Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

No matter how many sighs escape Kieran's body, he doesn't feel any better about the situation he's in. He only realizes how hard he's been clenching and unclenching his fists when he sees nail marks in his palms. 

Normally he relieves this anxiety by getting up and moving, but considering he's sitting in a train car, that doesn't seem like a stellar idea, he settles for fiddling with the threads on his distressed jeans instead.

"Alright," Lilith pipes up from beside him after a long sip of her… drink (Kieran has no clue what it is, she called it boba but that helped him none). "tell me what's wrong." She's firm, but even without looking at her, he can hear the smile.

"Nothing's wrong?"

"That's the fifth sigh, something's bothering you and you wanna do something. I'm here and offering, cough it up." Her words are firm yet her tone is noncommittal with the perfect balance of bounce and dignity. The two have only been friends for over a year, and while he can't speak for her, Kieran can definitely say that Lilith has become a huge comfort to him, her mature yet childish sincerity being a major reason why. It's terrifying, really, how easily she can get him to open up with very little effort.

"It's a bit of a long story,"

"I quite like stories,"

"May I ask first; do you feel… undeserving?"

Lilith's eyebrows raise, she looks taken aback, but thankfully not offended, "Of what specifically?"

"I guess… I dunno, I did all these awful things and the most I got was 'eternal' body odor," Lilith laughs beneath her drink.

"I feel awful about that Halloween constantly, I don't think I'll ever stop feeling guilty about it at least sometimes. I'll admit full stop that what I did was unforgivable, and if I was in Holt's shoes I would never forgive me either."

"This isn't very reassuring," Kieran rests his chin in his palm.

"Well, I wasn't really finished," She takes another sip before she continues, "but Holt forgave me anyway, and I swore to myself to be a better person than the one I was taught to be. I'd be an idiot to turn down that forgiveness, as unwarranted as it may be, I'm not letting it go to waste." 

It doesn't take long for Kieran to connect the dots to his own situation, and while he still has quite a ways to go in terms of a make-up, it feels much more doable now.

"I have a crush on someone," Kieran blurts. 

Lilith seems unfazed, "Who?"

"Spelldon-- I doubt you know him,"

"What's he like?" A sly smile turns at the corners of Lilith's mouth and Kieran bites back a glare.

"You know that if I tell you, it'll turn into me gushing," He mutters under his breath.

"Oh I absolutely know that," Lilith's smile has grown, yet she's still poking her drink with her straw, "tell me about him, it's not often I get to hear you ramble,"

"He's Casta's younger brother," Kieran begins, "and he's really really kind-- probably the first actual friend I've made at Monster High, and him and I are both really into theatre and we show each other soundtracks and he sent me a playlist--" Realizing this has quickly become a very cheesy rant, Kieran cuts himself off with a throat clear.

Lilith whistles lowly under her breath, "You sound pretty smitten," 

"You've gushed about Cleo quite a bit yourself,"

A pale blush forms on Lilith's cheeks, "I have the right to not dignify that," she checks her nails and feigned nonchalance before turning to Kieran, "so do you plan on making a move at all?"

"Given my reputation, I don't think that's a smart move," 

"That's kinda true…" Lilith thinks for a moment, "do you know if he's into guys?"

"I mean he's never said anything to me directly, but given how… flirtatious he can get, I wouldn't doubt it,"

"You know, 'making a move' doesn't have to be asking him out," Lilith puts a hand on Kieran's shoulder, "just tell him how he makes you feel, you don't have to take the relationship any further if he doesn't feel the same way,"

"Lilith I love you but that's the worst idea you've ever had,"

"Worse than me arresting a highschooler?"

"What if it doesn't work?" 

Lilith grabs both of Kieran's shoulders, taking him aback, and looks him right in his eyes, clear blue meeting dusty violet.

"What if it does? What then?!"

A knot forms in Kieran's throat. 

"Honestly, that's just as terrifying,"

"Which are you scared of more, Kieran? The guy makes you playlists, that's the most YA, indie romance shit ever," A chime and an automated announcement for the next train station play on the intercom, Lilith stands up. "You don't have to do anything, but it's good food for thought,"

"See you Lilith, text me when you're home,"

"Goodbye Kieran, tell me when you decide?" Her tone goes up, still asking even though it's not really supposed to be a question. The small tone inflection makes Kieran feel far more reassured than he had at the beginning of the train ride.

What an odd normie.

Chapter Text

The walk back to her house is something she dreads every single day. Lilith never knows when Hellscream is home, or worse, what type of mood he's in. 

Digging her nails into her palms, Lilith mentally prepares herself for every possibility, anything she could have missed, messed up, and what not to do for each of such. She doesn't feel like being yelled at even in the best of circumstances, but considering she was out a couple hours later than usual and didn't tell him, if Hellscream's at home, he's bound to be pissed.

She doesn't have a lot of time to construct an alibi before she sees the door unlocked as she quickly swallows the boulder that's grown in her throat.

"Lilith," Hellscream greets as she walks through the door. Sometimes she can't help but wonder if he can smell her fear somehow.

Am I afraid of him?

"Evening,"

"You were out late, what were you up to?"

Lie,

"Studying…"

Too vague,

"with Clair,"

Make it believable.

"I meant to come home earlier, got caught in rush hour traffic,"

You kept hesitating, it's ruined now.

As hard as she is on herself, Lilith is normally much better at thinking on her feet. Uncle Hellscream seems to always see right through her no matter what she says, taking every single acting skill she thought she had and turning it into the world's shittiest game of charades, of which she always seems to be the loser.

