Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As the older sister of Sasha Braus, you were far too familiar with her typical antics. Nearly eleven months apart, the two of you could not be more different. As children, Sasha was sociable and easily able to befriend anyone she met, while you were far quieter and typically only responded when addressed. Yet she still followed you everywhere, often choosing to abandon a game with her friends to accompany you instead.

Your father taught you how to shoot arrows at age six. He had wanted to wait until Sasha was older, but you had relented after hours of her constant begging and taught her yourself. She picked it up fast, and after a few years of training, her ability passed your own. However, you did not mind since you preferred to work with knives.

It had been an extremely hot summer, and your father had taken you to the nearby town for a day's activities. A street performer had shown his skills with throwing knives, pinning each point to the center of a painted circle upon a wooden board. Asking for a volunteer, you had eagerly leapt at the chance, much to Sasha's surprise and your father's worried protests. Standing in front of the wooden board, the performer sent a knife hurtling towards you. You didn't have the chance to close your eyes or even flinch, you only remembered hearing a heavy bang, and you looked over your head to see the blade resting barely an inch away from your face. Your father was close to fighting the man, but you had excitedly bounced over to the man and showered him in compliments and questions. Taken aback by your reaction, so unlike your passive self, your father allowed the performer to gift you one of the throwing knives. Since then, you had practiced with that blade, and even acquired a full set after a few years.

Somehow, it felt peaceful to see the flashing metal in the air before it reached its target perfectly. Even spinning the blade between your fingers calmed your anxiety. However, Sasha had tried to throw the knife, and you had spent many hours trying to teach her, but she never quite got it and preferred her bow and arrows.

The fall of Wall Maria soon caused a rift between Sasha and your father; a constant disagreement about the state of their hunting livelihood. You noticed it but decided to keep out of it. Personally, you didn't find a problem trying to live alongside the refugees of Shiganshina. While Sasha's hunger often sent her into a crazed spiral, you allowed it to fuel your drive to live.

Sasha leaned with her back against a nearby tree quietly dozing, while you soaked your sore feet in the tiny stream. In order to find game, you two had to go further and further into the woods. Much to your chagrin, all you had caught was one quail. You wondered just how you would be able to keep going like this.

Sitting on a rock to put your shoes on, Sasha's quiet voice interrupted your musings. "I am leaving."

"Okay, just wait, I still have to tie my laces." You quickly tied the boots and turned to find Sasha still sitting under the tree. Her stoic expression made you instantly worried. She was such an expressive person; it was almost terrifying to see her hiding her emotions from you. Kneeling beside her, you cocked your head to the side. "What is it? What is wrong?"

Sasha hesitated before continuing. "I am joining the military, y/n."

You stared at her, mouth agape. "No," you said with a tone of finality.

"Yes, I am. They're recruiting in the next town," Sasha got to her feet angrily. "Father wants to change our whole livelihood just to stay with the clan. How dare he?! We have been hunters for generations, we can't simply change. I can't stay and watch our people lose who we are just because of these newcomers."

"That doesn't mean it is the end of our people Sasha; losing a part of our tradition will not lead to our end. So long as we are together, our people will go on." You saw the determined look on Sasha's face, and it made you even more desperate to talk her out of leaving. The entire hike back, you did your best to convince Sasha to stay home. You didn't want to admit it to her, but she was your world; losing her would mean losing a part of yourself, and the thought alone frightened you.

Finally, you reached home in the dim light of dusk. Sasha went to carry the quail inside, but you stopped her. "Please Sasha, my Rose. You can't leave me." Sasha paused at her nickname.

A seven-year-old Sasha cried as she knelt by the rose bush. You instantly ran out from your hiding place behind a nearby tree and enveloped her in your arms. Brushing her hair, you hummed to quiet her sobs. "What happened?" You asked while still comforting your little sister.

"That dumb thorn hurt me." She raised her hand, to show you a long scratch on her palm. "I forgot about the thorns... thought you were hiding in the bush." Sasha sniffled and wiped the blood on her skirt. Cradling her in your arms, your own heart hurting with your sister's pain. "I hate those plants." Sasha growled and kicked at the bush.

"It will be alright, just a scratch. Anyways you can't be mad at the plant, it's simply protecting what's most precious to it. Remember what mother told us, those thorns help keep away those who wish to hurt the lovely flowers." You said calmly, before plucking the bright red rose from the top of the bush. Scratching the thorns off with your thumbnail, you brushed Sasha's hair and tucked the flower behind her ear. "I love the roses; you are my rose. You are precious."

Your eyes had filled with tears as Sasha looked at you. She finally nodded. "I will stay then." Her words were meant to ease you, but in the glow of the doorway, you saw an unfamiliar glint in her eye.

The next day, your father came home late; noticeably physically and emotionally exhausted and worn. "What happened, where is Sasha?"

"She's gone."

Your heart seemed to sink to the floor at his words. A part of you had known; last night, she said she wouldn't leave, but something was wrong with her. "You could have made her stay," you said through gritted teeth, your body shaking in anger. Anger at who or what, though? You didn't even know.

Your father sat at the table, taking off his hat, and placed his head in his hands. His answering silence angered you further. "She said she would join the military! It's so dangerous, what if there's another titan attack. Is she supposed to just be titan fodder?"

Your next heated words died in your throat as your father's shoulders began to tremble. He was crying. The sight brought tears to your own eyes and you quickly wrapped your arms over his shoulders. The pair of you stayed like that for several minutes until you had both calmed. By then, you had made your decision.

"I can't leave her there alone."

"I know y/n." He held your hand. "You are so much more than what you see yourself as. You care and love, no matter what happens. I trust you to protect Sasha, and to take care of yourself."

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you nodded before leaving to pack.

Leaving Dauper Village was the hardest thing you'd done in your nearly seventeen years. Your father had walked with you to the village border. Cupping your face in his calloused hands, the pair of you stared at each other, silently saying more than you could say aloud. You refused to look over your shoulder as you left him, forcing yourself to focus on your mission; to find and protect your sister. Although your pack was light with only a few clothes and trinkets, it weighed heavily on your shoulders by the time you reached the next town. The trek was long and had taken most of the night. Exhausted, you wandered through the sleeping town, searching for any sign of Sasha. The sky was barely turning pink when you finally spotted wagons with the insignia of the cadet corps.

Soldiers were already awake and following their orders. You stayed in the shadows of a nearby building until you saw some younger people, obviously some new recruits, milling about the wagons. As you approached, you craned your neck looking for Sasha's messy brown ponytail.

Your heart leapt at the familiar sight. She hadn't spotted you yet, and you grinned slightly at the sight of her munching happily on some morning rations. Carefully, you moved to stand behind her, you didn't want to draw attention to yourself and whatever scene Sasha might cause if she spotted you.

The leader of the soldiers stood on the edge of the wagon before the group of new recruits. "When I call your name, respond. Those who arrived this morning, will then give me their name before we set off." He began calling names, and you started when Sasha's name was called; feeling a sliver of misgiving.

Next, he called on the newcomers to provide their names. When his eyes landed on you, no matter how Sasha might react, you didn't have the choice but to respond. "Y/n Braus." Sasha stiffened, but didn't turn to look at you until the small crowd began to load into the wagons.

Once she turned to face you, you were already standing right behind her. Unlike her initial bold attitude about enlisting, she now cowered before her older sister. "Why are you here, Venus?" She asked with her gaze downcast.

'Venus' or 'Vee' was her nickname for you. When you were both thirteen, on a day trip to the next town, you purchased an astronomy book after noticing the stars on the front cover. You and Sasha read the book together every night while sitting by the fireplace, learning about the constellations and planets and the stories behind them. Venus was the brightest of the five planets in the sky and was named after an old god who stood for love and beauty. For a long time, you hated the nickname, but soon you noticed that she only used it when she was feeling unusually depressed. It became her signal, to either help her or forgive her without really needing to ask for it; and so it grew on you too.

"I've told you many times, I'll always protect my Rose." You placed a hand lightly on her cheek, and she looked up with shining eyes. "Let's go." You helped her up onto the wagon and held her hand as the wagon set off. You didn't know what you and your sister had got yourselves into, but you knew so long as you were together, it would be okay.

Chapter Text

Luckily you and Sasha were assigned to the same housing building once the wagon arrived at the training corps. It had been a long and bumpy ride in the wagons, and you rubbed your backside as you slowly walked towards the worn building. Unbelievably, Sasha had managed to sleep nearly the entire journey, her head lolling upon your shoulder. Thus, she was nearly bouncing along with excitement as you trudged inside the sleeping quarters.

At the end of each bed was a folded uniform and extra sleeping clothes. Tucking the extra clothes under your pillow, you unpacked your bag and situated yourself for the evening while Sasha casually chatted with a petite blonde girl. You hadn’t bothered to introduce yourself to anyone, and it seemed most of the girls in the residence were also rather quiet for their first night before training.

You had been given your evening meal while still on the wagon, but you were just dozing towards sleep when Sasha crawled over to you in the darkened room to beg for more food. You hissed as she poked your cheek. “I don’t have food, Sasha. Go to sleep, they’ll feed us in the morning.” Sasha whined, but you didn’t bother to open your eyes and after a few more minutes of her poking she finally relented and returned to the bed next to yours. Smiling to yourself, you couldn’t help but accept that although you were both away from home, some things never changed.

Bright, hot sun beamed down on you. You could feel sweat on the back of your neck as you stood in formation with the other recruits. Commander Keith Sadies was striding up the line, yelling and insulting random recruits. It was his Rite of Passage, but you almost found the insults funny; unable to help the small smirk when a short blonde boy named Armin was nearly put to tears.

“Who the hell are you?” Keith screamed, nearly spitting in the face of a boy about your own height who stood a few people over from you.

“I’m Jean Kirstein from Trost, sir!” He yelled back confidently.

“What are you here for?”

Jean looked surprised at the question, but then answered. “To join the Military Police Brigade and reside in the Inner District, sir,” he said smugly, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his answer.

“I see. So, you wanna live in the Inner District?” Keith asked patronizingly.

“Yes, sir.” Jean replied, grinning proudly.

A moment later, Jean was on his knees while clutching his face after Commander Keith headbutted him. “Who gave you permission to sit?” Keith yelled and you almost barked a laugh at his comment. “If you can’t even handle that, you’ll never make it into the Military Police Brigade!”

Next, Keith turned to a sweet looking boy with freckled cheeks. The boy, Marco, nearly shit his pants after Keith was finished with him. Next, Keith grabbed a boy by his head, holding him up at arms’ length and shaking him like a naughty dog, when something caught his attention.

You had been watching Keith interrogating your fellow recruits and failed to notice what was going on right beside you. When Keith’s gaze of horrified anger looked in your direction, you paled, wondering what you’d done to earn that look. Your momentary worry was broken at the munching sound next to you.

“Hey, you.” All eyes were then on Sasha. “What the hell are you doing?”

Sasha glanced at you in confusion, seemingly ignorant of your silent pleading to put down the goddamn potato. Absolutely oblivious, she didn’t seem to realize his focus was directed on her until he suddenly loomed above her, screaming. “You! I’m talking to you! Who the fuck are you?!”

Sasha chewed frantically and swallowed loudly before tucking her arms in salute. “I’m Sasha Braus from Dauper, in Wall Rose’s Southern District, sir.”

“Sasha Braus,” Keith repeated, his words like venom. “What’s that you’re holding in your right hand?”

“A steamed potato, sir! I came across it in the kitchen, so I picked it up!” Your sister replied honestly and without fear; all while having some potato smeared on her cheek.

“You mean you stole it? Why? Why are you eating a potato right now?” Keith looked like he was either about to cry from rage or murder Sasha.

“I wanted to eat it while it was still warm, so I figured it was now or never, sir.” Sasha answered practically.

“No... I don’t get it. Why are you eating a potato?” Keith remained so shocked at her relaxed expression.

But now she seemed confused. “Are you asking why people eat potatoes in general, sir?”

By now, the other recruits had actually turned to get a good look at Sasha and you felt your neck burning from embarrassment. Of all the times she had to act like an idiot, she picked now?! Keith was silent for so long, finally Sasha sighed and tisked . She broke the potato apart, handing the smaller piece to Keith innocently. “Take half for yourself, sir.”

“Half...?” Keith raised the obviously smaller portion.

Seemingly glad of his acceptance of her great gift, your sister gave him a goofy smile.

Keith had figuratively and almost literally exploded before your eyes. His veins popping out in his forehead, and spit flying as he yelled at Sasha, it took all you had to not swing your fist at his bald head. Although her expression had remained still when he told her to run until she dropped, she had burst into tears when he said she would not be allowed dinner.

Sasha sobbed as she moved through rows of cadets, and following Keith’s orders she began to run. You were still watching her retreating back, hands curled into shaking fists, when Keith had turned to you. You openly glared with full-blown ferocity at him and he took a slight step back from you.

“And who are you?!” He yelled at you as the rest of the cadets immediately fell back into salute, likely thinking you were yelled at for slacking your posture during Sasha's interrogation.

Slowly, your arms tucked into the salute without breaking your stand-off glare with Keith. “Y/N Braus, of Dauper, Wall Rose’s Southern District, sir.”

He blinked in surprise before an evil grin spread across his face. “So, you are a relative of that cretin?” He asked, pointing at Sasha in the distance.

“My younger sister, sir,” you replied.

“Well Braus, I expect you to keep your sister in line, and if not, I will be there to train her into a bleeding wreck. I wonder how long until she finally collapses? Will you be there to tend to her?” He was testing you and you knew it; he had noticed your anger at his treatment of your sister, and now he wanted to know where your loyalties lay.

“Not to worry, sir. I will make sure she is beaten well before you have a chance to do it.”

Keith almost broke a smile at your words, and he moved on to the next recruit.

At the end of your introductory training, you remained behind on the training grounds, while the others left to wash and change for dinner. You watched Sasha running, kicking up a trail of dust as she ran. However, you felt a set of eyes on you, and quickly turned to follow the rest of the recruits. As you neared the top of the path, you saw Keith watching you. He must have been waiting to see if you would go to your sister, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction; refused to let him win his test of loyalty.

An hour later, you returned to the grounds with two canteens of water hidden under your shirt, carefully keeping watch for Commander Keith.  Undoing the strap of one canteen from your shoulder, you tucked it behind a large rock, out of view from the top of the training ground. As Sasha neared, you began to run and fell into pace beside her.

“So, are you proud of yourself? Couldn’t go that long without eating. So bloody stupid. But you probably aren’t even embarrassed, just sad about missing dinner," you huffed angrily.

“Ugh, how dare you mention food to me right now,” Sasha wheezed pitifully.

You only rolled your eyes, before unstrapping the second canteen. “Here, drink this,” You handed it to her, and she gasped in exhausted delight. “There’s another one by that large rock over there,” you said and pointed the spot out to her. “I can’t stay long; Keith will likely punish me too if he finds me with you. I’ll be back in an hour to bring you more water.” Sasha handed the now empty canteen back with thanks and you turned away and ran back towards the path.

True to your word, you returned every hour, careful to avoid Keith who would occasionally walk to the grounds to watch Sasha struggle. It was your fifth trip back from giving Sasha water when you heard voices talking about the ‘Potato Girl’.

You paused to listen. “Dauper is a small village of hunters up in the mountains, right?”

“Yes, that’s right,” you answered as you walked from behind the building, seeing the short boy with the buzz-cut hair jump in surprise. You recognized Marco and Armin standing on the porch, alongside a boy with bright eyes and dark hair and a girl with black hair.

Armin spoke up. “We watched you bring her water, are you two very close?”

“Without a doubt,” you sighed and grimaced as you turned to watch Sasha struggling to keep pace.

“Didn’t seem like that when Keith turned on you,” the boy with dark hair sneered at you, and you felt an urge to slap him. “Said you would beat her.”

“If you didn’t understand that he was testing me, then you are as stupid as you look,” you responded and glared at him.

Marco and the one with short hair barked out laughs, while Armin nervously tugged the dark-haired boys’ arm to get his attention. “Eren, don’t,” Armin said. Eren huffed and turned away from you to look at the sunset.

Still smirking, the short-haired boy turned to you. “I’m Connie, and this is Marco,” he said pointing at the freckled boy behind him. You nodded and smiled at them.

“Why did both of you join the military?” Marco asked

You answered, in your practiced accent. You and Sasha had both agreed to cover up your local accent before arriving; hoping to blend in as much as possible. “Sasha didn’t want to change our livelihoods after our people had to stop hunting since the game disappeared after Wall Maria broke. She always fought with our father about it, finally she decided to join, and I-well I couldn’t let her go alone, so I joined too.” You had both agreed to live and die alongside each other, no matter what.

Marco and Connie smiled understandingly at you, until Eren turned their attention away by pointing out the wagon leaving, carrying the quitters. When Eren mentioned that he and Armin were both from Shiganshina, you and the others both turned in shock. Connie began asking about the Colossal and Armored titans and didn’t stop when they began to make their way to the meal hall.

Tired of their loud conversation, you left them to sit alone at a table close to the door. Two boys and a girl with blonde hair were sitting at the next table. You caught the eye of one of the boys after you carefully slipped half of your food into a napkin and tucked it into your pocket to save for Sasha later. Sending him a small smile, your attention was directed towards raised voices.

The bratty boy, Eren, was mocking the brown-haired boy who had been head-butted by Commander Keith, Jean. While most people flocked towards the argument, you simply rolled your eyes and stayed in your seat sipping on cold tea. After the argument settled, Eren strode out of the room and a dark-haired girl followed close behind until she was stopped by Jean. Jean stammered a compliment about her hair before she left, leaving him a blushing mess. ‘Great, a ton of hormonal teenagers cramped in one space, what could go wrong?’ you thought and cleaned up your plate.

Since you weren’t the most sociable person, you waited on the porch steps of the sleeping cabin for Sasha to return, rather than go inside with the other girls. You felt the hairs stand up on the back of your neck, and you shivered even though it was a rather warm night. You glanced around, but couldn’t see anyone even though you had a suspicion someone was watching you.

You sighed at your paranoia, and chuckled lightly. Staring up at the moon, you leaned back on your elbows to admire the bright stars above. Basking in the moonlight, your thoughts drifted back to home. It was so blatantly different here, not just the surroundings and people, but even the sounds. In Dauper, the loudest sounds at night were crickets and animals moving about the forest, yet here the silence was broken by the chattering of the people inside in buildings.

Hushed laughs and mutters drifted to you and you let yourself relax after the long day of training. However, at the sounds of incoming voices, you quickly stood before rushing over to the three figures stumbling towards the cabin. Two girls, a tall brunette and a small blonde were supporting Sasha between them.

“Sasha, you are a dumbass,” you sighed and quickly took the blonde’s place. “I’m sure you didn’t really have to collapse to stop running, maybe fake it next time a bit.”

“Had to keep going, Venus. Had to prove…” Sasha’s voice drifted off.

You grinned slightly at your nickname as you set Sasha down gently on the stairs, and she crumpled back, drooling in exhaustion. “Thank you for finding her,” you said, turning back to the girls. “I apologize for my sister being such an inconvenience. My name is y/n Braus, this is Sasha.”

The blonde girl smiled sweetly. “It was no trouble at all. My name is Christa Lenz, happy to meet you.”

“It was some trouble,” the brunette grumbled but her grumpy look vanished when Christa smiled brightly at her. “I am Ymir.” You nodded politely to both of them.

“I had brought some bread for Sasha after dinner, but she ate it quite quickly,” Christa giggled.

You snickered. “I’m surprised she didn’t take your hand off in the process. Trust me, feeding a hungry Sasha is risky.”

“She almost turned feral,” Ymir laughed, and you were partly surprised to see her relax enough to do so.

“Thank you for that, Christa. I saved some food for her too.” You pulled out the napkin of food from your pocket and turned, almost shrieking at the sight of Sasha waiting before you on her knees with her palms outstretched for the food. “You are a monster,” you said strictly, trying to hold back a laugh as Sasha snatched the food and chowed down.

“She certainly is,” Ymir chuckled. “Time for bed, let’s go,” Ymir tugged on Christa’s sleeve, who said a sweet goodbye to you and your sister. Though, you doubted Sasha heard since she was still relentlessly stuffing her cheeks with the leftovers.

Settling on the step beside Sasha, you waved a canteen of water before her which she instantly downed. 

“We haven’t been away for very long, but I already miss it.”

Sasha yawned and lay down upon the step and lay her head on your lap. “Miss home?”

“No… Well yes that too. But I miss the forest most of all: the smell of trees, the sounds at night, and fresh mountain air,” you reminisced quietly while stroking Sasha’s hair. Sasha’s snores responded to your words, and you smiled to yourself. This was a nice and peaceful moment, and you doubted that either of you would experience anything again like it.

Chapter Text

Aptitude test day. Although you ate breakfast in silence, apparently listening to Sasha’s constant chatter, your head was instead filled with worry. You had no doubt that Sasha would pass, she was always graceful with her balance: either riding horses or climbing trees, it all seemed so easy for her. But you on the other hand, was a different story.

Just as you expected, after breakfast when the cadets were taking their turns using the balancing 3D Maneuver units, Sasha seemed at ease. She sat casually in the harness, swinging slightly back and forth, with a rather bored expression. However, the crowd waiting for their turn began giggling and peering over the shoulder of a cadet, you saw Eren hanging upside down. Smirking, you figured you would at least manage to stay upright.

Once your turn arrived, you were hoisted in the air and after a few wobbles, you managed to relax into the harness and felt relief at the ease of it. Breathing out a sigh of relief, you remained calmly in the air, until you were finally let down. Sasha beamed and hugged you as you joined her.

“I can not believe you were worried about this. You are a natural,” Sasha told you happily.

“How did you know I was worried? I didn’t say anything.”

“Exactly, you always get extra quiet when you are nervous," Sasha grinned as she pointed her finger in your face. Rolling your eyes, you flung an arm around her shoulder to bump her forehead lightly with yours. The action was your usual way of showing affection with each other.

For the remaining time of the training session, Sasha kept up a muttered commentary going about the cadets in the harnesses which had you gasping from silent laughter. But you both interestedly watched the ones with natural talent. You recognized the two boys and the blonde girl who had sat at the next table during last night’s dinner and blushed slightly when you looked at the blonde boy. He was very tall and broad, and despite his stoic expression, he was quite handsome.

Sasha wanted to join the military police, but that meant getting into the top ten of the graduating class. At first you had been keen on the idea, but as training continued and you realized how many strong cadets there were in your class, you began to doubt yourself. What if Sasha got into the military police, but you didn’t? You had spent long nights worrying over that outcome until one evening at dinner Connie asked them which regiment they wanted to join. You took a long drink to cover your pause at answering and let Sasha answer first.

“Well the Military Police brigade would be amazing,” Sasha nudged you with her elbow. “But we will stick together, so the Garrison would be our second option.” You smiled behind your mug, relieved at her answer. You hadn’t wanted to breach the subject with her before, afraid of what she might say, but Sasha easily dismissed your worries.

Connie began to happily discuss joining the Military Police with Sasha, while you slowly ate your food. Both of them were so alike; Connie even managed to keep up with Sasha’s eating. Two trays of food were set on the table across from you, and you looked up to smile at Marco who happily returned it, but you decidedly ignored Jean. You found Jean to be rather rude and couldn’t believe someone as sweet as Marco could stand to be friends with him. Jean sighed as he sat down, he didn’t seem to like you either; rather apparent by his constant snarky remarks towards you.

“You were amazing in the titan training today, y/n. You were so fast, how many targets did you get?”

“Seven. What about you Marco?”

He stared at you, and you noticed Sasha and Connie had also stopped talking. “Uh, I- I got three.”

You glanced at the others. Connie raised four fingers and Sasha smirked at you. She had only gotten two, but that was because she was having more fun using the maneuver gear than looking for the titan targets. Jean snorted, refusing to look at you.

“What?” you asked him.

“Well, how did you cheat to get that many? Seriously, I’m obviously the best one at this table, and I got six targets.”  

Your hands shook under the table in anger, but your voice was calm. “Well I am surprised you even got six. I thought that gigantic head of yours would cause your ODM gear to be off balance.”

Jean’s cocky smile turned into a snarl. Marco looked between you both worriedly while Connie had started choking on his water at your retort. You and Jean glared at each other, refusing to acknowledge the others even when Marco had to start slapping Connie on the back to breathe.

“You are just some uncultured mountain trash; I will not be surprised when you finally quit and run back home like the coward you truly are.” Gritting your teeth at his words, you abruptly stood. You hated letting his words affect you, but if you stayed there any longer with him, you would surely do something to get you in trouble with Commander Keith.

As you turned your back on Jean, he called after you maliciously. “Yeah that’s right, I bet you are also just as lazy and selfish as your sister; blood is always the same.”

Jean’s shocked screech made you smile when the blade scraped his ear before lodging itself into the wooden beam behind him. You had thrown your knife almost unconsciously when Jean insulted Sasha. Jean held his ear where the thin cut had started to bleed. “You almost cut off my ear!” He yelled at you in the sudden silence that fell upon the meal hall; all eyes were on you.

You smiled sweetly at Jean. “Yeah, I missed.” Turning abruptly on your heel and refusing to meet Sasha’s eyes, you stormed out of the hall. “I’ll be sure to practice my aim,” you called back to Jean as you exited the building, your voice carrying clearly in the still silent room.

Repressed tears were already burning your eyes, and your long stride broke into a sprint. You headed for the nearby forest trail and finally allowed the tears stream down your face once you had jumped the barbed wire fence. Sprinting up the narrow trail you refused to stop until you reached the clifftop that overlooked the forest and lake.

The words Jean said repeated in your head, and you sat cross-legged on the cliff edge to openly cry. The bright red sunset cast long shadows, and you watched the sun gleam off the lake. The tears had long dried on your cheeks by the time the sun had set to leave a bright glow on the horizon. You heard soft footsteps approaching your location, and you instantly recognized Sasha's steps. Sitting beside you, she leaned her head on your shoulder as you both looked out at the lake.

“So, how much trouble am I in?”

“None, Jean refused to tell Commander Shadies what happened, and since he didn’t say anything, no one else spoke up.”

Your eyes narrowed; you were sure Jean would have tattled on you. “Venus, are you okay?” Sasha had lifted her head to look carefully at you.

Side-eyeing her, you saw her inquisitive expression and groaned aloud before responding. “No, I’m stressed. I’m so worried about everything; what if there is a titan attack, what if I fail our training and we are separated, what will happen if you get hurt?”

“Vee, I can take care of myself. We aren’t little kids anymore; you don’t have to protect me all the time.” Sasha smiled brightly. “…But I do appreciate you taking care of that obnoxious prick for me.” Sasha laughed, and her laugh was so contagious that soon you both were laughing until your ribs hurt.

It had become dark and you both stayed on the cliff to watch the stars. You were pointing out the constellations to Sasha when you both heard four sets of loud footsteps approaching. Two lanterns soon came into view, and you saw Marco leading Connie, Bertholdt, and Reiner.

Marco rushed over to hug you and, although surprised, you hugged him back. “What are guys doing here?” You asked and looked at the others.

Connie flung an arm around Sasha’s shoulders. “Looking for you two of course,” Connie laughed. “Marco saw Sasha start on the trail, figured she was following you; since you two are inseparable. But even though we all came here together last week, neither of us could remember the way. So, we got Bertie and Reiner to help navigate the trails.”

Bertholdt and Reiner were both carrying the lanterns and they nodded politely in your direction when Connie spoke. You smiled at them both, trying hard not to blush at Reiner.

“We knew neither of you had the lanterns, we worried that you two wouldn’t find your way back,” Marco said kindly.

Sasha snorted behind you and you grinned before explaining. “We grew up in the woods, we know how to find our way in the dark. Anyways, the moon is so bright tonight. Would you guys like to join us here?”

Marco and Connie agreed immediately, but Reiner and Bertholdt exchanged looks before also joining your little party on the clifftop. Dimming the lanterns so they were only tiny embers, the six of you looked upon the valley’s outline in the dark. Soon, with Sasha’s occasional additional commentary, you explained your knowledge of the stars and constellations.

“What’s that one?” Marco pointed at the brightest dot in the sky.

“Another planet called Venus.”

You were going to leave it at that, but Connie spoke up instead. “Wait, isn’t that what Sasha calls you sometimes?”

You grinned sheepishly, worried they might laugh at your nicknames for each other. However, Sasha burst into explanation about the book they read and about the god named Venus. “You four don’t know it yet, but she is the most caring and loving person I have in my life. She won’t like me to say this…” Sasha grinned sneakily at your wide eyes. “…But she is too nice for her own good. I think she cares too much. That’s why I call her ‘Venus’, after the Goddess of Love.”

Connie ‘Awwed’ at that, and you were thankful the darkness hid your embarrassed blush.

“Shut it, Connie. And you too, Sasha,” you said and nudged her hard in the ribs as she giggled. Clasping your hand with hers, Sasha leaned your heads together as you sat side-by-side to watch the moon rising higher in the sky. It was so peaceful, you almost felt like you were back home. For the first time since arriving, you relaxed.

Marco soon broke the silence. “I’m sorry about what Jean said. He isn’t a bad person; he can just be…”

“An ass?” You supplied, and the other four laughed.

“I was going to say, difficult.” Marco smiled hesitantly.

“That was some remarkable knife-throwing skills.” Reiner’s deep voice caught you by surprise. “How long have you been practicing?”

“Since I was eight. I have tried to teach Sasha, but she never took to it; always preferred her bow and arrows.” You caught Reiner’s impressed expression and felt gleeful at the silent compliment although you didn’t show it.

“You both will need to teach us some skills then,” Marco said happily while bumping your shoulder.

“Of course, after training tomorrow we can, right Sasha?”

“Only if we aren’t late for dinner!” Sasha exclaimed.

Once the moon had grown higher in the sky the group decided to head back, although you wanted to stay on the clifftop. From Sasha’s longing look at the view, you knew you weren’t alone with that feeling.

“Since the boys are good with the lanterns, how about you and I race back?” You asked her and tapped her forehead with your finger.

“In the dark?” Connie sputtered.

“Of course,” you raised your brow at him quizzically before laughing at his shocked expression.

“Absolutely,” Sasha agreed with a competitive glint in her eye. They used to race at night in the forest all the time back home; Sasha was a smidge better than you. Before the boys could reignite the lanterns, you two took off. Sasha’s steps made less noise than yours, but you were faster. By the time you spotted the wire fence, you were several steps ahead of her. Leaping over the wires, you stumbled upon landing and lost your footing. At your falter, Sasha breezed by. Right at her heels, you broke through the forest’s edge just after her. Both of you were laughing in wheezes, as you tried to catch your breath.

Chatting in hushed voices now that you were close to the buildings, you both waited for the boys to return. Sasha was nearly falling asleep on your shoulder when you heard the approaching cadets. “About time,” you hissed and poked Sasha awake. You were getting her to her feet when the lanterns illuminated the pair of you.

Marco smiled at you, Bertholdt and Reiner had their usual stiff expressions, and Connie breathed heavily from the hike. As they got closer, you noticed the scuff marks on Connie’s cheeks.

“What happened? Are you alright?” You asked concernedly, and instantly moved forward to grab his chin and examine the scrapes.

Connie sputtered indignantly. “I’m fine,” he huffed and pushed your hand away. You didn’t back down though and glared at him.

“What did you do? Is it bleeding?”

“He had a run-in with a tree, that’s all,” Marco laughed quietly.

You hummed to yourself before pulling a handkerchief from your pocket and dabbing at Connie’s cheek. “Told you all, didn’t I? She cares too much,” Sasha giggled at your behaviour, and Connie swatted you away.

“At least take this, and clean the scrapes,” you declared heatedly, shoving the handkerchief into Connie’s hand. He rolled his eyes before nodding exasperatedly.

Once your group exchanged quiet farewells, you and Sasha headed for your cabin. She yawned nearly the entire walk there, and you firmly held her hand just in-case she might suddenly pass out and you would need to catch her which had happened once when she was overly tired. As you got ready for bed, you thought back on the evening, your previous worries had finally eased. Once you finally lay in bed, you fell asleep quickly and with a soft smile upon your face.

Chapter Text

It was different. So different from what he had anticipated, and he could barely comprehend what was happening around him anymore. They had breached the walls expecting to find monsters; the same devils they’d been raised to believe were lurking behind those walls. Once they had entered and played the roles as helpless children to wait until joining the military, that was what he still believed. Even when strangers showed Bertholdt, Annie, and himself kindness, he had convinced himself that the kindness was fake and hiding nefarious evil.

   But things changed. They had joined the cadets, and then the world he had understood began to crack. These kids around him were just like him and as hard he tried, he could not find the evil devils he expected to find on the island. The boys in his dorm always tried to talk to him, asking for advice; and although part of him wanted to ignore their pleas, he couldn’t, he wanted to help. When Eren had begged for help with the ODM gear he had helped, and when Armin couldn’t keep up on their run, Reiner carried Armin’s pack. Little by little and against his better judgment, he got to know them; even when he tried to distance himself, they managed to pull him back and help them.

Even last night, he had to help Connie and Marco find their friends. Although he couldn’t admit it to anyone, barely even himself, something about you interested him.

His interest was first caught when he saw you smuggle food out of the dining hall, and you had given him a small smile when he caught your gaze. He’d wondered why you had done it. Reiner had recognized you from earlier in the cadet’s assembly lineup; upon your reaction towards the commander, you seemed as callous as he had expected for an island devil. And so, he followed you to see the reasons for your misdeeds. You were so peaceful on those steps watching the stars above and somehow Reiner felt calm while watching you. Yet, the moment was broken by your sister’s return and he learned you had saved the food for your sister. Guilt filled him over misjudging you so much, and he needed to sharply remind himself that this was why he was here; to study and gain intel. Reiner didn’t stay much longer after Sasha fell asleep on the steps, but he couldn’t help watching you stroke her hair delicately and lovingly.

It was the same motion his mother used to comfort him as a child. He could not comprehend what he was seeing, and before he fell into mental turmoil, he silently fled the scene. 'They were devils, evil monsters that will destroy the world', he chanted silently as he fell asleep.

However, in his dream you looked like an angel. You were sitting on those same steps watching the moon, your hair fluttering in the light breeze and your eyes shining brightly in the moonlight. You turned towards him as he approached, that same sweet smile and bright eyes were upon him as you reached for him with one hand in invitation. A sense of peace he hadn’t felt in many years washed over him as he looked at you, but before he could take your hand, he woke.

And then last night…

He couldn’t help but be impressed when you threw the knife at Jean. However, Bertholdt and Annie had brought him back to their reality; both of them wondered what other kind of abilities you might be hiding. Without thinking, he had suggested that they should keep an extra close eye on you, and perhaps he could try to befriend you. The other two warriors agreed with his plan.

