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Chapter Text

You walked up the worn set of steps, standing in front of a black door, its hinges rusty, its silver serpent knocker covered in dust. You took your wand out of the inner pocket of your long black coat and touched the door three times with the tip of it, just like Albus has instructed you to do so.

The door opened with a loud creaking noise, a dark and dusty hallway appearing in front of you. The carpet was worn out, the wallpapers were torn and missing in pieces. You raised a brow at the rather dirty house as you stepped inside.

“Homey.” You scoffed, the door abruptly closing behind you. It was rather dark, only a couple of gas lamps gave you enough light not to trip over your own feet.

You walked further, towards a room where you heard voices coming from. You held your hand up, ready to knock however, before you could have done so, the door opened in front of you, revealing all the Order members in the room, seated on chairs, sofas or on the side of the tables.

Before you could have even greeted anyone, they realised your presence and within seconds you had approximately twenty wands pointed at you. But you didn’t raise yours. You didn’t feel threatened, you were invited after all. Although you expected them to be unhappy about your arrival, you still thought it might have been a tad over the top kind of welcome.

“I guess, nice to meet all of you too.” You smirked as you looked around the room, witches and wizards ready to send their worst kind of hexes towards you.

“What are you doing here, Lestrange?” Sirius Black stepped out of the crowd, his wand pointed right in your face as he halted in front of you. You folded your arms in front of your chest, looking up and down the man shamelessly. He was still as handsome as ever. Azkaban’s effects were visible, he got skinnier, his face bonier, but he was still incredibly handsome. But his attitude, oh his attitude…

“What do you think, Black? I missed your arrogance so much, I had to visit.” You said sarcastically with a scoff in addition.

“Noone invited you.” He hissed, clearly unhappy about your presence. You raised a brow and turned your head towards the Hogwarts Headmaster, who stood at the end of the room wearing the most innocent expression.

“Albus, why do I have a feeling you forgot to tell them about me?” You asked as you turned back to the witches and wizards still pointing their wands towards you. Sirius looked at the headmaster with a deep frown between his brows.

“Albus, what is she talking about?” He questioned, raising his voice slightly.

“Well, I might have forgotten to mention that Ms. Lestrange will be under our protection from now on.” He stated, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose with an awkward smile.

“Is this a joke, Professor?” Harry stood up from his previous place. “She is with them.” He shouted at his headmaster, completely ignoring any politeness.

“I’m with who?” You chipped in with a surprised expression, but a playful smirk displayed across your lips. “Please, do continue, I’m sure you know more about me than I do.” You scoffed.

Harry hurried towards you, his hand reaching your left arm. You knew what he wanted, but you had nothing to hide. You let him yank your arm and push the sleeve of your coat up, until your forearm was completely uncovered. He swallowed awkwardly as he realised that your skin has been untouched. However, he just wanted to make sure and he repeated the same movement on your right arm too, scratching the back of his neck as he watched your exposed lower arms, no dark mark decorating your skin.

“Are you happy now, little boy?” You asked with a sceptical look.

“Don’t you dare talk to him like that.” Sirius stepped to the side, hiding his godson from you.

“Why, what am I going to do, Black? Curse him? I was never good at wandless magic, you silly man.” You rolled your eyes as you heaved a deep sigh.

You tried to act tough, but it wasn’t easy. You didn’t expect a warm welcome where you sat down, ate cookies and started sipping on a sweet little cup of tea, but you couldn’t have anticipated being attacked like that, nor did you want to stay there anymore.

Obviously, they didn’t think of you as an ally, you were a Lestrange after all and your family has done some unforgivable things, but you were not them. All the pointed wands, the dull mood of the room, the deadly gazes you have been receiving just added to the feeling of wanting to escape, but you couldn’t show yourself to be weak.

“Albus, maybe I should leave.” You turned towards the wizard, who immediately shook his head.

“No, you have been helping me these past years and I promised you protection.” He spoke firmly. “You will be living here from now on and that’s final.”

“Erm, Albus, can you maybe talk to me before you make such hasty decisions?” Sirius turned to the man with a gobsmacked look across his handsome face.

“I understand your concerns, Sirius. However, she has been a great asset to us without your knowledge and now that times are getting darker, when she needs my help, I will do as I promised.” He explained.

“Then why don’t you hide her yourself? Find her a better place, but not here where she can gather all the information to give to Voldemort.” He argued with the wizard, but he didn’t seem to mind his outburst.

“Right, as if I was on a first name basis with him.” You groaned in frustration.

“Very funny.” Sirius grimaced at you, making you shrug. “She could be a spy, Albus.” Sirius spit in anger.

“So could Severus.” You added nonchalantly, earning a deadly glare from your Hogwarts housemate who stood at the back of the room, leaning against the wall.

“We have our own theories on that but thank you.” Sirius rolled his eyes as he turned back to the Professor.

“I’m sorry, Sirius, but you gave permission to the order to use Grimmauld place. You also told me that those who needed a helping hand in the darkest of times, could find it here. Please, try to understand, she will not cause any trouble.” Albus nodded more to himself, his tone finalising the conversation, noone daring to talk a word again.

Slowly, but steadily the wands pointed at you have been lowered, only Sirius Black himself stood in front of you with his wand even further in your personal space.

“Would you mind putting that down?” Your gaze wandered to his wand, before you looked back up at him.

“What if I do?” He asked in a warning tone, making you chuckle.

“I never thought you would ever think of me as a threat, but it’s somewhat flattering.” You winked, making his blood boil. You were never close to each other, you openly picked on one another back in Hogwarts. It wasn’t the kind where you did it for the fun of it, you actually didn’t like each other, and you weren’t afraid of showing it.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself.” He scoffed as he lowered his wand and walked back to his previously occupied chair. “I will be watching every move of yours. One wrong move, a suspicious look and you are out.” He hissed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

You grimaced, but you didn’t reply as you walked out of the room, knowing exactly when not to push the man’s patience any further. You needed to be in hiding and for that you needed to learn to keep yourself quiet even if you wanted to talk back to him.

Your family was forcing you to join the Dark Lord, but it didn’t register in you until they arranged for you and Antonin Dolohov to get engaged. You thought at first that it was some twisted joke since your parents always cared more about blood purity and power than you. But when you heard that they would force you to get involved with such a highly regarded Death Eater, you could only think of 2 things. Whether they have realised that you have been secretly helping the Order or they wanted you to become Voldemort’s marionette too. In the end it didn’t matter, you had no other choice but to run and as Albus promised, he was ready to take you under his wings.

“You know, you can act as the damsel in distress in front of Albus, but you will not trick us.” Sirius snarled as he passed by you, heading towards the kitchen when the meeting finished.

“Would you mind telling me what your problem is with me, Black?” You groaned and followed the man, getting fed up with his ignorant behaviour. “We are not kids anymore.” You added.

“You are a Lestrange. You are Voldemort’s little puppy.” He spit in anger as he walked up to a cupboard and took out a crystal glass and a bottle of fire whiskey.

“So, Black?” You emphasised his name. “If I recall correctly, your family isn’t better than mine.” You hissed, feeling your anger bubbling up inside you, your palms sweaty as you held onto the back of the chair in front of you, your fingers slowly but steadily paling.

“Don’t go there, Lestrange.” He growled in a warning tone, his eyes darkening in anger.

“Then don’t treat me like you are any better. You know nothing about me, Black, you have no right to judge me.” You raised your voice, his warning tone irritating you, making you want to pull your wand out and hex him.

“Okay, I think it’s enough for today.” You heard an unfamiliar female voice. You turned around to see Molly Weasley with a tiny smile present across her face. “Obviously this situation isn’t comfortable for anyone, but you should just learn to deal with it.” She said as she placed a hand on your shoulder. “Come with me, dear. I will show you to your room.” She smiled warmly and you nodded, following the woman.

“Just give her a cupboard, she doesn’t even deserve that.” Sirius snarled.

Your head whipped around, your teeth clenched in anger. “You think I will just run away because you’re trying to insult me? Don’t make me laugh.” You scoffed with a lopsided grin. “You can try to hurt my feelings as much as you want, Black, but the more you push me, the more miserable I will make your life.”

“It’s funny that you think you are important enough for me to deliberately try to hurt you.” He hissed as he took a swig of his drink. You shook your head, trying to swallow your words that were threatening to roll off the tip of your tongue, but luckily Molly’s hand squeezing your shoulder stopped your outburst.

“Come, dear.” She said as she led you towards the stairs.

The room was dusty and dark. You already started planning how to clean it up, before you could even sit down on the edge of the bed.

“Looks… nice-” you said as you walked up to a drawer, sliding your finger across the surface, leaving a trail behind as your finger collected all the dirt. “-ish.” You grimaced.

“I’m sorry, we didn’t clean the whole house, only the rooms that have been used.” Molly spoke, but you quickly shook your head.

