Chapter Text
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Natasha greeted you happily. But not long after, the smile that adorned her face fell, at your state.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” She rushed forward, but you stopped her from touching you or getting any closer.
“D. Don’t.”
“What? Y/N what’s going on? You’re scaring me,” Natasha spoke honestly, the worry and anxiety sky-rocketing inside of her, coming out through her voice.
“I…” you started, no knowing how to say the words. So instead, Natasha watched as you disappeared around the corner of your shared bedroom doorway.
Only for Natasha to gasp when you returned with sad eyes and a small child in your arms. No more than two.
“What happened?” she finally came the full distance to you, placing one of her hands against your ribs, the other coming up to rub lightly against the child’s shoulder. “I thought it was just a normal intel mission?”
“It. It was,” you stuttered, trying to keep the tears at bay, “But.” You swallowed and took a deep, shaky breath. Natasha’s hand that was on your ribs moved to rub comfortingly into your arm, pity in her eyes at what the mission had put you through. Even if she didn’t know what had happened just yet. “But, they were doing experiments there” you whispered.
She gasped again, looking up at the child that sat on your arm, their head shaved and tucked into your neck, watching the red-head with cautious eyes. Before Natasha’s eyes returned to yours when you started talking again.
“So, we just grabbed all the kids and ran.”
“All? You mean there was more than one?” You nodded. “How many?”
“I don’t know,” you uttered, “Like fifty? Sixty? There was too many to count.”
“Oh, God,” Natasha breathed, tears starting to prickle against her eyes.
“We. We called adoption agencies, foster homes, orphanages. Anywhere that could take them. But still, after all that, they couldn’t take them all. Tony took two home, Steve and Bucky took one, Clint even took one. And well…-”
“No. No, don’t. I understand, Honey. I would have done the same thing. So, don’t you even dare try to apologise.”
“What do we do, Nat?” A few tears finally escaped your eyes, at your whispered question.
“I don’t know.” Natasha shook her head. “But we’ll figure it out.”
She wiped away a tear from your cheek, as a little hand came up to do the same on the other side of your face. You turned, smiling through your tears at the small child watching you intently.
“Hi.” You sniffled. “Don’t worry, I’m okay now.”
Natasha began rubbing their back, trying to comfort them, just like she did to you not too long ago.
God. She had such a big heart.
To say you grew “heart-eyes” for her at that moment, would be nothing but accurate. Even more so when she began talking to the child now looking at her.
“Hello, Dear. Are you okay? You don’t need to be afraid now, we’re not going to let anything bad happen to you, while you’re with us,” Natasha promised. Surprise done in her eyes when the child suddenly reached out for Natasha, leaning forward and out of your arms, as if to make their point clearer.
The red-head plucked them from your arms, cradling them to her body, the child’s small head, resting against Natasha’s shoulder sleepily.
“Are they a boy or a girl?” she asked you.
You shrugged.
“I don’t know. All of the looked practically the same. Buzzed hair, stained white clothes… all sad and scared…” you said sadly, “All but their hair and skin colours.”
“My God,” Natasha whispered. Looking down, taking note of the child’s stained clothes. Noticing just how dirty the child seemed to be.
“Well,” she started, “Looks like we definitely need to give this little one a bath.”
You smiled nodding along with Natasha, following her into the bathroom when she told you too.
***
Bath time was quite successful, considering you had to bathe a small child.
Who turned out to be a girl.
You had dressed her in one of your soft t-shirts, considering you owned none that were her size. The green one that Natasha always seemed to steal from you. -Not that she didn’t take all of your clothes- The red-head choosing that one for the little girl to hear, herself. Which only brought a bright smile to your face.
The t-shirt covered her like a dress. The hem, trailing along the floor, as she looked up at you and Natasha. Who were giggling at how cute she looked.
She raised her arms up for one of you to pick her up, which Natasha jumped at the chance. Picking the small girl up, and raising her high above her head, spinning around while making aeroplane noises. Causing the small child to laugh loudly.
The feeling that filled you, as you watched the scene before you, one that was close to something you regularly felt for Natasha. Which could only be best described as “heart-eyes”.
But this was different.
It was something new.
But it was, in no way, unwelcome.
Now, here you were.