So, when Connie and Marco had approached Reiner and Bertholdt, they quickly agreed to help them find you and Sasha. It was already night by the time the four of them reached the clifftop. As they neared the spot, Reiner could hear soft voices and recognized yours instantly. Once the group had settled to watch the stars, Reiner listened carefully to what you and Sasha said about the stars; not to gather intel, but because he couldn’t help but be drawn to the enamored way you spoke. Your eyes were shining in the moonlight the same way they had when he first followed you, and at that realization his breath stuttered.

Demons, they are demons , Reiner thought angrily to himself. But the next moment, Sasha explained why she called you ‘Venus’ and when you cuddled next to your sister, Reiner couldn’t help but exchange a confused glance with Bertholdt. He also looked unnerved by your kind nature. A little voice in Reiner’s head began to wonder if the ‘demons’ were real after all.

Reiner was equally shocked as the others when you and Sasha disappeared in your race down the trail. “What are the odds they’ll have broken both their legs by the time we reach the bottom?” Connie asked humorously.

Marco hushed Connie indignantly. “I expect they are both waiting at the bottom already for us,” Marco laughed quietly. He hummed to himself in thought. “So, y/n cares too much whereas Sasha seems to have no care at all. Funny that they are so close then, since they aren’t at all alike. Seeing them together makes me miss my kid sister. I would always babysit her…” Marco trailed off, his smile faltering. “I wonder if I’ll get a chance to see her again.”

“Hey, hey Marco. You are supposed to be the optimistic one so you can’t say shit like that.” Connie slapped Marco’s arm before shoving his hands back in his pockets. “My brothers are excited for me to get into the Military Police because they most of all want to visit the inner city. What about you two, Reiner, Bertie, do either of you have siblings?”

“I was an only child,” Bertholdt answered.

“Me too, but I was close with my little cousin, Gabi.” Reiner didn’t elaborate so Connie and Marco understood not to press the subject. Reiner had already told them both that the village Bertholdt and himself were from was overrun by titans after Wall Maria fell. It was over two years since Reiner last saw Gabi, he missed the headstrong girl, even at such a young age, Gabi was already preparing to become a warrior like Reiner.

Connie’s chatter broke through Reiner’s thoughts. “Well now I know to never follow those forest sisters into the woods again; they can take care of themselves as far as I’m concerned. I bet it’s not that hard to run the trail.”

“So why don’t you give it a try then, Springer?” Reiner asked and smirked when Connie flushed.

“Fine, I can do it because I have amazing senses; I’m like a bat at night," Connie said dramatically before he leapt out of the lanterns’ circle of light and a few seconds later, his crashing footsteps suddenly stopped to be replaced by a cry and then loud swearing. His doubled-over form soon came into the light, and he glared angrily at Reiner’s laugh. “Yeah, yeah Braun. I’d like to see you try it.”

Reiner held up a hand in submission. “No thank you. I doubt I’d get far, but I’m also sure I wouldn’t run into a tree head-on.” Marco had stayed quiet during Connie’s attempt, but he soon broke into laughter, and Reiner noticed Bertholdt was also smiling at Connie’s affronted expression.

Finally, the four of them reached the end of the trail to find you and Sasha patiently waiting. Sasha was nearly asleep, and you were struggling to keep her upright. Soon, you were fussing over Connie’s injury, and Reiner couldn’t help but smile at your attempt to help him. Reiner watched your back carefully as you left with Sasha for the night and suddenly noticed how cold it was without your kind presence nearby.

Now, Reiner sat at the breakfast table, replaying the night before over and over in his head. Bertholdt let him sit in his silence and Annie had sat at another table that morning, so their corner was quiet until someone set their breakfast tray down directly before Reiner. He glanced up sharply and froze at the sight of your polite smile.

“May we join you two?” You asked and Reiner saw Sasha standing tiredly behind you. At Reiner’s nod, you gently nudged Sasha to sit beside you. Sasha sat, and instantly began scarfing down the food while you steadfastly ignored her. “I wanted to thank you both for helping us last night.”

“Well no thanks are needed, you could obviously take care of yourselves,” Bertholdt reasoned, following your lead and ignoring Sasha’s crazed devouring.

“Still, it’s the thought that counts,” You shrugged and smiled kindly at Bertholdt. “That was mine,” you said calmly as Sasha drained your cup of juice. Rolling your eyes, you reached around Sasha to take her cup instead and when her hand lashed at you, you caught it without flinching. She squealed at your tight grip and quickly apologized until you released her. Reiner couldn’t help but smile across the table at the pair of you.

Reiner was willing himself to try to start a conversation with you, but his struggle was impeded as Connie sat down on Sasha’s other side and Marco sat beside you. You smiled brightly at Marco, and drew him into a friendly conversation, but your voice hesitated momentarily when Jean sat beside Reiner.

Reiner wondered if Jean was foolish enough to start another row with you, but it seemed Jean was smart enough to keep his eyes away from you. However, all hope of not starting another scene was ended when Connie caught sight of Jean and the little bandage on Jean’s ear. “Oi y/n that reminds me, are you still going to teach us how to throw knives later?” Jean glared at Connie, but his glare swiveled onto you at your giggle.

Ignoring Jean, you looked past Sasha and nodded happily at Connie. “Yes, I can still teach you guys.”

“All of you are pathetic,” Jean said furiously and stalked out of the dining hall. Reiner was surprised Jean hadn’t tried to start another fight, and you seemed equally surprised at the reaction. Marco watched Jean’s departure worriedly but decided to stay and finish breakfast at the table.

Training ended a bit early today, but Reiner stayed behind for your lesson with your friends at the edge of the forest. Bertholdt had left the task of befriending you up to Reiner, so he went back to the cabins to chat with Annie. Connie and Marco were laughing about something and Sasha was sitting on the ground with her legs crossed when you came into sight.

“Hi,” you said out of breath from the run back from your cabin. Unrolling the leather case, you revealed four identical knives. Reiner noted that they were rather simple, but they seemed sturdy when he took one knife to examine. Connie and Marco took theirs, but Sasha shook her head.

“C’mon Sasha. You haven’t tried in a long time, perhaps it will be different this time,” you persuaded. Sighing, Sasha took the last knife.

You smiled brightly and nodded encouragingly at your sister before tucking the case into your back pocket and sliding your own knife from its sheath under your shirt. Reiner watched mesmerized as you swiftly flung the spinning blade into a nearby tree trunk. Connie clapped his hands and Marco whistled.

“It’s all about finger placement,” you turned to the group. “How you hold the blade determines how even the aim will be; it’s far more important than brute force.” You retrieved your knife and demonstrated the hold.

Copying you, Reiner examined the blade between his fingers. “Not quite.” Reiner heard your voice but didn’t respond immediately until your warm hands encased his own. He couldn’t help but hold his breath when you changed his grip on the knife. “There, that should be good now,” you looked up at Reiner, still holding his hand in yours and smiled. Reiner was too shocked at the genuine kindness in your eyes to respond so he only nodded in response.

You smiled again before turning to help Marco, and Reiner couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anger when you took hold of Marco’s hand. Quickly looking away from you, Reiner wondered why that sudden feeling had appeared and tried to forget about it.

Next, you demonstrated how to throw the knife. “Don’t worry if the blade doesn’t land, it takes lots of practice to understand your own throw relative to the distance and the blade’s spin,” you added when Connie’s and Marco’s first couple throws were bouncing off the tree trunks.

Reiner carefully took aim and threw to hear a satisfying thunk as the blade lodged deep in the wood. “Wow, was that your first throw?” You asked, impressed. Reiner couldn’t help but smile at your delighted reaction. “Well done, if you keep practicing, you’ll be far better than me with that kind of natural talent.” You placed a hand on his forearm comradely, but the warmth in his chest bloomed in pride at your words and touch.

Sitting on the steps of his cabin, Reiner held his face in his hands. He didn’t dare cry inside should the others wake and hear him. When he woke from the nightmare with tears already streaming down his face, he had barely made it outside in time before he let out a sob. His hands were trembling, and Reiner couldn’t help but remember the dream.

He broke through the wall in his titan form. He had felt so proud in that moment; this is what he dreamed of. Defeating the demons, crushing them. But then he saw you in the crowd of people. Most of the people were fleeing, some in a state of shock, but you stood there calmly in the ensuing chaos. Your gaze met his, and the despair and disappointment in your eyes crushed his heart. All he could think at that moment was to beg for your forgiveness, plead until you would take his hand again, but deep down he knew that there was no chance he could be forgiven for what he had done. It was the hollowness in your gaze that woke him.

The tears had stopped, but the constant nervousness he always seemed to feel was back. Striding through the camp, Reiner didn’t realize he’d forgotten his boots until the rough rocks along the edge of the hill pinched his feet. Sighing, Reiner sat down and plucked at the grass. The moon was mostly hidden by the clouds, but it was light enough to see the training grounds below.

“Reiner?”

His head shot up at the sound of your concerned voice. “Y/n, what-what are you doing here?” Reiner stuttered, barely comprehending your presence.

“Sorry, I suppose you want to be alone. I just wanted to check if you were alright. I couldn’t sleep and I was sitting outside my cabin when I saw you walk this way; you seemed upset.” You scuffed your boot on the ground, but Reiner still couldn’t meet your gaze. He didn’t want to see the worry in your eyes… your compassion.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” Reiner shrugged, and turned away from you to look out over the grounds again. He heard you step closer and he silently wished you to leave, but the hope of you staying also welled up. 

Reiner almost flinched as you settled down beside him and he watched you out of the corner of his eye. You were also looking at the training grounds below, but you leaned over slightly so your shoulder touched his. At the slight touch, Reiner felt a surge of emotion, but refused to show it. Instead, he returned the light lean and couldn’t help but sigh in content at your touch and your unrelenting kindness. You seemed to understand Reiner’s need for silence, but your actions were the support he desperately needed.

Several minutes passed like this, and Reiner wanted to ask you to stay when you finally stood up. You placed a hand on his shoulder in a silent farewell before leaving. The mental and emotional frenzy he had previously felt had calmed in your presence and he sighed contentedly, waiting a few more minutes until he also returned to the cabins.

Chapter Text

You had not expected to ever see Reiner in that state. It was shocking, but also sort of reassuring; if someone as tough as Reiner sometimes broke, then your own breakdowns seemed okay too. It was understandable, after everything he must have gone through when the wall broke, anyone would have trouble. Seeing him in that state made it so difficult for you to refrain from holding him tight and telling him it would be okay. You wanted to comfort him, help him through his pain. But that would be strange of course… you two weren’t exactly close, you weren’t even sure if you could call him a friend yet. But you had to do something. So certain he would push you away, you were shocked when he returned that pressure on your shoulder, as if silently accepting your comfort; the little that you gave him. 

Sasha was snoring peacefully when you returned to the cabin. You were jealous of her ease of sleep. Your own fitful attempts at sleep were due to the upcoming survival test. The cadets were to be paired up and sent out into the wilderness to survive for five days. The partners were assigned at random, and each pair given basic rations and camping supplies. Also, pairs were allowed to team up with another pair, so long as you stayed primarily with your assigned partner. You and Sasha already agreed to pair up even if you weren’t assigned together.

The next morning, you prepared a small pack of extra clothes before heading for the training ground with the rest of your cabin-mates. Standing in formation, all the cadets waited silently until Commander Sadies strode to the front and briefly discussed the 5-day survival test and what was expected before beginning to list off names.

“Reiner Braun and Sasha Braus.” You sighed and exchanged a glance with Sasha as she moved to the front. “Y/N Braus and Jean Kirstein.”

You froze. You could not have heard that right. Unfortunately, you met Keith’s glare and understood; this particular assignment was not random. Commander Keith knew you had attacked Jean with a knife, and although he didn’t have proof to punish you then, he had found an alternative punishment.

After a moment in your frozen state, you managed to stride forwards. While Sadies continued to read off names, he smiled at you cruelly when you joined Jean. Jean’s expression was furious, but he didn’t say a word to you. He slung the pack over his shoulder and led the way up the hill of the training grounds. You followed him sullenly but managed a small smile when you saw Sasha waiting with Reiner at the top of the hill.

“So, y/n and I planned to partner up our teams if you guys don’t mind,” Sasha said happily, blissfully unaware of the tension.

“Fine with me,” Reiner smiled at you which you returned gratefully. Jean simply shrugged and continued walking towards the trailhead.

Once your group neared the trail, you saw Marco waiting there with Connie. At the sight of you with Jean, Marco’s mouth gaped open and his worried expression didn’t vanish until your group finally reached them. Connie looked like he was about to explode with laughter at the sight of your partner.

“I was going to wait and see if Jean’s partner wanted to join us, but I assume you guys have already formed a team?” Marco asked politely while nervously glancing at Jean.

You nodded in response and grabbed Sasha’s hand, mouthing an apology at Marco. Jean was still silent, and you glanced at him before leading the way up the trail.

After thirty minutes into the hike, Marco and Connie split off on another trail towards the lake. “There’s a stream this way; a good spot for fresh water,” Reiner said. Although you and Sasha had explored many of the trails, you had yet to reach this stream, so you let Reiner lead without complaint. The trail soon reached a steep cliff wall. “We’ll need to climb, or else try to find a way around, the trail continues above. Looks like this part was wiped by a rockslide.” Reiner shrugged and glanced at the others.

“We can climb that no problem,” Sasha replied, and began climbing with ease.

However, you hesitated and stared up the steep wall. Reiner climbed up after Sasha, and you tried to remember the handholds he used.

“You next.” Jean’s voice startled you, especially since he’d been so quiet the whole hike.

Nodding, and hoping Jean didn’t notice your hands tremble slightly, you began to climb. About ten feet high, the rock under one of your feet gave out, and you gasped loudly as you clung nervously to the wall, frantically trying to find a solid spot for your foot. You whimpered loudly and then suddenly squeaked in surprise as a hand firmly grasped your ankle. Jean had quickly climbed to meet you and now guided your foot into a solid holding.

“Venus! Are you alright?” Sasha called worriedly from above. Looking upwards, you saw her and Reiner looking over the cliff’s edge.

“Ye-yes, I’m fine,” you stuttered and shakily climbed the rest of the way. Reiner reached down and pulled you up easily until you sat on the edge where you flopped over to lay on your back. “Damn, I hate heights,” you muttered.

“You should have said something, we could have found a way around,” Reiner said, and you opened your eyes to find him glaring at you.

“I didn’t want to slow us down, I’m sorry.” You frowned, but your frown disappeared when Jean climbed over the edge. “Thanks for helping me Jean.”

“Yeah well, I probably would have been docked marks if you’d ended up with a broken neck,” Jean grumbled, but you caught his faint smile.

The stream cut through a meadow and sparkled tantalizingly in the sunlight. It wasn’t wide and also had large stepping stones across. The long grass would provide a comfortable sleeping place, and it didn’t take long to set up the tents; one tent one either side of the stream. Jean cleared a patch in the grass, and you collected rocks to set the base of the fire pit while the other pair went to collect wood.

“Have you always been afraid of heights?” Jean asked unexpectedly as he sat back on his heels to look up at you.

“Yes, even as a kid I hated climbing trees, but Sasha loved it and always wanted to play in the trees.” You smiled to yourself at the memories. “I always fell out, but I kept on climbing. Until I ended up breaking my arm, never climbed a dumb tree again.” You laughed at yourself and heard Jean chuckle softly.

Although you hated his arrogance and general callous attitude, a part of you hoped to reconcile with Jean during this trip. “You said you didn’t want to slow us down,” Jean looked at you carefully. “Is that how you see yourself, a burden?”

Jean was the last person you expected to be the observant or insightful type. Sure, you always felt insecure in your relationships with people, and you tried everything in your power to be strong and reliable. You had that same fear with Sasha; what if one day she didn’t need your protection and saw you as a burden instead. What would you do then? It would crush you. You could not let Jean see that he had touched a nerve.

You grinned. “Of course not. I don’t let my fears control me anymore, that’s why I climbed that cliff.” You turned away from Jean to collect the rest of the rocks from the stream to avoid him seeing your expression.

Jean spoke slowly, as if he was thinking carefully of what he wanted to say. “Well… next time, just ask if you need help.” You quickly looked at him, but his back was turned to you. You weren’t entirely sure if he was being genuine but tried to think better of him anyways.

The fire pit was finished in awkward silence by the time Reiner and Sasha returned with armfuls of firewood. Sasha dumped the wood and moaned about her sore feet. Jean sat across the firepit from you while Reiner quickly built the fire as Sasha collapsed beside you. Twilight arrived as the fire crackled to life and rations were passed around. Your group ate in relative silence, all of you watching the fire.

“What was it like seeing a titan, Reiner?”

You jumped and looked at Sasha who had asked the question so innocently, as if she had asked him what his favorite colour was. Reiner stared at her as well, but he didn’t seem angry, just processing the question.

“Everything you are told about titans, as much as you try to imagine what they are like, it is nothing until you actually see one, it’s completely different.” Reiner took a deep breath, and you saw him clench his fists. “I froze… I could not do anything.” His voice faltered to a stop.

“Hopefully none of us will ever see one of those monsters again,” you said and smiled gently at Reiner when he looked up at you with an unreadable expression.

“I’m sorry I brought it up, Reiner. I was just curious,” Sasha said apologetically, and Reiner nodded.

Sasha soon headed for her tent once it was completely dark and you scooted closer to Reiner. “Sorry about that, she’s not the most tactful,” you said quietly.

Reiner chuckled. “Yeah I realized that.” He looked at you carefully, and you hoped it was dark enough to cover the sudden flush you felt in your cheeks. “You two are very different, but you always come to an agreement.”

“Well, that’s what happens when you have to practically raise the kid. You get to know each other better than anyone else.” You sighed and leaned back on your elbows. “Mother was often ill, so I took care of most of her responsibilities since I was the oldest.”

“You and Sasha are barely a year apart, though, shouldn't she have helped you?” Reiner said.

You laughed loudly at that. It felt good to laugh so openly; you had forgotten what that feeling was like. Reiner and Jean were both obviously surprised at your reaction. “You have met Sasha haven’t you,” you gasped, and your chest shook with silent laughter. “I learned to grow up fast, but I suppose Sasha didn’t get that message. But honestly… I never minded that. It was nice to see her actually be a child. If she had turned out like me, I expect our childhood would have been far more boring.”

Reiner chuckled and nudged you comradely. “You are absolutely not boring.”

You met his soft gaze, but the moment was quickly broken by Jean coughing loudly.

He was glowering at the fire. “Stupid smoke,” he muttered. “I’m going to bed,” he grumbled and left for your tent.

As the fire died down, you and Reiner talked quietly about your families and childhood. Reiner told you how he’d always planned to join the military from a young age; wanted to protect against the monsters. But he seemed almost hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do it anymore. Throughout the conversation, you had unconsciously moved closer to him, and you caught yourself wondering if he had done the same, because by the time the fire died into embers, your shoulders were pressed together. It reminded you of the night before, when you had comforted him on the hilltop.

“Thank you,” Reiner murmured. "-For last night, it really helped.” In the moonlight you saw him smile softly at you, which you returned and leaned onto his shoulder.

“Glad I helped, if you ever need to talk, you can always find me,” you said reassuringly.

“I’m sure I can, thank you.” Reiner smiled again, and you felt your heart swoop.

Yet, as always with your self-sabotaging way, you leaned away from Reiner’s touch as your thoughts went into overdrive. “Ah- I had better get some sleep, it was a long hike today,” You said and scrambled to your feet.

“Yes, me too. I will put out the fire,” Reiner looked at you, obviously confused by your sudden departure. You smiled weakly and said a quick goodbye before leaving for your tent.

You took a deep breath outside the tent and mentally slapped yourself. Sure, he was attractive and nice, but you didn’t need to act like a fawning idiot right now, or ever. Training and graduation were the most important things right now, and you couldn’t let yourself get distracted by a guy. Let alone someone who was way out of your league, you were just fooling yourself. You shook your head angrily trying to clear your thoughts before finally entering the tent.

Jean was quiet under his blanket with his back turned away as you eased yourself onto your side of the tent. Careful to not wake him, you changed into your sleeping clothes and then cocooned yourself into your blanket with your back facing Jean.

Your dream was so soft and sweet. Sunlight warmed you as you lay in the grassy meadow facing Reiner. He was speaking to you in a calming voice, but you couldn’t quite focus on what he was saying. It was so peaceful where you lay, and you could not help but gaze happily at Reiner who had his hand resting on your waist and your legs were entangled together.

The weight of his hand tightened and pulled you closer, so you buried your face into his chest to hear his rhythmic heart beating. His arm held your chest flush with his and you sighed contentedly. However, the loud chirping of birds confused you; the dream had since been so quiet. Hesitantly you opened your eyes.

Your face wasn’t pressed against Reiner’s chest, but Jean’s. Your breathing stopped as you slowly processed Jean’s arm looped around your waist, and his legs entangled with yours. Achingly slow, you disentangled your legs with his, and tried to move away from his heavily sleeping form. Yet, his arm kept you firmly tucked into his chest protectively. When you tried to pull away a second time, he responded by pulling you in tighter.

Finally, you sighed and was able to calm the thoughts racing in your head; there was no other way. Tapping Jean’s shoulder to wake him, you were shocked when he groaned, mumbled something drowsily, and nuzzled your hair gently. “Jean,” you hissed and tapped his shoulder again and harder this time.

“Huh?” Jean finally opened his eyes and blearily looked down at you. After a few moments of staring at you, he seemed to realize what position you two were in. Flinging his arm off you, his momentum rolled him to the far side of the tent. You couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed; was waking up to you two cuddling really that bad?

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry!” Jean cried out as he quickly sat up and faced you where you were still lying on your side, frozen in the same position.

“It’s fine,” you said quickly, also sitting up and holding your palms up in a calming gesture. “Really, it’s okay. We were both asleep, don’t worry about it.”

Jean nodded, unable to meet your eyes. After an achingly slow minute of silent awkwardness, you pulled on your jacket. “I’ll go out and see if the others are awake,” you said and scrambled out of the tent.

Pulling on your boots, you glanced around the campsite. It was nearly dawn; the sky was just starting to lighten, and the grass was soaked in morning dew. Stretching in the cool air, you went downstream to refresh. On your way back, you went to check if the others were awake. Sasha was loudly snoring, but you peeked inside anyway to see if Reiner was awake.

Sasha was splayed out, taking far more than her share of the tent and drooling profusely, while Reiner was curled away from her. You were about to leave, when you noticed Reiner was trembling. His free hand gripped his face and his shoulders were shaking so for a moment you thought he was crying. But, a moment later the trembling subsided, and his hand fell away from his face to show that he was asleep. A nightmare, you supposed and retreated from the tent. After what he went through when the wall broke, you weren’t surprised that he had bad dreams.

You had just hopped over the stream when Jean finally appeared. “You can change if you like. I’ll start a fire,” Jean said while keeping his eyes downcast. You nodded and entered the tent.

The rest of the morning was rather quiet. Reiner joined you and Jean by the fire to eat the morning rations, and it was well past dawn when Sasha finally awoke. Sasha wanted to forage and try making a bow and arrows for hunting. Since partners had to stick together, Reiner agreed to accompany her when she turned her pleading eyes on him.

“We can set up some traps in the woods too, okay with you, Jean?” You asked hopefully.

Jean nodded without smiling.

Reiner clapped his hands together. “Okay, where too then? You know the forest better than I do, so I’ll follow your lead,” he politely asked Sasha, who beamed in response. She and Reiner went downstream, and you and Jean upstream.

Jean carried a small daypack along, while you carried a water pouch and had your knife sheathed at your hip. Once you reached forest cover, you began setting up hunting traps. While Jean remained mostly quiet, he watched you carefully and nodded affirmatively at your explanations. After setting up six different traps, you two shared some rations.

As you nibbled on the food, you pulled out the dagger and twirled it in your hand absentmindedly. It was almost therapeutic for you by now; of course, it had taken lots of cuts to get used to spinning the blade. After a minute, you noticed Jean watching you.

You smiled simply. “Sorry.” Jean raised a brow questioningly. “I should have handled our argument better than throwing a knife at you.”

Jean snorted before finally laughing aloud. It was the first time you had ever heard him laugh like that, and it was satisfying to hear. “I know you could have done worse damage if you wanted to… and I also shouldn’t have been pushing you like that.” His brows knit together in concentration before looking back at you. “Could you… could you show me how to throw the knife.”

Your cheeks hurt at your wide smile and nodded happily. You spent the next hour showing him how to spin the knife and he was actually making very good progress; he was probably better than Sasha, and the thought made you laugh to yourself.

Incredibly, on your way back you had startled a group of quails, and you reflexively sent your blade flying and brought down a bird. As you returned to camp with your prize in hand, you saw Reiner and Sasha already there. You shouted your joyous hunting yell, which Sasha gleefully returned. She was practically drooling over the freshly caught meat and begged to prepare it quickly. As she plucked and readied the bird, the boys watched attentively at her instructions.

Dinner was one of the most enjoyable ones you’d had in a long time, and your group by the fire was loud with laughter that night. Just as you were drifting off to sleep later in the tent, you felt the brush of Jean’s fingers against yours, and you sighed comfortably before letting your cozy dreams take over.

Chapter Text

That first survival test was easy compared to their upcoming one. You looked back on that five-day trip in the woods with longing, remembering the warmth and peacefulness. Plus your group had gotten full marks since some rations remained and all supplies were in perfect condition. However, the upcoming test was about your durability; the snowstorm exercise was a twenty-kilometer trek that finished at a mountain basecamp.

The wagons were to leave at daybreak for the starting point, and you shivered in the blustery snowstorm as you struggled towards the eating hall. It was pitch black outside, barely five in the morning, so you had to follow the lit lanterns outside the buildings until you reached the hall. Slipping through a side door, you breathed a sigh of relief at the warmth inside. The smell of breakfast was strong, and the hall was already half-filled even though it was still rather early. Pulling the fur-lined hood down, you shook off the snow and moved to grab a tray of breakfast.

Reiner had saved your usual spot beside him where you collapsed tiredly and leaned on him as he wrapped a warm arm around your shivering shoulders as greeting. You two had become close friends since the survival test, and you often spent time outside of training together. It was now regular for Reiner and Bertholdt to join you and your other friends, sometimes accompanied by the sullen Annie.

Also, both of you were unwilling early risers; you from stress, and him from nightmares. So, you would usually meet at the training hilltop to watch the sunrise together in either comfortable silence or hushed conversation. You couldn’t help but feel relaxed in his presence; he was always so safe and encouraging to talk to. Over the past few months, you had noticed your own self-doubts had decreased, and also noticed Reiner was becoming more comfortable around you.

Reiner’s arm slipped off your shoulder and a minute later Bertholdt joined your table with Marco in tow. Bertholdt sat on Reiner’s other side and Marco sat across from you. “Twenty-kilometers… and the snow will be even higher once we reach the starting point,” Marco muttered nervously as he poked his porridge.

“I never liked the cold. Dauper would always get so much snow, sometimes we’d even get snowed inside for a few days. One winter, I think we were eleven, Sasha jumped from the top floor window into a snowbank and was then stuck for thirty minutes with snow up to her neck until we finally managed to dig her out.” Reiner and Marco laughed loudly at the story, which quickly ceased as the story’s subject appeared at the table looking tired and grouchy.

“How can you lot be happy this early?” Sasha asked as she crumpled onto the bench beside Marco. For once she seemed too exhausted to inhale her food. “What were you guys talking about?” she asked again.

You hummed absentmindedly, and thankfully Reiner began talking about the trek. There were three teams departing the starting point at different times; you were in the second team with most of your friends.

Later, Jean and Connie joined the table with barely fifteen minutes to spare for breakfast. Jean sat on your other side and threw an arm over your shoulder. After the camping trip, Jean had become a fast friend. Although he was still arrogant and bossy, he was also rather sweet when he tried. However, you quickly realized he was an absolute flirt and you would usually reply to his actions or comments by rolling your eyes, a reaction he always found extra amusing. You never let it bother you since it was harmless flirting without any intention behind it; you knew he had a crush on Mikasa ever since he first saw her.

Problem was, while you didn’t pay attention to Jean’s flirting, Reiner certainly seemed to have a problem with it. It was the rare times his stoic expression broke with anger. Even now, as Jean kept you tucked to his side, you noticed Reiner’s jaw clench and he glared at his water glass.

Squirming away from Jean, you slapped his creeping hand away from your leg. He squeaked when you hit him, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. Looking across the table, you caught Sasha’s quizzical gaze and felt the back of your neck heat from embarrassment. Marco was also watching, wearing an expression as if he was trying not to smile. Looking for a way to get Sasha and Marco to stop looking at you like that, you were relieved when a loud thud drew their attention to Connie who had fallen fast asleep, his head having just missed falling in his bowl of porridge. 

With their focus now off you, you glanced at Reiner who still seemed withdrawn. Subtly reaching down, you curled your hand reassuringly around his forearm. His tension immediately eased at your touch, and he smiled softly down at you.

Unfortunately, the moment was broken by a loud clang from outside. A synchronized groan from more than half the cadets in the hall sounded immediately after the alarm. Cadets in the first departure team began pulling on their winter coats and making their way outside. Bertholdt got up from the table, clapped Reiner on the back and wished everyone luck before joining Annie at the doorway. The teams were spaced out thirty minutes, so they had enough time to do roll-call and load everyone into the wagons.

Connie was still stuffing his cheeks with food when the second alarm sounded and the rest at your table quickly dressed. As you followed the others out, you heard Marco behind you yelling at Connie to hurry up. You stuck close to Reiner and held Sasha’s arm tightly, careful not to lose either in the crowd. Roll-call started and the second team soon piled into a couple of covered wagons. 

About three hours later, having had to dig out a stuck wagon from the snow twice, you finally reached the starting point. The sky had partially cleared to let some morning sunlight through, but thankfully not enough to be blinding off the snow. Narrowing your eyes suspiciously at Connie, you watched him prepare a snowball and he had just taken aim at Jean’s back when Commander Sadies called for attention. Connie sighed dramatically before catching your look and winked as he dropped the snowball.

At Keith’s order, you waited to collect your survival pack and then listen to his overview of the trek. There were markers placed every hundred meters, which would be easy to spot now, but he warned that if it started snowing, they might be harder to track.

Barely a few seconds after Keith finished, Jean, who was standing beside you, buckled forward as a snowball hit him squarely in the back of the head. You sniggered at his furious expression, and then watched him chase Connie around the snow-covered field. You chatted absentmindedly with Marco while holding tight to the back of Sasha’s hood, who was tugging to join Jean and Connie’s snowball fight. You had to remind her twice not to waste her energy before she grumpily relented.

The trek soon started and although Marco had worried about the high snow, it was quite compacted, so the trail was easy enough to walk on. However, at the five-kilometer checkpoint Sasha spotted a fast-approaching storm in the distance. Reiner suggested they shorten their break and keep going, which was followed by a chorus of groans but your friends reluctantly readied to continue. It was only another hour later, when the first gusts started and only increased as the storm drew nearer.

In an effort to block the wind, you wore a thin scarf pulled up over your chin and nose, and the hood pulled low so only your eyes were visible. By the time you reached the halfway point, you were trembling, and your pace had slowed down considerably. Huddling under a tree, you sipped your water canteen with a shaking hand.

“Vee, are you alright?”

You looked up to see Sasha’s concern. You grinned offhandedly. “I’m good. No need to worry. Just this damn cold, I hate it.”

Sasha smiled, though you could still see her concern. “Seriously, I am fine. Let’s get going.” 

“Ready to go, guys?” You called over to Marco and Connie who were close by and they nodded unhappily in response. 

One moment you were striding towards the main trail, the next moment, your right foot had slipped off the compacted area of snow and had plummeted down into the soft snow. Sasha cried out in surprise and you swore loudly; your right leg was entirely stuck in the snow, and you could not lift yourself out. Sasha was trying to lift you out, but her hands were quickly replaced by ones much larger. The hands pulled you out of the snow by your underarms and you quickly turned to thank Reiner who looked concerned but was also grinning. You assumed your fall must have looked quite funny and you flushed with embarrassment but thanked him for his help.

“Is your leg alright?” He asked.

“Yes, might bruise, but I should be fine.”

Standing this close, Reiner seemed to have noticed your shivering and without hesitating, he unwrapped his scarf and then re-tied it around your own scarf for extra warmth. Stuttering thanks, you were silently thankful the scarf was covering your furiously blushing cheeks. Reiner led the way on the narrow trail and Sasha followed close behind you. You had a feeling they were both readying themselves to catch you again.

After only twenty minutes, you heard a commotion ahead off to the side of the trail. Two cadets were kneeling by someone who was groaning loudly in pain and as you got nearer, you recognized Daz. Hopping into the deep snow you struggled to Daz’s side where Christa and Ymir were also trying to help him.

“What happened?” you asked worriedly.

“He slipped off the trail, I think he might have broken his ankle,” Christa replied. She was anxiously twisting the end of her scarf with her gloved hands, but Ymir seemed completely uninterested in the situation. The three of them were in team one, so the fall must have happened quite a while ago.

Ignoring Daz’s pleas and cries of pain, you quickly slipped off his boot to check his injury. The skin was inflamed, but you didn’t see anything unusual with the ankle shape. “I don’t think it’s a major break; could be a fracture or a bad sprain.” Burying the ankle in snow to ease the swelling and pain, you tried to think of what to do. While you had been helping Daz, the rest of team two had passed. Only your core group remained; Jean, Connie, and Marco remained on the trail, while Sasha and Reiner had joined you with Daz. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had decided to move on.

Using the medic supplies in your pack, you wrapped Daz’s ankle for stability before putting the boot back on. “Don’t put much weight on it,” you said and helped Daz get to his feet with Reiner’s aid.

Daz winced but managed to take some shaky steps. “Thanks y/n,” he said while grinning through the pain.

Christa echoed his thanks. “Your group can go ahead, I’ll make sure Daz gets there ok.” She ignored yours’ and Sasha’s instant rebuttals. “Daz is from team one, he is our responsibility.” Daz nodded affirmatively.

You wanted to protest further, but Reiner had suddenly grabbed your hand. He pinched your index fingertip, but you didn’t notice. “Thought so,” he grumbled furiously. “Y/n, you are going to get frostbite soon, we need to hurry.” Reiner helped you put your gloves on, but it still took Reiner’s and Sasha’s convincing to continue.

“Don’t worry, the third team will be here soon to help them,” Reiner held your gloved hand in his and wouldn’t stop pulling you along until Christa and the other two were out of sight, as if he was afraid you would turn back.

Soon, the snowfall became heavier and your worries for Daz subsided to be replaced by new ones; the trail was getting harder to follow, and soon lanterns had to be lit. Thankfully, Sasha was an excellent navigator in conditions like this, and she easily led your group onwards.

Only four kilometers were left when you took your last rest break. You stood by Sasha, shuddering from the cold, when strong arms wrapped around you. Reiner turned you around so you were tucked into his chest so he could block you from the wind. Although it was still freezing hell, the absence of wind made you sigh contentedly, and you hugged Reiner back. When your group started again, Reiner made sure to walk ahead of you to block the wind, and you couldn’t help but smile brightly under the scarf.

