Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Loud, and deafening cheers erupted as the Blood God was named the victor for what is considered- the duel of the century. Betting stalls were flooded with the eager audience, stomping and yelling for their money. Many people congratulated the victor, yells of  BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD and GREAT JOB NERD were tossed his way. 

The other side of the arena, occupied by his opponent's own adoring fans was still filled. Unsurprisingly, some of them were booing and attempting to murder Technoblade with their eyes but the majority were congratulating the pig hybrid.

Even though Technoblade won, the true highlight of the duel was the unexpected reveal of his opponent’s face, it was not a surprise that people would flock to try and see what was hidden under that unsettling mask of his. After the duel was ended, most of the audience ran to Dream's side of the arena, surrounding his tent trying to get a glimpse of the mysterious man. 

Taking a quick glance around, the green clad hunter was noticeably missing. But the man's friends, George, Sapnap and Bad were still present, trying their best to placate the admin’s hundreds of curious and inquiring fans. Technoblade figured that the guy probably left early because he didn't want to be suffocated by the crowd after a long tiring battle.

He spun on his heel and started walking towards his designated tent, exchanging short words of gratitude to the people who congratulate him on his way. Lifting the tent’s flap open, the Blood God took off his coat and stretched, loud satisfying cracks filling the air. He placed his sword and trusty fishing rod on the large wooden table and sat down, letting out an exhausted sigh as he let his back and shoulders relax.

" Tired?"

Technoblade almost lets out a less than dignified yell at the voice and spun around, coming face to face with his rival. The hunter was sitting at the far-right corner of the tent, the shadows blanketing his presence.  He was hunched over with his arms leaning against the table. The man's posture makes him look small...not in stature but in the way the room seems to swallow him up. A weird observation, but Dream usually has a loud and indimidating presence. Technoblade recalls a memory when a whole room went silent the moment his rival appeared.  It's just odd.  Clearing his throat, Techno spoke, " You're breaking and entering. Last I checked, this is my tent" he deadpanned. “And if you're going kill me for revenge do it outside for additional publicity."

Dream let out a surprised laugh," I-I'm not here for that". He glances at the pinkette for a moment, a contemplative expression on his face, " I'm hiding".

This made Techno raise a brow, hiding? from what? his fans? The simps? Techno doubts that they'll be that upset about Dream's loss.
His confusion must've show on his face because Dream chuckled, " I'm not hiding because I lost either."

" Alright... why then?"

The hunter bit his lip and looked through the slit of the tent, the light leaking from the outside and catching on his eyes. " I just... don't feel comfortable walking around right now." The light made his eyes glow and highlighted the freckles dusting his cheeks, Technoblade stared a bit more, and wondered, why is this man unnecessarily handsome?
He was still staring when Dream looked back at him, confused,  "Techno?"

Even with the cut Techno gave him across his nose he looked-

“Hey, Bacon? You okay?” Techno barely acknowledges the hunter, too lost in thought and too lost in staring at his face. A few more seconds pass and Dream is about to ask if he’s okay again when Technoblade comes to a realization. 

Oh. Technoblade gets it now. He's not comfortable walking around because he doesn't have a mask. Ooooh. That's kind of Technoblade's fault, right? Should he apologize? He definitely should.

" Sorry." Oh. this is hard, why does he feel awkward? He has said sorry to people before, he swears he’s not that bad. " For uh...breaking your mask."

Dream laughed, for the third time, how often does this man laugh?

" It's fine, we both didn’t expect it to happen… I’m just not ready to face people like this." He gestures to himself and cringes, which Technoblade is kind of offended in Dream's place because objectively speaking. This man is good looking.

You know, objectively.

" Ant took my mask to get it fixed but it probably won't be done until tomorrow..." Dream trailed off. The pinkette can't help but judge the man, who has only one mask? That's a risk already, when one needs an important item, they should stock up duplicates. 

Trust Technoblade, he has duplicates of everything. 

" So what, you plan on squatting in my tent until everyone leaves? " A few seconds of silence pass and Dream lets out a quiet yes. Very uncharacteristic from the blond's loud and obnoxious demeanor. His brows are furrowed and there is a tiny frown forming on his face and Technoblade stares. And yes, he is aware that staring at someone is rude and creepy but LISTEN. It's offputing to see such vulnerable expressions ona man known to hide behind a unnerving mask. The only indication of emotions Technoblade has ever seen prior to the duel is  Dream's psychopathic laughter from chasing the ‘hunters’. Seeing the subtle furrow of the brows, the curling of lips and the shifting of green eyes paired with thick lashes made the pinkette feel a bit…threatened? Flustered? Bothered. The countless freckles dusting the hunter’s face could also be the reason for that. 

A noise breaks Techno’s train of thoughts and he finally focuses on staring and listening rather than just creepily staring at the man sitting in the corner. Dream has his head tilted down, elbow propped on the table and cheek resting on his palm while his right hand tugged at the satchel (fanny pack?) around his waist.

Looking up through his lashes, he speaks, his voice soft, “Can you…uh stop staring at me? I can’t tell if you’re disgusted or curious and I’m feeling awkward right now”.

Whether or not Technoblade was affected by that display, no one needs to know. But he did struggle to speak for a few seconds. “Uh- right”.

Technoblade, what are you doing? You are a man of many words and titles, what is this. 

The pig hybrid rolls his shoulders and takes a peek outside, there were still plenty of people hanging about and the majority of them were outside Dream’s tent, waiting for the blond to come out. This irks the Blood God a bit, don’t they have better things to do than hound someone over a face reveal? Why are face reveals even a big deal? When Technoblade revealed his face, no one reacted this way-

Oh. He got an idea.

“Hey, nerd.”

The pink haired man undid the clasps holding his pig mask and tossed it to the hunter who caught it with one hand. Dream stared at it for a moment, confusion and surprise present on his stupid but objectively pretty face. “What am I supposed to do with this?”.

