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Chapter Text

During her affair with Amelia

It's been around five-six months since I been seeing Miss. Watson, I have been thinking of ending my relationship with Kiara and seeing as this affair has been going on half a year already Ame has been getting inpatient about it , after all deep in my heart I know she doesn't deserve this, she was and is doing her best to keep our relation as married couple but I just don't think it'll work out at this point, we been too out .... of touch and this isn't working out anymore so I decided to end our relationship however I don't know if I could confess that I been seeing somebody else but maybe it'll be fine to not give her more baggage (burden) to carry afterwards.

Before the agreement.

    I decided to divorce Kiara, as I face her and ask about it I fumbled a lot, as if I wasn't sure if this is what I wanted, she finished my sentence. As I look back at her being calm, I began to wonder if she had reconsider this or she had expect me to do this at some point, as we continue to talk I notice how sad her smile is as if she thinks this scenario is ironic, we agreed to talk about this tomorrow the distance between us as we shared our beds, when did this happen exactly? and why does today feels soul destroying when I didn't mind it before?

During the her agreement of 30 day carry

For the 1st day

I have agreed odd request to carry Kiara for 30 days to bed in exchange of divorce and the rest of our properties, thankfully I only have to carry her not do anything afterwards , I do admit that when our daughter, Clara saw me carry her It felt like pang of guilt was stab in my heart, however at this point it might been to late to reconsider. I do at the very least admit that this bought me some memories when we were newly married. Since Clara requested we watch a movie together.

About 15- 25 days later

As I continue to do my part of our agreement, I ... began to remember how we we're in the beginning, it bought many memories of the past as well conflicting emotions that came along with thought of what brought us to this day, I was clearly at fault for cheating instead of trying to mend our relationship, I had thoughts of what could have been different if I had tried something else like maybe being sweet to her on occasions or at the very least talking about the problem that is slowly crumbling our relationship anything better than literal cheating, as days went by I also notice the concerning weight loss Kiara has been having, maybe it's due to stress? , I didn't know what it was but sooner I would find out that It will come and punch me in the face. At the 23th day I found myself her on the forehead as much as miss giving affection to her, I couldn't say I love you not when I asked for a divorce, not when I'm currently cheating on her, not when I'm scared that she wouldn't return it to me. Thinking back at it, I regret not being able to say it because there wouldn't be any chances for me to say it.

I decided to end things with Amelia, as it was unreasonable that I started this mess and I'm also ending it with her I got a hard slap in the face, honestly it gave me relief that I'm getting punishment as to not, because it only meant that the guilt will consume me will be much more than I could ever handle if I'm to go on without it, as for Kiara .....  I haven't told her yet that I had cheated on her, I'm scared of what comes afterwards if I told her now, it's not as if I plan to bury it with me to the ground but I wanted at least tell her on the very last day of our agreement that way I get to spend a little more time with her in case she decided to officially end it with me after I told her the truth. Little did I know, It wasn't something Kiara doesn't need to hear about to know and I was actually the clueless one.

30th day 

  This was suppose to be our last day as married couple, sure somewhere in my heart I know she'll leave me even if I try now but I didn't knew she'll leave me this way, in our own house at our own bed, her expressionless corpse. A thousand "IF only I" as stare at her, If only I had at least said I love her, If only I had spend the night with her, If only I hadn't cheated on her, If only I had try to fix things, but the things with these "if's" is it's not about a hopeful future that might be achieve through efforts, it's "If's" that leak of past regret that can't never be changed  or altered.

After the funeral

  She knew about it, about everything. She knew about my affair, about her life expectancy, and she even have the time to worry how our daughter would look at me if we simply end it. I got no words to say I had an amazing wife to plan this ahead...HAD... until I blew it, I kept thinking about the 29 days I had with her, and the what "if's" situations, that would have made it better at least for her. I had only been thinking about myself, what makes me happy, not looking at all how she was doing this past few months, It felt like I was the last to know about her condition and I had to hear about it from her best friend, Gura at her own funeral!. It felt unfair at the same time it felt as if I deserve all of this pain, however I do know that she didn't, she deserve the best and I wasn't even provide her the very little amount of that, not even her final day. As I wallow continue to wallow in self pity, I realize that I been gazing at the couch Kiara has been sitting for the past 29 days, I never got to send her one last time to bed nor will I ever got to say I love you to her ever again, I also try to snap out of it, unlike back then, now I don't have Kiara and Clara is all that is left, unlike how I failed my wife, I'll at least try my best in raising Clara, after all Kiara did all that she could so that I can have at the very least decent relationship with her, as Gura had said I should have thank her while kneeling for this was more than I deserve.

