all a terrible influence on my children

Undomiel

I think it was elladan i saw him go into electrical and then the body was reported

Rabbit Lover

where was the body, Cirdan?

Shipwright

electrical

Disaster 1 

wait but i didn’t kill glorfindel

Elrohir and i were fixing the lights

Disaster 2

yeah we were fixing the lights and then cirdan came in and reported the body

Shipwright

that is what happened yes

Undomiel

so it must be either Elladan and Elrohir or Elladan and Cirdan

Disaster 1

wait but Arwen i didn’t see you

Undomiel

because you were too busy murdering glorfindel obviously

Rabbit Lover

we only have a few seconds left to vote 

Undomiel

everyone vote elladan

Peredhel

I feel like i just witnessed a murder 

Disaster 1 was not An Imposter

FlowerGleamAndGlow

no vengeance? if ecthelion was here he’d avenge me

also celeborn if you touch my alcohol you can pack your bags for mandos

Disaster 1

uncle glorfindel i’ve been betrayed

FlowerGleamAndGlow

welcome to the club buddy

Emergency Meeting!

weed man

GUYS

I THINK I JUST SAW SARUMAN FAKE A TASK

HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO THE TRASH THING AND NOTHING HAPPENED

Rainbow Dash

Gandalf we turned visual tasks off remember

Elrohir said it would make the game harder

Clearly he was right

weed man

oh right

forgot about that oops

guess we can skip this round

Undomiel

actually Mithrandir it’s kind of suspicious that you would accuse saruman

almost like you’re trying to get rid of him because you’re the imposter

weed man

wait what

Boss Ass Bitch

ooh that’s kind of a good point

Celeborn agrees

weed man

no

Peredhel

hmmm

That’s true

weed man

Elrond you’re supposed to be wise don’t do this

Disaster 2

guys i think arwen might be the imposter

She’s accusing people a lot

Silver Queen

I’m sorry mithrandir 

weed man was not An Imposter

weed man

go back to the shadow, all of you

FlowerGleamAndGlow

don’t worry everyone’s bullying me too

weed man

shut up glorfindel i’m trying to have a moment here

Disaster 1

big oof

FlowerGleamAndGlow

wow okay then

Rainbow Dash

This is the last will and testament of Saruman of Many Colors

I leave my possessions to no one, and especially not Gandalf

Eru save me before that she-devil throws me to the balrogs

Dead Body Reported! 

Boss Ass Bitch

NO MY BELOVED DAUGHTER IS DEAD

and Elrond too I guess

rip my children

Undomiel

Don’t worry grandma Elrohir and I are still here

Rainbow Dash

not for long you aren’t

Disaster 2

rude

Rabbit Lover

that’s an awfully suspicious thing to say, Saruman

did you kill elrond and celebrian? 

Rainbow Dash

I haven’t killed anyone yet

Shipwright

...yet?

Disaster 2

SUS SUS SUS SUS SUS 

Boss Ass Bitch

DEATH

DEATH

DEATH

Rabbit Lover

oh dear

I’m sorry Saruman

Undomiel 

DIE TRAITOR

Shipwright

OUT THE AIRLOCK WITH YOU 

Rainbow Dash

YOU’LL ALL REGRET THIS

MARK MY WORDS

FOOLS

Rainbow Dash was An Imposter

FlowerGleamAndGlow

wait was anyone here killed by Saruman

Peredhel

no

Silver Queen

no 

weed man

wow Saruman you’re a really useless imposter

I feel bad for whoever the other imposter is

Rainbow Dash

keep your forked tongue behind your teeth gandalf

no one wants to hear it

Disaster 1

actually i want to hear it this is funny

fight fight fight

FlowerGleamAndGlow

fight fight fight

Peredhel

Glorfindel it is a good thing you never had children

Silver Queen

I mean he was around our kids and they turned out fine

Rainbow Dash

DID THEY NOW

Dead Body Reported!

Rabbit Lover

Oh no, poor Elrohir is dead

Where was the body?

Boss Ass Bitch

I found it in the reactor room

Shipwright

Alright, where was everyone?

I was refueling the engines

Undomiel

Cirdan, wouldn’t that mean you have to walk right past the reactor room?

Shipwright

yeah, but I didn’t see anything

His body must have been there for a while

No one’s called a meeting in a couple minutes

Undomiel

it would’ve been quite easy to kill him and keep refueling the engines

Rabbit Lover

She has a point, Cirdan

and you were an earlier candidate for imposer

Shipwright

why aren’t we accusing arwen? 

she’s accused basically everyone we’ve voted off and it hasn’t been them yet

Boss Ass Bitch

She hasn’t been caught in any suspicious acts Cirdan

Shipwright was not An Imposter

Shipwright

WHAT DID I SAY

weed man

welcome to the club

Disaster 1

welcome to the club  

Rabbit Lover

so if it wasn’t Cirdan, then…

Victory

Undomiel Rainbow Dash 

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU ALL? THAT SHE-DEMON IS TERRIFYING!”