“Wear it, duh.”

Realization settles on the blonde’s face and he gently held the mask up to his face. Clasping it on both sides, the mask fits fine but falls off at certain parts since the mask was specifically made to cater to the pig hybrid’s face.

A smirk forms on the hunter’s lips and he says, “This thing stinks, have you ever considered cleaning it?”

This is why Technoblade prefers scaring orphans over being kind to them. His kindness is never rewarded with gratitude but instead with abusive quips like this. Techno is truly too good for this world.

The pink haired man levels him with a dead stare, “I could just leave you here and watch as your army of simps ingrain every pimple on your face into their memory.” Dream just laughs that infectious tea kettle wheeze he’s known for and Technoblade can’t help but smile.

The blood god stands up and grabs his coat from the table, handing it to the hunter. “Wear this too. People will think you’re a terrible imitator or something.”

Dream takes the coat and drapes it over himself, feeling safe and unconsciously snuggling into the fabric.

Stop. What is he doing? That coat smells like blood and sweat, don’t snuggle on that- can’t you do that after it’s cleaned? –

Wait. No. HEH?

Shaking off that weird train of thought, Technoblade holds the flaps of the tent open, “Ready to leave? “

And underneath the mask, the hunter’s lips form a smile, “Yeah, let’s go.” leaves his lips.

Chapter Text

The ground is hard. Uncomfortable. Small rocks dig into his back and his limbs are heavy with exhaustion. The sound of loud, flowing water and splashes tickle his ringing ears. He opens his eyes with difficulty and closes them immediately when the light from his surroundings trigger a headache.

With a groan, he pushes himself up on his elbows. Eyes forcefully open once more as he ignores the throbbing in his head and attempts to focus his vision. The first thing he sees are trees, tall and thick, leaves almost blocking out the sun and only letting a few rays shine through. Turning to his left and he finds a narrow river. It’s clear and the rocks on the bottom of the river are visible as well as the colorful fishes swimming in its water. His throat feels dry and that river looks clean enough to risk drinking. He forces himself to crawl on his elbows and slowly make way to the water. 

After an agonizing minute of dragging his weak body on the dirt, sharp rocks scraping his already bruised skin. The river is within arms reach and shaky hands cup water to his mouth and he sighs in relief as the cool liquid slide down his parched throat. The water reflects back a pair of green eyes and a freckled face littered with bruises.

Who is that?

A bruised hand lifts and touches the face. The reflection mimics the action.

Holy shit, that’s him.

He looks rough.

Dark blonde hair sticks up in every direction, dirty and unkempt with small sticks and dust tangled in the matted locks. His face is littered with small cuts and bruises, stained with dried mud. Inspecting the rest of his body, there are dark red stains covering his arms and legs, stains that look like blood. Any slight movement he makes results in excruciating pain and his legs feel like jelly.

Scanning his surroundings, the blonde realizes that he doesn’t know where he is.

He also has no recollection of anything. Not his name nor why he looks and feels like shit. 

The world is blurry and he can’t recall anything but the stains and the pain definitely suggests that whatever lead him to this situation, it was not pleasant. Before he can mull over the possible scenarios, he hears heavy footsteps coming from the direction of the trees. The sound of twigs crunching and breaking on the dirt floor. A moment later, a figure emerges from the thick leaves and the blonde comes face to face with a pig.

Well, a pig mask to be exact. There was a man standing in front of him. The man is tall and wears an elaborate and strange outfit (in his opinion); an expensive red cape lined with fur that stops at his ankles, there’s a magenta corset wrapped tightly around the man’s waist and a dress shirt with a tad too much ruffles. The man is also accented in an abundance of gold. 

An elaborate gold crown adorned with little jewels rests on messy pink locks and that’s kind of cool because pink is a pretty color. This man has nice taste. He hears the man gasp sharply, "Dream?".

Woah. That's uh-That’s a nice voice. Deep and raspy if a bit monotone. He’d appreciate it more if his ears weren’t ringing.

Did he just say Dream?

The man hurriedly shuffles closer and the blonde is hit with the urge to scramble away but his body is too weak for a movement like that. He opts to be silent and stay still as the pink haired stranger crouches in front of him.

“Dream?”

He’s not sure why this man keeps talking about dreams but he can definitely listen to his voice for a long time. The stranger's voice is relaxing and unobtrusive to his sensitive ears. It sounds nice, almost therapeutic. The pig mask obscures the stranger’s features aside from the eyes and lips. The small distance between them allows the blonde to glimpse a pair of red eyes. Red eyes that are trailing the injuries on his person.

The stranger's attention lingers on his left leg, and he flinches a bit when the man growls. The blonde can see the man’s hands curl into fists, knuckles adorned with rings almost turning white with how tight he clenches them. The stranger takes a long deep breath and even through the blonde's ringing ears, he catches the muttered, "Thanks, Chat."

Chat? What's tha-

A sudden headache pierces his head , the pain throbbing and making his vision go black. The headache rips a pained groan from his mouth as his body communicates to his brain, that yes, he's fucked up. It's hard to fight losing consciousness when his body is mangled so he embraces it. The last thing he hears before fainting is a panicked voice. 

The passing of time escapes the blonde and he wakes up feeling light. There's a soft red fabric wrapped around him and a warmth engulfing his body. It feels nice, a welcome reprieve from all the pain he feels - well, everywhere. He opens his eyes despite the protest from the headache. Through blurry vision , he can barely make out a face framed by pink and the proximity makes him realize that he's being carried by the man earlier. A glint of something gold stands out in his blurry sight, it seems that the person carrying him has a golden tooth. Though it's on the bottom teeth and oddly big, fang? no, tusk?

