Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"The Stinklebaum Pamphlet," Dr. Minyak, Time Jerker, and Toddler said all at once while Ray looked ashamed at the floor. He was in full Captain Man attire.

"Have you read this?" the three dauntingly the document in front of Ray.

"Captain Man had an ex-sidekick! And he wrote it down right there," the three continued, clearly excited about this.

"Highlights!" The Time Jerker called out tossing a few copies of the paper.

"The charge against me is a connection with one Drex Stinklebaum for purposes of hiding the facts. My real crime is the fact he used to be my sidekick, for a considerable time, giving his fighting knowledge. I had frequent meetings with him, most of them at my Man-Cave," Ray said, as Dr. Minyak read along with him.

"At his Man-Cave!" The Toddler followed.

"At his Man-Cave!" The Time Jerker called out.

"Damn!" Schwoz called with his voice changer.

"Kid Danger being absent, as he was not yet my sidekick," Ray and Dr. Minyak said.

"No..." The Toddler and Time Jerker said in unison.

"Boo," the other villains reading the document said.

"Have you read this?" the group of three called out.

"Well, he's never gon' be the hero now," Dr. Minyak said, glad to be humiliating Captain Man.

"Never gon' be the hero now," the Toddler and Time Jerker said, equally glad. They repeated it twice more, tossing papers at unsuspecting people.

"That's one less thing to worry about," Dr. Minyak said, dropping his paper at Ray's feet.

"That's one less thing to worry about," The Time Jerker and Toddler said, also dropping their papers.

"I came as soon as I heard," Charlotte exclaimed, clearly upset.

"Whaaaaaat?" Dr. Minyak said, running away from the two to watch what happens. He wanted Charlotte to have her super-strength he gave her to destroy Captain Man right then and there.

"Charlotte..." Ray said in a pleading tone.

"All the way from vacation?" Toddler and Time Jerker said, also getting away from the two.

"Damn!" Schwoz said, clearly having a little fun.

"Charlotte, thank God. Someone who understands what I'm struggling here to do," Ray said in the same pleading tone.

"I'm not here for you!" Charlotte said, angry to Hell and back.

"Oooooh," all the villains said, intrigued.

"I know Henry like I know my own mind," Charlotte said, getting up into a terrified Ray's face, "You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind! I love my friend more than anything in this life. I will choose his happiness over mine every time. Put what we had aside. I'm standing at his side! You could never be satisfied, God, I hope you're satisfied!" Charlotte walked off in an angry rage. Everyone but Ray was disappointed that she didn't hurt him, but it wouldn't have affected the indestructible man.

"Well, he's never gon' be the hero now!" Minyak said, in the same daunting tone. The Toddler and Time Jerker echoed him as he repeated the phrase.

"That's one less thing to worry about," Dr. Minyak said, raising his arms to the group of villains.

"That's one less thing to worry about," everyone responded. Ray was getting a little fed up with the constant teasing and humiliation. He greatly wished that his reputation was just as indestructible as he was.

"The Stinklebaum Pamphlet!" everyone said.

"Have you read this?" Dr. Minyak, Toddler, and Time Jerker said. Dr. Minyak handed a paper to Schwoz. Schwoz knew the whole story, but he still found this fun.

"You ever see somebody ruin their own life?" the trio said, casting a glance at Ray.

"Poor Henry..." Charlotte, Schwoz, and Jasper said together.

Chapter Text

"I saved every costume you gave me

"From the moment I wore them, I knew we were a team

"You said we were a team

"I thought we were a team

"Do you know what Charlotte said

"When she first found out about Kid Danger?

"She said

"'Be careful with that job, love

You must do what it takes to survive'

"You and your beeps flooded my senses

"Your alerts left me defenseless

"You built me palaces out of missions

"You built cathedrals

"I'm rewearing the costumes you gave me

"I'm searching and scanning for answers in every stich

"For some kind of sign, and when we were a team

"The world seemed to burn," Henry lit the pile of clothing in front of him on fire and stepped away.

"Burn

"You published the letter he wrote you

"You told the whole world how you brought this man as your sidekick

"In clearing your name, you have ruined our lives

"Do you know what Charlotte said

"When she heard what you'd done?

