Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

TW for: Descriptions of a panic attack and injuries

Tommy truly didn’t know who to turn to anymore. He felt like he was totally alone while surrounded by others.

His trust in others has been shattered after Sam left him in that prison cell to die and didn’t do anything to help him after he came back to life. He left the prison with a sinking feeling in his chest, one he hasn’t really felt since Doomsday. Tommy tried to join up and reconnect with Tubbo, but all of Tubbo’s attention was towards Ranboo. He wouldn’t admit that he was jealous of the tall half-enderman, but he did miss how things were when he first joined the server. When things weren’t as complicated and he had so many friends to turn to.

Walking along the Prime Path, he saw all of the different propaganda signs that were standing along the path. He often saw signs that were “Pro-Omelette” or to “Join the Eggpire”, whatever the fuck that means. With him and Sam Nook gathering materials and constructing his hotel and everything that happened with the prison and his...death, Tommy wasn’t really able to keep up with all of the shit that was happening around the server. Not that he really cared about what it was about.

When he got close to the semi-complete Community House, Tommy saw another poster hanging up near the entrance. He went up to take a closer look at it and he saw it said something about a “Kinoko Kingdom” and to go join it. It had a picture of Karl Jacobs on it with a flag that had a mushroom on it.

Karl Jacobs, that was a name he hasn’t heard in a while. Not since the Pogtopia and Manberg war on the 16th. Has it really been that long? While he and Karl weren’t close in the slightest, they still had friendly conversations and Karl was really nice to talk to. Tommy wonders how he has been in the past few months, other than building a new nation.

Continuing on his way through the Community House, he went off in a random direction not really paying attention to his surroundings. He remembers passing BadBoyHalo and Skeepy’s mansion and through the Badlands, but his memory is blank after that point. When Tommy looked up at his surroundings, he was surrounded by nothing but thick woods.

Tommy groaned loudly to himself, figuring it out quickly that he was lost. He knew that his sense of direction wasn’t the best either, so there was no point in trying to figure out his way back to his house.

“Shit shit shit…” Tommy mumbled to himself as he continued on forward, “Maybe there’s a village or something nearby…”

Swiftly moving through the trees and small bushes, Tommy was caught by surprise by a sudden pain in his left shoulder. His feet stumbled and he fell face-first into the ground. Quickly glancing over his affected shoulder, he saw an arrow sticking out near his shoulder blade along with a few skeletons aiming their arrows at him.

Tommy got up as fast he could and started to run to avoid the arrows shot at him. Apparently, the skeletons brought out their best archers because many of the arrows missed him only by a few inches before embedding themselves into the ground or a tree. Luck was not on Tommy’s side when one of those arrows was able to impale itself into the back of his left shin.

Letting out a cry of pain, Tommy fell onto the ground again. Tommy gasped in pain as he slowly backed his way to a tree as the skeletons stalked forward. He quickly opened his inventory in order to pull out his shield and armor when he saw that his inventory was nearly empty besides a few pieces of steak, a random diamond chest plate, and a diamond pickaxe. Fuck, he forgot to pack his good equipment before he left. 

Tommy’s breath began to shorten at a rapid pace, and he began to feel sweat build upon his forehead and palms. The pain from the arrows was barely registering due to the adrenaline, but his past experiences with pain aren’t calming his brain in the slightest. 

The skeletons caught up to him and raised their bows so their next shots won’t miss. Tommy quickly raised his arms to cover his face as he shut his eyes tight to prepare for the pain. He didn’t want to die, not just after he came back to life. There was so much he wanted and needed to do still.

He heard the twang of a bow, but he felt no pain from the arrows. Then he heard something collapse on the ground in front of him. Slowly lowering his arms, he opened his eyes to see one of the skeletons had been killed, leaving a bow and some bones behind. Hearing more sounds including a sword and groans of zombies, Tommy looked up.

In front of him battling against the remaining skeletons and a few zombies that had joined the fight, Sapnap swung his sword against a skeleton’s ribcage as it sets on fire due to the sword’s fire aspect enchantment. The black-haired warrior then sets his sight on the zombies and drives the sword through the reanimated corpse’s chest.

Before long, Sapnap was able to defeat all of the mobs before him. He places down some torches in the surrounding area so no other mods would spawn and surprise attack him. As he sets down the last torch he needed, he saw a pair of shoes that were caked in mud. He looks up to see a shaking blond-haired teenager with two arrows sticking out of his body.

“Tommy?” Sapnap asked, surprised to see Tommy there.