"What were you studying for?"

Now this she can answer no problem.

"Geometry, big test," Lilith shrugs. Anything math related she's not the best at, Cleo has been helping her with geometry homework (apparently a lot of the classes at Monster High are functionally the same as any regular school, usually with different names) and due to this her marks have been improving. However, telling Hellscream who's really been helping her seems like an awful idea, especially considering his last endeavor at the aforementioned school didn't end too well for him.

"Ms. Crabgrass will make us dinner soon, go wash up and prepare," 

Thankful the subject has finally been dropped, Lilith heads up to her room and gasps for breath after unknowingly holding it for so long. Her heart violently pounds against her ribcage while she struggles to keep her vision from spinning.

From when she was little, Hellscream wanted for Lilith to be a predecessor, a mini him to take on the monster hunting business when he no longer could. At best, she's a show pony, crammed into a mold so tight she never got to learn who she truly wanted to be.

Of course, appearances do play a part in fame, so in her freshman year she took up acting, originally intending to polish up any performance skill she may have needed, it wasn't long after she began to genuinely love it.

Lilith can take on the guise of whoever she wants under the starstruck eyes of many, of course she'd be good at it, she's been doing just that her whole life, at least she gets to choose her persona this time.

Acting and lying fall under similar categories, it's easy to pretend they're synonymous, but that isn't entirely true, when Lilith acts she's taking on a role with a script she sticks to, putting every ounce of emotion into the facade she's been given. The emotions themselves may not be based on anything that's really happening, but if a piece of art can make her imagine the scene around her that emotions and lines spill so easily from her lips, could one really call something like that fake?

When Lilith has to lie, she tries to bring her acting skill into it, but she's always been a terrible liar, not even good enough to pretend what she's saying is true. She does it because she doesn't know what will happen if she tells the truth, and the mystery terrifies her. 

So far, Hellscream has indulged in what she says, though she knows he never falls for it. Lilith may be a bad liar, but she's smart and self aware enough to know when they fall flat. The last person Lilith could ever convince is herself.

Finally calming down from her panic attack, she pulls her phone from her bag to see two message alerts, one from Kieran and the other from Cleo.

Kieran: did you get home okay?

Lilith: yeah, apparently my uncle was home and I wasn't aware

Kieran: oh shit

Lilith: I told him I was studying and he seemed to buy it, no worries

Kieran: okay okay good

Lilith: what about you

Lilith: did your mommy yell at you again?

Kieran: you

Kieran: are mean

Kieran: no she didn't thank god

Lilith: ha

Lilith: I've gotta eat dinner soon

Lilith: bye bye

Kieran: talk later lil

Cleo: hey! I was wondering if you're not doing anything on saturday you'd be willing to join me in picking out some shoes? I need a new pair and you're the perfect person to help me.

Lilith: definitely! I'd have to see if my schedule is clear, but if so, count me in

Cleo: I'm looking forward to it lili ♡

In an effort to get the heat in her face to go down, Lilith smacks her forehead with her phone a couple of times, which does virtually nothing except leave a large red mark and give her a headache. 

Really, she's smart enough to push a simple crush down and ignore it when necessary. Whatever gets in the way of her goals generally takes second priority in her seventeen year itinerary, and she intends to keep it that way as long as possible. 

That being said, such proves harder than usual this time around. 

"Lilith, dinner," Sighing and sliding her phone into her pants pocket after standing up, Lilith heads down the stairs to eat. She really doesn't feel like eating while trying to maintain strained conversation down an eight foot long table. Either way, her duty to do so remains an obligation she can't back out on.

Treading down the stairs, Lilith silently gives herself the nightly pep talk she's grown used to. It's not like it settles her nerves by much, these conversations are things she can never rehearse for, she never knows how they're gonna go, the most she can do is improvise with the minimal knowledge Hellscream gives her. If there's anything she can do though, it's act, and she's going to keep it up to save her life if she has to. 

Even if it does little, it's a good enough skill to have in the shitty circumstance that seems to be her future.

Chapter Text

Kieran stares at his ancient, paneled ceiling. Dissociation is normally easiest when the thing he has to stare at is pretty-- and he's always been rather fond of the art deco-- yet more and more recently, he's found that too many thoughts fill his head.

He's always been loved, but never liked. Lilith was the first friend he'd made, somehow being able to bond over the shitty things he'd done, because she had done something just as awful. They were friends because of it, not in spite of it, which kinda fucked up his own worldview even more.

Gaining everyone's trust back after manipulating an entire school wasn't easy, he'd started out knowing that full well and being willing to take on the challenges that came with redemption. Hell he even offered to help Cupid out on her radio show, which she enthusiastically accepted before going missing, so he had no idea what to make of that. All in all, Kieran wanted nothing more than to distance himself from the image he'd created in people's heads last February. Whether he'd succeeded or not remains up for debate, and if you were to ask him what his goal was over a year ago, it would be the same answer as what he'd say today.

"I don't want to be a bad person."

Why hadn't he wanted that?

He'd felt guilty as anyone would, but more than anything, he was lonely. Emotional vampires are fragile creatures, needing love-- others or their own-- to survive. Kieran wanted people to see that he isn't evil, there's more to him than the fucked up villain persona he'd painted of himself with the thousands of ghouls' hearts he'd stolen, but wouldn't that reason be just as selfish?

Even if others were benefiting from what he was doing, all he wanted was to show that he isn't evil anymore, when fundamentally, he wasn't evil in the first place.

Meeting Lilith the following November showed him how warped their worldviews were, and how even if what they were doing was good, it was still just as selfish.

