Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He left me in a small town, not far from the Hidden Village of the Mist. At the time I didn’t know, but it was quite famous for being… a place of many pleasures.

Bars, gambling houses, brothels… any sort of illegal activity could be found there, where passing men —mostly those from the shinobi life— could find ‘release’ from their urges in the midst of the war.

I was not sure why Father decided to leave me there, but I could only assume he chose the hardest place to thrive in as another one of his ‘tests’.

He had woken me up that night, when everyone was soundly asleep except for some of his men, telling me to get dressed —something I would later see as a small mercy.

The Moon was high up in the sky, still not full enough to bring much light to our surroindings, the sounds of cicadas echoing in the air, muffling our steps and the ruffling of our clothes as we moved.

Rubbing my eyes with the hand that was not wrapped around his, I watched as he lured us deeper and deeper out of the forest.

“Otou-sama, where are we going?” I asked, only met by silence.

I can’t remember for how long we walked, could have been minutes, could have been hours.

He only slowed down once we were on a strange looking town, barely keeping me from stumbling once more against the barely visible rocky ground.

Men were passed out on the floor, curled around empty bottles, some of them still awake and walking in crooked lines, slurring unintelligible words, the stench of their breaths nearly making me gag even from afar.

Women stood by the side of doors, their faces pale and clad with makeup, more often than not smeared as they took long drags out of the cigarettes in their hands, lips pulled into toothy grins, but their eyes telling a completely different tale.

A booming laugh, followed by shouted words erupted out of a building, eliciting a small whimper from my lips as my head turned towards the light seeping out of the windows and the open door, sounds of a brawl and broken glasses blasting shortly after.

I dug my heels against the floor, frozen in place, scared both by the noise around us and my father’s silence, the latter not seeming to be even bothered as he dragged me effortlessly by the hand.

He slowed down his pace once we reached an alleyway, fear spreading at the pit of my stomach like poison, sending a jolt of energy right to my legs, which felt both curiously numb and tingling. This time I sunk the back of my feet decisively enough for him to stop, tilting his head towards me, his eyes gleaming viciously against the darkness around us, a more vibrant tone than mine, but still similar enough to be a ghostly reminder of mine.

Father let out a soft sound.

“I wouldn’t kill you, my own blood,” he soothed, kneeling before me and cupping my cheek with a pale, cold hand, a gentle mask etched onto his features, one I knew he could rip it off in the blink of an eye. “However, you have proven to be…weak.”

“K-kill me?” I murmured, my knees trembling as his features became stony.

His grip lowered and tightened, raising my chin with both fingers, causing me to flinch, eliciting despise upon his eyes, thin lips shifting downwards.

"Perhaps the wilderness will make you strong.” He mused, letting a disappointed sound from the back of his throat as his fingers slid from my chin, his free hand now placing something sharp and cold between both of mine, engulfed by his.

A kunai.

I shook my head uncontrollably, tears leaking out of my eyes as he stood up, the reality of it all sinking like a building about to collapse right on top of me.

What would I do?

I could trail after him, I thought. Even in the dark, it shouldn’t be that hard if I try enough.

The face of one of the drunken men laying in the dirt flashed before my eyes, causing my resolve to crumble just enough to make the walls of the alley close around me.

Cruising through town alone would be quite a feat. One I probably wouldn’t come out of unharmed. Panic finished taking control of my body, my small hands shooting up to grip the fabric of his clothes.

“No, Otou-sama, please—”

“I’m not your father,” he seethed, his gaze fixed on mine, nothing but disgust in it. “Were it not for the few gifts you inherited, or those cursed eyes, I would have believed your mother to be unfaithful.”

He quietened for a moment, seeming to be deep in thought.

“But that’s it, isn’t it?” He mused, turning his back to me. “You have more of her in you than you’ll ever have of me.”

His words stung like a slap, my eyes itching and my vision blurring, the burning feeling on my chest making me stumble backwards.

“If you do survive, come find me, I will accept you back,” he said, tilting his head, almost stepping out of the alleyway before coming to a sudden halt.

“And Mitsuko,” he called, this time keeping his back to me, letting out a flare of chakra that made my knees buckle beneath its force, the pressure on my head becoming almost unbearable. “If you try to follow me, I will kill you.

Chapter Text

Don’t let others get you into their hands; to belong to oneself —that is the whole thing in life.

Ivan Turgenev

Soon enough, I learned what kind of town I was left in. 

I lived in the streets, learning to cut wandering hands, learning where to sleep and where not to, who I should avoid and who had a kind enough hand to offer.  

At first, I refused to leave the alleyway my father had left me in, hoping, perhaps foolishly, that he would change his mind and come back for me. 

After some days, the nagging drunkards and wandering rats grew to be unbearable enough for me to try my luck in the woods on the outside of town, climbing the tallest trees and using the thickest branches at the top at night, always making sure to sleep on my back, one leg on each side of the branch to keep myself from falling. 

I mainly stayed in the woods, mostly feeling sorry for myself, occasionally going into town when the hunger was too much to bear. I lived off my own and other’s pity until pity wasn’t there, and then I decided I was done.

I was fairly good at hunting, but my aim with a kunai wasn’t as good as Anko’s, who had often taken upon herself the task of hunting when we were left on our own, whereas I would skin whatever she hunted, cooking it with anything we had at our disposal. 

But I wasn't the only one who learned with time, animals soon came to remember which spots of the woods were my favorite for hunting, until each time I had to go deeper and deeper into the forest. 

Which terrified me. 

This was a town where soldiers came and left, which made the possibility of running into one of them, or worse yet: a group, very real. 

I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of life, but this sure as hell wasn’t it.

I needed to leave this town. I could take my father on his word, trace him and make him take me back. Even if I didn’t have the slightest idea of where to begin to pursue someone as untraceable as him. 

Still…

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back, either. 

He had said it himself, there was nothing of him in me. I wasn’t as strong or determined as Anko. I was quick on my feet and decently agile, but I lacked the killing intent. The thought of ending someone’s life…it made my stomach churn. 

It was against everything I had been taught, against my own nature.

Defending myself was one thing but taking the initiative to hurt someone…that was something I didn’t have in me.

I even had to turn my head when snapping an animal’s neck. And that was to survive .

I shook my head, pulling myself out of trains of thought that weren’t useful in my current situation. 

I might not have known many things, but I was sure of my next step.

I was going to get a job.

Easier said than done.

Everywhere I went, people ran their gazes through my dirty clothes with disgust masked by pity, shaking their heads, muttering apologies or excuses and closing their doors without a second look.

I had tried to make myself presentable, washing my face on the river that cursed through the forest, not daring to wash my clothes since I had nothing else to wear while doing so, not to mention my fear of catching a cold, or worse, a man running into me while I had no clothes on.

Walking out of the last place I had deemed worth taking a chance, and receiving the same reaction and apologetic response pretty much everyone else had given me, I decided to head back to the forest, kicking the pebbles on my way, something I would have never dared to do when accompanied by my father.

It irked him.  

My resolve felt dwarfed by my current situation, like a bug under the penetrating lens of a microscope, examined and deemed unworthy of any further interest. 

My train of thought was brought to a halt when my eyes caught sight of a fruit post, the few apples on it mocking me with the prices written under their wooden boxes, skyrocketing because of the lack of crops that had plagued the land ever since I could remember. 

I guessed war was no good for farmers. Men went away to fight; fields were destroyed, women were left to fend for themselves. It was hardly an easy business.

A defeated sigh left my lips as I readied myself to turn and perhaps try my luck once more in the forest, the pressing cold of my kunai held by my obi suddenly burning against the skin of my back.  

There was nothing I could pay for with the few coins some compassionate shop owners had given me.

“You may take one, child.” 

When I raised my gaze, I was met with a wrinkled face, adorned by piercing dark eyes, with an equally wrinkly hand offering me the biggest apple on the stack.

For a moment all I could do was freeze, wondering if this was some kind of cruel joke where she would snatch the fruit back when I extended my hand to grab it. 

She gave me a smile with a few missing teeth, prompting me to take it.

“Go on,” she encouraged, her rough voice softening.

With a deep bow, I accepted the generous gift, watching her wearily even after having the apple cradled between my hands. 

“Thank you,” I murmured, clutching it to my chest with care, my mouth watering just from imagining the taste.

The woman laughed good-naturedly.

“No need to thank me, girl,” she dismissed, sitting on an old wooden stool, gesturing for me to come closer with her hand.

Not too happy about it, but driven by gratitude, I sat on the floor beside her, then taking a big bite off my apple, the sweet taste filling my mouth almost heavenly, fresher than anything I had tasted in what felt like forever. 

Still, I forced myself to slow down. If I ate it too quickly, I would be hungrier afterwards.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

I froze in my place, the apple halfway to my mouth. 

Should I make one up?

It felt a bit paranoid to do that, considering there was no reason anyone would be aiming to hurt me. No one except Anko knew who my father was. And yet...

“Cho,” I lied.

“Pleased to meet you, Cho. I am Akiko,” she replied, unfazed by my reticence to answer, her eyes sharpening on me, drifting from my face to my attire, and I had the urge to hide. “I see you’ve been looking for a job.”

I gave her a tense nod, suspicion rising within me as I kept my gaze trained on my apple, some of my appetite seeming to leave me.

“You missed a place, though.”

That did capture my attention, but it did nothing to ease the tangled knot at the pit of my stomach.

“Really? Where?” I asked, distrust leaking out of my words. 

An embarrassed wince tugged at my features at her raised eyebrows, heat rising to my cheeks.

“Sorry,” I lowered my eyes to the apple clutched in my hand.

She seemed to forgive me easily, guided by her low chuckle.

“As I was saying, you forgot to go somewhere,” she continued, eyeing me in an almost calculating manner. “Somewhere beautiful girls with no coin always end up in.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my place, having a good hunch as to what place she was talking about, the apple suddenly tasting sour in my mouth. 

Her eyes shifted to a building in the distance, and I followed her gaze.

The town’s brothel.

Anger boiled at the pit of my stomach with full force, fueled by shame. 

My hand itched to throw the suddenly tasteless apple at her feet, but my hunger was stronger than my pride.

“No.” Was my only response as I bounced to my feet, shaking my head. “Thank you for the apple,” I mumbled, giving her a hasty bow , tuckeing it close to my chest.

“If you change your mind you know where to find me,” she called after me.

I ran away.

Chapter Text

Little words can mean death or life sometimes.

“Human ,” a familiar yet dreaded voice purred, echoing against the abyss, the water beneath my feet swirling in strange motions, almost as if it were drawn to it. 

I still couldn’t tell if it belonged to a male or a female, but I would have gambled on the latter.

I didn’t reply, instead surveying the infinite darkness before me, extending into infinity. Once again, not really something new, but still as unsettling as the first day. The only thing that could be even more eerie than that was the absolute silence around me, not a single sound to be heard besides my quiet steps above the water.

It had taken me some time to realize I didn’t need to channel chakra into my feet in order to do so, just having to think about doing it to be able to stand above the fragile surface. 

I still remembered the sensation of falling into the freezing water, all air being sucked out of my lungs, my body heavy as lead as it plummeted into the bottomless abyss.

A shiver ran down my spine at the memory, quickly shaped into deathlike stillness as the water’s surface tension fractured, a colossal head erupting from underneath it, its alabaster scales reflecting the dim light. 

Two slit pupils bore straight into me, swimming amongst amber colored irises, not much unlike mine as a bifid tongue poked in and out in less than a blink.

“Still freezing to death in the forest, I see, ” she commented, an undertone of amusement in her voice, as if my survival was more of a source for her entertainment rather than an actual issue.

“It’s not like I have a choice,” I murmured, crossing my arms, stifling a pout perhaps a second too late. 

It had been a while since the last time we had ‘talked’, if that’s what it could be called. Ever since my father’s abandonment, she had been curiously absent.

I had told no one about her, not even my mother. She had always felt like something too strange to share with anyone else.

Her body swirled around me, not creating the tiniest ripple despite its enormity, scales the size of my forearm gliding beneath my feet without breaking through the surface.

“Are you sure about that, midget? ” This time she was clearly taunting me, a dangerous gleam upon those deathly eyes. 

A memory of my father telling me that you could tell how dangerous a snake was just from its pupils and its snout played almost idly at the back of my mind. This creature would have definitely made it to the top of that list without even breaking a sweat.

Still, any train of thought crashed at the realization of what her words implied.

“No.” I grated the words out of my mouth, not even needing to think about it for a second, my hands clenching at my sides. I wouldn’t go there even if it was the last place on earth.

Her gaze sharpened, almost as if she could hear my every thought, seeming to accept my silent challenge.

“No? You rather be meat for worms, then?” She seethed, quickening the pace of her movements. “Or better yet, a tender, young mare for a drunkard?” 

Bile rose at the back of my throat, the acid taste making me grind my teeth until it hurt my jaw.

“Don’t be crude.”

“ Life is nothing but crude. Better wake up now. ”

And with that, a pair of sharp fangs in an impossibly open jaw lunged at me, darkness swallowing my vision. 

I opened my eyes with a scream, nearly falling off the thick branch I had been sleeping in, making a hasty maneuver that left me hanging from the back of my bent knees for a few seconds, the muscles aching from the cold and lack of use.

Seriously? I sent the thought intently inside my head, but was met only by silence.

I sighed. 

Back to the silent treatment, it was.

It had been two weeks since the incident with the old lady in the apple stall. Food was scarce, nights were getting colder and colder, and it felt like every animal in the forest was hiding just to mock me. 

Men had become especially insufferable, for they had found my usual sleeping spot in the forest and even though they couldn’t climb trees as easily as me, enjoyed their nights taunting me from its roots, throwing empty bottles and sneering yellowed teeth at me, disgusting words uttered under stenching breaths.

I hated them.

Maybe I was just losing my patience.

Winter was close. If I didn’t find a refuge soon, I would freeze to death , just as she had put oh-so-well in my last dream. 

Or was it a nightmare? I couldn’t tell.

If you change your mind you know where to find me. Those words echoed in my head like a sick chant, thrumming against my temples with the intensity of a hammer beating a nail in.

I shut my eyes tightly, like it could protect me from seeing the horrible truth. 

Kami, I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t want to do this.

You’re too…weak. Another voice chimed in.

I made a choice.

Tired and starving, I had gone to the fruit post once again, ready to crawl back to her, feeling like a hypocrite, considering what I had said not even an hour ago. 

Just her smile when she saw me was enough for nausea to rise beneath my tongue, making me want to run back to my lonely branch in the forest. 

I forced my feet to remain nailed to the floor.

“I changed my mind.”

After that, everything felt like a blur. 

Akiko took me to another woman’s house, where they gave me a bath, scrubbing all the dirt until my skin was pink and sore, washing and untangling the painful knots that had formed on my hair after so many weeks, brushing and styling it afterwards. 

They gave me soup, heavenly warm, enough for sleepiness to crawl into my bones, but not enough to keep the anxiety of what I was about to do at bay.

Dressed in a beautiful midnight blue kimono, which was a bit big for me, Akiko led me to the pleasure quarter, passing the guards like she owned the place.

I briefly wondered if she did, only to be proven wrong as soon as she spoke.  

“The owner’s name is Sara, Sara-sama for you. You will not utter a single word unless she speaks directly to you, understood?” 

I nodded.

“Good.” Her lips curved in a tight-lipped smile. “I knew you were a quiet one.” 

The kind old lady act had soon disappeared from the moment I had returned to her fruit post, shifting into a cold and direct woman, her eyes razor sharp and focused, as if they could only see what they deemed relevant to her goal.

I thought she would have made a wonderful shinobi.

Only a few minutes later, two fingers with red-painted nails gripped my chin with slight pressure, shifting my face to their taste. 

Sara was as beautiful as intimidating. She was probably in her thirties, which was old for a woman of pleasure, but  didn’t take away any of her beauty, with wide dark eyes, like two obsidian stones placed upon her rounded face, adorned by thick, long lashes, casting shadows upon her cheekbones. 

Locks of pitch black fell silkily down her back, creating a high contrast with her pale face, making soft noises when they grazed the silk of her kimono.

I thought that if the goddess of night had a shape it would be hers.

“She is indeed beautiful, Akiko,” she recognized, briefly letting her gaze wander from me to the woman that had brought me in.

My body tensed when she let out a sound of disapproval, her eye catching on the dark bruise on my cheekbone from a fight against another handsy man, matching the one on my jaw. I had been trying to hunt until late that day, an unadvisable thing to do, but hunger could be stronger than logic at times. 

He won’t be using something far more precious for some time though , I thought, suppressing a satisfied smirk.

“But she’s all black and blue,” Sara finished, her voice lowering. 

The other woman that had helped dress me and wash me had offered to apply white powder to conceal them, but Akiko had refused, saying something along the lines of ‘she needs to look as natural as possible, powders will just make her look cheap’.

“That’s only temporary,” Akiko was quick to assure her, not seeming nervous at all. 

“And she’s so skinny,” the woman kept on, as if Akiko had never spoken, grabbing the upper part of my flaky arm, her index and middle finger encircling it with ease.

Fear clawed at my chest, not daring to think about what would be of me if I didn’t get this job.

“Forgive me, I haven’t had much to eat lately…Sara-sama,” I spoke, keeping my voice soft and compliant, my gaze set on the floor.

That seemed to sit well with her, her eyes sharpening on me, but at the same time feeling very far away.

“She’s very agreeable,” she noted. “She could be good at making conversation and serving tea.”

Akiko nodded eagerly, her features contorting with something I couldn’t quite place. It reminded me of the look drunkards got on their faces when they spotted me alone in the dark. It was hungry and dark with yearning.

“How old are you, girl?” Sara inquired.

My stomach dropped.

“I’ll soon be thirteen, my lady.”

That was six months from now, which wasn’t exactly soon, but I was afraid she would reject me if she found me too young. And by the look on her face, I was probably correct.

“You know I don’t take in younger than fourteen,” she raised her gaze to Akiko.

“You could have her serve tea, my lady,” Akiko answered, in a sugary voice. “She is quite lovely, I’m sure the clients wouldn’t mind.”

Sara’s mouth twitched at that, something akin to the look you would give to an insect at the sole of your shoe gleaming upon her dark eyes.

“I would mind.”

Her eyes shone with disappointment as she dismissed us with a gesture of her hand, the feeling of her fingers leaving my skin leaving me strangely hollow and cold inside, as if all life had been sucked out of me in that very moment, the sting of her rejection making my face burn.

“Leave,” was all she said, her gaze turning distant as she looked at the door, where two sturdy looking men stood.

“Please,” I begged, clasping the silky fabric of her clothes, tears pressing behind my eyes.

“I don’t do charity, child.” Was her curt answer, as she dignified my words by turning her head to me.

“I will do anything you ask me to; I will work harder than anyone else,” I pleaded, my eyes feeling painfully open as a single tear slipped out of them. “ Please .”

Our gazes met and her features seemed to soften, something akin to a dazed expression shining on her beautiful colored eyes as a resigned look crept into her face. My eyes felt strangely warm, as if I had stared too long and too closely into a fire.

I blinked and the feeling was gone.

“Fine. You shall serve tea and help with chores.” Sara’s features cleared as she drew her eyes away from mine, a confused expression shaping her features for a second before she schooled them back into blankness.

It might have been my imagination, but when I turned to look at her one last time as Akiko pulled me by my wrist somewhere away, her eyes held a calculating quality as she stared at my steps, something in the distant look upon them telling me she wasn’t quite seeing me, rather than seizing what I could be.

That same night I was given a room in the brothel, it was small, with a worn-out wooden floor, but it felt like heaven. There was another futon a few feet from mine, but the door was shut on my face before I could even ask who my mystery companion was.

Falling asleep was hard at first, as my mind wandered back to the kunai my father had given me before leaving me in that alley, the one I would clench in my hands before falling asleep, now imbedded into the branch I used to sleep in, its abandonment much too symbolical for my taste. 

Courtesans don’t have kunai tucked in their obi , I thought, feeling as if my whole body was being suffocated by the much too soft mattress compared to nights and nights resting against hard wood.

However, my exhaustion must have been bigger than I had deemed, because I fell asleep shortly after, thoughts of obsidian eyes and slited pupils dancing behind my eyelids, a satisfied sound that didn’t belong to me echoing in my mind before I fell into oblivion.

Chapter Text

The following days I was introduced to the workings of the pleasure house. 

It was open from noon to the first hours of the morning, then closed so the courtesans could rest and eat without worrying about limited timing, as well as to be able to wash sheets, make beds and sweep the floors. 

In the mornings, Sara taught me the basics to the tea serving ceremony, guiding me through the procedure with surprising patience while also showing me the art of conversation. 

When I wasn’t doing that, I was helping my ‘sisters’ as Sara had told me to call them, preparing them baths, running errands for them, sending and receiving letters, bringing back gifts other men occasionally gave them, among similar activities.

When there wasn’t much activity of that sort, I would help Yuuka —whom I later found was the person I shared my room with when she had gently woken me the morning after being taken in by Sara, her dark downturned eyes crinkling slightly at the corners when she smiled good-naturedly at me. 

She did most of the cleaning and cooking and was probably in her early thirties, although she may have looked beyond her actual age since despite her motherly behavior towards me, she was also quite cheerful and energetic, not to mention that her physical performance was clearly at its peak. 

She barely let me do anything, seeming to do it ten times faster than me, for Kami’s sake.

It took less than I had originally thought to find myself somewhat acclimated to my new situation, perhaps in part thanks to her welcoming and patient presence.

Perhaps that newfound sense of what wasn’t exactly comfort was what helped me find the courage to ask the much-dreaded question that had kept me from sleep after a few days of training with Sara, barely keeping myself from stuttering.

“Will I have to…kiss them?” 

Sara’s penetrating gaze fell on me as she corrected my posture with her hand, then gesturing for me to start all over again. 

There was no need to ask who I meant by ‘them’.

“You will not. All your services will be reduced to the arts until I deem it otherwise. Should any of them overstep in any way that endangers you, you will call for Shinsuke. Understood?”

Shinsuke was in charge of preventing any ‘unpleasant’ situations with clients. He was usually doing rounds outside of the dorm doors, his broad form casting shadows on the hallway.

I nodded, lowering my eyes to my hands, now resting on my lap. 

They were littered with tiny scars, a few tones lighter than my natural skin, some protruding slightly while others were barely visible, a testimony of the life that now seemed so far away from me. 

Most of them were from when I had first started to train with kunai and shuriken, accompanied by hardened areas on what once was the soft skin of my palms from hours of training, childish hands against cold metal, wood and dirt.

I wasn’t as naïve as to think that Sara hadn’t noticed, but her reaction to them had only reduced to a single look before continuing with the lesson. As if she didn’t consider them relevant enough to take away from the attractiveness of the tea ceremony, which I had to admit resided partly in the hands.

I could only pray Sara attributed those scars to my time living in the wilderness and not to anything else, but that chance was becoming slimmer and slimmer the longer I interacted with those sharp-witted eyes that seemed to be attentive of the tiniest of details. 

For some time after that I couldn’t help but feel like a fool for not using a Transformation Jutsu to cover that up, but had quickly discarded the idea since I couldn’t risk any chakra sensitive person —whether ninja or civilian— to uncover my identity. 

This was a town lower ranked or retired ninja seemed to enjoy visiting, as I had noticed in my short stay, whether because of the hitai-ate or their general demeanors, and I could only wonder how they would react to my chakra, or worse, if they could relate its signature to my father’s. 

So I had kept it suppressed enough to pass merely as a civilian, trying to go as unnoticed as possible, even keeping my quarrels with drunkards messy, not trying to show any affinity towards finer fighting styles—even though I clearly wasn’t an expert or prodigy of any sort. 

Suppressing my chakra had been excruciatingly difficult at first, since it was a technique I had never actually applied beyond experimental attempts after reading it in one of father’s numerous scrolls. 

He had never liked to teach things thoroughly, for it seemed to me that he thought if you couldn’t grasp the basics of a jutsu after a short explanation then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it. 

Was I being paranoid? Perhaps, but as Anko liked to say, there was no such a thing as being too careful. Something I considered somewhat funny, since she could be quite impulsive at times.

“So, Cho,” Sara began, pulling me away from my thoughts.  “You told me you lived in the woods for some time,” she said, almost as if she had sensed where my train of thought had gone, her voice almost too casual. 

“How could a little thing like yourself manage to do that?”

Keeping my shoulders relaxed and my hands from fidgeting by returning to the part of the ceremony where I cleaned the tools, I maintained eye contact as well as I could between movements, trying to find the best way to tackle the subject without my nervousness shining though.

“When you are hungry enough you learn to manage.” 

My vague response elicited a thoughtful gleam upon her eyes, ones I once had naively compared to precious stones, now resembling more the ones of a predator in the night as she almost absentmindedly corrected the posture of my wrist.

We remained in tense silence as her gaze remained speculatively on mine for a few seconds too long, until she simply said:

“I’m sure you do. You can begin to prepare the Matcha now.” 

After that, our interaction was reduced to her corrections and indications, sometimes giving me examples of the kind of conversation that would be pleasant and enjoyable, as well as how to know when a client just didn’t want to talk at all.

“Of course, during the tea ceremony you will be quiet, let them take in the beauty of the procedure, let the silence soothe their minds. If they desire to converse afterwards —which will often be the case— then it is your duty to indulge them to the best of your capacities,” she had instructed, her intimidating eyes not leaving mine, making sure to get that point across. 

After that day, Sara seemed to be fairly satisfied with my abilities, allowing me to begin to work, assuring that she would make sure my first clients were easy enough for me to adjust.

I couldn’t deny that despite all my preparations I was quite nervous, my stomach churning and hands barely kept from fidgeting. 

It was my first client and I was sure Sara wouldn’t be as understanding as she tried to appear if I failed horribly at my first attempts. She was a businesswoman and pity didn’t bide well with money.

So I took a few breaths and repeated her teachings over and over on my head like commandments, my hands moving slightly as I pictured the movements.

“Don’t show your teeth when you laugh or smile,” I spoke under my breath —though I couldn’t think of any reason I would be doing any of those things in said situation, at least not genuinely.

“Don’t look them in the eye unless they ask you to, keep your gaze trained down. Don’t ask personal questions.”

And then the small door opened.

Thankfully after the first clients, my confidence stabilized, letting me immerse myself in the tea ceremony rather than the observer.

“You did well,” Sara congratulated once the day was over, as she had been waiting outside the room, her eyes gleaming as the ones of a jeweler after finding an unpolished stone.

I gave her my first genuine smile. 

At the beggining, I had seen the tea ceremony as a mechanical act, a series of steps to be followed with precision. 

I had soon been taken out of that assumption after applying Sara’s teachings, realizing it was an art after all, focused on finding the beauty in simplicity, in flowing  movements that were graceful yet filled with purpose. 

A nice purpose, I realized. And perhaps not too different from what I used to do.

Whereas in training every movement was indeed instilled with a meaning and a reason behind it, it was a deadly one. When I served tea my hands weren’t to hit, weren’t to cut, to bleed, but to soothe. 

Perhaps I was still sort of a tool, but one meant for beauty, for calm. 

I should have known that kind of peace wasn’t meant to last.

Chapter Text

I still taste the past

The next month, winter was already here, snow coating every surface with deathly beauty, the houses, the trees, the floor, all crowned in white, so easily turned into mud at the bat of an eye. Children went out, clad in their warmest clothes to play with the snow, their laughter undulating through the air like a numbing balm against the bleakness that surrounded us.

I guessed that my immediate problems and worries had kept my emotions somewhat suppressed enough for me to manage things without being a complete mess. However, that act could not be kept up for long.

When there were no more drunkards, once there was a roof under my head, and I was warm and fed and had a job, the immediate worries of survival disappeared, allowing the mess inside my heart to stick its ugly head.

I missed Anko. I missed the late evening training sessions until we couldn’t even stand without having wobbly knees. I even missed those moments when father would leave us in the forest for days, as much as they had scared me once. But most of all, I missed mother. 

It was incredibly frightening how easily we could slip into forgetfulness, how quickly a face would become blurry, how our memory would fail to conjure up a voice or a touch, to the point where I would sometimes wonder if the memories I used to soothe myself to sleep were real or invented. 

I think I even missed my father, as much as it felt like a deep cut to my chest just to admit it. A part of me wondered if he missed me too, if he regretted leaving me here to rot. If he would return one day to find me gone.

Doesn’t matter, a voice said quietly at the back of my head. And this time, for a change, I was the one who kept the line between us quiet.

Even if I was safe for the time being, my only pay was exactly what I said: food and a roof under my head. That didn’t exactly point me in the direction I wanted to go, which was as far from here as my feet could take me.

Where to? 

I couldn’t think of a concrete answer.

Thoughts of fresh grass and trees that reached into the sky danced before my eyes, an image completely evoked from my imagination, since all I could go by were Anko’s descriptions, which I could only get out of her after nagging and nagging to no end.  

Other times they would almost bleed out of her, in a voice that became oddly soft and rough as she whispered about Konohagakure, the extremely warm weather, the colossal rock where the faces of the Hokages were engraved, the thick forest that surrounded the village with trunks as wide as her height. 

She even told me about the famous Will of Fire once, and I remembered thinking that even if it was a bit too idealistic for me, it was still a nice concept, to think that love could be that powerful. In my experience, I had yet to see a time when love could overcome any of the hardships of life, to fight against all odds and come out victorious. 

My mother’s love hadn’t kept her from succumbing to her illness, nor had it managed to soften my father’s heart or keep him from leaving us for so long. Her fate had been carelessly left by him into the hands of her father, an old, bitter farmer; who was obviously less than thrilled to find his eldest daughter was pregnant before even marrying. 

And yet, he had allowed her to stay by his side, to give birth to a child who would have no family name, nor hers or its father’s. 

I wouldn’t go back there. As far as I was concerned, I was an orphan. The only person who had ever truly cared about me was gone, and just like that, the only home I had ever known had become nothing more than a reminder of her absence.

So the most utopian option remained, probably as a dream to bounce back to when I needed to escape from the harsh reality of my life for a while. A thought reserved for those moments between awakeness and sleep.

Some part of me had always felt drawn to Konoha. After all, it was my father’s homeland, even if he seemed to feel nothing but hatred and disdain for it. 

Still, I doubted that even if I managed to find a hidden village, I would be accepted there. Anko had once told me that they were very wary of outsiders, even more so now with the ongoing war. Thus, a dream, indeed.

“Why so thoughtful, Cho-chan?” Ran, one of the youngest courtesans asked, chasing away any thoughts of the past or the future, 

“No reason,” I smiled slightly, tilting my face to look at her standing figure, not bothering to dodge the slender, pale hand stretching out to ruffle my hair.

Her sapphire eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled back much less reservedly than me and let go of my hair, sitting beside me, the warmth of her arm radiating into my side as she seemed to bask into the additional heat the fireplace beside us provided.  

“You aren’t slacking off, are you?” She inquired with gentle playfulness, keeping her eyes closed as she tilted her head to the side.

“It’s Yuuka-san,” I grumbled. “She’s not letting me help her with anything!”

Every time I asked her if she needed any help, she would just send me that motherly smile, turning her head over her shoulder to say: ‘I’m good, thank you, Cho-chan’. 

As sweet as it was, it was getting old.

Knowing her coddling nature, I had taken the habit of doing things before she could get to them, already having broomed, washed the dishes from breakfast, sent a few letters from the courtesans and scrubbed the kitchen floor before Yuuka had shushed me away, doing it herself.

“Ah, she has taken a liking to you, I see,” Ran laughed, raking her fingers through her luscious auburn hair, her face sobering up a little after a moment, mirth still glistening in her eyes as she eyed me intently. “Then I guess you could deliver a letter for me, ne?”

My back straightened at that, and I realized a little too late I probably looked like an over eager puppy.

Ran bit down a smile, but didn’t comment any further as she extended an envelope previously hidden under her sleeve to me.

“Ask for Ryū at the inn. Tall fella, dark hair, green eyes,” her own gaze took a dreamy, glazed-over look before she seemed to remember my presence, clearing her throat softly. “Anyway, you should hurry before Sara sees you like this.”

Taking the envelope and jumping to my feet, I nodded to her, putting on a worn coat and the warm winter boots Yuuko had given me, which I was pretty sure used to be hers, given that they were a bit big for me.

“On my way, Ran-san.”

Her soft laugh was still ringing in my ears after I left, high and melodious.

I could tell something was off the moment I entered the inn, my eyes drawn to the tall, muscular woman leaning casually against the counter as she talked to the owner. Others may have considered it an inane occurrence on a normal day, but they couldn’t feel the chakra emanating from her body like I did. 

It felt earthly and stable, but fragile at the same time, like the stillness of the ground that could shift into an earthquake at any moment. Yet, something about it felt…wrong, like hearing a conversation from another room, dull and hard to grasp completely. 

Checking that my chakra was as suppressed as possible, my grip on it faltered for a second, the pain from keeping it down for so long blinding me for a moment before I reigned it back in, forcing my trembling fingers to stabilize around the paper and doing my best to keep my pace steady as I neared them.

I appraised her for a moment as I stood close enough to look like I was waiting to speak to the innkeeper while also being able to sneak a peek into their conversation.

“…don’t have anyone under that name staying at the inn, miss,” Shou —the owner of the inn— tiredly explained, pushing his glasses back against the bridge of his nose, a habit of his I had picked up the times I had been here to deliver letters or short messages from the courtesans.

The tall woman let out a softly disappointed sound as she flicked a strand of dirty blonde hair off her forehead. I noticed she wasn’t wearing a hitai-ate. 

Retired? I wondered. She looks too young for that. Maybe she’s crippled or sick? Doesn’t look like it to me, though. Maybe it has more to do with the weird state of her chakra.

“That’s too bad. Sure you haven’t seen him around, sir?” She almost pouted, looking charmingly pleading instead of what I would’ve assumed as whiny had it been anyone else. “Tall, black hair, green eyes?”

My breath caught in my throat at her description, so similar to the one Ran had given me.

Shou gave her a brusque shrug as he looked down at something in his desk, a hint that he was done with the conversation, the shift in his attitude as soon as the stranger had become more insistent, a clear sign that he was growing wary of her inquiries.

“A lot of people come and go through my inn; a man my age could hardly remember all of them.”

A lie if I had ever heard one. 

Shou had one of the sharpest minds in town, a businessman from head to toe. Still, it couldn’t be anything more than a coincidence, right? 

Like he said, a lot of people came and left town, it wouldn’t have been strange if at least two of them looked alike. And yet, something about her, the way she carried herself, grew an uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach.

I couldn’t dwell much on it, though, since Shou’s dark brown eyes fell on me.

“Cho,” he acknowledged, his gaze straying to the envelope in my hand. “A letter, I assume?”

I nodded, doing my best not to stiffen when the tall woman turned to me, the slight strain in the inn keeper’s voice seeming to somewhat pique her interest.

Shou wasn’t very fond of Sara, or her line of business, yet, he appeared to tolerate it given how much it had to do with his client income. Funny how people’s morals could bend like rubber when it came to money.

It was kind of hypocritical for me to say it, though. Hadn’t I looked down on them too when Akiko had offered me a job at the pleasure house? Maybe we weren’t all too different.

“Addressed to Ryū?” I said, my words sounding more like a question than a statement.

“Ah yes,” was all Shou said, and it was enough for me to hand the letter down to him, who would make sure it reached its owner, the deal he had with Sara binded him to do so.

And then, with a stiff farewell, I left, my uneasiness doing nothing but increase as I began the now familiar path back to the brothel.

What was wrong with me? 

Instinct, a voice I was mostly used to hearing in my dreams seethed at the back of my mind. You can tell she means trouble.

How could she be trouble? She barely has any chakra , I retorted, frustrated by the silence that followed.