Whatever it is, the exhausted blonde does not have the strength to care. He burrows further into the stranger's firm chest. The action seems to alert said stranger. 

“Dream?"

What is with this guy and dreams?

Is that supposed to be his name?

“Are you?...nevermind. Rest.", He more feels than hears the statement , the man's chest vibrating with every word. He's more than willing to take the suggestion, when he gets the urge to throw up. And he did, globs of blood and vile spill on the red fabric and the stranger's shirt. He'd be embarrassed if he didn't feel like he was dying. A series of lung busting coughs follow. 

"Shit.”, The voice sounds anxious, “Just hold on for a bit, alright?”

The blonde just nods meekly before promptly passing out.

Technoblade is worried and furious

Mostly worried. Incredibly worried.

Exactly a week ago, George visited him in his cottage in the woods. The pinkette found this odd because even though he and the brit had civil interactions in the past, courtesy of his fondness for a certain masked teletubby, they’re not close enough to randomly visit each other’s homes.

Technoblade had just gotten home from chopping logs from the forest and was surprised when he saw the brunette anxiously pacing outside his cabin. The moment George saw him, the brit started rambling, badly masked panic lacing his voice.

“Techno! Please, we need your help.” The brunette is clearly bothered by something as he continued, “Dream has been missing for a week and he hasn’t responded to any of our messages!”

That sentence caught the Blood God’s attention. It’s not strange for the hunter to disappear for a few weeks sometimes even months for his travels but he never, never fails to send home a message, mostly to his friends. Technoblade himself has received messages from the blonde, all ranging from one syllable words to full on rants about how the terrain he's on is stupid and the occasional playful banter. Banter that makes Techno want to leave his cabin and do something stupid, like profess his love for the admin and join him on his travels. 

He didn't do that, of course because luckily for Dream, he has monumental self-control. Sometimes.

Placing the heavy logs on the ground, he stays calm despite the dread in the pit of his stomach. Panicking won’t help him, “What's the most recent news you have?"

Nodding his head, George speaks, demeanor uncharacteristically anxious, “There was-“.  

The poor guy looks like he’s about to cry, “An inkeeper from a village a few miles south. Sh-she said, she saw a group of men following Dream and- oh god-“,The brit chokes on his words. Techno is not familiar with George or with any of Dream's close acquaintances but from what little he has seen, the brit is often the coolheaded and relaxed person in the friend group. For him to behave like this, it solidifies the gravity of the situation.

Because Dream is by no means, weak. He’s considered one of the best fighters across the lands and he can easily win a fight against 20 men but a fair fight and a possible ambush are two completely different things. If the culprits planned everything beforehand, they would be able to trap and hurt Dream with ease.

The blood god races into his cottage, grabbing his coat and diamond sword not bothering to change out of his dirty clothes. George was outside trying to calm himself down when Techno came back out.

“Does everyone else know?”

A nod, “Yeah, Bad and Sapnap already told the others and they’re already on the process of searching.”

He’s the last one to know, this is the downside of living in an isolated area. Dream could be dying somewhere and he was busy living out his cottage core fantasies. 

Technoblade travelled for days. And still saw no sign of Dream, at that point Carl was starting to throw a fir from all the walking he was subjected to. Chat was not helping either, they kept crying and yelling. He's unsure if they're worried about Dream or are just being a nuisance on purpose. He found himself in a forest after George agreed that they should separate to cover more ground. The brunette continued his search in the first town they encountered while Techno stuck to the path leading to a dense forest. At that moment, the pinkette was really close to just chopping down all the trees to make the search faster. The thought of Dream being out in the wilderness, possiby injured and defenseless did horrible things to his heart. 

DREAM

I hope he's just passed out from being menace or something

DRE WHERE ARE YOU

COME BACK, WE NEED OUR CLOUT

You tsundere mfs, just say ya'll are worried

NO

E

WE ARE THE VOICES OF VIOLENCE. WE AINT WORRIED

Chat, please.

He dismounted Carl when he heard the sound of rushing water. Carl in turn, just ate the grass at his hooves and Technoblade trusts his horse to not run away so he walks through the branch infested path towards the sound of water. The path was small but long and the sharp branches kept poking his skin and catching on his coat. The trees cover the path making it hard to see but Technoblade can smell blood as the leaves crunch under his boots. And sparring with Dream has rendered him familiar to the scent of the admin's blood. He tells himself to not worry, Dream has had injuries before and came out fine. He's fine. He endures walking through the narrow path for 30 minutes. 

The Blood God emerges from the path and encounters a river. He recognizes the man on the riverbank immediately. 

Chat was absolutely elated.

OH MY GOD ITS DRE

HE'S HERE

The happiness he felt when he saw the blonde’s pretty olive eyes, alive and opened, was overwhelming. Techno wanted to hug him, kiss him and keep him in his house to hide him away from the world. The happiness didn’t last long when he saw the injuries. Especially the wound on the admin's left leg, whichever piece of shit did that clearly wanted it to hurt. Chat cried for blood. 

KILL

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

HOW DARE THEY

MAKE THEM SUFFER, BLADE

RIP THEM APART

The Blood God didn’t waste any time and promptly lifted the injured man into his arms. He ignored the odd look in the blonde's eyes before he passed out, focusing on traversing the narrow pathway without jostling Dream's injuries. The man wakes up once and to Technoblade's absolute horror, vomited blood and then promptly passed out again. He speed walks through the path, hunching over to protect Dream from the branches. The pinkette's face, arms and back are now covered in splinters but he keeps going.

Once he leaves the path, Carl is still there right where Techno left him, silently chewing grass. The Blood God mounts his steed and rides off to his home, Dream held securely in his arms. 

Chapter Text

As the blood god’s self-proclaimed guardian (father), Philza is familiar and well-accustomed to the piglin halfling’s little quirks. From the confused, “hehs”, Technoblade picked up from hanging around those odd villagers, to the high pitched almost maniacal laugh he lets out when he’s really happy.