Tommy stared at Sapnap as his adrenaline started to wear down. Once he was able to register the pain he felt in his shoulder and his shin, he could feel his heartbeat start to pick up. He could feel the rapid thumps against his ribcage as the vibrations traveled up to his ears. His throat was starting to feel tight, so he tried to take a deep breath to clear his airway. That didn’t work, he tried to take another breath but it still didn’t work. He kept taking in short, quick breaths so his lungs could be filled with oxygen, but nothing was going through. Tommy gripped both his throat and his hair in separate fists tightly, to the point that he could barely feel the pain.

Why couldn’t he breathe? He’s done it his whole life, why was it difficult now? His heart was going too fast, it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. His whole body was cold, but his face was so hot like he had a fever. What’s happening to him?

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodie I’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodie!!

“-ommy! Tommy!”

Rough hands suddenly latched onto his shoulders tightly, causing Tommy to heavily flinch under the touch. He looked up, and even though his blurry vision, he could see the clear look of concern on Sapnap’s face. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were widened. Sapnap's mouth was slightly open as he looked over Tommy’s state.

Tommy never noticed it before, but Sapnap had very vibrant eyes. A warm brown with many hints of oranges, with a ring of yellow surrounding his pupils. The colors created a very warm and calming feeling to Sapnap’s eyes, akin to a fireplace on a cold winter's day. Just from looking at them, Tommy already felt slightly safer.

Once Sapnap saw that Tommy was at least focused on him, he slowly took his hands off of Tommy’s shoulders and held them up by his head, “I don’t know what’s causing it, but you’re having a panic attack, Tommy. We need to calm you down.” He explained softly, as to not scare the teenager.

A panic attack. That makes sense, he’s been having them more recently due to all of the events that have happened to him in the past few months. He could still feel his hands shaking badly and his palms feeling so wet and clammy. His airway was still tight and it was very hard to breathe. His breaths were coming out as high-pitched wheezes as he tried to get oxygen into his lungs.

Sapnap, as gently as he could, grabbed Tommy’s hands that were still on his throat and hair and pried them off so Tommy would stop feeling any pain on his windpipe or scalp. Sapnap placed one of Tommy’s hands on his own chest, above his heart.

“I want you to follow my lead and take slow, deep breaths,” Sapnap said gently, “Can you do that for me, Tommy?”

It took a bit for him to respond, but Tommy nodded his head quickly. Sapnap gave him a slightly strained smile as he took a deep breath through his nose, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling through his mouth. His chest raised and dropped with his breathing, heartbeat pumping against Tommy’s hand.

Tommy started to follow Sapnap’s instructions, but his was very shaky at the beginning. After about 5 minutes of breathing exercises, Tommy began to feel his heartbeat slow down to match Sapnap’s. His breathing was also returning to normal.

Before long, Tommy’s shaking fully stopped as a wave of drowsiness crashed over him. He leaned his head back against the tree he was up against and closed his eyes. He could still taste the salty tears that traveled near his mouth but his arms made no effort to wipe the tears away. He was so fucking tired.

Then, Tommy felt a sudden jolt of pain run through his leg. He snapped his eyes open to see Sapnap grabbing the arrow that was embedded into his shin. He quickly used his other foot to push Sapnap hard in the chest. Sapnap grunted as he fell back.

“The fuck are you doing, man?! You don’t just grab people like they’re your fucking property!” Tommy yelled, his voice a little hoarse.

Sapnap groaned lightly as he sat back up, rubbing his chest, “I need to take out those arrows, Tommy. They could give you an infection.”

“Fuck you, man! I can take these shitty arrows out by myself!”

Sapnap gave him a look that instantly told him that he doesn’t believe him. Standing upon his own feet, Sapnap held out his hand for Tommy to take. Tommy stared at the hand and then up at Sapnap in confusion.

“We’re too far from the main SMP and I know those arrows hurt like a bitch. Kinoko Kingdom isn’t that far from here, I’ll help you get there so we can patch those wounds up.” Sapnap said.

Hesitantly, Tommy lifted his arm up to grip Sapnap’s forearm. Sapnap gripped Tommy’s forearm back and pulled so Tommy could be lifted up straight. When Tommy gained balance on his own feet, he felt a pinch of pain shoot through his leg. His knee buckled underneath him, and he would have fallen back down if Sapnap didn’t grab ahold of his shoulder and midsection. Tossing one arm over the back of his shoulder and the other around Tommy’s abdomen, Sapnap started to walk through the woods while holding most of Tommy’s weight.

