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A burning agony was slowly filling up every inch of your being. Perhaps picking a fight with the palace guards of Asgard was not the best idea, but given that everyone in the damn kingdom won't tell you where Loki is you felt you had run out of options.
A plan might have helped.
Bit too late to try and think of one now.
The heavily armed guard kicked you in the chest once again. It hurt. Of course it hurt. That was ten so far, and that's just counting the kicks, from this guard. Five guards currently surrounded you.
Bit overkill in your opinion.
Well you did try to break into the palace, but it was for a good reason, or at least you thought it was. Still this seemed a little, unnecessary. Being beaten bloody by fists and boots covered in metal whilst all you had to defend yourself were the clothes you had worn. Again, had you thought this through perhaps you would have remembered armour of your own. But again, you hadn't thought this through, all you had thought about was Loki, where he had disappeared to, and why.
Another kick in the stomach, different guard this time. You could just about hear their laughter past the ringing in your ears, but your grip on reality was slowly losing strength.
Pain was overwhelming all your other senses as the blows kept coming. The only thing making you desperate to keep holding on was the thought of Loki still being out there somewhere, and your desperation for answers.
Finally the guards halted their relentless onslaught and you breathed a sigh of relief through your aching lungs as you heard their heavy footfall fade into the distance. You pulled as much strength as you could into pushing yourself into a sitting position, leaning against the wall. Blood was flowing down one side of your face from one of the many times the guards kicked or punched you in the head. The taste of iron was slowly starting to fill your mouth, which also did not bode well.
None of your thoughts were on your own wellbeing however. All that filled your mind were thoughts of Loki. If you were dragged to the dungeons and beaten for merely asking where he was, what in all the nine realms had happened to him.
Unbeknownst to you, he too was in the dungeons. Leaning against the same wall you were, just on the other side, trapped in a forcefield cell.
Your eyes slipped shut for a moment, but you realised that you couldn't let yourself lose consciousness or you might never make it out of this dark hole you had been left to rot in. And you couldn't let that happen, not whilst Loki was still missing. Tears began to stream down your face as well as the blood. Your whole lives you and the younger prince had been friends. You would sit and read together, train together, laugh together. And as you both grew up you slowly realised you had fallen deeply in love with him. So far it could almost be described as madness. For a time you had thought he felt the same, until one day he disappeared without a trace. And no one would talk to you anymore or tell you where he went, not even Thor. Your past was flashing behind your eyes, all of your best and happiest moments with the being you loved, every single one. They were drawing you in. Enticing you to close your eyes and just let go. But there was still a desperation for answers, a fire in your heart that wouldn't let you give up. Not yet. Not now.
Thankfully, the memories provided you with a tiny spark of hope that you held on to tightly. Sometimes, whilst the two of you sat reading when in the company of others, Loki would speak into your mind, and you would respond with your thoughts back to him. Maybe, just maybe, that connection still existed between you, and you could use it to find out where he was. So you gritted your teeth, clung tightly to those memories, and thought as loud as you could. 'Loki!? Are you still there!? Can you hear me!? Please!'
Loki's breath hitched and he flinched in his cell. His head flicked around rapidly searching for where your voice had come from, but found himself to still be very much alone. Confusion struck him for a moment, until those same memories flooded his mind also, and the softest smile of hope graced his lips. He closed his eyes and readied his focus to respond, but instead a sharp pain struck his head, causing him to grasp at it in agony. After a moment of recovery, dread washed over him. His powers had been limited. Blocked by the cage he sat in for crimes he had no control over committing. He had not realised communication was one of those powers. Gritting his teeth he damned himself, Odin, and the other being responsible for his imprisonment before slamming his fist on the ground beside him. The nearby table flipped and smashed against the forcefield as he struggled to regain control of his breathing. He had to talk to you, to tell you he was okay, to beg you to move on and be safe. But he was powerless.
You heard no answer, yet still you were not ready to give in just yet. 'Loki. If you can hear me…' You thought for a moment on what you could say to try and get him to answer you, and then two words came into your head, and so you projected them. 'Save me.'
