Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“So... whatcha think?”

Min-Gi stares for a moment. This isn’t Ryan’s dad’s van, because he kind of gave it away to one of his exes. He slightly hopes Min won’t ask too many questions about it. It was a spur of the moment decision! No big deal! Besides, Ryan likes this van better than his dad’s, so it was kind of a win?

Min scans the back of the van which is covered to the brim in bumper stickers, most of which make absolutely no sense—and that’s sort of the whole point, bumper stickers are way more fun this way! There’s one that’s an obnoxiously bright orange with big black letters that read “Dog Dad of Two. We bite back,” which is directly to the right of another obnoxiously bright bumper sticker with a moose on it. Those were some of Ryan’s favorites, but he definitely knew Min would give him shit about it eventually.

Min furrows his eyebrows as he walks around the van. Ryan smiles sheepishly at him when he finally looks back towards him.

“It’s...” Min pauses. “very you.”

Ryan puts his arm around Min’s shoulders and pulls him slightly closer.

“I take that as a compliment!”

Min rolls his eyes, “Okay, so is there a place I can put this heavy ass keyboard or are you just going to make me stare at your “Baby on Board” sign for eternity?”

Ryan lets go of Min before winking and walking towards the back of the van to open it up.

“Voila!” Ryan bows and gestures toward the back of the van.

He didn’t have much time to really decorate the inside of the new van. It’s a slight work in progress, but he did buy two blankets. One was a light grey and looked pretty much untouched, while the second one looked like the carpet in every generic arcade, and it would be just about as dirty as one if he didn’t wash it—and he probably wouldn’t if he wasn’t thinking constantly about how Min would have a fit if his dirty ass blanket was anywhere near the one he bought for him. There isn’t anything interesting besides the blankets inside the back of the van, just pillows, crumpled up pieces of paper, a small suitcase that really only contained clothes, and Ryan’s guitar.

“You can put it anywhere, really,” Ryan replies, looking inside of the van. “You can put your suitcase there, too.”

Min nods slightly before putting down the handle on his small suitcase and picking it up by his free hand.

“I usually sleep in the back since it’s cheaper,” Ryan speaks again, turning his head to look back at the inside of his van. “But we can also stay at a cheap but slightly sketchy motel. Dunno how long we’ll be able to do that for, but I have enough to at least stay for tonight?”

Ryan smiles sheepishly and shrugs.

Min shrugs back and puts his keyboard next to Ryan’s guitar.

“Wait,” Min looks back at Ryan with furrowed eyebrows. “Then how did you take a shower, or brush your teeth?”

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows back.

“Gas station bathroom.” Ryan replies, feeling as if Min should know the answer already. “I also know a guy that lets me use his shower sometimes.”

Min blinks, “Okay, so... we’re not doing that. We’ll just stay at a motel.”

“Suit yourself!” Ryan shrugs. “All my money is in my guitar case. We can just hit the road and get one when we arrive in Vancouver!”

Min ponders for a moment, like he’s thinking over the idea and making sure it’s a good one.

“Yeah, sure,” Min replies, nodding slowly. “We can do that.”

. . .

Driving was sort of nice, for once. Usually Ryan would drive from place to place alone, and that gave him more time to ponder over everything. It’s different now, though. Everything is. He has Min sitting in the passenger's seat, and he has a fresh new mixtape playing in his new van.

He remembers when he made his previous mixtape. He actually made it the day before the battle of the bands, the day before everything flipped like a switch. He vowed—only to himself, Min-Gi never knew about the mixtape, and he probably never will know—that he wouldn’t listen to the mixtape before he headed off on the road with Min, but that vow broke and shattered on the ground.

He tried desperately to fill the void with love, when he set off on the road alone. It was definitely a stupid idea in hindsight. Because he knows how it ends, how they all ended. He doesn’t really like to think about his past relationships too often. It makes him spiral too much, and he’s had enough of the spiral in his life for now.

For now, he says, because he knows he’ll have to face it someday, whenever that’ll be. It’s okay right now, though, because Min-Gi is right here, in the passenger's seat of his van, humming along to the songs on his new mixtape.

Min-Gi. Deep down he knows something. Something is different—has been. Their friendship, their inseparable bond, everything about the two of them, really. Min-Gi was like a magnet, and Ryan is just stuck in the bond, getting pulled closer and closer. Wherever they are, they’ll always find each other again, and stick together. It was weird how that worked. How the two of them were still close even when they were what seemed to be worlds away. How they were tied together, pulled in by a bond that can withstand even the worst of feelings.

Every girlfriend could never compare to his friendship with Min, which was weird in every single way. Filling the void while on the road alone became harder, and being on the road felt like a chore when it shouldn’t have. He thought he could fill the void, with music gigs, with a partner, but nothing ever did work.

He remembers it all, really. It’s hard to not. To not remember the lack of feelings, the lack of passion, the lack of a spark.

Of course he’s thought about it before. He’s thought about the what-if’s. What if he took that turn, had someone foreign sneak into his motel room in the middle of the night? What if he turned the other way? Opened the doors and asked the first person he saw? Asked him what the hell his feelings meant, and if they meant what he was unsure of.

It wasn’t that simple, though. It never will be. Even though he knows that the answer isn’t that hard to find, he’s going to make it hard to find, to accept. Maybe it’s because he already knows the answer, and he’s just denying what would be easier to just accept. Maybe it’s because he’s scared. It’s 1985, things have changed—kind of. That still doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be hard to be… that. Does he even want to know at this point, though? Does he want to know if falling in love is so much different from the short-lived relationships he’s had? Does he want to know what would really ignite a spark in him?