Philza is familiar with the bored and dull look that often rests on his second son’s face. Seemingly unfocused and uninterested but can snap into attention and silence an enemy with a sharp, blood red stare. He’s seen men and women much bigger than his son cower under Techoblade’s gaze. Philza is aware of the fear Technoblade strikes into people, he’s seen it multiple times. He knows his son is intimidating. Philza is used to it.

What he’s not used to, is having Technoblade’s rage filled glare be directed at him.

“Technoblade.” The old blond spoke slowly, soft like he’s approaching a scared and dangerous animal on the verge of lashing out. Reminds him of the time he first found a young Technoblade wandering around the nether, coated in blood and carrying a golden sword in tiny hands littered with scars and burn marks. Philza spoke to him in the same tone, the entire endeavor lasted a total of five hours but ended with the blond man welcoming home a new family member.

It’s been years since that fateful day and an incident similar to that has never happened again.

Well, until now, of course. Forgive this old man if he doesn’t quite remember how to deal with this for a second time.

Eyes flickering between his second eldest’s face and the captive said son is holding in his clawed arms, very tightly, Philza attempts to extend his arms forward and tiptoe closer to Technoblade.

GROWL.

“Hooo-o. Okay I’m backing away.” Raising his hands in front of him, the very tired father of the blood god backs a couple of blocks away from him. Letting out a sigh, Philza directs his gaze at the victim, who looks way too calm for someone in his predicament.

Dream only looks mildly inconvenienced being trapped in Technoblade’s arms. It’s like the hunter doesn’t even know what is going on. He probably doesn’t. It amazes the older blond how someone who is often praised for his intelligence, that Dream could be so oblivious and stupid.

Philza just wants to go home and rest. He is so tired from grinding and hardcore mining that he wants to pass out. He’s too old for this. He can hear his bones creaking.

Running a frustrated hand on his face, he attempts to reason with his very grounded despite being an adult son. “Technoblade, let him go.’’ The only reply he gets is another growl and bared fangs.

  “I’m serious Techno, once you come to your senses, you’re going to regret this.” He can already see future Technoblade whining and moping around the house because he embarrassed himself in front of his (absolutely not) crush.

For some reason that sentence catches the interest of the captive, who’s been quiet this entire time.

“What?” Dream lifts his head slightly from where it was resting comfortably on Technoblade’s shoulder. The iconic mask rests on the side of his head and Techno visibly tightens his arms around the hunter as he tries to turn around.

 “What do you mean? Is techno okay?”

“No.”

“Oh.”, The SMP founder squirms in Technoblade’s arms a bit more, resting gloved hands on the arms that encircles his waist.

“U-uh, mind elaborating?”

Sighing for what seems to be the hundredth time in a span of three hours, Philza patiently explains that once every two months, Technoblade goes through what is called a rut. It’s when a piglin becomes more territorial and possessive of his possessions whether it be items or people and even titles. The first time Techno had gotten his rut, he refused to let Tommy near any of the gapples in their house and another time even led to him participating in a potato farming contest, decimating the competition.

Ruts have never been an issue for his son, the only noticeable effects are Techno’s slightly increased blood lust, protectiveness and being absentminded. Other than that, Technoblade usually has his mind and emotions under control during those periods. However, something is obviously different today because sober and lucid Technoblade would not be boldly embracing the owner of the SMP.

Speaking of the owner of the SMP, Philza could distract his son long enough for Dream to escape. Distract, meaning he has to fight Techno which sounds like an incredibly painful chore because while Philza has pride in his pvp abilities, his son is also larger and physically stronger than him.

Philza is also old and exhausted.

Going back to the current dilemma, Philza focuses his attention on his son. The scene that greets the old blond man is…strange in the least. Never thought he’d witness his reserved and unaffectionate child, the Blood God, melt into a puddle as Dream cups his face with both hands. If Technoblade was a cat he’d be purring.

“He seems fine to me, though”, Dream speaks, voice sounding distracted. The tone of his voice laced with unmistakable fondness that Philza wonders why his son think his crush unrequited.

Put him in a home for the aged already. He is not playing matchmaker for two emotionally repressed adults, that is his eldest son’s forte. Sighing, again, Philza suggested his plan to the not-helping-at-all captive. Dream immediately denied his plan and sputtered an excuse about not wanting to anger and provoke Technoblade.

“I could just- uhm, take him home?”, the words come out cautious, almost as if he’s asking permission. Technoblade visibly perks up when he heard the word home tumble from Dream’s mouth. Grunting, the pinkette buries his face in messy blond locks and murmurs a quiet agreement.

“He seems calm around me, I could convince him to rest for the night until his rut passes.”

That’s not a bad idea, Techno’s rut last for three days at most and if he’s this docile to Dream there’s little possibility of him lashing out and getting in trouble. In the scenario that Technoblade does lash out, Philza is pretty secure in the speedrunner’s abilities to protect himself from danger.

“Alright. I’m only allowing this because he seems to behave around you. “

Philza hears more than sees Dream’s smile as he offers a happy, “cool! “. Before Philza can even reply, Dream whispers something  to the pinkette’s ears and Technoblade reluctantly removes his arms around him.

Walking behind the halfling, Dream drapes his arms around Technoblade’s neck as the blood god hook his arms under the blonds thighs.

Oh, a piggy back ride. Philza is not worried at all.

Once Dream is comfortably situated on his back, Technoblade spares a look to his father and nods at him, “Phil, please don’t forget to feed my dogs. “

Is he baffled? Yes. Because apparently Techno is lucid enough to worry about his dogs. Philza sputters out a good natured laugh and bids goodbye and goodluck to the two.

“BYE PHILZA, I’LL BRING YOUR SON BACK HOME IN A FEW DAYS”.

