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You were nervous as you walked up to the building of the gathering Shoko had invited you to, the birds singing being your only comfort on your walk from the train station.
“It’ll be fun. Everyone misses you, you know?” she had told you a few days ago over the phone. She was really the only one you kept up with from your sorcerer days, even if it's just during quick catch up phone calls or your once in a blue moon coffee dates (Gojo Satoru did too, sometimes, but mostly to see if you’d come back to Jujutsu Tech and rejoin the world you ran from so desperately). She had always been the one you’d been closest to, the one who may have understood you the most. Shoko seemed like she was always able to read your thoughts and knew what you were thinking before you could even express it. When it came to you, Shoko was even more perceptive than Gojo of all people.
There really was only one person that knew you as well as she did.
“Will Nanami be there?” you’d asked, a bit hesitant. You didn’t know what you wanted the answer to be, your stomach in knots as you awaited the response.
“ Not sure,” she sighed, “ but I’m sure Gojo will find a way to rope him into it. You know how he is.”
You laughed softly, but your nerves kept your stomach twisted and your heart beating a little too fast. “I’ll think about it, Shoko. I really don’t know if I’m up for it.”
“Pleeeease, y/n? You owe me one ya know.” Shoko said, and you could almost hear her pouting on the other side of the phone. You could feel your hesitance fading away.
“Fine,” you responded, “just for you Shoko. I’ll make sure to be there.”
In the back of your mind, you knew it wasn’t just for Shoko. Those thoughts followed you even now, as you spotted her by the door smoking a cigarette. She looked just as pretty as ever, even with the dark circles under her eyes from more sleepless nights than almost anyone you knew.
Shoko looked up at you and smiled softly, putting out her cigarette and walking over to give you a hug. “I’m glad you could make it, y/n.”
You hugged her back, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you pulled back. “I’m glad I could too.” You hoped she didn’t notice you were shaking.
But she did, and she raised an eyebrow at your shivering form. “Nervous?”
“Yeah, just a smidge. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen everyone.” you chuckled, anxiety tinging your every word.
Another soft smile from Shoko. “Don’t be nervous. I already told Gojo if he tried roping you back into this shit I’d use his corpse as a research project.”
You laughed, feeling just a little lighter. You both knew that wasn’t the real reason you were so on edge, but having Shoko by your side tonight made you feel a bit more confident to step through those doors. “Let’s go.” you said, linking your arm with Shoko, as ready as you’ll ever be for the night.
does it smell like a school gymnasium in here?
When you walked into the room, you almost felt like you had been transported back to high school. The sight of your old classmates, and a few faces you didn’t quite recognize, made you feel like a nervous teenager walking into prom for the first time. They had even set up a little dance area, music pumping through the small area and a few people moving around the floor.
One of those people stood out immediately. Insanely tall, with bright white hair that almost glowed in the lights, and his signature pair of sunglasses hiding his shocking blue eyes. He turned and spotted you across the room, smiling wide at the sight of you and Shoko, and headed your way.
“Y/n!” he shouted, and you couldn’t help but grin, even if you dreaded seeing him just a little bit. Because again, every time he did contact you throughout the years, it was to try and convince you to become a sorcerer again. And every time that happened, he was met with a resounding no from you. Didn’t seem to stop him though, but you hoped tonight would be different.
Especially with the glares Shoko was giving him. You ask her again, and you’ll end up as my next cadaver.
“Hi, Gojo.” you said as he came up to you.
The grin that seemed to never leave his face got even wider as he approached you, his immense amount of cursed energy almost overwhelming you. You don’t know if you’d ever get used to it (not that you really needed to anymore).
“Y/n! So glad to see you!” he said. “When Shoko told me you’d be coming, I thought she was lying.” You laughed at that, because it was true. It didn’t really seem like something you’d do, but like you’d said earlier, you’d do it for Shoko.
And for Nanami, the voice in the back of your mind said, but you shook it off. You didn’t even know if he would show, and you didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
“Thank you for having me, Gojo. I’m actually kinda glad to be here.”
“I’m glad to hear it, y/n. We’ve missed you, believe it or not.” Gojo said, smile softening just a tad.