With Sasha’s fast navigation, your group was able to catch up with the rest of team two. Soon, the trail turned downhill, and you could see the lights of the basecamp in the distance. With a collective sigh of relief, your group trudged towards the cabins as you heard a superior call out.

“Come on! The goal is right here! Keep it up.”

“Nine hours and twelve minutes, not a bad time considering the weather.”

Sinking to the ground with the others to wait until the cadets were let inside, you squeaked in surprise when Reiner pulled you back to your feet. “You are going inside to warm up before you get seriously sick, no excuses,” he said strictly and pulled you inside the cabin. You held your stiff fingers close to the crackling fireplace and at Reiner’s hushed explanation, one of the soldiers brought you an extra blanket. You were embarrassed at all the worried attention, especially when the soldier asked if you needed a medic. Thanking Reiner, he simply smiled at you and nodded before exiting the cabin.

Furious with yourself for leaving them behind, you begged Jean to get out of the way while the others packed their bags to go out and search for Christa, Ymir, and Daz. They hadn’t returned with team three, and no one knew where they were as the blizzard was only getting worse. Jean was standing resolutely before you with his hands on his hips, ignoring your finger pointed angrily in his face when a distant rumbling sounded. The cabin fell quiet and all of you raced outside.

Looking for the source of the noise, everyone peered out over the white field. “There, someone’s coming!” Sasha yelled pointing at a lantern bobbing over the snow. It was Marco this time who held you back as the others raced towards the distant lantern.

Offering the blanket to Marco, he joined you in the warmth as you both waited anxiously for the others to return. Ymir returned with Daz and also promised that Christa was safe and would arrive soon. You forcefully hugged her at that, but she waved away your apologies for not accompanying them, and managed to disentangle herself from your clutches.

Sitting before the fireplace, you relaxed at the crackling of the flames that were punctuated by Sasha’s loud snores from beside you. The sounds reminded you of stormy nights back in Dauper. The cadets had to stay the night at the basecamp until returning to the training grounds. Thus, the floor was crowded with cadets in sleeping bags. While everyone had since fallen asleep due to exhaustion, the cabin was still too cold for you to rest comfortably, so you stayed awake and maintained the low burning fire.

Shuffling sounded from the next room, and soon footsteps approached you. Reiner smiled softly down at you and you scooted over on your sleeping bag so he could join you by the fire.

“Feeling any better?” he asked as he sat cross-legged beside you.

“Perfectly fine, thank you,” you replied softly. It had taken nearly an hour until your fingertips regained sensation, and another hour until the numbness disappeared. “It’s just too cold for me to relax, so I’ll just stay awake and keep the cabin warm for the others.” You smiled down at Sasha who was lying by your other side.

Reiner looked at you sharply. “You still need rest.”

Before you could protest, Reiner grabbed you by the waist and slid you into his lap. Your brain wasn’t processing fast enough to realize what just happened, so you just stayed quiet with your head resting on his chest. Reiner seemed satisfied with your silent acceptance and loosened his hold slightly when he felt you relax. It was impossible to keep your eyes open; the fire’s and Reiner’s warmth along with the rhythmic sound of Reiner’s heartbeat quickly lulled you into a sound sleep.

Chapter Text

Spring arrived and graduation was approaching earlier than you had realized; one more week for the scores to be tabulated. Meanwhile, the cadets were to be practicing hand-to-hand-combat on the training grounds every day. While some cadets took the martial arts training seriously, others took the time to goof off.

You glared out of the corner of your eye over at Connie and Sasha who were obviously not taking the exercise seriously. Although this training didn’t make sense against titans, it would be useful stopping civilian disputes. Unfortunately, your partner didn’t seem very keen on practicing either.

Annie always wore her cool expression which made it so difficult for you to get a sense of what she was feeling. Sometimes it seemed like she hated everyone, but other times she was simply indifferent.

“Can I try again,” you asked as you struggled back to your feet.

“Again? Haven’t you had enough?” Annie replied coolly.

“C’mon, show me more moves,” you pleaded.

Annie sighed and moved back into position as you steadied the wooden knife in your hand. You sprinted toward her, this time carefully dodging her heel that tried to sweep your leg. By the time you were forced to the ground, Annie seemed faintly surprised that you were able to spar for that long.

“That was good, but I’m done.” Annie said calmly as always. She released you from the chokehold and began to walk away.

Unsure, you waited a moment before trailing after her. She was your partner, and Sadies would probably get angry with you if he caught you alone. Following a few meters behind Annie, you watched Reiner stop her. “You don’t want the instructor to headbutt you again, do you? If you don’t want to get any shorter, remember why you came here, and take this seriously.” You couldn’t help but giggle quietly to yourself at his words and returned to Annie’s side as Eren also joined them.

“Hey, isn’t that a little harsh?” Eren asked worriedly as he looked carefully at Annie. While Eren wasn’t paying attention, Reiner crept up behind him and startled Eren by shoving him forwards.

“Let’s get going, Eren.”

“Me?!”

You stood beside Reiner, watching Annie and Eren face each other with Eren holding the knife.

“You shouldn’t provoke her, Reiner. She’s really good.” You pointed out quietly so the other two couldn’t hear.

“She was slacking off, Venus. We gotta teach her a lesson.” Reiner brushed his hand casually through his hair as you looked up at him.

Your friends had gradually begun using your nickname over the past year, but it was still odd for you to hear it from anyone but Sasha. Except, whenever Reiner said it, it always sent a thrill up your spine.

“Can I go?”

Turning to Annie's question, you saw Eren on the ground rubbing his pained leg and Annie still looking bored.

“No, this drill doesn’t end until you grab the dagger,” Reiner said strictly with his arms crossed over his chest.

Annie huffed and glared at Eren who panicked. “Wait, Annie! You’re supposed to do this a certain way!”

You watched as Annie did the same move she had used on you ten minutes earlier on the screaming Eren; flipping him over until he was finally crumpled on the ground.

Reiner grunted wordlessly and you casually covered your smile with your fist as you looked at Eren lying with his butt in the air. “Here,” Annie said and tossed the knife to Reiner. “Now it’s your turn to attack me.”

For once, Reiner looked taken aback. “No, I...” He stuttered. You were about to come to his aide when Eren spoke up.

“Go on, Reiner... Weren’t you going to teach her a soldier’s responsibilities?” Eren was still lying in the same position; his feet all the way over his head. You nearly laughed aloud at the sight of his position combined with his dark expression.

Reiner glanced at you quickly before squaring up with Annie. “Yeah. Sometimes, a soldier can’t retreat... Like now!” With his last two words, he rushed towards Annie, and just as quickly, landed in the same position Eren had been in.

You subtly glanced at Reiner’s raised ass until Annie’s voice made you turn back to her. “There isn’t any point in doing this.” Eren asked her what she meant, and she elaborated on what she really thought about the military system. “The only ones who take this seriously are either people like you, who do whatever they’re told, or real idiots.” 

You and Eren followed her gaze to where Sasha and Connie were ‘training’, or rather, where they were striking absurd fighting poses. They both paused to look at Sadies who stopped in front of them, and the next moment, Sadies was shaking Connie by the head again while Sasha trembled in fear and surrendered. You shook your head exasperatedly at your sister’s antics and looked sharply back to Annie. You couldn’t hear what she had said to Eren, but you refrained from stopping him as he lunged again at Annie only for him to be sent back to the ground.

Annie stood up. “Anyway, I’m not stupid enough to enjoy playing soldiers in this shitty world.”

“You aren’t cut out to be a soldier at all,” Reiner called to her retreating back.

Eren was quiet with Annie’s departure, but Reiner happily asked if you wanted to join them for the remainder of training to which you agreed.

“You really didn’t hold back huh?” You gasped, winded and lying on your back as Reiner kneeled beside you.

“I’m so sorry Vee,” he apologized fretfully and helped you sit up. Reiner rubbed circles on your back gently until you grinned up at him.

“Let’s go again,” you said determinedly.

Reiner smirked and faced you, this time he was holding the knife. He rushed at you, and copying what Annie had done, you sent him spiraling to the ground. His cheeks were bright red with embarrassment as he looked up at you from between his legs and he hurried to right himself while you tried and failed to control your laughter.

You were quietly eating dinner, sitting beside Sasha when yelling broke the peaceful chatter of the meal hall.

“You piece of shit!” Eren yelled.

“Shut up! This is reality,” Jean shouted back. Both were on their feet now, but this was a normal occurrence by now, so you ignored them.

However, Armin called for them to stop when they got into each other’s faces and you finally took notice when Mikasa intervened. “Stop,” she said and grabbed Eren’s hand.

For a moment, the fight seemed to have been successfully diffused, but the next moment, Jean grabbed Erens’s shirt violently. “Screw you!” He screamed at Eren.

 “Let go! My clothes will rip!”

“Who cares about your clothes?! I’m so envious!”

What a jealous boy , you thought amusedly. Jean’s crush on Mikasa was so apparent, you really wondered why everyone else seemed confused by his anger.

“What are you talking about?” Eren yelled back, his confusion only increasing his anger.

Carefully watching the scene unfold, you noticed Eren’s expression change. Deftly removing Jean’s hand, Eren quickly set Jean falling backwards with a sharp kick and a push. It was the same move used by Annie and you recognized it well.

The next words Eren said resonated with you as well as everyone else. “You think taking the easy way out, doing as you please, is reality? And you can call yourself a soldier?" 

The silence was broken by a creak of the door. Sadies glared at the cadets from the ajar door. “I heard quite a commotion. Would someone like to explain?” He asked darkly, silently daring them to disobey him.

Mikasa meekly raised her hand to answer as Jean and Eren returned to their seats. “That sound was Sasha’s fart.”

You snorted aloud in time with Sasha’s loud gasp. Keeping both hands over your mouth to keep quiet, your chest trembled with silent laughter at Sasha’s horrified expression. Glancing at Reiner and Connie, you could tell they were also trying to suppress their laughter.

“You again?!” Sadies glared at Sasha, who looked like she wanted nothing else than to disappear. “Learn to control yourself,” Sadies said furiously and quickly exited.

A couple cadets chuckled once Sadies was gone, and soon the hall returned to its usual mealtime atmosphere. Beside you, Sasha was babbling unhappily at Mikasa and wasn’t content until Mikasa shoved bread into Sasha’s mouth.

Biting your lip nervously, you exchanged an encouraging glance with Sasha. Standing at the front of the assembled cadets were the Training Corps officials. The cadet rankings were finalized, and it was time for you to know if you were going to the Interior with Sasha, or to the Garrison. Sasha had agreed to go wherever you were going, and vise-versa.

“Mikasa Ackermann.” Naturally, Mikasa gained the top position.

“Reiner Braun.” You sighed in relief; at least he was going to be safe inside the walls of the Interior.

“Bertholdt Hoover.” Shocked he had beaten Annie; you weren’t surprised when Annie’s name was next called.

“Y/N Braus.”

The ringing in your ears was deafening. That couldn’t be right. Me?! That can’t be right.

“Venus.” Sasha’s whisper brought you out of your wild thoughts.

You took a second to look at Sasha whose eyes were glassy with joyous unshed tears and realized that you had in fact heard correctly, before striding up to the front.

“Eren Jaeger."

“Jean Kirschtein.”

“Marco Bodt.”

“Connie Springer.”

“Sasha Braus.”

More than anything, you wanted to cry with relief at Sasha’s name. You would be together, safe in the Interior. Yet, you managed to keep a calm expression until the official was finished speaking.

The moment the officials concluded the assembly, Sasha crashed into your outstretched arms. Both of you were crying as you held each other, your foreheads touching and both wearing matching wide smiles. Once you and Sasha parted, Jean tapped you on the shoulder.

“No hard feelings?” You asked, smiling at him.

“Eh, you barely bested me,” Jean shrugged nonchalantly and then wrapped you into his arms. You hugged him back tightly before pulling away. "I can't believe that brat beat me," Jean sneered at Eren who was being congratulated by Armin.

"Be nice, we made it, that's what really matters," you poked Jean in the shoulder until he smiled at you. “We’re all going to the Interior together,” you sighed contentedly.

Strong arms suddenly wrapped around your waist from behind and lifted you into the air. Reiner twirled you once, before setting you back down where you instantly turned to face him. Usually you would smack him for doing that, but now you hugged him. He stroked your hair as you tucked your face into the crook of his neck. “Nice ranking, Venus.”

You chuckled. “You too, Reiner.”

“Fifth and second out of two-hundred and eighteen; we’ll make a great team.” You pulled back to smile at his words.

Taking a second to steel your nerves, you moved onto your tiptoes and quickly kissed Reiner on the cheek. Moving out of his grasp, you grinned nervously at his utterly surprised expression until a slow smile soon spread across his handsome features.

A sudden tug on your arm sent you stumbling backwards into the arms of two people. Connie and Marco happily sandwiched you into a tight hug. Sasha immediately joined the group hug and Marco also pulled in Jean who had been hanging back.

“Huh, you’re joining the Survey Corps? Connie, you were so eager to join the Military Police!”

You nearly dropped the box in your arms at Eren’s words and turned to stare at Connie. Dread filled you; Connie was putting his life in danger, and you wouldn’t be there to protect him.

“I was, but…”

“Your speech yesterday affected him,” Mina explained. Last night, during the cadets’ celebration, Eren spoke about their duty as soldiers. While his passion was convincing, you wouldn’t be deterred from the Military Police.

“Shut up!” Connie said defensively. “It was my own decision!” he stated, although the flush in his cheeks couldn’t hide the truth.

“No need to feel embarrassed, it isn’t just you.” Thomas had joined them by the canons on the wall.

Eren almost seemed like he was about to talk him out of it, when he was interrupted by Sasha. She looked faint and she spoke in a hushed voice. “I brought meat from the officers’ storehouse.” Lifting her jacket, she revealed a large slab of meat.

“Sasha,” you whispered hoarsely. “Do you want to end up in jail? You absolute freak, you moron, you fool, you idiot,” you said venomously, and with each insult you stepped threateningly closer.

“Idiots are scary,” Connie muttered behind you.

Sasha drooled all over your hands as you throttled her, shaking her back and forth in your fury. “Let’s…all…split…it,” she gasped in-between the shakes. Releasing her disdainfully, you wiped your hands on your pants. “We can slice it and make sandwiches!” She said manically and shuddered in anticipation.

“Go put it back,” you and Connie chorused together. Mina tried reasoning with Sasha as well, but Sasha resolutely ignored them.

“It’s fine!” Sasha carefully hid the meat inside a supply box. “Once we retake the land, we can raise cows and sheep again.”

At Sasha’s logic, everyone gathered around her agreed to eat the meat. Eventually, even you relented to your sister’s pleading gaze. Soon, everyone returned to their tasks.

You paused from stacking boxes to look out over the land on the other side of the wall. The forests beyond seemed to stretch into a peaceful eternity. You sighed contentedly, all the work you put into training these past three years were worth it; you and Sasha were both going to join the Military Police. Nothing could make you happier in this moment.

Lightning flashed directly before your eyes and you stumbled backwards as hot steam burned your cheeks. You regained your balance and looked up to see a pair of large eyes staring at you.

Chapter Text

The vibrations of each distant step made you flinch as you stood on the rooftop with the remaining members of your squad huddled behind you. Stephen Sichern who you always thought was such a quiet and calm person now let out a loud sob at the high-pitched screams coming from the ground. One of your squad had run out of gas, and now she was already in the clutches of a titan. Grinding your teeth at the sounds of her screams, you barely felt the hot tears on your cheeks and your hands trembling fiercely as you held tightly to your blades. 

The Colossal Titan had kicked a massive hole in the wall and next disappeared in a blast of steam. After being nearly blown off the wall from the steam released by the Colossal Titan, you and the rest of the cadets regrouped at the military base inside Trost. The massive titan had disappeared, and along with everyone else, you wondered how it could have vanished like that. You were assigned squad leader over five other cadets, and it had taken a great deal of encouragement for them to follow you. Nearly all of them were in various states of shock, but somehow you remained steady. 

Holding Sasha, you had promised to find her later. "Stay safe, Rose."

Sasha leaned her forehead against yours and held your gaze. "You too, Venus."

Seeing the Colossal Titan seemed to have gotten you through the initial shock, so while the others struggled with their emotions, you could focus. A member of your squad was quickly killed, so you had ordered the others to stay back to just evade titans and you did your best to protect them.

Unfortunately, your gas levels were running low and the others weren't faring better since they were often having to evade titans. Your squad was sent to the Eastern part of Trost, and were currently heading for the wall in preparation for the signal to retreat and climb. You had already eliminated two four-meter titans, while two of your squad managed to kill a three-meter. 

In an effort to save gas, you ran over the rooftops, your remaining squad members following closely. However, one of the cadets had slipped and fallen off the building. She had seemed unhurt by the fall, but her gear stopped working when she tried to return to the rooftop. Before you could descend, a quick abnormal titan leapt towards her. Ushering the rest behind a chimney, you couldn’t help but cry at her screams for help. What could you do? The abnormal was so fast, it was like it had appeared out of nowhere. 

I could have done something! You screamed at yourself as the cadet’s cries mercifully cut out. 

With the abnormal distracted, you gestured for the others to follow you off the final rooftop and run for the wall. You and the others were nearly there before your relief shattered at the thuds of approaching footsteps. "Go! Go!" You screamed at the cadets and you faced another titan. A six-meter titan stared down at you with a wide grin splayed across its cheeks and had its blonde hair blocking one of its squinting eyes. Drawing the titan away from the other cadets, you barely managed to dodge a massive hand reaching for you.

Using your ODM gear, you shot onto a rooftop and turned to meet the gaze of the titan. Leaning on a chimney to catch your breath, you glanced over the titan's shoulder to see the flash of Stephen’s bright red hair at the bottom of the wall, while the other two cadets were already halfway up the wall. Dodging the titan's hand again and leaping onto the next roof, you heard a crash as the chimney collapsed from the impact where you had just been standing. 

It couldn't be helped. In order to help Stephen, you had to take out that titan. The image of Sasha flashed across your eyes, and with new determination you gripped the swords tighter. Jumping from the rooftop, the ODM gear hooked onto the titan and you swung gracefully around towards its neck. Slipping past its grasping fingers, you slashed your swords neatly across its nape. The body of the titan carried you down to the ground, sending you flying off into the dirt. Groaning, you rose and ran to Stephen, who was frantically fumbling with his gear.

"I'm out of gas," Stephen muttered once you were at his side. 

"No time to worry about that now," you said quickly, nodding your head towards another approaching titan. Stephen paled at the sight, but you didn't waste time. "Hold onto me, hurry." Tightly holding onto the straps around your back, Stephen cried out in fear as you both shot upwards. 

Nearly at the top of the wall, the sound you feared happened; the gas wheezed slowly as it ran out, and your ascent halted. Luckily, the hooks at the end of each line were firmly in place, but you couldn’t hang there for much longer. Stephen was swearing under his breath in panic and his weight on the straps were digging so hard into your skin, you already knew they had bruised you badly. 

"It's going to be fine, the titans can't reach us up here," you said, trying to ease Stephen. 

A shout came from above and you saw a rope lowering, however it ended just below the ODM hooks. 

"We're dead, we are so dead," Stephen muttered as he looked at the rope high above you.

You hushed him, and pulled experimentally on the hook lines. "It’s secure. Start climbing one side; it's the only way to reach that rope." 

You felt Stephen nod against your back and it took some maneuvering for him to finally start climbing a line. After a couple tense minutes, Stephen reached the rope, and was pulled upwards. 

Another minute later, the rope was lowered again and you began to climb. The metal line of the ODM gear dug sharply into your hands, but the fear of the situation distracted you from the pain. However, the line became slippery with blood from your hands and you struggled on the line trying to grip it with your boots. Keeping your gaze locked onto the rope, you didn’t dare look down when you heard the titan below start scraping its nails on the wall as it reached for you. 

Hand over hand, you climbed. Ignoring the numbness in your hands, you kept your eyes fixed on the rope and soon it was just an arm’s reach away. Your literal and figurative lifeline. Even after your body had been hoisted over the edge of the wall, you refused to release the rope. Clutching it to your chest, you took several deep breaths before looking up. 

A garrison soldier stood over you with a troubled expression. “Is that all of you?” 

There was no response from the other cadets, only a couple quiet sobs. 

“Yes.” Wiping your eyes with your sleeve, you finally dropped the rope. “We couldn’t regroup with the other two squads sent to the eastern side, are they alright?”

The soldier looked at the four of your squad warily. “You are the only ones on this side that made it up the wall.” 

It took a couple seconds for it to sink in. Only four of us… Stephen sat with his head in his hands, the other two appeared to still be in a state of shock. 

“The gas… Where were the resupply teams?” You asked quietly, but got silence as an answer. Rising slowly, ignoring the pain throughout your body, you stood to stand face to face with the soldier. “What happened to them?” 

The soldier gulped at your expression. “The headquarters were overrun with titans, so the squads couldn’t reach you.”

“Then why…why didn’t you do something?” You said haltingly, before furiously jerking him towards you by the front of his uniform. Now nose to nose, he looked absolutely fearful. The rage you felt was paramount to anything you had felt before; these cowards on the wall could be the reason Sasha might be dead right now. “You have supplies on the wall, what were you doing up here? Just watching us die out there?!” You shouted the final question at him, but stopped as his eyes filled with tears.

“That is enough, cadet,” a stern voice sounded from behind you. A captain of the garrison had joined your group on the walls. 

Releasing the soldier, you glared at the captain. “Then answer my question yourself. Why did we not receive reinforcements?” 

“Enough!” The captain ordered. 

“Fine, give me supplies; I will resupply them myself. I’ll go alone if I have to.” 

“You do that, and you will be charged and punished for insubordination.”

Like I care about that, you thought viciously. You were about to argue further, but a hand on your arm stopped you. 

Stephen gripped your sleeve with his own bloodied hands. “Y/n, you saved my life. Don’t throw yours away so lightly. Please don’t.” The remaining members of your squad looked up from where they sat on the ground, staring with pleading eyes. 

The deadened look in their eyes hurt to see. You were tasked to lead them, you let two die, and now you had to take care of them. “Fine,” you accepted and nodded to the captain. The captain at least allowed you and your cadets to stay at the top of the wall to wait until the last surviving cadets made it out of Trost.

Following the captain’s orders, you herded your squad to the lifts to take you down inside Wall Rose. They stuck close to you as you led them to join the rest of the surviving cadets. Soon, the two cadets you didn’t know well departed at the sight of companions. Before they left, they gave you sincere thanks, and one of them seemed like she wasn’t going to release you from her hug. Stephen followed you closely as you weaved through the milling cadets and soldiers. 

Yet to find Sasha, you were becoming frantic. Your head pounded painfully as your pace increased, and Stephen was gasping loudly in effort to keep pace. Over a couple heads, you spotted the messy brown ponytail. She was sitting on a table under a store awning, her knees tucked up to her chest. 

“S-Sasha,” your rasped cry carried over the heads between you, and her head snapped in your direction. Running towards her, she simultaneously sprinted towards you. The pair of you met with a loud thud and you held onto her tightly; just like that rope, she was your lifeline. Her chest heaved with sobs just like yours and you both crumpled to kneel in the dirt while still holding each other. 

Holding her in your arms sent a calmness over you, and you stroked her back as she cried loudly into your shoulder.

Two voices yelled your name, and you soon heard their fast approaching footsteps. Connie and Marco knelt to join you and Sasha. Marco wrapped you both with his arms and Connie quickly joined; the four of you kneeling in a tight group hug. 

Finally parting, you leaned your head onto Marco’s shoulder. “So…how was your day?” You asked lightly, to which Marco chuckled. His smile faded when he saw that the back of Sasha’s jacket was covered in blood from your hands. Connie noticed too, and sprinted off to find a medic. 

A gentle hand touched your hair, and you looked up to see Jean staring at you with an indiscernible expression. He suddenly knelt beside you and drew you into his arms to hold you tight to his chest. Without speaking, you wrapped your arms around him to hold him just as tightly. Finally, you sighed in relief at the comforting embrace and your tears stopped falling. While the embrace seemed like hours, it must only have been a few minutes, because Connie soon returned with a medic. 

Gently guiding you to sit on the table where Sasha had previously been waiting, the medic began to fuss over yours’ and Stephen’s hands. The disinfectant stung wildly, but dulled once the medic finished wrapping your hands with bandages. Once the medic finished, Stephen had to look for his friends. Pulling you into a hug, he thanked you again and you two shared a knowing smile.

Christa and Ymir both came to say their relief at your safe return, and once they left, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie approached. “Good to see you’re back,” Annie said, cool as ever.

“Thanks, I’m so happy the rest of you are safe too,” you couldn’t help but gush happily over them and their kindness. Bertholdt and Annie smiled in response and returned to their table, but Reiner remained in front of you.

“Can I have a moment?” He asked Jean and Sasha, who were sitting on either side of you. They nodded before leaving, but you noticed Jean glaring at Reiner over his shoulder. You didn’t know why there was hostility between them, but you were far too exhausted to worry about it now. 

Reiner leaned closer to you, carefully taking hold of your bandaged hands and resting your encased hands in your lap. “I- I don’t know…” Reiner stuttered into silence and you cocked your head to the side concernedly. Reiner cleared his throat before meeting your gaze, but you were surprised at the fierce look in his eyes. “I don’t know what I would have done if you did not come back.” 

Fresh tears welled up in your eyes at his words, but you blinked them back. “I’m sorry!” You looked up at him, silently pleading at his surprised expression, willing him to understand what you meant. “I wanted to find the rest of you, try and help you all, but they stopped me. The soldiers on the wall said no one was delivering gas supplies…” you hiccuped into silence, hoping he understood. You had worried just as much about him as he seemed to have worried about you; the thought of no longer having Reiner there to confide in was daunting. 

Feeling his calloused hands on your cheeks made you flush as he raised your gaze to meet his. “It’s okay, Venus. We are safe now, I promise. Nothing bad will ever happen to me.” Sighing in relief, you smiled weakly at him. This whole time, the guilt had been excruciating and you could not tell Sasha about it, knowing she would only fuss. But Reiner understood, and he put your worries and guilt at ease.

Someone coughed behind Reiner and his hands fell from your cheeks before he turned. Jean returned to your side and handed over a water pouch. “Figured you really needed this,” he said kindly, but his smile disappeared when he looked at Reiner. 

“Thanks,” you replied and gulped down water. Interrupting their silent argument consisting of glares, you spoke up. 

“Where’s Mikasa, Eren, and Armin?”

Chapter Text

Jean stayed by your side after Reiner rejoined Bertholdt and Annie. Even with everything going on around them, he couldn't help but feel a surge of jealousy when he saw Reiner speaking to you so closely. Jean knew Reiner had feelings for you, even though he hid them so well. So, it annoyed Jean to no end whenever he saw Reiner at your side. What's worse, you seemed to reciprocate Reiner’s feelings. Jean didn't know what else he could do. Although he flirted with you whenever he had the opportunity, you never took him seriously and he was losing hope that you would look at him the way he wanted you to. 

"How are you?" Jean asked concernedly; it was rare to see you without warmth and light behind your eyes.

"Oh I'm fine, thanks," you replied with an obviously fake grin.

Jean couldn't help but keep glancing at your bandaged hands. You still hadn't told them what had happened to your squad, and he was too nervous to ask outright. He didn’t want to force you from your state of shock. If it was the same as he had felt after realizing that Eren was the massive titan fighting against other titans, he needed that time alone with his thoughts to recover after what he had seen. Even with the gag order held over him, he had an overwhelming urge to confide in you; receive some ounce of comfort from you. Yet the thought was dashed away when he looked back at your silent form. He couldn’t bear the thought of putting more pressure on you.

Sasha was sitting on your other side, rocking back and forth clutching her stomach. 

"Oi, Sasha. Quite faking it! We will not count you as one of the wounded; you can't get out of this!" Connie suddenly yelled at her. Sasha gasped, and they argued loudly while you stayed quiet.

Jean jumped as a cannon exploded from inside the wall. Jean stared at the smoke rising steadily over the tops of the distant buildings. “Is that, titan vapour,” he asked aloud. Screams and panicked voices quickly arose from the surrounding cadets and Jean felt your bandaged hands clutch his forearm.

“What is it?” you asked fearfully. 

Jean tried to mask his own fear, to ease yours. “I’ll go, you all stay here.”

Following Reiner, who had instantly shot onto the rooftops, Jean sped away from you. At the base of the wall was a sickening sight. A titan’s mutilated body was barely visible through the thick steam coming from it; a grizzly mass of bones and muscle tissue. Landing beside Reiner on top of a roof overlooking the square, Jean, Annie, and Bertholdt watched the surrounding soldiers pointing their weapons at the steaming titan.

“What the hell is going on?” Reiner muttered. 

Jean stared in shock, also unable to fully comprehend what was happening.

After a few minutes, a figure dashed out of the smoke and Jean recognized Armin. “Eren is not a foe of humanity!” Armin yelled with his arms raised in surrender. Armin tried to explain the situation, but the garrison captain ignored him. Jean remembered how Eren’s titan fought the others, and how they in turn attacked him. If it could be believed, Jean realized that Armin was right. 

However, Captain Woermann seemed too hysterical to comprehend what Armin was saying. Just as Captain Woermann raised his arm to signal for the firing squad, an older man grabbed his arm. Too focused on Armin and Captain Woermann, Jean hadn’t noticed the newcomers' approach. Jean couldn’t hear what was said, but soon Commander Pyxis directed Armin, Eren, and Mikasa to follow him up the wall, leaving everyone on the ground in a dumbfounded silence.

Jean rubbed his forehead and groaned. Trying to process everything was giving him a headache. Without speaking to the others beside him on the rooftop, Jean turned away from the crowd of soldiers; his only thought was to get back to you. 

However, you, Sasha, Connie, and Marco had disappeared in the crowd of cadets and soldiers, and it took him several minutes to find your group. Finally, Jean heard a burst of yelling and recognized Daz’s and Marco’s voices. Dodging through the crowd he finally saw you standing beside Sasha while Marco wrestled the hysterical Daz to the ground. 

“Jean!” You grasped his hands with your bandaged ones faintly the moment you spotted him. “What happened?” Sasha leaned over to hear his answer but before Jean could tell you about Eren, a loud yell from the top of the wall silenced him. 

“Attention!”

The surrounding soldiers and cadets who had just been getting more frantic by the minute went immediately silent.

“I shall now explain the Trost Recovery Operation. Our primary objective is to reseal the hole.” Gasps and mutters went through the troops at Commander Pyxis’ words.

“He’s messing with us,” Marco murmured, panic stricken. 

“As for how the task will be done, allow me to introduce someone.” A shorter figure stepped forwards, and even with the great distance, Jean recognized the idiot. “This is Cadet Eren Jaeger. This young man is the successful product of cutting-edge research. Cadet Jaeger possesses the ability to manifest himself as a titan.”

Jean heard Connie exclaim in surprise and looked to where he was standing with Ymir and Christa. “Hey, I didn’t understand what the commander said. But it’s not because I’m stupid, right?” Connie asked Ymir. 

“Will you just shut up and pay attention? Dumbass,” Ymir responded, seemingly unfazed by the news. 

The plan, as Commander Pyxis described, was to protect Eren in his titan form from other titans while Eren blocked the hole with the large boulder in Trost. Once Commander Pyxis finished, an uproar from many in the troops sounded with unashamed fear. You suddenly clutched onto Sasha, who had started trembling from head to toe. 

Cadets and soldiers alike began to shove their way through the crowd, abandoning the formation. Jean stood closely to you, to deter those pushing roughly through the crowd. You and Sasha were whispering frantically together, but Jean couldn’t hear what was said. 

As the crowd began to panic more, and the captains began yelling about punishment for treason, Commander Pyxis on top of the wall yelled again. “Anyone wishing to leave, will not be charged with treason! Those who have seen a titan firsthand will not be expected to relive it again. Anyone that knows the horrors of a titan, leave us! Anyone who wants their own family to experience the same horror, leave us!”

Jean watched silently, as you and Sasha shared a long look, and seemingly calmed by her sister, Sasha finally stopped trembling. Additionally, at Commander Pyxis’ words, all the troops who had turned away, returned with a new determination. 

Commander Pyxis continued speaking: describing the depopulation mission after Wall Maria fell and the ensuing famine that followed and would likely reoccur if this plan failed. “Humanity will be wiped out, not by the titans, but through killing each other. We can’t kill each other at this wall. If we must die, let us die here in battle! Humanity has consistently been losing territory to the titans, but now it is time we fight back. When our strategy succeeds, today is the day that the land taken by our greatest enemy will be reclaimed!”

With Commander Pyxis’ speech, the troops were finally rallied, and nearly all seemed committed as they were ordered to scale the wall. Seeing you stride forward with Sasha surprised Jean and by the time he called your name, you were too far to hear him.

“Y/n, what the hell are you doing?!” Jean yelled as he finally reached you at the top of the wall. You looked at him questioningly and seemingly irritated by his very rational question. “You are too injured to do this.”

Your responding glare felt like a gutpunch. “I am fine, Jean; I already told you that. I have to do this.”

“No, I won’t let you. Look at your hands,” Jean lashed his own hand out to grab yours which you tried to tug out of his hard grasp and only winced. After scaling the wall, the cuts on your palms had begun to bleed even harder, staining the bandages a bright red. 

Ripping from his grasp you jerked your head away from the crowd and led Jean close to a large stack of resupply crates. Stepping partly out of view you turned to face Jean. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do. My sister is going out there again and I fully intend to be there with her,” you hissed and jabbed your forefinger into his chest. 

Jean laughed humorlessly. “So you want her to watch you get eaten by a titan? Because that is what will happen if you go like that. You think you can fight when those bandages cause a slip or if you are too distracted by the pain?” 

Your glare faltered. Normally, Jean loved your adamant determination, but now it was pissing him off. “I will not let you die…I can’t.” 

Jean wasn’t sure why he did it, he hadn’t planned on this being the time. But one moment he was staring into your eyes, and the next moment he had tugged you close to his chest and kissed you. One of his hands was buried in your hair, and the other held your waist tightly. The softness of your lips were heaven and he was vaguely aware of you clasping your hands around his neck to pull him even closer. 

The kiss ended sooner than he hoped. Jean’s hands fell down to gently clasp your wrists as you both stood with your foreheads close together. Elation filled his heart, and he couldn’t suppress the broad smile on his face as he gazed at you. 

Your expression was unreadable, but you shook your head as if to clear it. “I am doing the mission, Jean.”

He froze, his grip unconsciously tightening on your wrists. He definitely wasn’t going to let you commit some sort of twisted valiant suicide. Pulling you sharply from behind the crates, his hand tightly locked around one of your wrists, Jean strode over to the nearby captain with you stumbling after him. 

