Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Prompt: Just binged like ALL your Sanders Sides content and WOW. Could you maybe possibly write Parental moceit to Virgil? I remember laughing so hard at the mention of them in another work, and wow, I did not realize how badly that dynamic was needed. You can totally say no! Happy new year and may 2021 be a more manageable year for you!!

So no one really knows how this happened? Not really?

Look, alright, here’s what people do know.

They know that before the Sides were separated, when the Mindscape was more a blob of colors and shapes and ideas and things, there were little purple spaces that stuck close together. There were little purple things that did not like the loud noises and bright colors of Outside and huddled for warmth in the corners. There were little red and green and blue things that would explore and dart around and thrill in the Outside. There were other colors that the purple thing could not name but they would be there.

There would be a little yellow in the corners too.

They know that when the Sides did get separated, when the bright red and the light blue and the dark blue went one way, the purple did not go. Instead, the purple stuck close to the yellow and curled up in the dark, where it was safe.

They know that when they started to get their shapes for the first time, the purple got its shape just before the yellow did. The purple was small, skittery, many legs to run with and many eyes to see with. The yellow became long, flexible, with great reach and powerful muscle. The yellow would curl about the purple and they would be safe down here, in the dark.

They know that when Virgil blinked his eyes open for the first time, there was a gloved hand on his face, gently asking him if he could see.

They know that when the spider would skitter upwards and find somewhere high, high up, out of reach, away from everyone else, only the snake knew where to look to coax him back down.

They know that when Virgil was summoned for the first time, he snapped onto the staircase and they have no choice but to see what he has to say.

They know that as he stuck around, as he started to appear more and more often, the light blue side with glasses started to…pay attention.

They know that he is afraid, all the time, of things they can’t see or hope to stop, and the last thing he needs is to have to guess and guess and guess. So when the light blue side never said something he didn’t mean, well…he let himself hope.

They know that when he said his name for the first time, it was awful and terrifying and the worst decision he’d ever made…until it wasn’t.

They know he’s here to stay now.

So that’s roughly what happened, yeah? Great. Cool.

Here’s what Virgil knows.

He knows Janus was the first Dark Side—thanks, Princey, great name—to actually get control of his form. Remus and Virgil might’ve been formed earlier, but Janus got himself around this whole having-a-human-shape thing quick. He remembers blinking open human eyes for the first time and flailing with limbs he didn’t understand how to control and having gloved hands soothe him, a soft voice in the darkness, gleaming yellow scales.

“Shh, shh,” the voice hisses softly, “you’re alright. Take a minute, it’s going to take some getting used to.”

“What—what happened to me?”

“You’ve gotten a shape,” the voice says, a gloved hand stroking down this new shoulder, “that’s all.”

“But I—I had a shape and it was fine and why’d they have to change it I don’t like it—“

“Shh,” the voice hisses again, another gloved hand wrapping around his new waist—he’s bigger now, why is he bigger? Now he can’t hide as easily— “take a breath.”

He gasps for air, not knowing how these lungs work, how much air this new shape needs. The gloved hands don’t leave him, just holding him gently. The voice has a shape too, is it like his new one?

The figure comes closer and—

“Why—why do you have more?”

“More what?” The figure raises its other hands. “More of these?”

“Y-yeah.”

The figure chuckles. “I don’t know. Perhaps this is my shape.”

“You—you don’t know?” Does that mean this might not be his shape? Is it going to keep changing? It is ever going to stop changing?

“Shh, shh,” the figure says as he begins to spiral, reaching to curl the other arms around him. “Shh, it’s alright. Just focus on me, alright?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and burrows into the figure, focusing on the hands—they’re still hands, right?—on his shape, holding him tight to this new shape, curling up small, small, can this shape still be small?

He can still be small. Here, if he curls up tight enough, the figure’s shape has enough to wrap around him completely.

He knows that he never completely stopped wanting to be small. He knows that Janus knows that too. When they were younger, they would curl around each other in the dark, Janus whispering something quietly to help Virgil breathe through the panic. He knows that when he finally got used to his body, the first thing he did was try and return the favor.

“You don’t need to do that, honey,” Janus murmurs, wrapping his arms around Virgil too, “I’ve got other things that you can help me with.”

“But that’s not fair!” Virgil wraps his arms tightly around Janus and plants his chin on his chest. “You help me, and you said that we have to be nice to the people who are nice to us.”

“That’s right, but that means helping them in the ways they need help.” Janus smiles and tucks Virgil a little closer to his chest. “You need help in that way, and I need help in other ways. But yes, you can cuddle me if you want to.”

Virgil had huffed and refused to move for a while. Janus had told him at a later point that he struggles with keeping warm. And then what was Virgil supposed to do, not hug him? Fat chance.

He knows that when he was summoned for the first time, he clung to gloved hands as hard as he could, not wanting to go, they wouldn’t like him, he doesn’t know how to live in the light, he doesn’t—he doesn’t want—

He snapped into the light and blinked awake, up at different people. He knows them. They don’t like him.

Then they…did?

He knows they didn’t like Janus. They didn’t like Janus because they didn’t know what was going on when they weren’t forcing him into their neat little boxes.

And he…

Janus doesn’t really hold grudges, not like…not like that. But he knows that when he looked at Janus and told him he wasn’t so sure they were friends, he knows that hurt.

He spent hours in his room that night, spiraling into whirlpool after whirlpool, thinking he should go apologize, he should say something, he should—he should—

He abandoned Janus. He abandoned Remus. He—

He’d replaced them.

Because now there was Patton.

Patton was soft in a different way than Janus was. Janus was an enigma that had no trouble cutting anyone down to size with a well-placed quip, someone who was never caught unawares. So having him change, let that go, gentle enough to be soft with Virgil was…heady.

Patton is soft with everybody. And maybe that means that it should feel less special, or that it shouldn’t be that meaningful, but it isn’t. Patton welcomed Virgil in without a second thought and it was…nice.

It was nice to shuffle a little awkwardly and have Patton instantly know what to do. It was nice to…learn how to ask for what he wanted and know that Patton would respect it. It was nice to be…rewarded for working to be better with the others.

Then the whole…wedding thing happened.

Virgil wasn’t there. Not for the really bad parts. He was there for the courtroom fiasco, he was there for Remus coming back—that was something he didn’t really count on, but hey, isn’t that Remus’s MO?—but he wasn’t there for the wedding.

