Archive of Our Own

Youngjae steps into the hallways of his new high school in Seoul for the first time. His chest is pounding with nervousness or excitement; he honestly can’t tell the difference at this point.

After his dad found a new job, he had to pack up his life in the country and move to the big city. He rubs his hand through his shaggy black hair and stares down at his schedule, then continues to wander around the empty halls trying to follow a very confusing map the “guidance counselor” handed to him.

 “Guidance my ass…” he mumbles to himself as he dreads the day ahead of him.

 Finally, Room 207 comes in to sight and Youngjae rushes towards the door. He is already ten minutes late for class because he had to fill out extra transfer paperwork and got slightly lost.

 He is immediately greeted by a very handsome teacher dressed in tight slacks and a slightly unbuttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

 “Ahhh, you must be the new student I heard we were getting. Welcome!”

 Youngjae can feel the back of his ears getting warm as the entire class is staring at him and it doesn’t help that Mr. Im looks like a model with his broad shoulders and chiseled facial features.

 He quickly scrambles to find an empty seat and once he is situated and Mr. Im is blabbing on about some new protocol the school has his neighbor turns to him.

 “Hey new guy, isn’t Mr. Im just sooo hot?”

 Youngjae glances up to see a big eyed pretty boy staring back at him.

 “Oh don’t mind Jinyoung. He’s almost too gay to function,” mumbles the taller boy sitting directly behind the other.

 “I’m Yugyeom, and as I already mentioned, this is Jinyoung. I guess we’re going to be classmates. I can tell you aren’t from around here, are you?”

 Youngjae can’t help but stare at Yugyeom with his perfectly styled pink hair falling over his eyes and Jinyoung, who is in the process of giving Yugyeom the biggest pout he has probably ever seen, with his almost too perfect complexion against his jet black hair.

 “Uhm… yeah, I’m from the countryside…ahh…is it that obvious?” Youngjae responds as he winces and proceeds to brush the sweat that has collected on his palms off onto his faded jeans.

 This causes both of the other boys to snicker and all of them to receive a sharp glare from Mr. Im, but then dark haired boy blurts out, “Hey, come eat lunch with us today. I’m assuming you haven’t made any friends and it’ll be fun. What do you say?”

 Youngjae can’t help but accept especially because both of the boys are smiling at him so hard he notices crinkles starting to form around both pair of eyes.  It’s only first period and he feels like he has already made some friends.

 The bell rings, concluding homeroom, and Yugyeom insists that they walk together since Jinyoung likes to stay behind after class to “talk” to Mr. Im about some unreal and unimportant issue. The two boys step back into the halls and it’s a completely different feeling walking through the halls when they’re packed with students hustling to and from their lockers.

 “Hey, what’s next on your schedule new guy? Ahh, yeah I never asked for you name, did I? My bad…I’m not very good at formalities.” Yugyeom pushes his hair out of his face to give an apologetic look at Youngjae.

 However, Youngjae doesn’t even get a chance to respond before he is awestruck by them. Teen royalty, as Yugyeom and Jinyoung would later tell him. Leaning against the locker with long black hair and wearing tight black leather jeans that hug his skinny yet perfect legs with a Saint-Laurent bag perfectly perched on his arm, the leader of the pack is laughing at something the boy wearing a backwards snapback was saying. However, who really catches his attention is the tallest of the three wearing a perfectly snug basketball letterman’s jacket standing off to the side looking casual yet so cool at the same time.

 “Hellooooo, new guy?” the pink haired boy waves his hands in front of Youngjae’s face immediately snapping him out of his daze.

 “Oh sorry, I’m Youngjae…Choi Youngjae, and it looks like I have health next period. Do you know where this building is at? I feel extremely lost.”

 Yugyeom’s response is just a simple smile and shrug as he ruffles the other’s hair.

 After getting lost several times and sitting through essentially uneventful classes, it is finally time for lunch. Youngjae feels relieved that Jinyoung had invited him to eat with them at their table, even though it was a table way too small for the amount of people sitting at it. He rustles through the crowded cafeteria to the table where he is greeted by the two that he feels like are already his close friends even though they had only met earlier that day.

 “So how many times did you get lost new guy?” Jinyoung leans over his salad and gives him a wink.

 “Hmm, about as many times as you have struck out trying to get into Mr. Im’s pants?” Youngjae jests as he looks down at the plain slop they served him at the cafeteria.

