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Chapter Text

Sirius Black couldn’t sleep.

While the other residents slumbered, Sirius lay staring at the ceiling, drowning in his own thoughts, as stillness enveloped number 12 Grimmauld Place and silence resounded eerily through the Black Family house like a held breath.

Despite it only being the start of the summer holidays, he missed his friends desperately. He hadn’t been able to write to any of them. As soon as he came home on the first day, his mother had taken his owl and had forbidden him to talk to his ‘blood traitor friends’ as she called them and that was that. Despite the futility of hoping, he wished that he could plough through the holidays quickly without provoking his parents too much. All he wanted was to be back at school again with his fellow marauders planning pranks and not wondering if opening his mouth will result in him screaming on the floor getting hit by a string of curses. He sighed and sat up, giving up on sleeping. At Hogwarts when he couldn't sleep he would always go to Remus, whose dreams were also haunted with nightmares, and they would talk for hours. He missed Remus probably the most.

Sirius got out of bed as an idea sparked in his head and walked to his still fully packed trunk that lay abandoned at the end of his bed. Rummaging through it, he finally found the shard of a mirror and ran it through his hands before speaking one word.

"James."

There was no reply; he was probably asleep. Sighing, Sirius carefully put the mirror back but, as he did so, an old jumper caught his eye. It was one of Remus’s--Sirius had a habit of stealing his clothes, with hardly any comfortable clothes of his own. He pulled it out and slipped it over his head, breathing deeply. It still smelt of him; a mix of cinnamon and old books. Making his way back to the bed, Sirius lay down, taking comfort in the scent that reminded him of his real home, and felt himself falling into sleep.

He woke up to the sound of rustling coming from the end of his bed. Sitting up, Sirius rubbed the tiredness out of his eyes, wearily disorientated they adjusted. His heart sank as he remembered where he was. Then he realized with a jolt of excitement that the rustling was coming from his trunk.

Sirius scrambled towards it, a wide grin etched on his face as he pulled out the two-way mirror that was vibrating violently.

"Prongs!" Sirius sighed in relief as James' concerned face appeared on the shard.

"Padfoot! What's up, mate?"

"Everything. God, I hate it here. As soon as I got back she took my owl, so tell the others not to write," Sirius said bitterly.

James looked sympathetic. "Sure thing mate. Just hang in there, okay? Hey, Remus is here staying over at the moment. You could always come over too? You know you're always welcome here--my parents love you!”

Sirius smiled at the mention of Mr and Mrs Potter before the rest of James’s words registered. "Moony’s there?"

Remus' face appeared on the shard with his hair ruffled like he had just woken up, but he still took Sirius’s breath away.

"Hey Pads, how are you holding up?

"I’m uh.."

"Sirius Orion Black!" A screaming sound moved up the stairs.

"Shit!”

James and Remus watched from the other side as Sirius dropped the shard on his bed, angled toward the door, scrambling quickly across the room as the door slammed open and his mother burst into the room.

"What do you think you are doing, boy?!"

"Getting dressed, mother," Sirius replied coldly, making James grimace at the tone he used--so very different from the joyful confident voice that echoed through the halls and corridors of Hogwarts.

"I heard you talking to someone. Who was it?" Walburga Black demanded.

"I wasn't talking to anyone, how could I? You made sure of that."

“Don't lie to me, boy. It's your blood traitor friends, isn't it?

"Don't call them that!” Sirius snapped, defiant.

"Tell me where they are and I will take care of that influence," she hissed.

"You are a fool, mother,” Sirius said, his voice coming out surprisingly calm despite the pounding of his heart, but he found he couldn’t stop once he had started. Before he could restrain himself he coldly stated, “You should know by now that I would never sell out my friends, you banshee!"

James instantly knew that Sirius had gone too far for his mother’s liking.

"How dare you disrespect me?” she roared. “I'll teach you a lesson! Crucio!"

James' stomach plummeted and he felt his heart stumble as he helplessly watched Sirius fold into himself, falling to his knees before collapsing onto his bedroom floor. His face contorted in pain as he violently convulsed.