It was…bad.

He remembers coming back and seeing the Mindscape in chaos. And what made it so much worse is that there was no chaos.

Patton was alone outside his room.

Roman never left his.

Logan was cold.

Janus was…here.

And Remus was far too entertained by everyone realizing that there wasn’t much to be gained from sticking to black and white to care about helping fix it.

See? Chaos.

In fact, the only people who seemed to be on okay terms with each other were Janus and Patton, which was…fine, but still weird.

Virgil didn’t want to come out of his room for a long time after he realized that.

No one did much of anything for a while. Not just because there was a pandemic going on. But no one wanted to be the one to start offering olive branches. Well, except for Patton. But no one other than Janus was really ready to start accepting them yet either. They were stuck.

Virgil and Remus stuck together now. Remus would conjure up something in the Imagination and Virgil would wait for Remus to get back and barge into his room to annoy him. And it was surprisingly not that annoying.

“Well,” Remus declares, flicking something that Virgil doesn’t even want to try and name off his shoulder, “the others aren’t any fun to annoy.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Oh please, Patton’s gonna try too hard to listen to me and not hear a word I’m saying. Logan’s locked his door and even I know better than to try and get it there. Annoying Roman is no fun if he’s already upset. And Janny’s used to me.”

Virgil sighs. “They really are fucked, aren’t they?”

Remus shrugs. “You blame them?”

“No. Not really.”

“So what’re you gonna do?”

Well, there’s not much Virgil can do, except plonk himself on the couch with his headphones and scroll. Sure enough, Patton emerges first.

“V-Virgil?”

Virgil raises an eyebrow and looks down at himself. “Pretty sure, yeah.”

“What—you’re…here.”

“Uh-huh. You doin’ alright, Pat?”

“Um—“ Patton shakes himself, he really doesn’t look good— “yeah, Virgil, I’m…I’m doing okay.”

“Uh-huh.” Virgil just looks back at his phone. “Good talk.”

“Good…good talk.”

It takes a few more minutes for Janus to appear. He’s got this thing where he just…strides out of the shadows and Virgil’s gotta take a second to convince his brain that he wasn’t just standing there the whole time. He’s really good at that. Uh-huh. Definitely.

Well, if Janus wasn’t here before, he sure as hell would be now.

Janus opens his mouth, looking at Patton, only to stop halfway and turn, eyes widening when he sees Virgil. Virgil looks up and gives him a lazy salute.

“Hey.”

“…hello,” Janus says, tilting his head, “I certainly expected to see you here.”

“That’s my schtick, showing up where I’m not wanted.”

“That’s not true!”

“I didn’t say that.”

Virgil smirks when Janus and Patton say the exact same thing, watching them glance at each other. Ah. So it’s this dynamic. Great. Whenever Princey’s feeling better, he’s gonna have a fucking field day.

Speaking of which...that might be a good idea.

“Since you’re here,” Janus says, snapping him back, “I suppose that you aren’t interested in figuring out what happened.”

In the kitchen, Patton’s clattering slows.

“Nah, not really,” Virgil sighs, “I can guess.”

“You can…guess?”

“You do realize no one’s done like…anything for a while, right?” He jerks his chin toward the floor. “Except for Remus. He’s still working on…whatever he’s working on.”

He can see the instant Janus’s expression goes from guarded to fondly exasperated. “He has remembered to turn off the chainsaw when he’s not using it, hasn’t he?”

“Listen, if you wanna go be the one to check that, you be my guest.”

“After all this time surely it’s your turn.”

“Nah.”

“Virgil,” Patton calls from the kitchen, “is it your turn?”

“No.”

Janus just raises an eyebrow.

“Fine,” Virgil huffs, getting up off the couch, “but I’m not cleaning it.”

Janus tilts his head.

“What?”

“Virgil…” Comes Patton from the kitchen.

“Oh my god fine.”

Virgil sinks out and only realizes after he’s seen that Remus has, in fact, remember to turn off the chainsaw that, uh…what the fuck just happened?

He doesn’t manage to keep that part to himself.

“Ooh, tell me tell me tell me!” Remus hops up onto a crate and crosses his legs, his head on his hands. “Was it gross?”

“...no?”

“Slimy?”

“How is something slimy and not automatically gross?”

“I don’t think it is but you lot do.”

“Okay—no, first off, but also no it wasn’t slimy.”

“Furry?”

“The something was not a creature, Remus.” Remus pouts. “It wasn’t anything.”

“Don’t summon Janny down here.”

“Okay, okay, fine, it’s just…” Virgil takes a deep breath and scrubs his hands over his face. “I think I just got parented by Patton and Janus.”

“Wait, wait, what?” Remus bounds to his feet. “They don’t agree on anything.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“But they—huh. Okay, we gotta look into this.”

“What do you mean we?”

“Well, you said they parented you.”

“Okay, and?”

“So get them to do it again!”

“Rem—“ Virgil sighs. “This is not like some voluntary thing. I don’t know what happened or why they just decided to—“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses.”

“I’m not making excuses!”

Remus waves a hand. “Semantics. So they’re gonna co-parent you, huh?”

“What?”

“Well, aren’t they?”

Hello yes, can everyone just press the ‘pause’ button for one goddamn second, please? Because Virgil has no idea what’s going on and he would very much like to figure that out.

“I’m so confused right now.”

Remus chuckles. “Nah. You’re gonna do great.”

“Do? Do what?”

Remus grins. “We’re gonna see if this is true.”

“What the—you could just ask them, you know.”

Remus crosses his arms. “What do you think is gonna happen if I do that?”

Well, Patton’s either going to feel like he needs to pull back and let Janus do it, or he’s gonna squee and smother Virgil. Janus will either leave again—which is never allowed to happen again—or Virgil won’t hear the end of this until…ever.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “that’s fair.”

“Come on!”

“Rem—!”

Virgil doesn’t even have time to finish his word before Remus is grabbing him and sinking them both out. They appear back in the living room as Virgil drops right back to the couch because damnit he just wanted to sit here on his phone.

“Remus,” he hears Janus say, “what a pleasant surprise.”

“I know, isn’t it?”

“Did you turn the chainsaw off?”

“Dunno.”

Janus just sighs and looks at Virgil. Virgil shrugs. Janus raises an eyebrow.

“Virgil,” Patton calls—because of course now they’re just going to be doing this all the time—“did he?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

Remus, meanwhile, is having the absolute time of his life.