You three chatted away, playing catch up as you all took a seat at a table nearby. Shoko and Gojo told you about the latest Jujutsu Tech happenings, with Gojo telling you about a new student of his named Itadori that had swallowed a cursed object and became a vessel for the King of Curses. You were bewildered, asking so many questions and laughing at the jokes Gojo had made, but it further cemented in your mind that the decision you made to leave was correct.
You didn’t think you could handle any of that like Gojo and Shoko could, fighting your own inevitable demise every single day. You didn’t think Nanami could either, which made his decision to return that much more mind boggling to you.
Gojo continued on and on with his stories of training Itadori, but you started thinking about Nanami again. About the crossroads you’d both reached at the end of your Jujutsu Tech journeys. At that point, you didn’t want to leave. You were determined to fight, death not quite scaring you like it did now. You were brave, but so goddamned naive.
it would be a hundred times easier if we were young again
The day you and Nanami ended things was seared into your mind, almost as vivid today as when it had just happened. It was sunny and bright that day, the birds were singing as clear as ever, bright and beautiful. But you and Nanami were silent, sullen. “I want a normal life, y/n. I can’t do this anymore. I know you don’t want that, and I can’t see us together if that’s the case. I’m sorry.”
Your heart was shattered, tears falling rapidly onto your cheeks. But you wouldn’t stop him, you knew you couldn’t. “I love you, Kento. I always will.” you’d said, voice strained against the lump in your throat. He was the love of your life, your twin flame, but you wouldn’t force him into something that made him miserable.
When he left the next day, the whole campus was silent. Even the birds had stopped singing. All you could do was cry into your pillow, Shoko by your side trying to console you.
That day, you thought you would keep fighting.
You threw yourself into missions, trying to keep yourself from thinking about Nanami. About the smiles and laughter you’d shared, the warmth you felt in his hold that you couldn’t find anywhere else, something that you craved to this day. The love you had for each other that you didn’t think you would find with anyone else. Late nights and early mornings spent together, listening to the birds and sipping warm tea before classes and missions.
But, a year after Nanami left, when you woke up in the infirmary after that one fateful mission, the one that almost sent you six feet under, you lost that will to fight.
The birds were silent the day you left Jujutsu Tech, too.
“ Hey , Earth to y/n!” Gojo shouted, snapping his fingers and finally getting you to come back to the present instead of stewing in the past.
“Wha- oh, sorry.” You said, face turning a little pink after you’d let yourself zone out so hard. Shoko giggled beside you, patting you on the back comfortingly. “What were you saying, Gojo?”
He peeked from behind his glasses and rolled his eyes at you before repeating himself, “Nanami has been teaching Itadori lately. Didn’t think he had it in him.”
Your eyes widened at the statement, finally fully grounded. “Nanami is teaching him? With what patience?”
“You’d be surprised,” Shoko spoke up, “he’s changed a bit since you last saw him. He still doesn’t have a lot of patience, but I think he likes Itadori. No respect for Gojo though.” she chuckled.
Gojo’s smile dropped, before he looked behind you and started grinning like a cheshire cat. “ Aaaand speaking of that- Oi! Nanamin!”
You froze. Was he really here?
Pulling yourself together, you stood up and turned to look at the door, Gojo beckoning you over.
And there stood Nanami Kento.
Your feet started moving before you could process it, walking shakily until you stood in front of him, heart racing and anxiety running through your veins.
“Y/n,” he spoke, his voice quiet and causing your heart to race even faster, “it’s nice to see you tonight.”
You got that feeling again, like you had been sent back in time and were meeting him for the first time all over again. You were jittery, your cheeks were pink, and all you could do was clear your throat. “It’s uh, n-nice to see you too, Nanami.”
You felt just as awkward as you did back then too.
Gojo excused himself, making his way to get a drink and converse with the other people there.
Trying to get your nerves back in control after seeing the one man you loved more than anyone for the first time in years, you spoke up. “What have you been up to all this time? Went back to being a sorcerer, yeah?”
“Yes,” he said, admiring the way you looked at him just like you did way back when, eyes sparkling and cheeks tinged pink. He thinks he could fall in love with you all over again. Even if you’d both changed so much over the years, he felt like he was back in time with you. “A normal life just wasn’t for me like I thought it was. Being a sorcerer was the less idiotic option out of the two.”
