Chapter Text
« Hello », Jack answers at the other side of the line.
« What the fuck is going on Jack? », a raging Jordan snaps on the phone. « it’s been a fucking month, why the fuck aren’t you talking to me? I tried to give you your space, I thought you were stressed about you just arriving in Manchester, but I don’t think it’s the case anymore. You’re clearly ignoring me. I’ve talked to Ben and Tyrone; but they aren’t telling me shit. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
All Jordan’s hears after is Jack’s sniffles on the other side of the phone. And it breaks his heart. They’ve been a couple since the Euros, everything was good until a month ago when Jack started to shut Jordan off, not talking to him or even coming to see him in Liverpool as he usually would. Jordan had put all that on the season being tough for Jack and him being overwhelmed because of all the changes happening in his life recently. And Jordan gets it; Jack needs his space, he cannot always have him close; even if he wanted to.
“Babe, speak to me. I don’t understand, I need to understand. Is it something that I’ve said or something that I’ve done? If it is then, I’m sorry, baby, I really am but please talk to me.”, Jordan pleads his lover.
Jack on the other hand is sobbing on the other side of the line. He can’t it take anymore. He bottled everything up for so long that he feels like he’s going to explode. Not talking to Jordan for over a month has been so hard but he had to, to protect his heart and keep his sanity. But it has to be done for both of their sakes.
“J-Jordan, I love you”, Jack whispers with a little voice. The words leaving his throat being barely audible. “You’re the first person that made me feel this way; fuck when we met, I was not even capable of admitting that I liked men. You gave me so much love in such a short time and I’m so grateful for you.”, a choked sob escapes from his throat. “B-but I think that we should break up”
“What? What do you mean, we should break up? No. You’re not breaking up with me. You just told me you loved me and then you say shit like this. I really don’t get it, Jack. »
“It’s n-not up to debate, I’m breaking up with you.”
“No, you are not!”, Jordan shouts furiously.
“P-please, don’t make it harder that it needs to be, please.”, Jack is full on crying now, he feels like he’s going to pass out.
“I’m sorry for shouting baby, I’m so sorry”, Jordans tries as much as he can to make Jack come back to him. “Jack, please what did I do? Don’t leaving me, please, don’t…”, now the older man is also crying on the other side.
“Don’t cry please, Jordan. Stop-“
“Jordan? You aren’t calling me baby anymore hm?”, Jordan smiles through his tears, realizing that his and Jack’s relationship is burning into ashes. “What did I do to lose you?”
“It’s not you!”, the City player cries, “It was never you the problem. It’s me. I’m the fucking problem. I won’t ever be good enough for you. I never was, okay?”
“Jack, what the fuck are you saying? Of course, you are enough for me, you always were and always will be. I don’t understand where all of this is coming from. How long have you been feeling like this?”
“I always felt like this since the moment we got together. When you asked me to be yours, I couldn’t even believe it. Why me? I’m nothing special, if I wasn’t at least good at playing football I don’t even know where the fuck I would’ve ended up. I’m a fucking dumb guy who is good at playing football and who slept with so many people that he can’t even count them all.”, the younger man takes a deep breath, “And you, Jordan Brian Henderson, you are the whole fucking prize, worth all the fucking worders in this world. Adam was so right, I don’t deserve you”
“What do you mean Adam was right? Is it him that told you all this crap?”
“Jordan, leave it. Bottom line is-“
“No, Jack. I love you and I don’t care about what anyone thinks. I don’t care if you are not the brightest at the eyes of others because you are in mines. You are the most genuine and kind and loving person I know. After my divorce with Rebecca, I was so devasted, I thought that I failed her and our children even if divorcing her was the best way for me to live my truth. You brought me back to life, you gave me so much love, brought me joy again. I learned how to love and accept myself. It’s you that I want and no one else.”
“How come I don’t feel this way? I don’t see it. How come I don’t see it in me? I know for sure that love you, it’s the only thing that I’m sure of. I just don’t think that I’m for you, what you are for me. Everyone knows that and soon enough you’ll realize it. So, I prefer to stop it before it hurts too much. I’m not worthy of you. Not even close, Jord. I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to get it because I love you. There are no words beautiful enough to describe what I feel for you but what I can tell you for sure is that I love you and its not going to change. I know that the way you feel is not going to go away just because I tell you how much I care about you because this thing is deeper than me, deeper than our relationship. It’s you, it’s about you loving yourself.”, Jordan takes a deep breath. He now understands what it is about and what Jack needs. They need to be apart from each other for Jack to find himself and love himself. “I get it now. We need to break up for you to discover yourself, it will never work between us otherwise.”
As those words leave Jordan’s mouth a weight lift of off Jack’s body: he understands.
« I will always be here for you. When you are ready, I’ll be waiting for you. »
“Thank you, Jordan; thank you so much.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Even if we are taking a break, you’ll always be my friend, Jack. Please come see the kids, when you can they miss you”
“I will I promise. I love you, Jordan. So much.”, Jack whispers.
“I know you do. I love you too, Jack; take care.”