With that, Technoblade walks off with a 6ft 2 green man snuggling his back, pointing directions to the supposedly biggest house on the SMP as the blood god's father watches in amusement and exasperation.

Chapter Text

Technoblade rarely has strong opinions on anything.

Governments? Kinda annoying. Steve? Very fluffy and soft. Best boy.

Philza? Best man to ever exist. Tommy would agree with him.

Chat? Nuisance. Can't spell but Techno is stuck with them and sometimes, sometimes, they're not that bad.

The situation happening in front him? Irritating. Makes Techno want to start stabbing and if the loud chanting is any indication, Chat shares the sentiment.

Who's that??

Technotwin!

Wouldn't that be Wilbur?

Technotriplet!

EEEEEEE KILL HIM.

KILL .

HE'S STEALING OUR LOOK.

Ignoring the screeches of murder in his ears, the piglin hybrid focuses on the offensive scene he is witnessing. There on his couch, is the one and only Dream. Sporting his eyesore of a hoodie, the admin is blanketed by a large figure. Arms are wrapped tightly around the green clad man, fingers holding on the fabric like its a lifeline. It's an odd scene, two dudes basically cuddling while another dude is forced to watch.

"Dream"

A dismissive hum is the only reply he gets. The admin preoccupied with running his fingers through an ugly shade of pink hair.

So what if it's the same shade as Techno's? It's hideous on this guy, specifically.

Techno feels his eye twitch but he sighs, "Dream, please explain why a budget pigman is hugging you." The masked man didn't get a chance to reply as an offended scoff comes out of budget pig's mouth. The impostor lifts his head from where it as snugly buried on Dream's shoulder. The man directs a dark glare at Technoblade, the high budget and infinitely superior pig man.

"I'm the low budget one? Look at yourself." The menace sneers and pointedly drags his eyes to Technoblade's hair. "You have split ends." The sentence ends with a hiss, words graced with an accent. Like the bastardized version of an English accent mixed with tommy trying to sound Italian. It's the most annoying sound he has ever heard.

GASP.

HOW DARE HE.

TECHNOKILL.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOODGOD.

TECHNOHAIR IS PRETTY.

DONT LISTEN TO HIM.

Rude, the split ends weren't always there. It's just that the constant wars and drama doesn't exactly give Techno ample time to care for his hair. AND, and the conditioner he uses Is expensive and hard to find.

Still, a low blow.

Techno bares his teeth at the impostor, He contemplates running a sword through the man right then and there. Maybe bully him severely, Techno has made countless people cry with his words alone. Oh, he's going to destroy this man.

YEAH BULLY HIM.

BULLY THE BITCH.

HEY, no swearing.

MAKE HIM CRY.

Before he can make budget pig regret ever being born, a dissapointed voice cuts through his thoughts. "Don't be mean, Techno."

WHAT. How is-He's the mean one? Is it Techno's fault? Hehhh???

"Heh???" is all the Blood God can say.

Dream levels him a look, managing to convey disappointment through his mask. "Billiam has been through a lot." Gloved hands resume petting the impostor's hair, Techno can hear a rumble like purr from the impostor. Cringe.

"He doesn't need you antagonizing him." Technoblade blanchs, antagonizing? Him? Technoblade has done nothing wrong. He's the victim here.

Billiam (what kind of name is that?) tightens his hold on the admin and smirks, sharp fangs and tusk on full display. By gods, does Techno's face really look that annoying when he smiles? No wonder he has so many enemies.

"You heard him. A peasant like you shouldn't be bothering me or Hubert." Man has the audacity to sneer, "Go along, now. Shoo." Technoblade is offended. Absolutely floored. Here is a man who's not only stealing and demolishing his brand but also being way too clingy to Techno's rival. The latter bothers the pinkette a lot more for some odd reason. 

kILL HIM ALREADY.

TECHNOKILL.

HE'S HOGGING DREAM

TECHNOJELLYYY

techno, killer of men. You are jealous

Chat is being weird. He's ignoring them until they stop being cringe. 

"Hubert?" He focuses on the odd name, who names their child Hubert? People with names like that are most likely to be orphaned. 

Dream shrugs from his position in Billiam's arms and with no warning whatsever, slams a hand down the man's neck. The blow strong enough to knock out walmart Technoblade. The admin carefully maneauevers Billiam's unconscious body to lie on the couch. Dusting his clothes, Dream stood up to grab the blanket placed on the coffee table. The blanket was gently tossed over the sleeping man as Dream tucked the pinkette in.

Technoblade raises a brow at the speedrunner, who shrugs, "He was hugging me too tightly." 

The blonde then yawns, stretching his body and letting out a satisfied sigh as his bones crack soundly.  The smiley mask was lifted and placed on the side of the blond's head. Technoblade is graced by a face that's too pretty for a menace like Dream.

Chat is losing their minds.

WOOOOO

PRETTYY BOYYY

EEEEE

DREE

TECHNO TAKE HIM

You guys are gross

SCREW YOU , TELETUBBY IS HOT

Freckles FRECKLES

E

A smile is directed at Technoblade and the piglin hybrid is rudely bombarded by starry freckles. Very inconsiderate of the homeless man to flash his weirdly pretty eyes, face and everything at an ill prepared Blood God.  The most inconsiderate man walks up to the hybrid, close enough that Technoblade can see the different colored rings around the admin's pupils. Smile widening into a shit eating grin when Techno let out a sharp breath at the close proximity, the blond lifts both hands to hold the pinkette's rapidly flushing face. 

A (not, definitely not) nervous laugh from the Blood God, " Uh-", thumbs caress the two identical scars running up from Technoblade's chin to his cheeks. A chuckle as the pinkette's ears turn even more red. 

The blond coos, tone laced with an emotion Techno can't identify, "You're so cute, haha". 

