Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hamato Raphael really needed this to be known, but he loved his three younger brothers. 

He loved Angelo, loved his creativity, his blinding optimism, and positivity, loved how easy Angelo could be made happy. Angelo was a ball of sunshine that Raph could rely on for a smile at any time. Raph loved Leon. Loved his easy-going vibes that canceled out and mellowed Raph's overwhelming anxiety, loved how, even though all four of them loved Jupiter Jim, Leon loved Jupiter Jim just a little more than the others. Raph adored how Leon tried to do his own little way of lifting up their brothers’ spirits with the crack of a joke, a well-timed meme, or some perfectly crafted slapstick would be the perfect thing to get all of them to break down in laughter. Don was another thing entirely, another turtle out of all of their leagues. A certified genius, Raph could never hope to be able to keep up with Don's growing intellect. Raph didn’t think he would want to keep up with Don’s growing intellect, he tried that once and it didn’t end well for Donnie. 

Now that he got that out of the way, Raph really wished that Don would put a lid on it with the alternate dimensions thing. 

It had started innocently enough. After the Shredder, during the rebuilding of the lair and getting back everything they lost, Don needed something to fixate his genius brain on. Don's brain was plied with several cups of coffee, a shit ton of Twizzlers, and at least a case (or three) of five-hour energy drinks and there was no stopping Don. 

"Okay, remember Pizzasauraus? Evil love child of Bigfoot and Loch Ness Monster?" Don said with that feral, faraway look in his eye. Raph has grown to become hesitant of that faraway look that Donnie since it usually spelled trouble for them. 

Leon pulled a piece of pizza away from the pie and bit into it, dragging it away from his mouth, creating a loose, stringy path from the pizza to his mouth. "There's no such thing as the Pizzasauraus, give it a rest already," he groaned. 

"Pizzasaurus exists! You just don't know what I know!" Donnie said, eye twitching and Raph wasn't sure if that was the caffeine getting to him or if Don was actually annoyed at the moment. 

"No one knows what you know," Mikey said in a playful voice. "That's why you're Donnie." 

Don dramatically took a deep breath, as if to calm himself down before continuing. "Forget Pizzasaurus. This is bigger than Pizzasaurus,” he said, holding his hands out. “I found proof of us existing in alternate dimensions."

"Like, seriously? Like Jupiter Jim in the one movie where he went into an alternate dimension to save Red Fox from his evil alternate self?" Leon said. He sounded like he was trying to gauge if he should actually pay attention or tune Donnie out. Raph's somewhat leaning towards the latter. 

"I dunno if they're evil or not," Donnie said. 

"Evil alternate Jupiter Jim was brainwashed as well," Donnie threw in. "So maybe these other versions of us are good."

Donnie went quiet after that. Raph thought it would be the end of the alternate dimension thing.

Unfortunately for Raph, he was wrong. That was not the end of it. 

Don didn't shut up about the alternate self thing because once he hyperfixated on something, there was nothing that could get him out of it short of three things: Leon ruined it for him, Don grew bored with it, or Don managed to figure out the thing that he was hyperfixating on. Leon hadn't ruined it for him yet because Leon, being the Jupiter Jim nerd that he was, was overly curious about the whole thing. Angelo hadn't said anything about it, but he did show visible interest ("Do you think they all do arts and crafts?"). 

"What do you think these other versions of us could be like?" Leon asked, hovering over Don, who was drawing schematics for a thing he wanted to build for this exact purpose. "I hope the other me is just as cool as I am, or I'd have to throw him in the trash and ask the universe for a refund." 

Angelo, who was drawing little encouraging doodles on Don's schematics, did a little scoff. He's been hanging around Don too much, Raph noted. "What if they aren't guys but like they're girl versions of us?"

The question made Don stop in his tracks. He put his pencil down and simply looked at Angelo. "Well, that's not an 'out there' guess," Don said. It didn't sound like a clear no or yes to Raph and now he's a little intrigued, if only to find out what Donnie was about to say. "According to the Many Worlds Theory, all outcomes are physically possible or realized in some world or universe. So yes, there would be a dimension where we are all girls or something like that."

Angelo frowned. He poked his lip out in thought and his orange mask acted as his eyebrows, furrowing upwards as he thought. Raph had himself on edge because he's learned that when his youngest brother made those faces, that's when he asked the hardest questions of them all. The ones that made everyone think for a few days, the ones that made everyone reconsider their entire existence. When they were younger, they would all argue and fight when Angelo asked these kinds of questions. They fought the way that Raph hated: with the cruel words, the escalating tempers that grew and grew until one of them said something that they didn't mean but only said in a moment of anger-the words that left them all wondering if the offender had truly meant it.

Angelo hasn't asked those questions in a while and they haven't had those arguments in a while-Raph doesn't talk about the Roof Incident. It doesn't count. Because... reasons. Raph wondered if they would become like they were when they were younger: wild, emotional, clawing at each other with words until they struck gold. 

Raph didn't want to know or find out. One can understand why Raph wasn't really a fan of those questions. 

"Do you think we'd find a dimension where we never mutated and became what we were? Would we find a dimension where we became what Draxum wanted us to be? Would we be happy? Would we still be brothers?" Angelo asked, twirling the tails of his mask through his fingers anxiously. He studied the silent faces of his brothers and hunched over, making himself a bit smaller. "Sorry, all this talk of alternate stuff made me think about it-"

"Hermano, don't be sorry," Leon said, quick to wrap his arms around his younger brother. "I've been wondering the same thing too."

Oh? Raph was curious about what Leon was wondering. Don seemed to have given his twin a look, prompting Leon to continue. 

"It sounds stupid," Leon said with an empty laugh. It wasn't stupid. It wasn't stupid. Raph knew that tactic all too well. Leon did that when he was trying to hide his emotional vulnerability behind another wall of jokes. "Like haha, what if we were Pokemon or Pokemon trainers? Would we be happy that way?" 

"Scoff," Don said. Perhaps he picked up on Leo trying to hide what he was truly thinking.  "You're lying to us." 

Leon spluttered with a laugh. It's not a true, patented Leon laugh that's trademarked for its condescension and sarcasm, even when he was being genuine. It's a Raph laugh. One of those anxious, overwhelming laughs that were accompanied by fear stink. Raph knew that laugh too well. 

He laughed that laugh a lot. 

If Leon was a snapping turtle like Raph was, Raph was certain that the room would be filled with his fear stink. But Leon's not a snapping turtle, so there was no fear stink to pick up on. 

Leon looked around at his brothers, who were all curious about his thoughts and, realizing that he was outnumbered on this one, Leon's shoulders sagged in defeat. It's not a dramatic action by any means and so Raph knew that it's a Serious Thought. 

"I'm...I was wondering," Leon stumbled through his words before he grew frustrated with the surprising amount of false starts he had to use and finally blurted it out. "Would Gram-Gram still be alive in one of those dimensions?"

After he admitted his thought, Leon was met with silence and Leon really needed this silence to be filled. "Would she be happy? Would she forgive me for not fighting hard enough to make sure she was okay? Would she and Gamps be happy while still alive together? Would there be one where Gamps never wore that stupid armor and never hurt us?" 

. . . . . .   

Raph wasn't expecting that. He wasn't expecting Leon to talk about Gram-Gram so quickly, he wasn't expecting anyone to talk about her so quickly. Her death was still heavy on their minds. Raph had nightmares where he was the one who rightfully took her place because Gram-Gram was more important than him at that moment. She wasn't a failure like he was.

She died protecting them. 

That should have been Raph. 

Angelo was the first one to pull Leon into a hug, wrapping his arms extra tight around his older brother in one of his extra special hugs. Don joined in on the hug and Raph is a little too far away, and can't strain himself with that crack in his shell. Angelo whispered something to Leon, Don following close behind. 

Raph was silent. He made a promise to himself. 

If he ever met Gram-Gram again in any dimension, he'd do everything in his power to make sure she was still alive and happy. He'd follow her to the ends of the earth, do anything and everything to make sure that she was safe. And if he died? That was okay. He would simply be fulfilling his promise and making good on what should have happened in this dimension. Raph would be balancing things out. His life for Gram-Gram's happiness and safety. 

All would be made right. 

"She's not mad at you Leo," Angelo said. "GramGram still loves us, even, even if she can't be here with us."

"I concur with Angelo," Donnie said in the hug. "GramGram doesn't hate you and she doesn't blame you for what happened. I sure don't."

Raph got up, ignoring the pain in his shell, went over to his brothers, and picked them all up in a hug. His brothers' emotional well-being was more important than the crack in his shell. He hugged them tightly, but not too tightly so that he didn't cause them any pain. 

"Aww, I got a Raph hug," Leon said, voice wavering slightly.

"Raph will always give out Raph hugs when needed or desired," he said. 

"Raph, you're straining yourself," Donnie said in annoyance. "That crack in your shell won't get better if you keep doing things like this. Put us down and go lay back down and rest your shell."

"But you guys are more-"

"I know, big guy. I know," Don said, patting his shoulders. "But go rest your shell? For us, please?" 

The alligator snapping turtle did not fight, did not pretend to fight, and sighed in resignation. Raph set the three turtles down. 

"Don, could you bring my thing over?" Raph asked. "I don't feel close enough to you guys."

It sounded really silly to Raph, but he always had a problem being physically far away from his brothers. It's why they were always within arm’s reach of each other when they were in the main areas of the lair, within easy-to-latch-on distance. It's a safety and comfort thing for Raph; knowing that his brothers are okay and knowing that they're close by always brought him a sense of relief. 

That's not to say he can't handle being alone, he can, but sometimes being alone led and bred into loneliness and that's what he couldn't take. He's also somewhat lucky that his brothers knew about his problems and issues being lonely because it made things like this easier to explain and easier for him to get what he needed when he needed it. 

"Well, why didn't you say that in the first place?" Donnie asked. "Leo, bring the cot over closer to us."

Leon did as he was instructed, bringing Raph's cot closer to where the three are, closer to Don's table, and dramatically presented it to his older brother. "There you go, big bro," Leon said. "Now get comfortable, I don't think Don wants to hear any more excuses about why you aren't taking care of your shell."

Raph sighed and did exactly that, laying in the cot on his plastron. Don nodded in approval and returned to drawing the schematics for a prototype. Angelo silently slinked over from Don and Leon, wheeling his rolling chair where Raph was and rested with him. 

Raph thought he might be able to handle this. 

Raph couldn’t really forget that Pops made Leon leader. After all that Raph led the team through, fighting the Shredder two hundred and thirty-one times, all the times that they nearly died, after the hell that they went through, Pops made Leon leader. 

It was a decision that didn’t go over well. Mikey and Donnie were upset at the sudden abrupt transition, Leo was shocked that he got heaped with a new responsibility, and as for Raph? 

Raph felt betrayed. He didn’t really know how to take it at first, how to handle such a weird shift in dynamics. Was he really that terrible after during his time leading? Was he really that bad at the whole team leader thing that Pops felt he needed to be replaced and usurped by his second youngest brother?

Seeing Leo take on some mantle of leadership was interesting in a way. He was a natural at it, confident and self-assured, free of fear stink, compared to Raphael’s anxiousness and constant fumbling. His plans worked whenever they went out on light patrols, and Leon was really just better at this leadership thing in every aspect than Raph ever hoped he could be. 

He couldn’t really be jealous of his brother for doing something better than Raph ever could. He couldn’t be. 

Instead, he felt empty, because what was he really if he wasn’t the leader? He was still their eldest brother but being leader was so inextricably tied to eldest brother that the loss of his position as leader ended up in him losing the title of biggest brother. 

So he tried not to think about it. Until Pops came in to talk to him. 

The alligator snapping turtle had been laying in his bed, soothing music drowning out his thoughts as he cuddled one of his plush animals when Pops peeked through his curtain to his room.

“Red? Can I talk to you?” asked Pops. 

Raph shrugged, mumbled ‘yes’, and waited for his Pops to join him on his bed. He heard his Pops stretch his back, his spine cracking, and his father groaned and moaned in pain as he climbed on the bed. The sheets rustled as Pops scooted closer to him and rested his hand on his son’s arm. 

“Blue no longer wants to be leader,” Pops said. 

So does Pops want him back as leader? Why did Pops want him back as the leader when Leon was doing so much better as him? 

“Why do you want me back as leader? Did you even want me as the leader in the first place when Leon was doing so much better than I was?” he said, baring his snaggletooth at his father, finally allowing himself to even engage with that anger and jealousy that followed him since the Shredder’s defeat. 

Pops doesn’t react to Raph’s display of anger and jealousy. “I did not mean for you to feel this way, Red,” Pops said. “I didn’t make Blue leader because he was ‘better’ than you, that was not the reason at all.”

So what was the reason? Because everything that Raph could think of led to the fifteen-year-old coming to the conclusion that Leon was infinitely better than Raph in every single way. 

“Then why Pops?” Raph asked, desperate need for knowledge bleeding and cracking into his voice. Tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes. “Why him?”

“You needed a break,” Pops said. Simple. To the point. Raph stared blankly at the elder rat, so he continued. “You’re tired. You did so well but you need to rest. You needed a break.”

Of all the things that Raph was expecting to hear, it was not that. He didn’t need to rest. He didn’t need a break, he was still good to go. What was Pops even talking about? 

“What?” Raph said. “I’ve been on a break, I’ve been letting my shell heal and I’m good to go, I’m okay, I can still lead.”

“But you are not okay,” Pops countered, rubbing his hand on his son’s arm. Raph didn’t understand what he meant by that, he was definitely okay, he was more than okay to lead again. How was he not okay? “You took on a very heavy burden by yourself, the weight of the world on your shoulders and that was not a burden you needed or had to take on alone. You have your brothers, you have April, you have me, and we are all safe since we defeated the Shredder. I’ve noticed that you haven’t been whole since then.”

“But I am whole,” Raph argued. What was Pops talking about, him not being whole? He’s complete, he’s whole, he’s okay. Why wasn’t Pops getting this? “I am, I am-”

“You are not,” Pops said again. “I know you are not okay. You may think you’re okay, but I know you are not. I know you are not okay, I know what you said while you and the others were with Todd."

... Oh. 

"But I don't feel that way anymore Pops!" Pops didn’t say anything back but simply stared at him. The alligator snapping turtle wasn’t sure why but that simple stare upset him more than anything. “I don’t! I promise you I’m okay!” 

Pops shook his head and continued stroking his son’s arm. “I wish you would trust us the way we trust you,” he said voice cracking from his son's sorrows. “I know you aren’t okay.”

Raph wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up. His voice was already cracking, tears were streaming down his face, how much longer could he keep this up before he completely broke down. Raph was okay. He’s doing so much better than what he was before, why can’t Pops understand that? Why couldn’t Raph get Pops to understand that he was okay?

He needed to move on from this increasingly cyclical conversation, he needed to understand the true reason why Leon was made leader. It wasn’t because Raph ‘wasn’t okay’ or that ‘he needed to rest.’ It wasn’t, it just couldn’t be. 

So what was it?

“Why Leo?” Raph said again, averting his gaze from the ninja master. “Why him?”

“Well, why not Blue?” Splinter said, challenging him to prove why Leo wasn't fit to be leader.  

“He’s self-centered, over-confident, a goof-ball who doesn’t take things seriously,” Raph counted off, thinking about the many times Leo was exactly those things. Patrols, the Maze of Death, the basketball incident. 

“Blue has potential to be a good leader,” Splinter said. “He’s confident, a good tactician, knows how to adapt and improvise his plans on the fly. You didn’t see his potential when Blue and I were with Big Mama, a woman who is cold, ruthless, and intelligent, and yet he outsmarted her. Even I had my doubts, to be honest, when he was putting me back in the Battle Nexus. Even when he asked me to have some faith in him, I still had my doubts. But his plan worked. It was crazy, but it worked.”  

Leon did have his moments where he had great plans, even when he didn’t explain part or the entirety of his plan, and Raph had to admit they still worked, Even with the basketball thing. Even though Leon did get them into that mess, he managed to figure out a way to help them and gave them hope that they had a chance to beat the other basketball team. Leon had crazy plans, but they worked. 

Unlike Raph’s. 

“Yea,” said Raph, sullen as he nodded his head. Maybe Pops was right to make Leon the leader.

“Blue needs a way to foster his potential,” Pops began. “I think having Blue lead instead of being led would help with that potential.”

“But he’s not going to know what to do,” Raph said. 

Pops nodded. “True, but that is where you and I will come in.”

The fifteen-year-old turned his head back to his father. “What do you mean?”

“Give him a hand, help him when he needs it,” Pops said. “I’ll guide him too.”

Suddenly, Raph was taken over with a flash of frustration, hurt, and betrayal. “How come Leo gets to have you guide him?” he said. That wasn’t fair. “I had to flail, and struggle when I was the leader and I tried to get you to help me but all I got was those stupid Lou Jitsu training videos.”

Raph’s shoulders sagged, and he pulled away from Pops. “I wanted my dad to help me and I didn’t get it but now that Leo’s leader, he gets all the assistance in the world,” he said with a low snarl, the derision and animosity that he’s feeling coming out. 

Pops went silent, and that didn’t help the swirling emotions of hurt, betrayal, and jealousy that was stirring in Raphael’s chest. Why didn’t Raph get guidance from Pops? Why, when he came to Pops looking for help on how to lead the team, he got the Lou Jitsu training videos, an absent father who seemed to care more about his cake and tea than his struggling son? Was Raph really not worthy of Pop’s guidance? What was he missing? What did Leo have that made him worth Pops stepping up and helping him out with the leadership thing? What did Leo have that Raph didn’t have?

Why wasn't Raph good enough for Pops?

“-ed. Red. Red.” 

Hearing his name, Raph turned to look at Pops, who looked at him with downcast eyes. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel this way, Red,” he said. 

Had...had he said all of that out loud? He didn’t remember saying that out loud. When had he said that? “It’s...okay Pops,” Raph said with a sigh. “You didn’t know.”

“Don’t-don’t do that,” Pops said with a ragged, tired voice. The same tired voice that he had not too long after they defeated the Shredder. “Don’t make excuses for me and my failures towards you, Raphael. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Raph clamped his mouth shut, unsure of what to do. He was the reason that Pops sounded tired and gave him that sad look, but he can’t apologize, can’t take back those words he said, so what was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to fix this...this whatever was going on between him and Pops? 

Perhaps, if Raph could pretend that he never said anything, never said anything about his jealousy and hurt at this whole betrayal, then he can at least salvage the rest of this conversation. Then there wouldn’t be this weird awkwardness between the two of them. Then he can continue this conversation, figure out where he fits in on this team because now that he’s not the leader, what was he supposed to be?

His shoulders shook in a little anxious laugh, and he tried to twist his lips in a smile, snaggletooth hanging over. “Forget that I said anything,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Just forget it-”

“No,” Pops said. “I can not just forget what you said. I can not forget that I made you feel this way.”

“Pops, it's not that important. It’s really not.”

“Raphael.”

There goes Pops using his full name again. 

He was serious about this, huh? Raph still wasn’t looking at his Pops, and if he had to be completely honest, he wasn’t really sure if he could look his father in the eyes. Instead, he continued staring off in the distance, silently hoping that he could disappear from this conversation. 

“Raphael,” Pops said again. “Do you think that I would want or try to forget what you just told me? Do you think I would want to forget how I contributed to your feelings? Do you think I want to not help you resolve these feelings that you have?” Pops didn’t say anything for a moment, and Raph didn’t respond. On one hand, he had gotten used to being that wall set up between the two of them and had gotten used to those well of intense emotions building up inside of him. He wouldn’t even know what to do if he actually willingly unloaded his feelings onto Pops. On the other hand, he wouldn’t even know how Pops would react if he ever told him how Pops made him feel and all those twisted up feelings that he repressed on the daily. 

“Red, look at me,” Pops ordered, voice soft, firm and Raph did so with great reluctance. “I need you to know that I am not upset with you. I am not upset with you for how you are feeling and I am sorry that I made you feel this way.” 

And, like a dam bursting beneath the pressure, Raph broke. Pops turned towards his oldest son, held what he could of Raph in his arms as Raph’s shoulders shook and the teenager let out heaving sobs. 

Pops rubbed and stroked his son’s head, doing what he had always done for the alligator snapping turtle when he was a turtle tot. Back then, it was to console his son from his fits of anger, from his nightmares, from his anxiety attacks compared to now, where he’s consoling his eldest son for all of the mistakes that he had made, for all the mistakes that had hurt his son. Back then the simple action was enough to alleviate his son’s anxieties and fears, but now he’s not sure if he could be able to fix all of the things that he has done that had harmed Raph and his other three sons. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t step up to help you when you were struggling,” Pops said. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t worthy of my help and that your brother is. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you had to struggle so much when you were leading your brothers.” 

Raph was still crying heavily. The emotions that he had been harboring and weighing him down, now had some way to let themselves out-even if it was ultimately just drops from a faucet. He roughly rubbed at his eyes, trying to push back the tears that were escaping as though he could just simply put a pause on the tears he was crying and overwhelming emotions that he was intensely feeling right now. Pops’ words were eventually drowned out, the actual words themselves turned to static thanks to how loud he was crying to the point he could only focus on how tightly his father was hugging him, how warm the hug was, how soothing and sincere his voice was. 

A small thin hand brushed across Raph’s face, under his eyes to wipe away the tears and the tracks they’ve made on his face. Raph buried himself in his father’s robes, inhaling the lingering aroma of his sugary cakes and the strong herbal scents of his favorite tea. The softness of Pops robes tickled, the matted stains from spilt tea lightly scritched, and he buried his face further in his dad’s robes to get that sense of comfort that he had been wanting for so long. 

Dull tapping on his head brought him out of his dad’s robes and Raph looked up to see his father looking down at him. “Raphael, I need you to listen and understand me when I say this, alright?” he said. Raph slowly nodded. “You were a fantastic leader, even when you struggled and made mistakes. You protected your family during our most dangerous fight for our lives and I do not have the words to describe how proud I am of you and what you accomplished. You deserve someone to guide you and help you be a more confident leader. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize this until now and I will do everything in my power to make that up to you when you’re completely and one hundred percent ready to become the leader again.”

Pops went silent again. “My son, you need a break. Allow yourself to be led and let us take care of you.”

Raph inhaled deeply several times, trying to speak without his tears clogging his throat. When Raph thought he could manage it, he said, “But what am I if I’m not the leader?” His throat was still a bit scratchy, voice still raw from all the crying he had done. “I’m nothing if I’m not the leader.”

Pops clicked his tongue and shook his head. “That is not true my son. Not at all. You are not nothing. You are an important part of the team. For now, you are our protector.”

“Protector?” Raph said in confusion. 

“Yes. You protect while you lead, but you can’t always do both,” Pops explained. “But being the protector never changes; in the end, it comes down to you.” 

When Raph thought it through, it started to make a little sense. Raph was protective of his brothers and their well-being. Leon, Don, and Angelo would argue that he was being overprotective but Raph disagreed. It was his job as the biggest brother to make sure that they were okay, and he might fail miserably at a lot of things but that was the one thing he tried his absolute hardest not to fail at.

He thought about it a little more and it was starting to make a little more sense. He always struggled with keeping his brothers safe while leading them through their misadventures and general shenanigans. It wasn’t that he wasn’t a bad leader, like Pops said—he had a hard time believing that—but sometimes he just didn’t know how to juggle the two jobs: the job of being their leader, the Fearless Leader who was supposed to be the one they looked to get them out of tough calls and the job of being their big brother, who was supposed to make sure that nothing bad happened to them no matter what. 

Raph thought about it a little more and, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he had failed them. The first and most glaringly obvious instance of this failure was when they had met Big Mama the first time. He had ignored Leon’s distrust of Big Mama, called him a ‘sore winner’ when Big Mama revealed herself to be a giant spider yokai—Alright, Leon really was a sore winner at that moment but Raph didn’t really need to say that out loud when they were tied up. That could have waited until they were completely safe and out of danger. Raph’s naivety had gotten the four of them trapped in the claws of a dangerous villain. There was also the Roof Incident, where Raph, Raph of all turtles had chosen the welfare of the city and the stupid fucking oozesquitoes over his younger brother, Leon, who was trapped and entangled in Draxum’s vines, hanging over the roof of a goddamn building. 

He didn’t call Draxum’s threat, he had thought he was bluffing and was proven so glaringly wrong Draxum threw Leon off the building without hesitation, without remorse, without second-guessing. Of course, Raph went after him, but Raph often dreamed about what would have happened to Leon if the slider had landed on his shell, the blood that would have stained the sidewalk because of Raph’s failure to be smarter and stop thinking with his head in the clouds. 

But he did save Leon because he would always save his younger brothers. He would always save them. No matter what.

Maybe Pops was onto something with him being the family’s protector, maybe he was right about that. “I’m-I’m still the oldest brother, right?” he asked, because even though he’s trying his hardest to cope with the loss of something that had defined him for so long, he was not quite sure how to handle losing the only other thing that had defined him, that made Raph Raph. 

Pops gave a little chuckle in response. “Of course my son, I couldn’t imagine anyone else doing what you do so well,” he said. “Just remember my son, this is not a punishment, but a time for rest. I will always be here to talk if you need to.”

Raph wasn’t sure if he could believe it. He had gotten used to that wall that Pops had built up between the two of them, that wall which had always been there. Of course, the wall had been an irritant when the fifteen-year-old had needed him but over time he had grown to accept it as a part of their relationship. He had learned how to handle some of those awkward emotions that were twisting and turning in his mind and heart. That wasn’t to say that Pops didn’t open up or wasn’t there for them when they needed him in emotional manners, but perhaps Raph had grown up a little faster and recognized the wall that was there between them and their dad. 

Still, Pops had said that he was here for him if he needed to talk to him. He’s been having a lot of thoughts lately that maybe he should talk to his dad about. Karai. Her death. The fact that he should have been the one to die. The fact that he’s feeling a weird sort of exhaustion that he couldn’t cure with sleep-no matter how much sleep he got and that maybe he’s not sure what’s the point of doing anything anymore but he has only felt that way since they defeated the Shredder for good. 

There was a lot that Raph had on his mind. He couldn’t tell his brothers about how he was feeling these things. They would get overprotective, they would ask questions that he didn’t really know the answers to, didn’t really have the words in his jumbled up brain to explain why he was feeling like this. Not to mention, what if they agreed with him on the fact that he should have been the one to die instead of Karai because she was so much more useful to them alive? What if they didn’t get how he was feeling? 

But if he couldn’t tell his brothers, then there was no way he could tell his father. If he told his father these feelings that he was feeling, then there was the chance that that wall could come back up between the two of them. What if Pops didn’t care, wouldn’t get it, or insert some catastrophic outcome that Raph’s brain would come up with? Thinking about it just a little bit already brought up so many what-ifs, Raph couldn’t handle entertaining even more what-ifs and possibilities. 

So for now, maybe he won’t say anything. 

“I know Pops,” he said.

He didn’t know. He still won’t say anything. 

The wall can’t come back up if you didn’t say anything. 

Chapter Text

The schematics and blueprints of the machine Donnie was going to make were finally complete. It’s not quite out of beta, Raph would imagine Donnie saying. It was time to go to the junkyard and scavenge for metal, parts, scraps, and other things that Donnie could use to make the machine. 

Too bad the only junkyard that was close by and the only one that would accept them was Repo Mantis’. Raph had remembered how they had duped him-but it was only out of necessity, he told himself, they really needed that piece of Shredder’s Dark Armor. He had hoped that Repo wasn’t too angry at the four of them.

The four turtles had parked the Turtle Tank outside of the junkyard, hopped out, and made their way inside the junkyard. Don and Angelo had donned one of their infamous disguises while Leon and Raph didn’t bother with putting on a disguise. 

They entered the junkyard and saw Repo under the hood of one of his cars, a speaker sitting on a little bench next to him, blasting eighties and nineties music. Repo was moving in rhythm to the music, singing slightly off-key, and was too involved in his craft to notice the four turtles entering the junkyard.

“Huh, Repo’s kinda like Don, a little bit,” Angelo said out of the blue. 

Right now, Raph wished he had eyebrows so that he could quirk one upwards as he stared at Angelo. “What do you mean?”

Angelo stared at Repo’s dancing form, still lost in the rhythm of both his music and the monotony of his work. “That’s how Don gets whenever he’s working on things,” he explained. “Only thing that would break him out is some loud crash or one of us bugging him for some self-care.”

“Well then,” Leo leaned in between Raph and Angelo with a no-good grin, “We just have to be very quiet.”

There was a thing that Don talked about when he was constructing the blueprints, something about how anything could go wrong, would go wrong. Murphy’s Law, Raph remembered, that sounded like their entire lives as a whole. From patrols, simple outings, and everything that Raph, Leon, Don, and Angelo (and to an extent, April) were involved in, always managed to go haywire and end up having to outrun the chaos that snowballed throughout their adventures. 

Leon, upon saying that, made Raph expect something to go wrong. The fourteen-year-old took a step forward and slid on a hubcap, sending him careening towards a pile of scraps and assorted car parts before finally stopping and crashing into said pile of scraps and assorted car parts. 

There goes Murphy’s Law in action. Raph preferred to call it Hamato Luck or Turtle Luck. It seemed much more appropriate for them. 

As expected, the noise from the crash brought Repo out of his work-induced trance. The mutant jumped, hitting his head on the hood of the car. He loudly swore, rubbing a sore spot on his head and pulling himself from under the hood. Repo turned his body towards the source of the disruption and spotted Leon. 

“What are you doing here?” Repo growled, then turned around to see Raph, Don, and Angelo. Upon seeing Don and Mikey, he growled again, swiping his wrench in his hand as he stalked towards them. 

“You two!” he snarled, smacking his wrench in his hand, the distance between the three closing, and Raph instinctually stepped in front of the two younger turtles. “I am getting sick and tired of you two constantly stepping in my junkyard and scamming’ me! I will not be sweet-talked with your promises of wealth! No more!”

Repo reared his body back and lunged, wrench held up in hand, ready to strike at Don and Mikey but was stopped by Raph, who stopped him mid-strike, sweeping his long tail at Repo’s legs and caught him right before he fall on his back and held the mantis by his arm several inches above the ground. Repo Mantis kicked and flailed in Raph’s grip. 

Huh, Raph had managed to stop Repo from attacking his brothers. Now, what should he do?

“Leave my brothers alone,” he said, forcing himself to stay calm. 

Repo didn’t stop. Didn’t stop kicking and flailing in Raph’s grip. “I’m getting sick and tired of these two shits comin’ here and ruining what lil hopes I got!” 

Raph blinked, “So you’re going to kill a thirteen and fourteen-year-old for tricking you?” Repo was greedy, ambitious, cunning, sure, but Raph wasn’t really sure that he would try to kill two children for something like that. 

Then Raph remembered that Draxum tried to do the same thing to them so many times, so Raph was on the fence right now. 

All of Repo’s aimless flailing and struggling ceased. “What?” he said, voice hoarse. “They’re kids?”

“Yea?” said Raph. “We all are?”

Repo pointed his wrench at Angelo’s and Don’s forms hiding behind Raph. “How old are orange and purple?”

“Angelo’s thirteen and Don is fourteen,” Raph said in a slow voice. 

Repo pointed his wrench in Leon’s direction, “How old is the blue one?”

“He’s also fourteen,” Raph said. 

“And you?” 

“I’m fifteen.”

Repo went quiet. “Holy shit, I was going to try and kill children,” he said, voice distant and far away as he processed this groundbreaking information. “Draxum had me trying to kill kids. What the fuck. What the fuck, what the fuck? ”

Draxum recruited Repo? Raph didn’t remember that and then he remembered the Evil League of Mutants, their fight in New Jersey, and how that was the night that they found out Lou Jitsu was their biological dad. “Oh yea, that happened,” Raph said absently. “I thought you knew we were kids?”

“No?” Repo Mantis said, emphatically shaking his head with more vigor than necessary. Then he slapped his hands to his face and slowly dragged them down. “I can not believe I got kids involved in my repo business.”

Wait, Repo did what? “You got them involved in your nonsense?” Raph asked.

“I didn’t know!” Repo waved his wrench around. “Also, you mind putting me down big guy?”

“You have a wrench in your hands,” Raph said, voice flat. “You tried to hurt my brothers, intent on trying to kill them. I don’t think I should.”

“Look, kiddo, I will cheat, I will steal, and I will lie but I swear on my parents’ graves that I never wanted to involve kids in what I do nor I never wanted to hurt kids,” Repo said. “If I had known that you all were kids, I would have pulled out of the Evil League of Mutants.”

“So you won’t hurt my brothers?” Raph said 

Repo inhaled and let out a deep sigh. “No, I promise that I won’t.”

“If he does, we can feed him to Mrs. Nubbins,” Leon interjected from the pile of scraps and parts he was buried in. “I’m okay though, thanks for asking!”

Raph eyed Repo’s slumped form. All the fight in the mutant’s body was gone and Raph seemed to believe that Repo was telling the truth. “Alright,” he began, slowly lowering Repo back on to his feet. “But if you try to hurt my brothers, I’ll hurt you.”

Repo turned to look at the alligator snapping turtle and then decided to wipe the imaginary dust off of himself, seeming unphased by Raph’s threat. “Yeah, that sounds completely fair,” he said in agreement. “I even give you permission to feed me to Mrs. Nubbins.”

“Okay,” Raph said. “Don, go help Leon up.”

Don scrambled over to his twin and helped him up. Repo watched the purple masked turtle help the blue one get up, quickly checked over him, scrambled back to Raph, and turned to the oldest turtle. “So what are you all here for?” 

“Don’s here to get salvage parts for a machine he wants to make,” he explained. 

Repo nodded. “I see. Tell Don that if he needs certain parts that he can’t find, then I’ll see what I can do to get them for him,” he said. 

“Wait, you’re just gonna let us into your junkyard?”

“Yes,” Repo bristled. “Gotta start making it up to you all somehow. Besides, you and the blue one- Leon, right?” Raph nodded, “You two gremlins fed my Mrs. Nubbins, so you all can’t be all that bad I guess.”

“Uh, thanks,” Don said. His awkwardness was beginning to shine through. “Come on guys, let’s start looking for stuff.”

Angelo, Leon, and Raph followed after Don deeper into the junkyard, starting their quest to salvage equipment. Raph heard some angry, hurt grumbling from Repo before he ventured deeper, something along the line of “I can’t believe the bastard tricked me into hurting kids,” and “I’ll fucking take this wrench to that bastard’s goddamn face the next time I see him.”

“Raph?” Don called out. “You coming? We already found some stuff and we’ll need you to carry some of it.”

The fifteen-year-old blinked, yelled out, “Hold on, I’m coming!”, and went to where Don and the other two turtles were to help them out. 

Maybe... maybe this protector thing might be working out. 

Raph, Don, Leon, and Angelo were all in Don’s lab, the four turtles sorting through the scraps of metal and whatnot that they had salvaged from Repo’s junkyard.

“So,” Raph said, folding his arms. “You two got involved with Repo Mantis?”

Angelo sucked in his teeth, while Don suddenly gained a deeper interest in his pile of junk that he was sorting.

Raph was not amused, leaning back and looking at the two turtles disapprovingly. “One of you better start talking.”

Don and Angelo didn’t move. 

“Alright,” he shrugged. “I guess Angelo can’t go out to do his tagging this weekend. I know that April was looking for-”

Suddenly, he was face to face with Angelo, who stared at him with giant eyes, pleading at him not to go through with his punishment. “Raph, please don’t do that!!!” he cried. “It’s been so difficult trying to hang with April since she’s got a new job! This is one of her few days off where she isn’t sleeping!”

Keeping up the bad cop act, “Well then, I suggest you tell me what you all were doing when you worked for Repo.”

“We really wanted to get the Jupiter Jim Moon Buggy, but we didn’t have money on us so Repo had us go around repo’in Todd’s RV.”

“Todd? Todd as in the guy with the really cute puppies?” Leo butted in. "That Todd?"

“Yea,” Don said, tossing away a scrap to use later. “Had to build him a house for him and the puppies just so we can take the goddamn RV.”

“Huh, so that’s how he got the house,” Raph said, stroking his chin in thought. “Continue Angelo,”

Angelo took a deep breath. “Okay, so we bring back the RV, and turns out Repo was going to keep the Moon Buggy and charge Jupiter Jim fans big money to sit in it!”

“Then we took it from him and went on a joyride through the city as we ran away.”

“And then we used the Bug Zapper 3000 on him,” Angelo said with pride, puffing his chest up in pride. “It’s in the garage! With the Turtle Tank!”

“Wait why haven’t we seen the Moon Buggy then?”

"It's the Turtle Tank," Don said. 

Raph stared at the two for a moment. “You electrocuted Repo Mantis?”

Don shrugged in the same way he would whenever he tried to create a positive spin on whatever he’s done. “Well, at least we gave Todd and the puppies a permanent home?”

“You electrocuted Repo Mantis,” Raph said again. “I don’t think it’s considered very hero-like to electrocute people and I don’t think it’s considered to be setting up a good example for your younger brothers.”

“Well-” 

“I know not to electrocute people!” Angelo piped up. 

Raph simply looked at him. “Do you really, Micheal?”

“... Not until now.”

Leon came in to save the day. “Hey, Raph, what are your thoughts on Sonic?”

Raph immediately whipped his head and said, “Every version of Sonic is blasphemous.” He stared at Leon for several seconds before huffing in annoyance at how easily distracted he was and lightly shook his head at his brothers’ laughter. 

Don was at the point of building his machine where it wasn’t quite done, but needed some special energy source to power the machine, and the only place he could get it was from the Hidden City. Raph had silently hoped that there was some ultra high tech piece of technology that they had to keep safe from the Purple Dragons because Raph wasn’t really sure if he was ready to go back into the Hidden City so soon since, you know, the Shredder, their father almost dying, and seeing wisps of Gram Gram Karai’s spirit flutter away into a peaceful afterlife. 

A lot weighed heavily on Raph’s mind, and he just didn’t want to step foot back into the liveliness of the Hidden City quite so soon. But his brothers did, they wanted to so that they could get this energy source for the trans-dimensional portal and he assumed that they’re all so hyper-focused on building this machine because they needed something to distract themselves from everything that had happened and who was Raph to deny them what they needed?

A bad big brother, for sure. Raph was a big turtle, literally and figuratively, so all he needed to do was get over himself and not let his fear and anxiety get in the way of his brothers trying to enjoy their time in the Hidden City. 

Angelo, Leon, Don, and Raph journeyed their way to the Hidden City and landed back on the pier where this whole thing started, not too far away from the crumbling remains of Draxum’s old lab, with the four of them standing there, staring across the vast open expanse of the city. Oranges darker and brighter than Angelo’s mask blended into blazing yellows, dark greens, that transitioned into cool, brilliant, and calming blues when looking upwards. Various yokais made their way across the open expanse. 

Nostalgia crept up in Raph. This same scenery that was laid out in front of them, this same pier was where their whole hero journey started. He was eventually overcome by all the memories of everything that had occurred from this one moment. It made Raph feel warm from the good times that they had, it made him feel cold, slightly bitter because on some level this whole thing was Draxum’s fault. Draxum was a self-fulfilling prophecy, he was ultimately the threat to all of humanity, mutant-kind, and the very yokais that he had fought so hard to defend. Draxum caused the Shredder to come back thanks to his stupid hatred and obsession with Raph and his brothers, he was the reason that they had fought the Shredder two hundred and thirty-one times, he was the reason that their lair was destroyed(even though Draxum put it back together and better than before), he was the reason that Karai died. It made him feel all of these twisted and jumbled up emotions, those same conflicting emotions that he had when he talked to Dad, and all of that confused him because he didn’t know what to do with them. 

He didn’t want to deal with them right now or at all, didn't want to consider how they would affect him, so Raph buried them. Buried them like his father did when his mother left him behind. 

Raph was on a mission: help Donnie get this energy source and to make sure his brothers had a good time. Making sure that they didn’t end up in jail like last time was also an important mission of his but this objective was more so implied than anything. 

Leon turned back and looked at Draxum’s old lab. Upon first glance and now that they knew what he had used it for, it was an ugly, obnoxious eyesore that needed to be stay destroyed so that Draxum could never go back to the darker parts of what he was and so that no idiotic arrogant, power-hungry manic could never use Draxum’s lab as a base and jumpstart their own self-serving plans. 

