Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was like any other morning, stuck in the hospital-like facility of the Future Foundation, 30 minutes before Shuichi's therapy session started. It was a routine all of them had to go through. Not that Shuichi was surprised or opposed to the idea, but it was... very difficult. It wasn't easy talking about the incident that was Danganronpa. 

They had been lucky that all of it had been a simulation. That all of them had made it out of the game "unscathed". It was a miracle to them and a successful mission to the Foundation. 

Partly. 

Unscathed was a broad term. Yes, they didn't have any external wounds or scars. There wasn't really any physical proof that they had gone through a killing game besides the VR system itself. 

However, all of them were assigned individual therapy and group therapy multiple times a week. There was also some physical therapy - they were more like P.E. lessons rather than actual therapy - added to the schedule, understandably so. Being strapped into a capsule for days upon days had its own drawbacks. Additionally, it was also an opportunity for the classmates to turn off their minds for a little while. A way to destress. 

Shuichi appreciated it. 

While he didn’t want to participate at first, Kaito had convinced him that it would be just like in the simulation. They’d be training together. Just like in the simulation. Everything would be the same. 

Shuichi knew it was a lie, a blatantly obvious one at that, but couldn’t bring himself to point it out. Instead, every physical therapy session, he’d join Kaito in his endeavors. Ignoring the bitter feeling that welled up inside him as he would count the students that were even willing to participate.

Today again, he counted. 

Tenko. Himiko. Kaede. Rantaro. Ryoma. Kirumi. Gonta.

There were more people than usual here. He was glad. Ryoma wasn’t too much of a surprise, having received the support he desperately needed after the incident, but his presence would still be fairly uncommon. Especially when it came to this type of therapy session. One of the biggest surprises was to finally see Kirumi again, conversing with Ryoma casually, though her posture was less perfect. Overall she had a much meeker look to her than back in the game.

Shuichi couldn’t blame her. From one day to another the killing game had left them in a pitiful state. Kirumi had been suffering significantly, having to deal with the fact that wasn’t as capable of a maid as she was in the simulation. The perfectionism she had lived by and had been programmed onto her… she couldn’t live up to it anymore, mistakes after mistakes were made. 

But she had come to terms with it, still managing to be almost completely flawless at whatever she put her mind into. 

And then there was Himiko. He honestly hadn’t expected Himiko to come, having feared for the worst, but he was relieved that Tenko had finally seemed to have broken through her shell. There was a chance that she'd be getting better from here on out. 

Shuichi and Kaito were doing their regular workout after Ryoma had given them a few pointers along with Kirumi's general knowledge on sports. But that was the more fun part about this setup. Shuichi dreaded the conversation that was about to come. 

"So Shuichi… have you heard anything…?" Kaito asked in between push ups. 

Shuichi bit his lip as he almost lost his grip on the floor. "... You know I can't tell you anything."

There's an awkward silence between them as they continue to do push ups. Shuichi despised this and wished Kaito wouldn't ask him anymore. 

"...I know. It's worth a try though."

Shuichi had wondered what had happened with Kaito's stubbornness, but wouldn't question it aloud. They weren't in the simulation anymore. 

This was reality. 

He just had to convince himself that it was. 

-x-

On his way back to his room, Shuichi would make sure to check on a few people. 

First was Miu. 

Her door was pulled wide open, a little bit of smoke trailing into the hallway. With a short glance he caught her whacking away at different parts of a new toy. One of her many "babies". She was doing better than expected, especially when the Foundation was providing her with whatever she needed. 

Shuichi was glad he had one person less to worry about. 

Not wanting to bother her in her creative delirium, he stopped at Angie's door and knocked. He let out a little breath of relief when the door opened, though Angie blocked him from even peeking through the gap. 

"Ah! Shuichi! Why, what an honor to see you!" She smiled, though her hair was a little disheveled. 

Shuichi was sure he could see a spot of red paint on her neck. He wondered how it even got there. 

"Morning Angie… I'm just here to make sure you're ok. You... weren't there for the session." Angie had never been there. Angie had only been to one individual therapy session. Afterwards, she had locked herself into her room. 

She hadn't come out for the rest of the week.

Ever since then, she has been holed up in her room, working on her art. 

Today, Angie waved him off with a bright smile. It seemed strained. "Atua said I had to work on an incredibly taxing piece to honor him! So no wasting time!" 

Shuichi frowned. "It's ok Angie." He paused, rubbing his elbow in a subconscious way to soothe his rising anxiety. "I-I know you can't hear him anymore. You've told me already." 

Her smile faltered for a second before going back to "normal", wider and brighter and off-putting for a place like this. She must be suffering greatly. The guide she had relied on this whole time had just disappeared after all. 

"Silly Shuichi! You say the funniest things sometimes. Come back later so I can show you the finished piece!" Angie cheerfully exclaimed, before shutting the door. 

Shuichi knew they'd play the same game tomorrow too. 

Games. 

His heart constricted a little as he stopped at the last door, right next to his own room. 

Shuichi knew he wouldn't get an answer. He knew there wasn't going to be a response. But he still had to try. 

Gently, he knocked his hand against the door and as expected, there was no sound coming from the other end. 

"Kokichi? I know you're in there."

No reply. As always. The last time he had seen Kokichi was back in the simulation. Ever since then, Kokichi had been locked up inside his room. He was one of the few exceptions where the therapist came to his room instead, though they wouldn't stay too long. No one really did. 

Shuichi let out a sigh before calling out again. 

"I'll see you at lunch."

Shuichi cringed a little afterwards. What was he doing, lying to Kokichi of all people...

Then again. It wasn't really a lie. 

More of a hopeful request. 

And, although hope was a rare resource in this place, it was all they had left. 

-x-

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully. Kokichi obviously hadn't joined them at lunch and Angie was too preoccupied with her art to come outside and spend time with her friends. If she even considered them as that. 

Miu on the other hand had made a quite explosive entrance. Literally. She had stormed into the room with her new invention, boasting about revolution and innovation before the thing exploded as soon as she set it down on the ground. 

"Huh, looks like a few screws were loose." 

At least she had become a lot more nonchalant about her inventions breaking. The Future Foundation's therapists were certainly skilled. 

They were all chatting amongst themselves, asking how their day had gone, what they planned on doing later. Or once they were finally let go. 

Though that topic was kept fairly short most of the time. 

"Can we talk about something else, guys?"

Everyone would turn their head to Kaito before quickly apologizing and moving on, the air tense for a short minute. 

"...I'm with the fuckwart on that one," Miu agreed as she stabbed her fork into a potato.

"W-Wha- Who're you calling a fuckwart?!" 

Swiftly, the topic had been switched and blown into an argument between the two loudest people of the class. Shuichi appreciated it. 

It filled the silence of the people that were missing and distracted them all from the empty seats.

-x-

Shuichi despised the next two hours. He was greeted by Kirigiri, her eyes piercing through him and pinning him on the spot where he was standing. The hallway was empty and it felt a lot colder than the place his room was at.

"You want to know why…?" 

Shuichi gulped, forcing down the nervousness he was feeling whenever he was in Kirigiri's presence. "Why I'm the only one allowed in here." 

Kirigiri motioned him to follow her further down the hallway, leading him to presumably one of his fellow classmates. As she always would. While trailing by her side, she quickly explained, "It's too complex to explain what exactly went down, but to simplify it… When all 16 of you were logged into the simulation, the system created a save state of your avatar. It's the basis which your character is supposed to build upon throughout the simulation."

Shuichi furrowed his eyebrows as both of them stopped in front of one of the many doors that lined the hallway. Kirigiri knocked twice before she continued, "All your memories, all your character traits, all your talent… it's all saved in that one file when your consciousness was uploaded. It seemed to have worked perfectly fine for 15 students."

Shuichi started to sweat under the intense stare Kirigiri was giving him, as if she was trying to read him. 

Finally, she looked away, sighing deeply. "You're lucky you survived the game, Shuichi." These words again. They sent a shiver down his spine. He paled slightly as his fingers started trembling, only to snatch his own hand to still the incoming fears and thoughts at those words. 

