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Chapter Text

It wasn't one of those awful days. It wasn't one of those that made him feel like cotton was shoved in his brain or the ones in which he can't physically move without crying. It wasn't one of the days in which he couldn't function correctly. He was okay. Happiness had set in his mind after so much time in sorrow, he felt like he could function again after being bedridden for so long. What better way to celebrate than spending time with the people that had stayed at his side? People that loved him without second guessing, the ones that hadn't criticized him for closing up.

Honestly, he just wanted to spend some time with his boyfriends. Kiss them hard till he forgets his own name, till his skin prickles with every touch. He wants and wants so much, he craves their attention so dearly. He wants to feel, to laugh, to show how grateful he is.

But George isn't home, and Dream feels far away. He isn't there, he is not the same. He has put an ocean of distance between them.

While Sapnap didn’t find that weird at first, -he knows Dream's habits painfully well, knows how the blonde is used to retreating a bit into himself when put under stress-, he worries anyways.

So really, he just wants to be a good boyfriend. Wants to satisfy his need for attention and destress the knots in his lover's back, a win-win situation.

He sneaks quietly into the shared office in their house, smiling at the silliness of the situation. He feels warm and giddy with excitement, he can get Dream to himself for the day if he convinces him. He can’t wipe the smile from his face at the thought of being held by the taller. He wants to be kissed and loved. They all are pretty much in the honeymoon stage, but maybe he is a bit more of a hopeless romantic.

Silence fills the room, not even the sound of the keyboard making its way across it. Dream must have spaced out because he is still at the computer, looking quite tired. The light emanating from the object makes him shine brightly, he swears he can hear little curses leaving his lover's lips. He can’t help but be entranced, his boyfriend is immensely attractive when frustrated.

He makes his way to the other and stands behind him leaving a little kiss on his head, making himself known. His boyfriend hums lightly, still concentrated on the numbers scattered on the screen. "George" he whispers

A little laugh leaving his mouth he responds "wrong boyfriend babe"

He feels his boyfriend tense a little in his grip now, "Sap"

"Yep," he says, playing with his hair, wrapping his finger into the golden locks, moving his fingers freely. It's so unbelievably soft, and the scent of vanilla fills his senses peacefully. He hopes that he can do this for the rest of his life, rearrange the pieces of hair as he wants without any type of force.

He loves him so much, it fills his heart at the point of combustion.

Like that a few minutes pass, this time the sound of the keyboard is present. Dream carries on with his project, speeding up the process by the sound of it, typing loudly. Sap continues with his mission, still wrapping his finger into the wavy hair, he doesn't know how many times he braids the same portion of hair to then start all over again. The tension has started to disappear a little from the other's body so he is quite pleased with himself. He loves the quiet moments, the domesticity of it all. He feels in a cloud.

"Sap, please stop"

He hums, continuing to braid the hair once again. This time he has done multiple ones across the head, not just a little portion. "Sap." He hears harshly, he gets his grip out of the other's head, respecting his boundaries, sometimes Dream doesn't like his hair to be touched too much. It still doesn't stop him from leaving another kiss at the top of his doings, the braids softly flowing freely. He hugs him by the shoulders feeling elated, he wants to cuddle for a bit.

"C'mon dreamy, let me have you for a few minutes"

"Sap, I am busy. I need to get this done by tomorrow"

"Just a few minutes will not make a big difference. Pretty please?" He begs a little, trying his best to make him know he is pouting. He knows Dream hasn't left his spot for several hours. He needs the break and to be honest, Sap needs him, just to hold him close.

"Pandas, please. Leave me alone"

"Baby, you need a break, c'mon. Don't be silly" He jokes lightly, massaging his shoulders trying his best to ease all the tension present on the other's body. Trying his hardest to convince him. He is overworking himself once again.

"What's your problem? I am busy, Sapnap." He doesn’t expect the angry tone or the shake of shoulders, he takes his hands off.

"What's my problem?" He asks incredulously. Clay continues working as if nothing is happening "Don't ignore me! You need a break, you have been here for five hours Dream"

"Nick, stop it. You are annoying me"

"Nick?" He questions, he doesn't get called by his name often. He has expressed several times that he prefers his boyfriends to refer to him by nicknames or pet names. The mention of his name gives him whiplash, he can't help but feel like he has done something wrong.