“Weird to be back so close to where it all started huh?” Leon said with an awkward chuckle. Raph thought it was nice that he wasn’t the only one who felt this weird sense of conflict. “This was where our hero journey started!”

“You think they could make a statue of us?” Don said, face glued to his phone. “For you know, saving the world.”

Angelo rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet, then shook his head. “They’d have to include April, Casey, and Draxum,” he said. “I don’t think the Council of Heads want to include humans, much less so one who helped aid in the Shredder’s return, or include Barry since he technically committed war crimes and treason. I don’t think they want criminals for statues in general.” 

“Is that a long way of saying no? A simple no would have sufficed.” “Leon, you have to have things explained to you before you can really accept it, especially when you’re told no.” 

Leon leaned back, hand on his plastron in dramatic mock offense. “I am not some stupid kid who you have to break down everything to,” he said. “Besides, April said that humans topside have statues and monuments dedicated to awful people. Like Columbus. Maybe yokai would do the same thing here?”

Don looked up from his phone, giving his twin an unamused look. “Are you sure about that?”

Leon’s mouth opened, continuing his offended charade. Angelo snickered at the twins’ shenanigans and Raph allowed himself a little laugh. 

They should probably start looking for that energy source, get away from Draxum’s lab seeing as it was seriously starting to wig Raph out. “Don, where are we going?”

“Looking at the Hidden City map, my dear Raphael,” Don said. “It seems we might have to go to the Pirate Bazaar. Leo, if you will kindly open the portal?”

“Yea, yea, sure.” Leon pulled out one of his katanas and opened a portal. The classic portal with its bright blue rims glowed in front of the four boys and they all went into the portal. 

Raph was glad to be away from what remained of Draxum’s lab, away from the emotions that he felt. 

The four boys ended up on the brink of the Pirate Bazaar. Don made a smart comment about how Leon’s portals finally worked, Leon glared, and Angelo grinned at the two turtles. Raph affectionately rolled his eyes at the twins.

“Come on guys,” Raph said, walking into the chaos of the docks. “We got a mission to complete.”

Don, Leon, and Mikey followed after Raph, trailing behind their big brother like baby ducks following their mother. They all were lured in by several different vendors, all of whom were selling some form of mystical artifacts but Donnie turned each and every one of them down, saying something about how they weren’t ‘powerful enough.’

Raph didn’t question Donnie’s methods at all, still guiding the three along through several more vendors, hoping that this trip wouldn’t turn out to be a complete bust. 

And then Raph heard something that caught his attention and made his heart skip several beats. 

“Heinous! It’s that punk who pretended to be you!” One of the Mud Dogs called out, grabbing the attention of the other two and Heinous Green himself. “The one with the red mask!”

“Raph?” Don looked at his older brother. Confusion clear in his voice, “What’s going on?”

Raph didn’t say anything, only scooping his three younger brothers in response, threw them over his shoulders like they were nothing but a bag of potatoes, and started running out the bazaar. Heavy footsteps rumbled and shook the ground below him, Raph knew that Heinous was in his kaiju form and was hot on his feet. 

“Why are we being chased by a Godzilla sized yokai?” Leon asked. “What did you do Raph?”

“The more appropriate term is kaiju.” 

“I don’t think anyone really cares what the correct term is when you’re being chased by a fucking giant!”

“Did you commit identity theft? That’s a crime Raph!”

“Quiet!” Raph yelled back. “I can’t think straight with all of these questions!”

A quiet chuckle, “Haha, think straight. Impossible, none of us are straight.”

Raph growled, both out of annoyance and panic, prompting the three younger turtles to quiet down. Heinous was still on his feet, Leonard, Mickey, and Danny not too far behind the four brothers. There were panicked screams from several yokai passerbys, who all scrambled to get out of the way and move to safety. 

Raph never stopped running. The Mud Dogs occasionally closed in the distance between them and Raph’s mystic punch gave him a little more distance away from the four. 

Angelo, Don, and Leon’s panic drove them to ask their big brother more questions and Raph had to block them out so he could concentrate on keeping them safe. 

Eventually, he ended up close to familiar territory. The ramp leading into mushroom forest from the first time he was being chased by Heinous. He felt slightly comforted by the pale, fluorescent blues that was radiating off the giant mushrooms. 

The heavy footsteps stopped and Raph was not comforted by the lack of Heinous’ hulking figure behind him. They were extremely close to the end of the ramp, when the ramp shook and trembled from underneath the turtles and Raph knew that was Heinous jumping down to discombobulate them. 

What Heinous didn’t expect, what Heinous didn’t account for was that Raph had remembered how Heinous fought and that he had improved from their last encounter. He wasn’t quite sure if fighting and defeating the Shredder could or should be considered a mark of improvement, but for now, Raph will consider it.

Either way, Raph had expected Heinous to use his weight to throw them off. Hell, Raph would have done the same because he had, with his brothers. It’s just something any heavyweight fighter would do. Raph used the shaking and trembling of the ramp to perfectly time his jump off the ramp, much to the chagrin and delight of his younger brothers. 

“Raph, are you crazy?!!” “You just signed our doom!” “I’m too pretty to die like this!”

Falling down, this time was much different from when he was at Todd’s, much different from the Roof incident. There was no panic, no sense of rush like the Roof Incident, but rather a sense of calm, a purposefulness that he hadn’t experienced since Todd’s. 

Then there was a heaviness that he grew comfortable with, the heaviness that was associated with his giant shadow clones. 

Alright, time to fight back. Heinous threw a punch that Raph’s shadow clone easily dodged, followed by another punch that Raph had caught, pulled his hand back, and threw his own punch at Heinous sent the yokai stumbling backwards into a grove of mushrooms. He made sure to make it so that his punch was powerful enough to send a warning to Heinous and the Mud Dogs but not powerful enough to gravely hurt the four of them. 

“Leave me alone!” Raph yelled out. “I want nothing more to do with you!”

“You’ll have nothing more to do with me when I’m done with you!” Heinous pushed himself back up and cracked his neck. “You brought yourself into this when you pretended to be me,” Heinous said in a roar lunging forward at Raph. “You tried to profit off of my hard-earned reputation, tried to take something that was mine for your own wants and needs.”

“Raph? You impersonated a criminal?” asked Angelo. 

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Raph weaved in out of Heinous’ punches with ease. “I didn’t want to!” he yelled. The unfairness of this whole thing finally getting to him. “The stupid cops thought I was you! Then they,” he pointed at the three Mud Dogs on Heinous’ shoulders. “Thought I was you!”

Raph managed to get in some of his own punches, anger at this whole situation finally found its way out, and he wasn’t quite in the mood to stop it. “I was scared! I didn’t know what they were going to do to me if I admitted I wasn’t you!” he yelled back, remembering how afraid he was that whole time, how hard he was trying to get them caught, how he panicked every time the three yokai were successful with his harebrained ideas, how he constantly consulted Mind Raph throughout the whole ordeal. 

 He's done. He can't take this anymore. “I’m fifteen for FUCKS sake!”  he finally snapped, voice cracking slightly. The weight of everything, Shredder, Karai, them fighting for their lives had gotten to him and he was only fifteen. Raph was only fifteen and he did all of that, he was only fifteen and he could have died. He should have died.

Raph was still fifteen. It wasn’t fair that he or his brothers had to go through all of that. That they had to save the world and that they still had to deal with stupid shit like this. 

It just wasn’t. 

Heinous stopped mid-punch and pulled his arm back. He looked at Leonard, Mickey, and Danny before he turned to look at Raph in confusion. “You’re fifteen?” Heinous croaked out, and Raph was reminded of the moment that Repo found out that they were all kids.

Unlike before, there wasn’t that exhaustion that Raph felt from before. Instead, there was that boiling anger that he hadn’t truly felt in so long that was bubbling up. “Yes! I’m fifteen!”

“Holy fuck,” Heinous said aloud, holding a hand up to his face in disbelief.

“I can’t believe that spidery bitch ,” he spat out with the same amount of venom that Pops had towards Draxum during their dinner in his apartment. “Tricked me into killing kids for her.”

Heinous resumed his normal form and placed the Mud Dogs on the ground next to him. “You can come down kid,” he said. “We won’t hurt you.”

Anymore, Raph noted silently. 

“You think it’s safe, Raph?” said Leon. 

“I dunno,” Raph said. 

“Maybe they’ll be like Repo,” Angelo said by way of suggestion. “Maybe they won’t hurt us anymore, maybe they’ll warm up to us like Repo did.”

“Maybe,” Raph said absently.

“I think you should come down, Raph,” Don said softly.  “Don’t overexert yourself by holding up the shadow clone anymore than necessary.”

Raph sighed. Maybe his brothers had a point. He powered down his shadow clone so that he could safely bring down himself and his brothers back to the ground, and once they were back on the ground, he subtly pushed the three turtles behind him, sais in hand at his sides, ready to attack if Heinous and the Mud Dogs so much as moved out of turn.

“Look kid,” Heinous said and Raph had to look up at him. He’d gotten used to being the tallest and having to look down to everyone he talked to that looking up seemed so foreign to him. “If I’d had known-if we had known that you were fifteen, we wouldn’t have gone after you like that, especially now.”

“Draxum knew that we were kids but that didn’t stop him,” Raph said, surprising everyone with the amount of vitriol in his voice. “So forgive me if I’m not inclined to believe you.”

Danny stepped forwards, causing Raph to fully brandish his sais in full view and Danny got his message, stopping in his tracks. “Let us, let us make it up to you,” he said. “Anything you want or need, we can help you get it.”

“Anything?” 

“Anything,” Leonard echoed.

Raph gritted his teeth. “Fine,” he said. “Don needs an energy source for a machine he’s building. We were looking in Pirate’s Bazaar but then you saw us and here we are.”

“What kinda machine are we talking about?” said Mickey. 

“One that would allow travel to another dimension,” Don said. “Imagine it, traveling to another dimension and exploring what it has to offer. Maybe you could even meet another version of you.”

“Could it travel into the past?” 

Don tilted his head in that smug, smart-aleck sort of way. “Trans-dimensional travel is hard enough, I don’t think I have the resources to build a time travel machine."  

“Well, you can’t use any regular old energy source,” Danny said. “Something that powerful would probably be at the Auction House.” 

“One problem though,” said Leon. “You can only get there by flight.”

Raph turned around and looked down at Leon. “And how do you know how to get there?”

Leon looked away from Raph, holding his hands up in surrender. “What would you say if I told you that I broke into the Auction House with Piel and Hueso to help them reconcile?” he said with a nervous grin on his face.

The fifteen-year-old sucked in his teeth and groaned. “Leon." 

“But I did a good deed!” Leon objected. “So you can’t be too mad about that.”

“Maybe. How are we supposed to get there? None of us can fly.”

“I could portal us there?” Leon said, using one of his katanas to create a portal. “There we go, gentlemen, and Mud Dogs.”

Heinous eyed the portal strangely. “You sure that thing won’t crush us or turn us into some sort of flesh soup?”

Raph narrowed his eyes at Heinous, “I trust my fourteen-year-old brother more than you right now,” he said. “So either you get in the portal or you figure out how to get to the Auction House on your own. Which is it?”

He felt Angelo snake his hand in Raph’s, clench it tightly, and he felt slightly calmer than before. 

Heinous Green held his hands up. “Alright, big guy, you trust the kid, so we’ll trust you. Right Mud Dogs?” Leonard, Mickey, and Danny murmured in agreement. 

“Fine. Then you go in the portal first and we’ll follow right after,” Raph said, still distrustful of the four yokai. 

The orc yokai and the three walked towards the portal, with Angelo, Don, and Leon following after them and Raph being the last one to enter the portal. 

Chapter Text

The eight of them stepped through the portal and had entered into a place that was completely new to Raph, but the one thing that caught his eyes was that this place was filled to the brim with valuables. Gold coins, rare paintings, the works. Everything that was in this room was more valuable than Raph had owned or will ever own. More valuable than what his Pops has ever owned as well. 

“Leonard, look at this,” Mickey said in awe. “Imagine if we got like a tenth of this stash, we’d be set for life!”

“No, there are always banks we could rob,” Danny said, holding a hand on Mickey's chest to stop him from diving into the piles of gold and treasure. “Something about this doesn’t feel right.”

Hearing Danny say that made Raph uneasy. It made Raph wonder, “Leon, where are we exactly?” Raph said. 

Leon didn’t seem to hear him, bringing a hand up to his chin in thought. “Ya know, for an Impenetrable Vault, it didn’t really seem all that impenetrable,” he said aloud.

“Leonardo, what did you-”

“Oh,” a honeyed voice said from above, a voice that they all recognized. “My sweet, naive higgledy-piggledies, that’s because I let you in.”

“Big Mama,” Raph hissed. He whipped his head towards Leon, “You somehow forgot to tell us that we are in Big Mama’s auction house?!”

“Well, I’m sorry! I was blindsided by Don Sauve!” Leon shouted in a panic. “Seeing a man like that really makes you forget a lot of other things!”

“Who the heck is Don Suave?” said Angelo. 

Don threw his hands up, “Beats me.” 

“Oh Don Suave, what a man,” Big Mama whispered out, voice crescendoing into a whimsical, illusory litl crawling down the wall of the vault and into their line of view. “I wish that I could gaze upon his handsomeness just once more.”

Big Mama eyed the turtles. “Hello, my turtleyboos, what brings you here in my vault?” Then she caught sight of Heinous Green and the Mud Dogs. “Heinous Green and the lovely Mud Dogs, what brings you here and with the turtles of all mutants?”

“Stop with the bullshit Big Mama,” Heinous said. “You had us try and kill a child.”

“You say that like knowing that piece of information would have changed anything,” she said. 

Heinous Green’s mouth twitched in a dangerous, wrathful snarl, “You knew damn well it would have changed EVERYTHING!”  He felt his muscles started to bulge and grow and he knew that he was on the verge of turning back into his kaiju form and that he needed to reign in his anger. “You knew that I or the Mud Dogs don’t go after kids, you manipulative, shrewd bitch!”

Big Mama gave a half-shrug, “Whoopsie-daisy, I must have forgotten,” she said and Heinous is even more disturbed by how unaffected she seems to be. 

“I’ll ‘forget’ when I come over there and beat the shit out of you,” Heinous started before being pulled back by Danny. 

The jorogumo chuckled. “Again, none of you have answered my question: why are you in my vault?” 

No one answered her. 

Big Mama’s smile faded and she lowered herself to the eight of them, narrowing her six eyes at them. “Answer the question, why are you in my vault?”

Raph looked away from her. “We’re looking for something,” he said. 

“And what makes you think I’ll give you whatever it is you’re looking for?”

“Because you owe it to us,” Raph said. 

She turned her head to Raph and got uncomfortably close to the fifteen-year-old. “And what makes you think I owe you anything?”

“You’re the one who kidnapped and trapped us in that stupid Battle Nexus of yours,” he said, pointing his finger at her. "You’re the one who let out the Shredder and used him for a stupid competition. You’re the reason why we had to destroy the Crying Titan.”

You’re the reason why Gram-Gram is dead, he didn’t say. You’re the reason why we lost our home, he didn’t say. You’re the reason why we are so hurt right now, he didn’t say. 

“These things are all true, my little perspicacious turtle,” she said, with a slight jerk of her head. “But what of it?”

“How do you think other yokai would feel if they found out you kidnapped and trapped a bunch of children in your stupid battle arena? How do you think they feel knowing that you were part of the reason why we had to destroy a sacred shrine?” Raph pushed onwards, taking the advantage that he had just planted. “Those patrons of yours, they’re greedy and selfish, but I don’t think they’re that greedy to be okay with children fighting for their lives or that selfish to not care about the Crying Titan being destroyed.”

“Wait a minute, that was you at the Crying Titan?” Leonard asked, pointing to the four turtles. Raph nodded. “What the fuck have you done to these kids Big Mama?”

“You don’t care about anyone but yourself or your money or how you can use someone for your own ends, but I think you would care about people not respecting you or not funding you if they found out what you’ve done,” Raph said. 

Big Mama leaned back, and shoulders shaking as she loudly laughed, her laughter reedy, mocking, and overall grating to Raph’s ears. “Are you blackmailing me?” 

“No, I’m just telling you the facts,” he said. "Why? Scared that you'll lose the funding you need for your business?"

Then Big Mama stopped laughing, seemed to deliberate on what Raph said, and clamped her mouth shut. “Alright, what exactly are you looking for?”

“We need something that will power a machine for travel between dimensions,” Raph said, hating that he had to explain their plans to her, of all yokai. 

Big Mama nodded. “Let me see if I have something absolutely fantasmagorical that will suit your needs,” she said before scuttling off in the deeper part of her vault and coming back several moments later with a crystal in her hands. The crystal was a bright, incandescent blue and it was small in Big Mama’s hands but how brightly the glow radiating off of it showed off how powerful it truly was. 

Raph wondered how she managed to get something like that in her hands. Whatever he thought, it was nothing good. 

Hesitantly, Raph took the crystal out of her hands. “No tricks, no gimmicks, no nothing? You’re just going to let us take something like this from you?” he said, wary of the yokai and he had every right to be. 

“No tricks, no gimmicks, no biddly-diddly misdirections,” she said. “You can trust me.”

“Seeing what happened the last time we did, I don’t think so,” Raph said back. 

“Oh, if anything happens, we can settle it in a fizzywinkle,” she said with a ginger smile. 

Raph frowned at the crystal and then narrowed his eyes at her. “If this turns out to be one of your tricks to get back at us or hurt us-”

“You’ll what?” she challenged. “You’ll expose me?”

“No. I’ll take you out of our lives. Permanently,” Raph said. A small, ever-growing part of him willing to go through it.  

Big Mama said nothing after that and Raph seemed satisfied with that. “Leon, open a portal,” he said. “Mad Dogz… and Mud Dogs, we’re out.”

Both teams filed into the portal, with Raph being the last one to enter the portal.

Spending time with Casey got his mind off of things. Turned out, she had really liked the idea of going on the streets on patrols and protecting people from harm. Red Angel kinda thought that she was really into it because her and Red Angel’s patrols allowed her to work out all of her aggressive hyperactivity and it just so happened to be in the form of beating up criminals. 

Red Angel could work with that. 

Tonight was one of their patrol nights. The two teens were standing on top of a building. Casey in her Foot uniform that she had chosen to swap out the red wrappings for a dark green. Raph was in his black bodysuit and red shawl. 

“The Red Angel of Preventing Harm is ready to go!” he said aloud. 

Casey looked at him. “You do know that if you took the first letter of each word, it just spells your name right?”

He shifted his gaze from her to the ground to her again. “No?” he said, not a statement, rather a question.

It was something he had never thought about too deeply. “Red Angel is ready to go when you are?” he tried again. 

Casey nodded, bouncing her leg. “I know big guy,” she said. “Let’s go.”

They traveled through several blocks of New York and ended up stopping Meat Sweats in his latest scheme, several Foot recruits engaging in petty crimes, and a few petty criminals from harming innocents. Casey had to call it a night, because she knew that Red Angel would go on for longer than he could and would run himself into the ground if he gave himself a choice. That he would fight and fight until he’s bloody and hurt and recklessly fights whatever comes his way, not caring if he hurts himself in the process.

 It’s to keep the people of New York safe, he said. 

Like he should have kept Gram-Gram safe, Red Angel didn’t say aloud. 

She ordered the two of them food. A sub for her,  a hamburger for him, as well as a large bag of fries for the both of them, and they ate their celebratory meal in comfortable silence on the rooftop where they started their patrol. 

“How are you holding up Red?” Casey asked. 

Red Angel wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, if he could answer that. His answer is that he won’t answer the question, he needed to keep himself and the others sane. “How are you holding up?” he asked instead.

Casey tilted her head. “I’m...I’m holding up,'' she said. “It feels weird not being a part of the Foot Clan anymore since it was pretty much my entire life. I think hanging out with you and doing something that feels normal helps out a bit.”

Huh, Red Angel hadn’t expected to hear that. That was nice to know, made him feel a bit more at ease that his protector and helper status not only helped him, the citizens of New York but he also helped Casey. 

“That’s nice to hear,” he said into his straw, voice consumed by the straw as he took a sip of his soda.

Casey shoved a few fries in her mouth. “You never answered my question, Red,” she said. “How are you holding up?”

Red Angel looked at her and shrugged. It was the best he could do at the moment, he told himself. 

The ninja sagged her shoulders and looked away from him. “It’s okay, you know… okay to be lost, okay to not be okay. Especially after all that we went through,” she said. Red Angel thought hearing such a soft voice coming out of Casey of all people was so jarring for him. “I don’t think you are either.”

She sounded like Pops, talking about him not being okay. Red Angel was okay. Raph was okay. They were all okay. They were more than okay. Why were they all insistent on him not being okay?

“We-I’m fine,” he said, correcting himself so that Casey didn’t give them any odd looks. 

“Your cuts,” she said, “We should get them fixed up.”

Red Angel shook his head, he liked feeling the pain from the cuts. The sting in the cuts grounded him, reminded him of the pain that he should have taken in Gram-Gram’s place. Having them bandaged took away that sting, gave him comfort he felt he didn’t deserve. 

“They aren’t too bad,” he said instead. “They need a little air anyways.”

“We’ll fix you up when you get to the lair." 

Red Angel didn’t want that but if he refused, then she would get concerned and that wouldn’t end well for Raph. 

“Okay,” Red Angel replied, taking in the pain before his only sense of relief was taken away. 

Red Angel was okay. Raph was okay. They all were okay. 

Because what was Red Angel if he couldn’t make sure Raph was okay?

Today was Raph’s sixteenth birthday. Today was supposed to be a grand, special day. April had prattled on and on weeks before today about how sweet and special it was supposed to be. 

But Raph didn’t feel sixteen. He didn’t feel those warm fuzzy feelings April had said he would feel, he just felt… exhausted. 

Raph did not feel sixteen, but he felt so much older than sixteen, so much older than his father and Draxum. He had felt like he had already done so much in his life, that he had reached the height of it, that he had peaked and that there was nothing left to live for. 

He heard loud whispering outside of his room, telling him that his younger brothers were outside. The curtain to his room slid open, Leon, Angelo, and Don slid into his room and began to sing Happy Birthday.

Raph pulled himself out of his pillow, and stared at his brothers as they edged closer to him while they continued to sing Happy Birthday. His three brothers had wide smiles stretched across their faces as they sang and they were so happy for him, so happy that he made it another year, why wasn’t he happy?

Why was Raph not happy? Why was he the only one who felt empty and cold?

His brothers were happy, they expected him to be happy, how could anyone not be happy when it’s their birthday? So Raph would fake a smile, at least for his brothers’ sake. The corners of his mouth twitched into a very Raph-like smile, or at least as Raph-like as he could make it 

“Happy Birthday Raphie!” Angelo said in a squeal, thrusting a birthday cookie at him. 

“Happy Birthday bro,” Don and Leon chorused. 

Raph reached out to grab the cookie from Angelo and then decided last minute to pull his youngest brother into his lap, giving the orange-banded turtle some noogies. 

“Raaaaaph!” Angelo whined but didn’t bother to move away from his oldest brother. “You’re supposed to grab the cookie, not me!”

The alligator snapping turtle ignored his brother's whining and giggles. Eventually, he took the cookie out of his hand and bit into it. Chocolate chip cookies, his favorite. Raph savored the sweet chocolate chips and how the cookie crumbled just right when he bit into it. 

“Thanks Angelo, these are fantastic as always,” Raph said. The smile might be faked, but the words weren’t. 

Angelo grinned softly, sitting up to hug his brother. “Glad you liked it,” he said stretching upwards to squish his cheeks with Raph’s. “Happy Birthday Big Bro.”

“Thanks,” said Raph. 

“We have to wrap your gifts and get ready for your party,” Don said. “So you can’t be in the lair at all.”

Darn. There went Raph’s hopes to sleep in a little longer. “So what am I supposed to do for the whole day?”

Leon grinned even harder, “Well, we got that already covered,” he said. “You’ll be hanging with the Mud Dogs!”

“What?!”

“Come on Raph,” Leon said, “They’ve really taken a liking to you and they want to spend time with you. They said they wanted to continue making up ruining your time in the Hidden City,”

Raph frowned, then let out a defeated sigh. “Fine.”

“Okay good, glad you agreed because they’ll be on their way in thirty minutes,” Don said, leaning forward to pull at Raph’s arm. “Come on big guy, time to get up and get ready to seize the day! Carpe diem and whatnot.”

“Fine.”

The red-eared slider picked up Angelo and carried him out of the room, “Get ready Raph!! You better be ready in thirty minutes!”

Don followed after his twin and Angelo out of Raph’s room, leaving Raph in silence once again, sitting in his bed with nothing to occupy him but his thoughts.

Thirty minutes later, Raph had finally gotten out of his bed, brushed his teeth, and made sure that he had everything he needed for his hangout with the Mud Dogs. He had passed by April, Casey, and Draxum on the way out of the lair and saw Mickey standing at the entrance of the lair. 

“Why is Mickey at the lair?” Raph said. 

“We know that you didn’t feel comfortable getting to the Hidden City by yourself, so we decided to bring Mickey here, and then you two can leave together,” Leon explained. 

That was... very thoughtful of them. Raph nodded, patted his brother’s shoulder as his way of saying thanks, and then stepped closer to his father who was talking to Mickey. 

“Hey Pops,” he said. 

Pops turned and smiled at Raph, gesturing for his oldest to bend down to him. Raph did so and Pops planted a kiss on his forehead, “Happy birthday my son,” he said. 

Raph gave a nervous little laugh. “Thanks Pops.”

Pops turned to Mickey. “What did we discuss? Say it to me now so I know we are on the same page,” he said the electric eel yokai, hands on his hips as he waited for the yokai to answer.  

“No getting Raph involved in crime, no committing crime while we’re with him, and no jail time. If we do or we get Raph hurt in any shape, form, or manner, then you’ll show us why you were the reigning Battle Nexus champion for so long,” Mickey recited tonelessly. “Can I take the birthday boy now?”

Pops frowned at Mickey, then curtly nodded his head. “Fine,” he said. Turning to Raph, “Have fun in the Hidden City my son!”

Mickey turned to Raph, “You ready to go?”

Raph nodded, hoping that he could keep up the facade in front of Mickey and the Mud Dogs, “Yea, sure.”

“Come on then, let’s go!” 

The Mud Dogs and Heinous Green were intent on keeping their promise of no crime and no jail time with Raph, he noted. They had shown him several sites, explored the mushroom forest in its entirety, even tried to get him to do the Minotaur Maze (“No, we almost died in that, I don’t think I want to do that again for a long while.” “You WHAT?” “Oh yea it was a whole thing, Leon wanted to prove that he was just as capable as us. We were branded cheaters because we used mystic powers. Pizza was worth it though.”), got him some magical artifacts from Witch Town—the witches in the town had asked if he was related to Don, and Raph was curious what the softshell did to make him be so hated in that part of the Hidden City. Heinous had attempted to take them to Mermaid Lagoon, but was shot down by Leonard saying he couldn’t swim. 

“I’ll teach him how to swim and Mickey can make his lessons a little more electric," Heinous said in a whisper to Raph. “We’ll come back when Leonard learns how to swim,”

“Really?” 

Heinous grinned at Raph, “Of course little dragon, I promise.”

The five ended up getting Raph some food and sweets they thought he would like and ended up sitting on top of the Pirate Bazaar, overlooking the vast and wide-open sea that faded into a sky blending soft pinks and purples that reminded Raph of cotton candy. 

“How are you enjoying your sixteenth birthday?” Danny asked, clapping Raph on the back and biting into his food. “Having fun?”

“Yea,” Raph said. 

“What’s wrong?” Leonard said, furrowing his eyebrows up in concern. 

“Nothing’s wrong! Absolutely wrong!” Raph said, stammering over his words. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”

“Not gonna lie dude, you’ve been kinda distant all day,” Mickey said. “So… what’s up lil dude?”

“Nothing!” 

Heinous looked down at Raph, “Something’s wrong kiddo,” he said. “What is it?”

Raph felt trapped. He could tell them about his problems but he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone. “It’s nothing serious,” he said, plastering a smile on his face, “Everything’s okay.”

“It’s serious. It’s always serious when they say that,” Leonard said, face and voice deadpanned the whole time. “Come on, tell us.”

The sixteen-year-old hunched his shoulders together, tapped his knuckles against each other, looked into the concerned faces of the Mud Dogs, stared at the ground and decided to tell them. He told them about Karai, how he felt way older than sixteen and that he doesn’t feel like his life doesn’t have much of a point anymore, how he felt empty inside, how he felt like he should have been the one to die instead of Karai. 

Then at one point, all of the words have stopped. Raph looked up at the Mud Dogs and then looked away, “I’m just-i’m just being dumb, aren’t I? Like this is crazy-” 

Mickey was the first one to pull him into a hug. “Aw no, you’re not being dumb at all!”

Leonard, Danny, and Heinous all jumped in to agree with the yokai and all agreed upon one thing: 

“You need to talk to your dad about this.”

Talk to his dad? But what if, what if Dad didn’t get it?

“He will, he loves you,” one of them said. 

Raph fiddled with the end of his tail. “I-I don’t know, what if I lose him too?”

His phone pinged, and he checked his notification. “Don said I can come home now, the party is starting soon.”

Heinous stood up and helped Raph to his feet. “Let’s get you home then,” he said. “Remember, talk to your family.”

Heinous and the Mud Dogs had brought him back to the lair. Pops had checked over him and then turned to Mickey. 

“I see that you kept your promise,” Pop said. 

Mickey waved at him with a grin, “Of course! We’re the Mud Dogs and we keep our own safe,” he said. 

Pops eyed Mickey, Leonard, Danny, and Heinous before slightly nodding his head to the side. “Okay,” he said. Turning his focus to Raph, “Did you have fun, my son?”

“Yea,” Raph said and began recounting everything that he did with the Mud Dogs. Midway through the conversation, Pops turned to the Mud Dogs and said to them, 

“You four are free to stay if you would like.”

The four yokai pointed between themselves as if to say, ‘who? us?’ Pops nodded his head. “Yes, you four,” he said. 

“Only if he’s okay with it,” said Danny. 

Raph gave a little shrug. “I’m okay with it.”

The Mud Dogs fully entered the lair and hung with the three turtles and April and Casey and began to tell them tales of their criminal activity, of robbing banks, of magnificent heists. Raph and Pops eventually sat down and joined them. The birthday party itself was alright, even with Raph feeling how he felt. Everyone was there, Draxum, Casey, April, Sunita. Dinner was fun, the music was lively, and his brothers showed off their usual goofiness and had even managed to get Casey to join in. 

Raph had to admit, it was pretty funny to see the girl so out of her element as she moved around awkwardly at first but then got into it with more enthusiasm when Leon said that he could outdance her. 

Pops brought out the cake, lit the candles, and everyone gathered around Raph and sang Happy Birthday. Raph let a little smile take over his face as his family sang around him. 

“Alright, Raphie! Make a wish!” April said, holding her phone in front of him, ready to capture this moment forever.

Raph bent down to blow out his candles and made several wishes.

He wished to see Karai again. 

He wished that he had a second chance to keep her safe. 

He wished that he wouldn’t feel so empty. 

He wished that he could feel sixteen again. 

He wished that he was okay. 

A bright flash appeared out of the corner of his eyes and he knew that April had captured this moment forever. Pops leaned over to ask her to have the photos of his birthday party developed so he can add them to the photo album. 

“Alright! Time for presents!” Leon said, bringing his brother his presents, his enthusiasm for Raph clear. “Give the birthday boy his presents!”

One by one, he opened his presents. He got more durable knitting needles and yarn, several life-size plushies, including a very rare and limited edition teddy bear, some art supplies, and new headphones. 

Then Draxum handed him his gift. Raph looked at him questioningly, and Draxum motioned for him to unwrap the gift. Raph slowly opened up the box, eyes widened when he saw what was in it. 

His tonfas. Well, not his, since his original ones were destroyed by Shredder, but he got a new pair of tonfas. “But they were...how?”

“I crafted a new pair,” Draxum said. “Enhanced them a little bit with some stronger alchemy and mystic ‘mojo’ so that they’re pretty much unbreakable. But don’t test them to see if they are.”

“I… thank you.”

Raph held his tonfas in his hands, admiring the red wrappings along the middle, and he playfully threw a punch. 

“I’m back baby!” he said, and everyone laughed. 

Raph felt a tiny sliver of himself come back. 

For two days after Raph’s birthday party, Raph had considered talking to Pops about all of these feelings that he had been feeling. Maybe the Mud Dogs were right, maybe he will get it. Maybe that wall won’t come up when he confided in his father about everything that he’s been feeling. 

On the third day, Raph decided that he should talk to his dad and tell his dad that he wasn’t okay. That he needed a little help getting back to who he was before all of this happened. He was on his way to the theater room where his Pops was when Don excitedly ran down and pulled on Raph’s arm. 

“Raph! Raph!” 

Raph faced his younger brother, “What’s up Dee?” 

Don’s face lit up, “The machine is complete!” he said, excitedly stomping his feet and flapping his arms. “Come on! Angelo and Leon are waiting!”

Raph took a glance at the entrance to the theater room.  Talking to Pops could wait a little while, right? There wasn’t any harm in doing that, he needed to support his little brother’s endeavors and accomplishments. “Lead the way then,” he said. 

Don pulled Raph through the lair up to his lab where Angelo and Leon were waiting. The four of them were surrounded by Don’s machine and Raph squinted at the size of it. “Hmm, it’s quite small,” he said as a note of observation. 

“Well, yea,” Don said, as if he was personally offended by the observation. “It felt dumb to build a big one into the wall or a big one in general. Besides, what if-what if the lair got destroyed again? Poof, there goes all my hard work. So I made it compact and portable.”

“Power the thing up!” “No more sciencey talk!”

Don glared at the two younger turtles. “No need to rush genius,” he said, putting the crystal in a containment unit. “Angelo also created a copy of his picture that has all of us in it, a way to show whatever we meet that we’re family.”

“We-we should take a photo to commemorate the moment,” Angelo said, holding up his phone. “Ya know, this is a pretty big deal. We need something to immortalize it forever.”

“You know,” Leon said, his voice drenched in his classic smarmy smugness. “I never pass up a chance to take a group selfie, or any selfie to think about it.”

Angelo posed in front of the machine and waved his three older brothers over. “Come on! Get in the photo!” he said, urging his brothers to get in the photo. Once they were all in the frame of the camera, Angelo encouraged them all to make silly faces and then he took the photo. Soon Leon wanted to take his own photo with the other three, then Don, and finally Raph. 

“Show me the piece that you made Ange,” Raph said. 

Angelo showed off the drawing to Raph, and it had everyone from the first time around, this time including Repo, Heinous and the Mud Dogs, Casey, and Sunita. The machine hummed as it powered on and the four turtles watched on, marveling at the machine. 

“Gentleman, we are about to witness a scientific miracle,” said Don, the excitement in his soft voice could not be mistaken and Raph couldn’t help but be excited for his little brother. 

It hummed pleasantly for a little longer before bolts of electricity crackled and thrummed around the machine. Angelo instinctively backed away.

Angelo gave Don a worried side-eyed look, “Don, is it-is it supposed to do that?”

Don didn’t answer. “It should be fine, my inventions always do this right before they work.”

The bolts of electricity grew larger in size, surrounding both the machine and the table. 

“Don, I really don’t think it’s supposed to do that,” Leon said. 

Three things happened at once.

Thing one: the machine exploded, a bright ball of light pushing outwards towards the four turtles.

Thing two: Raph, acting purely on instinct, pushing Leon, Angelo, and Don away from the explosion, leaving Raph closest to the expanding ball of light. 

Thing three: the ball of light slowly engulfed Raph until all he could see was white. He could hear the anguished screams of his brothers calling out for him and then it all went dark.

Just as soon as Raph was in darkness, he was just as soon out of it. He landed on his plastron on something hard and solid, and it hurt like hell. He groaned and it took him a few minutes to ride out the pain before he could even attempt to stand up. 

Raph slowly stood up, making sure to pick up his brother’s drawing, and when he was sure that he wasn’t going to keel over, carefully folded his brother’s drawing, slid it in his phone case and he looked at his surroundings, taking in what he was seeing. He was still in New York, wasn’t he? This had to be New York because off in the distance he could see the outline of the Statue of Liberty, holding her torch high in the air for all to see.

Okay, time to call Don and let him know where he was, let him know that he was okay, let him know that he was on his way home and that he, Leon, and Angelo had nothing to worry about. Raph pulled out his phone, turned it on, finding that there his phone had no signal whatsoever. But that was fine, because Don had prepared them all for a situation like that, and had told them to use wifi calling. Raph opened his phone settings to try and find a free, open wifi network nearby, only to see that the closest ones had weak signals and were encrypted. 

Raph was no genius like Don was, so he couldn’t hack them. Calling Don on Discord or Whatsapp was out because he didn’t have any wifi nearby. 

Think, Raph, breathe like your brothers have taught you. Don’t panic, he told himself. 

Raph continued to observe New York, and saw several things that struck him as odd. The streets were practically empty, save for the few cars that were parked on the street. There were no cars driving, there was no music playing, no loud cacophony of so many music styles blending together that made the streets of New York so vivacious and energetic. There were no humans going about their daily grind, no one crossing the streets, selling food, break dancing. Where were all the people? Another thing that threw him off was that New York was… duller, in a sense. Colors didn’t pop the same way it was supposed to. No bright purples, no harsh oranges, no intense yellows. Everything was muted, dulled, and washed over with a permanently dark filter. 

Looking up, Raph saw that he could easily see the stars, not quite like before. It was always difficult to see the stars thanks to all of the light pollution, so seeing bright, white dots scattered across the sky like paint splatters on black construction paper was something completely new to Raph. 

Raph had to consider all the facts so far. He can’t call any of his brothers. He could easily see the stars. New York doesn’t look like anything he’s used to, it doesn’t feel like his New York. Adding all of these factors lead Raph to two daunting conclusions:

Conclusion one: Don’s trans-dimensional portal had worked. He was in New York, but not his New York. Rather, a New York that’s in a completely different dimension.

Conclusion two: Raph was all alone in this new dimension and he had no idea what to do. 

Chapter Text

Now that Raph knew where he was, he had to make a plan on how to get back home. Thing was, Raph wasn’t all that great at making plans, and since he didn’t have his brothers to help him think of a plan, he could really call on the only other turtle he could rely on:

Mind Raph. 

“Hey Mind Raph,” he said, voice strained. “You mind helping me out here? I don’t know what to do.”

“Sure buddy,” Mind Raph said, and hearing him brought Raph a great sense of relief. “Now here’s what we’re gonna do.”

Step one of Operation Get Back Home, the most important step of them all, don’t panic. Whatever you do Raph, do not panic, he told himself. You get weird when you’re alone, you get weird when you’re panicky and alone, he told himself. You can’t afford to get weird when you’re by yourself in another dimension, he told himself, who knows what you might encounter.  You don’t have your brothers and Laceface to bring you back to your normal self if you get weird, so don’t get weird. 

Don’t panic, Raph. 

Don’t panic. 

He’s probably already failing that step. 

Step two, he can’t quite decide what step two should be? Raph’s very aware that other versions of himself and his brothers existed, with the way that Donnie constantly went on and talked about them. So this dimension had to have a Donnie, a purple masked genius turtle who could help him get back home, it had to. He needed to find these other versions of himself but at the same time, he couldn’t stay out here topside for much longer. 

Raph wasn’t sure what it was, but he felt like he shouldn’t be out here for much longer than necessary. It wasn’t the fact that he was a giant walking, talking mutant turtle and humans could spot him at any moment, he knew how to deal with all kinds of humans from his misadventures. 

There was just something about this dimension that unsettled him, and he couldn’t just put his finger on what that was. 

Step Two: Find your other self and brothers. Step Two a: find a safe place to hide. The order of events didn’t matter, as long as he was able to do one of those things. 

Mind Raph couldn’t develop his plan any further than that. Either because he genuinely didn’t know what to do beyond those three steps or because his anxiety and panicked mind wouldn’t allow him to think that far ahead, he didn’t quite know. 

What Raph did know, however, was that he needed to leave this area. Stat.