"We wouldn't have known how to repair someone whose consciousness hadn't even been saved." She lifted her clipboard, opening the file to the person within the room. The crimson pair of eyes bore into Shuichi's soul as he stared at the picture on the file. 

"However, you're also the only one we cannot reset to a point before the killing game commenced." Shuichi swallowed, his mouth having gone dry at the reminder. He didn't know whether he was lucky or not. His eyes caught the nameplate on the white door. 

Maki Harukawa

Shuichi dug his fingers into his arm as he mentally prepared himself to meet his former friend once again. Kirigiri kept her gaze on the timid boy. “I’ll be leaving her to you. Remember," she put a finger to her lips. "Not a single word about the simulation."

Swallowing hard, Shuichi nodded shakily before the door was finally pushed open, revealing the big white room and a girl sitting on the edge of her bed. Her bored gaze immediately fixated on Shuichi. 

"Saihara."

-x-

It was late at night. The day had gone by as uneventful as usual, though Shuichi was happy to admit that he had seen more of his classmates than usual. Nevertheless, it wasn't the same without all 16 of them huddled together at a table eating breakfast. Because even though Shuichi would never want to go back and experience the horrifying events of the killing game, he did miss the few moments they had all shared in peace. 

Like actual classmates. 

Therefore, he laid wide awake in his bed, unable to find rest. The fear of falling asleep and waking up in an unfamiliar place was omnipresent, never letting Shuichi relax completely. He was always attentive to his surroundings and its people nowadays. He had to be alert.

Even the smallest of sounds caught his attention now. 

Thus, when he heard a sudden dull crash and a few more bumps against his wall, he grew worried. 

It came from Ouma's side.

Without much care for the way he was dressed, the simple hospital nightgown loosely swaying as it hung from his body, he shuffled outside and to his neighbor. 

Kokichi Ouma

The nameplate was a little tilted and Shuichi almost wanted to interpret this little sign as a warning of some sort. Yet, when another bang directly against the door startled him, he threw all logic out of the window. Two gentle knocks against the door. 

"Ouma? Are you ok in there?" 

There was only silence in return. But this time, Shuichi wasn't having it. Not because he was finally fed up with the boy, Shuichi was normally a very patient and forgiving person, however, he feared that something might have happened. 

It was the first time Shuichi had heard any sort of noise coming from Kokichi’s room in weeks. It was… scary? Confusing? Shuichi couldn’t tell, he didn’t know what to feel… He hadn’t seen Kokichi after all, he didn’t know what he was like right now. But whether he enjoyed the game or not, it didn’t matter right now.

Shuichi couldn’t give up on him. He couldn’t give up on him a second time, he had done that before.

He had made that mistake before. 

Timidly, Shuichi put his hand on the door handle. He was nervous, though his hands weren’t shaking and he was feeling determined to push through and reach out to the boy that had caused him many sleepless nights. Most of the nights questioning whether Shuichi should’ve done more, should’ve tried to be his friend, should’ve just listened for once!

The former Ultimate Detective carefully pushed the handle downwards, expecting it to be locked. And yet, there was nothing stopping him as he pulled the door slowly open, revealing the hallway leading into the room. Shuichi’s gaze swiftly dropped to the floor, spotting a small figure resembling the boy he had last seen in the simulation.

The boy he had abandoned back there.

Without much thought, Shuichi lowered himself to look at the other. He had to check whether Ouma was hurt or not.

He had to see whether he had hurt himself.

It was routine. It was routine, he shouldn’t be that worried. He had to do this every day.

Come on, Shuichi, you can do this. It’s routine, you have to do this almost daily- Why are your hands shaking, Idiot, you have to be the one they rely on-

Thankfully, he hadn’t seen any wounds or other indicators that Kokichi was hurt- physically at least. It was clear that the boy was not in a good headspace right now… but- The thing was... How was Shuichi supposed to help him? He wasn’t exactly the person Kokichi probably wanted to see right now. 

But then again...did Ouma have anyone he wanted to see? 

DICE. 

Shuichi shook his head. 

DICE wasn't real.

Shuichi wanted to sigh and relieve his own stress along with all the pent up tension in his body, but he was aware that right now Ouma was in a vulnerable position. He had to be the one to reach out, whether he wanted to or not. 

Secretly, he was glad. He had to apologize. Had to undo the mistake he made back there.

“Ouma...?” Shuichi called out, reaching his hand towards the curled up boy, trying to show his support through touch rather than words. 

He wouldn’t know what to say to the other, anyways.

Before he knew it though, arms were suddenly wrapped around his waist and Ouma’s face pressed against his torso. He couldn’t react fast enough, too shocked by the sudden embrace.

By Kokichi, of all people. 

Needless to say, Shuichi didn’t know what to do - he wasn’t a very touchy-feely person. He’d rather settle for words than let himself be engulfed in a hug.

...But he had to admit that the warmth and closeness of the boy felt reassuring. He was alive.

Although he had said such cruel words in the game, he was absolutely relieved to see his friend now alive.

Sobs reached his ears, cut off by quiet gasps every once in a while as Ouma trembled like a leaf in Shuichi’s lap. It was an unusual sight. Something Shuichi never expected to see. Ever. The significance of that moment wouldn’t register in his mind until much later though. For now, Shuichi immediately went into caretaker mode and put his hands on Ouma’s back. Trailing circles on his back, making sure to press hard enough so the other would feel them but also gentle enough to communicate that he cared.

He hadn’t been… back in the game. And he hadn’t regretted it. Who here truly was the awful person?

Sniffles and little whimpers kept coming, repeating over and over again, adding to the hiccups and trembles that came from Ouma.

All the detective could do was show his support by stroking more circles in silence, holding onto the other. Both trying to heal from their trauma. Well, at least one of them was.

Ever the overthinker, the taller male hadn’t noticed when the other had calmed down significantly. Shuichi didn’t want to end the moment on his terms though. He wanted to give Ouma the time he needed to let out everything that had been bottled up for...weeks?

You should’ve checked on him sooner.

Shuichi curled in on himself, trying to ignore the nagging feeling. Trying to escape the guilt that settled deep in his heart, slowly eating away, slowly ripping away at from the inside and tearing him apart. 

He wished it could just end. 

You weren’t lucky enough to be saved, Shuichi. How unfortunate.

In his own little stupor, Shuichi nudged the boy accidentally and for a moment he was worried that Ouma would close himself off once again.

Turns out he had fallen asleep. Another state Shuichi has never seen Ouma in. 

The face that usually carried an easygoing smile or twisted smirk, was now a peaceful expression, tear stains covering his cheeks. Dark eyebags accentuated his eyes and Shuichi figured that the boy hadn’t caught any rest either. It was no surprise that he had finally fallen asleep.

He must’ve been extremely exhausted.

With a soft smile, Shuichi pulled Ouma against him and up into his arms. 

He’s light. He hasn’t been eating, probably. Shuichi noted and frowned. ...You shouldn’t be thinking about that.

Ouma was breathing slowly, softly. He was alive. That’s all that mattered as of right now. They weren’t exactly close, but Shuichi couldn’t deny that he had spent more time thinking about him and his confusing innuendos than anyone else. 

Tugging the other into bed, Shuichi was about to head out again, happy to have been of help. It was a small step. A small step to repay his debt to the other.

He survived because of Ouma- Maybe all of them would’ve if he had just listened to him earlier.

Trustworthy?

Shuichi shook his head, finally deciding to leave the other alone and let him rest. And yet, his observation skills as a detective stop him once again. They once again rip open the painful wound within, feast upon the guilt that erupts with it when he spots something peculiar. He hadn’t noticed earlier - the room had been too dark, but now that his eyes had accustomed to the darkness, he had spotted the papers covering the floors. 

One drawing after another littered the floors, portraits upon portraits of random people.Some of them appearing multiple times with slight changes to their features, but still recognizable enough.  

Shuichi’s eyes fell onto a completely blacked out scribble, covering whatever had been underneath, though it seemed to be just another portrait.

A checkered scarf around their neck. Shuichi’s heart constricted, squinting at the drawing, trying to make out more while surrounded in the darkness. 

