Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Minhyun was all for good, open, and honest communication. Talking about things was good, he liked talking about things. Admittedly, in Jonghyun’s opinion, Minhyun’s proclivity to chatter was maybe just a tad excessive. But after everything between them, the misunderstandings that could have so easily been solved by communication, he was resolved to speak his mind. Not that either of them had been particularly duplicitous and deceitful people to begin with. 

Jonghyun was used to Minhyun randomly blurting out what was on his mind whenever it occurred to him. That wasn’t even new. What was new were the things Minhyun said. 

With the one secret that had ever been kept from him now out in the open, the random insights into Minhyun’s train of thought went from ‘my toast was perfectly toasted this morning’ and ‘that flower is the same colour as my jumper’, to ‘you’re cute when you’re embarrassed’, ‘your smile makes my heart beat faster’ and —

“Jonghyun, what if we had sex?”

Jonghyun jerked up from where he was slouched on his bed, Nintendo switch in hand, and stared at his boyfriend who had been quietly, or as quiet as Minhyun could ever be, watching him play Mario Kart. 

That they were alone in his room, both pressed together and sat on his bed did not escape his notice. In fact, his brain decided that this little bit of information had suddenly become rather important and decided the best course of action was to scream it at him every three seconds like an endless klaxon. 

Of course it all came to an abrupt stop the moment he remembered. 

“ My parents are downstairs. ” He hissed, turning to stare at Minhyun incredulously. He was just about able to meet his eyes without flushing ridiculously - or rather, more ridiculously than he already was - and he let his stare become a narrow-eyed glare. 

“I didn’t mean now .” Minhyun spluttered. 

“You should have clarified.”

“I am. I’m clarifying now.”

“You should have clarified it at the start.”

“Well, I have now, so what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?”

“My question. What if we—”

Jonghyun slapped a hand over his mouth, before yelping and pulling it back when Minhyun licked his palm. He scowled and wiped the wetness on Minhyun’s sleeve. 

“You don’t have to say it again.”

“Say what again? Sex ?”

Jonghyun glared at him.

“It’s just a word.” Minhyun teased. “Unless it’s not just the word that’s making you embarrassed.”

Minhyun leaned in impossibly closer to Jonghyun, bringing them nose to nose, filling Jonghyun’s field of vision with Minhyun’s mischief-laden eyes. 

“I didn’t ask with the intent of pressuring you into doing something now.” Minhyun said with sincerity lacing his words and the previous teasing tone gone. “Or even in the near future.” He added hastily. “I just wanted to know how you feel about the idea, if you’re comfortable with us, you know, taking this next step in our relationship, or if you even want to. And if you don’t want to yet — or even ever — then that’s fine. We don’t have to.”

Minhyun paused. It was clear from the little furrow in his brow that he was concentrating hard to word his thoughts carefully into sentences he really meant. 

“It’s just… sometimes when we’re together and we’re kissing and then… well, you know how we get.” He said with a meaningful glance. 

Jonghyun knew all too well how they got. 

“And bearing that in mind, I wanted to ask about how you felt if the next time, we didn’t just stop to calm down… if we… kept going instead.”

Minhyun finished his monologue staring down at his hands, watching his own fingers twist and tangle together nervously. 

Jonghyun thought about Minhyun’s words. He thought about that word. He thought about Minhyun and that word in the same context. 

He blushed.

He couldn’t deny that the idea didn’t sound good… because it did. It sounded really good. But at the same time… If he could barely bring himself to say the word, did he really think he could be ready to do the act?

“I… I’m not sure how ready I am t-to… have sex.” 

Baby steps. One foot in front of the other. 

Minhyun looked up from his hands and watched him carefully as he waited patiently for Jonghyun to continue. 

“I want to…” He began.

“But you’re nervous?” Minhyun guessed.

“Yeah.” Jonghyun nodded, ever thankful that he and Minhyun were on the same wavelength.

Gentle hands settled on top of his which had been fiddling with the sheets beneath them.

“It’s okay.” Minhyun assured him, offering him a smile. “I’m nervous as hell too.” He confessed with an airy laugh. 

He slid his fingers between Jonghyun’s, interlinking their hands together loosely. 

“I don’t want to pressure you, if you’re not ready, then you’re not.” He shrugged, “I don’t want to do anything unless we both want to.”

Jonghyun smiled at him, grateful - and not for the first time - for Hwang Minhyun.

Chapter Text

Things continued on as before after that conversation. Mostly.

Jonghyun tried not to think too much about that conversation. Well, actually no, that wasn’t strictly true. He tried not to overthink that conversation. He did plenty of regular thinking about it.

How was he supposed to know when he’d be ready? At the very least he knew he wasn’t afraid per se, rather, it was a feeling that bordered more on the uncertainty that came with walking blindfolded into your own bedroom: you knew where things like your desk were, but the exact placement of where you’d left your pen on the desk took a little bit of feeling around for. 

As far as he knew, from the research he’d done - if trawling through fifteen year old posts on Yahoo answers and Quora could count as such - he was supposed to magically know he was ready when the time came. 

‘ You’ll be ready when you know you’re ready .’

Well, great. He’d just ruined his (mostly) unembarrassing search history all for nothing. 

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Jonghyun wanted to scream - both in praise and in utter damnation. Fuck the internet, fuck it all with it’s wishy washy nonsense but fuck it all because, annoyingly, it was right. 