WHAT THE FU-

TECHNO NO

TECHNO NO SWEARING

THE MONETIZATION

THE MONEY

OUR FUNDS

Oh right. Thanks for the reminder, Chat. 

The caress continues, moving from his face to his hair. Calloused and slender fingers carding through his hair littered with split ends- it feels nice. So nice that red eyes end up falling shut as Technoblade's posture relaxes. His body moving to lean down at the admin. He puts his head on a green clad shoulder and Dream continues to basically pet him. The two stay like that for a few seconds until Technoblade feels a pat on his right cheek and the hands are gone, he can't help but feel disappointed at absence. He also can't help but feel offended at being pet like a cat. 

Dream's voice prompts him to move and open his eyes. "I'm gonna look into how Billiam got here." His voice oddly quiet as he moves away from the pinkette, adjusting the mask to cover his face.  The admin walks over to window, unlatching the lock and placing his left leg on the window sill. 

"Be nice to each other for a few days, okay?" Then like the heathen he is, Dream jumps out the window despite the front door being a room away. Technoblade observes the man as he jogs through the snow, waving when Dream did. He stands in front of the window until he can no longer see the admin's figure. Face and ears still slightly pink from whatever it is Dream did earlier, the pinkette sighs. 

All the irritation he felt earlier because of the low quality pigman was gone. Until his brain and chat realize what Dream actually said. 

BILLIAM IS GONNA STAY HERE???

NOOOOOO

YESSSSSSSSS

NO

Dream is just happy there are two technoblades. Simp.

EEEEEE

POG

no, not pog

Most times Technoblade wants to hug Dream, maybe spin him around and pepper kisses on his unfairly pretty face. Right now though, he wants to smack him for bringing an impostor into his house. 

Chapter Text

It all started at approximately 6:30 in the morning. Dream wakes up, kisses the cheek of a still sleeping Technoblade and convinces himself to leave the heavenly warmth of their shared bed. He prepares a simple breakfast of a misshapen heart pancake and slightly burnt eggs. His husband wakes up and grumpily sits in front of the dining table. His eyes are squinted, the hybrid obviously struggling to stay awake. Dream thinks he's the most adorable being in the world. 

The two eat in comfortable silence, the blond having to spoon feed his husband because of how sleepy the man is. By the time they finished eating, Technoblade is more awake and complains about Chat keeping him awake and robbing him of precious sleep. The pinkette offers to wash the dishes and Dream kisses him, the other complains about his morning breath. The admin grabs a towel and goes to the bathroom, he fills the wooden tub with hot water. Clothes are hastily tossed into the hamper as Dream relaxes in the tub and cleans yesterday's grime off his body. Technoblade walks by the open bathroom door and Dream jokingly asks him to join. The man just blushes and says no, turning around to continue tidying the house. Dream appreciates the view of the man's shirtless back, rippling muscles covered in scratches left by yours truly. The couple continue to do their usual morning routine.

It's only when Dream is dried and fully dressed in his (Technoblade's) clothes, that he realizes. The polish bottle he uses to clean his mask is empty. Not a big deal, he can just get a new one. Unfortunately, the polish isn't something he can make with any resource from the server. Actually, he doesn't know what its made of, only that it makes his mask extra shiny and the shopkeeper he buys it from is associated with the server's God. Another downside is that its only available in one shop found in a remote location. Farther than the location of Techno's cabin. 

Needless to say, the blond prepares himself for a long travel. Grabbing a satchel, he stuffs a few change of clothes (again, Techno's), a few bags of gold and a few gapples. He tells Technoblade of his errand and the response he gets is the closest the Blood God would ever get to whining. 

"Bruhhhh" , The word is drawn out in typical Technoblade fashion. "Do you have to?" The question is a smidge more quiet and shy, the Blood God pointedly looking away. 

Dream chuckles and pinches the man's cheeks and replies with a, yes, and no, he is not using another brand of polish. The porcelain mask is enchanted, not with common and well-known enchantments but ones taught to him by DreamXD. The polish is not just for cleaning the mask but for keeping it strong and durable. Normal Polish probably wouldn't even work on the thing. 

It takes ten more minutes for the blond to get ready, the Blood God whining the entire time. 

"Come on man, chat is screaming at me." The Pinkette gestures to his forehead, "They're complainin'. 

A flick to the forehead from Dream, "Chat, behave."

"I'll just shine the mask for you?" Technoblade is almost pouting and Dream almost, almost gives in.

"Thanks, babe but it's okay. I won't even be gone for long." Dream says as he walks towards the front door. A defeated groan can be heard as Technoblade follows his husband outside. Once they're outside, the admin approaches the pen and places a satchel on Carl. Turning to the grumbling almost 7ft man behind him, Dream places a kiss on his beloved's lips. The reciprocation is immediate as the Pinkette wraps his arms around Dream's waist. Technoblade is warm, a great contrast to the cold snow under their feet and Dream feels content to stay in his husband's arms.

Sadly, he has errands to run. The two part after a few seconds, arms lingering on each other for few seconds longer. It takes some persuasion for Techno to remove his arms aroud the blonde but Dream managed. The dark wood gate to Carl's pen was opened, Dream mounts the horse and is amused by the petulant expression on Technoblade's face , "Aw, don't be sad. I'll be home quick".

"I'm not"

"Uh huh"

"Stop being annoyin', go already." 

"Mhm, Love you"

Red eyes pointedly looks away from green as the man's face turn a shade of pink darker than his hair, "Cringe". 

"Love you too". 