DICE. It’s DICE. It’s DICE. It’s DI--

He shook his head, ridding himself of the incoming panic. He had to stay calm. He couldn’t end up like the rest- He had survived, he’d do it again. He’ll make sure to be strong for them all. Feeling bad for snooping around while Ouma was asleep, Shuichi dropped the drawing on the nightstand before tiptoeing out of the room. 

He made sure to avoid stepping on any of the pictures. 

... One of them looked suspiciously like him.

-x-

Shuichi let out a long yawn. It had been the first night in days that he had finally managed to sleep and actually feel refreshed. It was also the first time he slept in. It was still early, but something was. Off. 

It was...oddly quiet. Not that that was the problem in itself, Shuichi didn’t expect it to hear everyone fooling around and being loud. 

But he was missing Kaito’s incessant wake-up bangs on his door, Kaede’s singing or Tenko’s random outbursts of “HIYA!” as she struck the air (or a nearby wall).

No, it was oddly quiet, even for a depressing place as this. Thus, Shuichi had instantly gotten up and changed into more fitting clothes. As fitting as the clothes provided by the Future Foundation and the hospital could be. 

Swinging open the door, Shuichi almost collided with the person that was apparently at fault for the unusual silence in the hallways. Dull purple eyes stared at the boy, eyebags a little better than hours before, though they were still very prevalent on the pale boy’s face. 

“O-Ouma?” Shuichi gasped out, noticing that the boy was still in the hospital robe. It was way too big on him.

Careful, he’s going to disappear again.

Shuichi bit his lip, holding onto the door for dear life while avoiding Ouma’s intense stare. He couldn’t return the attention, it was too much. Kokichi looks so broken, so unlike the persona he had created for himself. 

“Saihara,” the boy whispered, voice hoarse. Shuichi flinched at the unfamiliar call of his name, eyes snapping up to meet Ouma's intense gaze. 

Empty. They were empty. A dark pool of purple ready to swallow him up. 

Ouma's mouth opened, then closed. No words coming from him. More concern flooded over Shuichi, his worries increasing exponentially as he watched his classmate trying to say something.

"Uh, y-yes? Do you need something?" Shuichi replied stupidly. He didn't know what to say besides that. Didn't know how interact with the boy in front of him

The night before was burned into his mind. The broken sobs still echoed in his ears. 

Whether Ouma was here due that exchange or for something else, he had opened and closed his mouth multiple times now. Every time he was close to saying something, but no tone was coming out. 

In the end, he clenched his mouth shut, turned around and hid back inside his room. 

A loud click bounced off the walls and alerted not only Shuichi of the now locked door besides his room. 

"I can't believe Ouma went outside… that's the first time I've seen him after the whole ordeal," Kaede muttered, startling Shuichi as she had suddenly appeared at his doorway. She frowned out of worry, gaze trained onto the door as if she wanted to look through it and into the room. Hesitantly stepping outside and shutting the door behind him, Shuichi still lingered a little in contemplation. 

Should he ask Ouma to join them? He had stood in front of his door… He might've wanted something. 

Well, it wouldn't hurt to ask. 

Two knocks against the locked door. 

"Ouma… I'll see you at lunch, ok?" 

Just like last time, there was no response. 

And yet, unlike last time, Shuichi’s worries had chipped away a tiny bit, revealing the first glimmers of hope. 

Kaede tugged on his shirt, their first stop being breakfast and then individual therapy. 

Maybe it wasn't too late for everyone. 

-x-

"You've been doing a lot to ensure your friend's well-being, so I'm here to ask how you're coping." 

Shuichi's eyes drifted to the clock, watching it slowly tick away. Time felt like it was passing in slow-motion. It was dangerously close to lunchtime and he didn't want to miss the chance of seeing Ouma. 

If he even decided to come join them, that is. 

"Shuichi," Kirigiri's voice rang around the room, making him instantly perk up and sheepishly apologize. Shuichi didn't know what she had seen in him. Clearly, he wasn't cut out for any of this. 

She sighed, pinching her nose before continuing the conversation. "Shuichi, I need you to answer. This is about your well-being too."

He felt like he was being scolded by his mother for all the wrong reasons. He was fine, he didn't feel weird or exhausted. And even if he did, his friends had it way worse. 

Someone had to be strong for them. Even if Kaito or Kaede or anyone else would've done a better job at it, he was the one that hadn't experienced something as traumatic as dying. 

You were lucky you survived, Shuichi. 

The words still echo in his head, coming back to haunt him every once in a while. Blinking a few times, trying to get the words out of his head, he pinched his arm. 

He had to focus. There were more important matters. 

"I'm fine. I… actually managed to sleep in today," Shuichi admitted, slightly ashamed. Kirigiri's lips quirked upwards for a millisecond, eyes glinting in amusement. 

Shuichi gripped his arm, rubbing it in subconscious self-comfort as his gaze dropped to the floor. "I guess… that. Seeing the others and have them act so… differently...I just can't wrap my head around it," he tried to explain. "I do get the mechanics and logic behind it. But it hasn't registered as. Real?...yet."

Kirigiri narrowed her eyes at the phrasing, carefully questioning, "...Do you have troub-" 

Quietly, the door to their room creaked open. Shuichi didn't hear it at first, but since this was a sensitive subject, Kirigiri was especially on guard. She stopped mid-sentence, glaring at the door that slowly creeped open. Shuichi felt bad for the poor soul that decided to interrupt them now, but it had been established from the very beginning that meetings like these were not to be interrupted. At all.

Unexpectedly however, her eyes widened and her pen dropped to the floor, making Shuichi turn his head to the entrance too. It wasn’t any day that Kirigiri would react to this extent. Any sort of emotion besides her angry frown or that gentle smile she’d give Naegi was out of the ordinary. 

And the poor soul Shuichi was talking about earlier turned out to be none other than his classmate.

“O-Ou-” 

“Ouma, right? Is there something you need?”

Ouma's stare was still unnervingly blank and empty, but once Kyoko had finished her question, his gaze traveled to Shuichi. Waiting. It was an expectant stare, trying to communicate something.

Eyes flicking from Ouma to the clock and back to the boy, Shuichi quickly answered for him. “It’s lunchtime already… A-and I kind of promised to see him there?” Shuichi hadn’t expected Ouma to come. He had been prepared for Kaede and Kaito, maybe Miu and her shenanigans. Tenko. Kirumi. Even Ryoma makes sure to be there daily.

Ouma was a first. 

And due to that, Shuichi quickly insisted, “Excuse me, Kirigiri, but I’ve already had individual therapy today. I’d love to talk at a later time, just-” he bit his lip, glancing back at the boy that was standing in the doorway, observing them quietly.

Leaving him now was not an option. 

“I’d like to spend some time with my friend.”

-x-

Shuichi didn't exactly know how they even managed to get up here. He for sure knew that they weren't allowed on the roof for multiple and very obvious reasons. 

Yet, when the two had stood in front of the doors to the dining hall, Ouma was frozen to the floor, refusing to take another step forward. Shuichi could guess why and didn't want to force him even more. It was already a huge leap for him to have gone outside. 

He had taken Shuichi up on the offer for lunch, which was already out of the realm of his expectations, so without a doubt he had to make sure Ouma would feel comfortable at least. And, in all fairness, Shuichi didn't want to deal with all of his friends freaking out about Ouma. 

Kaede might be ok with him and Rantaro was also a safe choice. 

But when it came to the rest… most of them either saw him as an annoyance not worth getting closer to. Or they had been part of the latter half of the game. 

Himiko. 

Gonta. 

…Miu. 

And while Kaito had at first backtracked after having learned and cooperated with Ouma, it all had gone down the drain once outside of the simulation. When they were met with different issues. 

Where no one could be blamed, where there was no one they could pin their tragedy on, where all they had left was this new reality. 

Kaito decided to put the blame on the Future Foundation and the one guy he "knew" as evil. 

Because if he didn't, Kaito might just break completely. 

So, Shuichi let him be. 

And now, Shuichi was on the roof along with the very "villain" of their game, nibbling on some breadsticks and sandwiches. Avoiding conflict.

Again, they probably weren't allowed to be on the roof, but Ouma had dragged him wordlessly here when Shuichi asked him if he wanted to eat somewhere more...private. The doors had been locked, but conveniently Ouma had managed to pick the door open. 