“Shut up, Remus,” Virgil mutters, “leave me alone.”

“Can do!” Remus just grabs Janus’s hat and runs to the kitchen, conveniently forgetting that Janus can just…stretch and get it back. “Hey!”

“Oh come on, I taught you that trick.”

Remus blows a raspberry and joins Patton. Janus shakes his head fondly and sits on the couch next to Virgil. Virgil glances over, noticing the way Janus’s hands twitch. He shuffles close enough to lay his head on Janus’s shoulder.

Janus stiffens.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Janus’s head turn slowly, almost as if he doesn’t believe that this is happening. Virgil doesn’t pull away. After a few moments, he relaxes carefully.

“…Virgil?”

“Yeah.”

“You…”

Virgil looks up at him. Janus stares back. He doesn’t…wow, okay, something happened. And maybe yeah, Virgil should’ve asked more questions but that can wait. For now, they can just…sit.

“Virgil, when was the last time you ate something?”

“Dunno,” Virgil says, raising his voice so Patton can hear him.

“You should eat something,” Janus says quietly.

“I’m fine.”

“So,” Patton calls cheerfully, “sandwich?”

“I’m—“ Janus pokes his knee and Virgil yelps—“sure!”

“Coming right up!”

“Mean,” Virgil grumbles as Janus chuckles.

“You need to eat, honey.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Virgil grumbles, “fine.”

He glances up and notices Logan.

Logan’s on the stairs, his hand still on the banister. He looks…well, he looks like Logan. Pressed and polished without a hair out of place. He—well, Virgil doesn’t know what he was actually coming down for. What he does know is that Logan saw and heard all of that and is now giving him the ‘excuse-me-what-the-fuck’ look.

Virgil sends back the ‘you-think-I-know?’

‘It-happened-to-you!’

‘So?’

“Whenever you two are finished having an entire conversation in facial expressions,” Janus says wryly, making Virgil jump, “Logan, I’m sure the staircase is comfortable.”

“It is, actually,” Logan says as he walks down, “I can see why Virgil prefers it.”

“Told you.”

Logan takes a seat and pulls out a notebook. He begins to work on…something, politely answering that yes, he ate a little over half an hour ago, he doesn’t need anything, and generally being…Logan.

Great. This is good. This is fine.

Janus nudges him to go eat. Patton doesn’t let him leave the kitchen until he’s at least eaten half of it. He sees Remus plop down next to Logan and Logan rolls his eyes, only for Remus to start muttering something and they vanish. Okay…cool.

No sooner has he finished his sandwich that he gets a tug in his chest.

Logan has his notebook fully out and is scribbling something furiously. Remus is back on the crate, swinging his legs back and forth.

“Ah, Virgil. Good, you’re here.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“I recruited Logan,” Remus announces gleefully, “it’s gonna be fun!”

Virgil pinches the bridge of his nose. “With what?”

“How long has this been happening,” Logan asks, adjusting his glasses, “and do you know if it’s just you?”

“It’s been like…an hour tops? And I dunno, it like just—happened, okay? Why is this such a big deal? Why are we doing this?”

Remus cocks his head with a manic grin. “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom!”

“You’ve watched that episode way too many times.”

“Well, when they come out with a second one, I’ll watch that!” Remus cackles as Virgil sighs again. “Also have you noticed how much Sir Pentious looks like Janny?”

“It’s just ‘cause he’s a snake that you think of that.”

“He’s that much of a dork.”

“So who does that make us, the eggs?”

Remus grins and before Virgil can blink, his morning star is in his hand. “Want to see if we splatter the same way?”

“I’m fully good, dude.”

“Alright,” Logan says, completely ignoring the rest of their insane banter, looking up, “so, we think that both Janus and Patton will continue to behave paternally towards Virgil, correct?”

“Looks like it.”

“Fascinating.”

“Why? Why is this fascinating?”

“Don’t look at us,” Remus says, “you’re the one that sank into my room and then had a crisis.”

“It’s just—look, everything’s been shit since the wedding—“ Logan winces and Virgil looks at him apologetically (he gets the ‘I-am-alright-it’s-not-your-fault’ for that)— “and this is the first non-dramatic shit thing that’s happened since that.”

“That is correct.”

“And it’s cute.”

“That is also correct.”

“What—“ Virgil splutters— “no, it’s not!”

Logan’s mouth doesn’t quite turn up at that but it’s close enough. “It is, in fact.”

“Leave me alone.”

“We’re gonna do no such thing,” Remus announces gleefully, “so!”

They don’t. They don’t say a whole lot about it in front of them, but there’s only so many times that Virgil can sit on this and not have them notice. Especially since the two Sides that happen to be doing this whole stupid co-parent thing are also the most perceptive ones. That know Virgil really well.

Fuck.

It’s a while of soft words and worried looks and reminders to eat and talk and be an adult and hugs that should not be that warm and Logan and Remus having the time of their goddamn lives while Virgil just…

Okay, he’s not suffering, but you try being co-parented by these two, okay?

Virgil’s cheeks have never been redder and his teeth have never hurt more.

“Do you actually experience physical discomfort in your mouth?”

“It’s an expression, L.”

“You are saying that they’re being sweet to you and you’re not used to it.”

“Yes, okay?”

“…cute.”

“Leave me alone, L.”

As it turns out, Roman’s the one who puts the words to it first.

Roman’s not been having a good time. They all know it. They all need to talk about it and uh, they all probably owe Roman one hell of an apology. But they’re not there yet. Roman has to tell them when he’s ready to let them try. That doesn’t mean they don’t see Roman, he’ll come down for food or companionable silence.

They’re at dinner one time. Virgil’s getting scolded about not taking better care of himself—fair enough—and being made to eat. Roman doesn’t say anything until Virgil’s finished and Patton’s cleaning up. Then he looks back and forth between the three of them.

He turns to Logan and Remus.

“So were you two going to tell me that Virgil has two dads now or no?”

Virgil’s forehead has a very pleasant time acquainting itself with the table.

Chapter Text

Prompt: If you want to, could you write a sequel to the moceit fic where Virgil has an anxiety attack or something and gets comforted by both of his new dads?

Being parented by two Sides is really stupid.

First off, they’re all the same goddamn age so it doesn’t make any sense for one of them to be ‘older,’ for crying out loud. Seriously. Technically maybe an argument can be made that some of their constructs have been fully understood for longer but in that case, Virgil should be one of the older ones because he’s Anxiety and you’re born afraid of things. Survival instincts. Fight or flight. That’s him.

