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Chapter Text

First day of School

Part 1: POM POMS OF FURY

It was a normal morning in the cul de sac where the Haddocks lived. In fact, it was so normal that if it were a movie birds would be chirping and soft ambient music would be playing in the background as we slowly got a zoom-in of our protagonist. Well…. It wasn’t a movie so the only thing anyone heard was an angry meow followed by heavy thumping on the stairs.

“Good morning to you too Zephyr,” Hiccup greeted his teenage daughter who looked like she wanted to strangle anything in sight. Zephyr had adopted a lot of Astrid’s traits, including the taste for caffeine. Neither Astrid nor Zephyr were fully functional until after a cup of coffee.

Zephyr who was already dressed in light blue jeans and a red flannel shirt that was tucked in trudged to the coffeemaker and hugged it in her sleep-deprived state. “Sweet salvation!” She exclaimed which only caused Hiccup to roll his eyes at his daughter.

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Hiccup shook his head in disbelief as a steaming cup of coffee was filled and devoured. She just grinned at him. He was busy packing lunches when Nuffink walked in as well.

“I see the caffeine monster is up,” Nuffink said as he went to the cupboard to grab a bowl for his cereal.

“Be nice to your sister,” Hiccup warned. “It’s the first day of school and she’s driving you.”

“Uhm… no I’m not,” Zephyr quickly said as she looked at her dad with a raised brow. “I spent all my summer saving up for my sweet ride. I’m not letting my dweeb of a brother put his sticky fingers on my bike.”

“My hands aren’t sticky!” Nuffink defended but that only earned him a scoff from his sister.

“Remember when I drove you and your friends to the mall? You ended up spilling my ice coffee on the seat of the minivan and then you put your sticky paws all over the dashboard!”

“I was looking for napkins!” Nuffink grumbled.

“Dad, Nuff will take the bus like all the other Freshies.” She stated. “I had to take the bus at his age so it’s only fair.”

“Oh come on sis! Going to school on a motorcycle is so cool!” Nuffink groaned.

“Cool for you yes. Social suicide for me,” She huffed. “I can’t be seen with a Freshie hanging onto me like a lemur. You do your thing and I’ll do mine. Just act like we don’t know each other at school.”

“Don’t be so hard on your brother,” Hiccup sighed as he gave each of them their packed lunches. “You overslept on your first day of Freshman year because you thought the calculator was your alarm clock.”

“Dad I thought we were never ever going to bring that up again!” Zephyr exclaimed.

“I’m gonna go,” She then said as she noticed the time from the clock on the wall. “Don’t wait up for me after school for dinner. I’m going to cheerleading tryouts and I’ll just grab something at the twins’ place.”

“You’re already doing ballet why do you want more work?” Hiccup frowned.

“Dad seriously.” Zephyr shot him a look as if it was obvious. “I’m a Senior……” She made a hand motion to convey that particular fact. “Doing school activities would look great on my college admissions form.”

“Remember last year’s Debate team incident?” Hiccup reminded her.

“Hey, she had it coming,” Zephyr argued and this just reminded Hiccup more of his wife. “I might have gotten kicked off the team but you have to admit she had it coming.”

“Just don’t dropkick anyone Princess,” Hiccup sighed.

“Yeah yeah,” There was an eye-roll before Zephyr turned around and grabbed her black leather jacket and backpack. Nuffink too was leaving after he put his bowl in the sink.

“Nuff wait!” Hiccup called back and when his son turned around he looked rather sheepish at having forgotten his lunch.

“See ya later dad!” he called out as the door closed, leaving Hiccup alone in the house with their two cats. Their very demanding two cats who were both watching him from the stairs as if to say “Tuna now Human,”

When Nuffink got off the bus at his new school he was a bit overwhelmed. You could clearly see who was new as the Freshmen tended to group together and move through the hallways like a herd of gazelle. Nuffink managed to get his schedule from the office and then spent most of the day trying to find out where all his classrooms were as well as his locker.

When the bell for lunch rang Nuffink quickly made it to his locker to put away his stuff from the last class. It was there that he met one of his locker neighbours for the foreseeable future.

“You a Freshie?” The guy asked as he looked Nuffink over. At just fourteen years old he had yet to stop growing. His mom suspected that he might reach his dad’s height but for now, he just looked like a pipsqueak compared to the kid that asked him a question.