“Sir,” Jean said sharply. “This cadet is badly injured, I am requesting for her to be dismissed from the mission.”

The captain stared at you, and motioned you forward. Jean purposefully ignored the glare you sent him as you unwrapped one of your hands. The captain hardly showed any reaction to the sliced meat of your palms. “Cadet, you are formally dismissed from continuing this mission, take the lift and join the rest of the wounded.”

The captain turned away from you after giving the order. Tears started streaming down your cheeks, and you clenched your bleeding hands so drops splattered the stone. “Captain, please I-”

“-That was an order, cadet,” he sharply interrupted you. “I will permit you to say your goodbyes, but then you are ordered to leave the wall.” The captain then pointed at Jean. “You, come with me.”

Jean touched your arm gently in effort to apologize but you turned away from him. “I’m sorry, Venus,” Jean whispered. Leaving you was one of the hardest things Jean had to do.

The captain ordered Jean, along with Connie and Annie, to lure titans close to the wall within cannon range, while most of the troops were atop the wall. For the next hour, the carnage was all he could focus on. At least he could concentrate now that you were officially out of harm’s way. Every time Jean thought he was out of harm’s way, another titan would suddenly appear. 

But the worst thing imaginable happened; his gear stopped working. With all the luck in the world, he managed to spot a soldier's body with working gear. Connie and Annie saved his life and soon he felt the cold stone of the wall under his hands and gasped in relief and exhaustion. Connie, Marco, and Annie landed beside him. “You idiots got a death wish?!” He yelled furiously. They shouldn’t have risked their lives like that to save him; there were too many close calls to even count.

“Don’t even start, man!” Connie yelled back. “You scared the hell out of me!”

“I’ll be damned.” At Annie’s voice, they all turned to look. 

Eren’s titan was carrying the boulder on his shoulders. Jean could only watch in amazement as Eren closed the wall’s breach. However, the titans seemed attracted to Eren’s titan, and began attacking the teams still inside Trost. Reluctantly, Jean threw himself back into the fray along with the other three.

After more close calls, Jean had lost track of the others. Taking a hard landing on a rooftop, Jean lay flat on his back, gasping for air. Multiple screams came from different directions, and the rhythmic trembles of the titans footsteps were becoming unbearable. How can they be so loud, and also so quiet, Jean thought as he rolled his head to the side to see a pair of wide smiling eyes staring at him. A flash of green darted behind the titan and without a change in its expression, the titan fell backwards. 

“Are you alright?” A green-cloaked soldier appeared, standing above him.

“Um yes, thanks,” Jean said and took the offered hand. 

“Get back up the wall, we’ll take it from here,” the soldier said once Jean was up. 

The scout regiment had saved them all. The garrison’s engineers used the wall’s canons to destroy the titans, and the titans that the cannons couldn’t reach were easily taken out by the Scouts. After Trost was cleared of titans, Jean was assigned to the cleanup operation. Approximately two-hundred and seven people were either dead or missing and you were among the eight-hundred and ninety seven injured. Having been working nearly non-stop for the last two days, only having breaks for sleep and food, Jean hadn’t been able to visit you at the medical site.

Ash drifted down like snow, it could have been a beautiful sight if a person didn’t know what it was. The ash was from the burning bodies of the many dead. Some of the remains were so mutilated, it was impossible to decipher who it could have been.

Several bodies were already laid in rows on the cobblestone street, ready to be identified. Jean solemnly walked the street with a handkerchief wrapped around his face to cover his nose and mouth in an effort to protect himself from sky’s ash and the bodies’ flies. He stared down at his gloved hands, the same hands that just placed one of his fellow cadets into the line of bodies. Almost absentmindedly he glanced over and saw part of a face he unwillingly recognized. 

“Is...is that Marco?”

The only way he was recognizable was by his freckles. The hollowed cheek and sunken eye that remained did not bear any resemblance to the ever-cheery and optimistic boy. Marco’s lips were stretched in a horrifying grimace due to the body’s decay and the image of Marco’s bright smile flashed across Jean’s eyes. Marco couldn’t be gone…

Jean’s hands shook and lost in the horror of his dead best friend, Jean didn’t notice the healer approach.

“If you have a name for this one, it’d be helpful to pass it along,” she said curtly.

“I wondered where he was. But he’s…He’s not the sort of guy who, you know…” Jean couldn’t accept it. Although he had the body right before him, he needed someone to confirm it. “Somebody had to have seen it. Somebody knows how he went out.” Jean turned to find someone, anyone, but halted at the healer’s voice.

“I need his name. We don’t have time for this.”

This was the reality of war it seemed. A battle had ended, but the threat of a plague now loomed. While part of him still refused to believe it, he understood. “He was a member of the 104th Cadet Corps, captain of Squad 19. Marco Bodt.” The healer left Jean alone again, and he knelt, his back towards Marco’s body. Saying the name aloud made him realize that it was real.

His shoulders shook as he cried. “I-I’m sorry. I c-couldn’t...e-even say goodbye,” Jean stuttered as he grieved for his lost friend.

Chapter Text

Joining the army had seemed like an easy decision. You had to protect your sister; she was all that mattered. Except after all these years as a cadet, she wasn’t the only one you cared for anymore. After you escaped Trost alive and saw what the titans were really like, you vowed to protect your friends. Except you had failed. You were a failure. Firstly, you allowed two of the cadets on your squad to die gruesomely; although you hadn’t known them well, they were still your responsibility. You allowed them to die and you let Marco die.

Marco was dead and you still couldn’t believe it. He was fighting the titans, and where had you been? Lying in the medic tent while a nurse stitched the cuts on your hands. You might have saved him if you had been there. 

During the nights you barely slept due to the constant cries and groans of the injured. Three days after first arriving at the medic site, Stephen was moved to the bed across from yours. You simply nodded to him when he had waved with a heavily bandaged hand. 

Guilt was driving you mad and grief was making you feel increasingly hollow. You had barely reacted when Sasha told you the news. You hadn’t cried, you didn’t say anything. But inside, you were screaming. Sasha tried consoling you, but she was soon shooed away by a nurse and you were alone again. In the evening, Sasha returned to collect you so you could join the rest of your cadet troop as they mourned the fallen. 

Still silent, you watched the fires burn and couldn’t help but stare at the bone fragments littering the ground. Connie was the first to break down that night; kneeling before the fire and sobbing. A part of you wanted to comfort him, the other part to join him in his cries. But you stayed still with your head lowered and tears dripping from your cheeks. When you did look up occasionally, you would catch Reiner and Jean glancing at you. I must be a pathetic sight, you thought understandably. Sasha pulled you to her side and you huddled against her. 

“Hey guys,” Jean spoke up. Looking up, you met his determined yet scared gaze. “Have you decided which regiment you’re going to join?” Jean’s hands trembled slightly. “I have. I’m...I’m...going to join the Scouts!” He broke down into sobs, yet you only watched him in your numb silence.

The next morning, while you were curled under the covers, Stephen came and sat beside you on the bed. He seemed to understand that you couldn't talk, so he kept up a constant chatter for several hours. His exuberant stories of his childhood and his home reminded you of how Connie and Marco always talked, and prevented you from dwelling on your loss. After a full day this, you started to feel some emotion again, and by the next day you had started to show emotion. After another two days, you put your sorrow behind strong walls and were able to converse almost normally again. 

The medics informed you and Stephen that you both could leave once the stitches were removed. The numbness was slowly receding in your fingers, and your doctor was happy with your progress. However, Stephen still couldn’t move several fingers because his nerve damage had been far more affected than yours. When it was time for the stitches to be removed, your doctor gave you a long information sheet of how to take care of the wounds while they were still healing and informed you to refrain from training for at least another week. 

However, when you returned to Stephen, he told you the bad news. “The doctors don’t think I’ll regain proper sensation or mobility of my hands again,” he said as he tried to clench a fist, but only his index finger and thumb moved. “One of the military officials visited while you were gone. He gave me a medical discharge.” Stephen gave you a small smile, but it couldn’t distract you from the pain in his eyes. 

Sitting on his bed, you returned the smile. “Well, now you can go home. You would never shut up about that girl back home, perhaps you can ask her out when you finally get the nerve.”

Stephen laughed. “I saw a titan first-hand, I think I’ve got all the nerve I need to ask out a girl.” You couldn’t help but chuckle with him before falling quietly into thought. 

“I am sorry. Maybe I could have done something...maybe then you wouldn’t have ended up like this. I wish-”

“-Stop y/n,” Stephen sharply interrupted you. “You saved my life and that’s all I care about. Y/n, you have to stop blaming yourself for everything; because with our life in our world, you can’t live without loss…The only thing you can do is enjoy the time you have left, you can’t mourn forever, but you can remember. Remember all the good times, and take hope from that.”

Tears pooled in the corners of your eyes at his words. “Thank you,” you whispered as you hugged him tightly. He reminded you so much of Marco; both his honesty and kindness. 

“Thank you, y/n,” Stephen hugged you back. “You better stay alive, I’m counting on you to do that,” he added in an overly stern voice which made you chuckle. You wished him well, and finally left the medic site behind. 

The rest of the girls in the cadet barracks were quiet when you entered, obviously gauging your state of wellbeing. You smiled at them and the tension lifted with a silent collective sigh. Sasha pulled you into a hug and started sobbing as she clung to you. Your unusual state at the bonfire had obviously worried them all, and soon the other girls all came to greet you. 

Some time later, you and Sasha sat side by side on the stone floor outside the door to the girls’ quarters. Sasha had her head on your shoulder while you two were basking in the calm silence of the late night. “Vee, I need to ask you something,” Sasha whispered almost fearfully. She turned so you were now face to face. “Are you absolutely certain that you want to join the Interior Military Police? If you are, I will absolutely join you; we will always stay together.”

“Why are you asking me this? Don’t you want to live in the Inner Wall? Live in safety?” You asked concernedly.

“I thought so...but I don’t know anymore,” Sasha replied quietly tracing the stones on the floor. 

You were silent for a minute, thinking. What you wanted most of all, was to keep Sasha safe. But it wasn’t just Sasha anymore. You were suddenly reminded of Commander Pyxis’ speech: “ anyone who wants their own family to experience the same horror... ” It had been that line when you decided to return to the fight. Not just your family would face the titans, but so would every person within the walls. Countless names would die by the hands of titans should the walls collapse...just how Marco died. Suddenly, the Interior didn’t seem so enticing; what could you do there? You wouldn’t protect humanity by hiding behind the walls. They would only be protected if you faced the titans yourself. 

“I don’t know either.”

The time had come to choose your regiment. Standing beside Sasha inside the courtyard, you had rarely heard everyone so quiet. Everyone seemed to be pondering their choice. You still hadn't decided, and with a sidelong look at Sasha, it was obvious she hadn’t either. 

Looking up at the sound of footsteps, you saw Jean approaching. “Jean, are you really joining the scouts?” Armin asked. 

“Yeah,” Jean replied shortly.

“Why the sudden change of heart? I mean, aren’t you afraid?” Sasha asked. You were also rather confused, For their three years of training, Jean always spoke highly about joining the Military Police.

Jean raised his eyebrow; his usual snarky attitude almost made you smile. “Huh? Of course I don’t like the lousy Scouts. It’s not cos I’m scared of the titans or anything like that. Nor am I going to say that capable people should join the Scouts. I’m not like that suicidal maniac.” 

“Eren, huh?” Connie voiced. “He’s already been a Scout for a while now.”

Sasha had informed you about what you had missed. After Trost, a court hearing was held to decide what to do about Eren. Specifically, if he, a titan-shifter, could be trusted. However, the Scouts argued that Eren be kept in their custody, and the military court had allowed it. 

“No one's persuaded me to risk my life, either. This is one time where the decision has to be all mine," Jean said determinedly. 

A sudden shout for the cadets to go to the platform sounded, interrupting your thoughts. Before Jean could leave with the others, you grabbed his sleeve. He hung back as the rest passed, looking at you sadly. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

You both spoke in unison. Jean smiled. “Let me go first. I’m sorry about Trost, I should have handled that better. Also, I tried to visit you at the medic site, but they only let in relatives.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I understand now that you did what was best; I would have died. I wasn’t in my right mind. All I could think about was about protecting Sasha and protecting the rest of you.” You gazed at Jean, hoping he would understand why you fought so hard to rejoin the battle. 

Jean smiled warmly. “I know.” He tucked you in his arms for a short hug before you hesitantly pulled away. 

"So um…Well…" you trailed off, suddenly unable to voice your thoughts. Of course you had thought about that kiss, but with everything that had happened… You weren't sure if Jean even thought about you like that anymore. You had shown all your friends your weakest point and he couldn't possibly have romantic feelings anymore after that. 

You flinched in surprise when Jean gently took hold of your wrist and you watched him in stunned silence when he raised your hand to kiss the bandages. "I'm so happy you're alright," he murmured while looking at you with a warm gaze. Still holding your wrist gently, Jean guided you towards the platform. 

It was night and torches were flickering around the platform when Commander Erwin Smith introduced himself. He was an imposing figure, and so was his speech. An extremely brutally honest speech about what they would expect if they were to choose the scouts. However, when Erwin explained about Eren and the secrets that lay in his home’s basement, you became intrigued. Along with the others, who all gave various degrees of surprise, you caught Sasha’s glance and raised a brow questioningly. She shrugged in response and you both focused back onto Erwin. 

Erwin then briefly explained how they would begin the reestablishment of Wall Maria. “During those four years to establish the entire battalion route, over sixty percent of the Scouts died. Truly unbelievable numbers.” All this you knew, you had studied the reports and statistics already. “In one month there will be an outside scouting mission. New recruits from your class will take part, I estimate thirty percent of you will die. And in four years, most will be dead.”

You froze at his words. Thirty percent . Four years left; so I’ll die before I’m twenty-two.

“Knowing this dismal state of affairs, whoever still wishes to put their life on the line, remain here. Ask yourself...If you can give your heart for the sake of humankind!”

Many in the crowd muttered at his words. “That is all. Those who wish to join other regiments may leave.” Erwin concluded his speech, and turned to speak with one of his soldiers.

Sasha was tightly holding onto your wrist with her nervously sweaty hand. You watched her carefully, wondering which of you would make the first move to leave. Soon, cadets around you turned away, but you and Sasha ignored them and continued to watch each other. 

The shadows of the retreating figures blurred together. I want to protect them all. Everyone inside the walls. But, how can I let Sasha out there? But, how many others will die if I don’t go out there myself?

Sasha had a panicked look in her eyes, and you knew she was contemplating the decision too. “Venus, I’m scared. But…” Sasha whispered before trailing off.

“I know, Rose. Me too,” you whispered back. Ignoring the ache in your hand, you grasped her hand with your bandaged one. 

Once the footsteps of the retreating cadets faded, a tiny fraction of recruits remained. You noted that nearly all of your friends had stayed. 

“If you cadets were told to die, could you?” Erwin asked solemnly.

 “We don’t wish to die, Sir!” Someone yelled.

“I see. You each have an outstanding look about you.” You briefly caught a soft smile on his features. “I hereby accept all of you recruits as new members of the Scout Regiment! This is a genuine salute!” Erwin tucked his arms. “Give your hearts!” he shouted.

As one, the remaining cadets all saluted. 

“I’m scared, Venus! I wanna go home!” Sasha cried at your side.

“Don’t worry, Rose. I’ll be with you, always,” you said softly, and she choked on her muffled sobs.

Chapter Text

It felt so natural to be back in the saddle again. You and Sasha were only five years old when your father first put you on a horse's back. Your family had an old mare named Penny and she was an absolute sweetheart to learn on. For your twelfth birthday, your father gave you a dark chestnut colt, which you named Eve. It had taken nearly a year of training until he let you ride him through the forest because he was rather a skittish creature who hated the woods. Penny had passed by the time Sasha got her own horse to ride, another colt by the name of Porkchop. That horse seemed to embody the personality of Sasha; wildly athletic and crazy about food. It had been painful to leave the horses behind for both of you had become greatly attached to the animals.

Soon after joining the Scouts, you were each assigned your own horse. Sasha was paired with a horse who was just as lazy and food-driven as she was, and at Connie's suggestion Sasha named her horse Potato. You named yours Sichern, named for Stephen’s last name. You couldn’t forget your friend, Stephen had reminded you so much of Marco and had helped your recovery so much… you hoped he was alright.

The cadets had done basic riding training, however the Scouts primarily used horses so many of the new soldiers in your troop were having difficulty getting used to it. 

"My ass!" Connie moaned, rubbing his backside after hopping down from his horse. You and Sasha giggled at each other as Connie continued to rant at his horse who ignored him to start eating grass. "He never listens to me," Connie cried out as he lay back on the grassy field. 

Sasha hopped down to sit beside Connie and started eating her lunch rations. Potato sniffed at Sasha's food and bumped her with his nose until she pushed him away. Potato snorted in annoyance and went to graze with Connie's horse. You stayed in the saddle and watched the long grasses of the field swaying gently in the breeze. It was beautiful here and so peacefully quiet. Only one more week and the peacefulness would drastically end.

All the new Scout recruits had daily lessons where they were taught and tested on scouting formations and titan durability. Furthermore, your instructor spent a great deal of time discussing the upcoming mission. This would be the 57th Exterior Scouting Mission. You and Sasha were both placed on the left side: she was placed in Line 2 File 3, and you were slightly behind her in Line 2 File 2. 

You were busy worrying about the mission until a horse whinnying nearby alerted you. Sasha and Connie scrambled to their feet in case it was a superior who might catch them lazing about instead of finishing their patrol. Luckily, you instantly recognized the three figures atop their horses as they approached. Reiner, Jean, and Bertholdt reigned up alongside your patrol. 

“Oh thank goodness,” Connie said loudly before lying back down. 

“Shouldn’t you guys be heading back as well?” Bertholdt asked innocently.

You shrugged when he looked at you and rolled your eyes at Sasha and Connie. 

“We deserve a break, did you see how many pushups I had to do yesterday?!” Connie cried angrily. 

“Only because you were slacking off in the first place,” Sasha replied as she nudged him. 

“Yeah well... I still deserve some rest. And that horse is the problem! He refuses to obey me!” Connie yelled and dramatically pointed at his horse who turned his butt to face Connie. 

You hummed, unconvinced by his argument, but Connie took it as a challenge. “You think you can do better than me, Vee? Please, be my guest.” Connie gestured at his horse, which he had uninspiredly named Horse. 

You sighed at Connie’s determined pout. “Fine, but once I do you can’t blame the horse anymore just because you suck at riding.” 

Connie nodded and you nimbly hopped down from Sichern. Taking up the reins of Connie’s horse, you swung into the saddle. In Connie’s defense, Horse did require a firmer hold on the reins, but he followed your directions until he was trotting in neat concentric circles throughout the field. Once you stopped in front of Connie, who wore a stupefied expression, you grinned embarrassedly at Jean and Reiner who were clapping. 

Connie tugged the reins out of your hands the moment you dismounted. “How could you?!” He said furiously, and for a moment you worried that he was upset with you showing off until you realized he was actually speaking to Horse. Connie pointed his finger at Horse’s nose angrily. “You could do that this whole time!” 

Sasha burst out laughing and had to support her wheezing frame on you while Connie berated his horse who was wearing an almost bored expression. “C’mon, we’ll ride back together,” Reiner said, stifling his chuckles at Connie’s antics. Soon enough, the six of you started off back to the Scout quarters. 

Jean rode beside you at the back of the group. The past two weeks, you had noticed Jean was becoming closer to you, quite literally; he seemed to follow you everywhere. You didn’t mind at all, however you still couldn’t understand your own feelings for him yet. Sure he was a friend, a good-looking one at that, but you had never considered anything romantic with him. Especially since he had long held a crush on Mikasa which you didn’t think he was over yet, because it was Mikasa! She was incredible, both in looks and talent. You couldn’t compare to her and every time you thought about it, you couldn’t help but feel like you were just being a second option. When you joined the military, a possible love interest was the farthest thing from your mind. All you wanted was to protect your sister, but things were starting to become more complicated.   

So lost in thought, you hadn’t noticed Sichern had slowed into an easy walk. Starting at the realization the others were far ahead you flinched again when you noticed Jean was still at your side and watching you worriedly. 

“You alright, Vee?” he asked. 

“Um, yes. Sorry, just thinking,” you said and waved his concern away. Before you could nudge Sichern faster, Jean stopped you. 

“How are your hands?”

You glanced down at the bright red stripes that marred your palms, while the wounds had healed, the muscles were still sore which made using your ODM gear more difficult. “They’re getting better. I was pretty lucky since Stephen could barely use his hands anymore…” You trailed off and shuddered. The thought of being forced a medical discharge, to be forced away from Sasha would have broken you far more than Marco’s death had. 

Jean remained quiet, but you could tell he wanted to ask you something. Quirking an eyebrow at him questioningly, he finally grinned. “I’m glad you’re here though. Here with everyone...” he said kindly. “...with me,” he added in a whisper you knew you weren’t meant to hear. You pretended you didn’t, but you felt your cheeks flush with happiness all the same. 

By the time you returned to the Scout quarters, you barely had enough time to put the horses away before dinner. Arriving in the meal hall, you spotted Sasha and weaved through the tables to join her. Expectedly, Sasha had already finished her dinner and now chatted with Connie, Ymir, and Christa who were seated across from her. She eyed your full plate as you sat beside her. “Don’t think about it,” you said sternly and she sighed melodramatically before continuing her conversation. 

Jean sat on your other side and during the mealtime talk, you noticed that whenever Jean laughed or was telling a story, he would drape his arm casually over the back of your chair. It was a small gesture, but it was comforting nonetheless.

It wasn't until you were getting ready for bed when Sasha finally confronted you. "Spill it, Venus. What's going on with you and Jean?" You looked up at her nervously from your seat on your bed where she stood with her hands on her hips, uncharacteristically serious. 

Not bothering to argue with your sister, you slumped backwards on the bed with a groan. "I don't know." The bed dipped down as Sasha sat beside you. “I’ll tell you something, but I swear, Rose...you can not tell anyone. Not even Connie; he will blab immediately!”

Sasha rolled her eyes at your dramatic behaviour, but nodded her head in agreement. “Back in Trost… Jean kissed me,” you admitted in a hushed voice.

Flinching at Sasha’s sudden scream, you grabbed her arms in an attempt to restrain her as she started jumping around the room. “Stop it! Stop it! You freak!” You yelled at her, and sighed in resignation as she started laughing uncontrollably. She fell on the floor and began to roll on her back while still laughing and clutching her stomach. You sat back on the bed to watch her and couldn’t stifle your chuckles which soon also turned into loud giddy laughter. 

“So how was it?” Sasha asked eagerly from her spot on the floor. 

You chewed your lip, trying to hold back your smile. “It was…nice.”

Sasha laughed gleefully. “So…are you going to be together then?” In your moment of silence, Sasha thought about something. “Wait! Wasn’t that your first kiss?!” You groaned in embarrassment and Sasha snickered. 

“It was,” you admitted quietly. In Dauper and the neighboring villages, there was never anyone who interested you. Also, you deliberately avoided anyone who showed the faintest bit of interest; you were too busy taking care of your family to bother with romance.

Sasha looked eagerly at you, but her expression soon worried as she examined your own. “What’s wrong, don’t you like him too? I’ve seen you together and you’re always so happy.”

“It’s just, as a Scout we are expected to die. So what’s the point of building a relationship when we’re going to die?” You asked loudly.

“But Venus, shouldn’t we enjoy whatever time and moments we have left?”

You stilled at her words which reminded you of the ones Stephen had said to you, “enjoy the time you have left…remember all the good times, and take hope from that.”  

“I understand, but right now I can’t let myself get distracted. You are all I care about, Rose,” you said with finality as you looked your sister directly in the eye.

It was warmer here at the Scout quarters than back where you had trained as a cadet. You didn’t even need a sweater as you padded through the silent stone halls. The moonlight shining through each corridor window illuminated your path easily, but once you reached the door to the tower’s staircase you were met by pitch darkness. Feeling your way slowly, you were dizzy by the time you reached the bottom of the spiral staircase. Easing your way through the doorway, you stepped into another corridor. Continuing onwards, you let yourself into the small garden. 

Tall shrubs encircled the garden where a small stone bench sat between rows of flowers. You had found the garden during one of your nighttime explorations. The Scout quarters was really more of an old fashioned castle, and your nighttime explorations were both exciting and soothing. You didn’t know who was responsible for the garden’s upkeep, but you appreciated their work all the same. 

The wind carried scents of the pine forest nearby and stirred up the sweet smells of the surrounding flowers. Lying across the bench, you watched the stars shining down and silently counted the number of shooting stars you spotted. It was only when you had fallen into a soft doze when you were sharply interrupted from your moment of peace. The door leading to the garden had opened and a large figure stood in the doorway. Fear prickled your skin into goosebumps as you peered over the top of the stone back, but relaxed once you recognized who it was. 

Reiner seemed equally surprised to see you there and he didn’t move until you awkwardly waved at him and smiled. He shut the door quietly and carefully moved through the flowers. “Hi,” he said softly.

“Hello,” you responded and moved so he could sit beside you. 

“When did you find this spot?” He asked with a faint lilt of humour.

“Our fourth night here,” you chuckled and wondered when he had come across it. 

“Our second,” Reiner said in answer to your silent question. 

You sat in the sweet quiet for a few moments with your shoulders brushing against each other. “I missed you,” Reiner finally said in a hushed voice. You looked over at him and only now noticed the dark circles under his eyes, something you had missed when you saw him earlier. His hands were trembling slightly so you reached over to hold them tightly. 

“I missed you too, we’ve barely had the chance to talk since Trost,” you replied, feeling bad for abandoning your nightly chats with Reiner. It was one of the few times where you actually felt like someone understood your feelings and pain. And it seemed like Reiner felt the same. Reiner smiled softly down at you, pulling you closer so you could lean your head on his shoulder. The pair of you remained like that for sometime.

“So why did you come here tonight?” Reiner asked.

You were silent for a moment. Bad dreams had woken you up, but that plus the nagging thoughts about your bedtime conversation with Sasha also plagued you. You needed space and silence to think and relax, and Sasha’s loud snores were not letting you have that. 

“Nightmares...and I had to think,” you answered.

“About?” Reiner nudged you to expand on it further. 

You sighed, you couldn’t tell him everything that was rushing through your mind, he would just think you’re crazy. “The upcoming mission. I’m just worrying that something will go wrong.” It was part of the truth and certainly something you had been dwelling on, and Reiner nodded at your answer acceptingly. 

“Me too, you are on the left side?” He asked. At your nod he continued and as he did, his hands tightened around yours. “I’m on the right side. I’d hoped we would be closer, could be there if anything went wrong.” 

You smiled up at his kind words, and he returned your smile. You couldn’t help but gaze into his tranquil hazel eyes. He smiled softly, but soon turned away from you to look at the stars. It was like the events in Trost never happened, you were right back to watching the stars together and soothing each other’s fears and worries. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you let out a calm sigh, and he responded by gently stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. 

So relaxed, you groaned softly when Reiner had to gently shake you from your doze. “Let’s get you back to bed,” Reiner muttered before you felt him pick you up. Leaning on his chest, you listened to his heartbeat drowsily as Reiner navigated the way back to your room. Slowly dropping your legs, his grip on your waist remained until you regained your balance. Swaying tiredly, you smiled up at him and pulled him in for a hug. He held you tight to his chest, and you sighed comfortably in his warmth. 

You said a sleepy goodbye, which he softly repeated, before you entered your room and returned to bed. As with all your previous nighttime conversations with Reiner, you were able to finally fall asleep comfortably and easily; all stress completely dissolved.

Although you hadn’t gotten much sleep, you were practically bouncing with energy and happiness when you woke up. When you tried to get Sasha up for an early breakfast, you had to dodge her punch and decidedly let her sleep in for the day. It was Saturday, so training and lessons were off for the new recruits today; they only had to complete their daily chores. 

Picking up some toast as you passed through the meal hall, you ate as you walked to the barn. After the long patrol yesterday, you didn’t have the chance to give Sichern a proper grooming. Sichern seemed pleased to see you, especially when you fed him an early breakfast and groomed him. By the time you finished, the sun had risen and you leaned on Sichern’s stable wall to listen to the sounds of all the neighboring horses in their stables. You were so lost in memories of home, you didn’t hear the knock on Sichern’s stable door. 

"Hey, can I talk to you?" 

You jumped in surprise at Reiner’s deep voice. "Yes, of course." You patted Sichern on the nose before he wandered to the other side of the stall as Reiner approached you. Reiner stood awkwardly before you with his hands in his pockets. You noticed that the shadows under his eyes were even darker than last night, it looked like he hadn’t slept at all. "Are you alright?" you asked worriedly. 

“I wanted to ask you this last night, but I couldn’t. But I also could not stop thinking about it…” Reiner trailed off.

“Well what is it? You know you can talk to me.”

Reiner sighed, before he looked directly in your eyes. "Are you and Jean together?" Reiner boldly asked. You felt your cheeks flush at his abrupt question and his hard stare. "I saw him kiss you on the wall before we returned to Trost."

"Uh, well no. I mean…I didn't even know he liked me until…until he did that. I was just as surprised." You replied haltingly.

Your brain was going haywire. Why was Reiner asking about this? What the hell was going on? You knew he didn't like Jean that much, but why did he care?

"Do you want to be with him?" 

You blanched at that question. Your mouth opened and closed a few times without making a sound. "I-well I haven't had the chance to give it much thought," you answered truthfully. 

You were so lost in frenzied thoughts you didn't notice Reiner approaching until his muscular arms were caging you in with your back pressed against the wooden side of the stall. Reiner lowered his head so you could feel his breath on your ear. "Good. I don't want you with him," he whispered. 

Reiner dipped his head towards you, but just as you felt the faintest brush of his lips on yours, he paused. "May I?" He murmured. 

"Yes," you replied in a hushed tone. 

The force of the kiss blew you away. It was nothing like your kiss with Jean, which was soft and sweet, this kiss was so passionate and rough. You couldn't help but moan slightly when Reiner pulled you tighter against him. He broke away to let you gasp for air while he instantly attacked your jaw and neck with kisses. Gripping his short hair in your fist, he groaned when you pulled him back to meet your lips. He groaned hotly again when you bit his lower lip playfully, and he drew back a moment later until only your foreheads were touching. His pupils were blown wide and he was panting as he stroked your hair gently.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you,” he murmured huskily. You could only smile dazedly at him. He pulled your chin back up until you felt his lips on yours again. One of your hands was buried in his blonde hair while the other hand traced the muscles on his back as you kissed him with equal fierce passion.

"Oi Reiner! Where are you?! We have to finish those chores!" Connie suddenly yelled from the barn entrance.

You and Reiner instantly stilled. Gently moving your hands off him, you were about to tell him to go, but Reiner dipped down for another kiss. This time, his lips were much softer, and you felt like you were melting into his arms. All too soon for your liking, Reiner pulled away. His grip on your hips tightened for a moment and then he strode out of the stall. Quietly gasping for breath and trying to process what just happened. You heard Reiner and Connie arguing and then them leaving the barn. 

On the other side of the stall, Sichern looked at you with his large brown eyes. He nickered loudly and it almost sounded like a laugh. "What's so funny, mister. I hope you weren't watching that, you creep," you said sternly before laughing nervously.

Before, you just had to deal with your decision about Jean... but what the hell were you supposed to do now? Things were getting more and more complicated. 

Chapter Text

“Y/N Braus!” 

The shout caused your focus to falter which sent you tumbling into the ground as your next cable shot missed the tree you had been aiming for. Rolling to a stop, you groaned and rubbed dust from your eyes while hoofbeats approached. 

“What did you do wrong this time?” Hange asked sternly from atop their horse. 

“Was that before or after you shouted at me?” You asked bemusedly and got to your feet. Your shoulder ached from the fall and you massaged it as you looked up at your section commander. 

Hange’s smirk disappeared when you looked up at them, trying to put on a stern expression instead. “No, you weren’t balancing in the harness properly. You have a tendency to lean to the left and this will cause a slight turn when you do long distance shots. Center your balance!” Hange kicked the horse into a gallop and disappeared into the underbrush. 

Waiting a moment for Hange to get further away, you rubbed your shoulder again before shooting upwards into the trees. Looping and weaving between trees, you occasionally spotted Hange below who was watching your movements carefully. You had been training with Hange for the last hour non-stop and you were starting to feel worn-out. But this was the reason you had asked Hange for extra help. Ever since you had to spend the first week with the Scouts unable to properly use your hands, you felt like everyone else’s abilities far outmatched your own by the time you rejoined them. So, even though it was your day off, you wanted to get this training done. 

Thankfully, Hange agreed to help you. You had first met Hange in the library where you spent most of your spare time alone during that first week. The Scout library was surprisingly well kept and included many books detailing the Scouts: their accomplishments, expedition formations and tactics, and encounters with the titans. Most of the volumes in the library were actually created by members of the Scouts themselves. 

Hange had found you in the library with large stacks of volumes scattered across your table and was ecstatic to find that you were so interested in titans. Quickly, the pair of you became friends, even though Hange was your superior. Once you accepted Hange’s seemingly crazed ramblings about titans, the information Hange had gained over the years was extremely fascinating. You would spend a great deal of time together in the library; you studying and Hange writing. 

“Braus!” Hange called from below and you zoomed downwards. 

Hange narrowed their eyes quizzically. “Why are you so distracted?” It was weird how Hange was able to read you so easily already; something only Sasha was able to do.

But of course you were distracted. You could barely hear Hange’s instructions over the past hour since you kept getting flashbacks to that kiss. Reiner had kissed you in the stables only an hour before you had to meet up with Hange, and you still felt his lips on yours. And oh god, the way he had kissed you. What the actual living fuck?!

“Braus!” Without you even noticing, Hange had gotten close enough to snap their fingers directly in front of your eyes. Hange swung out of the saddle to get to your eye level. “What’s wrong, did something happen?” 

“No, nothing's wrong...well not exactly wrong. I just don’t…” you trailed off into thought again before realizing just how concerned Hange was when you looked back towards them. Hange’s brows were knit together with worry and they put a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Please tell me what happened,” Hange said and guided you towards a fallen tree to sit beside each other. Hange looked at you expectantly with their glasses perching on the tip of their nose and you sighed at their persistent stare. 

“Fine, I’ll tell you. At Trost, someone told me they liked me, but literally just before you and I met up today, someone else also admitted they had feelings for me.”

Hange whistled lowly, and you glared at them before Hange burst out laughing. “That’s what you were so weird about?! I thought maybe your hands were bothering you, or normal stuff, like trauma. Not the fact that people love you.”

Sputtering indignantly, you glared as Hange held their ribs as they laughed. “It’s not funny and I never said ‘love.’ It’s just, I never-”

“-You never thought someone could have romantic feelings for you, especially two people at the same time?” Hange concluded knowingly and finally stopped chuckling to rub their chin thoughtfully. You nodded while Hange looked at you in silence. “Oh? You wanted advice?” Hange asked surprisingly. 