No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t need to. Not right now, anyway. He knows the answer. He knows what it means, the consequences. He doesn’t need to delve too deep into who he does or doesn’t have feelings for. It’s hard enough to think about it, to try to come to terms with it. Maybe he won’t ever come to terms with it. He can just hide behind girlfriend after girlfriend and just pretend that something’s there, burning bright red.

He shouldn’t be thinking about all of this so soon. He’s getting ready to play a show tomorrow with his best friend in fucking Vancouver. It’s the start of dreams that have never been fully pursued, the start of everything, really.

The train was the start, mostly. Meeting Kez and playing music in a bathtub at a party full of astronauts. It’s what made Min stay, it’s what made Ryan stay.

Ryan couldn’t care less that his parents never called, never worried. They started answering his calls less when he was on the road, so he started calling less. That’s how it always was, even when he was living right under their roof.

They were only gone for a few days, at most. Min’s parents didn’t ask many questions, too enveloped by the fact that their only child was finally back in their grasp. It was nice, for the most part. Min’s parents were always loving and sweet, not only to Min, but to Ryan, too. It had always been nice. When they hugged him goodbye before he left in his dad’s van, when they’d let him stay over on the weekend with only a short notice.

“Hey, Ryan!” Min says, pointing to where the mixtape was inserted into the car, Boys Don’t Cry playing from it through the speakers. “We should sing this one, at one of our shows! Can we do that?”

Ryan chuckles, “We can, yeah, if you want. I’ve found that it gets people more interested if you sing songs that they’re already familiar with.”

Min raises his eyebrows teasingly, “Okay. No need to get all technical with me! This is my first show, after all. Not everyone can be as experienced as you.”

Ryan turns his head to look at Min before he speaks, but Min beats him to it.

“Look at the road, dufus,” he says with no heat to his voice. “I don’t want to die in a car crash today.”

Ryan raises one hand up in surrender, turning his head back to look at the road in front of them.

“Okay, man. You’re the boss,” Ryan puts his hand back down on the wheel. “All I was gonna say is that playing at gigs is a blast, Min! They’ll be even better now that the other half of Chicken Choice Judy is here to serenade!”

Ryan can’t see it, but he knows Min rolled his eyes and smiled. It’s just what he does.

Min spins around in his chair, looking for something in the back before turning back around with something in his hand. Of course Ryan didn’t know what it was! Min told him to look at the road, so that’s what he’s doing! Sue him for wanting to be a half decent driver when his best friend is in the car.

Ryan hears the sound of pages flipping before he realizes it’s the journal filled with songs and shitty ideas for ones.

The flipping stops before Min speaks again.

“Train to Nowhere?”

Ryan furrows his eyebrows in confusion, still not taking his eyes off of the road. Oh. That one. He started writing it in the car with the roller skates. It’s a… work in progress.

“It’s a work in progress!” Ryan says defensively, repeating his previous thoughts aloud. He knew Min would probably give him shit for it, he wouldn’t be wrong for it if he did. Met a talking bear isn’t exactly his best work, if he’s being completely honest.

“Got frogs in my hair?” Min teases, an amused grin showing up on his face that Ryan can see in the corner of his eye. “That’s…”

“I said it’s a work in progress, Min!” Ryan says, defensive again. “You don’t make art in one sitting.”

“Oh, but writing lyrics isn’t hard according to your words,” Min replies back, grin only growing bigger.

“Okay, I’d like to see if you could do any better,” Ryan replies. It’s sort of like a challenge, because if it’s presented like that, Min’s stubbornness will take over, ready to excel—and he usually does, ‘cause that’s Min for ‘ya. It’s not actually a challenge, though. He just likes messing with Min—and he could also use some help on the song, because got frogs in my hair is, also, not his best work.

“Oh, really?” Min asks in a teasing tone, grin still with no evidence of fading. “You think I can’t do better than met a talking bear? We didn’t even meet a talking bear?”

“It was the only thing I could think of that rhymed!” Ryan shrugs, his hands still grasping onto the wheel of his new van.

“I’m taking up that challenge, Ryan. Don’t think that I won’t absolutely annihilate you.”

He knew that he would. That’s the whole reason why Ryan suggested it, anyway. He won’t tell Min ‘til his finished, though. Challenges motivate him, probably more than anything else. It would ruin his groove.

And, when Min wasn’t looking, Ryan would sneak a glance his way. The tight grip he had on the pencil and the focus he had on the words on the paper was enough to tell that Min probably would be engulfed in the song for a while.

The rest of the drive to Vancouver wasn’t as long as the first half. Min would put down his pencil for a few minutes to have some meaningless conversation with Ryan, and it made him feel at ease. Ryan has never been good with silence, even if the radio is on. That’s probably why going on the road alone was absolutely like torture for him. It made him think, made him realize. Maybe it was supposed to be a good thing, but it didn’t really feel like it.

Getting a show back in Vancouver wasn’t as hard as it was the first time. Ryan was deathly unprepared when he set off on the road the first time in his dad’s van. He had no money, only just enough for snacks and gas, and he knew absolutely no one. He was alone, literally and emotionally.

He called venues every day on the road. He drove aimlessly through Vancouver for days—at least—maybe even weeks. It was hell for a long time, and it never really got any better even after he was able to get venues quicker than the first time.

Now is different, though. He knows more about how to get gigs, more people knew him. He’s not alone anymore. Not because he can get gigs faster—though, that’s more than a good thing for both him and Min—but because Min finally is here, with him, traveling across Canada. A dream come true, the right way.