That was it. There was no way Loki would let you think he wouldn't try to save you. If Odin had set this up, or if anyone had harmed you, he swore he would utterly destroy everything that savage held dear in return. He stood and paced the room, each second that ticked past making him more and more desperate. He knew already that if this was intentional, it would be the exact thing to break him, and he could do nothing to prevent it. Another thing was grabbed and thrown across the room in a burning rage. And then an idea struck him, and so he reached out with all the power he could muster to try to hone in on your location and perhaps work out how to save you that way. Unfortunately, he was extremely unaware of how much worse this would make things. He felt his powers latch onto your life essence, only to find himself being drawn back to the wall he was just sat against. His heart sank through the floor as he rushed over and pressed himself back up against the wall. He could feel your presence, just on the other side of one of the walls of his prison, and he could feel through the connection he had forged that you were indeed in immense pain. So close to him, yet so agonisingly out of reach. A single tear of desperation rolled down his cheek as he punched the wall hard in a useless attempt to break through and hold you tightly in his arms.
There was still no answer. No response to your pleas. Which either meant he was dead, or ignoring you. Which made you so desperately hurt that you almost just let go and gave in to the memories waiting behind your eyes. But something, some kind of feeling, told you he wasn't dead. So you had to try something. Though your energy was starting to fade, so all that you could manage this time was a very soft; 'Please…'
It was so soft. So pleading. So utterly distraught and desperate. And it broke him. Loki let out a tormented scream of utter anguish and clenched his fists so hard his hands began to bleed. His powers lashed out uncontrollably as far as they could. Confined only to the prison cell he was trapped in, they began to swirl angrily around, latching onto anything it could and swirling it around the room as well in the most dangerous tornado it could create. Glass was smashing against the walls and then swirling back around into the storm. Wood was crashing and splintering, and some metal table legs were clashing and crashing around the room as well. Loki did not care that splinters from the wood and pieces of glass were crashing into him also. The only pain he felt was the agony of not being able to save you. Unfortunately one of the metal table legs hits him in his side and knocks him to the floor, almost knocking him out. All of the objects in the room fell immediately with a large clattering crash as Loki shook with rage, still collapsed in the center of the chaos he had created.
Still no answer. Nothing. He was dead. Or he was ignoring your desperate please for help. And you couldn't decide which was worse. You finally let out a scream of utterly devastated heartbreak that you had so desperately tried to hold back. And then you slumped back against the wall with a whimper of pain. You could feel your life force fading but you still defiantly held on to every last shred of consciousness you could muster. If he was still out there, you wanted to attack him with all the sweet memories you had shared that he was about to let fade into nothing. And if he was dead already, you wanted to relive those memories yourself one last time, and finally say aloud how you felt about him. You took as deep a breath as you could muster, closed your eyes, broadcasted all your most bittersweet memories of Loki, and sang with all the strength and emotion you could muster. "Remember that time I made you laugh? I would give in to hear that sound, again. Missing the lines on both sides of your face and I hate that, that's all I have now." You shuddered in another breath, still broadcasting your pain, your thoughts, and this song with all your might. "Am I just fixing it, just to break it? Am I just hanging in, just so we can drown like the love we thought we found? Now we're hoping that we don't just hit the ground." The tears were flowing again now, crimson blood still dripping down the side of your face as you fought to stay conscious. "I've been, pulling you close but pushing me further! I've been, holding it back, that I see you different! Sick of me reminding you to love me like you say you do!" Your lungs felt as though they were on fire, but you refused to let that stop you. If these were indeed your last moments in this life, you had decided you would at least finish this song. "And I've been, hurting myself to keep you from leaving! I've been, wondering whether we'd last the season! I wish we could have made this work but now I know that I need more." You faltered a little hearing those words. You didn't need more. You just needed him to hear you. To save you. Just like he always promised he would. "Afraid that I'll lose you in the crowd. I wish that I was a priority. Then you walked out on me with a straight look on your face and said you'd had enough. But then you came back in to try to fix it. But never helping me when I start to drown like the love we thought we found. Is it worth the pain if I should stick around?" You genuinely thought over that question for a moment as you sank deeper into the memories. But you promised yourself you would finish the song, so you carried on with all the power you had left in you.
Loki was slumped against the other side of the wall. The bombardment of memories from you had left him emotionally crippled. He could also hear every word of what you were singing, and feel the emotion behind it. And every word was slowly dismantling him and the emotions were tearing him apart from the inside out. It did not help that through the connection he had made to find you he could feel your life force, and the fact that it was slowly fading. He couldn't lose you. Not with you thinking that he never wanted to save you. But he was also starting to debate that could be a safer thing for you to think if you survived whatever happened to you. Then perhaps you would move on from him and be safe and happy. Just the thought of that happening only helped to destroy him further. As you bealted the last chorus of the song Loki screamed yet again into the emptiness of the dungeon before collapsing back against the wall, exactly back to back with you as he hoped with all he had that someone would save you in his place.