"Yes. Nick. Stop bothering me"

He feels the anger creep up his spine. Can Dream stop typing? the sound is infuriating him. The dejection and the other not having the decency to look at him while starting the stupid fight infuriates him. Clay is still engrossed in the same idiotic numbers. He wants to obligate him to take a break, spend time with him. He doesn't even have to do anything more than be there for a moment, separate his eyes from the computer, take a break.

Then he will go bother George, as he has always done when Dream isn't up to it, he just doesn't understand. Is he being too clingy? Too needy?

"Why? Why does it always bother you when I wanna spend time with you?" He says without a second thought.

He knows for a fact that yesterday when George interrupted Dream they ended up on the sofa watching a movie till 2 am, he knows that Dream left the room as soon as George asked him. Dream has always had a softer spot for the other, and an insanely big one.

Which fair, he gets it, he really does, George is so unbelievably pretty and kind, and an amazing boyfriend. It is true that is impossible to say no to him sometimes, but at the same time, they are a thruple. Sapnap thinks that he deserves a little attention sometimes, only a little bit.

It seems a bit unfair to be pushed constantly when the other never is.

Just by thinking about it his mood turns sour. He feels tired, and so incredibly drained too quickly to even process what he is letting out, "It's been weeks since we have been together alone. Am I not allowed to show affection to you?"

"You are acting like a child." He dismisses him again, this time turning around, finally leaving the stupid project he was working on behind. Clay's eyebrows are furrowed together and he wants nothing more than to drop the fight and undo the tightness present there, he still wants to kiss his dumb face. But he doesn't want to drop it, he doesn't want to let it go, if he is gonna call him a child when he is trying to make things work he will act as one.

"Oh, really? Am I?" Then something clicks in his brain, ugly feelings spilling out of him in waves. He has no brain to mouth filter. "Why am I always the one being rejected? Why am I the only one that annoys you?"

"You really wanna pull the jealousy card? Grow up, Nick." He says, finally getting off the chair. His name being thrown around on purpose stings, leaving a disgusting pang behind. He asks himself how, how the fuck his day turned out like this, he just wanted to spend time with him. He curses himself out, he ruins everything, he should have waited till George came home. He should have known better after all this time.

"I am not jealous of George. I have never been and I will never be Dream. I love him and I love seeing you both together, but you never wanna spend time with me." He knows deep down that this will turn really bad for him but he still continues. "You keep pushing me to the side"

"Sap-"

"Don't, don't you dare lie to my face" He knows, he knows he is escalating the situation. He knows he is making a stupid fight into a bigger deal but rejection has stung for so long he needs to let it out. He has always been like a volcano, keeping it all inside, all the horrible feelings guarded securely till the tipping point, when he explodes killing everything at his pace. "Have we ever been the same in your eyes?"

"Of course you are! You both are my boyfriends"

"Are we though? Will I ever get the same attention you give George?" He is being cynical, he knows. He is practically mocking him. Dream doesn't respond, he turns around and leaves the office, ignoring him once again. "Stop running away from your problems"

He follows him to the entrance of their house, the home they acquired at the very start of the relationship, when two become three. When George came into their relationship, when he barged in gripping his heart till he needed him. Till he begged him to stay, to love him.

He will forever remember it, remember the first night together as one, as a trio and not a duo, everything fitted perfectly in place. They balanced each other in the perfect way, they have done so since they were just friends. It was apparently so obvious that they deserved to be happy together.

He desperately wishes for George to suddenly appear and hold him, reassure him that everything is alright. He doesn't know if he has the strength to continue this conversation otherwise.

They stay in different parts of the room, no one reaching for the other, the ocean that Nick wanted to make disappear is still there and wider. He breaks, he starts crying, the fight against the salted drops of water finally lost. He aches.

"You have been playing favorites since the start, haven't you?" He accuses, the silence that follows is defeating, and hard to swallow but the answer hangs there. He knows the truth, he has been aware of it subconsciously. He doesn't breathe, he feels like choking on the words.

"I just don't understand it. What does George have that I don't? Why is he more important to you?" He doesn’t let the other answer, he doesn't let him even process it before speaking "We have known each other for ages, you have been my best friend since we were teenagers and I still can't help but feel like I'm the only one fighting for us."