“No, no it’s fine. Don’t apologise. Better than living on the streets.” You smiled painfully. “Molly?” You called out to the woman and she raised her brows questioningly. “Why aren’t you being mean to me?” You asked, feeling like a curious schoolgirl. A tender smile spread across her face as she walked up to you, placing her palm on your cheek.

“Why would I? As far as I’m aware you never hurt anyone. Being born into the wrong family-“ She grimaced slightly. “if anyone, Sirius should understand it the most.” She shrugged. “I don’t think Albus makes hasty decisions. If he thinks he can trust you, then I trust you too.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “Thank you, Molly.”

“And if Sirius is giving you a hard time, please promise me you won’t give in.” She smirked lightly, making you giggle. “I love him, but he is getting back to his old, cheeky self and he needs someone to force him to fall a bit.” She winked playfully.

“Oh, do not worry. If he tries anything, I will make sure to make him taste his own medicine.” You grinned widely as she patted your shoulder.

“If you need anything, I’m just an owl away.” She offered you a single nod before she left you to organise your rather old and dusty room.

You heaved a deep sigh and fell back on your bed, leaving you a coughing mess as the dust flew up in the air, finding its way into your lungs. You quickly pulled out your wand and waved around, starting a needed clean up.

You barely arrived, but you already knew that you will have a rollercoaster of a ride ahead of you with Sirius trying to make your life miserable. But you were prepared for it. Bring it on, you thought.

Chapter Text

You thought it would be hard to live in Grimmauld place. You thought you would have to hold back from trying to suffocate Sirius Black with a pillow over his head.

To your surprise, you enjoyed his annoyed groans, his frustrated eye rolls and even the hurtful words, that weren’t really mean, just an attempt at finding a weak spot on you. You knew he couldn’t do much to you, other than whine and complain about you being an uninvited guest.

However, whilst you did enjoy riling him up, the man had an attitude that not once turned out to be successful in annoying you, but you always took a deep breath and replaced your irritated expression with a phony smile. He didn’t have to know that occasionally he was successful in irritating you.

Sirius was sitting at the large dining table, a newspaper in his hands, an empty mug of coffee sitting in front of him on the table.

“You know Lestrange, you could help Kreacher around the house.” He spoke as he heard your footsteps approaching the kitchen counter. So far none of you have resorted to bodily harm, but there you were on your fifth day, a grimace sitting across your face as you walked past him, wanting to just grab his long, soft hair and pull him across the floor. You stopped in front of the cupboard and took out a cup for yourself. You removed the steaming hot coffee pot from the stove and poured its content into your cup.

“Do you want one?” You asked in a bored tone. He lowered his newspaper, his stormy grey eyes studying every move of yours with a suspicious look. “Do you or do you not?” You asked with an eye roll in addition.

“Did you put something in it?” He asked, his brow running high, questioning your motive of a weak attempt at being kind.

“I wish. Next time I will think about it before I ask. Thanks for the idea.” You offered the man a devilish grin, before rolling your eyes for the umpteenth time. “Do you or do you not want one?” You groaned. He heaved a deep sigh and nodded, before he turned back to the page he was reading.

You raised a brow at his rude behaviour, not even a please or thank you leaving his mouth. You scoffed, which earned a silent groan from Sirius, making you even more worked up. You clenched your teeth, imagining thousands of ways to make him suffer, but instead you heaved a deep, lung expanding sigh and walked up to the man with a grin across your face. You held the coffee jug in your hand, slowly pouring its content into Sirius’ mug, before you started to move your arm back, the content “accidentally” ending up in Sirius’ lap.

He jumped up with a rather high-pitched screeching sound leaving his lungs.” Are you insane?” He shouted at you.

“Oops.” You giggled wholeheartedly, making him even angrier, but this time he didn’t reply. He tried to remove the hot and wet spot from his trouser, but he couldn’t find his wand. “Are you looking for this?” You asked as you held his wand in between your fingers.

“Give it back.” He growled at you, somewhat familiar to a dog’s sound.

“Apologise.” You shrugged as he held onto his crotch, trying to keep the hot and wet material farther away from his most sensitive body part.

“Why on earth would I do that?” He grimaced which earned a sceptical look from you, your lips pressed together.

“Erm, let’s see. For being rude to me every single day, trying to make me feel unwelcomed, picking on me all the time, trying to order me around and well, for existing.” You grinned happily.

“I will not apologise to you.” He scoffed in disbelief. You heard footsteps approaching, so you quickly threw his wand back to him. He caught it in a swift movement, surprise clearly painted across his face as yours turned into the most innocent expression you could muster.

Remus stepped into the room with a deep frown between his brows as he watched Sirius and you with a suspicious look. His eyes stopped wandering around as he saw his friend holding onto his crotch, giving him a rather confused look.

“She poured coffee on me.” Sirius cleared up the situation quickly, Remus’ eyes darting towards you.

“And why would I do that?” You frowned with a confused expression. For a moment you felt like an award-winning muggle actress. His eyes widened in surprise as he realised what you were doing.

“I don’t know, maybe because you are insane? Maybe because you have some problems in your head?” He asked, clearly agitated by your act.

“Look, I get it, you don’t like me, but making up lies, that’s a whole other level, Black. I have been swallowing your comments, I have been trying to avoid you so we don’t jump at each other, but I will not have you deceiving others about me.” You raised your voice, feeling proud at your acting skills. You felt like a natural.

“What are you talking about, you even stole my wand.” His eyes widened, his jaw clenched in anger.

“Your wand is in your hand, Black.” You huffed, a disappointed look spread across your face. “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to listen to this anymore. If you don’t mind, I will just go up to my room where people don’t accuse me of things I have not committed.” You shook your head in disbelief, pouting at the man.

You picked up your coffee from the counter and headed towards the door, but before you left, you turned back to see Remus standing in front of Sirius, his back towards you. You let a grin spread across your face as you winked at Sirius and stack your tongue out.

“You!” Sirius wanted to jump at you, but Remus’ arms stopped him. Once again, you were faster in adapting and by the time Remus looked at you, you wore your most innocent and hurt expression as you shook your head. “Can’t you see what she is doing?” Sirius groaned, but you couldn’t hear the rest, you headed up to your room with your luke-warm coffee in your hand and a proud grin on your face.

You have nicely cleaned up your room, not even an inch of dust visible anywhere. Whilst you knew that it was only a temporary accommodation, you didn’t want to feel like you were simply a guest. You made the room as homey as you could, bright lights shining through the window each morning as the sun came up, silver and green decorating the room all around.

You sat down on the edge of your bed, sipping on your cool coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. If it wasn’t for Sirius, you wouldn’t have forgotten to put sugar and milk in your drink. You placed your mug on the nightstand, beside your bed and laid across the bed, studying the green painted ceiling you have enchanted with stars.

However, your calm and idyllic moment didn’t last long. Sirius Black barged in, his face red from anger, his fist pale as he squeezed his fingers together. You sat up on your bed and tilted your head innocently, waiting for his next move.

“I have no idea what your plan is, but I will find out and you will be out of here quicker than you came.” He hissed in anger. You heaved a deep sigh, massaging your temple, feeling exhausted of this cat and mouse game you have been playing.

You got hold of your wand and closed the door behind him, his eyes widening in surprise, immediately feeling suspicious of you. You rolled your eyes and patted the bed beside you.

“Sit!” You told him, but he didn’t move, he stood still by the door. “You can even stand if you want, but we will have to have a conversation and whether you like it or not, it will happen now.” You said firmly. Sirius however didn’t move; he crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited for you to talk.

“Look, I’m not here to harm anyone, I’m not here to go and eavesdrop on the Order meetings. I didn’t expect to be here either and to be completely honest, this is the last place I want to be at. I don’t expect you to believe me, I don’t expect you to sit down with me and have a cup of tea while we talk about the weather or what not, but we can’t keep acting like two little children.” You have tried to reason with the man, and you were just hoping that he understood at least half of what you were saying to him, because you were tired of this little back and forth game.

He didn’t say anything though. He stood beside the door, his face expressionless, his body visibly tense.

“Well, isn’t it just fun to talk to you?” You turned to sarcasm and unlocked the door, before falling back on your bed. However, Sirius didn’t leave. He stayed in the same spot, lost in his thoughts, trying to make sense of what was happening. “I‘m guessing you are trying to make up some ideas of what I might be plotting against you, aren’t you?” You asked with a tired lopsided smile. “Well, nothing.”

“Why should I believe you?” He asked, but there was no venom in his voice. He unfolded his arms and put them into the pocket of his trousers.

“And he speaks.” You scoffed. “Why should you accuse me in the first place?” You asked as you sat up again to be able to look into his eyes.

