Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Happy Tree Museum both needed a better name and the only place you could see a real life frozen Caveman. The caveman or err... marmot was given an uncreative name, the Cro-Marmot. Cro-marmot was everything. He was a rockstar, an epic sportstar, super friendly and last, but not least, extremely sexy. Of course, he was not actually any of these things. People just liked to give traits to blank ice slab because it was funny. It had become a bit of running gag around the town to say Cro-marmot had done or was the best at something. Cro-Marmot was no more than a creature stuck in a cube without thought or feeling. Long dead for many millenniums… Probably.

One night, Lifty and Shifty had just broken into the Museum for the fifth time that year in order to steal valuable artifacts like they always did. Of course this time would also end the exact same as it did usually, with them being captured by Splendid again, the middle part where they stole the actual stuff also went pretty normally until they decided to steal something rather odd.

“Hey Lifty, why don’t we try and steal Cro-marmot” said Shifty as he heft’s a bag of stolen goods over his shoulder

“Why?” Lifty replied.

“Because why not.” Shifty said confused, “It's there and I don’t think we have tried to take it before.”

“Okay then.” Lifty said not questioning how stupid that sounded as he got out a glass cutter in order to get to the caveman. As they got through the display case and behind the cube they began to push it off the display.

“Hey wait why is thing in a dress”

“Hell if I know. I think for some weird promotion for that woman thro-” Shifty was interrupted as the cube clunked into the glass “God dammit, Lifty you made the hole too small to fit this thing through.”

“Lets just shove it!” Lifty said as he and his twin began ramming it in order to get it out. After one more hard push and glass breaks as the frozen cave marmot fell to the ground. The brothers looked in horror as the frozen cube broke open and Cro-marmot fell out.

“Dude I think that the security guards totally heard that” Shifty exclaimed “we need to get bef-” he was interrupted as he heard someone getting up. The twins turned and saw Cro-marmot getting up even though he should have long been dead. They understandably screamed as what should have been dead slowly walked up to them with Club in hand.

Cro-marmot got off the ground and looked around what appeared to be a strange cave. He heard something behind him and turned to see two green raccoons. Confused about how he ended up here, he went up to them in order to ask where he was, but the two raccoons pulled out something black and shiny. Before he could ask what it was, the black thing let off a loud bang and suddenly Cro-marmot arm hurt really bad and he could feel blood flowing from an open wound that suddenly appeared. As more bangs rang out he ran away scared of the thing that could hurt without touching him. Suddenly a strange, tall, blue thing ran in front of Cro-marmot. The thing said something to Cro-marmot but he didn’t understand what he said, but if he did, then he would have known Lumpy just said “Prepare to be tazed bro.” because Lumpy doesn't ask questions first. Cro-marmot was then tazed. As Lumpy went to see if the intruder was passed out, he was knocked out by the intruder instead.
Cro-marmot slowly gets up as nearly killed by a magic thing able to shoot lightning. He sees the exit to the cave but ice seems to cover the exit, However a simple swing from his club manages to crack it and get past it with a few cuts.

As he got out he began to panic, as he looked around and saw how unnaturally bright and loud everything was. As he wandered about, becoming dizzy due to blood loss, he began to cry as he didn’t understand where he was. Nothing looked as it should have. There were tall bright towers everywhere. Suddenly he was surrounded by large beasts that were faster than anything he ever knew, which caused his panic to rise even more. Then one of beast hit him and everything went to black

Flaky was driving Home with her friends, Nutty and Dazzle, or Disco Bear as he was more known by. They had just finished having dinner at a small diner, but Nutty was bouncing around asking for ice cream. “How are you still hungry after you ate all that dessert at the diner?” asked Disco Bear

“There was always room for more candy!” Nutty retorted “Anyways Flaky, look there is an Ice Cream place right over there” He said as he pulled on Flaky’s arm.

As she turns to her friends, she replies “Nutty I can’t have you distracting me from the road, or I might hit someone.”

“Oh like that guy, you're about to hit right now!”

“Exac- Wait what?!” as Flaky turned to see that there was, in fact, a person in front of her. “AAAAAAAHHH!” Flaky screamed as she tried to serve, but couldn’t do it in time and hit him. Flaky quickly parked on the side and all her friends got out to check on the person.

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” DB repeatedly said as he looked at the body

“I-is he a-alive” Nutty said nervously. The body looked okay with the exception of a gash on his arm and several small cuts. Flaky looked closer to see if he was still alive and noticed that he was still breathing. “L-looks like h-he is al-alive, but he n-needs immediate m-medical attention.”

“Already on it, Flaky.” DB with his phone already out.

Flaky looked more at the unfortunate victim of her car and thought how he kinda looked familiar. That’s when she realized who she was looking at. “Hey guys, why does this guy look exactly like Cro-marmot from the Museum?”

Chapter Text

Cro-marmot was dreaming about his last memories before he was frozen, although they were foggy. He was with someone that was very important, but he couldn’t remember exactly what they looked like except that they were blue. They were on top of a glacier, looking at the sunrise on a cold, winter’s morning. It was really nice being with them. Suddenly over the horizon a large flurry of snow was coming towards them. Cro-marmot didn’t run away from it, because at the time, it seemed cool to be in it. When it hit them everything went very cold then very dark. Then he woke up from his dream with a start, though for some reason he feels really, really tired.