Centuries ago, breaking someone's heart was a common and effective way for emotional vampires to feed. Obviously it's an outdated method now, yet Kieran can still vividly remember the nights of harrowing hunger, along with everything that came with it.

The migraines from crying for hours sting at his head even just thinking about it.

It begs the question; does Kieran deserve to be forgiven even now? Everything he's done up to this point has been for his own benefit, hoping he'll never have a bout of hunger like that again. Yet, an answer for a question like that isn't something he thinks he'll ever find.

Boiling everything he did for thousands of years down, all of it was borne of fear. Fear of being alone, which for his species could spell death. Kieran did what he did because he didn't want to die.

It doesn't justify any of what he did, but it doesn't make it evil, just makes it selfish.

At the end of the day, in the grand scheme of the world, villains are about as real as heroes, and Kieran falls on the spectrum of neither. He was a kid misguided to be cruel in order for survival, and when a much kinder way of living life presented itself, he jumped at the opportunity to make amends for what he'd done.

Even if the situation managed to fix itself, humiliation was really a small price he had to pay. Witnessing true, genuine love between Draculaura and Clawd was a catalyst of which he'd never thought he'd see. He never had any connection, let alone one that deep, with anyone. He was admired and fawned over, but over all the years he's been alive, Spelldon and Lilith remain the only people he can truly call his friends.

Kieran brushes a few strands of hair off of his face, realizing that thinking of Spelldon made his cheeks grow hot. 

Stop it.

Rolling over to check his phone, he sees a missed call from Lilith, which takes him aback considering he knows his ringer is on.

Dialing her up, she answers after half a ring.

"Hey, I need you to help me,"

"With what?"

A pause, Kieran almost asks if she's still there, but she responds, "Cleo asked me to help her buy a pair of shoes and I'm trying to figure out what to do."

"They should have sizing charts there," He tries not to let his grin show in his voice.

"Christ Kieran, quit being a smartass and help me."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Aren't you good at romance?!"

He pauses.

"You know who I am, right?"

"I'm actually going to kill you."

"Okay, okay," He mulls it over in her head. "What do you know about Cleo?"

"She's blunt, she's honest, and has a hard time getting people to see past her materialism."

"Alright, so it sounds like the two of you have a lot in common,"

Lilith says nothing, yet Kieran can hear her gears turning over the receiver.

"If I know anything about women, it's that generally it doesn't matter too much what you're doing, they just want to know you're listening."

Lilith laughs, but there's no malice in it. "At least the years of womanizing helped you somehow."

"Yeah, and look where I am now. Gay." Kieran snorts before continuing. "Do you know where you're going?"

"The-- why is it spelled like that-- the maul. Honestly I doubt it's supposed to be a date, I think she just invited me because we have similar taste."

"Doesn't she have a boyfriend?"

"No, not anymore, they broke up."

"Huh, okay." Kieran thinks it over again, "well she thought of you first for a reason, and you said she's blunt, so I doubt she's using you as a backup at all." 

"That's… reassuring, actually."

"Honestly Lilith, if you want my advice, I'd say just be yourself around her."

"If I wanted a cliche, I would've read a teen magazine."

"She likes you, maybe not romantically, but she wants to spend time with you for a reason. Plus, you two are similar and if I know you, it's that there's no one you would rather spend more time with than someone who acts just like you." 

Kieran swears he hears a bitten off laugh from the other end. "Far too many entendres in that than fingers on my hands."

"Yet you're not saying I'm wrong."

"I appreciate the help, thanks Kieran." A yawn, "I should try and go to bed soon, talk to you tomorrow,"

"Night Lilith, love ya." 

They both hang up and Kieran changes into sleep clothes before getting into bed himself, watching as distant streetlights and the occasional car softly illuminate his bedroom, slowly drawing his once wired mind to sleep.

Chapter Text

Where is she, and how did she get here? Two of the only questions Lilith has are ones she can't definitively answer. Her surroundings are vaguely recognizable, yet the answer remains on the tip of her tongue.

Staring off into the distance, she can see the horizon abruptly cut off into a gleaming, amber abyss, two figures standing side by side on the edge together. Nothing seems to be forcing them there, they're just… standing. Completely unmoving, bathed in the dim orange light.

Lilith soon realizes she can't move at all, her wrists and ankles are restrained against a flat wooden board. Every movement she tries to make is useless, her efforts die against the iron cuffs, smearing small bits of rust against her skin.

She cries out when she sees the two figures make their way closer to the edge, the edge of what she only now realizes could be hell, begging them to stop. Lilith's pleas are interrupted by loud, automated laughter from a centuries old speaker from above her, one she only now realizes she's being elevated toward, along with blunt, jagged iron teeth. 

Tears stream down her face as she watches the metal jaws, creaking from disuse, open and close with intent to crush, not cut. Paralyzing fear overtakes her body, Lilith is completely frozen as unidentifiable debris falls around her and the once dim orange light now blinds her eyes.

The laughter never stops.

When she comes to, Lilith realizes she'd been crying in her sleep. She's not too surprised, nightmares involving variations of the Halloween incident have plagued her since it happened over a year ago, but their authenticity is enough to leave her sleepless afterwards.

The sun seems to have risen a short time ago, given by the dim grey light seeping through her small window. Checking her phone, she can see it's around five in the morning, which is only an hour before she has to get up anyway. Plus, the light just shy of being sunny is enough to motivate Lilith at least a little bit. 

Hellscream left a note on her vanity saying he has a last minute errand he must attend to in Paris, (whatever the hell that entails) so he's going to be gone before she wakes up.

