Chapter Text
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Those were the first words to tumble from Chat Noir’s lips, his smile too overeager, too happy to be genuine.
“I didn't-”
“Girl, you have GOT to be kidding me,” Rena Rouge interrupted, whirling on her the second her feet touched the rooftop. “I thought we were friends!?! Who is it? Pegasus? Viperion?”
“I thought he was dating Ryuko,” Carapace jumped in.
“I’m not-” Ladybug opened her mouth to explain, only to be interrupted. She couldn’t really blame Alya (who only had fifteen Ladynoir pinterest boards and showed them off to anyone who so much as mentioned the superhero duo).
“Oh, right,” Rena Rouge nodded. “Otherwise she totally would’ve been my next guess.” The fox heroine turned to her desperately. “Please don’t tell me it’s Tigresse. I’ve been working on my Tigerella fanfic for months.”
“Guys, can you calm down for-”
“King Monkey, maybe?” Carapace guessed as Chat plopped down on the edge of the building, failing at not looking miserable. “He doesn’t really seem like he’s her type, but you never know.”
Rena Rogue cut her off again. “I swear, if it’s Vesperia and I didn’t see it coming…” The heroine buried her face in her hands. “Ladybug you better explain. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore!”
Instantly, three sets of eyes locked on her, begging for clarification. Ladybug took a deep breath.
“Guys, I’m not dating anyone.”
“But you said-” Rena protested.
“I know and I’m sorry!” she cried, trying not to look at Chat as her face heated. Not that it meant anything. Obviously. “The reporters kept asking all these questions and I just wanted to get out of there and it slipped out.”
It was hard to miss the flash of relief in Chat’s eyes.
“So, let me get this straight,” Carapace said, staring at her incredulously. “Your grand plan to get out of a stressful press conference was to tell everyone in Paris on live television that you’re dating someone on our team?”
It sounded a lot worse when he said it out loud.
“I panicked,” Ladybug admitted with a wince.
Carapace breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, at least you can just admit that and everything will go back to normal.”
Rena Rouge and Chat Noir glanced at each other knowingly and almost simultaneously burst into giggles, as if he had said something hilarious.
“That doesn’t sound like a good sign,” Ladybug swung her yo-yo in an anxious circle.
“Trust me when I say it will not work out like that,” Chat Noir smirked somewhat bitterly in the light of the setting sun.
Rena waved her hand across the sky as if she could already read the headlines written on the clouds. “ Shocking Reveal - Ladybug Tells All. ”
“I could just tell them the truth,” she tried to protest.
“ Heroes Attempt to Cover up the Truth ,” Alya finished, stopping the yo-yo’s frantic circle with her flute.
Ladybug groaned, wanting to kick something, preferably Hawkmoth’s stupid face.
“And of course it's right around the anniversary,” Chat Noir reminded her.
“Uh, no it’s not,” Carapace glanced at her partner like he was crazy.
And he kinda was. She distinctly remembered a picnic with a certain kitty on the rooftops near where she ‘fell from heaven’ as they watched a parade of small children stream by, wearing Stoneheart cosplay only a few months ago.
“Not that anniversary,” Chat Noir deflated a little. “I was talking about Oblivio.”
Her brain screeched to a halt.
“This just keeps getting better and better,” she groaned.
Carapace and Rena exchanged a glance. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“After a certain Ladyblogger posted a photo of me and Chat,” she locked her gaze on Rena, relishing the moment a little too much. “Some of the fans seem to have gotten it into their heads that Kitty and I are destined to get together on that day.
“Generally involving a week full of frustrated Ladynoir-shipping akumas,” Chat jumped in. “And one exhausted and pointedly not together bug and cat.”
Ladybug giggled. “Okay, you have to admit, some of them are kinda funny.”
The cat hero snorted. “I wouldn’t call Aphrodite funny.”
“What about the fanfic style one?” she nudged his knee playfully, trying to see if banter would help cheer him up. “You have to admit, throwing mugs at the akuma during the coffee shop AU was the best.”
A hint of a real smirk flickered across her partner’s lips.
“You called me sweet when you dumped all that sugar in my hair,” she reminded him.
“It was an accident!” he protested with a grin.
“Yeah, right ,” Ladybug crossed her arms. “You were supposed to throw it at him . You totally did it on purpose!”
Chat clutched his chest, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “I can’t believe you would have such little faith in me, m’lady!!”
Both of them somehow missed the knowing glance their best friends shot each other.
All their weapons buzzed simultaneously, doubtlessly with an update from the news. Chat Noir flicked open his baton and sighed, showing the headline to the rest of them.
“Which of Our Heroes is Ladybug’s Boyfriend?”
Her partner scrolled through the article, grumbling under his breath.
Carapace raised his eyebrows under his hood. “Bold of them to assume you don't have a girlfriend.”
“I wish I could say that it’s bold of them to assume I’m dating anyone at all,” she sighed. “But I kinda started this so I guess I can’t blame them.”