Your song was done.
This was it.
Time to let go.
But you couldn't quite bring yourself to let go yet. Something was holding onto you. Keeping you clinging on to life. Tethering you to this realm and keeping you propped up against the wall behind you. Yet still your eyes were slowly slipping shut in spite of your sudden will to stay alive.
But just before they closed you saw a figure move towards you and heard their soft footfall approaching.
And then your consciousness faded.
**
A softly glowing light began to creep slowly past your eyelids and beckon you to wake. It took a lot of effort but you managed to crack your eyes open ever so slightly. There was some movement both sides of you, and a few strange beeping sounds every now and then. Was this the afterlife? Or were you, by some strange and possibly unwanted miracle, still alive? With some considerable effort you managed to force your eyes to open wide enough to see that you were indeed alive, in an Asgardian hospital, recovering from your injuries.
You were about to damn your persistent existence, until you felt a soft hand hold your own gently, and looked over to meet a pair of familiar eyes. "Glad to see you are awake dear."
You just about managed to croak out a response through your still aching lungs. "Frigga?"
The Queen of Asgard smiled softly at that and nodded her head gently. "I'm so sorry my dear. I did not realise that you had been blocked from the palace or I would have done something much sooner. The ones who hurt you have been dealt with, you're going to be just fine sweetheart." Just hearing her voice again was almost enough to soothe all your pain, though you still lacked the answers you so desperately needed, and now only had more questions.
"H-How did you find me?" She sighed softly and held your hand just a little tighter for a moment.
"That is a complicated story Y/N my sweet. I'll explain properly when you are a little better, yes?" Unable to bring yourself to argue with the Queen and your saviour you just nodded slightly and closed your eyes. And then all the thoughts of Loki came flooding back, pressing for answers on his whereabouts, so you looked back to Frigga with urgency.
"Loki! Frigga please, no one will tell me. What happened to him!? Where is he!?" You began to cough, your weak lungs unable to handle your desperation. Frigga was stroking your head now in an attempt to calm you back down and speaking even softer than before.
"Shhh, shhh, calm yourself my dear, please. Think on yourself a moment and let yourself recover. I will explain it all, you have my word, but you must recover first, please." Again you nodded and gave in. You only had two weaknesses in the Realm, Prince Loki, and his adoring mother Frigga. Anything they asked of you, you would do without fail. So you calmed your mind and focused on yourself and trying to recover. "That's it my dear. It will be okay I swear it. I will answer all of your questions when you have recovered. It won't be long now my dear. But until then, rest, sleep." You could feel her own powers softly entering your mind and helping to send you back to sleep, and you did not have the will to fight it, so you returned to the dark of sleep.
When you awoke again you felt a lot more comfortable than the previous time. Nothing hurt anymore and you were draped in soft bed sheets. Glancing slowly around the room you realised you were not in your own room, but a far more lavish seeming room, adorned with soft gold decor and cream marble. You began to panic slightly, but then the door to the room opened, and Queen Frigga floated softly in with a tray of food. You stared at her confused but she just smiled and sat beside your bed before placing the food on a little table and gesturing to another chair opposite her own. "Come my sweet, eat with me. I am glad to see that you are awake and much more well than when we last spoke." Something about this situation made you feel incredibly nervous, you could tell she was doing her best to exude a feeling of comfort but somehow that just made this worse.
"Y-Your Highness?" You managed to get out of the bed and bowed softly to her. She stood immediately and stood you back up straight with a soft smile.
"Relax my sweet, you needn't be so formal with me, I have known you your whole life. You basically grew up here. It's okay, you can relax. This isn't some occasion, this is just breakfast. Please breathe and relax the formalities." You nodded softly and instead pulled her into a tight hug, which she gladly returned. You lost your family when you were young so you had basically been raised by her alongside Loki. A nice member of the palace guard took you in, but they died too, though they left you their small home, and from there you were alone. All you had were Loki and Frigga, and they had both been ripped away from you that day he disappeared. Getting Frigga back felt almost unreal. You were too afraid to believe it. "Come, please eat with me." She led you back to the table and helped you to sit. "As I promised, any questions you have I will do my best to answer, so you may ask whenever you feel ready." You smiled and nodded before sipping your tea until you felt at least a little calmer about the situation.