Lilith crumples the note and tosses it into a nearby waste bin with a scoff. Something she'd never think to do with Hellscream at home, but it's a small act of rebellion that feels good nonetheless. It's his damn fault she turned out the way she did, anyway. She didn't know any better.

Not bothering to get dressed yet, she grabs her phone off of her nightstand and walks through the hallway full of various awards, plaques, and trophies awarded to her uncle over the years. He seemed to deliberately put the most impressive ones in a glass case right outside her bedroom door, always telling her that 'that could be your name one day' whenever she was down. It was, at its heart, well intended motivation. Even now, Lilith somewhat appreciates it for what it was.

When she makes it to the kitchen finally, she starts the expensive espresso machine she'd been gifted a year or so ago, thinking about what she'd like to make for herself. Normally she'd settle on something simple since she's on a schedule, but she's got no intent of sleeping as well as plenty of time to kill.

She quickly decides on espresso campana, pulling the necessary ingredients from the fridge, as well as the tiny mugs she adores from a cabinet nearby.

Upon realizing she doesn't have anyone to drive her to school, Lilith groans quietly in tired frustration, pulls up her messaging app and crosses her fingers.

Lilith: you're probably not awake right now

Lilith: do you think I could carpool with you? I only have my learner's and my uncle isn't at home

Clair: oh shit

Clair: yeah sure. chad's gonna be there too and he has a permanent shotgun pass

Clair: hope that's ok

Lilith: yeah it's no biggie

Lilith: and thanks a million

"So, why is Hellscream outta town?" Clair asks, giving a quick glance to the rearview back at Lilith as she shifts the gear into drive.

"Errands, I assume," Lilith shrugs, which earns a confused glance from Chad, who turns around to face her in the backseat.

"Why didn't he tell you sooner? You said he's going to Europe, right?"

"Yeah, he's in Paris, and honestly hell if I know, he usually doesn't tell me when he leaves,"

Clair's seemingly permanent expression of nonchalance remains, even with the added eyebrow raise. "Weird, usually 'errands' just entails, like, Wal-Mart." The joke is enough to crack a small smile out of Lilith, but she says nothing more.

"Oh, hey, do you want any coffee or anything? We usually stop by a Dunkin' when we carpool," Chad offers, fumbling around in his pockets in search of his wallet while Clair pulls into a parking lot.

"Oh? Umm," Lilith thinks for a moment, "Frozen Matcha Latte would be nice," 

Normally she'd feel bad for having someone else pay for her, but she knows Chad well enough to have his Cashapp saved. Plus, free coffee is free coffee.

He gets out of the car and gives a quick thumbs up to her, walking to the entrance and leaving Clair and Lilith alone together in the car.

"D'you have rehearsal after school?"

"Yeah, it's after classes every day now,"

"Shit? How's it going?"

Lilith honestly isn't feeling very optimistic that the play's going to turn out as amazing as their director insists on promising. The play in question is far edgier than what's usually considered for a highschool production. A young woman loses her father, and in search of his murderer, comes across a burlesque bar. There, she falls in love with one of her fellow dancers, all the while in pursuit of the bar's owner.

As it turns out, her lover is her father's murderer.

Supposedly, it's based off of an old pulp novel from the sixties and was adapted into a screenplay some years later. Lilith plays the part of a lead detective, she appears at the start, after the intermission, and at the end. 

They're approaching tech week, and to say Lilith is terrified is an understatement. 

"It's a work in progress," Lilith replies instead, with an inhale through clenched teeth.

Clair responds with a click of her tongue and a knowing grin, "And you can't say any of the plot?"

"I mean, nothing will happen if I do, the director is just so excited about it, she didn't want us to spoil it," Lilith laughs, resting her chin in her hand, "Honestly, it's just like any other edgy rock opera,"

"So… like Rent?" 

"Less AIDS, then yeah kinda,"

With a headwag and an eyeroll, Clair quickly changes the subject, "By the way, have you kept in touch with anyone since Halloween?"

Lilith's gaze quickly shoots up, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I mean, you and Cleo definitely hit it off if your convo in the catacombs was anything to go off of,"

Gulping down embarrassment, Lilith tries for a response, "Yeah, uh, we do talk… frequently,"

With another knowing grin, Clair pushes the subject even more, "How frequently?"

"Uh, well, I'm gonna be hanging with her Saturday so, y'know…" Clair's grin grows wider. "that's fun."

Thankfully her impromptu interrogation is stopped by Chad opening the car's passenger door and handing Lilith her drink, which she quickly sips to shut herself up lest she slips up and gives Clair the exact response she's hoping for. 

Chad and Clair talk amongst themselves, and while Lilith chimes in occasionally, she sits in mostly silence the rest of the way to school, and even most of the time after that.

Thankfully, nothing interesting happens before play rehearsal. Unfortunately, rehearsal is about as dull as the rest of Lilith's day. The crew is growing closer and closer to tech week and are about to start going cue to cue, and the lead has none of her lines memorized, not to mention how painfully off key every single one of her solos is. Lilith's own parts are short, two minute monologues that she speaks over top of music, barely enough tune or bounce in them to qualify as singing.

Lilith's seriously considering asking the director to let her play the lead, not because there are any bad parts, but because there are definitely bad actors. However, Lilith doesn't want to seem like a poor sport, so for now she's biting her tongue.

The urge to say something grows stronger, however, as Lilith watches the lead storm off in a dramatic huff while the director pinches the bridge of her nose, clearly frustrated as she calls for break.

