Work Text:
Sakusa Kiyoomi is not one to make promises if he knows with complete certainty that he can’t keep them. He’s never promised to go to Tokyo to spend time with his nieces and nephews; not because he doesn’t like them, it's because his schedule is crammed full of volleyball and on his days off, he just wants to clean his apartment and then sleep for a week. He’s never promised his parents that he will call more often; again, his schedule is crammed full of volleyball and he can’t guarantee that he’ll have time to call or that his social battery will be charged enough to be able to have a full conversation with them. He’s never promised the team or himself that he would stay with MSBY for his entire professional career because there are other teams out there, other leagues, other opportunities (he already knows he'll most likely stay with them, though).
And that is why when he and Atsumu had finally gotten their shit together and started dating, Kiyoomi hadn’t made any promises to himself or Atsumu that they would be together indefinitely or for any specific amount of time or for as long as either of them should live. It isn’t because he doesn’t love Atsumu, he loves him probably more than he has ever loved any other human being; he just can’t bring himself to make a promise that might get broken at some point down the road.
That thought is terrifying, though: that he loves Atsumu. He hasn’t been able to say those words aloud yet, not even to himself when he's home alone, because they sound too much like a promise. And at its core, that’s exactly what it is. It is a promise to be there, through thick and thin, no matter what, and to always care about the other person, even on their darkest days.
Kiyoomi can’t bring himself to make that promise, no matter how much he wants to. Because what is the point in telling someone that, giving your heart to someone, essentially giving that person a chunk of yourself, if one of you will just turn around and shatter that promise later on? What is the point in making that promise to someone only for them to leave you alone in the end? He doesn't think he can handle the heartbreak of losing Atsumu.
So no, Kiyoomi will not be making that promise anytime soon. After all, Atsumu hasn’t said it yet either, so at least he doesn’t have the pressure of saying it back just yet.
Three weeks after the season ends, Atsumu drops the bombshell. It's been a slow day for them so far. Kiyoomi had done some cleaning while Atsumu had gone to see Osamu and Suna at Onigiri Miya, then they had takeout for dinner, and now they're doing the dishes together.
It's all incredibly domestic and he would honestly be lying if he said he doesn’t like it. He's washing the dishes-not that there are really that many-while Atsumu dries the dishes and places them in the dish rack. Atsumu is humming the closing theme to one of the animes they watched recently, his hips swaying gently side to side.
"Omi-Omi, dance with me?" Atsumu asks once all of the dishes are done. He holds out his hand for Kiyoomi to take, which he does gladly, and leads him into the living room. Music softly plays from the bluetooth speaker connected to Atsumu's phone. Kiyoomi places his arms around Atsumu's neck as Atsumu's hands come to rest on his hips. They sway back and forth, sharing small kisses occasionally.
Atsumu looks at him, his eyes fond and soft. This , Kiyoomi thinks, this is where I always want to be.
"I love ya." Atsumu says it softly, almost like he's afraid to say too loudly and shatter the calm atmosphere surrounding them. Kiyoomi still hears it, though, and he freezes. There it is, those three words. It simultaneously sends a chill down his spine and lights a fire in his heart because on one hand, he's terrified that this is the beginning of the end for them because Atsumu has taken that leap and made that promise and that is an obvious sign of impending doom, but on the other hand, he's thrilled because Atsumu loves him .
He doesn't say anything, his brain completely forgetting how to properly function because of the conflicting feelings running through it, but he vaguely realizes that they've stopped moving. Atsumu is looking at him, his eyes growing more worried the longer Kiyoomi stands there, silent.
Say something, say anything. He's going to get the wrong idea! some part of his brain screeches at him but he can't say anything.
"Omi, ya okay?" Atsumu asks gently.
Yes. No. I don't know. Kiyoomi needs to figure out exactly how he's feeling. Actually, no, scratch that, he knows how he feels, knows that he loves Atsumu too. He just doesn't know if he can say it. He wants to, probably more than he's ever wanted to and not just because Atsumu had the balls to say it first.
"Hey, babe, ya gotta breath for me, 'kay?" Atsumu says, his hands coming up to where Kiyoomi's hands are clutching his shirt in a near death grip, like he's afraid that Atsumu is going to leave if he lets go. Kiyoomi feels Atsumu's fingers wrap around his hands gently, his thumbs brushing along Kiyoomi's knuckles in a soothing manner. "C'mon, take a deep breath for me?"
Kiyoomi realizes he does , in fact, need to breathe, and his lungs unfreeze to drag in a shaky breath of air. He lets it out and the smile that Atsumu gives him could put the sun to shame, he thinks. His lungs manage to draw in a few more shaky breaths before they slowly start to even out.
Once he finally gathers his bearings, Kiyoomi whispers, "You love me?" Realistically, he knows that Atsumu wouldn't lie about something like this; he's just not that type of person. If he doesn't feel something, he's not going to try and convince someone that he actually does. Atsumu says what he feels and his emotions are written clear as day on his face, in his eyes, woven deeply into his words, ingrained into each action he takes.
