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It starts subtly.
Really. Jisung probably would not have seen it coming. He never does in these kinds of situations anyways. There is a reason why he is called the oblivious one in his friend group.
But, the first time it happens is on his eighteenth birthday.
After taking a glance at the clock – it’s ten minutes to midnight – Jisung makes sure to lock his bedroom door before getting out of the window. He jumps down on the ground just like he has been doing for the past five years.
He stealthily makes his way through his backyard and reaches to the foot of a familiar ladder, leaning against the house he considers as his second home.
He smiles. He climbs up only to find that the window is closed. Jisung impatiently starts rapping against the glass. In his peripheral vision, he can see a figure stirring on the bed.
Jisung knocks again.
The window is soon slid up by an annoyed Changbin. “What the hell, Ji?”
Jisung pays him no heed and climbs through his best friend's slash neighbour's window. He jumps on the bed, the scent of Changbin’s cinnamon body wash immediately enveloping him in a warm embrace.
Changbin walks, looming right on the edge of his bed. His hair is messed up, pyjamas crumpled up and if Jisung squints closer, he can see the sleepy lines on his face. Jisung would have felt guilty for waking Changbin up in the middle of the night but today is a special day.
Sitting up, he puts on his best set of puppy eyes and pats on the spot right next to him. Changbin rolls his eyes but listens obediently. They lie down, both covered under Changbin’s expensive blankets, shoulders and thighs pressed to each other.
They lay in silence until the alarm indicating that it is midnight goes off on Jisung's phone. The birthday boy turns his head and eagerly announces, “It’s my birthday.”
Changbin shifts, lying on his right side and laughs. “What’s up with you? You are usually not that excited for your birthday.”
Jisung hums.
Changbin is not completely wrong per se. But, he also doesn’t know that this particular birthday is going to be special.
Jisung has a secret.
The Han family has been the recipient of a huge blessing. Every person born in the Han lineage will receive a special ability on their eighteenth birthday. It differs from person to person but they usually get a gist of it from the beginning.
“It’s just a gut feeling you get,” his mother had once explained to him. Little Jisung had watched in awe as she was flying in the air, busy reading the book floating atop her.
I wonder what’s going on in his head right now.
Changbin's voice, though very light, enters Jisung's mind. He mentally whoops in victory. He knew it.
He can read people's thoughts.
Jisung was curious by nature. Why did the moon move along with him while he rode in his father's car? Why did this artist use this specific metaphor to express his feelings? Why did he keep glancing at boys in his classroom even though there were pretty girls around him? (He was just gay so yeah no explanation needed)
To put it short, Jisung always needed that ‘extra' in his life or he would never be satisfied. So, it makes sense that he has the ability to read the mind of people around him.
When he had suspected this, he had pestered his father to give him the details.
“As far as I know, you cannot read everything that is going through a person's mind. Especially their deepest thoughts.”
Jisung was mildly annoyed by this discovery. “Then how does it work?”
His father smiled. “You know our brain has many layers right?” Jisung remembers being confused but still nodding at his words.
“It’s the same with our thoughts. They are divided into layers. The ones which are more prominent will always be in front which will enable you to read that person's specific thoughts.”
Jisung concluded, “So if for example, you are feeling hungry right now, your first thought is gonna be about that right? And I will be able to hear that?”
Then he clapped his hands as he finally understood, “It can depend on their moods as well. If their aura is radiating strong emotions, I will be able to read that.”
His father patted his head.
Jisung is brought back to reality when Changbin snaps his fingers in front of his eyes. “Are you okay, Ji?”
“Never been better,” he replies. Changbin scrunches his eyebrows in suspicion but he does not say anything else.
Putting out his hand forward, Jisung demands, “Where is my gift?”
With absolutely zero shame, Changbin gives him a finger heart and wishes him, “Happy birthday, bro!”
Jisung swears at him and slaps him hard on his chest. His best friend pretends to be hurt and puts on a dramatic show which is obviously not Oscars worthy. Jisung tells him exactly that. They both dissolve into giggles when Changbin sticks his tongue out at him.
When their laughter dies down, Jisung notices the way Changbin is staring at him. His brown eyes are shining with something that Jisung cannot quite understand. His lips are drawn in a small smile. It feels intimate for some reason.
Jisung starts to find this suffocating and before his mind is clouded with unwanted thoughts, he abruptly sits up. He stammers out, “Um I- I probably should get going. It’s late.”
He is sitting on the edge of the bed, bending down to wear his shoes when he hears it.
Stay.