Vancouver looks no different than before, but it sure did feel it. Everything was weird—mostly in a good way, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still hard for him to wrap his head around. Min being here, staying. Min being here after everything. More than just what he already knows, the stuff that only Ryan knows, the stuff that he can’t admit to himself is even remotely true. It’ll hit him like a ton of bricks that he won’t be able to carry anymore in no time, or maybe it won’t.

Ryan sighs in relief when he spots the motel. Driving gives more room for thinking, and thinking is exhausting. He just wanted to drown himself in food and pass out on the couch.

“And here we are!” cheers Ryan after he’s finished parking, sticking his arms out to show off the motel building sitting in front of them. It was a sad looking building, there’s no denying that, but Ryan couldn’t care less about that. He was tired, exhausted, really. If a cockroach crawls in his mouth while he’s sleeping that would be a problem for Future Ryan Akagi.

Min’s eyebrows stick up, “It’s hideous.”

“Oh, Min! Min-Gi!” Ryan says, dramatically and then reaches across the middle console to wrap his arm around him—nothing weird about it, and there hasn’t ever been anything weird or different about it.

Ryan proceeds to use his free hand to rub Min’s shoulder before idly leaving it there, “I’m sure our room will be absolutely bodacious, Prince Min-Gi! Don’t you worry your head about it.”

Min rolls his eyes, with no heat in his action judging by the present grin on his face.

“Whatever, Ryan. Let’s just get inside before I think about it any longer.”

Ryan takes his hand off of Min’s shoulder to solute to him, causing them both to erupt in uncontrollable laughter. Ryan’s arm stayed wrapped around his shoulder much longer than it probably should have, but it seemed that Min didn’t mind all that much, so he took it as an invitation to linger a bit longer.

. . .

“It’s definitely… bold,” Min says as he scans their motel room cautiously.

“Like I said, bodacious.”

“Not exactly the word I would use for this,” Min-Gi shakes his head in slight disgust. “I guess it could be… worse?”

“What?” Ryan shrugs, “The carpet’s still a lovely booger green and there’s only a few questionable stains!”

Ryan walks closer to one of the beds before picking up the sheets and sniffing them, causing Min-Gi to shake his head and furrow his eyebrows in slight confusion paired with slight disgust.

“They smell pretty clean to me!” Ryan inspects further, “I’ll take this one, though. Just found a weird ass stain on this one.”

Min shudders, “Okay, no more of that. I’m going to pretend I heard none of that so I can sleep in peace.”

Ryan turns his head slowly to take a closer look at Min’s sheets.

“No more of that,” he repeats, raising his hand up. “If there’s any stains, I definitely don’t want to know shit about them.”

Ryan raises his hands up in defeat and turns his head back around.

“Okay. Alright. You do you, man.”

“Thank you,” Min says softly and nods slightly before he sets down his keyboard case and his suitcase.

Ryan sets his stuff down, too, but he doesn’t open his suitcase—he has to call places in Kamloops soon, and he’s pretty sure he saw a payphone right outside of the motel. He never goes to sleep early, anyways, so he’s not planning on going to sleep at this moment—even though he said he was exhausted. He was more-so referring to his constant thinking that he was exhausted of; now he’s fine!

Min goes into the bathroom after he retrieves his clothes from his suitcase. Ryan was planning on going over to the payphone when Min-Gi falls asleep, but maybe he should just go now. Just write a note informing him that he’s gone over to the payphone to book a gig over in Kamloops. Take his time walking over to the payphone and let his fingers linger over the metal buttons just a little bit longer in hopes that when he comes back to the motel room Min will be asleep. In hopes that him being asleep means that everything else he thinks about him will go to sleep along with him.

So, that’s what he does. Writes a note in his shitty handwriting, leaves it on Min’s bed, ‘Went over to the payphone to call venues in Kamloops. Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone! -Ryan.’ He walks slowly, he presses buttons slowly, he inserts coins in slowly. What he didn’t really anticipate, though, was that when he called the first venue on his list, they would enthusiastically say yes, and that they had an opening on Wednesday at 9pm, a little less than two days from now.

Of course he said yes, it would be stupid not to. He’s never been able to do that before, say hey, I’m Ryan, and my band Chicken Choice Judy would love to play here and actually get an enthusiastic yes without him having to convince them any further. It was weird, how time changes just about everything. Not even just the whole getting gigs thing, but everything. The time that both him and Min-Gi spent on the train, it changed everything, it really did. Who knows where the two of them would be right now if they didn’t wake up on that train and become best friends with a talking concierge bell.

Min was asleep when he arrived back in their shared motel room. The lamp closest to Ryan’s bed had been turned on, and it was nice. It was nice to imagine Min getting ready to go to sleep and deciding to turn on the lamp so that Ryan could see when he walks back inside of the room. It wasn’t that complex, though, because he’s just a simple man, and Min-Gi is even simpler.

And it should be simple, seeing as he’s supposed to be a simple man. His feelings should be simple, and they should be normal, but he knows they’re anything but. The way he reaches out and lets the tips of his calloused fingers hang on for longer than they should. How he knows that there’s just something different about Min; how he could be the only person he looks at in a room filled with the entire population of the Earth.

It shouldn’t feel so right when he thinks that, but it always is, and all signs point to yes. Like he said, he knows the answer, he does. He knows he wouldn’t ever be able to live a life without Min-Gi by his side. He knows what sounds right, and he knows that what him and Min-Gi have is so much stronger than any short-lived relationship he’s ever been in.

He blinks, hard. Now is not really the time for this, hell, there probably is never going to be a time for this. He has a show tomorrow, and the day after that, and he still has to drive, and call more places to book more gigs. Now is really not the time to come to terms with what he damn well already knows.