Raph was panicking too much. Even when he was trying not to panic. Even with Mind Raph trying to help him out. Red Angel couldn’t blame him or Mind Raph. It was difficult not to panic when you’re in an entirely different dimension and so far away from your family. 

Red Angel felt that panic too. He was just a lot better at handling it than everyone else. 

Red Angel could feel Raph start to get ‘weird’, as he called it. Even though he was trying so hard not to, even though Raph didn’t recognize it himself. He could feel Raph slowly slip into Savage, feel Savage Raph about to front to help Raph cope with this overwhelming loneliness. Red Angel was worried about how that would go over if someone had met Savage first before anyone else, the possible harm that could and would come to Raph and everyone else. 

Red Angel wouldn’t allow any harm to come to any of them. 

Naturally, Red Angel took over. He needed to keep them safe. Also to make sure that Raph didn’t shove his entire phone in his mouth. Raph tended to do weird things like that when he was under pressure or panicky. If shoving his phone in his mouth was how the kid responded to panic in the mystic library, Red Angel was certain he would do something a bit more unorthodox in this dimension and he was not ready to see Raph panic like that so soon. 

So Red Angel got to moving, jumping across the buildings like he normally would. The alleys he observed as he moved were abandoned, sure, but abandoned in a way that made him feel uncomfortable, like someone had constructed it to be abandoned in a very specific way. He had thought about taking slight refuge in those alleys to help them get their head on straight, but the longer he stared at them, the more uneasy he felt and decided not to hide there. 

Not to mention, what would they do for the daytime? Red Angel didn’t have the hippo costume or the Turtle Tank to move around in. He didn’t know how the people would react to casually sighting a seven and a half feet tall mutant turtle on the streets in this New York. He also had no idea how far he could stretch the 'human in cosplay' schtick. Also, who would take over during the daytime? Red Angel functioned mostly at night and wasn’t meant to be seen or front during the day. Well, to be more technical, Red Angel was never needed during the daytime. Red was too abrasive, too cynical, too cutting that if they encountered anyone: turtle, mutant, or human, that it wouldn’t have gone over too well.

Good, bad, indifferent, he couldn’t risk it this early in the game, especially when they were all depending on him to get them to safety. 

It really seemed like his first step was to find the other versions of Red Angel and his brothers. Thing was, he had no idea where to go to find them. Should he go to the sewers? He’s fairly certain that the layout of the sewers would be far different from the ones at home and being in a place that’s familiar yet unfamiliar would stress everyone out even more. It would stress Red Angel out too much and Savage would possibly take over. 

Having this other version of himself and his brothers meet Savage, would once again, not be good. Wouldn’t give them the right impression of what the kid is really like. 

Red Angel kept moving across the city, taking note of how at a glance, how all the buildings looked the same, how all the street alleys were so wide and large despite how empty the city seemed.

Seriously, where were all the people? Where the hell are they? This is New York City , the city that never slept, where the people were out at all times of the day, where they woke up at midnight and went to sleep at noon. Nighttime was primetime human nonsense, so where were they? Where were the drunkards that threw up in the alley? Where were the party girls who were regretting getting back with their shitty boyfriends? Where were the food trucks that sold out subpar food that caused you to lose your stomach a block away? 

Where were they? 

What the hell was wrong with this New York City? Why was this New York so… dull? It bothered Red Angel something fierce and he just couldn't shake off how uneasy he felt as he traveled. He couldn’t stay still, not because he had to keep moving, but also because the longer he stayed idle in this unnaturally quiet New York, the more unnerved he got. Red Angel couldn’t afford to be wigged out in this New York. If he got wigged out, then everyone else would, and it wouldn’t end well for them. 

While he moved, Red Angel found it hard to concentrate with how eerily silent and quiet the city was. Red Angel knew that Raph always complained about the noise, that it messed with his ADHD, and that he would definitely concentrate a bit better if everything was just a little quieter and Red Angel definitely agreed with that. Raph always had a problem with the noise, from the noisiness of the lair, of his brothers, of the city, and always being in such close proximity to said noisiness would make his anxiety and proneness to panic when under pressure skyrocket. Red Angel was glad that Raph was not the one who was in control of the body because the kid would undoubtedly panic with how goddamn quiet the city was. 

He was also glad because it being too quiet was one of the things that led to Savage taking over. At least, Red Angel thought so. What specifically caused Savage to take over wasn’t really clear to everyone, but so far the general consensus seemed to be loneliness, isolation, and quiet. 

Either way, Red Angel was glad that he was the one who was fronting at the moment. 

Eventually, Red Angel saw something that caught his eyes. There were black vans, a series of black vans that drove down the middle of the road. He couldn’t get a good look at who was driving the vans though. 

Seeing some form of activity in these streets after what felt like an eternity of silence and uncanniness, was simultaneously both a relief and concern for Red Angel. Relief in the fact that this dimension’s New York wasn’t abandoned as he thought it was, and concerned that seeing several black vans one after another drive in succession and in sync generally meant that something was going down from the movies and media that Raph had consumed.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

Red Angel followed the vans. He had to, he told himself. It was his job to make sure the people in his home-this New York were safe and sound. It would go against everything he stood for if he let those black vans go by unchecked and didn’t stop them. He didn’t admit to himself that he also followed them for selfish reasons. He had hoped that maybe they had something he could use to go home with. The alligator snapping turtle changed directions, jumped, and ran across the rooftops as he followed black vans, determined to see what they were up to. 

Eventually, the black vans stopped in one of those perfectly constructed alleys. Men in identical black suits hopped out of the front and more of those men wearing those suits filed out of the back of the van. They felt… weird. A type of weird that Red Angel couldn’t quite put his finger on, but it was a weird that felt somewhat familiar.

He saw that they had guns. Not the normal guns that people carried on the streets. These were something similar to the guns that were in the Jupiter Jim movies, a mix between science fiction and reality. Then one of them walked up to the garage door, held their face at what seemed to be the knob, and seconds later, the garage door opened and transformed into some form of high-level science fiction door. The men entered through the door one by one and after the last one entered, the door shifted back into a regular old garage door. 

Raph, Red Angel questioned himself, what kind of world have we landed in? Where no one can see these men use technology beyond what humans and Donnie were capable of? Then again, people back at home weren’t really aware that a whole bunch of oozesquitoes were released into the city and that a literal evil, sentient piece of armor was hellbent on destroying the entire world, so he can’t really fault the people of this New York for that either. 

Raph, as expected, didn’t answer. Good thing, because Red Angel was certain that he would start panicking and again, no one was allowed to panic right now. 

He needed answers. 

Carefully, Red Angel snuck down the fire escapes and inspected the vans, trying to see if there was anything left behind that he could use to enter the...whatever those men had disappeared into. He held on tightly to his brand new tonfas, ready to use them if need be. 

A loud bang resounded in the empty alleyway, causing Red Angel to flinch before sharply turning around, and there he was, face to face with one of those men in the black suits. 

“Go no further. This place is a place where you are not allowed to be in this place. We have been seen in this place by you, so this is not a place that will be left by you,” the man said. 

Red Angel wished he had eyebrows at this moment so he could quirk one of them up in confusion. Why was he talking so weird? Can’t he just talk like a normal human being? 

“Yo, can’t you just talk like a normal person? I think I understood like-WOAH!” Red Angel asked, yelping mid-sentence as he had to duck out of the way of the shot that was headed his way. He got a quick glimpse of it and he saw that the bullet—was it a bullet?— was a hot bright pink. Never had he seen bullets that were such a bright pink. “I don’t think that was necessary! Calm down!”

It was a silly thing to ask of the man. Guys like him never calmed down. Red Angel should know this from all the Lou Jitsu movies that Raph had watched. The guy kept shooting and Red Angel had to keep moving out of the way to avoid getting shot at. 

He had to knock that gun out of that guy's hands. Red Angel was not in the mood to find out what it would be like to get shot by a hot pink bullet from this weirdly impossible high tech by this guy who didn’t know how to talk like a normal human being. Not only would that be bad for everyone and the body itself, but it would also be a poor testament to Red Angel’s skills in keeping Raph safe. 

Red Angel kept dodging in and out of the bullets, edging closer and closer towards the guy before he got close enough to take that stupid gun out of the guy’s hand, tossed it away from the two of them, and punched the guy in the face. The guy stumbled back from the weight of his punch, but he looked so bored when he faced the turtle again and that was really confusing Red Angel. How did he recover so quickly? That was impossible, there was no way that anyone could have recovered from a punch like that.

“The one who is in a place where they are not allowed to be in is a powerful mutant. Kraang thinks that this mutant would be a perfect subject for Kraang to run experiments on,” the dude- Kraang said, the toneless nature of how it spoke threw Red Angel off. “Kraang must inform Kraang of this and find out what Kraang thinks about this idea.”

That’s not good. Red Angel needed to stop this Kraang guy before he alerted his other friends that he was here and fought a little bit rougher and harder, like he did when he patrolled with Casey. 

Somewhere during the fight, Red Angel managed to knock some of the skin off of Kraang guy. Shit, he didn’t mean to hit him that hard. But there’s something that stopped him in his tracks a bit, Kraang dude wasn’t bleeding. There was no blood from the skin that he had knocked off, no blood on the concrete, only a cold blue hiding metal, and a bright pink eye that he now knew wasn’t human. 

Raph, Raph, Raph, what kind of world have we landed in? Red Angel wanted to ask this aloud but it would be pointless since asking would only lead to more questions than answers. 

Concentrate, Red Angel scolded himself. You need to keep everyone safe, he reminded himself. Make sure this… whatever this guy doesn’t alert his friends about you. You can’t get anything done if whoever these… Kraang(?) were knew that you existed. 

But knowing that this Kraang dude wasn’t a human, that this dude didn’t bleed at all allowed Red Angel to loosen up some of his restraint that he fought to keep in check when he fought humans. Red Angel fought a lot harder and more aggressively, breaking off a ladder and ramming it at the dude’s neck, essentially decapitating him. 

Then shit got a lot weirder for Red Angel because the middle of the guy’s stomach opened and some pink fleshy brain thing came crawling out of the dude. It had squishy little tentacles like arms that plopped and squished as it moved around and the sound of it was just so gross in a way that Red Angel could not describe. The closest he could come up with was when Leo found an old thing of Flarp noise putty and would not stop playing with it because of how disgustingly amusing the noises were to the red-eared slider. The damned brain thing looked up at him, with its green-yellow eyes and beady black little pupils, and opened its mouth revealing some sticky, syrupy, caramel-like substance dripping across its teeth. 

Then the thing lunged at him. 

Red Angel yelled, quickly grabbing the thing by its little tentacles and throwing it away from him, out into the street. A pathetic little whine resounded in his ears and he didn’t have the energy to feel bad. He had to keep Raph and the others safe, he did what he had to. 

Red Angel backed away from the body and didn’t really feel the ladder slip out of his hands. 

He just… he just needed a moment to process what the fuck just happened. Weird pink, fleshy brain things that hide in bodies and wore fake skin and spoke weirdly? What was up with those guys? Who was Kraang? It sounded like there were multiple Kraang from the way that guy was talking?

Don’t-Don’t think about it too hard, Red Angel told himself. Just go… go see if these things have something you can use to go home. Remembering that their faces were needed at the door for something , Red Angel picked up the head of Kraang-guy and walked to the garage door. 

He stared at it for a few moments, before he spotted a little module with a blinking pink light. Was this… was this where the scanner was? 

It couldn’t hurt to try it, Red Angel guessed. Red Angel held the face at the scanner and waited with bated breath as it beeped before the garage door revealed itself to him. 

Red Angel took a hesitant breath before entering the door, entering further into unfamiliar territory. 

Raph, what kind of world have we landed in? 

Red Angel hoped that he could find out those answers. 

Red Angel, despite his large size, managed to easily sneak around this weird place without being caught so far. The interior of this weird, strange place was so much larger than what he expected it to be, like the Tardis in a way. The place, as he explored it, felt really cold. Not in a temperature sense, but like, cold in the way that the lack of Pops hugs made him feel. April described hospitals as cold and Red Angel remembered how the hospitals looked in the horror movies that Raph watched with the family. He supposed that he could compare it to that but this weird place felt so much colder than that. 

It was all metal. Every single thing in this weird place was covered in metal that perfectly reflected light, he could easily see his own reflection when he looked at the metal. The bright pink that Kraang dude had was everywhere, along the walls, on the floors, and the ceilings. There was not a single place where Red Angel looked where he didn’t see some shred of pink.  There were more of those weird brain stomach things freely walking around, with the blue metal bodies. They all talked like that weird Kraang guy, called each other Kraang, and to Red Angel’s surprise, were incredibly vain? Way more than Leon and Don, which was an incredibly high bar to clear but surprise, sur~prise, they managed to clear it. 

So far, he hadn’t seen anything that could help him get home. It was a little disheartening but Red Angel couldn’t give up, couldn’t lose hope because if he lost hope, then Raph and the others were fucked. Red Angel needed to persevere, he needed to keep going, needed to make sure that he completed the mission. 

Red Angel wasn't really sure if he knew what the mission was. 

Red Angel continued onwards, going through this weird place that only got weirder. Skinsuits, charging stations, the works. If they weren’t in a completely different dimension, Raph would have been awed by all of this and would have only thought of it as a high-fidelity set for a Jupiter Jim film. 

The alligator snapping turtle had some close moments where he was almost caught by robot guys but managed to recover quickly enough to get off of their radar. Red Angel continued onwards until he eventually came across a big room that held a giant tech module and several of the robot guys, hiding high where they couldn’t see him but he got a clear view of the scene before him. 

“Kraang?” 

“Yes, Kraang?”

“Kraang would like to inform Kraang that Kraang has been on the Earth diet known as gluten-free and has lost thirteen grams of Kraang weight.”

“Wasn’t Kraang on the Earth diet known as gluten-free before? Why has Kraang not lost more Kraang units of weight?”

“The question in which you are asking Kraang is a question that Kraang does not have an answer to, Kraang suggests that Kraang also joins Kraang on this Earth diet, which is known as gluten-free."

Man, the dialogue got really tiresome to listen to after a while. Wasn’t this the part where the (seemingly) bad guys revealed part of their secret plan and he listened in on it? Why aren’t they doing that now?

“Kraang, Kraang must ask Kraang a question.” 

“Kraang is giving Kraang the thing that the humans call the go-ahead to ask Kraang the question that Kraang wants to ask.”

“When will Kraang be bringing in the being called Kraathatrogon to continue our plan?”

Plan? What plan? This sounded like something that Red Angel should be listening to. It sounded way too important not to listen to. 

“From what Kraang is to be understanding Kraang will be bringing the Kraathatrogon soon to continue the secret plan that Kraang is undertaking.”

“Does Kraang know how long it will take Kraang to bring in the beings called Kraathatrogon?”

“Kraang does not know how many Kraang units of time it will require for Kraang to bring over the Kraathatrogon from Dimension X, Kraang does not have the knowledge that Kraang wishes to seek.”

Dimension X? What is that? Could Red Angel use that as a way to get them home?

“Is the location that Kraang wishes to use to bring Kraathatrogon from Dimension X almost complete for Kraang to continue on with Kraang's plans?”

“Kraang does not know the phase of construction of the location in which Kraang will be using to transport the being called Kraathatrogon. Kraang is hoping that the construction of the location that Kraang will be using to further Kraang’s plans will be soon completed to continue the plans that Kraang has in place.”

Red Angel was so close to rubbing his temples in irritation. Why couldn’t these weirdos talk like normal human beings? Why did they have to talk like that? Why did they have to sound so goddamn nauseating? 

They really, really, really needed to shut the fuck up. As much as Red Angel wanted to keep complaining, he shouldn’t; because the more he complained, the more he was likely to grow restless and risked doing something stupid and impulsive. 

He couldn’t be impulsive, couldn’t risk getting everyone hurt. Red Angel clamped his beak shut and continued listening. Kraang bots kept talking to each other in circles, but they no longer discussed whatever they were talking about earlier. Red Angel needed to know more about Dimension X as it seemed like it might have something that would help him get back home. 

Whatever Kraang was saying next was cut off with a dying whir as a sai flew through the air, hit the robot in the eye, pierced it through its head, and trapped it to the tech module. Red Angel was curious as to what could have done something like that and he looked in the direction where it came from and saw four figures standing in the doorway.  

Red Angel looked a little closer and upon closer inspection realized that they were four turtles with red, orange, purple, and blue masks. That had to be his other self and his brothers, right? That had to be them, no doubt about it.

“Kraang, the one called the turtles are in a place where the ones called the turtles are not allowed. Eliminate them, they are dangerous to what we are doing in this place and other places.”

“Kraang acknowledges that. The turtles must be eliminated from all places,” the other said as it engaged in a gun battle with the turtles and Red Angel watched from above. They moved with a precision that he wasn’t familiar with, like they’ve been training for years. That… that didn’t make sense. Dad had only started seriously training them like a little while ago, before going to Big Mama’s train. 

But he couldn’t really deny the way they moved with a certain grace, fluidity, and overall cohesiveness that he and his brothers hadn’t achieved. Perhaps Dad had finally managed to teach them in the way of the traditional Hamato. 

The way the turtles fought, made Red Angel think that this was something that they had done time and time again. That this was something that had become so ingrained in their routine from the way they easily take out Kraang bots and hand them off to one another, toying with them in a sense. 

The other turtle with the orange mask—he had to be Mikey, from how he moved. There was no way that the turtle moved with a bounciness and agility for that turtle to not be Mikey. No way. Other Mikey made a quick little quip. A pun or a joke, Red Angel couldn’t quite pick up on it but he could pick up on how light and carefree his voice sounded, and there was a Kraang bot behind him, holding a gun in its arms. It seemed to be powering up, and Other Mikey hadn’t noticed and Other Mikey’s brothers were too far away to get to him in time. 

Red Angel had to intervene. There was no doubt about it. He’s the Red Angel of Preventing Harm and what kind of Angel of Preventing Harm was he if he let one of his brothers get injured, especially when he could have easily prevented it?

Not a good one for certain.

One moment, Red Angel was hiding up high, and then the next he was down on the ground, a loud “MIKEY LOOK OUT!” came out of him before he crashed into the Kraang bot, knocking it down. He looked up at Other Mikey, who stopped in the middle of the fight, nunchucks in hand as he looked at him with wide, bright baby blue eyes—wait, when were Mikey’s eyes so blue, so bright? They have never been that blue, ever. 

Was Red Angel wrong? Was this not Mikey?

“Mikey, move!” Red Angel said in a panic. “Before you get hurt!”

Other Mikey quickly dodged a blast coming his way and Red Angel snatched the gun away from the bot on the ground, and threw it at the other bot, not even bothering to try and figure out how to use the guns. The other Kraang bot stumbled back a few steps and Red Angel moved to tackle it, punching and tearing apart the other Kraang bot. 

There was a sharp pain in his lower leg and Red Angel looked down to see the weird pink brain flesh thing biting down on his leg. Red Angel bent down slightly to pull the thing off of his leg and threw it far away from him before fighting off several more Kraang bots, with Other Mikey following along and assisting him. 

Soon, there were no more Kraang bots coming their way and Red Angel lowered his fists. 

“Mikey, you okay? You’re not hu-”

“Mikey!” three voices called out, and Red Angel saw the three other turtles, who had to be Other Raph, Other Leo, and Other Donnie rushing over to Mikey. “Dude what happened… oh.”

The four turtles were all staring up at him and it dawned on Red Angel that they are all so goddamn tiny compared to Raph. But Red Angel had felt a bit of relief when he saw all four turtles in front of him. 

He kept Raph safe. He kept everyone else safe. He found the other versions of him and his brothers. He didn’t panic too much. 

Red Angel completed the mission. Now it was time to give control back to Raph, update him on what happened so that he didn’t think that he hadn’t gotten weird or anything. 

Okay, a lot had happened between the moment he had landed in this weird, upside-down dimension and standing in front of these tiny, small turtles. Weird black vans moving in sync, weirder men who spoke cryptically, pink brain things with tentacles, extraordinarily science-fictiony high-tech, and to top it all off, he found his other self and his brothers?

He stared at the four turtles for a long moment and took in each one of their features. The one directly in front of him, Other Mikey, was not only the shortest between the four of them but also the lightest out of the four and had dark freckles right underneath his orange mask. The other three behind him, Other Donnie, Leo, and Raph were all darker than Other Mikey, with Other Raph being the darkest. Other Raph had a lighting shaped chip in his plastron and several other scars, while Other Leo had some faded white spots that were scattered across his forehead. 

Another thing that Raph had just noticed was that they were all the same species. Huh. Weird. 

“Who… who are you?” said Other Leo. 

“I’m Raph,” he said. 

Other Raph’s frown deepened and he narrowed his deep green eyes at Raph. “You can’t be me, I’m me!”

“I’m you from another dimension,” said Raph. Did they not know that other versions of them existed?  

“You’re so tall though,” Other Donnie said. 

Raph’s first thought was that Other Leo and Donnie sounded so much like Leonard and Danny, that it honestly made him do a double-take. He didn’t voice the thought out loud because he didn’t want to offend the tiny turtles. 

“You all are so tiny,” Raph said, mostly to himself so he could know how far to dial back his strength whenever he interacted with them. “Mikey are you okay? You didn’t get hurt right?”

Mikey, Tiny Mikey, blinked rapidly before he really focused on Raph. “Yea, I’m okay,” Mikey said in a slight daze. Raph doesn't point out that he sounded like Shelldon or Mickey. “Thanks for the save, big guy.”

“No problem lil bro,” Raph said in an easy-going voice. It felt weird that Tiny Mikey said thank you. Raph would always come to his aid no matter what, why-why did he say thank you?  “Maybe… maybe we should get out of here?”

“You’re… you’re right,” Tiny Leo said in a slightly distant voice and slid his katanas into their scabbards. “Let’s go guys… and Raph?”

“We can have some pizzas delivered to the sewer when we bring him back to Master Splinter at the lair!” Tiny Mikey said as a suggestion, pumping his fist up in the air. 

“You’re the one who’s going to the sewer grate to get it,” Tiny Donnie said, voice distant and far away. Tiny Donnie sounded off but Raph couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

That made Raph look at them strangely. “Why-why would you go to the sewer grate?”

“To get the pizza?”

“Why would you get pizza from the grate?”

“Buddy… have you… have you looked in the mirror lately? You do know what we are right?”

Raph blinked. “Living with Leon, you learn not to,” he said, with an eye-roll, not noticing the confused glances of the four turtles. “But New York is dirty? So are the sewers? You don’t want pizza contaminated by sewer germs if you slide it through a grate? It’s better if you actually do it in person.”

Tiny Donnie leaned in and whispered loudly, voice conspiratorial. “There’s no way that’s Raph. He’s too calm."

Tiny Leo whispered back, “He’s thinking things through too.”

“I’m right here guys,” Tiny Raph said, a growl rumbling at the back of his throat. 

Raph gave a small smile. “I’m sure they’re just messing with you,” he said in a reassuring voice. Sometimes, Leon and Don lightly teased him about him not thinking things through, so that had to be the case here right? “You all mind taking me to your favorite pizza shop? I’m actually pretty hungry and I’m certain you all are too.”

Tiny Mikey nodded with a smile, “You should try Antonio’s! They have the greatest pizza in the world!” Raph noticed that his smile wasn’t quite one of his bright smiles like Angelo’s but he didn’t think too much of it.

Raph laughed a little. “Oh please, every pizzeria claims to be the ‘greatest’ pizzeria in the world,” he said dramatically, throwing his hands up in a jazz hands motion. This moment felt very familiar to the snapping turtle. “Lead the way, Michelangelo.”

Chapter Text

Leo was having… a night, to say the least. He was still having trouble convincing Karai that she was their sister, Raph was bitchier than normal since he bickered with Leo every step of the way during patrol tonight, Mikey was more distracted, constantly spacing out, and Donnie was snappier than usual. Tonight would prove to be a long, arduous patrol. 

They were still collecting canisters of mutagen from their massive fuck up that caused them to lose one of their only human friends. Tonight was another night where they were still hunting for those canisters when Donnie had picked up something on his radar that tipped them off and the sight of the telltale black vans associated with the Kraang were parked in an abandoned alleyway. The four hadn’t even made it to the entrance of the alley when Mikey had pointed something amiss. 

“Guys?” he said, voice teetering into a lilt imbued with confusion and skepticism, and Leo was overly cautious when Mikey called out for them like that. “What’s a Kraang brain doing out in the street?”

“That’s absurd Mikey,” Donnie said. “There’s no way that they’d be out of their bodies like that.”

Mikey glared at the three of them, wildly gesturing to the lone Kraang in the street. “Then what’s one doing in the middle of the street?!”

A harsh slap upside Mikey’s head, courtesy of Raph, stopped the youngest from continuing his little rant. Leo rolled his eyes at the two. “Maybe Mikey’s on to something,” Leo said, edging to the middle of the empty streets.

True enough, there was a Kraang outside of its body in the middle of the street. “Huh, who knew that Mikey was right about something?” Leo said, slightly surprised as he bent down in front of the lone Kraang.

“I am right about other things!” Mikey said, his own frustration from tonight finally shining through as he turned away, followed by a slight stomp of his foot. 

Raph folded his arms and snorted derisively. “Oh yeah, like what?” he said. 

“The Kraang from when we first came up,” Mikey said, clearly not appreciating the slander that was taking place against him.  

“The one thing you happened to be right about is the reason that we’re in this mess,” Donnie said. “Thanks for that Mikey. Maybe you should try being wrong about other things, it’d save us the trouble.”

“I’m right about other things! You all never listened to me! Besides, we're only in this mess because you had to have a crush on the human girl who got kidnapped!"

“Maybe we’ll listen to you more when you say something worth listening to,” Leo said while examining the Kraang. He poked and prodded a bit, pulling his finger back when he heard a low pained groan. “Huh, it’s completely knocked out.”

“Well, it would have to be if it hasn’t been moving this whole time Einstein,” said Raph. 

“Guys,” Donnie said. “You should come check this out too.”

Leo eyed the unconscious Kraang before pushing himself up and heading over to Donnie, who was pointing at what he wanted them all to see. There was only one Kraang droid in the alleyway, synthetic skin partially ripped off its face and its body dented pretty badly. 

“Where’s its head?” said Leo. 

“Right here,” said Raph, holding up the detached head. “It doesn’t look like it was cut though, like someone ripped it clean off.”

“Who could have done something like that?” Donnie asked. “I don’t think we really know anyone who could do something like this.”

Mikey piped up. “Maybe… maybe it was Slash,” he whispered and they all went quiet. 

Slash’s mutation, him trying to kill the other three, him almost succeeding by throwing Mikey off the building was still very fresh on their minds. None of them were quite alright after that. The four turtles could deal with the fact that they were at risk of dying at almost every corner they turned while topside but they couldn’t cope with the fact that they were so close to dying thanks to the hands of one of their own.

They had all walked—limped away from that fight by the scraps of their teeth. That feeling of safety had been deeply violated and they hadn’t known to handle it. 

They still didn’t know. 

“It-it can’t be Spike,” Raph said, voice strained. “I saw him fall off the building. There’s no-there’s no way that he could have survived that.”

“You didn’t see his body,” Mikey countered. “You didn’t see one. You told us that.”

“There’s no way he could have survived that,” Raph argued, tapping into his well of anger to mask his fear. He needed to believe that Spike hadn’t survived, because if he had, if he truly had survived, Spike could be biding his time, waiting for the right moment to strike and take them all out. “It just can’t be him.”

“Maybe it is,” Leo said. “We’re just going to have to find out. Where’d you find that head Raph?”

“Close to the wall,” said Raph. “Not sure what it was doing there.”

Donnie moved closer to the wall and observed it for a few moments. “I think it’s one of those scanners like we encountered in T.C.R.I. Raph, hand me that head.” Raph placed the head in Donnie’s hand and Donnie blinked at how surprisingly heavy it felt. The purple-banded turtle placed the head against the scanner, which blinked for a few seconds before revealing its true entrance. 

“Well, what do you know? I was right,” Donnie said in a smug voice.

“When are you not right?” Mikey said. “I think I can count on one of my turtley hands how many times you've been wrong.”

“And I think we should keep it that way,” said Donnie. “Don’t wanna make it a number that you can’t count to, now do we?”

Mikey huffed at the thinly veiled insult and Leo rolled his eyes once again. “Let’s go guys. Time to see what’s going on.”

One by one, four turtles entered the secret Kraang base and the door closed behind them.

The base, as they were starting to realize, was not quite like some of the other bases that they’ve infiltrated. Something about it was off, but none of the boys could figure out what exactly that was. Nevertheless, they kept trudging on. 

One of them, Raph or Donnie had quietly commented that they were surprised that Mikey hadn’t messed up yet or had done anything to get them caught. Mikey of course was offended and had loudly snapped at them. Leo covered his mouth and retreated further into the shadows until the Kraang let their guard down once again. 

In a harsh whisper, “Once again, Mikey almost fucks up the mission. Thought we could have gone a whole mission or patrol without your loud mouth messing things up but whoop de fucking doo you manage to surprise me once again.”

“Raph stop,” Leo said, and then turned to Mikey. “You need to be quiet Mikey. You have been the reason why we keep getting caught lately.”

Mikey didn’t say anything and the four kept moving. They eventually made it to the center of the base, made up of a large tech module and Kraangdroids walking around without their skin suits. 

“You know, I think I’d prefer it if the Kraang kept up their skin suits while they’re like this,” Donnie said, readying his bo staff. “It just feels wrong staring at them without it.”

"Tell me about it. At least you weren't the one who saw them changing into their skin suits," Raph muttered, still disgusted by the mere thought of it.  

Leo didn’t comment on it. Instead, he said, “Ready your weapons.”

Raph twirled his sais and threw one of them at one of the Kraang droids. His sai pierced through the head of a Kraangdroid that was standing at the tech module, trapping it to the module. 

“Kraang, the one called the turtles are in a place where the ones called the turtles are not allowed. Eliminate them, they are dangerous to what we are doing in this place and other places,” a Kraang said. 

And then, the fight started. Leo ordered Donnie to see if he could get any information from the module. Leo and Raph were currently surrounded by their own horde of Kraangdroids while Mikey was fighting on his lonesome. 

A loud  “MIKEY, LOOK OUT” was faintly heard against the gunfire and it wasn’t too much longer before the three turtles finished what they were doing and rushed over to check on Mikey. 

“Mikey!” the three called out. 

“Dude, what happened…” The four turtles looked up to see a much taller and larger turtle standing over them. 

“Oh,” Leo, Raph, and Donnie said in realization, their voices dying out. 

Well, they knew one thing. It definitely wasn’t Slash. This turtle had bright green skin, nearly as bright as Mikey’s, the top of his head covered by a bright red mask, a yellow-orange plastron with jagged edges and small spikes protruding from his shoulders and larger spikes coming out from his elbows. This new turtle also had a jagged shell that was sticking out as well as a long, thick tail with spikes trailing down. 

“Who...who are you?” Leo asked slowly. 

“I’m Raph,” he said.

Raph's frown deepened and he narrowed his deep green eyes at 'Raph.' “You can’t be me, I’m me!”

“I’m you from another dimension,” ‘Raph’ said as an explaination. 

“You’re so tall though,” Donnie said. It’s something that they just can’t ignore. 

‘Raph’ gave them a weird look. “You all are so tiny. ” Okay, they’re not that tiny, the four turtles told themselves. They’re just normal human height. ‘Raph’ turned to Mikey, “Mikey are you okay? You didn’t get hurt right?”

They all noticed the concern in his eyes and they wondered just how much of it, if not all of it was faked. 

Mikey blinked a bit, before turning his focus onto giant ‘Raph.’ “Yea, I’m okay,” he said. “Thanks for the save, big guy.”

“No problem lil bro,” ‘Raph’ said in an easy-going manner. Leo, Raph, and Donnie do a double-take. Little brother? Mikey’s not his brother, he’s theirs. “Maybe… maybe we should get out of here?”

There’s something that's starting to make sense. “You’re… you’re right,” Leo said. “Let’s go guys… and Raph?” 

Even considering the idea of two Raph’s in the same area put Leo on edge a bit. 

Mikey bounced back to his cheerful self, immediately it seemed. “We can have some pizzas delivered to the sewer when we bring him back to Master Splinter at the lair!”

“You’re the one who’s going to the sewer grate to get it,” said Donnie.

‘Raph’ looked at him weirdly. “Why-why would you go to the sewer grate?”

“To get the pizza?”

“Why would you get pizza from the grate?”

“Buddy... have you... have you looked in the mirror lately? You do know what we are right?”

‘Raph’ blinked. “Living with Leon, you learn not to,” he said with an eye-roll, confusing the four turtles. “But New York is dirty? So are the sewers? You don’t want pizza contaminated by sewer germs if you slide it through a grate? It’s better if you actually do it in person.”

 “There’s no way that’s Raph. He’s too calm,” Donnie said. 

 Leo whispered back, “He’s thinking things through too.”

“I’m right here guys,” Raph growled, elbowing Leo in his side. 

‘Raph’ gave a small smile. “I’m sure they’re just messing with you,” he said in a reassuring voice. There’s no way that this could be Raph. He sounded too easy-going to be Raph. Surely this was a trick.  “You all mind taking me to your favorite pizza shop? I’m actually pretty hungry and I’m certain you all are too.”

The four turtles were starving, having not really eaten anything today, but they weren’t going to tell this stranger that. 

“You should try Antonio’s! They have the greatest pizza in the world!” said Mikey. 

‘Raph’ laughed a little. “Oh please, every pizzeria claims to be the ‘greatest’ pizzeria in the world,” he said, throwing his hands up in a jazz hands motion in a great dramatic flare. “Lead the way, Michelangelo.”

“Only Sensei calls me Michelangelo,” he said, as they started to make their way out of the base. Leo, Raph, and Donnie trail behind the two turtles. 

“Sensei?” ‘Raph’ said. 

“Oh, that’s Master Splinter,” Mikey said. “He’s our dad. Don’t you call your Splinter Sensei?”

‘Raph’ shook his head. “No, I just call him Pops.” 

“What kinda pizza do you like, Big Raph?” Mikey said. 

“Big Raph?”

“Yeah, since you’re really big and your name is Raph-” Mike explained before he was cut off with three simultaneous, irritated groans of “We get it, Mikey!”

Mikey rolled his eyes and glared at the floor for a moment. “They just don’t appreciate my genius as Dr. Name-einstein," came the complaint. Then again, his brothers never appreciated anything he did. 

Big Raph rested his hand on Mikey’s head and Mikey suppressed a flinch. He’s certain that Big Raph didn’t see it but he couldn't help it, from all the times that his Raph hit him and the recent beat down that Slash gave them. “Oh, you have a Ph.D.?” 

“Yea, I have four,” Mikey said. “Doctor Name-einstein, Doctor Flippenstein, Doctor Prakenstein, and Doctor Einstein-einstein!”

Big Raph nodded along. It reminded Mikey of how his brothers would nod along when he was talking about anything, like they didn’t care about what he had to say or were only pretending to nod along to appease him. Did Big Raph think of him like that too? Like he didn’t have anything worthwhile to say or that anything he said was inherently stupid and banal?

Then Big Raph responded. “Angelo has Ph.D.’s too, five of them! Doctor Feelings, Doctor Positive, Doctor Delicate Touch, and Doctor Rude. There's also Dr. Disappointment, but so far we've only met him as Dr. Slightly Disappointed. I think he’s getting more Ph.Ds too. I think his next one is Doctor Gender.”

“Angelo?” Mikey questioned, and they finally made it back to the entrance they made it in. 

“Oh, he’s my Mikey,” said Big Raph. 

“We should get back up on the rooftops,” Leo said, breaking his silence. “Don’t want anyone to see us near, here.” Leo gestured to the general vicinity of the vans and the lone Kraangdroid. 

“Why would you even bother?” Big Raph said. “You could easily walk out on the sidewalks here and no one would notice.”

Raph threw his hands up. “Dude, have you taken a look at what we are?”

"I'm fully aware of… this whole situation." Big Raph gestured to his face, then wildly gestured to the empty street. “But dude, have you taken a look at these streets?” he said emphatically. “This New York is practically abandoned! Where are all the people?”

“In their homes, like always,” Don said in a condescending voice. 

Big Raph gave them a flat look. “You… you do know that New York is known as the city that never sleeps, right? You do know that right?”

They all went quiet and Big Raph’s shoulders sagged. “You could literally-you could literally have a fight out in the streets and no one would come out.”

“We have a lot of our fights in the streets,” Leo said in an unhelpful manner and Big Raph groaned. "Or on the rooftops."

"No one really notices what's going on," Donnie added on, "Except for that one time with Spider Bytez, but no one really notices." 

Big Raph blinked and then pressed his fingers to his temple. “That’s-you just proved my point!” he said, wildly moving his arms in large sweeping gestures. “We… let’s go to Antonio’s.”

“Do you have money for Antonio’s?” Big Raph said a moment later while they’re walking. 

“Donnie has the money on him, we were planning on getting a pizza from there anyways,” Mikey said. “Or four. My bros can’t handle my more… eccentric tastes.”

Raph rolled his eyes. “Anyone who puts worms,” 

“Sardines-” Donnie added.

Leo also added on, “Marshmallows-” 

“Cheesicles and hot sauce on their pizza and then call that eccentric, I don’t know what kinda fucked up taste buds you got,” Raph continued on. “Mikey’s a weirdo with even weirder food tastes. I’m not even sure that he’s actually related to us ‘normal’ turtles.”

Mikey sagged his shoulders. None of them were normal, why did Raph always have to make him feel like an outsider around his brothers? Why didn’t Leo and Donnie ever say anything to stop him?  “Well, Raphie,” he said, sharply turning around, hands on his hips while he was still wearing that dopey grin on his face. “Have you tried taking a look at yourself in the mirror lately? You can’t even go three seconds without getting mad at someone, and look at where it got us. You’re definitely not related to us ‘normal’ turtles.”

Was it a low blow? Sure. Even after everything they had gone through with Slash and how Mikey almost ended up being through off a roof, it was definitely a low blow. Mikey knew that it was a low blow when he saw Raph froze up and his green eyes widened just a bit, but Mikey felt a little better about himself, like he had put Raph in his place, like he was the one who was normal for once. For once, he was the one who had the upper hand. 

He didn't want to admit that he liked it and wanted to do it again. 

Raph reared his arm up for a punch but then he lowered it and grumbled under his breath. Leo and Donnie hadn’t said anything while Big Raph stared on at the scene in confusion. 

Mikey turned back around to face Big Raph, who didn’t say anything when Mikey continued on as if nothing had ever happened. “What’s the weirdest pizza you’ve ever eaten Big Raph?”

Big Raph still didn’t say anything for a moment before giving the four turtles a strange look—Was he judging them? He had no right to judge them, he barely knew them.—before answering, “I got dared to eat a slice of pizza Leon covered in glowing green slime. Twenty dollars is twenty dollars though.”

The fifteen-year-old turtle’s baby blue eyes widened in shock. “You got PAID?!” he said, cueing Donnie to cut in with, “Ninjas are supposed to be quiet!” 

“Hey, that’s my thing. You can’t steal my lines,” Leo said, lips falling into a pout. "Get your own catchphrase."

Mikey ignored him. “You’re telling me that I’ve been eating pizza with the coolest toppings for free?!”

“Mikey, no one would pay you to eat half of the weird stuff you eat,” Leo said, feeling slightly uneasy from the five of them being so out in the open, away from the shadows. Luckily for them, they weren’t too far away from Antonio’s for the discomfort to really get under his skin. 

“Have you seen people on YouTube?” said Big Raph added. “They have mukbangs, weird food channels, and people love to see other people eat weird food. Get a few sponsors and boom! You’re good to go!”

“They wouldn’t be happy to see a turtle do the same thing,” Donnie said. 

“Dedicated cosplayers,” said Big Raph. “No one bats an eye about the weird things people get up to on the internet.”

“We’re here,” said Donnie, staring at the sign for Antonio’s. “We should probably call.”

“And get arrested for loitering?” said Big Raph, hand wrapped around the handles of the door bar. “I’ve already been in jail once, I don’t think I’d like to go back anytime soon. Let’s just go in.”

Arrested? Jail? What exactly had this weird, strange turtle been up to? 