Chapter Text

2 MONTHS BEFORE THE STORY TAKE PLACE

ugh! I can't believe it! Why would she decide to stay with that cheater!

I bet Calliope ain't even aware that it was obvious for most people unless you're Clara, a literal Child

I don't want her to hurt more, that's why I'm suggesting a divorce with her wife, was she too in love with her?

She deserve better than to be with someone that would cheat on her, she's probably concern on what would Clara think if she knew?

I bet awful, but it's better to have someone awful as Calli as one of the parental figure that child look up to.

I didn't knew that if she had something in mind if she was going to continue this relationship when there's no future in it.

That was my thoughts until I was reveal that it wasn't just their relationship that has no future, but also my best friend Kiara.

If I knew back then, I would probably not fought with her about her decision and continue to talk to her 

But instead, I let my pride get ahead of me and didn't talk to her, unaware how precious time was for her.

During the agreement was made.

I notice Kiara, had lost some weight the last time we spoke.

I'm feel guilty about it, after all she was the victim I should had been more patient in trying to convince her.

Or maybe gave her some reassurance that it wasn't her fault, or just gave comfort.

I ask how she was doing with Calliope, that's when I found out about it

The agreement with her and Calliope and also ... the fact she doesn't have much time left.

I was furious not at her, but at Calli, has that dense idiot didn't really notice something?

She is her wife! for goodness sake! I know she been busy with her mistress but to not notice anything different that's some level of stupidity 

But mostly I was furious at myself, for walking out the worst moments of my best friend

For not being there, because I was busy throwing a tantrum 

For not listening to her reason, of course there has to be a reason for her clingy to a relationship that's bound to end in ruins! 

but mostly because I could only agree not to tell anyone, not to pry anymore.

This was her family she was thinking about, and as her best friend she's drawing the line of how much I can cross.

I apologies to her and wanted to make up for the time, at least in her final days.

But she said that she's being too tired these days and she rather be with her family.

So I withdraw whatever I got in mind, I at least will gave her the reassurance that she's doing the right thing.

During the Funeral.

  The nerve of her! even at her funeral she still doesn't have time for her?, I thought

She was the last one to arrive, even Kiara's acquaintance  arrived first before her.

The gossips about her affair wasn't a secret, but nobody was able to prove it anyways so it might be fine.

But her arriving late will probably cause some more of it, and although I trust Kiara's acquittances not to cause a scene

I still play it safe, and grab the kid into the car, just in case she hears something unpleasant.

After the kid's innocent was something Kiara wanted to protect up until her final moments.

It was a long time before the Clara starts to get impatient of waiting for Calli

I get the point, she just lost her mommy and wants her mother to be there

To assure her at the very least one of them will stay.

So I went and get her, I'm still angry at her but what can that do in this situation.

She was the only left, sitting on a chair looking sad but none the less clueless.

It doesn't made me pity her, after all to some degree it was her fault for not trying,

For not looking back, for not confessing earlier, for only thinking about herself

In fact, It made me furious!

This was the person that my best friend decided to spend the last month with?

The person, she left to take care of her daughter, Clara?

The same person that Clara probably looks up to and will be her guiding light?

This pathetic person?

Blinded by my anger, I decided to tell her

Tell her about how my best friend knew about her affair, her life expectancy, and how she thought of a plan for at least not to let their daughter down

I don't want to see someone wallow in her self-pity, when their.... her daughter needs her more.

She should be thanking my best friend, because if she didn't do anything.

Even her own daughter would hate her, and there'll be no salvation for her.

But maybe ignorance will not even give her a chance of guilt. 

Chapter Text

When she was diagnosed (before she knew her wife is cheating)

    I couldn't believe what I had heard, I was diagnosed with gastric cancer with the life expectancy of 4-5 months, apparently I missed the early warnings as I was too busy with home, the doctor gave me indorsement for a surgery but he warned that at this point the chance of it being successful is slim, he also said that it might be better than nothing at this point, and that there is some time before I could finalize my decision whether I should go with it or not, since the chance is slim he told me to contact my family before making the decision.

I get anxious on how I should say this to Calli, I know that we been out of touch with our relationship but I know deep down she cares, and is just busy with work often, and I been busy with Clara. The surgery has a very slim chance and there's probably many things that I had be prepare for before undergoing surgery, it might be better for me to stay at home and spend my time with them hold onto something that has no reassurance, whatever the conclusion we might reach it's better that we reach it together through talking with each other than me making my own decision.

After she knew her wife was cheating

  It's been a month since I been diagnosed, I tried talking to Calli but she been... invasive to me, and I couldn't exactly talk about this with her in front of Clara. I decided to comfort about it, after her work . That when I got to see her taking a blonde woman to a hotel room.