"S-So… how did you find me?" Just the look on her face made you concerned what the answer would be.
"I heard your cries for help. They were faint, so it took me a little while to work out where you were. Soon as I knew I rushed right over." Immediately your face was red with embarrassment. Frigga had heard you desperately pleading for Loki to save you. Probably saw the memories as well. None of this was good news at all. But it would seem that the Queen was as perceptive as always and gently stroked your hand with her own. "It's okay my dear. I'm glad I did find you. I don't know how I would have coped with losing you Y/N my dear." You frown for a moment which just makes her chuckle softly. "My apologies I just, I consider you almost as if you are one of my own children, if that is okay with you."
You were so utterly shocked you sort of froze up for a moment, did the Queen of Asgard just adopt you? "I-I… I-It… uh…" Her hand once again gently stroked your's.
"You can say no if you'd like to, or yes, or ask more questions if you'd rather?" You paused a moment debating what to do. It would be amazing if she were adopting you, but you didn't want to assume, so instead of asking anything specific you instead decided to ask for clarification.
"Wh-What exactly are you saying?" The soft and comforting smile was back on her face as she sipped her tea.
"I'm giving you an offer to live here, in the palace, I would like to adopt you as one of my own if you would accept." Without giving it a moment's thought you nodded vigorously. It meant so much that Frigga had gone out of her way to save you and then bring you into her family. Her genuine smile grew and she held your hand tightly. "That has made my day, thank you sweetheart." You found yourself smiling in return, overjoyed that someone in this Realm actually wanted you to be there.
"No, thank you Frigga. Thank you so much. That means everything to me. I… I can't think of anything else to say other than thank you." Somehow her smile gets broader for a moment before she settles down and starts to eat the food she brought.
"Eat for a while, then we can talk more Y/N my dear." You nod in agreement and eat with her, still in complete shock. So many questions were flying around in your mind now, mostly why, but you tried your best to think of other more important things to ask.
"So um… where am I right now?" A soft chuckle from Frigga relaxed all of your other worries and concerns, like wondering what Thor or Odin would say. As long as Frigga was happy, you were happy, though you still decided that should probably be your next question.
"Well this is your room if you would like it, we can decorate it properly later, but I chose it for you as I hoped you would like the general shape and size of it, not to mention the view." A soft smirk settled onto her face as you realised you were yet to even notice the large and beautiful window in the room that looked out over Asgard with a perfect view of the sunset glistening off of the water.
"Oh my. Oh Frigga this is perfect. Thank you again, thank you so much." You were so completely overwhelmed with emotion you actually started crying. Frigga had accepted you as a child of hers and gifted you such an utterly beautiful room. It was all a bit too much. But the Queen was by your side instantly, holding you close.
"It's okay my dear, you have always been my child in my eyes, I'm just glad we have made it official now. It's okay, I'm right here. Always." For quite a while you just held each other as you let out all of the emotions that were clouding your mind. Once that was done only two questions remained in your mind; would anyone other than Frigga accept your presence in the palace, and what had happened to Loki.
"Are you sure this will be okay? What will other people think about it?" Frigga chuckled softly held you a little closer.
"Of course it will, my dear. Thor already sees you as a sibling and the opinion of the Allfather does not bother me." Well that certainly made you laugh. Frigga laughed as well before returning to her seat and sipping some more tea. "You have nothing to worry about my dear, you're family now. They know the decision I have made and have accepted it." Still a little overwhelmed by what had just happened, you finally decided to just relax and drink your tea and finish eating. You'd ask your final question once you had both finished eating. It was nice, a moment of pure peace, drinking tea and eating breakfast with your new adoptive mother, the Queen of Asgard. Not where you thought you would end up when you had expected to die in the dungeons, but you could find no reason to complain about that.
Unfortunately, thoughts of Loki invaded your mind yet again as soon as you had finished eating, and you could tell just by her expression Frigga already knew what you would ask next. "Frigga, I… please tell me… what happened to Loki?" Her smile faded slightly but she nodded nonetheless and took your hand in hers once again. "Oh by the nine please Frigga tell me he isn't dead." A soft shake of her head just confused you more so you frowned deeply and just waited for her to speak.