It’s faint, even lighter than before but it’s desperate. It’s the first time Jisung has ever heard Changbin's voice being this vulnerable. It messes with his brain.
He whips his head to look at Changbin who is leaning against the headboard. With an unreadable expression on his face, he waves him off, “Yeah you should go. See you tomorrow, Ji.”
He shakes his head, attempting to dissolve the creeping thoughts at the back of his head. He is just over analysing things. Jisung gives Changbin a finger salute before leaving.
Back at home, Jisung falls asleep as soon as his head hits his pillow – special powers and the look on Changbin's face long forgotten.
For the next few days, Jisung learns how to properly control his powers. With the help of his eager parents and the old traditional family book, Jisung is able to figure out the extent his powers can go.
He can now tune in and out of a person's thoughts whenever he wants. He can also choose not to read what is going on in people's heads especially when he is in a crowd. The first time it happened, the stream of everyone's thoughts entered his brain and he had almost fainted on the spot. He has not quite mastered it but he is learning it gradually.
💭
Jisung is blowing his bubble gum, eyes stuck on his watch. Mr. Park keeps making weird gestures as he explains the hidden messages of a literature work. He is bored out of his mind. As soon as the bell for the lunch rings, Jisung grabs his stuff and is the first one to leave the classroom.
On his way out, he bumps into Minho. The cat-eyed boy nods his head in acknowledgement.
“Heading for lunch, hyung?” Jisung asks as they start walking together towards the cafeteria. Minho hums.
Jisung first met Minho when Chan introduced him at a mutual friend's party. He was supposed to graduate and be in college just like Chan but he had to repeat his last year in high school because he was abroad for a year.
He and Minho do not hang out that often but he considers him as a good friend.
Entering the cafeteria, Jisung spots Changbin and Seungmin sitting at their usual spot. He enthusiastically waves at Seungmin who gives an eye roll in response. Jisung does not miss the way Minho's gaze lingers on his friend.
It’s about time he makes use of his birthday gift. Jisung wanted to confirm something for a while now. He innocently asks Minho, “Hey hyung! Why don’t you join us for lunch today?”
Minho’s eyes widen comically as he points at himself. “Yeah it’s gonna be fun!” then Jisung adds, "Felix and Hyunjin will be there. You know them from the dance club right?”
“Yeah sure why not,” Minho shrugs his shoulders as if he does not care. Jisung would have believed it except for a tiny detail.
Oh fuck Seungmin is going to be there. Please get your act together Minho. You need to act cool.
Jisung tries his hardest not to laugh at Minho's internal monologue. Who would have thought the sexy, hot and famous Lee Minho would be losing his cool over Jisung's cute friend?
They take their food trays and sit down side by side, opposite to Changbin and Seungmin. Soon enough, Felix and Hyunjin join them. The table erupts in shouts and cheers, different conversations flowing around. Jisung cannot keep up.
Instead, he keeps glancing at Minho who is currently talking to Seungmin. At one point, Seungmin compliments Minho on his dancing, his ears instantly going red from the praise. Seungmin then laughs while Minho is mockingly imitating a teacher whom they both hate.
Lord please help me. He looks so cute with his braces.
Jisung is having the time of his life. His cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing at Minho's gay panic. He taps Minho on his shoulders and gestures to him to come closer. Minho complies.
He whispers in his ears, “So you and Seungmin, huh?
Jisung laughs as Minho blushes deeply. He pinches Jisung's thigh in retaliation. Jisung slaps his arm playfully.
Jisung is about to tease Minho further when Changbin's voice echoes in his mind.
I want to punch him in the fucking face.
Even if Jisung did not have the ability to hear Changbin's thoughts, the glare that he is sending Minho is enough to prove that his anger is directed at the boy sitting next to Jisung.
The first thing that goes through Jisung's head is that Changbin looks unbelievably hot when he is angry. His stomach churns. Then, he quickly shakes it off because he can’t be thinking about his best friend like this. Right?
Throughout the rest of lunchtime, Jisung observes Changbin. He is mostly silent ; engaging in small talk whenever someone mentions him in passing. But, for some weird reason that Jisung cannot figure out, Changbin has a scowl on his face whenever he looks at Minho. Even when lunch is over, as Changbin is accompanying Jisung to his class, he still has that sour look on his face.
Not being able to digest it anymore, Jisung snaps. “Seriously hyung? What’s your problem with Minho hyung?”
Changbin stops dead in his tracks. He looks a bit guilty but manages to lift his chin up as if he has not done anything wrong despite being caught. “What do you mean?”