Rummaging around in her bag, Lilith checks her phone for the first time in almost three hours, a couple of emails, as well as two text notifications.

Kieran: yo Lilith

Kieran: you free?

Lilith: i am now, not for much longer though

Lilith: if you're gonna tell me that you've finally learned modern slang, then just know im proud of you :)

Kieran: shut up you clart

Lilith: lmao

Lilith: ok ok whaddya need

Kieran: it was a weird question nvm

Lilith: i like weird

Kieran: what makes someone selfish?

Lilith: wow ok 

Kieran: yeah i told you

Lilith: i didnt say i wouldnt answer dingus

Lilith: give me a bit to think

Lilith: i guess… i don't really know? it all depends on intent i guess

Lilith: like even things that could be considered yk

Lilith: good

Lilith: if you're doing it for the sole sake of self gratification then that could technically be considered selfish sure

Lilith: but whoever said selfishness itself is inherently bad?

Kieran: what do you mean?

Lilith: i mean entitlement is shitty, but at the end of the day, selflessness can be just as toxic. 

Lilith: whether you want to admit it or not, you do have to look out for yourself sometimes, and that isn't a bad thing. you can't give everything you have to other people, taking care of and looking out for yourself isn't a bad trait to have.

Lilith: its all about perspective and balance i guess

Kieran: that's actually really reassuring to hear weirdly

Kieran: thanks lilith

Lilith: so i dont get an explanation for the cryptic ass question i just answered for you

Kieran: no go back to ur nerd theater kid shit

Lilith: are you not dating a nerd theater kid

Lilith: you gay bastard

Kieran: we aren't dating lemonhead

Lilith: lmao

Lilith: gonna go practice my monologue see you in another 3 hours

Chapter Text

Kieran learned quite quickly that Monster High's library feels like a strange escape from time as he knows it. Could be the dozens of tall, book filled shelves that make every monster who enters feel miniscule in comparison. It could also be that there's no real way to tell the time beyond one's own phone. For all Kieran knows, it could be its own separate bubble from reality.

Narrowing his eyes at his claw-culus assignment while idly fiddling with the quill in his fingers, Kieran groans. It feels like hours since he's started this, yet he hasn't been able to muster up any motivation to make any progress. It's gotten to the point where he's begun mentally flogging himself without really realizing.

Things like math and science have never been Kieran's strong suit, at heart he's always been a creative type and staring at formulas is a surefire way to give him a headache.

Ultimately, Kieran gives in and pulls out his phone, justifying it as a break, if only a break from glaring at a piece of paper too long. 

Scrolling through Critter does nothing for him, and Lilith is at rehearsal so she can't get back to him right now. All Kieran has managed to do is bore himself even more. 

An embarrassingly loud groan comes from his stomach, and it's only then that Kieran notices he's been famished for the past possible hour.

Since Draculaura's birthday, Kieran has sworn off of breaking another ghoul's heart for food, which is a decision he's proud of and not going back on, but man did he misjudge how hard it would be. Physical food wasn't something that had ever really been necessary for Kieran, but holy hell could he go for a full course meal right now.

Dropping his head on the desk in front of him with a dull thud, Kieran debates on what his next course of action should be. His hunger is growing on painful, but he's not gonna die because of a little tummy ache. He can eat later, he just needs to finish this fucking paper.

I've lived over a thousand years, I've been able to survive famine, war, and revolutions. I'm not going to die because I'm hungry. I'm not dying in a goddamn library.

Kieran says that, repeating it like a mantra, but he knows full well that without nutrition or love to feed on, his kind rarely lasts more than a day or two. Another loud growl reverberates through his body, he rests his hands on the back of his neck. Kieran doesn't feel strong enough to move.

Funny, isn't it? How emotional vampires are regarded as some of the most vicious of the vampiric family. They have no need for fangs, their power and ferocity lies solely in hypnosis and charm, draining you of life from the inside out, all without you even knowing until your heart is shattered after falling disorientingly deep into a plastic love. 

Would he truly be regarded as such a threat if it was common knowledge how needy he truly is? Love is the fastest way for Kieran's kind to get sustenance, and while he isn't exactly hated anymore, most monsters at school tend to stay a safe distance away. He did a horrible thing, but he needed to survive. Is a tiger evil for eating a gazelle?

"Uh, you good man?"

Most monsters are wary, all except one that is.

Kieran lifts his head, face to face with Spelldon.

"Bad mood. What's up, need anything?"

"No, not really, I just found you and I've got some free time," Spelldon pulls out a nearby chair and sits kitty corner from Kieran, pulling out his phone. "Any idea what Mr. Hack's deal is today?"

"How do you mean?"

"He threw a meat cleaver at some kid's head,"

"He does that, you get used to it," Kieran mutters deadpan, resting his chin in his hand. Spelldon cracks up, to which Kieran looks over at him and raises an eyebrow. "You're laughing at me?"

"You made a joke, why not?"

Kieran makes a small noise of acknowledgement, but says nothing further.

"Bad day?"

"Aren't you full of questions?"

"You're moodier than usual, and I'm just making conversation." Spelldon shrugs. What a weirdo, he doesn't seem offended or even really caught off guard by Kieran's sour tone. 

"Why do you act like you know me?" 

Spelldon has a look of gentle confusion, but, patient as a saint, allows Kieran to continue.

"You've been here for a month and you insist on spending time with me, why?"

Spelldon mulls it over, eyes cast downward. Kieran can almost hear the cogs turning in his head.

"Because you seem like a cool person to be around?"