Well, that was…typical.

Immersed in my internal banter, I didn’t realize the woman had left the inn, quickly following my steps until she was walking beside me, jumping in my own skin when she placed a hand on my shoulder briefly.

“Cho-chan, is it?” She asked, giving me a friendly smile that somehow didn’t fit her face. “I noticed you grew a bit nervous when I mentioned my friend. Have you seen anyone like that around?”

“I see a lot of people,” I mumbled, taking one from Shou’s book as I shook her hand off me.

Still, she went on, undeterred by my quiet apathy.

“You see, we were supposed to meet, but I can’t find him anywhere,” her eyes crinkled at the corners a bit as she smiled at me once more, dampened by the growing concern she was attempting to conceal without much success. 

“I’m just worried,” she finally admitted. “He has always had a knack for finding trouble, I would hate it if something happened before I could help him.”

My resolve quavered at that, a part of me feeling sorry for her, and wondering what kind of trouble she could mean. 

Perhaps he was a gambler? 

Nevertheless, it was well known to be discreet in towns like this, where secretive shinobi brought food to everyone’s table. Having a big mouth could only get you in trouble. And that silent reminder was enough to crush any kind of compassion I could be feeling towards her.

“Sorry,” and I was . “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone that could fit in that description.”

She threw another of those faint smiles of poorly concealed distress in my direction, slowing her step, seeming to accept she wouldn’t get anything out of me.

“Well, that’s a shame. Thank you anyway. See you around, Cho-chan.”

I sincerely hoped we didn’t.

A few hours later, a man on his twenties that fit the description both of the woman from the inn— whose name I had forgotten to ask— and Ran’s entered the pleasure house as I walked towards the room where I performed the tea ceremony in, now dressed up for the occasion, wearing a simple but pretty kimono Sara had given me.

I almost tripped on my own feet when I sensed something from him.

He was a ninja. The strange chakra emanating from his body being a testament of it, sharing that subdued feeling with the woman from the inn, the same earthly tone, but more controlled and immense, like the feeling of a mountain surging before you without moving the earth beneath your feet.

He didn’t spare me a single glance as he moved past, which I was thankful for. 

Little did I know how much I would regret not having done anything at that very moment.

Chapter Text

Coincidences are the scars of fate. There are no coincidences, we are puppets of our own unconsciousness.

— Carlos Ruiz Safón

It took a few seconds to pinpoint the reason behind the sudden churning in my stomach, but as soon as I did, it was impossible to ignore. A ripple of chakra swirled around us, slowly at first, as if it had just been stirred from a long dream, unleashing its full power with such bone rattling intensity afterwards I was surprised the floor didn’t quaver beneath us. 

It was only when I sent a decent amount of chakra to my ears that distinct noises from struggle struck me, sounds of bodies clashing against walls and splintering furniture concealing the quiet whimpers coming from a very familiar voice.

Ran.

The hand that was pouring the tea into the cup trembled, spilling some of it beside me, a single drop staining the fabric of my kimono.

Barely looking at the man before me, I remember standing up with a mumbled ‘excuse me’, rushing out of the room, sweat pooling at my brow at the effort and concentration of maintaining the focused chakra in my ears after the extended lack of use of it, accompanied by the mind-boggling pain it entailed, like the agonizing blood flow after rising weight from a crushed limb.

In an attempt to distract myself from the pain, I focused my attention on the sounds of struggle, which had lessened, now replaced by Ran´s quiet whimpers as hushed voices seemed to discuss something too low for me to hear. 

As I got closer and closer to the room, the words became clearer.

“…fucking slit her throat,” a breathy voice threatened, causing Ran’s cries to intensify before he shushed her roughly, sounding like he gave her body a good shake, guided by her unstable breathing and the rustling of fabric.

“She’s just a courtesan, leave her out of this.” Another voice chimed in, so unwaveringly calm I had no doubt in my mind it belonged to the dark-haired man, Ryū. It matched perfectly his chakra signature.

“We will. Once you drop your weapon and come with us,” the companion of the breathy voiced man said, sounding distant and calm, almost indifferent — a stark contrast to his partner. “And no pulling stunts if you know what’s good for you.”

There was a moment of strained silence, the tension so thick it could have been cut by a knife, only their breaths breaking the eerie quiet that had fallen upon the room.

And then, like the calm before a storm, all hell broke loose.

A thundering noise burst through the air, causing agonizing pain to lash at my ears as I abruptly halted the flow of chakra that enhanced my hearing, a headache beginning to pounce at my temples with relentless insistence. 

My hand shot to the door frame for support as the floor beneath us shook so forcefully I would have believed it to be an earthquake, had it not been for my awareness of the conversation going on behind that door.  And it seemed to be what everyone else in the building thought as well, for the rooms emptied as they began to hurry out with various sounds of alarm, my meagre frame swallowed by the moving crowd.

But there was only one thought running through my mind at that moment.

My hand reached for the door knob.

Don’t! A voice barked inside my head, but it was too late, I was already inside the room.

Or what was left of it, at least.

The wooden floor had been cracked into shards by sharp pointed forms of what looked like rock protruding from it, as thick as my torso, splinters of wood sprouting around them like wild weeds. There were two sharp ended pinnacles, each one of them going through the torsos of the men who were threatening Ryū — who I assumed had caused it, since he was the only one left standing.

But it wasn’t the bloodied, pale bodies what captured my attention. Not at all.

Ran. 

Her back was pressed to the front of one of said men —probably the one with the disgustingly breathy voice, I guessed at the back of my mind. Her features were terribly pale, the youthful rosiness of her cheeks completely drained out.

It took one look at the center of her chest to know why, blood spreading rapidly through her silky gown, the hard tip of the rock beneath barely visible, but there. 

The eyes I had considered so beautiful glassed over as she distantly gazed at me. She had this look…it wasn’t even pain or fear, it was just plain shock. Her eyes were unnaturally wide, framed by arched, raised eyebrows, as if she was still trying to make out what had happened to her.

“Cho…” she coughed, a trickle of blood dripping from the corner of her mouth, my eyes following the trajectory across her chin with languid horror.

And there it was, realization. Her eyebrows lowered, an almost peaceful expression settling upon her fair features as her head dropped slightly to the side, like she was a baby again, with no strength to keep her head upright.

I finally snapped out of my trance.

“No,” I cried, darting to be right in front of her, ignoring the horrible humid warmth wetting the soles of my feet once I was there. “Ran?”

My vision blurred and stung as my hands cupped her cheeks, gently holding her head upright.

Her gaze settled back on me with an almost otherworldly look to it, like she wasn’t quite seeing me; unshed tears making her irises shine like the calm water of a lagoon, water seeping out of it like drying waterfalls.

“No!” It seemed to be the only word my brain was able to compute as I shook my head, the tears that dripped down my cheeks blending with blood.

I gazed back at her chest, the crimson stain now spread all over it, larger than it had been before.

“There’s nothing you can do,” a quiet voice spoke behind me after all life seemed to wither out of her eyes, becoming glazed and unfocused.

My hands dropped at my sides, clenching into nail-biting fists, hard enough to draw blood.

“ You ,” I gritted through my teeth as I turned, feeling the control I once had over my chakra snap, pain rushing through my every limb as its full magnitude cursed through me after months. But it was a welcome distraction from another kind of hurt. One that was harder to endure.

I had never felt like this before, not even after my mother’s death. Pure hatred at his existence bit at my insides like a living beast clawing its way into my chest. My hands trembled as everything around me blurred, my vision in a razor sharp focus on him, the walls of the room enclosing suffocatingly around me. 

I wanted to kill him, to beat him until the skin of my knuckles burst. I wanted to collapse at Ran’s feet and howl like a wild animal until the pain at my chest yielded. How dared he? How dared he even be in the same room as her after what he did?

“You killed her!” I blew up, the words barely intelligible as I lunged at him, my fist aimed right at his face.

He didn’t move.

My knuckles cracked at the impact, his body tilting to the side like a tree shaken by the wind, but his feet still firmly planted in the same spot.

“Better?” He asked, causing some sick satisfaction to course through me when he spat a bit of blood at his side, his teeth stained with red when he spoke. Still, the fact that he didn’t fight back angered more than I could begin to understand.

Human, that familiar voice called at the back of my head, but I was far too gone to care.

“It’ll be better when you are dead,” I growled. 

Bold words for someone in my situation, I knew, but at that point I wasn’t thinking straight. Grief and fury pumped through my body as my whole world felt reduced to this moment. There was nothing else, no logic, no fear, no nothing. 

If I had to die, I wouldn’t do it without a fight — and most importantly — , not without getting some hits in. What was left for me to lose?

“They would have tortured her. Held her captive to control me. This was a mercy in comparison to what they would have done to her.” 

There was genuine pain on his face, the most rational side of me noted. His eyes bright with unshed tears; the corners of his lips turned hopelessly downwards as he spoke. But it did nothing to calm my fury. I think it might have just added fuel to the fire.

“Why didn’t you just kill them , then?!” I yelled, childish tears running down my cheeks. 

Had they been there all along?

You need to calm down. He could snap at any moment. The voice was louder and more urgent this time, not waiting for me to show a sign that I was listening.

I don’t care.

He tilted his head to me, eyes now full of pity.

“They are not the only ones here.”

And as if summoned, three more figures dropped from the ceiling, fast as shadows as they surrounded us with a gust of air, clad in black.

 And that’s when fear finally set in.

My back hit Ryū’s almost without me noticing the steps I had taken backwards to be in that place, my body shifting clumsily into a fighting stance that once had come to me as easily as breathing. I cursed myself at the back of my mind for not even trying to slip an attempt at training here and there during my stay. 

“As soon as there’s an opening, run. Leave town and don’t look back,” Ryū ordered, his stance rigid yet steady.

I nodded, not daring kid myself into thinking I wouldn’t be anything more than a nuisance for him. That in the case he did give a crap about my life. But I preferred not to dwell too much on that point.

“You didn’t bring any kind of weapon with you?” I asked in a trembling voice after he drew nothing out but his fists, deeply hoping he had ignored the brothel’s rules and had managed to slip at least some in.

“They don’t let you bring those in here,” Ryū muttered, not turning to look at me. “That matron of yours is quite knowledgeable on ninja techniques.”

The slimmer hope I once died out like a candle flame under a gust of wind. But before I had any more time to internally panic about it, the fight began.

As expected, two of the men attacked Ryū, while one stuck to me, looking confident as ever as he threw a kunai at my neck, which I managed to dodge by an inch, a chunk of my hair sliced among the sound of metal cutting through air breezing by my ear.

He left no time for me to feel satisfied at my quick reflexes, throwing a quick hit at my exposed side almost immediately, which I pathetically managed to block, numbing pain shooting up my arm, distracting me enough to miss the hand hurled at my neck, slamming my body roughly against the wall behind me, which I hadn’t realized he had been cornering me into until it was too late.

And then he closed his hands around my neck with a sick gleam upon his eyes, no mercy or compassion whatsoever.

All thoughts were snapped out of my head as soon as the airflow was cut off my lungs, my hands clawing at his gloved knuckles to no avail, my legs kicking desperately beneath me, but he was too near for them to do any real damage. 

That’s it. I’m gonna die.

Something seemed to break within me, everything becoming clearer as panic seeped out of my body, replaced by a disturbing calm as one of the ninja’s hands let go of me, not removing more than an ounce of pressure as it drifted out of my sight, probably towards his pouch in search for a kunai to finish the job.

Warmth flooded my eyes, reminding me of the sensation of heat when you got too close to a fire, not completely comfortable yet not enough to burn. My vision was tainted with gold as my eyes met his, watching almost morbidly as every thought seemed to be emptied out of his mind, his gaze taking an almost hypnotized expression as his hand stilled their movement, his choke hold faltering as I felt his fingers tremble against my neck.

What was happening?

I had no time to wonder, roughly snapped out of my trance as blood splashed against my face, the smell and the sensation of some of it dripping down my cheek being enough to swallow down the rising bile from the back of my throat.

When the surprisingly familiar form of a muscular woman appeared from behind the now dead ninja at my feet, all the earlier warmth left, a slight tinge of gold remaining in my vision when a sudden sting at my eyes caused my vision to blur for a moment.

“You alright, girl?” She asked, her gaze sharp on me as she seemed to seize me, her eyes curiously not staying on mine for too long. 

At that point I was to manage anything past a short nod, swallowing back the rising nausea beneath my tongue as I wobbled away from the dead man at my feet, the relief of her presence draining the adrenaline that was left from the fight.

It was then that I noticed the other men were dead as well, one of them with a slitted throat while the other had a much smaller piece of rock stabbing his chest.

Ryū, however, didn’t seem to share my relief at the sight of our new guest, guided by the fighting pose he was adapting, now facing us in a manner that reminded me of a cornered animal, his knuckles whitening as he closed his hand tighter around the bloodied piece of splintered wood he clearly had used in self defense. 

“You sure you want to get into a fight with me, big boy?” My savior taunted, not looking even a bit worried about her opponent’s abilities, in a pose so subtly defensive it was hard to tell if it was conscious or not. 

Ryū spat at her feet, eliciting an almost humorous snarl to curl at her lips, something sharp settling into her grey eyes. My mind idly turned back to how I thought that friendly smile she had sent my way when we first spoke didn’t fit her face and realized that somehow the gesture she was wearing now did it much better.

“You’re not looking very fresh to me,” she continued, unfazed.

My eyes drifted back to Ryū, as if seeing him by the first time since the fight began. It wasn’t hard to tell he was exhausted. Sweat pearled his brow, shoulders slumped and skin ghostly pale as his breathing became more and more labored, despite how much he seemed to be trying to conceal it. 

“The way I see it, you can come with me or wait for the friends of the guys that killed your girlfriend to come finish the job. I’m sure they can’t be that far,” the woman bluntly said, then speaking to me without turning her head. “Same goes for you, kid.”

The need to inquire why she even allowed me to go with them was urgent, but the tension in her jaw and back as she kept her gaze focused on Ryū was enough for me to think better of it. I doubted she would answer even if I asked. And it didn’t seem like I had much of an option, either. I knew what happened to people with valuable information in war. Father had made sure to tell Anko and me the most gruesome tales.

Ryū’s shoulders sank after a few seconds, his features shifting into the image of defeat as he straightened his stance, leaning heavily on his right foot, deviating my gaze to the bleeding gash on his left calf.

“Good call, Jūrō. My name is Akane Fujimori and I will make sure to escort you to Konohagakure unharmed.”

Chapter Text

An hour later, after what felt like endless running through the woods, my gaze fell on the sleeping shape of Jūrō — previously known as Ryū. He had stretched the sleeping bag Akane had given him and laid down almost as soon as she had signaled for us to stop, informing we would sleep here for the night and then wordlessly moving to start a fire. 

Half an hour later, Jūrō’s  back was turned to us, breathing slow and paced and I briefly wondered if he was pretending or not to be asleep.

Why had he not disguised himself if he knew there were ninja after him?

I didn’t realize I had mused it out loud until Akane’s unladylike snort cut off my train of thought with a startle. It was still a bit jarring to see her true personality after the helpless act she had pulled before. 

“That was his disguise, kid.”

“Why didn’t he change it more often, then?” I asked, resting my cheek against my knee, which was hugged to my chest — not everyone had the luxury of a sleeping bag and it was midwinter, I had barely had enough time to gather some warm clothes before leaving the pleasure house.

Akane gave me a noncommittal shrug.

“Laziness? Overconfidence?” She numbered, taking a sip of her canteen before rubbing a finger against her temple, as if just thinking about it gave her a headache. “Fuck if I know, do I look like a shrink to you, brat?”

Guess this was the end of her magnanimous mood. I steeled myself for the next question I was about to make, pressing my palms with bruising force against my shinbone. 

“Who were the men that killed Ran?”

She seized me for a moment, her features being the perfect image of blankness before she seemed to decide the answer was harmless enough, returning to her sarcastic, if not completely cynical attitude.

“Shinobi from Iwagakure. Not very experienced by the looks of it.”

I guessed they weren’t wearing their hitai-ates for the same reason Akane wasn’t. They were undercover.

“So you’re a ninja of Konoha,” I stated, rather than asked, almost laughing bitterly at my very own private irony. It seemed that after all, getting there wasn’t as much of a dream as I had initially thought.

She tilted her head to me.

“You seem to be familiar with the place.”

I didn’t reply, which led to a moment of awkward silence where I pretty much let my eyes wander anywhere in an attempt to keep myself from being too transparent, knowing where the conversation was bound to head towards.

When I finally gave up, turning back to her in a meek attempt not to appear too intimidated, her grey eyes penetratingly fixed on mine letting me know all the previous inquiries were nothing but warm up, mostly for my sake. 

“How did you know I was a shinobi?”  She finally asked, straightening her back, lowering her canteen to the ground as she leaned forward, elbows pressed to her knees.

“What makes you think I knew?”

She snorted, but it sounded almost dangerous.

“Don’t play dumb with me, kid.”

I had to make a physical effort not to shrug.

“I noticed your chakra,” I said, not sure how to phrase it. 

I had been taught the basics of chakra sensing, but ever since I became stranded — more like abandoned, but it didn’t feel very motivating to think of it that way — in that cursed town, it had felt like a switch had been turned, I just couldn’t fathom not sensing it, even if most of the time it was a really faint feeling.

Her eyebrows raised, a pleasantly surprised look flashing upon her features.

“You ‘ noticed ’ my chakra?”

“It had a weird feeling to it. Like you were sick or something,” I added, scrunching my nose a little.

She nodded, the surprise washing out of her face quite quickly, bouncing back into the determined —if not slightly aggressive— expression I was now growing accustomed to consider as her natural one.

“That’s because I was suppressing it just enough to go unnoticed unless being actively searched for, kid.”

My mouth formed a silent ‘o’, and I felt more than a bit foolish for not having thought about that.

“Hn. So that’s what Jūrō was doing too,” I realized, barely registering Akane’s curt nod as another idea began to brew at the back of my mind.

“Did you feel my chakra as well? Is that why you approached me so insistently?” I inquired, trying to keep the edge out of my voice. 

She couldn’t have met my father before, could she…? 

Even if she did, I didn’t even know if our chakra signatures were similar at all. Whereas I knew my father’s chakra felt cold and slippery, like a shadow casted upon the stone of a river, I had no clue as to how mine felt.

A sharp gleam took hold of her icy grey eyes.

“I’m not the strong sensory type, girl, but I felt you searching through the room like a fuckin’ slap to the face.”

I felt my skin flush up to my ears.

“Not to mention the way you stiffened like a log when I mentioned my ‘friend’s’ looks. Or how your chakra suppression slipped a bit as soon as you got in.”

This time I couldn’t keep the wince in.

“That bad?”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Akane’s full lips as her face tilted to the side, reminding me of the way one would study the most interesting pup out of the litter.

“A bit. Not too bad for a pint-sized brat, though.” 

Then she shrugged brusquely, leaning back. 

“But you should keep in mind that I’m trained to notice things like that. The innkeeper you could’ve fooled. Me?” Her smirk became wolfish. “Not a chance.”

A moment of silence.

“Now.” She began, making me shift under her scrutiny. “What was that thing you did back there with your eyes? I had never seen a dojutsu like that.”

My brows furrowed. That word...it sounded familiar, but I couldn’t remember exactly what it meant.

“Dojutsu?” I echoed.

Akane seemed to be on the brink of her patience.

“Yeah, an eye technique. Like the Sharingan,”she gestured ominously to her own eyes.

My memory drifted back to those seconds when my eyes had suddenly felt so warm, the way the world became tinged by gold, details sharpening. It hadn’t been the first time I had felt it. 

My blood ran cold. Back then, when I had begged Sara to take me in...had I influenced her in some way?

A strange emotion nestled at the back of my throat. I had no memory of anything of the sort happening before those two times. Could it be some kind of kekkei genkai? Shouldn’t my father have mentioned it before?

“I don’t know,” I finally said. “It has only happened twice. I can’t control it.”

It was our first night in the wild, already quite far from town, when Jūrō spoke directly to me for the first time since we left the brothel. 

Akane was keeping watch somewhere over a tree, legs dangling at the sides of the thick branch she was sitting in, several traps already set around our camp, the bright fire we were sitting around having been applied a genjutsu to keep the smoke from being detected from afar.

“I didn’t mean to kill her,” his voice sliced through the silence like a tangible force. 

My hands clenched into fists at my lap, the brief flash of his eyes upon them indicating my anger hadn’t gone undetected. I’m not sure what he expected me to say, but after giving me a second to reply, he kept on, undeterred by my silence.

“When the other nin realized what was happening, he pulled her to himself.” He quietened for a second. “Maybe he thought I had enough control to stop the stone and save his own life, I don’t know.”

“You’re a ninja. You should have known better.” My voice was  both stony and bitterly childish, and for a moment I was taken aback by it. I had never spoken to anyone like that to anyone, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about doing so now.

His gaze lowered, filled with shame.

“I never made it past genin,” He grated out, the words sounding like glass coming out of his throat. “I left Iwagakure when I hadn’t yet unlocked my kekkei genkai. Never got much practice on the field beyond some D-ranked missions.” 

He made a low sound at the back of his throat, his sad smile suddenly fragile as he stared at his hands. With his shoulders slumped and the dark, piercing circles beneath his reddened eyes, he was the closest thing I had ever seen to a broken man. 

“It’s not quite the same, you see.”

I kept my eyes trained on the fire for a moment, mulling his words over and over inside my head. My rancour barely quenched down. 

“I can’t say I don’t feel strongly about you anymore.” I wasn’t sure how to put in words how I felt. “Sometimes…sometimes I can’t even stand to be near you. You were the one who put her in that situation in the first place, knowingly . You accepted that risk on her behalf.”

We remained quiet for a few seconds after that, my gaze shifting back to him after the hardest part had been said, some of the tension easing off my body. 

“But I’m not stupid or selfish enough to try to do anything to you, not when you could help put an end to all of this. To war ,” I gestured around us with a hand, the word tasting nauseous and bitter in my mouth. 

Akane had told me that he would be an extremely valuable asset in battle, which was why he had been chased by so many hidden villages in an attempt to capture him and exploit his talents, which while strong, were untrained and unpredictable.

Even if I hadn’t known that, I wasn’t sure I could have harmed him after his confession. Anyone could argue he could have been lying, that people’s words shouldn’t be trusted, but deep down, and as much as it hurt, I knew . That silence before everything had gone to hell, as if he had been deeply hesitant to use his powers, that gentle kiss he had placed upon Ran’s lips before we left.

He loved her. 

His eyes shone with understanding as he gave me a slow nod, perhaps realizing as well that words were insufficient in this matter. All that needed to be spoken had already been said. 

Yeah , I thought, maybe love isn’t much help against hardships when it seems to be a hardship on itself.  

That night, I closed my eyes to find myself back into the now familiar darkness of that lagoon. The eerie silence not doing much to scare me anymore after what had happened today. The motionless extension of dark water that had once seemed so eerie now almost filling me with calm. It was nice to have a quiet moment to myself after so long.

It took a few seconds for two amber orbs to appear in the midst of the depths, inching closer and closer as time passed, gazing  right through my very soul as that enormous head broke through the water without making a single sound, towering menacingly above me.

“Why did you help me back there?” I asked, cutting straight to the chase.

She fixed her slit pupils on me, bifid tongue slipping out for a second as if tasting the air.

“I think it would have been pretty detrimental for my situation if my host died, human.”

“Host?”

Her enormous form halted its movements, her head tilting slightly at me in what could only be translated to incredulity.

“You don’t think I’m some fragment of your imagination, do you?” Her tone told me there would be very physical, very immediate consequences to my answer should she not like it.

I shook my head, hoping I didn’t get abruptly woken up again by a pair of sharp fangs inches from my face.

“No. You’ve always felt…too real, I guess?” I replied, wincing a bit at the doubt in my own voice. She had appeared on my mind shortly after my father found me, a few weeks after my mother’s passing, taking me with him under the promise of an education and a new life. It was needless to say I never felt very comfortable sharing her existence with anyone beyond myself.

She let out a seething sound that could have been a laugh or a bark.

“You’re such a weakling. Of course I’m real.”

“I don’t know if that brings me any comfort.”

She let out a sound that rang to me as a laugh.

We remained in silence for a few seconds after that, not completely comfortable, yet not as awkward as it had been once. It was perhaps the sudden openness around her, like she had let her guard down for a moment, that gave me the courage to do something that had been rounding my mind.

“Since it seems that we are stuck with each other for life... I think we should introduce ourselves properly.” I took a deep breath. “I’m Mitsuko, and you?”

Her amber irises stared at me long enough for my stomach to churn. Still, I did not look away, for something told me that was exactly what she expected me to do.

“My name hasn’t been uttered in centuries. “ She hummed, seeming deep in thought before sharpening her eyes on me, saying with the most regal voice I had ever heard on her: “My name is  Kuro, and I am one of the last Yokai.”

Chapter Text

The next morning Akane sent me an appraising look that left no doubt she had heard every bit of my conversation with Jūrō, making me squirm uncomfortably under her scrutiny, which I couldn’t help but feel annoyed by. 

After my conversation with Kuro last night, my sleep had been troubled and restless.  She had refused to answer any further questions, plunging back into the obsidian depths of the calm lake where she lived, not bulging an inch despite my pestering insistence. 

One would think that no one had more of a right to know how she had ended inside my head than me. Still, she seemed to feel differently. 

We walked quietly for some time, immersed in our thoughts, too cold and tense from the cold snow that had begun to sizzle around us to attempt any kind of conversation, until Akane chose to cut through the silence, as tactful as a knife. 

“You do realize that’s not a common thing for someone without any training but the basics, right, kid?” She said without turning her head to me, her sharp gaze focused in front of us, as if able to see beyond the moist bark and whitened leaves into what laid miles ahead.

I quickened my steps so we were side by side, my old boots struggling to thread through the thick snow and mud forming beneath it as easily as hers, already slightly damp from molten snow seeping through the leather.

“What thing?” 

“Your sensing, obviously.”

“What about it?” I asked, making my way grumpily through the mud. “It wasn’t all that good, as you noticed.”

My mood did nothing but sour at her completely irritated yet amused expression, her eyebrows raised as she turned to Jūrō with a mocking smirk. 

“Adorable. She’s just adorable.”

Jūrō, who looked like he was walking right into his own funeral, said nothing, gazing at me in a way that said he clearly did not share the sentiment. 

“What I mean, brat—” Akane continued, seeming to muster all the patience she had within herself,  “—is that not everyone can sense others' chakra signatures as easily. If you trained enough, you could learn to sense anyone before even laying eyes on them, or change your chakra signature.”

She let the magnitude of the possibilities sink in for a moment, and I thought back to how I sensed the chakra back in the pleasure house and was able to pinpoint it to Ran’s chambers, just by following that unsettling invisible thread pulling at the pit of my stomach.  

“My theory—” Akane spoke, drawing me out of my thoughts, “—is that you’ve been on the lookout for so long that it has become nearly a second nature to you. This obviously happened because you already had a disposition for it, though.” 

She gave me a calculated look, slowing her step just a bit, and I just knew her following question was meant to be anything but casual.

“Was any of your parents a shinobi?”

It took everything in me not to stumble, the inquiry nearly making my breath hitch. Even Jūrō seemed to wince beside me at her complete lack of tact, and yet, a part of me thought that I should have seen it coming.

Doing my best to appear unaffected, I settled for an ambiguous truth. I wasn’t naive enough to believe I could fool her, or attempt to do so without facing the consequences.

“My father was a ninja.”

“What happened to him?” Akane asked, and even if we weren’t facing each other, I could feel her eyes studying my profile.

I forced a shrug, swallowing past the sudden lump of nerves at the back of my throat.

“Don’t know. He left my mother when she was pregnant.”

There were no further questions after that, and I didn’t dare turn towards Akane in fear of my facade crumbling to shreds under her intimidating gaze. Still, I could almost hear the gears shifting inside her head.

It began to seem just as a matter of time before she saw right through my big farse. If only I had known how little that time would be.

That night, after we set camp — Jūrō had taken the task to teach me after our truce, and mostly I had let him —, Akane came to a decision, halting my meek attempt at contributing further by searching for suitable wood for fire around our camp —quite fruitlessly, might I say, considering the light snow that had been falling all day had left the bark of everything moist and soft.

“Come and sit, brat. We are going to practice that thing you do with your eyes,” she ushered me closer with a gesture of her hand, sitting on a log beside the fire.

My hand froze a few inches away from a stick.

“I already told you I have no control over it,” I tried, averting my gaze from hers. 

I wasn't sure why, but that golden tinge draped over the world and the reaction people had when it happened made me feel very wary. Not to mention I kind of felt enough of a freak already with the Yokai living rent free inside my head.

It was Akane’s uncanny silence that drove my eyes back to her, elbows resting against her knees, making her muscular arms stand out as she leaned closer, her features more somber than I had ever seen them, grey eyes studiously set on me, seizing, waiting.

I shifted my weight uncomfortably, my fingers tightening around the few sticks I had collected as I straightened my back. 

“Tell me something, kid. What do you think will happen with you once we arrive in Konoha?” She voiced the nagging question I had been putting off thinking about until now.

My feet moved almost on autopilot, taking me closer to the fire, until I was sitting beside her, eyes set on the swirling flames as I pondered, feeling her gaze on mine. It was almost surprising she didn’t pressure me to answer after a few seconds too long.

“I don’t know,” I replied sincerely, my voice trembling slightly at the end, much to my shame. 

“With some luck, you’ll be sent to the orphanage. But we know you’re too old, and the chances are slim,” she replied bluntly, yet something softened at the edge of her voice when I turned my eyes to hers.

“Then why are you taking me with you?” I finally asked.

“Because I saw something not even you see on yourself—” she replied quietly, her gaze boring into mine, eyes almost black against the dim light around us as she pressed a warm hand to my shoulder. “Potential.”

I swallowed, and my throat felt coated with broken glass. That single word hit me harder than expected, making fear and hope rise from the box I had long ago pushed them into at the back of my mind, the emotions after my father’s departure resurfacing.

Only fools and widows hope , my grandmother’s words echoed in my head.

“There’s a chance for you, kid. If you’re brave enough to take it. That thing you did with your eyes? I’ve never seen something like that from someone without the sharingan.”

“You... you really think so?” My voice sounded fragile and insecure to my own ears.

She nodded almost solemnly.

“Be a ninja of Konoha, Mitsuko.” 

“You may be disappointed,” I warned, but I could tell it was bound to fall in deaf ears. 

Akane snorted, not a single bit deterred, perhaps even more determined now that there was what appeared to be a challenge before her, lips curling into a smile that felt more unsettling than anything.

“We’ll see about that.”

There was a moment of silence where she seemed to weigh her next words, something that immediately sent a shiver down my spine.

“Besides, you remind me of someone. He used to be quite exceptional. Something tells me you could be even better.”

And just like that,  hours of attempting to conjure that eerie heat into my gaze and sustain it for as long as I could began, probing Akane’s eyes until a slightly clouded expression crept into them and sweat pearled my skin despite the freezing weather around us. 

The next days went without much of an incident —thank Kami—, drifting through the snow-covered vegetation in a pace I could keep up to until Akane came to a halt, stopping us dead on our tracks.

My back went painfully stiff as I sent some chakra to my eardrums, stretching my hearing only to come out with nothing but the usual sounds of the forest, rustling of leaves and creatures slithering here and there, only relaxing when Akane turned to me, not a hint of alarm or unease in her posture, unceremonious as always. 

“We were saving our strength while we were in neutral territory. Now that we are nearing Kusa’s borders we will be going as fast as we can, and you —” she gave me a pointed look, clearly sensing my imminent rebuttal.

My mouth snapped shut almost audibly. Was I that transparent?

“You will be true to your role as a pint-sized pain in my ass and ride on my back with no complaints, just like the first time.”

Her self-satisfied smirk told me that she had known exactly where my mind would go before she had even spoken. It had been humiliating enough to climb on her back like a baby after we fled the brothel, and it had just been an hour of it.

Looks like you’re outnumbered, human. You’ll only slow them down.

I sighed, forcing myself to send a tight nod in her direction.

“Sure.”

I wasn’t stupid. I knew that even if I had stood a chance to their speed and stability once, I was rusty, I had been months out of the game, and unless I wanted to snap my neck falling off a branch or become even more of a liability than I already was, I had to keep my mouth shut and do as I was told.

So, with all the dignity my scrawny twelve-year-old body could muster, I stepped towards her already crouching form, hands open and ready to grab onto my legs, and climbed onto her back, wrapping my arms loosely around her neck.

“Not so hard, was it?” She commented, sounding all friendly and understanding, but I could feel her torso rumbling with quiet laughter against my chest.

This was going to be a long day.

We arrived in Konoha with no incidents on our belts —thank Kami—, my pained muscles relaxing only when I saw the gates of the village open through the thick foliage before us.

I thought what was on the outskirts of Kusa was a forest, but I was wrong. This was a forest. Even in the midst of winter, it was thrumming with life, the snow that had clung to our backs like an unwelcome guest receding, whether because of the enormous tree tops above us or because of the warmer weather of the Land of Fire, I wasn’t sure. Animals moved through the bushes that seemed to be miles beneath us, birds chirping slightly through the darkness around us, seeming to wake on our trail.

I was only drawn out of my awe when Akane’s voice whispered my name, only loud enough for me to hear.

“Yes?” I asked.

“You will meet with the Hokage after Jūrō does,” she began in a tone so urgent I straightened my back, leaning closer to her. “If anyone asks you about your parents, let me answer for you, got it?”

My fingers dug against her shirt as a bad feeling crept over me.

“Why?”

She turned her head to me as if to say: ‘seriously?’

“I’m not stupid, kid. I know who your father is. It only took some questioning and a decent look at you. You look a lot like him when he was younger. Even your chakra feels similar.”

My heart skipped a beat at that last statement, and if I had been walking, I would have stumbled. 

“You knew Oro—”

She hushed me with a hiss.

“You will never use his name again if you know what’s good for you. I don’t think you realize the full extent of your father’s reputation, but let’s just say, it’s not a good one.”

“Why are you taking me in, then?” I asked quietly, softening my grip on her shoulders as the gates of Konoha drew closer.

“ Later . For now, do as I say.”

Akane’s fatigue became evident as we drifted to lower branches, her feet landing graciously once we were close enough to the ground, shoulders slumping beneath my arms as she eased her grip on my legs, placing me down and limping slightly as we neared the security stall outside the gates.

Anko had always talked about Konoha so marvelously, but I had to admit I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed at what I had seen until now. 

After we entered the village — being thoroughly searched first —, we didn’t have much time to look around. Akane was leading us pretty rushedly to what she called the Academy, where the Hokage’s office was located, a flank of other ninjas not far behind us.

So far, I found the village as bleak as all places had become ever since the war. Even if it seemed calm, or it was a sunny day, there was that aura of hopelessness and desolation surrounding everything. People's gazes were turned down, as if they couldn’t stand to look at anything but the ground beneath their feet, then shifting into distrust when their eyes happened to drift anywhere else.

Once we were outside the ominous doors of the Hokage’s office, Akane kneeled before me, her hands settling heavily against my shoulders.

“Wait here. Don’t do anything stupid.” 

And with that, she stood, her posture stable and proud as she gave Jūrō a subtle nod, their silhouettes disappearing before the now closed doors, leaving me behind. 

While I waited, I felt the distinct sensation of being watched, not daring to stretch my chakra to check for anyone in fear of it being taken as an offence, or worse, a menace. Instead, I tried to distract myself with the boring sight of the lobby around me. There was not much of anything, only chairs and a small table, a water dispenser sitting on the corner.

It was the pictures hanging from the walls what caught my attention, though. Groups of grinning children, proudly wearing their shining new hitai-ates, posing for the camera, some of them even younger than me. 