It broke my heart, to see this, sure we're not the best family but for her to be cheating on me, especially at the time like this when my life is hanging on a tread, not knowing exactly when my last day might be but knowing it's coming much sooner than I wanted. I couldn't talk about my cancer to her any longer, our relationship is already unstable as it is, and the topic of her cheating or possible divorce plan will be brought up sooner or later. I could accept it, it's painful to be with somebody who's cheating with you in the last moments of your life even if you do love that person, but what happens then?, we have a daughter and if I died after getting divorce, can I count on her, of all people to take care of our lovable child? possibly no and even if I can how will Clara see it as? 

2 Months before the story take place

  I have an argument with my best friend, Gura. She'd told me about Calliope's affair I could only answer "I know" and proceeded to ask me to divorce her as staying with her will only make things worse, I simply answered " I can't", not when I don't have much time left,, not when it'll leave a big scar on our child heart.

She look at me surprise "are you still in love with her?, even after knowing this?". I froze, I don't know how to answer that, she had been good wife to me in the beginning but with things are now , I can't really tell if I still love her or I'm attached to how we used to be, even then I couldn't possibly be thinking about Clara's wellbeing without thinking of hers along the way.

Before I could answer, Gura had already left, it would be one of our last conversation. She's stubborn, I know that through the years we spend but this time I can't be the one to reach out not until I think of a way out of this.

Before making the agreement

 She had came to talk to me about the divorce plans, the funny thing about is she seem hesitant to say it and I had to finish her sentences. It makes me think of the irony when she the one that cheated and was probably the one who wanted to end this more than I could ever be, with the hypocrite saying "I don' want to hurt you" when she already did, I could only wear a sad smile and ask if we could talk about this tomorrow, because I might say something that will made me regret, I need to talk about this with a clear head if I want to my plan to work.

  As we lay in the bed, not facing each other, I wonder  if I'm really making the right decision but then again, I can't do anything much now, can I?

The next day during dinner, I'm preparing the papers of property, I had plan to give all legal rights to her, after all I can't really take anything to my grave can I?, she seems to be shocked by this and wanted me to at least get something after we divorce but she don't need to know that I wouldn't be able to keep anything anyways. In exchange she'll have to carry me to bed for 30 days, the last remaining month of my life, maybe some part of me wanted to be selfish and it's not just concern about how our daughter will look at her after our divorce. One thing for sure, that face she gave to me broke my heart it's as if she's disgusted about what might happen afterwards, I reassure her that there would be no such thing.  

During their agreement

First day

   She didn't really notice any difference, I'm glad that I always been lightweight or else I don't know what kind of excuse I might need to come out with, my plan seems to work as Clara saw me being carried by Calli, this way she'll be remember as someone that took care of me greatly, even if it's a false image, we watch a movie while we cuddle, it brought back memories I have to admit it and for once I didn't want the moment to break, but someone has to be the responsible one, and I couldn't trust Calli to handle that, at least not anymore.

15 to 20ish days later

   She seems to be moody but none the less been going home earlier than usual, being moody is one thing since this was an odd request for someone who's going to be divorce in any day now, but she going home early? that's something I can't pin point, after all my only request is for her to carry me to bed, surely that doesn't take much time, does it?. 

  As time went by I began to expect good things about our relationship, but I quickly killed it as fast as it rose because I don't wanna expect anything from her onwards just to be disappointed, and even if those expectations where to come true, what's the use? I going to die anyways there's no future for us because there's no future for me.

Talk with Gura

    Gura took a day off to visit to me, she noticed how much weight I lost and apologized to me for what happened last time we spoke, I told her everything how much time I had left and also my agreement with Calli, she seems to be furious at Calli for not realizing something wrong, for being dense , but more than that she's more furious at herself, I made her agree to not tell anyone just yet, she reluctantly agreed, she apologized and ask if we could spend some time together but at my condition I could not and there would probably an encounter between her and Calli, that would result to her being angry and running her mouth off, so I decline the offer, she seems sad.

23th day

As my final days seems to get closer, I get more tired easily as for me to accidentally sleep on the couch, I seems to be drifting asleep and awake from time to time, this night was the more heart breaking night just yet as she seems to show affection to me, and I'm still partly guilty that I can't and might never be able to return those after our agreement. She seems to notice my weight loss, I quickly brushed it off as doing some cleanse and she believed it, I don't know if she trust me to tell the truth all the time or she's gullible or maybe she's just being ignorant to not feel guilty.