(Where he got his lockpicking tools from was a mystery that Shuichi couldn't bother to uncover. It was a miracle Ouma hadn’t escaped from this place yet.)

Here they were. Sitting on the rooftop, silence engulfed them as they quietly ate their portions. Keen as ever, Shuichi noticed fairly quick that his friend wasn't really eating. Rather staring at it than devouring. 

"Uhm…A-Aren't you hungry?" Shuichi wanted to slap himself for his awkward stuttering. It was already hard enough trying to break through to Ouma as it is, but if he can't even manage to talk to him normally, what good was this?

Meanwhile, Ouma shook his head, still unusually quiet. Or maybe that was his true personality and the simulation had also changed them ? Although, Shuichi didn't feel any different. 

Don't feel any different; how do you know you're out then? 

Shuichi reached for the little bag of snacks he brought along and held them out to Ouma, whose eyes widened at the sight of the delicious treats. 

Sweets seemed to be his weak spot, as suspected. "I remembered you pestering Kirumi about cakes and cookies and other sugary sweets back in- back there, " Shuichi hummed, trying to ignore the nagging and chastising voices in his head. 

Ouma blinked a few times before taking the bag - almost snatching it out of Shuichi's hands - and gratefully biting into one of the pastries. Shuichi wondered how he could eat that much sugar without getting nauseous right after, but discarded that thought when he saw Ouma's demeanor change ever so slowly. 

There was a certain brightness that returned. 

As if the gloomy greyness were to regain color.

He still looked a mess. But a happier mess than a few minutes ago. Shuichi watched the boy devour one snack after another, letting time pass as they enjoyed each other’s presence. He let his mind wander, observing the other as the memories of the simulation flooded back in. 

From the very beginning where the short boy had chased Kiibo around...to all the times Ouma had challenged him to various games. 

Back when Shuichi had tried to reach out to him and understand him better.

But did you really?

ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ

Shuichi instinctively tensed at the words ringing in his ears. Those terrible words he had said to him. 

“Ouma, I-" He paused, trying to center himself. 

"I'm sorry."

There. He cringed at the sound of his own voice, way too scratchy and odd, as if it weren't his. 

Ouma's empty gaze locked onto him once more, before he slightly tilted his head with a confused facial expression. Still chewing on a few cookies, he replied "...For what?" 

"F-For all of the stuff that happened. For being rude and-" he swallowed down the bile in his throat, trying to ignore the burning feeling of regret. "Saying you'll be alone. Forever."

If this wasn't the most awkward and most awful apology… Great job, Ultimate Detective. Clearly a magnificent way of expressing yourself. 

While Shuichi was brooding in his own failure at articulating his genuine feelings, Ouma cracked a microscopic smile at the display. He averted his eyes to his food. "...It's not like you were wrong." 

Shuichi frowned. "What do you mean?" 

He sighed, flopping onto his back as he stared up into the sky, watching clouds pass them by. Slowly drifting away. "It's just like you said. Everyone hates me and the simulation was a hoax, meaning that a good chunk of our memories are fake. Including our loved ones."

"That's not true for all of them," Shuichi protested, thinking of his uncle and how relieved he was to find out that he was real. That he hadn’t been made up just for entertainment purposes and giving Shuichi more depth. No, his uncle had been the one to start this whole investigation.

"It's true for me. I don't have anyone to return to." Ouma sat back up and shrugged, tugging some of his hair behind his ear. 

"I have no one."

ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ.

"You have me," Shuichi shot back without thinking before halting all of his movements and processing what he just said and at what speed. Meekly, he backtracked, "I-I mean- I know that we weren't exactly c-close. But-"

"If you're trying to be a chummy with me out of guilt or pity, I'd rather you get lost," Ouma replied flatly, tugging on the hospital robe. Still way too big on him.  

Shuichi pressed his lips together, thinking his words over before shaking his head. "I. I can't disregard the guilt completely… but I do believe that I should've done better to get to know you."

Ouma let out a dry chuckle. "It's not like I would've told you anything. I never really did. Or did you forget all of our little dates already, Saihara-chan? " 

Shuichi flushed, taken aback at the shift of the conversation, the teasing taking him off-guard. It wasn't anything new from the purple-haired boy, and yet it was the most refreshing interaction Shuichi had in weeks. 

As much as he hated to admit it, he somehow missed the teasing tone and the weird games they had played. It would take his mind off of his worries, a temporary blankness in his head that would help him take it easy.

Forget about the killings that were happening at the same time. 

Shuichi tried to shake off the blush. "T-That's besides the point! What I'm saying is-" Staring at the boy with the purple hair swaying in the breeze, completely disheveled and messy had Shuichi pause and appreciate the warmth and hope that spread within him. 

He'll do his best. He'll do better. Ouma had been a major help, even if there still were some...major issues in the room. 

In favor of their new friendship and as a way to repay his guilt, Shuichi was going to take the first step. Whether Ouma decided to follow him, take a different path or pass him, was up to him. 

With a small smile, Shuichi declared, "I wanna get to know you better. At your own pace and without a killing game looming over us. I…" He brushed his hair out of his face, the wind nudging it back and forth. "I want to be your friend. Someone you can rely on this time, Kokichi. "

Shuichi's offering was met with silence as Kokichi merely sat there with a baffled expression. Maybe he had gone a bit too overboard with his attempt at friendship, but if Kokichi rejected it, that was fine too. 

He'd still make sure the other had lunch. He'd make sure the other wouldn't be bored. 

He'd make sure Kokichi wouldn't be alone.

Thus, he hesitantly extended his hand, hoping the other would take it. It was a small gesture on Shuichi’s part, but it had a much more significant meaning to it.

Small, hollow giggles spilled from Kokichi's lips as he scrambled to his feet, ignoring the hand outstretched towards him. 

"Sure, go ahead. I won't stop you from making mistakes."

And then he disappeared back inside, leaving Shuichi alone on the roof.

Chapter Text

After having had lunch on the roof and completely forgetting about the time, Shuichi found himself back in Kirigiri’s office. He was feeling a little queasy. Whether that was because of the food or the upcoming tasks he had to do was a mystery, but it was most likely the latter.

When Shuichi had entered, Kirirgiri had only given him a short glance before turning her attention back to the documents stacked on her table. Shuichi wrote down the time and who he was visiting. He wasn’t exactly ready to see Maki again, but he also had to make sure she was doing well. 

When he put his hand on the door, ready to head to Maki’s room, Kirigiri's voice startled him as she asked, “How was lunch?”

Shuichi grimaced a little. “Ah, it was… nice?”

Kirigiri raised an eyebrow at him, giving him another glance. While Shuichi had been adamant on trying to befriend Kokichi, it was difficult on where to start. And while he had the utmost respect for Kirigiri, he doubted she would have any more helpful advice on that subject.

“I’ll, uh, go now,” Shuichi awkwardly announced to which Kirigiri only nodded in acknowledgement, continuing to work on the documents. 

Without any holdups, he quickly found himself in front of the door to Maki’s room. Knocking twice, he entered, knowing that she wouldn’t answer. It never worked, since these visitations were mandatory for them. 

As always, Maki was sitting on her bed, arms crossed in defiance as she greeted him.

“ Saihara. ”

Cringing a little at the sharp tone of Maki's voice combined with the somewhat glare, Shuichi stepped into the room. As the door shut behind him, Maki raised from her bed and motioned for him to take a seat at the table. 

Her food was left untouched. Shuichi's disappointed look quickly earned him an explanation on Maki's part. 

"I'm not hungry, don't look at it like that." Maki sat down on the opposite end of the small table, glaring at the wall instead of him. 

"You should still eat. I promise it's safe."

She narrowed her eyes at that, squinting at him accusatory. "You say that, but all I've been told so far is that I was involved in some mysterious accident with the other idiots of this place."

"You've met the others?" Shuichi asked in pleasant surprise. Obviously he had already talked to them at a different time. 

He's the only one allowed to interact with them.

Maki's expression softened a little, looking off to the side to make it less obvious. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "More or less. Shirogane has been spending all her time in the common room watching cartoons, Idabashi right next to her as she explained the garbage plot. Shinguji was reading books and I spent my time watching them."