"Sap, please-" He looks apologetic, and he really really wants to believe him. He wants the other to swim to his side of the room, and save him from drowning. But it feels like an act, everything has been feeling like forming part of a badly scripted show that he was obligated to participate in, he can't escape. He is waiting for the laugh track to go off.

"You proposed the idea of being together. You were the one that assured me nothing would change. Did you forget it?" He remembers it so clearly, being hesitant but still over the moon at the idea of having another person to hold, at it being George. He has always been filled with so much love to give. He was so happy that George loved both of them as much as Sap loved him and Clay. "You promised, you promised you would never leave my side."

"Sap, please, I get it. You are jealous, and that's okay! I swear I will try to spend more time with you." He tries to make amends, but the bitter tone slips "You clearly have a problem with me spending time with our boyfriend."

"Do not twist my words. I love George with all my heart and you know that. He isn't the problem here, he's not the one breaking us apart, Dream." He wanted him to understand, to get in his head that Clay was the one putting the distance between them day after day, rejecting him at every single possibility. "Our problem isn’t you going out with George more, dumbass. Our problem is that you don't love me the same way I love you."

"Pandas, I do love you" He should feel reassured, but he doesn't. He had come to a conclusion since the start of the conversation. Once passing thoughts were brought back with intensity, things he had noticed and pushed at the side now glaring back at him screaming to be heard. All the red flags that he had painted green now shined brightly as the true color they were.

"I am tired of pretending to be okay with your favoritism. I am tired of you accepting every little romantic gesture from Gogy and flinching at the idea of even spending time with me, I am tired of you only reciprocating when George isn't around. I am tired of being a second thought to you. I am tired of you acting like George is your only boyfriend."

"Nick, you know it isn't like that. You are- you are overreacting." He is so calm and collected, he has always been, even in their worst fights. He hates it.

He feels like his world is collapsing around them. The walls clenching around his heart. Does Dream even care?

"If you say so, When was the last time you kissed me?" He inquired

"I kissed you today!"

"No Clay, I kissed you. You never approach me, I am the only one starting our interactions."

"That doesn't mean anything!" He screamed, then quieted down nearly whispering "I always reciprocate, today is just an off day Sap"

"No, it isn't!" He is still sobbing, "If so, you have been having off days since the start. I am tired of fighting for your affection, Dream. I am tired of feeling empty every time you reject me. You have no idea how much I have cried. How many nights George had to reassure me that everything was okay, that he loved me so I could fall asleep. He had to reassure me that you loved me too. Dream, how pathetic can I be?"

"You are not pathetic Sap" He tried to comfort him for the first time in the day, trying to reach out. But Nick was keeping their distance. For once in his life he will not back down, won't let anyone walk all over him. Not even his best friend, his boyfriend.

He doesn't want to fool himself, he now knows the ugly truth. He just has to hear it from the recipient of his suffering.

"He was lying Dream, he was trying to not hurt me. Don't you think so?"

"No, he-" After a few seconds of silence, he knows he has left Dream speechless. The Dream that always tries to have the last word, be the one coming on top of every argument. Who would have thought?

"Why do you only make plans to go out with George? Why never me? Why never the two of us?"

"Sap, I thought you were okay with it! I am just more used to taking George out on dates." He excused himself "You are overthinking the situation"

"goddammit! STOP TRYING TO FIND EXCUSES!" He breaks, sobs ripping through his body, he must look miserable. He hates himself for giving this last moment of vulnerability to Dream, he begs with all he has "Just admit it, please. Admit that you love him more, admit that you don't love me at all."

"Okay, fine!" He waits, expecting no more half truths.

"You are right, I don't love you. Not as a boyfriend should." He finally says and strangely enough, he can breathe again, even with poison running through his veins. His ribcage about to explode in pain, he is glad to finally get the truth, "I just didn't want to reject you and risk our friendship, and George had already fallen for you.”