“Yeah, I’m Nuffink,”

“Nice to meet ya. I’m Franklin. A Sophomore. You doing good so far?” the kid asked. Nuffink nodded as he took a closer look at his neighbour. Franklin was tall and had shaggy black hair that appeared both as disarray and styled at the same time if that was even possible. Black pants, a black AC/DC T-shirt, and a binder under one arm.

“Yeah, I did get lost and ended up in the wrong class third period but that’s it,” Nuffink confessed which earned him a chuckle.

“Happens more than you think. Things can get pretty hectic at the school so don’t sweat it.” Franklin joked and then he caught sight of something. “Oh, word of advice though. Avoid her,”

Nuffink looked to where Franklin was pointing and his jaw nearly hit the floor. Coming from that direction along with the literal sea of parting students was none other than his sister. It was like a scene from the movies and Nuffink tried to unfry his brain. Zephyr looked different from when she left the house. Gone was the ponytail she tied her hair into when she put on her helmet. Said helmet was currently nowhere to be seen and Nuffink thought his sis might have stashed it in her locker. Her hair was loose and it framed her face. She had a binder under one arm and her leather jacket slung over her shoulder. What surprised Nuffink more was how many boys were eyeing her, including Franklin.

“Oh my Thor! You have a crush on her?!” He asked in horror.

“Dude, most of the boys and probably a good percentage of the girls do. She’s one of the three Queen Bees!” Franklin uttered as they started walking to the cafeteria.

“Three Queen Bees?” Nuffink asked as the confusion on his face was evident. The thought that his sister….. His nerdy, DnD-loving, Tom Hiddleston-crushing, dork of a sister was a popular badass in High school was unsettling.

When they were in the cafeteria Franklin answered his question by pointing out the hierarchy. “Top of the food chain, Debbie, Captain of the Cheer squad. Then we have Allison who’s Captain of the Debate team and of course Zephyr.” All three women were at different tables but Franklin added that they hated each other.

“Do I wanna know?” Nuffink asked as he found an empty table to sit at.

“You might as well if you want to survive. There is major tension between them.” Franklin answered as they started eating. “So Debbie hates Allison because she ran against her for Student Council President and won. Allison hates Debbie because she stole her boyfriend who is totally not a manwhore, notice the sarcasm,” This caused Nuffink to choke on his sandwich. “It’s basically an open secret.”

“WHAT?!”

“Allison’s, now Debbie’s boyfriend, has slept with most of the ladies here but everyone knows that the one he never got lucky with was Zephyr,” Franklin explained.

“Oh Thor,” Nuffink really regretted asking now. He didn’t want to know what his sis was up to but Franklin didn’t seem to notice and just continued.

“So now Debbie’s blaming Zephyr for trying to steal her man though everyone knows that Zephyr doesn’t date. Like, not at all. Rumor has it that in her Sophmore year she punched some guy earning her a three-day suspension. But before leaving she declared to the student body that she’d only date after getting her diploma.”
‘That sounded exactly like his sister,’ Nuffink mused. She had adopted their mother’s saying of ‘Better to be an overachiever than a pushover people pleaser,’.

“Of course Debbie didn’t drop the matter,” Franklin just shrugged. “And then there is the Allison situation.”

“The what now?”

“Right, you probably wouldn’t know but last year when I was still a Freshman I watched the most exhilarating debate…. Ever.” Franklin got quite animated. “So the Debate club was holding this very public debate on abortion legislation in the gym after it became a hot topic in the papers. Everyone was present. Zephyr was quite concrete with her defense on a woman’s right to choose and we could all clearly see her opponent struggling to make certain concrete points. That’s when things got petty. Zephyr’s opponent replied that the only reason she’s making such a defense was that she knows what it’s like. Insinuating that Zephyr had slept around, gotten pregnant, and had to have an abortion. Everyone expected a rebuttal, no one expected Zephyr to dropkick the girl on stage.”

“Let me guess, Allison as Captain of the Debate team took it personally,” Nuffink muttered.

“Got it right in one!” Franklin chuckled.