Remus started to shake beside him, crying out as Sirius let out a horrifying scream that rang in both of their ears long after his screams became inaudible. His mother, hearing Remus's cry, swung around to squint at the mirror shard, which remained abandoned on the bed. James and Remus froze, not daring to breathe, not knowing if she had spotted their faces in the small fragment. It didn't make any difference; she was looking straight at them. At this point her cruciatus curse had worn off, leaving Sirius twitching and gasping for air. She aimed a kick at Sirius' stomach, causing him to groan, and suddenly James couldn't control himself any longer. Finding his voice he bellowed, "Leave him alone, you bitch!"

Sirius forced himself to speak, his voice weak and hoarse. "Don't…James.”

His mother marched over to the bed and snatched up the shard, her face filled with rage. "Why you insolent, filthy, blood traitor half-breed! Oh yes, I know all about you,” she added, sneering as Remus looked up with surprise and horror etched upon his face. “Don’t interfere in our business and don't you dare contact this house again. Reducto!" she yelled for good measure, leaving Sirius alone again as she continued his punishment.

Chapter Text

Sirius woke up alone and disorientated on the cold hardwood floor (because god forbid he was allowed a carpet). It was dark now. He raised his head and blinked a couple of times, trying to adjust his eyes to the pitch-black room, the crescent moon only lighting up a small section of the floor below the window.

Sirius lowered his head back down, squeezing his eyes shut, dreading moving because he knew he couldn’t stay on the floor forever. He propped himself up on his elbow, letting out a hiss as his ribs flared up in pain, and slowly reached up toward the bedpost, using it to pull himself to his feet.

He limped across the room, his legs still shaking and unsteady as an effect of the Cruciatus curse that his mother loved to delightedly cast on him almost every summer (although she had only done it once each holiday not multiple times like tonight, he thought bitterly). He wondered what had changed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been caught contacting his friends before--he’d had the mirror since third year and had an owl up until last summer when she was killed by his father, never making it out with his letter to James. He cast his trail of thought aside for another time and painstakingly slowly made his way across the landing, hoping to get to Regulus’s room to see if he had any pain potions or medical supplies of any kind as he knew without checking his trunk he had given the last of his to Remus' last full moon.

The house was deafeningly silent as he reached the landing. He braced himself against the wall trying to catch his breath and stop everything spinning. His gaze fell down the spiral staircase upon the door, a gateway to freedom, so close to a whole other world he hadn’t been in since what felt like an eternity.

Sirius didn’t know if it was real or if he had a head injury but the door seemed to be drawing towards him, calling to him and appearing so close he could grasp the door knob to escape, but then he blinked and his spatial awareness went back to normal. He stayed frozen in place, his gaze fixated on the door as his thoughts spiralled chaotically. Could he really run through it? Break free from this twisted house and family and just keep running? Before he could register it he was halfway down the stairs, stumbling and gripping the bannister like a lifeline.

A sharp creek of floorboard threw Sirius out of his stupor and he whipped his head around to the direction of sound, reaching for his wand but finding his back pocket empty. He frantically tried to recall where he had left it, only to realize it was still on his bedside table. He had nothing to defend himself with.

“Where does the filthy disgrace of the noble house of Black think he’s going?”

Sirius froze, a million excuses running through his head yet none escaped his mouth, his breath held as Kreacher’s dishevelled form stepped out of the shadows where he’d lurked for Merlin knows how long.

His lack of response seemed to speak for itself and Kreacher's crooked nose wrinkled in disgust, his lip curled up a pronounced sneer.

“What to do with you? On the mistress' behalf of course...”

Sirius already knew what Kreacher was thinking after an entire childhood of the elf catching him doing anything marginally wrong or troublesome. He snapped his thin gnarled fingers and a resonating crack slammed Sirius to his knees, causing him to cry out.

“Sirius?” a tentative voice called out in the darkness. “Is that you?”

Regulus crept down the staircase, wand in hand, however upon seeing Kreacher he straightened up, his pureblood etiquette seeping through.

“Master Regulus! I-”

“What’s going on, Kreacher?” Regulus cut through sharply.

“I caught the traito--heir attempting to sneak out.”

“I was not--” Sirius never finished his response as a burst of elf magic hit him square in the face.

Regulus winced but lifted his chin, raising his voice clearly.

“Well done, Kreacher. You are dismissed, I can take it from here.”