Were they graduates? It appeared so.  I would have stood to inspect them closer, but the current situation made me feel tense enough to decide otherwise, remaining stiffly on my chair, wondering if I would be on one of those pictures one day.

After what felt like an eternity, Jūrō walked out of the room, accompanied by two masked…men? 

It was hard to determine their gender with their black clothing and flak jackets, threatening metal guards and gloves reflecting the dim light of the corridor, their animal masks awakening an eerie feeling wherever they turned to, eyes dimly gleaming beneath the darkness of the porcelain.

My eyes were only torn away from them when Akane stepped out, motioning for me to follow her with a gesture of her hand.

“Don’t say anything unless they talk to you directly,” she warned in a hiss, her voice deathly serious. 

I gave her a tense nod, forcing my feet to move evenly at her side.

This is such a déjà vu , Kuro commented, sounding almost entertained.

I couldn’t agree more.

And just like that, Akane opened the doors to the room where my future would be discussed as a transitory issue rather than the difference between my life and death.

Oh well, what was new about that?

Chapter Text

My gaze shifted to who I instantly assumed was the Hokage. Sitting behind a long desk, with a beard protruding from his chin and marks beneath his interested, yet wary gaze, he looked more like an intimidating grandpa than a military political figure. 

Then there was his chakra, crowding the room, drowning all others around him. It was scorching like standing too close to a bonfire, which might as well become an inferno if you pushed the right button. 

I resisted the urge to shuffle behind Akane or shrink into myself. That wouldn’t have made much of an impression. Instead, I shifted  my focus to the man and woman flanking him, both around the same age. There was nothing remarkable about them, beyond their stern, dark eyes, currently set on me. 

The woman must have been beautiful when she was younger, and perhaps would still be, were it not for the permanent scowl set on her features, mirrored on the other man as well, the glasses doing nothing to lessen the penetrating quality of his gaze.

Their chakras were quieter compared to the Hokage’s, harder to pinpoint as well, since all my senses felt suffocated by his. 

The woman’s chakra felt open ended…almost receptive, still, there was something unyielding and searching about it. Meanwhile, the man with the glasses was more reserved, stable and firm like the earth beneath us.

I was only snapped out of my observations when Akane gave a perfect 45 degree bow, slapping a hand on my back to make me follow, after that, I stood back so straight it felt like my spine had been replaced with an iron rod.

“So this is the girl.” 

The Hokage’s voice was everything I would have believed it was meant to be. It inspired respect and demanded to be heard, no matter how low or amicable he may have presented it as.

“Indeed.” 

Akane’s curt answer earned a displeased look from the man and the woman, something telling me that, for them, to know Akane wasn’t to love her.

The Hokage’s gaze slid from her to me, hat casting shadows over his brown eyes as he tilted his head up. Somehow, what would have been considered an advantageous position for anyone else, felt like standing on a podium like some kind of exotic animal.

“Hello, Mitsuko. I’m Hiruzen Sarutobi, and as you probably already deduced, I’m the Hokage. Do you know what you’re here for?”

I nodded, tearing my gaze from his for a second before clearing my throat in an attempt to speak past the oppressive feeling of his chakra, a deep contrast to the amiable quality of his tone.

Snap out of it, midget, Kuro’s voice broke through my trance with what I could only translate as a mental slap, like a wave of water hitting a barrier. Her annoyance was nearly tangible. 

“To determine if I’m allowed to stay in the village.” 

Was it pathetic to say I was a little proud that my voice didn’t quaver?

Yes, it is.

I inwardly sighed.

And yet, Hiruzen gave me a soft smile of approval, rising from his seat. 

He was surprisingly short, Akane towering over him by at least half a head. She was kind of a giant in my book, though. Still, he was only taller than me by thirty centimeters or so, and I was by no means above average height for my age.

“That’s right,” he replied, now standing before me, still having to tilt his head down so our eyes could meet, close enough for his chakra to make me lightheaded. 

I fought against the impulse to take more than a few steps back.

“We’ve been told of your…abilities,” the woman spoke for the first time, not as kind as Hiruzen as to introduce herself.

“Show me, dear,” the Hokage encouraged, giving me a kind smile, but I could see something stony pulling at his features.

The tension oozing from his companions was palpable, Akane’s body stiffening slightly beside mine.

“Hokage-sama—”

He raised a hand, that single gesture quieting any rebuttals.

“I trust Fujimori’s judgement.”

Every single eye on the room shifted to me with enough intensity to make my knees buckle. So far, I had only done this on accident, without noticing. And even though Akane had made me practice using it throughout our way to Konoha, it still wasn’t a second nature to me, as she had said it needed to become.

A warm hand was pressed against my shoulder, her encouraging yet stern grey eyes sending a jolt of realization through my mind when I tilted my chin to her.

I had to do this. There was no such a thing as a choice, not for me. If I wanted a future, a life, maybe…maybe a home, I had to do this. 

With a deep inhalation, I fixed my gaze on the brown eyes of the Hokage, reminding me of the bark of the huge trees we had seen on our way to Konoha, a dried kind of color, one that spoke of fatigue and sturdiness.

I doubted I would ever get used to this sensation, like something clicked on my mind, unlocking in my eyes, heat spreading almost pleasantly as everything seemed to over define and slow down.

Excitement bubbled in my chest as his eyes clouded. There was blissful emptiness, no thought seeming to go behind them as a pleased sigh left his lips.

Certainly, I was only getting this far because he was allowing it, opening himself to the experience. Had I been fighting against him; he would have surely pressed more of a challenge. Even now, I could feel the slight push of his mind against mine, causing a headache to rise. 

“That’s enough,” Akane’s voice cut my concentration, the warmth disappearing from my eyes with a snap, making them burn and water when the cold air stung against them.

I didn’t realize my nose was bleeding until I felt something drip down my chin, luckily missing my sandals by less than an inch when it landed.

“Impressive,” the man, who I hadn’t realized had approached closer to watch the spectacle, mused, stroking his beard. “She could incapacitate her adversary before they even attacked. A kekkei genkkai perhaps?”

“What are the names of your parents, child?” Inquired the woman from afar, her voice still laced with distrust.

I barely registered the question directed my way, my head feeling extremely light, extremities tingling unpleasantly. I would have probably stumbled back had it not been for Akane’s strong hand pressed against my shoulder.

Resisting the urge to turn to Akane expectantly, I forced myself to concentrate, keeping my mouth shut. She had told me to let her answer, should this happen. And to never again speak of my father with anyone but her.

Authorities or not, staying in Konoha or not, I wasn’t that stupid. There must have been a reason why my father had always kept our blood relation a secret, why he was always so meticulous about not being traced, why we were always hiding. 

Mentioning his name could only be detrimental for my situation. But dammit if Akane wasn’t taking her sweet time.

Their curiosity seemed to do nothing but pique at my silence —guided by the impatient looks on everyone’s faces but Hiruzen, who seemed more gauging than anything else, brows pinched in concentration. 

His gaze shifted from my hair to my complexion, studying my face as if he was trying to put together a puzzle. When our eyes finally met, his own widened a fraction, and I could only wonder why the hell Akane’s hand wasn’t tightening around my shoulder in alarm. 

“I’m assuming you don’t know their names.” Hiruzen spoke, quickly recovering before plastering that patient and amicable tone once more into his voice. 

To say I was bewildered would have been an understatement. 

He was…covering for me?

It was obvious he knew, there was no other explanation for such an extreme reaction from his side. Still, he feigned ignorance and I had no idea why. 

I nodded, not trusting myself enough to speak, something that earned a disapproving look from Akane at my side.

“That’s a shame,” the unknown  woman commented, obviously not about my orphaned state. 

“What else can you do?” Asked the man with the glasses, eyeing me with open interest.

I swallowed.

“I can…feel people’s chakra.” And I have an ancient demon inside my head, dunno if it counts. I doubted that would have landed well, though.

If that was impressive to them, they certainly didn’t show it. 

“She felt my chakra, even when suppressed enough to go unnoticed by most shinobi.” Akane added. “And I suspect her dojutsu goes beyond incapacitating. She could be a valuable asset to T&I”

There was a moment of utter silence in the room as everyone seemed to study me, and I could almost hear the thoughts rattling inside their heads.

“Her presence is a risk,” the older man with the glasses finally spoke, the other woman nodding silently in agreement. “With a kekkei genkkai like that…and no knowledge of her allegiances. She could easily be an infiltrator.” He shook his head.

What allegiances could a twelve-year-old have, I wondered, but then quickly realized that was the age a lot of genin graduated, if not sooner.

“Her power is too valuable for us to leave it to luck for her not to be found by another village,” Akane argued, standing proud despite being outnumbered. “If she were to fall into the enemy’s hands and be trained, she could become an enemy to reckon.”

She let her words sink in with a moment of silence where I had to make a physical effort not to shift my weight from feet to feet at the discomfort of everybody seizing me like a piece of meat at the market.

“As to her being an infiltrator,” she continued, more composed than I had ever seen her. “Had that been the case, she would have killed Jūrō on the spot before letting him fall into the enemy’s hands.”

There was another moment of silence where her features became solemn, seeming to come to a quiet resolution after a moment of hesitation, something almost pained briefly passing through her eyes.

“I volunteer to have her under my tutelage as long as you see fit, Hokage-sama. I’m confident she would be quite a valuable asset as a jonin.” Her voice was firm yet respectful, awakening concealed surprise in all the faces of the room. 

Hiruzen seized me for a moment longer, hands tucked behind him as a pensiveness settled onto his gaze.

“Fujimori makes valid points,” he observed, taking a moment before speaking again. “And I agree.” 

A shocked silence filled the room, all eyes shifting to the Hokage, his companions sharing a look of disapproval. Meanwhile, Akane seemed to be thrumming at my side, yet it didn’t exactly feel like excitement. More like anxiety.

“Mitsuko will stay on trial. If she shows the rewards of her training before I leave my post, then she’ll be allowed to stay in Konoha as a shinobi.”

When was he going to leave his post?

I raised my eyes to Akane questioningly, but her face was a blank slate, eyes pressed forward as she bowed courteously to the Hokage, pushing my back once more with unnecessary force so I did it as well.  

“Thank you, Hokage-sama.”

She pinched my side and I echoed her statement with a slightly pained wince.

And with that we left, not once ceasing to feel their eyes set on my retreating figure. At that moment I had no doubt I would be watched closely.

We walked through Konoha, Akane giving me a silencing glare, cue enough that it wasn’t safe to speak about anything of what had transpired at the Hokage’s office until we were in her home, so I did my best to keep the swarming questions at bay. Which proved to be an easier task as soon as we slipped out of the Academy, night already casted upon us, allowing the village to come to life.

Neon signs adorned everything, from small buildings with shurikens and many other weapons I couldn’t even put a name to in their vitrines to ramen and dango stalls. There was still this air of quietness around the people, but somehow they all seemed lighter, as if the terrors of war could be held at bay by the blanket of night. 

Akane’s place was...not what I expected — even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I had in mind. Inside a small apartment complex on the outskirts, the rooms and furniture were neat and well-kept, with not much of a decoration. No pictures, no small souvenirs or books on the — admittedly— dusty shelves. Were it not for the slight scent of accumulated cigarette smoke grazing my  nostrils, I would have easily believed the apartment was unlived in.

“Okay, brat, fire away before your head starts combusting,” Akane finally spoke, placing her own tray of food upon her lap, no table whatsoever for our food to rest as we sat on the floor of her balcony.

I took a munch of my takeout, mulling it over before settling for the most innocuous question buzzing through my head.

“Who were the man and the woman beside the Hokage?” 

“Utanane Koharu and Mitokado Homura,” she mumbled, their names caming out of her mouth like curse words. “I was hoping they wouldn’t be there, but I guess it was an idiotic hope. They wouldn’t miss Jūrō’s arrival. We’re only lucky Danzō wasn’t there.”

I toyed with my food, idly moving it around the plastic container. Usually, I would have devoured it, but today my appetite felt lost on me. If my mother had seen me like this—

“Who’s Danzō?” I asked before finishing the thought. There was no time for homesickness.

If I thought Akane looked bothered before, now her face was contorted like she had been forced to bite onto a lemon. When she finally sombered, it took her a second too long to answer. 

“Part of the Council, just like Homura and Koharu.” 

She raised a finger in my direction before I even had the chance to open my mouth. 

“And before you ask— the Council are… advisors of sorts to the Hokage. 

“And why are we lucky Danzō wasn’t there?” 

I forced another bite of food down, barely paying enough attention to taste it.

“Danzō is greedy. Wants every shiny little thing he can get his hands on.”

I scrunched my nose, feeling insulted.

“So I’m a ‘ shiny little thing ’?”

She shrugged with one arm, not even bothering to speak through her mouthful of a ball of rice.

“To him? No question.” Her eyes became stony as she gazed at the empty street below us. “Trust me, kid, you don’t want him to get his hands on you. Shinobi are already seen as tools. Means to an end. But Danzō has always taken that to another level.”

A shudder ran down my spine, and even though  my tongue itched to let more questions about this Danzō out, something told me she would not answer. 

“How long do we have?”

“A month or so.”

I choked on my glass of water.

“ A month ?”

Whether it was a relief or concern to see Akane so bothered was still a mystery to me.

“Already doubting my teaching skills?” She taunted, taking a gulp of what looked suspiciously like sake.

This time I was the one to shrug.

“When will we start training?”

“Tomorrow.”

I wasn’t sure if that was concerning or relieving, either.

“Why did my nose start bleeding?” I touched it once more, the ghost sensation of thick blood seeping out tickling at my skin. “That had never happened to me before.”

Akane hummed.

“I’m guessing that the use of your dōjutsu drains at your chakra. You were tired after days of travel and a fight, not to mention your chakra reserve is still under development. It’s not much of a surprise you reached your limit.” She quietened for a moment. “You still did pretty well, though. Lord Third must have been a tough cookie to crack.”

“He wasn’t resisting,” I pointed out, feeling my cheeks heat a little at the compliment.

“Still, these kinds of things are ingrained in us. Even if he didn’t want to resist you, there must have been a part of him that pushed back. It’s only natural.”

I nodded quietly, sighing when I realized I couldn’t keep putting off the inevitable.

“Why didn’t you tell them about my father?” I asked, voice lowering until it was almost imperceptible, staring at the soft lights of the village in the distance.

“I was afraid he would outright deny seeing you if he knew.” She gave me a smirk. “I thought if he saw some of a young Orochimaru in you he would be more inclined to help.”

I turned my head so I could catch a glimpse of her, and once more, found her features unreadable.

“Why is that?”

“I’m guessing you don’t know,” she mused aloud, putting her takeout beside her, the container already empty. “He was your father’s sensei.”

Feeling my eyes widen, I shifted into a straighter position.

“My father never mentioned him.” I murmured, remaining silent for a moment. “Why didn’t he say anything when he realized who I was?”

Her features clouded, the corners of her lips pulling down.

“He must have had his reasons. I can only assume he didn’t consider it the best timing for any of the Council to know.”

The atmosphere turned grim between us as I realized where her thoughts had wandered. 

“What kind of things has my father done, Akane?” I asked, not tearing my gaze from hers. “I have the right to know.”

Grey eyes sharpened when they set on me, and I knew I had said the worst thing possible.

“You have the right to know nothing. You have not yet done anything I deemed worthy of my trust, and until you do, you’ll have no right to speak to me as if I owe you anything.”

My cheeks burned with shame when I lowered my face, eyes set on my hands, food tossed aside.

“Forgive me, Akane-san.”

Her features were serious as she watched me, seizing me quietly for a moment before she did the most unexpected thing. 

She broke into a booming laughter, dissolving all the accumulated tension between us as she slapped my back with enough force to send me tumbling forward, almost dumping my food. 

That wasn’t much help in lessening the burning at the tips of my ears. 

“Oh, Kami, you really are too formal for a kid. Loosen up a little, won’t you?” 

Her voice was more subdued as she ran the sides of her palms underneath her eyes, probably to wipe tears of laughter, her demeanor becoming more solemn. I was beginning to worry about her mood shifts.

“You will learn the kind of atrocities he was capable of doing one day. But until then trust me when I say some things are better left in the dark.”

Icy grey eyes met mine with the closest thing I had ever seen to sympathy softening her features before she spoke again, a wide grin breaking through her face like the sun peeking through the thick branches of a tree.

“Besides. You should now refer to me as Akane Sensei, pint.”

The realization of my current situation hit me like a ton of bricks, leaving me quietly dumbfounded for a moment. 

Wow, we’re really doing this.

I watched her from the corner of my eye, another dawning realization causing a mixture of excitement and worry to surge at the pit of my stomach. This powerful, aggressive, blunt, slightly deranged woman was going to be my sensei.

She looks like a total tyrant , Kuro noted, glee dripping from her voice. You better pray there are any gods out there to have mercy on your ass, midget, looks like you’re gonna fall on it quite often from now on.

“This is really going to hurt isn’t it?” I wondered aloud, now turning my face completely to look at my newfound tormentor in the eye.

Her smile became downright evil, wide and toothy like a wolf’s.

“Oh, you have no idea.”

Was it masochistic to say I couldn’t wait?

Chapter Text

My ass hurt. My knees hurt. My palms hurt. Perhaps it was easier to start with what parts of my body didn’t hurt. Maybe...my eyeballs?

Scratch that, I think there was dirt on them.

Akane had woken me up at the crack of dawn, shoving a plate of what looked suspiciously like leftovers from Kami knows when — I could only hope she didn’t kill us from food poisoning —, and telling me to eat well, murmuring something along the lines of ‘don’t want you passing out on me’ with a cheerful smile that seeded fear into my bones.

My breath came out in ragged, panting sounds, and I had given up on trying to modulate it long ago, perfectly aware that not doing so was even more detrimental to my current state.

It will be worth it later on, midget. The familiar voice of my mind’s cohabitant broke through my frustration, sounding dull and filled with boredom. I guessed getting my ass handed to me in all ways known to man didn’t turn out to be as fun as she had initially thought.

I was too slow, but then too fast, rushing into attacks and defenses before it was time, tumbling into my ass every time I managed to successfully block an attack from Akane, just from the sheer force coming from her muscular arms. It was humiliatingly sad to notice she was clearly holding back, mindful of my own scrawny, lanky arms.

“I should’ve probably taught you the kata first,” Akane mused after what felt like the hundredth time of falling unceremoniously into my behind, tapping her index finger against her chin. “But then, this was pretty interesting too.”

That smile was back there again, like she was laughing at an inside joke I wasn’t invited on. Was it too aggressive of me to have the urge to clear it out with a punch?

Oh Kami, less than a day and I was becoming her . 

She shifted her weight onto her right leg, crossing her arms below her chest as she looked down at me, blinking in surprise when she still found me plopped on the floor of the deserted training ground.

“Well, I think that’s it for today.”

“Did you really just…kick my ass…for fun ?” I demanded as indignantly as anyone could when speaking through wheezing intakes of air.

Akane just clicked her tongue, looking somewhat disappointed as she stepped closer, kneeling before me. Quite a consideration on her part, I had to admit, since I didn’t think I could stand up anytime soon. 

“Not at all, brat.” 

My mouth fell agape once more, tongue ready to fire out the irate question racking through my brain, before she raised a finger.  

“Think. Why would I do—," she gestured towards our surroundings. “—any of this?”

My body stilled almost unconsciously, part of me waiting for Kuro to seethe out an answer at the back of my mind, something that became clear was not happening after a few seconds of radio silence. 

It was pretty embarrassing to admit I had no idea, especially when the answer seemed so obvious, guided by Akane’s expectant eyes, an eyebrow slowly arched.

“To…measure my level of skills?” I asked, wincing as only a student who was certain of the fault in their reply could. 

Her gesture sharpened, hands resting on her knees almost casually as she kept drilling me with her gaze.

“And…?”

I sighed in defeat after a moment of thought, my mind buzzing beneath the scorching heat of the Sun in the middle of the day, eyes trailing through the empty training ground as if I could find the answer carved on the bark of a tree. 

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, clawing at the dust at the tip of my fingers, breaking eye contact to gaze down at my now dirty hands, stifling the frustrating urge to cry. Today I couldn’t get anything right, it seemed.

Weak, my father’s words rang at the back of my mind. Insufficient .

Akane leaned away from me, and I could tell a lecture was on its way despite the sudden softness at the corners of her eyes.

“To seize you up, kid. Not only in your physical aptitudes, but on your mind. See how you handle frustration, what you do when you’re put into a corner, what makes you tick .” 

Her voice was adamant when she spoke, it demanded to be heard and seen , my eyes drawn back to her almost against my will.

“A shinobi is not just a package of jutsu and muscle. It’s how they put it to use, how they adapt themselves to a situation and manage to transform the most challenging part of a combat into an opportunity.” 

She quietened for a moment, letting the words sink in, her voice lowering when she kept on after meeting my attentive gaze.

“When you’re fighting with someone, you’re not just analyzing their style or their strength, you are analyzing their motives , why they hold the kunai is just as important as how they do it.” 

I blinked, feeling like it was the first time I truly saw her. I had never thought Akane could be so…eloquent? Underneath all that use of profanities and general cinism there was a highly intelligent woman, and I felt like a fool for not seeing it sooner.

The self-satisfied smirk on her face told me she could tell exactly what I was thinking.

You should shut your mouth before a fly leaps right into it, Kuro suggested dryly.

Thanks, I shot back sharply, making sure to follow her advice with an audible click.

Akane rose to her feet, dusting her knees and looking like she was ready for fifty more rounds. 

Meanwhile I was looking like something that fell off a tree. And as much as it may have crushed my pride, I was pretty sure she probably hadn’t even broken a sweat during our ‘spar’, if it could even be called that. 

“Now, I want you to get something to eat,” she produced a decent amount of bills from her pocket, all rumpled — but I wasn’t about to complain about that — and handed them to me.

With I sigh, I forced myself to stand on my wobbly knees and take the necessary steps to grab it, doing my best not to walk like the impression of a newborn deer, and probably failing, considering the slight twitch at the corners of my sensei’s lips, who was gracious enough not to comment on it.

“ And—,” she added a second later, “— then you will go to the library and get yourself some books on chakra theory and chakra control, nothing too crazy. Got it?”

I gave her a diligent nod, thankful that Orochimaru had made sure I learned how to read and write with ease. He had obviously not taught me himself, but I guessed that in the end, it hardly mattered.

Why did the thought sting inside my chest like that then? 

Walking through Konoha alone proved to be very intimidating at first. I wasn’t sure how noticeable it was that I was an outsider, even with the loose hakama pants and simple shirt Akane had given me — which were noticeably more than a size too big for me — I still stood out like a sore thumb.

Since I wasn’t about to ask anyone for directions, I followed the path to the Hokague’s tower, hoping the food stalls I had noticed on our way out were open. Which was how I found myself standing before a wooden bar with tall stools to match.

“Ichiraku Ramen,” I read outloud, my words slow and choppy, something mortifying for a twelve year old, I had to admit. It was still surprising how easily one could forget things that once came as easily as breathing.

A nice bowl of ramen later, — I did end up asking the nice ramen guy for directions — I had a stack of books higher than myself in one of the many unoccupied tables at the library, cheeks still burning from the bewildered look one of the librarians sent me as I plopped it into my seat with ardor.

I was going to prove myself to Akane, show her that she hadn’t made a mistake when she had vouched for me. I was going to prove to my father I did have what it took to survive, and even more so, that I could be a great shinobi. But most importantly, I was going to prove it to myself.

Famous last words.

A few hours later, I had a mild headache, the dictionary I had grabbed shortly after opening my first book had become my best friend and I wasn’t feeling so pumped about things. Some words and concepts were still a bit too complex for me and my lack of practice clearly showed —even if I was reading much more quickly and easily than before.

I understood chakra molding on its most basic level, from the quick explanations my father had given me, as well as the occasional scrolls. Still, having these kind of books meant for actual beginners allowed things to begin to make more sense inside my head, giving a sturdier structure to what had always been mostly instinct, simplification and practice. 

It was only when the words and ink before me started to blur, that I decided it was time to leave.

Once out of the enormous building, I realized with no little dose of dismay that the sun was beginning to set, and felt silently thankful I had memorized the path from Akane’s house to the training grounds, and from the training grounds to the library as I began my walk back. 

Akane’s words still rang in my ears as let my mind wander, feeling a bit stupid after the implications of what she had said had fully sunk in. I also realized it hadn’t even crossed my mind to ask her what conclusions she had drawn from our first training session and made a mental note to ask her later. 

By the time I got to the apartment, Akane was perched on her sofa leisurely, a glass held precariously between her fingers. The apology that was halfway rolling off my tongue was cut short by her voice, heavy and lightly slurred.

“How was the study session?”

I weighed the question for a moment, quietly closing the door behind me. The amount of trust in her statement was kind of surprising. For all she knew I could have been just messing around town. Not that it would have done me any good, though.

“Abundant.”

She hummed humorously, straightening just a bit on her seat, eyes sharp and focused on me.

“How does it feel?”

“Like I’ve been running without knowing how to walk.”

That merited a small laugh.

“Did you grab something to eat?”

I shuffled my feet.

“Yes, thank you for the money. I’ll— I’ll pay you back when I can.”

She gave me a closed-lipped smile before her gaze strayed away, tinged with wistful sadness.

“No need.”

The silence that fell between us wasn’t exactly tense, but it wasn’t comfortable either. It was charged, and I was planning on ending that as soon as I sat beside her, leaving enough space between us as not to feel too crowded.

“Why did you help me, Akane-san?” 

If my question had gotten her out of guard, she didn’t show it, instead lowering her gaze to the drink now cradled between her hands.

“You were in a brothel.”

“Many girls were, yet you only helped me.”

Her lips curled into a sardonic smile.

“You still could be helped.”

I gritted my teeth, tearing my gaze from her profile and considering just bidding her goodnight and crashing into my improvised futon. She really wasn’t making this easy with those vague answers.  

Akane let out a deep sigh, shifting so we were face to face.

“I’m only going to say this once, kid. Women...we don’t have as many options as men do. It’s a fact of life.” She took a sip of her drink, giving me a brusque one-shouldered shrug. “Men like to act like it isn’t, but don’t let them fool you. As a girl in your position, your options weren’t exactly abundant.”

“I— I wasn’t a courtesan,” I stuttered, feeling like it needed to be said, even if I wasn’t sure why. It seemed not to matter to Akane, though, for she only shook her head, eyes fixed on me as if trying to make me understand by sheer force of will.

“And what do you think would happen as you grew older? No brothel owner would miss a chance to make more coin. She wouldn’t leave you serving tea forever.”

Her words felt like a slap to the face, the cold reality of things setting in making me feel utterly stupid — not to say naive. Truth was, I had done my best not to dwell too much on what would become of me as I grew older.

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Akane echoed, her voice suddenly losing some of its usual force, grey eyes unfocusedly shifting to the view before us. “My mother was a prostitute before coming to Konoha, Mitsuko.”

The air hung heavy between us, and I was certain she wasn’t even telling me a fraction of it. She had ripped the truth like a band aid, though. My mind went back to the oldest prostitutes in the brothel, faces pale and clad with makeup, as if all that paint could hide the hopelessness in their dark eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” 

She waved her hand at me like whisking an annoying bug off, my sentiment appearing to do nothing but irk her.

“Go to sleep, kid. Tomorrow will be a busy day for you.”

The next day it was surprising to find myself sitting on a hospital bed with a lavender eyed woman kindly looking back at me as she asked some general questions about past illnesses, my chakra and the recent use of my dojutsu instead of standing on a spacious training ground. 

“This is Hyūga Youko, she will help us learn more about your dojutsu,” Akane introduced, pressing a quick hand to my shoulder. 

I had never gone to a hospital, much less had a physical exam done, so to say I was feeling nervous would have been an understatement. Still, I gave Youko a respectful nod.

“All I need is for you to use it on Fujimori-san,” Youko said, the adding: "Please don't be alarmed by my chakra."

My brows furrowed at that. Her chakra was soft like a gentle breeze on a hot summer day, or the air beneath the shade of a tree. It was perfect for a doctor, being honest. Eerie lack of pupils aside, I couldn't imagine why it would scare me. However, before I could dwell any further on that, Akane urged me to begin.

I turned to her and allowed warmth to seep into my eyes, the gold tinging my vision not feeling so foreign this time, it was like it had finally been able to draw a deep gust of air after staying underwater for so long. Akane’s grey eyes instantly clouded, even if I wasn’t actively trying to do anything this time.

It was in that moment that I realized exactly what Youko had meant. My body felt both numb and tingling at the same time, like being prodded with tiny needles of her chakra — which even though wasn't aggressive on itself, felt overbearing and invasive when presented that way. 

Do it like in practice , Kuro intervened, probably in an attempt to distract me from the disturbing sensation. You don’t know if doing nothing could affect the way it expresses in your chakra.

I poured a little more intent into my eyes and tried to think of something else.

Homura’s words had been messing with my head since yesterday. She could incapacitate her adversary before they even attacked . What had he meant by that? Incapacitate how?

Maybe you could bend them to your will, Kuro suggested. It seemed that today she was in a rather chatty mood. Her words sounded a bit like a stretch, though, but were enough to sprout an idea.

My eyes minutely twitched to the hand on my shoulder before I could think any better of it, forcing them to remain on Akane’s. I could still try, just needed a less visual approach. I focused on the weight of her hand on my shoulder.

Tap your fingers.

Nothing happened.

Tap the fingers of your right hand against my shoulder , I reinforced, feeling like at this rate I would drill holes through my sensei’s head. Tap them, tap them, tap them —

Akane’s hand twitched against the thin material of my blouse, and the bubbling excitement I felt in that moment was almost enough to make me lose my focus. It could have been a coincidence, but the slight crease between her brows made me feel differently.

My aplomb did nothing but grow. Maybe I had to go smaller first.

Raise your—

“That’s enough, Mitsuko-chan,” Youko’s voice cut through my concentration, leaving my eyes teary from the change in temperature when I withdrew my dojutsu with a snap.

Akane’s eyes lost their dream-like quality after a blink, a curious look sent my way, concealed after a second. Her eyes were half suspicious, half surprised. 

“It definitely looks like a kekkei genkai,” Youko began once my sensei’s attention had drifted back to her. “It’s taking more chakra than I would be comfortable with, but I assume it must be because of its recent development. In time, it should use much less.”

Her gaze shifted to me once more, veins suddenly bulging out on the skin surrounding her eyes as she spoke, brows etched together. What the…?

“Her chakra, though… it's strange.”

My blood ran cold.

You don’t think…?

I could feel Kuro’s ominous presence like an actual weight perched to my shoulder,  both of us silently holding our breaths.

“Strange?” Akane pressed, seeming actually concerned by the first time as she withdrew her hand.

Youko pinched her brows in an absurdly delicate manner. She looked like one of those porcelain dolls proudly showcased in the shop my mother would indulgently allow my staring through the vitrines when we travelled for supplies and clothing for winter. I would have probably sunk into those memories were it not for the string-tight tension at the pit of my stomach.

“It’s split,” Youko replied after a moment where she seemed to be looking for the right words. “As if she had two different chakras within her.”

I dug my fingers against the skin of my arms in an attempt to get a grip of myself. There’s no way they could tell, there’s no way…

“Could it have anything to do with her kekkei genkai?” Akane inquired. She didn’t sound very convinced.

Youko’s features settled into much more somber demeanor, fixating on mine as if she could see right through me, which apparently seemed to be quite literally the case. I could only assume she wasn’t doing it right now, considering the absence of bulging veins on her pale face.

“Could be. Does she know her chakra nature?”

I did. What I wasn’t sure was if I should say it.

And yet, something told me it would be pretty hard for Akane to believe, considering she had seen me use the chakra suppression technique, which while not advanced, wasn’t as exactly basic either.

Tell them. Act oblivious.

“Water.” That single word felt like tying a rope around my throat and waiting for someone to kick the stool. I forced a curious, slightly concerned look onto my features.

Youko hummed, some friendliness returning.

“Maybe you have co-dominant chakra natures. Your chakra coils are in perfect condition, so I wouldn’t worry too much, Mitsuko-chan.”

Youko’s words were probably meant to soothe me, but the uneasy flicker in her chakra and the small creases on the sides of her eyes made me nervous. Still, my shoulders relaxed by an inch. I doubted a lot of people were walking around Konoha with a demon living rent free inside their heads.

“We’ll keep an eye on it,” Akane conceded, giving me a critical look before asking: “Anything else worth mentioning?”

“She looks a little underweight, but I’m sure that will change soon.” Youko’s voice was gentle, the tinge of sadness clouding her features clearing any doubt whether she knew of my background or not.

It took less than a week for Akane and me to settle into a routine of sorts. We woke up at dawn, had a decent breakfast and then headed towards the training ground 15. Then we started with meditation and chakra control exercises focused on my doujutsu more often than not, followed by some laps around the circuit to warm up.  

Then there were the kata. We had started relatively simple: how to fall.

“I know how to fall,” I had said. Oh-so-confident and oh so about to be proved wrong when Akane easily swept a foot against the back of my ankles and sent me into a sprawled mess on the dirt, busting all air out of my lungs in less than a second.

She pretended to hum in thought.

“Doesn’t seem that way from up here.”

That was the beginning of endless series of being kicked down over and over again until I got it right more than twice in a row, accompanied by Akane’s occasional advice and exemplifications, which were numerous, by the way, since the way you fell depended on how you were thrown off balance.

“Never let them get you on the ground,” Akane drilled in between exercises, mercilessly pushing my limits. “They get you down and it’s over.”

Once she was satisfied enough — or I was heaving like a dying animal —, we would cool down with more meditation and some theory here and there, like hand signs — which I already knew a decent amount of, but strengthening that knowledge couldn’t hurt. 

By the time we got home my back felt like it had been kicked relentlessly by an angry mob and my eyelids were dropping on their own. I was pretty sure I was eating for two grown men, lately. Things were good, and for a moment, I allowed myself to find some peace in those moments between awakeness and sleep. 

Chapter Text

“Sleeping is not a form of meditation, brat.” Akane’s words were accompanied by a swift tap of her foot to my side, jolting me awake with a small ‘eep’ in such volume there was no way I could save the remaining crumbs of my dignity.

In between runs to the library and her drilling training, sleep and rest were scarce. I couldn’t remember the last time my muscles weren’t sore from exercising or my eyes dry from so much reading. 

“Sorry, Akane Sensei,” I mumbled, opening a single eye to gauge her mood. She had a calculating look that I wasn’t sure I liked.

“You know, I think it’s time we progress into something harder. The timing’s not ideal but...” 

I opened both of my eyes, already having an inkling of suspicion as to what she meant. Her brow was furrowed, creating a deep line running in between her eyebrows, grey eyes unfocused.

“Are you going to show me jutsu?”

Akane let out a heavy breath.

“Do you know any already? Besides Chakra Suppression, obviously.”

I gave her a nod, but it felt hesitant even to me. She only raised an inquisitive eyebrow. 

“I know the Clone and Transformation Technique.”

She crossed her arms upon her chest and I couldn’t help but notice how muscular they were. I wondered if mine would be like that one day. I hoped so. Right now they looked like twigs. 

“Show me.” Those words were enough to send my brain into a short circuit.

“R-right now?”

“No, tomorrow morning,” Akane replied exasperatedly. “What do you think, kid?”

I took a shaky breath. Fine, it seemed that she wanted it right now. After months of not even attempting to do any of those.

Don’t be such a wimp, midget. It’s just some meagre beginner jutsu. You can do it.

How was it that her words of encouragement managed to make me even more nervous?

Akane’s chakra felt contained, as if even it was holding its breath. I began to form the hand signs. Ram, snake, tiger ...