“It might not be so bad next year,” Franklin stated. “All three are graduating, though that’s another point of contention. Allison and Zephyr were nearly equally matched in grades last year and the years before that so everyone is holding their breaths on who will become Valedictorian and Salutatorian.”

Nuffink looked at the time on his phone and realized he only had five minutes of lunchtime left. Wanting to find his next class quickly he nearly inhaled what was left of his sandwich and stood up to dispose of the paper bag his dad had put the food in. On his way to the trashcan, however, he ended up colliding with a solid mass. A very solid muscular mass.

“S-Sorry,” Nuffink uttered but he was just shoved to the side by a big guy. The two friends that were with the guy just gave Nuffink a creepy smirk. He totally didn’t know who that was or what had just happened but looking back at Franklin he saw the pitying stare.

“What?!” Nuffink asked as he was getting desperate for answers. It was only his first day in High school and the world was askew. His teachers seemed indifferent, teaching just for teaching’s sake, his dorky sister was some type of badass goddess, and he had a feeling he just made a big faux pas by bumping into that guy. “Man just tell me! I can’t take any more surprises!”

“That’s Connor, Debbie’s brother,” Franklin muttered as he and Nuffink left the cafeteria before the big rush. “I have him in my Chem class and he’s a bit of a jerk and an entitled ass. He and his cronies take what they want ‘cause his sister is some bigshot,”

“And he doesn’t get punished?” Nuffink frowned. His parents would have him over their knees if he ever acted like how Franklin was describing.

“From what I know Debbie and Connor’s parents are divorced. She lives with their mom and he lives with their dad.” Franklin mused a bit and then uttered “People who went to elementary with them said they were close as kids so Debbie looks out for her brother even if he does stupid stuff. She’ll take his side.”

“That’s dumb,” Nuffink frowned. “Isn’t she just enabling him then?”

Franklin just shrugged. “Just steer clear of Connor and you’ll be fine man.” He offered as advice before going to his own classes in the rapidly filling hallway.

Nuffink thought nothing more of it as he too went about his day. He did see Connor pass in the hallway twice but the guy just shot him a look and went about his way. In no way did he think that at 2:35PM he’d be shoved into a toilet stall by three guys. It sounded so cliche but them currently bearing down on him caused his nerves to flare up.

“W-What’s up guys?” Nuffink asked nervously as he clutched the straps of his backpack. He didn’t have Study Hall today so he just had to wait till 3 o’clock for his bus.

“You didn’t apologize dweeb,” Connor said as he picked dirt from under his nails while his two ‘friends’ kept Nuffink encased in the stall.

“What do you mean?! I said I was sorry for bumping into you,”

“You seem to misunderstand something here kid,” The Sophmore said as he now looked at Nuffink who was clearly a foot shorter than any of them. “You don’t just say sorry. You offer compensation.”

“Wh-What sort of compensation?” Nuffink dared to ask.

“Money of course. Kid cough it up,” Connor smirked as he made a hand motion by rubbing his fingers together.

“But I don’t have any money on me!” Nuffink exclaimed though that was a lie. He did have a debit card his dad had taken out under his name to buy stuff but his parents would know if he was irresponsible with the money since it was technically still their account. “I bring my own lunch ‘cause my sister said the food here was crap.”

Connor did nod at that statement but then said “Not good enough squirt. Here’s what you are going to do. Your sister still goes here right?”

“Well yeah…. But what’s that got to do with-” Nuffink said but he was interrupted again. Connor simply stated “You go get the money from your sister and then we’ll be square.”

“What?!” Nuffink exclaimed and his voice rose at least an octave higher. He was a dead man walking because there was no way in Hell Zephyr would loan him money. She had her part-time jobs and she was very territorial when it came to her tip jar.

“And to make sure you don’t run away…. Boys take his shoes!” Connor ordered.

“HEY WHAA- NOO STOP IT!” Nuffink shouted as he was held down while his new sneakers were stolen.

So that’s how Nuffink found himself shoeless on the first day of High school. He was shoved out of the toilet and into the hallway barefoot and he just groaned. Those guys told him to make up some excuse to get the money and he just facepalmed. Not only couldn’t he catch the bus barefoot but if his mom found out she would probably kill him for losing those sneakers. They were expensive and he had wanted them but never in a million years did he think his parents would gift them to him on Snoggletog of all days. On another note his sis would probably strangle him if he so much as alluded to their relationship. To him it seemed like popularity was the key to an easy High school life and Zephyr wielded it like a mace. But he had no other choice now so he trudged to the one place he knew his sis to be at this time. Cheerleading tryouts.