He is so confused, he doesn’t get it. “What are you even talking about? We were together first Clay”

“Yeah, but I liked George and I knew you found George attractive. So I introduced the idea of being together. if George wanted you as much as I thought he did he could be with me too"

Now he is the one speechless, he blanks out for a second. Everything is so loud, he can't hear himself thinking through the pain that spreads over his body sickeningly. He doesn't feel anything more than pure unadulterated rage clouding his mind, he wants to scream. To make his throat raw by throwing insults at what he thought was the best person he knew, his best friend. His boyfriend, his own boyfriend never loved him, Was he just part of a plan?

He never was important. Just, just George. Only George.

He was here first, He was the one that confessed first, the one that got to hold Dream first. He gave Dream all his firsts, not even sharing them with George. He had taken and taken so much and he never loved him back? He never wanted to be with him? Just him? He is sick to his stomach.

He resolves to just ask what he was even thinking, he has never wanted to punch someone as badly as he wants to break Clay under his fists. He isn't like this, he doesn't resolve things like that, but he shouldn't be feeling the sting of betrayal spreading like a parasite, sucking him out of every positive thing he has lived through with the taller one. He resorts to screaming after all, "Do you even realize how fucked up that is? Are you kidding me?!"

"Yes, I know. I deserve you being angry at me for letting this get out of hand" he pauses, "But we both love George, so we surely can work something out."

"Have you lost your damn mind?" He is so incredibly angry, hurt, and mad. And still, his stupid eyes haven't closed up the waterfalls "I can't believe this. I am so tired of you and your stupid bullshit."

"Pandas, please, calm down. We can go on, and act like this never even happened if you want" He is practically begging him, and Sapnap can help but question why, why would he want him to stay if he has to lie so much. If he has to act like he is in love with him.

“Wow, you really have completely lost it. You are fucking crazy if you think I can forget about you playing with my feelings. Fuck you Clay” He ends up saying in a fit of rage.

“Sap, look, I’m sorry. I still care about you as a friend. I have never stopped caring about you, I just-”

"Oh, wow, thank you so much Clay. I am really happy you consider me your friend!" He responds sarcastically while wiping tears off his face, he quickly realizes "I can't do this anymore. I will not put up with this."

"What do you mean?"

"Congratulations Clay, from now on George is all yours", he smiles. The silence stands uncomfortably there, the shock from Dream's face makes him want to laugh, want to crack a joke as they used to when they were younger, he wants to make fun of him. To hurt him a portion of how the other has hurt him. He can't even add more to the conversation before hearing the slow turn of the door.

His eyes snap to it and there stands his other boyfriend, a light smile disappearing after taking a look at him, he must look so fucking stupid. Another uncomfortable silence fills the room for a moment while George closes the door behind him.

"Sap? What's wrong?" He asked confusedly at his boyfriend's tears, leaving the groceries at the side of the door and hurrying to his side. Taking his head into his hands "Are you okay?"

Sapnap would die for him. Would do anything to make him happy, so he has to do this now. Even if it will hurt George at first, it is for the best. He will be much happier with only Dream at his side. He will be a lot happier if Dream becomes looser, nothing can hold him back if Sapnap leaves. Dream can concentrate on giving George his full attention, not having to act as he cares about a third.

After all, two halves have always been better than three. The talk has always been about finding your better half, not a third.

"George... you know how much I love you, right?" The other smiles at him, eyes filled with stars shining intensely. He is pretty, he is so fucking pretty, he wants to be equally as selfish as Clay. For a moment he thinks about keeping him all to himself, stealing Dream of the only person he cares about in retaliation. But he won't do it, because he is Nick. He is not Clay. And he still cares about the stupid man even if he has done nothing but hurt him.

"Have you become all sappy nappy in the twenty minutes I have left?" He jokes, and gets a little laugh back, he is trying to make the ambiance a little more bearable. It feels unusually cramped and uncomfortable. He reassures him and finally whispers, "I love you too"

"Okay, so let me take a step back." he pauses, "From the two of you," he looks into confused deep brown eyes, and gently retires George's hands from his face.

George looks at him for a few seconds, seemingly not knowing what to do. He turns around and catches Dream’s eyes, "Dream? What is going on?" He asks, realizing the big distance between the upset boy and him. Perhaps they had a fight, he thinks. They still have a chance to make everything right. He works as the water that puts out the fire of Dream and Sapnap personalities, he can fix this.