 . . .

Ryan woke up still in his clothes. He doesn’t remember falling asleep—he doesn’t know how he slept at all, to be honest, sleeping in jeans isn’t really that comfortable. His glasses were folded neatly on the beside table to the right of him, like usual, since he always makes sure to take good care of his glasses. After putting on his glasses, he immediately takes a glance at the clock — 9:55, he’s up slightly early for once.

That’s when he hears the sound of the bathroom door open, which makes his head stick up immediately.

Min-Gi makes a noise of acknowledgement and puts one finger up with his free hand — he had a toothbrush in his mouth still. He woke up later than he usually does, Ryan thinks, but doesn’t think much else about it, they were out pretty late last night, anyways.

“You’re up early for once,” he says once he finishes rinsing out his mouth of toothpaste. “Good for me because I have plans for us today, and it’s obvious enough from the looks of it that you definitely didn’t take a shower last night.”

“Well…” Ryan replies sheepishly. Of course he didn’t, he even planned to do that last night. He just got distracted with… sleeping in his clothes.

Min-Gi shakes his head and uses his thumb to point towards the bathroom, “Just take a shower. I don’t want to wait on you any longer than I have to. We got places to be and things to do!”

Ryan solutes before walking closer to him to try and put his arm around him.

“You got it! Who would ever want to leave good ‘ol Prince Min-Gi waiting!”

He smiles, but grabs Ryan’s shoulders and turns his body towards the bathroom when he gets too close, “You probably smell like shit, so I’ll pass this time. Just take a shower.”

“Oh, whatever,” Ryan moves his head side to side. “So be it, Prince Min-Gi.”

It seems like Min’s hands linger longer than they should, this time. The way they slowly move off of Ryan’s shoulders, like they wanted to bask in the warmth of the touch for even just a second longer.

That would be reaching for something that isn’t there, though. It seems like he always does that. Grabs on to something without knowing much about it in advance, jumps head first, fearless before he realizes he isn’t.

Ryan winks at him before walking over to his suitcase to grab what he needs. It’s a normal Ryan gesture, what he just did, but he can’t help but feel like something else is hidden underneath it.

. . .

“So…” Ryan speaks as he walks towards the van, one hand in his jacket pocket, and the other holding the keys. “What things are we doing? We don’t have to arrive at the venue until six.”

“You see, I’ve got it all planned out here!” Min-Gi pulls something out as Ryan opens up the back of the van, and he turns around quickly.

Ryan squints despite already having his glasses on, “What am I looking at?”

Min-Gi rolls his eyes turns the paper towards himself, reading all the things he wrote down on it even though he probably has most of it memorized.

“Oh, nothing important.” Min replies sarcastically, “It’s just this list I stayed up making last night so we could have a slightly decent time while we’re travelling hours and hours across Canada. No big deal.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow in response before slowly sneaking over to Min’s keyboard case to pick up and put in the back.

“It’s only two places, plus a beach that we can go to after the show. I have it all meticulously planned out!” he says triumphantly. “Here, just look.”

Ryan takes the paper from Min-Gi’s hand after he shuts the back doors of the van and walks to the driver’s seat. Min does the same and walks over to the passenger’s door.

“Tickets by donation?” Ryan reads what’s on the paper aloud when they both get inside of the van. “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know!” Min-Gi replies as Ryan turns on the van, “What I got from that god awful magazine is that every Tuesday—and that is today—tickets are paid by donation, no matter how big or small it is.”

“So,” Ryan raises his eyebrows, turning his head from Min’s paper. “We can just pay them a dollar and they’ll just… what? Have to let us into their gallery?”

He shrugs, “I assume so. That’s what the magazine told me, anyways.”

Ryan nods, putting his hands on the steering wheel, ready to drive. “Well, I can’t really compete with that.”

“Hey!” Min speaks up, “What about everything else?”

“What? You think I don’t want to see a bunch of fish in a tank? Do you really not know me?”

Min tilts his head before shrugging again, “Okay, yeah.”

. . .

“Duude!” Ryan calls out to Min, “Look at these little guys!”

Ryan is crouched in front of a tank of fish that he didn’t bother to look at the names of because he is too excited to look at anything but the creatures right now. This is probably the main reason Min-Gi chose the aquarium in the first place, Ryan loves looking at creatures, they just spark his interest.

“I think I’m gonna call this one… Elton,” he points to a white speckled fish with yellow eyes.

Min-Gi crouches down to his level to get a closer look at the fish he’s pointing to.

“Because of Elton John,” Ryan clarifies.

Min-Gi laughs, “I assumed as much.”

Ryan points to another fish, and in the process their arms brush together for a second. He shivers and hopes Min doesn’t notice it.

“This one is Cyndi.”

“Are you just naming them all after musicians?”

“Mhm,” Ryan responds. “One day, someone’ll name a fish Chicken Choice Judy. I know it.”

“You do?” Min-Gi raises his eyebrows and turns to look at Ryan who’s still mesmerized by the fish behind the glass.

Ryan stays silent for a second and looks away before speaking.

He grabs Min-Gi’s wrist, “Just saw the way to the penguins. You’re coming now.”

They looked at everything, since they had time and they wanted to get their money’s worth. Thirty-nine bucks each is a bit excessive, but Ryan thinks it was worth the money for the most part.

“Min-Gi! Cover my eyes!” Ryan folds his glasses and holds them out towards him.

He furrowed his eyebrows at Ryan’s dramatic tone, but takes the folded glasses out of his hand anyways.