"She said

"'You are overreacting, Henry

Don't do anything you'll regret'

"You and your beeps, obsessed with your powers

"Your alerts border on senseless

"And you are paranoid in every mission

"How they perceive you

"You, you, you

"I'm erasing myself from the news reports

"Let future reporters wonder how Kid Danger reacted when he found out he was second

"You have torn it all apart, I'm watching it

"Burn

"Watching it burn

"The world has no right to my heart

"The world has no place in your cave

"They don't get to know what I said

"I'm burning the memories

"Burning the gadgets that might have redeemed you

"You forfeit all rights to my heart

"I forfeit the place in your cave

"You sleep in your cave instead

"With only the memories of when we were a team

"I hope that you burn," Henry finished. He stood close to the fire. Jasper walked into the backyard, followed closely by Charlotte. Jasper put out the fire, completely ruining the moment Henry just had.

"Dude, you could've at least waited until the watch was half melted!" Henry complained.

"Don't complain to me, Charlotte wanted me to put it out," Jasper said, raising his hands in defeat.

"Because he's being dramatic! Let's go to the Man-Cave, Ray has something to say to you," Charlotte said, dragging Henry off against his will.

Chapter Text

Henry sighed softly as he brushed Veronika's hair away from her face. Veronika held back tears as she stared at the mountain Captain Man just fell down.

Henry: They made you cry
But that will end tonight
You are the only thing that's right
About this broken world
Go on and cry
But when the morning comes
We'll burn it down and then
We'll build the world again
Our love is God

Veronika: Are you okay?

Henry: I was alone
I was a frozen lake
But then you melted me awake
See, now I'm crying too
You're not alone

Veronika: You're not alone

Henry: And when the morning comes

Veronika: When the morning comes

Henry: We'll burn away that tear, and raise our city here

Veronika: Raise our city here

Both: Our love is God

Captain Man: Yeah-lo?

Henry: Hi, Capt, it's Kid Danger... I'm sorry for leaving you guys for that Wall Dogs girl. How about we arrest her and turn the Wall Dogs in?

Captain: Wowuhh... Sure, where are you, Kid?

Henry: Aht aht, if you want it to come true, meet us at the cemetery, at dawn

Captain: It was Kid!

Charlotte: Wow, and we didn't have to buy him a pizza!

Captain: Punch it in! Whaat?! Hahaha!

Henry: We can start and finish wars

Both: We're what killed the dinosaurs
We're the asteroid that's overdue
The dinosaurs choked on the dust
They died because God said they must
The new world needed room
For me and you

Henry: I worship you
I'd trade my life for yours
They all will disappear
We'll plant our garden here

Veronika: Plant our garden here

Henry and Veronika: Our love is God

Our love is God (Henry shows two weapons similar to guns and four bullets)

Veronika: Whoa. Is that real?

Henry: Yeah, but we're filling it with "Jollybeetle tear" bullets

Veronika: Jollybeetle...? What?

Henry: I took them from Captain Man, Schwoz made them. He used them to temporarily stun bad guys to take them to jail.
We will use them to knock Captain Man out long enough to make it look like a suicide.
Complete with a forged suicide note (Henry waves a small piece of paper, with Ray's "Captain Man" signature on the outside)
"I died because I had to hide my gay forbidden love from a misapproving world."
And when the morning comes
He'll be a laughing stock

Both: So let's go hunt some cops!

Captain Man: Hey Kid Danger!
So, where are the Wall Dogs?!

Henry: Be quieter, Capt, where are the handcuffs?

Captain: Okaaay... Right here

Charlotte: What am I supposed to do?

Henry: Well, I was hoping you could stall Veronika long enough

Charlotte: Yeah, I can do that

Henry: We leave on the count of three

Henry, Captain, and Charlotte: One... two

Veronika: Three (Veronika turns around and shoots at Captain Man, missing. Herny shoots Charlotte, making her fall to the ground)

Captain: Holy crap! (Captain Man starts running away, despite being very indestructible)

Henry: Stay there! I'll get him

Captain: You killed Charlotte!!