“You do know-”

“That we’re mutant turtles? I’ve been one for fourteen years,” Big Raph said, cutting off the turtles. “Just follow my lead.”

The five turtles entered the pizzeria. Leo, Mikey, Donnie, and Raph were taken aback by the few customers in the restaurant all decked out in elaborate costumes. They looked up at Big Raph, who seemed unaffected and unphased by this. 

“Woah, dudes,” a waiter cut in, dressed to the nines in some monster costume. “Your costumes look sick! Where’d you get them from?”

“We’re cosplayers. Made them ourselves,” Big Raph said in a smooth voice, setting them all up for a schtick they weren't ready to keep up with.  

The human looked at them all and leaned in a bit, taking a closer look at their "cosplays.’’ This was it, they were going to get caught and-

“That looks absolutely sick! Really detailed too!” said the waiter in awe. “Looks so lifelike! The shells too! The tiny ones look like frogs.”

Big Raph snickered while Leo, Mikey, Donnie, and Raph looked at the human in disbelief. 

“Haven’t you heard? Frogs are just shell-less turtles,” Big Raph said, with a toothy grin. 

“No, they’re not. Frogs and turtles are-” began Donnie right as Raph covered his mouth before he could start on another rant that no one cared to hear. 

“Lick me and I’ll kick your ass in training worse than I normally do,” Raph threatened in a whisper, his Japanese coming out harsher than normal. 

Donnie glared at his older brother but didn’t do anything beyond that. 

“Right on little dudes,” said the waiter. “You’re destined to win costume night.”

“Costume Night?” said Mikey. 

“Oh yeah,” said the waiter. “Every so often, Antonio’s has costume night. Customers who buy a pizza are automatically entered and then we decide who’s the winner at the end of the hour. Winners get free pizzas for three months.”

Mikey turned to his three older brothers. “Guys, we gotta enter the contest,” he said in an excited whispered. “Free pizzas for three months?!”

“No,” chorused the three older turtles. 

“We’re already buying the pizzas,” Mikey said, turning his puppy eyes on to the max. “The human said we are ‘destined’ to win. Think about it! Free pizzas!"

"Well, I do like free things," Raph said with a slight nod of his head. 

"It'd free us up to get some more medical supplies," Donnie said. 

Leo nodded. "Then we'll enter the contest."

"Yeah!" said Mikey. "Let's head over to the cashier to get the pizzas."

Mikey took the money out of Donnie’s hands and happily jaunted over to the register, the four turtles following behind him. 

“Mikey’s energy is really something, huh?” Big Raph said with a grin while the youngest was ordering the pizzas. 

“It’s something alright,” Leo said in a clipped tone. Once Mikey had ordered the pizzas, the cashier handed him a receipt and his respective change. 

The youngest turtle found them all a table to sit at, away from most of the loud restaurant to a quieter part while they were waiting for their pizzas to be made, The five turtles had sat down, the four smaller turtles turning their gaze onto Big Raph. 

“What exactly were you doing with the Kraang?” Leo blurted out. 

Donnie, Mikey, and Raph all stared at him. 

Leo saw their incredulous looks and tried to defend himself. “Don’t you all think it’s a little weird that he was in the same place that we were?” he asked them. He couldn’t be the only one who noticed it, right? They had to have seen these weird connections that he was seeing.  “That he just so happened to be there and help Mikey?”

“It is a little weird,” Donnie said. 

Mikey added on, “Maybe he’s like Leatherhead.” He winced when Raph hit him upside the head.

“You could let me explain myself,” Big Raph said suddenly, startling Leo, Donnie, Raph, and Mikey. “I was looking for something that Donnie could use to help me get back home.”

“How did you know that Donnie would be the one that could help you get home?” Leo questioned. 

“My Donnie’s a genius, so I figured that your Donnie is a genius too,” said Big Raph. 

Donnie shook his head slightly and folded his arms arrogantly. “Finally, someone recognized my genius,” he said with a cocky smirk. “You all could learn how to do that.”

Raph scoffed. "We will when you have an invention that works.”

Big Raph simply stared at them, before continuing. “Actually, I was trying to find a place to hide at first,” he confessed. “Or find you guys. Then I caught sight of the vans, thought they might have something, and followed them.”

“You followed them?” Leo repeated. 

“Yea,” said Big Raph. 

“That doesn’t explain how you got in,” said Donnie. “How’d you get in?”

“I watched them. Then when it was empty, I hopped down into the alley,” said Big Raph. “I thought it was empty, the Kraang dude popped out of the van and he spoke all weird like. Question, do they really speak like that?’

Mikey nodded. “Once you fight them long enough, you get used to it. I even got a hang of it and spoke like that around the lair for a little bit. Leo joined in too.”

“The worst thirty minutes of my life,” muttered Raph. 

Big Raph nodded. “Huh, okay. Then he started shooting at me, and I panicked and started fighting back. I accidentally ripped some flesh off and then realized that he wasn’t human. He even said that I would make a good mutant for the Kraang to experiment on, so I fought harder because ya know, being experimented on doesn’t sound fun. I think I got a ladder off a fire escape and knocked his head off. Also, do they all really have those weird pink brain things in their bodies?”

“Mhmm,” Mikey answered with a nod. “That’s the Kraang. They also slide on those human skins. Raphie saw it first hand.”

“That’s incredibly… gross,” said Big Raph with a grimace on his face. “Anyways, then the Kraang? lunged at me and I threw it off. Then I used that against the scanners to get in and snuck to where you all were.”

Leo managed to hide his shock when Big Raph revealed that he was the one to behead the Kraangdroid they had found and was the reason that the Kraang was left behind in the middle of the street. So maybe Slash was really gone, but the turtle somehow still found a way to haunt all of them in the form of Big Raph. Leo really can’t ignore the snaggletooth hanging from Big Raph’s mouth now and how muscled the turtle was, he can’t.

All he can really think about was how easily Big Raph could hurt all of them at any moment. 

“Hmm,” said Leo, trying to cover up his anxiety and fear. “Okay.”

Big Raph went quiet for a moment, hunching over the table, and suddenly shot up in his chair, startling the four turtles. “Oh, I just remembered,” he started. “They were saying something about a Kraag-Kra-Kraathatrogon? A second location?”

Leo looked at Big Raph in interest. “What exactly did they say?” 

Big Raph tapped his fingers together in thought. “I can’t really remember all that well. I think they were bringing Kraathatrogon to another location.”

“Aw, sewer apples,” swore Donnie. “This has to be connected with the plan that Kurtzman told us, ya think?”

Raph groaned. “I hate the Kraang so fuckin’ much. They can’t take a break with their stupid fucking plans, I hate it.”

“What do you think they plan to do with… whatever this thing is?” Mikey wondered.

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s nothing good,” Leo said, rubbing his temples. “We have to stop the Kraang’s plan.” 

“You’ve fought them before?” Big Raph asked. 

“You haven’t?” Leo asked back.

Big Raph shook his head. “I have no idea what those things were before I landed in this dimension.” 

Leo was jealous. They all were. It must have been nice not to have to spend your fifteenth birthday fighting aliens and your time fighting back against an alien invasion. It must have been nice not to have nearly drowned trying to stop an invasion, not to have your brothers dying in an alien ship. It must be nice not to have to be burdened with that knowledge and that pain. 

They envied Big Raph for being ignorant. 

Raph grumbled. “We also have to deal with Shred-head too.” He shifted his glance to Big Raph. “You fight the Shredder too?” 

Big Raph stilled for a moment before shaking his head. “Well, Tinman is a bitch who’s a big thorn in our side.” 

It must have been nice not to worry about the Shredder. To not have to worry about dying because your mortal enemy had a vendetta against your father for marrying his crush. To not spend your days thinking about what the enemy is planning next and how to stop him.

It must be nice not to have those problems. 

None of them spoke for a moment. A moment later, a waiter came by and sat their pizza boxes on the table. 

“Here’s ya food boys,” said the waiter. “Also congrats.” 

Mikey gasped. “We won?” The waiter nodded. Mikey happily stomped his feet and shook Donnie. “We won! We won!”

“Told ya you were destined to win this contest! Now, here’s a voucher to start redeeming your free pizzas,” said the waiter, handing the voucher to Leo, who took it out of their hands. 

Once the waiter left, Leo stood up. “Come on guys, let’s go,” he said. “We should get back to the lair.”

It was weird being so out in the open like this. Feeling like they were betraying all that they were taught.

“What’s Master Splinter going to say?” asked Donnie. 

Leo sighed. “We’ll have to find out when we get there,” he said. “No one mention that we went into the pizzeria.”

Three ‘aye aye captain’s' was what he got in response. Leo would have to make do with that. 

On their way back to the lair, Donnie had to take the pizzas out of Mikey’s hand, claiming that the younger would eat all of the pizzas like he did last time. Raph seemed to tune them out for the most part, while Big Raph appeared to look at everything with a strange sense of curiosity and wonder. 

Leo on the other hand was nervous. 

Anyone would be, really.

How do you explain to your father that this very strange turtle was actually your brother from another dimension? How do you even begin to unpack that with your father? 

“Ah, my sons,” a voice called out, bringing Leo out of his thoughts. “You’ve made it home. How was patrol?”

It took a second for him to realize that they were in the lair. When had he vaulted over the turnstiles? He didn’t remember doing that. 

“Pops is so tall,” Big Raph whispered, probably to Mikey. “Why is he so tall?”

“Oh, Sensei has always been like that,” Mikey said. “You’re taller than him! He’s short compared to you.”

“Leonardo, would you all like to explain why you brought a stranger to our lair and why he thinks I’m his father?” Splinter asked.

“Well, you see,” Leo said, gesturing with his hands as he tried to explain. “Funny story.”

Mikey interrupted him. “So this is Raph,” he made a full-body gesture to Big Raph’s figure. “He’s from another dimension and somehow ended up here. We met him while fighting the Kraang, he had my back, and made sure I didn’t get shot in the shell. Then we got pizza and brought it back. Did I mention that we call him Big Raph because he’s Raph but he’s also really-”

Raph cut him off with a “We get it, Mikey.” 

“No need to be so rude, Raphie." 

Raph glared at him, growled a bit but didn’t do anything else beyond that. Probably because Master Splinter was there and would use a nerve pinch on the hot-headed turtle. Otherwise, it would have been fair game. 

Splinter looked up at Big Raph and stroked his thin, wiry beard. “So,” he said, projecting his voice as he spoke. “You are my son from another world?”

Big Raph nodded. 

“And what Michelangelo said about you helping him during their fight, is that also true?” 

Big Raph nodded once again. 

“Well, you seem to have proven that you have the same protective streak that Raphael has,” Master Splinter mused out loud. “How old are you?”

“I’m sixteen,” said Big Raph. Wait, that didn’t make sense. Big Raph said he was a mutant turtle for fourteen years, so shouldn’t he be fourteen?

“And you must be very tired, aren’t you?” Splinter said. 

The taller turtle rubbed his neck. “Honestly, I’m a little tired,” he said. “Traveling dimensions and fighting the Kraang can really tire a turtle out.” Big Raph chuckled a little after that. 

“Well then, why don’t we sit down and eat pizzas?” Splinter suggested. 

“That sounds like a great idea". Leo, Mikey, Raph, and Donnie along with Master Splinter sat in the pit. Big Raph followed along and sat down next to Mikey. 

Donnie opened the pizza boxes, the boys all picked up a slice and started eating. Master Splinter didn’t move to pick up a pizza. 

“How did you end up in our world?” said Master Splinter. It was something the four turtles were wondering too. It was fascinating that someone managed to come here without the help of Kraang technology. 

Big Raph was still for a moment and then, “Portal accident,” he said simply. Something in his voice indicated that he did not want to go any further on the subject. Big Raph took a bite of his pizza and went silent. 

“Sounds like a typical Donnie screw-up,” Raph said, taking a bite of his pizza. Donnie glared at him. Raph caught his glare and shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not wrong, am I? Should I list your goof-ups alphabetically or chronologically?”

Donnie’s glare deepened. “Ooo, chronologically,” he taunted, waving his hand up in the air.  “Sounds like someone’s been reading books. Did you have a hard time learning that one or did you pummel the book when you didn’t get it?”

“It was an accident,” Big Raph said again, putting an emphasis on the word accident. The two turtles stopped their argument and stared at Big Raph, who was clearly glaring at the two of them in what seemed to be annoyance. There was something about Big Raph that unsettled the two turtles. For Donnie, it was the fact that Big Raph could blow up at any moment, that his temper had the potential to be worse than Raph’s, which spelled out more pain for the genius turtle. For Raph, it was Slash all over again and Raph had no desire to tick off the bigger turtle and have a repeat of what happened the first time around. 

There was an awkward silence that surrounded them as they ate. Mikey moved in to fill in the silence and started talking to Big Raph, who turned his attention to the orange-banded turtle and seemed to be in a much better mood. 

Leo silently sighed in relief. Thank goodness for Mikey’s big mouth, or else they would have been subjected to another infamous Raph temper. 

“Big Raph also found information on the Kraang too,” Leo told Master Splinter. “It seems like they’re in the middle of another plan but we don’t know what it is. We’re going to stop it either way.” 

Master Splinter looked at Leo in interest, then at Big Raph. “I see,” the ninja master said. “Your dedication is admirable but let us save that for tomorrow. We have to make arrangements for our guest.”

“We have an empty room where our rooms are," Donnie said. “Big Raph can stay there?”

Splinter nodded. “That’ll work. I have spare blankets stored in my room. Let me go retrieve them,” he stood up and went to go get them, leaving the five turtles in the common area by themselves. He came back a few minutes later with the blankets and handed them to Big Raph. 

Big Raph took the blankets out of Splinter’s hands. “Uhh thanks, Pops,” he said, with a smile. “Do… do you mind showing me to my room? I’d like to get some sleep if that’s okay with you.” 

“No need to ask, Raphael, I will lead you to your room,” Splinter said, resting a hand on Big Raph’s shell, guiding him to his room, and that was the last that the four fifteen-year-olds saw of Big Raph for the night, deciding to break off and do their own thing before going to bed. 

Chapter Text

Big Raph was uncertain on what to think of the tiny versions of himself and his brothers. He was fine with the fact that they were tiny and were all apparently the same species. They were secretive, preferring to hide in the shadows and rooftops when it made no sense given how their New York was practically empty compared to his. They didn’t even know the cosplay routine! 

There was something about them that made him feel on edge. He wanted to chalk it up to his anxieties and uncertainties stemming from being dropped into the middle of a different dimension but as the night progressed, he wasn’t sure if that was it. The way that the four turtles interacted with each other didn’t feel right to him. Raph hit Mikey upside the head a few times; Leo, Donnie, and Raph seemed annoyed with Mikey quite often and judgemental of some of the youngest’s choices, they all snipped and snapped at each other. Big Raph really, really wanted to write it off as that’s how they expressed their affection for one another. 

Mikey also flinched when Big Raph rested his hand on his head and Big Raph wondered what was up with that? Did Big Raph catch him off guard? 

That… that had to be it. He was still a bit hung up on Mikey thanking him after the fight. It wasn’t the kind of thanks that was light or playful, it was one that had relief in it, like Mikey was expecting him not to have his back. 

Then there was the walk to Antonio’s when Mikey turned around to face Raph, saying his piece about being a ‘normal’ turtle and Raph stopped with a wide, pained face while Leo and Donnie didn’t really move to stop either one of the turtles. Big Raph looked at the scene before him, lost and confused. He couldn’t really write it off as how they showed affection to each other, not when it felt so… so mean spirited. Mikey turned around like nothing had happened and kept going and Big Raph had no choice but to do the same, no matter how bothered he felt, no matter how badly he wanted to ask what the heck just happened. 

When they got to Antonio’s, he’d tried to lighten up the mood with a joke about ending up in jail again and entered the restaurant with the turtles. They ordered the pizzas and once they sat down, Leo immediately went on the offense, asking him why he was with the Kraang. Big Raph supposed that he couldn’t blame Leo, it was a bit suspicious that he was with the weird alien guys. As Big Raph told them how he ended up in the Kraang base, he found out that they had fought the Kraang before. 

From how agitated Raph sounded, it was not the first or second time they had crossed paths. Tonight would not be the last time either. 

Then they asked about Shredder— if he’s fighting the Shredder and he stilled, thinking about the demonic beast, before shaking his head. Fear took over when Raph growled out that they were fighting the Shredder in this world and Big Raph was so glad that they all were still alive, that they hadn’t seemed to lose anyone close to them like Big Raph and his family had lost Karai. 

They won the contest and decided to go back to the lair. Leo’s leading the five of them, Donnie took the pizzas from Mikey while Raph seemed distant, not really paying attention to anyone while Big Raph himself was curiously looking around this New York, taking inventory of the shops and stores he wanted to visit later on when he got a chance. 

Once they got to the sewers, Big Raph tried his best to make a mental map of the sewers that led to the lair. 

Can’t afford to get weird every time he had to get the pizzas. 

When they got to the lair, Big Raph saw the rat that was supposed to be his dad in this dimension. Wow, he's tall. Not really thinking it through, Big Raph whispered to Mikey about Pops being so tall and asked why Pop was so tall. 

Pops turned towards Leo, asking about him. Big Raph didn't mind the suspicion, he really didn't. It made sense to be a little weary considering that they have the Shredder to deal with, but it rubbed him the wrong way how Pops asked "Why does he think I'm his father?" like he wasn't a part of this family, like he didn't belong. 

He must be reading too much into it. 

An interrogation followed and Big Raph answered all of his questions. The alligator snapping turtle was all too eager to sit down and eat the moment Pops suggested that they eat. 

Then Pops asked the question that Big Raph had been dreading: how did you get here? 

Big Raph answered with a terse "Portal accident." He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about his brothers’ screams as he was engulfed by the portal, the pain that greeted him the moment he landed in this dimension, or the panic that he underwent trying to figure out what was going on.

He didn't want to think about any of it. 

Then Raph cut in with his "Sounds like a typical Donnie screw-up,” Raph snarked. Donnie glared at him. Raph caught his glare and shrugged his shoulders, like he hadn’t just implied his younger brother was a screw-up. Why didn’t they seem to get it? Why did Raph think that Donnie was a screw-up? Donnie’s inventions tended to go wayside or go rogue sometimes, but that did not make him a screw-up. “I’m not wrong, am I? Should I list your goof-ups alphabetically or chronologically?”

Why weren’t Mikey or Leo stopping them? Why were they letting this go on? Why wasn’t Pops stopping this? 

Donnie’s glare deepened. “Ooo, chronologically,” he taunted, waving his hand up in the air. Well, that sounded like Don and his classic sarcastic bite, but never had it sounded so harsh. “Sounds like someone’s been reading books. Did you have a hard time learning that one or did you pummel the book when you didn’t get it?”

“It was an accident, ” Big Raph repeated in irritation. Why couldn’t they get that it was an accident?

The two turtles quieted down and Big Raph felt the awkwardness hanging in the air. Crap, he was letting his temper get to him. He could have said that a bit better. 

Mikey started chatting with him, and he talked with the younger turtle. Big Raph felt a bit better about himself as the two talked. Leo told Pops that Big Raph had found some information on the Kraang, Pops said that he admired their dedication, that it should wait until tomorrow since they need to make accommodations for Big Raph. 

Donnie said that there was a spare room where theirs was, suggesting he could stay there. Pops left to get him a blanket and when he came back Big Raph asked him if he could take him to his room so he could get some sleep. He really hoped that he didn’t sound rude asking that. 

Pops didn’t mind, guided him to his new room, and opened the door to let the snapping turtle in. Big Raph, holding the blankets in his hands, whispered goodnight to his dad. Pops responded back, closing the door behind him as he exited out.

Now that it was just Big Raph in the room, Big Raph threw himself onto the bed, trying to collect himself so he could really process everything that happened tonight. 

This world was strange. Really strange. His counterpart and bros were acting really weird so far. 

Maybe it’s just been a hard night on the four turtles? And then he showed up, it made it a little harder? If that was the case, then hopefully they could smooth things out a little over the next few days. 

Big Raph let out a sigh. He pulled out his phone, sat it on the nightstand next to the bed, and let himself fall into an uneasy sleep. 

The next morning, Big Raph woke up. He felt like he hadn’t truly gotten any rest, only feeling more exhausted than the night before. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, got out of the bed, and opened the door, where Mikey stood in front of him, holding out a toothbrush. 

“Here you go!” said Mikey, handing him the toothbrush. “Figured you might need one.”

“Thanks, Mikey,” he said, taking the toothbrush. “Do you have a charger by any chance?”

“Yea! You can borrow mine,” Mikey answered, rushing off to his room, grabbing his charger, and giving it to Big Raph. “Here you go, big guy.”

Big Raph smiled. “Thanks Mikey.”

“Bathroom’s over near the kitchen,” said Mikey. “Breakfast will be served soon!”

“Can’t wait Mikester. I’m sure it’ll be delicious.”

Mikey gave a small smile before he walked away, presumably to go make breakfast. Big Raph stood in the doorway for a few more moments before charging his phone and going off to find the bathroom. He managed to find the bathroom, brush his teeth, put his toothbrush back, and went off in search of the kitchen. 

He made it into the kitchen and saw Leo, Raph, Donnie, and Pops all sitting at the table while Mikey was at the stove.

“Well look who finally woke up,” Raph said. “Just in time for Mikey’s ‘cooking.’”

“Come on, I’m sure it’ll be delicious,” said Big Raph. 

“Have you had Mikey’s cooking?” said Leo. 

“All the time.”

“I’m not even sure if you can call what he makes food,” Donnie commented while fiddling with one of his inventions. 

“Boys,” Pops said, voice booming. Big Raph flinched slightly at the sound of his voice. It sounded awfully familiar to him but he couldn’t put a finger on what it was exactly or who it reminded him of, and that set him on edge just a bit. He waved it off. He was just being paranoid. “Michelangelo works very hard on his meals and you must be appreciative of that.”

“Yes Sensei,” the three chorused. 

“Mikey do you want help with anything?” said Big Raph. 

Mikey stared at him with wide eyes before shaking his head. “I’m almost done anyways,” he said quickly. 

A few moments later, Mikey announced that breakfast was ready and started fixing plates. He handed them out to Leo, Raph, and Donnie and Pops before fixing Big Raph’s and his own plate. Mikey handed Big Raph his plate, sat down, and started eating his own food. 

“Donatello,” started Pops. “While I appreciate your dedication to your inventions, please refrain from working on them while we’re eating.”

“Hold on Sensei, I’m really close to figuring out this thing-” said Donnie, moreso to himself than Splinter, right before said invention backfired on him, causing whatever was in the beaker to splash on over him and Big Raph. Donnie’s red eyes widened when he realized what happened, reaching out to help Big Raph. 

“Big Raph, I am so sorry, ” Donnie said, hands raised in a apologetic manner. 

Big Raph shrugged his shoulders. “It’s no biggie,” he said simply with a kind smile, not noticing how everyone was staring at him in shock. “It was just a simple accident. Mikey would you mind handing me something to wipe… whatever this is off of me?”

“You’re… you’re not upset?” . 

Of course he wouldn’t be upset. Why was Donnie asking him something like that? “No?” he slightly shook his head. “Your inventions sometimes went rogue back at home, so why would I be upset? Doesn’t make sense. It’s not like you meant for it to happen.”

Mikey handed Big Raph a towel. “Thanks Mikey,” he said, taking the towel from Mikey and started wiping the gunk off of him. 

“I am quite impressed that you managed to have such control over your temper,” Pops said, in awe. 

“Aww, thanks Pops,” said Big Raph, having wiped off a majority of the spilled gunk off of him. “I’m not really bothered by a lot of stuff my brothers do, and they really know how to test a turtle.”

“I can see that with how you handled one of Donatello’s many inventions going haywire,” said Pops. “Perhaps, you can show Raphael how you managed to get a handle on your temper. I’m certain that my son could learn a thing or two from you.”

Big Raph grinned. “Sure!” He was always eager to show off his knitting skills and his techniques to someone if need be. Raph glared at him before turning away and leaving the table. Admittedly, Big Raph was a bit confused by that but rationalized the other’s actions as being embarrassed at the thought of needing help with their problems, and he could definitely relate to that, seeing that he himself was heavily uncomfortable with the idea of needing help with his anger issues when he was younger. 

He’ll give his tiny counterpart time and let Raph come to him on his own terms. 

“I’ll have to take you into the lab,” said Donnie, wrapping his arm around Big Raph’s bicep. “I want to make sure that that botched batch doesn’t have any negative effects on you.”

“I feel fine?” said Big Raph. 

Donnie glared at him. “I know that you don’t like lab stuff but for your sake and mine, can you please simply come into my lab so I can quickly check you over?”

Big Raph puffed his cheeks out before letting the air out of them and slumping his shoulders in defeat. “Fine,” he relented, deciding only to do this so that Donnie wouldn’t worry about him. “I promise you I am fine.”

“Well, at least he doesn’t look like a giant zit this time around,” Leo said. 

“Leonardo,” Pops said, voice warning to stop. 

He hadn’t heard the rest of the conversation as Donnie pulled on Big Raph’s arm, forcing the bigger turtle to follow the genius into his lab. Once they were in his lab, Donnie pointed to one of the rolling chairs. Big Raph sat in the chair and Donnie sat in the one across from him. 

Donnie pulled out his phone, one shaped like a turtle shell, opened up an app, and a pair of antennae were revealed. Big Raph marveled at the simple action, seeing that Don hadn’t utilized his own phone in a fashion similar to that. Donnie slowly waved the phone over Raph’s body, specifically where the gunk had landed on him, paying close attention to his phone, as if he was waiting for something to appear on his phone. After a few minutes of not seeing what he was waiting for, Donnie put his phone down. 

“Well, it doesn’t seem like that botched batch of retro-mutagen had adverse effects on you,” Donnie said. “You’re sure you’re fine? And you’re sure you’re not mad about what happened at breakfast?”

“Peachy keen!” said Big Raph with a grin, then he patted Donnie on the shoulder. “I already told you I wasn’t mad buddy, but I’ll say it again to make sure it gets through to your head. It was an accident and no one was harmed, I don’t hold it against you.”

Big Raph watched as Donnie seemed to sigh in relief, wondering why he had asked him that so many times. “Besides, what were you working on? Retro-mutagen? What’s it for?”

“To cure April’s dad and reverse his mutation,” said Donnie in a clipped voice. 

That could be done? Reversing one’s mutation? Imagine if Don managed to figure out how to make an antidote back home, he’d be able to help the people affected by Draxum’s oozesquitoes. But what was that about April’s dad getting mutated?

“How-how did April’s dad get mutated?” 

Donnie got up to grab another beaker, a canister that held a glowing green liquid, and poured it in the beaker. “Mutagen spilled on him.” Something about the way Donnie said that told Big Raph that it was a touchy subject for him. “I have to work on an antidote to cure him.”

“What about breakfast?” said Big Raph. “You gotta have food before you lock yourself up in your lab all day.”

“I’m not really hungry,” Donnie said, returning to his work. 

“Are you sure?” Big Raph said. If Donnie was anything like Don, then he would have a proclivity to not really eat all that often, to not have healthy eating habits, or willingly take steps to make sure that he was eating his meals. It was usually up to Big Raph or Angelo to make sure that their genius brother ate something, and it was something that he was certain that he was going to have to do the same with Donnie. 

“I’m sure,” said Donnie, not bothering to look at Big Raph as he continued to work on the antidote. 

Big Raph could tell that he was starting to annoy Donnie with the whole food thing, so he decided not to press the issue anymore. “I know I can’t help you with the whole antidote thing, but how about I sit here and keep you company?” he offered. “It can certainly help pass the time if you had someone sit with you.”

It was something that he did for Don and Angelo back home, keeping them company and chatting them up while they worked on their projects, both as a way to spend time with his younger brothers and making sure that they didn’t get too lost in the sauce, as Leon would say. 

“I have too much work to do,” Donnie said, voice short and sharp. Big Raph was starting to get the impression that he was not wanted at all. “Besides, I can’t afford to have another Mikey in the lab.”

He was unsure of what that meant, ‘having another Mikey in the lab’, but from the way Donnie said it, it didn’t sound like it was a good thing.  

“Oh, okay,” he said, making sure that he didn’t sound too affected by Donnie’s statement. “Well, uh, good luck Donnie. Make sure you take breaks too, okay?”

Donnie patronizingly ‘mmhmm’ed the sixteen-year-old as Big Raph exited the lab. 

When he exited the lab, he was facing the pit, where he saw Leo and Raph sitting in front of the TV. Big Raph decided to sit down and join the two turtles. 

“What’s this?” said Big Raph, interested by the old timey sci-fi animations. 

“ Space Heroes, ” said Leo. 

“What’s Space Heroes ?” 

Leo turned to face him with big eyes. Big Raph instinctively knew that he had awakened the younger turtle’s inner nerd and was wholeheartedly ready to hear him rant about what seemed to be his favorite show in the whole world.

 “You don’t know what Space Heroes is?!” Leo asked in shock. “How could anyone not know what Space Heroes is?! It’s only one of the greatest shows in the entire world!”

“I don’t have Space Heroes in my world,” said Big Raph, resting his arms on his knees, interested in what Leo had to say. “What’s it about?”

Raph loudly groaned. “It’s only one of the stupidest shows on the planet,” came the complaint. . 

“It is not!” Leo said. “ Space Heroes is a great show, Captain Ryan is awesome, and I’m gonna be like him.”

“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, you’re on your way since you sure love hearing yourself talk, but we don’t need two Captain Ryans,” said Raph, turning the TV off. 

“What’d you do that for?!” said Leo, now frustrated. “You can’t say because Spike thinks it’s too stupid for him since he’s gone because of you!”

Raph’s face darkened in anger. Big Raph was keenly aware that something about this argument, if he could call it that, had gone too far based on how Raph had reacted. If he knew anything from Don and Leon fighting back in his world, he knew that it was going to get physical if Big Raph didn’t do anything to stop them. 

Raph prepared himself to lunge at Leo, but was stopped mid-lunge when Big Raph grabbed him by his waist, held him up off the ground, and pulled him close to his plastron. 

The green-eyed turtle growled, swinging his arms, futilely trying to reach out towards Leo. "Put me down!" he said. "Leo, when this is over, I'm pummeling your face in!"

"No, you won't," said Big Raph, who stared at Leo. "What you said obviously hurt and upset your brother. You need to apologize." 

Leo scoffed, looking up at Big Raph. "Why would I?” he said. “It’s not like I haven’t said anything that wasn’t true.”

Raph flailed and struggled in Big Raph’s hold—the scathing growls combined with Raph’s clawing reminded him of Angelo’s feral, gremlin-like rage that he was consumed by due to the loss of his favorite pizza place being destroyed by Digg—while Big Raph narrowed his eyes at Leo. 

“Apologize,” said Big Raph again. 

Leo shifted his gaze between Raph and Big Raph before gritting his teeth. “Fine,” he said. “Sorry that you’re such a big, hotheaded baby whose issues-”

That was not the apology that Big Raph was looking for, and interrupted Leo before he could continue to finish what he was saying. “That’s out of line Leo,” said Big Raph. 

“That’s what you get for thinking that this jackass was going to apologize. That would require him to think that he’s wrong and Splinter Jr. can do no wrong,” said Raph. “Put me down. Punching his face in ain’t worth it right now.” 

Big Raph furrowed one of his eye ridges, hesitant to do as Raph asked of him. Seeing that Raph had stilled, and hadn’t made any further motions to try and attack Leo, Big Raph put him down. Raph stood there for several moments, intensely glaring at Leo before he stomped away. There was a loud, angry slam of a door, leading Big Raph to assume that Raph had holed himself up in his room. 

“He’s going to be okay,” Leo cut in. “He’s pretty much always like this. Raph will come around in a few hours.”

Big Raph wasn’t sure if that was the case, but he didn’t voice that thought out loud, watching as Leo turned his attention back to the TV, leaving Big Raph standing in the middle of the pit. Not wanting to continue ruminating in this awkwardness, Big Raph decided to see what Mikey was up to, and went to find Mikey in his room with his door wide open. 

Big Raph leaned in the doorway and gently knocked on the door, which caught Mikey’s attention, who jumped up, startled by the snapper’s appearance.”Hey Mikey,” greeted Big Raph. “Whatcha up to?” 

Mikey seemed to be recovering from the slight scare before giving Big Raph a large smile. “Nothing, big guy! What, uhh, what are you up to?” said Mikey. 

Big Raph shrugged. “Mind if I joined you?”

“You wanna join me?” said Mikey, pointing at himself. 

“Yeah, little dude,” said Big Raph. “So… can I join you?”

“Uhh, sure,” said Mikey, hesitant. 

Big Raph entered the room, sitting down on the floor next to Mikey’s bed, and noticed that there were what seemed to be several opened comic books on Mikey’s bed. “You’re into comics too?” questioned Big Raph, jerking his head to the comic books.

“Big time! What about you?” 

 “My brothers and I are big fans of Jupiter Jim comics.”

“What’s Jupiter Jim?” 

Big Raph’s jaw dropped. ”You don't know what Jupiter Jim is?!” At the thought of getting to explain one of his favorite things, he threw his hands up in excitement, when he noticed that Mikey flinched away from him. 

He did it again, and Big Raph slowly lowered his arms in confusion. What was it about him that made Mikey flinch like that? He hadn’t yelled, he hadn’t caught him off-guard like he did last night…

Was Mikey… afraid of him?

Seeing Mikey flinching away from him and throwing his hands up over his face, told Big Raph all that he needed to know. Knowing that Mikey was afraid of him hurt the snapping turtle deeply, and Big Raph was determined to show Mikey that he had nothing to be afraid of. He slowly lowered his arms, rubbed his hands together and chuckled, trying to mask his hurt. “Sorry about that. Got err, excited. I just really love Jupiter Jim.”

“It’s okay big guy,” said Mikey, slowly swinging his legs, the heels of his feet kicking against the bed board. “So uhh, tell me about this Jupiter Jim dude.”

Big Raph grinned and started telling Mikey all about Jupiter Jim, all while being careful not to be too animated while talking. 

After spending several hours with Mikey—Big Raph was still reeling from the fact that Mikey was afraid of him—nighttime fell, and Leo announced that it was time for patrols. 

“You all do patrols?” Big Raph asked. 

“Pretty much all the time,” Mikey said, picking up his nunchucks. “You sound excited.”

“Why not?” said Big Raph, getting his tonfas. “It’s nice to see that someone takes patrols seriously.”

“You guys don’t do patrols? Lucky,” said Mikey. 

Big Raph grimaced a bit. “I normally do patrols by myself. It’s been difficult getting my brothers to join me on patrols or even show up for them!”

Well, that was before they saved their world. Since then, they went on light patrols as part of their newfound hero duties. 

“Leo would lose it if we didn’t show up for patrols,” Mikey said  as the two made their way to the common area. Mikey and Big Raph saw Raph, Leo, and Donnie were waiting on them.

“Nice to see you two finally join us,” Leo said, sliding his swords into their hilts. “Come on guys, let’s go.”

The five turtles exited the lair, made their way through the sewers, and ended up topside, on the roofs, standing there for a moment to get their bearings. 

“What’s the plan for tonight?” Big Raph said.

Leo turned to look at Big Raph. “We’re still recovering cans of mutagen,” he said. Seeing his confused look, “It’s the stuff that created us.”

“How many cans is it? It can’t be that many, right?”

Donnie winced and looked away. “Over fifty?” he said, unsure. 

“It’s an ass-load of canisters to find,” Raph muttered. “Wouldn’t be in this situation if it wasn’t for Mikey.”

Mikey shot up, taking offense to that. “Hey!”

“Raphael, stop,” Leo said. “We all messed up. It was an accident.”

“Well it’s true ,” Raph said. “You can’t stop me from telling the truth, can you?”

Wow, that’s a lot. “Heh, at least you’re not trying to hunt down thousands of oozesquitoes.” Big Raph chuckled awkwardly, trying to put a little humorous twist on the increasingly tense situation at hand and bring a smile on their faces.

 It did not work. 

They all stared at him. He rubbed his neck nervously, “How are we tracking them down? I’m certain Donnie made some device of sorts that can track it down?” 

Leo nodded while Raph commented that the device was still as useless as a turtle in a trench coat. What was that supposed to mean? Leo glared at him and Raph held his hands up in fake surrender. 

“So how does it work?” Big Raph wondered aloud. Donnie explained how the device worked to him, Big Raph nodding along, trying his best to understand what Donnie was saying. 

“The mutagen emits a signal of sorts and the scanner picks up on it?” Raph said, repeating what he heard the best he understood, “Right?”

Donnie nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, pretty much,” he said in confirmation while fiddling with the turn dial on the tracker. “It’s been having trouble zeroing in on a single reading because of all the mutagen canisters out in the city.”

Big Raph nodded in thought. “Maybe it’d be easier if there was another tracker and we could split up in teams?” he said as a suggestion.. “It might make searching for them a lot easier.”

“Huh,” said Donnie, voice absent in thought. “That might do it.”

“Donnie,” Leo said, breaking the two out of their conversation. He sounded irritated. Why? Donnie hadn’t seemed to do anything wrong. “Has your device picked up on anything so far?”

“Hold on a moment Leo,” Donnie said under his breath, sticking his tongue out in thought as he continued messing with the machine. “Got it! There’s three a few blocks away!”

“Alright let’s go!” Leo ordered, turning to Mikey. “Mikey! Get your head in the game!”

Mikey stopped dancing, turned his music off, and hopped off the billboard to join the rest of the group. They started running across the rooftops, Big Raph managing to easily keep up with the four turtles. During the patrol, Donnie instructed them on where to go, Mikey made his typical comedic quips, Raph provided his snarky, sarcastic commentary, and Leo snipped at Raph with his own biting, sarcastic remarks. 

So far, it felt like a normal outing Big Raph would go on with his brothers back in his world, and he felt a little better about tonight. 

Finally, something felt normal. 

They had finally found the two canisters of mutagen. Downside? It appeared that a mutant had caught sight of the mutagen. 

“Snakeweed,” Leo said out loud, resting a foot on the ledge. The pose reminded Big Raph of Leon and his dramatic posing whenever he was trying to rile them up into another round of chaos, or when Big Raph himself was trying to motivate his brothers into becoming better ninjas.  “Whatever he wants to do with that mutagen, can’t be good. We can’t let the canister break and the mutagen get on him. Can’t afford another Razhar.”

“What a shame he went from such a fluffy dog to an ugly skeleton thing,”  bemoaned Mikey, visibly shuddering for emphasis. “I guess I have to start thinking of names for Snakeweed if he supermutates.”

Who the heck was Razhar? Whoever he was, he sounded like an absolutely nasty character and Big Raph hoped that they wouldn’t meet any time soon. 

Big Raph shook his head and made himself focus on the mission at hand. “What’s the plan, Leo?” Big Raph said. 

Leo stared at Big Raph before throwing his hands up in surrender. “Alright, I’ve played your game long enough,” he said. “When are you going to argue with me? When are we going to have our argument? Let’s get it over with now so we don’t have to deal with it while we fight Snakeweed.”

“What?” said the sixteen-year-old. “What are you talking about? Why would we argue?”

“We argue all the time!” said Leo with an irritated scoff, gesturing to himself and Big Raph. “This is what we do! I make a plan, you call it stupid, we fight. I say do something on our patrols, you clearly do something the opposite of what I say-”

“But why would I do that if it would put us in danger?” Big Raph said. That made no sense whatsoever. That’s not something he would do, he’d never willingly or knowingly put his family in danger like that. Call him dramatic, but he’d rather be dead than put his little brothers in danger. 

“Because it’s what you do! You always do this! ” Leo yelled. Hearing Leo yell, at him out of anger, was absolutely jarring to Big Raph. He flinched, unable to mask how badly this conversation was starting to affect him. “You argue and complain about my plans! You complain about how I lead the team! It’s what you do because you think you know better than me!”

Donnie piped up. “It’s true,”causing Big Raph to whip his head and face the purple masked turtle. “It’s so commonplace that we have the RRF, short for the Raph Renegade Factor, for how likely you are to run off and do your own thing. Half of the fights that we get into unnecessarily is because of how impulsive you are.”

“I do not!” Big Raph said, being very careful not to sound angry, even though what he was hearing was very hurtful. Even if he had the right to be mad. 