"I-'' He takes a deep breath "I don't really know" and Dream lies, because lies have always been his language, and have always been the way he managed every discomforting situation. Because is easier to lie than to accept his wrongdoings "I-i think Nick is breaking up with us" He finally says

"Sap?" George looks at him incredulously, nearly begging for it to be a prank. He looks around desperately trying to find a camera, he doesn't succeed. This is real, Nick is leaving them.

"I'm so sorry George. You have been the best partner I could ever ask for but I don't think I can do this anymore." He chokes out between ugly sobbing "I can't continue lying and pretending everything is okay when I am hurting"

"What, what does that mean?"

"George, please don't make this more difficult." Says Dream from his side of the room, trying to avoid the topic as long as possible. He hasn't moved an inch and George doesn't understand how he can be so far away. He wants to scream, scream at him till his throat gives out. How is he not trying to reach for his childhood best friend, how is he not imploring the younger to not leave them? Isn't he hurting as much as George is? Why isn't he at his side trying to keep Sapnap from leaving them? Why isn't he crying? He has been crying since the younger one announced that he was stepping out of their relationship. He doesn't understand, he doesn't get it at all.

"How can you say that?! Our boyfriend is leaving and you are okay with it?" He ends up saying angrily, he wants to shake him, make him wake up.

He wants to hold Sapnap till the end of time, and never let go.

"George, please. stop." Says Sap grabbing him by his arms, then holding his hands gently."I promise it will be okay, you will still have Dream"

"but- but I don't want that sap! I want to wake up with you warped behind my back, I wanna come home and cuddle with you on the sofa, I want-" he breaks, he breaks in what feels like billion pieces and hugs Nick as if he would disappear, he feels the younger tense at first and then melt into his touch. Nick has never been one to deny any type of affection, why is he flinching away? Why is he trying to distance himself from George's touches? What is happening?

"George,” he says quietly into muffled sobs "I promise I will keep contacting you, you are the most important person in my life"

Dream acts as if he doesn't care, as if it doesn't hurt him a bit that his ex-lover doesn't use people instead of person. Sapnap is still his best friend, or he hopes that after he cools down he still will be. This isn't something they can't come back from, he is sure of it.

Sapnap steps out of the hug and before George can react he muffles a little goodbye by pressing his lips into his forehead.

Everything feels cold even in the humid weather of Florida, he had never felt more lonely in the space they called home. A home built around their relationship. A home isn't a home without Sap, without their panda.
How is he gonna rip the cold out of his heart without sap? He will freeze, his human furnace won't be there to comfort him. To warm him up.

"Goodbye Dream,” says Sapnap bitterly, then proceeds to disappear in the darkness of the night. He is alone, he will be walking to who knows where and he is alone. George can feel himself dropping to the floor, sobs wreaking his body violently and he can hear through his muffled brain hurried steps in his direction. Why didn't they appear before? Why didn't they stop the inevitable? Why didn't Dream fight for their lover?

"Why?" He finally asks
"Why didn't you stop him?"

"Honey, Nick had already made up his mind"

"Don't call him that!" He feels a frenzy of emotions filling him "you know he doesn't like it, he is Sapnap, he is pandas. He is our boyfriend Dream."

"Well, he isn't anymore, george. He just left us"

"What is your problem?" George says, and Dream can't avoid the pressure he feels at the question. The same question that started this spiral, the same question that made him drive Sapnap apart from them. Isn't it funny?

"He said he was hurting, we could still work this out. We could bring him back, back to us. To our home." he begs, begs his boyfriend to do something, anything. He begs the taller one to go out the door and run till he finds Sap and brings him back.

"We will not," he says firmly.

"WHY?!"

"He is hurting because of me, George. I told him I don't love him" He said simply, George couldn't believe it, he waited for the other to start laughing, to say it was a joke. It would be a horrible joke to make but it would have been better than it being true.

But it doesn't happen, he doesn't laugh at all. How can he say it so easily, that he doesn't love Nick? When he has heard and seen him multiple times giving the younger little kisses and saying love you after love you. He has seen Nick melt in Clay's hands, smiling so big it hurts.

"You don't?"