Shuichi hummed, glad that they were finally able to talk to one another. It was pretty stressful spending time with all four of them separately, but this would take some workload off of him. 

"None of us remember anything about that weird accident though," Maki spat, glaring at Shuichi once again. “But I know you do.” She leaned in, hissing the words quietly, threateningly. 

Maki was still as scary as she was in the game. 

"Is there anything you can tell me? Because if not, I advise you to get lost. I don't want pity for something I can't even seem to remember."

This was going terribly. If only Shuichi had more confidence at these things like Kaito did. He lowered his head apologetically, biting his lip as he tried to explain, "I'm not allowed to tell you a lot...I promise, it's for your own good."

It's better if you don't remember. 

Sometimes, Shuichi wished he had the choice like the rest of them.

Maki was still glaring at him. What did he expect? He was a total stranger to her now. He swallowed down the pain, the memories and everything else that wasn’t there anymore. "... For the short time we knew each other, you were a really good friend of mine. I know you don't and won't believe most of what I say, b-but. I'm really glad you're ok."

The girl only frowned once more, though Shuichi caught the smallest glint of regret in her eyes. 

They kept sitting in awkward silence and while Shuichi was beating himself up mentally over his inability to converse with his former friend, Maki sighed deeply and ran a hand through her hair that was tied into a low ponytail.

As she played with the dark strands of her hair, a spontaneous thought came to mind, but she quickly banished it. It was silly. 

“...Tell me more about your friends."

Shuichi perked up, glad to switch to a topic that he enjoyed talking about. He'd still have to avoid going into detail, but as long as he was describing what they were like vaguely , there shouldn't be any consequences. 

Playing with his fingers, Shuichi spoke with a soft smile, "I guess… if you ever meet my best friend, you should ask him about the stars."

-x-

Shuichi was hesitant when he returned to his room. It was late at night and he was severely exhausted, but he couldn’t help himself stop in front of Kokichi’s door. He wondered if the other was still up at a time like this. 

After all, it didn’t look like he slept a lot. Or at all, for that matter. 

Dare he say, he’s worried about the liar after the previous night. 

Shuichi could still hear the sobs ring in his ears, could still feel the fingers claw at his clothes as Kokichi had pressed his face into him. How the sniffling and the hiccups wrecked his body. And all Shuichi could do was hold him. Steadying him. 

He raised his hand to knock on the door, but when it came to actually connecting his knuckles with the wood, he paused. 

The way their lunch had gone, he was unsure if Kokichi even wanted to see him. He hadn’t completely rejected his offer, but he hadn’t been enthusiastic about Shuichi’s attempt at friendship. At reconciliation even. 

I have no one. The sentence repeated in his head; the empty stare and hollow laugh still on his mind. 

you’re alone and you always will be.

He’d prove him otherwise. His hand met the door, waiting silently for the other to swing it on open. 

When there was no response, Shuichi knocked a few more times, but he never received an answer. He sighed in disappointment and turned to his door, only to pause once more.

A click, a few scribbles, a tear and with that, Shuichi had left a note that he had shoved under the door gap.

He hoped he'd see him again tomorrow. 

-x-

Breakfast was eventful as always. Kaede animatedly talked about how she was making great strides in therapy, though she still couldn’t play or even look at the piano in the common room. The gruesome memories were still too present. Even Shuichi kept his distance from the instrument, more than anyone else. 

Kaito had soon joined them, clearly with the intention to ask about Maki, but Shuichi only gave him a disapproving look. Kaito seemed to have gotten the message and instead boasted about his progress and his workout goals. Optimistic as always, though Shuichi wasn’t sure if it just was his nature or his way of staying sane in this hole. 

It was when Miu had dropped her food ungracefully onto the table with a loud clang as she let out a gasp. This was  followed by Kaede’s tug at Shuichi’s clothes as Miu hissed, “Oh, fuck , it’s you.”

The commotion caught everyone’s attention and made them turn to the entrance of the dining hall, including Shuichi. 

With a cheeky grin and a different set of clothes than the hospital robe he had worn yesterday, stood Kokichi, enjoying all the eyes that were set on him. Reveling in their shocked and partially angry gazes. 

“Yeah, I’m outta here, I’m not staying with this control freak,” Miu snapped, quickly snatching her breakfast and storming out of the room, leaving everyone else in shock. The girl pushed past Kokichi with a sneer before disappearing behind him in the hall. 

“Wow, feeling right at home! I can see how much you guys missed me!” Kokichi cheerfully exclaimed before waltzing over to Shuichi, Kaede and Kaito. Kaede seemed more open to talking while Kaito was a lot more on edge. Shuichi had to make sure his friend wouldn’t get riled up even more, but considering Kokichi’s current act, he doubted he’ll be successful at keeping them all calm. 

“Good morning, Ouma! I’m glad you decided to join us. D-Don’t worry about Miu, I’m sure she’ll come around,” Kaede greeted, still wary of the short boy, but she’s always been one to help out. And Kokichi definitely fit the category of "needing help" in her book. 

“I hope I didn’t leave you hanging!”

Shuichi almost dropped his fork at the sentence, watching as everyone's face twisted into a bitter grimace. It was impressive how he had managed to raise the tension levels from zero to a hundred real quick. While Kaede was already waving it off, the former Ultimate Astronaut did not. Kaito had instantly jumped to his feet and yanked on Kokichi’s shirt. He was seething . “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I don’t know, making friends? Like your sidekick over there advised me to?” Kokichi smiled back, playing dumb as Kaito continued to tighten his grip on his clothes. 

This was the most angry Shuichi had seen Kaito in a while. Ever since the simulation, his best friend had been a lot calmer and reserved.

Wallowing in his own pain.

Thinking about Maki.

“Advised you to? The hell are you claiming?!” Leave it to Kokichi and Kaito to start a fight at eight in the morning. These two will probably never get along, but Shuichi was willing to hope. And while he could understand his best friend's anger, Shuichi had to intervene or Kaito would disrupt their dynamic even more. But going up against his friend was always a challenge. He didn’t want to defy Kaito, didn’t want to start another disagreement like back in the simulation- back where their whole conflict had started. 

Back where it had ended with both of them dead. 

“Kaito, hold on-” 

A hand landed on Kaito's shoulder, stopping his angry shaking of the purple haired boy. Shuichi sighed in relief when he saw Gonta. 

"Please let go of Kokichi."

The frustration and confusion was evident on Kaito's face, but he relented, dropping his hands and letting go of the other. In turn, Kokichi stumbled a little backwards, to which Shuichi quickly held onto his shoulders in order to steady him. He sent an appreciative glance towards Gonta, hoping the other would understand before checking if Kokichi was alright. 

By the downward gaze and the furrowed brows, he was clearly uncomfortable. And what Shuichi almost failed to notice were the wide eyes, the tremble in his fingers, the sudden shallow breathing. 

That look only held on for a matter of seconds. 

As if a switch had been flipped, Kokichi's behaviour went back to normal… or what was considered as normal. With the innocent smile and bouncy movements and overall carefree attitude. 

"Woo, way to go Gonta!” Kokichi cheered, though his voice seemed… sharper. Squeakier. While it was barely noticeable, Shuichi was sure he had spotted something that he wasn't supposed to. 

Gonta smiled gently. "Gon- I'm glad you're back, Kokichi."

The gesture was kind, as all things Gonta did were. 

However, Kokichi didn’t seem too keen on interacting further, sending the gentle giant a fake smile as he took a hold of Shuichi’s arm and started to tug on it. “Glad to see you too, big guy, but I have some suuuuuper evil matters to attend to and Shuichi said he’d lend a hand! Isn’t that right, Shumai? ”

Perplexed at the nickname and the sharpness to his lie, Shuichi sent an apologetic smile to Kaito and the rest of his friends. “Uh, y-yeah. I’ll see you all later?” Without waiting for a response, Kokichi began dragging Shuichi out of the dining hall as everyone else watched them go with varying forms of facial expressions.

They would get over it...hopefully.

As he kept getting dragged around by Kokichi, they had finally reached their destination...which, apparently, was Shuichi’s room. 

