Chapter Text
Dumb Smart People
---7 pm---
James: Guess what?
Meowth: wut
James: We're not playing UNO tomorrow.
Meowth: wait rly?
Meowth: did u finally kill chloé?
Jessie: rude
James: I did not kill Chloé.
Meowth: thats a shame
Meowth: shoot her in the head, lights out
Jessie: bring it midget
Meowth: aight
Meowth: imma cave in ur skull with a brick
Jessie: you can't even reach my head
Meowth: i'll climb ur heather chandler looking ass purely to cave in ur skull
Jessie: oh yeah!?
James: Please stop this and let me finish talking.
Jessie: no
Meowth: no
James: Why do I even put up with you two?
Meowth: u love us
James: Unfortunately.
Jessie: rude
Jessie: also, didnt i tell u to start using lowercase?
James: Go away Chloé.
Meowth: thats the rudest thing ive ever seen u say
Jessie: were u blind and deaf during all of our game things?
Meowth: i was clearly blackout drunk last time, but yes
James: Alix you should really stop doing underage drinking.
Meowth: no❤️
Jessie: you do not get to say anything Adrien
Jessie: you also got drunk last time
James: hey! I was only tipsy.
Meowth: :0 was that adrien agreste using lowercase?
Jessie: yes, tipsy from a small glass of champagne
Jessie: ur such a light weight
James: shut up, at least I don't have the start of an addiction.
Jessie: dw, its not an addiction
Meowth: the only thing im addicted to is monster energy
James: which is almost even worse for your health.
Jessie: anyways, back on track
Meowth: yeah, back on topic
Jessie: more like hot topic seeing ur wardrobe
Meowth: excuse u? i shop at deep satin, it is a quality store that hot topic can't compare to
Jessie: that place sounds like it should be a sex shop
James: I agree.
Meowth: it may share a name with a sex shop a block over, but it's cool
Jessie: ofc it does, I'm not even surprised
Meowth: but it has good stuff!
James: I don't even know what to say.
Jessie: good
James: rude.
Jessie: thanks
James: it wasn't a compliment.
Jessie: i know
Meowth: just got a great idea
James: no, no arson Alix.
Meowth: not what i was gonna say and rude
Jessie: what is it then? if it's not arson then it isn't fun
James: I'm slowly becoming even more concerned for you two.
Meowth: u two can tag along and shop at deep satin next time im going there
Jessie: never in my life
James: no.
Meowth: spoil sports!
Meowth: come onnnnn, adrien u need some kind of teenage rebellion!
Jessie: ... okay i agree on that one
Meowth: pleaseeeee- i promis it will be fun
Meowth: besides, u can have disguises if u wanna
James: ... I'm only going if Chloé is.
Jessie: fine, i wanna see his teenage rebellion
Meowth: yay, this is gonna be great
Meowth: lets sneak out on sunday and do it
James: during the gala?
Meowth: ofc, who do u take me for?
Jessie: oh yeah, tell us y were not gonna play uno?
James: father don't want me going this time.
Meowth: oh...
Jessie: were gonna bust u out of that mansion wearing fancy clothes and drag u along to deep satin even if u like it or not
Meowth: i'll pick the lock on his window if needed, i trust it that u take the grappling hook gun chlo
Jessie: ofc Agent Meowth
James: thanks guys!
Meowth: lets get this teenage rebellion on the road then!!!!
Jessie: whooo!
James: anyways.
James: next time I can go we should play monopoly.
Meowth: no
Jessie: no, since i won last time i get to choose and i choose uno once again
Meowth: besides, monopoly is evil
Jessie: monopoly tore my family apart
Meowth: and gave Chloé underlying anger issues
Jessie: fucking say that to my face
Meowth: i will
James: I get it.
James: lets just get clue instead or something.
Jessie: defeat me at uno first
Meowth: bet
Meowth: were playing all us three during lunch on monday
Jessie: bet
James: fine.
James: prepare to go down Bourgeois.
Jessie: youre on Agreste
Meowth: i'll team up with u adrien
James: yay!
Jessie: I cannot believe this betrayal in my own christian minecraft server
Meowth: im a satanist, u know that
Jessie: yes
Jessie: we should summon a demon tomorrow
Meowth: YES
James: please don't.