Regulus kept his eyes trained on the elf as he reluctantly hobbled out of the room before turning back towards Sirius. Hesitantly offering his hand toward him, Regulus’ eyes scanned him over speculatively. “Are you okay?”

Sirius sighed heavily, his breath hitching slightly as he reached for Regulus’ hand and allowed his little brother to unsteadily pull him to his feet.

“Do I look it?” Sirius replied, his voice still rough and scratchy from overuse.

Regulus remained quiet for a moment, his mind pondering whether or not it was a trick question. “No,” he answered quietly, a storm of guilt swirling in his slate-grey eyes, “you look awful. I couldn’t sleep, I heard you screaming.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, his gaze glazed over and shifted to the floor. "Our mother was just being as charming and welcoming as usual". He tried to play it off with a shrug but it was stiff and lacking his usual Gryffindor confidence. There was also an edge to his voice that Regulus could hear quite clearly despite Sirius’ attempts to conceal it.

Before Regulus could ask what had happened, Sirius continued in a whisper. “She caught me talking to my friends. It was worse than normal.”

Regulus' face paled slightly at that. He appeared as if he was going to ask something else but he mentally shook himself and dismissed it. Instead he said, “We don’t have much time. How much of your stuff is packed and transportable?”

Sirius looked up with confusion written all over his face. “What are you talking about?”

Now it was Regulus’ turn to be confused. “I thought you were escaping. Was that not what Kreacher caught you doing?”

“No I wasn’t--I mean I thought about it maybe but come on there’s no way I could do it.”

“Why not?” Regulus asked earnestly, despite the pang of sorrow he felt at the thought of his brother leaving.

“You’re joking, right? It’s impossible, Reg. I think we both know that I'm not overexaggerating when I say she--they both would kill me.”

Regulus paused in thought for a moment. "Not if you leave right now,” he answered. “They won't be awake for several hours and I can distract Kreacher."

"Reg, I can't--”

“Sirius, you need to go,” Regulus swiftly cut him off. “You can’t stay here anymore. Things get worse every holiday and they are only getting more and more angry...” And you are getting more and more hurt. The rest of his sentence hung unspoken in the air.

Sirius was rendered speechless.

Regulus knew he needed to go further in order to get his brother out of the door and never walk back through it. He inhaled a breath of air before going on to say “Sirius you are the one making everything worse. You need to go, they don’t want you here. I don’t want you here. He needed to get his message across and held eye contact, his lips set in a firm line reserved only for Black family dinners.

“Okay,” Sirius said finally. “I’ll go.”

Chapter Text

The next few moments were all a blur to the eldest Black brother. He braced himself against the wall as Regulus disappeared and then returned with Sirius’ things, pressing his trunk into his chest and his wand into his hand.

Sirius blinked when he felt the familiar texture of his wand and looked up to meet Regulus' eyes. “I guess this is it, little brother,” Sirius said softly in a low voice.

“I guess so”, Regulus replied “Goodbye Sirius.”

“Goodbye Reggie,” Sirius said wistfully.

The two of them maintained eye contact until Regulus flicked his gaze to the floor. An echoing creak rang out, evoking panic in the eyes of both brothers.

“We waited too long.” Regulus spoke in hushed desperate tones. “You need to go”

“But–I mean–what about you?” Sirius stuttered, paling considerably, “Reg, you will get in trouble for helping.”

“Sirius you need to go,” Regulus re-iterated.

“Wait, you can come with me! Please, Reg!” SIrius pleaded, backing away toward the door and gesturing for Regulus to follow.

“No, Sirius! Go now!

**

Sirius staggered through the streets of London, desperate to get away from the house which he had despised since childhood along with almost all of its inhabitants.

He moved as quickly as he could, attempting not to think about anything other than putting as much distance as possible between him and that place, but the anger and raw emotion kept growing. Consequently Sirius could feel his magic seething from within him, screaming to rein loose, his tightly clenched fists painfully digging into his palm the only thing preventing it from doing so.

Although it was summer, the night’s breeze blew cold through his thin deep green satin robes and he shivered feeling very much alone and small. He stumbled past a bench illuminated by a muggle lamppost, feeling his exhaustion drawing him to it, but he forced himself to turn away knowing that he couldn’t risk being caught up to. He travelled painstakingly one step at a time accompanied by sharp impulses of pain spreading through his entire body. Despite all his efforts he began to zone out, recalling everything that had occurred in the house he had dreaded returning to since the first holiday of his first year at Hogwarts when he had discovered where he truly belonged.

