Chapter Text
Sometimes Dean had good ideas, like new ways to kill demons, or baking pies with two different fillings. Sometimes he had bad ideas, like the peanut butter hamburger, or setting off the Apocalypse (again). And sometimes, he had ideas which started out seeming pretty harmless, but that bore consequences far beyond his wildest imaginings.
The guinea pigs fell into the third category.
It had all started with his birthday party. He’d put up a few token objections, but Sam had insisted on celebrating. This was all very interesting to Cas, and what was supposed to be a simple birthday party with a cake and some presents had ended up being an anthropology class. With an ice cream cake.
Cas had been satisfied with the lesson, but for the next few days there were some things Dean just couldn’t put out of his mind.
“I keep thinking,” he said to Sam, “I know Cas doesn’t have a birthday, but he deserves something. Some way to show that we appreciate him existing. You know the guy’s never gotten any kind of present? From anyone?”
Sam shrugged. “So what do you want to give him?”
“I don’t know. But it’s got to be something good. Something he’ll really appreciate.”
“You know,” said Sam, “I think I actually have an idea.”
Dean found Cas in his bedroom, deeply engrossed in some kind of pamphlet. The party hat he’d worn throughout Dean’s party was still on the bedside table. His clothes were in a duffel bag on the floor; there was a stack of books on the desk, and that was it. The room could definitely use some livening up.
“Hey, Cas?”
Cas looked up from his reading material, which on closer inspection appeared to be the instruction manual for a Roomba. They didn’t have a Roomba. Dean had learned not to ask too many questions. “Yes, Dean?”
"How'd you like a guinea pig?"
Cas' eyes lit up.
At the pet store, Dean was starting to have second thoughts. He hadn't given much thought to getting a guinea pig; he’d figured, just get a cage and some bedding and some food and maybe a toy or two, stick the pig in the cage and you're done. Apparently not.
He and Sam had spent the last forty-five minutes following Cas through the aisles of the Lebanon PetCo, watching him deliberate between each and every variety of each of the items that were, according to Cas' list, absolutely essential for a guinea pig's health and happiness. Oh, and they weren't getting just one guinea pig.
"They're very social animals, Dean," Cas had said indignantly, as if Dean was supposed to know all about guinea pig behavior. "They'll get depressed if they're alone."
Dean had talked him down to two, at least to begin with.
As they passed through the store’s tropical fish section, Cas nodded at a tank of clownfish. “I worked on those,” he said.
"You made Nemo?"
"I helped," Cas said, and provided no further explanation, either because he saw no need, or because they had finally reached the small mammals section. “Look! Guinea pigs!”
There were white guinea pigs and brown guinea pigs and black guinea pigs and spotted guinea pigs. And they all looked pretty much the same to Dean, crouching in hutches or blinking at the world. Cas squatted down in front of the case and began inspecting them closely.
Dean cleared his throat. "Hey, Cas, you’ll probably be a while choosing the pigs, so how about Sam pays for the stuff and brings it to the car, and then comes back here?”
"Hey hey hey," said Sam. "Cas is getting his first pet. That's a big deal. I want to be there."
"Technically, Dean was my first pet,” Cas said without taking his eyes off the guinea pigs.
"... pet ?"
"You were a lesser being that I had responsibility of and grew to care for." He glanced at Dean. "I no longer think of you as a pet."
"That’s good to know." He elbowed Sam. "It's not that funny.”
“Sure.” Sam tried valiantly to turn his laugh into a cough. “Of course.”
After about twenty minutes of deep contemplation, Cas announced that he had decided on his guinea pigs.
"Hey,” Sam called to a passing employee. “Uh, we want two guinea pigs?"
"Sure,” said the kid--Jeff, according to his nametag. “Hold on a sec." He went into a backroom and came out holding a cardboard carrier. “Which ones do you want?”
“That black one,” said Cas, pointing, “and the brown one with the white face.”
“You got it.” Jeff took the top off the cage and removed the guinea pigs. They wheeked as he placed them in the carrier and shut it. “You need anything else?”
“We’re set, thanks,” said Dean. “Come on, Cas.”
They trooped to the registers, Cas cradling the carrier in his arms.
“I can’t believe it costs this much just to get a guinea pig,” Dean grumbled as the cashier scanned the items. “It would be cheaper to get a black market baby.”
“Hey, this was your idea. There’s no turning back now.”
Dean glanced at Cas, who was observing the guinea pigs raptly through the carrier’s airholes. “Yeah, well, sometimes my ideas suck.”
“Also, do I want to know why your mind went right to black market babies?”
“It just did.”
“Your mind is weird.”
Several minutes into the drive home, Cas opened the carrier.
"C'mon, Cas," said Dean. "You know I don't like animals in the car."
"They're on my lap," Cas objected. "They…" He fell silent, an odd look on his face.
"Cas," said Dean. He glanced in the rearview mirror. "I know that face. What are you not telling me?"
Cas shifted uneasily. "One of the guinea pigs urinated on me," he muttered. "I couldn't stop it."
"I have guinea pig piss in my upholstery? Cas!"
"Most of it got on my clothes," he said. "And I put the guinea pigs back in the box."
“Good,” Dean said shortly. “Keep them there until they’re in your room.”
This had definitely not been one of his better ideas.
Once he’d scrubbed the piggie pee out of the car, and his temper had cooled a bit, Dean went to see Cas. Cas had clearly been busy: there was a run that took up a quarter of his room, deeply bedded, with hutches and toys and full food and water bowls. If it had been a little larger, Dean would have considered moving in himself. The guinea pigs certainly looked content, snuffling around in the hay.
“Hey, nice job,” Dean said. “That looks great.”
“Thank you.” Cas stood up, brushing bits of hay off his coat. “I’m sorry that I took them out in the car. I already scolded Haziriel very firmly.”
“You’ve named them already?”
"Shafaniel and Haziriel. They are two of my brothers of whom I am particularly fond."
"And now they've got guinea pigs named after them."
“Yes. I believe they would be honored.”
“Who wouldn’t be? Guinea pigs are great.”
“They are.” Cas looked at Dean, his eyes full of emotion. “Dean. Thank you. This is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Dean fidgeted. “Well, you deserve it. And hey, it’s a big bunker. We should’ve gotten a pet awhile ago.”
Cas smiled, and Dean thought that maybe the guinea pigs weren’t such a bad idea after all. Maybe.