Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

    Bakugou Katsuki wasn’t proud of his past. 

   He’d been a quirkist and a bully, not to mention a suicide-baiter. He was prideful and childish, and although he’d spent most of his childhood believing that Deku was bullying him right back, he’d definitely taken it a step too far a time or two. He’d never laid a hand on Deku physically, apart from the day the nerd admitted he was applying to U.A. when he’d burned his uniform, but none of that excused his nasty behavior. 

    If he was being honest with himself, he was such a vicious kid because it was all he knew. His mother believed in tough love, and he respected the hell out of her, so he supposed some part of him expected others to respect him for his harsh ways. In a way they had; except it wasn’t because of him , rather because of his amazing quirk. Once he’d gotten to U.A. and had been knocked on his ass a few times, he began to understand that his journey to becoming the Number One Hero was going to be a lot more challenging than he’d first believed. 

    It didn’t matter. Katsuki had always loved a challenge. 

   Now in their second year of high school, Katsuki and Deku were friends again. Ever since their fight at Ground Beta halfway through their first year, he and Deku had been slowly mending their relationship. Without Katsuki’s pride blinders on, it was clear to him that Deku had never hated him or looked down on him. He’d admired Katsuki and looked up to him, even through all of his bullying and scummy behavior. It made him feel more disgusting than Mineta. He’d decided that he would earn back being Deku’s friend, no matter what it took. Even after he saved Deku’s life by taking those spikes during the final battle, he didn’t feel like he’d done enough. 

     Katsuki was in therapy now, and was actually learning some good coping mechanisms for his anger. Apparently he had a mood disorder called ‘intermittent explosive disorder’ (ironic, wasn’t it?) and with some coping mechanisms and a daily pill, he was left feeling a lot less irritable than he’d been for the majority of his life. It was eye opening, truly. 

     And yet, the mention of certain times in his past was still enough to leave him itching to explode some extras’ faces. 

     “Whoa, Mina, you’re saying you faced down a villain before U.A.?” Kaminari asked, his eyes wide. The entirety of their class was on a fifteen minute break between class periods, and were chatting with each other about various things. 

     “I wouldn’t call him a villain,” Mina said, giggling and waving a hand around. “He was just a creepy guy who wouldn’t stop freaking out my friends.” 

    “No way,” Kirishima spoke up, catching everyones’ attention. “I was there Mina, I totally remember him being villainous.” 

    Mina’s face softened at the reminder of her and Kirishima’s past, making Katsuki roll his eyes. The two of them were so in love with each other, it was disgusting. He wished on everything holy that they would just get together already so he could stop listening to Kirishima whine and wax poetic about her. “Whatever you say, Eiji.” 

     “That’s cool!” Hagakure said. “My first villain experience was at the USJ. I can’t imagine facing one in middle school!” 

    “Me either,” Yaomomo said, twisting her ponytail around her hand nervously. “The USJ was scary enough for a first experience.” 

    The class muttered agreements. All except for Deku, who was muttering to himself and scribbling in one of his nerd-books. Katsuki didn’t bother to hold down the fond smile on his face. Asui croaked from across the room, her dead-eyed stare fixing on Deku. “What about you, Izuku-chan, kero ?” 

    Izuku looked up, but didn’t seem bothered by the girly honorific. His face flushed a bit when he noticed everyone staring at him when he hadn’t been listening. “U-um- what was the question?” 

   Sero, who sat at Izuku’s right, chuckled a bit. “We were talking about our first villain experiences. Tsu asked if you ever met one before U.A., considering you’re a villain magnet.” 

    “I’m not a villain magnet!” Izuku squeaked, closing his notebook. Katsuki laughed out loud, twisting in his seat to smirk at the boy. 

    “Oh please! If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was your quirk!” 

    “His quirk is so weird, it might as well be,” Todoroki mumbled from the back of the room. Deku and Katsuki exchanged knowing glances. Deku’s quirk, One for All, had been passed down to him from All Might, the world’s greatest hero. The boy used it as a strength quirk until a bit over halfway through their first year, when another quirk, Black Whip, had suddenly sprung up out of nowhere. Considering he’d been quirkless before All Might gave him One for All, it had been a shock to even him. A few months later, he’d gotten another quirk, Float , had appeared. Then, during the Final Battle at the end of their first year, his third random quirk appeared. Katsuki knew to expect three more to appear before the end of their time at U.A., since three of his predecessors’ quirks hadn’t appeared yet. 

    “Well, to answer your question, I met my first villain right before I turned fifteen,” Izuku explained. Katsuki’s mood darkened at the reminder of that day, his palms instinctively heating up his desk. 

    “Oh wow, what happened?” Uraraka questioned. “I don’t think you’ve told me this story before!” 