The gym was on the other side of the school and Nuffink’s feet were freezing from the cold tiles as he walked there. As he got closer to the door he could hear the animated cheering of the girls as tryouts must have already started. Pushing the door open slightly Nuffink took note of the many girls ranging from Freshman to Senior on the floor. They had blue and white pom poms in their hands as the cheerleaders went over the routine they needed to perform to qualify.

He slipped in and spotted his sister in the second row stretching her arms. The bleachers overlooking the tryouts had some students, mostly guys, watching. So far Zephyr hadn’t noticed Nuffink’s entrance yet. But Nuff didn’t have much time. The tryouts would clearly go past three when he needed to catch the bus so he was pretty much stranded if that was the case. Reluctantly he tried to get zephyr’s attention by waving awkwardly.

The potential cheerleaders were halfway into the song ‘Oops I did it again’ When Zephyr finally spotten Nuffink standing there awkwardly and waving. When she had spotted her brother she had momentarily stopped which caused the other girl to bump into her, sending them both sprawling to the ground.

Nuffink cringed as he heard Debbie shout “What the heck was that Haddock?!” He was dead. He was totally dead. Zephyr would skin him alive.

When Zephyr stood up and then helped the girl that bumped into her up she told Debbie that she needed a minute. Debbie, Head Cheerleader, was gaping at the audacity as Zephyr walked past her and towards her little brother. For a teenager who didn’t want to acknowledge their relationship she did a poor job of hiding it. “This better be good dweeb. I told you not to talk to me in school,” Zephyr stated as she crossed her arms. The pom poms she held in her hand only seemed to make the situation more absurd.

“Uhm… uh…” Nuffink hesitated as his sister looked at him with a piercing glare. She might come off as wanting to be left alone but he was sure she’d be there for him when he needed it. Just as Nuffink was about to tell her he needed some money Zephyr caught sight of his state. Particularly his shoeless state.

“Where in Thor’s name are your shoes?!” Zephyr asked which only caused Nuffink to gulp. Zephyr knew how much those shoes were worth and she knew just how much her little brother appreciated the gift. ‘Something wasn’t right here,’ her mind supplied.

“Haddock what the hell are you doing? Get the fuck back in line!” Debbie shouted, looking clearly agitated at the interruption.

“Back off Debbie!” Zephyr warned as she gave her full attention to Nuffink who ended up spilling the beans. The more her little brother told the darker Zephyr’s gaze became.

In the end Zephyr told Nuffink to lead her to where Connor and his friends were waiting for the money. “She’d take care of it,” she said. Nuffink was sceptical as he and his sister left the gym much to the astonishment of Debbie.

“What about tryouts?” Nuffink asked on the way to the toilets.

Zephyr who still had the pom poms in her hand just shrugged. “I’ll find something else.” That was the sister Nuff knew. She might act like a total badass but inside she was a big ole softy when it came to her family.

When they reached the toilets Connor and his gang had cornered Nuffink in, she told him to enter first as making a bit of a scene would get the message across. Nuffink didn’t get what his sister was thinking but she did take after their mom in the intimidation department so he just went with it. Walking into the toilets he came face to face again with Connor and his two friends.

“So you got the money?” The Sophmore asked with a haughty smirk.

“Uhm… no. I got my sister,” Nuffink told them. It was the truth anyways but the guys just laughed at him and one of them asked “You got your sister? What’s she gonna do? Nag us to death?”

It was at that moment Zephyr casually kicked open the bathroom door and stood behind Nuffink in all her badass glory. “I won’t nag but I will punch you,” She corrected as Connor and his cronies turned white as ghosts.

It was also that moment that Nuffink understood the meaning behind Zephyr’s words. It was all about effect. She had an image to keep and it served them well now as he watched his sister knockout Connor with a pom pom covered fist. His two friends scrambled out of the room afterwards.

“Dad said no violence,” Nuffink noted but Zephyr just smirked.