Veronika: Char? (Veronika falls to her knees, seeing blood)

Captain: Why are you chasing me!?

Veronika: Char? You're just unconscious, right? Char? Charlotte!

Henry: Get off the fence! Get off the damn fence!

Captain: I don't understand!

Henry: We can start and finish wars
We're what killed the dinosaurs
We're the asteroid that's overdue

Captain: Stop being a dick!

Henry: The dinosaurs will turn to dust

Captain: What does that mean?!

Henry: They'll die because we say they must (Henry shoots Captain Man and helps Veronika to her feet)

Veronika: What the fuck have you done?!

Henry: ...I worship you
I'd trade my life for yours
We'll make them disappear
We'll plant our garden here
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God

Veronika: Our love is God

Henry: Our love is God

Veronika: Our love is God...!

Chapter Text

Ray: So, since the day I accidentally hit my dad's machine, let's just say my fun was destroyed on more than one occasion. First things first, I'm pulled out of school to learn how to be a hero called Captain Man! And I'm like ...Okay. Then my father died, so naturally, I am shown to the world to fight crime. Really helps with the whole grieving process, y'know? But still! I'm like, okay! Oh! But thank God! They rescued me just in time to have Schwoz build my Man-Cave! A man who worked for my dead father. Okay, so I'm thinking... Bit weird, but if you saw him in the turn of the century, he was still weird. So, seven years later! He's built the whole place and we're testing gadgets. He was working really hard. And I'm like, uh, okay? Then he starts coming to work late. "I was just out with my horse sister", but my girlfriend's lipstick is on his jumpsuit. And I'm like oKAY! So then, my girlfriend breaks up with me, she moves into SCHWOZ'S ROOM! AND HE STILL WANTS TO WORK HERE! Now, I don't think I would like seeing her all the time. So, I'm like, no way.

Ray: You must agree that, Schwoz, all the time you've been at my side!
I've never lost control no matter how many times you both lied!
Had my golden rule! Gotta keep my cool, yeah, Schwoz

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: You know he's gotta keep his cool!

Ray: And even though you've had your fun, running around with my girlfriend!
And even though you've had one date with someone who doesn't earn your ring!
No matter what I heard, I didn't say a word, noooo, SCHWOZ

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: You know he's never said a word

Ray: I've put up with your SHH- like every single day.

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: Whoa! Whoa!

Ray: But now it's time to SHH and listen when I say!
You must think that I'm crazy!
You wanna stay!
Schwoz, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: If you think for a moment, I'll let you keep employment
Just hold up!
There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: No way! No waaaay! There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: No way! No waaay! There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: No waaaaay!
So, you've built the whole place from scratch!
You say it's a piticus, quoting yourself-icus, that everything will break!
Well, Schwoz, weren't you there when I fixed the Man-Toliet? Oh? Don't remember?

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: Toilets are so easy to fix?

Ray: You're just so full of sh- Must think that I'm naive

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: Whoa! Whoa!

Ray: I won't back down, won't shh, and know you'll be leaving!
You must think that I'm crazy!
You wanna stay!
Schwoz, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: You must think that it's funny, stealing my honey
There's noooooooo way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: Nooooooooo way!

Ray: No way! (To Gooch) No way, right?- No way- That's right!- There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: No way! No wayyy! There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way! There's no way! (To Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper) Dance it out, guys!

~ Dance break for our boys and Charlotte ~

Ray: You've gotta get down on your knees and tell me what I've done, I thought you were humble, loyal, and tried to swallow down your pride all along
If you can explain a single thing I've done to cause you pain, you can stay

Schwoz: Well, I could st-

Ray: No? You've got nothing to say! Sounds like you're going away! There's noo waaaaayyyy!
You must think that I'm crazy!
I've been trying to replace you!
Schwoz. There's-

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: You made me the Cave!
So, I'll be its king for the rest of my liiiife!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way! No way!

Ray: There's no way! There's n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no waaaaayyyyyy!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: No way!

Ray: NOOOOO WAAAAY! Yeeeeahhh, whoooaaa yeah! There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Henry, Charlotte, and Jasper: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!

Ray: No way!

Ray: So anyway, I've had it worse than Schwoz. And I hit that middle C, so like, no one steal my crown, por favor.