And if we’re still going by that logic—speaking of which, hey Logan, you’re also not one of the oldest because most people only have a fully developed sense of logic when they’re way older—then Patton and Janus should be some of the youngest Sides. Because developing your own sense of Morality? Some people don’t do that until they’re in their twenties. And yes, most kids lie, but compared to things like basic fears, Creativity, yeah that stuff comes later.

But no one gives a shit about that, apparently, because Patton is The Dad™ of the Mindscape and apparently Janus is right behind him.

It’s rude.

Secondly—yes, there’s more than one thing on this list, goddamnit—it’s not like Virgil’s incapable of taking care of himself. Okay, yes, he doesn’t have the best self-preservation instincts, but like, that’s not his job. That’s Janus’s job. Mostly. When the time calls for it, he can haul ass, okay? He’s fight or flight, he’s gotta be able to do both. Not necessarily at the same time.

No, Remus, we’re not going to try.

Okay, yeah, maybe he doesn’t always remember to eat food. But like…so do most people, it’s not like he doesn’t eat. He just…loses track of time. Sometimes. He doesn’t need both of them looking at him like a petulant child, pouting because he’s done something wrong. He doesn’t. It’s fine.

And yes, maybe there is a grain of truth in the whole isolating-yourself-from-the-people-who-care-about-you thing, but everyone needs their alone time! Just ask Logan!

What do you mean Logan’s not a good example in this case, the man literally has a schedule for the best way to spend every goddamn second.

Regardless, he doesn’t need both of them coming to his door to politely knock and say ‘hey, kiddo, we missed you today, are you gonna come down for dinner?’ Or ‘it hasn’t been quiet around, sweetie, may I come in?’

He doesn’t need that. Even if it is the only interaction he’s gotten all day.

Is he going to tell them to stop? No, the fuck do you think he is, a monster? They’re sensitive, goddamnit. Not that Janus will readily admit it, but he is.

Anyway, you try telling Patton you don’t want him to take care of you. First off, no one’s gonna believe you—the man’s unreasonably good at making you feel like you’ve got warm fuzzy shit floating around you. It should be patronizing, but it isn’t because he’s the most sincere about it. He looks at you with that big smile and ugh.

Second, you try saying no to his puppy dog eyes. You will fail. It’s just a fact. You will.

And if you think Patton’s hard, don’t even get him started on Janus.

First off, Janus is a sneaky motherfucker. If you notice him taking care of you, it’s either ‘cause he’s being really obvious about it, he’s determined that the kind of care you need is pretty obvious, or you’ve asked him. Directly.

Virgil knows Janus, so he also knows that the ways Janus is taking care of him that he can spot are about…maybe 30% of what he’s doing. Maybe.

Because here’s the thing: Patton will decide you need to be taken care of through a conversation. He’ll sit down with you and everything. The most he’ll do without talking to you is like…get you a drink or food or something.

But Janus? That man will decide you need to be taken care of and then there’s nothing you can do about it. He’ll do the same stuff Patton does, but he’s also not above doing other stuff.

He’ll make sure there’s always a large stash of your comfort foods. He’ll make sure the movies are always safe for movie night. A new soft blanket or sweater will mysteriously appear in your closet. A new notebook or book or pen or makeup palette will be on your desk. That thing you thought you lost and were devastated about will be found. Someone will always be available to talk to or spend time with, often the person that you were feeling a little on the outs with. That includes him.

And that’s just the stuff Virgil knows about because he’s seen Janus do it for the others too.

So yeah, he’s pretty resigned to being relentlessly dad-friended by the two of them. It doesn’t mean he has to like it.

Logan nods in concentration as he finishes scribbling down Virgil’s tirade. He adjusts his glasses and rereads a section.

“So you have noted Janus’s behavior outside of his care for you?”

“Yeah.” Virgil slumps into the beanbag. Remus, perched on top of the bookshelf, aims a kick at his head. “What the fuck?”

“That means he wants you to elaborate.”

“I am perfectly capable of asking Virgil for that, Remus, there’s no need to kick him.”

“But you won’t kick him!”

“…that is the point, Remus.”

“Alright, fine,” Virgil mutters, scrubbing his hands over his face, “uh, your good notebook. The one you spilled acid all over.”

Logan frowns. “No, that was a solution of a neutral pH.”

“Really, what makes you think that?”

“Because I still…have it?”

Virgil just gives him the ‘there-you-go’ look. Logan blinks, adjusting his glasses unconsciously and glancing toward his desk.

“I see. Perhaps I should thank him for that.”

“No use.”

“He’ll just deny it, LoLo.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Virgil tosses a pillow over his shoulder and waits for Remus’s indignant squawk before he answers. “Because I also caught him fixing Remus’s octopus plush and he pretended he’d never seen it before.”

Logan scribbles something else down. “Fascinating.”

“What is?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Virgil gasps, hunching over on the beanbag chair as Janus strides out of the shadows near Logan’s door, “don’t do that.”

“I must agree,” Logan mutters, fixing his glasses from where he’d flinched horribly, “that was…an unexpected arrival.”

“Bold of you two to assume he’s not doing it on purpose,” Remus drawls from atop the shelf like the unshaken bastard he is.

Janus doesn’t dignify that with a reply, raising an eyebrow as he glances at the three of them. “I am certain that the unexpected nature of my appearance is the only reason you look so surprised.”

Well, Remus doesn’t, but Remus has no shame.

“We were just talking, J.”

“About what?”

“Octopuses.”

“Space.”

“Whatever the fuck LoLo puts in his whiteboard markers.”

Janus’s eyebrow ticks higher.

Shit.

“Simply a discussion,” Logan says smoothly, sliding his notebook into the—locked!—drawer at the bottom of his desk and fixing his tie, “did you need something?”

“Please,” Janus sighs, “by all means, let’s pretend I am not aware when you’re leaving something out.”

“I never made that statement.”

“Mm.” Janus turns, because he’s a bastard and knows getting Logan to crack takes work, and looks at Virgil instead. “Virgil?”

“What?”

Janus just tilts his head.

“What?”

Logan huffs. Virgil looks at him with the utmost betrayal and just gets the ‘I-didn’t-say-anything!’

‘You-may-as-well-have!’