     “Well, it was actually how Kacchan and I met All Might,” Izuku explained, gesturing to Katsuki. The blond ground his teeth together, wanting nothing more than to explode Deku’s face in for talking about one of the most humiliating days of Katsuki’s life. 

     “Wait, Bakubro too?” Kirishima asked, seeming interested. 

    “Dude, you never told us about this!” Kaminari whined. Katsuki grunted and cracked his knuckles. 

    “That’s because it’s none of your goddamn business!” he spat. Deku wilted in his seat behind him, raising his journal to cover the lower half of his face. 

    “Oh no. Sorry Kacchan!” He whispered. Katsuki rolled his eyes to the ceiling, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. 

    “It’s too late now,” he growled. “It doesn’t fucking matter.” 

   “Yeah, go ahead and tell us,” Ojiro encouraged. Kaminari had been playing with the fluffy part of his tail for the better part of an hour, and from the relaxed look on his face, he’d been enjoying it. 

    “Well…” Izuku cleared his throat, glancing at Katsuki. The boy shrugged, giving the reins to Deku. He clearly didn’t know where to begin without giving anything too important away. “Basically, I was walking home from school. Kacchan and I live really close to each other, but he was going to the arcade, so we weren’t walking together.” 

   “Wait, I thought you said Bakugou-kun was there too?” Jirou asked. Katsuki narrowed his eyes at her. 

   “Maybe you should let him tell the goddamn story,” he said. Jirou gave him the finger, smirking at him. She’d always been one of his favorites. He grinned back at her mockingly, giving her a choice finger of his own right back. Izuku laughed and went back to his story. 

   “He got involved later on. My walk home always went under this overpass you see, and back in middle school I was… well, I was really skinny and small. If I would have used my quirk back then I probably would have blown up every muscle, bone and ligament in my body.”

    “That’s… awful,” Satou cringed. Izuku shrugged like it was no big deal. To him, it probably wasn’t. Katsuki knew he’d been through a lot, lot worse. 

    “It’s life. Anyway, when I was under the overpass, a sewer grate behind me flew open, and this guy came out of it in a rush. His entire body was made of this like, sludgey-slime. It was really gross.” Both Katsuki and Izuku shuddered at the memory. “He was talking about someone being after him, and then he saw me. He basically wrapped his whole body around mine and began shoving that sludge in my nose and my mouth so he could suffocate me.” 

     God , the memory of that was enough to give Katsuki the chills. He stared at Deku, his mouth open a bit. “I… I never knew that it got you, too.” 

    Izuku looked surprised, then he cocked his head. “I suppose I never told you, huh? Yeah, he had me, but only for a minute or so. Just as I was losing consciousness, All Might came out of nowhere and used his quirk to blow the guy away from me. I passed out, and when I woke up, All Might was there. He’d locked the guy in a soda bottle, and he signed my notebook.” Izuku was smiling to himself, although it looked a little sad now. “I… I made a stupid mistake. When he jumped away to go turn the villain in, I clung to his leg. I knocked the villain out of his pocket and it fell from the sky, right in an alleyway where Kacchan was walking with his friends.” 

    Gasps came from around the room, but Izuku seemed somewhat locked in his own memory now. “I’d clung to All Might because I wanted to ask him if I could be a hero, even without a suitable quirk.” He shook his head sadly. “We landed on this super tall building, and… well, he lost his quirk and showed me his true form.” Izuku shrugged. “Anyway, back in that alley, the villain had gotten a hold of Kacchan.” His eyes lifted to Katsuki’s, sparkling a bit with admiration now. “He held it off for twenty whole minutes!” 

    “Shut the fuck up,” Katsuki instinctively said, blushing a bit at the nerd’s praise. Across the room, Aoyama snapped his fingers. 

    “This story sounds familiar, does it not?” 

   “It does!” Hagakure agreed. “I can’t remember where from, though…” 

    “It was on the news,” Katsuki begrudgingly admitted. “I was suffocating, and letting off explosions that caused fires all around me. None of the pros around had quirks that were ‘suited’ for the situation.” He used air quotes around the word, snorting in disdain. “So they let me suffocate for twenty minutes while bystanders stood around and watched.” 

    “That’s terrible!” Iida yelled, shooting out of his sit with his usual robotic hand movements. “That is not hero-like behavior! Those pros should be ashamed of themselves!” 

    Katsuki smirked a bit, propping his cheek on his fist, lounging back in his chair. “Yeah, I bet they were, after Deku ran in like a madman and threw his backpack at the fucker.” 

   “Oh my god!” Mina shot out of her seat, pointing at the two of them with wide eyes. “The Slime Incident! That was you guys?!” 