Chapter Text

Henry: What a weekend, I'm literally like, dead.

Bose: Wait, um, didn't you actually die?

Henry: Yeah, it was SO extra
Anyway, yeah, I'm obvs the winner, so I think I'll do another solo
So, my next song is the one I wrote after I found out Kid Danger was supposed to die.
It's called "Wearing Yellow to a Funeral"
Please sing along if you know the words

KID DANGER WAS A MASSIVE-

Danger Force kids: NOOOOO

Charlotte: Who decided you were the winner???

Jasper: He just wants another turn!!

Ray: HA! OVER MY DEAD BODY!  

Chapter Text

Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!

Down on your knees before the Captain.

Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!

Down on your knees before the Captain.

Ray Manchester was a popular bitch. (Mm-hmm.)

Hot bod, hot girl, Captain Man, plus he was rich. (Oh, yeah.)

That man had everything till hiccup and hitch:

Brad Belcher was shot by a visibility ray. (In—vis—a—ble)

The nominations for Mr. Swellview came (Uh-huh.)

Our Ray's the last one, and win was his reclaim— (Uh, duh.)

Till gossip stirred the town would name

Brad Belcher, Mr. Swellview. (Pi—ty—vote)

"Ray, " he told himself, "Life is a Prom.

I know you won't disappoint your girl...?"

You taste the silver, Ray! You taste the crown.

You thirst for blood from the roses in hand.

You spoil for sash and scepter, music to dance,

As they crown you Mr. Swellview!

So obsessed, our Ray near lost his mind.

To life un-paegent-related, Ray was blind;

He shoved his job, his clique and girlfriend behind—

Still invisible Brad held to the lead. (Poor, poor Brad)

Soon Ray's sanity was hung by a thread,

Schwoz proclaimed him socially dead,

Till then, at last, his girlfriend texted and said:

"I'm taking Brad to the ceremony." (Love, love Brad)

"Ray, " he told himself, "Why be so free?

There's just no future for a Mr. Swellview nominee..."

You taste the silver, Ray! You taste the crown.

You thirst for blood from the roses in hand.

You spoil for sash and scepter, music to dance,

As they crown you Mr. Swellview!

Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!

Down on your knees before the Captain

Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!

Down on your knees before the Captain

Some men are rational but Ray was not

He stared in mirrors thinking one single thought:

There's ten reasons this crown's not good as got—

And so the night of voting, mercy! Thus went his plot:

"M" is for Mark, drinking poisoned punch.

"R" is for Randell, dashed on a rock (crunch)

"S" is for Samuel when Ray bludgeoned his brains

And "W" is William's wilted remains.

But! But!

"E" is for Eric, eccentric, drowned in the pool.

But "L's" are for Larry and Lenny, laying on a gym floor

"V" is for Victor, viciously ended with a laugh

"E" is for Eddie, echoing for some help in the well

"W" is for Wesley's body waving throughout the theater

An invisible man can bring an end by calling the cops.

You got your silver Ray, you got your crown

You got their blood on your roses in hand

You donned the sash and scepter, doing a dance,

As you crowned you Mr. Swellview!

Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!

God save the Captain

Down on your knees before the Captain

God save the Captain

Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!

Renamed Mr. Swellview

Down on your knees before the Captain

Renamed Mr. Swellview

They wrapped your wrists in silver, they took your crown

As they washed your bloody fingers and hands.

Into a tight straitjacket, small padded cell,

As you screamed, "I'm still Mr. Swellview!"

At least in your head, you're still Mr. Swellview

Pity the dead! You're still Mr. Swellview

(Check Ray, Choose Ray, Vote for Ray Manchester.)

(Check Ray, Choose Ray, Vote for Ray Manchester.)

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Ray: I was younger than you are now

When I was given my first crime alert

I walked straight into a massacre

I witnessed their deaths firsthand

I made every mistake and felt the shame rise in me

And even now I lie awake, knowing Swellview has its eyes on me

Swellview has its eyes on me

Let me tell you what I wish I'd known

When I was young and dreamed of glory

You have no control who lives, who dies, who gives the news stories

I know that we can win

I know that greatness lies in you

But remember from here on in, Swellview has its eyes on you

Swellview has its eyes on you!