“If I see a fucking fish toy at this gift shop. I am going to use your money to get it.”

“Noted.” Min replies and covers Ryan’s eyes with the palms of his hands.

“Huh.” he hears Min-Gi hum softly as they walk past.

Ryan groans, “Don’t do that! Now I know it’s there.”

“What?” Ryan can feel him shrug, “That could’ve been anything! A sea-otter painting. That’s what it was. I love that stuff.”

“I know it wasn’t, but I’ll pretend it was.”

Min uncovers Ryan’s eyes, “Can you even see with these off?”

“Well,” Ryan blinks after putting his glasses back on, adjusting to the brightness of the outside. “I know I’d be able to recognize a fish anywhere. Don’t underestimate me.”

Min-Gi raises his hands up in response.

. . .

Ryan tilts his head in confusion, “What am I looking at?”

“It’s kind of cool!”

“It’s just a bunch of blobs of variations of the color turquoise. I could probably make that.”

“It’s about interpretation!” Min says, and points at the bottom left corner of the painting. “Like, there, it looks like cacti. Or maybe a flower next to a lake?”

Ryan points to the middle of the painting, “I see a shark.”

“What? There’s no shark there.”

“It’s all about interpretation, Min-Gi!” Ryan pushes up one side of his glasses, pretending it’s a monocle. “I say it is a shark, and so it now is a shark.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No, it totally is!” Ryan points to another painting, “See, look! That kid in the grass? His parents left him under that tree and now that poor lady who was just having a fun stroll in the grass finds that kid and has to take care of him for the rest of her life.”

“It just looks like a family walking in some grass?” Min-Gi shakes his head, “Okay, I revoke my last statement. It’s not all about interpretation. It’s only about interpretation when it’s a good one.”

“Hey!” Ryan feigns offense. “I’m just trying to make art fun for once!”

“Not a good interpretation!” Min replies, already walking over to another painting.

. . .

“Rad.” Ryan looks at the small poster that the owner, Paul, just handed him. “Thanks for this, Paul.”

“It’s no problem. I love your shit, man. Glad you got your keyboard player back.”

“You know that we’re gonna rock the hell out of this place, man!” Ryan fist bumps Paul. “You can count on it.”

“Always will, dude.” Paul sticks his hand out towards Min-Gi, shaking it before speaking again. “It was nice to meet you, man. Enjoy yourselves out there.”

“Hey, Min,” Ryan turns to him when Paul leaves. He puts his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm any nerves he probably has. “You alright? Are you ready?”

He takes a deep breath before nodding, “Yeah. I think I’m ready.”

Ryan smiles back and nods. It almost feels like that day on the Train, only difference is he knows now that Min-Gi isn’t going anywhere. He’s filled with adrenaline, and he usually is before a show, but now it’s because of something more. He’s playing his first show with Min, it’s the start of something new. It’s the real deal, the real start. It’s everything.

It is everything and more. The small cheers in the small venue felt like roars, but it somehow felt like everything fell away. It felt like they were the only people in the room, just like when they used to practice. It was nostalgic in a way, and it was unlike any of his other shows. It did feel like a start, and it is.

“Wow,” Min says as they put their instruments back inside the van. “I was really going to have to choose finance and Humpty Dumpty themed restaurants instead of this.”

“See?” Ryan coos. “Aren’t you happy that I showed up and took you on the wormhole judgement line?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Min-Gi rolls his eyes. “Don't get a big head about it.”

. . .

The drive to the beach wasn’t too long, and they got there just in time to watch the sun set. Since it’s late in the evening on a Tuesday, not many people are at the beach right now, which makes it nice. A place to ponder. A place to think about how everything is beginning while the old is ending. Dreams blossoming into reality, pain ceasing.

Both of their shoes are off when their feet hit the sand, and without any communication, the two both start to walk over to the edge of the water. It’s like something out of a movie, really. Walking on the water side by side, close enough where arms can brush against each other through jackets, but not close enough where you can call it more than what it is.

The sky turns to an orange pink as the sun sets, and the water glistens as the sun does so. The silence should be nice — to a normal person, but Ryan hates silence, no matter how or where it comes from. Though, the walk on the sand and the beautiful change of the color of the sky, it’s comforting. The brushing of arms, the sand under his feet, the roar of the ocean waves, all of it, really. Everything just felt… right. Like it’s supposed to happen this way, like it can’t go on any other way.

“Pretty rad,” Ryan speaks out to break the silence, like he said, silence is not his forte.

Min-Gi laughs like he knows already, and he probably does. He knows how much Ryan hates the silence, and he knows that he needs space to move around, so he gives him that. He remembers the days in school, where Min would look over at him and just know. He’d make up an excuse for why they both needed to leave, and they’d both just… leave. They’d walk over to the vending machines and mess around with the dirty water fountains while humming a tune for a new song they would be writing.

“Yeah. It’s pretty rad.” Min smirks.

“Thanks. Y’know, for coming back for me,” Min-Gi speaks again. “It took a whole worm hole judgement line for me to actually come here, but I think I’m glad that I did.”

“Is that the post-show adrenaline speaking?” Ryan smirks.

“I’m just thanking you,” Min-Gi rolls his eyes. “The show was fun, though. I think I would hate myself if I passed up the opportunity to do that.”

“Yeah.” Ryan sighs.

The nerves have gone away now. He’s had his first show with Min-Gi, and it really wasn’t a big deal. Well, it was, but it wasn’t, like, a big deal in the sense that he needed to worry about it. He was excited, for the future, of Chicken Choice Judy, and of them individually.