“What are you waiting for? Open sesame!” Kokichi declared. Shuichi unlocked the door. Both of them entered, Kokichi immediately heading for the bed and jumping onto it.

“So...what are we doing here?”

“Hmm...I don’t know! You were going off on this whole charade about befriending me. And friends definitely help each other out, right?”

Shuichi didn’t need to hear any more to figure out that the purple-haired boy was scheming something again. Though, connecting the bits and pieces of information he had gathered earlier in the dining hall, he concluded that it had to do with Gonta.

“You’re planning something,” Shuichi replied, ignoring whatever Kokichi wanted from him. Instinctively, Kokichi rolled his eyes. "Wow. So perceptive! How could you tell?”

Shuichi opened his mouth before Kokichi instantly shut him down “Actually, I don’t care! I came here to have fun, Saihara-chan. Not to be psycho-analyzed.” Obviously, Kokichi did not want to talk about whatever was bothering him. 

Though, Shuichi had a hunch on what his issue was but couldn’t force Kokichi to talk about it. While it might finally get him one step closer to a healthy recovery and possibly lift Kokichi’s guilt somewhat, it could only happen if Kokichi was willing to open up. It was a nice dream to have, but even Shuichi knew that it’s basically impossible to get Kokichi to admit to anything. 

...And yet, he had managed to do that back in the killing game. While simultaneously pissing him off. 

Shuichi was overthinking again, he was aware, but he just couldn’t stand around helplessly when Kokichi was clearly hurting. Even if he was very skilled at hiding that. 

“...I. I know there’s something bothering you.” 

Once more Kokichi rolled his eyes as he sat up, staring at Shuichi with a bemused face. “No shit. Have you looked around? Everyone’s fucked. Stop trying to make sense of it and let’s play something!” he whined, swinging his legs impatiently off of the edge of the bed. Deflecting again. 

Shuichi sighed, disappointed at his own failure as he gave in to the request.

“What do you want to play?”

Kokichi tapped his chin in thought. “I spy.”

Shuichi’s brows furrowed. It wasn’t exactly a very...exciting game per se, but if it helped Kokichi trust him a little more, then he was willing to play. It wouldn’t hurt after all.

Unlike the knife game.

“Ok. You’re going first, I’m guessing?”

Shuichi had shortly glanced at the other’s hand. There was no scar. There was no bandage.

“Oh, how kind of you to let me do the first move! I spy something that is red!” 

That shouldn’t be too hard to spot, considering Shuichi kept his room mostly undecorated and clean. The only red thing in his room was… Shuichi squinted. “...Is it the shirt my uncle is wearing in the picture frame?”

“It’s the only red thing in this room, no? Would be kinda mean to choose something black with your emo-esque wardrobe,” Kokichi commented before waving for Shuichi to go ahead. “It’s your turn!”

While Shuichi disagreed regarding the comment on his wardrobe (he didn’t really have a choice back in the simulation of what to wear and neither did Kokichi with his straight-jacket-like outfit), he didn’t bother replying and focused on the game at hand. His gaze jumped from one spot to another in the room before settling on a dear possession of his. "I spy something blue-" 

"Your tears," Kokichi exclaimed right after. 

"...I'm not even crying," Shuichi stated dryly, though he did find it a teeny tiny bit amusing. He would never dare to admit that in front of Kokichi, obviously. The smaller male didn't need an ego boost right now, otherwise Shuichi wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Especially when he was smirking cockily and replying, "You will. Once I beat you at the game."

The taller male rolled his eyes. "First you need to give me the correct answer. You got two more guesses." 

"Oh well, it's that notebook over there, which is a lot more boring than my first guess, might I add," Kokichi scolded, as if Shuichi had done something wrong by choosing something so "boring". He had the urge to roll his eyes a second time, but considering the amount of times he'd be doing that whenever Kokichi was present, he figured he wouldn't want it to become a habit. 

His nervous ticks were already enough to handle. 

Shuichi sighed. “I don’t know how you can make ‘I spy’ more exciting… It’s your turn.” Kokichi grinned looking around the room before closing his eyes and saying “I spied something black.” 

“Didn’t you just say that black would be mean to pick?”  

“Changed my mind!” Kokichi decided, cracking open one eyes to look at Shuichi with a satisfied smile. However, he was already investigating the room, trying to find the object of interest. And he sadly had to admit that his wardrobe truly was mostly consisting of black and rather...bland and colorless clothes.

Admittedly, it was a little embarrassing how recognizable his “style” was to his classmates. 

“I, uh, guess my hat?” 

Kokichi’s eyes snapped open before staring at Shuichi incredulously, scanning his features before “Saihara-chan is a cheater, hm?” 

“What? How am I supposed to cheat at something like ‘I spy’?” The detective gasped out, although he did feel a little proud at guessing correctly. Maybe he had imagined it, but he was fairly certain by the way Kokichi had tried to snatch it multiple times and commented on it frequently, he was definitely interested in it.

“You’re a detective, that’s already unfair,” Kokichi whined before suggesting (or demanding) a redo. “I'll go again!! I spy something gold!" he proudly declared before tapping his chin in thought. "Or maybe yellow?” Kokichi tilted his head as he looked at Shuichi. The detective couldn't exactly tell where he was supposed to look for this mystery object, since Kokichi refused to give him a hint now, apparently. 

“It might just be olive when I squint.”

It wouldn’t be a challenge that way.

“Or it’s just a really washed out blue!”

“Sounds like it’s changing colours a lot," Shuichi hummed jokingly, but Kokichi nodded his head...oddly...close to Shuichi as he kept staring at him with a grin. He was probably having fun playing with Shuichi and seeing his reactions to literally anything that could make him upset or flustered. 

Although Shuichi despised being stared at, especially so attentively and full of expectations, he knew Kokichi was just curious in whatever Shuichi was thinking and doing. He hoped, at least. 

Although he wouldn't put it past Kokichi to see how uncomfortable he can make Shuichi. But even then, Shuichi trusted him enough that he'd stop if it got too bad. 

Trust. 

The whiteboard flashed in his mind, the word Trustworthy? twisting and curling around him. Was it… Was it too much to ask for? Admittedly, Shuichi hadn't been the kindest… and while Kokichi might've trusted him back in the game, it was a lot more questionable out here in reality. 

If you can call it that.

And yet, Shuichi wanted Kokichi to rely on him. He wanted Kokichi to be able to lower his guards, have the choice to lie less rather than be forced to. So was that... too much to ask for? 

He silently hoped the other never really lost his trust in him. 

Without warning, Shuichi had stood up, leaving Kokichi to tumble onto his back on the bed with surprise. Instead of asking, his gaze followed Shuichi as he moved towards the chair where the detective's clothes were neatly folded. On top of it rested the black hat. It looked similar to the one he wore in the game, just not the same. 

"It's not your hat, Saihara-chan," Kokichi called out, which Shuichi simply ignored. 

He picked up the hat, wondering whether it had been a gift or not for a brief second before dismissing it. As long as it hadn't been some sort of family heirloom, it should be fine. 

And even then… his current self couldn’t be bothered too much. While it had some sort of significance before, Shuichi couldn’t remember what it was besides being able to hide from the judgemental stares. 

He returned to the bed while Kokichi decided to sit back up and stare at the hat in confusion. Before he could ask further, Shuichi placed it on top of his head, though it didn't help much with Kokichi's purple strands still standing and curling wildly. When Shuichi pulled his hand back, he couldn't help but stare at the boy on his bed, staring back up at him in surprise. 

The hat fit him a lot better than it ever would on Shuichi's head. While Shuichi would never admit it out loud (to spare both him and Kokichi the embarrassment), the prankster looked oddly adorable with the accessory. 

"You must've forgotten how 'I spy' works," Kokichi concluded as he was about to take off the hat, but Shuichi stopped him, placing his hand on top of his. The sudden skin contact made both of them flinch, but Shuichi was too stubborn to pull away. He mentally noted that Kokichi’s hands were surprisingly cold. 

Then again, why did he expect them to be warm?

"Saihara?" 

"I want you to keep it." Shuichi gulped. Here goes nothing. "As a sign of trust."