He was in a strange, white room on a bed. As he looked around more he noticed some things. His club and clothes were gone and he was covered in bandages. His thoughts of wondering where he was were interrupted when someone came into the room. She was a skunk in a white clothes, with a tiny green tree around her neck. She went over to talk to him, but everything she said sounded distorted. She checked over him and she checked a weird bag connected to his arm. 

He was becoming nervous, because he had no idea where he was or what this thing in his arm was there for. He tried to talk to her asking where he was and why the tube was in his arm though her face only showed confusion. He tried to ask her again and again, becoming more and more panicked. He had begun to cry as he tried to get out of the bed, with the skunk trying to calm him down and keep him in it. Due to him feeling so weak, he can’t fight her off. Satisfied with seemingly calming him down she leaves and goes out into the hall.

He was all alone again. He didn’t know why he had been brought here nor knew if he was in danger or not. Even if he wasn’t in immediate danger he would have rather had his club to be with him. He looked around the room for anything he could use to defend himself. He turns to the bag with a tube leading into his arm and sees a long pole he could use as a makeshift weapon. He slowly inched in order to get it. He manages to get out of the bed, well more like falling out of it. He got back up shakily and grabbed the pole. As he handles the pole, he is reminded of someone who used a pole-like weapon. A Spear, was that what it was called? As he looks around he notices a small box with what appears to be small animals inside of it. This was going to be his first target with his brand new weapon.

Flaky and her friends had just come to the hospital in order to make sure that the guy she hit was okay. Others had also come because they had heard that Cro-marmot was in fact alive and not dead in an ice cube. 

Cuddles said “Are you really sure that this guy is really Cro-marmot?”

“I mean you saw the security tapes that were released this morning! That was clearly Cro-marmot getting up after the ice cube broke!” Giggles retorted. “It is not even worth discussing.”

“Why are you guys arguing about whether or not this guy was the caveman,” Sniffles said as he jumped into the conversation “What matters is that him being alive could provide valuable information about cryogenic freezing. This guy could be a real break through”

“Well tell your breakthrough not to break my nose.” Lumpy grumbled as tried avilate the pain in his nose.

“Come on guys. This man is hurt.” said Flaky “He’s probably scared not knowing where h-he is.”

Just then Petunia came out from the hospital room where our caveman was currently healing.”Hey Flaky. Hey uh, everyone else,” she said “wow you pretty much brought the entire town.”

“I mean it’s not everyday you get to see a live c-caveman. By the way, how is Cro-marmot doing?

“Well he is doing fine as he didn’t seem to be any other injuries besides the cuts which we have already bandaged.

“Okay, okay so he is doing good?”

“Well he did get a bit scared once he woke up and tried to get out of bed, but I think I was able to calm him down.”

“I mean I guess anyone would be if they ended up in a world they didn’t know.”

“Anyway, Flaky, you and your friends can come in, but everyone else needs to stay outside so he doesn’t get overwhelmed. So would you please come back.”

As they began to walk down the white halls, they heard a scream ring out. “Oh no, that sounded Like Cro-Marmot!” said Petunia.

As they ran into the hospital room they saw Cro-marmot attacking the television with the stand. Petunia and Disco Bear began to try and take it away, Cro-marmot turned the stand on them and began to attack them. As Cro-marmot began to poke Disco Bear’s belly with his makeshift spear, Disco Bear managed to yank it out of his hands. Cro-marmot, now defenseless, is forced back into the corner of his hospital room. As he realizes he has nowhere to escape, he began to break down and cry. As he huddles in the corner, everyone else is trying to think of a way to calm him down. Suddenly Nutty came forward, grabbing candy out from his hoodie. “Hey buddy, want to have some candy?” Nutty said as he unwrapped a piece for him. Cro-marmot got out of his huddled position and dazzlingly looked at the shiny piece of candy and cautiously took it. As he put it in the piece in his mouth, he was suddenly hit by an amazingly sweet taste of this new food. This sharing of a sweet treat appeared to calm him down a little bit. He got back to his feet and felt a little less nervous of all the people in the room with him. “Are you feelin, better Friend,” Nutty said. “F-friends?” Cro-marmot said happily.

Nutty looks around at DB and Petunia, shocked looking both at Nutty, shocked with how he managed to calm someone down, and Cro-marmot, actually saying some people could understand for once. “How did you do that?” Said Petunia 

“Do what?” Said Nutty before he realized “Oh you mean how I calmed him down? I did the exact same thing when I first met Flaky.” 

“Oh, wow! I never thought of you being capable of doing that. Anyway since he is okay now, we will have to begin to think of where he is going to stay since doesn’t have a home.”

“Unfortunately, he can’t stay with me due to my house not really meant for two people.” Flaky said “How about him staying with DB?” 

“Sorry. No can do.” Disco Bear replied “Lumpy ran straight through my house so it’s being rebuilt.”

“Isn’t your house in a tree?”

“Yes.”

“Oh he can stay with me!” exclaimed Nutty

Disco Bear and Flaky look at each other before saying “I guess?.”

After all staying at Nutty’s couldn’t be the worst, right?