“No, dad said no drop kicking people,” She corrected. Zephyr then bent down and picked up Nuffink’s sneakers before throwing them in his direction. “I’ll handle Debbie if she becomes a problem,” his sister said. “You just worry about school,”

“Uhm… okay.” Nuffink said as his sis exited the bathroom just as quick as she entered. He quickly put his shoes back on and left the scene, hedging for the busses.

At the parking lot where the busses were waiting Nuffink spotted other Freshmen milling about as well as some Juniors who had the last period free. One of them was Franklin. So he greeted his locker neighbour and possibly friend when the sound of a motorcycle revving caught everyone’s attention.

Nuffink turned towards the sound and his jaw nearly dropped. His sister stopped near the curb and looked at her slack-jawed brother as she flipped up her helmet. “Oye, what are you waiting for dweeb, get on!” She shouted which caused Nuffink to spring into action. He grabbed the spare helmet she offered him and then climbed on.

He climbed onto her sleek black motorcycle and clung to her waist while she revved the bike once more. “What about your image?” Nuffink asked just as Zephyr was about to pull out.

“Don’t get me wrong. I just think these guys need to know who you’re related to.” Zephyr muttered. “I’m not going to clean up your messes anymore so don’t get the wrong idea.” His sister stated as she flicked her helmet down. “I just don’t like wannabe thugs who can’t even punch messing with you.”

“I knew you cared sis. You’re really a softy, right?” Nuffink joked as they sped away.

“Shut it dweeb. I’m the only one that gets to bug you,” Zephyr answered with a grumble as they left a gaping crowd in the dust.

Chapter Text

Part 2: THE ERRANT ERRAND

“See ya later dad!” Nuffink called out as the door closed, leaving Hiccup alone in the house with their two cats. Their very demanding two cats who were both watching him from the stairs as if to say “Tuna now Human,”

“Oh come on! I just fed you guys!” Hiccup grumbled at the pair which only earned him a meow back.

“No, you are not getting thirds. If Astrid wasn’t in Hong Kong you wouldn’t have even gotten seconds!” Hiccup muttered. It was usually Astrid that fed the cats and since she was on a business trip that job fell to Hiccup. To the very same Hiccup that was weak against their cats and gave in…… a lot. Astrid had called him a floofball pushover… but to the cats, he was probably their favorite slave. “Why am I even talking to you guys? Not like you can answer back.” He was responded to with two meows as Toothless and his girlfriend went back upstairs to do whatever cats did.

“Ugh, what to do now?” Hiccup muttered as he quickly did the dishes leftover. He was categorizing what to do for the day. He had a meeting at 2 PM with a client in Italy but that was about it for the day. It was great being his own boss. Over the years Hiccup had amassed quite the clientele and it showed. They were able to pay off the mortgage to their house a few years ago and some investments were made. Since before moving to the suburbs he and Astrid had also poured about twenty percent of their wages into the kids’ college funds. Zephyr wanted to go to an Ivy league school though she wasn’t opposed to checking out other universities and community colleges nearby. If they had the means for it then of course they would support their daughter financially. Then a scholarship could go to someone else who’d need it more. Nuffink was a bit more unsure. He didn’t see the appeal of college and instead wanted to start working after High school, though Nuff was still a bit indecisive.

After Hiccup had finished the dishes he put away the apron he’d been wearing and picked up his phone to see a text from Astrid. There was around an eleven-hour difference between them until she could come home at the end of the week so Hiccup read that she had just finished all of her meetings…. Which happened to be totally boring in Astrid’s opinion… and that she was currently imitating a starfish on her hotel bed, debating if she should make a quick run to the convenience store for food or just laze in the jacuzzi.

He was texting her back and when he looked at one of the living room windows he nearly shrieked for Dagur’s face was plastered against one. Hiccup quickly sent off his text before rushing to the door and opening it. “What in Thor’s name are you doing?!” He asked while frowning. Not only because Dagur was plastered against his window but because he was in one of Astrid’s rose bushes that she had carefully cultivated over the years. His wife couldn’t cook without alerting the fire department but she had a wicked green thumb.

“Dagur get out of there! You aren’t even supposed to be out of bed!” Hiccup ordered as his neighbour pouted but complied. Dagur shimmied out of the bush with some difficulty and that was another reason why it was odd that he was here. Two days ago Dagur had slipped and twisted his ankle badly enough that he was ordered to bed rest and had been given a crutch.