Jisung can’t help but roll his eyes, “You've been glaring at him the whole time during lunch.”
Changbin crosses his arms and Jisung hates the fact that his eyes linger on his best friend's biceps, the fabric of the shirt doing its best not to tear itself under the bulging muscles.
“Why do you care?” Changbin retorts.
Feeling irritated at his weird behaviour, Jisung exclaims in exasperation, “Because he is my friend.”
Changbin stays quiet but Jisung undeniably reads his afterthought. Do you like him?
Bewildered, Jisung sputters out. “I don’t like Minho hyung. He is just a friend.”
Changbin squints in his eyes in suspicion but Jisung maintains his gaze. After a minute, the brightest smile is etched on Changbin's face. He reaches to ruffle Jisung's hair and nods, “Good then.”
Jisung has no further time to ask questions as suddenly Changbin leans down and leaves a kiss on Jisung's right cheek.
“See you later at the game, Ji,” he says before happily sauntering off.
“See you,” Jisung whispers, long after Changbin is gone, his cheeks burning furiously.
Jisung tries his best to not think about the peck. He really does. But, it stays there at the back of his mind all day until he reaches the school's gymnasium. He can’t quite pinpoint why it bothers him so much.
He and Changbin have been best friends for a while now. They may not be that physically affectionate as their other friends but hugs and cuddles were normal between them. However, a kiss seems slightly out of place for them. Jisung mentally scolds himself for overthinking about a small peck.
It happened. Jisung liked it. A bit too much actually. But he won’t admit that.
Thankfully, he is distracted by the noise and buzz in the gymnasium. Today is the first preliminaries for the annual basketball tournament. The match is between their school, Soorim High School and Yeogang High School.
Jisung joins Felix and Jeongin in the stands. He offers them a quick smile and soon the three of them excitedly chatter about the game. Involuntarily, Jisung starts to seek Changbin on the court. As soon as the elder is done warming up, he scans the crowd. It’s Jisung's second nature by now when he reads Changbin's mind.
Where is he? Where is he?
Changbin sounds frantic. Then, he spots Jisung and immediately grins. Now that I've seen you, I know I'm going to win the game.
Jisung freezes. Changbin waves at them. From the corner of his eye, Jisung sees Felix and Jeongin waving back at him.
The game goes by a blur, Soorim High School easily bagging their win. The students erupt in cheers as they keep shouting the school slogan. A very sweaty Changbin makes his way to where they are sitting. Jisung wills his heart to stop beating so fast. He needs to stop.
“How was it?” Changbin pants out as he sits next to Jisung, attention fully focused on him. Both Felix and Jeongin start praising him but Jisung's throat forms a lump. He weakly smiles at his best friend.
Changbin does not pay heed to the other two boys. He is looking at Jisung expectantly. Jisung wants to congratulate him for winning the game, praise his god-gifted skills and even pat him on shoulders. But, he can’t stop repeating what Changbin said earlier in his head. His jumbled thoughts are preventing him from saying coherent sentences out loud.
Changbin is about to say something when his teammates call him. The basketball player bids them goodbye. As he stands up, he looks behind and looks at Jisung one last time. When Changbin goes out of his sight, Jisung releases a breath he did not realise he was holding.
“God Changbin hyung is so obvious,” Jeongin complains.
Jisung asks, “About what?”
Jeongin’s eyes widen as if he was not supposed to say that. Felix elbows Jeongin in the ribs which makes the fox-eyed boy whine in pain. When Felix glares at Jeongin, Jisung is even more curious. “Tell me.”
Felix looks nervously at Jeongin, silently asking him permission. He then replies, “Changbin hyung has a crush on you, Sungie.”
Jisung's heart stops in his chest. No. There must be some mistake. He immediately denies it. “No. He doesn't like me. You guys have a misunderstanding.”
“Seriously dude. Have you seen the way he looks at you? It’s literally written on his face.”
And suddenly, everything makes sense. All of Changbin’s thoughts. The night on Jisung's birthday. Today at lunch. The kiss earlier.
Jisung's head starts to spin. He feels Felix shaking his shoulders to help him snap out of his trance. Then Jisung, like a moth drawn to flame, searches for his best friend and locks eyes with Changbin.
Jisung can see what his friends mean now. Changbin is sheepishly smiling at him. It’s not a big grin or a smug smirk. It’s the smile that Changbin usually gives him when they cuddle at night. It’s a smile that is reserved just for him. Jisung can’t believe how he could have missed it all this time.
And, just like that his world comes crashing down.