James shouldn't have stood up to her, he thought anxiously. While he admired his best friend's loyalty and courage, he couldn’t begin to imagine the consequences of his interference. The black family were notoriously one of the most powerful, well respected families in the wizarding world and among the last of the noble lines.

There was one place he could go now. Potter Manor was only an hour’s bus ride away, and Remus was staying there, but he didn't have any muggle money so he would have to sneak on. He started walking slowly to the bus stop, feeling the bruises slowly sink into his pale face.

**

Luck was on his side for a change. The bus driver had taken one look at him and gestured for him to take a seat, which he did with a small grateful smile and leaned his head on the cool window pane. Once they got to the nearest stop he gave an appreciative nod at the driver and shuffled off the bus, heading in what he remembered to be the direction of Potter Manor. He was exhausted, limping slightly, and light-headed as if he could collapse at any minute but, for the first time, Sirius was filled with hope at being almost there. He had just reached the woodland area by the Potter’s estate when all the hope rapidly drained away as a crack sounded behind him and a bony hand grasped painfully at his shoulder.

***

James Potter and Remus Lupin sat around the Potter’s dining table in a bewildered silence. Mr and Mrs Potter were out for the night on Order business. They were both lost in their own heads after what they had witnessed through the two way mirror and filled with regret.

"I can’t get him out of my head,” Remus finally vocalised. “I can still hear him screaming.”

James didn’t reply; he was still in shock, while Remus couldn’t help but voice the thoughts racing through his head.

"How could his parents do that? Is this what it's like every summer? All those times he came back to school so quiet for the first few days, I never thought…oh god." Remus shakily stood up and made his way across the room to open the window while bringing out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He lit one and, taking a long drag, sagged against the window frame, overcome by guilt for not seeing it sooner. This seemed to pull James out of his thoughts as he hurriedly intervened before Remus could spiral any further.

“It’s not your fault, Moony, he didn’t want you to know. He didn’t want anyone to know. You know Sirius, he would rather face everything alone than burden anyone with what he is going through,” James said with a note of bitterness, before meeting Remus’s eyes as a realisation flashed across his face.

“If it’s anyone's fault, it’s mine. I knew a bit about his home life. He admitted to me in third year that his parents weren’t loving and I suspected it was worse than he let on, but I didn’t do anything about it.” James' voice started to wobble as he blinked back tears. “Remus, I failed him.”

Before Remus could reply to comfort his friend, a cry sounded clearly outside through the open window, followed by the sound of spells shooting across the street. Their eyes met instantly, a unanimous agreement made without needing to say a word. James jumped up and rushed out the door with Remus in close pursuit, slamming the door behind them.

***

Sirius whipped around to find his mother glaring at him, her face full of hatred and loathing. She gripped her wand tightly and put it to his throat. Before he could react she blasted a spell at him sending him flying across the field. He crashed into a tree stump, hitting his head, and he cried out in pain as he landed. He looked up at her approaching figure and forced out the question consuming his thoughts.

“How did you find me?”

She halted in her approach to laugh sadistically.

“Oh it was simple. You are unbelievably predictable, ma petite étoile.”

Sirius flinched at the nickname. His mother used to call him that when he was younger and still her perfect little heir.

“You are not the lion you think you are; I knew you would run to the traitorous Potters like a coward. All I had to do was set up ward traps for you to trip and here you are.” She sneered, the amusement morphing into dour.

“Now what is it to be, boy? Are you willing to put this foolishness behind you and reclaim your Black honour?”

The tiniest flicker of surprise lifted Sirius’ expression at this uncharacteristic offer of clemency, but it quickly hardened. “You know my answer.”

Walburga’s lips thinned with displeasure. “You disappoint me once again and bring shame upon us. A Black should always put family first!”

“I am putting my family first!” Sirius retorted, “My friends are my family, they are my priority! My loyalties have never been with you!”

Hissing, Walburga raised her wand in an instant and Sirius forced himself to move to avoid the curse thrown his way, stumbling to his feet and drawing his own wand from his jacket’s inside pocket as the duel commenced.