Resting in bed, with the girl in between Natasha and yourself. You, scrolling through your phone, as the tv played mindlessly in the background. While Natasha lay on her side, the relaxing haze of sleep washing throughout her body, but just not enough for her to fall into dreamland. The same could not be said for the child in between the two of you.
The girl snoozed softly against the cosy bed-sheets, you assumed this was probably the best sleep she’s ever had. Which saddened you to your core. You glanced down, seeing that she was still in the same position as she was the last time you checked. On her stomach, facing you, her lips puckered and slightly parted, releasing little breaths against the mattress. You smiled at the sight. Natasha’s hand still rubbing against her back.
Your smile widened as you remembered how Natasha had tried to remove her hand from the sleeping girls back, only to get a sleepy groan of disdain when she did. Quickly moving he hand back to the girls back so that she wouldn’t wake up, nor be upset. The whole interaction making you chuckle inwardly, and for Natasha to throw a sift glare at you, with a smile on her face.
After the second time of trying, and getting the same reaction back, Natasha just gave up on trying to remove her hand. Placing a light kiss to the back of the child’s head.
You saw this and smiled, sadness showing through it.
“Don’t get too attached,” you had said, “We don’t know how long this will last.”
“I know,” she replied, but you knew she was thinking and feeling a lot inside, but wasn’t ready to talk about it. So, you left it.
You were pulled from your memories by your girlfriend, asking you a question.
“What do we call her?”
She hadn’t even opened her eyes, and you could tell, she was just on the edge of sleep.
“I don’t know,” you replied, “We’ll figure it out.”
After that, you turned your phone off, moving to switch your bedside lamp off, too. Letting the TV play, filling the room with varying different glows, as the story arc progressed.
Leaning down, you pressed a short kiss to Natasha’s lips, feeling her returning it lightly, just as you were pulling away.
Man. She really was sleepy.
You then moved to peck the sleeping girls head, smile tugging at Natasha’s lips when she heard the small peck. Before you settled down, humming into your soft pillow, ready for some well-needed sleep.
***
Days had passed since that first night, you had brought the girl home, to yours and Natasha’s shared apartment.
The girl who you had decided to, temporarily, call Hope. Just until someone came for her.
Tony and Bruce had run tests on her- Just like they did with all the children, you all saved that day. You and Natasha, never leaving the same room as they did so. Never even leaving her side, if you could help it.
The men had deducted that Hope, was one year and eight months old. Within the one year and six months to just turned two years, that all of the other children were.
They told you that she was a very healthy little girl. Just as healthy as the rest. Them all being practically the same, only slightly more resilient than any other child their age.
From the data and intel you managed to require from the base, you had discovered that the children were some sort of “test-tube babies”. Used to make HYDRA a, basically, infinite source of soldiers.
The thought that in fifteen or so years, you could have been on the battlefield. Fighting against the child that now sat upon your lap, munching away at some apple slices. That you- Or the red-head, humming away in the kitchen, as she washed the pots in the sink, could have killed her, and you wouldn’t have ever known. Filled you with such horror. Such heartache.
But you were thankful.
Thankful that you had saved her- And all of the other children before that could ever happen.
Thankful that you had sent multiple teams back to that base, to gather all of the information that was in there. Then blowing the place to smithereens, before HYDRA could ever get their hands on it. That they would never be able to do this again. And if they did. Then it would take years just to get back to the point of even testing that the equipment worked.
And those were things you could, truly, be thankful for.
You looked over your shoulder, as Natasha came walking back into the room, smiling brightly at you and the girl in your lap.
Bending over the arm of the chair to get a better look at Hope, she asks the girl peering up at her, “You enjoying those, Hope? They yummy-yummy?”
The girl nods her head, not really understanding what Natasha said, but nodded along anyway. Because of the red-heads enthusiasm.
You assumed because of her situation that she didn’t really understand much of what you were saying. Well, less than a regular child her age. And for that same reason, is why she didn’t talk. Because she didn’t know how too. It’s not like you and Natasha haven’t tried. You have. A lot. And in many different languages. But still, nothing.
However, you let her take her time. It would happen eventually.
You just hoped you got to see it.
“Yeah,” you said in that same tone, “You gonna thank her? It’s one of the only things she can make! Chopped up apples.”
Natasha squinted her eyes at you in a playful glare, before pushing your head to the side, and away from looking at her. Then moving back down, to talk with the child on your lap.