It turned dark quicker than expected after the sun had set. They left soon after it got dark, Min complaining that he wouldn’t get enough sleep for the show in Kamloops tomorrow if they stayed any longer. It was okay with Ryan, though, since the feel of the grainy sand on his feet was starting to annoy him.

He feels like a weight is lifted off of his shoulders, and he feels better now. Performing with Min-Gi was special, and it is special—everything about him is, honestly. The jitters are gone now, and everything is starting to get better. He couldn’t be more ecstatic about it, really. What’s there to really worry about, anyway? He’s got his best friend here. He’s got gigs, he’s got excitement, and he’s not alone. He’s got nothing to be scared of anymore. Sure, he’s got his baggage and, sure, maybe it’s a hard bunch to carry, but he can handle it! He’s been handling it for his entire life, so of course he can handle it now. He’s fine.

“Oh shit,” Ryan says as they park at the motel. “Right. I forgot. We checked out this morning.”

“Then where are we gonna sleep?” Min questions.

“Well…”

Min groans, already knowing what Ryan is going to offer.

“How ‘bout this,” Ryan negotiates. “I’ll get a motel at every place we have a show at — if we just sleep in the van tonight. Also, you have to drive in the morning… and whenever I ask you to.”

Min-Gi thinks about his offer for a moment before responding.

“Uh, yeah. Okay. Fine.”

“Rad!” Ryan holds out his fist towards Min, and he hesitantly bumps his fist in response. “Bought you a blanket a while ago, so now it’s finally getting used.”

Min-Gi climbs over to the back of the van where the blankets lay, and he grabs the grey blanket and holds it up, like a question.

“Yeah! That one’s yours!”

He picks up the other blanket, which, as Ryan’s previously thought before, looks like the flooring at an arcade.

“This looks like the carpet at an arcade.”

“I know!” Ryan replies, climbing in the back. “Whole point.”

Min grabs a pillow and puts it behind him before pulling his blanket over him and laying down.

“Well, this is definitely cleaner than the motel.”

“Yup! No cockroaches in sight!”

Min-Gi looks up at Ryan, who is still sitting up. “...But there wasn’t any cockroaches?”

“Oh. Yeah. I totally didn’t see one. What am I saying? Nothing.” Ryan lies.

He groans in response. “Don’t say anything else. I’m going to sleep.”

After Min-Gi falls asleep, Ryan climbs in the front seat of the van before getting out. He might as well just call other venues right now, so he doesn’t have to do it later. Besides, he’s not driving anyways, so he doesn’t have much else to do.

This trip is going to be good for the both of them, and he’s sure that everything’s going to turn out nicely. He can just play show after show with Min, and he won’t have to worry about any of his other problems. They won’t be important any time soon, and they won’t get any worse than they already are. He’s been handling them.

. . .

Ryan wakes up to a moving car, and he feels eyes on him—well, at least he thinks he does, but Min-Gi is looking at the road when he sits up.

Ryan stretches, loudly. He tends to make noise when he stretches, and all the time.

“Good morning.” Min-Gi laughs, still not taking his eyes off of the road. “I bought you a coffee, like, two hours ago, so it’s probably cold now. I’m sure you like lukewarm coffee anyways, though.”

“I’ll take what I can get Minsters.”

“I think you should stop talking now.”

“How long ‘til we’re in Kamloops?” Ryan asks as he climbs into the passenger’s seat.

“I’d say about two hours.” Min-Gi replies. “Halfway there.”

“Okay, so,” Min speaks again. “I have some small stuff planned for today before the show. I don’t know how much time we’ll have, so it’s just a rough draft right now. It’s in the glove box.”

Ryan opens the glove box in front of him and takes out the piece of paper inside.

“Oh, look! It’s gum! Aw, It’s grape. I miss Kez.” Ryan takes a piece out of the package. “I’m gonna eat one in her honor. Love ‘ya Kez, wherever you are.”

“Just read the list already, dufus. I took time on that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Are you gonna write one for every place we stay at?”

“That’s nothing for you to need to worry about. Just read it.”

“Another art gallery?” Ryan raises his eyebrows.

“I don’t know! I couldn’t find much in the magazine. Just that and, like, ten different parks. Also a train, but I think I’ve had enough trains for, like, a really long time.”

“We can just go to that park you wrote on here,” Ryan scans the paper once more. “I think we’d only have enough time for one thing, anyways. We have to be at the venue by six again today.”

Min nods slowly, and Ryan takes an opportunity to grab a pencil and doodle over his plans while drinking his lukewarm coffee—which is amazing, he might add, lukewarm coffee might be better than the original.

. . .

“What is this?” Min-Gi asks as they enter the van again after leaving their suitcases in their motel. This one is cleaner than the one in Vancouver, not by much, but still.

“Oh!” Ryan laughs as Min-Gi shows him the paper that he vandalized. It’s covered in doodles of Kez, Pig Baby, and that butterfly judge that they saw in the old west car.

“You have a journal! Why do you need to write on my plans!” He says with absolutely no heat in his voice.

“It adds some pizazz!” Ryan says as he starts pulling out of the parking space. “Look! Kez even has a box of gum, and a pair of headphones! I like to think she’s chewing gum and listening to our tunes.”

“She probably can’t even listen to our stuff, man. We didn’t leave that long ago, and zero radio stations are playing our music right now.”

“It’s a magic train! Maybe she’s ten years in the future and she’s listening to our debut album and she’s getting ready to watch us open for Elton John. I wonder if we’ll be cooler in the nineties.”

Min-Gi scoffs. “What makes you think we’ll ever open for Elton John?”

“We’re cool, Min-Gi! In the nineties, we’ll probably be cooler. And richer, probably.”