“Because of who you are, because of your family’s connection to the Dark Lord.” You were about to speak, but he cut you off. “Don’t even try to say that I am a Black. I left my family a long time ago, I never sympathised with the way they were thinking.”

“I never sympathised with my family’s ideology, but it doesn’t mean I had to leave them. I will have you know, I had a very good up-bringing even if my parents had different views and just because I was in Slytherin, it doesn’t make me any worse than you.” You heaved a deep sigh, before you calmly continued. “I’m sorry if you are suspicious, but whether you believe me or not is up to you. I just want us to stop acting like we are silly little hormonal teenagers.” You tilted your head, waiting for an answer from him, but once again he was out of words.

“Look, you don’t have to like me, you can watch every move of mine as much as you want, but stop throwing words at me, stop acting like we are back in school and especially stop trying to hurt me, because it clearly doesn’t work. If you can do that, I will zip my mouth and we can just live next to each other in harmony.” You raised a questioning brow, waiting for an answer for the umpteenth time.

But instead of a reply you expected, Sirius scoffed at your words. “Harmony?” He asked with a sceptical look. “Have we ever been able to live in harmony?”

“We were kids back then, but we are adults now. I’d like to think that we can just pass each other like two grown up adults and say a word or two when it’s absolutely necessary.” You shrugged. You were ready to make the first step, to try and create a space where both of you could silently live beside each other.

“Fine, but I will still be watching you.” He replied firmly, his warning tone once again resurfacing.

You rolled your eyes at his words but nodded. “Fine, do whatever.”

He stood beside the door, watching you as if he was waiting for something. You raised a brow studying the man, letting yourself see him in a different light. He has indeed lost weight, his face got skinnier, his lips thinner, but he still had that dominating aura that pulled you towards the man.

Sure, you never liked him, but you were not blind. He was an eye-candy back in school, a childish charm and playful behaviour matching his mischievous personality. But now he was dashingly handsome and manly, his demeanour more serious but with a little tinkle of a playfulness in his eyes.

He quickly cleared his throat as you stared at each other, a certain uncomfortable feeling surfacing between you. “I will just leave.” He said as he quickly walked out and closed the door behind him, leaving you with a small smirk on your face.

Maybe it will be fun to live with Sirius Black.

Chapter Text

It was a week before Harry was about to leave and continued his studies in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But that was still a whole week away, which meant the boy was ready to watch your every step until then.

You walked into the drawing room with a hot cup of tea and a newspaper tugged under your armpit and took a seat on one of the sofas, right beside the fireplace which was unused for the last couple of months.

You started reading your newspaper, flipping through the pages as you were sipping your tea. Harry's presence didn't even hit you until he cleared his throat and watched you with a suspicious look. You turned to the boy and smiled at him, but he just squinted at your unusually friendly behaviour and stared at you even more vigorously.

"Anything to say, love?" You folded the paper and focused your attention on the boy as he kept his eyes on you. You didn't understand what to make of it, not like you could have attacked him with the newspaper or a cup of tea.

"Don't call me love." He groaned.

"Oh okay, sweetheart." You smirked, causing the boy's cheeks to heat up in frustration.

"Don't call me sweetheart." He replied as he folded his arms in front of his chest. Although Sirius and Harry have only known each other for a couple of months, he sure as hell learned his body language from his godfather.

"Not a problem, darling." You giggled.

"I asked you to stop." He flailed with his hands, your pet-names irritating him.

"Look, Harry. Can we please start again?" You stood up and walked towards the boy, reaching your hand out to him.

"You are a Lestrange. Your brother is married to Bellatrix, one of the most horrible death eaters." He concluded and whipped your hand away with the back of his hand.

"And your godfather is Bellatrix Lestrange's cousin, does that make him a bad person? I don't think so. And if we are at it already, let's not forget that your godfather would have loads of stories to share with you about his mischievous school years, my dear and not all of them are something he should be proud of." You tilted your head in an innocent manner, trying to make the boy understand that you weren't all that bad.

"Don't try to confuse him." Sirius stepped into the drawing room and leaned against the doorframe, his arms folded in front of him.

"I'm not confusing him. I wanted to start again, because he has been staring me down since I stepped foot in this place." You replied, your eyes however never leaving Harry's. You smiled as you watched the emerald green irises, reminding you of Lily. "You know, you are a carbon copy of your father, but your eyes-" before you could have continued, Harry cut in.

"They are my mother's." He said and you nodded.

"She was a very bright witch and an adorable person." You spoke as you heaved a deep sigh. "I'm sorry about your parents, Harry." You placed a hand on his shoulder, and he thanked you with a nod. "Come with me." You said as the boy studied you with a suspicious look. "Come on, boy. I'm not trying to kill you. Your godfather would have my head within seconds." You chuckled as you looked up at Sirius who shook his head disapprovingly.

As Harry stood up and followed you towards the stairs, you felt him watch every move of yours with curious eyes. He couldn't understand why you were trying to befriend him, but throughout the years he has learned that many have been craving his friendship only because of his fame.

As you walked into your room, you pulled your suitcase from under the bed and opened it to reveal a bunch of enchanted photos and keepsakes. Harry stood in the doorway with Sirius behind him, watching you as you messed up the luggage's content, looking for something.

"Here!" You squealed enthusiastically. You held up a crumpled-up envelope and gave it to Harry. He frowned as he took it from you. He removed a letter from the envelope as another paper dropped on the floor. He crouched down to pick it up, his eyes widening in surprise.

"This is me." He whispered as he held the photo. Little Harry was sleeping in your arms as Lily watched him with a wide and proud motherly smile across her face. "How?" He asked with a deep frown as he finally lifted his head and looked up at you, his green eyes full of questions and curiosity.

"Do you think your mother would have trusted me with you if I was a bad person?" You asked, but Harry didn't answer. His head fell forward, his eyes fixed on the photo in his hands as a single teardrop rolled down his cheek. "I heard about Peter. I guess that wasn't the right question." You scratched the back of your neck awkwardly.

"How?" He asked again, his voice even weaker than before.

"Your mother was a very dear friend of mine through Snape. As much as he and I had our issues back in school, I will always be grateful for him for introducing me to Lily." You smiled as the memories resurfaced. "We were friends back in school and kept in touch even after she married James and you were born. But your father hated me, I never had a good relationship with him and his friends, hence the reason I don't get along with your godfather." You chuckled lightly, which earned an eye roll from Sirius as he tried to force away the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "This was the first and the last time I saw her after you were born and before she... before she was gone." You smiled painfully as you remembered back the day you laughed endlessly with the ginger woman, her eyes shining proudly as she watched her son.

"I am not asking you to welcome me in your life, I'm a stranger after all. But if there is even one logical reason for me not to ever dare lay a hand on you or wave my wand towards you, then it would be the friendship with your mother that I've always dearly treasured." You stood up from beside the bed and walked to Harry to take the photo from him. You reached your hand out, but the boy didn't move. You smiled as you realised why he hasn't given it back to you. "Would you like to keep it?" You asked as his head shot up, his eyes wide in surprise.

"Can I?" He asked and you nodded in agreement.

"Just take care of it." You said as you took the envelope from him but let him keep the photo. You walked back to your suitcase and closed it, before pushing it back under the bed.

"Thank you." Harry whispered and looked up at Sirius, before he quickly left. He ran to his room and loudly closed his door behind him.

"I never knew." Sirius spoke as he shook his head. "None of us knew." He added.

"James was especially against me, so we kept it away from you." You confessed and took a seat on the edge of your bed.

"Why did we hate each other back then?" Sirius asked as he walked into your room and sat down beside you. It felt like he was opening a door for you and you were ready to accept it.

"Why do you hate me now?" You asked with a cheeky grin.

"I don't hate you, but when you appeared, all the old memories resurfaced and in times like this, you don't really know who to trust. I trusted someone I thought to be my best friend and I ended up being incarcerated in Azkaban for 12 years." His eyes held so much pain, you couldn't even comprehend. You wanted to reassure him that you were not Peter, that you wouldn't betray him, but you were a nobody, you didn't have the right to say anything. You placed a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.

"If it makes you feel any better, I never hated you, but your attitude made me want to rip my hair out. I guess you just annoyed me. Especially when all four of you walked around the castle like you owned it." You scoffed as you remembered your teenage years, the marauders giving a hard time to each and every teacher and student.

"We were just lively." Sirius smirked, earning a gentle punch on his shoulder from you. "Ouch, woman." He whined, as he rubbed the painful spot, but you just shook your head with a cheerful grin.

"That's what people say when they can't accept that they were a pain in the ass." You shrugged nonchalantly.

"If I was such a pain in the ass, I wouldn't have been so popular." He tried to reason with you, but you were having none of it.

"You were only popular, because you were good looking, Black." You said with a sceptical look, his eyes growing wider along with a cheeky grin. He slipped closer to you on the bed, making you slightly uncomfortable.