“Aw, I’m so proud of my daughter! Elrond, our daughter can get away with murder, isn’t that wonderful?”

“So when Arwen kills everyone in a video game it’s sweet and cute, but when Elrohir and I do it we’re being too violent and too cutthroat and we need to step away and read a book?”

“Yes, because I do it silently and you two cackle like orcs.” 

Chapter Text

doomandgloom 

I do not want to be here.

spiderwoman 

Dear no one except yavanna wants to be here

doge

hey i want to be here

spiderwoman

why 

mother nature :) 

we all need to spend some quality bonding time together! It’s good for us 

sleepytime herbal tea

you know what else is good for you

sleep 

sleep is good for you

Dreamboat 

I agree 

Aquaman 

Hydration is also good for you

there’s a lot of water in living things

Water is very important

Dreamboat

not as important as sleep

Birdbrain

Now now, we’re not here to argue about whose domain is the most important

but if we were i’d win 

air bitches

Star Queen

I am surrounded by children

squabbling, pathetic children

iron man

I brought vodka shots varda 

Star Queen

praise eru

problem child

I would like to partake in the vodka shots

spite 

I would like to throw a brick at your head

eeyore 

I would like to go home 

too good, too pure

Shut up everyone before you upset nienna 

theflash 

All in favor of ending this disaster before it starts say aye

doomandgloom

aye 

sleepytime herbal tea

aye 

spiderwoman 

aye 

Dreamboat

aye

Aquaman

aye aye captain

mother nature :)

You guys are no fun

Crewmate

Birdbrain

If everyone gets out of this alive it’ll be a miracle

Star Queen 

Sweetheart you do realize half the point of this game is that people die don’t you?

Birdbrain

Oh i wasn’t talking about the game

There’s a reason we left melkor in the void for this

How is he getting a signal from there by the way?

problem child

Mairon learned a thing or two from aulë about a thing or two

iron man

I have made the best wifi routers in all of arda 

spite 

if melkor’s already in the void does that mean i can’t throw him out the airlock?

I was promised airlock action

eeyore

and I was promised an apocalypse but we’re all still here

life is full of disappointments 

mother nature :) 

go do your tasks or i’ll set an army of hobbits on you

theflash 

I saw one of them bite another one yesterday over a recipe for mushroom pie

I have never seen anything so horrifying 

Dead Body Reported!

Aquaman 

guys mandos is dead 

doge

Can we all just take a minute to appreciate the irony

spiderwoman

a moment of silence for our fallen god of death

doomandgloom 

i’m going to haunt the shit out of all of you

but especially you, traitorous wife 

Birdbrain

So did anyone see anything suspicious

spite 

melkor 

too good, too pure

Now tulkas, you can’t just accuse melkor with no proof

spite

why not

Star Queen

Melkor

too good, too pure

Varda what did I just say

sleepytime herbal tea

I saw aulë just standing in the cafeteria not doing anything

Maybe that’s because he doesn’t have any tasks to do

BETTER THAN ALL YOU BITCHES

I, for one, think it is definitely Aulë and you should all vote him out right now 

Aquaman

who is that and how did they get in here

problem child 

oh hey mairon 

how’s the spa day with gothmog and thuringwethil going

iron man

sorry i’m back something caught on fire and i almost burned down my entire house but i didn’t so we’re all good

MAIRON

Dreamboat

how did mairon get in here

doge

Mairon one of my dogs had puppies

Birdbrain

Is no one concerned about mairon’s new hacking abilities

First my email, now this game

BETTER THAN ALL YOU BITCHES

Don’t worry about it birdbrain 

anyways it’s definitely Aulë 

cast him into the cold darkness of space

iron man

rude

BETTER THAN ALL YOU BITCHES

oh before i go yavanna can you send me some more of your homemade conditioner

Someone who will go unnamed used all of mine

mother nature :)

sure! lavender or rose?

