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You haven't cried much or nearly enough

Summary:

They were free once again, but at what cost?

Notes:

I haven't written anything since I was like... 12, wouldn't even be close to calling myself a writer BUT this scene popped up in my mind right when I woke up and had the sudden urge to write it so! I was coaxed by my friends to upload it here hff sweating a lil

They may be a bit ooc since I was projecting my sadness for these bois and I bet Kid is a lil too sappy in here, but it may just be because it's Killer /shrug

Hope you enjoy this little ficlet <:

Work Text:

Only the pitter patter of the rain could be heard echoing in the inside of the cave, hiding their forms in the darkness. They had allowed themselves a small pause, hidden by the blanket of the night, nothing more.

Kid had never been weak, never let himself be weak. He could count the times that had happened with one hand and, surprising or not, most of those had been related to the form now laying by his side in the dark of that cave.

They hadn’t talked at all since they left Udon, head clouded with rage and frustration and just the thought of revenge, revenge, revenge .

It felt strange- this. Being together again after all that had happened, after his insurmountable failure. He didn’t want to think- didn’t let himself imagine if Killer had ended up like this what could’ve happened to the rest of them. To his crew.

Where were they now? He had no answer, maybe Killer knew, but they hadn’t talked, not yet. There was too much to say, too many feelings to go through, and Kid had never been one to dwell in his emotions. 

But they would surpass this, like they always have.

He let his eyes drop to Killer’s head, face obscured from their position. He had stopped shivering for a while now. Kid had grown so used to his presence, to each other, that most of the time they didn’t need to talk to understand. People found Killer almost unreadable because of his mask, bastards, Killer was way more expressive than anybody could see.

But now he felt it was a little harder, to know what his partner was thinking. Why had he been shivering? The cold, maybe, sadness, anger… frustration , probably.

His body had stilled and he felt almost limp at his side now. If it wasn’t for the slight pressure on his side, both covered by his coat as they were, he could’ve thought he was gone again.

He shuffled a bit under the warmth of his coat, pulling his only remaining arm around his partner’s shoulders and pressing gently to pull him closer. A small gesture of comfort, for both of them.

Killer had still not looked at him but it was okay, both knew they wouldn’t have closure until the crew was back together, until Kaido laid dead at his feet. Until he had ripped every single scale out of his body, face smashed beyond recognition. Maybe, then, he could feel closure.

He looked down at Killer again, head now pressed against his chest. His own hand unconsciously cupping it in a slightly possessive hold, the bandages feeling rough against his fingers.

They hadn’t removed them yet, he didn’t dare. He knew Killer was probably feeling very naked without his mask, didn’t dare say vulnerable, Killer was anything but. He was definitely uncomfortable. It was a small yet noticeable relief, how they covered part of his face, so he hadn’t touched them, letting his partner decide for the right moment.

He shifted again, leaning his head down to press a chaste kiss where Killer’s hairline would be under the bandages. He could feel Killer’s frame relaxing slightly under his arm and then he looked up at him for the first time since they had left Udon.

Killer had his brows furrowed despite the now persistent smile on his face and it made the corner of his lips quirk upwards for a second. His eyes fell then, to his unnatural smile, and he could feel his rage bubbling up again inside his chest.

It had turned into nothing more than a simmer in the quietness of the cave, comforted by Killer’s presence by his side again, but it flared up just as quickly- revenge, revenge, revenge.

He looked so similar yet so different. Killer was and would always be familiar to him, growing up together, sailing together, but he felt so different, wrong . A nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know what had happened, what they had done to him.

But deep down he knew Killer had chosen this, despite everything, for his own sake. He had sacrificed a part of himself, a very fucking important part of himself, the same way his crew would do again and again and again , for him .

He broke eye contact then, face looking back up at the wall opposite of them, but he could still feel Killer’s gaze boring into his profile.

Killer hated pity as much as he did himself, he had probably chosen this with absolute resolution and felt no remorse about his decision. He knew he was hurting, deep inside, of course he was, but he didn’t know comfort- and it would probably earn him a punch in the face if he even tried.

He heard a small chuckle then, gaze falling to Killer’s face in the corner of his vision.

“I would do it again”

Ah, of course, Killer had probably sensed his wandering mind, his frustration. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve, like an open book. He had nothing to hide. “I know” fell from his lips after a while, breaking the silence of the cave for a second until it settled again, heavy on his shoulders.

He felt Killer shift under his coat after a few minutes and before he could look at him he had a hand lightly smacking his face, “then quit that”. He glared at Killer once his hand fell down again but it didn’t phase him at all, “I- we chose this, you have to accept it”.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t ca-”

“No”, Kid scowled at the interruption. “But you would’ve done the same for us- you did the same for us”, Killer gestured to his metal arm and Kid’s scowl darkened even more.

“That was my own fault”

“Exactly, and this one is mine”, Kid opened his mouth to object but Killer shut him up again, “it’s not debatable- we’re even now”.

Kid scoffed, were they having a sacrifice competition now? He shook his head but let Killer’s reply be the end of the conversation, a small smile on his own lips. He could feel that the tension he had been holding since their escapade had seeped out of his body and the silence was less strained.

Killer was right, in some way- they had no time for this now. They would lick their wounds after Kaido was dead.

He looked up at the entrance of the cave. The night was still pitch black but the sound of rain had subdued considerably to the point he wasn’t sure if it was still there as a small drizzle or it was just the lone drops of the now damp cave walls. They had waited enough.

He rose from his position, “let’s go”. Killer was soon to follow, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

Kid closed his eyes for a split second, anger burning him from the inside out again. He- they would get used to this, overcome it like they had done so many times now, like he had with his missing arm, rebuild his pride and strike down again.