 As she lay me on the bed, I had a hard time trying to retain my consciousness, and drifted back asleep. I take a look at her one last time and decided that I could finally leave Clara at her care, as I felt her lips on my forehead, it made me felt guilt as I'm leaving soon and it'll be too late if she ever start thinking about restarting our relationship, the pressure of not being able to confess this out loud is probably the same as to when she came and face me to say she want's a divorce, the only difference is if I were to tell her she wouldn't be able to finish my sentence because I was more of the calm one between the two of us. I'm glad that she didn't say I love you to me because it would be hard to return it.

Onwards (?)

The Days pass by a blur as I struggle to stay awake, I did remember Calli getting home much earlier and seems to want to talk about something but wasn't been able to, and honestly I'm glad she wasn't been able to it's probably about her mistress whether she wants to confess that she had one or she had broken it out now, I couldn't possibly know how I should show my reaction, as my remaining days are being counted I found myself wanting to say I love you to her but decided against it, it would be selfish of me to even try to mend our relationship when I'm going to die any day now, it's better that I don't let her have hope, that way it would hurt less, right? 

Chapter Text

Innocent according to Merriam Dictionary it is "free from guilt or sin especially through lack of knowledge of evil" while ignorance is the "the state or fact of being ignorant : lack of knowledge, education, or awareness". 

 She calls Kiara mommy and Calli mom in this part, and she's close to Gura so she calls her auntie even they aren't related by blood.

Yes, I missed the opportunity to call Calli dad.

Before the agreement

 I notice mommy has been tired lately, mom is had been very busy with work as usual, I tried to accompany mommy but somehow every time I do she'd wear a smile not the happy kind of smile, I don't know what kind of smile it is but It just doesn't feel like a happy one.

 Auntie came to visit mommy to have a private adult conversation with her, however after she left she seems more furious than when she came here. She took a glimpse at me before she left and seems as if she's sadden by something, maybe it's the argument between her and mommy?, they'll probably make up and forgive each other they're adults after all, I'm sure they'll have an mature act about this after they cool their heads off.

  Some days later Mom had a private conversation with mommy, some part of me wanted to hear about it after all it's the second time I feel being left out on something big, but in the end I didn't interrupt, as much as I miss mom, mommy must have too and I get a chance later, afterwards mommy seems calm, but something makes me feel like she's trying to hold a brave face like when I get inquired and don't want someone to cry about it, mom seems like she's confused like when I ask for something that I didn't expect to get but got it anyways, there's a feeling of happiness but at the same time I will wonder if I done something deserve having it.

During the agreement

First day

   I saw mom, carrying mommy to bed!, whatever they talk about must have been something must be something like admitting they miss each other and it's been a while since I saw them laugh like that, I want to spend time with them to play something but mommy says she was tired, so I suggested to watch a movie instead, they agreed to it, we cuddle while watching Sherk 2, it's one of mom's favorite movies!, I think mommy seems to pick it out of instinct , mom didn't say much. It has been a while since we spend time like this, but maybe it just me or it's just because they had been busy more than ever. I didn't want to selfishly say that I miss them because I know they're busy for a reason but I have to admit I miss moments like this.

 15 to 20ish day 

   Mom has been coming home early these days, I don't know if she noticed but when I saw her she seems to have a slight smile on her face, she continued to pick mommy up and put her to bed. My thoughts keep wondering that if she only pick mommy up the fist time because she was tired, then why does she keep doing it everyday?, Is mom sick or something?. I try to shake it off after all, if she's really sick, she would say so so mom can take care of her, or she could go to the doctor.

23th day

Mom seems to fall asleep in the couch, I didn't try to wake her up because I know their routine by now instead I got into my room and prepare to nap. When I wake up I saw mom carrying mommy again, she wearing that smile that mommy often wear, it's not a happy smile but I don't know what kind of smile it is, I mean there's no way that someone will smile if they're sad or lonely right?. I didn't want to bother the moment because somehow it feels wrong to me, I do admit that I wanted to be carried by mom too but mommy seems too tired these days and I want her to get better soon.

29th day

  When I woke up, mommy seems to not be found anywhere, the care taker said she's probably still asleep, she's been getting out of bed late as of recent and I didn't want to bother her. As night time came, I saw mommy getting up just to go to the couch and be pick up by mom. This puzzled me deeply but something about the moment that I didn't want to break so I didn't. Maybe I'll ask her tomorrow.

The 30th day 

  Mommy didn't left her bedroom, when mom came home she looks in a slight panic, as she went to the stairs naturally I began to worry too, I have been trying not to bother mommy most because she seems tired and I didn't want her to get more tired, as I try to follow mom I saw the whole thing how mom was frantically trying to wake mommy up, and how mommy was motionless, how mom was trying to desperately do something but nothing was able to come. I knew that moment that mommy has left us and will not be able to come back any more.