A pair of clones of myself appeared, one of each at my sides. They were decent enough, almost identical except for the deep circles missing beneath their eyes. I doubted I looked that well rested, being honest.

The sensation of my chakra dividing itself and running to both of them like a river’s stream was almost enough to break my concentration, causing them to flicker momentarily. It felt strange to exteriorize it after keeping it hidden or just calmly inside for so long.

Akane hummed.

“That’s enough. Let’s see your transformation skills. Turn into me.”

I gulped. This was the technique I was most uncertain about. The times I had tried it had been on my own, so I had no exact parameter as to how good or bad I was at it. Orochimaru had given up on my training as soon as he saw my weak attempts at taijutsu, so most of what I had learned had been on my own. 

Moving before I had any more time to panic, I forced my stiff fingers to make the signs. Dog, boar, ram . As always, they felt different, uncomfortable in contrast to the Clone Technique hand signs. Even the chakra felt somehow different, cold and constantly moving, deathly quiet like the waters where Kuro rested. 

I felt my body slowly shift, like shedding old skin. The ground suddenly seemed further away, my limbs strong and muscular. Even my hands felt different. My skin felt stretched out. 

Aside from that, it wasn’t as hard as I thought. It wasn’t very difficult to get the details of Akane’s appearance, she had been the only familiar face I had been seeing for a week and a half.

By the time I was done, my chakra reserves were low enough to make the perspective of an imminent  nap outdoors tempting. My exhaustion faded to the back of my mind as soon as I noticed the wide eyes of my sensei as she rounded me, checking my jutsu from all angles.   

I had to stifle a nervous laugh at that. It must have looked very strange without context.

“What the fuck were you nervous about, kid? This is the best transformation I’ve seen in a non-Academy student. Hell, it’s better than most of the Academy kids.”

“Really?” I probably would have sounded more excited if I hadn’t been starting to see little stars dance before my eyes.

Akane seemed to take notice of my state at that moment, quickly supporting my trembling knees with an arm beneath mine, gently pushing me into a sitting position.

“You can end the jutsu, Mitsuko.”

My chakra settled back into the pit of my stomach, allowing me to take a breath of fresh air.

“My chakra-”

“Is not the problem,” Akane quickly replied, offering me a canteen of water. It was at times like this when I could see past her rough exterior that made me feel somehow less alone. I stifled back an embarrassing wave of tears. Being so tired was making me hyper-sensitive.

I focused back on the problem at hand.

“It’s not?”

Akane shook her head, locks of short blonde hair framing her face.

“It’s your stamina. Your chakra can only get as far as your body allows it. We need more resistance training.”

Somehow, the sudden gleam in her eyes as she examined me didn’t bring me any comfort.

“I’m not very good at taijutsu,” I sighed, giving a quick glance at my body, still scrawny from the prolonged scarcity of food. I had to admit I did gain some weight in these past weeks, which was definitely a win in my book.

Something flashed on Akane’s eyes before she stood, wiping the dust from her knees before offering me a hand.

“You don’t have to be excellent at taijutsu to be a good shinobi, Mitsuko. I’ll show you that.”

Akane gave me the rest of the day to go to the library and the market afterwards— which would have been a bit annoying, were it not for the fact that she always gave me some extra money to buy something for myself.

I excitedly ran my hands over the fresh apples on a young woman’s stall. They had just the perfect shade of red, and I could almost picture the deliciously sweet taste. Of course, with the money Akane gave me I could only buy one or two at best, but it was better than none.

It was the funny sensation of prickly chakra that made my grasp on the bills I was handing to the stall owner waver, tilting my head slightly to the right. 

I hadn’t felt a signature like that before. It was electrifying, like lightning hitting the earth after rain, and the incessant singing of birds until the repetitive sound made you want to rip your ears out. It felt so unstable even my own hands began to shake with an unease that wasn’t mine.

To say I was surprised when I turned my head to find the source to be a boy not much older than me would have been an understatement. 

Dressed in a metallic vest with a black shirt underneath, his spiky silver hair matched his chakra perfectly. With a crooked hitai-ate that covered his left eye and a skin-tight black mask that hid most of his face and the entirety of his neck, the curiosity he awakened was rightly justified. 

What I did not expect was the tension that rose with his presence, tainted with the stifling feel of forced subduing, something you could almost touch but hardly see. For a sensor, though, it was clear as day.

He elicited a broad spectrum of emotions, some people eyeing him with what neared morbid curiosity, others giving him fearful or wary looks, a few eyes alight with admiration before they could catch their bearings and shift into indifference. 

Most of them were either pity or distrust, though, trailing after him like you would keep your eye on a rabid animal.

“Friend-Killer Kakashi,” voices echoed beside me in bad attempts at whispering. 

His posture stiffened almost imperceptibly in response, but he kept his gaze trained forward, eye almost opaque with boredom as he occupied himself on a fresh fish stall. At plain sight he might have looked perfectly impassive, but his chakra was shifting like a caged bird.

Maybe it was the way he held himself, slouched, like someone about to crash down from all the weight thrown upon their shoulders, or the quiet defiance upon his uncovered dark eye. But—

“You shouldn’t talk about someone like that.” The words were out of my lips before I could even compute them, and it took an active effort not to smack my hand against my mouth immediately after. 

Three teens turned to me, eyeing me like an insect that had landed on their soup, gazes glowering in disdain. Shining hitai-ates reflected the dim light of the fruit stall, seeming to mock me as my stomach plummeted to my feet. 

Of all people, I had to piss off who I hoped were just some genin. They didn’t look much older than me, but as I was beginning to understand, age wasn’t much of an indicator when it came to shinobi’s abilities.

Fortunately, their chakras didn’t feel too menacing, barely buzzing amidst the crowd. 

“And what would a civilian know?” One of them asked condescendingly, dark blue eyes gleaming with malice, as if eager for my answer and hoping it invited the use of violence.

I decided that as much as I hated anyone being called by such a horrible nickname, it wasn’t worth getting beaten to pulp about.  Sure, I had been training for some time now, but I certainly didn’t feel confident enough in my newfound abilities to beat not one, but three graduated ninja who topped me by at least a head. 

“I guess nothing,” I shrugged, gripping tightly my bag of apples as I turned to make my leave, hoping they would let it slide. 

Something in my voice must have been more challenging than I thought, for my answer only seemed to fuel their ill intents.

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a hand shoot out to grab my wrist, which I quickly began to snatch back. There was no need, though.

A quiet gust of air at my side was followed by a deathly calm voice: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

My wide eyes were mirrored back at me when they shifted to the metal guard on his hand, gripping the guy’s wrist tightly enough for him to look uncomfortable, skin paling when he noticed who said hand belonged to.

After a second of making the point clear, gloved fingers were lifted one by one as 'Friend Killer Kakashi' let go, the three genin scurrying out like rats immediately afterwards.

When my gaze shifted back to his face, I was met with an unyielding dark grey eye, the lack of emotion discernible through that dead-fish like stare and his covered face causing a strange sensation to pool at the pit of my stomach.

“Thanks for that,” I mumbled, trying not to feel too appalled by the fact that the same guy I had tried to stand up for had ended up saving me from getting my ass beat.

“I don’t need your pity.” His statement was as blunt and unexpected as everything he had done until now.

I blinked, feeling somehow offended. 

“Who says it's pity?” 

There was a moment where he seemed to study me intently, much like Akane did sometimes, hands tucked inside his pockets, the feeling of being scrutinized like that still not sitting well with me as I stifled the urge to fidget with the bag in my hand.

Charged silence filled the air between us —and around us, judging by the numerous sets of eyes I could feel gauging our interaction, the fruit stall owner’s included. 

Sometimes my life felt like a long ride of awkward silences graced with brief interruptions.

I sighed.

“Here,” I picked an apple from my bag, the reddest I could find, and offered it to him. “As a thank you.”

A puzzled and faintly anxious look took hold of his features, as if he wasn’t sure as to how to proceed under circumstances like these, something I might have found entertaining —and even endearing— any other day, had he not been looking at me like I had just sprouted a second head.

“I don’t need it.”

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, my lips curling into a nervous smile.

“It’s not about needing it.” 

And as if to make my point clear, I threw it at him, hoping that his reflexes were as impeccable as they should, then praying that he didn’t whip a katana on it or something and nearly kill someone. Oh Kami, I was such and idiot—

Fast as lighting, his hand wrapped around the fruit, accompanied by a disbelieving look thrown my way, an eyebrow silently raised. 

Choosing to end the following uncomfortable silence before it began, I gave a swift bow and turned my back to him.

“See you around, Kakashi-san.” 

Scarecrow? Who named their kid like that?

Fits him perfectly, if you ask me. He’s as dense as one, Kuro echoed from the back of my mind, causing a tiny smile to pull at my lips.

The next morning, Akane was sent on a mission on the border, which she obviously spared me the details about, only giving me a playful threat about slacking off on my training while she was gone and ruffling my hair, disappearing in a flurry of leaves not a second later.

That was how I found myself repeatedly punching and kicking a log on the ground 15 —something that in my home town would have been definitely considered psycho behaviour, but here was basic training. 

A small smile tugged at my lips when I realized the dents on the bark were getting deeper with each hit, then changed by a wince when I gave a look at my bloodied knuckles. I didn’t even want to guess at the state of my feet. 

And then I leaped what felt like three meters up in the air when a booming voice spoke by my ear.

“NOT BAD, MY MOST YOUTHFUL FRIEND! NOT BAD AT ALL!”

I was immediately blinded by a bowlcut and the greenest outfit I had ever seen—and the bushiest eyebrows too, being honest—as soon as I turned. His blinding smile dimmed a little after a second.

“My apologies if I scared you. I was sent by the most Spirited and Vigorous Fujimori Sensei to aid in your training. ”

That was Akane’s surname. I blinked. She had not mentioned any of this. Not a word. But I guessed, that did sound exactly like her.

“Sorry, she didn’t tell me,” I shuffled on my feet, not exactly sure how to proceed. Luckily for me, he seemed to have all the social initiative I lacked.

“No worries, friend!” He let out a booming laugh before stretching out a hand. “My name is Maito Gai, Konoha’s Green Beast!”

This kid is deranged, Kuro commented, but even she sounded slightly charmed already.

I bit down a smile and shook his hand. He seemed about my age, but had such a peculiar way of speech.

“I’m Mitsuko, nice to meet you, Gai-san.”

Those words marked the beginning of the most ruthless days of training I had ever experienced. If I thought Akane was merciless, Gai had put it all in perspective. He even gave me a pair of ankle weights that in his own words I ‘must not take off, ever. Not even to sleep’. 

Soon enough, it became pretty clear why my sensei had chosen him of all people. 

He was incredibly fast when sparring, even when I knew he was holding back for my sake. His hits were strong enough to snap my hitting log in a half without breaking a sweat, he moved with such agility and speed that it was almost impossible to follow, even using my dojutsu. Gai was a freaking taijutsu genius.

However, after a day or two, it came to my notice that there was something missing.

“Um, Gai-san?” I asked during a brief break, gripping my canteen tightly.

“Just Gai is fine, Mitsuko-chan,” Gai grinned brilliantly at me. 

I gave him something between wince and a smile. It wasn’t the first time he said so, but I kept forgetting.

“Alright. Gai, I was wondering...are we not going to practice any jutsu?”

Something darkened slightly on his gaze, but he was quick to snap back to his usual incandescent optimism.

“I would love to, Mitsuko-chan! Unfortunately I cannot perform jutsu, I made an oath not to,” he smiled apologetically, fingers fidgeting upon his lap.

I almost choked on my water. 

“A-an oath? B-but you—”

“Are a chūnin?” Gai interrupted good naturedly, seeming more amused than offended at my bewilderment. 

I nodded. He became surprisingly shy, a tiny smile of pride grazing his features as he looked down at his hands.

“Well, you have witnessed my taijutsu. I’m more than proficient after a lot of hard work. That’s the power of youth!”

“You mean you weren’t always this good?” 

It sounded pretty stupid once it was out of my lips. Still, Gai took it in stride, his cheeks becoming a cute shade of pink.

“I was terrible! But my father, Maito Dai, The Eternal Genin, always believed in me!”

His demeanor sombered immediately at the mention of his father, and even though he still seemed proud, there was something bittersweet about his smile. It was clear that Maito Dai was no longer alive, and I wondered if I would have ever looked like that if I had ever been more willing to talk about my mother.

“He sounds pretty awesome, Gai.” I gave him a quiet smile. It must have been nice to have a dad like that, who encouraged you instead of criticizing your every move. But I guessed that was the difference between a father and a dad.

Gai gave me a beaming smile, wavering a bit at the edges.

“He was, he taught me everything I know about youth and strength!” 

“It must be nice to have someone like that.”

I must have looked more pitiful than I thought, because Gai instantly perked up, placing a quick hand on my shoulder.

“You are already much better than I was, Mitsuko-chan! You have the Power of Youth by your side! And my assistance! Always!”

That was probably the moment I realized I admired the hell out of Gai, and the moment I promised myself I would follow his steps. Maybe I wasn’t great at taijutsu, but if Gai could overcome all his difficulties, why couldn’t I?

“Gai-san...you are really cool.”

He turned scarlet red, and call me crazy, but I could spot the brightness of tears in his eyes as he bent down.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH, MITSUKO-CHAN!”

I wasn’t sure at first if I would be comfortable training with a man, even if he was around my age, but after some time with someone as sincere as Gai, I knew things would be alright.

Chapter Text

It was the last day of training before meeting with the Hokage for my trial. The last day before everything changed, for better or for worse. I tried not to think too much about the latter, though. 

Thankfully, shortly after Akane had returned from her mission, the Hokage himself had granted me an extension, which meant I had another week of training upon myself. Not that it helped ease the nerves gnawing at my insides with every day closer to our encounter.

My eyes drifted to Akane stretching beside me. Her dirty blonde hair pulled back in a high ponytail, only her chin length bangs covering part of her features from my sight. I still had no clue as to how she had managed to get an extension. I could only wonder what it had cost her. 

Lately she had become quieter, the circles beneath her eyes deepening. I hated to think it had to do with our current position in the war, but it was a reasonable conclusion. 

Konoha was by no means losing, but there had been a lot of casualties during the last confrontation against the forces of Amegakure, mostly, from what I had heard, because Suna had taken that distraction to poison the water supply of Konoha’s encampment. 

It had only taken Konoha’s Yellow Flash appearance to tip the odds to our favor, though —you weren’t someone who inspired flee-on-sight orders for nothing. And yet, he was back in Konoha less than a week later.

Akane narrowed her eyes at me, but there was no sharpness to it.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, pint?”

I followed the fluid movements of her arms, imitating them in a much clumsier manner, feeling my muscles stretch with the posture. It was surprising how someone as muscular as her could be so graceful at the same time. It reminded me of the elegant motion of Sara as she taught me the tea serving ceremony, or the dances I would sometimes catch my sisters of the brothel performing through half closed doors.

“How did you convince Sarutobi-sama to give me more time?” I asked, trying to keep my tone as relaxed  as it could be.

Akane barked a short laugh, not ceasing her stretching at all. I forced myself to keep going as well.

“That’s what got your face all scrunched up like that?”

As if to prove her point, and against all my rational wishes, my face scrunched up even more.

Akane let out a quiet sigh as she finally stood. 

“I used the sharpest weapon: logic.”

I raised a doubtful eyebrow. 

By all means, I wasn’t someone who doubted the power of intellect, and I liked to consider myself reasonably smart. But you got to admit, that wasn’t very convincing. We were at war, and even though sometimes the warmth of Konoha could make me easily forget it, there was a tension in the air that pressured everyone to keep a watchful eye.  

My sensei flicked my nose, unpleasantly bringing me back to the present.

“Get that skepticism out of your face, brat. I was away for a week. It was only fair that you got it when I came back.”

Something told me that was not all there was to it, but decided it made no sense to push. If Akane didn’t want to tell me, there was no way I could get it out of her.

“You know your chakra nature. I won’t ask any further, since I have a pretty good idea on who applied the test on you. Have you tried any jutsu related to it?” Akane switched the subject without even a blink from my side.

I shook my head. I had read about water techniques, especially from Kirigakure, but had never dared try them.

A wolfish smile crept onto Akane’s features. In my experience, one that indicated an equally thrilling and chaotic experience was about to happen.

“Today is your lucky day, brat. You’re about to learn a very useful one.”

That day we returned home drenched from head to toe in water, our shoes making uncomfortable creaking noises with every step that we took. 

By the time I had set my clothes and shoes to dry in the bathroom, I was ready to face-plant against my futon. Until a question I had not thought of until now arised.  

“Akane?” I asked, my hand wrapped around the edge of the doorframe of my bedroom.

“Hmm?” She hummed, pouring herself a sip of sake on the small, round table of the living room. 

“How exactly will the Hokage decide if I’m fit to become a ninja of Konoha?”

Akane halted her movement, her tired gaze finding mine with surprising focus. 

“By sparring with him, of course.”

That night I didn’t sleep as well as I would have desired.

I had never in my wildest dreams expected to meet Minato Namikaze, even less for him to be the first person I saw after opening the Hokage’s door on the day of my trial. But there I was, gaping like a fish as Akane closed the door behind us.

Minato was...younger than expected. To say the least. 

His eyes lacked that —to some degree— artificial kindness of Hiruzen’s, but were not exactly cold. His chakra felt like the slow wind crashing against the movement of waves. There was something extremely soothing about it, a contained energy that indicated complete control over it. Which he must have had, considering the pressure it wielded against my bones. 

His chakra was stronger than Hiruzen’s. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Mitsuko-chan,” he greeted, kneeling down so we were at eye level. “I’ve been waiting to meet you.”

I straightened from my bow, twisting my hands in an attempt to soothe my self-consciousness. 

Everyone’s eyes were on me, from Hiruzen —who had yet to utter a word— standing at the back of the room, to Akane beside me, clearly trusting me to handle things on my own this time. 

“I’ve been waiting too, Minato-sama,” I replied quietly, not sure how to address him. And it wasn't a lie— anyone who lived in Konoha had heard of the ‘Yellow Flash’ and his prowess on the field, only rivaled by the young age in which he was already on the path to become the next Hokage. 

My eyes searched the top of his spiky, blond hair, but there was no hat there. 

“Since Minato is to take my place very soon, I thought it best for him to meet you,” Hiruzen explained, taking mercy on my disoriented eyes. 

My gaze shifted back to Minato scrutinizingly. Would his opinion have any weight on whether I stayed in Konoha?

Of course it will , Kuro intervened. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was the one to decide instead of the old man, either.

He’s an infant compared to you , I reminded her, letting a tinge of teasing seep into my tone.

“Will you decide if I stay or not?” I finally asked, finding his baby blue eyes set curiously on me. “Will you measure my skills?”

That pulled a reserved smirk out of him, making him stand once more.

“Well,” he dusted his knees and managed to make it look almost graceful. “You will be sparring with me today. Does that answer your question?”

A nervous smile pulled at my lips. Half terrified, half excited. There was something utterly incredible about sparring with the freaking soon to be Yondaime Hokage . How many people could say they had done that? 

Yet, there was also the possibility it didn’t work out in my favor, if he was half as powerful as he felt. Not to mention that he was a skilled sensor —if the stories Akane and Gai had shared with me were anything to go by—, which left little to no upper hand from my side.  

My unease must have shone through more than I thought, for I felt Akane’s warm hand press to my shoulder. 

“You can do it, brat,” she encouraged, almost fondly —for her standards, anyway— as she ruffled my hair.

I felt my posture straighten. Akane trusted me. She really believed I could do it. 

Gai’s words from moments ago —he had been dutifully waiting for me in front of the Hokage’s building to cheer me on— echoed inside my head, accompanied by his features scrunched in an endearingly determined look. 

‘ I would wish you luck, Mitsuko-chan, but you don’t need it! ’

I felt my lips tighten into a straight line before raising my head to Minato.

“I’m ready, Minato-sama”

And that’s how I found myself in  a training ground I had never been in before by Minato's side, leaving Akane and Hiruzen back in the Hokage’s office. 

We were in a small clearing, surrounded by a lush forest, and, if my hearing wasn’t deceiving me, a body of water nearby.

Minato pressed a warm hand to my shoulder, startling me out of my observations. When he spoke, his voice was kind but firm.

“Alright, Mitsuko. This is where your test begins,” he began to slowly step away from me, and I watched in strange fascination as his baby blue eyes shifted into an almost playful challenge. “I’ve been told you are a natural sensor. Let’s put that to the test.” 

With a blink, he was gone, almost as if his body had evaporated from its spot. I was sure it had not been a shunshin, since there was no trail to follow from where he had once stood. No, this seemed like one of his famous teleportations. Which meant he had probably placed a seal somewhere in the forest around us… right?

Trying not to panic too much from the uncertainty of the situation, I closed my eyes and pulsed my chakra, moving from time to time, following the edge of the U shape formed by the beginning of the trees surrounding the clearing. 

After what felt like forever, I felt something. It was just a flicker of chakra, but it was enough. 

I took off running after it. My feet naturally stuck to the wood of the thick tree trunks around me like magnets, my senses sharpened by the chakra directed onto them. 

My movement only slowed when I was about a mile away from him, his chakra strong enough to indicate that he was definitely not suppressing it in any way. One mile may have sounded far to most people, but for a shinobi like him, it was nothing.

You have to be cautious about this, midget. You are not the only one who is aware of his close presence, Kuro warned.

I know , I replied, my teeth gnawing on my lip. Should I wait for him to make the first attack?

Do you think he’ll grant you that privilege?

She had a point there.

Maybe I could just lure him out of wherever he is , I thought. But then what? Catching him by surprise was pretty much impossible. Even with a transformation, he would be able to sense my chakra.

You could suppress it, Kuro suggested. 

It felt almost unnatural. She was being surprisingly chatty and helpful, being honest.

What use are you to me if you are dead? Kuro said. And call me chatty one more time, I dare you.  I’ll drown you in your sleep.

Deciding to ignore the extreme contradiction within those two sentences, I jumped back to our past discussion.

Don’t you think chakra suppression is too risky?

It’s not like we are surrounded by alternatives, midget.

With a slow sigh, I pushed my chakra back to the pit of my stomach. It receded like I imagined waves did just before a tsunami, leaving the shore wide and dry.

Then let us hope it works.

My advance was much slower than I would have desired, but one could never be too cautious. Even if Minato couldn’t feel my chakra, he could still hear my movements. Every time wood creaked beneath my feet, or my clothes rustled —even though Akane had given me a pretty nice black qipao dress, accompanied by dark, tight training pants underneath that barely made any sound— I shuddered in fear that he had heard me.

Minato waited patiently on his spot, no doubt already aware of my little ruse, almost as if waiting for my next move before doing anything himself.

My sweaty hand hovered over the bag strapped to my hip and thigh where my kunai and shuriken rested as my back remained close to the thick trunk of a tree. This was the difficult part.

Without a second of difference, I released my chakra and focused it on the arm that threw a kunai right at the spot where I knew Minato was, sitting behind the thick foliage of the tree.

I never expected it to hit its target, but it was enough to draw it out.    

Minato shot out from behind the leaves, a flash of yellow hair heading straight for me, so fast it was hard for my eyes to follow. 

Jumping out from my spot, I lunged for another branch just a second before Minato’s kick made contact where my body once was. 

I let warmth flood my eyes, tainting my world with burning gold.

This time, when I turned back, I was no longer set on avoiding him. Even if it was not easy to follow his movements, I could sense the track of his chakra if I concentrated enough. Stifling the instinct to close my eyes, I blocked the sudden hit directed at my nose, barely having time to absorb the strength of the blow before blocking a kick to my side.

It was hard to make an attack of my own when I couldn’t even think. It was also no coincidence that Minato was now avoiding any eye contact with me, no matter how much I looked into his eyes.

Find the river, Kuro’s voice suddenly broke through my concentration.

Bouncing back as far as I could, I sharpened my hearing in an attempt to find the source of the sounds of water current and shifting rocks. It didn’t seem to be very far away, but I didn’t want to be as obvious as to just run towards it.

My brow was already pearled with sweat, my breathing labored and desperate. Even though Akane had made sure that my stamina improved, it was still below average.

Forcing a deep breath past my dry throat, an idea took hold of my mind.

I braced myself for another attack from Minato, blocking before moving back once more, doing it more often with each set of attacks, so he thought he was the one caging me, until I could feel the humid air and the roar of the river behind me.

My hands moved almost on their own accord, forming the hand signs my sensei had made sure I could recite in my sleep. Ox, snake, ram…

I saw Minato’s eyes widen slightly when mist began to form around us, so thick it was impossible to see, even with my enhanced sight.

I didn’t know how good Minato’s sensing was, but if he couldn’t exactly pinpoint every movement that I made from my chakra, then half the battle was already won as long as I kept moving. The roaring of the river was also an advantage, since he would not be able to tell my movements by using his hearing.

And yet, all those limitations applied to me as well. I could only hope my sensing was sharp enough to stand a chance. It was something Akane and I had practiced, sparing deep in the forest at night, when it was pitch black. 

Still, there was not nearly as much pressure hanging upon me as it did now, and the claws of doubt were beginning to sink against my chest.

Less thinking, more hitting, midget, Kuro growled.

I closed my eyes, following Minato's movements. He was circling around me like a tiger around its prey, his movements slow and controlled.

Blocking a swift open hand to the side of my neck, I finally sent a blow of my own, with a kick at his exposed torso. He was quick to block it, but the fact that I had grazed his shirt was enough to instill more vigor into my following attacks and send euphoria pulsing against my veins each time a hit almost landed.

Which was probably my downfall, because I noticed a little too late that there were suddenly two of him.

My chakra reserves were also decreasing quite rapidly from having to keep pumping out mist into the open air around us —even with the river’s help—, since Minato kept pushing me to the edge, which was beginning to show from the increasing visibility.

I leaped back, my feet wobbling for a second before settling on the surface of the river, quickly followed by Minato’s graceful landing.

Without much of a thought, I kicked water at him on instinct —something that later would deeply mortify me— never expecting for the water to form into a wave that increased significantly in size as it traveled to him, throwing him off balance.

Minato easily bounced back to his feet, something puzzled shifting behind his eyes before quickly disappearing as he continued his attacks. Meanwhile, I could feel his clone —or was he the clone? It was strange, but I couldn’t tell the difference, since their chakras felt very similar in quantity— inching closer from behind me.

If it had already been difficult to fight one Minato, two of them were nearly impossible. I could not even block the hit coming from the clone behind me before being thrown flat on my back. It was fortunate enough that I could shift chakra into every part that made contact with the surface to keep myself from sinking into the freezing water, to be honest.

I felt my vision blur for a moment. 

So this was it. I had failed.

“Don’t look so sad, Mitsuko-chan.” Minato smiled after a moment, offering me an open hand. “You passed.” 

I stared at him, unmoving.

“I-I did?”

Chapter Text

No one leaves home unless home chases you, fire under your feet, hot blood in your belly.

Home By Warsan Shire

When I was little —maybe five or six— I had decided I was old and strong enough to climb the old apple tree in my grandparent’s small crop field. It was the only one we had, but it was large enough to create a shadow that extended far into the foliage, with red, ripe apples hanging from its thick branches. 

These apples were, of course, forbidden to me, since they were meant to be sold at the market and, if we were lucky enough, to travelling nin on the road.

And yet, that day my mind was set on getting a hold of one of those precious apples —the biggest, reddest I could find—, out of spite. My grandmother had yelled at me for spending time at the house and had told me to ‘find somewhere else to be’ and ‘make myself useful’ while shoving me out of the door.  

I had stubbornly clung to the lowest branch, my small feet kicking aimlessly until they managed to push me upwards by pressing against the thick trunk. I had ignored the scrapes forming against the tender skin of my palms and the scalding sensation of forming blisters, forcing my attention onto my goal: the apple sitting at only two more branches of distance.

I remember letting out giddy laughter after what felt like an eternity, when I was just extending my hand to grab it. Perhaps that was my mistake, letting my excitement get the best of me, savoring my victory before even achieving it.

In that moment, my foot slipped, and my already precarious equilibrium jumped out the window. My heart stuttered a beat as time seemed to slow down for a few seconds, making me a first row expectator of my fall. 

I will never forget how it felt to hit the ground. All air was sucked out of me, but funnily enough, I felt no pain. It was a numb state of expectation where I wondered if perhaps my lungs had stuck to my spine. Then came the freezing cold, a burning rising from my lower back up to my chest as the pain of broken bones drowned any coherent thought.

In a way, that was exactly what happened when I arrived in Konoha. I had been numb enough to hold my breath, to train and wait for the moment that would decide everything. But that moment had ended. My future had been declared, and with it, my expectations.

It was time for the burning to set in. 

Akane woke me up when the sun was already halfway up in the sky, banging on my door with her trademark smile before raising a broom in my direction. It seemed that having my ass kicked yesterday by Minato was not enough of a reason to skip cleaning day.

“Enough sleeping, pint. We have lots to do today.”

A very fulfilling breakfast and a bath later, I felt more like a human being and less like a hitting bag —my torso was all black and blue from the hits I hadn’t managed to block, even though I suspected Minato had held back in more ways than one— , which led to the many questions we hadn’t had the time to adress yesterday to arise. 

I decided to cut straight to the chase, applying some cleaning product into the old rag in my hand before running it twice through the dusty surface of Akane’s anaquel for good measure. That thing was so bad I could have been searching for fossils through all the dust. 

“I thought Hiruzen-sama would retire in a month.”

My sensei sighed.

“Minato’s ascension has been postponed. Hiruzen will remain Hokage for at least a few more months.”

“Why?”

“Things aren’t looking up, kid.” Akane’s face was grim as she spoke, her eyes unfocusing as if seeing something I could not. “Konoha needs him on the fray.”

“Then why did he test me and not Sarutobi-sama?” 

She gave me a noncommittal grunt.

“Maybe Sarutobi wants to seize Minato up. Maybe he wanted to see how you reacted to the unexpected. Fuck if I know.” She turned, then adding dryly: “I would appreciate it if you stop rubbing my shelf before it disintegrates.”

I absentmindedly moved to another piece of furniture.

“What’s next? After…passing the test, I mean.”

Akane sighed, halting her movement with the broom.

“A shit ton of bureaucracy, kid. You need to get some papers…an ID, all the work.”

I scrunched my nose. That sounded pretty annoying.

“And after that?”

Akane resumed her task, pushing what she had broomed into the dustpan and then shoving it into the trash bin.

“Getting into the Academy, of course.” She sent me a menacing glare. “And don’t even think you are getting off the hook with me, kid. Your training with me will continue on the side.”

I raised my eyebrows at her.

“This might come as a surprise, Sensei, but I’m happy to hear that.”

I could have sworn some red spots had begun to appear on her cheeks, but she coughed, turning her back to me to pretend to clean an already spotless kitchen counter.

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere with me, pint.”

The next weeks were…strange to say the least. Arrangements were made for me to begin taking classes in the Academy, and while my training with Akane was still mandatory, it was not as constant as it had once been, probably because she was sent off on missions more often.

Before my first day of school, though, I was summoned to meet the Council by a man clad in black, wearing a cat porcelain mask. I didn’t even have time to let anyone know —not that there were a lot of people on that list, especially since Akane was gone on a mission— before being dragged into a blindingly white room. 

There, in three individual seats, was the Council.

“Mitsuko-chan,” Koharu Utatane greeted with a stiff nod, something deep and stern gleaming upon her dark eyes, her chakra feeling like the slow movement of waves at night. “Congratulations.”

She didn’t sound exactly ecstatic. Still, I gave them all a respectful bow.

“Thank you, Utanane-sama.”

I resisted the urge to shift my weight from foot to foot. I didn’t really know how to proceed under circumstances like this, or how formal I should be. I didn’t want to come across as a bootlicker.

My eyes slid to the only person I had not met personally until now. I didn’t need any introductions, though. 

I had yet to see anyone with such a striking appearance. It wasn’t perhaps the quantity of bandaging, but the place they were set in. From his forehead, to his right eye, it was all covered with white cotton. The exposed skin was not any less particular though, as my gaze instantly focused on the x-shaped scar at the center of his chin.

Danz ō Shimura . 

As if sensing my attention, a tired dark eye slid from somewhere behind me, to my face, pausing on my eyes. In that moment, his chakra pressed onto my skin like a thousand needles, it felt chilling, like cold air against my skin.

I bit down the inside of my cheek trying not to shudder.

“Now that you have been officially enrolled into the Academy, you must have thought about what you would like to specialize in, ne?” Homura inquired, and even though his words may have sounded patronizing or even friendly, they were surprisingly empty.

I forced my focus away from Danzō, who had  not yet uttered a word.

“I would like to specialize in anything I’m good at, Mitokado-sama,” I answered sincerely, if not a bit awkwardly. 

I really had not yet even fathomed the idea of specializing. It felt so far away. I hadn’t even made it to genin. The skeptical expression on Koharu’s face told me she thought exactly the same thing.

“I believe you may be skipping too much time ahead,” she told Homura impassively, but I could sense her chakra swirling with disquiet. About what, I wasn’t entirely sure.

“We were unable to be there at the time, but we did read Minato’s report. Her talent is clear,” Danzō spoke, and somehow, he made it sound more like a threat than a praise. And if I hadn’t known his stance towards my presence in Konoha before, it was now clear.

“How are you liking Konoha so far?” Homura inquired almost good-naturedly, crossing his hands upon the table.

Careful , Kuro warned. I don’t like these questions at all.

What do I say, then?

Speak well of the village, but don’t lie. 

“It’s…very beautiful and everyone has been very kind to me. I’m very grateful.” I answered, now eerily aware of Kuro’s presence looming over my mind, coiled with tension.

“Good.” Homura gave me a closed lipped smile. “We are rooting for you, Mitsuko-chan. Keep working hard.”

I was dismissed after that. After all, the message had already been sent: ‘we will be watching you’ . 

Akane had been furious when I told her once she returned from her mission, and had made me recounter the event more than once, ruminating on the conversation, wanting to hear my answers exactly as I phrased them.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t taken the situation seriously, but seeing both Kuro’s and my sensei’s reaction, my worry had done nothing but grow, gnawing at the pit of my stomach like an uninvited guest. 

Even after Akane had told me I did well, something about the whole situation didn’t feel right. It felt like I was missing something. My mind drifted to Danzō’s eye fixed on my own as I laid restlessly in bed, facing the ceiling. 

My mother had always told me how much my eyes resembled my father’s.

Do you think they know about my father? I asked Kuro, half expecting her not to answer.

It wouldn’t surprise me if they did.

Why do you think Homura asked me if I liked Konoha?

Probably to test your loyalties. You are an increasingly uncontrollable variable as your training continues. You could do a lot of damage if you make it to jonin and then turn against Konoha.

I almost laughed at the extreme paranoia within that single thought process.

I haven’t even made it to genin.

This isn’t a joke, Mitsuko. You are gifted, whether you realize it or not. What you did with Minato…for someone with the amount of formal training you’ve had… is not half bad.

I thought back to the guy I met at the market —Kakashi. Everyone spoke his name with such intimidation, even when they were insulting him. Was he a genius? As Gai often referred to Minato as?

He didn’t seem to have an extremely pleasant life, if I was being honest.

Do you think I should… I don’t know, tune it down? Pretend to be worse?

Kuro hummed in thought, and it felt strange to imagine her doing it when she was an actual snake.

It’s probably too late. It could make them even more suspicious of you. Not to mention that being good is what has gotten you here.

Then what? I questioned, feeling like a child all over again.

We wait, and we stay vigilant.

As much as I hated the whole helplessness of it, I had to agree with her. 