“Am I interrupting something,” Janus remarks wryly, watching the exchange with obvious amusement, “or do you two need a moment?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Janus folds his arms and looks at Virgil.

“Why are you looking at me?”

He doesn’t say anything. Because he’s a bastard.

Logan, because he’s a traitor, gets up and sinks out, saying he’s going to see how Patton’s doing with the dinner. Remus throws his head back and cackles, still splayed out all over the bookshelf. Janus pays him no attention, still looking at Virgil expectantly.

Is Virgil going to explain what they’re talking about? No.

Does he still hate it when Remus sinks out too, because now he’s the only one in this room with Janus? Yes.

Could he sink out too?

“Don’t,” comes Janus’s voice as soon as he thinks it. He glances up to see a smug smile on his face. “You know you can’t.”

“Please stay out of my head.”

“I’m not in your head, honey, I just know you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Virgil mutters, trying valiantly to disappear into the beanbag cushion, “don’t have to rub it in.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Then why the fuck am I so red, you bastard?

He settles for glaring at the ground instead, until a gloved hand appears under his chin to tilt it up.

“No,” he says—he doesn’t whine, fuck off—and squeezes his eyes shut.

A deep chuckle from in front of him and the hand doesn’t go anywhere. “So you’re not going to tell me what’s going on?”

“Nope.”

“Maybe I should ask Remus—“

“No.”

“Logan, perhaps then—“

“J,” Virgil mutters, “can’t you just leave it alone?”

“Well, that certainly sounds more fun.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to worry.”

“Mm.”

“Really!”

“No, no, I certainly believe you.”

“I’m serious!”

“You always are.”

“Lemme go.”

“I’m not touching you anymore, sweetie,” Janus says quietly, his voice softening a little, “can you open your eyes for me?”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Please?”

Virgil sighs and looks. Janus smiles and crouches so his face is a little below Virgil’s. He tucks a piece of hair behind Virgil’s ear.

“Why don’t you want to tell me what it is?”

“Because I’m entitled to my privacy?”

“Of course you are,” Janus says immediately, “but you know the dangers of letting Logan and Remus have free experimental reign.”

He does. They’re still finding glitter everywhere.

“’S embarrassing,” Virgil mutters, toying with the strings on his hoodie.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, not with me.”

Virgil remains silent. Janus sighs and stands.

“Will you at least answer one question for me?”

“Sure.”

“If it gets to a point where you’re actively uncomfortable or hurt,” Janus asks quietly, “will you come to one of us?”

See? This is why it’s rude. Because if he just wanted to know, he could be an asshole about it. Well, a bigger asshole about it. But he wants to know because he’s taking care of him. Which is rude.

“Yeah, I will.”

“Then that’s all I need.” He offers a hand to pull Virgil up. “Though I will ask you what you plan to do when Patton asks you.”

“Why do you think L went down first? I’m just gonna follow his lead.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

The smile on Janus’s face tells him that he definitely should not have said that.

But he keeps his mouth shut when they get downstairs and there’s Logan, talking to Patton about octopuses. Janus simply rolls his eyes and sits, waiting for dinner to be served. Virgil plops into his chair and glances around for Remus.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Remus is on the couch with Roman, their heads together, talking quietly. Listen, there are only a few things scarier than Logan and Remus teaming up. One of them is Roman and Logan teaming up. One of them is Remus and Roman teaming up.

The scariest is when the three of them team up.

Virgil is fucked.

Nothing happens during dinner, except that Patton notices that he’s fidgeting a little uncomfortably and asks him about it in that soft concerned voice that has no right to be as comforting as it is. He dodges the question quite masterfully, if he does say so himself, but it doesn’t stop the others from snickering. Janus realizes that he’s getting too upset and steers the conversation away from him which has both the effect of making Patton back off and Logan scribbling something down in his notebook.

Roman grabs him after dinner and just wraps him in a hug. Uh, sure. Because he’s not gonna pass up a Princey hug, those things are fucking legendary, but Roman’s not exactly on the best of terms with anyone right now, so…

“Uh, why?”

“Just wanted a hug, shadow-ling,” Roman says and sinks out.

…what is going on?

“Virgil?”

“Yeah, Pat?”

“Hug?”

“Sure.”

And there’s Patton, ray of sunshine. Also great hugs. 10/10, would recommend. Still doesn’t mean Virgil knows what’s going on.

He’s got even less idea what’s going on when movie night rolls around and Roman asks to sit next to him.

“Uh, sure, Princey.”

Roman’s just about to sit down when Janus fucking materializes out of nowhere and sits down, startling the fuck out of Virgil.

To Roman’s credit, he adjusts quickly to sit on Janus’s other side, leaving Virgil very, very fucking confused.

It’s only when Roman offers to make him a cup of tea the next morning and Patton quickly does it instead that he realizes what’s going on.

Roman’s proving a point. About how much they like taking care of him.

Goddamnit. This is awful.

And the others are clearly having the time of their fucking lives because of it.

Why?

“Because it’s really fucking cute, Emo.”

“That is correct.”

“It’s like having our very own sitcom!”

Yeah but it’s awful and Virgil doesn’t like it. Ever. Not once has he ever enjoyed it.

Especially not when he has a panic attack.

It’s just one of those fucking days, apparently, but Virgil would very much appreciate it if his lungs would kindly get their fucking shit together so he can go back to doing things, please, and also if his brain would kindly pipe the fuck down. His legs won’t work either, because they’re being rude, and he just kind of collapses to the floor, shaking and crying because this is stupid and he wants it to be over.

“Virgil? Virgil!”

“Sweetie, can you open the door?”

“We heard something fall, kiddo, are you okay?”

Yeah, see, if Virgil could breathe, he would explain that yes, everything is fine, his body is just being rude, no need to worry. But he can’t breathe, because he’s not fine, so he just ends up curled up in a useless heap, having a panic attack.

“…kiddo, we’re coming in.”

The door opens and yep, there’s Patton and Janus, looking around worriedly. Patton spots him first, his face going from mild concern to incredibly concerned in an instant.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, rushing over to crouch down, “what is it, kiddo, what can I do?”

No speech, remember? Panic attacks are so stupid.

“I jus’—I—“

“Shh, sweetie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry,” Patton recognizes instantly, soothing his frantic gasps, “would it be alright if I touched you?”

Virgil nods and he’s swept into a warm embrace. He buries his face in the crook of Patton’s neck and wills his brain to shut the fuck up, please, I would like this to be over now.