He doesn’t hear Jinyoung’s response because suddenly he notices the same people as before across the cafeteria sitting at a giant table sitting with just a couple other people who don’t shine nearly as bright as those three.  

 “You aren’t very good at listening are you?” Yugyeom frowns at Youngjae.

 “Ahh sorry, but who are they?” he asks while throwing his head in the general direction of the aforementioned trio.

 Then, over hushed voices Yugyeom and Jinyoung proceed to tell him all about how their leader, nicknamed BamBam because no one can really pronounce his real name, transferred from abroad, but his family is loaded and no one knows what they do for a living. That other guy who is rarely ever seen without a snapback on is Jackson and he is the captain of the dance and fencing teams and basically always has a group of fangirls following him.

 The one who really caught Youngjae’s attention earlier apparently is a boy by the name of Mark who is fairly new to this school too. He transferred from America last year, but his ability to play basketball already guaranteed him a spot as co-captain of the varsity team.

 “I really wouldn’t want to get too tangled up with them if I were you.” Jinyoung whispers as a frown spreads across his face.

As the day resumes, Youngjae is relieved that he only has math left. He had always scored in the top tier of his previous math classes so he felt comfortable and confident even though he was taking a class that mostly third years took. As soon as he walks into the room, Youngjae can hardly believe who is sitting in the third row of his math class in his stupidly perfect letterman’s jacket with his stupidly perfect dark brown tousled hair—Mark Tuan.

 Youngjae can feel his heart already beating faster as he checks the seating chart to discover that he is sitting right behind him. He hurries to his seat and tries not to make eye contact with the boy he cannot take his eyes off. Mark catches his glance and throws him a big toothy smile.

 “I’m so screwed. I’m definitely so screwed.” is all Youngjae can think as the same teacher as his homeroom, Mr. Im, starts explaining the classroom curriculum.

Days go by and Youngjae stops getting lost but he doesn’t stop feeling like he doesn’t belong in this city life. Yugyeom and Jinyoung have become good friends of his but he still longs for his friends and the life he had back in the country. Mark rarely talks to Youngjae and when he does, he asks simple questions like “Do you have an eraser I could borrow?” or “What’s the date today?” Truthfully, every day is starting to feel mediocre and blurring into one day.

 “You should just ask him to study with you or something.” Jinyoung says one Friday while reading the label of his organic iced tea he bought from the vending machine. Youngjae has told them, after much nagging from Jinyoung and Yugyeom swearing he can keep a secret, about his crush he has developed on this boy he hardly knows.

 “Yeah, he knows you’re good at math, I mean didn’t he compliment you on your score you got on the test last week?” Yugyeom stares blankly at Youngjae while stirring around the daily glob of cafeteria food on his tray.

 “I know, but it’s not really something that I can just ASK him. Isn’t that awkward? I mean he knows that I don’t need help in math.” Youngjae responds. “Besides, it’s not like he’ll agree to study with me…”

 “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Jinyoung sighs as he throws away his entire iced tea. As he returns he mutters, “And I’m pretty sure that wasn’t real organic tea.”

 Math class feels like a blur. Mr. Im gives Youngjae a very dad-like approving nod as he passes back his quiz they took a couple days ago. A “98%” is written in big red writing on the top right corner.

Youngjae quickly flip is over before Mark turns to him while shaking his head, “Man, another C for me. Let me guess, another A for you?” 

Youngjae doesn’t know how to respond so he finds himself just stammering instead. Mark just laughs and turns around. Youngjae thinks that it’s over and he should just give up this stupid crush, but then after the bell rings and he’s about to walk out the door he feels a hand on his shoulder. He spins around to meet Mark’s big eyes and large grin. Youngjae almost feels his heart jump out of his chest when he realizes who it is.

“Hey, so…this is kind of embarrassing, but as you know I basically suck at math…I was hoping…” Mark looks down and then finishes his question in one breath, “will you please help tutor me?” 

Youngjae doesn’t know what to say or what to think. His head feels like it’s about to spin off his body and his heart is really going to burst out of his chest now. “Uhm, sure!” he finally manages to say after about thirty seconds of awkward silence. 

“Great, so uhm, should we exchange numbers?” Mark grins at Youngjae and all he can manage as a response is a weak smile and nod.