Meowth: ur not there to stop us
James: ... fuck.
Jessie: YOU CANT SWEAR ADRIEN!?
Jessie: ALIX, WHAT HAVE U DONE?!?!?
Meowth: UR BLAMING ME!!?????
Jessie: YES
Jessie: YOU CORRUPTED OUR WHOLE CLASS IN YEAR 4
Meowth: ... i see ur point
James: I can't with you two.
James: good bye.
Meowth: bye adrien!!!
Jessie: goodbye sunshine boy
James: bye.
Meowth: and then there were two
Jessie: no
Meowth: rude wtf
Jessie: you're betraying me during uno on Monday tho
Meowth: okay truth
Meowth: but im starting a war
Jessie: what kind of war?
Meowth: blushing war?
Jessie: as in who can make the other blush more times?
Meowth: yup
Jessie: okay, you got yourself a blushing opponent
Jessie: but we need to agree on being honest
Jessie: we gotta tell the other if we blush
Meowth: deal
Jessie: then see u around dream girl ;)
Meowth: ur gonna have to try harder then that
Jessie: damn it
Meowth: see u tomorrow
Meowth: i mean, if i dont see u in my dreams before
Jessie: smooth, but no
Meowth: okay...
Meowth: bye for real then
Jessie: bye midget
Meowth: rude
Jessie: only for u bby ;)
Meowth: ur so bad at flirting wtf
Jessie: okay now whos the rude one hmmm
Meowth: still u, its ur whole MO
Jessie: i dont wanna talk to you more bc you are so mean to me
Meowth: lmao okay
Meowth: bye
Jessie: bye
---7 am---
Meowth: morning all yall
James: never say that again.
Meowth: what do u have against texas ppl?
James: nothing.
James: it's just a ugly word.
Meowth: damn who pissed in ur coffee this morning?
James: firstly, I don't drink coffee.
James: secondly, Hawkmoth's 2 am akumas.
Meowth: oh yeah, i was also awoken by the ripoff bigfoot
Meowth: kinda sad that he wasnt the real one
James: Is Bigfoot even real thought?
Meowth: bigfoot is real and he tried to suck my dick behind a 7/11
James: i thot u were a lesbian?
Meowth: he and mothman is an exception
Meowth: dicks out for mothman
James: okay, yeah I can agree on that one.
Meowth: Mothman tried to sell me PCP at 2 am a couple weeks ago too
James: please tell me you wouldn't actually buy any drugs.
Meowth: none of ur business
James: I need to go, early morning modeling.
Meowth: ugh that sucks
Meowth: u want me to drop by later with crossants from the dc bakery?
James: yes!!!!
James: can you come by the park at 9:30?
Meowth: ofc
Meowth: see u around banana hair
James: rude.
James: but see you then midget... if I can even look that low without getting a crick in my neck.
Meowth: did u get possesed by chloé or something?
James: no.
Meowth: lmao damn, bye
James: bye.
---9 am---
Jessie: wtf why are you two up so early?
Jessie: i mean, Adrien i get
Jessie: but you Alix?
Meowth: early morning jog with kimbo the himbo
Jessie: of course
Jessie: you jocks and your jogs at ass crack of dawn
Meowth: not rly ass crack of dawn
Meowth: 6 am tho
Meowth: and dont call me a jock
Jessie: ... yeah you're more of a prep
Meowth: im even more offended wtf
Meowth: if anyone is a prep its Adrien
Jessie: ... I see your point
Jessie: what are you then?
Meowth: the tomboy
Jessie: ... im making u this group's skater boy
Meowth: SHE WAS A SKATER BOY, SHE SAID "SEE U LATER BOI"
Jessie: ...
Jessie: yes, you are definitely our skater boy
Meowth: thx!
Meowth: does that mean ur the girl in the song?
Jessie: ... 0x1 u bastard
Meowth: njdnjeriie I FORGOT ABOUT THE WAR
Jessie: HOW DO U FORGET ABOUT A WAR!?
Meowth: I DONT KNOW I JUST DID OKAY!??!?