“Shh, shh, kiddo, it’s okay, don’t worry about doing anything right now,” Patton hushes, “I’m right here.”

The soft click of the door wrenches his nose out of Patton’s collar, looking up frantically.

“Just giving you your privacy,” Janus says immediately, holding his hands where Virgil can see them, “that’s all, sweetie.”

And there he stays, standing guard, making sure not a goddamn thing can get to Virgil right now. Which is so considerate it’s rude.

So much so that Virgil can’t fight back a stupid whimper as he reaches out for him.

“I’m right here, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, coming and crouching to take Virgil’s hand, “you want to come here?”

Patton shifts to let Janus scoop him into his lap, ruffling his hair and going to the bathroom. Janus doesn’t let him watch where exactly he’s going, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his head.

“Focus on me, sweetie,” he whispers, the rest of his arms holding Virgil tightly, “right here, I need your focus here, honey.”

He presses his mouth tenderly to his forehead and shushes a cry.

“Right here, sweetie, on my hands, my breathing, my voice. You just listen to me and breathe, okay? Can you do that for me, sweetie?”

Virgil nuzzles absentmindedly into Janus’s neck and tries not to gasp.

“You’re safe, honey. I have you, you’re safe, nothing can hurt you right now.”

Janus’s voice is low, almost hypnotic as his hand cards through Virgil’s hair.

“That’s it…that’s it, sweetie, I’ve got you, you’re right here, with me, in my lap, you’re safe, we’ll take care of you.”

Patton comes back at some point, setting a glass of water down on the desk and sitting behind them. Janus just clutches him tighter, stroking away the last of the gasps as Virgil’s brain finally gets with the program.

See? Now he’s all pliant and puddle-y in Janus’s lap as Patton cards his fingers through his hair. Rude.

“…thanks.”

“Of course, sweetie.”

Patton just hums, still ruffling his hair. “Do you want to talk about it, kiddo?”

Virgil shakes his head. He feels Janus and Patton exchange a look over his shoulder.

“Sweetie,” Janus says after a moment, “do you think you can answer a question for us?”

“Mmph.”

“Just one, sweetie, I promise.”

“…mm.”

“Thank you, honey.” Janus tightens his grip a little. “Does this have anything to do with what the others are doing?”

Oh.

Oh.

Does it? Not directly, this particular episode of stupidity is due to Virgil’s own inability to adult, thank you very much. But he’d be lying if this part of it isn’t at all related. Plus now he’s thinking about it.

He’s taking too long to answer, isn’t he?

“Not really,” he mumbles eventually, “’s fine.”

Janus stirs and he can tell he’s about two seconds from finding them and demanding to know what’s been going on. So he plays dirty.

“Stay,” he mumbles, letting the exhaustion bleed into his voice, “please? ‘M tired.”

And maybe there’s something to this because he can feel Janus melt under him, cradling him tenderly as he presses another kiss to his head.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetie.”

“Let’s move to the bed?”

“Good idea.”

Patton’s already over there by the time Janus stands with Virgil in his arms, reaching to take the bundle of hoodie and eyeshadow. He tucks him in, arms tightly around him as Janus turns out the light.

“We can talk later if you want,” he promises gently, “just rest now, kiddo.”

“You did wonderfully,” Janus agrees, settling onto the edge of the bed, “now sleep.”

And yeah, okay, maybe it’s not all awful.

Just most of it.

Chapter Text

Prompts: Hey! Love love love your writing, especially the series of Janus and Patton tag-team parenting Virgil. Can I request another chapter, possibly where their parenting focus starts to spread from Virgil to the other sides and/or Thomas? And everyone is really confused and Virgil is having the time of his life watching it all. - anon

I was rereading some of your fics this morning(which I do a lot btw, everything you write is gold) and I read "How Come He Gets Two Dads?" Which is utterly precious. But it occurred to me that I would love to see Patton and Janus try to parent the others as well. No pressure, but if you wanted write that, it would be lovely. - awithcbravestheverge

Just. More Roman and Remus cat pile. That is all I need in life - anon

Karma’s a bitch and Virgil likes her so much.

Frankly, it’s about time. The others have been looking way too happy and smug at watching Virgil get relentlessly parented by Janus and Patton and quite honestly it’s been getting on his nerves. Not just because watching Logan have his ‘amused-gay-judgment’ face on all the time makes him default to the ‘your-face-looks-extra-punchable-right-now,’ not just because he’s started bringing his earplugs with him again to block out the worst of Remus’s cackling, and not just because Roman is unfairly good at the whole smug smirk thing.

No, the problem is coming from the fact that the two assholes who are the cause of this keep figuring out when he’s getting irritated and soothe him back down before he has a chance to tell the others off.

It’s the fucking worst, okay?

Like, okay, one time? He’s just minding his own damn business in the living room with Logan solving a Rubik’s Cube next to him and typing something on his phone. Right? Normal. So maybe they sit there for a little longer than Virgil expected and now he’s hungry. Turns out you burn a lot of calories reading a bunch of stupid things on the Internet and getting a bit peeved. Go figure.

“You should have something to eat then,” Logan says, mixing up the Rubik’s Cube for the umpteenth time, “I know there’s a new bag of snacks in the cupboard.”

“But that involves moving and I’m good. It’s only another three hours until dinner.”

Logan gives him a look and opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, his gaze lands on something over Virgil’s shoulder.

He smirks.

“Wh—“

A bowl clatters next to his elbow and Virgil startles, quickly turning around to see—

No one. No one is here.

Fucking Janus.

When he looks back, Logan finishes solving the cube with a few quick turns, before staring pointedly at Virgil as he pulls out his notebook and writes something down.

“…shut up.”

“I do not believe I’ve said anything.”

“Shut up.”

Or this other time where he’s with Remus in the Imagination and they’re investigating this cave where, apparently, one of Remus’s monsters has been reporting a weird noise. Now, if one of Remus’s little guys says it’s weird, Virgil sure as hell ain’t going toward that noise. But the problem is he doesn’t really want to say that out loud, especially since he’s one of the only Sides who isn’t scared of the dark. He is, however, scared of the moaning groaning noise that sounds like—

“Eight thousand steam trains being mulched by sentient woodchoppers?”

Virgil blinks. “…sure.”

Remus just bounces on the balls of his feet. “C’mon, Emo, we’ll be in and out in twenty minutes?”