Funeral

   I cried a lot, I couldn't accept that mommy has died, auntie try her best to comfort me but this isn't something that I would able to hold back nor brush away. 

Mom was the last to arrive, she seems sleep derivate and seems hopeless, as everybody left for the wake she remain planted in the chair, I wanted to reach out but auntie told me that she's probably want some time alone, she's hurt that mommy left her too. So I didn't bother her, after this ceremony is over I'll be there for her and remind her that she have me, I know how much she love and cared for mommy since I always saw her carrying mommy to bed. Lastly I didn't want her to leave me too because I'm too selfish or dense. So, in the meantime I am on auntie's car, we waited and waited until auntie said she'll check up on mom. She picked up mom and drive us home, mom seems to stare at the couch mommy has been siting on these past few weeks, it's like she doesn't want to believe that this is all real, I know the feeling I wanted this to be a bad dream too, but it's too real to be one. Minutes past by like hours, as she turn to me and hugged me, reassure me that she'll be with me all the time and that she loves me, I cried much more than I did the funeral. We both cried a lot that day.

Chapter Text

First of all, damn angst!

Second of all, when I first tried to do this with Possible Calli's POV, after writing that I realize 

" Wait, isn't the story all about Calli's POV?, what's the point of this then?"

"maybe if I added pov after the funeral, and added some more inner thoughts about it then it'll work out?"

Yeah at that point, it was too much to turn back my brain was in angst mode.

Trying to write Possible Gura's POV was something

since her role in the story was only at the end, as she slap some sense into Calli

My role reference is how she react, and what she said that one moment. 

She seems outright furious at how her best friend was treated, that's given

but then there was a line where she had said that she lost time for being angry at her best friend

Making me think that she's a stubborn one, and lastly she to take Clara's well being to consideration.

If she knew about Kiara's condition, then she'll probably not avoid her when they fought since she knew that  time is sacred for her best friend.

So I thought that during their fight Kiara doesn't know about it or wasn't able to tell her, I go with the later.

It seems to be logical, that's it because Kiara knew that she doesn't have much time that's why she didn't want a divorce.

When she said she knew that Kiara did this for Clara, it made me assume that at some point they made up and Kiara told her all about it.

On Possible Kiara's POV, since I already got the story set up since I did Possible Gura POV first, I thought how should I deliver it

"Should she know about her condition first before the cheating or vise versa?"

If I did the later, it wouldn't made sense as she seems smart and capable to worry about raising Clara alone so I did the later.

The thing with her POV is that she's disillusion about Calli for her betrayal and that she seems to not really want her to know about  her cancer.

However, there is the will to fix things with her but lack the courage to try to.

As evidence of this that even if they seems close, but still distance.

I put the emphasis on her limited time, and how she doesn't want to ruin what they had left 

while also presenting the longing to fix things but lack the motivation to do so and later the reason.

Yes, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GASTRIC CANCER

Lastly we come with Possible Clara's POV

As a child her POV, presented bliss ignorance that come with innocence 

But also put an little emphasis that she wasn't too naïve as she notice how Kiara declining health, and knows when to butt in

Children these days are smarter than we think, but that doesn't mean that they aren't innocent or ignorant.

Thirdly, I should have probably proof read these.

Fourth of all, Calli being called mom instead of dad is something new I keep trying to type dad instead of mom.

One more thing, is that I took note of what they act like and what they didn't do.

Such as how Calli seems to be hesitant in asking for divorce, it makes me think if she had an affair because she was a coward that didn't want to try as they'll break more, but her being suprise in Kiara agreeing was she didn't expect things would turn out this was, that maybe they'll try to talk about it before they end things?.

How they didn't say that they love each other, maybe it because they're keeping secrets to each other , that makes it guilt bearing as if they'll dirty the words if they said it.

Lastly how Clara, didn't really appear except the first day they had started the carry to bed agreement and she was mentioned at the end. It made me think that she they forgot about her, even while they're thinking about her wellbeing.

 Lastly, when I first wrote about this, I wanted to put emphasis that in a story, you can learn from another mistake by listening or reading about it. 

But it wouldn't sink in as much, if you don't know the pain that one mistake cause.

If you did hear it from the one who was hurt, how they struggle it'll sink in more.

As there's a lot to learn from other people perspective, some might agree

some might not, but in the end you'll learn something and might not repeat the same mistake as them

or you'll find yourself in the same situation and think to yourself

"Oh so that's why that person choose to do this instead of this"