"So, you thought I was good looking." He wiggled his brows playfully, but you just rolled your eyes as you felt your cheeks slightly heat up. You didn't want to admit it, but he still was as charming as ever and still just as witty. You weren't even sure how that comment slipped out, but you were good at improvising, so you tried to save the situation before you embarrassed yourself completely.

"I've never denied that. But your insufferable attitude made up for it." You shrugged, trying to play it off with a composed and cool attitude.

"Am I still good looking?" Sirius attempted to get you flustered and he was seemingly successful.

"You are still insufferable." You giggled, before you abruptly covered your mouth at the sound of the school-girlish, love-sick giggle that left your lungs.

"That's not what I asked." He leaned closer, enjoying your blushing cheeks. He hasn't been around people much and your flustered behaviour entertained him.

"But that's what I answered." You replied as you cleared your throat and composed yourself again.

"You just don't dare to say it." He rolled his eyes as he allowed you to have your personal space back again.

"You have a big enough ego, we don't need it to grow further." You chuckled as you stood up and walked to the door. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to dress up, the Order members are coming soon." The door opened and you waited for Sirius to leave, but you couldn't miss the little twinkle in his stormy grey eyes. "Leave, Black." You chuckled and he finally stood up, heading out the door with a lopsided smile.

"If you need help dressing, just let me know." He smirked, which earned an eye roll from you.

"Shut up, Black." You scoffed as you closed your door, trying to hide your darkening blush. You walked back to the bed, flopping down on it, Sirius' face stuck in your memory.

He was always an interesting person in your eyes, even when you wanted to hex him out of school. There was just something mysterious in him and of course you could never deny his good looks and funny comments. You didn't necessarily find it annoying, maybe it was just the fact that he always said it to other girls, but you. Either way, now that you lived together, you couldn't wait to see how things would turn out. 

Chapter Text

Weeks passed by and Sirius and you started to warm up to each other. You still liked to rile each other up, but it has become more comical than annoying and you slowly started enjoy his company more and more.

As the order meeting of the day finished, you sat down with some of the members for a team building dinner to quote Albus. You have considered leaving and spending the rest of the night in your room, the suspicious gazes giving you a chill, but as soon as you headed out of the dining room, Sirius got hold of your wrist and stopped you.

“Stay.” He spoke, the room quieting down around you. You looked at the man as a small, inviting smile spread across his face, your heart taking on a faster pace, your wrist heating up where he held onto you.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You breathed as you finally ripped your eyes away from the man and looked around the room. Albus was more than happy with your presence, whilst Molly gave you an apologetic, but approving look, her husband Arthur offering you a sweet smile. Nymphadora seemed a bit sceptical, but you could see she wasn’t against you joining them whilst Remus didn’t seem to mind as he has gotten used to your presence. However, Mundungus Fletcher, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Sturgis Podmore looked as though they wished you to disappear even from planet earth.

“Come, dear join us.” Molly quipped in as she placed another batch of cutlery and plates on the table right beside Sirius’ spot and from across her. You looked up at Sirius one more time in anticipation of an unspoken confirmation. He nodded and placed a hand behind your back, leading you forward, right beside the head of the table.

You tried to ignore how his proximity affected you, how his long fingers spread across your back caused tiny goosebumps to appear on your arms and neck, how his silent whisper of “It’s going to be fine” reassured you more than you wished it had.

You took a seat beside him and as everyone started eating an uncomfortable silence fell on the group of people, the only noise audible came from the cutleries and loud chewing.

However, the silence didn’t last long. People slowly fell into a conversation with each other. You overheard them mentioning something about an upcoming mission, but you couldn’t pay attention as Molly has averted your attention from the subject.

“My dear, how have you been feeling in this lovely house?” Molly said in a mocking tone from Sirius’ other side, which earned a rather annoyed groan from him. He didn’t necessarily have the best memories of the place, but it was still a home to him. You chuckled at his reaction, before you replied to Molly.

“I have been enjoying my time here to be honest.” You nodded as you took a spoonful of soup from your plate.

“I’m hoping Sirius hasn’t been causing you much trouble?” She asked as she sent a cheeky wink towards you.

“Well, he isn’t as insufferable as before, but still fairly annoying.” You replied matter-of-factly.

“I’m right here, don’t mind me.” Sirius shook his head as he took a bite of his chicken.

“We clearly don’t mind, Sirius.” You retorted with a soft giggle, which earned an eye roll from the man, but he couldn’t stop the soft smile from spreading across his face.

“Sirius, huh? Are we on a first name basis now?” He chuckled.

“Would you like me to call you Black?” You asked, but he quickly shook his head. “Then hush.” You giggled lightly, your eyes darting back to Molly.

“I’m glad you are getting along. I remember the first day you arrived, you were about to jump at each other’s throats.” She chuckled at the memory.

“I still feel like jumping at him on occasions.” You giggled, but it quickly died down as Sirius leaned closer, his lips brushing your ear, your face heating up at the proximity.

“Or on me.” He whispered. You felt your face burn under his seductive words, your heartbeat quickening in your ribcage as the air stuck in your lungs.

“Khm.” You cleared your throat, but no words left your lips. They just didn’t seem to want to come.

“Cat got your tongue, darling?” He teased, his breath beside your neck making you shiver. You were beyond flustered, you didn’t know how to react, so you chose the best option you knew. Pain. You quickly stepped on his foot under the table, causing the man to whine in pain. The table fell silent at the unexpected sound leaving the man’s lungs, but you wore the most innocent expression you could muster. “Why did you do that?” he asked, but you just shook your head.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You shrugged with an innocent smile painted across your face. You turned towards Molly to continue your conversation, but the woman wore a playful grin and a suspicious gaze as she studied you and Sirius with her knowing eyes.

Sirius sent a deadly stare towards you, but you didn’t mind. You smiled innocently and continued the dinner as if nothing happened. But inside, inside you were craving more from him, to be closer to him, to be able to touch him. You knew you shouldn’t have such thoughts of him, but you couldn’t control the way you felt around him, the thoughts his mere presence caused you to have.

You didn’t want to think of the thoughts you had, but you couldn’t get them out of your head. How your hand would get lost in his big palm, how his growing stubble would feel against your skin, how his kiss would taste on your lips. You knew you were not supposed to have these thoughts, but you couldn’t control your curiosity.

The dinner didn’t last long, the order members disappeared quicker than you expected. Sirius has already gone up to his room, leaving you to walk the rest of the members, Arthur and Molly Weasley towards the exit.

“Could you please wait for me outside?” Molly asked her husband and whilst both Arthur and you were confused by the woman, he did as he was told and stepped outside.

“Is everything okay?” You asked the woman as you have been left alone and she let out a single laugh.

“Of course, dear. I was just wondering how long it has been going on.” Molly watched you with the most curious gaze you have ever seen from her.

“I’m sorry, but you are going to have to give me more details.” You stared at her in surprise.

“Oh hush, darling. You know exactly what I mean.” She gave you a knowing look, but you were still confused and perhaps Molly realised it too as she finally continued. “I meant you and Sirius.” Your eyes widened in surprise at her unexpected words.

“Molly, I think you misunderstood something. There is nothing between us.” You quickly shook your head and lifted your hands, waving them in front of you, gesturing your innocence. She frowned as she watched your panicked expression, knowing full well that you were honest with her.

“Are you trying to tell me that my eyes have lied to me?” She questioned with a sceptical look. “That you don’t have feelings for him?” You wanted to deny it, you wanted to tell her that her eyes have misled her, but how could you. You would have lied to yourself if you said you didn’t see something in the man, that you didn’t feel like you needed to be around him, that his presence didn’t affect you in ways no one ever had.

Molly always had an eye for couples, one could call it a sixth sense, but for her it was second nature. She was a good observer and when people were obvious, she didn’t even have to take a second glance at them to understand the underlying feelings.

“Was I that obvious?” You asked as you let your head fall forward in defeat.

“Both of you were.” She giggled softly. Your eyes shot up as a playful glint appeared in Molly’s. Your lips parted involuntarily, the information surprising you. You hoped all along that it wasn’t just you who felt the connection between you, the little spark ready to ignite the fire within you. “If there’s any progression, I’m still only an owl away, waiting eagerly.” She chuckled, which made you grin as you awkwardly scratched the back of your neck.

“We will see, Molly. We will see.” You replied, trying not to jinx your luck.

You waved goodbye to the Weasleys before you walked up the stairs and started off to your room. Each time you headed to your temporary accommodation, which slowly started to feel more and more like home, you passed Sirius’ room in the hallway. This was no different. You couldn’t stop yourself from halting for a moment, placing your hand on the door as if you could feel him closer to you.

You weren’t sure how right Molly was, but you were hoping that her eyes were truly seeing something blossom between you and Sirius. You couldn’t deny how much you needed him, how much you wanted him, and you were wishing nothing more, but to feel him close to you and for your feelings to be reciprocated.