"It is a very long story my dear, but no, he is not dead." That news hit you like Mjölnir straight to the jaw, which had actually happened once by accident, and it really hurt. "A lot has happened, I am so sorry I did not realise that you had been blocked out of the palace during that time. I should have noticed but I foolishly assumed you knew somehow." So many emotions were gradually filling up your mind, confusion, sorrow, anger. You still had no idea what was going on and whether or not Loki was okay or had ignored you.
"Knew what. Frigga please! What happened!? The last time I saw him he said goodbye and was on his way to Jotunheim with Thor, and then all I heard was that Thor was banished and then a few days later there is a fight on the Bifrost and I tried to go to the palace to find you all and find out what happened and I'm blocked out! It's been a year and still I know nothing about what happened that day. Please Frigga." You could see that she was close to tears, as were you, but you needed to know.
"I will condense the story for not just to get you your answers, and then explain in closer detail later, but that day, that fight on the Bifrost, that was between my sons. Thor and Loki fought. Thor was forced to destroy the bridge as the Bifrost was out of control. Loki dived in to try to save him from falling and fell himself." Yet another punch of shock. Loki had fallen? Off of the Bifrost? Into the void? Then surely that meant he was dead, didn't it? "I feared him dead, we all did. We mourned. But Thor never gave up hope that he could still save his brother. And then a month ago I sensed something on Midgard. Someone had been sent there with dark and ancient forgotten magicks. That someone was Loki." And again, shock and confusion bombarded you, now Loki was on Midgard!? What in Helheim was happening!? "It is true he did not die that day he fell, but something far worse happened to him. He is no longer himself. He is lost. Even to me. He was brought back from Midgard, a prisoner. He tried to invade and rule the Realm, and killed many Midgardians in the process. Thor and some powerful Midgardians managed to stop him and brought him home but he was different. I know he's in there somewhere still but I can't get through to him. Someone horrid out there in the void found him and changed him. I'm so sorry Y/N." You sat there for a moment, trying to take in all that had been told to you. You could tell that was barely half the story, and though it did provide answers, those only left more questions in their wake. "I do not have all the answers you seek, and I would plead with you not to visit him and see him this way, but I know that you will want to see him nonetheless. And I will not stop you. Only warn you that he isn't the Loki you knew." You nodded softly, but Frigga was still right, there was no way you wouldn't want to see him and speak to him, try to find your Loki and get him back.
"Where is he Frigga?" She sighed but nodded and stood.
"I will take you to him. He is in the dungeons. Again I am so sorry." You nodded again and hugged her close.
"This isn't your fault Frigga, it's okay. I hope that he is still in there, and perhaps in time we can bring him back truly, but I still need to see him." She smiled in understanding and led the way down to the dungeons. It was chilling to be back down there so soon after what happened, and also made you realise that Loki had probably heard everything you were thinking and possibly even saying if you were indeed this close to one and other. Yet still he didn't even try to respond. It took all your willpower to keep that mere thought from breaking you, and you knew instantly that this was a terrible idea, but you still had to see him with your own eyes. So you pushed on through the fears and doubt, deeper into the dungeons with Frigga by your side. But around half way down the steps, Frigga stopped suddenly.
"I think you two should have a moment alone. I will be right here and we can go for a walk in the grounds when you return and I'll try to explain everything else. Okay?" You nodded and took a deep breath before descending the remainder of the stairs. As soon as you reached the bottom you could see his cell, mainly because he was the only one in it, pacing back and forth neatly. You could already see from where you were that almost nothing had changed, and yet everything was different. He was still very obviously Loki, yet he was also very obviously different. There was something not right about all of this, but you couldn't quite put your finger on what. As soon as your foot touched the floor at the bottom of the stairs his pacing stopped, and he slowly turned to face you with a smirk that didn't seem to fit his face correctly. The mischievous glint had disappeared from his eyes. The one that always accompanied that smirk. It wasn't there anymore. Instead his eyes looked like vast pools of dark nothingness. Like the void you had been told he fell into. And there was a twinge of electric blue in his emerald green irises that you are certain was not there before.
"Y/N… Finally come to visit after all this time?" His tone was cold and calculating, utterly devoid of the warmth you knew he had before. Whatever had happened must have indeed been truly terrible, as now he just sounded so, empty. All that you wanted was to do anything to try and get him back to his old self, even if it destroyed you in the process.