“Yes, you do,” said Leo. 

Mikey tilted his head, looking at Raph and Big Raph. “Look, you call me stupid and brainless all the time Raphie, but at least I don’t run off to do my own thing,” he said with a grin. “Or complain. No one complains as much as you do.”

“I don’t do all of those things,” Raph said, wilting a bit under the glares of Leo, Donnie, and Mikey. 

Caving in, Raph amended his statement. “Okay, maybe I complain a little bit, but not as much as you all think I do.”

“Patrols never go as this well when you’re with us,” Leo said. “It’s always something with you, so let’s get this over with now.”

Big Raph blinked as he processed this information. Did they all really think of him like this? None of this was true, he was not the turtle they were trying to paint him out to be. 

Besides, how was his counterpart taking this? Aside from gruff sarcasm and a nonchalant attitude because all of these assumptions his brothers were making had to hurt Raph. There was no way that they didn’t. 

"I'm not-" he said, starting but only stopping when he realized that responding to them was only going to make them believe what they thought about him even more. He could persuade them later, they weren't going to get anywhere with the cyclical cycle that they were starting to loop themselves in. They didn't have time for this. There was mutagen to be obtained and a mutant to be stopped. Big Raph clamped his beak shut, asking again, “What’s the plan, Leo?”

"You're doing this the hard way," Leo said in a huff. "Fine. But it's your fault if Mikey gets hurt again if you decide to start another fight because you think you can be a better leader than me."

Big Raph pressed his beak together, not bothering to say anything in response other than a nod. 

Leo turned to face Snakeweed again, pulling his katanas’ out of their hilts, readying himself for the fight. “Let’s go guys.”

“What’s the plan Leo?” Donnie said. 

Leo signed, shoulders slumping in thought. “Just don’t let that mutagen get on Snakeweed,” he said. 

“Finally, a plan I can get with.” Raph grinned, twirling his sais in anticipation. 

A no-plan plan? Big Raph could get behind that too. That was his whole thing anyways, unrestricted chaos. Leo announced that it was time to move and Big Raph jumped off the roof with the four smaller turtles. They moved into the shadows with a grace that Big Raph awkwardly tried to emulate, hanging in an alley and waiting for the right moment to strike Snakeweed as the mutant moved through the empty streets of New York. 

Donnie pulled out a pair of shuriken, closing an eye and sticking a tongue out in thought as he prepared his throw, limply flicking his wrist, not following through with the throw several times before finally throwing the shuriken with a sharp snap of his wrist. The shuriken flew through the air before slicing through one of Snakeweed’s long vines, purple gunk spraying out of the slicked tendrils, effectively catching the mutant’s attention. 

Snakeweed turned around and caught sight of the turtles. “I’ll smash you rotten turtles into the ground,” he said, lips curling up in a snarl as he shot out one of his vines at the teens. 

They quickly moved out of the way of the incoming attack, and dodged the barrage of vines coming their way. 

“That’s what you said last time and here we are!” Mikey said, flipping away from the vines, smirking at the obvious taunt upsetting Snakeweed “You’re not really good at this whole ‘turtle crushing’ thing, ya know?”

Donnie glared at his youngest brother. “What have we said about taunting the enemy Mikey?!” he said as he batted away a vine. 

“I dunno, Donnie,” said Mikey. “You all tell me a lot of things.”

Donnie withheld a growl and continued fighting off the incoming attacks. Meanwhile, Leo and Raph attempted to charge Snakeweed, only for the weed mutant to bat the two away with his free arm-like tendril. 

“I have learned from our last encounter, I will not let you make a fool out of me again,” said Snakeweed with a hiss, rearing back to land slam a tendril over them. Leo and Raph quickly jumped out of the way, leaving Snakeweed closer to the ground and open for an opportune attack as he recovered, which Big Raph gladly took, jumping and punching the mutant in the face. 

Snakeweed stumbled from the force of the punch, the arm-like tendril that held the mutagen went lax, opening up, and the canisters of mutagen rolling out of the tendril, away from the plant mutant. 

Raph bent down and picked up the canisters. “Huh, that was surprisingly easy,” he said. Looking at Leo, he continued with, “It’s not usually this easy for us right?”

Leo tilted his head as a subtle sign of agreement, “It’s not. Let’s finish this.”

After a few moments, Snakeweed finally got himself together, pushing himself up and spotted Big Raph. “Another turtle, huh?” he said in a curious mumble. “What’d they do to you? They mutated you like they mutated me?”

Big Raph shook his head, readying his tonfas for another punch. “Nah, was born like this,” he said proudly. 

“Then why are you with them?” said Snakeweed, unable to hide his curiosity anymore.  

“Not from around here,” said Big Raph. 

“Not from around here, huh?” said Snakeweed, curiosity growing even stronger. “Where exactly are you from?”

“Another dimension,” said Big Raph in an easy voice. “Again, not really from around here.”

“We don’t conversate with the enemy!” Leo said, interrupting the conversation, and kicking the mutant in the chest. “We also don’t reveal ourselves to them either!”

Alright, Big Raph could agree with that. The fight started anew, and the turtles continued dodging Snakeweed’s attacks. During the fight, Big Raph stopped for a moment, staring up at Snakeweed, and noticed that the mutant had rarely moved his legs, only choosing to move his upper body. He briefly wondered why that was, since it would be advantageous for Snakeweed to move around in addition with his long, quick vines, before wondering what would happen if he rushed at the mutant’s legs. 

Then he threw that thought out of the window, because Big Raph relied on his philosophy of ‘smash first and ask later.’ The snapping turtle bull-charged Snakeweed, running head first, and punching the mutant in his lower leg. Midway through the punch, he got a glimpse of the mutant’s inner leg, and saw bone and muscle openly exposed for all to see. Big Raph repressed the urge to gag and throw up, because God that’s beyond disgusting. How could anyone see that and not want to puke up their entire lunch?

Snakeweed crumpled inwards, and Mikey jumped over to kick the mutant in the cage that protected his heart, sending him down and out for the count. 

The five turtles circled Snakeweed’s unconscious body. 

“At least it didn’t require us to use liquid nitrogen on the guy like last time,” said Raph. 

Big Raph stared at him, giving him the ‘Are You Serious?’ look that he would often give his brothers back in his dimension whenever they did something utterly chaotic with unscrupulous undertones. “You what?”

Raph shrugged his shoulders. “We froze the guy in liquid nitrogen and shattered him.”

“You didn’t tell us this when you made it back to the lair,” Donnie said. 

“Details,” Leo said, dismissive. “We were worried about Mikey.”

Big Raph still continued to stare at the two. “That could have killed him,” he said 

“Maybe we should have shattered his heart,” Raph said, sliding his sais back in his belt and Big Raph simply stared at him, like he hadn't just casually advocated for murdering one of their enemies. Then he handed the mutagen canisters to Donnie. “Here you go nerd.”

Donnie took the mutagen canisters out of Raph’s hand. Leo softly clasped his hands together. “Good work team,” he said with a proud smile, then turned to face Big Raph. “Especially you, Big Raph, rushing that Snakeweed and aiming for his legs. How’d you think of that?”

Big Raph smiled nervously, rubbing his neck. “I-uhh noticed that he never moved his legs, wondered what was up with that, and decided to rush him,” came the explanation.. 

Leo, Donnie, and Mikey all stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Huh,” said Donnie. “I wouldn’t typically associate critical thinking skills in any capacity with Raph but it seems like you’re a bit different.”

“Certainly a welcomed change,” Leo said. Big Raph's smile slowly faded, hearing that. Why did they think of him this way? What had he done for them to think of him like that? “Would be nice if certain turtles thought before getting into a fight.”

“Leo, if you got something to say, then fucking say it and stop being vague,” Raph in a low voice. 

The blue-banded turtle cocked his head in Raph’s direction. “It would be nice if you , Raphael, thought things through sometimes before you got us into unnecessary fights.”

Raph sucked his teeth and growled. “Oh, look at Mr. High and Mighty up on his fucking high horse, thinking he knows better than everyone, trying to tell me how to act.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t such an unpredictable, hot-headed turtle,” Leo snipped. “At least half of our problems are caused-”

Big Raph cleared his throat, catching the two turtles’ attention. “Maybe, we should go?” he said. “Wouldn’t want anyone seeing us near… this?” He made a vague gesture to Snakeweed’s unconscious body. 

Leo clenched his fists and nodded. “Let’s go guys,” he ordered. 

The four turtles followed Leo up to the rooftops, and jumped across the rooftops before coming close to a manhole that would lead to the lair. Donnie, Leo, and Raph hopped down the side of the building, leaving Mikey alone with Big Raph for a few seconds. 

Mikey had noticed that Big Raph hadn’t moved an inch. “Are you not coming?” he said. 

Shaking his head, “I think I’m gonna stay topside for a while. Want to do a little stargazing since I’m not used to seeing the stars back in my New York.”

Mikey quickly looked up at the night sky, then at Big Raph. “Well, we’re having leftover pizza for dinner,” he said. “Knowing the guys, there probably won’t be any leftovers by the time you get back.”

Big Raph shrugged. “That’s okay. I’m not really hungry,” he said, not wanting Mikey to worry about him. 

The younger turtle blinked at him before slightly shrugging his shoulders. “Alright, if you’re sure?”

Big Raph nodded. “I’m sure,” he said in a reassuring voice

. 

“Okay, see ya soon big guy,” Mikey said before hopping off the side of the building. Big Raph could hear the clattering of footsteps running down the fire escape, Mikey’s footsteps fading away; eventually, Big Raph heard the heavy clattering of the manhole covering being dragged, indicating that Mikey was on his way back to the lair. 

Comforted by the fact that Mikey would make it back to the lair safely, Big Raph sat down on the rooftop and turned on his music to help keep him grounded a bit. 

Today… today was interesting, to say the least. Big Raph wasn’t even sure if ‘interesting’ was the right word to describe today’s events.

He was still reeling from Mikey being afraid of him, and now that he thought about it, so was Donnie, from how he constantly asked if he was made at the purple-masked turtle for the accidental mishap during breakfast. Why? Why were they so afraid of him? Was it because of how Tiny Raph seemed to hit Mikey all the time? 

… Did they think that he was going to do the same to them? Big Raph recoiled at the thought of ever raising his hand against any of his brothers to harm them. That’s something he would never do. 

Besides, why-why did Raph feel the need to do that? To physically lash out against his brothers? And why were Leo and Raph so crude and combative towards one another? Why did they fight all the time? From what Big Raph picked up from today’s fight, it seemed like it was something that was so commonplace in the lair. Did they fight like that all the time? It was nothing like Don and Leon’s fights, where they occasionally physically fought each other, it was still understood that they cared for one another. The two seemed to fight like Big Raph and his brothers did when they were younger: wild, emotional, clawing at each other with words until they struck gold; but, they fought like they hated each other so much.  

Did they? Did Leo and Raph hate each other? 

What was up with Pops? Where was he when this was going on? Why didn’t he seem to put a stop to all of this?

“Another turtle?” began an unfamiliar voice, bringing Big Raph out of his thoughts. “I thought there were only four of you.”

Although the voice was unfamiliar to him, the spiritual energy that the person exuded was definitely one that he was very familiar with, if only for a short time. He turned around, coming face to face with a young woman, with black hair in what seemed to be an angled bob, and long ear-tails that framed her face. She wore heavy black and red eyeliner over her eyelids and bright red lipstick. She was wearing a form-fitting jumpsuit fitted with silver armor and black material worn under her armor. 

“Gram-Gram?” 

Chapter Text

“Gram-Gram?”

The girl in question— Karai, hadn’t moved an inch. Instead, she tilted her head over to the side and Big Raph internally swore at himself. Here he was, presented with another chance to meet his grandmother, and he was already bungling things up. 

“You’re kidding me,” she said, groaning in irritation, throwing her hands up in the air.  “This nonsense again? I have to give you points for originality, though.”

Big Raph shook his head. “What are you talking about?” he asked. 

She lowered her hands and stared at him in curiosity. “You’re not from here, are you?”

“Well, that’s one way of putting it.” 

“Where are you from?” 

“Not from around here, that’s for certain,” said Big Raph. 

“So you’re from… you’re from-what’s that other state that starts with New?” 

Big Raph stared at her strangely before answering her question. “New Mexico?”

Karai shook her head. “No, no, no,” she said. “The other one, the one with Snooki. You know, she had a show?”

Was… was she talking about Jersey Shore? “You-you mean New Jersey?” 

Karai snapped her fingers in realization and smiled at him. “Yea! So, are you from Jersey?”

Big Raph blinked at her for a few moments. “No, I’m not from here, like I said.” What was up with his family and their weird obsession with New Jersey? Why were they so obsessed with that state in particular?

Karai looked at him. “Huh, so you’re really not from around here huh?” Big Raph shook his head. She sat down next to him, raised her knee to her chin, and rested her hand on her knee. “So where are you from… er, big guy? And who are you exactly?”

“I’m Raphael,” he said, the thought of reintroducing himself to his grandmother yet not-grandmother turned his insides out. “But Raph for short.”

Karai took note of that. “There’s already a Raph here. He’s definitely not as patient as you. You seem more even tempered than him. ”

Big Raph had seen Raph’s limited patience and temper first hand, so he knew that statement had some truth to it, no matter how badly it weirded him out. “Yea, I know. That’s why I’m called Big Raph.”

“Well, you certainly are a large guy,” she agreed. “I’m gonna call you Raphie instead. Big Raph sounds like a mouthful to say, especially when you gotta say it so many times.”

He hadn’t heard the nickname in a while, but he’ll admit to himself that it felt nice to hear it once again. The snapper smiled at Karai, twiddling his thumbs together. 

“You still hadn’t answered my question. You’re dodging the question,” said Karai, narrowing her eyes and poking out her lips, slightly irritated by the other’s actions. Big Raph withheld a sigh. He hoped that she had forgotten about that and hadn’t noticed that he was being evasive. “Where are you from?”

Big Raph gave her an apologetic smile. “Told you, not from around here.”. 

Karai frowned and squinted at him. “You’ll tell me one way or another,” she said, with a trace of finality in her voice. Big Raph really hoped that she wouldn’t make good on her promise. “So, why are you out here?”

“Needed some space to think. Also wanted to see the stars,” he said, feeling a bit bad for lying to her. He reminded himself that he was technically telling the truth. “There’s so many of them.”

“You act like you’ve never seen stars before,” said Karai. 

“Can’t really see them from where I’m from,” said Raph. That was also technically true. It was hard to see all of the stars back home thanks to the light pollution, even on clear nights, but here, here in this New York he could see them a bit better. He might not be able to see the Milky Way, but he could take what he could get. “Light pollution and all that.”

“You’re some space nerd or something?” said Karai.

“Something like that,” Big Raph said with a casual shrug. “Where are you from?”

Karai raised an eyebrow and stared at him. “Here, there, somewhere, not really from here either,” she said with a smirk. 

Big Raph huffed. “It’s like that huh?” he said. “Where’d you get that… interesting haircut from?”

“I got it from one of the best hairstylists in Japan,” she said back, flaunting one of her ear-tails.  

“If I were you, I’d get their license revoked,” he said, grinning. 

Hand on her hips, she narrowed her eyes at Big Raph. “What are you implying, Raphie?”

The snapper innocently held up his hands in fake surrender. “I’m just saying, I just wouldn’t call them the best hairstylist if what you got is considered their best efforts. It’s just an insult to good hairstylists who know what they’re doing.”

“This is coming from a turtle who has no hair,” she said back. “I don’t think you’re qualified to give an opinion on hair.”

“If I had hair, it would look better than… this whole situation,” he said, gesturing to her bob cut. “Trust me on that. Imagine walking around with that bobcut of yours. Can’t be me.”

Karai’s glare deepened and then she leaned in, whispering, “You really think it looks bad?”

“I think you could do something better with it,” he said. 

"What do you suggest?" 

"Maybe you could grow it out and look like Sokka when he let his hair down," suggested the snapper. "He did look pretty hot in that one episode."

"Avatar the Last Airbender Sokka?"

Big Raph nodded. "That's the only Sokka I would ever refer to."

"I wanna make girls question their sexuality!" she said with an excited grin. "Let's fucking do it." 

"When we grow it out, let's cut these tail thingies," Big Raph said, twirling a finger around one of her ear tails. "I don't know what kinda vibe you're going for but it's just not working out, in my honest opinion." 

"You think a Zuko-Sokka vibe fusion would work out for me?" said Karai. "Hair of Sokka, Zuko's, well-Zuko’s everything."

Big Raph snorted. "So when are you gonna have that redemption arc, huh?" he said. "If you're Zuko, then who am I?" 

"Azula," she said. Wow, she sounded absolutely confident about that huh?  "Zuko never went on a redemption arc?"

"That sounds like someone who never finished the series," he said. Time to burst her bubble. "You do know what happened to Azula, right?"

Karai gave him a look of disbelief. "I'm not sure what you're implying and I don't know if I like it," she said. 

"Well then, I guess you're just going to have to watch Book Three then," he said smartly. 

"Kinda hard to do that considering my father," she said, kicking her legs against the wall. "He's not one for 'childish things,' as he would call it." 

"Sounds like your dad needs to lighten up." 

Big Raph watched as Karai slapped her knees hard and broke out into laughter. He wasn't sure exactly what he said was so funny, but whatever it was, it must have been hilarious in her eyes. 

And admittedly, he liked hearing her laugh. He liked making her laugh. He hadn't really gotten a chance to make his Gram-Gram laugh before she was killed; he'd take any and every chance he got to make Karai laugh, to be the reason that she had a smile on her face. 

"Have you met my father?" she asked, incredulous. Karai must have known the punchline to a cosmic joke that Big Raph didn’t know quite yet. "That man doesn't know how to lighten up if his life depended on it. He'd probably think you mean 'lighten up' as in, make the room brighter or something like that." 

Then she sobered up a bit, laughter ebbing away to chuckles. "You wouldn't want to meet my dad, big guy," she said. "Trust me on that." 

"Why not?" 

"He's… he's a lot to handle," she said, voice quiet and distant. "Just trust me."

He did. He did trust her. 

“Okay,” he said. 

Then his stomach growled. Loudly. 

Karai side-eyed him. “Sounds like someone’s hungry,” she said with a grin, patting his arm. “You hungry?”

“I don’t have money,” he blurted out. 

Karai narrowed her eyes. “Did I ask if you had money? I asked if you were hungry. Are you hungry?”

“Yes?”

Standing up, she made the ‘follow me' gesture. “Let’s go, I’m certain that we can find something that’s open this late.” She slinked away from Big Raph, turning her head slightly to look at him. “Are you coming or not?”

Big Raph stared at the empty street for a moment before standing up and following after Karai. 

“Yea, yea, I’m coming,” he said. 

The two had walked through the streets of New York as they tried to find an open restaurant. So far, they had only come across closed, abandoned restaurants or both. 

“Weird how it’s so quiet in New York,” Big Raph muttered. Even after being in this dimension for two nights, the disquieting silence had perturbed the mutant turtle and he’s not sure if it’s something that’s starting to irritate him. A street light above them flickered in and out before the bulb finally went out. “So dark too.”

“Isn’t it always like this from wherever you came from?” 

Big Raph scoffed, rolling his eyes. “No,” he said. “There are lights everywhere, everything is bright, even the dark alleys where I’m from. People were everywhere too. Everything felt more alive, so to say.”

Karai nodded. “Yea, Tokyo is like that too,” she said, taking a quick glance at a shop window.  “It was weird adjusting to how quiet New York is when I first came here. I kinda miss Japan, miss all the busyness, but I kinda got used to the quiet that New York had to offer.”

Talking about the lack of lights, the disquieting quiet, and the weird absence of people in this New York made Big Raph miss his New York and all the things that made it what it was. Hearing Karai talk about how she missed Tokyo and its liveliness made him feel a little better, that he wasn’t the only one who missed home, who missed the ebullient feeling and the spark of what made home home. 

“It’s kinda comforting, I’m not going to lie,” Karai said. “I get to think in peace and quiet.”

The snapper hummed in acknowledgment. “Comforting, huh?” he said.  “Wish that were me.”

Karai gave him a knowing look and gently elbowed him in his arm. “Can’t handle the quiet, big guy?”

An indifferent shrug. “Depends,” he said. Noise was one of the big things that always hindered him. Between the noisiness of his brothers and everything else, he always found it challenging to think clearly at times. He could function and think a lot better if things were quieter, but there was a limit on how quiet it got and the type of quiet it was that he could handle without ‘getting weird.’

Big Raph could never figure what exactly the tipping point was, as badly as that irritated him. 

"So," Karai ventured. "What happens to Azula?"

"Oh, you know, she has a complete mental breakdown after losing the Agni Kai to Zuko and Katara," Big Raph answered easily. “Spends some time in a mental health facility, helps Zuko find their mom, betrays them, takes part in a conspiracy to assassinate Zuko, kidnap children in order to bend Zuko’s ruling to her whim. Typical things children of Fire Lord Ozai go through.”

"Really?!" said Karai, and he’s so lucky that he had grown up with April and his brothers, because he was positive that the power behind a spoiler-induced shriek would knock the strongest person off their feet.  "I loved her so much!! Maybe I was wrong saying you're Azula, maybe I'm right. Who knows, you might have your own Agni Kai."

"I sure hope I don't. I’d like to hold onto the very little sanity I have left," said Big Raph. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Something unhealthy. I wanna taste the calories, the fat, and the-the everything." 

At least she knew what she wanted. Finally, someone who can combat his indecisiveness. 

"Well, if you really want that, we'd have to go to a state fair," said the snapper. “We’re what-about halfway through the year? State fair won’t be around until mid-August to early September. Unless you go to Albertoland, I suppose.”

“What’s Albertoland?” 

“I guess that’s something that’s not here in this New-this place,” Big Raph said, quick to correct himself and hoped that Karai hadn’t caught his near slip-up. 

She stared at him out of the corner of her eyes, like she knew something he didn’t and looked ahead. “What about Coney Island?”

“I haven’t been there yet,” he said. They were planning on going to Coney Island for Angelo’s birthday. He loved the bright lights and the loud colors, and it seemed like the perfect place for the box turtle to spend his fourteenth birthday. 

“We should go there,” Karai said. Simple, to the point. So straightforward.  

“Why ‘we?’ Why would you want me to be seen anywhere with you?” 

Karai shrugged her shoulders. “You’re funny,” she started off. “Good kind of funny. Easy to talk to, you’re just-you’re just nice to have around, I guess. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Big Raph looked down and flashed a gentle smile. It was nice to know that she considered him easy to talk to and fun to be around. It made him feel warm in a way he hadn’t felt before Karai stepped foot on the roof. 

Kicking a pebble in front of her, she asked again. “So, about Coney Island?”

Playing dumb, “What about Coney Island?” 

“Let’s go there one day!” said Karai, her excitement letting itself out in a restrained manner and the lilt in her voice was the only way that Big Raph knew that she was actually excited for it. “And the state fair too!”

“Okay, we can go,” acquiesced Big Raph. ‘If I’m still here,’ is left unsaid. 

But if he was still here by the time the state fair rolled around, he’d go there, to Coney Island with Karai to make her happy and give her something that she wanted. 

“You know. We’re still no closer to finding ourselves something to eat.” 

If he was honest, he didn’t really mind it. He got to spend time with his Gram-Gram yet not Gram-Gram Karai, so walking aimlessly along the sideways in New York was worth it. 

“I just haven’t found the right place to eat at,” said Karai. “It has to, you know, have the right vibe to it.” 

“Vibes are very important to the dining experience,” said Big Raph. “If the vibes are off by one bit, the whole thing is ruined.”

“You get it,” said Karai, then pointing at something. “How about there?”

Big Raph looked at what she was pointing at. “McDonald’s?” 

“It’s perfect,” she said. “Unhealthy, tasty, the works. At least, I think so.”

“Alright then, let’s go,” said Big Raph. The two walked over to the entrance of McDonald’s and Big Raph commented, “Oh, how I wish there were themed McDonald’s again.”

Karai looked at him weirdly. “Themed McDonald’s?”

“Yea, before now there were so many McDonald’s with various themes like race cars, dinosaurs, whatnot,” explained Big Raph. “I heard my brother lecture me about the death of themed McDonald’s for nearly an hour or so.”

“Huh,” Karai said. 

Big Raph nodded and opened the door for her. “For you, m’lady,” he said in an overly dramatic voice. 

“Thank you, kind sir,” she replied in an equally dramatic voice and entered the restaurant, only to be faced with the customers closest to the entrance staring at them. 

Slightly leaning over, and with a hand on the side of her mouth, she asked in a low voice, “Why are they staring at us?”

“I dunno, maybe it’s the fact there’s a seven and a half foot tall mutant turtle and a girl dressed in armor are in a restaurant. It’s totally something you’d see every day.”

Karai punched him in the arm. “Harharhar, very funny,” she said flatly. “Humans don’t respond kindly to, ya know, mutants. What are we gonna do about… this whole situation? I don’t think anyone’s going to give you a moment to explain once they figure us out.”

“Follow my lead,’’ he said. 

She looked up at him, clearly confused but he gave her a reassuring grin. “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

“You better,” she said. "I'm not breaking in anywhere to rescue you if this doesn't go well." 

"Mmhmm."

The two made their way to the cash register, passing by several seated customers as they made their way. When they stopped in front of the cash register, a cashier quickly appeared behind the counter. 

“Hi, I’m Robin. Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?”

“You think they saw what we look like yet?” said Karai, in what Big Raph considered to be a piss poor attempt of a conspiratorial whisper. 

“Not yet, but they will now that you brought attention to it,” said Big Raph. 

“Do you need a minute to figure out what you… want?” Robin’s voice slowly died out as they looked up from their cash register. “Are you-are you guy’s aliens? ”

“No, we’re actually actors,” said Big Raph. “We just wrapped up our first day of filming for today, but haven’t gotten a chance to actually remove our makeup.”

Karai seemed to have caught on to what he was doing and added, “We were just too hungry to even think about getting rid of our makeup.”

Robin nodded along. “What sorta film are you guys working on?”

“Action-comedy film with a little bit of sci-fi,” said Big Raph. “A little bit of found family thrown in there.”

Robin’s eyes lit up. “I’m a slut for found family movies.”

“Studios are noticing people are wanting more of that, so they’re trying to fill in that niche.”

“Hollywood must be banking on this one breaking records at the box office, the makeup and the costumes look phenomenal,” said Robin. “If you two look like this, then the rest of the cast must be gorgeous. ”

“Our studio’s dropping a bunch of money on this film, it’s gonna be a very pretty film,” said Big Raph. 

“What’s the plot of the film?” 

Big Raph leaned in,  whispering, “We can’t say much but it’s about an alien who’s trying to find his way back home after ending up in the wrong world.”

Robin nodded. “Sounds a little basic, but lots of good things can come from simple plots.”

“Okay, we’ve had a long day of filming. Can we order our food?” Karai butted in. “I’m ready to sit down at one of the booths and dig in.”

They gave an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry! What can I get you two?”

“So uhh, Karai, what’s my limit?” said Big Raph. 

“Limit?” 

“Sometimes my friends can’t get a bill that’s too expensive so she would tell us how much we could spend on a meal.”

Shaking her head, “There’s no limit.”

“Are you sure?’

“Yes, I’m sure!”

“If you’re sure-”

“I’m positive!”

Big Raph looked away from Karai and turned his attention to the menu. “May I get two quarter pounders combos with large fries?”

Robin punched in a few buttons on the register. “What drink do you want for that?”

“Sprite please.”

“Okay, I have your order sir!” Turning to Karai, “What can I get for you miss?”

Karai scrunched her face up in confusion as she stared at the menu above. “What do you recommend? I’ve-err, I’ve never had anything from here.”

“Well, personally for me, I enjoy the deluxe crispy chicken sandwich meal combo with a large vanilla shake topped with some M&Ms. Perfect to dip french fries in.”

“That sounds extremely unhealthy and delicious, I want that,” said Karai. “Make it two large vanilla shakes though. Both with M&Ms on them. Can I get a Sprite with that too?”

“You’re really gonna drink two large milkshakes and a soda by yourself?” said Big Raph. 

“No. I’m giving one of them to you.” 

“Oh,” said the snapper. 

Robin recounted their entire order to them and Karai confirmed it, paying for it with a card she had hidden somewhere on her. Once the payment went through, Robin handed them a receipt and their cups to fill up their drinks, and told them that since there were several people ahead of them, their order could take a while to get to them. Big Raph thanked Robin and waved goodbye as the two teens went to the soda dispensers to fill up their cups. They then found a place to sit, finding a large empty booth right next to the windows and sat down in the booth. 

“Don’t those spikes of yours get in the way of things?” said Karai.

Big Raph shook his head. “Not really?” he said. “Unless it's something really soft or easily tearable. My friends and bros think they’re nice little ledges to perch on.”

“That sure would be tearable, wouldn’t it?” Karai said, leaning over on the table with a mischievous grin and brown eyes full of laughter. 

Big Raph frowned at her, which eventually gave way to a few short chuckles the longer he stared at her impish smile. 

“I’d rate that pun a six out of ten,” said Big Raph. “It was a little too on the nose.”

Karai raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Really.”

“Then you try it. Make a better pun than me then.”

“Alright, fine,” said Big Raph. “I told my younger brother one time about this guy who kept stealing our phone chargers. He said, ‘I don’t think that’s a profitable racket.’ To which I said, ‘It’s not about the money, it’s about the power!’”

He smiled as his pun got a few laughs out of Karai. 

“I’m begrudgingly giving that a ten out of ten,” she said. 

“Thank you,” came the cocky reply. “Living with little brothers, you gotta learn how to be a little funny.”

“You have brothers?”

“A few,” answered Big Raph. It’s easier to say that than ‘actually I have seven brothers, three of who are in entirely a different dimension, and the ones here are just different versions of me and my brothers.’ 

It just rolled off the tongue way better. 

“Older or younger?”

“All of them are younger than me,” said Big Raph.

“What’s it like?” she asked. That was sudden.  

Caught off-guard, “What’s what like?”

“Being an older sibling?” came the quiet answer. “Being the eldest.”

He’d say it felt weird, being the eldest, but after looking after and practically raising Don, Angelo, and Leon, it’s pretty much second nature for him to do what he does. The turtle piles after bad nights or awful nightmares, the cooking, the piggyback rides, listening to his brothers talk about their special interests, all of it was just a part of who he was now. 

“I don’t know how to explain it,” he answered, taking a sip of his drink. “It’s just something you do.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Karai said in a clipped voice. “How it’s it something you just do?”

Big Raph shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just something that you aren’t really trained for, you just know, I guess.”

“I honestly don’t know how to explain it. Sorry if it made you more frustrated,” he said.

 Noticing that Karai still looked frustrated, he decided to change the subject when Karai brought his attention to something much more important, 

“Why are the turtles sitting outside the window?”

“What?”

“Why are the turtles sitting outside the window?” she asked again, pointing at the four boys crouched outside the window. “Hey Leonardo!”

Leo narrowed his blue eyes at her, while Mikey waved at Big Raph, who could only slowly wave back at the orange-masked turtle in response. Raph was flatly glaring at both Karai and Big Raph while Donnie seemed to look bored. Leo appeared to be saying something but neither Karai nor Big Raph were able to decipher what he was saying. 

"You can't understand what Leo's saying as well, right?" said Big Raph. 

"Nope," she said, taking a sip of her soda. "I'm also assuming you didn't invite the rest of the 'cast members' here, right?"

Not looking away from the window, "Yeah, no, I didn't," he said. "Not quite sure how they found me." 

“Probably Donatello and that genius brain of his,” said Karai simply, still staring at the four turtles. She made a shooing motion at the four turtles. “Go away!”

“I don’t think that’ll make them leave, Karai,” said Big Raph.

She looked at him and frowned, before turning back to the turtles in question. “Yeah, it seems so,” she said. “They’re like mosquitoes, always showing up when you don’t want them to and can never mind their own business.”

Leo narrowed his eyes even further at Karai. Karai raised a hand to her mouth, feigning shock. “You heard me?” she said. “Oh my goodness, my bad.”

“Be nice, Karai.”

Leo turned his attention back to Big Raph, frantically making the ‘come on gesture’ and still mouthing something that the snapper couldn’t understand. Big Raph shook his head at Leo, who turned to Donnie, mouthing at the purple banded turtle who pulled out a miniature notebook and pencil, gave it to Leo, and started writing in it before he splayed the open notebook against the window for Big Raph to see. 

‘SHE’S WITH THE FOOT’ was what Leo wrote in a semi-messy scrawl. Big Raph looked between the four turtles and Karai.

“Is it true?” said Big Raph. 

Karai popped a french fry in her mouth, followed by a dramatically long sip of her soda. “Maybe.”

Big Raph gave her a flat look before she eventually rolled her eyes and waved it off. “Yeah, I am,” she said, turning her gaze away from the turtle. “What of it? We’re enemies now too?”

There’s something about how she said that last bit that got to him, he didn’t know what it was—maybe she was expecting him to reject her?—but he wanted her to know that he wasn’t going to do that. 

“If you wanna be enemies, sure,” he said, with a half-hearted shrug. “You didn’t poison my food, right?”

“You saw the damn cook make our food, Raphie,” said Karai. “You know the answer. ‘Sides what are you gonna do with the turtles?”

Even though he knew that they were still by the window, he had somehow forgotten that important tidbit. “You think they’d go away if I told them to?” 

“I love to see you try,” she teased, eating some more of her food, preparing herself to enjoy the upcoming show.

Big Raph turned his attention back to the window. “Guys, I’m fine,” he said. “She’s not going to try anything.”

Leo’s glare deepened just a bit, aggressively pointing at the notebook that was still pressed against the window. 

“Yeah, I know, ” said Big Raph. “I can handle myself if she tries anything. Not really wise to start anything in a McDonald’s , ya know? Witnesses and all.”

Donnie and Mikey watched the scene unfold with curiosity, then Raph snatched the notebook out of Leo’s hand, quickly writing in it, presenting it once again to the window.

‘SHE’S THE SHREDDER’S DAUGHTER,’ was what Raph had written, heavily underlining and circling the statement. 

Big Raph can only respond with an unfazed, “Huh.” That wasn’t too surprising, to say the least. Out of everything he had encountered, this was the most normal-sounding thing that he found out so far. “Can I eat my food now?” 

He had only gotten a blank stare in response from the four turtles. “I’m hungry and I wanna eat my food,” he said. “I’ll be fine.” 

A new voice cut into the conversation. “Excuse me?” 

Big Raph and Karai turned to face the newcomer, finding that it was instead Robin from earlier. “Hey Robin,” said Big Raph. “How can we help you?”

Robin sheepishly waved at the two teens. “Hope you two are enjoying your meal,” they started off, lowering their hands in front of them as they fiddled with them. “But umm, are those guys in the window… are they-are they cast members as well?”

“Yeeeep.”

“They do know that they can come in right?” 

Big Raph snuck a glance at the younger turtles, who had slightly slid down from view. “I don’t think they’re all that comfortable comin in? First time wearing all that makeup and stuff, they feel a little self-conscious about themselves,” he explained. “Stepping into a place like this wouldn’t help with it, ya know?”

“Oh yeah! Absolutely, I get it,” they said with a nervous laugh. “Sometimes I don’t feel like I look like a human on my really bad days so I can’t imagine what it’s like for them wearin’ all that.”

You have no fucking clue, Big Raph refrained from saying. 

“What do you want?” said Karai. “Is it about the guys?”

“Right, right! I got a few customers coming to me complaining about the ‘frog boys’ outside the window for the past five minutes or so, said they’re making them uncomfortable,” said Robin.  “If they can’t come in, then they gotta step away from the premises. You do understand right?”

“Do you have something I can write on?” Karai asked.

“Karai, what are you planning?” said Big Raph. 

Robin nodded, handed her a marker and a whiteboard off the wall, handing her that as well. Karai took a few seconds to write something on the wall and then showed it to the window. 

‘GO AWAY FROGBOYS’

Leo, Mikey, Donnie, and Raph all stared at the window in shock, before Mikey snatched the notebook out of Raph’s hands, frantically wrote in it and shoved it to the window. 

‘WE ARE NOT FROGBOYS.’  

“Karai, you didn’t need to do that.”

Pointing a finger at him, “But it’s funny.” 

“No, it’s not,” he said, trying and failing to hide a laugh behind his hands. 

“You’re laughing though,” Karai said, growing smug at his growing laughter. 

Another laugh rumbled out of Big Raph’s chest as he tried and kept failing to hold in his laughter. “Just because I’m laughing, doesn’t mean it’s funny,” he said. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s funny,” she said again. “You know it is.”

He didn’t bother responding to her again. “Give me like thirty minutes?” he said to the four boys. 

Raph, Leo, Donnie, and Mikey all looked amongst themselves. Leo seemingly mouthed out ‘Come out now!’

“I don’t think thirty minutes is all that unreasonable, guys,” he said. “Also, you all can’t be here any longer, the humans might call the cops if you stay here.”

Leo took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. A few moments later, he brought his hands down, gesturing for Mikey to hand over the notebook so he could write in it and presented a new message to the window. 

‘Fine. Thirty minutes and THAT’S IT. We’re gonna be a few blocks over waiting on a rooftop. On the rooftop ’ 

Big Raph gave him two thumbs up, followed by a grateful “Thanks,” as the four turtles slinked out of sight. 

The moment the four teens left, Karai let out a deep sigh. “I never thought they would leave,” she said. 

“Yeah, me neither.”

Stealing a french fry, sticking it into her mouth as she tore off a piece of his burger, she flashed a shit-eating grin. “Let’s dig in.”

“You have your own food to dig in, stop stealing mine,” Big Raph said in a playful voice as he started eating his meal. 

Karai stole another handful of fries from him. “I’ll think about it,” she said. Read: she wouldn’t.

Fifteen minutes later, Karai and Big Raph finished eating their food, the two teens simply lounging in their booth. Big Raph rhythmically tapped the table a few times before he announced, “We should be getting ready to head out ya know?”

“We have fifteen more minutes. You’re shaking me off to get back to Splinter Jr. quicker?”

“That’s not really it?” 

“Well, what is it then?” said Karai.

“You wanna order some more food?” said Big Raph, subconsciously throwing her his puppy eyes. 

She gave him a suspicious look. “You’re still hungry? Then again, you are a pretty big guy, so I suppose that makes sense.”

“Yep, that’s exactly it,” he said, nodding along, not wanting her to figure out what his true plans were. 

Karai gave a half-hearted shrug before she made the ‘come along’ gesture to the snapper as she scooted her way out of the booth. They made their way to the register, meeting Robin again, who happily took their order. Once their order was taken, the two decided to linger around the counter, mindlessly chattering as the chefs in the back made the food and when the order was finished, Robin packaged it in a big brown McDonald’s paper bag and the drinks in a cardboard cup tray. They wished Karai and Big Raph a good night as the teenagers headed out of the restaurant

“So… how was your first time at McDonald’s?”

Karai waved her hand in a so-so motion. “Not bad. Food was decent, had some unwanted interruptions, vibes were pretty good. You were there, so that made it better. Eight and a half out of ten. Would eat there again,” she said, kicking her feet out and letting the sole of her boot drag against the concrete as she walked. 

“Not bad. I’d give it an eight out of ten. Ya know? Could have been better.”

“We could make it a ten out of ten,” she teased. 

“How do you suggest we do that?” 

“We could try this again,” said Karai, before stopping in front of a fire escape. “This is where we part ways.”

She handed him the cup tray, pointedly looking away from Big Raph. 

“Say, if-If we were to try this again, how would we-how would we go about it?” 

Karai turned so he couldn’t see her nervously rubbing her arm. “I-I’ll find you,” she said. “It’s not that hard to find a big spiky turtle like yourself.” 

“Hehe, yeah,” came Big Raph’s anxious laughter. His Gram-Gram wanted to spend time with him again. “It’s not that hard huh?”

“Till next time Raphie,” she said. 

“Till next time.” With that, he started climbing up the fire escape, carefully balancing the stuff in his items, making sure not to spill any of the contents. As he broached the top of the fire escape, he slightly turned his head back to see that Karai had already left. 

He climbed up the last two rungs of the ladder, ecstatic that he had made it up without spilling anything. 