Chapter Text

It was a rainy, dull evening, weather getting colder, nights spreading longer. You have been thinking about Molly’s words, over and over again playing in the back of your mind like an old and faulty record player.

You thought as both of you were stuck in the house alone, you could initiate a little bonding time, maybe trying to understand him a bit more. You walked into the dining room, taking two crystal glasses and a bottle of fire whiskey out of the cupboard and headed back to the living room, where you last saw Sirius. You halted at the doorway and leaned against the wooden frame.

The room was dominated in dark orange and red colours, filled with warmth provided by the fire. Sirius sat on one of the couches right in front of the fireplace, his eyes focused on the flames, his silky long hair tucked behind his ear, his face relaxed and soft. You haven’t seen him so calm since your years in Hogwarts, when he was a reckless teenager. You didn’t even realise that you somewhat missed his carefree attitude.

You walked behind the couch, holding the bottle of fire whiskey in front of him as you propped your elbow up on the back of the furniture. You didn’t expect Sirius to turn around, but when he did you couldn’t miss the proximity between you.

His nose was almost touching yours, his eyes even more beautiful up close. His breath reached your lips, making you shiver slightly, his eyes accidently wandering down to your mouth, his gaze lingering a tad longer than it was appropriate. Your heart was racing in a dangerous pace and you could have sworn it was loud enough for him to hear. You tried not to look at his lips, your self-control disappearing faster than you wished to admit. You knew if you were to look at his lips, you couldn’t stop yourself from closing the gap between you.

Sirius was the first to break the moment, his voice shaky as he tried to solve the tension. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you are trying to get me drunk.” He chuckled with a slightly awkward tone to his voice as he took the bottle from you and patted the space beside him on the couch.

You sat down on the other end of the sofa; your legs pulled up to your chest as you waited for him to pour the liquid into your glass.

“I might have had ulterior motives.” You replied as you finally felt yourself capable of speaking again. His brows ran high at your brave comment, a satisfied chuckle escaping his lips.

“And what would that be?” He asked as he handed you your glass, wild curiosity shining through his grey eyes.

“Now what would be the fun in spilling all my secrets to you?” You smirked as you clinked your glasses together.

The conversation was easy flowing, not even a second of silence falling up on you. It was hard not to be around the man, you couldn’t even recall why you disliked him so much back in school. He was funny and sweet, had a way with words and never made you feel like he was trying to overpower you or look down on you.

You had to accept that he was becoming more and more important to you and you were hoping that you didn’t misread the signs, that he was indeed as interested in you as you were in him.

“You know, if you told me in school that I would be sitting here, just having a conversation with you without trying to kill each other or plot something against the other, I would have thought you were under a spell.” He shook his head as he looked into the fire.

“I guess I would have reacted the same way.” You nodded, following his eyes towards the fireplace. “Would you want us to go back to the old times and try to make each other’s life miserable?” You asked as your eyes stared at the man’s profile, eagerly waiting for a reply.

A small smile spread across his face, the flames mirroring in his stormy eyes. “No, I wouldn’t. I have to admit, I do enjoy your company.” He replied wearing his lazy, lopsided smile as he took a swig of his drink.

“Oh my, was that a compliment from Sirius Black himself?” You asked in a mocking surprise, causing the man to roll his eyes at your antics.

It was relaxing, just to sit with him, talk to him about anything and not feeling like you had to censor your own words. His presence beside you made you feel warm and welcomed and whilst you knew it would be a bold statement to say it out loud, he felt like home. A home where you could be yourself without anyone judging you, a home where you were more than welcome, a home where perhaps you were wanted.

The night dragged on, making you feel drowsy. You felt your head fall against the back of the couch, your glass tilting in your hand, dangerously close to spill its content. But before it could have happened, Sirius took the glass from your hand and placed it on the table beside the sofa.

You felt yourself being lifted, your nostrils filling up with Sirius’ mixed scent of tobacco, alcohol and caffeine. You forced your eyes to open, realising you were being carried by him. One of his arms was tucked under the back of your knees, with the other balancing your weight behind your back. A lazy smile spread across your face as you enjoyed his arms around you, slumber taking over you once again, before you could have even reached your room.

You couldn’t have been asleep for long, when you heard a loud, deep scream coming from another room. It took you a second and third scream to recognise Sirius’ voice. You didn’t have to roll from left to right, you didn’t try to fall back asleep. You jumped out of bed as soon as you processed his pained cries and ripped your door open, running to his room.

You didn’t care about politeness and ethics, screw them, you opened the door and stepped inside his room. He was turning and tossing on his bed, the bedside lamp giving you enough light to see his face sweating feverishly, his face pale, his eyes firmly closed. He was having an awful nightmare.

You walked up to his bed, taking a seat on the edge, trying to shake the man to wake up, but he didn’t budge. “Sirius?” You held his shoulders, but he didn’t wake up. You tried to shake him stronger, but his horrid dream sucked him in so deep, you were unsuccessful. “Sirius!” You raised your voice, giving him a shake again, his eyes shot open, staring at you in surprise. He lifted his arm, removing the sweat drops from his forehead. “Are you okay?” You asked as you removed his hair from his face, gently tucking it behind his ear.

“Yeah-“ he breathed, his voice hoarse.

“Do you need anything? I can bring you a glass of water, maybe a blanket?” His skin was freezing cold under your warm touch, concern lacing in your voice as you offered to help. His pyjama shirt rolled up on his stomach, exposing his skin, making it hard for you to look away.

“I’m good.” He said as he heaved a deep sigh, his eyes staring at the ceiling. You weren’t sure what to do.

“Are you sure?” You were debating to leave him alone, but you couldn’t just do that after such a nightmare. You had your fair share of those, and it was harder to fight them alone. However, Sirius nodded, silently asking you to leave. “I’m just going to go back to my room then. If you need anything, just let me know, okay?” You tried to search for his eyes, but he kept staring at the ceiling, his gaze never connecting yours.

You nodded more to yourself and stood up from his bed, heading towards the door. “Could you please stay?” His voice was barely a whisper, but it stopped you immediately. You didn’t know how to react, your heart wanted to jump out of your chest after all. You turned around, his eyes fixed on yours, his gaze filled with pain and desperation for someone to hold him.

You heaved a deep sigh and pulled a chair beside his bed, but he shook his head. “No.” He said and patted the bed beside him. You gulped loudly, fearing your heart would give you away as soon as he was to touch you, but after taking a shaky sigh, you went along. You have been in need of his touch for so long and you wanted to be selfish. You were there for him, to make him feel better, but you were there for yourself, wanting to feel him close to you.

You climbed on the bed as Sirius held his duvet up for you and you shimmied closer to him, but not enough to touch him.

“Would you mind if I held you?” He asked, his voice weak, making your eyes widen. You didn’t expect him to touch you, you thought he needed just a company, someone to take his nightmares away. You felt your hands shake, your throat dry out, your chest tighten from the inside. You nodded at his request and scooted closer to him. Without hesitation he wrapped his arm around your waist as you hid your face in his chest, blessing the soft light for not exposing the crimson red blush covering your cheeks.

“Does it make you feel uncomfortable?” He asked, concern filling his voice, but you quickly shook your head. You weren’t uncomfortable, maybe excited would have been the right word. You felt guilty for feeling your stomach jump at his sleepy voice, for your heartbeat racing in a pace you thought was fatal as his arm sneaked around you, for the inappropriate thoughts you had when you were supposed to comfort him innocently.

You didn’t know if it was your closeness or his nightmare, but you could feel his heart pumping just as fast as yours was. “I can’t sleep.” He stated, pulling you even closer, his face hidden in your hair. You tilted your head up, your eyes meeting his grey ones, the dim light making them shine in the darkness.

“Is there any way I can help?” You asked, hoping to ease his mood. You tried to ignore the proximity between you, his lips almost touching yours, his breath fanning your skin, his eyes shamelessly staring at your lips, before they found your gaze again.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered against your lips, his hand squeezing your waist gently. You could hear your own heartbeat in your ears, air dangerously stuck in your lungs. You didn’t know what to say, his closeness made you feel dizzy. You wanted to feel his lips against yours for so long, but there you were lying in his embrace and you didn’t know how to react.

You heaved a shaky sigh as you slowly nodded. Sirius didn’t kiss you immediately; his pace was taunting you as he grazed his lips across yours, back and forth, before he finally closed the space between you.

His chapped lips melted with yours, inviting you for a slow dance. You thought he would attack you aggressively, but there he was studying every inch of your lips, moving with you in sync, his arm pulling you flush against him, your hands gripping on to his shirt as if your life depended on it.