A quick bark of laughter drowns the noise of his stomach growling.

"You know nothing about me, I've done absolutely awful things," 

Hurts, hurts, hurts--

"I can't see you doing anything unforgivably evil." Spelldon remarks, expression unchanging.

Holy fucking god, it hurts so much--

"Are you seriously that naive--" Kieran stands up, evidently far too quickly, as his vision blacks out immediately after. Thank god Spelldon grabs his arm to keep him from falling. As if on cue, his stomach lets out another loud grumble.

"Kieran?"

He says nothing, too embarrassed to open his mouth.

"Are you hungry?"

This guy is a fucking mind reader.

When his vision slowly refocuses, he stares at Spelldon's hand. It's gripping his own, firm enough to keep him standing and grounded, but gentle enough not to hurt him.

Kieran's been through every single stage of dating. Holding hands is practically nothing. That said, there was always something off about the way women's hands felt against his. They were always so small and soft, overly maintained with a fragile grip. 

Kieran obviously has never hated women, honestly the first few times he had to break hearts he felt absolutely terrible, but the way they treated him while charmed into a trance always made him feel uneasy in a way he couldn't quite describe.

The way Spelldon holds him now feels so different. They're not dating, he's not in love with Kieran, but the way he gently urges Kieran to sit back down while he squeezes his palm reassuringly makes some stupid part of him dizzy.

It's the hunger, just the hunger.

"Ok, uh… it isn't much but--" Spelldon places a pre packaged brownie with candy coated chips in front of Kieran "Draculaura told me you've got a thing for chocolate."

Draculaura talks about me?

Kieran decides against asking about her and instead unwraps the brownie, staring at it before taking a hesitant bite.

"You didn't have to give this to me,"

"Of course I didn't have to, I wanted to." Spelldon states with a sickening amount of sincerity. Kieran finds himself scarfing down the brownie far faster than he means to while Spelldon watches, amused.

"I'm sorry for being a dick," Kieran mutters around a mouthful of chewed up brownie, all his poise out the window. "I guess I'm an asshole when I go without food for too long." 

Spelldon snorts, "You should see my sister after choreo training; I once watched her eat an entire pot of Alfredo while cussing out a vocal coach in Latin."

The idea of Casta doing something like that is some pretty funny head cinema, enough to get a laugh out of Kieran.

"Seriously though, do you wanna talk? About anything?"

Well, here comes the 'I'm actually a garbage person' revelation that Kieran's been dreading for the betterment of a month. 

"I'm assuming you're unaware of Draculaura's sweet 1600?"

"The one you ruined? Yeah I was told about that."

Are you fucking kidding me?

Well, that takes the effort out of having to explain all of that, at least.

"Why… do you still talk to me, then?"

"Do you want me to avoid you?"

"That's not-- No! I just… if you know what I did, why do you insist on being friends with me?"

Spelldon sighs, resting his chin on the heels of his hands.

"Do you think heroes and villains exist?"

Kieran blinks slowly, unsure of how to answer.

"There are good and bad people, certainly, but all we have beyond laws and scriptures are things like perspective. I looked into it, I know vampires like you need love to survive. So while yeah, you've done awful things, but people can change if they put in the effort. And honestly? I can't see you breaking the hearts of dozens of women for fun." 

Spelldon's expression is completely unreadable, Kieran's sure that his face is equally as hard to figure out. They just stare at one another, assured jade and nervous violet. 

"I don't think you're an evil person, Kieran, I think you were misguided. From what I can tell, you're doing your best to change. That's commendable for anyone."

For the first time in his life, from anyone besides Lilith of course, Kieran Valentine can sense the sincerity behind those words. 

He's so floored by this he doesn't even realize he doesn't feel hungry anymore. They both just stare, Kieran mapping out every part of Spelldon's face. 

He definitely has a very close resemblance to Casta, except his skin is a far more muted shade of green. There's a dark beauty mark beside his nose, right above his top lip. 

Now that Kieran's gaze has been drawn to Spelldon's lips, that's all he can look at. His heart beats steadily yet hard, making his chest feel tight somehow.

"Are we about to kiss?" Spelldon asks with his voice barely above a whisper, mouth now turned up in a small smile.

Instinctively, Kieran bolts to a standing position. So quickly the chair almost falls over.

"Wait-- Kieran, it's okay! I was… just joking," Spelldon's… flustered? Embarrassed?

Dare I say… disappointed?

Whatever it is he's feeling, Kieran hastily grabs his things and stuffs them in his bag.

"I've got-- uh-- a thing! Yeah I should get home my mom will kick my ass!" Kieran tries to make his nervous laughter sound natural, but acting has never been his forte. Had something like this happened to Lilith, she could get out of this much easier.

Spelldon's face falls, but he forces a smile anyway.

"Then uh… see you later."

"Yep! Later!" Kieran practically bolts out of the library, like a bat straight out of hell.

I'm such an idiot.

Chapter Text

"... He gave you a brownie, let you talk about your feelings, and literally asked to kiss you?! And you ran away?! Good call Valentine, great." Lilith tried to contain her laughter as she spoke into the receiver, watching her own reactions in the dressing room mirror. The bright lights around her face imitating the same gold shadows that the stage lights always struck. Lilith tried to hold back a contented sigh, it might seem like a kick in the groin to her friend who is currently panicking.

"I freaked out, okay?! Sorry, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed." Lilith snorts, rolling her eyes at his false annoyance. 

"Can't believe you were ever a womanizer."

"It's harder when you're the one being wooed," She can hear a defeated groan from the other end. "Anywho, when are you on?" 