BETTER THAN ALL YOU BITCHES

lavender please

eeyore

I hope you all realize that you wasted all of your voting time and now we have let not one but two killers continue to walk among us

doge 

oh so that’s where the name comes from 

Dreamboat

you’re an idiot and i hate this family

doomandgloom 

seconded 

No one was ejected (Skipped)

problem child

I would just like everyone to know that i did not kill our beloved mandos

I have absolutely no motive and no reason to ever do such a thing

None at all 

Birdbrain

alright melkor, thanks for telling us

Star Queen

Aulë do you still have those vodka shots

iron man

yep

Dead Body Reported!

too good, too pure

oh my goodness three more people are dead

Birdbrain

Aulë, Yavanna, and Irmo are all dead

did anyone see them?

theflash

No i was too busy trying to figure out the card swipe task

It kept saying i was doing it too fast but i wasn’t 

That stupid machine just can’t keep up

problem child

well i saw ulmo acting sus

spite

The fact that you are saying sus is sus 

problem child

tulkas calm down before you burst a blood vessel and let me explain 

Ulmo was standing in medbay for at least two whole minutes

and none of the tasks take that long

spite

the fact that you just made a valid argument angers me

Aquaman

WAIT I CAN EXPLAIN

problem child

no you can’t shut up

Star Queen

You all know I hate to agree with melkor

But we have to vote someone out

spiderwoman 

Well if Varda says it it must be true

everyone vote ulmo

Aquaman

NO WAIT

PLEASE

too good, too pure

I’m sorry Ulmo but Vaire makes a good point

Aquaman was not An Imposter

2 Imposters remain

Aquaman

what did i say

mother nature :) 

there there

Dreamboat

honestly it was your own fault

descending into hysterics like that

pathetic

doomandgloom

up top brother

Aquaman

I hate everyone here

doomandgloom

we hate you too don’t worry

Emergency Meeting!

spite

now can we vote melkor out

sleepytime herbal tea

he was wrong about ulmo

Yep i’m down

Birdbrain

sorry melkor, i wish it didn’t have to be this way

problem child

I know that you mean that genuinely but i still want to punch you

Star Queen

I stick up for you and you threaten my husband?

You’re dead to me

Out the airlock

doge 

bye melkor

make sure you tell mairon about the puppies

problem child

you know this isn’t killing me for real don’t you

problem child was An Imposter

1 Imposter remains

problem child

You know, this is giving me flashbacks mandos

Just like old times, eh buddy?

doomandgloom 

What did I tell you last time

If you keep calling me buddy I will remove your spiritual entrails and feed them to Oromë’s dogs

problem child

awww, you do remember the good old days 

iron man

I would like to be there to see melkor’s entrails fed to oromë’s dogs

doge

actually can you not

it’s not good for them they have sensitive stomachs

mother nature :) 

oromë when did you get here?

doge

about thirty seconds ago when i got killed why

Dead Body Reported!

sleepytime herbal tea

OH MY ERU FOUR PEOPLE ARE DEAD

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

theflash

When you fools turned a blind eye to the pure unadulterated evil that is lurking among us

doge

haha game pun

too good, too pure

oromë buddy it wasn’t funny the first time and it isn’t funny now

eeyore

Who are the lucky few this time

Star Queen

Tulkas, Vana, Nessa, and Vaire

Birdbrain

I saw Estë go into navigation with Nessa

Estë what do you have to say for yourself

sleepytime herbal tea

Nessa left before me I don’t know where she went after that

It wasn’t me I swear i wouldn’t kill her

theflash

I mean do you remember that one time

You were wearing a sleeping mask

and I pulled it back and let it smack against your face

And you chased me through the Gardens of Lorien screaming that you would kill me the minute you got your hands on me

Dreamboat

I remember that

It was funny

Star Queen

Do we really have a choice 

There are four of us left

If we don’t vote someone out we’re going to get picked off

sleepytime herbal tea

Varda i appreciated your logic before

But now that it’s being turned against me

I hate it 

sleepytime herbal tea was not An Imposter

1 Imposter remains

Birdbrain

wait so it wasn’t Estë

Then who is it?

Is it my wife

No she would’ve killed melkor right off the bat

He was an imposter though

oh hi nienna

Birdbrain

wait WHAT

eeyore 

you plea for mercy and receive none 

your hubris will be your undoing

there is nothing you can do to delay the inevitable

relinquish your hope and weep

You have been removed from the game due to error.  

Chapter Text

Best Dad

Let it be known that Nerdanel bullied me into this and the only reason i’m here is because i love her very much

Better Dad

and because she locked the door to your forge and fed the key to Celegorm’s dog

Best Dad

that too

also your name is inaccurate and i take offense to it 

The Only Sane One Left

Please don’t start fighting already

chaos incarnate

no no by all means keep going i’ve made popcorn and i’m ready to watch the show

Permanently Exhausted 

Irimë please don’t encourage them

Best Dad

Irimë is now my favorite sibling because she encourages me to fight Fingolfin

finwë :D

Do my eyes deceive me or are my children getting along? :D

Better Dad

we weren’t 

I think you need glasses 

Jewel Queen

ugh finally the wifi in here is terrible

Mandos really needs to get on that 

Best Dad

Mom?? 

Jewel Queen

Fëanáro you didn’t think I’d miss family game time did you? 

A Literal Blessing

Miriel!!

Jewel Queen

Indis!! 