So, Jisung does what he is best at. He runs away.
💭
Jisung ignores the problem at hand. His defence mechanism has always been putting off the problems until they become serious. Therefore, he pretends that the conversation that he had with Felix and Jeongin a week prior did not happen.
It works. Jisung goes on with his life. He goes to school. Hang out with Changbin and his friends. Even Felix and Jeongin do not bring up the matter. Everything is normal, like it used to be. He eventually forgets that his best friend supposedly has feelings for him. Or at least he tries his best to.
But, Jisung should have known that it would eventually come back to bite him in the ass.
He is in Changbin's cozy living room when it hits him like a truck. They are playing video games that are too old for them instead of doing their homework. Changbin's parents are at work so they decided to hang out on the large and comfy couch.
“How come you are winning every round? You usually suck at this game,” Changbin protests as the tv screen flashes Jisung's figurine as the winner.
Changbin is sulking and Jisung tries with all his might not to think how he looks so cute with his pouty lips. He obviously does not succeed.
“You are just a sore loser,” Jisung shrugs his shoulders. He redirects his attention to the tv when suddenly the game console is snatched out of his hands.
“Hey! Give it back, hyung.”
Changbin holds it in his stretching hand, teasingly dangling the console above his head. Jisung chuckles. He is obviously taller than Changbin and he can easily take back his stolen property.
But, Jisung is a lazy person and he has been sitting comfortably on the couch for hours now. He can’t get up simply because he doesn’t want to. Changbin, the cheeky bastard, knows that and hence is using it against Jisung. Sometimes, he hates that the raven-haired boy knows him so well.
Still making no effort to move, Jisung launches his hand upwards to try grab the object but fails miserably. He stomps his feet childishly. “Give it back,” he whines.
Changbin laughs.
God you are so cute. I love messing with you.
And there is that stupid look on Changbin's face again. That stupid love struck expression. That stupid beautiful smile. That stupid affection and mirth dancing in Changbin’s eyes.
Jisung cannot handle it anymore.
He sighs, suddenly feeling all tired, “Stop looking at me like that.”
Changbin's outstretched hand comes down to sit on his lap. There is an intriguing yet amused look on his face. “Like what?”
“Like...” Jisung trails off. Like I'm your whole world. Jisung wants to say it but he doesn’t. Saying these words out loud has a heavy implication which he is definitely not ready for.
Changbin's smile drops off his face when he sees Jisung's hesitation. For a moment, Jisung thinks that he might actually be scared.
Does he know?
Jisung wants to scream that yes he knows that Changbin likes him. He wants to scream about how he doesn’t know why this is affecting so much, why he can’t stop thinking about it and why he is so confused about his own feelings. But, he doesn’t. Because he is a coward.
Jisung stands up, “I’m gonna go.” Before he can turn around to grab his bag, Changbin stops him.
“What’s going on, Jisung?”
Jisung internally winces. Changbin never calls him Jisung. For as long as he remembers being friends with him, he has always called him ‘Ji’. Unless it’s something serious.
Jisung opens his mouth to say something but gives up. “Nothing.”
Changbin looks annoyed now. “You've been acting weird these days. If there’s something bothering you, tell me so that we can fix it together.”
Jisung hates it. He hates how Changbin is being a mature adult about this while Jisung, on the other hand, has been constantly ignoring it. Anger gets the best of him and Jisung snaps, “It’s not something that can be fixed, hyung.”
“I did something wrong, didn’t I?”
Jisung wants to deny it but his throat is clogged. Changbin takes his silence as a yes. Hurt flashes across Changbin’s eyes similar to the one that scratches in Jisung's heart.
“Can you at least tell me what I did wrong?” His voice comes out desperate and high pitched.
Jisung takes a step backwards, “I can’t, hyung. I'm sorry.”
He turns his heels around and grabs his bag. Behind him, Changbin shouts, “Fine then. Run away without even telling me the problem. Like you always do.”
Jisung makes sure to slam the door loudly on his way out.
💭
Jisung takes a deep breath before knocking on Chan's door. He can already hear the loud music along with the chatter of people and glasses clinking. It’s his traditional annual party that he has been throwing ever since he was in high school with Jisung.
Jisung’s stomach churns in nervousness knowing that Changbin is going to be here.
They haven’t talked since the fight they had. It’s been five days. The longest time Jisung has gone without talking to his best friend. The others know they are fighting but no one dares to ask why as they are quickly silenced by either Jisung's or Changbin's death glares.