“Alright guys,” he said out to the empty rooftop. “I’m here.”

Moments later, four turtles emerged from their hiding spots, slowly walking towards Big Raph, slowly lowering their weapons the closer they got to the snapper. 

“You’re on time,” said Leo 

“That I am,” said Big Raph. 

“What’s behind your back?” said Raph, noticing that the other was hiding something. 

“Something,” said Big Raph with a teasing smile.

Mikey shot him a glare. “Better be an apology pizza for laughing at the frogboys thing,” he said with a pout. “That wasn’t funny!”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have laughed. But you gotta admit, it was two percent funny, three percent max,” Big Raph said as Mikey’s glare deepened. “But I have something better than an apology pizza.”

“Apology gyozas?” 

“If it’s not apology gyozas or apology pizza, then I don’t think whatever you have could be better than that,” Mikey said with a ‘hmmp’ turning away from Big Raph, where his shell was facing Big Raph. 

“Nothing?” 

“Nothing!”

“Not even… oh I dunno, apology McDonald’s?” said Big Raph, finally revealing the bag from behind his back and waving it around Mikey, allowing the smell to waft through the air. “Chicken nuggies, french fries, and sweet tea? Mikey, doesn’t that sound delicious?”

Mikey stood with his back still turned towards Big Raph, before slowly turning around to face the snapper, eyes lingering on the paper bag, mouth watering at the promise of food, food that he’s never had.

“It’s still piping hot, tastes best when it’s like that,” said Big Raph. 

Leo eyed the bag with slight interest. “Did… did you get enough for all of us?”

“Twenty piece nuggets with two large fries and a sweet tea for each of you? I sure hope it is?” said Big Raph, reaching into the bag, pulling out smaller bags, and handing each one of them to the four turtles, followed by a sweet tea. “Mikey mentioned that you all had leftovers, but I wasn’t sure if y’all were still hungry.”

“How-how did you get all of this?” said Donnie. 

“That’s not a question I don’t think you want an answer to,” said Big Raph. 

“Karai,” said Leo. “She’s not safe-”

“Because she’s the Shredder’s daughter, I know that,” interrupted Big Raph. “But I personally watched the food being cooked, so there’s nothing wrong with it. Also, did you really think I could personally pay for all of this? I’m a mutant turtle, I don’t live in a society!”

“Actually, none of us live in a society,” said Donnie.

Mikey, munching on a french fry, piped up. “She’s actually our sister.”

Seeing the confused look from the snapper, he added on. “Long story short, Shredder killed Sensei’s wife and baby, but baby lived, he took the baby, raised it as his own for revenge, and… that’s the whole thing.”

… 

… 

… 

Alright, now this was starting to sound like he was in one of his father’s soap operas, with the revenge plots and kidnapped babies. This world really liked to prove him wrong about the possibility of anything being normal, huh? 

Nodding his head, “There’s a lot to unpack here, but we don’t have time for all that. At least I don’t think so.”

“Okay, so maybe, maybe, apology McDonald’s is better than pizza,” muttered Raph, as he ate a few nuggets. 

“I told you they were,” said Big Raph, munching on a few of his own fries. “The Karai being your sister thing is bugging me now. How did you all even find out?”

Leo started to explain. “Splinter told us after a patrol.

“You mean he told Leo,” cut in Raph. 

“Any other interruptions, Raph?” said Leo, staring down at his younger brother. Raph rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else, moving to steal one of Donnie’s nuggets.”Karai was… upset with us for Sensei being the reason her mother is dead-”

“That makes no sense, Pops wouldn’t do that.”

“That’s what I tried telling her!” snipped Leo, taking a long dramatic sip of his sweet tea. “But she wouldn’t believe me!”

“People don’t really believe those sorts of things right off the bat,” said Big Raph. “Took us a little while to accept that our dad was a famous actor who got mutated into a short rat.”

“What.”

“One thing at a time,” said Big Raph, stopping any possible questions about his Splinter coming up. “Karai. Continue.” 

“So she’s angry with Sensei because she thinks she believes that he’s responsible for her death, but she’s our sister and we’re trying to bring her home.”

“You mean you’re bringing her home,” said Raph. “Princess can stay with Shredhead for all I care.”

“As long as Leo doesn’t swoon over her again, it doesn’t matter to me,” said Mikey. 

“As long as he doesn’t what?” said Big Raph. "Again?"

“Leo had, like, the hots for her when he first met her,” answered Mikey. “Flirted for a while.”

“I don’t anymore. I didn’t know!”

“Didn’t Raph also say he could understand how Karai could be hot in an ‘evil sort of way?’” said Donnie, who had felt comfortable enough to finally speak up again. 

“I didn’t know either!” 

Big Raph could only stare on in confusion. “Okay, ignoring the whole Star Wars LukeLeia thing, have you all ever been to Alabama at any point in your life?”

“We haven’t even been topside till we were fifteen, how were we going to Alabama before then?” said Donnie. 

“Maybe you should consider moving to Alabama and learn the state anthem,” suggested Big Raph in a deadpan voice. “They won’t mind you all being turtles. Anything goes.”

“What-what does that mean?”

“Something you only find out if you become a citizen of Alabama,” said Big Raph, taking an obnoxiously loud sip of his sweet tea. “Which thankfully, you aren’t but you were one step away from doing so.”

“Are you just not going to tell us?” “No, I think we should eat the rest of our food.”

The five turtles stewed in a semi-awkward silence as they continued to eat the rest of their McDonalds and quickly finished eating not too long after. They threw their trash on their way down the fire escape and just as they were opened up the manhole cover, Leo warned them, 

“Don’t tell Splinter.”

“Don’t tell Pops what?” said Big Raph. “Don’t tell him about Karai, McDonald's, or…”

“None of it,” said Leo, gesturing for his brothers to climb down the manhole, back into the familiarity of the sewers that was only thrown off when Big Raph followed down after them, closing the manhole behind them and trailed them as they all made their way back to the lair. 

It’s another quiet walk down the sewers that Big Raph spent trying to familiarize himself with the layout as they make their way back to the lair and Big Raph is greeted to a very unfamiliar sight:

Their father, sitting in the pit of the lair, with a stern, cross expression marring his face. “Where were you boys?” said Pops. “Do you have any idea how late it is right now? You all were supposed to be in hours ago!”

It took him a minute to realize what this unfamiliarity was: worry. Perhaps unfamiliar might have been the wrong word for him to use. He had heard that same worry in his father’s voice back home when he started to seriously train them, when they ventured off to New Jersey, and he can’t remember any other time before his Dad had been so concerned about their well-being or their whereabouts. He’s venturing into territory he had heard adults seldom navigated and territory Big Raph himself had to master: worrying about the whereabouts of his siblings and family or if they had come home safe and sound. To hear an adult, his father of all people, openly fret and worry about them, care about where they had been, if they made it home was novel to Big Raph, and… confusing, if he had to be honest. 

“Sorry Sensei,” began Leo. “We went up to go find Big Raph and-”

Big Raph, cut Leo off and took over. “We got hungry! So we decided to go get some food and we lost track of time.” 

Pops gave him a skeptical look and Big Raph really hoped that he wasn’t giving off his ‘Liar Liar Pants on Fire’ stink that he sometimes emitted when he was lying. Pops shifted his gaze of skepticism on his little brothers. “Is this true?” 

Leo nodded his head. “Yeah-I mean, yes sir, it’s true.” 

“Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello, are they telling the truth?” said Pops. “Do not lie to me.”

The younger three nodded their heads. “Yep.” “Yeah, of course!” “They’re telling the truth, Sensei.” 

Pops stared down at the five of them, moving to stroke his beard in thought. This was certainly it, he’d figured them out and he was going to ground them all forever-

“Were you seen by any humans?”

“No.” 

“Do not worry me like this again, my sons,” said Pops. 

“We won’t do it again. Sorry Sensei,”  choursed Donnie, Leo, Raph, and Mikey, intermingled with a “Sorry Pops” from the snapper. 

“It is very late, my sons,” said Pops. “We have training in the morning, go rest.” 

As Pops unofficially dismissed them, the five teenagers all went into their respective rooms, closing their doors for the night; with Big Raph falling into his bed, staring at his ceiling, unable to move beyond how strange and different this world is before he once again fell into an uneasy sleep.

Chapter Text

Day two of this. It’s only day two and he still had so many more questions than answers. Big Raph wanted to trick himself into thinking that this was some weird dream in a dream, something on the levels of Inception, and when he finally woke up, this would make sense, things would finally click, things wouldn’t feel so off, and things wouldn’t feel so wrong here.  

Fooling himself wouldn't do him any good. Wouldn’t do him any good to mislead himself from the truth. 

He woke up more exhausted than before. It’s starting to be a pattern now, he noticed. A pattern, that was, he had to resign himself to. Big Raph got himself ready, brushed his teeth, and all before he made his way to the kitchen. 

Big Raph is silent as Mikey served them breakfast. 

He paid no attention to the turtles talking to their father and did not get involved in their conversation. Instead, he kept his head low, focused on eating his food, so much so to the point the surrounding conversation had transformed into a mild buzz, with a swat to the arm snapping him back into the present moment.

It didn't hurt. Not at all. It was more like a fly fumbling its way into a bug zapper.

Another swat on his larger arm made him look down at Leo, who stared at him in confusion and then obviously jerked his head toward their father.

"What's up Pops?"

Pops took a slow sip of his tea and rested it on the table before he spoke. "I asked, did you sleep well last night?"

Big Raph rested his elbow on the counter and his chin on his hand. "Yeah, I guess so," he said.

"That is good to hear," said Pops. "I was telling my sons that we are going to be training today, and that I would like to have you join us. Nothing heavy I promise you, I would like to see where you are and what you need to learn."

Doesn't sound too bad. He should be able to handle that. What's the worst that could happen?

“Okay,” he said and resumed eating his breakfast. He finished eating sooner than everyone else, watching the other turtles and Pops interact with each other. 

Soon enough, the rest of them finished eating their meal. Splinter guided them into the dojo, with Big Raph following along, the ugly duckling sticking out amongst his brothers as he continued to follow after their lead into the dojo. He thought it was weird when they sat down on their knees, yet didn’t question it as he followed suit. Big Raph looked to his left, seeing the stance that the four had taken on and attempted to emulate them, no matter how awkwardly and clearly out of place he looked. 

He stayed quiet as Pops came into their view, looked up, and gave the rat his full attention. 

“Since we have a new addition to our training session, I’ll be testing to see what his skillset is,” Splinter said as he paced across the mat in front of the five turtles, fingers pinching together to rub at the thinning ends of his beard. “Leonardo, Michelangelo, you will be demonstrating how this goes.” 

“Hai, Sensei,” said Leo, pushing himself up with grace and poise compared to Mikey’s energetically pushing himself up with a bounce reminiscent of a spring locked away for too long.

The two teenagers stood in the middle of the mat, circling each other with their weapons in hand. 

“Hey Leo, if I win this round, you’re doing dishes for the next two weeks!” said Mikey, a grin wide on his face. 

Leo rolled his eyes, and a nonchalant shrug followed after. “Okay Mikey, don’t be surprised if you end up doing the dishes for another two weeks,” he said. 

Splinter cut in between the banter with a firm “Hajime,” and the two turtles began their spar. Leonardo emerged victorious, with Mikey landing flat on his plastron and Leo resting his foot on Mikey’s shell. 

“Guess who’s stuck with the dishes for another two weeks? His name starts with an M and ends with a y!” said Leo, leaning his face close to Mikey, poking him with his finger as Mikey huffed, rolling his eyes. 

“Leonardo,” called out Splinter. “That’s enough.” 

Leo leaned back from Mikey, removing his foot from the younger turtle’s shell. “Mikey’s doing the dishes!” he sang, dancing away from the mat and back to his position. 

Mikey squinted at Leo. “I’ll get you one day Leo. Mark my words!”

Pops stared at the two, then turned to face Big Raph. “It ends when one of you are no longer able to continue. Sounds simple enough, no?”

Big Raph turned his attention back to Pops, with an eager nod. “Yes, Po-I mean, yes, Sensei.”

“Alright then, let us begin. You’re going up against Donatello.” 

"Yame," ordered Splinter, voice calm yet unyielding. Leonardo stepped away from Big Raph's body and slid his katanas back into their scabbards before he went back to his brothers.

Splinter held out a hand, one Big Raph was hesitant to take. Uncertain that he was being led into another surprise attack, Big Raph held on to Splinter's hand firm enough to pull himself back up, but not too firm in case he needed to pull away for a quick offensive.

"How did I do?" asked Big Raph. "Did I do good?"

Splinter was quiet for several long beats. Raising a hand, he dismissed the other four boys, instructing them to go rest. Now, it was just him and the teen in question.

"It is... quite clear to me, that you are talented. Very talented indeed," said Splinter, stroking his beard. "You have some training, but it's also clear that you are lacking in many of the fundamentals necessary to be on the level my sons are on. The talent you do have now is raw and unrefined, and needs to be shaped into the image of a traditional Hamato Ninja.”

Traditional is not a word that the snapper ever expected to be associated with in the same sense. The last time he had tried to follow tradition robbed him of his identity. The loss of something that made him and his family unique. Transformed into blank slates to satiate ancestors who had been willing to sacrifice them. Maybe this time, it won't, with a father who will take his time and teach him. With a father who is not burdened by the heavy anvils of time weighing down his shoulders and the heavy anvils of time not weighing down Big Raph either. 

Maybe following in the name of tradition will be different this time around. Maybe they will succeed this time. 

"I'll have you do training sessions with myself and April in addition to the ones that I will lead you through. April will be quite happy to learn that she will have someone other than an old rat like me to spar with," Splinter said. "I supposed Mr. Jones would be as well."

April's learning to be a ninja? He shouldn't be surprised; the mere fact that he was questioning the fact said something more about him than April herself. The girl's ambition outshone everybody in the family, even Othello's, and that's saying something.

"Bet she would be pretty excited to find out that I'm joining her in training," said Big Raph.

"She's been looking for someone she can have a decent challenge with. Pairing her up with my sons would not be quite fair to her or to them," said Splinter. "I have a feeling you both would be perfect for the other to hone your skills with. Now go and rest, you have done more than enough to earn it."

"Thanks, Sensei, I mean, Pops," said Big Raph before leaving the dojo to clean himself up.

Every so often, he underestimated the power of a hot shower and he's always thankful that he's reminded whenever he does so. Stepping out of the hot shower, clean and fresh, body relaxed, he threw himself onto his bed with the music he was playing before allowing himself to relax into the bed even more. 

He’s on the verge of falling asleep. Last night and today’s spar had knocked the wind out of him. Surely they wouldn’t mind if he napped before whatever patrol they had tonight. They shouldn’t mind. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Big Raph buried his face in the pillow, arms wrapping around it tightly, the soft fabric bristling against his face, eyes closing as he allowed himself to fall asleep. 

Whatever peace he had instantly evaporated the moment his door flung open, the doorknob rammed against the mortar between the bricks, a jarring, cacophonous echo resonating as the door swung back from the force used to open the door. Big Raph jerked up, sitting up straight to lazily stare at whoever was at his door. 

“Mikey? Why are you here?” he asked. “I thought you were doing whatever you were doing?”

Mikey leaned against the doorway, a finger trailing along the crevices of the door and obviously looking away from him. 

“So our friends April and Casey decided to come over,” said Mikey. “We were chatting up with them and we might have brought you up-”

“Mikey, can you please spit it out?”

“They wanna meet you!” he rushed out. Big Raph stared at him for several seconds, he supposed he couldn’t blame them, but also he wished that they chose any other time that wasn’t when he was trying to take a nap. 

Big Raph stood up and stretched to rid the sleepiness. “Lead the way, Mikester.” 

Mikey did exactly that, leading him out of his room and into the common area where the smaller version of himself, Leo, and Donnie were standing close by to two humans. 

“Big Raph, meet April O’Neil and Casey Jones!” said Mikey, dancing around the two humans. Big Raph said nothing as he studied them, waving back when the two waved at him first. 

A young, slim white girl stood in front of him. Shoulder-length ginger hair tied up in a low ponytail, with a yellow headband separating her curved bangs from the rest of her hair. She wore an elbow-length black shirt layered underneath a yellow and white shirt with the number "5" over it with bandages wrapped around her wrists. She must have gotten them from Splinter or one of the boys. He took note of her blue denim shorts layered with black tights underneath combined with white high socks and black low-heeled boots.

This one definitely made some... choices regarding her fashion. Interesting choices. That's one thing he could say for certain.

Striking blue eyes stared up at him expectantly. He looked down.

Big Raph looked over to the other teen. Right off the bat, the other one looked scrawny, skinnier than Othello, and probably as thin as construction paper. Thinner than the cheapest paper one could steal from the local Walmart, more than likely. The snapper was certain that he would need a paperweight to make sure the guy wouldn't float away. Black, shoulder-length hair nested on his head with a black bandanna tied around his head. Two front teeth missing and clothes consisting of a messy, maroon elbow-length shirt with a short-sleeve gray shirt and a sleeveless black hoodie over it, grayish-blue jeans, a mask attached to the side of his jeans, black finger gloves that stopped at the forearms, and black sneakers.

Neely would have called him “the kinda guy who would have approached me at the middle school playground and asked me if I wanted VIP tickets to a Backstreet Boys concert he got from his cousin's friend's sister's boyfriend for cheap, just for it to be a Chuck E. Cheese coupon book."

There was probably truth to that statement. Actually, that statement had too much truth to it. 

"Who... are these people?" asked Big Raph.

"Casey and April," said Mikey. "Our friends, duh. I just said that. Do you need your ears cleaned?"

"You're lying to me," said Big Raph. "Ain't no way, they can't be your friends."

Raph's response was a deadpanned, "And why not?"

Big Raph turned his head between the two, leaning down and in a faux whisper, announced, "Because they white." Turning towards 'Casey' and 'April,' "Why are you two white?"

Leo stood behind the two humans, desperately signaling for Big Raph to stop. 

'Casey' shrugged, sliding his hands in his pockets. "I dunno. Ask my mom and dad, good luck getting to them tho’."

'April,' on the other hand, faked an offended gasp, hand on her chest. Leaning forward, in his personal space, she whispered, "Big Raph, you can't just ask people why they're white!"

She followed up with an ebullient giggle. Maybe she's not all that bad. Maybe she could actually be a friend. 

"You're okay, I guess," he said back to her. "Though, we could do something about your sense of style. 2006 is calling, they want their Disney Star back!"

April laughed even harder. "You're not bad yourself, big guy!" she giggled, holding her stomach as she folded over in laughter, hysterical cackling escaping her for a bit longer. Then she moved to smack him on the arm. “Where have you been when I’ve needed a laugh?”

“Uh, back home, not in this world?” he said. 

“Fair point,” she said, pulling herself together and whipping a lone tear out of the corner of her eye. 

She turned to face Leo and Donnie. “He’s pretty chill, chiller than Raph on his best days if we’re being honest!” teased April, elbowing Raph in his side and managing to get a stifled chuckle out of the shorter red-masked turtle. 

Casey leaned forward in the snapper’s space, looking him up and down, intently staring at him, one eye tightly squinting, eyelids twitching as it tried to remain closed. Big Raph could only think of a poor Dean Winchester impersonator trying to size him up.

“Can I help you?” he said. 

 “So, how’d ya get here?” said Casey. “A little weird that you’re here right here, right now, don’t ya think?” 

“What are you talking about?”

April elbowed Casey in the rib, eyebrows scrunching in frustration. “Don’t bombard him with questions! Be nice, Casey!”

He threw his hands up in the air and ran them through his greased hair as he spun around, one foot on the ground centering him as he did so. “Gosh, it’s good to ask questions, April!” he complained and then wilted under her glare. “Fine, Red, I’ll stop.”

An elbow was held up in his direction for several long moments, April carefully eyeing him as he gave her his most sheepish and apologetic look before she relaxed her face and lowered her elbow back to her side. “Thank you,” she said, turning to Mikey, “Can you hit me up with some ramen?”

“Absolutely, my dear April, but you should know that it’s just cup noodles. Ain’t nothing special ‘bout them,” he said, taking a long stride in the direction of the kitchen. “Want anything extra in them? Sprinkles? Ice cream?”

“I know, it’s just… I dunno, different, when you make them,” she said back, circling her hand around to emphasize her point. April followed after Mikey, with his brothers following after, Big Raph gesturing for Casey to move, and the snapper following after them. 

There wasn’t any room for him to take a seat at once the turtles, April, and Casey have gathered around as Mikey prepared her ramen, so Big Raph decided to lean back against one of the kitchen walls, staring at the drab muted colors that surrounded the kitchen in quiet, listening as April and Casey rambled on about their lives that involved complaints about school and Casey complaining about a girl named Irma. He’s never heard of her, maybe he’ll get a chance to meet her soon enough. At some point, he let his mind drift off—where, he was uncertain, home, the hidden city, Karai, it all swirled into an incoherent mess that even he couldn't pick apart.

Until he felt someone staring at him. He tried to ignore it, yet the more he ignored it the more it intensified until he frowned and cracked an eye open to see Casey staring at him through the cheesy skull mask covering his face. 

“Why is he staring at me like a possessed possum?” questioned Big Raph, pointing at Casey. 

Turning halfway around, Raph looked at said ‘possessed possum,’ who hadn’t stopped staring at the snapper. A shrug was his response. 

“I don’t know. Ask him! Do I look like I speak… whatever he speaks?” said Raph. 

“He speaks English. You speak English. I think you can speak whatever he speaks,” said Big Raph. 

April swiveled in her chair, kicking her legs against the wood of the counter. “Oh, he means he doesn’t speak deranged hockey delinquent,” said April, flaunting a shit-eating smirk as Casey glared at her. “Raph speaks… hmmm I don’t know exactly what he speaks, but it’s not Casey’s language.”

“They share the common basis of bashing skulls in so there’s that,” piped up Donnie. “Neanderthals share that as well, so there's not too much difference between them.” 

“You could just ask the guy himself! Gosh, no need to talk about me like I ain’t here,” said Casey, folding his arms together and poking his lips out in an exaggerated pout. “If I wanted people to talk about me like I didn’t exist, I’d go to school and sit through Parent Teacher Conferences.”

“Okay, then why are you staring at me like you're a possessed possum who just escaped a failed exorcism?” asked Big Raph. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Casey squinted. “I’m trying to get a feel of ya, sus out your vibes, see if you’re who you really say you are, or if you’re some kinda spy from the inside sent to destroy us all.”

“You would be a delight to be around in a vault,” said Big Raph in a dry voice. “More than likely not the reason survivors would cannibalize themselves, if not to escape the nuclear radiation but to escape you instead.”

“The Casey Jones can be a bit much for people to handle. My awesomeness is just that radical.”

“You must tell yourself that in order to sleep at night don’t you?”

A nervous chuckle escaped Leo. “Woah there Jones, I think you might have been watching a few too many of those videos that you always watch,” he said. There’s a moment where he very clearly didn’t look at the snapper. “He’s who he said he is, if he wasn’t then why would we even let him in our precious lair? Or stay with us until he goes home?”

“Baby Blue, that’s how they get ya!” crooned Casey, slithering over to Leo and around his body, squishing his face with his hands. Thin, bandaged fingers scuttle their way up Leo’s cheek as Casey squished their faces closer together, a manic look in his eyes. “That’s how they do it!” 

“Okay Jones, of course, that’s how they would do it,” drawled Raph, voice oozing with condescension. “Why don’t you… ‘sus’ out his vibes tonight with us on tonight patrol?”

“You’re telling me I can join you all on this patrol and get to bust some ugly mutant’s head in?” asked Casey, excitement skyrocketing as he got a nod from Raph. 

“Only you would find some form of crude joy out of it Casey,” said Donnie, downing over half of his coffee in a gulp. 

“It’s the only thing worthy of living for, Buckteeth!”

“And yet you’re on the verge of being held back again, so I don’t think you have much to live for anyways,” said Donnie. 

Bashing his head against the concrete railing of the roof was starting to look more and more like the better option. Possible concussion aside, he couldn’t find himself not completely resisting the idea. Casey seemed like the type to cheer him on in the act, so possible bonus points for him. 

Leo had separated the seven of them into pairs during the patrol. Leo, Raph, and April took one section of their patrol areas, Donnie and Mikey took another section, while  Big Raph found himself stuck with Casey as his patrol partner. It took everything in him to not snap at the rowdy teenager to shut the hell up so he could actually focus.  Maybe it’s him being so tired and not having a chance to properly nap before this patrol being the reason for his threshold, but he’s on the verge of duct-taping the guy’s mouth shut just so he can hear himself think. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” said Casey. 

What the hell, why not? Maybe if he entertained Casey, he’d finally shut up. “Kinda the point of a patrol Casey. Don’t wanna miss anything because you’re distracting me.” 

“Oh! So you’re a prude like Baby Blue.” 

Now that got Big Raph to turn his head to face the teen. “Me? Prude?”

“You are a prude! Like Leo! Prim, proper, following in Daddy’s footsteps and all, Daddy’s boy.”

Certainly, he was the furthest thing from a “Daddy’s boy.” With a heavy roll of his eyes and an irritated sigh, he answered back, “I’m not a prude, I just want to make sure that we’re doing this right, that’s it.” 

“Oh, am I getting to ya?” said Casey, pushing himself off of whatever he was leaning on, and leaning into Big Raph’s space, an obnoxious smug grin showing crooked teeth that oozed arrogance and obnoxiously.  “A prude, then. Definitely.” 

Big Raph used a hand to push Casey’s face away from him. Again, why was he holding himself back from punching Casey? A small one. Just so he knew he wasn’t in the mood to play around?

“Because you don’t want anyone to be afraid of you,” reminded Mind Raph. “Mikey’s already afraid of you, you don’t want anyone else to be afraid of you right?”

“Bug off Mind Raph, I was being rhetorical,” he snarked, waving away the other’s presence.

Harsh scratching against paper caught the snapper’s attention. He turned to see Casey hunched over, hastily scribbling away in a notebook and mumbling to himself. What was he on about now?

“If you got something to share with the class, you have the floor, Jones.”

Instead, Casey loudly shushed him and waved him off with a hand. “Shush! I’m trying to concentrate, make sure I’m doing this right.”

“So, that makes you a prude.”

"It doesn't! I'm trying to document evidence that you're some weird spy who's been sent on long-term mission to destroy us all from the inside out! You got the others convinced but you ain't got me!" said Casey. 

"And you think that documenting your evidence right in front of me is smart? What if I decided to gaslight you in front of everyone, hmm?" he asked, corners of his mouth tugging into a devious grin and his fingers reaching out to steal the pencil out of Casey's hand and toss it behind him, out of their reach. 

"You got a point there… prude," said Casey. “Give me back my goddamn pencil.”

“No, and a prude wouldn’t let you join him in bashing in ugly mutants' faces now would he?" said Big Raph. 

Casey folded his arms, pouting at the streets below him. “He wouldn’t, fair point. But maybe he’s just doing it to throw me off his tracks.” 

“Okay then, I’ll just be a massive prude and won’t let you get any action then.” 

“Uncool!” 

He tuned out Casey’s whining, staring at the empty streets, waiting. Waiting for something to happen, a car to coast down the street, someone tagging the walls with fluorescent graffiti. Anything.  Just a sign that this city was truly alive. 

Of course, nothing came. 

“This is boring actually. Why are these streets so empty?” 

“Oh, that’s just New York, you’ve never been to New York?”

Why was everyone so intent on trying to delude him into thinking that this was New York? He knew New York, knew it like the back of his hand, the beauty, the ugly, the vomit from some scene girl who partied too hard that he once stepped in at 3 a.m., the scummy guy who sold cheap powdered coffee to fuel his dwindling hopes he’ll get rich from this pyramid scheme, the obnoxious film crew that closed down 3 blocks and made traffic worse than what it already was. He knew the colors that shined when the moon and sun rose and set, the way they blended to create something so unwholly and simultaneously surreal, repugnant and enamoring all at once, to create New York whereas to an outsider, it was just an ugly, uninspiring, muddled mess to wade through. 

This was not New York.  

“This is not New York!” 

“Yeah, it is, at least it’s New York as long as I can remember. The New York people always get so mooneyed about is just in the movies, it’s quiet here.”

“New York, the city that never sleeps. Quiet? Do you hear yourself?” asked Big Raph. “That’s an oxymoron about to fall flat on its face.”

“My parents always said that it was like that before I was born. Said it had to be that way, for everyone’s safety,” said Casey, sobering up with a seriousness the snapper would never attribute to him. “People kept disappearing for a long while. First it was just the homeless, the drug addicts, and the sex workers. No one cared when it was just them, they always ‘disappeared,’ what was the point of investigating? Everyone ‘knew what happened’ to them.”

“But then it got worse. Soon it was our neighbors, parents, kids, everyone was up for grabs. That’s when everyone started to give a shit,” continued Casey with a mocking snort and eye roll. “People panicked, but my parents said that at one point there were too many disappearances and with nothing being done, so people got together and did something about it.” 

“And what was that?”

“Stay inside at night. Don’t come out unless absolutely necessary. Hide when you see black vans and identical guys in suits walking about. If you’re seen by them, you better be fast,” counted off Casey.  

“That doesn’t sound like doing anything.” 

“Well, not as many people went missing afterward. So it’s something.”

“...I guess.”

“You still get the occasional disappearance every so often, but it’s not like it used to be before I was born. Parents said it was awful, missing cases would be as high as me if ya put them all together.” 

“I don’t know if that means that you’re insanely short or if that's a lot of missing people, but I’m gonna take the piss and say it means both,” said Big Raph. 

Casey snorted. “Well, big guy, we can’t all help that we’re goddamn tiny compared to you,” he said, leaning over to punch the snapper in his arm. 

“You’re just a short-ass hater.”

“And what of it! What if I am? Would that be a crime?” said Casey, voice dying out before he turned his head fully to the empty streets below them. He smacked Big Raph’s arm again. “Hey, what’s that there?”

“There is no need to hit me-”

“Shush!! Look” hissed Casey, one hand on the top of his head and the other forcefully guiding Big Raph’s head to see what the other teenager was seeing. “That’s the same guy I saw when I first met Raph!”

“And what are these guys?” asked Big Raph. 

“Footbots,” said Casey, watching  “You should know this if you’re one of them spies.” 

Don’t argue with the guy, Big Raph, you’re only going to get a headache, he told himself. Instead, he squinted in the direction Casey directed his head in, to see said Footbots scurrying down a wall and into an abandoned building. 

Huh. Weird. 

“Wanna go investigate it?” 

“Obviously!” said Casey, now sliding down a fire escape and running across the street. That idiot was going to get himself killed, Big Raph thought to himself as he chased after him. 

Reunited and standing at the corner, Big Raph and Casey snuck their way inside of the building, up the creaky, metal stairs, and hid behind several boxes that allowed them to get a perfect few of what was going on. The thrum of electricity echoed in the building along with the growing sound of cacophonous squeaking caused the snapper to roughly rub at his ears to ease his mind.

“Am I hearing… rats?” said Casey in a low voice, scooting behind the boxes even more. 

Big Raph leaned his head from behind the boxes to get a better look, grimacing as he finally realized where the sounds were coming from: a horde of rats, of varying shapes and sizes, climbing over one of the Footbots, sparking from exposed wires sticking out of its clothed torso and bug-like eyes emptily staring at the ceiling, chewing on the bot. Next to the horde of rats, stood a larger mutated rat with red, glowing eyes, its snout heavily deformed, wrinkles and folds scrunched up, and warts and spikes spiking up from its eyes and nostrils. Its teeth were heavily misaligned and of different sizes ranging from wide and blunt to short and sharp, some were poking out from the exposed gums of its mouth at an unsettling angle, and some were completely missing.

The large rat looked up in Big Raph’s direction and he leaned back against the boxes out of its line of sight. He held his breath, careful not to turn his head until he heard a disinterested squeak. 

“Yeesh,” said Big Raph, a shiver traveling down his spine to his tail when he deemed it safe to do so. 

“What are you seeing?” asked Casey.

Side-eyeing Casey, he noticed how the other held on to himself, refusing to poke his head out. “You want the truth, or something that’ll make you feel better?”

Upon hearing that, Casey threw his hands up in the air and brought them back down, dragging them across his face. “Aw man, I hate rats-mmph!” He squirmed, protesting against Big Raph’s hold, when he was warned to be quiet and pointed back down to where the rats and Footbot were. 

However, this time, there were two new additions walking side-by-side close to the pile of rats feasting on the Footbot. One of them was a large, crimson-red fish with a white stomach and large dorsal fin sticking out from the middle of its head that ran down its back, a decent chunk of it missing from the front. Attached to his lower half was a pair of silver metallic legs and an orange breathing mechanism rigged to its back. 

It was dwarfed by the other walking by its side, the other having a build akin to a skeletal, emaciated werewolf with dark gray fur. Bones protruded from every part of its body, even the snout and thin, pointed fingers seemed to be made entirely out of bone, Big Raph was certain that being poked by them would be no fun-

“I’ve seen that fish guy around before!” whispered Casey and Big Raph had to immediately clamp his hand over his mouth once more, tighter so they couldn’t get caught. 

The wolf-mutant stopped the fish. “I smell turtle, Fishface,” it rasped out. Casey and Big Raph both scooted back, behind the boxes, not wanting to trigger the wolf. 

“Must be from all the rats that came from the sewer. Turtles and rats do carry the same rotten sewage stench,” said Fishface back, walking to the pile of rats circling around the destroyed Footbots. “Master Shredder will be most unhappy that his potential new ally had destroyed his soldiers, especially when we have come all this way to give you what you wanted.”

A white rat emerged, scurrying up the fur of the mutant rat to rest on its head, and turned to stare at the wolf and fish mutant. 

“I had specifically demanded that it just be us and us alone. No outsiders.” said the rat, yet it had not opened its move to utter a sound. Weird. 

“Forgive Master Shredder, he wanted to make sure that his two favorite henchmen were safe from any… unexpected encounters.” 

“No outsiders!” came the bitter hiss. 

“You will have to take that up with Master Shredder for our next meeting. That is, once he returns from his trip in Japan.” 

“Once I am at my full strength, I will be taking up many things with your master… but that is for later, especially when I bring him Splinter like he so desperately wants. Did you bring me what I asked for?”

“You think we would walk all the way here without it? Fishface, give him the thing.”

“Do not rush me, Razhar,” hissed Fishface, before pulling out a canister of mutagen. 

“Place it on top of the rats…. This is not all that I was promised. Where is the rest of it?”

“Greedy, ain’t ya?”

“No. I am simply trying to make sure that I am not cheated out of what I was promised. Give me the rest of what I was owed, or else you will experience what I am capable of with my rats right now.”

“Mutagen? What the heck is that?” asked Casey. 

“It’s the stuff that made my brothers… and me?” answered Big Raph, still trying to listen in on the two mutants. 

“How do you not know what it’s called if you’re just like them? Or what even made you? Suspicious ain’t it?” asked Casey and Big Raph’s desire to punch him has grown even stronger tonight. 

“We never called it that back home. We just called it Ooze!” he whispered yelled, then slapping a hand over his own mouth. 

“Patience. We have the rest of it,” said Razhar, ears perking up. Big Raph prayed that it hadn’t heard them. 

He couldn’t see Fishface but its annoyance was loud and clear. “Rahzar, why are you hesitating? I do not have time for your paranoia.”

“I knew I smelt turtle! Show out and show yourself! I heard you! Come out!” 

Casey stared at Big Raph, both uncertain as to how to get themselves out of their new predicament. Big Raph shooed Casey, gesturing for the other to move quietly and he followed behind, both of them careful not to drag any more attention to themselves. 

Until a loud clang forced them to look up, seeing the same fish, Fishface, from before standing in their path. Fishface leaned down to grin at both Big Raph and Casey, a crooked grin with his bottom fangs protruding took over his face.

A hand ran through his mask, a nervous laugh bubbling out of Big Raph. “Hey, have you considered getting your teeth checked out? I’m pretty sure there’s a mutant-friendly dentist around here somewhere!”

Casey snorted. “Let’s start with some mouthwash and toothpaste!”

“Ah, you’re mouthy. Just like the small red one. I can’t wait to fillet you and turn you into turtle soup.”

“Not before I throw you into a skillet and serve you with a salad and vinaigrette sauce.”

“Loving the chit-chat, but I'd rather toss him out of a frying pan and into a toaster!” snapped Casey, reaching into his pocket to toss one of his paint grenades at Fishface. With Fishface temporarily blinded, Casey jumped up, a hand clasping on the snappers, pulling him up so they escaped from the fish, skating around him in a wide arc to avoid the mutant's strong kick. “This is more than what I signed up for!”

“You wanted to save this damn city, you can’t complain when you get what you wanted!” shouted Big Raph, urging Casey to skate faster as Fishface caught up to them, turning and coming to a stop as he whipped out his tonfas to face Fishface.

“I didn’t know you were so eager to be souped so quickly,” said Fishface, lunging at Big Raph, the grooves of his boots coming face first. He dodged at the very last second and held his tonfas out in front of him to withstand the barrage of attacks before he fought back with the opening that Fishface created, knocking him back several feet. 

Big Raph shrugged. “I wasn’t aware you were so happy to be deep-fried so quickly. I guess working for the Shredder would drive anyone to that point,” he countered, ducking another one of Fishface’s attacks. 

Fishface’s metal foot landed in the glass window Big Raph stood right in front of and shattered the glass. Big Raph broke off a piece of glass and held it in his hand, asking aloud, “What would Lou Jitsu do?”

The distinct sound of wood clacking together managed to get himself refocused, as he had to step back from the tip of a curved blade slashing in his direction and continued to fend for himself once more, slashing Fishface’s stomach with the glass in his hand.

Still skating away from the two, Casey threw his head back, “We’re going to have to work on you being on my side whenever I complain while we’re fighting for our lives, big guy!”

“We also have to make sure that those rats can’t escape with the ooze-”

“Mutagen!” shouted Casey, using a column to propel himself with enough momentum to turn the corner, tossing a hockey puck in the air and swinging full force with his hockey stick at the mutagen canisters. Seeing the puck break through the canisters, glass shattered, and the mutagen itself spill out causing Rahzar to frantically shake the spilled mutagen out of his hand, he pumped a fist into the air. 

“Casey Jones shoots and he scores!” 

“It’s going to be the last goal he’ll ever make in his entire life,” Rahzar stretched out his hand, ejecting one of his claws and aiming it at Casey, who managed to dodge in the nick of time, with the claw grazing his cheek.  

Casey continued to skate away from Rahzar, deftly avoiding each one of the mutant’s claws targeting him, and skated in circles around the mutant, until he had to circle back up the steps, the space between him and Rahzar closing, closing, closing… 

That was until he bumped into the spikes of Big Raph’s shell. “Nice seeing you here big guy,” said Casey, lowering his hockey stick, poised and ready to attack. 

Big Raph turned his head slightly to look down at the other, then back at the two mutants who stood on both of their sides. 

Fishface took a step towards the two teenagers, a cruel smirk on his face. “I am curious what Master Shredder will do to these two new interlopers on his plans,” said Rhazar, voice slow and deliberate as he dragged a claw against the railing, creating a discordant, grating sound scraping at their ears. “Perhaps, he will kill the skinny one and the big one, we can take back with us. Turn him into one of us, we could always use more muscle on the team.”

 "You wouldn't want to meet my dad, big guy," Karai said. "Trust me on that." 

"Why not?" 

"He's… he's a lot to handle," she said, voice quiet and distant. "Just trust me."

He was going to follow her orders to the best of his ability, for as long as he could, until his destiny dictated that he could no longer run. He was going to make sure that Karai couldn’t worry about him, not because of his foolishness. Turning his top half towards Casey, he curled his fingers across Casey’s wrist, eyes squinted and locked on the wolf mutant as he continued. 

“Perhaps I’ll kill the skinny one here now. Don’t want to waste on something that isn’t worth my energy. The Shredder would see no value in a skinny runt like yourself.”

Big Raph turned his head, watching as Rahzar flexed his hand once more, before the wolf-like mutant snapped his wrist with a flick, two bony claws being ejected from his hand once more, flying at them-at Casey. At that moment, he hurled Casey over the railing, jumped after him, encapsulated the smaller in a protective hold, and the two landed on the floor. 