"I have never loved him as a boyfriend". He understands Nick's pain, it fills him dreadfully. Has he been lying the whole time? "It was always you George. It has always been"

"So what? you have been playing with his feelings all along?" He spitted out. Silence filled the room again, engulfing George's heart in a hard grip. Realization hits him like a train going at full speed. He replays memory after memory in his mind, all the times he begged Clay to let Nick join in one of their dates, all the times Clay rolled his eyes as Nick clung to him. All the times they had sex, how much the threesomes were based on George or Clay, never Sap. Never Nick. How hadn't he realized before? He hurts for himself but most of all he hurts for the younger, he doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve that type of heartbreak, much less by someone he trusts with his life, by someone he has known for more than 5 years. Everything is white noise, "I don't know what to say to you"

"It's okay Gogs. We can talk tomorrow" He smiled, he smiled as hard as ever. And he felt nothing, he felt nothing more than nausea. He is so incredibly tired, he has never felt as much rage and emptiness together as at that moment.

Dream grabbed him by the arm and directed them to the bedroom. A bedroom that felt incredibly cold, something missing.

He guided him to the bed and George let him. Let him manhandle him for the last time. He felt the sleep take him, he didn't want to deal with the revelations. He didn't want to acknowledge the coldness that seated on his heart, the aching want of his body to roll over and hug someone. To hug sap.

Chapter Text

It's been three days since he left. Since everything came crashing down.

He doesn't know how to feel, if he should be happy or not that he knows the truth. Sometimes he wants to take it all back, but then he remembers, remembers all the tears and how little he leaving matters to Dream.

Either way, he has never felt more defeated in his life, going back to every single interaction with him. He can't stop himself from thinking the worst.

His brain keeps replaying every single rejection, amplifying them. Every time he tried to kiss Dream on the lips, -finding himself kissing his cheek instead. When he tried to start something, being shoved to the side or how he always said 'go bother George'. It was even hard to get a hug sometimes, he hates thinking back at it.

He remembers the times in which they slept together, how quickly everything ended, how quickly he found himself alone in his bedroom afterward, even after begging the other to stay. It was horrible. How had he been so dumb? How the fuck didn’t he realize before?

Did Dream even want to sleep with him the first time? He gave him so much of his firsts. Something so private, a part of himself never explored before. He let his best friend, the person he trusted the most make him touch the stars and it probably meant nothing to the boy, it meant nothing when he ended saying “I love you” after it. Was he even there? Was he even thinking about him or was he spaced out replacing him with a slimmer boy? He doesn't remember, he doesn't want to. He wants to spare himself from the embarrassment.

If he could die of heartbreak he would have already.

Was he only a replacement for when George wasn't around? He feels used, like a doll tossed out after the owner didn't want it anymore. Was he ever wanted? Needed?

He wanted Dream so much, he needed him like a fish needs water. And the other took it, took and took till there was nothing left. Till he had everything, without even loving him.

Were the little kisses and “love yous” always fake? Were they something Dream felt the need to reciprocate? He hates pity, he hates it so much. He hates how stupid he was.

Clay is such a great actor, he had believed every single lie, every single whisper against his warm skin. He managed to make him dependent on him, his love. He managed to insert himself into his heart like a stain he can't wipe away. And it never was truthful.

He feels nauseous, he has been feeling like he wasn't touching the ground for so long that now he has crashed. He has crashed so hard that his bones became dust, he feels awfully sore and tired. He wants to sleep and never wake up, he wants all the hurt to disappear. He wants to wake up and for all of it to be a nightmare, he wants to wake up and be received with kisses and apologies. But he knows it won't happen, he has been wishing for it every day and it hasn't come true.

It will never become true, Dream doesn't love him, never has.

Knocking snapped him out of his head. The knocking on the door expanded loudly across the room, surprising him a bit, nobody knew where he was, no one should know. And the last person that should know is the skinny brunette boy standing in front of the door tracing patterns, -something that he knows George does when he is nervous. Exhaling he decided to open the door, facing his problems twice this week. At least it was progress, he didn't act like a coward much anymore. Maybe after all Dream had been right when they were 14, he was a good influence on him.

"George." He greets, matter of factly. He tries to not look into the eyes that are in the brinks of tears. He tries really hard to not run back inside, closing the door into his ex-boyfriend’s face. But most of all he tries really hard to not crush the other in a hard hug. He has always been his safe space, the only place to calm him down was his arms. George, it's always been sweet precious George.