Soon, the door opens to reveal a smiling Chan which turns into a grin when he recognizes Jisung. When they hug, Jisung finds himself forgetting about his worries and relaxing. Chan always has that calming effect with him.
“Long time no see, Sungie. How are you?” Chan takes his hand and leads him in the packed crowd. Jisung is not surprised. Chan is a social butterfly. His parties are always so full of people.
As they catch up, Jisung realises how much he has missed the eldest of their friend group. Ever since he went to college, Jisung rarely sees him. Yet, the affection and adoration is still present on Chan's face as he hands him over a can of beer.
Jisung plans to refuse to take the offered drink. He really is not in the mood to get drunk tonight. But, then the blonde boy catches the glimpse of Changbin on the dance floor. He is doing his silly little dance moves with an annoyed looking Jeongin. Something ugly flares inside of Jisung.
Doing silly dance moves in Chan's parties is their thing.
Jisung angrily chugs down the can. Again and again. He stops when he starts feeling a bit too tipsy for his own good. Soon, Hyunjin and Felix spot him and engulf him in a tight hug. They are much more drunk than Jisung.
“Let's go, Sung. We are going to play a game soon,” Hyunjin slurs out. Jisung lets himself get dragged into the living room. Normally, he does not like to participate in these activities but tonight, he is not sober so he lets it go.
He instantly regrets his decision. Because, right there on the leather couch, is Changbin sitting in all his glory. He looks good. Dressed in his black leather jacket and white t-shirt that is hugging his biceps, Changbin looks hot. It should be illegal.
And just to Jisung’s luck, the couch is full and all the cushions on the floor are taken. He is about to retreat from the game when Minho pipes up, “Just sit on Changbin's lap.”
Jisung freezes on the spot. Taking advantage of his shock, Hyunjin pushes Jisung unceremoniously on Changbin's lap. As he stumbles down on Changbin, Jisung loses his balance. He is about to fall onto the next person when a pair of big, rough hands encircles his waist. Jisung's breath hitches.
Changbin hikes him up on his lap effortlessly. He stiffens, back uncomfortably straight. Then, a sultry voice comes to his ear which makes Jisung shiver.
“Relax Ji. It’s just me.”
Jisung lets his guard down. Blaming this on the too many cans of beers he has drunk in the past hour, Jisung slumps back down on his best friend. Leaning against his chest, Jisung basks in Changbin's warmth and the familiar fragrance of cinnamon body wash. He feels safe.
The game turns out to be the regular spin the bottle. Thankfully, Jisung does not get to be chosen that often except for one time when he is dared to sing in a funny voice. The alcohol streaming in the veins encourages him to belt out lyrics in the most embarrassing way.
However, it’s worth it because it makes Changbin's laugh. The type of laugh where his head rolls back and Jisung can see his teeth. It’s loud and contagious. It makes Jisung giddy with joy.
The game goes on. With some people getting up to leave while some passing out on the spot. At some point, Minho is dared to kiss the hottest person in the room. Jisung enjoys the way Seungmin's eyes widen in surprise when Minho makes his way to his puppy-like friend.
Changbin chuckles above him. “They are so obvious, aren’t they?” Jisung asks.
Changbin hums. He whistles when the kiss becomes hot. When they finally part away, both of them are furiously blushing. Jisung laughs.
“I hope they get their shit together,” Changbin says amusingly.
At that moment, Jisung’s eyes start getting heavy. Seeing the way he is embraced in Changbin’s hold and the way they are talking normally, Jisung allows himself to think that maybe everything will be fine between them.
“I missed you, Binnie hyung,” Jisung confesses sincerely, smiling up at Changbin. He sees a soft smile being returned at him before everything goes black.
💭
Jisung wakes up with a splitting headache. He groans in pain and slowly sits up. He is still recovering from his hangover when out of the blue, a glass of water and bowl of soup come flying in front of him. He screams in surprise.
“Jeez Mom. I told you to stop doing that.”
With an apologetic smile, his mother appears from the doorway and sits down next to him. “Drink this. You will feel much better.”
Once he is done downing the soup, he notices the way his mother is looking at him. “What?” he whispers meekly, intimated by her scrutinizing gaze.
“What’s going on, darling?” she asks but Jisung has a feeling that she already knows. Mother instincts he supposes.
Still, he tries to get out of the situation. “Nothing.”
Jisung's mother gives a knowing smile. Jisung is relieved that she dropped the topic until she speaks up again.
“You know, Changbin was the one who dropped you off home last night.”
At the mention of Changbin's name, Jisung's heart aches. His mother continues.