“Oh my god I’m an idiot, I’m so screwed. What am I going to do? Do I even have material to teach him, am I even qualified to do this? Why did I even agree to this?” Youngjae is basically yelling at his two disinterested friends over lunch that following Monday. Mark had sent him a text over the weekend setting up plans to have their first tutoring session today.

 “Look, you’re good at math. Just explain to him how you would solve the problem. And relax, you’re even stressing me out and you know stress is not good for my skin.” Jinyoung flips his long black hair out of his face to give him a comforting smile. To Jinyoung’s right Yugyeom is looking just as nervous as Youngjae feels and glances up from his food to give the most unconvincing smile.

Later, Mark is sitting next to him in his family’s apartment. Youngjae hasn’t been this nervous since the first day that he entered the halls of his new high school in Seoul.

 “So, uhm, thanks for helping me out with all this for free.” Mark smiles but it looks like he is almost wincing.

 “Ah, it’s no problem, but I suppose you could repay me by teaching me some sick moves on the basketball court sometime,” Youngjae jokes.  It’s what he does when he’s nervous, but it’s not his fault that Mark had just come from basketball practice and he’s still wearing his practice jersey and he just looks so good.

 The hour passes by quickly and Youngjae surprisingly felt comfortable and at ease talking with Mark. At the end of their session Youngjae catches Mark looking at him and smiling his big toothy smile.

 “What?” Youngjae asks as he feels his face getting warm.

 “Hmm, nothing…I’m just grateful for your help today.” Mark replies as he quickly scrambles to pack up his belongings.

 “Yeah, yeah. I still can’t believe you aren’t paying me.” Youngjae tries to joke again but the look on Mark’s face makes it seem like he doesn’t get it. “Uhm, I’m just kidding. I probably wasn’t that helpful to be honest.”

 Mark just gives him a smile in response and Youngjae thinks that this is a complete train wreck before Mark asks, “So, we have a test coming up soon, I know it’s in a couple weeks, but I’d really like it if you would help tutor me a bit more for it. I really need to do well. So what do you say?”

 Youngjae nods and returns his smile. Tutoring Mark is easy and fun. It’s the thing Youngjae looks forward to most in the week. On their last Monday night tutoring session before the test, the feeling of dread is building up inside of Youngjae. He knows that they won’t have another test for a while with winter break quickly approaching and his time with Mark will probably be cut back to their short interactions during class or briefly catching each other’s gaze from across the hall.

 Before the session is over Mark is standing at Youngjae’s door looking like he wants to run out but instead he asks, “Hey, uhm, I know we’re having a little get together at BamBam’s parents’ flat since they’re both on business trips this Friday. You should stop by.”

 Youngjae can’t believe what he is hearing. Here is Mark Tuan, the beautiful, popular, co-captain of the varsity basketball team, in his apartment asking him to a party.

 “Yeah, I’ll be there.” Youngjae manages to respond without jumping up and down with excitement.

 “Cool. Then I hope to see you there.” Mark says as he gives Youngjae one last smile before walking out the door.

The entire week all Youngjae can think about is the party. What should he wear, should he bring Jinyoung or Yugyeom with him, should he bring both of them with them, would Mark get mad if he brought them?

 Friday night approaches, and Youngjae decides to just take a taxi and go by himself, that way Jinyoung and Yugyeom can’t embarrass him too much. When he arrives at BamBam’s extremely gaudy flat it is already extremely filled wall to wall with people. Youngjae glances around the room for Mark, but all he notices is BamBam sitting in a throne-like chair looking like he’s bored at his own party and Jackson who is busy doing a handstand while drinking from the beer keg. As usual, he’s the center of attention.

 “Hey, I’m glad you’re here Mr. Teacher.” Youngjae turns around to find Mark coming over with a cup of punch in his hand and the smell of vodka on his breath.

 “Where, where’s Mr. Im?!” Youngjae smirks as he pretends like he is looking around for their teacher. He can’t believe how comfortable he has become around him, how easy it is to just relax and enjoy being around him.

 “Ah, you dork. Come on, let’s go get you some punch.” Mark ruffles the back of Youngjae’s hair before putting his arm around his shoulder dragging him in the direction of the punch bowl.