 “Yes, obviously!” You cried out, partly amused by Hange’s own surprise at the fact. “I’m not stupid, I know being a Scout is a much shorter route towards death, so what’s the point of being in any relationship?”

Cocking their head to the side, Hange thought for a moment. “That’s true in a sense, but think of it this way instead...You love your sister and you love your friends, right?” You nodded emphatically. “Well, those moments you spend with them make you much happier than you would be if you distanced yourself from them, correct?” You nodded again. “So, instead of asking, ‘what’s the point of having a romantic relationship?’ Ask yourself, will it make you happy with the time you will have left.” 

Again, you were disconcerted with how much Hange could understand you like Sasha could; with Sasha having said nearly the same thing last night. “Fine. Say I can accept that, but then how can I choose between them? They are both so important to me and are both close friends. I already love them as friends, how can I choose which one to let in further?” You asked desperately. 

Expecting another wise answer, you were instead surprised when Hange just shrugged and stood up. “I dunno,” Hange answered unhelpfully.

“What?!” You squealed. 

“Uh yeah, of course I can’t answer that for you. I don’t even know who you’re talking about.” Hange climbed back onto their horse. Hange looked upon you calmly. “Listen, y/n. I don’t even know if I have ever been in love, but I do know that love is always needing to have that person with you, and when they’re gone there will be an emptiness. Which of these two people do you absolutely need?” Hange turned the horse around, and gestured for you to return to the trees. 

Although it hadn’t been the conclusive answer you were hoping for, it had let you come to a conclusion and now you could focus on your task at hand. Thus, the rest of your training session went a lot smoother, but you knew your easiness would not last long especially when you had to finally confront Jean and Reiner.

Chapter Text

His face that had always beamed when he looked at you would now turn away. It had been so difficult to tell him your decision. To hope that you could remain friends, but he refused to even answer; just left you alone in the Scout courtyard. Expecting him to get angry or upset with you, it felt worse to receive no reaction at all. All you could do was watch his retreating back and silently hope you had made the right decision. 

A loud crash instantly brought you back to the present. In the distance ahead of you, a red signal flared upwards, meaning a titan was spotted. Both the flare and crash came from the same direction as Sasha’s placement, and your grip on the reins tightened in your worry. Briefly, your mind flashed back to Reiner and Jean, but you harshly pushed those thoughts away. It would do no good to think about them now, not when danger was everywhere.

Passing over a brief hilltop, you spied the motionless limbs of a titan and as you rode closer you saw the titan's face smashed against a large tree trunk and half its body lying across a demolished house. It didn't have its nape removed but appeared to be unconscious. Instead of firing a red flare, you decidedly used your ODM gear on the tree to sling-shot you over the titan. Slicing through the nape cleanly, you quickly recalled Sichern who trotted towards you. If it had woken, the titan would just attack the following Scouts, so you finished it off instead. 

So far, the ride had actually been peaceful aside from the beginning when some titans approached the Scouts passing through the town. Now, as you rode deeper into Wall Maria's territory, shambling houses became far between and the land consisted primarily of wide grassy fields. Only a few minutes earlier, another flare had signaled a titan, but it was far to your left. 

Somewhere to your right was Mikasa, but you hadn’t seen any flares from her direction so you supposed she was alright. Riding for another five minutes, you soon spotted another rider. He turned in the saddle to look when you whistled to get his attention, and you recognized him as one of the older Scouts placed in your line. Bringing Sichern alongside the Scout, he had to yell over the sound of hoofbeats to make himself heard.

“Braus, I just saw your sister. She’s ahead and paired with the section commander. I'm going to ride with you. A titan was missed by the outer ring, caught us by surprise but we took care of it. If another one comes, let me deal with it, alright rookie?” You nodded, thankful to have the company and security, especially now you knew Sasha was also okay. 

The rest of the ride was quiet except for when the trail of green smoke flares repeatedly signaled for you to move further east. Obviously, all that time in the library hadn’t been for nothing since you instantly knew where the signals were taking you to. Finally, you spoke up. “Sir, aren’t we supposed to be going to the old city in the south?”

“Yes, that’s our destination.”

“But we’re too far east. We are heading directly for the Forest of Giant Trees.”

Your senior only shrugged. “I guess that’s where the Commander wants us to pass through then.”

You wondered why Commander Smith planned to take them through the forest. How could that benefit them? Unless perhaps the right side of the formation was having far more trouble than your side was. You gulped nervously at the thought. You knew Reiner and Jean were both placed on the right side, and you desperately hoped your assumptions were wrong. 

Another fifteen minutes passed until you spotted the black mass in the distance. As it grew closer, you were in reverence at the unbelievable height of the trees making up the forest. You had learned that the forest had long been a sightseeing place within Wall Maria before the wall fell; now it was used by the Scouts for their safety. The trees were so tall in fact, most titans couldn’t hope to reach the higher branches. 

“Are we going to follow the center caravan?” You asked, pointing to the tracks that led directly through the forest. 

“No, we follow them,” your senior pointed out a couple horses racing to the left of the forest and you wondered if Sasha was a part of that group. 

Rearing to the left once you reached the edge of the forest, you followed the other rider until you spotted your section commander in the distance. He was waving at you and once you got within earshot he yelled the order to tie up the horses and take up intercept positions in the trees. 

Patting Sichern on the nose, you looked him in the eye. “You’ll be safe here.” Pulling out an apple from your saddlebag, you quickly fed it to Sichern before unsheathing your swords and soaring upwards. 

“Vee, over here!” You recognized Connie’s voice and moved towards it, just as you also heard Sasha’s familiar shriek. 

“Venus!” The second you landed on the same branch, Sasha launched herself into your arms. You clung onto her just as fiercely as she started to cry. “It was horrible, Vee! It almost got me.” Sasha continued sputtering about the abnormal titan that had nearly caught her before she was saved by the section commander. From her description, it sounded like the titan that attacked her was the same you had finished off. Knowing that gave you a sick sense of satisfaction. How dare that monster try to hurt your sister; you couldn’t help but smile at the fact that you killed it. Petting her hair soothingly, Sasha finally calmed down at your touch. 

Mikasa was watching the grounds below with a still expression. “Are you alright, Mikasa? Did you see any titans?” She shook her head silently in response. 

“Do you think it was the plan all along to bring us here, Vee?” Connie asked nervously. 

“Perhaps. But I also wondered if threats on the right side caused us to shift route,” you answered thoughtfully.

“Yeah, that’s what she said too,” Connie jerked his head towards Mikasa. 

The section commander suddenly appeared on the branch below you. “Rookies! Spread out, we have orders to stop titans from entering the forest. Remember, no combat is needed.” He gestured below you, and it shocked you to see titans already milling around the base of the trees. 

“Hmm, so we’re live bait then,” you muttered before pulling Sasha to her feet and gesturing at another tree. 

You settled in for the wait. Sitting with your legs dangling over the side of the branch, you watched the titans below you clawing at the tree bark. You shuddered at the triggered memory of the titan clawing at the wall trying to reach you and Stephen as you both dangled helplessly from your depleted gas. Sighing, you looked over at Sasha who sat with her back pressed against the trunk and her knees drawn up to her chest. 

Before you could reassure her, a cacophony of explosions sounded from deep inside the forest. Starting at the sounds, you and Sasha both turned to look inside the forest depths. “What is that?” Sasha whispered.

“It sounds like canons, but what are they aiming at?” You wondered aloud. 

Only a few more minutes passed when a sudden shriek rumbled through the forest. Sasha turned to meet your own fearful gaze; you both knew that kind of sound. The trees shuddered as the titans below suddenly took off at a sprint inside the forest, while you and the rest of your friends looked on in stunned horror.

“Does this mean they’re all Abnormals?!” Connie shouted.

The section commander suddenly soared over your head. “Commence combat, don’t let them through!”

Tightening your grip on your swords, you and Mikasa both paused at Sasha’s call. “Please wait!” Sasha looked at you and then at Mikasa. “We’ve heard screams like that before in the forest where we’re from! It’s the sound a cornered animal makes when it’s ready to give up everything! We were taught that the end of a hunt is when you have to be the most careful.”

“So you want me to be careful?” Mikasa asked.

“Please be a hundred times more careful than normal! You will die if you don’t take the forest seriously!” You nodded at your sister’s words.

“I’m from the mountains too-” Mikasa replied thoughtfully before being cut off by Sasha’s yell.

“-You’re a vegetable farmer! You wouldn’t understand!” Sasha screamed, while you smirked at Sasha’s honesty.

“I see,” Mikasa muttered before she turned back towards the fray. 

Sasha was still trembling in fear and shock as you strode towards her. Clasping your hand with hers, you pressed your forehead to hers to gaze into her wide eyes. “Whatever you do, Rose, stay away from the titans and make sure to keep me in sight. Do you understand?” 

Sasha nodded shakily. Leaping from the branch, you heard Sasha following you. “Watch my back!” You yelled over your shoulder. 

Closing in on the first titan in a matter of seconds, the ten-meter barely paid you any attention. At least look me in the eyes before I kill you, monster, you thought venomously. Swiping your blades through the nape was easier than you expected. As the titan fell, you heard Sasha’s warning and zipped upwards before another titan could run you down. 

Spinning wildly in the air, you gave into the feel of the harness and the pulls of the gear; only focusing on the sounds of Sasha’s directions from above, and each titan’s nape you set your sights on. You weren’t sure how many titans you took down, but finally paused when you heard Sasha calling you back. 

Gasping for air, you landed hard on Sasha’s branch. On hands and knees, you rubbed titan blood off your face with a clean edge of your cloak. “Venus! They signaled for us to withdraw.” Sasha crouched and held your shoulders comfortingly as you managed to regain your breath.

“Are you alright?” 

You looked up to see Mikasa who looked at you with wide eyes; an expression you had never seen on her before. “I’m fine, let’s go.”

Sasha gripped your hand tightly before letting go and leading the way back to the edge of the forest. Just as you spotted the trees thinning ahead, a bang and a following roar made the three of you come to a sudden stop on a branch. 

Mikasa looked over her shoulder into the forest depths. “Eren,” she whispered. 

You realized what she was about to do. Grabbing her shoulder to stop her from jumping down, you shook her hard. “What are you doing? You don’t know what you’re going into.” 

Mikasa’s hand shot out to smack yours away. “I don’t care,” she said coldly and soared off the branch. 

“Vee, please...we have to go.” Sasha’s pleading voice pulled you back before you were about to go after Mikasa. You watched Mikasa disappear, before turning and nodding to Sasha. You hated leaving Mikasa behind, but she was the strongest out of all of the new Scouts, and getting Sasha to safety was your priority. 

It didn’t take long to return to Sichern. However, you realized that the horse tied beside him was also still waiting for its rider; the senior Scout you had rode to the forest with. You sat atop Sichern with the other horse’s reins in your hand when Sasha finally rejoined you. 

“Vee, what are you waiting for? Everyone else has already left," Sasha said worriedly.

“The other scout…his horse is still here,” you muttered while looking at the forest.

Sasha read your expression and stayed silent as you both waited. You had felt safe with your senior guiding you and watching your back. You didn’t even know his name. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Sasha repeatedly glance at you. 

Five minutes passed until Sasha broke the silence. “We should regroup with the others,” Sasha said as she turned her horse around. 

“Y/N!” You weren’t listening, instead you were still hoping the Scout would emerge from the forest. 

“Venus!”

You finally spun around to see Sasha’s eye brimmed with tears. “Vee, I’m sorry, but he’s not coming back. Let’s go.” Finally accepting the truth, you nodded dazedly at her. Skirting the edge of the forest, you gradually put distance between you and the Forest of Giant Trees. 

Blue smoke drifted over the field, and soon you spotted the Scouts regroup location. The closer you drew, the more bodies you counted and your heart turned cold at the sight. Many were already wrapped in bloodstained cloth. Hopping down from Sichern, you quickly pet the missing-scout’s horse, leaving them tied together as you and Sasha went to help the others.

The sun was slowly lowering as you and Sasha helped move the bodies into the carts. Jumping from a cart, you spotted familiar black hair and breathed a sigh of relief; Mikasa was alright. “Hey,” you said. She turned to you with her dark eyes.

“I’m glad you’re safe, you scared me.” She nodded slightly at your words before returning her gaze back to Eren who you realized was lying in the cart with bandages wrapped around his head. 

Retreating quietly, you looked at another cart and recognized the two people standing there. You raised a hand to wave at Armin and Jean. Armin returned the wave, but Jean turned away from you. The coldness in your heart seemed to spread into your lungs now. Even though you were sure he hated you, you were unbelievably thankful Jean was safe. 

“Hey, help us wrap him,” a Scout called you over. You stumbled when you got close enough to recognize the man’s face. It was the Scout who you had been waiting for. With trembling hands, you carefully wrapped the body. You helped move him onto a cart before heading back for Sasha.

Before you could return to your sister, a familiar hand gripped your forearm. “Are you alright?” You closed your eyes at Reiner’s soft voice. Without replying, you buried your face into his shoulder. Reiner wordlessly wrapped you into his arms and held you tightly against his chest. You had been so scared and unnerved during the entire expedition, but for the first time today you actually felt calm. 

After you finally pulled away from him, you took his hand and led the way back to your horses. He understood you didn’t want to talk. That was why you needed Reiner. He already knew you so well, and could read your emotions so easily. He was the only one you could tell everything too, even things you couldn’t say to Sasha. 

Connie and Sasha were feeding their horses when you returned. Picking up a bucket of feed, you allowed Sichern to eat while Reiner fed the riderless horse. 

“How long do you think we can survive?” Connie asked no one in particular. 

“We’ve managed to survive so far, at least,” Sasha replied quietly.

“Yeah...so far,” Connie murmured. 

“We should be glad. We’re still alive,” Sasha said optimistically. You looked at Sasha, who was struggling to keep her face from falling.

“Can you say that to the bodies of the guys who died?” Connie replied. “We might never see our hometowns again.” At his words, Sasha’s face finally fell. You didn’t notice you were still holding the bucket up for Sichern who had already finished eating until Reiner gently took it out of your hands. 

The call to fall back into formation sounded. Before you could mount Sichern, Reiner pulled you into his chest for a quick hug. "I'm so happy you're safe, my Venus," he whispered in your ear. Holding him back, you felt him shaking slightly, but before you could say anything, he pulled away. Reiner kissed your forehead and smiled before leaving you. 

Mounting Sichern alongside Sasha and Connie, you glanced at their shocked faces. You then remembered that you and Reiner hadn’t told anyone about you two yet. Before Sasha and Connie could ask the questions you knew they were bursting with, your squad commander called to move out. 

Racing alongside Sasha, the formation was now tightly spaced together. You heard the signal blast before you heard the yells. Looking over your shoulder, you saw two closely approaching Abnormals. Mikasa took down one, while the other was nearly catching up to one of the carts. You suspected what they were about to do, and kicked Sichern faster. Swerving to Sasha’s other side you yelled at your sister. “Rose, keep your eyes on me ok, do not look back!”

She nodded, her cheeks already stained with tears. You kept your gaze directed on her, but you couldn’t help seeing the bodies in the carts being dumped. With the weight gone, the cart increased speed, the formation gradually outpacing the titan.

The nearing walls were a great relief. There weren't any more titans for the rest of the return journey. After the hard ride back, your entire body felt numb. Once the Scouts made it through the gates of the Calaneth District, you were ordered to dismount. Leading Sichern and the other horse, you limped alongside Sasha. She was barely watching where she was going, only looking down at her feet. You grasped her hand tightly to reassure her and yourself. 

You heard the disparaging things the crowd said as the Scouts walked along the cobblestone street towards Calaneth's Military Headquarters. It was obvious that many soldiers had died, but it was only when you looked back from the top of the hill when you saw just how few had made it back alive. Sasha pulled you along, gripping your hand hard enough to hurt.

Chapter Text

It was a huge relief to arrive at the military quarters and finally get away from the crowds and their nasty comments. Rookies were all given temporary residence on the same floor: you and Sasha shared a bunk, while Ymir and Christa shared the second in your room. 

All of you were rather quiet upon arrival. Sasha sat on the lower bunk and put her head in her hands as you took off your gear. Once you finished, you kneeled before your sister and gently unstrapped her gear while she looked out the window. Once Christa and Ymir had left to shower and change, Sasha finally spoke. 

"I'm so sorry, Venus." Tears started pooling in her brown eyes. 

"Why are you saying that, Rose?" you asked and cupped her cheeks concernedly. 

"You joined the Scouts because of me, didn't you? I put you through this, and I don't even know why anymore. All those people died for nothing. What was the point of that mission!" Sasha was fully sobbing by the time she finished. 

You watched her wonderingly. "Rose… I didn't join because you did, I also wanted to join. After Marco died… I knew I couldn't let any more of my friends die either. No matter what, I will protect you and them. Every titan I kill, means maybe, just maybe I saved another human from being eaten. That's all that matters to me now."

Sasha listened to you, staring hard as if trying to catch you lying. Accepting the truth she sighed and nodded. "I know you too well. Because of that, I also know that you would easily sacrifice yourself to save someone." Sasha desperately clasped your hands with hers. "Please promise that you won't do that, I need you! I can't lose you just because you wanted to save someone else. Please, just...just be a little more selfish, at least for me. I need you-" Her voice cracked at the end as Sasha looked at you with large pleading eyes.

Sure you found little worth in your own life, but the fact that Sasha had figured that out was unnerving. But, perhaps she was right. Maybe it was time you became a bit more selfish, at least enough to put yourself first for once. You sighed along with your realization. "My Rose, I promised to protect you no matter what and I also promised to protect others. But, I hear what you are saying and I promise to you that I will try to do better."

Sasha nodded slowly but kept looking at your clasped hands in her lap. "When you went after those titans…I was so scared. Do you know how many titans you killed, y/n?" 

Pursing your lips, you tried to remember but it was such a blur. You could only remember Sasha's instructions and warnings, the feel of your swords in your hands, and the pull of the harness. 

"Vee, you killed seven titans in less than five minutes." You had to look her in the eye to check she wasn't kidding, but her expression was that of worried honesty. "I knew the captain wouldn't believe me, he had a hard time believing me when I reported that you killed three on your own." It was a difficult number to believe, but you knew Sasha couldn’t lie to you, plus she had gotten a good view of your fight after all. "When you went after the titans, it...it scared me...you scared me. I just didn't recognize you. It looked like you didn't care about all the close calls, Vee there were so many close calls, don't you remember?" 

You shook your head. "It's so blurred together, I was only focused on your voice, Rose. It was you who saved me." 

"When you came back to me covered in titan blood, I thought at first it was yours!" Sasha's shoulders shook, and her cries turned into sharp gasps. Then you understood why Mikasa wore that horrified expression when she had rejoined you and Sasha; you had even managed to stun the calmest person you knew.

Pressing your forehead against Sasha’s, you could feel your eyes burning from unshed tears. It seemed like it had been a long time since you last cried, and even now the tears refused to fall. Now that you thought about it, when did you last cry? You and Sasha had always been free with your emotions, but when did you become so closed off? It was Marco's death you realized. The night of the funeral pyre was the last time you freely cried. 

Perhaps Sasha was right to worry. You had become so unlike yourself. Except… Maybe this is the way to survive; emotions would get you hurt and it was better to become numb. Even if your own sister couldn't recognize you, you nevertheless had to change in order to better protect yourself and others. 

Although the sun had set hours ago, the roads beneath your window were still bustling. The others in your room had long since fallen asleep, yet you remained curled on the windowsill. You had a good view of both the military’s courtyard and the road running on the other side of the wall. Sentries chatted with each other as they did their rounds in pairs, while wagons rumbled along the road. There was never any peace here; you missed the forest of your home and the tranquility that accompanied it. 

Sasha’s snores broke through your thoughts for a third time since you had begun your vigil at the window. Getting up, you stretched before deciding to get some water. Quietly leaving your room, you turned and nearly jumped in surprise at the sight of Reiner sitting on the stone floor with his back leaning on the opposite wall. His head was leaning on his propped up hand and his deep breaths signed that he had fallen asleep outside your door. 

Kneeling before him, you gently stroked his cheek with your hand. His eyes shot open and he roughly grabbed your hand for a moment before his eyes focused on you. His grip softened enough to stop hurting, but he quickly pulled you into his chest. You huffed as the wind was knocked out of your chest, but then sighed when you felt his arms wrap around you. Gently stroking his back, you focused on Reiner’s strong heartbeat and his breaths on the back of your neck. After a few minutes, you tried to lean away, but Reiner hummed definitely and hugged you harder. Giggling quietly, you tapped his arm lightly. “C’mon Reiner, if anyone comes out-”

“Let them see us then. You’re mine. My Venus,” Reiner mumbled and sighed into your hair. 

At his words, your worries faded and you stayed in his arms for a few more minutes. Finally, you sighed and then quickly slid from his grasp to sit on your heels out of arm's reach. Giggling at his affronted expression, you stood and held out your hands. Reiner narrowed his eyes at you but still allowed you to help him up. Once on his feet, he immediately caged you against the wall with his arms before you could move. You chuckled, but quieted at Reiner’s soft expression. Even after all these years of knowing him, you still couldn’t understand how he could have such an indifferent and stoic attitude around others, yet when you were alone together, he showed too many emotions for you to read them. 

Reiner bent slightly to your eye level. “Quit worrying so much,” he murmured. As usual, he was too good at reading your own expressions. Before you had a chance to answer, Reiner leaned in to capture your lips for a kiss. Placing your hands on his chest, you leaned into the kiss and felt one of his hands gently stroking your hair while the other moved to hold your waist. Finally breaking the kiss for air, you breathed deeply as Reiner continued to kiss along your jaw and then down towards your neck which seemed to be his favorite spot.

A creak of a door opening caused you and Reiner to instantly freeze. Looking to the left, you saw Connie drowsily exit his room. Hardly awake and absolutely oblivious to the scene he had interrupted, Connie shambled away down the hall towards the bathrooms. Once he was out of sight, Reiner growled slightly. “If that bugger interrupts us one more time, I swear.” His grip on your waist tightened and he smiled dangerously at you, as you covered your mouth with your hand to stop from laughing aloud. 

Taking your hand in his, Reiner pulled you the opposite way down the hall. Turning into another hall, Reiner paused to listen at the entrance of a stairwell before leading you upwards. You didn’t want to think about the trouble you would be in if you got caught outside your quarters, but you trusted Reiner to lead you anywhere. Two floors up from yours, Reiner checked a few doors, the first three were locked but the fourth opened. Peering inside first, Reiner ushered you in before following. 

It appeared to be a small meeting room; a square table centered the room with a couple chairs set around it. “How do you always find these spots?” You questioned him, referring to the secluded garden he had also found back at the Scout’s headquarters.

He smirked and shrugged. “I’m just sneaky, I guess,” Reiner chuckled before sitting in one of the chairs. Leaning back, he quirked his brow at you and patted his lap while wearing a smug smile. 

Rolling your eyes, you seemed to surprise him when you decidedly joined him. Giggling at his stunned expression, you pressed your forehead against his. “I thought you were so sneaky, so shouldn’t you have seen that coming?” Reiner’s chest shook in silent laughter as he wrapped his arms around you. 

Although you had rested your head comfortably on his shoulder, Reiner still seemed tense. “What’s wrong?” you whispered. 

Reiner sighed, and his hand rubbed your thigh gently as he seemed to think over your question. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.” 

Quickly raising your head off his shoulder, Reiner turned his head away from your stare. “Of course you do, Reiner. Why would you say that?” Placing your hand on his cheek, you pulled him to face you. Reiner remained silent, but you waited patiently and continued to stroke his cheek.

“I...I am not a good person like you. I have done horrible things, y/n.” 

It hurt to see his pained expression. “Do you feel remorse for what you did?” you asked quietly.

He stared at you and nodded. “Yes. I feel it everyday and it still hurts even when I’m asleep. I can’t stop thinking about it, about everything…” Reiner trailed off, but met your steady gaze when you set your hand on his shoulder which had started trembling. 

“Listen to me, Reiner. Just because of something you did in the past, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person now. If you feel remorse, that shows you know the difference between right and wrong, and can then rise above the wrong. I know that you care about your friends and will do everything you can to protect them. That is why I think you are a good person.” 

Reiner sighed, and his tension eased. Pressing his forehead against yours, he gazed at you in complete adoration. “I love you, my Venus.”   

Chapter Text

Jean was reading on his bunk when Connie returned from dinner. "Jean, why didn't you come down?" Connie asked as he scrambled to the topside of the bunk. Hanging upside down, Connie peered at Jean with a worried stare, though it made it difficult to take him seriously due to Connie's position.

"Just not hungry," Jean replied, and tried to ignore Connie’s quizzical expression. Truth is, he couldn’t be around you. Especially when you were next to Reiner; the pair of you trying to pretend everything was normal, obviously keeping your relationship quiet from most of the others. Jean couldn’t understand why you had chosen Reiner, he seemed so closed off and so able to hide his feelings. Jean on the other hand showed every emotion, so instead of showing you just how hurt he was, he made a point to avoid you.

“What are you doing?” Connie asked with a frown.  

“I’m reading, obviously. Now shut up,” Jean hissed, not taking his eyes off the page he’d been stuck re-reading for the past ten minutes; his thoughts busy elsewhere. 

“No you aren’t, your eyes aren't moving on the page. Don’t lie to me, Jean. Is this because of Vee?” 

Damn Connie and his inquisitiveness. Jean grunted in affirmation and finally put down the book. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Jean finally looked up to see Connie’s pitiful gaze. “Stop looking at me like that,” Jean groaned. 

Before they could continue the conversation, a knock on the door quieted them before Armin entered their room. “Hey Jean, I need to talk with you. Can you come with me?” Armin said in his usual hesitant voice. Jean nodded, thankful to have an excuse to leave the conversation with Connie. 

It was a surprise when Armin had knocked on a door for it to be opened by Commander Erwin Smith. Jean hoped his shock hadn’t been expressed as much as he felt. Erwin bid them to enter and Jean was surprised to see Mikasa already seated at the Commander’s table. Nodding at her politely, Jean sat beside Armin while Erwin stood at the head of the table. Two other senior scouts were already seated at the table. Jean wondered what this meeting could possibly be about. 

Glancing at Mikasa, who’s gaze was pointed down at the table, Jean quickly looked back towards Erwin. For some reason, even after all the years, Jean was still rendered a nervous wreck whenever he was close to Mikasa. There was just something about her that intrigued him. Yet, he learned a long time ago that she would never reciprocate his feelings. Her obsessive protectiveness for Eren was the secondary reason he gave up on pursuing her. The primary reason being of course, you. 

Commander Erwin began their meeting by reminding them all that everything said was strictly confidential. The Commander and most of the senior scouts were to bring Eren to the capital to be placed in the custody of the government. Jean remained quiet as he listened to Erwin speak while his own thoughts were complete chaos. Sure, Annie had always been aloof and rather cold, but Jean still had a hard time believing she was the female titan. After everything your cadet troop had gone through at Trost… Jean just couldn't wrap his head around it. Additionally, he could not keep the look of disgust off his face when he was told that he looked similar to Eren and was going to be Eren’s replacement for the mission. Luckily, Erwin must have chosen to ignore Jean’s reaction, and instead continued the discussion. 

It was simply put, but Jean knew a hundred things would likely go wrong. On the way to the capital tomorrow morning, through the Stohess District, they were to ambush Annie and hopefully capture her before she turned into the female titan. 

The candles were flickering low by the time they had finished the meeting. Jean had begun nervously scratching at the skin around his thumbnail part way through the meeting, so by the time he was excused, his thumb was covered in blood. 

By the time Jean, Armin, and Eren returned to their room, Connie was already fast asleep. They were to leave early in the morning so the other two quickly went to bed. However, Jean could not relax. Finally, he rose with a groan, worried about what he had to do. 

He had been avoiding you and he knew that it upset you, but now he couldn't help but be afraid of his upcoming mission. What if the worst should happen, and you still hadn't forgiven him for ignoring you for the past week. 

Padding along the corridor in his bare feet, he paused before the door to your room. Taking a few breaths to calm his nerves, he opened the door. His gaze instantly fell on you. Sleeping in the bottom bunk, your face was bathed in the soft moonlight shining through the open window. Jean felt his heart beating loudly in his chest, and his mind fuzzy at the sight of your angelic face. 

Brushing the backs of his fingers on your cheek, he savored the moments he was allowed to look at you so openly. However, the next second he had to stifle his yelp of surprise when your eyes flashed open and your favorite knife appeared at his throat. Once your sleepy eyes cleared, you quickly pulled the blade away with frantically hushed apologies. After replacing the blade under your pillow, Jean watched in amusement as your hands fluttered around his neck in search of any injuries. He smiled bemusedly before catching your hands with one of his own, and using his free hand to press a finger to his lips to silence you. Jerking his head to the hall, Jean led the way into the hallway.

Softly shutting the door to your room quietly behind you, you turned to look at him. Your hopeful expression hurt him, making Jean feel even worse for ignoring you since you rejected him. “I’m sorry to wake you, I just needed to speak with you,” Jean whispered. “I’m sorry for being an idiot. I should have accepted your decision better. I know I hurt you, and that's definitely not what I ever want to happen." 

You smiled and hugged him in response, and Jean held you tightly against his chest. He hoped this moment could last forever. However you pulled away, and Jean had to remind himself again that you weren't his. 

"The top brass has ordered Eren to be delivered to the Inner wall tomorrow. I'm accompanying them along with Armin and Mikasa, and they're sending the rest of the cadets to the southwest sector of Wall Rose. I don't know how long I'll be gone for, or what will happen, so I wanted to say a proper goodbye. I also needed to make sure you forgave me." 

You looked at him questioningly. "What are you really doing, Jean?"

Taken aback, Jean tried to mask his nervous expression. "Like I said, delivering Eren," his tone was final; it was a confidential mission after all. No matter how much he wanted to confide in you, he just could not. 

You didn't ask again, but he could tell you still didn't trust his answer. "Well, whatever happens, just be safe. I… I can’t lose you too," you muttered hesitantly.

Nodding, Jean couldn't help but pull you back into a hug. He sighed into your hair, trying to burn this memory inside his head to remember it forever. It pained him to release you and watch you return to your room.

It came as no surprise to hear the thunderous explosion of a titan forming. He knew it. He knew the plan would fail. Jean couldn't understand why Erwin and the other officials put so much faith in Eren… he was such an idiot. 

Citizens of Stohess were in panic. Jean sprinted through the crowd of people, running in the opposite direction of the crowd. Glancing at the rooftops he passed, he saw the Interior Police standing there doing nothing. 

“Look at ‘em, not giving a crap! And to think, that could have been me up there,” Jean said aloud in disgust. “Man, what got into me? Damn!” Jean hissed as he ran towards the source of the screams. 

As he got closer, Jean transferred to ODM gear, and shot upwards. Skirting the edge of the fight, he watched the Female Titan easily kill two of the senior scout members like it was nothing. High up in the air, Jean spotted the giant holes in the earth where the Female Titan had stomped through the ground. Recognizing the bright blonde head, Jean immediately landed behind Armin. 

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?” Jean yelled. 

Armin spun around and Jean saw his panicked expression, and then looked past him to see Eren lying in a crumpled heap on the ground, partially covered by a large slab of stone. “Jean! Eren’s stuck under here!” Armin cried out.

“Huh? Wasn’t he supposed to turn into a titan?!”

“He couldn’t. I think the fact that the Female Titan is Annie is holding him back. For now we have to help him.” Armin began struggling with the rock and slowly lifted a slab off Eren. 

His words stunned Jean for a moment. “He couldn’t do it?” Jean’s eyes narrowed as anger rushed through him. Leaping towards Eren’s unconscious body, Jean grabbed him. “Damn it, Eren! Quit screwing around!” Jean yelled. “I told you we’d need to count on you someday!We’re forced to put the world, humankind, and our lives in your own hands, and this is all you have to show for it?!” The image of his best friend’s decimated body flashed across his eyes. “Marco didn’t… Marco can’t have… Damn it,” Jean knelt beside Eren, his voice shaking. His friends were dying, and he didn’t have the power to save them like Eren could. He envied Eren’s power. If only it had been him to carry the burden, perhaps Jean could have taken the Female Titan down already. A massive crash forced Jean from his haywire thoughts to look up in time to dodge the falling remains of the nearby tower. Leaping out of the way, Jean managed to stay on his feet, but could only watch as the crash sent Armin tumbling over the ground. Looking back at Eren, Jean saw him covered in even more heavy stones. 

“It’s no use! We’ve gotta do something about her first!” Jean yelled in fury. 

When it seemed like all their plans had failed, Annie was finally taken down. Underneath the steaming gore of the titans’ bodies, Jean stood alongside the rest of the scouts examining the scene. Eren already seemed fine, though still unconscious since Captain Levi pulled him out from his titan form. However, Jean was dumbfounded at the crystal cocoon encasing Annie. She looked so peacefully asleep inside. His hands shook in fury at the sight. He wanted to scream at her, hurt her; after everything she had done she couldn’t just hide and avoid it all. It was not fair.

Striding forward, Jean slammed his blade repeatedly against the crystal. With each hit, more of the blade broke away. “Damn it! What the hell?! After all this, we get the silent treatment?! Annie, get out here!” The blade finally broke until only the handle remained, which only increased Jean’s fury. “Get out here and pay for what you’ve done! You coward! Annie!” Raising his sword’s handle again preparing to continue smashing at her protective shell at his anger, a strong hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

“Stop,” the voice commanded. Turning, Jean looked down to see Captain Levi’s calm expression. “It’s pointless,” Levi reasoned. Jean grunted between his gritted teeth. He didn’t want reasoning, but Jean didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Lowering his arm, Jean stared at Annie’s entombed face before Hange approached. 

“Make a wire net! Let’s get this thing underground,” Hange ordered to the surrounding scouts. 

Leaning on the wall, Jean remained quiet as he watched Eren finally wake. Jean didn’t want to speak much, he was still recovering emotionally from the fight with Annie. Soon, a soldier appeared at the door. “Armin Arlelt. Jean Kirschtein. You’re wanted for debriefing.” They knew the Military Police wanted to question all those involved in the attack of Stohess. 

“Right, guess we’re up first,” Jean said to Armin and followed him out. He paused before leaving and watched out of the corner of his eye as Mikasa leaned close to Eren. Jean’s face darkened, and he continued down the hall. If only you could love him like Mikasa loves Eren.

 Warm sunlight flooded the corridor as Jean and Armin walked side by side. “I don’t understand it. Abandoning your humanity to rise above monsters…” Jean broke the silence to voice his thoughts over what Commander Erwin always said. “That’s the only way to win, huh?”

“It's the one hope humankind has for prevailing over the titans. I think Eren can do it,” Armin responded thoughtfully.