Not by the first time, I missed the warmth of the brothel, of Ran’s hands running down my hair on those nights she allowed me to sleep with her, in the courtesans room. I missed my mother’s embrace and long days sitting on the grass, basking in the sun.

But those days were far gone, and I would do well in remembering that.

You know that feeling when you have to sit on a chair that feels too small for you? That oppressive sensation of inadequacy as you desperately hope no one will notice, no one will look too closely to realize how wrong your mere presence is?

That was what being in the academy as a twelve year old felt like. Even more so as a genin. Of course, I only attended theoretical classes such as the history of Konoha, trigonometry — ew — and those related to exclusive kunoichi abilities. 

I was jumping between first, second and third years, so you could imagine the wide range of ages I interacted with. There were some as young as six, while others got as far as being ten years old without graduating as genin. Despite all that, I felt like a stone that had landed on the wrong side of the river.

My eyes drifted sleepily to the teacher illustrating the founding of Konoha to the class. 

I already knew a bit of that from Anko’s tellings, and  was nearly vibrating in my seat, eager to learn more about Hashirama, the infamous God of Shinobi from the lips of a ninja of Konoha. 

Turns out I would soon be sorely disappointed, for Uehara Sensei wasn’t much of a storyteller. Kami, she had even made the Valley of the End battle sound sleep inducing. 

By the time the ring that announced the end of classes reverberated through the room, I was startled out of drooling into my book. 

“Mitsuko-chan! My most youthful friend, you appear splendid this evening! A true flower of Konoha!” A very familiar voice roared from the outskirts of the Academy as I made my usual walk home, appearing before me in a flurry of wind and leaves before lifting me in a rib-crushing hug that left my feet hovering above the ground. 

“Gai,” I beamed. “I thought you were on a mission!”

He let out a boisterous laugh that elicited annoyed looks from all around us- Gai remained blissfully oblivious.

“I have just returned and decided to pay a visit! How have you been, my most assiduous friend?” 

“No one is capable of more assiduousness than you, Gai,” I replied mildly, feeling my chest warm at the genuine compliment.

For someone just back from a week-long mission, he was radiant, oozing his usual optimism and energy. There was not even a shadow of fatigue marring his features. 

I couldn’t help a slight sting of jealousy. I had been sitting around for six hours and already felt like taking a nap. 

Gai let out another giddy laugh before palming my back with enough force to nearly send me staggering had I not pushed some chakra onto my feet, forcing them to remain planted on the floor.

“Were you going to train?” He asked, already familiar with my routine.

I nodded, not even missing a beat before saying: “Would you like to tag along?”

I swear I could almost see stars shimmering in his eyes at that.

Surprisingly enough, Akane was delighted every time Gai tagged along for training, enduring his intense nature with the patience of a saint. I suspected it had to do with the relentless quality of his training, as merciless as her when it came to giving me a break or pulling back his punches, something that while I didn’t show much gratitude for in the moment, I appreciated greatly.   

Once our training was finished, even Gai seemed more than ready to go for a nap. Still, I willed myself into bidding him farewell and doing some grocery shopping, smiling at Akane’s pleased look as she pressed some bills into my open palm.

Sometimes as I walked through the market, pushing the bags filled with fresh goods into my basket, I allowed myself some self-indulgent daydreams.

I imagined what it would have been like to live in Konoha with Anko like this. To train together, to share the same room and go eat ramen and dango. She had told me she was a big fan of it, although the times we had been able to eat it it had been a pale imitation in comparison to Konoha’s delicious dango sticks.

The truth was that, even with Akane’s presence, I felt lonely very often. Gai and I went out to eat and even spar sometimes, but he went on missions too, and sometimes I felt like all I would do was dampen his happy mood with my brooding. 

Most of the time, I tried to get rid of that ache inside my chest by training on my own. I practiced throwing kunai and shuriken —even though I was pretty average at it, being honest. The first time I had thrown a shuriken after those months at the brothel, I had almost given Akane a haircut and a missing ear.

Most of all, I practiced my kicks and punches. I repeated my kata until they flowed into one single motion. I tried to improve my stamina with the weights Gai had given me and ran almost every day.

And yet, my fear of the future wouldn’t go away.

The last thing I expected to find as I was making my way back home was a crestfallen looking Minato holding a bag of what I suspected was take-away ramen from Ichiraku’s.

“Minato-sama,” I greeted almost automatically, giving him a bow. “Are you alright?”

I felt stupid almost as soon as that question left my lips, but his features seemed to brighten up a bit as his baby blue eyes rose from the ground.

“Mitsuko-chan,” he greeted. “I’m fine, and you?”

“I’m good,” I said, not completely sure about the truthfulness behind that statement, but also not willing to dump all my uncertainty on Minato. “Just going home.”

“Let me walk you, then,” he offered, not waiting for my reply before asking: “How has your training been going?”

“It’s been going well,” I replied, surprised at the genuine interest in his voice. “Training with my dojutsu has been more difficult than I thought, though.”

Something shifted behind his eyes at my last comment, moving far too quickly for me to define it.

“There’s not many people who could help you with that, I reckon,” he replied thoughtfully.

“I haven’t met anyone with dojutsu, so far. Sensei has told me about the Uchiha clan, but she doesn’t seem to like them much,” I mumbled. She had also given me the impression that the Uchiha clan was pretty distrustful of anyone outside of it.

Minato cracked a small, genuine smile.

“Sounds about right.”

I wondered just how much he knew Akane, so enraptured in that thought that I almost didn’t realize we were already in front of the apartment complex. My suspicion rose when I noticed Minato had stopped walking before I had even said anything, as if he had already known where Akane lived.

“Thank you for walking me home,” I bowed, feeling instantly sorry when my eyes drifted back to the bag between his fingers. The food must have gone cold by now. 

However, it seemed to be the last of Minato’s worries, as he gnawed on his lower lip, his gaze shifting with a conflicted feeling.

“I know someone you could spar with,” he offered, voice as steady and calming as always, yet there was a hint of uncertainty pulling at his chakra, as if he wasn’t completely sure about what he was about to suggest. “Kakashi could help a lot with your dojutsu.”

I frowned. Kakashi? Could it be…?

“I heard you were quite nice to him at the market,” he added for my benefit, the intensity of his eyes —a quiet warning not to pull anything like that again— making heat bloom at the tips of my ears.

Oh . 

“He pulled me out of a bad situation. Wasn’t much of a talker, though.”

Minato let out a quiet chuckle, his amusement withering pretty quickly after a breath, eyes becoming unusually somber as they studied me. He had always appeared very young to me, but suddenly, he resembled someone of his age and more.

“He could use a friend,” he mused quietly.

It sounded more like he was talking to himself rather than me, but still, I offered a reassuring nod.

“It seemed like it.”

Chapter Text

In need of friends or not, Kakashi was an ass . 

Minato had dropped me off in the training ground three, wordlessly picking me up from the Academy and shunshining us to where Kakashi was, looking like he had been forced to bite onto a sour lemon. 

Mask and everything.

“Kakashi, this is Mitsuko. She needs your help with her dōjutsu and I expect to hear nothing but praises tomorrow morning when I ask her how this went. Understood?” Minato pressed a warm hand to my shoulder as he spoke, his eyes kind yet commanding.

Kakashi met his sensei’s eyes in what seemed to me like a staring contest, his defiant gaze moving past me like I wasn’t even there before settling on its target. 

There was an uncomfortable silence as a silent conversation along the lines of ‘ I don’t want to ’ and ‘ I didn’t ask ’ occured.  I was almost certain there would be no training session to praise tomorrow when Kakashi spoke in a monotone voice.

“Understood.”

Minato’s lips curled into a pleased smile, and you could call me crazy, but I wasn’t exactly feeling as optimistic about this.

“Great. See you tomorrow, Mitsuko,” Minato ruffled my hair and shunshined.

Just like that, I was left alone with the most antipatic person that had ever walked this earth. I could already feel his eye drilling on my side profile like a tangible force.

I sighed.

“So, uh—”

There was no time for me to finish my sentence before sensing something whipping at my face from my peripheral vision.

I automatically jumped back, landing a good five feet away.

“What the fuck?” The question was past my lips before I could even compute it. 

That was really not a great starter for a friendship, but in my defense, he had just tried to whack me in the face with his foot.

“You are slow,” was Kakashi’s lazy response, hands idly tucked in his pockets, as if he had all the time in the world. He reminded me of a cat, all arrogance and poise. “Your first reaction should have been to activate your dojutsu.”

“So I would lay out my greatest strength and unnecessarily drain at my chakra? No, thank you.”

“Unnecessarily? Because you think I won’t hurt you?” Kakashi asked, sounding almost bored as he drew a step closer.

I took a step back. 

His eye gleamed almost maliciously at that. 

The empty training ground at night, silent beyond the quiet rustling of leaves and wind did little to lessen the tense atmosphere, or the pounding of my heart. My eyes began to heat up, the details around us sharpening as the world became tinged with gold.

“Then why are you running from me?” Kakashi’s tone was casual, but his chakra was sizzling, like a snake recoiling just before plunging at their prey’s neck. 

I was roughly reminded that even if he seemed like just a boy around my age, he had so much more experience than I did. He had seen things I could barely begin to imagine, he had done —

I forced my feet to stay rooted to the ground as he took another step closer. 

“I’m not running, no matter how much you keep on marinating me with killing intent.” 

“I will not hold back,” he warned, my bravado seeming to not affect him in the slightest.

My voice begged to waver at the edges, but I pushed it down.

“Neither will I.”

Famous last words.

A blink later, he was no longer where I had last seen him. 

My breath hitched as I pulsed my chakra out, searching for his, but it was subdued. He was suppressing it just enough to be harder to find without compromising his jutsu.

I closed my eyes and sent chakra to my ears, stretching out my hearing until I could tell there was a snake slithering among fallen leaves a mile away.

“What’s the point of training with me if you are going to close your eyes?” A voice taunted from above, sounding every bit like the problematic teenager I was now sure he was.

My eyes shot open, searching for his figure among the thick branches.

“My eyes are more useful up close, wanna check?” I said, holding my breath as I waited for an answer. But he had caught up too soon.

I inched closer to the shadows casted by the trees, pretty proud at the lack of sound coming from my feet, even among the dry leaves beneath my boots.

I could feel his chakra pulsing like a heartbeat, it was close, and I was following it like an invisible thread. Until I felt another pulse. Just like the one near me, exactly the same.

A shadow clone.

My teeth bit onto the inside of my cheek.

Minato had done the exact same thing. He probably had suppressed his chakra until it felt very similar to his clone.

So I would have to find out which one was the original. 

I let out a slow breath.

C’mon, midget, think. How does it feel when you use that jutsu? Kuro chimed in for the first time in this whole ordeal, surprisingly alert.

Like a stream of chakra flowing from me to somewhere else.

Exactly.

I focused on the chakra above me, searching for the thin lines of chakra connected to it. Sweat began to pool at my brow as I stepped closer, forcing my eyes to remain open, vigilant for any movement.

I could feel them, clinging to his form, what I couldn’t tell was the direction of the chakra flow. If it streamed from him, he was the original. If it streamed to him, it was a clone.

But of course, Kakashi wouldn’t make it easy for me.

“I think I could get more action from a vegetable,” he commented, sliding onto a taller branch, then moving to the right. “Is this your concept of not holding back?”

I swallowed down an indignated huff, instead settling for a more direct approach. He wanted action? Alright.

Bending down as silently as possible, I picked a rock from the ground. It was the perfect size, not too big, nor too small. Once it was secured on my hand, I focused chakra onto my feet, quickly running up the old bark, not having much time to be proud of not leaving a single mark on it. 

Moving through the shadows casted by the thick branches and leaves, I let the quiet pull of his chakra guide my path, finding him crouching with his back to me. That should have been warning enough, but you see, I can be impulsive sometimes.

I threw the rock at his back.

Being honest, I hardly expected it to hit him. Still, I couldn’t help the deflating feeling when he easily turned and grabbed it with a single hand.

The bastard.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

I smirked, pulsing out my chakra as subtly as I could.

“Who said I was nice?”

He leaned casually against the tree trunk, tossing the rock from one hand to the other as he pretended to be deep in thought.

“Minato, I think.”

“Well, he didn’t try to break my face before even speaking to me.”

“We’ve spoken enough, haven’t we?”

And with that, he lunged. 

If I had thought his kick was fast, it was nothing compared to this. It almost seemed like he had shunshined. His body whipped by my side in a breath, something solid hitting at the back of my knees and sending me tumbling down.

My hands shot out to grab at the closest branch before my brain could even compute what was happening, the focused chakra latching me to the bark as I was left hanging.

Without giving it a second of thought, I swinged and landed on a nearby branch, still tracking his chakra signature, somewhere on my right, far enough for me to wonder what exactly he was up to.

And so, the chase began.

We were deep into the forest, where not even moonlight could slip through the cracks between leaves. My enhanced vision could barely form anything beyond shadows, all my trust laying on my hearing as I barely dared breathe.

I could feel Kakashi’s chakra sizzling nearby, a shape just above me, sitting in a thick branch and the other somewhere in front of me, quite a few feet away.

Doesn’t seem like he’s coming out any time soon , Kuro noted, almost bored.

And of course he wasn’t. He was a proud student of Minato, waiting until I had no choice but to make the first move. Always patient, always observing.

Shurikens and kunais weren’t of much use to me at the moment. Even though I could have technically thrown one and hit the target with my sensing’s help, I was nowhere near that good at bukijutsu yet.

Which led to the one option.

Closing my eyes and taking a breath as deep as I felt comfortable with —given the circumstances—, I produced a shadow clone. She moved deathly quiet, inching slowly towards the Kakashi above me, creeping from his back.

Not a second later, there was an audible pop, followed by a sigh.

“Copycat much?” Kakashi complained from the branch he had been perching in. 

“Just needed a distraction, that’s all,” I breathed out, sending a kick that brushed the fabric of the clothes of the other Kakashi. 

I was now face to face with the Kakashi that was on the ground, quickly blocking his swift punch to my exposed side. Meanwhile, I could feel his clone moving closer. 

Little did the Kakashi in front of me know that I was aware he was the real one.

Jumping back when he got too close, I pulled out a shuriken, aiming it at the real Kakashi but swinging it at the clone at the last second. It was far from a perfect shot, hitting him in the arm, but it was enough for it to disperse. 

“How did you know?” He asked, circling around me like a big cat.

I moved with him, never turning my back.

“Sensed it.”

My eyes followed the shadow of his head, watching as he cocked it to the side. Something told me he was saving that fact for later, somewhere at the back of his mind.

“How did you know?” I shot back. 

“Smelled it.”

That piqued my interest. 

“What do you mean?”

“Clones smell different. Fainter.”

“Do you have Inuzuka ancestors or something?” I asked, clumsily blocking in a kick to my side.

“Akane really has taught you no manners hasn’t she?” He shot back, sounding almost amused.

“The pot called the kettle black,” I snarked, feeling my cheeks heat up. In retrospect, that was probably a quite tactless question.

He blocked a hit from my side almost absentmindedly. 

“Why do you want to be a shinobi?”

That came so out of the blue I physically stumbled. It didn’t matter much, though, since it seemed that we had come to some kind of truce where he just occasionally moved around me, as if to keep me on my toes.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“It’s…it’s not like I had any other options,” I mumbled, surprising myself with my own honesty. 

When I was with my mother I had thought I would be a farmer, just like my grandparents and their own grandparents had been. After being taken in by Orochimaru, I thought I would probably be a shinobi, but never delved much deeper into what that implied. 

And after that… it had been Konoha or the brothel.

“You should reconsider those options, then.”

That felt like a slap to the face.

“You don’t know shit about my life, Hatake.”

He took that surprisingly well.

“You may be right about that,” he shrugged. “You don’t seem like the kind of person who would kill for a living, but I might be wrong.”

After that there wasn’t really much to talk about. Kakashi stepped by my side, his breathing only slightly faster than it was back in the training ground, stopping minutely to stare into my eyes. I could tell my pupil was probably slitted, as Akane told me they became when using my dōjutsu .

“Your defense is good, but your attacks are weak. Your jutsu’s are nonexistent. You have good eyes.” 

And with that, he shunshined, leaving me completely alone in the dark.

That kid is fucked up , Kuro said, almost in a whisper at the back of my mind.

You don’t say.

Chapter Text

The next morning I was gladly surprised to see that I didn’t feel nearly as beaten up as I had after sparring with Minato, only finding the usual bruises near my ribs, arms and legs. My knuckles were also blue and purple, but for the life of me I could not remember how that happened.

Akane’s eyes trailed observantly after my hands as we shared breakfast together, watching silently as I picked up my chopsticks from the table.

“Minato told me you had a little training session with that Hatake kid,” she said, surprisingly neutral, her gaze set on me. “How’d that go?”

“It was okay,” I shrugged, taking a bite of my scrambled eggs, studying her features briefly, wondering if she disliked Kakashi. “He isn’t exactly friendly, but I don’t mind.”

It wasn’t as if I was eager to see him again, but I liked that he had treated me as an equal, even if he did have the consideration of sparring at my level— I wasn’t as deluded as to think that he had fought with his full capacity, but still.

Akane hummed, her gray eyes darkening as she looked down at her food. She was being uncannily somber today.

“That kid… he can be a handful,” she mumbled. “Unstable.”

I set my chopsticks down.

“Are you mad we sparred? I thought Minato told you before setting us up.”

She shook her head and batted my question away with a movement of her hand.

“Of course not, kid. Gods know I’m not the right person to guide you through your dojutsu.” She quieted for a moment, her eyes rising to meet mine. “But I want you to be careful.”

That last statement made my stomach drop, a heavy silence falling between us as I found the courage to speak.

“I heard some genin at the market…” I hesitated. “They called him ‘Friend Killer Kakashi’. Is that true?”

My sensei’s expression became stony.

“There are parts of this life nothing and no one can prepare you for, Mitsuko. Losing teammates is not that strange, but having to do it yourself is—” she took a sharp breath, turning her back to me, fiddling with the coffee pot and pouring hot liquid on her cup, hands trembling.

If anything, her response had only raised more confusion within me, and even if I could tell I was threading through thin ice, I still wanted answers.

“He had to kill his teammate?” I asked, as softly as I could.

Akane turned to me, her chakra vibrating like shaking earth before settling down harshly.

“He did. For the village.”

Why do you want to be a shinobi?

Kakashi’s words echoed at the back of my mind, picking up on the haunted undertone in his voice as he spoke them. Somehow, everything made more sense after knowing this.

The weight of war never sat so heavy upon my shoulders as it did in that moment. 

After breakfast, we went to the same training ground where I had sparred with Minato, more specifically, right by the river, where Akane had insisted we should practice my water nature.

“Water is rarely still,” she had answered, when I asked why we couldn’t have just used a bucket or a fountain.

We began with water clones, which came surprisingly easy after various attempts, then moving on to the Water Prison Technique which proved to be much more challenging, not exactly because of the jutsu itself, but because of the concentration it required, especially when Akane constantly tried to escape it—which being fair, she could have easily done, if it hadn’t defeated the purpose of the exercise.

Molding water felt easy, almost natural, the jutsu were a bit difficult to remember and do quickly, though. I also couldn’t help but notice that whenever I did water techniques, Kuro’s presence felt stronger in my mind, like a quiet buzz becoming stronger the longer I maintained the jutsu—something that also affected my concentration. 

Once my chakra reserves were too low to continue, we sat side by side by the river’s edge, enjoying the sounds of chirping birds and the water current crashing against the occasional stones.

Akane eyed me from the side, drenched in water —from an, uh, unfortunate incident— an amalgam of emotions flashing through her features much too quickly for me to completely comprehend. Overall, she seemed surprised, patting me in the back with her usual bruising strength. 

“I have to admit, kid...you are the most impressive water nature user I have ever seen in a beginner.”

My dizziness faded to the back as I felt my lips stretch into a proud smile.

“But you are shit at all other elements,” she added thoughtfully after a second, much too enraptured in her own head to notice the death glare I sent her way.

One day, as I was walking back home after spending some idle time at the library —reading some raunchy romance books Akane would have had my ass on a plate if she found out about it—I came across  Minato, who was sitting with a woman by his side at Ichiraku’s. 

She had deep red hair that seemed to form a halo of fire around her, a deep contrast to the soft happiness in her eyes as she took a generous bite off her ramen. 

“Mitsuko,” Minato called as soon as he spotted me, waving me over. 

I felt like a deer caught in the headlights, like I had been caught snooping on something I shouldn’t have. Still, I dragged my feet over to stand beside Minato. 

“This is Kushina, my wife,” he smiled kindly at me, before turning to her. Somehow, his voice became softer. “Kushina, this is Mitsuko. She just joined the Academy.”

Kushina gave me a quick look before turning to Minato once more, eyebrows raised in surprise. It wasn’t strange for her to be confused about me just joining the Academy. Even though I appeared younger than I was, most students would be graduating at my age.

“But she’s—”

“A very special case,” Minato gave her a swift but meaningful look before his gaze met mine once more.  

I idly wondered if he had told her anything about me.

Kushina seemed to catch up pretty quickly, turning once more to beam at me, almost vibrating on her seat.

“It’s great to meet you, Mitsuko-chan!” She turned to give Minato’s arm a slap that even though probably meant to be good-natured, rivaled Akane's, guided by Minato’s light wince. “You never told me she was a girl, dattebane!”

Guessing that was the answer to my question, I smiled back at her, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the conversation and the buzz of the crowd surrounding us. 

“Come sit with us!” Kushina ushered me closer, taking hold of my wrist with surprising gentleness as she guided me to the seat by her side and sent me a conspiratorial wink. “Minato will treat you to some ramen.”

Minato let out a soft laugh, and even though the question was meant to be indignant, he sounded almost entertained.

“Oh, will I?” 

The redhead batted her eyelashes at him playfully, Minato’s lips parting slightly at her gesture. 

I had to say, he was smitten and she didn’t even seem to notice. 

“Of course you will. As many as she wants, right Mitsuko?” 

“Only if he wants to...I don’t want to intrude,” I mumbled, my gaze straying from Kushina to Minato, whose lips curled in a kind smile.

“It’s alright, Mitsuko. Kushina is just teasing us.”

As if to confirm his statement, she burst laughing, patting my back good-naturedly.

I shifted in my seat, not used to such a vibrant personality as Kushina. She seemed untouched by the shinobi life, even though her hands told a whole different story. Her knuckles were littered with scars, a few shades paler than her skin, which had the roughness only the hands of a ninja could match.

“I’m just playing, dattebane! Teuchi-san! Please add another pork-belly ramen to our order!”

That was how I ended up having dinner with Minato and his wife. It was strange to see him without my future or any shinobi stuff in the middle. Outside of the office and the training grounds, he suddenly struck me as any other man his age.

I had always considered Minato as a very calming presence, with those downturned, wise blue eyes. And yet, there was something completely different about him when he was with Kushina. There was always the hint of a smile tugging at his lips, at the edge of a soft laugh. The tips of his fingers always edged closer to wherever hers were, as if attracted by magnetism. 

Even his chakra felt like love, like water bathed by sunlight.

Kushina, on the other hand, was harder to explain. Her chakra flared like the warm fire of a chimney on a cold night, sparks trailing from its every move. It was full of life and incandescent with emotion, but there was also something subdued about it. It felt...different. Like it was split in some way.

There was something deeper within, a fire that was not warm but scorching, it was like acid burning anything on its wake, it thrummed like a caged animal, like a bleeding heart.

She is like us, Kuro explained at the back of my mind.

Like us?

She has a...guest.

My heart stuttered a beat.

You mean a Yokai?

There was something hesitant and cautious about Kuro, like she knew more than she was letting on.

Not exactly.

Do you know them? I prodded, trying not to let my frustration at her ambiguousness shine through. 

I can’t tell...they are too dormant...probably—

“Earth to Mitsuko,” Kushina sing-songed, playfully poking the tip of my nose.

“Sorry, Kushina-hime,” I smiled awkwardly. “What did you say?”

“First of all, don’t call me that, dattebane!”

I had no time to ask what I should call her instead before she threw a furtive glance to Minato, who seemed slightly pained at what was coming.

“Minato told me you are familiar with Kakashi.”

I raised my eyebrows and gave Minato a questioning look. ‘Familiar’ was a bit too much for someone I had briefly interacted with approximately two times, one of them involving him psychologically torturing me and then abandoning me in a dark forest.

I settled for a neutral tone.

“We’ve met.”

Kushina’s enthusiasm was undeterred by my dry tone, clapping her hands excitedly once more.

“Good! Kami knows that kid needs more friends besides Gai.”

I perked up at that, something about Gai and Kakashi hanging out sparking a tiny smile in my lips. That was a combination I never imagined. 

“Kakashi is friends with Gai?”

“Oh, more than that, Mitsuko-chan. They are rivals .”

Somehow, I found it difficult to see the correlation between those two facts, but still gave Kushina a small smile in return, unable to remain unaffected by her complicit stance, as if she was telling me a well kept secret.

Still, something about that rang a bell at the back of my mind. Was Kakashi the ‘fearsome rival’ Gai rambled on about when we trained?

Minato remained silent, watching us with a curious expression instead, some amusement tugging at the corners of his lips as Kushina jumped from topic to topic with little to no time for me to answer.

I was fine with that though, something warm and delicate, like a hot balloon bubbled inside my chest, especially when Kushina said goodbye.

“See you around, Mitsuko-chan! Don’t be a stranger, dattebane!” 

It was only when she stood from her stool with a vigilant Minato hovering around her, that my eyes focused on the small bump, tightening the dress she was wearing at her abdomen.

Kushina was pregnant.

Surprisingly enough, training with Kakashi continued. Sometimes I would be training alone and he would appear, greeting me with a “yo,” almost scaring the life out of me. The first time he did he just stared at my ankle weights for a moment.

“Gai’s training effect’s I presume?” He asked dryly.

I shrugged.

“You did say my taijutsu was shit.” 

He snorted, but didn’t deny it.

So far, what I had learned about him was absolutely nothing. He was as silent and brash as Gai was talkative and encouraging. If Gai’s training put me through the gutter physically, Kakashi’s did mentally. 

Sparring with him wasn’t just about technique and strength, it was about strategizing, measuring.

I often thought about what Akane had meant when she told me to be ‘careful’ with him. 

Sure, Kakashi’s aura wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy, his chakra often flickering wildly like a caged beast’s, but he wasn’t malicious either. He reminded me more of a wounded animal than a predator most of the time. 

More than once had I found myself mulling over why he had even stuck around in the first place, when he had seemed so irritated about me at first.

“What’s the point of using my dojutsu if you won’t even look at me?” I asked with an annoyed huff, noticing he was deliberately avoiding my gaze as we sparred.

“Make me, then,” He replied in a plain voice, like it was the most obvious thing in the world,  having the audacity to even pull out an Icha Icha book.

After that I tried everything, pinning him down with clones, attacking until he had no choice but to look at me, kicking his book —not  exactly effective, but very satisfactory.

Nothing worked.

I would have used the Water Prison Technique , but there was no water near. Not even a freaking puddle.

Before I was even aware of it, it became a game to make him have his whole focus on our spar, sending continuous hits to his exposed sides—he technically only had an arm to block, and it had to count for something— while my clones attempted to snatch the book away from him. 

I jumped back hastily, barely avoiding a surprise attack from behind from a clone of his.

“ Copycat much?” I quoted, out of breath, and I could swear the corner of his lip curled up behind the mask.

“Didn’t know that jutsu had your name on it,” he replied, quickly shifting back into teacher mode. “Your guard is slipping, keep your arms up.”

By the end of it I was nearly transformed into a puddle of sweat, and something about it reminded me of training with Anko, how some days she would be patient and step a little down into my level, while others she would just crush me mercilessly.

Breathing sent harsh pangs to my lungs, the edges of my vision blurring, but I didn’t complain. At least I had the pleasure of knowing that Kakashi did need to leave his book in the end, fixing his whole attention on me, which was no easy feat. 

I pulled a punch at his face, knowing full well it wouldn’t even land, but it was nice to dream.

“I think we are done for today,” he said —not unkindly—, catching my wrist, making my whole body wobble pitifully.

Normally, I would have protested, but at that moment, I simply crumbled to the ground, crashing on my back with uneven intakes of air.

“You know,” Kakashi began, sounding almost surprised as he momentarily kneeled by my side. “I think I actually had fun today.”

Before I could even reply, he was gone with a flurry of leaves.

Chapter Text

Two months later

I fixed my gaze to the ceiling, trying to ignore the suffocating feeling of being watched, intensified by the merciless heat of Konoha at night. 

There was no chakra, no clear sensation for me to pinpoint, except for that nagging pressure at the back of my head, making the hairs at the nape of my neck stand on end. 

Akane had left on a mission two days ago.

It had been exactly that long since I had gotten a decent night of sleep. 

Lately she was barely around, only coming home to rest a few days, then leaving to Gods knew where. 

Even when she came home it felt like a ghost, her gray eyes were marred by dark circles, hands shaking more than usual, voice clipped and low whenever we spoke. 

I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes until I saw stars, frustrated tears building quietly behind them.

Not even Kuro could give me clear advice, worrying me further.

You could go to Minato. But that would let them know you are aware you are being tailed. It could be better to pretend not to know.

I wasn’t sure how they would think I was unaware after two nights of insomnia, but she still had a point.

And what was I supposed to tell Minato?

‘Hey, I think someone’s watching me, and no, I can’t sense their chakra or anything, I just feel it.’

It sounded insane to my own ears. And with his recent promotion as the Yondaime Hokage , I doubted he had much time for it, anyway.

I would have to resist until Akane came back.

Tonight I had volunteered to be on patrol at the village outposts, which —fortunately— meant I didn’t have to endure painstakingly losing my sanity at the apartment.

And yet, it was as if my brain refused to shut up, spewing every worry I had before becoming an insomniac back at me.

Ever since I had graduated as genin, Akane had been adamant on introducing me to the shinobi life as slowly as possible, starting with missions on the borders, and none yet outside of Konoha.

Which was objectively great for my survival in a physical sense — not getting killed off in a foreign land because I was thrown to the trenches with no experience under my belt— and also not that great, in a political sense.

Considering the times we were in, promotions occurred through prowess in the field. 

Akane had made it very clear that the Council did not appreciate my presence in the village, and that even though Hiruzen and Minato had given the proverbial green light to my training and residence, they would take every chance they got to undermine that decision before I became too well trained to toss aside. 

It wasn’t as if they were planning on letting me go should the Hokage’s decision be revoked, either.

A shudder ran down my back at the memory of Danzo’s dark eye, accompanied by that unsettling chakra, pressed like a thousand needles to my skin.

“Are you even focused?” A voice snapped me out of my thoughts. 

I shifted my eyes to Asuma, the chunin in charge of the genin placed at the eastern outpost. Though normally, I supposed it should have been a jonin , most of them were on missions outside of the village, like Akane, or even Minato, who had left urgently for the Kusa front, leaving Hiruzen in his place.

“You look like you’d fall asleep on your feet,” Asuma commented, his usual cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, lips pressed in a tight line. 

It was such a stark contrast to his personality as a civilian, teasing and lighthearted, even. Nothing like Gai, but definitely not the stern exterior he was showing me right now.

“I am focused, Asuma-san,” I replied simply, not bothering to give a greeting bow to my superior. 

As it was to be expected, ninja weren’t too fond of formalities during the job, most of the time considering it a waste of time.

His lip twitched, and I wasn’t sure if it was to prevent a smile or a frown from showing.

“You better, kid.”

This time it was my own lip that twitched. He insisted on calling me and the other genin ‘kids’ when he was probably not much older than Kakashi. Still, I schooled a serious expression onto my features.

“Yes, Asuma-san.”

It was precisely in that moment that I felt something shift, an unknown group of chakras stepping into my radar. They were so subdued I almost missed them, but their fast approach, directly towards us, was like little chakra dots lighting up inside my mind. 

Asuma noticed my tension before I could even speak, his hand hovering right over the bags strapped against his legs, where I assumed his infamous chakra blades rested.

“Incoming forces from the east. Chakras unknown,” I felt myself say distantly, still following their movement.

“Number and distance,” He ordered in a clipped voice.

I closed my eyes, feeling sweat begin to pearl my forehead as I directed my sensing towards them.

“Four, as far as I can tell. Two miles away and moving fast.”

Not a second later, the voice of an older sensor, Kanna, cut through the strained silence.

“Asuma! Incoming attack from the east-”

“I know,” Asuma interrupted, turning to the genin accompanying Kanna. “Taiki, inform the Hokage. Move fast. Kanna, send a summon to the other outposts.” 

Then, he turned to the rest of us, making eye contact with every genin under his charge.

“Prepare yourselves.”

A bone rattling shudder climbed up my spine, adrenaline and fear rushing through my blood with incapacitating force.

Breathe, Mitsuko. There’s no time to panic, Kuro’s voice cut through my distress like a knife. Prepare your weapons, just like in training.

I drew in a deep breath, my hand wrapping around the cold comfort of a kunai as I shifted my stance. My vision became tinged with gold, the world around us sharpening even more than if I had pulsed more chakra into my eyes.

“Just like training,” I breathed out, not believing it for a second.

When I thought about combat I usually imagined ridiculous acrobatics and more than a fair bit of explosions, all followed in an epic fight filled with exotic jutsu and what not. 

What I never could have imagined was this eerie silence, barely broken by our modulated breaths and the rustling of leaves in the night. Even the small animals of the forest seemed to have gone silent, as if knowing something was coming.

Waiting, that was the worst part of combat, and whoever our enemies were, they knew it. 

“How far?” Asuma asked, so low I could barely hear it.

I signaled five hundred meters.

Three hundred.

One hundred.

They were here.

Something fast whipped past my ear, pain erupting at the right side of my face as I turned, finding a kunai nailed to one of the many wooden poles that supported the outpost’s structure, a small, white and red tag hanging from its hilt.

Only it was not just a tag. 

I squinted my eyes, focusing my vision to make sense of the seal, ignoring the thin trail of blood dripping down my cheek.

It was probably a matter of seconds, but I was still too slow.

“Get back!” Asuma roared, practically tackling me by the waist as he pulled us away. “Explosive — ”

A deafening sound erupted around us, the blast lifting our feet from the air, thrusting us forward with such force Asuma was ripped away from me.

I crashed against the thick trunk of a tree, numbness spreading like wildfire across my back and chest as my lungs struggled to draw air.

My body slumped to the ground, the loud ringing in my ears surpassing any other sound around me as I dimly heard Kuro’s voice saying something at the back of my mind. 

I was too focused on keeping my eyes from closing on their own at the moment, my eyelids leaden as I blinked in an attempt to clear my blurred vision.

I pushed chakra into my eardrums and eyes in a desperate attempt, almost dry heaving from the pain when every sound bounced back to me like a sucker punch.

Screams, blades crashing against each other, whines of pain, the low cackling of fire —

Stop the chakra flow!

Kuro’s words were so sudden and loud, I immediately did as she said, the cacophony snapping back like a rubber band, allowing my other senses to function properly. 

Which was a fortunate timing, as my eyes zeroed on Asuma, pinned to the ground by an enemy shinobi, the kunai held in her hand moving to slice at his throat.

Akane would have been way too smug if I had told her this, but all that brain rotting repetitive weapon training had definitely worked. 

My hand moved on its own accord, retrieving a kunai from my pouch. One second the cold steel was pressed in my hand, the next it was embedded into the shinobi’s wrist, her own kunai slipping from her limp grip.

My eyes trailed after the crimson liquid dripping down her arm as she ripped the blade off without a sound, then sliding to the hitai-ate on her forehead as she turned to face me.

Iwagakure nin were attacking us.

Asuma was on his feet and away from her in a blink, our eyes meeting with a quiet warning from his side as we automatically shifted into a fighting stance.