 This punch is nothing like the punch that he is used it. It’s overly sweetened with a Kool-aid mixture and leaves a slight burning sensation in your throat with every sip. He drinks a lot. Mark drinks a lot. The smell of smoke and alcohol has his head spinning.

Next thing he knows, he’s lying in a strange room, in a strange bed, staring at the ceiling. The sun is shining through the window and the bright red numbers on the alarm clock read 9:30.

 Slowly, bits of the night come back to him. He remembers Mark pushing him into a wall in a dark bedroom. He remembers the taste of the Kool-aid and vodka, the taste of Mark’s tongue in his mouth. He remembers the feeling of Marks hands running through his hair, running underneath his shirt, against his skin. He quickly turns over to see a familiar head of brown shaggy hair lying next to him. Shirtless. Youngjae’s head is pounding as he quickly realizes that he’s in his apartment, he’s in Mark’s apartment.

 “Shit.” Youngjae whispers to himself as he tries searching for his own shirt not sure if he should leave or wait for the other to awake. “Shit, shit, SHIT.” Youngjae actually yells that last one stirring the one still in bed.

 “Youngjae?” He hears a hoarse voice mumble from under the covers. Mark gets up and rubs his eyes. “Are you leaving?”

 Youngjae can only stare back at him in disbelief. “Do-do you want me to stay?”

 “Mmm, I was about to make some coffee, but I don’t think I can manage that. Let’s just grab some? I think that we should…maybe talk?” Mark asks while locating what he believes to be a clean shirt and pulls it on.

The awkwardness between the two on their walk to the nearest café is strong. They don’t talk or look at each other and what in reality was probably close to three minutes felt like decades. They order their drinks and sit at the table next to the large window

 “Look, I know…things got weird last night, and that’s not how I wanted to tell you or for you to find out.” Mark is staring at his hands and his ears are turning a bright shade of red. “But, the truth is…I think I’m starting to fall for you.”

Youngjae can’t respond. It isn’t the fact that he doesn’t want to respond or the fact that he doesn’t like Mark back. He just can’t. Time feels like it is standing still even though Youngjae can see people rushing by out the window.

 “Look, you don’t have to respond or anything. I just thought…nevermind.” Mark manages to say after a few moments of silence.

 Their drinks are getting cold, neither one of them have touched them. Youngjae didn’t even realize when they had gotten there, but now all he can do is stare into the perfectly drawn on foam heart on his macchiato while Mark squirms in front of him.

 “I’m pretty tired from last night still, so I think I’m just going to back to my apartment. You know your way back to your place from here? It’s actually not that far.” Mark avoids eye contact with Youngjae as he stands up to leave.

 Just when Mark is about to walk out the door, Youngjae grabs his arm. “Wait. Just wait. I...I like you too. I just didn’t know what to say or—” before he could finish his sentence Mark leans in and kisses him and Youngjae leans in and kisses him back.

Monday comes around too quickly. Youngjae could’ve spent a lifetime cooped up in Mark’s little studio apartment watching movies, hearing about all the things they have in America, and just generally being in his presence, but it’s back to school without discussing what they are, or where they stand in each other’s life.

 “Sooooo, how’d the party go?!” Jinyoung is basically beaming at him like a proud mother in homeroom the next day. Yugyeom just looks moody and disinterested as he turns away sighing.

 “It was…it was good.” And this answer somehow seemed to shut Jinyoung up.

 After class on their usual walk Yugyeom is unnaturally quiet.

 “Hey, what’s up with you today?” Youngjae asks giving the taller boy worried look.

 “Ahh, it’s really nothing. I’m just kinda bummed you didn’t want me to go to the party with you.” Yugyeom responds as weaving his way through the throng of students.

 “Hey, I’m sorry…I didn’t know it meant that much to you,” is all Youngjae manages to get out before Yugyeom quickens his pace and becomes lost in the crowd.

Later that day in the cafeteria, Youngjae grabs his tray from the cafeteria line and starts to head to his usual spot amongst Jinyoung’s and Yugyeom’s overcrowded table when a familiar face stops him before he can make it there.

 “Hey, you should sit at our table today…I want you to meet Jackson and BamBam.” Mark looks extra good today wearing a tight t-shirt and dark fitted jeans.

 “Uhm…” Youngjae glances over at his friends to see Jinyoung trying to comfort what looks like a still distraught Yugyeom. “Sure, I’d love to.”