Tommy still felt drowsy as they walked along, but his curiosity got the best of him, “I didn’t know you were part of Kinoko Kingdom..” Tommy trailed off, his eyes drooping.

“Yeah, it’s just George, Karl, and I. Though we did recently hire Foolish to help with the construction.” Sapnap said.

Tommy nodded slowly as he started drifting off into sleep. He could feel Sapnap stop at some point in the journey in order to adjust his position but they slowly continued on their way. His consciousness slowly drifted away as he leaned more onto Sapnap’s body, a warmth surrounding him like a nice fireplace.

Chapter Text

He remembers regaining consciousness one or two times. One was when he felt something press against his back, something soft to the touch and springy. His clouded vision saw two figures standing off a little bit in front of him before his eyes closed again, the material under him lulling him back to sleep. Another time was when he smelt something waft into his nose and then what felt like a hand on his forehead. He grumbled when the hand started to rub through his hair, but then fell back to sleep under the comforting gesture.

Tommy finally woke up after what felt like days. He groaned lightly at the dull pain that was in his head, shoulder, and his left leg. He lifted his arm up to cover his eyes from the bright light that's shining in the room. After a couple of minutes, his headache started to go away. He slowly dropped his arm and opened his eyes. 

The room he was in wasn't particularly big but had enough space for the basic necessities. The bed he was in, which he realized was the thing he felt on his back from earlier, was pushed against the wall across from the door. There was a small wardrobe that looked to be made of dark oak, and a few tall bookcases that lined one of the walls. When he turned his head slowly, Tommy saw a small bedside table that had a tiny mushroom shaped lamp and a bowl of soup with a few slices of bread. 

Tommy felt his stomach rumble from seeing and smelling the soup. With a bit of effort, Tommy pushed himself up and leaned back against the bed frame, cushioned by the pillows. He leaned over to grab the bowl, frowning slightly when he felt that the soup was cold.

It's better than nothing, he supposed.

Before he could bring the bowl up to his lips, the doorknob turned and the door was pushed open. Tommy jumped before he saw Sapnap talk through the entrance with a bottle in his hand. Sapnap looked at Tommy surprised for a moment before his face turned to neutral.

"Glad to see you're awake. Was getting kinda concerned since it's been over a day." Sapnap said as he closed the door and walked closer to the bed.

"Over a day?" Tommy asked, his voice a little scratchy from just waking up.

Sapnap nodded as he handed Tommy the bottle he was holding. Tommy could see it was a potion, but he was very hesitant to drink it. While Tommy and Sapnap weren't enemies like during the first war, especially after Sapnap joined his side when he returned Beckerson, they weren't close friends either. Tommy honestly wasn't sure where their relationship stood.

Sapnap apparently saw his hesitation and crossed his arms over his chest, "Chill man, I'm not planning to poison you. It's just a healing potion, figured you want it for the pain or something."

Tommy flinched slightly but didn't say anything back. He uncorked the bottle and drank the potion, the sweet taste lingering on his tongue as the pain in his shoulder and leg numbed before disappearing. When Tommy finishes his drink, he puts the cork back on and hands it back to Sapnap, who puts it in his inventory for later. Sapnap then eyed the bowl of soup that still laid in Tommy's lap.

"Did you get around to eating that?" He asked.

Tommy shook his head. Sapnap sighed and held out his hand again before Tommy. Tommy quirks an eyebrow at the hand.

"Give me the bowl. I'll heat it up for you."

Tommy reluctantly gave Sapnap the bowl, sad to see his soup go. He figured that Sapnap was going to bring the soup out in order to heat it up again, so he was confused when Sapnap just stood in his spot. His eyes widened in awe when he saw small flames conjure themselves from Sapnap's palms.

"Woah! How the hell did you do that?!" Tommy exclaimed, leaning forward to get a closer look at the fire.

Sapnap chuckled full heartedly at Tommy's reaction, "I'm part fire demon, dude. Pretty handy for heating up shit.”

Once he was done heating up the bowl, Sapnap waited a few seconds before handing it back to Tommy. Tommy hissed lightly at the hot bowl in his hands, before bringing it up to his mouth. He blows on the soup a few times before taking a sip.

This was the most delicious thing he's ever eaten, and he's had many of Niki's desserts.

He started to chuck the soup as fast as he could. When he finished slurping down the last drops, he dropped the bowl back to his lap. He sighed from the filling feeling he felt in his stomach, before he let out a loud belch.

Tommy quickly covers his mouth in embarrassment as Sapnap cackles loudly.