“Usually, he stays over. But he hurriedly left yesterday.” A pause. “Did you guys have a fight?”
Jisung wants to lie but he cannot. Not to his mother. He weakly nods. He is taken by surprise when the woman does not ask him why. Normally, his mother imposes that she knows every detail of his son's life.
Chuckling, his mother states, “You love him. But you are scared.”
And it’s like time stops for Jisung. Because the truth that he has been running away from days now is lying naked in front of him. The feelings that he has been trying to keep buried in his heart emerge again and they bloom in his chest. His lungs feel constricted and he can’t breathe. It hurts.
When a sob breaks out of Jisung's body, his mother instantly wraps her warm hands around him. “Oh honey. You are going to be okay,” she reassures as she rocks him back and forth.
Jisung quietly listens when his mother says in her most comforting voice, “I know you don’t like changes, Sung. I understand changes can be difficult. But, you can’t deprive yourself of something that can turn out to be beautiful just because you are scared of the future. You deserve better than that.”
Overwhelmed with emotions, Jisung lets his mother’s words seep in. He knows she is right. He has been nothing but a coward this whole time.
“You should talk to Changbin.” His mother advises for the last time.
“I will.”
💭
Jisung sighs as he finds himself at the foot of the ladder again. The night breeze blowing on his face is the only reminder that this is real. Before he cowers out, he starts climbing up the ladder.
And to his surprise, just as he reaches to the top, Changbin slides the window open. His mouth forms an ‘o' when he sees Jisung. “Ji, what are you doing here?”
Jisung does not reply, opting to get in his best friend's room safely first. Only then does Jisung realise that Changbin is dressed up, most likely to go out. His heart sinks in his gut. Clearing his throat, he asks, “Were you going somewhere?”
Changbin stammers, “Y-yeah.” Jisung cringes at the awkwardness hanging between them. He blames himself for this situation.
“Um. It’s okay. We can ta-"
He is cut off by Changbin who eagerly rushes out, “Actually, I was going to see you.” The confession relieves Jisung a bit but at the same time, he starts feeling anxious.
They end up sitting on Changbin’s bed, both of them actively avoiding eye contact. After mentally giving himself a quick prep talk, Jisung is about to say something when he is cut off by Changbin again.
“I'm sorry, Ji,” he whispers, eyes trained on his fiddling hands, “I should not have snapped at you the other day. I think you already found out from Felix but trust me, this was not the way I wanted you to find out.”
He takes a deep breath and finally looks Jisung in the eye as he says, “I like you. A lot. And it's fine if you don’t fe-"
Mind going blank, Jisung lunges forward to press his lips against Changbin's lips. Just as he expected, his lips are soft and plump. When he realises that Changbin is not showing any reaction, he is sane enough to pull back. Seeing the stupefied look on his best friend's face, Jisung panics.
“I'm so sorry, hyung. I should not have done that.” This is all he is able to get out of his mouth before Changbin takes his hand, pulling him close and crashes their lips together.
The kiss is merely clashing of teeth first until they are able to slot their lips perfectly against each other. As Changbin brings his palm to cup Jisung's cheek, Jisung starts getting emotional. The kiss is soft. Delicate even. When they finally part away, Changbin rests his forehead against his.
“I love you, Ji,” Changbin pants out. Like a breath of prayer.
At that, Jisung loses it. He cries.
Flabbergasted by Jisung's reaction, Changbin starts to pull away. But, Jisung immediately grabs his hands and squeezes them tightly. He goes to hug Changbin, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. It’s an awkward posture but he doesn’t care.
“Don’t let go,” Jisung sobs out, “please .”
Changbin then scoops him and brings Jisung onto his lap which allows Jisung to press harder to his body. The cinnamon body wash mixed with Changbin’s warmth and raspy reassurances being whispered to him makes him cry harder. Jisung is scared. Terrified that this is all a dream. Afraid that he will wake up and won’t get to witness Changbin's bright smile. Jisung doesn’t want to lose him.
Changbin's worry is clear in his voice when he mumbles, “I'm right here, Ji. I'm not going anywhere.” His best friend's hands have travelled to his back, mindlessly rubbing them up and down as an act of comfort.
“I love you so much, hyung. So much that it hurts,” Jisung shakily confesses.
Jisung hears a chuckle. Soon, the warmth enveloping his whole body starts dissipating. It dawns on Jisung that Changbin is pulling away from him. Jisung is about to protest but it dies on his tongue when Changbin says, “It's okay. I'm here. I just need to look at you.”