The Iwa nin tilted her head to the side like a ragdoll, studying me with surprising seriousness. 

I briefly wondered if it would be right to activate my dojutsu once more or wait until it was needed. My chakra reserves were pretty much intact. 

And yet, something told me it was better to keep it hidden unless it was absolutely necessary.

Things happened too fast when in battle. It was nothing like training, when you could pinpoint exactly where you made a mistake, be defeated and bounce back into the fight or learn the other person’s moves out of habit.

Right now I was surrounded by unknowns, only inferring the Iwa nin’s jutsu by the blazing movement of her chakra, shifting like a fire with every movement she made. It was also clear to me that she had an average chakra reserve, which could work in our favor.

Asuma and I moved in a familiar pattern, coming at the enemy from opposite sides, attacking simultaneously.

The Iwa nin managed to keep us on our toes once she realized what we were doing, producing shadow clones to cover her blindspots and prevent us from coming too close.

Our safest bet was tiring her out.

We produced shadow clones of our own, keeping hers busy until the cost-benefit of investing that chakra became too sided towards cost . 

The shadow clones near me went off with a loud pop , costing me precious seconds as my eyes searched for the Iwa nin, my sensing stretching around me on its own.

Once more, I was too slow.

Something scorchingly warm whipped from my back, flames grazing the side of my arm even as I attempted to dodge the stream of fire.

A surprised gasp of pain left my lips, and I had to bite down the inside of my cheek to prevent it from evolving into full blown screams.

The smell of charred skin and blood rose through the air, but I had no time to lower my gaze and check on my arm, Asuma’s words of warning barely reaching my ears in time as I shunshined to take cover behind the same tree I was slammed against, avoiding another blaze of fire coming from the Iwa nin’s mouth. 

A low whimper escaped me as the tender skin of my arm rammed against the rough bark.

I slumped against the thick trunk, white dots dancing before my eyes for a second. 

The sounds of fighting around me —not only from Asuma— didn’t help either, buzzing uncomfortably against my eardrums, drowning every thought, paralyzing me.

Mitsuko , Kuro’s voice had never sounded so urgent. Focus. She has a fire nature.

I took a controlled breath, knowing that if I didn’t concentrate enough I would end up hyperventilating from the pain.

I know. There’s no water nearby.

Are you sure about that?

I looked around. 

Unless there was a river I had no knowledge of close enough to the Eastern Outpost —there wasn’t—, or someone had decided to install a fountain in the middle of the night, I was on my own.

Inside you. With chakra, she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I’m afraid to inform you we are not quite yet at Tobirama Senju’s level of jutsu, Kuro. My voice was infused with sarcasm.

I tilted my body to see how Asuma was doing on his own, chakra sharpened trench knives on both of his knuckles. 

He was holding on all right, as expected. He had everything my taijutsu lacked, but even then, he was still chunin, and I had no doubt in my mind we were dealing with far more experienced jonin.

Practice and theory did not equal experience.

Then what?

I shuddered.

It was strange to have Kuro asking me for answers instead of it being the other way around. Things must have been worse than I thought.

She has spent a fair amount of chakra. Let us hope that, combined with Asuma’s taijutsu, it’ll be enough.

It was a weak strategy, probably the worst one I had ever used. But then again, I was barely a genin . It would have to do.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting warmth seep into them. My body felt numb to the pulsing ache coming from my arm, the constant stream of pain becoming more bearable with time.

I jumped back into the fray.

Chapter Text

Blood dribbled freely from a cut on my forehead. The weight of exhaustion crushing against my body, complemented by my racing heartbeat and ragged breathing.

I fell to my knees, barely aware of the dull pain the impact elicited as I dug my fingers into the charred earth in an attempt to ground myself.

Nausea pooled beneath my tongue when my eyes trailed back to the Iwa nin’s body beside me, a crimson stain rapidly spreading through the dirt beneath her.

Mitsuko, your sensing , Kuro suddenly warned, focusing my energy back to the chakras I had been tracking at the back of my mind, noticing something.

“There’s one more,” I breathed out, feeling my brow furrow.

“You said there were four of them,” Asuma gritted out, pressing his palms to the charred earth and grass of the forest to stand.

I halted my movement, pulsing my chakra in search of the newfound dot, frowning when I realized it was moving in the opposite direction of the fight.

“It’s going away,” I mumbled, confused. “But it’s still tracing the outskirts of the village.”

I watched realization dawn on Asuma’s face almost at the same time as it did on mine.

It was a distraction .

My eyes trailed after the genin that were still on their feet, barely holding their own against the rest of the Iwa nin, even with Kanna’s intervention. If Asuma went after the other ninja, they would stand no chance. 

I bolted, running from tree branch to tree branch, following the dot of chakra moving further from the conflict. Distantly, I think I heard Asuma call my name, but I was already too far.

What the fuck do you think you are doing? You’re going to get us killed. Go back!

I gritted my teeth, Kuro’s loud voice jarring enough for my foot to slip, the tree bark breaking where I regained my footing through sheer chakra.

You are going to get us killed if you keep distracting me.

I could feel Kuro’s disappointment like a palpable force, but still, she quieted.

The chase felt eternal, and I could tell whoever I was tracking had become aware of my presence, for their movement had accelerated considerably after the first five minutes of chase, their trajectory becoming more erratic.

Watch out for traps.

I nodded, to no one in particular. Making sure to keep my vision sharp for thin, transparent threads on my way or seals on the trees.

In retrospect, I should have suspected when the iwa nin slowed their pace, becoming almost too easy to reach. I should have slowed my advances, searched the area first.

But once again, theory and practice could hardly equal experience.

A poofing sound erupted from beneath my feet, the faint chakra of the exploding tag tasting metallic on my tongue as my own impulse forward saved me from blowing to pieces.

I dived and rolled, as it had been ingrained into my brain for these past months, the soft grass doing little to soften the bone shaking strength of my landing against the forest floor. 

My ears rang, loud and pained, and I forced myself to take a steadying breath, breaking through the shocked haze of my thoughts, pulsing out my chakra in search of what now was an almost familiar signature. 

Upclose, it felt like scorching heat, like blue flames.

Distantly, I could tell there were still areas of the forest lit by the chakra fueled explosion, still, I forced my body to stand, legs steadying with every step as I inched closer, hands hovering over my kunai pouch.

My eyes flickered to somewhere on my right when the chakra became stronger, the low crunching of a dried leaf beneath combat footwear alerting me of his presence, almost muffled by the pained creaking of burning wood.

He was older than the rest of the Iwa nin, looking somewhere in his fifties, deep lines marking the corners of his eyes and mouth. 

My gaze flickered from the tanto that was slung over his back, to his raised hands, almost in a peaceful gesture.

Why had he announced his presence? Why hadn’t he attacked yet?

“Easy girl,” he called, as if talking to a wild animal, drawing a step closer.

I automatically took a step back, my hand hovering above my kunai pouch, wincing when it pulled at my burnt arm, the pounding pain blinding me for a second.

The iwa nin halted his movement, instead settling for lowering his hands, keeping them open at his sides.

“I thought you would be older. Not just anyone could track me like that.”

His tone was nearly amiable, but his eyes were glassy and empty. It made goosebumps rise over the skin of my arms.

“I fell into your trap,” I felt the need to point out, following the movements of his hands.

Why I hadn’t pounced yet was beyond me. 

It was an unspoken rule that under attacks such as this, if you were not capable of retaining the enemy as a prisoner, then you must kill them.

Still, something didn’t feel right.

The fight at the outpost had been a distraction, but a distraction for what?

All he had done was trace the outskirts of the village.

Maybe he was searching for weak spots? Kuro suggested. 

But that made no sense either. If that was his goal then he should have fled instead of showing himself, prioritizing the mission.

The Iwa nin tilted his head to the side and let out an understanding sound, low and mocking to my ears.

“No one is perfect.”

I would have let out a frustrated sigh, were it not for the pain and exhaustion thrumming beneath my skin. This blind chase was taking my patience to its limit.

“Why haven’t you attacked me yet?”

The Iwa nin began to move, circling me in a lazy and rhythmic motion.

I turned with every step he took, hands drawn in a fighting stance, ready to dart towards my kunai pouch at any moment.

“You know, girl…Iwagakure could use ninja like you.” He took a meditated pause. “No one would have to know.”

My lips twisted into a smile that resembled more of a snarl.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ll have to decline.”

The Iwa nin hummed appreciatively, his blue eyes studying me from head to toe.

“That’s a pity.”

He lunged.

One second he was several feet away from me, the next our bodies were crashing against each other.

I jumped back and deflected the blade of his tanto with my kunai, the blunt tip grazing my cheek, uncomfortably close.

He was fast, almost as fast as Kakashi.

Use your dojutsu, Kuro barked.

She didn’t have to say it twice.

Heat pooled in my eyes, my vision sharpening enough to follow his movements, sending a kick to his unprotected side.

The fight stretched into what felt like infinity, with clones and substitution jutsu raining on me like never before. 

My chakra reserves were slightly above average, but even now, I could tell they were at the finish line.  

That was the tricky part about chakra, it was not a separate entity from your physical body, it was merged with it. As much as I had improved my stamina over time, it was still restricting my chakra use.

The Iwa nin was clever, resorting to strategy and illusion to keep me on my toes. He would suppress his chakra just enough for me to have to make that extra effort to find who was the clone and who was the original, then use the body replacement technique just as I sunk my kunai into his chest, finding a dried log instead.

It felt like a cat playing with a mouse. He kept pushing me, but for what, I did not know.

Eventually, it became clear to me that he was tiring me out. But what could I do?

The price of not following his game would be death.

You forget your strongest advantage, midget , Kuro intervened, and if she could have smiled, she would have worn a cat-like grin at that moment. He has no idea about your dojutsu.

I forced myself to a halt, moving away from him with every step he drew closer, shunshining whenever he did, following the movement of his chakra.

An idea began to take shape in my mind. It was absolutely reckless, idiotic, irresponsible.

But it was my only shot.

I pulsed my chakra further, sensing for the metallic flavor that had spread beneath my tongue when the explosive tag blew up. 

He must have left more than one , I thought desperately, shunshining to another branch just as the Iwa nin landed at the spot where I had been seconds ago.

My chakra control wavered, foot slipping from the bark minutely, enough for my body to crash against a lower branch, the hard wood on my back sucking all air out of my lungs.

White, hot plain flared from my burnt arm, tainting the world with white.

And then, through my pained haze, I felt it.

A strangled sob left me when I saw it.

Right beside me, a seal pulsed weakly, filling the air with its coppery taste. 

These tags were activated by chakra, rather than remotely or after a determined time. All I needed was to lure the Iwa nin to it, so the chakra pulsed into his feet would detonate it. Much like he had done to me.

My victory was short-lived.

In a blink, callous hands wrapped around my neck, blocking the air midway through my throat.

The wrinkles at the corners of his mouth and eyes were clearer now, his irises were dark gray as they gazed emptily at me, nothing like Akane’s clear silver.  

Late nights of training with Kakashi came back to my mind, the air warm and humid as we repeated the same exercise over and over again, until my eyes stung from using my dojutsu.

“Make me give you the pebble.”

“Give me the pebble.”

“Not good enough. Again.”

I met the shinobi’s eyes. 

“Stay still,” the words felt different in my tongue. Even my voice sounded foreign to my own ears, airy and hoarse.

Then, I stretched my open palm, pulsing chakra into the tag beside my head.

Fire engulfed us.

Chapter Text

'One never reaches home,' she said. 'But where paths that have an affinity for each other intersect, the whole world looks like home, for a time'.

Demian, Hermann Hesse

I woke up to the sound of a steady beeping, my heart immediately accelerating when I realized where I was.

The smell of antiseptic, clean sheets and some kind of herbal balm filled my senses. Muffled voices echoed beyond what I assumed was my hospital room, my body tensing everytime steps came close to the door.

My whole body hurt, my skin felt raw and irritated, aching even when I laid still. My left hand also felt strangely sensitive to the sheets brushing against it every time I inhaled.  

It was terrifying, the way I couldn’t even remember what happened to me for a couple seconds.

Flashes of fire, of rough bark beneath tender flesh, of pushing hands off my neck and shunshining danced before my eyes.

My thoughts were cut short when a rapid set of steps strode closer to the door, a current of air ruffling my hair when it opened, swiftly closed afterwards.

I tried to pulse out my chakra to sense who might be here, but it felt weak, a strange ache settling on my solar plexus the more I forced it. However, by hearing alone, I would guess there were two people in the room.

The answer to my question came quicker than I expected, though.

“You said her state was critical. That she was very injured.” Akane’s voice was closer to trembling than I had ever heard it. “Doesn’t look like that to me.”

There was a loaded silence before Midori replied.

“Her skin…it was very damaged. Third degree burns. She should have been scarred, but instead it’s almost as if- as if she shed skin.”

“What? Like a snake?” 

That was you wasn’t it? I addressed Kuro, not needing an answer to know it was a correct assumption. 

I would have been worried about her lack of response, were it not for the comforting weight of her presence, looming at the back of my mind.

“Her healing speed and qualities are abnormal,” Midori said, clearing her throat. “She partially lost a hand and it just…regenerated.”

Another loud silence rang through the room. I didn’t need to see Akane to know what she was thinking.

A shudder ran down my spine.

This was bad. Being different was not always an advantage in the shinobi world. If the Council found out about this, I could easily become a lab rat. 

Faster healing for Konoha ninja, regrowing limbs…

It was too good to let it go. I wasn’t even from Konoha. There was nothing to protect me besides Akane, Minato and perhaps Hiruzen.

“And why call me first? Why not report it to your superiors?” Akane's voice had that sharp, calm tone, the one reserved for ninja business. It was a side I did not see in her often, nothing like her mentorship.

“Because I was here years ago… when the disappearances began.”

I frowned.

Disappearances?

“When Orochimaru-sama began his experiments, any patient with reported abnormal circumstances was in danger,” Midori spit my father’s name out like it tasted foul on her tongue. “If I had known— I cannot let it happen again.”

My stomach twisted, nausea pooling under my tongue. What exactly had my father done?

Midori took a sharp breath.

“I will not register these special circumstances , but it would be better if you take this into account for future events where she may need urgent medical care.”

“Can I count on your service in these cases?” Akane inquired, a distrustful undertone still present in her voice.

“You can.”

It was only when the door closed that Akane addressed me directly.

“How much of that did you catch, kid?”

I opened my eyes, having no doubt that they must have been slitted at the pupils, guided by twitch at the corner of my sensei’s mouth.

“Everything, I think.”

Her gaze remained fixed on me for a second before she ran a hand over her face. A heavy sigh left her pale lips, dark circles, deeper than I had ever seen them, adorning her features.

When our eyes met once more, the graveness of her features made my soul sink to my feet.

“I believe you haven’t been completely honest with me, Mitsuko.”

That was how I found myself sitting before Akane on her apartment’s tatami mat floor, a cup of matcha tea cradled between my hands as I studied her stoic posture.

“Do you trust me, Mitsuko?” She asked, so uncannily serious I could feel the sting of tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

“Of course I do, sensei.”

She tilted her head to the side, her lips pressed in a tight line.

“Then why are you hiding something from me? Something that can cost you your life.”

I looked down at my hands. My left hand—the one I had partially lost— was pink and wrinkled, slightly smaller in size than the other.

“Because you won’t believe me.”

And I don’t want you to hurt Kuro. I thought to myself, feeling her quiet surprise rise at my concern.

Something deep and knowing gleamed on Akane’s eyes as she poured herself some sake.

“Try me.”

It felt like my mouth had gone dry, my tongue tied and stuck to my palate. I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know how to explain any of this.

Akane’s demeanor softened.

“I will not hurt you, kid. I’m trying to protect you. I can’t do that without the whole picture.”

Somehow, that word, protect , helped ease some of my tension, shoulders sagging slightly as I gave my sensei an appraising look. 

She has kept your father’s secret well enough, midget. Kuro commented, surprising me this time. And she has not held it against you.

I took a deep breath.

Here goes nothing .

“Sometimes…there’s a voice inside my head. I see her in my dreams, too.”

And that was how I told everything to Akane, everything about Kuro. 

How she protected me, gave me advice and helped me survive back in the brothel. How I had no idea I could heal like that, but suspected it had to do with her presence. How she was one of the last Yokai.

My sensei said and did little, only interrupting occasionally to ask for clarification, her shoulders set, eyebrows raising as the whole weight of what I was telling her began to seep in. There was a lot in her eyes, shock, awe, realization, but not disbelief.

Akane believed me.

“You can’t tell a soul about this,” she finally said, her eyes insistently set on mine. “Not even the Hatake kid, you hear me?”

I wondered what made her distrust Kakashi so much.

Still, I nodded.

“Yes, sensei.”

It was already long overdue by the time Akane brought up the attack at the outpost. 

It had been days since I was discharged from the hospital. We had gone out to train, after she became too fatigued by my constant insistence.

Once you lived long enough with her, it became pretty easy to read her. Whenever she got that small line at her brow, pulling her shoulders back in an open stance as she crossed her arms upon her chest, you knew a serious conversation was coming.

“What the hell were you thinking Mitsuko?” Akane asked, raising a silent eyebrow. Her eyes were steady and intense, in that eerie way where you felt like she could see right through you. It was pretty similar to Kakashi’s, in a way. 

I looked down at my hands, tugging at the grass from the spot I was sitting on as I pondered what to say.

“If Asuma left… the others would stand no chance.”

“The others or you ?”

Akane’s tone wasn’t anything near empathetic, but it wasn’t cruel either. She had a way of making insensitive questions rather factual and impersonal.

At risk of seeming arrogant, I raised my chin to meet her eyes.

“I could have handled myself wherever I ended up in.”

My sensei let out a humorless laugh.

“Then how come you ended up with your skin peeled off like a boiled vegetable and a chopped hand?”

I quietened, hating how easily she could make me realize my own delusion.

A warm hand on my shoulder snapped me back to the conversation. Akane gave me the hint of a smile, but it felt tight on her face.

“What you did back there…it was very brave, kid. But think twice before ignoring a superior. There isn’t a chain of command for nothing.”

Amidst all the emotion and confusion regarding my recovery and the outpost attack, it slipped my mind to tell her about the sensation that had kept me from sleeping before everything happened.

If only it had been a one time thing.

Hit, hit, kick, dodge.

I forced myself to actively think of the words as my fogged brain struggled to order my limbs to move, leaden and clumsy. Sweat pearled my forehead and dripped down my jaw, onto my neck, as I pushed my body to skirt around Kakashi’s attacks.

“Dodging all the time can make it easier to lose your balance,” he said, in that clipped tone reserved only for corrections, much like Minato’s.

I knew that, but I was also aware that my body was in no state to absorb the strength of a hit coming from him, especially a kick. So I had decided to avoid them altogether, which was clearly pushing Kakashi to the edge, his strikes becoming more and more vicious with every second.

“Is this how you’re planning to defeat your opponent?” He asked irritably when my attacks became non-existent, his movements coming to a halt so abruptly I lost balance and collapsed gracelessly against the dry grass beneath our feet.

I would have replied, were it not for the sudden ringing in my ears as I pushed myself upright, drowning every other sound around us, including his voice, my vision blurring.

I jumped when I felt a warm, gloved hand pressed against my arm, instinctually attempting to shove it off me, freezing when I felt a familiar chakra pulsed into my skin, the electric bolt shooting through my arm pulling me back to my senses like a rubber band.

I let out a sharp breath, my sight focusing back, finding Kakashi kneeling beside me, his dark eye fixed on mine like you would inspect a puzzle with a missing piece

“You said you ate,” he said.

“I did.”

“Then why are you passing out not even fifteen minutes into training?”

I clenched my jaw so hard my teeth grinded against each other.

“I didn’t pass out.”

“You just decided to kiss the dirt?” He shot back, voice laced with sarcasm.

I shoved his hand off my arm and pulled myself back into my feet out of sheer willpower, watching as something in his expression shut down, his gaze becoming icy.

Kakashi let out a low sound, shoulders rigid, seeming like he would rather be chopping his fingers off with a blunt kunai than ask that question, and yet:

“What’s going on with you?”

“I was at the outpost. I don’t think I need to tell you there was an attack,” I replied, using a deeply patronizing tone.

If only I could get him to believe it was the exhaustion of my recovery instead of eyes on me at night, now that Akane was gone again , it would be enough.

He was undeterred. Sometimes I hated how perceptive he could actually be.

“Bullshit. You’ve been looking dead on your feet since before that.” 

I gave him a noncommittal shrug, moving past him to grab my water flask from my bag.

“I’ve been training a lot.”

He scoffed, but it was wooden, his gaze insistently on me, even as I needlessly digged around my bag.  

Somehow, his silence was enough for a crack to form at the walls so carefully built around my excuses.

You can trust him, midget, Kuro’s voice—softer than I had ever heard it—echoed at the back of my mind.

I hesitated, pulsing out my chakra, trying to sense if there were any ninja nearby, feeling myself relax when my search came out empty.

Still…it wouldn’t hurt to confirm it, right?

I cleared my throat, fingers convulsing around the cool metal of my flask.

“Are we…are we alone?”

Kakashi’s gaze sharpened, shoulders tensing slightly with uncertainty as his eye roamed around us.

“We are.”

“I haven’t been sleeping so well,” I began, lowering my eyes to my feet, idly tracing the dirt marks on my combat boots.  “I just can’t shake this feeling…” 

My eyes drifted to our surroundings, inspecting the trees around us with a focus that would have raised concern among psychologists all over the village. Not like there were many, being fair.

“What feeling?” Kakashi’s voice was carefully modulated, almost too neutral.

I turned my head to him, my skin crawling just by remembering those long hours, shifting and turning in my bed. 

My flask was left forgotten inside my bag once more.

“At night…I feel like— like I’m being watched.”

Something cold and alert bled out of him, his body coiled, as if ready to spring into action at any second. 

His alarm put me even more on edge than my own. It almost seemed like he had been expecting something like this to happen eventually.

“Watched by who?” 

I shook my head, stopping when my vision tilted dangerously at the movement.

“I don’t know.”

“Did you sense their chakra?” 

“No— I can’t.” I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”

The fabric of his clothes brushed quietly against each other as he stepped closer, kneeling by my side, so close I could feel the warmth emanating from his body.

“You’re not going crazy, Mitsuko.”

When I lowered my hands, his dark eye was calmly set on mine, charged with a meaningful look.

Kakashi really was shit at comforting, and even though part of that statement made my hair stand on end, since it confirmed my suspicions, it was nice to be believed, and reassured, in that strange way of his.

“What do I do?” I asked, pressing my sweaty palms to my thighs.

“You? Nothing,” he replied, not condescending, just factual. “I’ll talk to Minato.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. 

Kakashi may have easily believed me, but Minato… I hardly wanted to add to his burdens.

“Are you sure that’s okay?”

Kakashi gave me a nod, something stony settling into his gaze when his eye met mine.

“Positive.”

After that conversation, it was needless to say that training was canceled. 

Instead, I had gone back home and ate something ‘ stupidly sweet ’ as Kakashi had so ordered, then lounged on the sofa, reading some mind numbing romance novel from Akane’s secret stash—who would have known she was into forbidden romances?

As noon gave way into the night there was no pressing sensation of eyes against me, but anxiety and fear were still permeated into my bones, preventing any deep sleep from occurring as I settled into a dreamless slumber, waking up every now and then to pulse out my chakra, searching for any intruders. 

It was funny, for a moment I almost felt…

No, that made no sense.

After that talk with Kakashi, we didn’t touch the subject of being watched again, and there was really no need for it.

Since that last night, the looming invisible eyes had disappeared. 

As to Akane, she had returned two weeks later, and even though I hadn’t told her about it, it seemed to me that she already knew, guided by the piercing intensity of her eyes roaming over the apartment as soon as she arrived.

Everything remained exactly the same and yet, felt completely different.

My training with Kakashi became more irregular than it already was, with him being sent to constant missions to outposts in enemy territory that required his leave with no clear return. 

However, he always seemed intent on spending time around when Akane was gone on missions, which led to getting to know him a bit better, or at least, to recognize the weight of exhaustion sitting heavy on his shoulders.

A deep, bruising circle laid beneath Kakashi’s dark gaze as he sat across from me in a meditative pose. We were doing chakra control exercises, probably because he had already been through the wringer for the whole past week and just returned yesterday—not that he would ever admit that.

“Are you okay? You look tired,” I asked, with more than a little guilt gnawing at my insides for having him babysitting in one of his few rest days. 

He shrugged, brushing off my question like an annoying bug.

I sighed.

“ Kakashi .”

“Some of us do have jobs, you know,” he snarked, opening his eye just a little. “I’ve been busy.”

I feigned to be deep in thought.

“Yeah, reading obscene books in public must be quite time consuming. And I’ll have you remember, I’m a genin now. I do have jobs from time to time, you know.”

Kakashi threw me a half annoyed, half amused look, and I knew I had certainly fucked up.

“And what’s what you’ve been reading at the library? Daimyo poetry?”

I felt my cheeks burn scarlet as I choked on my own saliva.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He scoffed, but gave no reply, closing his eye once more.

“You know,” I began conversationally, not bothering to close my eyes again, but maintaining the meditative pose. “I read that studies have found strong indicators that chakra meditation accelerates physical healing considerably. Is that why we’re doing this?”

He hummed.

“No, I’m just too sore for anything else.” A loaded pause. “But I’m glad to see that you read something other than erotic literature in your free time.” 

I threw a rock at his head.

Since Akane’s recurring absence made it hard to train often, she had relayed that responsibility to Gai and Kakashi, which was way more entertaining in my opinion. 

Probably because whenever they were together I ended up refereeing between them in ridiculous duels.

A lot like right now.

“Mitsuko-chan!” Gai called joyfully from the small tree trunk embedded right at the center of the river’s stream. “Please moderate this match as fairly and youthfully as you have done with the others!”

It took everything not to let a smile crack through as I nodded sagely at him, biting the inside of my cheek when I caught Kakashi wobbling from my peripheral vision, finally settling by standing just with one foot pressed to the face of the log set facing Gai’s, his other leg raised in a pose that resembled a flamingo.

“All set, Kakashi?” I asked, turning to the grumpy silver haired boy with a smirk.

He gave me a resigned sigh, which I took as an affirmation.

“I hereby declare this match started, with the penalty for the loser being the tortuous task of eating fifty dango sticks—”

“Definitely not a punishment for you, then,” Kakashi mumbled crankily.

I courteously decided to ignore that, clearing my throat.

“—representing the determining point to break the current twenty to twenty tie between competitors. Please remember that as soon as any part of your body touches the water it is game over and—”

“Do not show me any mercy, Kakashi-kun!” Gai interrupted this time, passionately pointing at his rival. “Let’s make a match to remember the brilliance of our youths as we grow older!”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, accepting Gai’s apologetic look with a movement of my hand.

“Anyway, you can start now, I guess.”

Not a second after, Gai smacked the water like a rock.

Well, that was anticlimactic.

Kushina came around from time to time, even with her pregnancy advancing, her belly becoming so prominent sometimes I wondered how she could even walk in a straight line instead of wobbling like a penguin. 

She had even taken it upon herself to teach me to cook, shaking her head in a horrified manner when she had searched through the fridge, as if hoping something other than takeout food from a week ago would materialize if she looked hard enough.

“Akane,” she had mumbled, making it sound like an actual insult before straightening back up. 

I forced myself to resist the urge to offer my arm to steady her, knowing she probably would take offense to it.

“She isn’t home a lot,” I tried to explain. “She is usually tired when she is.”

The look Kushina gave me at that moment made me feel like she could see right through me, past skin and muscles, right into my the fucked up space that were my heart and mind.

Despite that unsettling feeling, I liked Kushina. 

She was independent and strong, but she also had a protective softness to her that made my heart feel warm whenever she was close. In a way, she reminded me of how my mother could have been if she hadn’t been born poor and ill.

Curiously enough, Kuro seemed to be put off by her, becoming quiet and cautious whenever she was around. 

Being fair, it could have to do with the guest she had mentioned when we met her the first time, and even though it had taken some time for me to get used to her strange chakra, it was now barely noticeable, only flaring up when she became angry or felt something strongly.

Soon enough, my less than desirable eating habits became common knowledge.

“You need to start eating something other than takeout food and dango sticks before training. One of these days you’re gonna pass out from malnutrition,” Kakashi commented dully, breaking into my kitchen through the window like I didn’t own a fucking door.

“You’re one to talk, last time I checked the only thing you can cook is fried fish,” I retorted with my mouth full, enjoying the disgusted face he pulled at it.

“As opposed to what? Carbonized rice?”

I choked on my dango, squinting my eyes at him. 

“What?”

There was no way he could have knowledge of that, it had occurred in confidence, with Kushina being the only ocular —and unfortunately, olfactory— witness of my below average cooking skills.

But Kakashi was already jumping off my window, his shoulders silently shaking in what I suspected to be quiet laughter.

I chased after him, pressing my palms against the window frame, leaning out to call after him, ignoring the shushes I received from my neighbors on the lower floor.

“Hey! Who told you that? It was only one time!”

Chapter Text

Air whooshed dangerously close past my ear as I barely dodged Kakashi’s kick fast enough to avoid a mouthful of his ridiculous sandal. 

His hits were vicious and well aimed. If he was holding back in any way, it wasn’t showing. The only thing that kept me from feeling like a punching bag with a pulse were his quiet corrections, quickly offered after a really bad movement from my part.

Being fair, I was not fully there, not mentally at least.

It had not escaped my notice how Akane did her best for me not to be sent on missions outside of Konoha. 

I could feel the way she looked at me sometimes, with the same emotion my grandparents saw my mother when she had begun to cough, the same glint in their eyes as the one I wore when she insisted that we would do something next spring, when she got better. Half hopeful, half grieving. 

I resisted the urge to press a hand against my chest or shake my head, as if that would ease the sudden sting or rip the memories away from me. It was easier to ascribe it to my rapid intakes of air, as a proof of the lack of air in my lungs and the fog of exhaustion rather than the sudden emotion clouding my mind.

Instead, I forced my numb arm to send a hit to Kakashi’s side. I had to train harder, work arduously, and prove to Akane that I could do it. That I was more than a dead body before I had even hit the ground.

“You think too much. Let your body respond naturally,” Kakashi’s smooth voice broke through my thoughts.

“I’m trying,” I gritted through my teeth, barely ducking in time to avoid a kick to the knee, then swiping one of my own that he quickly deflected with a graceful leap.

“Better,” he allowed. “You’re still too slow.”

“My eyes—”

“Your eyes are fine. It’s your body that needs to catch up,” he interrupted, graciously offering a moment of rest when it became clear he wasn’t about to retaliate.

I sighed, resting my back against the thick trunk of a tree in an attempt to give my wobbly knees a breather, pinching the bridge of my nose against the incoming headache and frustrated tears building at the back of my eyes.

“I’ve been training.”

“I know.”

I dug my nails against the bark behind me, splintering it until I was certain there would be finger shaped holes in it if I looked.

“So what are you trying to say, Kakashi?” 

“You are exhausting your body. It needs rest. You’re only slowing yourself down.”

I raised my eyes back at him, the cold air stinging against them. I wanted to think that the blurriness in my vision was because of the way my dojutsu had snapped back. 

Liar . Kuro’s voice whispered from the back of my mind, rising from a dormant state. She had been hiding away much and too often these days. It made me wonder if it had something to do with my weakened state.  

“You know I can’t do that. I’m still—” I cut myself off with a sharp breath. “I have to get to jonin . I have to prove myself of use.”

“You’re no use to the village like this.”

His words were devoid of emotion, completely matter of fact, no emotion or ill intention behind them —probably quite the opposite, in his blunt, fucked up way of caring . It didn’t lessen the sensation of having just been slapped in the face, though.

That was probably the moment I decided I had had enough. It wasn’t smart, it wasn’t even useful. Yet here I was, prey of my own temper.

“You’re an ass.”

I turned around and began to make my way out of the training ground, ignoring the muted scream that every movement elicited on my stiff muscles as my feet stomped against the dirt, the blooming blisters burning every time they touched the ground. 

A sigh.

“Mitsuko.”

I gritted my teeth. Was I being childish? Probably. But I had been humiliated enough for one night.

Kakashi was by my side in a blink, not even out of breath. The bastard. 

“Mitsuko.”

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.”  

He was standing in front of me in a blink, forcing me to dig my heels against the ground in order not to crash against his chest. Surprisingly enough, he pressed a hand to my shoulder, much like Minato did sometimes. His eye was intently set on mine.

“You are going to get there.”

“Then why—,” I stifled the trembling in my voice with a frustrated sniff. “—are you being like this?”

He pulled his hand back, lashes lowering as something hard settled onto his features, followed by a heavy silence.

“You don’t know what it is like out there. It’s too soon.”

I stifled the urge to say that I had been out there, because I knew exactly what he meant. Instead, I settled for the harsh truth.

“You know I don’t have much of a say in that.”

“Sensei wouldn’t mind.”

“Minato has the Council nagging him enough. I won’t be another burden.”

I could almost hear him grinding his teeth.

“Are you really that stupid or just naive?”

Somehow, that felt ten times worse than being called useless. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I was fucking exhausted. Not only on my body, but on my mind. I was livid.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” I threw all common sense out of the window and moved forward, palms open and ready to shove him back with all my strength. He flickered out of the way in less than a blink, and I found myself staggering forward like a drunk. 

“C’mon, Mitsuko. You can do better than that.” His tone was mocking and despective, dripping such conceitedness my knuckles were itching to connect with his masked face.

I turned around to find him casually perched on a tree branch, meters above the ground.

He wanted me not to think? Alright.

My vision was once again tainted with gold as I shunshined, surprising us both when I landed not where I had aimed, beside him, but barreling directly against his chest like a chakra fueled cannon ball. 

Our landing was swiftly saved by this quick reaction, shifting as we dropped, his feet dragging onto the earth, leaving long, deep tracks as the force of our combined weights propelled us back.

I shoved his arms off me, sending a punch to his cheek with such velocity it surprised me. 

He barely dodged it in time, my knuckles grazing his hair as he sent a kick to my unguarded side. I blocked it, biting the inside of my cheek as my body absorbed the strength behind the hit.

It was satisfying to tell he was carefully avoiding my gaze as we sparred.

I sent a kick at his knee in an attempt to destabilize him, catching me by surprise when his hand wrapped around my calf with enough strength to shove me aside like a rag doll. This time I did manage to land properly on my own, at least. 

I barrelled right into his side, not giving him a second to recover, sending us both tumbling into the ground. 

We laid there for a while, our breaths quick and labored, skin clammy with sweat.

“Do you...feel better now?” He rasped. It was the first time I had heard him out of breath, but still felt much too miserable to enjoy the knowledge that it was because of me. 

I pitifully pulled myself to my feet, limping my way off the training ground.  

“Good night, Kakashi.”

It was strange, but ever since I became a genin I thought I would go into the shinobi life on my own. 

Besides the support of those closest to me in training, I believed I could only count on myself to survive on the field. Gai and Kakashi were the only people close enough to my age that I could consider friends, and their skill sets were well above mine to even consider being paired in missions.

Nothing but a stupid notion, really, a window into the childishness still lingering in my mind, despite having a behavior above my age most of the time.

When Akane approached me at dinner to tell me she wanted me to be at our usual training ground first thing in the morning I thought nothing of it, but when she added that it was so I could meet the team , it came as more than a surprise.

“The team?” I had asked through a mouthful of cereal, raising my eyebrow.

She eyed me as if questioning my intelligence, hands resting on her hips.

“Yes, your genin team.”

“But I’m a chunin now.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Which was how I found myself, clad in my usual fighting attire —black cargo pants, combat boots and a tactical vest—, standing in the middle of the training field at the ass crack of dawn.