It’s been too long dearie how are you?

Best Dad

what is going on 

A Literal Blessing

Now that you’re here and everything’s going to go smoothly, I’m wonderful!

Permanently Exhausted

that was a threat everyone else saw that right

I’m not crazy right

Better Dad

do you want me to answer that seriously

Best Dad

nice one

The Only Sane One Left

Findis might not be crazy but i am because i think i saw Nolofinwë and Fëanáro just agree on something

chaos incarnate

aw man i was really looking forward to the inevitable duel

finwë :D

Irimë dear we don’t encourage our brothers to fight 

Especially not with real weapons

Jewel Queen

I mean why not

finwë :D

>:D

A Literal Blessing

Dear sometimes I worry about you

Jewel Queen

which one of us

Permanently Exhausted

valar give me strength

Best Dad

WHAT IN THE ERU IS GOING ON 

Permanently Exhausted

That’s it i can’t handle this anymore please someone get me out of here

Imposter 

Permanently Exhausted

Oh no

This is gonna go reaaaaal bad

chaos incarnate

maybe for you this is going to be great for me 

Dead Body Reported!

Jewel Queen 

is anyone surprised that Finwë was the first to die 

A Literal Blessing 

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m not 

sorry Finwë 

finwë :D

no worries, dear

I understand

Permanently Exhausted

I think it was Fëanáro

Best Dad 

I WOULD NEVER 

HOW DARE YOU 

The Only Sane One Left

uhh Findis

this is Fëanáro we’re talking about 

Better Dad

yeah as much as I hate to pass up on an opportunity to accuse Fëanáro of something, I don’t think this was him 

I’m pretty sure he would sooner die than kill dad 

Best Dad

yeah probably tbh 

Jewel Queen 

only probably?

maybe it really is Fëanáro

Best Dad

MOM 

NOT HELPING

Jewel Queen 

sorry dear 

A Literal Blessing 

Well, i don’t think it’s Fëanáro

Best Dad 

THANK YOU 

I WILL ASK CELEGORM TO FIND YOU YOUR FAVORITE FLOWERS

A Literal Blessing

Thank you Fëanáro dearie

just please ask him to leave the mice out of them this time 

They were very cute but they ate through half the pantry 

Better Dad

Uhh irimë has been awfully quiet

The Only Sane One Left 

oh come on it’s probably not irimë 

She’s too sweet 

Permanently Exhausted

It couldn’t have been her anyways she was with me the entire time

She wouldn’t have had a chance to kill dad

chaos incarnate

yeah suck it losers

finwë :D 

Finarfin really needs to start paying better attention to his surroundings 

I think most of his sanity comes from ignorance 

I commend his decision 

No one was ejected 

(Skipped)

chaos incarnate

thanks for covering for me back there

in return i’ll stop stealing your socks 

except for those really really soft ones because i like them 

Permanently Exhausted

wait you’re the one who keeps taking my socks??

have you been taking my other clothes too?? 

so many things go missing

chaos incarnate

look i’m only admitting to the socks

now watch me go kill fingolfin and blame it on fëanáro lol

Dead Body Reported!

The Only Sane One Left 

Wow both fingolfin and mom are dead 

I think we need to vote someone off this round guys 

Best Dad

I agree 

I think it’s finarfin

The Only Sane One Left

HEY

do you have any proof 

Best Dad

I have *vibes*

and I saw you go into medbay with indis and now she’s dead 

chaos incarnate

well i think it’s fëanáro

he would kill fingolfin 

Jewel Queen 

fair point 

Best Dad

MOM WHY

BETRAYAL

Better Dad

I mean she’s not wrong

you did threaten to kill me on several occasions 

finwë :D

you threatened him right back, remember 

Ah, nothing like a little ribbing between brothers! 

A Literal Blessing 

dear....

I usually find your obliviousness charming but now i’m wondering if there’s actually a brain in your lovely skull 

finwë :D 

<3 

Permanently Exhausted

Well i think it’s Fëanáro too

I’m voting for him 

chaos incarnate

same 

Best Dad 

COME ON YOU GUYS WERE MY FAVORITE SIBLINGS 

The Only Sane One Left 

rude 

Best Dad was not an Imposter

2 Imposters remain

Better Dad

wow for once it’s not Fëanáro’s fault 

truly shocking

chaos incarnate 

okay findis now is our time to strike 

we take out miriel and finarfin together 

Permanently Exhausted

I am going to feel so guilty about this later

Defeat

             chaos incarnate                 Permanently Exhausted

“How?!” Irimë said incredulously, shaking the computer in front of her. “There’s no way they could’ve won!” 

Across the room, Finarfin pumped his fist in the air. “Never underestimate two people who mind their own business and get stuff done!” 

Irimë threw one of Findis’s stolen socks at his head.