“Funny, that sounds about nineteen minutes and thirty seconds too long.”

Remus groans, “come on, we’ll be quick!”

Virgil opens his mouth to say something about how Remus has never made that claim in his life—oh, come on, you hang around Remus that much, your sense of humor will start to tank too—when something wraps around his waist and pulls him to sit down.

He does not yelp.

“Sorry, kiddo, didn’t mean to startle you—“ oh, hey, Patton, when’d you get here?— “Remus, you go on ahead. I’m gonna stay here with Virgil.”

Now, there’s nothing that motivates Virgil quite like spite, but as soon as he tries to struggle free of Patton’s grip, Patton rests his chin on Virgil’s shoulder and—and—

“Hey,” Patton murmurs as Virgil slumps in his hold, fear starting to dissipate thanks to the warm arms around him, “you just stay here, okay?”

Virgil tries to open his mouth and say he’s fine, he can go, but all that comes out is a contented hum. Patton giggles and looks up at Remus.

“You can go, we’ll wait here for you.”

Virgil risks a glance up at Remus only to see a manic grin and a knowing glint in his eyes. He scowls as best he can and looks away again.

“What was that about, kiddo?”

“Dunno,” he lies, knowing Janus won’t be able to hear it this far into the Imagination, “he must be excited to check out the noise.”

“Mm.”

Or like the time where he’s sitting with Roman on the couch after Thomas had tried texting back to this cute guy they’d met at the grocery store. It, uh, it’d been a long time since they did and they were worried about double-texting versus waiting and what was the polite window to—

You get the point.

Roman, oddly enough, had been pretty subdued the whole time. Virgil had bitten back a wince as he first realized that, mainly because he knew why Roman wasn’t being super expressive lately, only for Roman to glance over and raise an eyebrow in concern.

“Nothing,” Virgil mutters, “not about this, I just, uh…”

He swallows.

“I know we…we gotta talk, Princey, and I know we’re doing it on your terms, I just…” He takes another breath. “I think I’m still realizing how much of a dick I’ve been to you.”

Roman chuckles softly, opening his arm. “I know, Virgil, and…thank you. I’m not—I’m not ready to have that conversation, not with any of you, not yet, I’m not—I haven’t gotten it yet, but I appreciate it.”

“Mhm.”

“You look like you’re about to clench yourself into a little ball of shadow-ling,” he teases gently, “come on, lean on me. I’m warm.”

He sure is; Virgil isn’t sure whether he’s leaning up against Roman or a space heater. Roman’s hand just cards lightly through his hair and they ride the rest of the wave together, letting Thomas set the phone aside and start focusing on other things.

A watched pot never texts back, Thomas.

Yeah, that’s how I remember the saying going too.

They sit there for a while longer, just resting and soaking in the warmth of someone else when two soft pops signal the presence of another set of Sides in the room. Virgil cracks his eye open as Roman hums a greeting.

He has to hide a grin at the furrow between Janus’s brows and Patton’s aborted jerk forward.

“…’sup?”

“Virgil,” Patton starts, “Roman, are you two okay?”

“Mhm.” Roman’s hand cards through Virgil’s hair again and he lets his eyes fall shut. “Just finished helping Thomas.”

“I see.”

Virgil turns his face into Roman’s shoulder to hide the snort at how put out Janus sounds.

“Virgil?” Ah, the Patton Worry™. “Are you alright?”

“I’m good, Pop Star,” he says, nudging Roman’s hand. Roman chuckles, stroking his head again. “We’re all good here.”

Silence. But they don’t sink out, and after a moment, Roman sighs.

“Well, I’m going to go get something to do,” he says as he stands, winking at Virgil when his back is to the others, “meet you back here?”

“Sounds…good,” Virgil says cautiously, wondering what the fuck Princey’s up to.

He realizes it as soon as he’s gone and he almost gets swamped in a wave of affection as Janus quickly takes Roman’s place and scratches his fingers across the parts of Virgil’s scalp that make it impossible to keep his eyes open. Warmth on his other side means Patton’s joined them too, his head on Virgil’s shoulder as he and Janus start one of their conversations that are designed to be background noise.

He looks at his phone when it buzzes long enough to see Roman’s ‘;)’ text before he surrenders and closes his eyes again.

See?

Fucking why?

Anyway, he’s been putting up with this shit for far too long and he’s getting a little pissed off that not only were they right about him getting relentlessly parented, but they’re also actively putting him in situations where it happens more.

…in all sincerity? He doesn’t mind that much. And yes, okay, maybe it is a little nice for their affection to be so honest and so clear all the time and perhaps he starts to anticipate it a bit and finds himself relaxing when they’re around more. But that doesn’t make it less obnoxious when the others are little shits about it.

Which brings them to this week.

Virgil is sitting at the table, not pouting, thank you very much, as Patton finishes getting dinner ready. Janus is sitting across from him, reading the last chapter of his book and reaching out one hand every so often to keep Virgil from trying to slip away.

“You need to eat, sweetie,” he murmurs when Virgil tugs against the hand holding him in place, “it doesn’t have to be much, but it has to be something.”

“I’m not a fucking dog, Janus, you don’t have to hold onto me.”

“Language, kiddo.”

“F—“ His hand claps over his mouth and he glares at Janus. Janus just raises an eyebrow.

“Fuck!”

Virgil gestures at Remus with his free hand as he pops in as if to say ‘see?’ Janus rolls his eyes fondly but lets him go.

“Don’t do that, J,” he mutters.

“Remus,” he hears Patton scold, “why are you absolutely covered in—do I want to know what that is?”

“No,” Logan says definitively as he sits down next to Virgil, “you do not.”

“Well, whatever it is, clean it off.” Patton sets the food down. “I don’t think you want to eat any of that.”

“You’d be surprised!”

“Remus,” Janus says, and hello, other dad, where have you been? “Go.”

Remus pouts but sinks out. Virgil sighs and starts to help himself to dinner when he catches Logan frowning in the direction Remus went.

“L?” He nudges him under the table. “You good?”

Logan blinks. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Just—“

He scribbles something down quickly and puts the notebook away before Virgil can ask him what’s going on.

About halfway through dinner, though, Roman finally shows up, sitting down and folding his napkin in his lap and eating without saying a word. Virgil watches him for a moment before glancing around to make sure no one else is paying them too much attention and carefully nudging him too.

“Princey?”

“Mm?”

“You…good?”