“Brother! I’m so glad to see you!” Dagur greeted which caused Hiccup to tense. Every time Dagur called him brother he needed something. Most of the time it was something ridiculous or trivial like calling Hiccup up, shrieking that a giant spider had invaded his bathroom the weekend Astrid, Mala, and Heather went to a spa retreat. Hiccup had arrived in record time clutching Astrid’s axe and he was greeted by the sight of Dagur in a pink bathrobe and fuzzy slippers pointing at his bottle of moisturizer where said ‘giant’ spider was. The really small spider was easily dispatched and Hiccup trudged back to his house, axe leaning against his shoulder.

“What do you want this time?” Hiccup sighed as he asked.

“You gotta help me out! I’m going crazy in that house!” Dagur grabbed Hiccup by his arms and shook him a bit. “Crazy I tell you! Mala said I have to stay in bed but I can’t anymore. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES ONE CAN WATCH RERUNS OF DESIGNING WOMEN AND GOLDEN GIRLS WITHOUT GETTING BORED?!!!”

“Do you want me to get killed?!” Hiccup hissed as he tried to pry Dagur off of him. “Mala and Astrid talk. If they find out you weren’t in bed and I helped you I’ll be on the chopping block!”

“PLEAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Dagur pleaded. “There is only so much I can take. I have cabin fever and me sitting in front of a TV watching Full House is not helping!”

“Have you tried watching Colombo?” Hiccup asked as Dagur shot him an unimpressed look.

Hiccup then sighed and ran a hand through his auburn hair before muttering “I have to go to the Supermarket. I guess a little outing isn’t so bad.”

“YES!!” Dagur cheered.

“But…” Hiccup added only to have his neighbour respond with an “Awww,”

“But Mala can not find out about this.” Hiccup finished saying. “She nearly killed me because I fed you Shepards pie when you were supposed to be on a diet.”

“As I said to her, I don’t need a diet. Sure I got some…. pudge over the years but it isn’t that bad.” Dagur uttered. “Some people dig the dad bod,”

“And what did she do after you said this?” Hiccup crossed his arms and raised a brow.

“She put me on a diet,” Dagur admitted.

“Right,” Hiccup said as he clapped Dagur on his shoulder. Both men already knew that sometimes, most of the times..., an increasingly large amount of the time…., there was no contradicting the missus. “Let me just wash up and write up a grocery list and then we’ll be off. Make yourself at home.” He said before departing up the stairs.

Dagur was left along with Toothless who was just staring at him from the kitchen. “Why hello T!” Dagur greeted enthusiastically. Toothless meanwhile turned around and walked away with all his feline grace.

When Hiccup returned he was wearing a dark green polo shirt with beige khaki pants. “Dude, you’ve gone native. I didn’t realize it ‘till now.” Dagur commented.

“What?!” Hiccup frowned.

“I mean look at you. How could I not have noticed it before. Your outfit practically screams suburban dad. You don’t even need the neon sign anymore.” Dagur made a hand motion.

“You just gestured to all of me,” Hiccup commented with a raised brow.

“Yes, yes I did.” Dagur nodded. “You’ve seen Stephord wives right?” Upon Hiccup’s nod he added “You totally got suburbanized.”

“I don’t think that’s a word.” Hiccup muttered.

“I say it is!” Dagur defended.

“Well what about you?” Hiccup then asked.

“What about me?” Now it was Dagur’s turn to frown.

“Dagur, I don’t think you noticed but you are wearing sky blue shorts, a white collared shirt and a salmon pink sweater vest. The only thing missing is a sweater to tie around your neck.” Hiccup retorted.

“Oh, I left that on the couch in my living roo-OH MY THOR! I’VE BEEN SUBURBANIZED!” Dagur came to the realization with a wail and then added “This vest does not go with my hair!”

“Come on, I haven’t got all day,” Hiccup rolled his eyes at Dagur’s freakout since these were fairly normal over the years. He locked his house, set the alarm, and helped Dagur climb into the passenger side seat of his minivan, while putting the crutch on the back seat.