He ignored the pain in his shell, along with the slight ringing in his ear, and looked up to the spectacle of Fishface flailing on the floor, fluorescent orange liquid dripping through the perforated metal floor. Fear and panic bled into his voice, for all the cockiness and arrogance that he exuded, he was nothing more than but a scared, violent child eager to maim and mutilate all those who came across him. 

A scared violent child who Big Raph would gladly decimate again to protect his team. 

Now they needed to get out of here. Scrambling to his feet, he dragged Casey right-side up, and ran out of the building, the sound of wheels frantically scraping against the concrete before finally settling into a steady rhythm calmed him down. 

Locate the others, and report what they found. 

They met back at the rooftop Leo had originally split them up at, with the others waiting patiently for them. Big Raph climbed up the fire escape, cheek resting against the ledge as he stopped for a moment to regain his energy. 

Mikey turned his head, a wide grin on his face and a carefree wave as he greeted them. “Hey brahs, where the heck have you two been? Leo’s been worried about you and was about to have us split up in teams again to look for you two…” he began, voice dying out as Big Raph pulled them both up. 

“What happened? ” asked April, who stepped forward to help Casey on his feet and raised a hand to his face, wiping away the dried blood caked on his cheek. 

“Got ourselves millied just a little bit,” said Big Raph. “Fought some mutants. The usual, apparently.”

Leo looked between the two. “ Which mutants did you fight?”

“Ya know, that fish guy and that big bony dog-”

“Fishface and Rahzar! Named by yours truly, Dr. Name-einstein,” said Mikey. Raph held up a hand to stop him. 

“Thanks for the reminder, Mikey,” asked Raph. “And why were you fighting them?”

“So they might not have been happy that we listened in on their precious meeting,” said Casey with a nonchalant shrug. “They were handing some mutagen over to this rat-and there was also this hoard of rats as well-”

“Wanted Pops too, but like any bad guy who works with Shredder obviously wants him. Anyways, moving on, we fight, Rahzar tries to kill Casey, and I plan and execute a jump that results in Fishface’s breathing thingamabob breaking and they had to leave too,” said Big Raph, rushing through. “Can we go back to the lair now? I don’t think I can really feel my hand anymore?”

A confused look from Leo. “What do you mean you can’t feel-Oh that’ll do it. Donnie will look at it once we get back.”

“Are we not telling Dad about any of this? Ya know, to not worry him?”

“Let’s get back to the lair first, and have your hand looked at,” replied Leo. “Something fishy is going on here.” 

Chapter Text

The next time April and Casey were able to come over was several days later, school and other human things keeping them away from the turtles. April jumped over the turnstile, greeting the boys as she came in. 

"Hey, you look off today," pointed out Big Raph, using a finger to brush away bangs that covered her face, and noticed the split ends that traveled up her hair, the ends of her ponytail and bands fraying, the color much duller than before. Neely would have never allowed herself or her hair to become so mistreated. "You alright?"

She didn't respond for a long moment. Casey called her name, told her the snapper was calling her and she looked at him through tired eyes. "Yeah, I'm good." 

Weird. What's going on? He hadn't known her for that long but he could tell something was off. 

"You sure? You look… well, a little off. Lights on, but no one's really home kinda off," he said in a slow voice and watched with a careful eye for anything else that seemed off about her. "If you need me to I can fix your hair-"

"What do you know about human hair? You have none," asked Donnie. "Don't be rude about her appearance either, April's probably just having a rough few days with school."

"I know more than you," said Big Raph. 

"Considering what I know, I'm not sure if that accounts for anything." 

Being insulted at such an ungodly hour of the day was not what he signed up for today.  "And yet you still haven't solved the mystery of why your head is shaped like a deformed legume. Why don't you figure that out, Donnie?"

A snort choked its way out of Casey's throat, the teenager raising a hand to his mouth. 

“I'm surprised you know what a legume is,” said Donnie. 

“And yet you still stand here, with a mystery unsolved.” 

Casey had bent over, holding his sides as he tried to hold himself back, and rested an arm on his spikes. 

“Glad to see you’ve been adjusting okay, big guy! I hope you all had more fun than I had. I had to hear him go on about rats these past few days,” teased April. 

Casey elbowed her, grumbling as she snickered at him. “There were a bunch of those rats! It’s hard to not think about anything else!” he complained, hugging himself at the thought of said rats. “The squeaking, their teeth, and they reeked too!”

“Speaking of rats, we should probably head to my lab to discuss what you two saw,” said Donnie, outstretching an arm to guide everyone to his lab. “So Sensei can’t hear us.” 

Once in his lab, Donnie slid into his chair, swiveling in front of his computer. “Firstly, are you sure that it was rats you saw?”

Big Raph sighed. “Look, I’m aware that this place is dimmer than a dark light rave party, but I know I saw rats. I don’t need you questioning what I saw. Besides, there wouldn’t be any reason that Casey would be as fussy as he was during it.”

Donnie casted a disinterested look at Casey, who was resting his elbows on the top of Big Raph’s shell. “You do have a point there,I must admit,” he said.  “But really, truly, you’re telling me that there was a small horde of rats flanked by two giant ones-larger than Sensei, and there was some voice speaking through a white rat?”

“Yes. Exactly.” 

“And that he was apparently working with Shredder-”

“Do you realize how absurd-”

“Do I realize how absurd it sounds? Is that what you were going to ask? Have you seen what we are? You’re gonna have to learn how to go with the flow Dee,” said Big Raph. “Also, can I finish a sentence before you cut me off or is that off the table?”

“Only guy we know who can do something like that is Falco, the Rat King.  Psycho guy who wanted to control Sensei and take over the city with rats,” said Raph, stimming with the grooves of his elbow pads.  “And yes, Mikey, we know you liked Lord Rattington better.”

Leo spread a hand on Donnie’s workbench, using it to support his weight as he leaned on it, staring at the snapper with an accusatory glance.  

“I personally think that we should discuss how weird it is that we’ve had not one, but two separate instances where you just so happened to be in the right place at the right time to hear two separate conspiracies planned against us,” he said, pointing a finger directly at Big Raph. 

That’s an awful lot of words he’s using. Big Raph squinted at him, arms folded defensively. “What are you trying to say, Leo?” 

“I’m not saying anything that hasn’t already been stated before. One time with the Kraang and being there just in time to help Mikey, sure I guess you can write it off as a coincidence, but two times? That’s a bit weird, a tad suspicious don’t you think?” said Leo, resting his other hand on his hip. 

"What. Are. You. Trying. To. Say. Leonardo?" asked Big Raph. 

“Leo, quit it,” said April. “That’s not fair of you to do-” 

“You would say something about it too if you were in my shoes,” said Leo, pushing himself up and folding his arms, face scrunched up in a glare. Big Raph had half a mind to call it an overdramatic pout to his face. 

“Call it Hamato Luck, you’re pretty familiar with it. You know how it works,” came his response in a clipped voice. Fine. If Leo wanted to see it like that, who was he to stop him? “Don’t act like you haven't had a weird week yourself.”

He tensed, as Casey wrapped his arms around his neck. A curious glance out of the corner of his eye as Casey leaned his head slightly forward.

 “I think you’re pushing the conspiracy theory nut job thing a little too far, that’s my job Baby Blue,” he said. 

“I’m not being a conspiracy theorist,” said Leo. “I’m being a realist.” 

“The guy’s been here a week and personally, I've never met anyone who annoyed me as much as he had within the span of those past few hours. I'm convinced that he’s not a spy sent to destroy us all. No spy would be able to survive my endearingly annoying personality.”

“Thank you for your vote of confidence, Casey,” came Big Raph’s response, sarcasm coating it. “I have several younger brothers, I've learned not to commit fratricide every time they say something that makes my brain melt when they open their mouth.”

“Moving on from that, can we be sure that it’s actually the Rat King?” asked Donnie. “We defeated him."

"There wasn’t a body left behind, remember? We saw it get consumed by rats.” 

“Not literally, though,” added Mikey.  

“Yes, thank you Mikey for that reminder, not literally.”

“Do you think that April could use her psychic powers to locate the Rat King?” asked Raph. “I mean Splinter did the same when the Rat King was in his head so why can’t she?”

Donnie shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “Well, Sensei had said that she had a sensitivity he’d been training his whole life to have,” he explained, twirling a pencil between his fingers. “But again, Rat King saw into Sensei’s mind first, not the other way around and I mean, let’s be fair, April hasn’t been trained to hone her powers.”

“I mean, I can still try right?” said April. “Who knows? Maybe I can get something useful.” 

“April, I’m not sure-”

“Donnie, please, I wanna at least try to be useful to the team.”

“Fine, fine,” he said, rubbing his temples together. “Just don’t get your hopes too high.”

“Whatever you can, or can’t do, we’ll be fine with,” said Leo. 

Just as Big Raph was about to question what he had heard, because honestly, how can anyone not ask questions after that conversation, Mikey leered over closer to the snapper and Casey, responding in a lazy voice, “Oh yeah, April’s been discovered to be a half-human Kraang mutant and she has wicked psychic powers, just to fill you in.”

For a brief moment, Big Raph and Casey shared a brain cell as they both turned to Mikey, confusion clear on their faces. 

“A week ago, I had no clue what the hell the Kraang are, now you’re telling me she has psychic powers and she’s apparently a mutant too?” said Big Raph. 

“Yeah, does your April not have psychic powers? Uh, lame .”

“No, but she has a mystic green bat that’s on fire and glows. I like to think that counts.” 

It fell silent until Big Raph opened his mouth again.

 “If she’s half mutant, do you think her brain looks like a Kraang? With that sticky caramel the Kraang have on their teeth when they open their mouth to talk?” he asked, much to the disgust of the other turtles and April as they cringed at the thought of his query. “What, I’m asking a question!”

“They can’t handle the real questions that must be asked,” said Casey with a chuckle. He held up a fist, going in for a fist bump that Big Raph returned. 

April pursed her lips, still unnerved by the school of thought. “If we could move on from wondering about what my brain looks like, I would like to try and figure out where the Rat King is.”

Everyone had quieted down, the silence allowing April to try to tap into her psychic powers. Her slender fingers were pressed against her temples, face scrunching as she concentrated. Frown lines formed on her face as she concentrated, ultimately falling back in her chair in a defeated slump, a frustrated sigh escaped her. 

“I couldn’t get a read on Rat King.” 

Leo’s hand rested on her shoulder. “You did what you could.” 

“Like I said, we weren’t expecting much out of you, you’re not a rat and your powers aren’t all that developed,” explained Donnie.  “We’ll have to scout for the Rat King now on top of other things. You should probably do something to rest your mind after trying to force it the way you did.” 

“Got the tapes for the anime with the silly yellow monkey in it?” asked April

“Super Robo Mecha Force Five?” said Raph. “Yeah, they’re in a box in front of the TV.” 

“Isn’t that that super cheesy anime that’s an obvious ripoff of-”

Big Raph slapped a hand over Casey’s mouth. 

“Casey, I don’t know and I really don’t care, let’s go find out what this anime’s about,” he said in a flat voice, willing to accept the distraction and not think about what just happened. He was also very willing to pointedly ignore Casey’s licking the palm of his hand. 

Gross weirdo. 

He’s not sure what happened, but one moment, April was there. The next she wasn’t. What he returned to was the sight of her bursting up from the seating area, away from the boys surrounding her, pulling herself away from Donnie and Casey as she shouted, “I can’t take this anymore! I’m going home! Don’t follow me!”

Confused, Big Raph could only watch as she stomped out of the lair, her UGG boots hollowly reverberating in the lair after each aggrieved stomp. The other boys only stared at her retreating figure as she left the lair. 

“I went to get a snack,” he said, seconds after she was gone, food in hand. “What happened?”

Mikey shrugged. “I dunno. One minute she was fine, but then she just,” here Mikey, flailed his arms erratically, seemingly representing April “Lost it! Which is weird, she doesn’t seem like she gets angry over nothing!”

Big Raph raised an eye ridge at that last part and sat the food down next to Leo. Angry over nothing?  That doesn’t sound like her. He’s only known this one for such a short period of time, but that didn’t sound right. Didn’t make sense. 

Something had to be up. He just needed to find out what. Big Raph glanced at the turnstiles before he made his way over to them. 

“Where are you going?” asked Mikey. 

“‘M gonna follow after April,” he said.

“She said to leave her alone.”

Big Raph looked at the turnstiles, then looked back at the boys hanging behind. “I think she meant for y’all to leave her alone,” he said. Maybe he’s wrong. Maybe she meant for all of them to leave her alone. 

He hopped over the turnstile and left out of the lair. 

Big Raph had managed to find his way to April’s place, thankful that he managed to remember how to get there from the one or two times he’s been there—technically he had not actually been to her apartment, but the boys had pointed it out to him on the patrols that he had joined. Carefully, he scaled his way up the fire escape, sat in front of her closed window, and leaned forward to knock on the tempered glass windows. He sat there and waited, his fingers twiddling as he waited for his friend to come to the window. 

The wait wasn’t as long as he thought it was going to be, or rather, it wasn’t as long as he perceived it had been, when he saw April stroll by the window, completely passing him as he waved at her, even after they made eye contact. 

Surely, she saw him right? She definitely saw him. They made eye contact. She absolutely saw him, had to. 

Uncertain, he was about to tap the window again when the window flung open and the doors nearly smacked him in the face. April squatted on her window sill as she stared at him, leaning into his personal space.  

“Big guy?” 

“Yeah, in the flesh!”

April pulled back from him, gently patting his face. “Okay, alright then, it is you. You’re real, I’m not imagining things,” she said, more to herself than anyone. 

That wasn’t something people said if they were okay, if they were truly alright. There’s more to this whole thing. 

He held her hand in his. “Of course it’s me, of course I’m real,” he said, with a gentle smile. “But um, are you okay? Wanted to see how you were holding up, you look a mess, and probably missed out on dinner.” 

“I’m perfectly fine, big guy!” 

Folding his arms, “Big Raph doesn’t believe his beloved friend April is okay,” he said. “Big Raph definitely doesn’t believe his beloved friend April after what happened in the lair.”

“You… you saw that?” she said, head hanging low, fingers picking at the cuticles of her nails. “I didn’t-I didn’t think you did.”

“Everyone did. Kinda hard not to, ya know, see it,” came his answer. “So, um, what’s wrong? Doesn’t seem like you to blow up over nothing, something’s bothering you-”

“Nothing is wrong-”

“To be fair, someone blowing up over nothing while you were around hanging out with us, saying they’re not imagining things isn’t something a person who is definitely okay would say, ya know?” he said, cautiously elbowing her side with his arm. “For real though, you aren’t okay. You don’t look okay either. Maybe-maybe you can talk to me about it. I might not know everything, but I’m good at listening.”

April seemed to consider what he was saying and contemplated his offer. Then she nodded and pulled her hands out of his. 

“You should probably sit on the roof, big guy. You’re kinda vulnerable from where you’re sitting,” she said in a mumble, patting his knee.  “Don’t want anything to happen to you because you got caught. Give me a few minutes. I’ll-I’ll cook us some food.” 

Big Raph tilted his head to really look at April. Gaunt face, shallow cheekbones, and dull blue eyes, thinner than what she normally appeared to be, he was certain the girl was going to float away like a piece of paper. Honestly, how had he not noticed this earlier?

“Why don’t I come inside? I’m certain if I leave you alone longer than a minute, you’ll tip over,” he said. 

April raised an eyebrow and gestured a finger to the borders of the window. “I mean, you can come inside if you want, but I don’t know how you’re going to fit in through the window.”

He laughed, waving her off. “Don’t worry, Big Raph knows how to be small when it matters!”

She laughed back at him and crawled back into her apartment, allowing him ample space to squeeze his way through. April looked up at him, beyond the top of his head. “Huh, you’re not as big as I thought,” she teased. “I thought you would be like um, ya know- ya know-ya know-”

“It’s okay, I can sense you’re struggling, I’m here to free you,” he teased back, flicking her forehead, and grinned as she playfully pouted at him. 

“Careful who you’re talking to, mister, I’m making your dinner!” she giggled, as she stumbled forward to the kitchen and giggled harder when he stood her upright. “I can send you to bed hungry!”

Big Raph rolled his eyes. “Yeah right,” he said in a drawl, even as she mock protested him. “Sure you would, Apricot.” 

“I would!” she said, pulling out a skillet. “I could make you some udon noodles? And yes, big guy, it’s going to be seasoned. Obviously.” 

Big Raph held up his hands, a troublesome grin as she turned her back to him, stretching an arm out to the higher shelves and rummaging through the seasonings she wanted. “I wasn’t even gonna ask!”

“Sure you weren’t. You want chicken in your udon?”

“If it’s no trouble.”

“If it was, I wouldn’t be asking. Make yourself comfortable. Sit in a chair or something.” 

He did as instructed, pulling a stool close to the counter, and watching as April went in her fridge, pulling out several bags of frozen vegetables, tossing them on the counter, and turning back to search through the freezer, all while muttering incoherently to herself the whole time. April’s muttering grows louder, her rummaging growing more desperate before pulling herself out of her freezer, turning to face the snapper with her hands on her hips. 

“Are you fine with extra vegetables? I could have sworn I had meat, but maybe I’m just remembering wrong. I haven’t exactly been able to get fresh frozen meat from the grocery store since it’s gotten more expensive lately and the monthly amount I get for the EBT card isn’t enough to-”

“I’m fine with vegetables,” said Big Raph. “Really. I’m fine. But um, doesn’t your dad help you with groceries?”

That… was not a good move on his part. She stilled, her movements stiff, stiffer than Alberto Bear’s joints before ever being revamped. Back when he creaked and groaned as he lifted his rustic mechanical fingers to strum his guitar. 

“Dad can’t do much. Being a giant mutated bat doesn’t really allow him to do much, ya know,” she said, and the way she said it definitely threw him off; like, like she was trying to be standoffish and apathetic to the fact she was now lonely without her father in her life, trying to ignore the loss that accompanied something so hurtful. 

“Oh. I-I didn’t know,” he said. It was a sucky response, but he honestly didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to navigate this new minefield he’d been pushed in. 

"No one told you huh?" she said back to him as she pulled out a pot, filled it with water, sat it on the stove, turned it on, and waited for it to boil. "That they mutated my dad because of their arrogance?" 

“Who? The boys?” 

April nodded.

"No-no, Donnie told me, he told me while he was cleaning a bad batch of retro-mutagen he accidentally spilled on me," said Big Raph, remembering the bickering between the four when he was brought along to look for canisters. "He just didn't tell me that your Dad was mutated into a giant bat. Or that it was their fault. Just that mutagen spilled on him." 

She stared at him for a moment, then turned back to her pot of water. "I see," she said, just like Donnie did when Big Raph asked about the retro-mutagen the first time. 

"He does care, you know, he does feel bad," tried Big Raph, feeling that there was some tension in the air that he caused concerning his younger brother and it was up to him to fix it. "Honestly he does. He doesn't sleep or eat, he barely takes care of himself and he traps himself all day in that lab trying to make a viable batch to fix what happened to your dad." 

"I know ," she responded, voice tightening up. The water in the pot began to bubble, the rumbling waves of water turning tides, turbulence weaving into the water as it grew more and more intense. 

"Then what's wrong? Why do you sound like-"

"I miss my dad, okay?!" yelled April, cursing as the water finally boiled over, violently bubbling out of the stove, with some of it hitting her arm. She held her arm close to her chest. 

"I miss him, I want my dad back as his silly human self, I want to hear his voice when I come home from school, I want to hear him ask me about my day, I want him to try and help me with my homework, I want him back home with me and I want him to stay home! It's not fair that he gets taken away from me, and I get him back, only for him to get taken away from me again! They weren’t even going to TELL ME it was their fault! "

April continued. "It's not fair that the boys get to keep their dad but I can't even keep mine longer than a week! Why can't my dad stay home? Why him?! Why me?! It's not fair! They get to go home to their dad, but I can't! It's empty every time I step foot in this stupid apartment and I'm reminded that I'm all alone! I only have one other person other than the boys and Sensei and that's Irma! I don't even know if I have her too because she's been acting so weird lately and I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose my only other friend! And it's because the stupid Kraang took my dad that I'm alone and I'm somehow important to them!"

"I didn't ask for this! I didn't want this! I don't want to be part of this stupid thing with Donnie and Casey! I don't want to be important to anyone, ever!"

"Well, that's going to be difficult," replied Big Raph. "You're always going to be important to us." 

 She turned to face him. He wished she didn't. "I don't want to be important  anymore, why did I have to matter to anyone?" she bemoaned, voice constricting as she tried to hold on to herself, to hug herself to stop more of it from spilling out of her. “I don't want to matter to anyone, don’t you get it?”

The warble was noticeable. Obvious, more obvious than her holding on to herself

"I don't want to fight! I'm tired! I'm tired of fighting!” said April, beginning anew.  “I want my dad to hug me and tell me everything will be okay, but he can't because he's a giant bat! I don’t even know if he’s my dad, he has his face, but that’s not him! "

He's helpless, only able to watch as April unraveled, continuing to unravel right in front of them, a balloon bound by thin, wiry rubber bands suffocating it and finally exploding from the pressure, thin, rubbery bits flying everywhere. Her voice cracked as she ranted, rage, grief, and despair tumbling into each other, and he was the one to witness the tornado finally touch down. 

The tornado finally died out, as all things did, losing steam, and April stood there in front of him, eyes staring past him before she eventually came back to herself. 

“Sorry about that, big guy,” she said, repressing a sniffle, raising a hand to roughly wipe at her eyes, and moving to pull the pot of water off the stove to refill it. To act as if nothing happened. “Didn’t mean to lose it like that, wasn’t very… that’s not what a good friend does, huh? I'm supposed to keep it all together, why good am I if I'm not doing that?”

Recovery and being the support after outbursts like these have always been his specialty, it’s what he has always been good at. “Seemed like it was bound to happen huh,” he said, clearing his throat, pushing himself off his stool to approach the redhead. “Let’s get that burn looked at, looks kinda nasty.”

“I’m fine, big guy.” 

So she wanted to do this the hard way then. Fine, he had experience with the hard way. 

“Okay, I didn't wanna do this, but it looks like I don’t have any other choice,” he said aloud. It caught her attention, April sent him a look of confusion, and he immediately scooped her up, arms wrapped around her middle, and sat her down on the stool. “It looks bad, we’re going to look at it.” 

“I’m okay, it’s not that bad-”

“April, it looks like it’s going to blister, that doesn’t really scream fine, ya know?” he snarked back. “Where’s your first aid kit?” 

April ground her teeth against each other, crossed her legs together, and answered, “Under the kitchen sink.”

Big Raph moved to grab the first aid kit, opened it up, and tossed it on the counter. With the wet compress in hand, he folded it up and sat it on her burn for several minutes, before he removed it to loosely wrap gauze around the burn. 

“All good.” 

“Thanks, Big Raph.”

“Don’t do that, anything for a friend.”

“I shouldn’t have lost it like that. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, you were only trying to help,” said April as she flexed her arm after Big Raph secured the gauze on her burn before she pushed herself off the stool. “I haven’t really been grateful for that, you know?”

Breezing past that, “I get it,” he said in a quiet voice. “I kinda really do get it, that part about your dad and him not being your dad at the same time.”

April stilled, fingers resting on the dial for the burner. Her ponytail still faced him. “You-you do?” 

“Yeah, I do. With my own dad and things that happened with him while we grew up. He was… distant.” 

Distant was the kindest way to say the unkindest things that Big Raph had learned to curb his tongue on over the years. He forced himself to sit down in the vacant stool and folded his arms together, the pads of his fingers rhythmically tapping against the protruding spike from his elbow.

“He wore my dad’s face, but that wasn’t my dad. He wasn’t there when we needed him,” he said. To say he wore a stranger’s face was too kind to say who his father became, when he wore the face of a man that he could not recognize, and knew when the stranger would take over his fathers body once more within a vicious, unending, and unyielding cycle of “getting better” Big Raph knew better than anyone in the entire family.  

‘He wasn’t there when I needed him,’ he held himself back from saying. Instead, he stuck his tongue to the tip of his snaggletooth and poked it against it, with the pressure keeping him present in the moment. “So I stepped up to the plate and handled stuff for me and my brothers. Took care of us. Then they got the dad they needed and wanted.”

Sharp, staccato clicks filled the empty kitchen followed by the flaring of a gas flame and the bottom of the pot made contact with the grates of the stove. 

“Oh, I see,” came April’s stilted response. “Did you ever… get your dad back?”

“No?” he said, uncertain. He was going to, he was right on the cusp of getting his father back to him. Then he landed here. 

Silence hung in the air for a good solid moment. The crunching of plastic could be heard as April opened the back and dumped the Udon noodles in the pot. A drawer was roughly pulled open, wooden spoon in hand and she started to stir the noodles. Big Raph twiddled his thumbs together, eyes carefully paying attention to how she twirled her spoon in the noodles, moving them around in the pot. 

“What-what was that thing you were mentioning about Donnie and Casey?” he asked. 

April didn’t lift her head, but he noticed how her demeanor once again changed. 

“Right, that,” she said. “They both… like me.” 

The wooden spoon rested against the rim of the pot. Big Raph found that hard to believe. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” she said. Donnie didn’t seem to be one for romance, always turned up his beak at the thought of it. “Isn’t hard to notice. That is, when you’re looking for the right cues.” 

Maybe the problem was him. These things always flew over his head. 

“Were they the reason you blew up at the lair?”

She picked up the spoon again and tapped it against the rim, then continued to stir. 

“It’s suffocating. I’m just trying to make it through the day, through a week, failing trig, stopping the Kraang, waiting for my dad to come back, waiting for the Shredder to strike. I’m just trying to make sure I can get in my bed at the end of the day, just pretend something is normal, and then Donnie and Casey come into the picture.” 

 At this point she lifted one of the noodles to her mouth, lips pursed around the noodle as she slurped it up, and chewed for several seconds. Then she lifted the pot to a different eye and moved to get a strainer. “They’re suffocating. It’s like a dog pressing down on a squeaky toy. All this pressure and there’s no room, no chance to breathe. It’s too much at times,” said April.. “It gets tiring. It’s grating. No one else stops them, no one else calls them out. I can't do anything to stop it.” 

The snapper said nothing for a moment, waiting for her to return to turn the stove off and drain the noodles.

“You could… you could make a choice you know between them? Or say no to both-”

“I can’t do that.”

“Yeah, you can. You absolutely can. All you have to do is choose one of them.It’s pretty simple?”

April blinked, and puffed her cheeks out, before she turned the tap on, nearly pulling the knob off with the force she used. Rushing water drowned out her muttering as she strained, rinsed the noodles, and then slammed the strainer with the noodles on the kitchen counter.

“I can’t. It’s not that damn simple,” she said, voice strained. “Do you even know why we’re here?”

“Some pink deformed, chewed-up Dubble-Bubbles for brains with sticky caramel teeth decided they wanted to screw up the world? And that we’re stopping them?” 

Harsh laughter escaped her, pointing her finger at him in agreement. “Partly, yes. But that wasn’t what I meant,” she corrected, side-stepping to one of her other cabinets to find her wok. “I was asking, do you know why we’re here? Fighting the Shredder? Why is Karai… the way she is? This… this whole thing?”

Something was telling him that he was missing something here, but Big Raph still answered. “Cuz she thinks Pops killed her mom when that’s not true?”

“Yeah, something like that. Shredder ruins peoples’ lives.” 

Unfortunately, he knew how true that statement was. Lives, generations, it hadn’t mattered to his Shredder, his own grandfather. Destruction had been prescribed to him, imprinted between the grooves the pads of his fingers, with blood and Empyrean and mystic energy caked between the space between his nails and finger and here Big Raph was, having to pick up and repair the pieces of his family he had slashed. 

Or would have, had he not gotten himself stranded here. 

“Master Splinter and Shredder were both in love with Tang Shen. She chooses Splinter and lives her life. Shredder can’t handle the fact that Tang Shen that made a choice that wasn’t him and murdered her.”

The wok rested on the burner where the pot once sat. Drizzled and coated in vegetable oil, she threw in the frozen vegetables and let them sit in the oil watching them cook with the occasional stir. 

“Splinter loses his wife and child. He moves here, he adopts four turtles, he gets mutated into a rat, and gets four turtle kids. That’s inevitable in every world. There will always be a mutant rat and four turtles,” she explained. “There will always be an April O’Neil and  Casey Jones. Those constants are always there, they are immutable.”

“On the other side of the world, there’s Karai, who’s being raised by Shredder, and her head’s been filled with lies that Splinter murdered her mom. She doesn’t know she’s being raised as a final act of revenge.” 

Oil bubbled amongst the vegetables, and April resumed stirring, faster this time, her arm working in quick circular motions. Her words began to stumble over as she continued to speak. 

“And then there’s us, living out the consequences of a man who couldn’t cope with being told no. Then there’s me , Dee, and Casey, in this… this whole thing! We’re there, we’re back where this whole thing started, we’re just like them, and whatever happens next is all on me, whatever choice I make, that’ll be my fault for the fallout. I’m friends with a goddamn genius ninja turtle who can hack into Kraang tech and a hockey delinquent, who knows what they’re capable of if I told one of them no.”

She stepped away from the stove to get the strainer with the udon noodles and grabbed the sauce out of her refrigerator. She tossed them inside the wok, and stirred once more to allow the noodles to warm back up and the sauce to marinate. 

“They’re not capable of that, that’s stupid of me to think. But I know, I know, I can’t be 100% certain, not from the horror stories I’ve heard about what happened to girls at my school who said no to the boys who liked them,” rambled April, lifting up her spoon and sauce flying on his beak. Big Raph licked it off before she could even notice.  “They’re not-They aren’t capable-they would never go that far, but I can’t help but think about it, it’s stupid, it’s scary, it’s all I can think about.” 

April stepped away from her stove one last time and pulled out something from her refrigerator. 

With her back facing him, “But I’m the only one who ever sees this, who understands this every time I step foot in the dojo, every time I use that Tessen, every single time… but no one else sees it. No one else has.”

She’s back at her stove and opened the container, sprinkled green onions on the udon noodles. April grabbed two bowls and two pairs of chopsticks, and heaped several spoonfuls of noodles in the bowls before she handed Big Raph his bowl. April held her bowl in her hands, chopsticks poised to stab into her noodles as her eyes widened. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to dump that on you,” she said, forcing herself to look anywhere else but the snapper. “That wasn’t right of me to do.”

Big Raph sucked his teeth. “Sounded like you needed to vent. I just happened to be the right pair of ears to listen to,” he said. 

“Can you… can you not tell anyone? About any of this?” asked April. 

“I had no plans on telling anyone. Seemed like something that needed to be kept private,” he replied. 

“Thanks, thanks again.”

“Don’t thank me.”

“Too bad I will. It’s only fair I do so for dumping all of this on you. Sorry, again,  about that by the way.”

 Then he stabbed his chopsticks into his noodles and lifted some up. A playful grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, “You know, this is a lot more vegetables than I normally eat in one go.” 

Realizing what he was doing, April grinned. “Well, that’s why you have me. I have to make sure you get your daily dose of veggies. Eat up,” she said, and he knew that she was watching him, to make sure that he actually ate her food. Of course he would, she spent so much time making him this, it would only be rude of him not to-

Oh. That was delicious. Vegetables be damned, this was delicious. 

“Glad you’re enjoying your food,” she teased, as she ate some of her own noodles. After that, they both sat in silence as they ate, the sounds of chopsticks clumsily clattering against the rims of the bowls broke the silence. When they both finished, April took the bowls, washed them, and put them away. 

“You know, if you need any help-need anything with the stuff you told me,” began Big Raph. “I’m always here to listen, or be-be whatever you need me to be to help you out.” 

Turning away from her cabinet, she leaned against the counter, fingers tapping against the drawer.

 “I’ll keep that in mind,” she said. “Thanks, Big Raph. You being here really helped out tonight, more than you realize. I’m also here to be whatever you need me to be, whenever you need it, fella.” 

He doesn’t need that from her. He doesn’t need to add more to her plate. She already gives so much, he can’t take from her. Not if he can help it. 

“Of course, Apricot,” he said, and got cut off when she pulled him in a warm hug, buried her face in the crook of his neck,  and traced her fingers down the ridges of his shell and his spikes. 

“Let’s get you home,” she said. “I don’t want anyone to worry about you or put you in danger.” 

He hugged her tighter. “Big Raph can handle himself.” It wasn’t her job to worry about him, he would never make it her job. “He’s been handling himself for a good long while." 

Chapter Text

Big Raph found himself sitting in front of the TV with the boys, minus Leo, who was having his meditation session with Pops, Super Robo Mecha Force Five playing on the television as they all waited for Casey and April to come to hang out with them. His legs were pressed against his plastron, hands wrapped around the front of his legs and chin resting on his knees as he absentmindedly focused on the cheesy cartoon. 

“General Unsura has taken control of mighty Super Robo Mecha!”

“Yes, Captain Dash Coolstar. I have Super Robo Mecha Force Five Team 5 in my clutches, and now I shall smash you all into space dust. Yes, I will right now!”

“Squeakums, I'm scared. Hold me.”

“Captain Dash, what are we going to do?”

“This is my greatest fear come true. But by the sons of Lobnar, I shall save you all! I'm okay!”

Mikey leaned into Donnie’s personal space. “I heard in the original Japanese version, Coolstar gets squashed for real,” he said, eyes still glued to the television. 

Donnie didn’t break his focus from the episode playing in front of them. “That's just a cartoon myth.”

Big Raph pulled out his phone, ready to do a quick search and find the answer to this whole thing. Just as he was about to ponder what dimension his phone would be pulling information from, he heard Casey’s panicked breathing as he skidded into the lair and stopped right in front of the three. 

“Guys! April! Sewers! Hurry!” was the only coherent thing that Big Raph heard Casey say before they all followed after him. 

Fear, panic, and Big Raph all knew each other a bit too well. It was a reminder that he wasn’t invincible as he liked to perceive himself, a force that tethered him to reality, having danced with her time and time again, and she left her mark on his body. Bright yellow spores exploded near him, landing on his face, causing him to stumble back from the growing mushroom colony, translucent blues and purples emitting a faint glow in the background, hacking up whatever spores happened to enter his mouth and rubbing the spores off his face. He blinked several times, trying to flush them out before he turned his head to the nearby tunnel, seeing that it was empty, with Mikey, Leo, and Donnie nowhere to be seen. 

“Donnie? Leo? Mikey?” he called out, taking a cautious step forward, worry spiking when they didn’t respond. He heard the terrified screams of Casey, April, and Raph, several tunnels down, and it did nothing to ease his worry. 

Big Raph stilled when he heard a familiar cheery giggle echo throughout the hall. No, it couldn’t be-

Mrs. Cuddles’ bright yellow bow peeked out of the tunnel she was hiding in, cotton rainbow ears swaying as her head turned around the corner. Black beady eyes zeroed in on him, a slow deliberate step out of the tunnel, perfect smile unnerving him as she kept stepping towards him, colorful ears trailing across the grimy concrete. 

“Raphaela!” crooned out the yokai. Big Raph took a step back, foot splashing in the water. “Mrs. Cuddles would love a big hugsy-wugsy from Raphaela! Don’t you wanna be my friend?”

“I don’t wanna be your friend,” said Big Raph, voice small as she towered over him, still stepping away from her. 

The distance was closing between them, the spikes of his shell scraping against the brick wall and engulfed in her shadow, the yokai lowered herself to his eye level, pristine white buck teeth the length of his face. 

“Try giving me a chance, Raphie,” she hissed out, her high-pitched voice never sliding out of her ebullient lilt, buck teeth too close to Big Raph’s face, too close to his everything for his own comfort. “I would love to be your friend!”

A rounded paw reached out towards Big Raph. He flinched, pushing the puppet away from him out of panic; she stumbled, and he didn't hesitate to dive between the yokai’s legs, muddy water splashing in his face as he scrambled away from her.  There was a beat of silence between the two, he propped himself up on his elbows—he needed a chance to breathe and froze at the condescending tsk tsk that echoed in the tunnel, a faded scream following after. That wasn’t him, right? 

Behind him, something was being ground against the walls, a low thrum of sparks going off, and she spoke again.

“You shouldn’t have said no.” Gone was the hyperactive manic energy, Mrs. Cuddle’s voice sliding into cold, enthusiastic sadism, her friendly pretense gone.

Turning around was his mistake, the ever-growing yokai loomed over him, the shadow he was cast into greater and made all the more threatening when he eyed the classic purple and silver tech-bo, the end facing him now a powered-on chainsaw. She raised the tech-bo over him, and he scrambled, rushing away just in time to evade her as she swung it down, crashing into the shallow water, droplets flying everywhere. Mrs. Cuddles swung again, Big Raph narrowly managing to escape her again, clapping a hand over his mouth to ensure he didn't let out a scream. 

“We’re going to be friends, Raphaela,” promised Mrs. Cuddles, following after Big Raph when he ran into another tunnel, voice slithery as it echoed through the passageways. 

“No matter how long it takes.”

As he kept running from Mrs. Cuddles and the longer time passed without him hearing her demented giggles, the more he hoped for the chance that he had possibly gained some form of reprieve, relief from whatever he had just gone through. 

Jumping through a tunnel, he found himself in his old lair, the colorful nature of the lair washed out by dark gray being cast through the skylight. Aside from the weirdness of how it made no logical sense to even be in his lair, Big Raph chose to ignore it. Instead, focusing on how the lair was oddly empty, devoid of life, with no sight of his brothers engaging in their hobbies, not an inkling of his father’s soap operas being played, and no Jupiter Jim marathons running. The curtains to the rooms were wide open, yet there were no signs of his younger brothers had been in them recently. 

However, the curtain to his room was closed. Maybe they were in there? 

Big Raph made his way over to the theater room, unease growing as he began to hear the rumblings of a thunderstorm beginning to form off into the distance, the silence in the hallway foreboding, suffocating as it followed him into the theater room, the sight of his brothers putting him at ease. 

“Guys?” the snapper called out. “What’s going on?”

“Raph?” asked one of his brothers, he slowly turned towards them, Don, Leon, and Angelo all staring expectantly at him, three pairs of brown eyes looking up at him; he knew what those faces wanted, what those eyes were asking of him, to fix whatever was hurting them. 

“We were looking for you,” said Don. 

Big Raph couldn’t shake off something wasn’t right, something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. 

“Neely couldn’t help you? What about Pops-”

“Dad’s sleeping. You know how he is-” said Mikey.

Well, yeah, that was true. But not anymore. “But he’s getting better, he-he can help too-”

“We needed him before, and he wasn’t there!” interrupted Leon. Thunder rumbled louder, reverberating in the theater room. “Not with Draxum, not with the Evil League of Mutants, not even with Shredder! Raph, Raphie, we need you.”

Dad was getting better, and Raph was watching him. He saw him get better after everything that happened. He’s changed, he’s changing, he’s getting better. 

“Pops, Pops can help too. He’s better, he’s getting there,” Big Raph tried again, a familiar trepidation crawling through the grooves of his shell that he hoped to never encounter again. “Raph’s telling the truth-”

He’ll prove it to them, he’ll show them that Splinter is getting better. They follow after him, as they go up to the theater room, only to be greeted by his father as his former self: stripped down to a wife beater and shorts, sweat, oil, and grease staining his clothes, and the man turned away from them, a sheer blanket that barely covered him. 

“Told you,” said Angelo, arms folding in on himself. “We need you.”

Dad was getting better. He saw him making strides in getting better. Why wasn’t he better anymore? Why did he stop? Why did he stop getting better? Had he stopped getting better for good? They weren’t supposed to still need Big Raph. Not like this, not at this rate, not when they had so many more people to rely on than just the snapper alone. 

“Raph?” 

Pops had given up. It was all on him now. For the rest of time, he had to rot, to decay, to get worse and worse for the betterment of his brothers as he would be what his father could not be. 

The smell of smoke wafted into the room. “What’s burning?” 

“Nothing?” one of them asked. “Maybe you’re confusing it with one of your stinks?”

How could they be so oblivious? “Something’s burning!” he said, turning around, and looking at them from behind his shoulder. “How can you all not-”

He finally turned away from his brothers, gesturing to the general area where the smell was coming from, voice dying out when he registered the scene in front of him. “Smell… it?”  