Chapter Text

Drex: You could use a buddy
Don't you want a pal?
Yes, I do! Yes, I do!
Boy, the way I see it
Your captain should be leavin'
And you should stick around
And kill him! 

Jasper: What? 

Drex: Nothing
So, Jasper, don't overwork yourself
Defend yourself
Captain Man is the one you should maim
Together we'll exterminate, assassinate 

Jasper: No! 

Drex: The finer points can wait
But first, you gotta say my name
Go ahead and jump but that won't stop him
Here you got a solid plan B option
I can bring Captain Man so much pain
All you gotta do is say my name
Boy, just say it three times in a row
Then you won't believe how far I'll go
I'm on the bench, but Coach
Just put me in the game
All you gotta do is say my name 

Jasper: I don't know your name 

Drex: Well, I can't say it 

Jasper: How 'bout a game of charades? 

Drex: Yes, let's play it 

Jasper: One word 

Drex: Right 

Jasper: Second syllable 

Drex: Uh-huh 

Jasper: Chicken? 

Drex: No 

Jasper: Monster? 

Drex: No 

Jasper: Dino? 

Drex: No 

Jasper: Rex? 

Drex: Yes 

Jasper: Okay
First syllable 

Drex: Okay 

Jasper: Bulb? 

Drex: No 

Jasper: C? 

Drex: Close, but no 

Jasper: D? 

Drex: Yes 

Jasper: Drex? 

Drex: Wow, I'm impressed
And all you gotta do is say my name three times
Three times in a row it must be spoken
Unbroken
Ready? 

Jasper: Yeah 

Drex: Okay, go 

Jasper: Drex 

Drex: Yes 

Jasper: Drex 

Drex: Yes 

Jasper: Drrrrrreee 

Drex: Oh, oh, this is gonna be so good 

Jasper: -adful

Drex: What? 

Jasper: You're so smart
A stand-up bro
I'll think about your offer
Let you know
But I prefer my chances down below
Drex 

Drex: Yes 

Jasper: Drex 

Drex: Yes 

Jasper: Dramatically young and alone doesn't mean that I'm an easy mark
I've been swimming with piranhas
I don't need a shark
Yes, life sucks
But not that much
Okay, Drex
Drex
Drop the act and spare the lecture 

Drex: I'm offering you a full-time specter 

Jasper: Are you any good? 

Drex: You bet'cha
Trust me, baby 

Jasper: I just met ya
Really it's a flattering offer

Drex: Don't you wanna see the Man suffer? 

Jasper: I think I'd rather just jump off 

Drex: No! 

Jasper: I may be suicidal
But Drex, it's not as if I've lost my mind

Drex: So, playing hardball, huh?
You are tougher than you look 

Jasper: Just wanna make sure I know who I'm working with
Got any references? 

Henry: Jasp! There you are! 

Charlotte: Are you alright?! 

Drex: H-Dog, C-Town, my old pals 

Charlotte: You get away from him! 

Henry: Jasp, this is a dangerously unstable individual 

Charlotte: Drex is sexy 

Henry: Drex is smart

Both: Drex is a graduate of Juilliard!
He can help
We found him on Yelp
Our troubles all ended on the day that we befriended him
Every word is the truth
Drex, Drex, Drex 

Charlotte: What the heck was that?! 

Henry: So violating 

Drex: There you go, kid
Couple of five-star reviews 

Jasper: What was that? 

Drex: That was possession
Any ghost can do that in less than one lesson 

Jasper: Any ghost? 

Drex: Pretty much, any ghost'll do sure 

Jasper: Then, Drex, what do I need you for? 

Drex: Woah, woah, woah woah woah
Hold up, hold up, dude, I'm your pal
They're sweet, but I'm a demon straight from Hell
I know, I went a little hard on the sell
But we're BF-F-F-F's forever
(Jasper shoves Drex away) Agh!!!! 

Charlotte and Henry: Jasper!! 

Jasper: What? He was already dead
And you heard what he said, any ghost can do that possession stuff
We don't need that demon
The three of us alone can wreck Captain Man's evening
Together we can make a grown man weep
Guys, I got a dinner date to keep

Henry: Okay, so what's the plan?