“I’ll believe you once I see the poster that says both Chicken Choice Judy and Elton John on it.”

“I know it’ll happen! Don’t lose hope Min!”

“I never had any to begin with.”

The park lives up to its name, definitely Riverside. Also, beachy, which wasn’t really expected, but it’s nice nonetheless.

“Ooh! Ducks!” Ryan sprints over to the ducks in the river without much of a warning.

“Rad ducks, huh?” Ryan speaks again when Min-Gi catches up to him.

“Sure. The sprint… not so much.”

“Pipe down! Not my fault I got muscular before you did.”

“I would hardly call your stick arms muscular.”

“Huh. Seems as if you believed differently on the Train.” Ryan counteracts before quickly changing the subject, not really intentionally. “You got any bread? I wanna feed ‘em.”

“Whatever,” Min responds to his previous comment—is he blushing? No, probably not. “Are you even allowed to do that?”

“Sure I am! Old ladies do it all the time! Why can’t I?”

“Okay, well, I don’t have any bread, anyways.”

“Ugh, maybe I could feed them my finger? I have ten, losing one shouldn’t be that bad.”

“Ryan!” Min-Gi scolds. “I swear, if you even try doing that.”

“Oh, Min-Gi!” Ryan puts his hands over his heart dramatically. “You wouldn’t like me with nine fingers?”

“I wouldn’t like if you fed one of your fingers to a duck, no.”

Ryan puts his thumb and pointer under his chin in thought as he nods, “Okay. Noted.”

. . .

“And… number two!” Ryan cheers, putting his arm around Min. “You ready for round two?”

Ryan forms it more like a question rather than just a statement he’s expecting a yes to. He wants Min-Gi to be comfortable, just like he tries to make himself comfortable when he might not be.

He’s excited, mostly because he knows what to expect. He’s comfortable playing with Min-Gi in front of the crowd, it’s almost natural, really. It feels more comfortable than it did when he played by himself, if he’s being completely honest.

Min-Gi smiles reassuringly, though, and Ryan’s body relaxes. He didn’t even know his body was tensed up to begin with.

“Yeah. I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

The crowd cheers as they get introduced—let’s welcome our guest performers, Chicken Choice Judy! And they don’t stop cheering as the both of them walk on stage.

“You know, I’ll never get tired of that.” Ryan says as they pack their stuff into the back of the van.

“Yeah.” Min-Gi says contentedly, walking to the passenger’s seat of the van. “It’s pretty awesome that people are enjoying us perform. I didn’t expect that, really.”

“Of course they love us!” Ryan says while turning on the car. “Chicken Choice Judy is coolest band any of those people will ever hear.”

Min scoffs, “You have way too much faith in us.”

“I’ve got to if I ever want a chance at Kez being able to hear us on the radio!”

“For the last time. Kez doesn’t even have a radio. How is she gonna hear us if she doesn’t have a radio?”

“Like I said. Train magic.”

The drive doesn’t feel long anymore. Maybe it’s because a weight has been lifted, maybe it’s because Ryan can handle himself now, maybe it’s just because he’s found a place to store his thoughts deep down in, it could go many ways, really. Whatever way it is, it’s good, because he doesn’t have to worry about it. He doesn’t need to worry about it.

“Hey,” Min speaks, “When’s our next show?”

“Friday, nine PM in Calgary, why?”

“Nothing you need to know.”

“You’re making one of those plan things again!” Ryan realizes as he turns into the motel parking lot and parks.

“I’m just trying to let us have a good—and organized—time. Nothing wrong with it.”

Ryan smiles, “Sure, you do you, man. Do your Min-Gi magic.”

“Shut up.” Min rolls his eyes, “I need to take a shower. And so do you. I’m sure you smell terrible.”

“Don’t forget that you’re driving tomorrow!”

“Thanks for the heads up.” Min-Gi smiles smugly. “Don’t forget to wake up at a decent time in the morning. I don’t want to be your human alarm clock.”

“Ehh, whatever.” Ryan shrugs, walking ahead of him to get to their motel.

. . .

Ryan wakes up to Min-Gi towering over him.

“What the hell?”

“And, see? Still your human alarm clock. We leave in fifteen minutes. If you’re not ready by then, I’m just gonna drag you into the van myself.”

Ryan rubs his eyes before noticing his glasses were already on his face.

“Did you do this?” Ryan questions, pointing to his glasses.

“Mhm.” Min responds. “We gotta get going already, so less talking and more moving.”

“Okay, sure. Professor Park.” Ryan groans. “You would probably be a good professor. Your parents should’ve made you go into teaching instead of finance.”

“Well, I didn’t go into either.” Min-Gi responds, zipping up his suitcase in the process. “I’m stuck in a band called Chicken Choice Judy with my childhood friend who won’t get ready so we can drive seven hours to our next destination.”

“Okay!” Ryan grabs his clothes from his suitcase before zipping it up. “Hear ‘ya loud and clear. My suitcase is ready to be loaded.”

“Thanks.” Min-Gi grabs his suitcase along with Ryan’s, ready to load them into the van, “The instruments are already in the van. You have ten minutes.”

“Yadda, yadda.”

Riding in the passenger’s seat on a long drive is ten times better than having to drive the van on a long drive. More relaxing, less paying attention to the things around. Ryan’s not really good at that, anyways.

They knew they probably wouldn’t be able to do a seven hour trip to Calgary tonight, so they agreed to stop in a nearby city, Banff, just to sleep and eat, really. The pictures looked pretty, and apparently you’re able to see the northern lights from there, so that’s pretty cool.

