Chapter Text
Gotham City
12:30 PM
Deirdre opened her eyes and immediately shut them with a hiss. The sun was bright, warm, and shining right in her face, aggravating her already-pounding headache. She slowly opened them again and took stock of her surroundings. She was lying flat on her back on the bed in hers and Nina's room at the hideout. As she became more aware, she noticed a weight settled on her chest. A quick look down revealed it was Nina, still asleep and drooling. Deirdre lightly shook her sleeping girlfriend. "Hey."
"What?" Nina whined, not opening her eyes.
"Wake up."
Nina shook her head. "I'm dead. Leave me alone."
"If you're dead, how are you talking to me?"
"You're dead too. We died last night and went to Heaven."
Deirdre scoffed. "We ain't going to Heaven. When we die, we're going straight to Hell on a stripper pole."
Nina laughed, then groaned. "Oh, my head..."
"Poor baby," Deirdre cooed. Nina cracked one eye open and stuck out her tongue. Deirdre shook her head, the gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Let me up. I'll get us some Tylenol."
Nina pouted, but complied, rolling off of her and onto the left side of the bed. Deirdre slowly pushed herself up, her head screaming at her with every movement she made. Once she was on her feet, she looked in the mirror and cringed. Her long blonde hair was a mess, and she was still in her hench clothes. "What time is it?" she heard Nina ask.
Deirdre took a quick look at the clock on the nightstand. "12:30." She looked over her shoulder at her still sprawled-out girlfriend. "What time did we get back last night?"
Nina shrugged her shoulders. "Beats me. I don't remember anything after those jello shots and Eddie dancing on our table."
"You mean when he tripped over his own shoes and almost landed on a waiter?" Deirdre snicked. Ed was a lot of fun, but he really couldn't hold his liquor worth a Goddamn-she froze. "Aw crap." She turned to fully face Nina, who was just now pulling herself out of bed. "Whose turn is it to wake up the Boss?"
Nina froze as her brown eyes went wide. "I did it last time."
Deirdre thought for a moment, then frowned. "No you didn't, I did. I had to drag his ass to the shower and stick him under it for two hours!"
Nina pouted. "Can you do it again? Please? You know how grouchy he gets when he's hungover."
"You're too damn soft with him, that's the problem. If he gives you shit, kick his ass."
Nina groaned again. "Please, Deirdre?" She batted her eyelashes at her. "I'll do that thing with my tongue you like."
Nina's tongue. Her only weakness. Deirdre scowled, then shook her head. "Christ. All right, fine." Nina smiled, then walked over to Deirdre to give her a kiss on the cheek. Deirdre smiled before lightly shoving Nina away. "Now go make yourself useful and make us some coffee. And make sure we've got Nutella."
"Bitch," Nina teased. She walked out of the room anyway and took a right turn down the hall, heading towards the kitchen. Deirdre followed her out and took a turn left, heading towards Ed's room at the end of the hall. She steeled her nerves. Ed really was a nasty son of a bitch when he was hungover. Oh well. If he gave her shit, she'd just pour ice water down his pants.
She stopped at his closed door and put her ear up against it. Silence. "Great," she muttered. She'd hoped there was a chance that he was awake. "Boss!" she called out. "You alive in there?" There was no response. He must really be dead to the world. Deirdre banged her knuckled against the door. "Boss!" she shouted. "It's afternoon! Get your ass up!" Still silence. Deirdre tilted her head up and groaned. "If you brought home one of those Arkham freaks, I swear to God, I will shoot them on general principle!" There was still no response. Deirdre frowned. Usually, he'd be up and screaming his head off at her by now. She shook her head and put her hand on the doorknob. "You better not be naked," she grumbled. "I don't get paid enough to see that." She opened the door and entered the bedroom.
The first thing that caught Deirdre's attention was the large, ostentatious bed in the middle of the room. The large, empty, ostentatious bed. Deirdre stood for a long moment and blinked. Huh. Was the Boss already awake? She hadn't heard anything in the hideout though, and if he was up, he would have barged in hers and Nina's room to wake them up, the little shit. "Nina!" she called out. "Get in here!"
"What?" Nina shouted back from the kitchen. "Is Eddie okay?"
"He's not here!"
Within seconds, Nina had charged into the bedroom. She looked at the bed, then at Deirdre, then back to the bed, and finally, back at Deirdre. "What the fuck? Where's the boss?"
"Hell if I know," Deirdre muttered. She walked up to the bed, taking a look at the sheets. Like with many things, Ed was very meticulous with his bedsheets. They were still tightly tucked in. He hadn't slept here last night. "Call him," she said. "Maybe he went home with someone last night."
Nina ran back to their bedroom to grab her cell phone. When she walked back into Ed's room, she was holding her phone to her ear. She looked at Deirdre and shook her head. "It went straight to voice mail."
Shit. "Let's go to the kitchen," Deirdre said. "I need some coffee."
Ten minutes, two cups of coffee, two Tylenol pills, a shot of gin, and a cigarette later, Deirdre was sitting at the kitchen table. Nina was sitting directly across from her, her round face pinched. "Ok," Deirdre said after putting out her cigarette. "Let's go over it. We did the Museum heist job last night and it went great. We offloaded the goods, except the stuff the Boss wanted to keep, we give the guys their cut, then me, you, and the Boss go to the Iceberg Lounge for some shindig Cobblepot put together." While she spoke, Nina nodded along. "We get absolutely shitfaced, and then you and I wake up back here at 12:30. That sound right?"
"Yeah," Nina nodded. "We wake up and we find out that the Boss never came home last night. So where did he go?"
Deirdre tapped her finger on the kitchen table. "Well, we know he didn't get picked up by the cops or the Bat. He'd be blowing up our phones."
"And if he passed out at the Iceberg again, Cobblepot would be calling us to come get him," Nina said. She scrunched up her nose. "He must have left with someone else then. Who else was at the party?"
Deirdre rubbed her temple. "You, me, Cobblepot, obviously, Cobblepot's henches, Plant Bitch, Clownfucker-"
"Ex-Clownfucker," Nina corrected.
"Fine. Ex-Clownfucker, DA Extra Crispy, Spooky, Jervis the Pervis. Am I forgetting anyone?"
Nina shook her head, then paused halfway. "Wait. Kyle was there too. Her and Matches Malone."
"Oh right. So anyway-" Deirdre stopped. "Wait. Who the fuck is Matches Malone?"
Nina shrugged. "He's just some guy Kyle brought. I remember Eddie looking at him funny early in the party."
"Probably trying to size him up. You know how Boss gets after a heist. Either he acts like a dick, or he tries to get some dick."
Nina chortled. "Right. So, who did he try to get dick from last night? You remember if he was after anyone special?"
Deirdre shut her eyes and tried to recall the events of the previous night. In a flash, she saw the lights of the Iceberg Lounge, the bottles of alcohol, Ed on the table acting like a fool, jello shots, then nothing. She opened her eyes and shook her head. "Let's get dressed and head over to the Iceberg. Cobblepot might remember." Nina nodded and followed Deirdre to their bedroom. After they changed into clean clothes, Nina paused.
"Wait. What if Eddie didn't leave with someone else voluntarily?"
Deirdre frowned, then walked to their dresser. She pulled open the bottom drawer and pulled out her favorite pistol. Nina was soon at her side pulling out her favorite sem-automatic. "Take a knife too, just in case. I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting day."