Reluctantly, he lets himself be pulled away until he is looking directly into Changbin's shining brown eyes. It’s got that same look of adoration, love and affection solely reserved for him. The same look that he has been running away from. It’s a miracle, Jisung thinks, that the look has been intensified even after everything that has happened.
Jisung feels himself getting lost in Changbin's eyes.
“It’s not supposed to hurt, Ji,” Changbin tells him.
“Huh?” Jisung questions dumbly, his train of thoughts coming to a crash since he hugged the elder boy.
Changbin laughs airily at Jisung though it’s not mean. He repeats his answer. It takes Jisung an embarrassing amount of time until he gets it. Changbin means that loving him is not supposed to hurt.
“Oh.”
Changbin cups his face tenderly. He uses his thumbs to wipe off Jisung's tears from his cheeks. “I don't know why you've been hurting so much till now. But, maybe I can help you.” Then he adds, “Only if you want to of course.”
Jisung sniffles. He gathers his thoughts and Changbin, god bless his soul, waits with a patient smile. Hesitantly, Jisung rambles, “I was scared. I still am actually. When Felix told me that you liked me, I panicked. I convinced myself that it was not true.”
Jisung stops talking to gauge Changbin's reactions. He does not seem mad. Instead, he gives Jisung an encouraging nod to keep going. So he does.
“Deep down, I knew I liked you as well. Binnie hyung, you have been a constant in my life for years. I can’t live without you. I couldn’t risk losing you by pursuing a relationship. What if we break up in the future? I can’t afford to lose my best friend. I'm not that selfish.”
Jisung's voice breaks a little at the end. His vision gets blurry again as tears well up in his eyes.
“Ji, you are not selfish for wanting happiness,” Changbin calmly explains, “Especially not when it comes to love. I don’t know what will happen in the future but what I know is that right now, we both love each other. And to be quite frank with you, that’s more than enough for me.”
Changbin then lightly taps on Jisung's temple, “Also, I've told you before Han Jisung, thinking is clearly not for you.”
Changbin’s attempt to lighten the mood works. Jisung snorts. Like a pig. This makes Changbin laugh as well.
And if there were any lingering doubts and fears in Jisung's mind, they instantly flew away. Because, looking at Changbin laugh carelessly like that – that too because of Jisung – makes him realise that he wants to see Changbin laugh, all high-pitched and loud like this for the rest of his life.
Heart pounding heavily in his chest, Jisung breathlessly asks, “Hyung. Be my boyfriend?”
Changbin stops laughing at once, spluttering a bit at the fast change in Jisung's behaviour. Then, the prettiest smirk is plastered on his face. He pretends to seriously contemplate about Jisung's offer. The younger boy kind of wants to slap him. Or kiss him. Both actually.
“Give me five to six business days to respond,” Changbin teases.
“Forget about it then,” Jisung jokes, making his way to get up from the bed. Changbin shouts out an offended ‘hey' and prevents Jisung from leaving by holding him by the waist. Jisung tries to escape from his hold. But, Changbin is obviously much stronger than him so in the blink of an eye, he has him pinned on the bed. Jisung's eyes widen at the fact that he can be easily manhandled just like that. His brain melts.
Hovering above him, Changbin notices the fazed out expression. “Ji, are you okay?”
Jisung stammers, “Ye- yeah. I'm per-perfect.”
Changbin’s expression morphs into comprehension quite quickly, like he knows exactly what’s going on in Jisung's mind. It’s quite ironic, if you ask Jisung.
He has a sly grin on his face when he leans down to Jisung's flushed face. It’s suddenly too hot. “Hmm. I don’t think you are though.”
Jisung disagrees with him. Changbin then seductively whispers, feeling his warm breath on his face, “I can make it better.” It’s not even a question.
Jisung shivers, closing his eyes in anticipation. Instead of kissing him on the lips like Jisung was expecting, Changbin dips down to his neck. Right next to his Adam apple, Changbin bites down on his skin and sucks it hard enough to form a bruise. Jisung gasps both at the feeling of pleasure that courses through his body and at the idea that anyone can see the hickey formed at the base of his neck.
Everyone will know that you are mine now.
Changbin’s thought enters Jisung's mind without any warning. His possessiveness makes Jisung whine.
“My pretty baby,” Changing coos and leaves a smacking peck on his lips.
For the rest of the night, Jisung is nestled into Changbin's arms. He doesn’t have to hear his thoughts to know that he loves Jisung. Because Changbin keeps telling him that he does. Through his words. Through the kisses being left on the top of Jisung's head. Through the way he laces their hands together. And through the way he smiles at him whenever he looks at him as if Jisung is the only one he can see.