“I wonder… Getting rid of the monsters by becoming that kind of monster… Would that really be a victory for humankind?” 

Armin was silent and Jean looked at him to see him watching the setting sun. “It won’t be easy… However…” Armin trailed off, lost in his own thoughts and Jean didn’t have the heart to force him into more conversation. 

It had been barely two days after Annie was captured when urgent news arrived at Stohess. Jean was in the meal hall when the double doors burst open and orders were called to gear up and be ready to leave in fifteen minutes. In the ensuing chaos, Jean managed to return to his room and gear up. Five minutes later, he rushed inside the stables to find his horse, Buchwald, already alert and looking at him expectantly. 

Once Jean finished tacking up Buchwald, he led the way into the courtyard. Armin, Mikasa, and Eren were seated in a wagon as Jean approached them. “Do you know what’s happening?” Jean asked them. 

“There’s a situation inside the wall. Titans may have breached Wall Rose in the southwest sector,” Armin replied nervously wringing his cloak in his hands.

Jean stared at Armin. “The southwest sector? The sector where the other scouts were sent?” Jean asked, his expression darkening. 

Armin nodded fearfully at Jean’s expression, seeming to understand what Jean was worried about. 

You were there. You were at the breach. You were fighting titans…fighting without him there to help you. Jean nearly stumbled as he backed away from the wagon, ignoring Armin’s concern. Lifting himself into the saddle, Jean moved Buchwald up to the front of the legion. Whatever happened, he was going to find you, his Venus. 

Chapter Text

It had already been five days since you left Calaneth District along with the rest of the remaining 104th Cadet Corps, excluding: Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. After three days of hard riding, you had finally arrived at a military base located inside Wall Rose. 

The closer you got to your destination, the more you came to recognize it. It wasn’t until you saw the familiar mountains, did you and Sasha exchange excited looks. You were so close to Dauper; just a few hours away. Thus, you were extremely annoyed when your commanding officers said that none of you were allowed on patrols. It was only until the second day of stasis at the base when you began to wonder why your group had been ordered here. 

Sasha was swishing her skirt back and forth in boredom as she paced your room. You sighed and marked your page in the little book you had borrowed from the Scout’s library. You had already read through the book three times out of simple boredom, but now you just couldn’t focus on the words. 

Sasha glanced at you when you placed the book under your pillow and took out your collection of knives. Catching the glance, you smirked at your sister. “We have so much time on our hands, do you want to practice now?” 

Groaning, Sasha slumped in the chair beside your bed and held out her hand. “Nothing better to do around here,” she hummed.

It took a few minutes to refresh the basics of throwing and several throws that did not land, until Sasha finally managed to hit the wooden door. Letting out a whoop, you immediately slapped her on the shoulder, and urged her to keep going. Soon enough, the pair of you were alternating throws on the door. You couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride at each resounding thunk of the blade in the door accompanied by Sasha’s happy giggles. 

Just as you sent your next blade flying, the door banged open. Likely in an alternate situation, one where you hadn’t nearly killed your friend, you would have laughed at Connie’s expression, but now you were sure yours matched his. “You are very lucky you are so short, Connie,” Reiner peered around the doorframe to look at you, smirking as he patted Connie on the head. Connie remained in stunned silence as Reiner retrieved the blade which had sailed barely a centimeter over Connie’s head and embedded itself in the hallway wall behind him. 

Edging past Connie to enter the room, Reiner shut the door on Connie just as he had taken a deep breath in, obviously about to begin a tirade. Connie’s fury was muffled behind the door. You heard Connie scrambling with the doorknob for a couple seconds, giving Reiner just enough time to join you on your bed where he leaned against the headboard and pulled you up into his lap, before Connie finally entered the room. Although you were about to burst into frantic apologies, Connie’s anger had instead turned onto Sasha, who was laughing hysterically. 

While Connie continued his tirade at Sasha, you leaned back against Reiner’s chest and smiled as you felt him shaking with laughter. Connie finally turned to look at you, his eyes darting between you and Reiner. “Yeah, yeah, Reiner. Keep laughing. What if I go out and tell everyone about you two,” Connie pointed between you and Reiner. 

You had discussed it already; neither wanted to deal with the other scouts finding out about your relationship, it would just be a lot of hassle and the officials might not take you seriously anymore. However, you knew Connie was bluffing and simply snuggled more into Reiner’s arms that held you tightly. Connie rolled his eyes at the pair of you before storming off. 

“Eh, what’s got him all pissy?” Sasha wondered aloud. Usually, Connie would just laugh something like that off.

“He was just complaining about how bored he was downstairs when we heard those bangs on the door upstairs. I think he’s just tired like the rest of us,” Reiner answered. 

Sasha hummed to herself and got up to collect the knives sticking out of the wooden door. “Here,” she dumped the knives on the table. “I’ll meet you downstairs,” she said and smirked at you before she closed the door. 

Barely a second after she left, Reiner nuzzled your hair before leaning down to kiss the back of your neck. Relaxing against him, you sighed. “I wish we could leave, at least for a little while. I would love to show you my hometown, Dauper; it’s not that far from here.”

“I’d love to see it. One day, perhaps you can visit mine as well,” Reiner replied happily.

“Reiner…” You felt awkward bringing it up. “You said before that your hometown was destroyed,” you nervously reminded him.

Reiner immediately tensed and his arms tightened around you. “Right, sorry. I forgot for a moment… when Wall Maria fell…” He trailed off, as if it was difficult to remember. 

Now that you spent more time together, you had noticed Reiner was acting different than usual. His usual stoic attitude would suddenly drop sometimes, and he would say things that didn’t make sense. Yesterday, you two were reminiscing about the cadet days, and you were talking about Annie’s hand-to-hand combat skills, when Reiner had agreed and called her a ‘great warrior’. You just assumed he had meant soldier, but it happened again when he spoke about Bertholdt. Additionally, you became increasingly worried when he had told you that his nightmares were getting worse.

The next morning, you were seated between Reiner and Sasha at the table, watching sleepily as Reiner and Bertholdt played chess. Reiner and Bertholdt were seriously intent on their game, but Reiner kept one hand under the table so he could hold your hand, brushing his thumb against your wrist with each move he made. 

Connie was seated on the other side of the table beside Bertholdt, his cheek leaning on his hand and staring out the window; Sasha mirroring his position at your side. “My village isn’t far south of here, you know,” he murmured in a bored tone.

“My hometown is close by, too,” Sasha responded, gazing blankly at the beautiful weather outside.

“Damn. Why can’t I go visit? Maybe I can sneak out at night,” Connie sighed.

“They told me not to come back until I’m normal,” Sasha muttered and you snickered at her words. 

Connie also chuckled. “They told me I was too puny to be a soldier. Was genius enough to be one, though. I was in our class’ top ten. I’m gonna go make ‘em eat their words.”

“Connie, If you’re serious, I’ll help,” Reiner said without looking from the chessboard. 

“What? How come?” Conie asked him, and you also glanced at Reiner questioningly.

“Doesn’t it seem strange? We’re on standby in our plain clothes, and we’re not allowed to train or wear our uniforms,” Reiner abruptly released your hand and stood up from the table to look out the window. “Even more suspicious is that everyone else is fully armed. We’re inside the wall, not on the front line. Who are we fighting?” You had also wondered the same thing since your arrival, but the others didn’t seem to care.

“Well, there are bears in the area,” Connie said tiredly.

“Yeah. Bears,” Sasha parroted.

“Guns are enough to handle the bears,” Reiner said dismissively as he returned to his seat.

Sasha finally removed her stare out the window, and you looked over at her, expecting for her to say something when she instead flopped forwards to lay her head on the table. You rolled your eyes at her, but noticed her sudden change in expression.

Sasha gasped loudly and shot upwards. “I hear thuds! They sound like footsteps!” She cried out. Everyone in the hall turned to look at her.

“Get serious, Sasha,” Reiner said darkly. “If you’re suggesting there are titans here, that’d mean Wall Rose has fallen.”

Understanding the fear in your sister’s eyes, you leaned onto the table and focused. The tiniest rhythmic vibrations sent you reeling. 

“It’s the truth! I really hear footsteps!” Sasha yelled, standing and waving her arms over her head in frustration. 

“I hear it too,” you quickly backed her up. Now the rest started to look nervously at each other. A shadow and thud at the window made you spin around to see a scout opening the window.

“Everyone here?” Nanaba asked loudly. “Multiple titans, five-hundred meters to the south. They’re coming right this way. There’s no time for you to gear up. Take your horses and evacuate all nearby homes and settlements. Understood?”

Your body had frozen at her words, but you managed to nod at her in confirmation. 

“From...the south?”Across the table you heard Connie murmur, and looked over to see his fearful expression. He had just told you his hometown was south of here.

“Has the wall been breached?!” Reiner hissed at Bertholdt who only shook his head in obvious confusion.

The moment Nanaba left the window, everyone in the hall rushed to the door. You barely managed to keep an eye on Sasha as you found and tacked up the horses. In the frenzy, Reiner stepped close to you, kissing you quickly on the cheek and the pair of you shared a look that was cut short by more loud orders. Soon, you mounted and kicked Sichern into a gallop with the rest of the scouts. 

Heading north, Miche yelled his commands. “As soon as the titans reach the woods, we’ll split into four teams of recruits and soldiers alike, and then simultaneously scatter in each direction! Avoid combat when possible and focus on getting the word out! Is anyone familiar with this region?!” 

You and Sasha both raised your hands. “Us, our town is north of here!” Sasha called and gestured to you. “We know the lay of the land well… And so does Connie,” Sasha looked over at Connie and you followed her gaze when Connie did not respond. 

His eyes were wide with dread. “My village... my village is to the south… where the titans are coming from.” At his words, you felt your stomach drop. “I can take you to the nearby villages. After that, please let me visit mine,” Connie pleaded to Miche.

“Allright,” Miche agreed. “You’ll guide the southern team.”

Reiner pulled up alongside Connie, and you heard him offer to accompany Connie. Connie reminded him that the southern part was probably crawling with titans, but Reiner simply shrugged and smiled. “I was going to help you sneak there anyway, remember?” Reiner responded. Your hands gripped the reins tighter, and you shot Reiner a worried look. He smiled at you and nodded reassuringly in response.

“The sisters will guide the northern team!” Miche ordered. 

At least I can protect Sasha, you thought reassuringly.

“Today marks the new darkest day in humanity’s history!” Nanaba yelled over the roar of hoofbeats. “If ever humankind needed to give its all, that time is now!”

“The titans have reached the woods! Scatter and ride as fast as you can!”Miche gave the final order and the group split apart.  

You and Sasha split off with three soldiers. It didn’t take too long for you to spot smoke from the closest village. “That’s the first one,” you shouted and pointed at the smoke. One soldier split off to warn the village while your group kept pace. 

Finally, you approached the last village which was closest to yours. “See that!” Sasha called to the remaining soldier.

“Is that the last one?” He asked.

“No, ours is deep in the forest! We can go ourselves!” Sasha called back.

“All right, leave this to me,” the soldier yelled and split away from you.

The trees became thicker, the forest darker. Although afraid for the lives of your friends, soldiers, and the civilians, you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of joy at being back in your forest. The smells, sights, and sounds were all so familiar. It was hard to believe it had been three years since you and Sasha had left.

“He must have realized something was amiss and fled,” Sasha said darkly, instantly bringing you back to the present. 

Father… Sasha was right, you knew that. Your father could sense anything in the forest, he had to have saved your family by now.

Simultaneously, the pair of you spotted titan footsteps in the soft earth. Horror filled you, making the blood pound in your ears. “It can’t be, way out here!” Sasha gasped aloud. 

“He got them out, Sasha. I know he did,” you said determinedly, refusing to believe the alternative.

Unexpectedly, the path before you opened up, and your eyes were blinded after being accustomed to the dark woods. 

"What? A new village?" Sasha said confusedly. 

Three years had certainly changed a lot, making it completely unrecognizable. Before, there had only been log houses scattered apart in the forest. Now, the trees were cleared to make way for many large buildings.

"C'mon!" You yelled at Sasha, who had paused at the sight. You understood what she was thinking; this was the reason why she left Dauper. Sasha couldn't stay and see their livelihoods change due to the increased population inside the wall. Yet it had happened, Dauper had become just like any other village; the hunting and foraging days were long gone. 

The bridge was partially raised, but you led Sichern into a long jump over, and heard Sasha following close behind. The village was oddly quiet; no sight of people or titans. The pair of you arrived at a fork in the road and pulled up to a halt. “Sasha, it’ll be faster if we split up! I’ll go left, you take right, we’ll meet back by the bridge. Call if you are in trouble!” You ordered Sasha who nodded in agreement. 

Kicking Sichern into a gallop, you rode along the dirt road, keeping a careful look out for anything alive. None of you had time to grab any weapons, but your knife was still in its sheath across your chest. You could feel its leather strap against your chest under your shirt, and took comfort from it.

Only a few minutes had passed when you heard a whistle in the distance. Sasha. Pulling roughly on the reins, Sichern skidded to a stop with an agitated whinny. Patting him reassuringly, you listened carefully, hoping to hear another sound to try to figure out where it had come from. There it was, another whistle sounded, and you kicked Sichern towards it. 

Round a corner, you spotted Sasha’s horse galloping towards you. Turning Sichern to block Potato’s way, Potato came to a halt. Leaping down, you cautiously approached the horse and grabbed its reins. “Where is she? What happened?!” You ignored the burn of unshed tears in your eyes, and remounted Sichern, carefully tying Sasha’s horse to yours. Riding onwards, you saw titan footsteps in the soft ground and your heart seemed to freeze. Those weren’t there before.

Following the tracks, you found yourself back at the bridge. Quickly untying Potato, you slapped his rear, and paused to let him jump over the broken bridge first before following close with Sichern. Catching back up to Sasha’s horse, you caught him again, and continued down the dirt road. Now you heard the sound you feared most in the world; Sasha’s screams for help. 

Rounding a bend, you saw Sasha standing on higher ground as she faced off a two-meter titan with a bow and arrow. “Venus!” Sasha screamed just as the titan turned and a large hand swung towards you. Reeling off Sichern, the horses both panicked and bolted as you landed hard on the ground. The titan had an arrow sticking out of one of its eyes, and with its back to Sasha, she sent another arrow lodging into its nape. However, there was no chance a single arrow could cut deep enough, and the titan didn’t even falter as it approached you. 

Leaping to your feet, you pulled your blade from its sheath and watched the titan approach. You heard Sasha screaming your name, but the sounds were only a faint echo to you. Taking your stance, you raised the blade back by your ear, waiting for just the right moment. Letting out the breath you had been holding, you threw the blade to watch it spinning through the air before lodging into the titan’s remaining eye. The titan had no reaction, but its arms blindly reached towards you. Before you could run around it, you felt a giant hand clasp around your arm. The grip tightened to a point you were sure your bone would snap, but the blood falling from its eyes slickened your arm enough to pull free. 

Smaller hands grabbed you, pulling you away from the titan’s arm reach and you looked around to see Sasha. “Hurry y/n, there’s a little girl running this way; we have to catch up to her!” You nodded, partially surprised at Sasha’s determined expression. Sasha led the way down the road, but you both halted at the sounds of multiple hoofbeats. In the forest, you saw several riders but focused solely on the familiar face looking at you and your sister.

“Y/n! Sasha!”

Father.

The group had caught your horses, and now you rode alongside Sasha and your father. “We been given’ horses to everyone in the area. That girl told us someone was still back there. Who’da thunk it was you two? You fought off a titan for that girl, didn’t ya?” The corner of his mouth crooked into an uncharacteristic smile. “You girls are all I’d hoped for.”

For the first time in a very long time, you felt a tear trace down your cheek as you shared a long look with your father. Sasha spoke quietly, in a voice barely audible over the surrounding hoofbeats. “Father, we’re home.”

Chapter Text

Riding alongside your father and Sasha made you feel like times hadn’t changed at all. The sweet memories that were brought forth was enough to at least distract you from your worries about the rest of the scouts for the time being. The riding party continued North towards another village, but upon arrival found that there had not been any titan sightings in the area. With the village on alert, your group turned east towards Wall Sina. The wall was looming closer when your father called for the group to rest the horses. 

Drawing you and Sasha away from the others, your father smiled down at you, and pulled you both into his arms. You buried your face into his chest, relaxing at his familiar smell of pine and fire smoke mixed into his leather jacket; it reminded you so much of home. Sasha’s eyes were also watering when he finally released you both from his arms. 

“I'm so proud of my girls. I gotcha last letter a week ago, about you joining those scouts…” It was the first time in your life you ever saw your father afraid. “I know you had your reasons for joining them… but I didn't expect that, especially after I heard what happened in Trost. When you both made the top ten of your class, I hoped you'd go to the Interior… but then, I'd never picture Sasha in the big city." He grinned down at Sasha and then looked at you. "And you would never leave Sasha, would ya?" You smiled back and shook your head. 

"We had better regroup with the military, try to figure out what's going on. There's a lift station on Wall Sina not too far from here, Sasha and I can follow the wall until we reach it," you said and looked at Sasha who nodded before wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'll lead my men back south to Dauper, see what we can do to help along the way." Your father said decidedly, seemingly unafraid of the risks. 

Sasha nodded before leaving to retrieve your horses, while your father smiled warmly at you. "How is she, really?" You both remembered how Sasha hated confiding in him. 

"Honestly, she's good. Even when we've been brought to the lowest point imaginable, she manages to stay strong and be herself." Smiling softly at your sister, who was struggling to lead Potato away from a fresh patch of grass, you looked back to see your father looking concerned. 

"And you?" He asked. Before, you never had to tell him if something was wrong; he always read you like an open book. But it seemed not anymore. 

"I’m…” You trailed off, unsure of what to say. Okay ? Fine ? You weren’t either of those. Also, you knew your father would see straight through a lie; he was the only other person who knew you as well as Sasha. “I’m alive and Sasha’s alive, that’s all that matters to me now.” 

Sasha finally approached with your horses. “Tell mother we are always thinking about her,” she said brightly, but her smile faded slightly at your father’s worried expression. 

However, your father quickly masked his concern. “I will, she talks about you girls nonstop to all the neighbors. Threw quite a tantrum when she found out ya both were going to scouts though. Ya’ know she wanted grandbabies.”

Sasha snickered and nudged you. “Tell mother not to lose hope, right Vee?”

While you swore under your breath at Sasha, your father beamed. “Are you with someone, y/n?” 

“ Ugh , disgusting! I’m not having this conversation!” You rolled your eyes and quickly climbed onto Sichern. 

Sasha burst out laughing, barely able to pull herself onto Potato, but your father patted your leg gently. “Well, I hope he treats you well. For now, it’ll be our secret and I won’t tell your mother until you’re ready.” Oh how you had missed him. Quickly swinging down from the saddle, you held him in a last tight hug before pulling away. “I love you,” you whispered, your eyes watering. 

“I love you too, y/n.”

Climbing back up, you turned to see your father bent to the ground. When he rose, he held up an ankle sheath with a black-handled knife inside. “You said you lost yours, borrow mine until I see you next,” he said as he strapped the sheath to your ankle.

It hadn’t taken long for you and Sasha to arrive at the small compound on the wall. Luckily after being taken to meet with the captain, he quickly accepted your predicament; sending you both to receive uniforms and weapons. Joining you and your horses at the top of the wall, the captain handed a scroll to Sasha, with orders to deliver it to Hange. Thankfully, that morning he received news that the scouts who had been sent to the Interior were heading to the Ehrmich District in the south. The captain handed another scroll; written permission to ride along the wall to the district. 

Riding along the stone wall felt so unnatural since you were so used to riding along uneven terrain. At each Garrison post on the wall you were stopped and had to show the second scroll the captain had given you. Even with the brief stops, you were able to reach Ehrmich District just as night fell and a garrison soldier escorted you and Sasha to the military compound inside the city. 

“I’ll get this to Hange,” Sasha groaned as she finally swung down from the saddle outside the main doors. You nodded, also unsteady once you were finally on the ground and took her horse’s reins. 

“Venus?” A warm voice came from the stable doors as you exhaustedly approached. 

You didn’t have time to raise your head to see who it was, before you were wrapped in a pair of strong arms. You recognized the smell of the mint soap he favored and sighed in relief. “Jean,” you whispered and hugged him back.

Jean helped you lead the horses into their stalls and forced you to sit in the clean soft hay while he took care of the horses. By the time he finished, you were already dozing in the corner of the stall. “C’mon Vee. You need something to eat first,” Jean said as he shook you gently and pulled you to your feet.   

Holding onto Jean’s bicep, he led you towards the meal hall where you instantly spotted Sasha eating ferociously. Also seated at the table were Mikasa, Armin, and Eren, who all called greetings to you when you approached. Jean left you as you sat, but soon returned with a large plate of food. 

“So,” you started as you pointed at Eren with your fork. “You are obviously not in custody of the military police; why then, did you go to the Interior?”

Eren opened his mouth as if he was about to launch into an explanation, however Mikasa elbowed him to shut him up. Armin explained at your questioning look. “It’s confidential for now, y/n. For my part, I would certainly tell you if I could; I know you are trustworthy.” 

“Thanks, Armin,” you said and smiled warmly at him. 

Shortly after you and Sasha had finished eating, Hange had called for the scouts to meet in the main meeting room. Mikasa had found you and Sasha scout cloaks while your group waited for the rest of the scouts to regroup. Standing between Sasha and Jean, you kept one arm wrapped around Sasha’s waist in case she were to fall asleep. 

Hange moved to stand before you and your sister. “In light of new information, I am able to bring you both up to speed.” Hange quickly launched into an explanation about the scouts’ trip to Stohess, their suspicions of Annie being the Female Titan turning true, and the further destruction of the city caused when they tried to take her down. You didn’t have to hold Sasha up by the time Hange finished as you were both wide awake. 

“Annie…” you whispered. “...This whole time, it was Annie.” Glancing at Sasha, you were sure her expression of bewildered fear matched yours. 

Jean placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “It was a shock to most of us. It took me a while to make sense of it too.” 

Hange left you to stand at the front of the small group with a sheet of papers in their hand. “Well… I was finally able to get my hands on the background report for Annie Leonhart,” Hange announced and you understood that must have been what you and Sasha delivered. “It’s taken so long to get it because managing these reports is such a mess right now. According to this, there were two others belonging to the 104th Cadet Corps who came from the same area as her.”

You immediately stiffened at Hange’s words. You knew the names Hange was about to say, but still silently prayed to be false. 

“...And those two are, Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.”

On both sides, you saw Sasha and Jean slightly turn to look at you. However, you barely acknowledged their looks. Cold spread through your limbs and up your spine as your brain slowly processed Hange’s words. Hange’s next words were muffled by the rapid pounding of your heartbeat in your eardrums. 

“Thanks to the chaos five years ago, pretty much all of their family records are spotty or missing.” Hange flatted some papers on the center table, but while the others leaned closer, you remained stock still. “However, during the long-range scouting formation, their unit was given false information. They were among those purposely told that Eren was in the right wing.”

“The Female Titan attacked from the right wing,” Armin spoke up.

Sasha finally moved her stare from you to Armin instead. “Huh? So what does that mean?” 

“That’s it’s possible they passed on that information to Annie,” Armin said thoughtfully. 

“But why would they tell Annie?” Sasha was much slower than you at processing what Hange and Armin were telling them. 

“Hey, hold on a minute, Armin! You can’t just-” Eren said defensively but was cut off by Hange.

“I know that, Eren. By itself, that’s not enough to prove anything. So just in case, I’d like to hear from you how these three interacted during training. Know anything?” Hange asked, their gaze flicking between Armin and Eren, before finally falling on your silent state. 

However, Armin spoke up first. “I knew Reiner and Bertholdt were from the same place, but they didn’t seem close to Annie.”

“I agree, I don’t recall ever seeing the pair talking to Annie much. Well, Annie never talked to anyone very much,” Eren murmured. 

“When we ate, Annie would always sit alone and munch on food by herself,” Sasha said thoughtfully. She gasped suddenly and smacked her hands together in realization. “I heard a rumor that she liked sweets, even though she looks so grouchy!”

“I don’t remember,” Mikasa muttered. 

Eren spoke again, confidently this time. “As their comrade, I’d find it hard to believe. Set aside Bertholdt, who doesn’t say much. Reiner is like everyone’s big brother, and he’s not devious enough to deceive all of us.”

“I agree,” Armin said. “Reiner gave everything he had fighting the Female Titan with me.  He would have gotten crushed in her hand if he-” Armin stopped short with a gasp. “Reiner managed to escape, but… Annie suddenly changed her course… and ran in Eren’s direction,” Armin muttered haltingly. “I did mention that Eren might be at the rear of the center rank. But Annie was too far away to hear.”

“Did Reiner seem overly interested in Eren’s location?” Hange asked, watching Armin carefully. 

“I- I only started talking about it… because Reiner was the one who asked about it first. Furthermore, when that happened, the Female Titan was staring at her palm. He might have written a message with his blades in her hand.... He could have-”

“What the hell? Why are you saying things like this?” Eren hissed at Armin angrily. “You should-”

“Stop!” Your shout surprised yourself. Your legs felt like they were about to give out from under you, your hands were balled into fists, and the coldness filling you sent shivers down your spine. “You are right. Bertholdt.... Reiner… Annie,” your voice was thick with emotion, yet you still refused to let the tears run free. “They knew each other well, Reiner told me. They grew up together.” He always seemed to understand Annie so well. Whenever you sat with them, Reiner and Bertholdt spoke to her, as if they had already known her behaviour and personality for a long time. Only this past week, Reiner told you that they’d grown up together when he was in one of his unusual moods. You hadn’t thought much of it at the time; Annie was always so guarded and preferred to be alone, you just assumed she was like that as a kid too. But the truth was out now, and it hurt so much to have to confirm their suspicions. 

All of the scouts were looking at you, surprised by both your outburst and your information. However, Hange’s shocked expression suddenly turned into realization.  

“Alright. Everyone, listen up!” Hange’s call broke the stunned silence. “Supposing that we find Reiner or Bertholdt, act in such a way as to not reveal any suspicions. Of course, do not make any mention of Annie Leonhart either. Regardless if they’re Annie’s accomplices or not, we need to lead them deep underground and confine them. Does everyone understand?”

Everyone stated their agreement, but as Hange dismissed the others, Hange’s gaze silently told you to stay put. “Leave us, please,” Hange nodded towards Jean and Sasha who had remained close to you. 

They both looked at you worriedly before leaving, but you finally broke once the door shut behind them. Knees hitting the hard wooden floorboards with a thud, you finally collapsed and buried your face in your hands. Kneeling beside you, Hange muttered words of comfort to you and patted your shoulder gently. After several minutes, your sobs died down to be replaced by breathless gasps. 

“Reiner was the one you chose?” Hange asked quietly. 

You nodded and hugged yourself tightly. Annie had killed so many scouts, and the fact that Reiner was a likely accomplice to her actions made you sick. For the first time, you had trusted someone else aside from Sasha…let them see you past the front you always hid behind. He had lied this entire time. Was it just a cover or just a game to him?

“Y/n, I can’t begin to imagine the pain you are in...but I trust you completely, and right now I need you to tell me everything you know.” You nodded shakily and the pair of you remained seated on the floor as you spoke.

Hange dismissed you an hour later to begin plans with Captain Levi. Shambling into the hall, you instantly spotted Sasha and Jean both seated right across from the door. Jean stared up at you as he gently shook Sasha awake who had fallen asleep with her head on Jean’s shoulder. Sasha leapt up with wide panicky eyes and instantly engulfed you in a hug.

“I am so sorry, Venus,” Sasha sobbed into your shoulder.

The wall hiding your sorrow that you had managed to rebuild while speaking with Hange was threatening to break again. “I know. I-I can’t talk about it right now, okay,” you muttered hoarsely. 

“You both need some rest. It will only be a few hours until we ride out so you can share my room, I don’t have any bunkmates.” Refusing to meet Jean’s gaze, you simply nodded at his offer. 

It didn’t take long for you to reach Jean’s room and only took a few minutes to unclasp yours and Sasha’s ODM gear. Sasha collapsed on the empty top bunk and hardly a minute later, her snoring filled the otherwise silent room. 

Sitting in the lower bunk, you barely registered that Jean had knelt before you until he held your hands tightly in his. “Vee, I want you to know… I will always be here for you.” Finally raising your gaze to meet his eyes, his genuine concern and caring expression shook you. 

“Thank you, Jean,” you whispered. 

While you laid on the bed, Jean remained seated on the floor beside you, resting with his back on the wall even though there was another empty bunk on the other side of the room. Just as you closed your eyes and started drifting off, you felt Jean’s hand caress your own. Reaching towards him, you wove your fingers with his and felt him gently squeeze your clasped hands comfortingly before you finally fell asleep.

--------------------------

*** That scene where the dumbass trio are like...hmm never seen those three together.... always reminds me of this meme: Like ohhh yes of course they are NeVeR ToGeThEr EvEr. just kills me every time hahaha!!!***

Chapter Text

Barely two hours hours passed until you were awoken by a bang on the door and someone shouting for the scouts to gear up. Jean stretched his neck where he had remained sitting on the floor beside you and Sasha groaned loudly from the bunk above you. Jean was already helping strap you into your gear by the time Sasha tumbled gracelessly from the top bunk. 

It didn’t take long for you to finally regroup with the rest of the scouts and soon you were riding upon Sichern between Jean and Sasha. Hange had received word that the remaining scouts were trapped by titans at the abandoned Utgard Castle, west of the Ehrmich District.

Their large group split apart, scouts along with the accompanying Interior Police rode with Commander Erwin and Captain Levi to Trost. Jean met your gaze as he was ordered to accompany the Trost group while you and Sasha were to continue with Hange to Utgard. Sending him a nod in farewell, you followed your group to ride back west. 

Stars dimmed as the horizon turned lighter, yet the sun still hid for the time being. The sunrise had always been something you loved watching, yet now the unnatural coldness throughout your body made the sight uncomfortable. You and Reiner had always watched sunrises together. As you two had grown closer, you had also sat closer to one another; eventually to a point where he would wrap you in his arms so you could share the same blanket. 

Your expression seemed to have alerted Sasha to what was going through your head. “We could be wrong, Vee. Don’t give up, there’s still a chance…” she trailed off dismally. You glanced at your sister, but couldn’t stand her pitying gaze. 

“I know. But… If we are right, I won’t let him hurt anyone again,” you said darkly and reached to your chest to touch the new blade resting in the sheath. You had gotten it from the military armory. It felt unfamiliar to you; the handle shorter and the blade heavier. Yet, you had managed to throw it perfectly, so even if it was a subpar replacement for the one you’ve had since your childhood, it would have to do for now. Your father’s ankle sheath and blade was wrapped around your calf so the handle peeked out from the top of your boot. Knowing that you had the blades on you was oddly comforting, and so you took in a couple deep breaths to steady your pounding heart. 

Daylight broke just as you heard the sounds of titans in the distance. Exchanging a meaningful look with Sasha, you split apart to follow Hange’s orders to surround the titans. Breaking past the trees that had blocked your view you gasped at the rubble that remained of the castle. In your research in the scout library, you had seen drawings of the castle in its original state, and to see it absolutely destroyed made you fearful for those who had been inside. Connie…Ymir…Christa…Bertholdt...and Reiner. 

Once you got closer to the castle remains, you spotted a frenzied crowd of titans. Standing atop the saddle, you sent yourself flying upwards with your ODM gear. At the higher vantage point, you turned and shot towards a ten-meter titan and cleanly sliced through its nape. Letting the momentum of its falling body carry you downwards, where you almost completely cut through a passing 4-meter’s neck.

“Venus!” Sasha’s warning sent you speeding away just before a six-meter titan’s body had nearly collapsed upon you. 

Landing on a high point of rubble, you watched the carnage laid out before you. The scouts swiftly slashed through the titans, sending them all to the ground. As an eight-meter fell, your gaze landed on a small group of people clustered together on the ground.  Immediately, you recognized Reiner’s blonde hair and Bertholdt’s tall stature. As you sped towards them, you saw Eren awkwardly land and fall in the rubble nearby. It wasn’t until you landed nimbly beside Eren did you also spot Connie. 

“Vee! You’re safe!” Connie launched himself into your arms.

You couldn’t help but smile at him. “Yes, I’m alright. Sasha and Jean are ok too,” you said and patted him on the back.

Although afraid to look Reiner in the eye, he didn’t give you the chance. Once Connie pulled away, Reiner instantly yanked you into a one-armed hug to hold you tightly against him. The pain of knowing the truth stabbed your heart, but the familiarity of being close to him had you quickly wrap your arms around his torso and relax into his hold. 

“I missed you, my Venus,” Reiner whispered against your ear and his lips brushed your cheek when he finally pulled away. 

Your throat suddenly felt dry, but you were spared trying to frantically think of what to say when you finally got a look at him to see a makeshift sling tied around his left arm. “What happened! Are you alright?!” You hissed immediately and gently touched his bandaged arm. 

Reiner chuckled. “I’m fine, just a little titan bite.”

You finally met his soft gaze with your own glare. “A bite?! Reiner, you are not fine!” 

He only smiled bemusedly at your indignant reaction, but his face darkened. “Ymir is a titan,” he said loudly so Eren could also hear. 

“Ymir…” you whispered. Were we wrong? Was Ymir the one all along? Your heart warmed at the dredges of relief. 

As titans steamed into decay, you and the rest of the 104th cadet corp graduates crowded around Ymir’s body. Christa was cradling Ymir’s head in her lap and crying softly. However, the rest watched the scene in various states of shock and fury. Reiner stayed close to you, his good arm never unwrapping from your waist until Hange called orders to scale the Wall Rose. 

The sun had disappeared behind storm clouds by the time you were waiting at the top of Wall Rose for the others to arrive. Staring across into Wall Maria’s land, you sighed to yourself. Everything was such a mess. Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholdt were all suspects. However, with the discovery of Ymir, the others that knew the plan also seemed hesitant about the two young men.

The stretcher holding Ymir’s unconscious and broken body was slowly being pulled up the wall. Reiner also needed to be pulled up due to his broken arm. Moving to the edge, you helped Eren pull Reiner onto the wall. 

Christa’s pleading forced you to look as she begged for Hange to give Ymir mercy. As you listened briefly, Christa’s words shocked you. “Ymir transformed into a titan to fight off the other titans and save us!”

“Is that true?” You whispered to Reiner with wide eyes and he nodded in answer. 

Sasha was consoling Christa while you sat with Eren, Reiner, and Bertholdt by the edge of the wall. Holding his wrapped arm, Reiner hissed through his teeth. “Damn, it hurts.”

Moving closer, you inspected the bandages and out of the corner of your eye you noticed Eren turn to glance at Reiner. “You alright, Reiner?” Eren asked.