"Sap, I have been looking for you everywhere. Can I come inside? Please?"

He moves to let him in. It's the least he can do if he went through the trouble of trying to find him even after he went radio silent for three whole days. Since he left the house, the place he used to call home.

"Sap. I want to know what happened. I want to hear your side of the story, please."

"Gogy, sit down." He says pointing at the sofa behind him "I will bring you a glass of water and then we can talk, okay?"

He goes into the kitchen without even waiting for the other's response. His mind is running one hundred miles a minute, he has to collect his thoughts. George deserves to know, he deserves to get all the information. He knows it, he knows he will probably break multiple times, the sting of rejection still deep encrusted into his heart. But, He has nothing to lose anymore, he has lost everything already.

There's the little voice again, telling him that he should have kept quiet. He should have put up with it, he should have ignored it. He would still have a place to call home and people that loved him or pretended they did.

He takes a final deep breath and steps into the room his ex-lover is in. He has to face his fears, his doubts. He hopes George understands him, he desperately hopes he doesn't hate him for leaving.

"here you go!" He feigns normalcy, his usual state of happiness while taking a seat at the other's side. He watches, he watches as his friend gulps down the water in seconds.

"thank you" he whispers, like confiding a big secret between them. Like if he speaks louder the atmosphere would break.

Nick shifts uncomfortably, he doesn't know how to start. How to drop all the hurt into George. He finds himself still wanting to cover for Dream, he finds himself fighting the part of him telling to lie. Telling to lie to the older about Dream never loving him.

He is tired, he is so tired of covering for Dream. He is tired of wanting and pushing and still drowning in loneliness. He is exhausted, he has been fighting so hard for a love he never had.

"Gogy. Dream doesn't love me." He decides to let out. Because it is so much easier to be upfront, to accept the ugly truth. He is afraid, he is afraid to speak it into existence, even when he knows it is already a fact.

"Sap-"

"No, George. Please let me finish" He says momentarily angry, and then takes it back immediately when he sees the other freeze. It's not George's fault, he shouldn't get angry at him when he has done nothing wrong."I- George. I am just tired, so tired of being the second-best."

He doesn't let George interrupt him, he continues "He has never cared about me the way he does about you. And I thought I could endure it, that if I fought hard enough he would see me as someone worthy of his love." He shudders, he feels the first stray tears falling down. And he is entirely thankful for George when he still doesn't interrupt him.

When he holds his hand after asking for permission.

"George, he has been ignoring me for so long. He never did anything with me, he never took me out on a date. He never initiated anything but sex. And I was honestly over the moon whenever he decided to use me. I was, I am so in love with him that I accepted the little unimportant touches as affection. I deluded myself to not notice that he gave you so much more without asking, that with you he couldn't keep his hands to himself when with me it seemed like a chore." He lets himself break, lets George hug him tightly.

In his arms he feels like he can breathe again, he feels the hurt dissipate a little. He loves George, he loves him so much, he is glad he is here, he is so glad he is showing affection to him. He missed his touches, his soft comforting words.

"Pandas, I am so sorry. I should have noticed. I should have noticed how much it was hurting you. I don't know, I should-"

"George, baby. It has never been your fault. I do not blame you. You were so incredibly good to me, you always went out of your way to include me in everything, you were the one inviting me on all your dates and I will be forever thankful for that. When I felt rejected and lonely you were always there reassuring me, kissing me till I forgot."

"Sap, I love you so much. You have no idea" He is desperate, he wants to be closer, to be tied to the younger till the end of it all. "I don't want to lose you"

"You will never lose me Georgie." He grips his hand back, giving a little smile "You will always be my friend. You both make a wonderful couple and even if right now I am hurting I will always be happy for you and Dream."

"No, Sap. You don't understand. I want to be with you. I can't be without you. These three days have been the worst, I don’t have anyone to bicker with, I don’t have anyone to cuddle me and warm me up on cold nights. I don't have you Pandas. I just can't go back to Dream. I feel like, even if he doesn't see it that way, you were the glue keeping us together. I need space, I need silent love, I need you so much it's suffocating."