 Sitting with teen royalty is a lot different than sitting in the outskirts of the cafeteria. It’s almost as like everyone is watching you, which makes Youngjae even more self-conscious than he normally is.

 “So, Mark tells us you’re from the countryside, did you have a cow? Did you grow your own food? That’s so cool I’ve always thought I’d like living on a farm.” Jackson blurts out before Youngjae even gets a chance to answer any of his questions.

 “Jackson, don’t be stupid. Not everyone who is from the countryside is a farmer.” BamBam snaps at Jackson while rolling his large round eyes. “So, Mark says you tutor him in math, you must be pretty smart then.” BamBam gleams at Youngjae.

 “Uhm, thanks…” Youngjae feels like he’s about to faint from anxiety, but then Mark reaches under the table to clasp their hands together instantly comforting him and BamBam just smiles a slightly mischievous smile in return.

Winter break approaches and Youngjae spends the majority of the nights cuddled up with Mark in his apartment watching movies, but one night when Mark had to stay late at the clothing shop he worked at Youngjae decides to call Jinyoung. They haven’t really been as close as they used to that night after the party but he still misses him and wants to see what he is up to.

 “Hey, let’s grab a bite to eat. I’m starving. I know this new coffee shop. They also sell organic fresh pressed juice or whatever you’re into these days.” Youngjae can almost hear Jinyoung’s ears perk up at the mention of the word “organic.”

 “Sure, you caught me at a good time I suppose.” Jinyoung sighs, trying to sound nonchalant.

“So I see that you’re blending in well with the cool kids now.” Jinyoung smiles after taking a long sip of his kale, ginger, and pineapple pressed juice.

 Youngjae runs a hand through his newly bleached hair. “Ahh…yeah. I guess, it’s not bad.”

 And it wasn’t bad. In the couple of weeks that Youngjae had started to eat with the well-known trio he has heard of many people talk about him. Was it always favorable, probably not, but the fact is that he was somebody at school now. People noticed him when he walked by or when he sat in the stands cheering Mark on during basketball games. However, Youngjae still sometimes felt like a piece of him is missing that he left behind in his old town.

 Jinyoung looks up from his drink to give Youngjae a concerned look. “Hey, have you tried talking to Yugyeom lately? Every time I ask him about it he says it doesn’t want to talk about it. I wish he wouldn’t be so sensitive towards things. I know it’s been weeks now, but I just worry about him.”

 Ever since Yugyeom dove off into the sea of students that one day his and Youngjae’s friendship had been strained and because Youngjae has spent every lunch since then eating with Mark the strain became even stronger.

 “No, I don’t even know what the big deal is. When I told him about the party he just seemed nervous and weird about it, so I figured he wouldn’t want to go anyway.”

 Youngjae stirs his drink, a macchiato, the same drink he drank on that day. There’s a long pause before Jinyoung responds.

 “Hmm, I guess you never knew this. The reason that he was probably feeling that way is because ever since BamBam transferred into our school district in middle school, Yugyeom has had the biggest crush on him. He never had the courage to tell him and now he probably never will.”

 “Why, why won’t he? What does this even have to do with me?” Youngjae is starting to feel frustration building up inside of him.

 “Yugyeom may not seem like it but he has a lot of pride. He feels like if he were to confess to BamBam it would be humiliating and even worse since you are now in their group. He’s not good at expressing his feelings as you know. And to be honest, you haven’t really been trying to include us in your new life, which is fine, if you’re happier that way.”

 There was a hint of bitterness in Jinyoung’s voice in that last sentence as he grabs his bag and walks off before Youngjae can even get out a word, so he just sits there alone in the café feeling extremely conflicted.

School resumes the following week and Youngjae is dreading going back. Ever since his talk with Jinyoung in the café he had been feeling torn about what to do about Jinyoung and Yugyeom. They were his first friends here in Seoul and things were good, no great, with Mark, but lately Youngjae has been feeling distant from even him.

 “Well someone is being quiet today.” BamBam raises an eyebrow and he blows into his hot chocolate. It’s snowing that day and the grey day makes Youngjae feel even more down as he stares across the cafeteria to Jinyoung and Yugyeom laughing at something a fellow art club member was saying.

 “Mm, I’m just tired. First day back, you know how it is.” Youngjae glances over at Mark who just gives him a concerned look because he used that same excuse when he said he didn’t want to talk on the phone with Mark the previous night.