Opening act is tonight, the dressing room filled with a nervous buzz of energy as her fellow crew members do various things to either practice or keep themselves calm. From across the room, Lilith can see the lead, staring at herself in the mirror with an odd look, just breathing.

Ashlynn? Her name might've been. Cute, cocky, definitely insecure. Lilith never would've thought to pay attention to the concentrated crease of those brows until after Halloween. 

That's almost two years ago now, huh?

It wasn't the most life changing event, yet somehow it was. Somehow, Lilith gained the ability to just see beyond herself, see that she isn't alone.

It seems so obvious now that she thinks about it, but at the time, Lilith felt like she'd finally been given a simple answer to every single question she'd ever asked. Like she had been pushing on a pull door. At least twelve pounds had been lifted off her shoulders the moment she'd met Cleo.

"I feel like…" Lilith begins, tousling her blonde hair out of the ponytail she'd been wearing all day. She sighs, seemingly unable to find the right words. "I feel like I've lost all my options."

Lilith had come to Cleo's at midnight a complete and utter wreck. Makeup a mess and voice hoarse. When asked, she gave quiet, half sentences that ultimately meant "I didn't know who else to go to." 

Lilith had finally found someone else like her and this entire time she's supposed to be the enemy. According to her uncle, she and Cleo would be different. 

Right?

Right?

"Curtain's in twenty. Gonna stop by?" 

"No, I'm not coming to support my friend. I'm also not picking out roses to give you when you come off stage."

Lilith laughs, grinning at herself in the mirror. "Damn shame, I hear it's supposed to be great."

The play is supposed to be set in the 1940s, and Lilith's unnamed character is a private investigator for the murder of a political elite. She's particularly interested in what happened to his missing daughter.

Lilith loves how the costume looks on her, she looks like a mature Nancy Drew. 

A crew member shouts in, "Curtain's fifteen!" which makes the entirety of the dressing room shout "Thank you fifteen!" in response before seamlessly going back to their respective tasks.

"I'll be there soon." Kieran responds, snorting. "Break a leg, Lil'."

"Seen you soon." Lilith grins to herself, hanging up the phone.

Slowly, everything else around her began to fade away. There was only Lilith, her character, and this hazy golden light. Her lines are memorized, she knows her cues, she's done this so many times. Now is the night that's finally going to count, now it's going to pay off.

Lilith keeps her breathing level as her time slowly runs out, ten, five...

"Curtain's three!"

"Thank you three!"

And she's walking through to just behind the curtain, holding her leather prop briefcase, erasing everything else in her mind because right now, that doesn't matter.

Right now, Lilith walks through to the stage as those intoxicating lights slowly bathe her in soft yet blinding light. I have a murder to solve.

The girl playing her secretary stands worriedly at Lilith's desk, twitching with the desire to say something.

"Sit," Lilith gestures to the armchair across from her desk as she swivels her own chair around to take a seat, hoping the action comes off as welcoming and not hostile. "What do you need at this hour?

"There's been a disappearance," She never knows what to do with those hands of hers, Lilith notes. Funny how her sole job is to be observant, yet she's just noticing all this now. If it weren't for the anxious glances upward, Lilith could swear that the hem of that cardigan is far more interesting than anything she could say. That's one of the only things she can think about, but at one point she never would've paid it any mind.

"D'you mean the murder of Adam Belrose?" Lilith prompts, twirling a pen in her fingers.

"No-- well, it's connected," The young woman across from Lilith tousles her mousey brown bob lightly with the tips of her fingers, a definite nervous tick. Clearing her throat, she continues.

"He had a daughter."

This catches Lilith so off guard she doesn't even notice as she suddenly rises to her feet. "Had? Is she still alive?" 

"We're unsure, but it's not impossible."

Swallowing what felt like tack, Lilith stares down at the wood grain on her desk, her stomach churning almost as much as her mind as she tries so hard to figure out where to start.

"I'm going to need a team for this." 

Lilith does manage to find the missing Belrose daughter. Bloodied and rain soaked behind a burlesque bar, no less, but still very much alive. 

Even if she's fully aware that the gun in her hands is a prop, she allows the hurt of the situation to dig into her bones all the same as she drops it loosely. 

Everything Lilith sees in front of her right now slowly splits the case until it's cracked wide open. The Belrose daughter, fresh with small cuts and bruises from a fight, her opponent lying dead where Lilith had blown her head open with her bullet, and the sheer, unmistakable look of harrowing betrayal on the survivors face--

Lilith lets every sensation show into her actions, right before she delivers the final line of the show.

"I'm so glad you're alive." 

The maroon curtains drop, leaving the three girls alone onstage before pure giggles of accomplished glee grow impossible to contain before they all rush backstage.

"Ash!" The lead's lover nudged the aforementioned's shoulder, causing a gasp of nervousness to run through her. "That was fucking amazing! You've really grown as an actor!" 

Ashlynn chuckles, quickly changing into her main costume, "Speak for yourself-- And Lilith!" 

At the mention of her name, Lilith suddenly goes still. Ashlynn runs over, amazement in her eyes, "That last line-- the delivery was chilling!"

"Oh-- Thank you!" Lilith returns politely. She's flattered, but it all felt so scripted, especially from someone she doesn't know. Either way, she's too excited to go back out onstage in those gold lights to care.

Gold…

Something about the color always seems to make Lilith feel tranquil in so many different ways. Sometimes she feels soft and warm and safe in its light, sometimes it makes her body hum a steady current of adrenaline in her veins, like right now.