"Taste good, buddy?" Sapnap asks with a smile on his face.

Tommy was glad he covered his mouth cause his hand was able to blush that burned his cheeks. He felt embarrassed not only for the loud burp he did, but also from the nickname that Sapnap used. It’s been awhile since he’s heard anyone use a nickname on him, like when Tubbo called him “Big man”. It made his heart flutter with joy, and slight sadness.

Oh, how Tommy wished he could go back to the ways things were before the war.

Seeing how dejected he looked, Sapnap started to look around the room while twisting a ring that was on his finger, his left ring finger more specifically. Tommy turns back to his lap and puts his hands together like he’s going to crack his knuckles, only he doesn’t put any pressure on it.

“Umm…” Sapnao started, causing Tommy to look up at him, “You should probably still rest, with the whole arrows and potion thing. I can..uhh...check on you in a few hours or something…”

Tommy gave him a pretty awkward smile and nodded his head, handing him the bowl. Sapnap took the bowl and walked over to the door, looked back at Tommy for a second before opening and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

Lying down on his back and pulling the sheets closer to his chin, Tommy breathed in deeply before exhaling. The sheets smell like strawberries and the fabric is very soft, like a sheep’s wool.

The last thing on Tommy’s mind before he fell back asleep was thinking of ways to thank Sapnap.

Sapnap sighed to himself as he walked into his and Karl’s shared house. Walking into the small kitchen area they had, he placed the bowl on the counter before sitting down at the kitchen table shaped and colored like an indigo milk cap. He placed his forehead down on the cool wood and let out a long groan.

“Sapnap? Are you home?” He heard his fiance, Karl, call out from another room in the house.

“In here, babe!” Sapnap called back.

A few seconds later, Karl Jacobs walked into the kitchen. His traditional multi-colored hoodie was slightly bunched up on him and his soft brown hair was messier than usual. He smiled softly at Sapnap before sitting down in the chair across from Sapnap.

“Nice nap?” Sapnap asked, lifting his head from the table.

“In a way, still feel tired. How was your visit with Timmy- I mean Tommy?” Karl quickly corrected himself.

Sapnap noticed but didn’t say anything, not wanting to make Karl feel bad, “He was awake when I got there. Gave him the potion and heated his soup for him. Dude gulped it down in one shot.”

Karl chuckled and placed his hand over Sapnap’s, intertwining their fingers, “I’ll be sure to make more for him later.”

Sapnap nodded before his expression dropped. His other arm was propped up by his elbow as he leaned his cheek against his fist, his shoulders slightly tense as he began to think about everything that happened on the SMP.

“Is everything ok?” Karl asked, gripping Sapnap’s hand a little tighter.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” Sapnap pinched the bridge of his nose and then dragged his hand down his face, “Tommy and I don’t have the best..friendship, if you can even call it that. We were on completely different sides of the first war and at the Battle of the Lake. I hurt him and so many of his friends, even their pets. Hell, the only reason I joined during the 6th was because he returned Beckerson to me. It’s just so awkward and I don’t know what to do about it.”

As Sapnap rambled, he waved his hand around to express his worries. The horns on his head grew slightly due to his emotions starting to stir up. It gets especially worse when he’s angry or extremely sad. It’s a trait he got from his biological parents, whoever they were. Bad always used to tell him the story of how he found baby Sapnap in a lava river when he was growing up. It didn’t really matter to him, Bad was and always will be his father, blood related or not.

Karl looked at him with sympathy and compassion, putting both of his hands on top of Sapnap’s hand.

“I’m not sure how to help you or what to do with Tommy, but we’ll figure it out. We have before.” He said lovingly.

Sapnap smiled at Karl before leaning over to kiss Karl softly on the head and then dipping down so they would kiss softly on the lips. Karl lets out his signature giggle and blushes a deep red. He looked as beautiful as the day the two of them met. Sapnap’s smile grew bigger as he looked at the love of his life, glad he was still here with him.

Karl cleared his throat before standing up, stretching his arms over his head. His back made a satisfying popping sound as he stretched out fully. He relaxed slowly before heading over to one of the chests by the furnace.

“I’m thinking of steak and potatoes for dinner. Think you can help me out with, big guy?” Karl smirked as he looked back at Sapnap.

Sapnap rolled his eyes as he stood up and rolled up his sleeves. He pulled out a few potatoes for Karl to prepare and placed them on the counter before he grabbed a bundle of wheat and headed out for the farmhouse. 

One thing was for sure, he was going to cherish all of the memories he could with Karl.