Youngjae can’t slip his depressed mood all day and he can feel that it’s really affecting how Mark is also interacting with him. After math, Mark just packs up his things and walks out of the class without saying a word to Youngjae. The hollowness inside of Youngjae feels like it’s going to consume him as his sits in the slowly emptying classroom until he is the last one left.

 “Hey, Youngjae,” Mr. Im walks up to him with a concerned look spread across his face. “Is everything okay?”

 “Yes, yes, yes! Why does everyone keep asking me that today?” Youngjae frowns as he gathers his stuff and runs off into hallway. He just wants to go home and sleep, feeling defeated, but when he gets to his apartment’s door his phone rings. It’s Mark on the caller ID. Youngjae sighs and answers.

 “Hey, can you meet up? I’m sorry about today. Let’s talk.” The voice on the other side of the line sounds exasperated.

 “Sure, same coffee shop?” Youngjae asks before even stepping into his apartment.

“Look, I’m sorry okay. I just felt like you were hiding something from me. I want you to know that I’m always here to listen to your problems and I want you to trust me when you need support. You’ve been really distant and weird these past few days and I just don’t know.” Mark stares down into his drink, blinking back tears.

Youngjae doesn’t say anything and stares out the window. The snow had stopped falling by then and has turned the sidewalks a sad mixture of grey and white. He isn’t in the mood to have this conversation with Mark. He can’t form words to express his true troubles of still feeling like he is missing a piece of himself, how he feels like he’s being torn by his first friends he made in Seoul and his boyfriend who is perfect for him in every way, or the guilt he feels from Jinyoung’s words the last time they spoke. Instead he just slowly says “I’m sorry…I’m just sorry” as he droops his head.

Mark’s expression softens. “It’s okay. Just…let’s try to move on okay?”

The cherry blossoms start to bloom and the Spring Ball, the biggest school dance of the year, is quickly approaching. Ever since their conversation at the coffee shop that snowy night Youngjae and Mark’s relationship has been stable but Youngjae doesn’t feel that warm at ease sensation that he used to feel when they first started to date. 

At lunch BamBam is ordering around Jackson for what type of type of tuxedo to get if he’s going to escort him to the dance. Mark still hadn’t asked Youngjae to go with him so both of them just focus on eating their food. Avoiding confrontation and their problems in general had become the status quo for them. Youngjae can’t stand it anymore. He stands up and throws away his half eaten lunch and goes for a walk in the quad.

The quad really is beautiful this time of year with the flowers floating around in the wind, covering the sidewalks and benches with their pink petals.  Suddenly, he sees a familiar head of pink hair sitting under a tree, sketchbook in hand.

“Hey, long time no talk.” Youngjae approaches him with a warm smile.

 Yugyeom smiles back. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 Youngjae takes this as an invitation to sit next to him. “I miss you guys. I really do.”

A few minutes pass as they just stare out into the sea of pink before Yugyeom responds. “We miss you too Youngjae. We really do.” Tears are starting to build up in Yugyeom’s eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I overreacted, can we still be friends?”

“Of course we can. As long as you stop being so sensitive!” Youngjae nudges the taller boy’s arm with his elbow.

“How are things going with Mark?” Yugyeom asks after the bell rings and their walking back to the main building to return to class.

“I just don’t know we had a weird falling out kind of and he hasn’t asked me to the dance yet…speaking of that are you going to go?” Youngjae sighs and looks up to a confused look plastered to Yugyeom’s face. 

“Why! What happened? Was it because of me?” Yugyeom is basically yelling with curiosity and completely ignores the question related to the dance.

“No! Of course it wasn’t because of you. I just…I just have some things I need to work out for myself! That’s all.”

Youngjae is standing in front of his class about to go in when Yugyeom says probably the wisest thing Youngjae has ever heard him say.“Youngjae, if you aren’t happy maybe look at yourself for happiness before you look towards others.”

 “Yah, whatever, did you read that off a fortune cookie!” Youngjae yells as he waves at Yugyeom as he runs off smiling and waving back.

Now he’s talking to Mark underneath the cherry blossoms. He’s sporting his usual get up, a letterman jacket and perfectly snug jeans and he just looks irresistible.