The kiss didn’t last long, but it was enough to make you want more. You felt his unsteady breaths on your skin, his hand still holding onto you dearly. You didn’t know what came over you, maybe a hint of bravery just resurfaced from deep down, but you couldn’t stop yourself from attaching your lips to his again.

You grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to you if that was even possible, his lips hungrily moving against yours as his hand found its way under your shirt. His cold touch sent shivers through your heated body as he climbed on top of you, deepening the kiss.

You definitely didn’t expect to find yourself cuddled up to Sirius, let alone kissing him hungrily as his touches explored every inch of your body. But you had to admit, you couldn’t have asked for a better night, than feeling home in his embrace. 

Chapter Text

When you woke up the next day, you found the bed empty beside you. You ran your hand across the sheet, its surface cold, indicating Sirius has been gone for a while. You swallowed in fear of what was to come, all kinds of scenarios playing in your head.

Maybe it was just a heat of the moment kind of night, maybe he just needed to hold someone, anyone for that matter, maybe he didn’t even feel anything for you, you were just there at the right place, in the right time.

You quickly got out of his bed, ignoring his scent covering your body and the way it made you feel both anxious and relaxed. Your clothes were scattered around the floor, waiting for you to quickly pick them up, dress up and hurry to your room. It felt like the walk of shame as you played with the thought of the awkwardness you tried to prepare yourself to.

You stepped under the water, washing Sirius’ scent off you. You didn’t want to think of all the what ifs, but they came anyway. What if he didn’t need you, what if things were to turn awkward, what if it was just a one-night stand. Your head was a mess of thoughts, each making you feel more anxious than the previous one.

You dressed up and left your room with unsteady steps down the stairs. You walked through the hallway, feeling as if it has extended since the day before when you last walked through it. You felt a certain sweet smell, reminding you of some dessert, but you couldn’t pinpoint the exact food. As you arrived at the kitchen, your brows ran high in surprise.

Sirius stood in the kitchen, wearing only his pyjama bottoms, his upper body completely uncovered. You watched his back muscles contract as he held up the frying pan and with a swift movement threw the pancake in the air, before it landed back on the pan.

His silent whistles reminded you of a song that you heard a very long time ago, a song that a muggle born friend of yours showed you. Sirius moved his hips to the rhythm of his whistles as he flipped the pancake again. A small smile spread across your face, his carefree attitude making you feel slightly better.

“Morning.” You whispered. His head shot up as he looked at you with a grin.

“Morning, love.” He chirped in a happy tone, making you let out a single giggle. You couldn’t let yourself feel too relieved, anxious thoughts still screaming at you from the back of your mind.

You walked up to him, standing beside the stove as he flipped another pancake this time, the rest of them sitting on top of each other on a plate next to the stove.

“Pancakes? Sounds nice.” You tried to initiate a small conversation, the silence killing you from the inside.

“I thought I would surprise you.” He grinned widely as he sneaked a hand around your waist and pulled you to his side, hinting a small kiss on your temple. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking at him with a stunned gaze, your teeth digging into your bottom lip involuntarily. His happy face quickly turned into an uncertain expression. You wanted to control the way your heart was about to burst from his closeness, the way your thoughts swirled around in your head, but everything seemed to be too overwhelming to compose yourself.

“About last night, love-“ he started, fear bubbling up inside you, the gap he kept between his words making you feel sick. “it wasn’t a one-time thing for me.” He shook his head as an involuntarily loud sigh left your lungs, making him chuckle. “I have a feeling you are relieved.”

Your words left the tip of your tongue without a second thought, relief rushing through your body. “When I woke up and you weren’t there, I thought-“ your words stuck in you for a moment, searching for the right way to express yourself. “I thought that you left not to make it awkward. You know, to make me understand that it was not a recurring situation.” You explained, a slight blush creeping up on your cheeks.

“No, I do want it and I just hope you feel the same.” He barely finished the sentence, but you were already nodding excitedly like a love-sick schoolgirl.

“I do, I do feel the same way. I want to give it a chance.” You smiled happily as you stood on your tiptoes, hinting a small kiss on Sirius’ lips. You wanted to pull back and lower yourself, but Sirius had other ideas. He got hold of your waist with one hand and cupped your face with the other, deepening the kiss, making you moan into his mouth, which earned you a satisfied smirk from him. “You should pay attention to the pancakes.” You giggled against his lips, before he let you go with a quick peck.

“Right, if you don’t want to kiss me, just say that.” He pouted. You couldn’t understand when he became so adorable, but for you he was way too sweet to be true. You cupped his cheeks and pulled him down for another kiss, making him chuckle.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me for long.” He smirked proudly, earning a slap on his chest from you.

“You cocky bastard.” You giggled. You walked to the cupboards and took out two plates and some cutleries and sat down beside the head of the table. You watched as he worked on the pancakes, a happy smile still spread across his face as an unusual thought came to you. “Don’t you think Harry is going to throw a fit when he realises-“ you weren’t sure how to continue, but Sirius knew just the right words.

“That we fancy each other? No, he won’t. He has been asking about you in his letters and I have been talking about you very highly.” He smirked proudly. He turned off the stove and brought the pancakes over to the table with a jar of jam tugged under his arm.

He took a seat beside you and both of you dug into the delicious desert which served the purpose of a breakfast after such an active night.

“Why was he asking about me?” You frowned. “I thought he didn’t like me.”

“He is sceptical, love. He shouldn’t be at his age, but he has been through so much, he can’t help but try to protect himself. However, when you talked to him about Lily, it had a big impact on him. I guess it made him curious about you.” He explained matter-of-factly, but you could just about hear a slight bitterness behind his tone, his words reminding him of how similar Harry and he have been. Both experiencing things they shouldn’t have from such a young age.

“Is it bad that I feel happy about opening up to him?” You asked, but he quickly shook his head.

“I’m glad you did. I think he needed that. To hear about his parents from a different person, a different perspective.” He smiled at you softly. You mirrored his expression and leaned closer to him, kissing him again, still enjoying the new feeling.

However, the idyllic moment didn’t last long. The entrance door opened with a loud cracking sound as it hit the wall behind it, pairs of footsteps hurrying around the place.

“Where is she?” You heard Mundungus Fletcher’s voice coming from the hall. Sirius stood up, picking up his robe from the back of his chair before heading to the hallway to see what was happening, who was causing the noise. He didn’t have the time to step out of the kitchen, within seconds Mundungus hurried into the room, wand ready in hand as Emmeline Vance followed him behind.

You jumped out of your chair as you realised, he was heading towards you, but before you could have stepped out of the way, he cornered you against the counter, his wand painfully digging into the soft skin on your neck.

“What is going on here?” Sirius raised his voice, stepping to your side and harshly taking Mundungus’ wand out of his hand. “What in Merlin’s name do you think you are doing?” He asked, his body tense, anger taking over him as he watched the way they treated you.

“She is a traitor. She betrayed us, you stupid man.” He shouted as Sirius' eyes widened at the words, before he took a step back and involuntarily allowed Mundungus to take his wand back.

“Sirius, don’t!” You told him, before you turned back to the wizard and witch standing in front of you. “I didn’t betray anyone. At least before you accuse me, tell me what I did.” You spit the words in anger, your hands shaking as you struggled to compose yourself.

“What is going on?” You heard as Remus arrived and headed towards the noises, finding you in the kitchen at wand-point.  

“The mission was supposed to be easy. We were supposed to go, collect the relevant information and leave. But they knew we were coming. They saw us coming. Noone was supposed to know. We almost died you ungrateful brat. You ratted us out.” He shouted in your face, making you flinch.

“I didn’t do it. I am not even part of your meetings. How would I have known about it?” You screamed back at him, your voice shaky, your eyes filling up with tears. You tried to take deep breaths to calm yourself down, but your heart rate was dangerously fast.

“You were here at the dinner. You heard when we talked about it.” He concluded.

“I have no idea what you are on about. I was talking to Sirius and Molly throughout the dinner.” You tried to clear up the situation. You could just about recall hearing a word or two about some mission, but you couldn’t care to pay attention. “Sirius, you were with me the whole time, you know I didn’t do it.” You turned to the man, ignoring as the wand dug deeper in your skin.

The pain-filled eyes you met, his memories of a loved one betraying him resurfaced once again and without any further question, you knew you lost him. There wasn’t even a slight confusion across his face, a debate that he might have had against his own thoughts and assumptions.

A single teardrop rolled down your face, your eyes glistening from the tears you were trying to stop from escaping, realising no one dared to vouch for your innocence. Once again you were accused of something you have not done, something you were not.

“Enough.” Remus stepped in, stunning you. “Do you have any proof?” He asked as he took Mundungus’ wand, the same way Sirius did before. None of them said anything. “I asked, have you got any proof?” He repeated firmly.

“No, but she is the only one who could have shared the information.” Mundungus threw his arms in the air.