The scene was like this:

It was a Saturday afternoon, and not a particularly unusual one either. Just as he often did, Jonghyun found himself at Minhyun’s. He blamed his boyfriend for that one. Apparently getting out of the house, more specifically out of his room, was something he should do from time to time. 

Honestly, Jonghyun mostly agreed to stop Minhyun’s nagging rather than ‘seeing the light’ in any sort of sense. It seemed almost nonsensical, though, that he should leave his room just to walk over to Minhyun’s when Minhyun could have walked himself over to Jonghyun’s but Minhyun had been insistent that even just the couple of minutes that he spent walking over would do him some good. The prospect of being inside again did regularly encourage him to increase his pace from comfortable to brisk though. (Minhyun had been overdramatically dismayed when Jonghyun had told him plainly that seeing his face alone was not a good enough incentive to leave the blanket cocoon that was almost a permanent fixture in his room.) 

Like most other Saturdays they spent together, they sat side by side on Minhyun’s bed in quiet contentment. While usually it was “quiet” contentment, this time it really was genuinely quiet. 

Minhyun had fallen asleep. 

It was when Jonghyun finally looked up from his manga to face his sleeping boyfriend that he began inwardly cursing at strangers on the internet. 

He took one glance at Minhyun’s sleeping visage and froze. 

He looked away and cursed again.

‘ For fuck’s sake, ’ he thinks to himself, exasperatedly, ‘ he’s not even sleeping attractively. ’

Because he really wasn’t.

A hint of drool trailed out of his gaping mouth and with his head tilted back, Jonghyun was rewarded with a front row seat to Minhyun’s nostril viewing party. 

It wasn’t attractive. It wasn’t. It really wasn’t. 

And yet. 

At least if he’d been sleeping like some fairytale prince charming Jonghyun would have understood. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have expected anything more normal than this. Afterall, when had anything in his life ever seemed even remotely normal in the first place? Minhyun himself was a prime example. 

Ridiculous. This was ridiculous. 

Jonghyun didn’t want to think about what this said about himself. He really didn’t want to cross examine his desires right at this moment either but if he didn’t… the only alternative thing to do was — well actually, sleeping right in front of him. 

This really was all Minhyun’s fault, Jonghyun thought to himself. Ever since Minhyun had brought up the topic of sex, it was like some dormant, sex-obssessed, part of Jonghyun’s brain decided to rise up, form a partnership with the part of his brain reserved for Minhyun, which then started a revolution that then in turn culminated in a oppressive dual dictatorship over the rest of his brain. 

If his brain wasn’t beaming flashes of porn — porn that he definitely didn’t watch after his consultation with the internet — at him, it was playing a never ending slideshow of any time Minhyun had looked even vaguely attractive like it was trying to condition him into associating his boyfriend with bad porn. 

Of all the times he could have had this ‘awakening’, it couldn’t have been any of the times he had watched Minhyun come out of the shower still damp and clothed in only a towel. It just had to be the time where Minhyun could not ooze sex appeal any less. 

He supposed this was his brain’s way of reminding him that as handsome as he is, at the end of the day, Jonghyun’s boyfriend was, in the nicest possible sense, a dumbass, and Jonghyun, for all he might deny it sometimes, loves his dumb ass. 

He was abruptly snapped out of his mental tirade when Minhyun snuffled, or snorted, loudly before waking and opening his eyes. 

Jonghyun wondered what Minhyun saw as his half-lidded and sleep-laden gaze turned to him. Did he see the warmth that Jonghyun could feel blooming on his cheeks? Were his pupils blown wide? Was his breathing as noticeably heaving and laboured as he thought it was?

Whatever his boyfriend saw when he looked at him, it must have been quite the sight since Minhyun was suddenly staring at him with those wide and beseeching eyes of his full of tentative concern. 

“Jonghyun-ah?”

His voice was made gruff and gravely by sleep and the timbre of it sent a— a — it sent feelings coursing through him. 

A gentle touch landed on his cheek as he continued to impersonate a statue - an awkward, embarrassed, yet increasingly horny statue. 

He let out a garbled noise as he aimed for politely acknowledging and missed so badly as to end up two fields over in wanting and embarrassed. 

“I-it’s nothing.” His vocal chords obeyed him this time. Mostly. At least he only sounded embarrassed this time. 

He’s not sure what Minhyun could read from his face but it must have been something because the expression his boyfriend had on his face made him feel like he’d just had his mind and soul laid bare and examined like a particularly rare specimen. 

“You were thinking about sex weren’t you?” 

Jonghyun wanted to curl up into a blanket ball and not resurface but he urged himself to face this head on. 

He took a deep, steadying breath. 

“Yes. I was.”

There. That wasn’t so bad.

Minhyun looked at him as if he was surprised he had even answered the question before grinning. 

“And?”

“I—” He paused, “I wouldn’t be against it…” 

Minhyun’s grin grew sharper, but not predatory, and a glint of interest entered his eye. 

“My parents aren’t home.” He said roguishly and almost sing-song in his tone.

“Good to know.” Jonghyun huffed, calmer now that Minhyun was back to being ridiculous again. 

“I’m just kidding.”  Minhyun says as he nudges him affectionately. “Just because you want to, doesn’t mean you want to now .” 

Jonghyun smiles, a warmth growing in his chest, and leans in close enough that he’s almost cross-eyed. He reaches forward to tilt Minhyun’s head up until his lips are just at the right angle. 

“And if I do?” He asks softly, “now?”

It’s a powerful feeling to not be the one blushing, Jonghyun thinks.