You could at least try to put on a friendly face, Kuro suggested, fidgeting at the back of my mind.

I wouldn't exactly describe myself as friendly. And since when do you care about others liking us?

Since our lives depend on it.

That sent a chill down my spine. She had a fair point, but it was hardly easing the rising pressure at the back of my mind.

After the first five minutes of wait it was enough for some of my worry to ebb, replaced by mild irritation. Were my teammates going to be late to train every time?

Almost as if summoned, the first one appeared.

Of course, the most striking features of his were the red fang markings running down the tanned skin of his cheeks, framing the warm brown of his eyes. If that had not been plenty of a clue that he was an Inuzuka, the adorable ninken by his side was, all white fur and round, icy blue eyes, like a baby wolf. 

The boy bowed, intertwining his hands softly over the metal of his hitai ate, tied around his waist.

“Hello! My name is Inuzuka Haru, and this is Akari. Let’s work well together, ne?”

He had an endearingly boxy smile, almost childlike as he offered it to me.

I bowed back and smiled back, somewhat awkwardly.

“I’m Mitsuko, it’s nice to meet you. I’ll work hard.”

Our last teammate was not nearly as pleasant as Haru. He strutted into the training ground, clad in a much more formal attire than any of us, with the traditional ninja uniform to the t.

“Nakano Asuka,” he introduced himself swiftly as he bowed. Then with a slight frown: “Is our sensei not here yet?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. The only possibility of finding the words Akane and punctuality together would be if preceded by: ‘incapable of’.

The wait for Akane wasn’t the longest I had endured, but it was ample enough to learn more than a few things.

Haru was an orphaned Inuzuka. His mother had been part of the clan, but his father hadn’t. A big taboo among big clan families —or so I had been told . They both had died in action and Haru had been raised by distant family members of his mother.

Asuka was clanless, a son of civilians. He was nothing like I would have imagined someone with no ninja family to be like, though. He was stoic and disciplined, edging on rude most of the time. He was beginning to make Haru — who was supposedly a clan kid — look like a whiny clutz, and we had just met. 

Once Akane —finally— arrived, she kept things short and sweet.

“Alright, I suppose you have already done your introductions by yourselves, but for the sake of tradition, we’ll do it one more time.” She looked over at Asuka. “Name, your biggest strength as a ninja and your biggest weakness. Go.”

“Nakano Asuka,”  he began in a monotone voice, then scratching at the back of his neck: “My biggest strength? I guess I’m a pretty good strategist. As to my weakness, I’m not much of a team worker.” 

Fantastic.

Akane nodded, then looked at Haru, who seemed as excited as a puppy.

“Inuzuka, Haru. I’m really good at taijutsu, I have great stamina,” he beamed, then tilted his head. “I suck at genjutsu, I guess.”

I bit down a sigh when she finally turned to me.

“Mitsuko. You could say genjutsu is one of my strengths. I’m not very good at taijutsu.”

Akane clapped.

“Perfect. Now that is over with, let’s begin with a test. All of you, against me.”

Oh no.  

“What?” Haru said, dumbfounded. “We are not going to train?”

“All of you, against me,” she repeated, flashing her trademark wolfish smile. “As soon as you land a clean hit, you win. Call it an assessment of your abilities before training, if you will.” 

Asuka scoffed.

“Not even the three of us together could beat you, sensei.”

Akane smirked.

“Maybe the point isn’t beating me.”

We all shared a glance of mutual uncertainty and resignation.  At least I had the head start of knowing that it was a way to test our limitations and resistance to frustration. How we handled a challenge.

And so, we began.

At some point it all started to go wrong. Haru’s ninken technique’s worked jarringly against Asuka and mine’s. I would say we should do something and Asuka would propose the opposite, Asuka would bark an order to no one in particular and get upset when Haru and I shared confused looks or tried to do it at the same time.

Not a single thing went right.

By the end of training, the only being that didn’t look ready to throw herself out of a bridge was Akari, who gave my hand a friendly lick when I walked past her. Even Akane was wearing that deep wrinkle between her eyebrows, right at the bridge of her nose, the one she got when she was deeply analyzing something… or trying to cook.

Asuka had left without as much as a glance in our direction as soon as Sensei had called it quits, something acutely frustrated oozing from his demeanor. Haru had sat beside Akari beneath the shadow of a tree and he had just seemed… disillusioned. 

I wanted to cheer him up but something held me back.

What could I say to him? That everything would work out next time?

I couldn’t promise that. 

I left without a word.

The next morning, there was a knock on my door.

To say that I was surprised to find no one but Kakashi when I opened it, would be an understatement. 

My eyes lowered to the bag held between his gloved fingers. Those were some of the most expensive apples in the market. Redder than all others and perfectly delicious looking. I snapped my gaze back to him. I supposed being an ANBU really paid well.

“I’m sorry I called you stupid,” he grumbled, looking down at his feet. “You’re really not. Just infuriatingly stubborn.”

I silently raised an eyebrow.

“Is that your concept of apologizing?”

“Yes.”

I sighed, opening the door wider in a silent invitation.

“Fine. Apology accepted. But just because you brought apples.”

Kakashi let out a noncommittal grunt, but still took on my offer, sliding off his sandals and neatly leaving them by the door. I don’t know why, but watching such an act from the legendary Copy Nin felt almost… domestic. I stifled the embarrassing smile that was growing on my lips.

He raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Somethin’ on my face?”

I let out a laugh and shook my head, my mirth doing nothing but intensifying when I took notice of the tinge of red spreading at the tips of his ears.

“No, I was just thinking.”

I took the bag from his fingers and began to make my way to the kitchen, placing it on the counter. 

“About what?” Kakashi asked, sounding genuinely curious.

“That I’m not sorry for kicking your ass. You really needed your ego checked.” Like hell I was just going to tell him that I had begun to consider him a close friend, he would probably run for the hills if I did.

He snorted.

“Keep dreaming, Mitsuko.”

I poked my tongue at him, and for a moment he actually seemed awfully offended, something that drew another laugh out of me.

“You are so serious. Want some teriyaki leftovers?” I asked, already opening the fridge, since I was planning to get some for myself.

It was the silence that followed what forced me to peek my head back up. Kakashi was giving me a deadpan look, and it took me a full minute to realize why.

“Oh, fuck, sorry,” I quickly apologized with a nervous laugh. “I kinda forgot. I can turn around while you eat if you like?”

He huffed, raising his hand in an appeasing gesture.

“It’s fine. I already had lunch, anyway.”

“Sure?”

He hummed, sounding slightly distracted as he trailed his gaze through my apartment.

“Akane’s not home?”

I moved away from the fridge, cold leftovers in hand as I turned to place them on the awaiting heating pan. 

“No, she’s still organizing a training schedule with the team.” I scrunched up my nose but forced my features blank after realizing it. 

What was wrong with my team? I was supposed to be glad to talk about them, excited even. All I could feel at the moment was apathy.

“So you met them,” Kakashi leaned casually against the kitchen isle as I waited by the stove for the food to warm up. 

Even though it was more of a statement rather than a question, I hummed in confirmation, pretending to be entranced by the food. 

“How are you liking them?” He asked, seeming especially interested in my life today.

“They are fine. Know each other from the Academy,” I muttered, shifting my attention to the dry dishes by the dishwasher, grabbing as many as I could to put them back into their place, on the small cabinet by the bar.

Kakashi hummed, sounding much too understanding for my comfort.

“Doesn’t seem that way to me.”

I closed the cabinet with a little more force than intended.

“What do you want me to say? I just met them.”

“And yet, it seems to me like you already have an opinion.”

I turned, facing him with crossed arms.

“Since when are you up for some touchy feely chats?”

Kakashi shifted somewhat nervously under my attention.

“I heard you weren’t...adjusting very well.”

“You mean Akane told Minato and Minato told you?”

Silence. I had hit the nail on the head. I let out a humorless laugh.

“You guys are worse than a knitting club, I swear.” The sudden soberness in his eye was enough to make me reel back. “I’m fine. Everything is fine. This is just… a slump.”

Kakashi stared at me for a solid minute before pinching the bridge of his nose, almost as if in actual physical pain.

“I don’t want to talk about this any more than you do.” 

“Then don’t,” I bit back.

Kakashi remained silent for a moment, unmoved by my hostility. Instead, he seemed to ponder the best way to approach the subject, the darkness of his gaze not leaving my face for a second.

“These are the people that will have your back out there, Mitsuko. Things go south, they are all you’ve got, understand?”

I nodded, surprised by the sudden intensity of his demeanor. He had not moved from the kitchen isle, but the room suddenly felt smaller. I knew this was a difficult subject for him, taking his history into consideration, but I hadn’t expected him to tackle it head on.

“I know,” I murmured, turning back to my food, serving it quietly. I had lost my appetite. “It’s just...”

Kakashi moved until we were side by side, quiet as a cat.

“It’s just what?”

I let out a breath, clutching the edge of the counter until my knuckles turned white.

“What if they think I’m a freak?”

He gave me a nonchalant shrug.

“We are freaks.”

I turned to him, shaking my head.

“No, no. What if they don’t like me?”

He frowned, looking completely clueless. 

I almost let out a frustrated laugh. I couldn’t believe I was trying to get advice on socialization with the most awkward person I knew. I couldn’t believe Minato and Akane had sent him in the first place.

“I think I came across as cold,” I mumbled, my gaze fixed on the plate in my hand. 

The weight of his hand on my shoulder pulled my gaze back to him. There was something surprisingly warm about his touch.

“Give them time to get to know you. You’re not cold.”

“You think so?”

He seemed to grimace beneath the mask, tilting his head to the side.

“I don’t do white lies, you know.”

I smirked, turning my head back to my food, incapable of resisting the temptation to tease him.

“You’re right. All this touchy-feely-ness must be making you shudder, ne, Kashi?”

“Don’t call me that.”

I barked out a laugh. 

There was a moment of comfortable silence, until something occurred to me. It was almost stupid, how I hadn’t considered it before.

“This isn’t a coincidence, is it?” I raised my head to him. “Having a team. This is because of what…what I told you.”

Kakashi was carefully still. Something in his gaze had sharpened, it wasn’t the lazy, almost nihilistic look I was used to.

“She wants more eyes on you.”

I resisted a shudder. What had the nurse said?

I was here years ago, when the disappearances began.

“Do you — ” I cleared my throat to keep my voice from wavering. “ —do you know who it was? ”

I didn’t need to clarify. Do you know who was watching me?

Kakashi looked away from me. Something guilty and severe flashing through his gaze.

“It’s better if you don’t know, Mitsuko.”

I couldn’t help the way I deflated, or the disappointment that cursed through me. Still, I nodded.

“Okay.”

Chapter Text

Either you do it like it’s a big weight, or you do it like it’s part of the dance.

Anonymous

The next team meeting was just as early and not a bit as spirited as the first. Haru and Akari arrived shortly after me, the former with a slice of toast hanging from his mouth, all disheveled hair and sharp canines peeking out.

Say something, I thought to myself, cringing at the awkwardness of it all. Don’t be so distant.

Kuro rolled her eyes somewhere at the back of my mind and I slammed the proverbial door shut on her.

“Morning,” I heard myself say, and Haru’s warm gaze widened just a little.

“Good morning, Mitsuko-chan,” he smiled to himself, bowing politely.

“Looks like your alarm didn’t go off,” I tried to tease.

He deflated, lowering his gaze to Akari, who was happily wagging her tail, cerulean eyes observing me curiously.

That could come across a bit judgmental, don’t you think? Kuro commented.

I quickly raised my hands in surrender.

“Just a joke! Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he appeased weakly, still not looking at me. “My aunt says that I’m a walking mess.”

“That’s a bit mean,” I mumbled. “You’re just adjusting.”

“I’ve had all my life to adjust,” he moped.

For the first time it hit me that being a clan kid was probably not all roses. There were big shoes to fill and rules to follow, an image to keep with the risk of bringing dishonor to your family.

Slowly, I dared to free my sensing, let it stretch until it slid against the warmth of Haru’s chakra. It was slow and almost shy, like the sun hitting the earth. His own chakra reacted cautiously, brushing against mine and then retreating.

“Yo,” Asuka startled us both, looking every bit as sullen as the last time. 

Some ninja we were, caught by surprise so easily.

“Asuka-kun!” Haru greeted, offering a boxy smile. It was only now that I began to see the cracks in it.

“Dog-boy,” Asuka replied, and I rolled my eyes.

“He has a name, you know.” 

I crossed my arms over my chest, stepping slightly in front of Haru.

Sure, he seemed to follow Akane’s chronically late tendencies, and could do with a hairbrush, but we were still a team. Sort of.

Asuka moved past me like I was just another tree in the training ground and sat as far from us as he could. His chakra walled up against mine like a whip of wind, impenetrable.

I drew a deep breath.

“So, I’ve been thinking — ” I ignored Asuka’s petulant scoff. “ —what if the point of the exercise is teamwork? ”

Haru perked up, tilting his head to the side. He was so adorable.

Akari raised her snout attentively, tail patting against the ground.

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe it doesn’t matter who gets the first hit. Maybe it’s about organizing enough for one of us to make it.”

Asuka hummed, some of the wind in his chakra slowing to a light breeze. His lashes fanned against his high cheekbones for a moment.

“She did ask each of us our strengths and weaknesses.” Our eyes met. “It wasn’t for her benefit, but for ours.”

I nodded, feeling energized at our newfound discovery. 

Haru was practically vibrating beside me, his chakra flaring like the life that thrummed beneath the earth, this time reaching for mine with ease. I responded with a flare of my own.

Asuka’s icy gaze darted between us, measuring. 

A lost clan boy, a skinny orphan and a civilian with everything to prove.

A wolfish smile broke through his features.

“Well, what are we waiting for?”

Our plan was simple enough: Asuka and Haru would overwhelm Akane with attacks while I would suppress my chakra and wait for a good opening. We would lure her into the thicker foliage, where it was darker so I could take advantage of my sensing and dōjutsu.

While sparring Asuka had come to the conclusion that even though I wasn’t the strongest, I was the fastest, which led to my role as the coup de grace . 

Haru and Akari were —in Asuka’s reluctant praise— ruthless when doing combined attacks, which they would execute on Akane’s flanks while Asuka would target her face to face.

He might have not been as formidable as Haru in taijutsu, but he was still more experienced than both of us, as he had not only spent more time at the academy, but had already done a few missions outside the village before becoming part of the team.

By the time Akane graced us with her presence—late, of course— we had already formed a half decent strategy. 

How convenient , Kuro noted dryly.

“Ready, pints?” She asked, crossing her tan arms upon her chest.

Haru and I turned to Asuka, already defined as our team leader, even though we all shared the same rank.

He met our Sensei’s eyes head on.

“As ready as we’ll ever be, Sensei.”

It had been hours. 

We had started an hour past dawn, and it was already mid-day. 

Sweat pearled our foreheads and necks, dampening the hems of our uniform. Fatigue showed in the slower movements of Haru and Asuka’s bodies, as well as the dimmer force behind their punches.

Even I, hidden amongst the fresh treetops, felt the blazing heat of Konoha.

Akane, meanwhile, had barely broken a sweat. Stamina was clearly one of her fortes, and the reason why she was sent in missions that required ruthless offensive.

Asuka retreated to fall in line with Haru and Akari, sharing a loaded look. Though their bodies became weaker, their chakras still pulsed strong.

All I needed was an opening, for Akane to tire—even a little—, for Haru and Asuka to saturate her senses enough. 

However, she was not budging, not an inch closer to the shade of treetops. We had to drive her much deeper into the forest if we hoped for some inkling of a chance for success.

My team was in an impasse, as they had fallen back after yet another fruitless attack. Asuka breathed heavily, piercing gaze always measuring, searching for an opening. 

Done with the growing wait, Akane conjured at least six clones. 

“Haru!” Asuka barked, quickly pressing his hands together.

Once Haru and Akari were in position—flanking his sides and already blocking the clones attacks towards Asuka—, he inhaled deeply, and began to gesture in swift motions. 

I activated my dōjutsu, following the seals. 

Tiger, ox, dog, rabbit, snake.

In a long exhale, Asuka produced a strong wind that ripped the grass in front of him from its roots and blew Akane’s clones away, dissolving with a loud pop. 

Akane’s feet slid nothing but inches back, the chakra thrumming at the soles of her feet as steady as the earth, even as her hair whipped back by the force of the wind.

Then, she moved her fingers with such speed it was nothing but a blur, even to my dojutsu. 

I imagined, not with little envy, that only someone with the sharingan could have known what would follow. 

Then, she slammed her fists into the earth.

The ground beneath us trembled with such strength I had to send chakra to the soles of my feet in order not to plummet to the ground. It split up, separating the space of one foot from the other, making Asuka lose his balance.

Briefly, I considered retreating further into the trees. Akane probably knew of my presence, even with my chakra suppressed, her other senses could detect the ruffling of my clothes by the breeze, or my heavy breathing.

Overwhelming her seemed both like the only option and an impossible feat. She would not retreat, it was clear as day now.

Akane’s strengths were tai-jutsu focused, with above average jutsus. Genjutsu appeared to be the most logical tool to exploit with her, and I could tell Asuka had reached that same conclusion when his eyes shifted to the forest, searching for my form amongst the treetops.

He turned to Haru and offered a quick movement of his hands.

Split . 

Every team had their signals, wether it was with their hands, sounds or code-words, they created a secret language only they could understand, the foundation of the bond between teammates.

Channeling my chakra, I shushined from the thick branches into the forest floor, fallen leaves ruffling lightly on my wake. 

Haru and Akari were already prowling on Akane’s sides, with Asuka leading the front. 

There was a stillness that permeated the air, bodies tensed in anticipation, ready to spring into action. 

Akane’s shoulders were now pulled back, the set of her jaw indicating a newfound seriousness about the present situation.

“This is the most fragile part of combat.” Her voice rose from a corner of my mind. “By this point you must know your enemies weakness, just as they will.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then you better be able to hold them back while you find out, pint.”

Asuka was the first to lunge, brutal precision in every strike he directed to our Sensei, who effectively blocked not only his, but Akari and Haru’s attacks.

The strain taking shape behind her movements encouraged me forward, conjuring two clones to aid in my surprise attack.

Akane sprung to the side, through a small opening between Haru and me, feet dragging against the earth, clumsier than usual.

We quickly surrounded her again, fighting our way into formation. Asuka and I changed places, him attacking from behind while I tried to meet Akane’s gaze.

But she was clever, and had the upper hand, not only from experience, but by the fact that she was the one to train with me before I even had a handle on my dojutsu. My only advantage was that I mostly trained it with Kakashi.

This was my weakness, I had to wait for opponent to slip, to have no choice but to raise their eyes from the ground. Patience and stamina, it was all I needed, and the reason why Asuka had left me out of most of the combat.

Finally, Akane faltered, faltering forward as she dodged a kicked sweep from Asuka.

Then, her eyes met mine, and the world became tinged with gold, slow and sharply defined.

Look at me. Don’t move.

My tongue darted out to wet my lips. 

It was Haru who did it.

Barely a hit, but enough to graze Akane’s cheek with a high kick and send her stumbling back. 

All of us seemed to freeze in that moment, holding our breaths as strands of blonde hair covered her face.

Then she looked at us, one by one. 

Her expression was indecipherable to me at that moment, something hesitantly shocked as she straightened her posture. Then, her gaze hardened into pride, no longer a rainy sky, but pure titanium.

“Good. You passed.”

Haru stared, mouth slightly agape, while Asuka kept his scrutinizing focus on her.

All I could do was try to control my batted breath and slow the racing heart pumping against my chest, blinking past the blurriness from letting go of my dojutsu.

“Communication. Trust. They will keep you from falling apart out there.” 

A moment’s silence where she met each of our gazes. 

“You can go now. Have some rest. Tomorrow, same time, same place.”

Haru wiped sweat from his brow, beaming.

“Thank you, Sensei! We won’t disappoint you!” He bowed hastily, then turned to us. “See you tomorrow, guys!”

I smiled back, and Asuka let out a non-committal hum from beside me. At least he wasn’t ignoring us anymore.

“Until tomorrow.” He bowed, sending me a quick glance before shunshining.

When I turned to Akane there was that tiny wrinkle between her eyebrows. Her features thoughtful, deepened by nostalgia.

“C’mon, kid,” she called, still staring at the space Haru and Asuka had occupied. “Let’s get some meat in your bones.”

Chapter Text

It was a rare moment when Minato was home and not at the front. Konoha seemed to be on one of those bittersweet times in between political negotiations that would most likely lead to nothing.

Akane and Minato had taken Kakashi and me for dango after training, and we were sitting by the benches near the stall, basking on the fresh breeze while they purchased it. 

Beside me, Kakashi had his eyes half closed beneath the sunlight, reminding me of a wild cat that had lived near the farm. Some days, when my grandmother didn’t chase it away with a broom, I would find it dozing beneath the sun, accepting my caresses on its less crabby moods. 

His mask seemed uncharacteristically thick today, and I briefly wondered if he was going to pull the ‘another mask’ prank on me again. Still, I decided not to comment on it, as Kakashi rarely replied truthfully to anything a mile close to personal territory.

“So, how do you know Akane-sensei?” I asked, guessing it had to do with her and Minato being acquainted. It felt ridiculous not to know after all this time.

He gave me a noncommittal shrug. 

“Ever since I’ve known Minato Sensei.”

I tilted my head back, basking in the sun as I watched Akane slap Minato a little too hard on the back. He was taking it like a champ, letting out a minutely wince before plastering a calm smile back onto his face. 

Akane must have hit harder than Kushina, and that was saying something.

“How long have they been friends, anyway?” I muttered under my breath. 

Kakashi eyed me like I had just sprouted a third eye. 

“You don’t know? They were in the same genin team.”

I almost choked.

“What?”

He sighed.

“I bet you don’t even know who their sensei was,” he taunted, so full of himself I was tempted not to let my curiosity get the best of me.

But it seemed so juicy...he had that gleam on his eye reserved for especially good gossip. I treasured the days when he acted more like his age, and I was not about to let it go to waste.

“Fine, I’ll bite, Mr. Smartass. Who?”

Kakashi leaned closer.

“Jiraiya.”

I almost dropped my dango, feeling my eyebrows rise to my hairline. No way. 

“As in...”

He nodded, looking like the cat who had just eaten a whole family of canaries. In that moment, it was very clear how much respect and admiration he had for Minato, looking at him like one might stare at a god, undefeatable, unsurmountable.

Kids at the Academy talked about the Sannin like gods—in my father’s case, holding more fear than reverence—, as they had succeeded in not one, but several missions at Amegakure. They held their own against shinobi with flight on sight orders, such as Hanzo of the Salamander.

Let us hope we never meet that man, midget. Kuro commented derisively.

Yeah, he would probably recognize me. He had been a close friend to my father, after all.

True, though my worries run deeper.

I winced.

Jiraiya was known to be a prominent pervert, and a chronical peeping Tom.  

My gaze darted to Minato, sitting side by side with Akane at a proper distance. 

I was so glad he had not followed his sensei in that specific path.

He was already observing us, something almost nostalgic in the curl of his lips, even as he occasionally chimed into Akane’s and the dango shop owner’s conversation. Despite the bags under his eyes, he seemed relaxed, closer to the kind father-to-be than the infamously deadly ninja.

Meanwhile, Akane was poking fun at the dango shop owner about something. The poor woman was blushing furiously beneath my sensei’s mirthful gaze. Though they looked the same age, I supposed Akane must have been older.

I liked her the best on days like these, when there was no trace of sake in her breath, and her eyes seemed to take the world in, losing that faraway look they often wore.

I breathed out, feeling like I was seeing them for the first time. 

Kakashi stifled a laugh at my still awestruck face, and I hit his arm grumpily.

“Don’t laugh! It’s not my fault nobody tells me anything!”

He stiffened at my closeness, breath hitching.

I immediately pulled back, alarmed. He wasn’t the touchy, clingy type, but he didn’t completely avoid physical contact either. At least not with me.

Kuro mercifully said nothing as the thought of his retreat sent an odd burning to my chest.

In a blink, he was already standing, heading towards Minato.

“I think I’ll have another one,” he eyesmiled. “No need to ask about you, you would have dango for breakfast if you could.”

“Kakashi, wait–” I stumbled after him, but he was already leaning  against the shop’s counter, unknowingly saving the dango girl from imploding as Akane leaned closer, a wolfish smile tugging at her lips.

Just what was Akane talking about?

Kuro sighed.

Gods, girl. How can you possibly be more socially oblivious than the scarecrow?

To be fair, I don’t think he is. He just pretends to be.

The yokai silently agreed.

“Thank you for the food,” Kakashi and I chanted in unison, just about to dig in when the door slammed against the wall, followed by heavy steps. 

No one truly reacted, for we all knew exactly who those steps belonged to. It was truly mystifying how Kushina could be a ninja and be so noisy at the same time. 

It was also endearing to see the soft smile that instantly curled Minato’s lips at her arrival, a lovesick stare that clung to her every movement.

If I ever fall in love, I want a romance like theirs .

Kuro echoed a half-disgusted, half-fond sound.

Minato rushed to help Kushina with the numerous grocery shopping bags that hung from her hands, only to be batted away with an easy laugh and a slap on the wrist.

“Go eat! It’ll get cold, dattebane ,” Kushina ordered, sending Kakashi and me a quick grin. “Hi guys.”

“Hello, Kushina-san.”

Kakashi offered an indistinct grumble from across the table.

I turned to scold him, but was instead met by his empty plate. Damn it. Not even a peek this time.

“Seriously?” I pouted. “How do you even do that?”

He offered me a smug look.

“Mitsuko-chan!” Kushina busted in, pushing Minato’s plate dangerously close to the edge of the table with her belly. “I know your birthday is until the end of the month, but I can’t keep this a secret any longer, dattebane!”

A wrapped box was shoved before me, clad in glittery pink paper with a big, purple ribbon on top. Somewhere near me, I could hear Kakashi snort.

I smiled somewhat confusedly at Minato.

“Is it for me?”

“Of course, silly!” Kushina replied instead, leaning against him, who offered me a reassuring nod. Her oversized green dressed made her look soft and glowing.

“Go ahead and open it, Mitsuko-chan.”

My vision became blurry, hands trembling as they hovered over the box like it was made of glass.

Of course, my mother had always tried to make my birthday as enjoyable as possible. She would let me sleep in, then wake me with kind hands and a kiss on my cheek.

“Happy birthday, Mitsuko,” she would sing-song. “Let’s have fun today, ne?”

She would play with me as we worked, give me half of the food on her plate, pilling it on top of my own. Sometimes, she would even smuggle an apple for me, the ripest she could find.

“Well, are you going to just stare at it?” Kakashi pressured, blowing away the smoky haze of my memory.

Kushina sent him a glare, strands of red hair beginning to float around her like a halo.

“Sorry,” I laughed wetly. “I have never received a gift before.”

Everyone froze on their place. Even unassuming Kakashi’s breath faltered. I could feel the tears forming in Kushina’s eyes, and the silent sadness of Minato’s stare.

I didn’t dare open my sensing.

Hastily brushing away the incoming tears, I tried to walk it off, not daring to meet any of their eyes as I began to carefully unwrap the pastel pink paper.

“Thank you so much, Kushina-san. I’m sure I’ll love it.”

Pulling at the last bend of paper, I uncovered a wooden chest, understated but detailed in its carving of leaves and wind. My fingers brushed absentmindedly at the highs and lows of it, settling on its golden latch.

When I looked at Kushina in silent question, she nodded with a watery smile.

Inside the chest laid a key, carefully placed over the velvet padding.

My breath stuck halfway into my lungs, hand hovering over the precious gift.

“You are part of the family now, Mitsuko-chan,” Minato smiled. “You can come and go as you please.”

“R-really?” I stuttered.

“Really,” Kushina confirmed, cradling her baby bump. “Now that little Naruto is coming, we want you to visit him whenever you like!”

I beamed, turning to Kakashi.

“I already have a key,” he droned out, something reserved clinging to his voice before adding smugly: “Long before you did.”

“Jealous much?” I inquired primly.

He offered that infuriating eye smile. It was as fake as a cardboard kunai, and was becoming one of his favorite deflection tactics. The same one he offered everytime he—once again—refused to train together.

“Not a bit, Mitsuko-chan,” he made the endearment suffix sound like a taunt.

Before the argument could escalate, Minato placed a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.

“Kakashi-kun was actually the one to suggest it.”

Kuro burst out in snickers at the back of my mind. I observed with fascination as Kakashi’s ears grew red as a tomato, glaring daggers at his sensei’s profile.

Just as I opened my mouth, Kushina ushered me outside. 

“Come Mitsuko-chan! I’ll show you all the traps, dattebane !” She clapped her hands, already halfway out of the door.

I would have killed for a quarter of the energy that woman possessed.

Kakashi was behaving strangely. He cancelled training, even on the days where I knew for a fact he was in the village. Whenever we saw each other because of Minato, he would avoid me like the plague, standing further than usual. 

One day, coming back from training, I found him in our living room, sitting ramrod straight on Akane’s ugly mustard couch.

“Yo,” I greeted half-heartedly, letting the door slam shut behind me. I was ready for him to bolt as soon as possible, so I made no effort to stay.

Limping to my room, I was surprised to suddenly find him standing in front of me, almost crashing into him. I flailed back, and his gloved hand shot out to grip my forearm.

“Kakashi? What are you–”

“You’re hurt,” he cut me off, ignoring my glare completely.

My head turned to the side in embarrassment. He had probably smelled the blood. Did anything slip past Kakashi’s notice?

“What happened?” He insisted, stepping closer as he inspected my frame.

With I sigh, I opened my vest, showing him the kunai slash on my side. Blood had soaked the fabric around the gash, and was already beginning to slip through the bandage around my torso.

“It’s nothing, it happened while training with Haru. It was my fault.”

Kakashi growled .

“Why weren’t you wearing your vest?”

“Oh, that’s wonderful, really.” I scoffed, crossing my arms. “Why are you avoiding me?”

His response was automatic, laced with a flat tone as he let go of my arm.

“I’m not. Why would I be here if I were?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Sure. And what exactly are you doing here?”

Kakashi shuffled his feet, then rubbed the nape of his neck, uncharacteristically nervous. His chakra flared, and it took a conscious effort not to reach mine towards it.

“Did you kill Gai on accident or something? I told you not to do that kunai throwing competition–”

“You are part of my pack,” Kakashi blurted out, going pale, then startingly red—from what I could see, anyways.

“Your what?” My mind reeled, drifting back to his Inuzuka-level sensibility to scent. “Like…a wolf pack?”

He was silent, standing ram rod straight in my living room, with the increasing possibility of Akane barging through the door, looking like he had swallowed a sour lemon. His chakra had settled into something more subdued, but still made my skin swarm.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Or why you came?”

His gaze met mine, charchoal against amber. I wondered what his sharingan felt like, always in the dark, except for gruesome missions.

“Both.”

I sighed, feeling my chakra rise with irritation, and perhaps a fair share of anxiety.

“A few more details would be nice.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Not to me.”

This time he was the one to sigh, hand fidgeting with a holster strapped to his leg.

“Whenever I smell you… I want to scent you.”

“To make me smell like you? Why?”

Kakashi shrugged.

“Instinct. My—” he swallowed, gaze pressed to the floor. “—my father used to do it when I was younger.”

I drew a step closer, hesitant until he didn’t show any signs of stepping back.

“Then why didn’t you ask me? I would have said yes.”

Kakashi spluttered.

“Maa, Mitsuko, do you even know how it’s done?”

I felt myself blush, then forced a nonchalant shrug.

“It can’t be that complicated, can it?”

“It’s not complicated, it’s intimate.” He corrected primly.

My thoughts went to weird, weird places. I made a face.

“Like family intimate?”

He nodded, and I felt myself grow serious, then blush furiously.

“You are my friend, Kakashi. I don’t mind,” I murmured. “I trust you.”

It was like setting an explosive tag off. His chakra electrified the air, swarmed the whole room like a flock of birds, chirping incessantly.

“You shouldn’t.”

I took a step back, overwhelmed.

“Kakashi—”

“I’m serious, Mitsuko.” He shook his head, eye unfocused as he pressed against the wall. “They call me—they call me Friend Killer Kakashi for a reason.”

My hands curled into fists at my sides.

“Yes, because they don’t know better.”

Kakashi slid down to the floor, pressing a hand over his face.

“This is a mistake.”

My heart hurt seeing him like that. I had heard the whispers, the comments from fellow ninja at the outpost.

“Kakashi is one mission gone awry away from imploding,” Asuma had told me once. Not necessarily cruel, but nothing gentle either. “No one wants to be in his team.”

“Dangerous,” civilians whispered. “Unstable.”

Closing my eyes, I stretched out my chakra until it nudged his. 

Then, I tried to think of something calming and kind. Without noticing, I had begun to hum.

Kuro stirred somewhere deep inside my mind, oddly melancholic.

“What are you doing?” Kakashi asked, still not looking at me.

I pushed saliva past the knot on my throat.

“It’s a lullaby, something my mom used to sing to get me to sleep when I was little.” I inched closer, sitting in front of him in a meditative pose. “I realize I don’t talk much about my past either.”

“ ‘t’s fine,” he mumbled.

Boldly, I cradled his hand in mine, lowering it to meet a reddened eye. 

We stared at each other in silent understanding for a moment. Then, slowly, his fingers wrapped around my wrist, pressed it to his masked nose.

“So that’s why you’ve been wearing like three masks, huh?” I teased.

Kakashi sniffed, back to his phlematic exterior, though there was something else in his gaze…

“Just two.”

I smiled.

“Is that it?”

“Not quite.”

He brushed our wrists together.

“It’s not as bad as you made it seem.”

“Hn.”

“What did Kushina threaten you with?” I asked, entertained. 

“Nothing.”

By the bob of his Adam’s apple, it must have been quite serious.

“Sure.”

For the first time ever since I arrived in Konoha, Kuro reached me in my dreams.

“You do realize that sooner than later we will be sent to open war , right?” she inquired, not even bothering with a greeting. 

Something akin to unease swirled upon her slitted eyes.

“Things are waning down,” I murmured, still laying against the cold water, facing the infinite darkness of the sky. There were no stars, no moon. It felt...unsettling.

“You’ll have to kill,” she continued, gliding around me once more. 

What once had felt like a predatory move now felt more like her way of pushing my buttons, pressuring an honest answer out of me.

“It’s not like I haven’t done that already,” I mumbled, draping an arm over my eyes carelessly. If I had to sleep with a kunai under my pillow since then, it was another story.

“Cold blooded, no questions asked.”

I wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer.

“Can’t let your soft farmer girl shenanigans take over. Your mother may have taught you well for life, but she never went to war.”

“What do you want me to say, Kuro?” I snapped, rising to meet her eyes. 

I pressed all my weight onto my palms, round ripples forming on the water around them without managing to puncture its surface. “That I’m not sure if I can do it? That I’m scared shitless? Fine, there it is.” 

I had never ended a life before, not with my own hands anyway. The Iwa man was my first and I had thought I would die with him. It had been raw, instinctual, not as calculated as a kill should be.

Her upturned snout was an inch away from my nose in the blink of an eye, wider than my body from head to toe, her own golden irises set on mine. The stench of blood emanated from her in sickening waves.

“What I want you to do, you idiotic child, is to survive . Let go of what you were taught, let go of your foolish human heart,” she snarled. “Listen to your sensei. Ninja are tools. Weapons have no conscience.”

Memories of a soft hand cupping my cheek and kind whispered voices flashed before my eyes, followed by a lonely grave in a long-forgotten land, wild weeds growing around it until the name engraved in it disappeared.

Kuro looked as if I had just spat on her face.