Meowth: im currently in the lead tho :)
Jessie: ew the closed mouth screaming face
Meowth: shut up, i love it
Jessie: fine whatever
Meowth: anyways, but ur the bitchy popular girl of our group :)
Jessie: okay rude
Meowth: I'm only saying the truth
Jessie: shut up nerd
Meowth: ur just as much of a nerd as me
Meowth: oh but look at the time, i need to skate and get some croissants to the model now
Jessie: ... I suppose I should eat breakfast now
Jessie: bye
Meowth: bye girl of my dreams ;)
Jessie: its too early in the morning for your flirting Alix
Meowth: u gonna flirt with me in school?
Jessie: no, our classmates would faint of shock
Meowth: spoil sport
Meowth: ur just scared of loosing
Jessie: FINE
Jessie: flirting in school!
Jessie: but if rumors start? im cutting ur head off
Meowth: how romantic
Meowth: but imma bolt now
Jessie: bye gremlin
Meowth: bye pretty girl
Jessie: try harder
Meowth: harder u say? ;)
Jessie: shut your mouth
Meowth: lmao, bye then
Jessie: bye
---9:32 am---
James: okay what the fuck?
Jessie: DO NOT SWEAR YOU INNOCENT CHILD
James: shut up Chloé I'm older then you.
James: and taller.
Jessie: yes but you are a fucking giant
James: anyways.
James: you know that there will be many rumors as soon as you start flirting, right?
Jessie: yes, but i need to win this war Adri
James: fine, I'm not going to help you with the rumors.
Jessie: imma just threaten to call father dearest
James: oh yeah, I have a question.
James: why did you stop calling him daddy?
Jessie: ...
Jessie: the internet
James: what do you mean by that?
Jessie: don't worry about it oh innocent child
James: you know I'm going to google that, right?
Jessie: yeah, but its your own fault if you google it
James: yeah okay...
James: oh look, Alix is here.
Jessie: bye
James: bye!
---11 am---
Meowth: @Jessie
Meowth: @Jessie
Meowth: @Jessie
Meowth: @Jessie
Meowth: @Jessie
Jessie: what the absolute fuck do you want now you common whore?
Meowth: owtch
Meowth: all I wanted to do was say this:...
Meowth: i thot happiness started with an H, so y does mine start with U?
Jessie: maybe its just dyslexia?
Meowth: ...
Meowth: abcdefghiujklmnopqrstvwxyz
Jessie: ?
Meowth: i put u and i together
Jessie: no, you misspelled desperate
Meowth: r u a hen? bc ur eggsactly what im looking for
Jessie: well, i'd consider me more of an egg, because I'm looking to get laid
Meowth: ... 1x1
Jessie: hahah!
Meowth: it wasnt gonna go like this ;-;
Jessie: suck it up buttercup
Meowth: >;(
Meowth: im gonna go now
Jessie: lmao okay bye sweetheart
Meowth: stopppppppppppp
Jessie: no, this is war
Meowth: ugh fine
Jessie: lmao bye Alix
Meowth: bye~
James: I feel like this is going to escalate in a bad way.
Jessie: ofc it wont, shut ur mouth
James: okay fine.
James: I need to go, it's lunch time.
Jessie: bye model boi
James: bye.
---3 pm---
Meowth: Chloé ur the bees knees
Jessie: did you just make a reference at me bee-ing queen bee?
James: was that a bee pun?
Jessie: no, shut up
Meowth: no- its a compliment
Jessie: okay?
Meowth: :)
Meowth: did u blush?
Jessie: no, that was a bad compliment
Meowth: hmm okay, brb imma come up with something better
Jessie: bye Alix
James: bye!
Jessie: anyways, Adrien are u exited for tonight!?
James: I guess...
James: what do we do if we see someone we recognize?
Jessie: thats y were wearing disguises
James: and not because of paparazzi?
Jessie: that too ofc
James: okay...
James: anyways, I got to go, Nino is here and we're going to play some video games!
Jessie: okay, bye
James: bye!