(Skipping the travel because I suck at describing things)

After a long and grueling trek through the tundra, deserts, and forests. Dream finally glimpses light piercing through the forest's trees as he descends a particularly troublesome hill. The scenery that greets him is akin to a bazaar, there are dozens of large multicolored tents forming a large circle with smaller tents scattered outside it. Each tent is filled various colorful wares, most of which Dream can't recognize. A large acacia tree is located in the center of the circle, food stalls surrounding the base of it. The tree is decorated in ornate lights, bright and lighting up the area covered by the thick forest. The place is decently populated, people walking and littering the area, evidently Dream isn't the only idiot that would cross miles just to shop here. 

Why is this place so far? What's wrong with establishing a shopping location near civilization? 

As he gets closer, his ears are assaulted by loud yelling of people bartering and negotiating prices. He climbs down Carl and attempts to walk through the place, only to realize that Carl is too big of a horse when multiple shoppers bump into the equestrian. Fortunately, the place had a pen, Dream exchanges a few words with the stable hand and assures her that Carl is a well behaved boy . Placing his hands in his pockets, Dream walks through the bazaar, curiously looking at the items displayed in each tent. One tent has a display of the same white and red shirt, another is just a glass case filled with heart shaped lockets on top of a large wooden table, and there's also an empty tent, only occupied by three sleeping cats. 

It's been months since Dream has been to this bazaar so he doesn't remember the specific tent that sells the polish. He keeps walking, humming and pace relaxed. Multiple shoppers and stall owners stare at him as he passes them though he doesn't know why. He looks normal compared to the other people here, heck, he saw a man dressed as Sonic the Hedgehog!

Ignoring the stares, the admin keeps walking and observing the place. Entertained by the variety and unfamiliarity of some of the wares when a flash of pink appears in the corner of his eyes. He whips his head around and spots it, there - between a tent that sells maid outfits and eyeballs, is a tent of merchandise. 

Technoblade merchandise. 

The tent was smaller than the ones beside it and Dream lifts the tent's flaps, "Why is it so dark?",The blond mutters confused as he's greeted by darkness, the room barely illuminated from the light outside. He spots a table in the center, it's small and covered with a maroon cloth. 

Placed in an organised line are various small figures of Technoblade and his escapades, upon closer inspection, the figures are a bit low quality. For starters, one of the figures depicts what is supposed to be the duel between him and Technoblade. The miniature Technoblade is posed with his sword against Dream's own but one of the red eyes is lower than the other, the large tusk like teeth are so large it reaches figure-Techno's cheeks. Miniature Dream is faring much worse because whoever made the figures decided to leave him maskless. A horrible decision considering very few people know what he looks like. As a result, mini-Dream's eyes are sculpted comically large, taking up 60% of the face. The lips are pulled into a frown, painted in a bright fuchsia and it looks so stupid it makes Dream snort, doubling over as his giggles grow louder. 

He's buying that one. He's gonna put it on his husband's bookshelf along with all of Technoblade's trophies of war. 

Green eyes keep observing the miniature figures with amusement, he coos a bit when he sees a figure depicting a smiling baby Techno with a kneeling Philza offering him bread with the older man's wings wrapped around them. There's one with Wilbur and Tommy, the latter sitting on top of Wilbur's shoulder while the Brunette does the same on Techno's, large painted smiles on their faces. Dream finds it adorable. Evidently, the creator of the figures had a lot of respect towards Technoblade. Even though the figures are sloppy, it was made to honor the life and adventures of the Blood God. It makes Dream happy, that people appreciate his husband even if its through laughably made display figures and merchandise. 

The Admin walks deeper into the tent, letting out a surprised noise when he realized it was bigger on the inside. There were a few more tables, all covered with the same maroon cloth with Blood God themed t-shirts, mugs, and plushies were displayed on them.

Dream is having the time of his life. Snickering, he grabs three different sizes of Techno plushies, and  multiple t-shirts (all of his friends are going to get techno-shirts). The admin mentally pats himself on the back for bringing a shit ton of money because he's gonna buy everthing. This tent will be swimming in coins by the time he's done.  He makes his way to the makeshift counter situated deeper in the tent, sighing when he finds it unmanned. There is a call bell on the counter but his hands are full so he presses it with his elbow. 

A sharp ding rings througout the tent and Dream opts to look at the mechandise behind the counter, whistling a tune while he waits. 

Oh, he saw a custome set, that's cute. He should gift that to Ranboo, it would be hilarious. And is that- An amazed gasp as Dream layed eyes on a mishapen Steve plushie. 

A reverent, "Oh my god" is all Dream can say. 

Dream would probably look strange to outsiders, marveling quietly while covered in pig themed merch. He continues to look at the display. 

Oh that's a-

That is a...

Is that a fucking...Body pillow? 

Dream feels his jaw drop as he stares at th-the abomination. 

A quiet and vaguely disturbed , "What the hell" is whispered as green eyes rake over the offending piece of paraphernalia. Techno-pillow is lying on his back, shirt ubuttoned to reveal a glimpse of a sturdy chest. 

It is a sturdy chest, Dream thinks bitterly. He knows, he's touched it. He's felt it. 

Techno-pillow has one leg bent and arm behind his head. The other arm playing with loose pink hair that's splayed out behind him and Dream is furious. The pillow looks nothing like his beloved husband. It does not come close to the deadly, gorgeous man he knows. The hair does not look luscious enough, the skin too smooth and unblemished and while Dream is familiar with the Blood God's bedroom eyes, it does not look like that. The admin feels offended, how dare they. When he finds the person who made that thing, he will gut them like a fish. Use their organs as fishing bait and use all 206 of their bones to tame 41dogs. 

His husband won't mind, Techno loves dogs. 

Does that mean there are more body pillows? How many fuckers does he have to hunt?

A noise from the counter interrupts his murder scheming. He directs his attention to the counter, puzzled when he saw nothing and then proceeded to get a heart attack when  something pops up in front of him. 

"HOLY SHIT", in his surprise, Dream lost balance and fell on his ass, the merchandise dropping around him. An echoey laugh surrounds him and Dream directs a glare at the person. Said person is dressed in a dark bluish green cloak, the hood large and covering most of their face. 