Jasper: Teach Ray a lesson
He's gonna freak when we possess him
So he wants the perfect worker
I'll lead that lamb to slaughter
Yeah, I got game
I'm gonna make him say my name

Henry and Charlotte: Make him say your name

Jasper: I'll make him say my name

Henry and Charlotte: Make him say your name

Jasper: I'll make him say my name

Henry and Charlotte: Make him say your name

All three: Not running away

Jasper: I'll make him say my name

Chapter Text

Ray: Are we going to have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You've come so far
Why now are you pulling on my dick?
I'd normally blast your face off
And everyone here can watch
But I'm feeling nice
Here's some advice
Listen up, biotch!

Henry and Schwoz: I like!

Ray: Looking hot, buying stuff they cannot

Henry and Schwoz: I like!

Ray: Drinking hard, maxing my credit cards

Henry and Schwoz: I like!

Ray: Skipping work, scaring him, screwing her

Henry and Schwoz: I like!

Ray: Killer clothes

Man Squad: Kicking criminals in the nose!

Ray: If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls
Let Jasper fix you a snack

Henry and Schwoz: Woah!

Ray: Or you could come work
Crack some codes
In my Man Cave with Schwoz

Man Squad: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatcha waiting for?
Step into my Man Cave
Time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore
Then step into my Man Cave

Ray and Schwoz: Gadgets fall

Henry: At your feet
Protect you

Schwoz: Help you fight

Man Squad: All you

Henry: Have to do

Ray: Say goodbye to Jasper

Man Squad: That kid's

Schwoz: Not your only friend
I can tell in the end

Man Squad: If he

Henry: Had your shot

Man Squad: He would leave you to rot!

Schwoz: 'Course, if you don't care
Fine! Have him braid your hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on

Man Squad: Woah!

Schwoz: Or forget that loser

Henry: Look at my laser

Ray: Let's go arrest another criminal!

Man Squad: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatcha waiting for?
Step into my Man Cave
Time for you to prove you're not a pussy anymore
Then step into my Man Cave

Ray: You can join the team

Henry and Schwoz: Or you can bitch and moan

Ray: You can live the dream

Henry and Schwoz: Or you can die alone

Ray: You can fly with eagles

Man Squad: Or if you prefer

Ray: Keep on testing me

Henry and Schwoz: And end up like him!

Jasper: Charlotte! Look!
Captain Man invited me to his next Swellview speech
This proves he knows who I am!

Charlotte: Color me stoked

Jasper: I'm so happy!

Man Squad: Woooooahh!

Henry: Honey, whAAATCHAA WAAAIIITING FO-

Ray: SHUT UP, HENRY!
Step into my Man Cave

Henry and Schwoz: Time for you to prove
You're not a lame-ass anymore
Then step into my Man Cave

Man Squad: It's my Man Cave
It's my Man
It's my Man Cave
It's my Man
It's my Man Cave
It's my MAAAN CAAAAVE!

Chapter Text

Henry: Schwoz, do you yield?

Charlotte:You shot him in the side
Yes, he yields

Jasper: I'm satisfied!!

Charlotte: Yo, we gotta clear the field

Henry: Go! We won

Crowd: Here comes the captain!

Charlotte: This should be fun...

Ray: What is the meaning of this?
Charlotte, get a Gooch down here

Charlotte: Yes, Ray

Ray: Schwoz, you will never agree with me
But believe me, these young men don't speak for me
Thank you for your work

Charlotte: Let's ride

Ray: Henry

Henry: Sir

Ray: Meet me inside

Crowd: Meet him inside
Meet him inside
Meet him inside, meet him, meet him inside

Ray: Son-

Henry: Don't call me son

Ray: This crime wave is hard enough
Without infighting

Henry: Schwoz called you out
We called his bluff

Ray: You solved nothing, you aggravate the only person who can build our weapons

Henry: You're absolutely right, Jasp should have shot him in the mouth
That would've shut him up

Ray: Son-

Henry: I'm notcha son

Ray: Watch your tone
I am not a maiden in need of defending, I am grown

Henry: Schwoz and Drax
These men take your name and they rake it
Through the mud

Ray: My name's been through a lot, I can take it

Henry: Well, I don't have your name
I don't have your titles
I don't have your rewards
But, if you-

Ray: No.