"George- I don't understand"

"Nick, Sap, Pandas- there's nothing to understand. I want to be with you, I want you to be my boyfriend. I want you to hold me and never leave me again." Sapnap can't see a single sign of it being fake, a single sign to doubt the British boy. He is confused, why him? Even the fans know George and Dream make a better couple, he has always been the third wheel...

"But, I thought-" he says silently, sharing a look, asking about Dream without his name leaving his mouth. George has always understood him like there is a telepathic connection between them. His friends always joked about it, using wild theories to explain the phenomenon. But there wasn't anything magical, they just got each other in a way no one understood them. Not even Clay.

"I still love him, sap. I know you still do too but I can't be with him. I can't forgive him. I just can't phantom how many lies he has been telling. How long he waited for the truth to leave his mouth." He pauses for a second, still looking into his eyes.

"It's like he tried to hurt you deliberately, Sap. Make you leave on your own so he held no responsibility for it."

"I guess... He kinda accomplished it"

George continues, not even giving importance to his last comment. "He pushed so hard for us to get together even when I was doubtful. And then it was all a lie, all the conversations we had before getting together, talking about how much we both wanted you, liked you. And- and it was all fake Sap. How could he?" He doesn't stop just yet, trying to explain it the best he can.

"I can't accept him telling me to forget about you, to act as if you never existed. He keeps pushing his narrative into me, the narrative of us being perfect for each other. Sweetheart, he just doesn't realize that by pushing you out constantly he brought us closer. To the point, I can live without him but not you, never you."

"So, what? you broke up with him?" He is puzzled, to say the least, he never expected it.

"Yes, I did. I don't know how I didn't realize it earlier. How hard he begged and how he cried sap, how he fought for me to not leave him when he looked expressionless four days ago. It hurt a lot, seeing the favoritism in first hand but it cemented my decision even more. I wanted him to come with me, I wanted him to fix our relationship, I wanted him to love us equally sap. But he couldn't and I couldn't support it."

"George" He whispers, lost for words. His heart aches at the thought of Dream not even crying about him leaving and breaking down at George doing so. It still leaves a bad taste in his mouth how much time he lost trying to make himself feel loved by the taller. How stupid he had been to give that much love to someone that didn't deserve it.

"Sap, please. I miss you so much. Please be my boyfriend again"

He isn't sure, he isn't sure if it is called moving on too fast if you replace your ex-boyfriend with your other ex-boyfriend who was always there to begin with. He doesn't know if he can fill the shoes the presence of Clay left in George, he doesn't know if he is enough for the brunette. The only other monogamous couple he had been part of turned into a three-way one when George got in. And it had all been fake, it had been a way to get to George.

But George isn't Dream, George isn't Clay. He has to make himself remember it. He has never left him alone or made him feel less than another person. He has always given him his full attention even in the silliest things. His boyfriend? George? Being just his? That didn't sound bad at all.

"I will" He lets himself be happy, in the arms of George. He laughs, happiness filling his heart till the tipping point. He falls back onto the sofa giggling with George in his arms, hugging him into a demolishing hug. He has never felt more loved and wanted, he is crying once again. Tears of joy spilling over and over again while George repeats like a mantra the littles 'love yous' kissing multiple parts of his torso. He laughs quietly, vibrating at the touches of the delicate fingers making circles in his arms.

George slides till he is right in front of his face, bodies still touching. "Hi," he whispers, smiling dumbly. The other leaves an amused chuckle and then proceeds to look into his eyes. He nods.

Warmth engulfs him, makes him fly in his head when George finally cuts the space between them. Softly kissing, without any intention of escalating it, just kissing him slowly like he is trying to remember how he tastes. Nick has never felt more elated in his life, bringing his hands to George's hair and gently pulling. Showing how much he needs the other too, how much he missed him, how he wishes the kiss to never end. For them to never be apart again.

After what felt like an eternity they separate, eyes still closed and cheeks full of blood. They act like teenagers, smiling and laughing a little into the others' multiple kisses they share. This is what heaven must feel like, Nick decides some time after. Still on the sofa with their limbs tangled and smiles on their faces as they fall asleep between silly conversations, shared kisses and a promise to heal together. To never leave the other.

The sun rises and a new day begins. This time he isn't alone anymore, he has George at his side like so many other times but this time it feels important, it feels amazing to call the other his.

He doesn't feel lonely. He won't feel like that for a while, or ever.