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One day, I promise that I will bring you home with me.
There was a flicker of memory. From all the times you remembered that night, it had to be now. It felt like such a long time ago even though roughly four month just passed after the confession and promises that were shared between you. You really missed it, the feeling of security every time he was close to you.
When your days just filled with you complaining about the bland food, when your ears filled with your comrade's laughter that was ringing within the mess hall, when every night made you feel so giddy since you would talk with a certain tall, lovely, dark-haired man.
You were sure that he would go to the Military Police, along with Annie, someone that you often saw his eyes rested on to.
I will be known as a hero, a warrior that fulfilled his duty.
But that time after the top cadet was called (and of course he was one of the top ten, with how good of a soldier he was), he called out to you, saying that he would follow you to anywhere you go, without any stutter, without any red hue covering his cheeks.
It took you by surprise, all the words that rolled from his tongue. You were the one who usually walked toward him, dragging him around to get some alone time and just rambling about life, you would often gossip about some of your comrades as he was all ears, ready to listen to your theory and spicy jokes.
You remembered how different he was on that last night in the training corps. His hand gently wrapped around your wrist, pulling you to your usual rendezvous place. It was not too far from the barracks, but far enough that no one could hear what was being shared while you were alone with him.
His smile that was usually timid could not be seen anywhere as he sat on your left side right after you sat. You wanted to ask and perhaps teased him how he was so assertive today. But as he turned to look at your face, with a confident smile and brown orbs gazing at you as if he was seeing stars, you couldn’t push a word to the air around you.
And, and you will be there.
You were snapped back to present time as you could feel their tug on each of your limbs, locked by their arms, securing you from doing anything reckless. There was no point for your friends to do that though, you couldn't even move a muscle, let alone trying to run to a man who was now too — immobilised under the bright sunlight.
This was not the last memory of him that you wanted to remember. Not something gruesome like this even when everyone would agree that he deserved this kind of death. You were the only one who wanted him to die without pain. Or at least, you were the only one who dared enough to show your real emotion.
You tried to cloud yourself with the memories that you used to share in the past. Particularly, that night when he took your hand to his lap, warm hands engulfed yours on a chilly night. You reconstruct every little detail, refusing to acknowledge his condition in this moment to be the last state of him.
Your mind gave you a vision of how his soft dark locks swayed by the wind, you brought back his voice on your ear as he made a promise with fiery passion dancing in his brown beads, and you felt it again in your forehead too — the softness of his lips as it lingered on your skin for a few seconds that made you feel like you have spent a lifetime with him.
At first I just want to go home, but now,
That color, that hair, your pupils widened when you saw a titan that was too alike to one of your closest friends. It couldn’t be him, that titan couldn’t be Armin. When Jean pulled you away from Bertolt’s body before, you were certain that Captain Levi would inject the titan’s fluid to Commander Erwin.
A bitter laugh slipped from your mouth.
Wasn't this becoming a lot more tragic now?
Blonde, familiar blonde hair started to crawl toward his numb bodies. And now you couldn’t think of anything but the pain that would ensue next if only he was conscious. That was not fair, you think. What if he woke up all of a sudden, what if he could feel his head crushed in between those gigantic teeth. Your comrades would think he deserved it.
No, no. There must be more to the story, you didn't want to believe it, he wouldn't do all of that if he didn't have to.
Now my dream grew.
You swallowed a huge lump as every second passed felt like forever. Armin was so close, and you could do nothing but stay still as you would see your friend eat the man that had your heart since day one you started a conversation with him.
From a sheepish smile and cheeks adorned with pinkish tint on his cheek, how softspoken he was and the caring tone that he had every time he talked to his comrades, to the shine inside his eyes as he talked on and on about how he would come back home one day.
You loved everything that was in the form of Bertolt Hoover.
And it never stopped, even now as you knew that he was a traitor, the one who brought sorrow to everyone inside the wall.
But you didn’t care at this point, since you were certain that whatever he felt, whatever affection he used to give — it was all real .
Please don't wake up, please don't wake up. You could only pray. When those hands snatched his weak body from the rooftop, when the jaw was now wide open as it was ready to devour him like marbled meat, you could only pray that he would keep his eyes shut.
Now my dream consists of you; to be with you as I come back to my homeland.
But brown just decided to meet your eyes.