“So what do you need to get?” Dagur asked as Hiccup pulled out of the driveway. To answer he handed Dagur a list that was written on a ‘Hello Kitty’ notepad.

“Hmm… Garlic, Potatoes, Onions, Honey, a new set of kitchen knives?!” Dagur gave Hiccup a weird look.

“Don’t forget the pineapple juice. I’m making Hawaiian chicken tonight.” Hiccup stated.

“You know what, I’m not even going to ask why you need a whole new set of kitchen knives.” The other grumbled as he kept reading.

Hiccup was driving along the suburb and Dagur, being Dagur, couldn’t take the silence anymore so the man switched on the radio. “Is that yodeling?!?!” Dagur asked as he noticed a CD still inserted.

Hiccup blushed as Dagur put the CD away and then set the radio on the Golden Oldies channel. “Now this is what I’m talking about!” Dagur said as a familiar beat played causing him to start to sing along in his best Britney Spears impression to ‘Baby one more time,’.

‘Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know. That something wasn't right here?....’

When Hiccup finally reached the Supermarket Dagur had given him a rendition of the Spice Girls ‘Wannabe’, Celine Dion’s ‘My heart will go on, Wham’s ‘Wake me up before you go’, and he had just started singing Aqua’s ‘Barbie girl’.

‘I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic. You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere…..’ Hiccup interrupted Dagur’s song when he shut off the engine after finally finding a parking spot.

The shopping went pretty well though Hiccup did note some odd looks, especially when he commented on Dagur having a nice pair of cantaloupes. The man had been holding them up for Hiccup to inspect in the produce section and the odd looks had come from the pair of ladies Hiccup passed as he was addressing Dagur. They ended up buying both cantaloupes and belatedly Hiccup facepalmed as he realized that the girls thought his comment was directed at them. He now felt like a total dunce for not having realized it sooner.

Hiccup’s cart was slowly filling up, especially when he added a sack of potatoes. Dagur was just merrily following along, happy to be out of the house. Hiccup was tapped on the shoulders and when he turned he saw Dagur motioning to something. “Do you see the curves on that pretty thing?” The man asked with a smirk. Hiccup looked and nodded.

“Uhuh…..,” Hiccup nodded. “I can probably bounce an egg off of that,”

“I mean she is…. FINE!” Dagur wolf-whistled.

“The new marble kitchen counters are just…….. Perfect,” Hiccup sighed.

“Dagur… when did we reach the age where we think countertops are sexy?” Hiccup then asked.

Dagur just shrugged and then said “Dunno, but you have got to admit that is some pretty marble.”

“True, true,” Hiccup agreed. “You think Astrid would agree to a remodel?”

When Hiccup and Dagur finally stood in the line for the Check out nearly an hour later there was some commotion behind them. At first neither paid it any mind as it was probably some angry customer again. Though they did notice it when someone dressed in a dark hoodie tried to push past the line they were in and jump the barricade. Now the shouts of “THIEF” were heard clearly and Hiccup reacted on instinct. He grabbed an onion from his cart and hurled it at the fleeing figure, hitting them right on the head and causing them to fall down as store security pounced on them.

“Uhm… oops…” Hiccup said as he really hadn’t meant to throw the onion. It was sort of a reflex he got when living with his wife.

“Hiccup….”

“Dagur…” Hiccup responded.

“They are going to call the cops aren’t they,”

“Yes,” Hiccup responded again.

“Mala is probably going to be on the scene…..”

“Most likely,”

“If not her then a deputy she’s close with….”

“She’s close with all the deputies,” Hiccup muttered.

“Yes,” was all Dagur could utter.

“Mala is going to find out I wasn’t in bed today isn’t she?” Dagur then asked.

“Yes,” Hiccup responded.

“I am the sea, calm and wide, my sense of calm comes from the inside,” Dagur started chanting as he struck up a yoga pose right then and there. “I am the sea, calm and wide, my sense of calm co-Oh who am I kidding. I’m a dead man walking aren’t I?!”

“Highly likely, yes,” Hiccup just responded.

“Can I hide out at your place?” Dagur then asked.

“I’m getting killed alongside you! There is no place to hide!!” Hiccup nearly shrieked.

“AH, fiddlesticks,” Was the only thing Dagur muttered as the faint sound of police sirens could be heard in the distance.

The End