    Noises of astonishment and agreement rang throughout the room, somewhat surprising Katsuki. He hadn’t realized so many people remembered it, much less watched it in the first place. Sure enough though, many of their classmates were nodding vigorously as they remembered. 

   “Dudes!” Sero was gaping at them with a bit of an awestruck look. “Midoriya, you’re the reason I applied to U.A.!” 

    Deku’s jaw dropped so far it practically hit his desk. “What?” he squeaked. 

   “Yeah!” Sero nodded. “I saw you fight that villain with practically no quirk, and I was inspired, dude! I thought my quirk wasn’t suited for heroics at all, but watching that made me want to at least try.” 

    “Bakugou-kun was the one who inspired me,” Uraraka said shyly, twisting a lock of her hair nervously. Katsuki blinked at her a few times. 

   “Huh?” He asked dumbly. She nodded, biting her lower lip.  

   “I mean, you held on for twenty minutes, and you fought so hard the entire time…” Uraraka trailed off for a moment, smiling a bit. “It made me want to push my own limits, what with my nausea when using my quirk. It’s what made me determined to try my hand at the entrance exam. I totally didn’t recognize you!” 

    “Bros, do you realize you inspired me, too?” Kirishima asked. “You two and Mina! All three of you standing up to villains when you were so young, it was so manly!” 

    More voices chorused throughout the room, making Katsuki’s face heat up. Deku looked just as overwhelmed, as if he couldn’t comprehend anyone ever looking up to him for anything. It was idiotic, because the nerd was the glue that kept their entire class together, not to mention all the little brats that he’d saved who followed him around like he was their god. (Katsuki may or may not admire the guy’s determination and kindness, not that he would ever admit it.) 

    “Shut up already!” Katsuki snapped, his face cherry red as he set off a small explosion. “We get it!”
    “He’s embarrassed~” Aoyama said cheerily, winking at Bakugou. Katsuki twisted so he was sitting correctly in his seat, crossing his arms with his shoulders around his ears. Deku was grinning at his reaction, he could see from the reflection in the window to his left. Listening to his classmates- his friends - laugh and joke with each other, Katsuki’s chest began to flutter with feelings of warmth and happiness. Two years ago, if you tried to approach him and tell him he would consider eighteen extras his friends (since Mineta had been expelled and never counted), he would have laughed and exploded your face in. Now, he knew that he would easily take a hit for any of them. 

    He supposed that was what they called character development. 

Chapter Text

    During the rest of Class 2-A’s classes, Katsuki considered everything Deku had talked about earlier. When he thought about his classmates’ words of encouragement and how he had been a lot of their inspiration to become heroes, his face still turned crimson, but he was getting better at hiding it a bit. Deku still had the audacity to smile at him every time he noticed, but Deku had always been full of fucking audacity. It was practically a quirk. 

    Still, the blond’s mind couldn’t stay off of Deku’s words from earlier. 

  ‘ I’d clung to All Might because I wanted to ask him if I could be a hero, even without a suitable quirk. We landed on this super tall building, and… well, he lost his quirk and showed me his true form.’

    A super tall building, huh? Why did the thought of All Might leaving Izuku at the top of a tall building make Katsuki’s skin crawl? He’d told Izuku that he could be a hero regardless of his quirklessness, hadn’t he? After all, he became All Might’s successor. That was where it had begun, right? Then why did something about the statement not feel true? Why could Katsuki clearly remember the look of sadness on Deku’s face when he talked about the conversation in class earlier? 

    Katsuki would get his answer after class that day. It was common for Deku and him to stay after class so that they could train together, whether it be simple working out, perfecting all of Deku’s new quirks, or sparring together. Today was a quirk day, and Katsuki had planned on forcing Izuku to work on fine-tuning Black Whip . Instead, he was planning on cornering Deku when he was least expecting it. 

    As expected, during a dinner break where Katsuki brought in bento boxes he’d made earlier that morning, he forced Izuku to use Black Whip when he ate with his chopsticks. It proved to be a funny experience, as the quirk had even shakier hands than Deku had, which was saying something considering all of the damage the little idiot had done to himself. When there was a lull in conversation because they were eating, Katsuki struck. 

    “Deku. I need to ask you something.” 

   Izuku looked up from slurping his noodles, looking ridiculous with the hanging out of his mouth. He sucked the last of them up quickly, putting his hand over his mouth to block the view when he spoke. “Yes Kacchan?” Since he was chewing, it sounded more like ‘ yesh, k’cchan?’  

    “Earlier, when you were talking about the slime incident earlier, you said something that I need you to clear up.” 

    Deku swallowed his food and nodded encouragingly. “Sure, anything.” 