“Can you say ‘apple’?” she asked, picking up one of the thinly cut slices of the girl’s snack. Holding it in between both of their faces. “'Apple’?”
The child said nothing. Only reaching out for the pice of fruit Natasha held up to her in demonstration. Whilst chewing on the slice of apple, in her other tiny hand.
Natasha bowed her head, shaking it, as she sighed in amusement.
“Can you say 'shut up’?” you asked, getting the girl to look up at you, while she ate.
“Go on,” you egged her on, “Tell her. Tell her to 'shut up’. Go on, do it,” you continued, gesturing to Natasha with your finger.
“Is she silly?” Natasha asked, gaining the girl’s attention, once again, and a bright smile in return, “Am I gonna kick her ass late? Yes, I am!”
“Wait, baby. No.”
“Too late.”
***
Watching a grown-ass man roaring and pretending to be a “Tony-Saurus-Rex”, as four children happily ran around the room, trying to escape his dreaded “tickle claws”. Had to be one of the purest things the world could ever see, hands down.
Morgan, Elijah, Phoebe -the two children that Tony had brought back to his home-, and Hope, having the time of their little lives.
The fearsome “Tony-Saurus-Rex” had scheduled this play date, saying that Hope had to be around children more her age and that he had done the same with Steve and Bucky’s temporary child. Considering Clint already had kids for the girl he took home to play with. And who were you to say no and leave Hope out of all the fun?
Natasha sat by your side on the small love seat. Her palm holding her chin as her elbow rested on the arm of the chair.
You could clearly see how much Natasha love this. It was plain as day.
And you felt the exact same.
You loved this. You loved it all.
God, this was gonna hurt like hell.
You were dreading what was to come in the next few days.
However, you were pulled from your thoughts by the little girl, you have quickly come to adore, came barrelling into yours and Natasha’s legs. Squealing as Tony ran towards her, before getting distracted, and deciding to chase after another running child.
“Hey, sweety!” You smiled.
“Was he gonna get ya?” Natasha asked while you both helped the little girl up, for her to sit in between you.
The girl panted in between you, watching as Tony continued playing with the other kids. Just as she looked about ready to join in again, Pepper called out from the kitchen.
“Okay, come on! It’s snack time!”
“Snack time?” Tony popped up from his hunched “Tony-Saurus-Rex” form. Effectively showing the kids that his dreaded, dinosaur, alter-ego was now safely tucked away. And now there was only a genius, grown man, excited about snacks, left in its wake.
“Wow, you are such a child,” you said to the man.
Before Tony could remark his, undoubtedly sarcastic, reply to you. Pepper spoke up again.
“Come on. There’s snacks for you guys, too.”
“We get snacks?” you straightened in your seat.
“Oh, you call Tony, a child,” Natasha said while standing, picking up the girl that was sat in between you both, and placing her on her hip. Begining to make her way towards the kitchen, watching you over her shoulder.
“I want snacks,” was all that you could say in defence.
***
The day finally arrived.
The day you and Natasha were both dreading.
The day you had to say goodbye to Hope.
The care-worker had just arrived, and you flashed her a sad, tight-lipped smile. Welcoming her into your home. Introducing her to the little girl, sat contently watching cartoons, on Natasha’s lap.
The diaper bag was packed, along with a duffel, holding all of the stuff Natasha and yourself bought for her. The car-seat by the bags. You didn’t get much. Knowing that it wouldn’t last and that the care-worker couldn’t take it all with her, so there wasn’t any point.
And maybe. Just maybe. You hoped that it would hurt you less when you eventually had to say goodbye to the little girl.
Less things there, to remind you of her.
Less things to get rid of that would only remind you of her more.
You could tell that Natasha was on the verge of tears when the care-worker introduced herself. Which only solidified your decision to be the “strong one”. You had to be that for Natasha, right now. You had to be her rock.
Time had passed by so quick.
Too quick.
The care-worker, Mrs Penelope Keith, was getting ready to leave. Hope’s diaper bag and the duffel securely over her shoulder. She had already Taken the car-seat down to the car.
Now all that was left was for you to say goodbye.
“You be good, okay?” Natasha told the little girl, who was confused by the feelings in the room, unknown to anything that was going on. But she still used her little hands to try and wipe Natasha’s tears away, as she did with you, that first night you brought her home and she saw the red-head do that for you, “You be the big strong girl I know you are. And know I’ll always love you, okay?”