She quickly began firing more curses, her wand waving in intricate patterns to perform complex spells. Although she was so much more experienced in duelling than him, he was used to defending himself against his cousin, so he began blocking them as best as he could, firing a few of his own.

One of her spells slipped past his shield to hit him squarely in the chest as he fired one of his own, which was effortlessly blocked as he was flung away again. He sprawled out on the ground where he landed, unable to move against the hard ground as his limbs gave out.

Sirius sighed, closing his eyes. He was tired of fighting and had no hope of making it out of this. She was too strong and always won.

He was losing consciousness now, giving out to the darkness to escape the pain he felt emotionally and physically when in the background he heard a familiar voice yelling his name.

"Sirius!"

Chapter Text

James and Remus rushed outside, following the sounds of spells echoing loudly around them.

They sprinted across the estate toward the cluster of trees, from which emitted rapid flashes of coloured light, and came across two figures duelling fiercely, each of them locked in a dance balancing both firing spells and blocking each other’s curses. They couldn’t discern their identities, only determining that one was a woman and the other a boy.

The two stopped abruptly a few feet away, unsure what to do about the situation. As they watched, the woman shot a curse at the other, sending him crashing to the floor where he lay motionless. Instinctively James moved forward several paces and gasped as he finally recognized the figure on the ground.

"Sirius!" James cried out toward his crumpled form of his brother, internally begging him to be okay.

As he turned, his blood ran cold as he identified the other looming figure as Mrs Black.

***

Sirius lifted his head slightly at the call of his name as the blurry figures of James and Remus burst into the scene. James quickly began duelling his mother while Remus ran toward him.

Remus immediately crashed to his knees beside him, putting his hands around him to pull him to his chest.

"Sirius?! Sirius, can you hear me? Come on, pads, please!"

Just the sound of his voice was enough for Sirius to hold on to reality. "Moony," Sirius groaned, trailing off before he could finish.

"Sirius, stay with me! It's gonna be okay, you're safe now. I've got you."

Remus adjusted his hold to cradle Sirius’s head with one hand. He felt his heart racing and worry fill him as he gave Sirius' body a once over. His limbs were shaking and his formal green robes were filthy and hanging off him, the colour matching the forming bruises Remus could see covering his chest, visible through the torn fabric. As Remus' gaze wandered back up to his face he also registered blood running down from his nose and a deep gash on his hairline. Remus' eyes once again met his, which were still only half open with his right eyelid almost swollen shut, holding eye contact and attempting to convey comfort despite his worsened fear at the state of just his noticeable injuries.

"James! " Remus turned to James who was still managing to hold his own against Walburga Black.

"I'm a little bit busy here, Remus," James replied without looking back.

"We need to get Sirius somewhere safe now!"

"Re... mus go, get James and go home. She is too strong, please just go," Sirius slurred out.
Remus swung round to face him full of shock; it wasn't like Sirius to accept defeat and it scared him.

"No, I'm not leaving you, Sirius. Don't you dare give up now," Remus said fiercely. "We can beat her. James is one of the best duelists in the year, almost as good as you."

Even as he said this, Remus’ head swam with doubt and was proved right the next moment when Walburga gained the upper hand once again; she swiftly cast a full body bind hex that managed to hit James, who fell heavily to the ground. Remus’ eyes widened in fear as she whipped around to face him.

"Your turn, half-breed!"

He froze in shock at her knowledge of his condition. Panic washed over his body, leaving cold chills in it’s wake. He couldn’t breathe and his mind raced with thoughts of how she could possibly know.

"Remus?” He briefly registered Sirius’ voice. “Move! Remus!"

Remus wanted to move as her wand pointed toward him; he screamed silently at himself to move, but his body wasn't responding. He waited for what felt like a century for her spell to hit but it never did.

Arms abruptly encircled his chest to push him backwards out of the way and he turned to see Sirius twist himself in front to shield him. As the spell hit, Remus distinctly heard a bone shatter with a crack and Sirius cried out.

His mother smirked in satisfaction and when she raised her wand once more, Remus finally found his voice.

"No, don't. Please, he is your son," Remus said desperately.
*
Walbugua sneered, her focus purely on Sirius before replying.