 “So, I guess the reason why I have been distancing myself from you is because I just feel scared. I’m scared and self-conscious and stupid and I just don’t want to lose you or let down my friends. I felt like I was being a failure because I felt like I couldn’t make anyone happy. I just put so much pressure on myself!” Youngjae feels like he might pass out as he says this all in basically one breath.

Mark just stares at the ground, “The truth is, I understand the feeling. I always have so much pressure on me too, leaving my family in America to come here to play basketball here and don’t even get me started on my friends.”

 They both laugh. “But, I know I feel secure…because I have your support.” Mark pushes the hair out of Youngjae’s eyes and kisses him, cherry blossom leaves dancing in the gentle breeze.

“That JERK.” BamBam is basically seething at lunch the next week as he slams down his expensive drink of the day. “How dare he choose to go with the ENTIRE Jackson Wang fan club over  me!”  

 The lunch table seems eerily quiet ever since Jackson decided to amuse his large group of fan girls at the Spring Ball and BamBam has basically banished him from eating with them. “I’ve already bought my tux and everything. Now who am I supposed to go with? We even had a limo rented for just us two.”

“Hmm, I think I can actually find you a replacement date…” Youngjae basically whispers as he shakes with fear of BamBam’s wrath.

“Sure, go ahead, not that I need help or anything.” BamBam huffs as he quickly glances away crossing his arms and Mark just gives both of them a quizzical look.

“Come on, you HAVE to say something.” Youngjae is basically pleading at Yugyeom over the phone that night. “Now’s your chance!”

“I’ll think about it.” Yugyeom finally answers after minutes of Youngjae pleading with him.

The next few days go by quickly as Youngjae gets wrapped up in exams and preparations for the Spring Ball with Mark. BamBam offered them to ride in his limo with the qualification that they have to look their absolute best. BamBam is fidgeting around at lunch one day and blabbing on about how his tuxedo isn’t back from the tailor yet until he hears the sound of a piano coming from the speakers. The entire cafeteria freezes as Yugyeom comes bursting through the doors serenading BamBam whose eyes start to sparkle, he’d always had a taste of over the top.

 “Will you go to the Spring Ball with me?” Yugyeom asks as he kneels to present a single rose to BamBam’s face.

 “After that spectacle, how could I say no?” Both boys are smiling at each other and Youngjae can’t help but smile as well.

The day of the ball comes and Mark is running late to meet him before they head over to BamBam’s together. Finally, Mark shows up hiding something behind his back.

 “There you are! What took you so long? BamBam is going to kill us.” Youngjae runs over to meet up the older boy.

“I was getting you this.” Mark reveals the small box from behind his back and inside of it the most vibrant and beautiful orchid boutonniere Youngjae had ever laid eyes on.

 “It’s gorgeous…thank you…I…I didn’t get you anything fancy.” Youngjae holds out a simple red rose boutonniere.

 “I think it’s perfect, just like you.” Mark says as he smiles and wraps his arms around Youngjaes’ waist.

At the dance, BamBam drags Yugyeom off to the dance floor right when they get there but Youngjae wants to absorb the scene so he and Mark stand at the entrance for a while. Youngjae notices Jinyoung standing by the punch bowl getting awfully close to Mr. Im who is chaperoning. Maybe all those after class talks have paid off after all. He can’t help but laugh to himself when he sees Jackson being pulled in five different directions by various members of his fanclub.

All of the sudden, a slow dance song starts to blare over the speakers and Mark leans over and yells “Shall we?” Youngjae looks over and nods.

On the dance floor Youngjae glances over his shoulder to see Yugyeom and BamBam laughing and holding each other close. He can’t believe how happy they look. Then he faces his date and buries his head into the warmth of Mark’s neck. The sense of warmness and comfortableness slowly creeps into his entire body. He missed this feeling and never wants it to ever go away again.

 “I love you.” Mark whispers into Youngjae’s ear.

 Youngjae looks up, tears welling up inside of him. “I love you…I love you too.”

 The slow song stops but Mark is still holding Youngjae close to him.

 “Don’t let go of me.” Youngjae says as he lifts his head to gaze into Mark’s eyes.

 “Dont worry. I won’t.” Mark leans in and kisses Youngjae. And in that moment on the dance floor, everything was perfect in Youngjae’s world. He finally felt like this is where he belongs. Right here, in the arms of the perfect boy that he thought he never had a chance with.