As she stands in this light, stomach doing flips as she bows, Lilith finds that the smile won't leave her face. She feels lightheaded in the best possible way, like she's climbing a rollercoaster track and she's inches away from taking the plunge. 

She feels like she's on fire.

The high doesn't quite wear off until she steps off the stage and into the wings, where she's greeted with a blood red rose bouquet and a hug from Kieran, who seems so proud he can't help but laugh along with her.

"That was amazing Lil! At some points it hardly looked like you were acting!"

Lilith laughs once more, waving a hand dismissively, "I did only have three scenes,"

"That made them so much more memorable though! Like--" Kieran visibly fished in his head for something to say, "The few scenes you were in felt so impactful that it made your character that much more memorable." 

Lilith nudges him on the shoulder, "You should review plays for a living." 

"Thought about it,"

"Think no more--" Lilith pauses, catching the eye of a very familiar looking girl. "Cleo? How'd you know about this?" 

Normally one would call Cleo's current outfit far too formal for a highschool play, but when taking her personality into account, it becomes easy to dismiss as just Cleo being herself. Even still, the loose, teal dress paired with a belt… gold to match her shoes. That two toned hair resting perfectly on her exposed shoulders.

"I figured you'd like someone else cheering you on." She shrugged, smiling in the way that managed to always make Lilith feel helplessly transparent. It's so liberating in the most terrifying way, how willing she is to pour her heart out every time Cleo gives her that look.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" 

At the question, Lilith's eyes travel back and forth between her two friends a couple times before Kieran laughs weakly, "Go, I'll still be here." 

Lilith nods and clutches the roses and leads Cleo to the dressing room, not before mouthing a small thank you to Kieran, who smiles back. 

By now it's been a while since the play ended, most everyone else is far too tired to bother changing out of their costumes properly and just opting to go home instead. The dressing room remains mostly empty, a couple of extras milling in and out, trying to get the last of their things together.

Lilith rests the bouquet down on one of the dressing room's many vanities. 

"How'd you know opening night was tonight?" Lilith inquires, tilting her head with a small smile.

Cleo shrugs, "You told me, a while back, remember? You told me about a play you auditioned for and I asked when the date was." 

"When was…?" Then she realizes-- Auditions were back in September… "You saved the date all the way back then?"

Cleo looks incredulous, "Why wouldn't I? You're my friend. Of course I want to see you perform."

Lilith doesn't know what to make of that. Not what Cleo said, but the way it was said. Like an obvious answer to a question that seems to still be a riddle to Lilith. Quickly ignoring it, she gulps, sitting down in one of the chairs.

"What'd you think, by the way?" Lilith asks, trying to keep her tone light while also desperately wanting to know the answer.

Cleo inhales, unbridled pride making its way into her expression.

"You are so crazy talented." Cleo breathes, staring at Lilith like she's the only other person in the universe. "You'll never hear me say this to anyone else unless I really mean it-- but I really, truly admire you."

The tone she'd taken was so genuine and heartfelt Lilith had forgotten to breathe. She's well aware Cleo seldom spares feelings or sugarcoats her words; she's never said anything to Lilith for the sole purpose of appeasing her, and Lilith loves that. Cleo hardly has ulterior motives; at least not anymore. Everything she says is said for a reason. 

That said, the tone in Cleo's voice sounds so soft and so proud.

Lilith stares at Cleo dumbly, who can't seem to hide the quizzical smile on her face.

"Yeah?" 

"You admire me?"

Cleo laughs, as though the idea of Lilith questioning herself is so outlandish she can't take it.

"Have you seen yourself?!" Cleo leans against the vanity and gestures vaguely at Lilith. "You're intelligent and so driven." There's the look again, the one that always seems to make every wall Lilith has ever built crumble down into nothing but rubble beneath both their feet. 

"Lilith, anyone who doesn't admire you would be insane." Cleo breathes, each word thick with heart-stopping sincerity. 

Too floored for words, Lilith stares at the roses she'd received from Kieran. The blood red petals seem to take on a lighter shade of cherry in the bright, gold tinted light.

"Lilith? Did I say something?" 

Gold and red, colors that can portray anything together. From regality to warmth to white hot adrenaline...

Inhaling sharply as she stands, Lilith finally decides that now is the time to finally take a leap. "Cleo, please tell me to stop if you hate this." 

Looking over at her face, Lilith can see Cleo's brows knit in confusion, deep red lips still smiling, making the gold highlight on her cheekbones shimmer--

Before Lilith could even consider what consequences this would actually have, her lips were on Cleo's. Lilith's own shaky hands on her shoulders as the softest gasp shakes through Cleo's system, being sure to kiss just soft enough to portray to Cleo if you don't want this you don't have to let me keep going.

She lets Lilith continue uninhibited and even pulls her closer a few times, tugging the fabric of her dress and lazily twirling her fingers in Lilith's hair. 

Pulling away before she even realizes what's happening and that Cleo's actually spurring her on, Lilith gasps for air.

"Hey, if I--"

"Gotta go! Big night tomorrow! Second showing, feel free to stop by!" Lilith blurts mindlessly, laughing to ease her fear as she grabs the bouquet Kieran gave her and sprints out of the dressing room.

She doesn't turn to look at Cleo's face.

"Lil? Everything okay…?" Kieran blinks in confusion the second he sees his friend, frazzled, red faced with her otherwise perfect lipstick just barely smudged.

Kieran does the math pretty quickly, and his expression settles into that of understanding. 

Lilith kinda hates how quickly Kieran can figure out how she's feeling.

"I ruined everything."