Everything that he once knew and held dear to his heart, was engulfed in fuchsia pink flames, Shredder’s back facing him, ribbons flowing as he turned to face his younger brother, claws scratching the blades of the odachi before he tightened his grip, bending the blade until he broke. 

“My ōdachi!”

The demon’s hand rested atop Leo's head, claws pressing into his temples, a whimper escaping the slider, until he was charging into the room, smashing Shredder with arcades. It played out the same way before, it always had every time he recounted this moment, with him underneath the Shredder, weapons destroyed, claws piercing his shadow clone’s chest, ripping it apart, revealing the snapper inside. 

A calming, tranquil green enveloped the room, and then Gram-Gram’s lifeless eyes locked onto his. 

When she finally came down from the spores, April was the first one to notice that something wasn’t right. Casey and Donnie, as expected, were right up under her when they reunited and she sidestepped them both, freeing herself of their celebratory, yet suffocating hug. Eyebrows furrowed as she did a silent headcount, repeating herself several times before pulling back from the group. 

“Guys, where’s Raph?” asked April. 

Raph dipped next to her, tilting his head in her direction, a shaky smug grin stretched across his face. “Jeez, April, I’m right here, starting to think you don’t know I exist.”

April found herself briefly replicating The Look^TM from The Office and flicked his temple. “Not you, dumdum. The other Raph,” she gradually raised a hand over her head to represent the snapper. “Big Raph.” 

“Oh, the big guy, right,” said Raph. “I dunno.” 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“April, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know where the big guy is!” said Raph, drawing the attention of the boys to the two of them. 

“So are you telling none of you saw him?” asked April, sticky, sweaty strands of hair sticking to the sides of her face, as she stared down the dark sewer tunnel. 

Leo gave a slow cautious nod. “I hadn’t seen him when I was trying to find you all.”

Muttered agreements followed after Leo’s statement and April sucked her teeth. “Alright, let’s go find him then,” she said. “Let’s try to stick together, it would be harder to complete our goal if I have to chase after one of you as well.”

“There’s no need to talk about us like we’re toddlers,” commented Leo. 

April turned to face him. “You realize who I’m friends with right?” 

The corner of his lips twitched into a nervous grin, Leo tried to roll his eyes at the other, but April knew that he knew she was right. “I guess you have a point there, April,” he said. “Let’s go guys.”

Eventually, they found Big Raph, deep in the sewers, as they were treading through sewer gunk that splashed their legs, the snapper’s shell facing them, bright red mask tails trailing down the grooves of his shell.

“Well, we found him,” said Casey, lowering his hockey stick. April, however, couldn’t revel in the relief he had.  “He ain’t moving though.” 

Raph stepped out from behind her. “Is the guy expecting some royal greeting?” he asked, pointing a sai in Big Raph’s direction. “Why isn’t he moving?”

April shushed the two, fierce glare shutting them up. “As unhelpful as you two can be at times, you have a point, I will reluctantly admit that.”

Their chatter hadn’t gotten much of a response from Big Raph, worrying April even more. Had he not heard him? Was he still somehow under the influence of the fear spores? Had he not been released from its grasp when they were?

“Big Raph?” she called out, hoping that would work. 

Her feeble call for him seemed to have worked. Just not in the way she had hoped. Big Raph had responded, but his movements were slow, jerky, and tension-filled, much like the old animatronics at the local Chuck E. Cheese’s that had been in desperate need to be oiled and replaced, as the snapper turned to fully face them. 

She had barely felt Mikey’s fingers weave between hers, tightly locking himself close to her. The snapper they had found was not the one she knew. In the brief time she had spent with him, she saw him stand with a swagger, enthusiasm, and confidence she admired and strived to replicate for herself, open, warm, and inviting, a living teddy bear. A personification of comfort itself. 

He loomed over them. Big Raph’s height wasn’t something that she thought too much about. Yet now, as he stood at his full height, casting them in his large shadow; shoulders hunched over, taught, his muscles tense and twitchy, and his tail laid against the floor, stiff and rigid, she couldn’t help but think about the height difference he had over them.

April wasn’t oblivious to the way he held on to the rusted led pipe. Gunk dripped off of the end that was closest to them, she wasn’t sure what it was, but she hoped that it wasn’t blood. Big Raph hadn’t moved, still staring at them with uncertainty. Honey gold eyes glazed over, now completely pale-yellow, and April stared back at him. 

“Hey Big Raph,” said April, taking a careful step forward, Mikey’s foot brushing up against the back of her boot. “We’re here.”

No movement from him. Not to attack. Not to embrace. No response, no indication that he understood her. 

He tilted his head down at the sound of her voice. Okay, he seemed to have recognized her. 

Progress. A victory in her book. Another step towards him. “It’s over. You’re safe.”

“Alone. Alone forever,” bemoaned Big Raph. What was he talking about? He’s not alone, they’re right here with him. Why couldn’t he see that?

“Why is he acting so weird?” asked one of the boys, causing Big Raph to shift his head in their direction, a blank gaze staring aimlessly at them. “Does he not see us right here?”

April whipped her head towards them, shushing them before she turned back to Big Raph, head now slightly retreating into his shell. 

“Alone?” repeated April, curiosity coloring the lilt of her voice. “What makes you think that? We’re right here.”

He looked down at her, repeating himself; April picked up on how his voice hadn’t sounded like himself, fear in his voice. “You’re not alone,” she said. “I can prove it to you.” 

Moving again towards him, another step, and reaching out to hold a hand, she stared up at him. He stared back and she was uncertain if he recognized her before a flash of white rushed into her vision.

Magenta flames engulfed a ravaged home, hefty pieces of rubble towering and piling over each other, with larger pieces crumbling, falling down, and crashing next to her. A woman coated in a stark red light, eyes soullessly staring ahead at her, seemingly beyond her, flames burning with an intensity that man could only dream to achieve. 

"No more hiding child.”

Out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted two dark-red ribbons trailing out of her vision and April turned to see where it was coming from, unable to process the dread that consumed her as she trailed the ribbons, unable to process what was coming from her and move out of sight of the destructive gaze of luminous pink eyes and the blade coming her way. 

“No more escape!"

The impact of the blade coming for her caused the incandescent magenta flames that she was surrounded by to warp back to the dim blue-green of the sewer, dark abyss behind him combined with Big Raph’s arm pushing her away caused her to stumble back, falling back into Mikey’s arms. He stood her upright, and pulled her back closer to him,

“April! Are you okay?” asked Mikey. 

She nodded, “Yeah,” she answered. “Mikey, wait!”

Mikey stepped forward, trying to console the distressed snapper, her eyes focusing on the lead pipe that was swinging down on the turtle; she lurched forward, grabbing him by the belt to yank him back. 

Quick thinking was the only thing that seemed to save Mikey at the moment, the lead pipe barely missing Mikey’s head by a hair. Hollow echoes resonated in April’s ear, causing her to look up, and saw that the lead pipe was no longer in Big Raph’s hand. Instead, it slowly rolled away from the group, and honey-gold eyes stared at the two. 

“Hey big guy,” tried April, voice light and airy, so as to not stress him out any further.  “You good? That was quite a scare you gave us but-”

“Nobody got hurt,” she trailed off, the snapper no longer standing in front of them. The lead pipe laid still on the ground, and deep claw marks scraped across the wet metal, the only evidence there was that he had been here. 

“What the hell just happened?” asked Leo. 

She didn’t turn to face him. “I’m not quite sure,” she said. How could she even begin to explain what she just saw? “But it’s not his fault-”

“He went berserk, he almost hit Mikey. I think that’s a pretty good explanation of what happened,” said Raph, hands on the youngest’s cheeks as he inspected Mikey’s head. 

“He was scared!”  yelled April. “I don’t know what happened, but he was scared!”

“How do you know?” 

“I just do, just like with Doctor Rockwell!” Why wouldn’t they believe her? They should believe her, she has a way with these things. April was just as lost as they were, just as clueless about this whole thing, but she still knew , deep down she just knew. He wasn’t malicious, he would never — 

“That was a mutated monkey-” said Donnie in that voice that grated April’s nerves. Placating yet wholly condescending at the same time, like she wasn’t in her right mind.

“And I was able to sense that he was afraid. He only got hostile when you did, Donnie.”

“That’s different, Doctor Rockwell didn’t nearly bash Mikey’s skull in with a lead pipe.”

“I sensed that he was afraid, Donnie,” she pushed. They have all done awful terrible things when they were afraid, April included, yet they managed to spare each other grace at the end of the whole debacle. Why couldn’t they extend it to Big Raph as well? “I don’t know what I saw, but that’s what scared him. You would be too if you’d seen it too.”

“He had your eyes, April,” noted Mikey, turning to face her. “And you had his.”

“You’re seeing things, Mikey,” said Raph. “Probably something from that mushroom.”

Mikey insisted.“I know what I saw Raph.” Knowing Mikey, there had to be some truth to that statement. 

Casey put a hand on her shoulder, sucking his teeth, seemingly split on who to side with. “Red, let’s go back to the lair. Chill out for a bit, and get our heads screwed back on right. We all saw some scary shit back there,” he said. 

She looked at the hand, then back at Casey with narrowed eyes. Seeing the others, she could still pick up on their heightened fear and knew that Casey had a point. Knew that he was right, as much as she hated to admit it. 

“Fine,” she relented. “Let’s go back to the lair.”

“Big Raph will be okay, if that’s what you’re worried about,” said Casey as they started returning to the lair. “He’s a tough fucker. He’ll handle himself.”

With a roll of her shoulder, she shrugged his hand off. “Yeah, I know that,” she said, still hung up about what she had just witnessed, wishing that there was a way she could project what she had seen to the others.  

April had been quiet on the way back to the lair. They all were. Shaky attempts from the others to lighten the air were met with tense silence and awkward banter before ultimately fading back into silence. Her own worry about the snapper consumed her thoughts as they walked back, tiny puddles of water splashing against their feet. She had hoped that Big Raph had safely made it back to the lair, that he would be waiting for them in the atrium when they made it back, yet her giant beloved snapper was nowhere to be seen when they finally made it back. 

Where had he gone? What had scared him so badly? Other than nearly hitting Mikey with the lead pipe? He wasn’t-

“Told you he can handle himself,” whispered Casey, as the boys hobbled back into the lair, the brighter lighting in contrast to the dim tunnels showing the extent of their injuries. “Probably won’t be seeing him for a little while, if I had to guess.”

Casey was trying his best, couldn’t fault him for that. She doesn’t need to be placated. She needed to see him, needed to see that he was okay, needed to see that he was okay, needed to reassure him that he wasn’t whatever pernicious thing he perceived himself to be. 

April didn’t respond back, and bit the inside of her cheek, batting away Donnie’s hand when he tried to get her to join him, Raph, Mikey, and Casey in the infirmary. “I’m fine, Donnie,” she said, holding her arms up to inspect them herself. “I just need some fresh air right now.”

Donnie stared at her, and April knew he didn’t believe her. “Dee, I’m fine.”

“If you’re certain,” said Donnie. 

“I’m certain,” April said again, watching as Donnie shooed the other four into the infirmary, muttering in confusion about the nature of some of their injuries. She walked down into the pit, holding back a hiss when she shifted her weight to one of her legs—must have been from when she was running earlier, she’ll have to ice her knees when she got back home or something—managing to sit down with minimal pain. 

Remote in hand, she turned on the tv, volume low as she sprawled her upper half on the steps of the pit, attention snagged by the still ongoing anime, slowly becoming invested in the plotline and was only vaguely aware of Leo joining here when he nudged her leg with his foot. 

“What did you see, April?” asked Leo in a hushed voice, when it was just them. “With the spores?”

She hummed, tapping her fingers against the toe of her boots. “What are you talking about?” she asked back, wondering what he could be referring to. “When Mikey-”

“He was seeing things. That’s what it does. Mikey doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” dismissed Leo, waving a hand to dismiss the thought. “Must have not left his system all the way at that point.”

Eyes on the TV, Super Robo Mecha Force Five playing in the background, she responded, “If that’s the case, don’t you think he would have seen us as those Squirrelanoid things or whatever he called him?” 

Leo didn’t say anything. “Don’t you think he would have run away from us as well?” continued April, noting how he tensed up, head pointedly turned away from her. “Maybe he-”

“Mikey is Mikey. Donnie said that those spores were hallucinogens-”

“You said it was over whenever you did what you did, Leo,” said April, resting an arm on the sofa, turning her upper half to face him. “So either, it was truly over and Mikey saw what he saw, or it wasn’t over when you did-”

Leo’s sharp turn to face her cut her off mid-sentence. “Are you implying that I lied?” asked Leo. “That I wasn’t telling the truth to everyone?”

Sensing the spike in emotion, April realized that she ought to tread carefully, not wanting to risk angering Leo, of all turtles, after something so draining. 

“No,” she answered, grinding her teeth together as she continued. “I’m just pointing out inconsistencies and contradictions in your logic. Ninjas are supposed to be observant, you know.”

“Nothing about this day was logical. Those spores must have had some minor effect on Mikey, that’s why he saw what he saw,” said Leo. Here he was, still trying to force logic on something the other deemed illogical. April bit her tongue and refrained from calling him a hypocrite. “What did you see? When you got hit with the spores?”

April said nothing for several moments, weighing her options on how to answer: wholly honest, lie by omission—and she would be no better than the others right at this moment—or just straight-up lie.

“Bats,” was her answer. “I saw bats. My dad. I saw him as a bat.”

Leo was quiet again. “Oh. Any-anything else?”

April shook her head. “No,” she said, ignoring that tingle in her fingers as she lied to him once again, she turned back to the TV, the princess in the show lamenting about her choice dooming them all. How ominously fitting, April wanted to bite back. Yet, it did nothing to dissuade the curiosity sparked within April, needing to know what fatal choice the princess had made to doom the team.

 “Not at all.”

“If you ever wanna-”

“I know Leo,” she said. “What did you see?” 

“Snakes, weirdly enough,” answered Leo. “Lots of them. Wriggling in the sewers like worms in the dirt.”

“Anything else?” she asked, she knew that there was more, there was more with all of them. Yet they were all tight-lipped, for their respective reasons. 

Leo shook his head. “You should probably go relax, Lee. Today was…  a day.”

She shooed him away despite his protests and waited for Leo to leave the atrium before she slumped down further against the sofa, the princess’s lament was still ongoing as she mourned in the station all alone. April could not discount how eerily fitting the princess reflected April, a feeling of wrongness slithering down her back as she was joined by Casey and Donnie, who decided to keep her company for the time being. 

“Why doesn’t the princess just make a choice?” she faintly heard one of them ask. 

April shrugged. “Maybe she’s afraid,” she said. 

“What could she be so afraid of to not make a choice?”

It’s dangerous to project like this. She ought to stop before the others caught on. “Making the wrong choice. Dooming everyone,” she said, voice stilted, gaze at the television still unyielding. A half-shrug, “It was the 80s, that’s probably the real answer. No need to think so deeply.”

A thoughtful hum from Casey, “The 80s were a bit off the walls. Let’s watch something else.” 

April welcomed the change, watching aimlessly as some other cartoon was put on. 

Hopefully, April won’t choose wrong when the time eventually comes. The spores taught her the consequences of that. 

Chapter Text

Now, in any other circumstance, Big Raph would be rightfully scolding himself for going topside after a ‘weird’ episode, even more so after an episode where he almost attacked one of his younger brothers. Wouldn’t be safe to be amongst people while he was still coming down from his weirdness, obviously, yet remaining in the dark, moist sewers, would have been no better on his addled mind. So, he came to a compromise…  of sorts. He decided to leave the sewers, pushing the manhole cover up, sliding it over on the asphalt, and snuck his way up a building, finding a water tower to sit underneath, and forced himself to simmer in the peace brought about by the hustle and bustle of New York’s citizen’s going about their day. 

He had his peace interrupted when something had been thrown at the back of his head and when he finally registered it, he flinched, raising a hand to the back of his head to rub the spot where he got hit. Turning around to see what hit him, he frowned in confusion when it was an empty water bottle, then he looked up to see Karai standing close by. She wasn’t in her usual armor, instead decked out in a spiked jean jacket and wide-legged jeans. 

She looked displeased for some reason. Maybe Foot Clan stuff was annoying her today. 

“Funny seeing you here,” he started off, tapping his fingers together. 

“You’ve been making a name for yourself,” said Karai.  “I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.”

A cheeky grin wormed its way on his face, masking his current dilemma and combating whatever frustration he seemed to stir in Karai. “I don’t think you said that. You said ‘Till next time,’ and those ain’t the words that you think you said to me. Maybe you should work on your memory, it’s not where it should be.”

Her frown seemed to intensify with a small quirk of an arched eyebrow. Perhaps, jokes were not the way out of this conundrum he’s been thrust into. 

“I’m serious,” she said. “You need to stay out of trouble!” 

He stared at her. Then he turned to stare at the bustling city, defined by a slew of humans strolling through the streets—a change he was reveling in after the quiet he’s been forced to wade through.

“You’ve seen this city? I think I can stay out of trouble just fine,” he said. “Besides, why are you so upset?”

Karai didn’t answer him. Being ignored like this was going to frustrate him. “You know, you don’t need to ignore me like that-” he started, cutting himself off when he saw her down under the water tower with him. “You could have said something.”

“You’re making a name for yourself, Kero,” she said again, not looking at him. 

“Come on, how am I making a name for myself?” asked Big Raph, gesturing with his arms as he pointed out the city again. “I’m staying inside, doing what a turtle do, I can't really make a name for myself-”

“The Shredder-my father knows about you now,” came her answer, arms folded, fingers pinching and rubbing the fabric of her jacket. “He’s interested in you.” 

Oh. Well, that’s not good. 

“Stay away from Razhar and Fishface, far away from them. They’re dangerous,” she said. 

“Obviously, I know they’re dangerous,” said Big Raph. “Anyone who took a look at them would avoid them like a plague. That dog-Razhar, he’s too spiky and look who’s talking!”

Karai opened and closed her hands, splaying out her manicured fingernails before they wrapped around his lower arms and curled around them. “That little trick you did? Destroying Fishface’s breathing thingamajig trying to protect some stupid human? Awesome, but now you’ve got a target on your back.”

“I’d do it again,” he said, catching himself mid-sentence, realizing what she had said. “Wait, how do you know about that?”

“It’s all Fishface ever talks about,” said Karai, kicking the back of her shoes against the wooden beams. “Swimming in that damn pool of his ranting about how he’s going to filet you and turn you into turtle soup the first chance he gets.”

Knowing that he had that effect on the other mutant, and wanting to revel in his past one-up—as well as allowing himself to be a bit petty), he joked, “I’m glad I live rent-free in his head, I’m a main dish that would pair well with a nice salad and fresh breadsticks-”

Her fingers pressed in his arms. “I’m not joking Kero!” she snapped. “This isn’t a time for jokes.”

“It’s how I cope?” 

“Respectfully,” began Karai, voice flat, “Pick a different way to cope.”

“I’m gonna file a raincheck on that,” he said, with a shaky half-grin as he tried to give off a nonchalant vibe, even as her eyebrows narrowed further at his increasingly piss-poor attempt to commit a Leoism. “I’ll get back to you when I have another way to cope in stock, how’s that sound?”

Karai pressed her fingers further into his arms, indenting in the lower half of his red armbands. 

“I’m not joking. I’m dead serious. Please-please, can you just-” Karai said again. Taking a deep sigh and looking up at him. He made the mistake of looking down, becoming absorbed by the exhaustion and distress written on her face. “Stay out of trouble. Stay away from them, for as long as you can.” 

Committing to the bit is a mistake he continued to make. “Have you met me?" 

“I have, indeed, met you. Still deciding if it was a bad fortune,” said Karai. “Just, please. Stay far away from both of them.”

This was a side of her he’d never seen before: desperate, pleading, openly worried, so unlike herself, so unlike the woman he briefly met: strong, unyielding, and confident, right until her very last breath. Knowing that he was the reason for her apparent distress crumbled the limited resolve that he had left, and he admitted to his weakness to a girl that he’s grown to care about more than he will ever care for and hate himself in an aggrieved, defeated sigh, looking at her through hooded eyes. 

“Fine, fine. I will,” he said, choosing to withhold the fact that eventually, he’ll have to break his pledge to her. His nature demanded that he would do so. “Why do you care so much?” 

Karai snapped back to her regular self, a condescending scoff escaping her. “I don’t-”

“You’re a piss poor liar, you know that?” Big Raph refrained from telling her he sounded like his self-proclaimed ‘emotionally unavailable bad boy’ younger brother, certain that she would be even further incensed by the mere act of being compared to one of the other turtles. 

“I’m not lying-”

“You’re talking to a professional big brother. I can tell.”

“Because!”

He tsk’d, tapping his tail against the beam. “Because isn’t an answer, you know.”

“You’re the only sane person-turtle in this stupid city with all this bullshit going on, and I would rather not lose the only turtle who is giving me that sanity,” she answered through gritted teeth. 

“And there’s no other reason?” pressed Big Raph.

“Easy to talk to, nice to have around, same answer as last time," said Karai.

“No other, other reason?”

Karai leaned on her side, hand patting the ground as she searched for the empty bottle from earlier and threw it at him again, smirking when the hollow ‘thunk’ hit him in the plastron. “What the hell is this, huh? Am I being interrogated? What crime did I commit to warrant this treatment?”

“No crime committed, just wanted to have a conversation with you. Touchy, ain't you.”

“Wouldn’t be if you knew how to hold a conversation,” said Karai. 

“Contrary to what you believe, I actually can,” he teased, leaning forward to flick her against her forehead. 

Karai scrunched her face and swatted his hand away. “Hard to believe that.” 

“I lived in a sewer for most of my life and I have better social skills than you, you recluse,” he said, wrapping an arm around her side, pulling her closer to him to flick her temple again and ruffle her hair, messing up her hair cut. 

He felt something sinking in his arm, then realized that that was her. Biting him. “If you want me to let you go, you can ask like a normal person,” he said, hand resting on her hair, fingers stretching out and pulling back through her hair. 

Big Raph felt her teeth loosen their hold on him until he could barely feel her teeth grazing his skin as her mouth remained suctioned to his arm, like a toothless crocodile. 

“Docile now, ain’t we?” he asked, she muttered something in his arm, which was obviously muffled by her current predicament. “Can’t hear you.” 

Karai pulled her mouth off his arm—and Big Raph faintly felt her slobber sticking to his arm—and glared at him. “I am not a stray dog you’re taming,” she said. 

“Now, I never said that,” he said back. 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I was going to tell you, keep doing that hair thing you were doing, it felt really nice,” she said. 

“Oh,” was his response, and kept doing exactly that. 

“Why are you up here? During the day?” asked Karai, going limp in his hold. “Mutants ain’t supposed to be out here during the day last time I checked.”

“Needed air.”

“Fresh air? Yeah, I can imagine that. Those sewers must reek.”

“They’re sewers, what do you expect,” said Big Raph in a deadpan manner. “Anyways, I needed fresh air. Why are you out here?”

“Everyone was getting on my nerves. Without my dad around to keep Fishface and Rahzar in check, they’re even more annoying than normal,” answered Karai. “Was gonna sulk around the city-”

“I didn’t know you could admit to sulking-”

“I’ll bite you if you keep talking,” threatened Karai. “I was gonna mope around the city, then I saw you. Now we’re here.”

“Huh.” 

“Huh, indeed.” 

“You wanna do something?” offered Big Raph. “To pass the time.”

Karai didn’t respond. Then, “No, I wanna do nothing with you,” she said. “Doing nothing together sounds nice right now.”

“Doing nothing is good,” he agreed in a quiet voice. Then both Karai and Big Raph went quiet. His fingers jerked, still troubled by earlier. “Weird question, but do you-you mind giving me a hug?”

Karai pulled up and looked up at him, eyebrows raised in confusion. “A hug?”

“No need to say it like that,” said Big Raph. “It was stupid anyways, I shouldn’t have asked-”

He cuts himself off when the other teen throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, fingers ghosting across the back of his shell. Karai buried her face in the crook of his neck and Big Raph in turn, with great caution, wrapped his arms around her midsection, hugging her back and nudging his cheek against hers, enjoying the warmth that peeled away at the emptiness gnawing at his heart. 

“Thanks,” was all that he could say, going quiet again to continue savoring the moment. 

A short hum was Karai’s response. “Wasn’t stupid,” she said. “You’re nice to hug, for a turtle, that is.”

Squeezing her tighter, “I don’t think you’ve ever hugged a turtle.” 

“How would you know?”

“Dunno, something tells me you haven’t,” he muttered. She huffed, seemingly amused, fingers running through his mask tails, endlessly twirling them through her fingers. 

Eventually, she continued, “Listen, there’s a dragon boat festival that’s happening pretty soon-”

“And you’re telling me this… why?” asked Big Raph, confused by the sudden change in topic. Not that he didn’t mind, but also, why?

“Stop talking and I can. Do you interrupt your brothers this much?” she said under her breath, then abruptly held a finger to stop him. “ Don’t answer that question.”

“Where was I? Dragon boat festival happening soon. Normally I would go with my… Shredder-dad? But he’s on a trip and can’t make it back in time. Razhar and Fishface have no appreciation for the finer things and would be miserable to bring along-"

“I know you said to not interrupt but you sound like my brother when he’s flailing.” Which brother? Hard to say. They all flopped around like earthworms entrenched deep in the fertile soil, wriggling whenever they tried to express how they were feeling. “What’s your point?”

“Do you wanna come to the Dragon Boat Festival with me?! There!” she rushed out. 

He wasn’t expecting that. Him? Karai wanted him to come along to something that she seemed to treasure deeply and sounded so sacred to her, him of all people? Big Raph was honored to even be considered extended an invitation. 

“If you didn’t want to come, just say so,” groused the girl. 

Right. She was expecting an answer. He should give her one. “I mean, yeah, sure, I’d love to! I’ve never been to one of these things. Just, why me?”

“Stop asking me questions before I take my invitation back,” huffed Karai. 

As much as she liked to posture herself as a tough girl, he couldn’t help but be certain of the fact she wasn’t going to do such a thing. 

“I don’t think you will,” he teased. 

“Don’t fucking tempt me!” 

“Weird to see you here,” noted April, raising her hand and pulling on the spike of his arm. 

Big Raph chuckled as he crawled through her window. “You sayin’ it’s weird to see a friend come to visit you?” he teased, flicking her nose, grinning as she scrunched her nose in displeasure. 

“Perhaps I am,” she said, closing her window once he was fully inside. “What brings you here, anyway?” 

Cowardice is the real answer. He wasn't ready for the judgmental stares from the smaller turtles when he came back in the lair, wasn't ready to face Mikey again, where all he kept seeing was that moment of the youngest, frozen in place as the led pipe came down and April being the only thing that prevented Mikey from his head being bashed in. He wasn't ready to confront how they all stared up at him right after, so unlike himself, so foreign to the crew, so dangerous and malignant.

“Nothing,” he says, sitting at her counter. “Just wanted to hang out with you before hitting the lair.”

His ears cringe at the scraping of a stool across hardwood floors as April came to sit with him. “And it has nothing to do with what happened today?” 

“No April, it doesn’t.”

“Big Raph-”

“Little me ain’t here. It’s just me and you, you just call me Raph, ya know,” he said. 

Something about his new moniker rubbed him the wrong way. Like he himself wasn’t enough to be just Raph or just Raphael, there just had to be something else that pointed out his oddities, pointed out how much he didn’t fit in here with everyone in this world. Maybe today had worsened that feeling. 

God, he was starting to hate it. 

“Okay, Raph,” started April. He was lucky they weren’t staring at each other head-on, or else he would probably combust from her suspicious look of concern heading his way. “I don’t believe you. About today.”

“We all got hit with some spores that made us go on a bad acid trip and hallucinate our worst fears, weirder shit had happened to us.”

“You nearly hit Mikey,” she shot back. “I don’t know what you saw. What we saw-”

“April, you saw your dad as a giant bat. You didn’t see whatever I saw. You’re a psychic and all-”

“Raph! Who was the man with the pink eyes?”

Ah, so she had seen it. Mrs. Cuddles would have been preferable to explain than his Shredder. Much more preferable. 

“What?” asked Big Raph. Playing dumb should be enough to get her to drop it, he’s been too vulnerable for one day. 

“There was a man, and he had pink eyes. He felt familiar to you,” April persisted. “He knew-You know him, Raph,

Pressing his fingers against the bridge of his beak, he closed his eyes, and took a deep sigh, hoping to find a way out of this conundrum. “Bad acid trip Apricot.  It takes things you’re afraid of and makes it all crazy. That’s how hallucinogens work.”

Shaking her head, “No, no, you’re not going to do this to me. I saw what you saw, I had your eyes! Mikey told me.”

“Must have been an unfortunate side effect from the spores.”

“Raphael!” Well, what an unexpected turn of events. “Don’t. You. Dare.”

“Don’t I dare do what?” pushed Big Raph.

“You’re trying to make me look like I’m crazy. like everyone else does,” answered April. “I’m not stupid, you’re hiding something, but you won’t make me look stupid.” 

Big Raph still didn’t look at her.

“Can I cut your hair?” he asked after several minutes of silence. 

Expectantly, April gave him a confused “What?”

Not facing her still, he repeated himself. “Can. I. Cut. Your. Hair?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

Why couldn’t she let him have this?

“Let me cut your hair. Your split ends are atrocious.” 

“Will you answer my questions if I let you?” she said. Big Raph wished he had comically big, thick eyebrows like his musical theater purple brother to accompany his woefully dramatic and reluctant sigh at her persistence. However, persistence was what made April April. No matter how much it inconvenienced him in this present moment, he wouldn’t have it any other way, as cheesy as that sounded. 

“I’ll answer some of them,” was his final answer. “Take it or leave it.”

A satisfied hum was heard from April. “I’ll take it.”

“Good,” he said. “Where’s your hair stuff?”

He barely caught April muttering that she’ll get it, leaving him to wait in the main area of her apartment, foot tapping against the floor as he waited for her to return. She does, eventually, with her meager little container that could be called hair supplies. 

Big Raph pointed to the stool. “Sit down,” he ordered, searching the container for a pair of shears. “You washed your hair?”

“Whenever I go down to the sewers to see the boys,” she said, back facing him. “It’s always unbelievably moist down there. I don’t know how they do it.”

Finding the shears, a claw clip, and a comb, Big Raph ran the comb through April’s hair to part her hair. “You’d love my sewers. Ain’t got all that moisture in the tunnels.”

“I’d have to check for myself.”

“Ain’t as dark either,” he added. 

“Your sewers? Not dark? What do they have down there? Stadium lights?’ she teased. 

Comb in hand, Big Raph checked the part he made in the girl’s hair and was pleased with how even the part was. Seemed like he still had his magic touch after all this time. Neely would be pleased to hear that—that was if he when he finally saw her again. Fidgeting with the claw clip, the sound of the teeth clacking against each other took him away from thinking about being stranded here, he held up the upper part of her hair, twisting it until it was tightly bound before securing it with the claw clip. 

“No. ‘s just brighter, I dunno,” he said. Picking up the shears, he dragged them down her hair close to where the split ends made themselves known. “Your split ends are awful. How’d you let it get this bad?”

“I was going to do something about them. Hard to do so with… this-this-”

“This whole situation?”

“This whole situation!” she repeated, throwing her hands up in the air, lowering them back when he ordered her to stay still. Shrugging, “Just forget about the small things a lot.”

“Raph can understand that,” he said, as he cut the split ends, gathering the cut ends and setting them on the counter, repeating the process. “He deffo understands.”

“I can’t ask about the man with the pink eyes, I know,” began April, rapping her knuckles against her knees. “But, um, can I ask, what else did you see? When you got hit with the spores?”

She was quick to take advantage of the proposition he offered her and part of him wished he had the cut-throat and apathetic ability to change the terms at the last minute. 

He snipped another layer of split ends. “Don’t laugh,” he said. “But there was a bunny. She had long rainbow ears.”

“A-a bunny?” questioned April. “Rainbow ears? Floppy rainbow ears?”

“Don’t say it like that! She was evil! And-and she liked feeding on people's screams! You’d be afraid too if you saw how big she could get!

“What’s her name?” 

“... Mrs. Cuddles.”

“Mrs. Cuddles?” 

“Try being in my shoes dealing with that demonic puppet when she was terrorizing my family in the lair,” he whined, then in a quieter voice, added on, “Never mind the fact that they brought her to the lair to terrorize me.”

“Maaan, that sounds-that sounds terrible,” was all April could say. 

Silly. She found it silly, and he knew that she wanted to giggle and keke at him, at his big age, for being afraid of something so silly and stupid and childish.

“Go ahead,” he said, throwing his arms up in surrender even though she couldn’t see him giving up and folding his arms over his chest. “Go ahead and laugh at Raph, big and mighty, scared of some silly rabbit puppet from some stupid kids show!”

“... I wasn’t going to laugh.”

“You weren’t going to laugh at Raph for having such a silly fear?” he scoffed. His brothers and Neely laughed. His own Pops laughed at him. “Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

April shook her head. “No. Raph-the other Raph, he’s afraid of roaches. Don’t tell him I said that, and I’m afraid of bats. It’s not silly, as much as you wanna think it is.”

Perhaps he misjudged. She sounded like she was telling the truth. “Sounded like you were gonna laugh, ya know. With that weird thing ya did with your voice like you’re trying not to laugh at me,” he explained, hands sliding down to rest in the crevices of his elbows. 

“Oh. My bad. I always sucked with these sorts of things,” she said. “Emotions are hard, ya know?”

Yeah, he beefed this one. Not as badly as he thought, but he definitely beefed it. “Raph might have whiffed this one. That’s on me,” he said. “Sorry.”

“‘S alright.” 

Silence, sharply cut by Big Raph resuming to snip April’s split ends. “What did you see?”

“Bats. Lots of bats. My bat-dad, to be more precise,” she said. “Didn’t recognize me. Didn’t seem anything like himself either. Just kept chasing me as I tried to get away from him.”

“Remember that thing I told you about? That thing I asked you not to tell anyone?” 

“Raph remembers. Raph still hasn’t told anyone.”

“They show up too. And it went done exactly like I feared it would,” said April, fingers threading a loose seam in her sleeved shirt. “It all ends the same too, I’m all alone and everyone’s gone. I make the wrong choice, every single time.”

“Would you-would you like a hug?” 

“Yeah, that sounds really nice,” she said, turning around in her chair and climbing up on her knees to look the snapper in the eye before throwing herself at him. Big Raph caught her with ease, holding the other in his arms wrapped around her. 

“Anyone ever told you how warm you are?” she muttered into his chest. “You are very warm.” 

“Not until now.”

April thumbed the top of his shell. “I oughta keep you as my personal heater.”

“Be a nice break from heroing.”

“Sure,” she said, pulling back to face him, resting a hand on the back of his neck, and pushing him closer to her, bumping foreheads with the snapper. Turning around to see her hair on the counter,

“Wow, my split ends were atrocious.” “I told you.”

“Time to burn them,” she announced. April climbed down Big Raph, and made her way over to the kitchen counter, searching through a drawer to pull out a lighter. 

“Burn them?”

“Kraang’s obsessed with me, remember?” she said, scooping the pile of hair closer to her and lowering the lighter down, holding it there for several seconds before pulling back once the hair was lit. 

“Yeah, fully aware of that.” He pointed a finger at the burning hair. “Seems a bit extreme, maybe?”

“Nah, they tried to disguise themselves as a genealogy project one time. But that was before you came to us. After that, I did my best to make sure anything that could be used by them is disposed of in the safest way possible,” she explained, watching the pile of hair become consumed by the flames, soon turning into a pile of ashes. 

April swept the ashes off her counter and dumped them into the nearby trash can. “Thanks. Thanks again,” she said, eyes lowered at the counter. “I wished you would let me in, ya know.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I know it scares you. It scares you a lot,” she said. He wished that she wasn’t so perceptive. Hated knowing that she saw that part of him. “You’re here for me, let me be here for you.”

“I love you dearly, but there’s nothing to talk about.”

“You’re a pisspoor liar, it scared you enough you almost-”

“I know what I almost did. Stop bringing it up,” snapped Big Raph. Dangerous. “I know, I live in this body, I saw it with my own two damn eyes, I can’t stop thinking about it. Stop talking about it.” 

April stared at him. “Where were you? After… ya know?”

“I need to wait it out. It’s suffocating down there. Needed to make sure I wasn’t dangerous anymore,” he answered, carefully choosing his words to avoid where he really was. 

“You were on the surface, weren’t you?” said April, lacking judgment that he expected to seep into her voice. He didn’t bother to refute her, as to him it seemed pointless to keep up the facade.

“You’re not dangerous. You never are. Not to me, not to us.”

Self-loathing is a close friend of Big Raph and one he immediately latched onto. “April, obviously, you are still suffering from that bad trip.”

“I am not a fool Raphael.”

“I ain’t Albert Einstein. I ain’t booboo the fool either. You didn’t see how they all looked at me,” he said back. He saw how they all looked up at him, eyes wide after he missed Mikeky’s skull by a mere hair.  “Like I was-”

A monster. 

“A monster.”

“You’re not a monster. You were scared. They were scared for you. We all do bad things when we’re scared,” she said, stroking his arm. He didn't bother to pull away, knowing that she would pull him back in. “Just, what are we supposed to do when this happens again?”

His answer was a self-deprecating snort. April could try her hardest to try and placate him, but he knew better. “Pray it doesn’t."

“Not how life works, big guy. What are we supposed to do when it happens again?” she asked, voice turning serious, her finger pulling at the elastic of his red armband. “Don’t try to tell me it won’t. Hamato Luck, remember?”

Raph met her gaze. “Hide, and pray I don’t find you.”

“Surely, it won’t come to that.”

He admired her faith, mired and flawed with naivety, in him.

April kicked him out of her apartment close to 2 am. Kicked out wasn’t the right word, more so, he slowly noticed how her eyes began to droop the longer they talked and her hand slowly slipped from under her chin; at some point, he had to reach out to catch her before her face hit the counter. Big Raph called it quits for the night, guiding the red-head to her bedroom, and tucking her in her bed before he snuck out of the apartment and made his way back to the lair, the eerie, isolating quiet that made up the city and haunted him, worsening after the hellish day he went through. 

When Big Raph finally snuck back into the lair, he was more thankful at the sight of an empty, silent lair, save for the television playing in the background. He hopped over the turnstile, walked down into the pit, and was taken aback by the sight of Mikey curled up in a worn-out bean bag, the stuffing peeking out of a split seam. 

He could, he probably should leave Mikey alone, let him sleep in peace—he clearly chose to be here for a reason—yet he couldn’t ignore his brotherly instinct to get his youngest brother in a more comfortable place, Big Raph’s lower shell aching in sympathy at how stiff and awkward Mikey looked on the beanbag. It looked too small for even him, as he wasn’t even fully laying on the beanbag itself. 

Instinct won out, the snapper bending down to Mikey’s level, hovering a hand out over his arm with caution before he fully rested it on Mikey’s arm and began to shake him. 

“Mikey,” he whispered, shaking him a tad bit harder when Mikey hadn’t initially responded. “Mikey.”

Mikey eventually turned over, a sleepy hum escaping him as he woke up. Big Raph anticipated the younger pushing him away, surprised when Mikey hadn’t, instead looking up at him with droopy eyes. 

“Bedtime, dude,” said Big Raph, raising an eye ridge as Mikey mumbled something. “Louder. Can’t hear you.”

“I’m still needed, right?” asked Mikey, slurred voice blending his words together. “They still need me?”

Any other time, Big Raph would have poked, prodded, and meddled his way into getting an answer from Mikey, but he knew that it had something to do with those hallucinogenic spores. Made their brains and thoughts all wonky, caused them to see things borne from the hidden recesses of their minds, and believed things they thought to be unfathomably true. Mikey wouldn’t ever feel that way, he knows his place on the team; but just for tonight, Big Raph can remind him of his importance. 

Pulling Mikey up to his feet and making sure he didn’t fall, Big Raph started walking Mikey to his room. 

“Yeah, they still need you,” whispered Big Raph, opening the door to Mikey’s room and laying him in his bed. “We’ll always need you.”

“Don’t forget that.” Big Raph closed the door to Mikey’s room. 

He also didn’t sleep that night.