"Not for the want of trying." There was no visible response to that at all, he just stared with the haunting smirk still plastered on his face. You carried on approaching his cell as he continued to stare blankly at you. "I've been trapped outside of the palace since you disappeared, trying and failing to get back in and find out what happened to you. I feared you dead Loki." His face turns grave as his intense stare feels as though it is burning through your soul.
"Did you mourn?" Well that question just pissed you off.
"Of course I did you idiot! Did you honestly think I wouldn't!?" He says nothing, just huffs and turns away to continue pacing. From what Frigga was saying you realised this would be bad, but even you didn't anticipate it would be quite this bad. "Loki!" He turns back to look at you. "Are you being serious right now? After everything that has happened you're going to act like that? Of course I mourned you why the hell wouldn't I! I was terrified! For a whole year I had no answers! You said goodbye and you never came back!" You paused for a moment in your tirade as you remembered that you knew he was not wholly at fault here. "Who changed you?" Well that changed his entire body language, he stiffened up even more and could not seem to move his eyes from the ground. "What happened in that year Loki? Someone did something. Tell me who and I will tear them limb from limb." Nothing. "Please Loki." Still nothing. "Loki?" Yet again no reaction. Letting your anger cloud your mind a moment you stepped up as close as you could get to the forcefield separating you. "Damnit Loki! Speak to me!" Well that got a reaction, his gaze shot up to meet yours, this time his eyes were filled with emotion, rage and something you couldn't quite place.
"I have learned much since we last met Y/N !" The venom he said your name with pierced you to your very core. "Things you wouldn't even be able to comprehend. So do not assume for one moment that you know a single thing about me." If the last comment felt like a dagger then that felt as though he just twisted it. You knew that the Loki you grew up with was the true Loki and this was some twisted parody of him, you just had to keep repeating that to yourself.
"What about me then? Do you know a single thing about me? We used to tell each other everything and now this!? Loki. I would die for you. Even now. I would lay down my life to see you as yourself again." His eyes dropped to the floor once again.
"You shouldn't say things you do not mean." Oh now that really annoyed you. You physically growled at him.
"Oh but I do mean it. I mean every word Loki. I would die for you." Part of you was glad that it appeared your words were having an effect on him as he took a few steps back, but you were still incredibly annoyed and so continued saying what you wanted to. "In fact, I almost did die for you, a few days ago in this very dungeon." He met your eyes once more and the look could only be described as guilty. "You heard me didn't you. You heard me calling out to you and begging for your help and you ignored me." Again his gaze fell, and it broke your heart. "Loki. I was dying. I know now you couldn't have saved me but you still could have been there with me, told me it would all be okay, told me to hold on and not let go, said something. Anything!" You could see the slightest hint of guilt and regret in his eyes so you held your hand up against the forcefield and waited. If he did the same you would know he was in there and needed saving. If he didn't, then it would probably destroy you just a little, but you still knew you wouldn't give up. He stared at your hand for a long time before eventually dropping his gaze and turning away. All breath left you, and you staggered backwards slightly. He truly was gone. Still you held tightly onto the little things hidden behind his eyes that made you hope he was indeed still in there. But for now, you realised you needed to leave before you fully lost control. "Fine then. You can sit there and live with the fact that I would have died alone had Frigga not come and saved me. And I know I am a fool, but I still love you Loki. Even in spite of this. And I would still die for you." His eyes met yours one last time. "I will be back. Every day if I can. And I will talk to you until you are yourself again." And with that you turned and hurried back up the stairs, collapsing into Frigga's arms in tears.
"Come sweetheart, let us walk in the grounds, and I'll try to tell you everything else. Okay?" You nodded softly and the pair of you left the dungeons together.
**
Once Loki was sure you were out of sight he dropped his illusions to reveal the destruction your near death had induced him to create in his prison. The Loki you had spoken to shimmered green and disappeared also, revealing the true Loki, still bruised and bloody from destroying the room around him, hair dishevelled and clothes torn. He stood warily and smiled softly, glad you were alive, but the smile soon fell. It would seem his attempts to push you away had only pulled you in closer. Walking to the forcefield he placed his hand where your's was not moments ago and shut his eyes to feel as though you were still there. "You deserve so much better Y/N. I wish you would forget me and live. A monster like me is not fit to love someone as perfect as you." He stared at the corner you disappeared round for an hour at least, before returning to his place, slumped against the wall, and fixing his illusions back into place...