Natasha sniffled harshly, wiping the wetness from her tears, from under her nose. Moving away, so that you could say goodbye, too.
With your girlfriend standing behind you, you lowered yourself to be able to look at the girl properly.
“Hi, sweety. I know you’re confused. And I know you’re gonna miss us- And trust me, we’re gonna miss you too. So much.”
You had to keep reminding yourself that this is what you had to do.
You couldn’t raise a child.
“You go live your life, okay? And when you do. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or can’t do with it.”
Except you were raising a child.
“I love you, kiddo.”
And you liked it.
“We really should be going now,” Mrs Keith said, bending down to pick up the girl, who stood on wobbly legs.
Natasha rushed forward, taking one last chance to say goodbye.
“Goodbye, my sweet little one,” she said, cradling Hope’s small, chubby, little cheeks, between her fingers. Pressing a love-filled kiss to her forehead.
You bent over slightly, once Natasha came to a stand by your side. Hand’s holding the tops of the girl’s arms, just staring straight into her eyes. Unable to say anything more than you already had, you just moved to press a kiss just as loving, into the same place Natasha had.
You stepped back finally, wrapping an arm around Natasha’s shoulders. Pulling her into your side as she cried softly. Both of you moving to follow Mrs Keith and Hope through the door. To watch them leave your lives forever.
You paused in the hallway, just outside your apartment door. Watching sadly, as they walked away from you.
You weren’t able to decipher- Or even understand, the mass-amount of emotions swirling around inside of you.
All you knew was that they hurt you worse than getting shot.
And it increased by the second when Hope turned her head back to peer at you and Natasha, over Mrs Keith’s shoulder. The discomfort, showing on her face, clear as day.
She didn’t understand what was happening, but she didn’t like it.
She didn’t like it, one bit.
Your heart ached worse than it did before when you saw the tears quickly fill her eyes, and she reached out over the care-workers shoulder, for you both, as she whimpered.
“Baby,” Natasha whispered to you tearfully.
“I know.” You tugged her closer to your side, squeezing her shoulder gently, “I know.”
If you thought your heart broke before, it was nothing compared to what happened next.
When Hope started crying. No. Bawling.
Oh, God. You couldn’t do this.
But you had too.
It was for the best.
But the best for who…?
Not for you and Natasha.
And certainly not for little Hope.
You wondered why this hurt you so much. You had promised yourself that you wouldn’t get attached. Stopped yourself from getting too attached to the little girl you rescued and brought home.
That you cared so much for.
And now. Here you were.
Holding a weeping Natasha close to your body, so she wouldn’t run over and take Hope from Mrs Keith’s arms.
So, that she wouldn’t have to let the little girl go again.
Just as Mrs Keith was about to start descending the stairs, only solidifying your final goodbyes to the child.
Something you thought you’d never get to witness, happened.
“Mommy!” Hope cried out, reaching for her red-headed mother.
Natasha Sobbed out, and you were gobsmacked. The tears you had been trying so hard to keep at bay, flowing freely down your cheeks.
And you knew what you had to do.
You loosened your hold on Natasha. Letting the love of your life run out of your arms, and to her little girl.
Mrs Keith stopped walking, as soon as she heard the quick footsteps behind her. Allowing Natasha to pull the child from her grasp, cradling her to her body. Just like she did that first night you brought her home.
Natasha span around to face you, her eyes red, and tears streaming down her face, as you continued to stride over to the small group.
“Y/N, I can’t do this,” she breathed, almost begging you, “I. I can’t. I can’t. Y/N-”
“I know. I know,” you said, pulling the two crying girls into your arms, just thankful that Hope’s cried were subsiding, now that she was in Natasha’s arms. “I know.” Looking deep into her emerald eyes, you finally confessed what you had been feeling all along, “I can’t do this either, baby.”
Natasha sniffed wetly, then pressed her face into your chest.
You both knew that you had no other option. You had to let her go.
It wasn’t like Mrs Keith could leave a child, who wasn’t legally yours, nor did you have the conformation to foster -as of right now, you hadn’t thought you needed to bother. Now you realise how wrong you were-. So, she couldn’t leave Hope in your care. That just wasn’t how it worked.
But with both of your girls in your arms, you knew that you would do whatever it took to bring Hope home.
To bring your little girl- Your daughter. Back home.