The asshole waves at him, "Hi! Sorry for scaring you." Ebony black hands emerge from the cloak to clap once, "You want me to ring those up for you?". 

Dream can't help but feel wary of the person. Their voice was...weird, it's like a mixture of two people talking and the space where their face is supposed to be is just a dark void. 

Oh and they probably knew of that thing.

Jumping up, Dream stands and looms over the person. He points at the body pillow, shuddering as he spats, "What the fuck is that. " 

The person directs their void head to the ugh, body pillow and speaks, "That is a body pillow." 

"Do you want to buy it, sir?"

"Why the fuck would I buy that thing?!"

"Well, It's one of our most popular items-"

"What."

"Yeah, we've sold over 50 of those."

"THERE'S MORE THAN ONE?!"

Dream leaves the tent with little money and a lot of baggage. The shopkeeper waves goodbye to him happily, yelling about coming back again. 

He wasn't lying when he said he was buying everything. As furious as he was, he can't exactly gut the shopkeeper because they didn't make the body pillow. He could  burn the thing but Dream is not evil enough to destroy something he hasn't payed for.

So he bought it.

And now all his money is gone, he can't even buy what he came here for. 

Dejectedly, the admin makes his way back to the pen and retrieves Carl. The stable hand staring at the bags in his hand and judging him. He nods at her, hands the payment and carefully ties the bags on Carl. Fortunately, the merch are light and would not be any issue for the large horse. 

Dream hops onto Carl's back, feeling tired and makes the long grueling trek back home. He lets out a pained and pathetic groan when he remembers the body pillow. 

The stable hand continues to watch him as he leaves the bazaar, expression stuck on bewildered. A hand pats her on the shoulder belonging to a tall, creeper hybrid. 

"Hey Puffy, you okay?"

Puffy glances back at the green blur on a horse, "Yeah, just a interesting shopper."

Dream arrives home 3 days later,during a cold evening. The blond is greeted by a slightly worried Techno and his beloved husband is so helpful, carrying Dream and his bags to their house despite the admin's protest. The pinkette tells Dream to shower while he puts away the bags and takes care of Carl. Having no energy to protest, the admin sluggishly strips off his clothes and dumps them on the floor. Technoblade rolls his eyes at his actions. 

Dream pointedly tells him not to the open the bag with a knife sticking out of it. A raised eyebrow is the response he gets and Techno attempts to jokingly open the stabbed bag then laughs when Dream yells at him. 

The hot shower melts the grime and exhaustion off Dream's bones. He dries himself off and grabs a poet shirt from the pinkette's wardrobe. The whole duration of the travel the admin was wearing tight fitting pants- wanting his thighs and legs to breathe, he just puts on boxers and wears the shirt. He skips, yes-skips to their bedroom and jumps on the bed. Technoblade grunting as he catches the blond. Dream moves to lie on top of the pinkette and showers kisses on the man's face.

Technoblade wraps his strong arms around Dream and the blond feels so fucking comfy. 

"You're very eager today", His beloved said, voice deep and laced with amusement. "Aren't you tired?"

"I am. I just missed youuuu"

"Same"

Dream burst out laughing, hitting his husband's firms chest (fuck yeah). "WHAT THE HEL-". Dream started wheezing, resting his face on Technoblade's shirtless pecs and dropping a few kisses there too because he can.

"WHY SAME? IT'S I MISS YOU TOO-",Warm hands rubbed up and down his back as the blond continued to imitate a kettle. He feels a kiss planted on his hair and Techno speaks.

"Sweetheart, it wasn't even that funny"

"Yes it was"

"Your humor is trash, teletubs"

"Fuck you-", A yawn interrupts the blond's retort and he feels his eyes droop. He feels himself getting maneuvered and hears the light getting switched off. A soft blanket was thrown over him and an arm brings him closer. His husband's quiet voice telling goodnight is what he hears before falling asleep.

Technoblade is pulled awake by the smell of smoke. The man sits up and gets confused when he spots the empty space beside him. 

Where did the teletubby go this time?

ITS ASS O CLOCK WHY ARE YOU AWAKE TECHNO

TECHNOSLEEP

No, guys, there's smoke

fire ARSON  ARSONIST

sapnap?

Slipping on his soft bunny slippers, the pinkette follows the trail of smoke leading outside. Immediately upon opening the door he spots his husband, standing outside in front of a bonfire. His expression is blank, one that the Blood God has witnessed a couple of times directed towards the admin's enemies. About 10 feet way are dozens of mobs, skeletons, spiders and zombies just standing there. Watching Dream as if they're afraid to approach him. 

Technoblade doesn't blame them. If he were a lesser man he'd be scared of his husband too. 

He drags his soft cotton slippers through the snow, the chat scolding him for getting it wet and stops right next to Dream. The blond's attention is solely on the bonfire, Techno almost thought Dream didn't notice him when the blond spoke, "I burned it. It deserved it."

Huh.

Okay. Should he be worried about that? 

Bruhhh

That's kinda sus

Hot, you mean

Terrifying

WHO CARES GRAB YOUR MAN AND REST TECHNO

The pinkette sighs, rubbing two fingers between his brows when he realized that Dream is barefoot. Outside. In the snow. This isn't the first time Dream has been underdressed for the weather. How the admin survived for this long, Techno doesn't know.  Wasting no time, the pinkette abruptly sweeps Dream off his feet, breaking whatever trance he was in and threw the man over his shoulder. He stomped on the bonfire, the fire dying under the Blood God's feet. 

He glared at the mobs that started to follow them making the poor creatures runoff. He ignores Dream's rambling about witnessing the death of an abomination or something. But goddamnit, Techno had to sleep alone for 6 days. He's going to get cuddles now or he's unleashing hell.