Meowth: bye adrien
Meowth: anyways chlo, if we were socks we would be a pair
Jessie: we could be a pair while not being socks if you wanna
Meowth: damn it, my flirting is backfiring
Jessie: 2x1? seems like i'm taking the lead
Meowth: not for long
Jessie: ofc
Jessie: well, I need to go
Meowth: oh okay, bye chlo
Jessie: bye gremlin
Meowth: rude
Jessie: u know it
---11:32 pm---
Jessie: were on our way to pick you up adrien
James: okay! i'm putting on a disguise.
Meowth: oh shit, we forgot to get one for chlo
James: don't worry, she can loan clothes from me.
Jessie: thanks, they probably stink of axe body spray
James: rude.
Meowth: oh yeah, fair warning, were slightly tipsy
James: why does this feel like it's gonna go so bad?
Jessie: it would never
Meowth: yeah! this is gonna be awesome!
James: is nobody going to question three teens being outside at 23:33 pm while two of them are very tipsy?
Meowth: not in the part of town were going
James: ... is it the sketchy side?
Meowth: yes
Jessie: dw, ive got a knife and a taser
Meowth: i too, have a knife :)
James: ... I'm grabbing a knife too
Jessie: good, were here
Jessie: open ur goddamned window
James: right
---12:06 am---
Jessie: oh my fucking god, you look like some high-class hooker
James: thanks, this is your fault.
Meowth: ur father is gonna be so disappointed if he ever sees u in this wtf
Jessie: good, were buying this
James: please don't.
Jessie: its an teenage rebellion, your meant to disappoint uncle Gabe
Meowth: wanna bet how much we can get our classmates to blush if they see u in this?
James: I don't really want them see me in 15 cm tall sugar daddy pink heels, a neon green fishnet crop top and leather pants.
Jessie: ... im taking a picture and putting this on the easter cards
Meowth: adrien, will it make u feel better if we also join in the photo?
Jessie: omfg yes this will turn out great!
James: ... fine, just as long as father doesn't see it.
Jessie: yes!
James: oh yeah and why are we even texting in here? were literally next to each other.
Jessie: bc were teens
James: wow great excuse.
Jessie: yeah, we should grab outfits for us too huh
Meowth: yeah ofc, think u could pull off a glittery 80's themed leather jacket?
James: bring some leather booty shorts for Chlo too.
Jessie: yes! lets start look like some high end strippers
Meowth: i see some black leather booty shorts with "are ya nasty?" written on the ass in bright yellow
James: purrfect.
Jessie: not another pun leather boy
Jessie: can you grab some fishnet leggings too?
Meowth: sure!
Meowth: :0 i see some golden and glittery heelies-
Meowth: and here is some edgy platform crocs for Chlo
Meowth: imma ask someone that works here to take a pic
Jessie: wow, thats ridiculous, i want them
James: hate to say this, but my nipples feel weird in the fishnets.
Jessie: lmao
Meowth: i see some cat ears, bringing them for adrien
James: oh no.
Jessie: cat boy adrien, yes
Meowth: oooo, i also found a "daddy's girl" shirt covered in neon green glitter
Jessie: awful... i love it, bring it to me
Meowth: got a worker person and are on my way
Jessie: we should all wear matching leather pants
Meowth: oh yeah definietly
James: Alix, is that a spiky colar?
Meowth: yes adrien, it is spiky
Jessie: looking good kubdel ;)
Meowth: thanks chloé, ur attractive too~
Jessie: fuck u
Meowth: lmao 2x2!!!
James: I hate both of you when you're drunk.
Meowth: thanks
James: not a compliment.
Meowth: i know
Jessie: is that a "vagitarian" shirt?
Meowth: yes chlo, it is
Jessie: beautiful
---9:45 am---
Meowth: good morning!
Jessie: how can u not have a hangover
Meowth: water and pain medicine
Jessie: oh-
James: you guys have no idea how hard it is to hide 15 cm high stripper heels from your father.
Meowth: lmao I cant believe Chloé bought them
Jessie: how am i supposed to explain to my dad where 250 euros went?
James: we spent that on just clothes?
Meowth: no, we went into the shitty target too at some point...
Jessie: I cannot believe i got a laser-saber
Meowth: u did, i also got one :)
Jessie: lets have a duel on Monday?
Meowth: before or after the uno thing?