“Not by a long shot,” Reiner replied. He covered his face with his good hand and you leaned back to sit on your heels, looking at him concernedly. “A titan nearly gnawed off my arm, that was...pathetic,” he said hoarsely. You sent a warning glance to Eren; you knew that tone in Reiner’s voice, it was the one he used when he wasn’t your Reiner. “I thought I was done for.”

Eren turned back to the wall in time to help pull Armin up. “Even someone as strong as you gets this way sometimes.”

Reiner turned incredulously to Eren. “What are you talking about? This is the second time for me!” Reiner said loudly. “Tell him, Armin.”

Still on his hands and knees, Armin glanced up questioningly. 

“Remember that time I almost got crushed in that titan’s hand?” Reiner asked Armin. Armin hummed in agreement before Reiner continued. “That makes it twice I’ve nearly died. At this rate, I’ll be dead before I know it. I picked this path on my own, but being a soldier is rough. It’s like a soldier’s spirit breaks down before their body.” 

Your mouth had gaped slightly in surprise. It was a rare sight to see Reiner break like this in front of the others. He never had a problem sharing his hardships with you, but in front of Eren and Armin…It only made you more concerned. 

Reiner’s voice suddenly shifted into a callous tone. “Though, until we plug up this wall, there’s no time to waste whining about it.”

Eren muttered an agreement. “You two have been driven far enough away from your hometown. I’m thinking, this is where we gotta draw the line.” Although Eren and Armin had their backs to you, you were able to see Reiner’s change in expression at Eren’s words, and it frightened you. 

You were so busy staring at Reiner, you jumped when Bertholdt cried out. “He’s right, Reiner! Our hometown, let’s return! Isn’t it about time to go back?” Bertholdt knelt beside you, staring happily at Reiner. “Compared to all the trouble we’ve been through, what’s left to do is nothing!”

Reiner’s pained expression broke into a broad smile. “You’re right. We’re so close, it’s just another few steps until the end.”

Eren said the same words you had been thinking. “What are you guys talking about?”

The five of you paused in silence at the top of the wall when loud voices drew Armin away from your group. A few minutes later, Hange called for everyone to fall back to the Trost District. You had fallen back from the others with Reiner and Bertholdt. Reiner put his unbandaged arm over your shoulders and you wrapped your arm around his waist, silently hoping you were wrong about everything.

“Eren, wait a minute. We need to talk.” Reiner called and Eren turned back to meet you three. 

“What about?” Eren asked.

Reiner conspiratorially turned his back on the others so they couldn’t hear the conversation, all while keeping you pressed to his side. However, whatever you had thought did not prepare you for Reiner’s next words. “Five years ago, we demolished the wall and began our attack on humanity. I’m the Armoured Titan and he’s the Colossal Titan,” Reiner nodded towards Bertholdt who was staring blankly at Reiner in absolute surprise. 

“Huh? Are you cold, Venus?” Reiner looked down at you with a sweet smile as you had begun to tremble in his grip. 

“What- What are you talking about?” Eren said, his brows knitted together as if he was trying to figure out if Reiner was joking due to his overly casual tone. But you knew Reiner had spoken the truth. 

Everything that had seemed wrong about Reiner suddenly made sense and you hated yourself for ignoring the signs. Shame filled you. You were smarter than this. You had grown up in the forest where you constantly kept a watchful gaze, able to pinpoint the slightest telltale sign of something amiss. Yet, you had allowed someone to slip past your watch… He had touched you...kissed you...and you had welcomed his embrace. What did that make you? An idiot, you thought to yourself spitefully. 

You snapped out of your internal monologue  when Bertholdt grabbed Reiner roughly by the shoulder. “Why are you telling them this, Reiner?”

“Our primary goal was to ensure all of humanity was wiped out, but now there’s no need for that.” Reiner shrugged off Bertholdt's hand. “Eren, if you agree to come with us, we won’t have to destroy any more of the walls. Understand?”

Eren finally moved from his stupor. “No, wait! I don’t understand at all!”

“I’m saying…Why don’t you just come with us?” Reiner then squeezed you slightly and looked down at you, his voice lowering to a softer tone as he spoke to you. “Remember when I asked if you wanted to see my hometown, Vee? Now you can. You can come too, I’ll make sure you will be safe with me. I want you to come with me, y/n...my Venus.”

Your trembling had not subsided; by now you couldn’t tell if it was from sadness, fear, or rage since all three feelings were battling for dominance. Your arm had slackened around his waist and now it only seemed like his grip was all that kept you from collapsing. 

“I know this is sudden, but we need to go now. Right now!” Reiner looked back to Eren.

“Right now?! Where are you taking us?” Eren was asking the important questions, while you were mute from your shocked dismay. 

“I can’t say yet. So, what will it be, Eren? It’s not a bad deal, you can easily avert this crisis,” Reiner said again in his casual tone as if he was remarking on the weather instead of threatening to annihilate humankind. 

“Hey, we’re leaving!” You peeked over Reiner’s shoulder to see Armin, Sasha, and Mikasa looking at you four.

Crossing his arms, Eren looked at the sky in thought for a moment. Surprising you, and based on their expressions, also surprising Reiner and Bertholdt, Eren chuckled. Clasping Reiner’s shoulder Eren spoke jovially. “You’re just tired, aren’t you? Aren’t you, Bertholdt? You’ve been through so much, it’s making you crazy.”

“Uh ye-yeah. Reiner’s just really tired,” Bertholdt stuttered. 

Eren stepped back from you and Reiner. “Besides, if you were really the Armoured Titan that wants to destroy humanity, why would you be asking me this in the first place?” Eren’s expression turned stern as he continued. “What did you think would happen? That I’d nod and say ‘sure, let’s go’?”

Reiner’s mouth gaped at Eren’s words, and he stared in near horror at Eren. “Of course. What the hell was I thinking? Have I really gone crazy?” His arm fell from your shoulders which felt numb from his tight grip. 

Eren moved away from Reiner and glanced at you quickly. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Stepping slightly from Reiner, you edged closer to Eren to follow him. A sudden gust of wind blew over the wall, sending a flag snapping loudly and then falling over the side of the wall. You and Eren froze, both of you staring back at Reiner’s hunched form. A second later, the clouds briefly parted and a dim ray of light bathed across the four of you. Glancing along the wall, you met Sasha’s gaze and held onto her stare determinedly as fear won over your other emotions. 

However, Reiner’s dark mutter forced you to look back at him. “That’s it. I’ve been here too long for my own good. It’s been three long years...surrounded by nothing but idiots.” The fear flooding your veins with ice shattered into anger at his words. He confirmed it then, you were nothing to him after all. “We were just kids...we didn’t know anything. If only I never knew that there were people like this...I wouldn’t have become...such a half-assed piece of shit!” Reiner’s broken voice was hoarse by the time he finished speaking. “It’s too late now...I don’t know what’s right anymore,” he cried out and lifted the sling holding his injured arm over his head. “But the only choice for me now, is to face the consequences of my actions…” Reiner unwrapped the bandages to reveal the steaming wound. “...And as a warrior, to fulfill my duty to the bitter end!”

You stared at Reiner who met your horrified gaze with his own feverish one.

“Reiner! Are we doing this now?! Right here?!” Bertholdt suddenly yelled. 

“Yeah! We settle this, right here, right now!” Reiner yelled and moved towards you.

In complete synchronization, you and Mikasa attacked. She had appeared unnaturally fast and had slashed into Bertholdt, who had barely managed to raise his arms to protect his core from her deadly blow. Simultaneously, you moved for Reiner. The blade hidden under your shirt was sent stabbing deep into Reiner’s shoulder and with a wrench downwards, you pulled away to reveal a massive gaping hole in his side that was immediately obscured by a shower of blood. Reiner and Bertholdt both fell back; Bertholdt far worse off as he clutched his neck from the chunk Mikasa had cut away. Lunging at Reiner, he ignored you as you plunged the knife into his chest which just missed his heart and instead grabbed you roughly by the throat. The blade still in his chest, Reiner stood as you clutched at his hand. 

You didn’t recognize the manic look in his eye as he pulled you close for a moment before he sent you hurtling backwards. On the ground, you quickly looked up to see him push Mikasa away from Bertholdt, sending her over the edge of the wall. “Bertholdt!” Reiner yelled and you looked where Bertholdt lay choking on his own blood. 

Golden light surrounded them as streaks of lightning flashed by. Scrambling backwards, you heard someone scream. “Eren! Y/N! Get out of there!”

Reiner watched you darkly as the shroud of lightning grew thicker until a blinding lightning strike and subsequent explosion sent you flying backwards. After tumbling back a few times, you managed to grasp the stone wall and clung to it as a raging wind blew past you. Squinting in the wind, you saw a pair of shining golden eyes looking down at you and then a massive hand enclosed itself around you. Stuck tight in the Armoured Titan’s grip, you saw Eren clutched in the other hand. Steam blasted your skin and your tears felt scalding on your cheeks. The next moment, the Armoured Titan leapt from the wall.

In the split second before he jumped, you had spotted Sasha in the crowd of scouts. “Sasha!” your unnatural high-pitched scream reverberated to your sister who was already running for you. However, your scream died away as you felt air rushing past you. Shielding your eyes from the steam, you saw a second flash of bright lightning through your fingers and heard the explosion of a third titan forming. Eren’s Titan was unleashed.

Chapter Text

Reiner's POV

Punching Eren’s Titan squarely in the face, Reiner sent Eren flying backwards leaving a large scar of shredded ground in his wake. As the dust and steam cleared, Reiner looked upon Eren’s sprawled form. Eren’s wide mouth was agape with a clear hole in the jaw from Reiner’s hardened fist and Eren’s hand was missing entirely from when Eren had hit Reiner first. Bertholdt had only partially formed the top half of his body which had remained on the top of the wall. He seemed to be keeping most of the scouts busy while Reiner dealt with Eren.

Confirming Eren was remaining on the ground, Reiner took the moment to check on you. You were still clasped tightly in his hand, however the moment his grip loosened, you began thrashing in an attempt to escape. 

What am I doing? She is the enemy...she attacked us...but I love her, my Venus, Reiner thought furiously. His heart hurt to see your distraught expression while you fought to free yourself. Reiner knew that if he could just explain himself better, then you would understand what was happening. He had meant it when he asked you to go back home with him. He had it planned. Sure the officials would have a problem with it, but he knew you could be of use to them so they would have to accept you. Reiner was sure his family would understand and he had spent many sleepless nights thinking about how he would show you his real life.

The hand that had blasted apart when Eren transformed finally finished healing. Reiner had long suspected things would turn out this way. Eventually the warrior’s would have been found out; if their mission had succeeded or failed, either way it would have ended in a fight like this. Of course, Reiner’s main concern had been you and your reaction. He expected you to hate him, to cry and scream at him after you learned the truth. But... he had not expected to see the frighteningly livid expression on your usual lovely face when you had stabbed him. However, Reiner thought back to what transpired on the top of the wall, your movements had seemed so calculated, so sure, so murderous. 

She knew. She knew about us...but for how long?

Reiner’s thoughts were interrupted at the sight of Eren’s Titan slowly rising from the ground. Although Eren was no match for his strength, Reiner still couldn’t risk you getting hurt. It pained him to hear your screams as he raised you towards his jaws, but it was the only place where you would be completely safe. Your screams were instantly silenced when his mouth closed around you, but the next moment another scream bellowed. Eren was back on his feet and lunged towards Reiner who sent the leaner titan hurtling backwards with another punch to the face. 

God, he just does not know when to give up, little brat. He never learned. Always has to make everything difficult. Reiner thought annoyedly. When Eren lunged again, Reiner moved for another punch, but the moment before his punch made contact, Eren suddenly dodged away. Reiner only recognized the move when he was already sent crashing into the ground. Annie’s damn move. Long before they had arrived to Paradis, Annie had brought Reiner to the ground using the same move multiple time during their warrior training. 

Attempting to throw Eren off, Reiner pushed Eren over, but Eren quickly wrapped Reiner’s arm in a tight wrestling hold. Now, Reiner began to panic. Cracks echoed around him and he realized that his armour was splitting from the pressure. For the first time in a long time, Reiner felt unimaginable pain as his titan’s right arm was ripped from its elbow joint. 

Struggling free from Eren’s hold, Reiner watched as Eren soon sprinted away to stand close to the wall where several scouts were watching the fight. Readying himself, Reiner felt the armour on the backs of his knees and calves crack and split off the muscle underneath. Without the stiffness of the armor, he could move at full speed again. 

His speed caught Eren by surprise and they soon tumbled back to the ground. Reiner swore to himself when he was once again put into a tight hold. Using his weight to help pin Eren, Reiner grunted loudly when something slashed through the tendons on his inner knee causing the leg to fall limp. Eren pulled Reiner into another hold and Reiner felt his neck constricting painfully. 

The bastard wants to rip my head off! Reiner thought with enraged realization. When did Eren become so good at hand-to-hand like this? I can’t win this kind of fight!

Desperation was overriding his senses as he felt more of his armour cracking. He needed a distraction, anything to get out of this hold. The next moment, Reiner noticed that he wasn’t too far from where he had fallen from the wall, where Bertholdt was still waiting at the top of the wall. Using his free hand and working leg, Reiner slowly pulled himself closer to the spot. Eren’s grip only pulled tighter as Reiner pulled them both along the ground. Carefully swallowing, he felt your body sink shallowly into his throat before he finally opened his mouth and roared.

Hardly a minute passed when Reiner finally heard Bertholdt’s fast approach. Bertholdt’s half-formed body hurtled downwards before landing upon Reiner and Eren with a massive explosion. Within the frenzy of steam and clashing skeletal and tissue remains, Reiner managed to gain the upperhand on Eren. Pining Eren facedown, Reiner finally seized his opportunity and bit harshly into Eren’s nape before quickly swallowing Eren’s body.

From the Colossal Titan’s remains, Reiner spotted Bertholdt leaving the steam wearing ODM gear and carrying an unconscious Ymir in his arms. Bertholdt nodded to Reiner before he shot up and landed on Reiner’s armoured shoulder. 

They had done it, they had won. You would forgive him once you understood, and they had not only got Eren, but Ymir as well. Reiner began to retreat from the wall, his steps seemingly lighter along with his hope. 

Jean's POV

Jean stayed with the main platoon inside the Trost District while most of the military police were sent to ride along the bottom of the wall to look for titans, but they had returned without any sightings at all.

Jean sipped his water as his thoughts turned to his friends and to you. “I wonder if they’re still alive…” he said quietly to himself. He remembered the pain in your eyes when you had departed and he wished he could have stayed to help you. 

If they were right about Reiner and Bertholdt... Jean tightened the cap on his water pouch with a shaking hand. “I’ll kill him,” he growled under his breath.

“The advance squad’s returned!” A shout sounded from the main courtyard and Jean quickly moved to hear the news.

Moving through the crowd of military police, garrison, and scouts, Jean spotted the two new arrivals. “Sasha!” Jean called and rushed to her side. 

Sasha looked ready to burst into tears as she pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. He felt her trembling in his arms and his heart went cold. “What happened?! Where’s your sister?” Jean asked urgently. 

“They took her,” Sasha whispered in his ear and her voice cracked. “Reiner took her.”

Jean leaned away from her in stunned shock. Now looking at her closer, Jean noticed her eyes were tinged red and she wore a pained expression. Sasha grabbed his water pouch from his hand and began chugging the water down. Out of the corner of his eye, Jean saw Commanders Pyxis and Erwin arrive. 

Pyxis listened to the garrison soldier who had arrived with Sasha briefly explain the situation. “So there was nothing wrong with the wall?” Pyxis asked and the soldier agreed.

However the soldier continued with the bad news. “However, there’s a bit of a situation!”

That’s an understatement, Jean thought. His body was still numb with shock so he could only listen to the higher ranks question further. 

“...three more of the 104th recruits could turn into titans.” 

Jean’s ears were ringing. Three! Three! How many traitors are there?!

“What are you talking about?” Jean said as he glared at the soldier, his glare turned to Sasha. “Are you saying there were more?! Who was it?!”

Sasha stuttered and shook, but before she could answer, Commander Erwin stepped forward. The commander put a hand on Jean’s shoulder. “Jean, relax.” He turned to the soldier. “What happened when their forms were revealed?”

“The Scouts engaged the Colossal and Armoured Titan in battle. But by the time we joined them it was too late, it was all over… Braus was one of the few still able to ride, so she accompanied me back,” he nodded to Sasha who straightened under the commanders’ looks. 

“The titans abducted three of our soldiers with them; all of them also being from the 104th scout recruits...one of them being Eren Jaeger.”

Staying close to Sasha, Jean followed the commander’s orders and prepared to ride. Finally, Jean asked Sasha for more details. Now, Sasha began to cry and Jean kept a comforting hand on her shoulder while she spoke. She told him that they had arrived at Utgard and got the other recruits all out safely, but Ymir had turned out to be a titan. The scouts had remained on the wall for a while to regroup when Reiner and Bertholdt finally changed form. Sasha recalled that you had somehow known what they were planning and attacked Reiner with your knife. 

“I thought she did it, she nearly cut him in half...but it-it didn’t work,” Sasha hiccuped and fell into a moment of silence as she collected herself. “Reiner transformed, and he-he…” Sasha fell to her knees and Jean quickly joined her on the ground as tears began to prick his own eyes at her words. “Reiner ate her, and then ate Eren. She has to be ok right? When Annie ate Eren, he was ok... so Vee has to be alright.” Sasha went quiet, holding herself tightly and rocking on her heels in an effort to calm herself. 

“She will be fine. I don’t think Reiner wants to hurt her,” Jean said, trying to keep his voice level though it still shook in anger. 

It wasn’t too long until they finally met the scouts waiting for them. As Jean dismounted, Connie quickly approached and pulled him into a hard hug. Connie’s usual carefree attitude was now cold as he looked at Sasha. “Did you tell him everything?” Sasha nodded slightly. Connie sighed and grimaced at Jean. “I still don’t believe it. I refuse to believe it until I hear Reiner and Bertholdt say it themselves and why they did all this.” 

Erwin’s call forced them to gather where an injured Hange lay. Hange poured over a map and finally began disphering the map aloud. The Forest of Giant Trees was closest and would provide shelter from titans so Reiner and Bertholdt could regain their energy. At least until nightfall when the normal titans would go dormant. Hange finally concluded that they had until nightfall to get to the forest and retrieve their lost comrades. 

They had all been given the same orders: top priority was to kill the Colossal and Armoured Titans at the first available opportunity and also rescue the three recruits. As they rode further into titan territory, Erwin shouted to switch into scouting formation. Riding between Sasha and Connie, Jean stared at the horizon though he was imagining the multiple ways in which he was going to kill Reiner. 

The sun was setting by the time the forest came into view and Jean was sickly reminded of the last time they had been to the forest and the carnage that had followed. It had only been a few weeks since that disastrous mission, but it felt like years now. Last time, he hadn’t been able to tell you the truth since you had chosen Reiner. However, here and now he was going to tell you what he had been wanting to say for the last two years. The moment you were back in his arms he would tell you just how much he loved you.

Chapter Text

So sweet, so serene. Sunlight trickled down through the apple tree's leaves and you sighed in pure contentment. The chest you were leaning back upon also rose with a sigh and strong arms snuck around your waist to hold you closer. Humming quietly, you traced invisible patterns into his large forearms and he chuckled before nuzzling your hair. 

"My Venus," Reiner whispered in your ear, "I love you." 

The words were sweet, however they sent a chill through your body. You opened your mouth, but paused when you oddly couldn't say the words back to him. Puzzled, you tried to say the words again, and again your voice caught in your throat.

"Don't you love me?" His question and broken tone hurt you. However, hard as you tried, you could not answer him and you were beginning to feel the onset of panic. But why? You were safe with Reiner, so why were you suddenly afraid?

Leaning up, you turned to look at him but froze at the sight behind you. Blood soaked the front of his shirt with splatters of blood contrasting across his pale face. A gaping wound above his heart was pouring blood and another wound covered his abdomen's side in gore. Reiner cocked his head at you and made a sweet innocent smile that had his eyes crinkling. "Venus? Why don't you love me?" 

Reiner ignored your wordless stare and simply pulled you back to him. Now, the scent of blood became overwhelming and you could feel his hot blood soaking through your shirt. Clinging to his arm tightly, you tried to pry off his grip on you, but he only chuckled darkly at your feeble attempts. You tried to squirm in his hold, yet his arms pulled you so tight it began constricting your breaths. 

As darkness tinged the edges of your vision, Reiner whispered in your ear. "I need you to stay with me, I can't lose you too." You were suffocating in his grip and your struggles lessened along with your senses as you faded into darkness. 

You blinked your eyes open to be met with complete darkness and felt the huge amount of pressure around you, as if you were being squeezed from all sides. It was warm... and slimy. Where the fuck am I? you thought. This had to be a nightmare, this can’t be real. However, you gradually remembered what happened at the top of the wall. Reiner turning into his titan form…his hand reaching for you… Eren turning into his titan…and Reiner… Reiner eating you.

That bastard ate me?! You tried to thrash out in fury, but due to the tight compression you merely wiggled about which only intensified your anger. You didn't feel any pain, so you assumed you weren’t injured aside from your pride. 

You didn’t have long to mull over your circumstance when the pressure suddenly increased and you began moving. Bright sunlight was blinding as you were finally coughed out of your disgusting prison. Grass tickled your cheek and you blearily opened your eyes to see an unconscious Eren lying beside you. He was laying still, but your gaze snapped to where both his arms were missing. Pulling yourself shakily towards him, you felt for a pulse on his neck and sighed in relief when you felt a steady thrum. A loud hiss sounded behind you, before quick footsteps hurried to your body. 

“Y/n! Venus, are you alright?!” Reiner suddenly pulled you onto your back to look at your face. For a second, you both stared at each other until the moment was broken when you punched him straight in the face. His nose cracked under your knuckles and he reared backwards, clutching his face while you sat up. A deadly calm had washed over you and you watched him holding a bloody and broken nose with sick satisfaction. 

Your gaze flickered around, taking in your surroundings. A few meters away, lay the steaming body of the Armored Titan with Bertholdt standing beside it with an unconscious Ymir in his arms. Bertholdt refused to meet your venomous gaze and began striding away towards massive tree trunks, and you realized that you had returned to the Forest of Giant Trees.

“I’m sorry!” Reiner shouted from where he was still kneeling before you. The apology had burst from him without any prompt. His nose had already healed and the blood was gently steaming away. The sight of it angered you further. 

Leaping to your feet, you swiftly kicked him in the face before he could react. “You think that matter ta me?!” Another kick landed straight to his chest and you heard a loud crack from his ribs breaking. “You best be hoppin’ I don’t kill yo ass righ’ here wit ma two bare hands.” Another kick sent him flying backwards. You tried to speak again, but your voice shook so much you gave up and then realized that you had let your accent slip for the first time since you had joined the army with Sasha.

Sasha… 

Collecting yourself, you looked at Reiner who remained where you had left him on the ground. “What was the plan, Reiner? What did you expect to happen? Would we run away together after I forgave you after all you’ve done?” You asked coldly as you stood at his side and looked down where he was still lying on his back. More blood covered his face, but at the sight of tears leaking from his closed eyes, your instinctual pity had to be overcome by refreshed anger. As much as you hated yourself to admit it; underneath all the pain and hatred, you still felt the small embers of love for the man before you.

You swiftly pulled the handles of your ODM gear and attached a new set of blades. Reiner looked up at the blades pointed into his face. His expression changed from pain to determination in a flash and before you could react, Reiner grabbed the blades. Slicing up his hands in the process, Reiner wrestled the blades from you. A sharp kick to your abdomen sent you flying backwards and immediately his weight landed on top of you, pinning you down. You tried to headbutt him, but he dodged it and next you screamed as something cut into your thigh. “I’m sorry, Vee. Just be still, please,” Reiner choked out. Something sharp nicked your ribs as you struggled and another moment later, Reiner finally rolled off you. 

Scrambling away from him, you realized he had cut nearly all the straps on your ODM gear and had cut you in the process. After taking a couple breaths to calm yourself, you unstrapped the remaining shredded straps and hissed at the sting in your leg as you got up. The knife your father had given you was still nested inside your boot, but you forced yourself to walk away from Reiner who was still holding your ODM blades. As much as you wanted to drive the knife into his heart, you could feel Bertholdt’s eyes on you from the trees. Anyways, you didn’t think a knife to the heart would be able to finish either of them off, so it was better to keep it secret for now.You turned your back on him and scanned the horizon. The sun beamed hotly down on you as you waited for one of the monsters behind you to make the first move. 

ODM gear hissed and footsteps approached you. “Y/n,” Bertholdt murmured, “come with me.” You snorted and jerked your head away from him as a clear objection. “Don’t you hear those footsteps? Titans are coming. Even you will need my help to get up those trees.” Unfortunately he was right. You felt the steady beats of the nearing steps, and could even see faint dust rising on the horizon where a titan was surely approaching. 

The moment your feet touched the tree branch, you shoved Bertholt’s hands off you and rushed to Ymir who was still unconscious. Her right hand and ankle were missing, but the ends of her limbs were gently steaming. Cradling her head in your lap, you pet her hair gently. You still weren’t sure if she was also a traitor, but you couldn’t help but take care of her. “Christa?” Ymir whispered.

“No, Ymir. It’s y/n. You have to wake up, I need your help.”

Ymir slowly blinked her eyes open and stared up at you. “Hey, Braus. What’s happening?” 

Ymir watched Bertholdt and Reiner from the corner of her eye as you told her everything that had happened during her unconsciousness. Eren was left steaming on his own, while you and Ymir quietly whispered together. Ymir thankfully confirmed that she was not working with the other two, but she stumped you when she asked why you were here; you weren’t a titan-shifter, so why had Reiner taken you? 

“He wanted us to stay together… But after I tried to kill him, I don’t know what he’s planning,” you responded, hesitant to reveal your darkest shame; you had been so fooled.

Ymir hummed and cocked her head at you. “I didn’t know you were a couple…”

“Well just like you and Christa, we were keeping it quiet.” Ymir’s eyes widened in surprise, and even with your current horrible circumstances, you couldn’t help but smirk knowingly at her. 

Before you could continue, a groan came from the other end of the branch and Eren finally sat up. “Oh Eren, you’re awake,” Reiner said.

Eren stared at him a moment before realizing that both his hands were missing. Reiner explained that it had happened when Reiner removed Eren from his titan form. When Ymir finally spoke up to calm Eren’s furious reaction, Eren stared at you and Ymir in surprise, just noticing that you two were both on the same tree branch. “What are you doing here?!” 

“What D'ya think, dumbass? They captured us too,” you answered while staring knives at Reiner who flinched slightly at your words. 

Eren was about to respond but seemed to think better of it and instantly began biting his arms. Bertholdt yelled to stop him, but Ymir was the one who grabbed Eren. She calmly explained the situation and pointed to where the titans had gathered at the base of your tree. “...And then you’ve got these chumps,” she gestured to Bertholdt and Reiner, “those dirty bastards. They’re the only ones with any ODM gear on. Reiner’s wearing the one he took from you and he destroyed y/n’s gear. I don’t think changing into a titan at this point is going to solve anything.”

“No. You two can’t even turn into titans right now. So don’t count on that to help you. Your bodies are at their limit. It’s taking everything you’ve got to repair the damage,” Reiner stated coolly.

“Why would I believe you?” Eren retorted.

Ymir sighed. “It’s not like I know much about titan powers. But, it’s about time one of you says what you plan to do with us.”

“We’re taking you to our hometown,” Reiner answered and his gaze flickered to you. “I realize that you’re not going to listen and do what I say, but like Ymir is saying, this place is swarming with titans. We could beat the shit out of each other right now, but when we’re weak, the other titans would just come and eat us. So until nightfall, when the titans can’t move, we have no choice but to wait here.”

Reiner and Bertholdt were sitting on the upper branches while you, Ymir, and Eren were left on the single branch. The cut on your leg still hadn’t stopped bleeding and you tied one of your remaining ODM straps tighter above the cut. Imagine, after all the shit I’ve been through, I die from blood loss, you thought humorlessly. 

Ymir was watching you and shuffled over to you. “My shirt is a bit cleaner than yours, rip the hem to bind your leg.” She was right since yours was splattered in blood.

You muttered thanks and got to work while Ymir looked towards the traitors. “Hey Reiner, you got any water? If I don’t get some soon, I’m going to dry up and die.”

Reiner was sitting with his arms crossed and replied calmly. “Even if it’s a matter of life and death, there’s nothing we can do given our current situation.”

“This situation couldn’t be any shittier,” Ymir muttered as she waved her steaming stump around.

“Speaking of which… Ever since the titans showed up this morning we’ve been working our asses off. With nothing to eat or drink, not even a wink of sleep. Fortunately, the wall wasn’t broken or anything.” Reiner’s words forced you to look at him and uneasiness sent a shiver down your spine. “So I think we deserve to take a break for once. We’ll see about getting promoted later.”

Looking at Bertholdt, you saw him wearing a worried expression. “Reiner,” Bertholdt finally called to him. 

“What? We’ve done plenty enough to deserve it. I think we’ve performed outstandingly, considering all we’ve been put through. I know soldiers like us are expected to fulfill their duties, but I think we’ve all earned it. ” Reiner smiled, and his face looked different; he looked like your Reiner again instead of the traitorous man you had faced all day.

From the corner of your eye, you could see Ymir and Eren both staring at Reiner as well. “Reiner, what in the world are you talking about?” Ymir finally asked. 

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m not saying we demand to be promoted to captains or anything. But even some time off would be nice. What do you think, Vee? We could visit your family, you told me so much about them.” 

The sincerity in his question and expression made your throat strain from trying not to cry out. All your questions were being answered. This was your Reiner, but also not your Reiner.

“Hey!” Eren screamed and shot to his feet. “You bastard… You’ve got to be kidding me,” he whispered darkly.

“Huh? What are you so angry about, Eren?” Reiner asked concernedly. “Did I… say something wrong?”

“If you want to die, just keep talking!” Eren shouted back.

“Hold up, Eren.” Ymir leaned forward to look closer at Reiner. She glanced at you, and your emotions so blatantly shown on your expression seemed to confirm her thoughts. “This isn’t normal, no matter how you look at it. Isn’t that right, Bertholdt? If you know something, quit with the silence and come out and say it.”

Bertholdt remained sitting with his back on the tree trunk, holding his knees to his chest. “Reiner. You’re not… a soldier, remember? You and I… we’re warriors.”

As if the truth was slowly dawning on him, Reiner’s eyes widened in horror. For only a second longer, you watched your Reiner suffer in painful realization, before he disappeared again. His expression darkened once more. “Right. That’s… how it is.” Reiner sat back down, his shoulders shaking and his hand clutching his face. 

Clutching your cloak tightly around yourself, you rocked back and forth where you sat, trying to process everything. However, Ymir seemed to have figured it all out herself. 

“I thought it was strange. Why would the guy who broke the wall risk his life to save Connie? Everything he does is contradictory, but he doesn’t realize it himself. He was originally a warrior whose goal it was to break the wall, but… after pretending to be a soldier for so long, he lost sight of who he was and couldn’t tell which one was real. Unable to bear the weight of his sins, he convinced himself he was a soldier protecting the wall to maintain emotional balance within his own heart. And in the end, he believed it. As a result, his heart was split and his memories broken. This must not be the first time Reiner’s talked and made no sense… judging by Bertholdt’s grim expression. It’s amazing, someone as honest as you to-”

“Enough! Shut your mouth!” Reiner yelled, interrupting Ymir’s realization. 

While they continued talking, you were lost in your own thoughts. There had been multiple times when Reiner had seemed… lost . When you were together he would say something odd, but every time you ignored it; accepting it was just his way of speaking. But now you realized, that all this time you had not only been talking to your Reiner, but also the one who was the warrior. So where did this leave you? Now that Reiner had seemingly come to realize what was happening to himself, what would he choose to do with you? Would the warrior side decide you didn’t mean anything to him anymore, would he kill you, or possibly let you go?

“I see,” Eren’s dark tone broke through your thoughts. “You guys are neither soldiers nor warriors. You’re just psychotic mass-murderers who’ve killed countless innocent people who never did anything wrong!”

“You don’t think I know that?!” Reiner yelled with the pain clear in his voice. “I don’t need you to point that out to me!”

“Then don’t pretend to have emotions like you’re one of us!” Eren screamed back. “You guys aren’t even human anymore! It’s you two who’ve turned this world into a living hell. Does that make you happy, you murderers?!”

Reiner shot to his feet. “What are you after by calling us murders?! Do you want us to regret it, to apologize? Would that give you satisfaction? The people you thought we were no longer exist!”

And there it was. The answer you had been waiting for. Your Reiner was officially lost. Eren drew breath to continue his tirade, but you interrupted him first as you rose to your feet. “So, why am I here, Reiner?”

Reiner stared at you in silence, so you continued. “If the Reiner I knew no longer exists, why should you care what happens to me? Leave me here, I’m sure the scouts will arrive long after you’ve all gone.”

“I can’t,” Reiner muttered. 

Desperation was now welling up inside you. “You can, Reiner. You said it yourself! It was all a lie! An act! Let me live so I can see my sister again, she needs me!” you yelled and your pain caused your voice to crack. 

“But I need you too!” Reiner yelled back, his voice also cracking. 

You crumpled back down to your knees and held yourself as you cried. Slender arms gently wrapped around your shoulders; Ymir had crawled over to comfort you. 

“I’m sorry, y/n. But I… I don’t know what to do,” Reiner said hoarsely. “If you come with me you’ll be safe, I can guarantee your protection. If you stay here, you will die.” 

Silence fell for a few minutes until Reiner spoke again. “Ymir, do you think there’s any future for this world? If you know so much, think about what you want to do. It’s not out of the question for you to join our side. Your one goal is to protect Christa.” You felt Ymir’s arms around you stiffen. “When it comes to her, we should be able to trust one another, as we want what’s best for Christa as well. Or…would you rather put your trust in Eren and rely on him over us? But if it’s Christa we’re talking about, we might be able to do something for her. Will it be your petty life, or Christa’s future?”

Ymir leaned away from you and you looked at her as Eren spoke. “Ymir, who’s the real enemy here?” 

She merely glanced at him. “Who knows…” she answered quietly.

“It’s settled then,” Reiner said with finality. “Too bad, Eren. You’re all coming with us.” Reiner finally met your stare. “Y/n, you will understand eventually, I promise. But for now, you will have to come with me, for your own sake.”

You were about to protest again when familiar sounds erupted in the distance. Only a few kilometers away, green smoke flares were shooting into the sky.

Chapter Text

Bide your time, bide your time , you thought even though all you wanted was to slash your blade into the throat above you. You refused to meet the dark blue eyes hovering only a few inches from your face. Eren was strapped to Reiner's back, having been strangled into unconsciousness by Reiner when he refused to calm down. You were unwillingly placed on Reiner’s front with your wrists bound behind his neck. As the three of you awkwardly flew through the trees, you furiously ignored Reiner's attempts to catch your gaze. 