The grip on your limbs tightened as you let out a pained gasp, heart pounding in your chest as if it would explode at any moment. He smiled, for god sake he smiled. There was relief all over his face when he saw you, when his eyes wandered to everyone.
You wanted to rip off your ear, but with the way your limbs were restrained, you couldn’t do anything to numb your senses.
His scream as he called out to your friends, it was so pure, filled with relief. Somehow deep inside his twisted mind, he thought that he would be saved. Him calling out your name, brown orbs glimmered with pure joy and affection, he was so happy to see your face again.
But the look on his face slowly changed into a morbid one as he realised that neither you nor the others would free him from the death grasp.
Realisation dawned upon him.
He was alone. He was alone now.
Reiner wouldn't save him, his comrades were far gone, retreating to perhaps the homeland that he always wanted to take you to. Annie was still inside her crystal, avoiding either questions or torture from people in Paradis, saving herself until the time would come when she could meet his father again.
And you, with your limbs locked by Connie and Jean, you could only watch as someone that once promised his heart to you, now paying the sin that he was forced to make. Head slowly rested inbetween wide, pristine teeth, one that belonged to a friend that he had to burn before just so he could come back to his homeland without being afraid of being mistreated anymore.
“Let him go.”
It was Jean, you knew him, he was always good when it came to comforting and giving you some assurance here and there. The words that he said could usually ease you within seconds. Though, right now it didn’t give you any kind of impact, not even a slightest.
You were still trying to free your limbs from their grasps, squirming around as you wanted to do something, anything. Maybe you could give him one last hug, one last kiss. He never tasted your lips and you wanted him to know, to feel as two souls mould into one from a simple contact. He was not conscious before when you captured his lips as you said your final goodbye.
Before Jean took you away, before Captain Levi shouted out to all of you that he would let Commander Erwin ate the incapacitated soldier. No, warrior.
Still. Tears once again, cascading down your cheek as you wanted to save him, a traitor.
“Let him go, he deserve—”
“No he’s not!” You screamed, though your eyes never left him as his lips now shaped into a soft smile. “You don’t know about it, Jean! What if he was forced?!”
It was no use, there was nothing else that you could do. There were no words that could redeem his crime, and you knew it. As the victim of him and his comrades, you knew it. No one would change their mind. Hell, even though they were, it was not possible to save him as those wide teeth started closing in.
Funny how life works in this universe, how it was so easy to take one life over and over. Sometimes, sometimes it was becoming a task that had to be done, just so they could survive and see another day. Just so he could live, and feeling the blessing of how it feels to be born in this world.
But this time as his brown eyes peered at you, at the last millisecond of his life, he knew that he couldn't bide time anymore, that the devil had now finally pulled him to the deepest pit of hell, demanding payment. There was no tomorrow or even later for him, this last second was the only time for him to take a good look at you.
Maybe it was enough, the past few years was enough for him to know how it feels to live a possibly normal life. As a soldier, as a teenager who learned new things about life, about how turns out this island was not filled with devils.
He got his chance to live as if there was no soul waiting for him in the afterlife to see him suffer for all the blood in his hands that he was responsible to. He got his chance to live without being haunted that he was not worth living in this world for being born as an Eldian.
And from all, he got his chance to live as a normal human, to be in love, to be loved by another human being. By you, an angel that perhaps forgot their place, an angel that spread their wings in hell, just to fall for someone like him.
You were someone that once made a promise to him on that same night, someone who would love him still despite someday a certain condition would reveal that he was not just a mere soldier. That he was not like what he always said to everyone.
As his eyes locked with yours at this time, he knew that you were the same person, and he knew too from the emotion inside your eyes — he could see that you fulfilled that promise of yours to keep loving him.
Despite all things, despite the remembrance of how he was one of the people who were responsible for the terror that kept lingering in your life.
You were still there, beautiful eyes locked with his with nothing but love, accompanying him to get through the agonizing remaining time of his life.
To assure him that your heart belonged to him, until the last beat of his heart.
And now as you watched how he would be forever out of reach, how the torso that you used to hug as you seek warm was now torn apart, how his hair that you used to run your hand into was now covered with red — you could only wish and pray inside your heart as you screamed in anguish.
That perhaps someday, he would be the one who fulfils his promise to you. Even though that means it was not in this life.
And you hoped, you really hoped, that everything would be so much better then.