Jessie: after
Jessie: lets be dramatic as fuck
James: you are always dramatic.
Jessie: uhm, you too
Meowth: so like, after u loose u just pulls it out of nowhere and challenges me to a duel bc of my betrayal?
Jessie: yes, but only if i lose
Meowth: which u r gonna do, looser
James: we also ate McDonalds outside the sex shop.
Jessie: oh, yeah... i can't believe the cashier did that
Meowth: "hey kids, u wanna come in and look around? we've got some premium shit"
Jessie: not us getting invited into a sex shop when were clearly underage
Meowth: i mean... were 17
James: no, you two are still 16.
Jessie: shut up my birthday is in 4 months
Meowth: and mine is in 2 months!
James: still, children.
Jessie: oh yeah, and we also got Adrien a nipple piercing at the piercer place
James: SO THAT'S WHY MY NIPPLE HURTS!?
Meowth: lmao how did u forget that?
Jessie: and you didn't look at it too see why it hurts?
James: YOU LITERALLY FORCED ME TO DRINK SOME NASTY VODKA!?
Jessie: oh yeah, fucking light weight
James: never mind that.
James: how am I supposed to explain this to father!?
Meowth: blame me, he already hates me
James: I can't do that :(
Meowth: do it :)
Jessie: yuh, i'll protect her if uncle gabe wants her head
Meowth: aweee, how sweet
Meowth: my very own knight in shining armor
Jessie: fuck you, 2x3
Meowth: im winning!!!!!
James: fine, I'll tell him now.
Jessie: good luck
Meowth: have fun :)
James: I won't.
Jessie: lmao bye
James: bye.
Jessie: anyways, imma go my head hurts
Meowth: u know what? imma just skate to the sketchy mcdonalds and come over to u
Jessie: omfg thanks
Meowth: anything for my knight
Jessie: stop making me blush its to early
Meowth: ahaha! 2x4!
Jessie: yes, now bye
Meowth: see u later with some mcdonalds-
Jessie: i swear to god if you give me a happy meal to "cure my mommy issues"-
Meowth: lmao i wont, ur gonna deck me
Meowth: so what u want?
Jessie: 9 chicken nuggerts with a large fries, coke and 2 garlic dips
Jessie: oh and get me some mozzarella sticks too
Meowth: right on it ma'am!
James: wow this is strange.
Jessie: what happened!?
Meowth: is Gabriel gonna kill me?
James: strangely no.
James: he's mostly disappointed that I snuk out because it "endangers my safety", but after I told him I were with you two and we all had knifes plus a taser he was fine.
Meowth: what about the piercing!?
James: I told him about that too... all he said was that now he needed to include some of his jewelry line into the swimwear photo shoots.
Jessie: you're gonna kill so many ppl with that in summer-
Meowth: lmao yeah!
Meowth: they should all thank me :)
Jessie: they should, great work
Meowth: ... 3x4, curse u
Jessie: I didn't mean to do that but :)
James: oh yeah, the war, who's winning?
Meowth: me!
James: tsk tsk tsk, i expected better from you Chloé.
Jessie: dont worry, i'll flirt so much in person :)
Meowth: oh god shes gonna kill me
Jessie: yes, with flirting
James: she's gonna bleed out from the nose like an anime character.
Meowth: I WILL NOT U WEEB
Jessie: looks like its 4x4 now huh
Meowth: s-shut up
James: stuttering trough text huh?
Meowth: ur all meanies
Jessie: a literal 5 year old
Meowth: wow okay, im not bringing u any mcdonalds
Jessie: no wait, pls i need it
James: I wan't McDonalds too :(
Meowth: say ur gonna hang out with Chloé and come join us at the hotel
James: :D I will!
Jessie: yay
Meowth: that felt very sarcastic
Jessie: it wasnt
Meowth: r u sure?
James: I'm on my way over!
Meowth: oh yeah, pretty boi what u want?
James: oh! I want 2 cheeseburgers and large fries.
Meowth: drink?
James: sprite.
Jessie: disgusting
James: just like your face.
Meowth: asuiwerbwiqjkdier
Meowth: k im on my way to mcdonalds then
Meowth: see u soon!
Jessie: okay
James: yay!