Ymir’s sudden yelling forced Reiner to turn to see the commotion where Ymir was hanging off Bertholdt's back. "Ymir!" You yelled when she and Bertholdt fell. Just as they were about to hit the ground, Bertholdt managed to sweep them both upwards. 

While the two loudly argued, Reiner landed on a large branch. “Off,” he muttered and ducked to remove your tied hands from around his neck. “Wait here, okay,” Reiner looked at you, and you finally met his gaze. In just that single moment, you saw the regret and shame in his expression before he leapt from the branch and soared over to the other pair. They were too far away for you to hear what they were saying, it sounded almost like Ymir was threatening them based on her tone. 

Looking around, you noticed that you had been taken to a dense part of the forest and glancing back at the others you saw they weren’t paying any attention to you. Crouching down, you clumsily removed the knife in your boot and hissed when you cut your wrist slightly in your haste. The blade slid through your bonds easily and you checked again to make sure the others still weren’t looking. 

Studying the layout of the branches didn’t take much time. They’re just big trees, Sasha and I climbed trees all the time, these are just a bit bigger, you thought in an attempt to calm your racing heartbeat, trying to ignore the rising memories of you constantly falling out of trees during your childhood. Edging around the trunk, you hopped a small gap to the next branch so now the others were out of sight. Taking fast breaths to pump yourself up, you broke into a sprint along your branch and cleared the much larger gap to a branch on the next tree. You landed in a hard crouch, gripping the branch below with trembling fingers as you accidentally looked down at the ground. 

A memory from your trainee days flashed before your eyes. You were scaling a rock wall during the wilderness survival test and your fear of heights had made you freeze mid-climb. You remembered Reiner reaching down with his hand to pull you up, and felt Jean’s grasp on your ankle to help you find the right foothold. You remembered your panic of heights in that moment, but having spent countless hours high in the air during your years of training, that fear had dwindled to a mere memory. Now that fear snapped back into the forefront of your mind as you looked over the edge of the branch to see a wide pair of titan eyes far below you that were carefully watching your movements. 

Gripping your knife tightly in your hand, you stood and took a few deep breaths to ground yourself. Listening closely to the distant voices, you didn’t hear any commotion so you assumed your missing presence remained unnoticed. The next couple branches were easier to jump, and you made quick progress through the trees. Even with your injured leg, you pushed through the sharp sting and slight numbness, and thankfully it hadn’t started to weaken yet.

After putting enough trees between you and your captors, you stopped to catch your breath. After a moment, you tried to find a path for you, but the only tree in close range didn’t have a branch close enough to land on. Now worrying that you might have to double back to find an accessible route, you heard an explosive crack behind you and a bright pulse of lightning, causing you to swear aloud. You had run before you heard their plan, and you had silently hoped they figured you were just too much of a hassle to bring along. But what if that was Reiner transforming to find you? You swore again. You couldn’t possibly double back now. 

Plucking up your courage, you twirled the blade in your hand. You took a running head start along your branch, careful not to slip as you turned and leapt towards the next trunk. Raising your knife high above your head with both hands clasped firmly around the handle, you watched the bark hurtle closer and struck out with the knife at the exact right moment to impale the blade firmly into the tree trunk. Your body followed, smacking into the tree and knocking the breath from your body at the harsh jolt. Holding onto the handle for dear life, you started to swing your body side-to-side. Luckily, even with your movement, you could tell the knife was firmly secured inside the trunk. You focused on swinging towards the lower branch on the side of the trunk which was about a two-meter drop. Releasing your hold, you swung and landed hard on the lower branch and your leg finally gave out from blood loss and exhaustion. 

Laying face-first, you wrapped your arms around the branch as far around as they would go, clinging desperately to it as you felt your body trembling from fear and adrenaline. After a few more breaths, you carefully stood and looked for the next branch. Just as you planned your next course, a bellowing roar came from the trees. Fear filled you again but relief rushed through you when you heard distant approaching hoofbeats and the whiz of ODM gear. Just as you opened your mouth to scream for aid, your tree shook with a heavy impact and a large shadow loomed over you and you lost your voice as you stared upwards. Looking down at you was a five-meter titan, clinging to the tree trunk with ease and a gaze that was both remorseful and reproachful.

That look… this was not an Abnormal, it had to be Ymir. You smiled broadly. She had healed enough to transform and give the slip to Reiner and Bertholdt. “Ymir, you found me!” you called and raised your arms up to meet her large hand that was coming down for you. “Where’s Eren?” Ymir glanced away from you, and you assumed she hadn’t managed to take him too. “It’s okay, the scouts are here, they’ll get him back. Don’t wor- Ymir! What are you doing?!” You screamed wildly as she shoved you head-first into her mouth.

“Not again. Fuck! Am I delicious to you fuckers or something?!” You screamed from inside the titan’s mouth. Ymir hadn’t swallowed you yet, but you were sure she could feel you kicking and pounding with your fists at her jaw, teeth, and tongue. Damn disgusting , you raged internally as the titan saliva coated your body. After a minute, you gave up on trying to force your way out and as your movement stopped, you heard faint voices. People outside were talking to Ymir. You tried screaming, but your mouth was soon covered in the saliva and you gagged. 

Sudden movement sent you sliding to the back of Ymir’s mouth and you scrambled to prevent you from slipping toward her throat. Light suddenly flooded over you as Ymir opened her mouth and you sighed in relief; you momentarily thought she was finally releasing you, but your eyes instantly focused on the small blonde figure hurtling directly for you. She wasn’t screaming, but you caught her perplexed expression just as Ymir shut her mouth, encasing you and Christa together. 

“What?” Christa said in a small voice before she had to cough from the saliva around you both. You reached blindly in the darkness and felt her delicate hand. Her hand gripped yours tightly for reassurance. Soon the pressure around you increased, and with short gasps you saw spots dancing under your closed eyelids before you fell into the darkness. 

The darkness didn’t seem to last long and soon you were coughing and squinting your eyes from bright light. It took a moment for your vision to clear and simultaneously react at the person putting you in a tight hold. Struggling, you kicked back at their shins and heard a grunt as they fell and dragged you along with them down to your knees. “Y/n, stop! Please stop fighting. Ymir and Christa are with us, you can be too!” Bertholdt yelled in your ear over the chaos surrounding you. What the hell had you woken up to?

You were in a chokehold by Bertholdt, and you were both kneeling on the shoulder of the Armored Titan. The fast swaying of Reiner’s running footsteps almost made you feel ill, and there was a sudden loud roar that had you whipping your head back to see Ymir attacking scouts attempting to stop them from coming to where you and Eren were being held hostage. Eren was still strapped to Bertholdt’s back and also awake as he struggled against his bindings.

Ymir roared in sudden pain, and you watched a familiar dark-haired figure darting through the air, turning in a sharp arc towards you. Before you could call out to Mikasa, Bertholdt had sent the three of you haphazardly flying into the air with a terrified shout. “Reiner! Protect us!” He yelled as you all collapsed close to Reiner’s neck. The next moment, Reiner’s armored hand had clasped over you all in a protective shell. A tiny gap was left between his fingers, and you struggled in Bertholdt’s grasp which had suddenly frozen. You followed his fearful gaze to see Mikasa’s manic stare peering inside at Bertholdt. They held their gaze for a moment longer before Mikasa whisked away.

Twisting in Bertholdt’s grasp, you punched him directly in the throat that instantly sent him crumpling to his knees. The second he was down, you began untying Eren’s bindings. Just as you set Eren free, Bertholdt grabbed your arms and you twisted from his grasp.

“Y/n stop! Bertholdt choked as you held him in a headlock. “You can’t hurt me, if I transform everyone will die!” Going against all your instincts, you lessened your hold on him so he could gasp lungfuls of air.

“Y/n!” Sasha’s yell broke you from your furious, bloodthirsty haze.

Dropping Bertholdt, you rushed to the gap where Sasha was staring at you with tears on her cheeks. “Sasha!” You yelled, squeezing your arm through the gap to cup her cheek; Sasha nearly bawling as she held your hand. Eren and Bertholdt were grappling with each other behind you, but you ignored them. “I’m okay, Rose. I’m okay. Just get me outta here, my Rose.” You said hurriedly and Sasha nodded frantically in response. 

Multiple bodies landed above you, and Sasha finally broke your gaze. “Vee, are you alright?!” Jean yelled from above you and your heart skipped at his voice. 

“Yes, I’m fine.”

Before you could continue, the sounds of fighting made you look back at Bertholdt and Eren who were still wrestling. “Quit it, Eren!” Bertholdt shouted as Eren had him pinned. “Stop fighting me!”

“Good luck with that, Bertholdt,” Jean said in a light and joking tone. “It’s impossible to get him to calm down. He’s the most irritating guy there is. I hate him as much as you do. So let’s beat him up together.” Jean tapped his blades against the armored backs of Reiner’s hands that kept you caged. “Why don’t you come out of there?” He asked in a coaxing voice.

“Bertholdt! Give him back!” Mikasa shouted.

A much different tone trickled through the armor. “Hey… You’re kidding, right? Bertholdt, Reiner? This whole time you kept quiet and deceived us all?” Connie said in a defeated and broken voice. “That’s so cruel!”

Sasha’s grip tightened on your hand. “Guys, please! Tell us it’s all a lie! Let y/n go! This is just a cruel joke, please!” Sasha begged, but you knew her words fell on deaf ears.

“Hey, hey, hey… You guys think you can just keep running away?” Jean asked and laughed darkly. “That’s not going to happen. For three years, didn’t we sleep under the same roof as comrades through thick and thin? But you… To think you, the invader, could sleep so peacefully right next to your victims!” Jean’s voice suddenly broke. 

“Was everything just a lie?” Connie asked shakily. “Remember we talked about surviving this together? That we’d grow old, and someday we’d all go out for drinks together? Was everything…all a lie? Was it?! What were you guys thinking this whole time?” Connie’s voice trembled. “Why would you take y/n or Christa? Why are you stealing them?! To kill them on your own terms?!” Connie screamed and you heard muffled pounding above you.

“We’re saving them!” Bertholdt screamed, slightly muffled from being pressed against the wall now. “You all will die if you stay here!”

“Lies!” Jean replied. “You dare hurt y/n, and I’ll-”

“-What does it matter?” Mikasa cut-in coldly. “Don’t pay attention to their excuses. Just focus on cutting open his neck. If you hesitate for a moment, we won’t be able to get Eren or y/n back. They’re enemies of humanity. That’s all there is to know.”

Bertholdt suddenly reared back, surprising Eren, and slammed Eren into the wall with his forearm pressing hard on Eren’s neck. “T-tell me who the hell-who the hell would want to kill people by their own choice?!” Bertholdt screamed and his gaze flashed between you and Eren in desperation. “Who the hell would like doing this sort of thing?! Do you think I wanted to do this?! People hate and despise us… We’ve done such terrible things, we deserve to die. Things we’ll never be able to take back…” Bertholdt was crying now. Under all the rage and hatred you felt, you still pitied him. “...We just couldn’t come to terms with our sins. The only time we had some respite was when we pretended to be soldiers.” Bertholdt slammed his free hand against the wall. “That’s not a lie!” He yelled upwards, to the soldiers he had betrayed. “Connie, Jean! It’s true we may have deceived everyone, but it’s not all a lie! We really considered you comrades.” 

Bertholdt turned to you and lowered his voice so only you and Eren could hear. “He truly cared for you. We asked him to get close to you for our cover, but I think in doing so he fell for you…and that’s what really broke him into two.” Your mouth parted slightly in shock as you stared at him, trying to find the lie. Yet, Bertholdt’s distraught expression showed zero deception.

He raised his voice so the others could hear him. “Neither of us have any right to even apologize. But…someone…someone please find us!”

“Bertholdt,” Mikasa said calmly while the others remained silent. “Give them back.”

“It’s no use…I can’t. Someone has to be the one to do it. Someone has to be the one to stain their hands with blood,” Bertholdt replied defeatedly. 

A sudden shout sounded from aways but you couldn’t hear the words. Sasha tightened her grip on your hand. “Titans are coming this way. Venus, hang on, I’m going to get you outta there!” Her hand suddenly vanished and you screamed as you grasped searchingly at the empty air. Long arms suddenly wrapped around you and heaved you away from the gap a moment before Reiner’s grip tightened and the gap closed. 

The rhythmic shaking of Reiner’s footsteps had become faster, jostling the three of you inside the armored cage. Bertholdt had been the one to wrench you away from the gap in time, and now he kept you pinned so you weren't bashed against the walls like Eren. Bracing yourself, you looked up at him. “Bertholdt, please don’t-”

“-Stop, y/n. I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe…for Reiner’s sake…he would fully break if anything happened to you,” he cut you off firmly.

Before you could reply, a sudden, massive impact had your head reeling as Reiner had lunged forward and had been hit with something. Reiner roared, the walls vibrating from the sound, and you quickly covered your ears. Outside, you could hear Ymir’s titan screeching and fighting off the titan horde. However, Reiner had stopped moving and you could feel his hands trembling around you. 

Sunlight pierced your eyes as Reiner’s hands suddenly parted to reveal the face of a titan right in front of you. Soulless eyes gazed at you hungrily before an armored fist punched it away. “Y/n, hold onto me!” Bertholdt yelled over the surrounding chaos. 

You didn’t need telling twice, grasping one of his shoulder straps with one hand and clutching Eren’s forearm tightly with your other hand. Eren was still dazed from being bounced around in the cage, but seemed to understand to at least hold onto you. 

Through the mass of titans, a familiar head of black hair shot towards you. Bertholdt had faster reflexes than you realized, because he blocked her blow with his blade before you even noticed her attack. “Mikasa!” Eren screamed and you twisted your head around to see her falling into the open hand of a grinning titan. You watched in horror as Mikasa screamed in pain and the titan held her up to its mouth. Suddenly, Jean appeared from out of nowhere and slammed his blades into the titan’s eyes. 

Bertholdt swore and you glanced at him. “We’ve come this far already. We’re taking Eren home with us. We’re going back to our hometown.” Reiner’s hand appeared under your feet and you crumpled on your injured leg, barely managing to hold onto Eren. Bertholdt stood over the pair of you, his blade drawn and staring upwards. Following his gaze, you saw Armin hanging on the side of Reiner’s head. 

Armin’s expression was fearful for only a moment when an uncharacteristic grin spread across his face. In the chaos of the titans, his quiet words still echoed. “Are you two okay with this? Leaving your comrade behind and returning home? You’re abandoning Annie? You know where she’s at? Far north, deep underground in the Utopia District…and being tortured.”

It was a good lie, an excellent lie. For the first time, you greatly admired Armin. Since your trainee days, you knew he was smart, although bodily weak. But he truly showed just how tough he was in that moment. And that lie…one glance at Bertholdt’s tortured expression, told you that he had believed it.

“...It was her screams that taught us something.That even with her body’s healing, you can never get rid of the pain. They’re taking special care to ensure she doesn’t die. And as we speak, they’re not giving her body any rest. They’re torturing her every way they know how.”

“You spawn of the devil!” Bertholdt screamed. “I’ll pulverize you!!”

Everything that followed seemed to slow. One moment, Bertholdt had leapt towards Armin… then a shower of blood and a flash of bright blue eyes and blonde hair… a clash of swords… and then you were falling. As you fell, you saw Eren plummeting alongside you, and looking back, you saw Commander Erwin lunging towards Bertholdt.

The air was knocked from your lungs as someone caught you. The person swung you both down to where a horse was waiting. Landing hard in the saddle, the horse took off and the person held you tightly from behind. “I got you,” Jean whispered in your ear.

Chapter Text

Holding the reins tightly in your hands, you guided Jean’s horse, Buchwald, away from the horde of titans. On your right, Mikasa was riding with Eren and as if he read your mind, Jean answered your silent question. “Sasha’s fine, she’s with Connie. They’re just getting Christa,” Jean said in your ear and tightened his hold around your waist.

You nodded sharply in response, wishing you could get rid of the tension in your body that you’d been holding for what felt like days. “You’re bleeding,” Jean hissed and gently touched your thigh where you had long since bled through the cloth bindings. 

“I’ll live,” you said and turned your cheek to flash him a grin. “Did you guys bring any spare gear, they broke mine.”

Jean nodded. “Yes, there are extras in the wagons, but those are pretty far away since Erwin wanted the extra supplies to stay away from the fight.” You swore, but Jean interrupted you. “You really shouldn’t be flying with that injury, Venus. It looks pretty bad.”

“Don’t you dare,” you flashed him a look that instantly silenced his protests. “Do not try to keep me out of the fight again, Jean. I need that gear; I could die without it.”

Jean swallowed and nodded at your dark tone. “I know, but now we just need to focus on our retreat.” Just after he spoke, a smoke signal went up and you pulled Buchwald to join the triangular scout formation. 

Once you were in the midst of the scouts, you finally felt the tiniest bit of security. However, it did not last long. A massive shadow passed over you as a titan went sailing through the air and crashed before you, raising a cloud of dust and steam. Riding out of the steam and flashing sparks, you reigned to a standstill and looked back.

“Damn that Reiner! He’s tossing titans like a madman!” Jean yelled. You followed his gaze to where the Armored Titan stood with the horde of titans still clinging to him. As you watched, Reiner hurled another titan in the air. In a manner of seconds, blasts from the falling titans littered around you and more steam and sparks filled the air. “Venus!” Jean screamed as a blast went off close by and sent you and Jean flying off Buchwald. Jean’s arms never left your waist as you two flew through the air. Through the chaos surrounding you, Jean's words in your ear still rang out clearly. "I love you, Venus." Your bodies landed hard on the stony ground, and you clung desperately to Jean's arms until you both tumbled to a stop. 

“Jean!” You parted from him the second his arms slackened to find him lying unconscious beside you. Turning him onto his back, you frantically checked his pulse and nearly cried in relief when you felt the rhythmic beat. “Jean wake up, please wake up,” you yelled desperately and clutched the front of his uniform. Glancing about, you saw another scout lying face down close to you and quickly crawled over to him. When you checked his pulse, you couldn’t feel anything so you turned him over and pressed an ear to his chest and placed a hand lightly over his mouth and nose. There was still no heartbeat and you couldn’t feel any breath on your fingers. Your throat felt tight and your lip trembled at the horror of your actions as you began unstrapping the ODM gear from the scout’s body. 

It didn’t take long for you to restrap the gear to your own body, although it was a struggle since your fingers kept slipping in your haste. The thunderous steps of nearing titans sent shivers up your spine and you hurried back to Jean. Until someone with a horse came to help move him, you had to protect him. The steam gradually lessened enough for you to see a hulking figure moving towards you. 

Dodging the massive outstretched hand, you sent the ODM hooks attaching to the arm and propelled yourself in air. It had only been a few hours since you last used ODM gear, but as you flew, it felt like it had been weeks. Effortlessly sweeping around the titan, you sliced cleanly through its nape and landed back beside Jean as the titan’s body crashed down behind you. Standing over Jean protectively with your blades drawn, you went after any titan that paid any attention to you. Bloodlust and rage had your heart beat pounding in your eardrums and in a mere few minutes, three titans lay steaming around you. 

“Y/n!” You turned to see Armin sprinting towards you without a horse.

“Armin! Have you seen Sasha?!”

“She’s still with Connie! They’re- AHH!!” Armin screamed, his gaze on something behind you. 

Flipping backwards, you somehow avoided the two-meter titan that had lunged towards you, teeth gnashing at empty air. “Get Jean, I’ll take care of this shit!” You screamed at Armin and pointed to where Jean still lay. 

Although everyone feared the larger titans, you found the small ones to be harder to take down. It was difficult to use their size and weight against them, almost impossible to use your ODM gear, especially when they moved much faster than the larger titans. You watched the titan move around to face you, and saw it ready itself to jump for you again. This time you were ready. When it lunged forwards, you sidestepped its open maw and jumped onto its back where slicing the nape was easy in this position. 

When you returned to Armin, you raised a brow at his expression, but didn’t bother asking why he was looking at you in such astonishment. “Where’s your horse, Armin?” 

“I lost it in one of the blasts when I was trying to get to Eren and Mikasa, they’re also downed and need help,” Armin said shakily.

Through the steam, you looked over at the carnage around you. Bodies of both titans and scouts littered the ground. Screams could be heard in all directions. What kind of hell is this? What is the plan now? Before your heart could sink any further, you heard three sets of footsteps drawing closer to you. A four-meter and two three-meter titans were fast approaching and Armin cried out when he turned to see what you were looking at. Armin began to drag Jean away, but he couldn’t support Jean’s weight. 

“There’s no time to run,” you said calmly while staring darkly at the titans.

“What?! Y/n, you can’t possibly fight them!” Armin screamed frantically. 

You patted his blonde head gently as he stared up at you. “You are my eyes alright. Just tell me where to go,” you said gently.

You ignored his pleas to turn back and sprinted towards the closest titan. Sending your hooks lodging into the titan’s raised arm, you shot upwards and spun smoothly in the air before slicing down on the hand reaching towards you, cleanly removing all its fingers. 

“Behind you,” Armin shrieked and you barely dodged the second titan. Allowing yourself to once again give in to the pull of the gear, you only felt the blades sweeping through skin, hot blood splattering your face, and steam billowing about you. Just like when Sasha helped navigate your murderous rampage on your first scouting mission, Armin’s directions were just as easy to follow. 

“On your left!”

“Cut its ankles!”

“Go up!”

“Turn right!”

“On your right!”

… 

You stood on top of the third titan’s body, breathing hard and covered in blood. It had taken your last bit of energy to take those three down, and as you stumbled to where Armin and Jean lay, your vision wavered. 

“Y/n,” Armin looked at you in fearful awe. 

“All good, Armin. I’m fine,” you replied hoarsely. 

Armin yelled your name as your injured leg gave out when the last remnant of adrenaline vanished. You didn’t feel your body fall and you barely noticed the horizon switch through your bleary vision. Lying on your side, you saw a titan approaching and your fingers trembled on the handle of your blades when you attempted to hold them tighter. Armin was screaming, but it sounded so distant and fuzzy. The titan began sprinting towards you and you shut your eyes waiting to feel its hand or teeth on you. I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry.

The footsteps thundered past you and you opened your eyes. Far on the next hill rise you saw titans launching themselves on top of a large titan, bringing it crashing to the ground. They tore the titan apart in a gory frenzy and you watched in shock as you tried to process what happened. Maybe I’m already dead? Or maybe I’ve lost my mind…hmm about time. With all the shit you’ve seen in your short life, you expected to already be at least half-mad by now.

“Y/n! Venus!” A voice broke through the muffled sounds around you before you felt hands turning you over to see a familiar messy ponytail.

“H-hey sis,” you muttered tiredly.

Multiple hands helped move you onto a horse, where you sat behind Sasha. “Hold onto me Vee, I got you.”

You hummed lightly in response and tightened your hold on her waist even though you felt so tired and just wanted to sleep. However, you regained some sense at the sounds of multiple titan footsteps thundering close by. Raising your head off Sasha’s shoulder, you watched the titan horde launch itself at the Armoured Titan. 

Reiner.  

You should hate him, you should want to murder him…but somehow you couldn’t. After seeing all the pain on Reiner’s face when you were in the forest, and what Bertholdt had said while he held you hostage, helped you understand that neither of them wanted to be in this position. When Reiner had switched between the soldier and warrior, you could see the destroyed soul underneath. At first, you hated him and wanted him dead…but now you pitied the young man. 

Perhaps it was your exhaustion, but you could have sworn Reiner paused his defense to stare back at you for a moment. 

Sasha kicked the horse sharply and you turned away from the titans. “We’re going home, Vee. Don’t worry,” Sasha called over the rapid hoofbeats.

But where is home? Not Dauper, I left that place behind so long ago. Reiner knew his home, he wanted so bad to return that he hurt everyone to do so. Why can’t I have a place to call home like that? As you thought, your weary gaze fell upon Jean, who was still unconsciously riding on the back of Armin’s horse. You also felt Sasha’s warmth as you held her tight and you knew Connie was riding somewhere on your right. My home is wherever my family is. 

.

.

.

.

“Hey stranger.”

You looked up from your book at the familiar voice. “Stephen!” You shouted and stood quickly, wobbling slightly on your bad leg.

Stephen’s red hair shined brightly in the sunlight and he quickly scooped you into a strong hug before you could bother to reach for your crutches. “It’s so good to see you!” You said, laughing as he spun you about. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Stephen finally put you down and his grin fell. “I heard about the attack. One of my friends works in the garrison and he filled me in on everything. When I heard that a lot of scouts died, I traveled to the closest military headquarters to check your name and they pointed me here.” You were recovering in this hospital for the last two weeks. Hange visited you often and you knew Commander Erwin Smith was also recovering here after losing his arm. "Obviously I had to visit the person who saved my life. You look well, how's the recovery going?"

Motioning for Stephen to sit beside you on the bench, he helped you ease back down. "It's alright. The cut itself wasn't deep enough to cause much damage. My recovery is mostly for the blood loss, so I should be perfectly fit in a couple more days." You glanced down to his palms, at the dark scars that matched yours. "How are your hands?"

"Ah, yeah. I got my thumbs back," Stephen said happily wiggling his thumbs at you. "But… the rest are still pretty useless. "Kinda ironic since I'd wanted to be a writer, but at least I can still work at the bookshop even if it is just shelving and cleaning. And Emma has been writing things for me." A soft smile swept over his face as he mentioned the girl he had spoken so fervently about when you had both been stuck at the medic site together after Trost. 

"So you did manage to ask her out?" You asked and nudged him comradely. 

Raising his right hand, Stephen showed you a simple band on his finger. 

"What the hell?! How can you be married, we're only seventeen!" You yelled confusedly at him while grabbing his hand for a closer look.

"It's a promise ring, silly. It's a common thing for serious couples to do in our town. Basically, it signifies love and a promise of commitment," Stephen explained joyfully. 

"That's so cute, excuse me for a moment, I'm going to be sick."

"Oh, ha. Very amusing," Stephen replied dryly and nudged you in the ribs. "Anyways, how's your sister and your other friends? Did they make it back alright?"

"They're fine. Captain Levi recruited them all into his squad, and me too once I'm freed from this place." 

Stephen whistled, impressed. "Levi, huh. I remember him…so small, but so scary." Laughter filled the empty courtyard until you both finally fell into quiet giggles. 

“I was planning to visit Commander Smith tomorrow. I know he was only coming after us to save Eren, but he still rescued me too… I owe him thanks for that at least… Could you come with me for moral support; he’s kind of intimidating.”

Stephen chuckled. “Yes, I’ll join you. Never seen the guy up close before, heard he’s terrifying, I wanna know if that’s true.” The pair of you settled into some comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of you staring at the soft clouds languidly floating above you.

“What’s wrong? I’ve seen that look before.” Stephen had been looking at you without you noticing and he nudged you lightly.

You hadn’t seen Sasha, Jean or Connie in a week, ever since Captain Levi notified you of your recruitment to his squad. Levi moved everyone to a special location in the mountains to help Eren train his titan form, and he would escort you there with Hange in a few days. Without your friends to talk to for the last week, you were feeling rather lost and lonely. You needed someone to talk to. Of course you had debriefed your superiors on everything that was said when you were taken hostage…but you needed more. But more of what? You weren’t sure.

Thus, you detailed everything that had happened since you last saw Stephen. He listened quietly without interrupting, but he did a poor job of concealing his facial reactions. His jaw was clenched so tightly when you described the moment you and Mikasa tried to kill Reiner and Bertholdt before they transformed on the wall, you worried he’d crack his teeth.

Finally, you finished and glanced at him nervously. “So…Reiner used you as a cover, but he was so messed up after everything he did, he developed real feelings for you. He and Bertholdt believed you’d be in danger if you stayed here, so Reiner wanted to take you in order to protect you?” You could only nod. Stephen stared at you for an entire minute and you could practically see the gears turning in his brain. Finally, he put his hand over yours. "I'm so sorry, Vee. You didn't deserve any of that to happen to you." 

Tears welled in your eyes at his compassionate reaction. Intertwining your fingers together, Stephen moved closer so you could gently weep on his shoulder. It was something Marco would have said and done, and the thought of that doubled your tears. As your tears slowed you realized that this is what you needed, someone to actually listen to your emotions not just the facts.

“I should hate him, shouldn’t I?” you whispered. “It felt real…all those times he said he cared…” Your nails were digging into your palms hard enough for them to start bleeding into the dark scars. 

Stephen gently took your hands into his. “I think it was real for him too. A part of him wanted it to be real so much so that both sides fell for you. You think you made a mistake for trusting him, but he was the one that made the mistake; he miscalculated just how much power you hold over everyone, even him.”

“ Pfft , what power?” You chuckled darkly.

“The power to make everyone care about you. You don’t realize how much you matter to those who know you. You saved my life, Venus, that’s a debt I will never be able to repay. You are an incredible force to be reckoned with. Maybe not today, but one day you will realize that.”  

Knocking lightly on the door, a cool voice answered to enter. Limping inside with one crutch, you were followed closely by Stephen. Bright morning light streamed through the open window upon the crisp linen hospital sheets. Commander Erwin sat in bed with several papers lying across the bedding. “Braus,” he stated in acknowledgement and motioned to a chair by his bed. Lowering yourself carefully, you waited for the commander to finish reading his letters while Stephen stood awkwardly by the door.

Erwin sighed and set the paper down before his bright eyes looked at you. It felt like being under a strict spotlight. “How is your recovery?” Erwin’s question surprised you, since you didn’t even think he’d known who you were.

“Very good, sir. I’ll be leaving with Levi and Hange in a few days.”

“Good to hear, we need your talent in our ranks,” Erwin said, but you tilted your head to the side in confusion. “You already have an extraordinarily large kill count for someone who has only been on two missions, even more than some of my seasoned soldiers,” Erwin explained, correctly reading your confusion. From a stack of papers on the bedside table, he pulled out a slip and looked down a list. “Thirteen confirmed kills in total, but I understand that number is wrong,” he glanced up at your stunned expression. “Your sister told Hange that on your first mission, you actually killed seven instead of the recorded three…so that would be seventeen total kills.” He picked up a pencil and made note of the numbers on the list before sliding it back into the stack. 

You barely heard Stephen’s gasp over the loud buzzing in your ears. “I didn’t…I didn’t realize it had been that many…” you muttered, your voice trailing away. 

“Yes well, I was very glad to hear you would make a full recovery,” Erwin said, his tone slightly gentler. “Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?”

You cleared your throat and nodded. “I know the mission was to retrieve Eren. But I still wanted to thank you for saving me as well.” At Erwin’s nod, you stood and saluted him before taking your crutch and allowing Stephen to help you out of the room. 

“Seventeen?!” Stephen whispered hoarsely the second the door closed firmly behind you. Nodding dazedly along to his continued words of admiration, you led the way through the halls.

Stephen stayed with you for the next three days, sleeping in the opposite bed in your recovery room as your guest; your doctor required intense convincing to let him stay with you. 

Stephen hugged you tight enough to cause your ribs to ache the morning you were set to leave with Levi and Hange. The latter was already preparing the horses while Levi was still in a meeting with Erwin. “If you need anything, ever, you know where I am,” Stephen muttered into your shoulder. 

“I would say the same for you, but who knows where I’ll end up,” you laughed lightly. “Stephen, your support meant everything to me…especially after I lost my friend.” 

Parting from the hug, Stephen gazed at you intently. “Remember, Venus, you are a powerful force to be reckoned with.” He held out his scarred palm to you and you clasped your matching scars to his, only letting go when it was time for him to mount his horse. It was frightening to watch him ride out of the hospital courtyard; what if it was the last time you would see him? Everything from his kindness to the freckles on his cheeks, he reminded you so much of Marco. 

Sasha had been the first to run up as the horses approached the cabin. The second you swung from the saddle, she yanked you into a hug. Huffing noises came from the direction of the cabin, and you saw Connie sprinting towards you before his body joined the hug. You laughed at Sasha’s and Connie’s jumbled voices and waited patiently until their excited chatters calmed into understandable sentences. Levi and Hange had already filled you in on the details of your new assignment with the squad, but you nodded happily as Sasha and Connie described their tasks. You were part of the squad to protect Eren and Christa, Historia was her actual name, while Eren was practicing his abilities. 

You spent the next few days helping the others with chores around the cabin, until you all finally had one warm afternoon to relax. Laying in a grassy field, with your head resting in Sasha’s lap, you let the voices of your friends wash over you peacefully. 

“Hey Vee, can I talk to you?”

You raised your head to see Jean standing unsuredly before you. Sasha glanced down at you with a soft smile and helped you sit up before she skipped away to where Connie lay napping. 

It was quiet for a moment after Jean settled down beside you, the pair of you watching the gentle breeze shifting the tall grasses around you. “I got you something,” Jean muttered and pulled out a tiny drawstring bag from his pocket and handed it to you. “I would have died if you hadn’t protected me, Venus. If anything happens to me, I hope this will…well, I hope you like it,” Jean said nervously. 

You gave him a soft smile and shook the open bag over your palm. A thin silver band tumbled onto your scarred palm. Tiny, dainty leaves dotted the band of the ring and your heartbeat increased when Jean gently took your right hand and slid the band onto your ring finger where it fit perfectly. 

“Do you- do you like it?” Jean asked quietly. 

Holding your hand up to look, your eyes brimmed with tears. You didn’t really know why, maybe because this was the most lovely sentimental thing you possessed. Everything else you had was gone; your childhood blade was in the eye of a titan and your father’s blade was stuck in a tree trunk back in the Forest of Giant Trees. “I love it,” you whispered and cradled your hand to your chest. “Thank you.”

Jean’s worried expression softened and he smiled warmly at you. “You’re welcome.”

“Where did you get this?” you asked curiously.

“It’s just a family thing. I have a matching one,” Jean gestured with his right hand, where a matching band flashed in the sun. He didn’t explain further, but as you looked at your ring, you remembered what Stephen had said about his hometown’s customs, it signifies love and a promise of commitment.

You glanced surreptitiously at Jean, at his cheeks that were slightly blushed as he twirled his own ring around his finger. You had wondered if you had heard him correctly when you had both been tossed from the saddle during the titan explosions…now you were certain you had heard the correct words: ‘I love you, Venus.’ ”

“What’s that, Vee?” Sasha’s voice broke through your thoughts as she knelt in front of you. You showed her and she happily gushed over the pretty band as you watched her light expression. “It’s so lovely!” she exclaimed loudly.

You giggled and brushed your hand on her cheek. “Just like my Rose.”

Sasha smiled brightly and settled beside you, resting her head on your shoulder. Connie had finally woken up and joined the three of you, sitting on Sasha’s other side. Opposite Sasha, Jean moved closer to your side and gently clasped your hand in his. The four of you sat watching the gentle field in calm silence and you rested your cheek on Sasha’s head. For the first time in a long time, you felt at peace. 

You were home.