“THAT’S IT!” Rena Rouge leapt to her feet, nearly knocking her boyfriend’s shell over the edge of the roof.
“What?” Ladybug glanced at her comrades to check if they had the slightest idea of what was going on.
“You told the press that you’re dating one of us on the hero team, right ?” the fox heroine asked excitedly.
“Yes?” Ladybug answered hesitantly. “You were there too.”
“Not the point,” her friend waved the comment off. “The only solution that doesn’t end in even more akuma attacks is fairly obvious.”
The other three glanced at each other to see if they had gotten it.
“COME ON GUYS,” Alya sighed. “Ladybug just has to pretend to be dating one of us for a few weeks. Think about it. They go out on a few dates, cue general excitement from Paris about the first official hero couple, tragically break up after a few weeks and everything goes back to normal.”
Ladybug shrugged. “I guess it could work.”
“Why does this sound way too similar to the basic plot for any fake dating fanfic?” Chat Noir hissed in the nearby turtle hero’s ear.
Or hood by where his ear should be.
“Probably because that's exactly what it is,” Carapace whispered back.
Rena smirked.
“And I happy to know of an available cat who would be happy to take-”
Her triumphant Ladynoir wingwoman grin fell from her face as the duo shook their heads in unison.
“Bad idea,” Chat Noir admitted. “I don’t want to think about the worldwide cat astrophe that could occur after out ‘breakup.’”
“It would be like last Valentine’s day, but infinitely worse,” Ladybug jumped in, wincing at the memory of yet another love akuma that nearly burned Paris to the ground in its mission to make its OTP kiss.
Not that kissing Chat was such a bad thing. He was kinda good-
She cut off that mental track before it could get anywhere.
“Well, who else are you going to fake-date?” Alya asked. “I mean, I would totally be up for the job, but…”
She gestured at her boyfriend.
Carapace’s silence spoke for itself.
“Uh, babe?” Rena nudged him with her boot.
“Yeah?” he said with a grin.
“You can’t actually be considering this.”
“Why not?” he shrugged. “It’s not like anyone in Paris will know any better.”
“Hawkmoth could target me!” Alya pointed out. “He knows where I live!”
Carapace shrugged. “I mean, he could do that anyway.”
“Still, this could…” her voice trailed off. “Uh- why you aren’t fighting me on this.”
The turtle hero shrugged. “I guess I don’t see a problem with it, dudette. As long as both you and Ladybug are cool with it, then I’m not going to stop you.”
“You’re supposed to be my voice of reason!” Rena Rouge stared at him like he had just admitted to secretly being Chlo é’s BFF. “Are you secretly a sentimonster or something?”
Nino raised his hands innocently. “I’m just trying to be a supportive boyfriend and help you reach your dreams.”
“By handing me off to the first bug who wants to date me?”
Carapace fell back dramatically. “Babe, did you see Ladybug today,” he cried in an impression of his girlfriend's voice. “The way she stuck that landing and then she winked at me and I swear I died . No offense babe, but if Ladybug ever asked me out, I would break up with you in an instant.”
Rena turned bright red.
Ladybug giggled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You’re cool with this?” Rena spun on her.
“I mean, if Carapace is,” she smirked. “Sounds like it's the closest to a realistic relationship I’m going to get.”
Rena Rouge buried her head in her hands. “Hold on. I need to go scream on a rooftop.”
“Take all the time you need, babe,” Carapace called after her.
Ladybug smirked, grabbing her hand and kissing it like Chat would sometimes do for her (which totally didn’t leave her in a stuttering mess afterwards. Obviously.). “Yeah, babe . Take all the time you need.”
Rena Rouge turned red and fled.
“Whoops,” Ladybug turned back to Carapace with a sheepish grin on her face. “Too much?”
“Just because you’re fake dating my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can steal her,” Carapace nodded. “Don’t worry. She’ll be back in a few minutes and fully on board with this.”
“I should go and talk to her,” Ladybug said as she bit her lip nervously. She waved to Chat in a TOTALLY NORMAL WAY as she leapt over the rooftops.
***
The ribbons on her pigtails fluttered in the evening wind as Chat Noir watched her vault over the rooftop after her possible future fake-girlfriend.
Carapace whistled. “Dude, you’ve got it bad.”
Adrien’s face heated as he punched the turtle hero's arm. “Shut up.”
“Have you considered telling her that, you know, you still love her?”
Chat Noir laughed bitterly. “And watch her heart rip in half as she tells me yet again that we could never be more than friends? No thanks.” He glanced away. “I’d rather give up my miraculous.”
The sounds of the city that echoed off the rooftops awkwardly filled the void between them.
Finally, Chat Noir asked. “So, wait, are we actually doing this?”
Carapace nodded. “We’re superheroes. It’s our duty to protect Paris. If the only way for us to do that is for my girlfriend to pretend-date yours, then it’s a sacrifice we have to make.”