“Or is she?” He raised a brow. “I’m just coming from Shacklebolt. Podmore tried to break into the Department of Mysteries overnight. He got caught in the process. He was under the influence of the Imperius curse. So once again I am asking you, have you or have you not any proof?” His warning tone made Mundungus take a step back. “I thought so.” He nodded and handed his wand back to him. “Now leave.” He pointed towards the door and both Emmeline and Mundungus left Grimmauld place with a bitter expression across their face. “I’m sorry.” Remus turned to you.

You weren’t sure what to say, once again you were left wordless. Maybe it was the accusation, maybe Sirius’ lack of trust in you, maybe the fact that you never expected Remus to stand up for you, but it was all too overwhelming. “Thank you.” You whispered with a shaky voice, your eyes fixed on the ground as you tried to process the situation.

“Love-“ Sirius called out to you, reaching to touch you, but you flinched away. Your eyes shot up, the man’s disappointing behaviour playing in your head over and over again.

“Don’t touch me.” You said as you hurried out of the room, needing your undisturbed, own space.

You knew it had happened to him before, you knew someone who he loved dearly had betrayed his trust years ago, but you couldn’t accept that he thought you would ever do the same. You couldn’t understand how he could turn against you in a matter of seconds.

You laid across your bed, tears staining your cheeks, heart-wrenching sobs leaving your lungs. You were accused of being a traitor, still it was you who have been betrayed at the end. Your loud sobs took a while to die down, slumber finally taking over your broken self.

Chapter Text

It’s been days since you left Sirius in the kitchen and cried yourself to sleep. He has been trying to apologise to you, but you didn’t even look at him. You passed him as if you couldn’t hear him, you ate your meals as if he wasn’t even there and you walked around the house as if he didn’t even exist.

However, this tactic of yours didn’t seem to make him give up, if anything he became more determined to show you how guilty he felt. He made breakfast for you in the mornings, he pushed little notes under your door, trying to make you forgive him, he even prepared candle lit baths for you. However, you were too upset to show any interest. You left the food untouched, ripped apart the notes, leaving them in front of his door and blew out the candles, before you let the water cool down.

You thought he would finally get that you were not interested in his apology, but oh were you wrong. He wasn’t about to give up and it riled you up.

People make mistakes, you knew that, but he was the last person you expected to betray you, after all he should have known better how awful of a feeling it is when someone accuses you of something you haven’t even done.

You were always hard-headed, and it was no different this time either. If you learned something from your family, it was definitely your pride. You didn’t plan on giving in, he deserved to suffer.

It wasn’t even suffering you thought, you barely started having feelings for each other and before you started getting closer, you simply ignored each other’s existence anyway. You believed it wouldn’t be hard to go back to that again. You didn’t like him before, and you were ready to unlike him to turn things around.

But of course, you were just lying to yourself, although it was still easier than to forgive him.

“Love, can we just talk finally?” Sirius caught you as you were about to ascend the stairs. Love! He called you love again. You were fed up with his pet names, the way he tried to seem affectionate, when days before he turned his back on you. You were fuming, his mere presence pissed you off. Your cheeks heated up, you clenched your jaw in anger.

“Do not ever dare to call me love.” You turned around, offering your deadliest glare to the man.

“Finally, you are talking.” He sighed. “Why can’t you just give me a chance to explain?” He asked desperately.

You scoffed. “Because you don’t deserve it. You should be the last person to turn your back on me, when you know exactly how it feels to be betrayed, to be accused of something you didn’t commit. You should be the first person who doubts the accusations.” You raised your voice in anger.

“The only thing I could think of was that I have been betrayed before. I couldn’t think clearly. I’m so sorry. You have to understand that in that moment it was like a déjà vu feeling-“ before he could have continued though, you cut him off.

“I was the one who was accused, not you. You should have stayed beside me; you should have believed me. For Merlin’s sake, I was next to you the whole time, how was I supposed to give out any information? Humour someone else, Black.” You hissed, his last name making him flinch.

You didn’t let him talk, you rushed up to your room and slammed the door shut with a loud bang. You hurried to your bed and flopped down on it, face hidden in the duvet as you screamed into the material.

Hours passed by as you rolled around on your bed, groaning each time as his face appeared in your memories. It was like he was haunting you, as if everything was your fault. You groaned again as you turned onto your stomach, your face hidden in the duvet as you screamed how much you hated him.

You didn’t though. You missed his kisses from that night, you missed his strong arms making you feel safe and cared for. You missed his pampering pecks on your heated skin, your hand getting lost in his big palms, his fingers curling around your hips as he pulled you closer.

A knock on your door stopped your daydreaming. You scolded yourself for your silly thoughts as you got up from the bed and opened the door to find no one there. You frowned as you looked around, turning left and right, not a single person in sight. As you were about to close the door, you caught sight of an envelope in front of the doorstep. You picked it up and closed your door behind you as you threw the object on your bed.

You didn’t have to think twice to know who placed it in front of your door. You could easily recognise his handwriting in the front of the envelope, your name displayed as if a fifth grader wrote it, crooked and uneven.

You heaved a deep sigh, looking at the envelope as if it was your arch enemy. You wanted to see what he wrote, you read all his notes before ripping them apart too. But you were still pissed off. It’s been going on for days and you understood why he reacted the way he did, he was betrayed once before, but your pride was screaming in the back of your mind that he didn’t deserve your forgiveness, whilst your heart argued the opposite.

You finally sat down on the bed, getting hold of the letter, flipping it around, before you decided to open it.

My love,

Probably you will not read this letter, just like how you have thrown all my other attempts away, but I feel like it’s worth a try. If you do read it, which I can’t see much of a chance to, I just want you to know that I don’t know what else I could do to make this up to you.

I have made a mistake and I am not trying to find excuses for that. I should have believed you and I didn’t. I feel guilty and each time I see you and you pass by me as if I didn’t exist reminds me how much I fucked up.

It’s no secret that I like you. The night we have spent together still plays in my mind vividly and I wish nothing more than to hold you in my arms once again, to kiss you the way I have never got the chance to, to tell you that I am falling for you.

“Falling for you?” – You stopped as you reread the words ten even twenty times. You couldn’t believe your eyes, your heart excitedly flattering in your chest. It couldn’t be true, you thought.

I screwed up royally and every waking moment of mine is spent regretting that decision, but it happened and unfortunately, I can not turn back time. I am simply begging you to give me a second chance to show you how much you have come to mean to me, because each day without you makes me feel empty inside.

If you can find it in yourself to just consider forgiving me, even if it’s not in the near future, please join me in the dining room at 7pm.

I will be waiting for you.

Love, Sirius

You didn’t know what to think. You could feel his desperation, his guilt even in his letter and you honestly felt guilty for pushing him away, but you were hurt, and it was all his doing. You started reading the letter again and again, hoping to get a clear answer as to what to do, but if anything, it confused you even more.

You got up from your bed and with a deep sigh headed towards the dining room. You couldn’t foresee what would happen, but you knew if you talked to him, it could help you decide what to do.

You walked down the stairs, your steps slow and calculated. You headed towards the dining room as delicious smells hit your nostrils. You opened the door to see Sirius seated at the table, his face hidden behind his palms, his elbows propped up on the table. There were all kinds of fancy food prepared on the table, only candles giving a dim light to the room.

“Hey.” You greeted him as you sat down on the other end of the table, as far as you could. His head shot up, his eyes wide in surprise.

“Hi.” He replied, his voice uncertain. “You read my letter.” He added, unable to process your presence. You nodded in reply.

“Yes, I did. A couple of times actually.” You admitted with a tiny smile hidden in the corner of your lips.

“Let’s eat then.” He offered with a small smile, his eyes still attached to yours in disbelief. You knew he didn’t want to push you, that’s why he offered to dig into the delicious food, but you weren’t here to eat in an awkward silence.

“I’m actually not hungry.” You spoke up as he swallowed visibly. “I came to talk.”

He nodded in response. “I’m sorry. I really am, but I have run out of ideas. I don’t know what else I could do to make up for my mistake.” He shook his head as he kept his eyes locked with yours.

“You hurt me, you know that, don’t you?” You asked.

“I do.” He replied with a deep frown, his eyes filled with guilt. “And I have been trying to convince you to forgive me, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. I would rather have you screaming at me, shouting at me, but the fact that you pretend that I don’t exist is the worst feeling. I feel useless and I wish you could just talk to me.” He stood up and headed towards your end of the table, before he took a seat beside you and got hold of your hand, gently squeezing it. You thought about pulling away, but you couldn’t deny how nice his warm hand felt around yours.

“You were the last person I expected to turn against me.” You said as he nodded.

“I know and I shouldn’t have. I really am sorry.” He apologised for the umpteenth time.

“I like you, Sirius, that hasn’t changed, but how can I trust you again?” You asked, but Sirius just shook his head.