Kokichi stared at him incredulously, searching his eyes for some sort of indication that this was just a joke on Shuichi's part. He knew, obviously, Shuichi wouldn't ever joke about something such as trust. Kokichi slowly removed his hand from the hat. Instead, he lazily played with his hair, though Shuichi could tell it was a lot less relaxed than Kokichi made it out to be. 

Kokichi fake pouted. At least, Shuichi assumed it was fake, considering what the other said next. 

"And here I thought Saihara-chan was finally making a move on me."

Without fail, the comment got an instant reaction, having Shuichi flush beet-red and recoil from the smirky devil on his bed. His mind was racing, but everything halted when he quickly saw through the tactic. 

It's just a distraction. Kokichi was just distracting him- trying to gauge some sort of outrageous reaction out of him so Shuichi would drop the subject. 

With a deep breath, Shuichi calmed down once more and quickly scrambled to gather his thoughts. While he was hesitant to look the other in the eye, he continued to ramble before Kokichi could interrupt once more. "While I do wish you could trust me… I know it’s pretty difficult. B-Because trust involves vulnerability- You’d have to open up a lot more. I understand if you don’t want to do that-” Shuichi paused for a second - why was his heart racing? - before gathering all of his resolve, trying not to stutter, “But I want to. I want to put my trust in you.”

It sounded a lot less cheesy in his head and even if he cringed inwardly about it, he wouldn’t dare let it show on the outside. He genuinely meant it. He was going to believe in Kokichi, even if it had been difficult in the game itself and even if Kokichi himself does his absolute best to come off as the most heinous and cruel person out there...Shuichi knows better. 

He bit his lip and avoided eye contact as he elaborated, "It took me way too long to figure out what your true intentions were. It took me too long to see a glimpse of the real you. I wanted to believe you- I wanted to trust you, but. Everything went by so fast and suddenly you were-" 

"Well?" Kokichi interrupted, leaning back on the bed, holding himself up with his hands - evaluating Shuichi and his intentions warily. "Did you ever get a glimpse of the real me?" 

Shuichi paused, carefully observing the other as Kokichi checked his nails. 

He tried to remember the few times Kokichi had been honest and all he could remember- all he could remember feeling…  were the arms wrapped around his torso and the sobs that would occasionally echo in his ears. The peaceful expression on his face as he slept. 

The pictures scattered messily around the floor.

"I'd like to believe so," Shuichi hummed, settling down next to Kokichi. Not too close. But close enough. "And if I haven't, I hope I get the chance in the future."

They both stared at each other for a few seconds before Kokichi snorted and laughed, falling back onto the bed and almost losing the hat on his head in the process. "Saihara-chan has been saying some incredibly cheesy things today instead of guessing! We're still not done with the game."

Shuichi sighed in disappointment. He should've expected this and yet he had hoped for a different response. Who was he trying to fool, this was Kokichi after all. And while he hadn't really gotten a response, Shuichi would stand behind the declarations he made. 

"It changes colours…” He totally forgot about that hint. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what Kokichi had looked at nor did he really have anything in his room that could change colour.

What were the colours again? Blue, yellow, grey…? “Uhm, I guess it could be the sky?" Shuichi offered, not really convinced by his own deduction.

"Not a bad guess, but also wrong!" Kokichi hummed, still laying on the bed and peering at Shuichi, who was still inspecting the room from where he sat. No matter the object his gaze landed on, it definitely wouldn’t be changing colour anytime soon - unless it was some sort of electronic device…? But then again, none of them were turned on as of the moment. Everything was quiet here and cleaned up. The walls were too white, too bare for his liking and yet. He didn’t want to put anything up. He feared that if he did, it would solidify that he’d be staying here even longer. 

A place that just about reeked of the broken pieces that had met despair. 

Without warning, Kokichi had sighed and jumped off of his bed. The boy stretched, letting out a fake yawn. “It’s getting late, Saihara-chan! Your time is running out.” Kokichi’s hand brushed the hat, ready to pull it off of his head to which Shuichi could only watch with bated breath. As if sensing Shuichi’s turmoil - or out of his own desire for trust - Kokichi dropped his hand and pulled on his sleeves instead. 

The non-rejection made Shuichi’s heart flutter. Although he quickly squashed it back down, scolding himself mentally - there were still a ton more steps he had to take before he could celebrate. 

“I had fun! Which means you won’t get punished. For now.” Kokichi smirked before his lips formed a gentler, more genuine smile. He tipped the hat on his head a little, making Shuichi’s eyes brighten in the process. 

Shuichi swore he saw a glint of genuine happiness flash in those lavender eyes. 

“Aaand I’ll keep this for now. Don’t worry, beloved, it’s definitely safe with me! Bye bye!” 

Shuichi had barely registered the nickname when Kokichi was already out of the door, the ever-present smug grin etched onto his face as he disappeared around the corner.

“W-Wait, you haven’t-” Shuichi called out while stumbling slightly to get up from the bed, but the boy was already gone. It was pointless to go after him for the reveal of the game. It didn’t matter. Even if it ended up bugging him for the rest of the day.

He let himself fall back onto the bed, words still repeating in his head. The genuine smile on Kokichi’s face...he had never seen that before. Admittedly, it was pretty wholesome. In a way...it was rather adorable. 

I sᴛᴏʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, sᴏ ɴᴏᴡ I’ᴍ-

Shuichi blinked, face turning red as he quickly hid behind his hands. Had Kokichi just called him beloved?! Oh god, and it took him a solid 2 minutes to even realize- He was just glad the boy hadn’t immediately gotten a reaction out of him- If Kokichi saw Shuichi now, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. 

Trustworthy?

...Who was he kidding? Shuichi was anything but trustworthy. He buried his head further into the pillows. 

-x-

Ever since their little hang-out session, Shuichi was pleasantly surprised at Kokichi’s sudden change in behaviour. While he still had his moments, the boy had begun to attend all of the group therapy sessions, albeit without much contribution on its own. But, Shuichi wouldn’t complain. He was already proud of the steps he had taken in such a short amount of time. 

Though these steps came with the price of...limited space. Limited personal space. 

See, Shuichi couldn’t have predicted that being the prankster’s one singular person of support would end up with them practically becoming a duo. 

No matter where Shuichi went, Kokichi would soon find him and demand attention (in typical Kokichi fashion: without outright admitting to feeling lonely). Shuichi had grown accustomed to the little signs. His alarm bells would ring way beforehand, he’d notice when Kokichi’s demeanor was off or when the boy was surprisingly a few minutes later to arrive than usual. 

If anyone had told him a few weeks ago he’d be this close with Kokichi, he would’ve politely denied such claims, assuring that it would never happen. 

And yet, here they were, never seeing one without the other. Usually, the rest of the contestants would see Shuichi being dragged around by Kokichi, however, most of the time it was actually Shuichi that would drag the other from one appointment to the next. They had a schedule to uphold. 

And the last thing Shuichi needed was for Kokichi to snoop around when he was talking to the Resets.

Kokichi was definitely aware that Shuichi had some sort of special status, but any and all questions about where he’d go was limited to “just visiting Maki and the others”. While it was easy to brush everyone else off with the response, Kokichi was most certainly not one of them. 

Whenever their conversation happened to touch on that topic, Shuichi would try to shift it somewhere else. Usually he’d start to talk about therapy. That would get the shorter boy to change the subject himself. Shuichi was proud of the steps Kokichi had taken, but there were still barriers he couldn’t see past - and he doubted that Kokichi would show them willingly anytime soon.

Still, it was surprisingly nice having someone as attention-seeking as Kokichi by his side. They weren’t exactly spending time with anyone else due to...leftover tension created by the killing game. Notable mentions would be Kaito, Miu and Gonta...and Himiko (although Himiko hadn’t exactly been the most sociable in the first place). Sometimes they’d join Rantaro and Kaede in their free time, but other than that, Shuichi and Kokichi were mostly exploring on their own. 