“They’ve got a gift shop called Cool as a Moose!”

“What?” Min-Gi questions.

“Yeah. Good ‘ol Canada. Known for its abundance of Meese.”

“What?” Min-Gi repeats. “You really think the plural of moose is meese?”

“Uh…” Ryan pauses. “No?”

“Moose.” Min-Gi states. “It’s just moose.”

“Oh. Excuse me for not being a good Canadian!” Ryan says dramatically.

“I don’t… think that’s what you should’ve taken out of that.”

“Okay, whatever. Fine. We don’t have to go to the moose gift shop.” Ryan replies. “How about sushi? We can park at some Inn or whatever and eat it there. I like sushi.”

Min shrugs, “Aright, sure.”

The drive to Banff was pretty long. It was about an hour or two longer than the drive from Powell Lake to Vancouver. It’s a pretty city, though. The sun is setting, and the sky is a mixture of purple, blue, and pink.

“This sushi is good, I gotta say.” Ryan says, mouth full.

“Ew,” Min remarks. “You’re gonna spit that sushi on me if you keep talking while it’s in your mouth.”

“What? I’m just giving it the Japanese stamp of approval. Nothing wrong with that.”

“I don’t think the owners of this Inn are gonna appreciate us parking our van outside of it.” Min-Gi looks around the parking lot through the van window.

“Eh, they won’t notice. They didn’t notice at the motel back in Vancouver. We’ll be fine. Just eat your sushi and go to bed.”

Min-Gi furrows his eyebrows before taking another bite of his sushi.

. . .

Min-Gi fell asleep not long after he finished eating, and Ryan stayed up. The owner of the Inn did get mad, so he was right about that. He had to move the van over to some empty parking lot just a block or two over. It’s alright, though, cause he has a better view of the night sky from here anyways.

And it’s an even better thing when he turns his head back to the front windshield, it’s there. The Northern Lights, right there, outside their window. Holy shit. Holy shit, he’s gotta wake up Min.

He hops over to the back of the van, shaking Min-Gi softly once he reaches him.

“Min-Gi!” Ryan whisper-shouts. “Min! Miin! Gi-Gi! Min-Min! Minsters!”

He groans. “What, Ryan?”

“Look, look!” He opens the back doors of the van, grabbing Min’s hand to drag him outside. “You’ve gotta see this, man!”

Min-Gi squints as Ryan closes the back doors.

“What time is it?”

“Like, midnight.” Ryan responds quickly before grabbing Min’s hand again and dragging him over to the front of the van. “Come on!”

Ryan sits on the hood of the van, patting the empty space next to him. Min-Gi sits.

“So, what is so important that you have to wake me...” Min-Gi stops speaking when he looks up at the sky.

“There they are.” Ryan says in awe. “In all their glory.”

Min’s face softens into a content smile, “Yeah. There they are.”

They watch the sky in silence for about ten minutes, though, it seems longer. He likes the silence more than he thought he would—still not very much though, he’ll never like silence. He can feel eyes on him, though. He can feel them burning into his temples, and it makes him feel exposed, cut open.

He tries to ignore the feeling of eyes burning into him, tries looking at the beautiful array of colors floating around in the sky above them. It keeps getting hotter, though, and it keeps cutting into him deeper.

He turns his head, looking over at Min and, sure enough, there he is… looking.

His face softens on command, it always does around Min-Gi.

Ryan furrows his eyebrows, “Hmm?”

Min-Gi blinks—and there it is again, a blush. Right? Is he seeing things?

“Oh. Sorry. Just, uh, thanks. For waking me up so I could see this.”

“Oh.” Ryan replies softly. “Yeah, sure. It’s no problem.”

They stay like that for what feels like way too long, just staring. It’s weird, but also… not? That somehow made it even weirder.

Min-Gi practically peels his eyes away, turning back to the sky. Ryan looks back, too, still confused by the interaction.

It’s weird, what happens next. Like a fever dream, really. Ryan’s not sure that it’s even real.

His hand lies on the car hood, holding him up, and so does Min’s. Their hands aren’t far from each other. Only inches apart, and if they were to move any closer, they would probably touch. Probably. And it’s a weird thought, it shouldn’t be, though. They held hands less than twenty minutes ago. It shouldn’t be weird.

It’s the magnet thing again. How they keep getting pulled in. Even though they’re already close, they’re still getting pulled in. Pinkies to pinkies, wrist to wrist. It’s a slow motion, like a question that is answered only with action, hesitation. They keep moving though, dancing under the dimly lit streetlights, under the Northern Lights still glowing in the sky. Soft, warm palm to the back of his hand. Slow, again. Hesitant, again. It didn’t feel wrong, but it felt… different. The slow motion dancing of their hands together is planned, almost. The choreography, he’s not sure who wrote it, but it definitely wasn’t him. Hands, laced together. He’s glad he didn’t give one of his fingers to the ducks, ‘cause this would feel weird if he didn’t have all of his fingers.

It’s warm. The question is answered. Answered by the warmth of their fingers intertwined with each other. They’ve done this before, they’ve done this many times. It feels… different now. Maybe he’s reading too much into it, reading too deep into lines he hasn’t studied. Jumping head first, fearless, like he always does. He’s not fearless. He knows it. But, damn, he sure does feel fearless right now.

He doesn’t want to let go, so he doesn’t. He could stay like this forever if he wanted to, but he knows he can’t. Because, Min-Gi lets go. It’s not slow motion, it’s quick, but still hesitant, still different. The lights fade away as his hand fades away, and all is silent.

It’s not warm anymore. It’s cold, and it’s confusing.