   Katsuki took a deep breath. “You said you asked All Might if you could be a hero without a quirk up on that roof. What… what did he say to you?” 

    Izuku frowned, putting down his bento box thoughtfully. “Well, he basically told me that a quirkless person didn’t have a chance of becoming a hero. He said I would be better suited in another kind of job that didn’t require a quirk, like being a teacher or a police officer.” 

    Katsuki’s eyes widened. “He said that to you?!” 

   Izuku lowered his gaze, shrugging. “He was right, Kacchan. Now that I’ve experienced it, being a quirkless hero would be really dangerous. It was only after I charged at the sludge villain that All Might found me again and told me he liked my determination and he would train me to take his quirk.” 

    Katsuki dreaded what he was going to ask next, and yet he couldn’t help but ask it anyway. “How did you get down from the roof, Deku?” 

    Deku met his eyes again. “I… I walked?” 

   A bit of Katsuki’s tension melted, although he couldn’t allow himself to relax quite yet. After all, this happened the very same day that Katsuki had said… had said that to Izuku. Those vile words that would haunt him until the day he died. “I need you to answer me honestly, Izuku. Did you… did you think about jumping?” 

    Izuku cocked his head to the side. “Just right then, or ever?” 

   Bakugou cracked his knuckles from how hard he was clenching his fists. “...ever.” 

  “Of course I’ve thought about it. How could I not, given the quirkless statistics these days?” Izuku shook his head. “They say twenty percent of the population is quirkless, but that’s not really true. There’s hardly any of us these days, except those in their late eighties. The rest… well, the rest either commit suicide or are murdered.” He sighed. “I’ve never met another quirkless person.” He seemed to think of something before he quickly shook his head. “No, I know Melissa Shield. I’ve never met another Japanese quirkless person.” 

     Katsuki felt like his chest was on fire. It might have  been because he was holding his breath, but he couldn’t honestly be too sure if he was even doing it or not. He was too hyper-fixated on Izuku and his blase attitude toward the whole situation. “How many times?” 

   “What?”  

   “How many times did you… did you think about it?” 

   Izuku shrugged again. “I don’t know, too many to count I guess. You can’t be suicide baited every day of your life and not think about it. I tried it, once or twice a while ago. When I was thirteen, maybe.” 

     It was like the entire world was turning on its axis. Katsuki could hardly think through the fuzz in his brain, and yet Deku looked so serene . Like he was talking about creating a world in which he didn’t exist, in which Katsuki never saw his smile again, or searched his face for his favorite freckle just beneath his left eye. A world in which Katsuki had no competition to be the Number One Hero, of which he would never get the chance to apologize to Izuku for his terrible behavior. For suicide baiting him . 

    “Kacchan? Are you alright?” Deku had the nerve to looked concerned , like Katsuki was the one who was acting strangely. When he reached out to touch Katsuki the blond couldn’t help but bat his hand away, hissing at him instinctively. Deku seemed startled, but retracted the offending hand anyway. Katsuki was aware of his eyes beginning to burn with hot tears, although he refused to let them fall just yet. 

   “Am I alright?” he quoted, staring Deku down. “ No , I’m not alright! I just listened to you tell me that you almost killed yourself, multiple times . Why are you so fucking calm?!” 

    Izuku bit his lower lip. “Kacchan, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would upset you.” 

   “You didn’t realize-” the blond took a deep breath, struggling to keep his temper under control. He wanted nothing more than to walk out of the gym yelling curses back at Deku, but- ‘ what if he tries again?’ Instead of storming out, Katsuki did the next best thing. He yanked Deku into a tight hug, using his height leverage to bury his nose in the top of his sweet-smelling curls. Deku was a lot broader than he’d been in middle school, but Katsuki could still fit his arms around the boy’s shoulders as he hugged him like it was the last time he’d ever get to touch him. Deku slowly hugged Katsuki back, rubbing circles into the area around his spine. Katsuki was horrified to find that his previous tears had begun to fall into Deku’s curls, not that the greenet seemed to notice. 

      “I’m sorry Kacchan,” the boy muttered, nosing at the juncture between Katsuki’s shoulder and neck. His hot breath ghosted over Katsuki’s bare skin, causing the taller boy to shiver a bit. Deku either didn’t notice the visceral reaction, or he didn’t care. He dragged his nose across the curve of Katsuki’s throat, seeming to inhale his sweet caramel scent. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

    “Don’t apologize,” Katsuki mumbled, barely coherent through the feel of Deku’s warmth pressed against him and the smell of the boy invading every part of Katsuki’s being. “I should be the one apologizing.” 

   “Don’t worry,” Izuku said quietly. “I forgave Kacchan a long time ago.”