“I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry for what I did, I wish I’d never done that, but I can’t do much about it now. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would be the happiest man alive. If you can’t, I completely understand. But that is a decision you have to make.” You knew how right he was, but you were feeling as if you were stuck between the two options and you couldn’t move.

You looked into his eyes, searching for the right answer, wanting to know what the best decision would be. You watched as Sirius played with your hands, interlocking your fingers, waiting for you to say something.

“Oh, screw this.” You exclaimed, causing Sirius to jump slightly as you reached for his face, cupped his cheeks and attached your lips to his. He didn’t return the kiss immediately, his shocked state was in need of a bit of time to understand what was happening before he finally returned your advances, kissing you back passionately.

He breathed heavily as he pulled away. “Can I take it as a step towards forgiveness?” He asked with a happy smile.

“You can.” You returned his expression, your cheeks flushing red.

“I should piss you off more often.” He exclaimed, still trying to organise his breathing.

“I don’t think you would like that.” You smiled happily as you wrapped your arms around his neck. It was a hard decision to make, but you couldn’t deny how much you needed his lips attached to yours, his fingers interlocking with your digits, his arms wrapped around your waist, his face hidden in your neck. You simply needed him, and you would have been a fool not to forgive him. “But I meant it Sirius, you hurt me.” You added with a sceptical look, hoping he would understand that you didn’t plan on repeating the same mistakes.

“I know and I will do anything to make up for my mistake.” He spoke firmly.

“Anything?” You asked with a playful grin spread across your face.

“Anything?” He asked with uncertainty.

“What do you think about bringing the food upstairs to your room?” You asked as you stood up, pulling him up into a standing position too. You wrapped your arms around his neck, his arms sneaking around your waist to pull you flush against him. “Maybe you could show me how badly you are falling for me.” You giggled as he let out a heartfelt laughter, before closing the distance between your lips once again.

“We will have to stay in the room for a while then.” He smirked against your lips.

“I don’t mind.” You breathed. He pulled away from you, getting hold of your hand as he started walking towards the stairs, taking a look at you after each step, just to make sure you weren’t disappearing from his grasp.

He never ever wanted to feel like you were about to give up on him again and he was to show you just how much you meant to him. It wasn’t just you who found a safe space within him, but so did he, finally experiencing home within you.

You weren’t sure how or when it happened, but before you even had the time to send a letter to Molly, updating her about the events, she appeared at a particular Order meeting, pouting as she confessed knowing about you and Sirius, this time scolding you for being just an owl away.

The end!

Chapter Text

Title: Bundle of joy
Pairing: Sirius Black x Lestrange!Female!Reader
Word count: 1.4k
Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

It's been 2 weeks. 2 whole weeks since you found out. 14 days exactly. 336 hours, 20160 minutes, 1209600 seconds. However you kept calculating, it still felt like forever. There was no doubt, no way to avoid the inevitable. As you walked out of St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, you were trying to grasp the idea of having a tiny human growing in your belly. A life that you were to nurture for the next 7 months within you. You were supposed to be happy, full of life, planning creative ways to tell all your loved ones. But how could you. The only thoughts that came to you were anything but positive. Your parents made your life a living hell, your bothers were death eaters and as difficult it was to admit it, you were one of them, even though you didn't agree with their views.

How were you supposed to raise a child when the only examples you have been taught were how to hate? How were you to raise a child when you didn't even know how to hold one? But most of all, how were you to tell Sirius, the man who meant more to you than anyone in your life? Children or family for that matter never came up in your conversations. You just couldn't imagine walking up to him, stating your findings as simple facts. The man would have gotten a heart attack.

You were seated in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place with a steaming cup of tea in one hand and an enchanted polaroid photo of a tiny smudge that barely even resembled a baby just yet. You jumped in your seat as you heard the entrance door open and quickly hid the photo in your pocket. It wasn't the right time, you weren't ready to tell him just yet.

Sirius walked towards the kitchen, halting in the doorway, peeking in the room to catch a sight of you. "Hello, love," he called with a soft smile across his face. As he approached you, his steps felt heavy and uncertain. But it was no surprise to you. "Are you feeling alright?" He asked as he stepped beside you and hinted a small kiss on the top of your hair, but once again, just like you have done many times before, you pulled away from him.

"I'm— I'm good," you replied with a faux smile, trying to stop him from worrying, but you knew he realised your distant behaviour. He kneeled beside your chair, getting hold of your hands, holding them gently, drawing little circles on your knuckles.

"I know something is wrong. I know you are trying to hide something. If you are not ready to tell me, that is fine, but please don't lie to me," he pleaded with you as he left a small kiss on the back of your hand, reassuring you that he was ready to wait for you to open up.

"I just need you to give me a bit more time," you whispered, your breath shaky and uncertain as you squeezed Sirius' hands.

"As long as you need," he offered you a sweet and genuine smile as he let go of your hands and cupped your cheeks, kissing you on your lips. His mere touch always made you feel safe, as though nothing could ever hurt you. But you knew in that moment that you were more afraid than ever.

"I wish that was true," you sighed heavily, averting your eyes. "I'm scared, Sirius," you exhaled, leaning forward and placing your forehead in the crook of his neck.

"Love, what are you afraid of?" He asked in confusion, running his hand through the back of your hair, trying to sooth your worries.

"Will I be like them?" You asked, earning a questioning humming sound from Sirius. "Like my parents. Will I be as horrible as them? I'm their blood after all," you heaved a heavy sigh, your breath hitching as tears started escaping down your cheeks, soaking Sirius' thick coat.

"Where is this coming from?" He asked, stunned. "You are nothing like your parents or your brothers. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, both inside and out. And if you don't believe me, ask yourself, have I ever lied to you? As far as I'm concerned, I have not. You are nothing like your family. Can you please tell me where all this is coming from? You are making me really worried," he pleaded with you as he hinted a small kiss on your temple.

"Do you really think I'm nothing like them?" You asked as you leaned back to look into his smoky eyes, needing reassurance.

"Anything but, love," he replied with a soft smile, hoping to cheer you up, earning a small smile from you.

"Sirius— erm, I was thinking— what do you think about children?" You tried to bring up the subject as softly as you could. If you could, you could have delayed the inevitable, but as he kneeled in front of you with a worried look across his face, you knew you couldn't leave him in the dark any longer.

"Children?" He asked with a deep frown across his brows, your question catching him off guard. "I like them, I guess. I mean I have a really good relationship with Harry, Ron and Hermione and it seems little Teddy likes me too," he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"And what do you think about having your own child?" You questioned, feeling your heart took on a faster pace, your palms sweating in your nervous state.

His eyes widened, your question surprising him. "What— what do you mean?" He asked stuttering, but you just bit on your lower lip and let your head fall forward whilst playing with your fingers. "Hold on a minute, do you mean— as in you and me— are we going to be parents?" He asked with a shocked expression, lips widely parted, eyes growing round. You weren't sure what to say, how to say it or what would be the right words to use, so instead you nodded. "Is there going to be a little you and me— a miniature us running around?" He repeated as if needing further reassurance, he didn't misinterpret your gesture.

"Yes— there is going to be a little one running around in approximately 7 months," you replied with an awkward smile as you placed your hand on your belly, with the other reaching for the photo in your pocket. He took it from you, his face turning pale for a second, realisation hitting him hard, before his lips started curving up into a small smile.

"That— that is absolutely brilliant," he began to chuckle as a wide grin spread across his face. "Just imagine what a handful he or she is going to be," he laughed.

"Are you not afraid?" You asked.

"Of what exactly?" He furrowed his brows.

"Of us not being good parents? We are both from families that do not have a good record in providing a loving home," you voiced your concerns.

"Not at all," he smiled proudly. "If anything, we know best what we were missing and what we would like to do for that little one. We can use the lack of love we had as an advantage, because now we know how important it is for a child to be brought up in a healthy, loving family," he took your hand in his, gently squeezing it.

"But Sirius, we are in the middle of a war," you retorted, still unsure of your ability of bringing up a child.

"We are in the middle of a war now and we were in the middle of a war over a decade ago. You can't stop the circle of life because of evil people. Don't think about all the negativities. Think about the fact that I love you, you love me, and we will have a beautiful bundle of joy who we will love just as much," a content smile spread across Sirius' face. "At least little Teddy will have a playmate," he chuckled playfully as he pulled you up into a standing position and sneaked his arms around your waist. "I love you and I already love that little ankle-biter more than anything," he whispered into your ear.

"I have no idea how I got to be so lucky to have you," you replied with tears filling up your eyes.

"Those better be happy tears," he raised a questioning brow, his foolish smile still plastered across his face.

"Only," you chuckled as you cupped his face and pulled him down to meet your lips halfway. "I love you so much," you breathed against his lips, before you closed the gap between the two of you once again.