"This pathetic waste of life is no son of mine, he made his choice and is no longer considered part of this family. You know what that means, don't you Sirius?"

He knew too well.

"Je brûle," Sirius said, his voice barely below a whisper.

"That's right, blood traitor," she replied triumphantly.

Remus glanced anxiously back and forth between them unsure of what Sirius said but certain it meant nothing good.

"I won't let you lay another finger on him," Remus almost growled, pushing himself off the ground to stand in front of Sirius.

She cackled manically "Let me? I have centuries of ancient magic and Black blood flowing through my veins, you are nothing but a stray mutt.”

Remus responded by drawing his own wand, firmly locking his focus on her as he began to compile a half baked plan in his head.

Problem solving was his speciality–he had lost count of the amount of times he had gotten his fellow marauders out of detention. He could do this, he had to; they urgently needed to get out of this situation and get Sirius to safety.

Fuck it, Remus thought taking a page out of James book and proceeded to do something incredibly stupid.

His vision tunnelled on James, who still lay bound on the ground, and impulsively threw his arm out toward him, yelling out the counter curse, knowing he wouldn’t have time to defend himself against Walburga at the same time. Sure enough, she seized the chance to throw a hex at him, which sent him staggering back a few paces before he managed to throw up a shield to block her next attack.

“James!” Remus called out through gritted teeth. “Take Sirius back to the house. I’m right behind you.”

Now released, James scrambled up to his feet and, knowing there was no time for debate, threw himself toward Sirius where they disappeared as soon as they touched with a loud crack.

Remus kept facing Walburga while they disapparated, his shield maintained as his eyes darted around the scene for an escape but there was too much open space and no nearby cover.

Walburga somehow became even more enraged as her estranged son slipped out of her grasp once more and Remus could see the infamous Black madness that Sirius was terrified of inheriting. She reminded him of Sirius’ cousin Bellatrix, but more powerful and experienced, and fear washed over him at the thought of confronting her on his own.

She wasted only a few moments before vigorously hurling incantation after incantation at him, forcing Remus to be purely on the defensive as she simultaneously advanced forward.

The adrenaline coursing through his veins ensured he was quick enough to evade her and anger fueled his every move as he began to shoot back his own attacks. This was his opportunity to throw everything he had at Sirius’ monster of a mother. For all the times Sirius had come back from school holidays with new scars, cuts, and bruises, when Remus had wanted to burn the Black house to the ground.

The moment he realised he had been holding his own against her for quite some time was when his luck ran out and before he could blink he found himself disarmed and falling backwards onto the ground.

Walburga stalked forward until she was looming over him.

“He was perfect, you know, when he was a child. The worst mistake I ever made was sending him to that mockery of a school where you and those other blood traitors and mudbloods poisoned him against me.”

Remus opened his mouth but no words could be spoken before his body seized up in pain. For a moment Remus thought he was transforming before he realised that she had cast the Cruciatus curse on him. He couldn't breathe; it was as if all his senses deserted him as every part of his body started screaming at him. He certainly didn’t hear the cracks that sounded around them.

What felt like hours later, but was in fact only moments, Remus realised the spell had been lifted. He greedily drew a breath, desperate for oxygen, and sound began to filter through the ringing in his ears. There was movement all around him and a blurry shape that shifted into two figures raced toward him. He strained his eyes attempting to discern who they were but as they reached him and started speaking he recognised them immediately and relaxed. He was safe.

“Oh love, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” Mrs Potter spoke, her voice warm and worried.

Remus barely registered her questions, still disorientated. He instead attempted to look past James’ parents to the scene behind them that they were blocking.

“Is she–” he croaked out, his voice hoarse.

“Easy there, lad, it’s alright, we got her,” Mr Potter chimed in, shuffling aside slightly to allow Remus to see Walburga Black disarmed and restrained by who Remus assumed to be Aurors.

Remus slumped again before the previous events came rushing back.

“Sirius!” he cried. “He’s hurt! I need to–”

He pushed himself up, desperately staggering to his feet. As he stood his vision went hazy and everything started to spin; he had barely taken a step in what he thought was the general direction of the Potter's house when his legs gave way. He stumbled into arms as he fell, his mind sinking into darkness.