💭
“Squidward is a squid. No one here will make me change my mind,” Changbin argues loudly. Jisung takes this opportunity to steal some of his boyfriend's french fries. He watches in amusement as Hyunjin slams his fist on the table. The tall boy has taken Changbin's statement a bit too personally.
“Hyung! Even the creator has said that he is an octopus.”
Changbin swallows his food before replying, “I don’t care. The creator should have thought twice before naming it Squidward.”
Felix then brightly adds, “He only has 6 legs right?”
“Exactly. He is not an octopus because he has only 6 legs.” Changbin states as if he has made the strongest point in the century.
Hyunjin bellows out, “The number of legs doesn’t matter here. He's just a cartoon character.”
“Hyunjin is right. Why are we talking about a cartoon character again?” Minho asks, albeit he looks like he is enjoying the argument.
“That’s because Changbin hyung mentioned that he wants to get a squidward tattoo,” Jisung pipes up. He understands the look of pure horror flashing through Minho's eyes. The dancer judges Changbin silently. Jisung doesn’t blame him.
Hyunjin and Changbin are still screaming at each other, completely forgetting that they are currently in the canteen. Even the concerned looks being thrown at them by the other students do not hinder them
“Please,” Jeongin begs in misery, “Can someone make Changbin hyung shut up?”
Jisung takes the matter in his own hands. Wiping his hands on his pants, Jisung turns Changbin's head in his direction and kisses him. The result is instantaneous. Changbin eventually shuts up and eagerly kisses him back. When Jisung leans away, he giggles at the way his boyfriend chases his lips.
A coughing Hyunjin makes Jisung realise that five pairs of eyes are staring at them in shock. Minho's face is wet for some reason. Until Jisung understands that Hyunjin had choked on his water and spit on Minho. Jisung prays for Hyunjin's life and his own life when he laughs at Minho's state.
“What the fuck?” Seungmin is the one to break the silence.
Changbin grins sheepishly, scratching his head in embarrassment and announces, “Oh right. We forgot to tell you. Me and Jisung are dating.”
Jisung enthusiastically nods his head. He links his arm with Changbin and reaches up to kiss him on the cheek to prove their point.
Soon, choruses of ‘congratulations’ and ‘took you guys long enough' can be heard. Jisung shyly thanks them.
“No but seriously it was disgusting to see you guys dance around each other all the time,” Seungmin says annoyingly.
Not tolerating such a justifiable insult to his and Changbin's name, Jisung retorts, “At least we are not like you, Kim Seungmin. Shoving your tongue down Minho hyung's throat the other night and then pretending you don’t even know him the next day.”
It’s true. From the very little gossip he had heard from the others is that Minho and Seungmin disappeared after their make out session at Chan's party. From that night onwards, there was a weird and awkward sexual tension between these two.
Jisung relishes the way Seungmin's faces pales. Everyone laughs. When Jisung chances a look at Minho, he seems unaffected but his red ears are a dead giveaway. Jisung is planning to change the topic until...
We did more than make out though.
It’s unmistakably Minho's voice. Jisung loses his calm. He loudly bursts out, “YOU GUYS FUCKED?”
Poor Hyunjin who was taking a sip of his water in peace ended up choking again. Jisung cackles when Hyunjin spits on Minho's face again. He doesn’t even apologise for the mess, too focused on knowing their friends' sex life. Everyone is waiting for either Seungmin or Minho to confirm Jisung's suspicion.
Seungmin grumbles a frantic ‘no' while Minho loudly confirms that it was true. The entire table erupts in shouts and screams. Everyone is demanding an explanation. Jisung kind of feels bad for these two but he hopes that this sudden situation gives them the push to do something about their feelings.
Enjoying the sight of flustered Minho and Seungmin being bullied by his friends, Jisung rests his head on Changbin's shoulder.
He doesn’t have to look up to know that Changbin is already lovingly staring at him. He usually checks up on Jisung in these moments when it suddenly becomes too loud for him. Jisung is still surprised how Changbin knows him this well.
Jisung answers Changbin's silent question by pressing a kiss on his shoulder. “I'm okay, hyung.”
Changbin ruffles his hair. “By the way, how did you know about Minho and Seungmin?”
Jisung replies, “Instinct, I guess.”
Changbin narrows his eyes in suspicion but drops the topic by whispering a quick ‘i love you' to him. Jisung says it back.
Technically, Jisung did not lie to Changbin. But, that’s a story for another day. After all, they have all the time in the world.