So after days of being inseparable, it was the first time Shuichi hadn’t awoken to incessant knocks and bangs against his door early in the morning. It wasn’t exactly something to worry about, but it did leave him feeling off for the rest of the morning. It only got worse when Shuichi hadn't seen Kokichi for breakfast or at any other point of the day. Asking the others hadn’t helped either, because they were just as confused to see him without the purple haired boy’s company. Additionally, they had all been too busy with their own recovery that they hadn’t paid attention to Kokichi being missing.

Well. At least that had been happening until dinner. Surprisingly, almost everyone attended. Shuichi had arrived right after his two hours with Tsumugi, completely tuckered out after having had to listen to her ramble about all the different anime characters he wouldn’t even try remembering. While she had no memories of the killing game, she was just as obsessed with fiction and cosplay as she had been in the game. 

Without the additional baggage of creating a game to kill each other. 

Shuichi tried to ignore these thoughts, instead letting himself be distracted by Kokichi. Wherever he had been, he wouldn’t talk a single word about it and therefore, Shuichi wouldn’t try to delve deeper. He was just glad the other seemed fine and back to his normal shenanigans. Ever since Shuichi arrived in the dining hall, the shorter purple haired boy had been clinging onto him - as usual - never really leaving his side while shooting mean comments back and forth with Kaito. Despite their dispute not too long ago, this quarrel was a lot more toned down. Like two toddlers fighting over a toy. 

In the meantime, Shuichi had gone back to eating and observing his surroundings. He had to be prepared for anything. The others seemed to be exceptionally well today and he hoped it would stay that way for the rest of the week. Oʀ ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ’ᴅ ғɪɴᴅ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ-

Shuichi paused, letting the spoon drop into the soup by accident. Didn’t matter. He was restless. He had been feeling off the whole day and yet, when surrounded by all the happy faces of his friends, guilt settled deep in his gut. Everything was going well. There was no reason for him to feel so out of it. However, his body kept trembling in anticipation of whatever horrible fate was about to meet them. 

Just then, Rantaro had entered the hall, eyebrows furrowed while Kaede happily went to greet the boy. They had grown pretty close due to them being the first two victims of the game. More time to bond. More time to recover. 

ᴵᶠ ᵃˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ʰᵃᵈ ᵈᶦᵉᵈ ᵗᵒᵍᵉᵗʰᵉʳ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵛᵉʳʸ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗ, ᵗʰᵉʸ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈⁿ’ᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʰᵃᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵃʷᶠᵘˡ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗᵐᵃʳᵉ.

Still, Shuichi observed carefully as Kaede’s expression twisted into concern. Whatever they were talking about, Shuichi was starting to grow nervous, feeling an odd numbness. The premature warning that something was going to happen.

By the look on Rantaro's face, Shuichi knew something was up. Only to be further confirmed when the green-haired man met his eyes unexpectedly and motioned for Shuichi to come over.

Someone’s dead.

The timid boy excused himself from the table, receiving a questioning glance from Kokichi but nothing more. Sending him a reassuring smile (though it probably came off more worrying), Shuichi quickly made his way to Rantaro and Kaede. 

“Are you sure? But doesn’t that make-” Kaede asked before being cut off by Rantaro, “Hold on for a moment - Shuichi, Kirigiri wants to see you. Didn’t get any further details, hope you didn’t get in trouble because of Kokichi.” Shuichi appreciated the joke, but it didn’t help calm his nerves. In fact, the announcement only made his anxiety worse. 

Kirigiri never requested to meet with him at this time, meaning something severe happened. Without wasting any more time, Shuichi thanked Rantaro and headed for the exit. 

“Wait, Shuichi.” He stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at Rantaro once more. Concern, confusion, worry - it was all displayed on the normally calm face of Rantaro. Before he could say anything else though, Kirigiri herself opened the doors, practically storming inside. Her gaze immediately fell on Shuichi.

“There you are. Hurry. It’s urgent.”

Thus, he left behind the rest of the class and followed Kirigiri with rushed steps. Shuichi could already tell where they were going, not prepared for what was about to come. Steeling himself, he waited outside of the room that Kirigiri had just entered. Adrenaline was rushing through him and he hadn’t even considered what the aftermath of this whole confusion would be. 

God, this was a mess. They hadn’t been exactly discreet earlier, so everyone else was going to wonder what the hell was going on. They might just assume something is wrong with Maki and Tsumugi - and, honestly, there kind of was - but he couldn’t reveal what. No matter the difficulty, he wasn’t allowed to confide in anyone and it. It was becoming a lot to handle. Too much. It was so much. 

Shuichi uncomfortably shifted in front of the door, waiting for Kirigiri to give him a sign or call out to him. The moment came sooner than expected, the door suddenly being ripped open and startling Shuichi from where he stood. 

Kirigiri stepped outside as she held the door open. “She wants to talk to you alone. I’ll give you the details later.”

He entered the room, surveying the new surroundings - they were just as empty as the other rooms, neatly set up - and met friendly blue eyes. The door closed in the back and he barely heard it, but the small sound had him snap back to reality.

Another one down.

“Yoho, Shuichi!” Angie greeted cheerfully, the hospital gown hugging her form as she laid in her new bed. Her new room. The cheery smile and her happy demeanor broke him immediately and his eyes quickly watered.

Angie frowned, though her smile never faded. “Aww, don’t cry! Everything’s ok, Shuichi!” 

“‘ Everything’s ok?’ Angie, you’re getting reset,” Shuichi choked out, overwhelmed by the positivity she radiated. Even now, the girl was just pure energy and a ray of sunlight. Her smile grew more genuine, so much happier than she had been the past weeks. He hadn’t seen her like this since the very beginning of the killing game.

And he tried so hard to wrap his head around it- tried so hard to be happy for her. But right now, all he felt was the pain of losing another friend. They hadn’t been close, they hadn’t spent a lot of time together. But when you go through a traumatic experience together - when you had actually investigated their corpse - of course there’d be something. They had made a connection, they had formed a bond under the worst circumstances possible. 

For a friend you once knew to suddenly be ripped away from you… Shuichi could only feel anguish. Not only was he losing another friend. He was losing Angie a second time.

You failed.

“Why? Why are you being reset?” he asked in between soft sniffles, wiping at his eyes.

Angie fiddled with her bedsheets a little before answering as gleefully as ever, “I requested it!”

“R-Requested?”

Angie nodded happily. “The therapist - She made the offer! Yes, yes, she explained the whooooole ordeal.” Angie’s voice dropped a little as she stared meaningfully at Shuichi. 

“I can’t hear the divine voice anymore, Shuichi. My works...my craft...It’s all based on God’s guidance. The worst that could’ve happened to me, has happened. I’ve lost my talent,” Angie trailed off. 

“B-But you’re not alone Angie. I’ve lost my talent too- We all have.”

The girl shook her head, waving a finger in denial. “But, But! That’s not true at all! You’re just as perceptive as you are in the simulation, Shuichi. While the others may not be perfect at their talent anymore, they’re still able to pull it off.” Angie sighed as she let her head fall back onto the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. 

“My whole life was based on following At- G-God’s guidance. My whole talent was based on this foundation. Or at least, in my fake memories. So, if it means I can completely free myself from these shackles to do the thing I adore with all my heart...I’ll gladly let myself be reset!” 

Shuichi stayed quiet, not wanting to question her reasoning any further. How could he anyways? Any of her reasons would’ve been valid - even if it meant just forgetting whatever happened to them. He couldn’t judge her. 

“Are you feeling ok Shuichi?” 

He wiped his tears. What a dumb question. Of course he wasn’t feeling ok. What was he feeling anyways besides sadness? Pain? Anguish? Betrayal? Fear? 

Jealousy?

“I- I’ll manage. I’ll be ok,” replied hoarsely, awkwardly standing at the other end of the bed. Not satisfied with that answer, Angie stretched her arms out and waved him towards her. Stumbling slightly towards her, he was immediately engulfed in a tight, warm hug.

The closeness was unfamiliar but not unwelcome. His heart stung at the thought of having missed out on a friendship such as this for so long. Shuichi’s eyes blurred once more and he buried his face into her shoulder, quietly sobbing as he enjoyed their “last” moment together.

“Thank you so much for looking after me Shuichi. Before, now and after this reset,” she whispered. Her arms tightened around him one last time. 

“You’re so unbelievably strong. Take care!”