Roman’s face softens a little. “Yeah, Virgil, I’m okay. Thanks for checking.”

“Anytime.”

“Roman,” Patton says suddenly, startling the both of them, “what kept you?”

Virgil stiffens, as does Janus, each ready to tell Patton to back off if necessary, but Roman just glares at Logan and Remus and raises his chin.

“Well, some people understand the idea that when you make a mess, you clean it up, and some people care more about winning bets on who can make it to the dinner table the fastest.”

Virgil laughs into his drink.

“Logan? Remus?” He glances up to see Patton staring at the two of them. “Is that true?”

Their silence is enough of an answer.

“Did you really leave Roman to clean up after you two?”

“Oh, I didn’t clean up their mess, just mine.” Virgil squeezes his hand with a quiet yes, Princey, under the table and Roman squeezes back. “They’ve still got to fix theirs.”

“Oh, really?” Janus raises an eyebrow and looks at them pointedly. “Well, then, why are they still here?’

Remus groans theatrically and sinks out. Logan puts up a feeble protest of ‘eating is important,' before Janus’s pointed look makes him sink out too. Virgil watches them go and gives Roman’s hand another squeeze. Roman scoots a little closer and they lean on each other for the rest of the meal.

After dinner—and after Logan and Remus help him clear away the dishes—he looks around for Roman. He spots him quickly ducking around Patton and Janus and sinking out, probably to his room. They both stare at the ground for a moment before sighing and moving to sit on the couch.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

He isn’t wrong.

Now it’s his turn to smirk as Remus gets lovingly scolded for not turning off all of his things before leaving the room. Now it’s his turn to watch Logan made to sit and take a break as Patton makes sure he eats. Now it’s his turn to watch Roman pulled into warm hugs and cuddled until he melts.

And he doesn’t have an ounce of sympathy when all of them glare at him like it’s his fault.

“Of course, it’s your fault,” Remus groans, flopping onto his stomach and glaring at the floor, “you started it!”

“I started fuck all and you know it.”

“Don’t let Patton hear you say that.”

“He’s not here, Remus, which is why you’re here so he can’t scold you into eating something that isn’t mostly burned.”

“That popcorn was fine! It’s not like we can get sick from it anyway.”

“I do not want to know how you came to that conclusion,” Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “nor do I want to ask you to prove it wrong.”

“See? Science!”

“That’s not—you know, it’s not worth it.”

“What’s not worth it?”

Remus, who had jerked his head up as Roman came in, relaxes and makes grabby hands. “Get over here, I need to be squished back into my corporeal form.”

Roman complies, letting Remus pull him on top of him and settle into the mess of pillows they’ve made. “Better?”

“Mm. Good cat pile.”

“Cat pile it is,” Roman murmurs, “great, now I have an excuse.”

“You never need an excuse to cat pile Roro.”

“No, no, I mean an excuse to stay in here and not leave.”

Logan groans in sympathy. “You too?”

Roman buries his head in Remus’s shoulder and groans. “If I have to deal with them making me feel all fuzzy and warm for two more minutes, I’m gonna throw something.”

“That’s my line!”

“Well, now it’s both.”

“I can live with that. Move your knee.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“I know the feeling,” Logan says as he leans back in the chair, “and it’s not—we’re all the same age.”

“Oh, no, I’m older than Remus.”

“You are not!”

“Ah! Don’t! I’m gonna fall!”

“No falling off my bed,” Virgil says sharply, “you know that’s just gonna summon both of them.”

“Oh, shit,” Remus mutters, quickly scrabbling for a better hold on Roman and hauling him more securely onto the bed, “definitely don’t want that.”

“But yeah, Logan,” Roman says, “we’re all the same age. Why they insist on parenting all of us is beyond me.”

“You’re the assholes who’ve been treating it like your own personal sitcom-science experiment,” Virgil points out, lazily waving his hand in Logan’s direction, “you tell me.”

“I can’t draw conclusions now,” Logan mutters, “this is a whole new set of data.”

“That sounds like a whole new set of bull.”

“Ooh!” Remus sticks his head up from behind Roman. “I’ve got a protein shake for you to try!”

“No,” Roman says firmly, wresting his brother back onto the bed as Remus tries to go somewhere, “no one is drinking that protein shake. I am not letting it anywhere near anyone.”

Logan furrows his brow, glancing at Virgil.

“You remember that TikTok?”

Logan’s eyes widen in understanding and he shudders. “Absolutely not, Remus.”

“Party poopers.”

“I do get what you guys mean now,” Virgil says, drawing their attention away from that topic of conversation.

“About what?”

Virgil smirks. “It is pretty cute.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

He gasps theatrically, covering his face with his hands. “I made Logan swear!”

“Logan, such language,” Roman teases as Remus gasps too, “what would Patton say?”

“What would I say about what?”

You know that solidarity you have when you’ve just been jump-scared by someone you really don’t want to talk to right now? When you could’ve been arguing to the death but then you suddenly have another person to deal with and you’d rather try and get into the astral plane with your corporeal form?

All of their mouths snap shut as soon as Patton and Janus walk into the room.

Patton looks around at them. “Well, that’s a bit suspicious.”

No one says a goddamn thing. Virgil risks a glance at Roman and Remus and the two of them bury their heads in each other’s shoulders to avoid eye contact.

Janus sighs. “Please, by all means, continue to behave as if we don’t know you’re talking about us.”

Nope. Not taking the bait. Being quiet. Not saying a word.

Logan taps his fingers idly on the cover of his closed notebook and Virgil leans against the wall. They make eye contact and for once, no facial conversation is needed.

He can feel Janus’s gaze roaming over them, as if trying to see which one will sell the others out and sink first. A strange bubbly feeling starts to fill Virgil’s stomach as he realizes that they won’t. Not one of them is moving a goddamn muscle.

He snorts.

Janus’s gaze darts to him and he bites his knuckle to try and stop himself from doing it again.

Then Logan does it too.

Then the twins are muffling giggles in each other’s shoulders.

Patton frowns. “What’s so funny?”

And they’re gone. They’re laughing so hard it’s a miracle no one falls over, gasping for breath as they realize what the fuck just happened.

Patton and Janus stand there in confusion as the four of them go to pieces, each more entertained than the last at how quickly they snapped into acting like misbehaving children caught by their parents.

And if the only thing that stops them is Patton asking who made the smoothie downstairs, well, that’s their business.