That doesn't stop him from asking anyways.
Atsumu's smile turns soft. "I do, Omi." One of his hands comes up to cradle Kiyoomi's face and Kiyoomi leans into it. Atsumu's thumb gently runs along his cheekbone. "Ya don't hafta say it back right away, I just wanted ya ta know. I know that yer probably panicking about it, but ya don't need ta."
"What if you fall out of love?" Kiyoomi can't bring himself to raise his voice any higher than a whisper. He feels like if he says his fears any louder then anyone can hear them and that is almost as terrifying as the thought that he loves Atsumu and Atsumu actually loves him back.
Atsumu loves him.
Atsumu loves him.
Atsumu loves him .
"What if you fall out of love with me?" he repeats, desperately searching Atsumu's eyes for something, anything .
"Omi," Atsumu's voice drops down to a near whisper, softer than it was but still louder than Kiyoomi's, "I've loved ya since we were sixteen. It would take somethin' completely insane ta get me ta stop lovin' ya. Ya'll always have me. I'm not goin' anywhere, baby." He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss onto Kiyoomi's forehead, and Kiyoomi nearly cries at how soft the gesture is.
Fuck, Kiyoomi's got it bad for this man.
Atsumu rests his forehead against Kiyoomi's and they gaze at each other for a few moments. Kiyoomi's mind is running with a stream of the same thought over and over: Atsumu loves me .
"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Omi?"
Kiyoomi feels his lips curl into a small smile. "You."
Atsumu's face flushes a gorgeous red and Kiyoomi loves it. Loves him . "Omi, ya can't jus' say that!" he whines.
"I'm just telling the truth, Atsu." Atsumu whines and buries his face in Kiyoomi's neck. One of Kiyoomi's hands comes up to run through his blonde mess of hair and the setter sighs in contentment, his body sagging just slightly into Kiyoomi's.
"Tha' feels nice,” he hums.
Kiyoomi chuckles. “How about we shower and then we can keep cuddling in bed?”
“Ya drive a pretty hard bargain, babe. What’s in it fer me?”
“You stop smelling like a stinky rat and you get to cuddle me.”
Atsumu gasps in fake shock, pushing away from Kiyoomi but only a little. “Omi-Omi, how could ya? Ya think I smell like a rat?”
“Not just any rat, babe, a stinky rat.”
Atsumu shrieks. “My own boyfriend thinks I smell like a stinky rat!” he cries dramatically. “Who'll love me if I smell that bad?”
Kiyoomi rolls his eyes, smiling down at his boyfriend. “I suppose I’ll just have to love you, even as a stinky rat.”
Hazel eyes stare widely up at him. “Ya-ya love me too?” Atsumu squeaks and Kiyoomi would find it absolutely adorable if he weren't internally freaking out at how easily he said those words. He doesn't regret it, he's just surprised at the fact that he said it so soon after Atsumu. Yeah, he's known for a while that he loves his setter but he's never thought it would be so easy to say it out loud.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, he quietly says, "Yeah, I do."
"Omiiiii!" Atsumu hides his face into Kiyoomi's neck again. Kiyoomi lets out a low chuckle at his boyfriend's antics. He nudges Atsumu out of his hiding spot, placing kisses all over his face. Giggles escape Atsumu as he wiggles, trying to escape Kiyoomi's hold. "Mercy! Mercy!"
Kiyoomi pauses in his assault, pretending to think about it. "Hm, I don't know, Atsu."
Atsumu struggles to regain his breath for a moment but manages to say, "Mean Omi-kun!"
A grin pulls at Kiyoomi's lips. "I fail to see how kissing you makes me mean, darling." Atsumu pouts at him. Kiyoomi rarely calls him 'darling', usually only doing so when he's teasing his boyfriend.
"Yer bein' cruel, Omi. This is cruel and unusual punishment."
"Yeah but you like it anyways." He places another kiss on Atsumu's forehead, the setter leaning into it. "Come on, let's go shower and go to bed, Atsu." The blonde just nods, willing to go anywhere with Kiyoomi as long as he gets cuddles. They quickly shower and if Kiyoomi slips on one of Atsumu's shirts to sleep in afterwards, well that's his business and his alone.
Atsumu climbs into bed, immediately latching onto Kiyoomi once the other man gets in after him. Kiyoomi's arms wrap around Atsumu, holding him close.
"Love ya, Omi," Atsumu murmurs as his eyes slip shut, a small content smile on his lips.
Kiyoomi hides his smile in Atsumu's hair for a moment and presses a kiss into the golden strands. "I love you, Atsu."
Sakusa Kiyoomi is not one to make promises if he knows with complete certainty that he can’t keep them. But he supposes that he can live with making this one promise, both to himself and Atsumu, that he will love Atsumu for as long as he possibly can. After all, what is love, if not compromise?