Henry: If you gave me time to fight crime alone
I could prove myself worthy of my title

Ray: Or you could die and we need you alive

Henry: I'm more than willing to die!

Ray: Your mom needs you alive, son, I need you alive

Henry: CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME!

Ray:

Henry:

Ray: Go home, Henry

That's an order from your boss

Henry: Sir-

Ray: Go home.

Chapter Text

Henry: Knock, knock. Sorry for coming through the window. Dreadful etiquette, I know.

Charlotte: Get out of my house.

Henry: Hiding in the closet? Come on! Open the door.;

Charlotte: No, I'll scream, my parents will call the police.

Henry: All is forgiven, baby. Come on out and get dressed! You're my date to the pep rally tonight!

Charlotte: What? Why?

Henry: Your classmates thought they were signing a petition. You gotta come out here and see what they really signed!
(Singing) You chucked me out like I was trash,
For that you should be dead,
But! But! But!
Then it hit me like a flash,
What if high school went away instead?
Those assholes are the key,
They're keeping you away from me.
They made you blind, messed up your mind,
But I can set you free!
You left me and I fell apart.
I punched the wall and cried,
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Then I found you changed my heart,
And set loose all that truthful shit inside!
And so I took a bomb!
Tonight our school is Vietnam!
Let's guarantee they never see their senior prom!
I was meant to be yours.
We were meant to be one.
Don't give up on me now.
Finish what we've begun.
I was meant to be yours.
So when the high school gym goes “BOOM!”,
With everyone inside,
PCHW! PCHW! PCHW!
In the rubble of their tomb,
We'll plant this note explaining why they died!

Henry and Students: We, the students of Swellview High,
Will die. Our burned bodies will finally get through,
To you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks.
No thanks. Signed the students of Swellview High.
Goodbye.

Henry: We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors,
Bring marshmallows, we'll make s'mores!
We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!
I was meant to be yours.
We were meant to be one.
I can't make it alone.
Finish what we've begun.
You were meant to be mine.
I am all that you need.
You carved open my heart,
Can't just leave me to bleed!
Charlotte! Open the- open the door, please!
Charlotte, open the door!
Charlotte, can we not fight anymore, please?
Can we not fight anymore?
Charlotte, sure, you're scared,
I've been there! I can set you free!
Charlotte, don't make me come in there.
I'm gonna count to three!
One...two...fuck it!
Oh my God...No...Veronica...
Please don't... leave me alone.
You were... all I could trust.
I can't... do this alone. 

Henry and students: Still I will if I must!

Jasper: Charlotte? I made you a snack! Charlotte...? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Charlotte: STOP STOP STOP, NO! I'm so sorry, it's just a joke! I'm so sorry!!

Jasper: IT'S!!!! NOT!!!! FUNNY!!!!!!!! 

Captain Man: What's going on up here?

Movie scene one

Charlotte: Dear Diary, last entry
No one can stop Henry, not the FBI, the CIA, or the PTA. He once told me that the extreme always makes an impression. Well, now it's my turn. Let's see how the son of a bitch reacts to a suicide he didn't perform himself.

Henry: I can't believe you did it... I was teasing. I loved you! Sure, I was... I was coming up here to kill you. First, I was gonna try and get you back with my amazing petition! It's a shame you can't see what our, uh, fellow students really signed. Alright, listen.
We, students of Swellview High will die. Today, our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us. Fuck you all.
It's not very subtle, but, uh, neither's blowing up a whole school, now, is it? Talk about your suicide pacts, huh? When our school blows up tomorrow, it's gonna be the kind of thing to infect a generation!! I mean, it's gonna be a Woodstock for the 80's! Damnit, Charlotte, we could have toasted some marshmallows together.

Second scene;

Charlotte: How do I turn off the goddamn bomb, asshole?

Henry: FUCK YOU!
*Middle finger gets blown off.*
SHIT!