“I don’t know if I can do that.” 

It was said in a whisper, yet it rang like a bomb through the infinite emptiness we were standing on.

The silence afterwards was filled with disappointment, and much to my awe, sadness.

“This is the life you chose. Grow a spine and be through with it.” With that, she retreated into the depths of the freezing lake, ivory scales glistening before they disappeared into the abyss.

The question that immediately rose inside my mind tasted of betrayal.

Had I really chosen this life?

Chapter Text

“We begin in the dark and birth is the death of us.”

Antigone

It was the horrid chakra clogging the air that woke me, ominous silence hanging heavily as my insides felt like my own blood had begun to boil inside my veins, charred skin crawling in agony. 

All it took was a deafening roar to ring through the night for the bile climbing up my throat to become unbearable.

I bolted to the bathroom, emptying my stomach until my ribs ached from dry heaving, barely aware of the floor shaking beneath my bruised knees. 

Even though I hadn’t heard Akane come home yet, I rushed to her room, the sight of her empty bed increasing the trembling of my fingers, worry gnawing at my chest. She was supposed to arrive last night from her mission.

If she wasn't here then...

Akane can handle herself. Get out. Now. 

The chilling urgency in Kuro’s voice, tinged with concealed fear, was enough to plow through the ringing in my ears and the headache pounding behind my eyes. Knowing that she of all creatures was scared seeped more terror into my bones than the muffled howls and explosions outside.

My breathing was strained with panic as I hastily put on my uniform and tied the shoelaces of my boots. 

The door slammed closed on my way out, hand pressed to the bag of kunai strapped to my thigh. 

The first thing I noticed wasn’t the fire, or the destroyed homes in its wake. 

It was the screaming, emanating from everywhere and everyone, children, women, men, all cried in horror in a sickening cacophony, quietened after every tremor of the ground.

My hands rose to cradle the sides of my head, knees wobbling as that oppressive chakra slammed back into my body. 

It felt like thousands of furious roars, like claws tearing through flesh and the sheer terror of facing death.

I was going to die. If just its chakra was enough to incapacitate me, I couldn’t fathom facing it in battle. Something at the back of my mind screamed in recognition, but I was too overwhelmed to focus on it.

Kuro’s presence overrode my senses, giving me the equivalent of a metaphysical slap. 

Keep moving. You know where the nearest shelter is.

I shook my head vehemently.

I need to find Haru and Asuka first. I need to–

The air was thick, suffocating around me, surrounded by debris. 

Somewhere in the distance a wall of smoke ascended from a fire within the forest surrounding the village, the characteristic heat of Konoha rising to an unbearable intensity.  

Another earth shattering roar erupted into the air, and I was finally able to witness the source of all the chaos around me. 

Cutting the horizon in half, stood the most enormous creature I had ever witnessed, larger than Kuro when I faced her in my dreams. A fox with numerous tails alight, whipping ferociously.

Gigantic blasts of that cursed chakra canonballed from its mouth as it smashed its paws against civilian’s homes, the screams intensifying and then silencing as soon as they landed. I would never forget that silence, haunted...

A trembling breath left my lips, and for a moment I was certain I would pass out. It was as if my mind had abandoned my body and all I could do was watch, as if it was happening to someone else. 

What is that thing? I felt myself ask.

A demon. 

A shiver ran down my spine, and I watched nearly absently as shinobi surrounded the creature, trying and failing to put it down, their bodies rocketing out of its way with just a twitch of its paw.

Like you?

Kuro scoffed, but there was a slight tremor to it.

He’s the Nine Tailed Beast, Kurama. Compared to him I’m nothing more than a worm.

I saw it coming, but it was too late. 

A blast of chakra crashed nearby enough for the blast to knock me off my feet.

I slammed on my side, pain flaring with such intensity I couldn’t even manage to make a sound. My mouth gaped silently for air as I waited for the ache to subside enough to move, fingers clawing at my throat. 

My vision slid into darkness. 

The ringing in my ears left me completely vulnerable for long enough to startle when my eyes finally focused on a familiar shape looming over me. It took a few seconds to adjust my vision enough to see her. 

Akane’s lips were moving but there was not a sound.

I was caught in absolute silence. It held me from all sides, oddly peaceful as the horror around me faded. If I closed my eyes, I could have borne the end with graceful acceptance.

Callous hands settled against the sides of mu head, bringing me back to the present as a familiar warmth spread, dulling the insistent pressure against my eardrums. 

It took less than a second for noise to pour back to me, thundering, disorienting, marvelous sound. Akane didn’t even ask if it was back, probably noticing the unshed tears on my eyes, followed by an exhalation that sent a sharp sting to my side. 

Not a second later, I found myself cradled to her chest, cold air scathing the skin of my cheeks as we moved with vertiginous speed across the remaining rooftops of Konoha. We seemed to head towards the forest, in the opposite direction Kurama was located.

“Where are we going?” I asked, clearing my throat when it came out hoarse.

“Somewhere safe," Akane replied, eyes set with determination on the path before us as my gaze skimmed through her tired features. Dark rings adorned her eyes, a purplish bruise beginning to form on the side of her cheekbone.

I opened my mouth in inquiry, but she beat me to it.

"Haru and Asuka are already there.”

My hand clenched at the hem of her vest as I pushed myself to concentrate past the overwhelming chakra saturating my senses. 

A question I was already pretty certain I knew the answer to slipped out of my lips, much too small and childish for my liking. 

“What about you?”

Her lips tightened into a grim line before our eyes met for what felt like the first time this night, then curling into a smile that felt both too filled with sadness to be real.

“I’ll do what I have to do, pint.”

Something foul stirred at the pit of my stomach, but I forced myself to remain silent, biting at the inside of my cheek when tears welled at my eyes once more. Burying my face against the hard fabric of her vest, I drew slow, steadying breaths.

Everything was going to be fine. It had to be.

The scent of fire, iron and petrichor encompassed me. 

Akane shushined as soon as my feet were on the ground, not bothering with a goodbye. There had been a moment when it felt like flying through a waterfall, freezing water cascading over us.

Even now, there was a distant buzzing against my skin. It felt chakra-related, but not like a person. I opened myself to it, flaring my chakra.

Enormous mistake.

My body swayed dangerously before a warm pair of hands settled on my elbows. Kurama’s chakra had slammed into me yet again, eliciting a sharp breath that sent sharp pain to my ribs. 

“Mitsuko!” Haru called, shifting so his arm was draped around my waist, supporting me as we moved. “What’s wrong?” 

Asuka came second, placing my arm over his shoulders to distribute my weight between them.

“She’s a sensor. What do you think this –” he gestured to the air around us, voice as dull as always, had it not been for the slight tremor beneath it. “ –is doing to her?”

“That’s not all,” I panted. “Think I broke a few ribs. Almost got hit by a blast.”

Haru paled as they set me softly on the ground, with my back resting against the bark of a tree. Cold sweat had begun to pearl my forehead and the back of my neck, insistent shivers wracking down my spine. 

Akari instantly jumped into my lap, nuzzling my chin as she clearly sensed my distress.

“I’ll check if anyone happens to have some bandages,” Haru offered.

I gave him a weak nod, then let my head fall back against the rough bark and closed my eyes. A weak attempt to lessen the pounding of my headache, already going haywire as the adrenaline rush from earlier subsided. 

I didn’t realize I was crying until Akari brushed her nose against the cold trails on my cheeks. My hands were buried too heavily into her fur to bother drying them.

"Mitsuko?" A rough voice slid past my quiet weeping. Someone kneeled by my side, comforting chakra flicking against mine. Pins and needles keeping me conscious. “What’s wrong?”

“That thing is messing with her sensing,” Asuka replied, his voice surprisingly close.

“ She is right here,” I grumbled, opening my eyes. 

Kakashi was still clad in his ANBU uniform, Hound mask off. Quiet and vigilant as always, meticulous gaze set on me.

“I thought sensors could block that out,” he stated bluntly. 

Since there was no discernible ill-will behind it, I let it slide.

“It’s much harder when it's oozing from the air,” I deadpanned, following with another statement. "Thought you would be out there."

It was only then that I noticed the frustrated prickle of his chakra, whipping out every now and then despite his impassive demeanor. Tension was to be expected in a situation like this, but there was more to it, I could tell.

"They aren't letting us," he gritted out. “Barrier Ninjutsu.”

So that was what I felt before.

“Why?”

“‘Cause we’re the future of Konoha or some shit,” Asuka said, eyes set on the older chunins standing not far from us, their postures alert and protective.

Even if the barrier hadn’t been there, I wasn’t sure if disobeying would have been wise, as part of the issue laid elsewhere. 

Not only was Minato Kakashi’s sensei, but he was also the Hokage. 

Disobeying a direct order like that, considering Kakashi’s closeness to him would be worse than insubordination. It would undermine Minato’s authority and propiciate rumors of favoritism if the punishment wasn’t deemed strict enough.  

Asuka observed me like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

I winced internally. 

When Kakashi spoke, the hope and urgency laced beneath his attempted nonchalance made something in my chest tighten. 

"Minato and Kushina–"

I shook my head, lip trembling. 

"Didn't see them. Can't sense anything beyond this foul chakra either." My eyes lowered to my battered hands. As cowardly as it may have sounded, part of me was glad his eye wasn’t set on me, roaming on our surroundings instead.

It was right then that something clicked inside my mind, and if I had been standing, my knees would have buckled.

This chakra. I’ve felt it before.

Much less intense, of course. But I had.

Kushina’s guest wasn’t so dormant after all.

Kakashi stood by my side like a guard dog as my condition worsened. Even delirious from the pain in my ribs and feeling my skin boil from the inside from the demonic chakra, I could feel him nearby.

I might have imagined it, but I could swear he had pressed his wrist to mine at some point, pushed the damp hair from my forehead with gloved hands.

Gai—ever the planner—  had kindly given bandages for my ribs, hastily pulled from a storage scroll, and even offered his hand for me to squeeze as Asuka wrapped them around my torso.

Only as dawn approached was I able to open my eyes, once the burning receded to nothing but a lingering ache in my bones. 

“Is it over?” Haru asked from above, nothing but a whisper. My head was resting on his lap, with Akari pressing close to my side, mindful of my ribs.

Asuka stood by Haru’s side, instinctively covering his rear. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

A terrible feeling settled in my stomach once I sat, nausea pooling beneath my tongue from sheer anxiety.  My voice was hoarse when I replied.

“I think so.”

The barrier I had felt surrounding us was no longer there, flickering out of existence.

Ashes and dust littered the forest floor, floated like a vestige of the death around us. 

The scent of burnt wood—and something much more terrible I didn’t dare name yet— filled my nostrils. I could only wonder how Kakashi’s senses were faring.

Genin and chuunin alike huddled together, seeked refuge in teammates and friends. No one dared to cry, not loudly at least. Their faces were masks of grief, teartracks clearing soot from their cheeks.

Shinobi is the one who endures , I chanted to myself as I stood on trembling legs. My skin was sticky from sweat, as if I had woken from a night of fever.

Haru was quick to steady me, and for the first time, I leaned on him.

Only then, I closed my eyes and flared my chakra, looking for a very specific signature, warm as a fireplace, wood crackling. 

My sensing stretched and stretched, until I was nothing but a point in space, floating amidst flickers of energy, some bright, others fading.

Nothing.

With a deep breath, I settled for another signature, swift as the wind breaking waves, kind as a breeze on a warm day. 

Tears leaked from my closed eyes, and something warm started to drip down my lips and chin, but I didn’t baulk.

That was when I felt it, something big and small, innocent and vicious. Nothing but an ember amongst the ashes, one that burned brightly.

His chakra felt exactly like the wind whipping past my ears as I took off running, paying no heed to the calls of my teammates, or the warnings of my superiors.

As warm as the sun rising over my skin when I reached the rubble of what was left of Konoha, but not as bitter as what my eyes immediately zeroed on: Hiruzen Sarutobi kneeling by two bodies, one with fiery red hair, the other blonde.

In his arms, was cradled a wiggling bundle, with a chakra sweeter than the sleep I fell into when the swirling tomoe of sharingan behind a masked face met my own.

Minato and Kushina’s funeral was bleak.  

I hadn’t been to many funerals in my life, my mother’s being the only one I had been an active mourner of. It had been lonely and desolate, only a few people from town assisting, my grandparents not staying a second longer than needed.  

And yet, all the people present now somehow made it worse, their faces hollow and pale. 

Even the living looked like breathing corpses in a day like this.

Beside me, Akane stood stoically in a Mofuku Kimono—elegant and in her size, unlike mine, lent by Kurenai, who was taller. Her eyes were two stones beneath her lashes, hardened and lifeless. 

The mourners were an exposed nerve, the most tangible, visible evidence that Kushina and Minato’s lives were only beginning. A testimony to all the sadness they had left behind, the irreplaceable place they had emptied.  

My gaze strayed away from the pictures brought by close friends, Kushina and Minato’s smiles on an atmosphere like this becoming too much to bear. The key burned in my pocket, weighed as much as the Juzu cradled in my hand. 

My mind drifted to Naruto. 

Would he be energetic like Kushina? Or more reserved, like Minato? Would he have his square smile, or her bad temper? Who would take care of him?

Coincidentally, I realized I had been staring at Kakashi while pondering. That emptiness he had worn after Obito and Rin’s death had settled back into his eye, rimmed in red, staring vacantly ahead. 

I wanted to at least attempt to comfort him, but I knew him well enough to realize that wouldn’t end well. When life was harsh, Kakashi became harsher, a cuirass made out of blood and regret.

Haru’s hand tightened on mine, his eyes sad and understanding.

“You should talk to him,” he mumbled. “He’s your friend.”

A fresh set of tears leaked from my eyes. 

Once the ceremony was over, civilians and shinobi dispersed aimlessly. It seemed that no one was entirely sure of what to do with themselves, though the tasks to rebuild the village were numerous.

Not Kakashi, though. He sped out of the situation in a blur, only stopping to give his condolences to Akane, bowing with begrudging respect.

His Mofuku fitted him perfectly. Somehow, the realization prickled at my eyes.

I called his name, approaching him with big strides. Better catch him before he shunshined.

“Go away.” His tone was cold as the thin ice veiled over turbulent waters. 

Instinctually, I flinched. It had been a while since he addressed me in such tone.

“You know I won’t.” 

My words came out choppy but stubborn as I miserably attempted to steady my breathing, biting down the pained wince from the pull at my ribs. My hand shifted to rest against my side, forcing even, steady breaths.

Something softened almost imperceptibly on Kakashi’s eye before he could reel it back in. Nonetheless, he slowed his steps with a long suffering sigh, allowing us to walk side by side. 

“Look, just...let me say this and then I’ll leave, okay?” I murmured between trembling breaths, forcing him to halt his movement when I planted myself right in front of him. 

Reticence churned at the pit of my stomach, but I refused to backtrack.   

“I know we haven’t gone through quite the same,” I bit the inside of my cheek. “But I know something about losing someone…and feeling like you are completely alone in the world.”

He remained silent, stoic as his eye seemed to stare vacantly through me. 

“Maybe it’s not much, but you got me…don’t be a stranger, please?” My voice weakened with every word. 

I felt crushed by the whole weight of my failure. 

Kakashi looked even more miserable than he was at the funeral, heart wrenching grief seeping through the cracks in his facade.

He dug his hands deep into his pockets, but I could tell they had curled into fists. His gaze darted away from me before drawing a deep breath, straightening his back.

When our eyes met once more, his were dull and half-lidded.

“Go home, Mitsuko.”

Chapter Text

“You are going to break your promise. I understand. And I hold my hands over the ears of my heart, so that I will not hate you.”

Catherynne M. Valente, “Deathless”

Predictably, there was no trace of Kakashi for the following weeks. 

It had been more than a month of grief, all alone.

Haru —and even Asuka, in his particular way— supported me as best as they could. 

Asuka would take on the paperwork of our missions, going as far as to writing my reports for me. When strategizing for missions he repeated himself as much as I needed, until the information settled past the fog of numbness that clouded my thoughts.

Haru slept over when Akane was away, helped me bring her home after long nights at The Wolf’s Fang, her favorite bar. He offered encouraging words, and rested his head on my shoulder as we sat at the training grounds, watching the sunset.

The oranges and reds of it were no longer as beautiful as they were terrible. The whips of clouds and ablaze colors did nothing but remind me of Kurama’s tails against the dark night, the warm glow of fire sweeping over the village.

Whenever I was alone, I found myself wandering. 

I visited places Kushina and Minato once frequented. Wondered what was of Naruto, and resisted the temptation of looking into it. It was maddening to know that all I had to do was stretch my sensing and find the chakra signature I had felt before being knocked out cold by that ANBU. 

I knew that as an orphaned jinchuuriki it was best for him to remain anonymous, to cut all ties to Minato and Kushina. Which of course, included Akane, Kakashi and me. None of us were in the adequate state of mind to raise a child either, that was certain. 

Still, I wondered. 

Was he loved? Was he under good care? What color were his eyes? Had Kakashi broken the rules and looked for him? What would his first word be?

I’m not sure if it was these thoughts that guided me there that day. If all that aimless walking had been done with a subconscious sensing coming into play.

If it was instinct, fate, or mere coincidence. 

The most capricious part of me liked to think that we were bonded in a way, that the paths of our lives ran into one another, intertwined like the tree roots deep into the forest.

I was standing before the memorial stone, and I wasn’t alone.

An influx of chakra permeated the air, coating my tongue with a metallic taste and buzzing over my skin. It was a thunderstorm wrecking over the sea, an electric current spreading like wildfire with nothing to stop it.

My feet moved on their own accord, something dreadful lurching at the pit of my stomach. 

He was hidden amongst the trees at the outskirts of the clearing, back slumped against the bark of a tree like he had collapsed against it. 

If it hadn’t been for that unique chakra signature I would have believed myself under a genjutsu.

“Kakashi?”

He didn’t reply, too enraptured in his own panic to hear me, ragged breaths coming in and out much to fast, muffled by his mask and gloved hands. 

I felt like an idiot at that moment. 

He clearly wasn’t in any shape or form okay, and I had no clue nor any experience as to what to do in a situation like this. The closer I was, the more aware I became of my inadequacy. 

He was still clad in his ANBU uniform, hound mask thrown hastily a few feet away.

What do I do?

You are the touchy feely one here, midget. Killing? Avoiding death? I’m your Yokai. Feelings? I’m as lost as you.

Accepting with defeat that there wouldn’t be any outside —or inside— help, I kneeled by his side, placing a light hand on his shoulder with a jolt of chakra, hoping he wouldn’t whip out his tanto on me.

“Kakashi. You’re in Konoha, you are safe–” 

I stopped, unsure as to what else I should say. Akane used to say those kinds of things to me after a really bad nightmare, but then, this wasn't quite the same.

“I wasn’t there.”

It was so low and muffled it took a few seconds for me to understand it, but when I did my heart dropped.

“Weren't where?” I asked, trying to keep my voice as soothing as possible.

His hand lowered, uncovering the slit of a reddened eye.

“With them.” 

His breathing became shallower and shallower with every word, palm clutching at his chest with such force I was certain it would bruise. His exposed eye became unfocused, free hand now clinging to my wrist like a lifesaver.

I felt my heart shrink a little bit inside my chest. 

Slowly, I raised my hand, tilting his chin until our gazes met.

“Look at me. Minato and Kushina cared about you, wanted you to live. They wanted you to be safe. Always.”

He stared for a moment, letting the words sink in, slip past the haze of panic and guilt. Then, quietly, he rose my wrist to his masked lips. 

It was odd. For a second I thought he was going to press a kiss to it. 

Instead, he inhaled deeply, his body relaxed beside me, eyes closed.

Slowly but surely, his chest rose and fell with less violence, hand going limp, letting my own fall to his lap, wrists brushing.

When our gazes met once more, his was filled with shame. 

In a breath, he had disappeared within a flutter of leaves.

It was late, close to midnight. Haru had slept in, now softly snoring on the futon Akane originally kept for visits —now was as good as his . 

I had kept my lamp on to read, but ended up admiring the gold peeking from his chestnut hair beneath the warm light. Haru’s chakra was peaceful, like sunlight hitting the earth, helping flowers bloom. 

The slamming of the door alerted me of Akane’s arrival. 

She’s just as noisy as Kushina , I thought, smiling to myself, mirth soured as soon as I realized my slip up.

“Mitsuko,” she called tiredly, tossing the keys into the kitchen counter. “Come here, please.”

Beside me, Haru shifted slightly, but didn’t wake up. 

How would we cope with missions outside of the village if he slept like the dead through an enemy attack?

Cautiously, I padded outside of my room, stalling by the threshold. She hadn’t used her ‘you’re in trouble’ tone, but it hadn’t been a happy one either. Lately she just drifted between drunk and happy or sober and exhausted.

The rings beneath her eyes stood out like bruises, and strands of blonde hair poked out of her ponytail, ruffled from shunshunning. 

Still, the smile that bloomed on her lips when she saw me made her out to be the most beautiful woman in my eyes. It was small, barely a flash of teeth, but it was honest.

“Come on, pint, I’m not gonna bite ya,” she jested. In her hands was cradled a small folder, and I wondered what it was about.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Your birthday gift.”

I scrunched up my nose. 

If she was giving me scrolls on ninjutsu or something like that for my birthday, I might not be able to pretend to be excited about it.

Akane laughed quietly.

“Oh, I see how it is. Asuka’s snobbiness is rubbing off on you.”

“Show me and prove me wrong then?” I twirled a bit on my place. Akane would’t wake me in the middle of the night to give me scrolls .

She handed me the folder like she was handing me a bomb, gnawing at her lip, unusually nervous. Her grip at the edge of the kitchen counter left her knuckles white.

I opened it, eager to find…

“Documents?” I whispered, uncertain.

Akane’s shoulders were shaking with something close to gidiness.

“Read your name.”

My Konoha ID —which I obviously would never take out of the village— read: Fujimori Mitsuko.

Fujimori Mitsuko.

My breath hitched. 

I looked back at Akane, searching for confirmation. Her mirth was gone, replaced with equal uncertainty.

“Minato gave me the idea,” she explained. “I know that I’m not your mother, and I don’t have to be, but I wanted you to have somewhere to belong in. Not like I’m in a fucking clan either—”

I crashed into her, giving her barely any time to raise her chin and avoid the impact with the crown of my head. 

Akane’s arms hovered by my shoulders for a second before settling around me. Much like everything she did, it was not delicate, but I didn’t mind at all. It was a bear hug, compressing me from all sides, lifting me off the ground, and I couldn’t be happier.

My next words were muffled into her uniform, breathing in the scent of iron and petrichor.

“Thank you, Sensei.”

It was our first A-rank mission. 

Our target was a pre-pubescent male intigating turmoil near the borders, killing left and right. 

He had a basic and instinctual use of his ice release kekkei genkai, able to shape water into shards of ice, but had no full control over his ability yet. 

His origin was unknown, but it was feared he had been sent by the enemy in an attempt to weaken the forces that guarded Konoha and instigate civilian revolts.

The kid was a ticking bomb and it had just been thrown our way.

A-rank missions weren’t often handed to genin teams — even less if the majority of its members were freshly promoted chuunin — but Kurama’s attack had weakened the village’s forces. 

Konoha was a giant with a limp, compensated by the lives of those they deemed as nothing but pawns. 

We were lucky to have Akane by our side.

Many ninja had died defending the village, a terrible reminder that even the best could fall, and that being a shinobi required more than a fair share of luck.

I tried not to think about what that implied in my case. 

As soon as Akane told us about the mission, the shadow of discomfort had crept upon my back. Still, I had forced myself to nod and behave as if I was ready to kill a child. I had to be. After all, this was my first mission of importance. 

I even wondered if this was another attempt from the council to shove me off the way. 

I wasn’t wanted in Konohagakure, both in fear of the civilian and shinobi response if my origins rose to the light, and the possibility of having yet another Orochimamaru in their hands.

Most rationally, it was probably due to the reduced number of jonin available for this kind of missions. 

However, it was undeniable that our team had been chosen among other options, and this was an opportunity to prove ourselves valuable.

I could not afford to be a nuisance.

It can’t be that different from any of the killings under my belt , I tried to reassure myself. 

You’d be surprised , Kuro replied, unusually solemn.

Not helping .

Denial isn’t doing you any favors, either . Just think that you’ll regret it more if he lives. You are doing him a mercy.

Am I? I wondered. 

It appeared she was done with my moral qualms for the day, as it fell on deaf ears.

It was painfully easy to find him, a trail of blood appearing anywhere he went, inching closer and closer to the border. The bodies would be forever fresh in my mind. 

If such a thing as a monster existed, then it must have been once human.

When we finally caught up, he was sitting quietly beside a river, settled where the current was at its most violent expression. Foam colored the water white, with the breeze carrying drops of cold water to glaze our overheated cheeks and necks. 

I winced at the roaring sound of the current, grating against my chakra-infused eardrums.

My brow furrowed as I watched him, tiny hands carefully tucked on his lap as he blankly stared at the river’s flow, deathly still. The civilian part of my mind noticed just how young he was, probably seven or eight years old.

“I don’t understand,” Haru murmured. “Is this some kind of meeting point? Is he waiting for someone?”

A humorless smirk tugged at my sensei’s lips, but it was Asuka who answered.

“He’s waiting for us .”

With no further explanation, Akane whipped out a shuriken, thrown right at the yugular.

It never hit.

A tower of ice broke through the dirt, and the shuriken buried deeply into it.

“Go!” 

We sprouted into action.

The plan was simple: distract him enough for Haru and Asuka to contain him, then retrieve information with my dojutsu.

Haru and Akari attacked him from both sides, keeping his hands full as Asuka covered me in my quick approach from his front. Akane supervised from above, protected by the luscious treetops. 

Not shortly after, he grew tired, and hence, slow. It took just one opening for Haru to get a tight grip on one of his hands, Asuka immobilizing the other with a kunai plunged at the center of his palm.

He opened his eyes after a second of having them shut in pain, pure emptiness staring right back at me. 

Numerous scars marred his face, some more faded than others. 

I saw myself reflected on the abyss of his gaze, my pupils slitting as they warmed. 

In a newfound habit I despised, my tongue peeked out, and the scents around us amplified. 

Blood, nature, sweat and humidity swirled in a nauseating cocktail. I refused to think about a certain person who could have offered useful information on how to handle the overstimulation.

Instead, I focused on the boy’s movements slowing, features becoming lax as his whole attention shifted to me. 

As my vision sharpened, so did the thrumming of his carotid artery. 

“Who sent you?” My voice was odd to my own ears, soft and airy. A lot like Kuro’s, actually.

The boy let out a quiet sigh, beautiful lapis lazuli eyes staring openly at me, a strange kind of peace in them.

“No one. I am lost.”

“Have you encountered other shinobi, aside from us?”

“Only those who freed me.”

“Freed you?”

The boy nodded emphatically, eager to please.

“Yes.”

“What hitai-ate did they wear?”

“Rain,” he blinked slowly.

“Ask why he was captive.” 

I had been so focused I had not realized Akane had approached us.

Not good , Kuro chastised. 

“Don’t know,” the boy replied. “Darkness. Snake man.”

My pulse faltered. I resisted the urge to look at Akane.

“Snake man?”

“Yes. He watched me.”

“Citrine. Eliminate target,” Akane ordered. 

It was not necessary to ask who she was referring to. 

All of us had callsigns after crystals. I was Citrine, Haru was Bronzite, Asuka was Agate, and Akane was Hematite.

I wrapped my hand around the hilt of a kunai without tearing my eyes away.

The trajectory of my blade became a clear reflection of my conflicted thoughts. 

Everything doubt I had stopped myself from thinking slammed with full force into my mind. Suddenly, it was my own face I was staring at.  

My hand quavered.

I wanted to ask for his name. To know whose life was I ending. I wanted to ask him why he had done it.

Do it. Kuro urged. Get it over with.

My fingers tightened their grip. 

He was young. Just a bit older than most of the kids that trained to become genins. If he had been born in Konoha he probably would have been a prodigy.

The sound of metal tearing through skin reverberated in my eardrums, the metallic scent of blood bitter at the tip of my tongue. 

It was barely a gasp, a flow of air to release an emotion I couldn’t quite define.

But it was enough.

When I raised my gaze past the child, I was confronted with Akane’s cold demeanor. The blankness upon her features parted by the storm in her eyes, lips tightened in a fine line.

“You’re weak, Mitsuko.” She ripped the sword out of the child’s chest, the tiny body crumbling like a marionette. “Too soft. There is no place for that in a shinobi’s path.” 

Kuro remained silent, but I could feel the quiet agreement emanating from her.

“Take care of the rest.”

With a last piercing look, Akane shushined. 

Which left me alone with the child, wide eyes staring emptily back at me among a completely deformed face, lips uneven with a matching crooked nose. 

Maybe he was a monster. But monsters were created.

I let my hair fall forward, hiding the wet tracks upon my cheeks from Asuka and Haru, already talking in hushed tones behind me.

I let myself mourn for a minute. 

Mourn for the world we lived in, where children could get this twisted. For the monster he had become. 

And mourn for me, for the growing darkness inside my heart. 

Then I wiped my eyes and did what was expected of me.

I kneeled beside him, carefully pressing my hand to his cold cheek, I let the sound of water crashing against rocks drown my quiet prayer. 

Closing my eyes, I focused on the water current of the river, as close to the bottom as I could go. Then, pulled it to me. 

That funny feeling, like the hand seals were in the way washed over me, slowing my pace. 

Irked, I moved past it, drawing the sedimented water until it surrounded the body, similarly to the Water Prison Technique. I visualized the water vibrating, moving so quickly it flickered in place to an untrained witness.

When I opened my eyes, there was nothing but water and dust where the boy used to be.

Akane had helped me hone that jutsu these past weeks, drilling us day and night with training in what I supposed was a coping mechanism for her grief. 

I had yet to see her cry, but I supposed not everyone mourned the same.

When my mother died my grandmother had spent the whole day and night cooking. Every day she had made one of her daughter’s favorite meals. Then, she had gone out to the road, and sold every bit of it to traveling nin and merchants.

What was the use of loving the dead? 

Somewhere in my memory they all still lived and breathed.

Forcibly splashing the water back into the river —we didn’t want to be traced— , I turned back to my teammates, carefully avoiding Haru’s saddened gaze.

“We better find Akane.” 

“I knew she wouldn’t do it,” Asuka muttered to Haru from behind me, not in a self-satisfied manner, just matter of factly.

I clenched my fist until nails broke through the skin.

That night, as we sat before the fire, Akane spoke for the first time in hours.

“That was a test. You all failed.” 

Haru let out a soft gasp, and Asuka’s gesture became stony at my side. Every muscle in my body froze, and my chest felt strangely hollow. 

“What? Why?” Haru burst, adding with haste: “Sensei.”

Akane seemed to let it go for today, her eyes flaring with a silent warning when she answered.

“Well, considering I was the one who completed the mission, I think it’s pretty obvious. You may have passed your written exams, but you have proven inefficient in the field. You are not ready to apply for jonin .”

“But we did everything right, it was Mitsuko who hesitated,” Asuka noted with his usual bluntness.

Akane’s mien hardened. I winced.

“Yes, Mitsuko failed to finish the mission, but you also failed to help her.” 

The first part of the sentence felt like a tangible blow to my stomach. 

“Your comrades will not always be able to see a mission complete; it is your duty to take their place if they fail to do so. A shinobi’s path is lonely, Asuka, but having a team will always be meant to lessen the burden.”

My eyes shifted to Haru’s unnaturally quiet demeanor; his usually amiable expression had taken a contemplative turn. 

“I understand, Sensei,” was Asuka’s quiet answer, his gaze lingering on hers, unlike Haru’s.

“Good. Mitsuko, you’ll have the first watch.”

With that, she turned her back to us. 

My eyes idly followed the movement of the flames, easily maintaining the genjutsu that kept the smoke of our fire from being visible. 

We had failed. 

I had failed.

My stupid sentimentalism had gotten in the way. 

Perhaps my father was right, I was too weak for this kind of life. Perhaps I was meant to be just a farmer girl, like my mother.

It seemed like a peaceful life, I thought. No blood, no killing, no pain. 

I could go to one of the farms that are not very far from the limits of the borders of Konoha . Work on the land, make an honest life. Maybe even get married someday .

A soft snort almost left me at that last thought. 

People like me weren’t meant to marry anyone. We were too heavy, rotten on the inside. 

I had enough issues to carry into my next life, not to mention my father’s name dragging behind me like the proverbial chains I would never be freed of.

Or the ongoing political instability, possibly , Kuro added, clearly irritated at my pity party. I hardly suspect farmers to be making bars of gold.

I ignored her.

“He was beyond saving, Mitsuko. You must understand that.” Akane spoke quietly behind me. “Save your pity for those who deserve it. It’s good to know when to give up on someone. Don’t let fanciful bedtime stories convince you otherwise.”

I kept my gaze set on the fire, clenching my fists at my sides until my nails drew blood. I knew exactly who she considered within that category.

“ Hai , Sensei.”

I wasn’t meant for farming anyway.

The next morning, Akane told Haru and Asuka to pack, then signaled for me to follow her deeper into the woods. 

The usual heat of Konoha dropped at the borders, cooled by the shadows of trees, not nearly as tall as the ones at the village. My body ached with every step, sore from running and fighting, and stiff from the late night watch.

Akane seemed unaffected by it all, stopping once she deemed us far enough from hearing range. 

When she turned to me,  her eyes were bleaker than I had ever seen them, dull grey, no storms in sight. Beneath the dim light of the forest, shadows ran deeper, casted hollows from her cheekbones, dark rings under her eyes. 

“With Minato’s death instability is brewing.” The slight tremble in her voice when she said death didn’t escape my notice. “Be sure that the Council will take advantage of that gap in power.”

I felt myself go still.

“Advantage?” 

“They could order your assasination…or worse.”

I stared at her with uncertainty. What could be worse than death?

She sighed, running a hand down her face. 

“I guess it is time for you to know this. There is a faction of shinobi under Danzo’s command.”

Realization crept into my mind, a horrible thought, enough for nausea to pool beneath my tongue.

“Were they the ones on my trail?”

She nodded, measuring my reaction as she replied:

“We don’t know Danzo’s full intentions yet. It is still early in the game.”

“But you have suspicions.”

“It seems to me that originally he might have meant to eliminate you. But now…he’s likely to be interested in recruiting you.”

“Recruiting me,” I rolled out every word, felt the sour aftertaste of them. “For what?”

“Danzo only looks out for his own interests, fools himself into thinking he’s protecting the village,” Akane spat out. “You’d be nothing but his pawn.”

My eyes traced the shadows casted by leaves and branches against the earth. Between them, light seeped out, golden and shifting with the breeze. 

I hated to imagine who could track us from our carried scents.

“What will we do?” 

“You and the team are going on a mission. Now.”

Helplessness washed over me, left me scared like a child. We wouldn’t even return to Konoha?

“Are you coming with us?”

Akane shook her head, her heart seemed heavy.

“Someone must stay and gather intel.”

“Where is the mission?”

“Water Country. You’ll meet your commander at the agreed location.”

A rock settled at the pit of my stomach. I could feel myself pale.

“I was born there.”

“I know.”

“Will it be near–”

“I don’t know,” she cut me off, something stony curling into her features. “And needless to say, the less anyone knows about your origins the better.”

My lips pressed into a tight line.

“ Hai , Sensei.”

“Coordinates will reach us shortly. Watch out for summons.”

I nodded and turned to leave, halted by her voice, roughened with something I could not define.

“Mitsuko.”

In a breath, Akane had me wrapped in a tight hug, feet dangling off the ground.

“Be careful, pint. You’re a Fujimori now.”