You looked down at the ground. “I guess so. But I like being normal,” you smiled, looking back up at him, “I guess I’ll be a little bit more of an idiot.”
He fell silent, trying to find something to say, and you took the time to admire the more mature Nanami Kento standing in front of you.
and the ground has been slowly pulling us back down
you see it on both our skin
Age has been kind to Nanami, you thought, but you can see a few lines forming on his face. Stress lines and dark circles, results of late nights and hard fights. His blonde hair was pushed back now, and he donned a tan suit with a blue undershirt. His eyes were just as gorgeous as you remembered, a beautiful shade of brown you always found yourself drowning in.
He was still just as handsome as he was all those years ago, maybe even more so. You would not call Nanami ethereal, he was a different kind of beautiful. More grounded and down to earth. A hardworking man, sharp and defined, looking like he was always thinking and studying but keeping those thoughts locked behind an incredible poker face.
Back then, and even now, you always wondered how the cogs in his mind turned. Did he have any regrets? Why did he want to become a sorcerer again? What did he think about these people that considered him a friend? What did he think about you?
Did he regret letting you go?
“Why did you leave, y/n? From what I recall, you were steadfast in wanting to remain a sorcerer.”
You were caught off guard by this question, blinking at him. You don’t remember him being quite this blunt with you, but tonight was a constant reminder that people change, that he had changed.
“Um,” you said, taking a moment to gather your thoughts and you shook your head, “well, one day I stared my own inevitable demise right in the face and wasn’t a big fan.” you said, a cold chuckle escaping you. “After that one moment, my entire mindset changed. I didn’t want to die, I wanted to feel safer and stable. I didn’t want to have to escape death at the last second every time I left that campus, so I left for the final time a year or so after you did. Went to university, got a comfy job and a cute little apartment.” you looked at Nanami, but all he did was stare back at you, brow furrowing slightly. You continued, “I’m content for the first time in a long time, Nanami. I realize now that’s what I really wanted. I don’t care to be brave and risk my life. I just want to be happy.”
Nanami’s brow furrowed even more, almost baffled at the conclusion you’ve come to. The fight in you had disappeared in what felt like the blink of an eye. You were different, but you truly did seem content to live that way. He wondered if you would have come to that same conclusion if he’d never left you. He wondered, if things were different, if you’d both be happy together.
we’re just two slow dancers
A slow song started playing in the background as he stood in front of you. You went to speak, but Nanami beat you to it, holding out his hand.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked. You took his hand, warm and calloused, and nodded in response.
Nanami led you to the dance floor, grip on your hand tight still as he wrapped his arm around your waist. You could have melted in his hold, and you felt just like you did in high school. You leaned your head against him, letting his presence envelop you. It was warm and comforting and you wanted to drown in it, in Nanami. None of the feelings you’d had towards him back then had faded, and they hit you like a freight train now. You felt like two teenagers, fighting against the world. Ignoring the fact that your life could get cut short at any point while also facing that fact head on every day.
“Nanami, do you regret leaving Jujutsu Tech?”
“No,” his response was instantaneous, “if I wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have experienced the day-to-day that helped me grow into who I am now.” he said, like he’d thought and pondered on the subject for a long time. “However, I do regret leaving you.”
You looked up at him, stared into those warm brown eyes that you fell in love with over and over again. You didn’t know how to respond, words escaping you.
Nanami regretted leaving you. Did he still love you now?
You swallowed, leaning against him again. “I’ve missed you, Nanami.”
“I’ve missed you too, y/n.”
You swayed to the song together slowly, the warmth of his body against yours pleasant and almost comforting as you drowned in your thoughts. Time felt like it had slowed down, you couldn’t tell if it had been five seconds or five hours when you were with him like this. It felt like it was only the two of you in the room.
Even if you both changed, became two very different people in the span of a few years, you found comfort knowing that this feeling was something that would probably never change.
last ones out
He kissed you on that dance floor, when almost everyone else had left and you two truly were the only ones there. The love you held for each other crashing over you both, and it left you out of breath.
After the music had stopped, and it was time for you both to go, he walked you to the train station and kissed you again.
“I’ve always loved you, y/n, and I always will.” he whispered into your neck, hugging you close like he didn’t want to let go. You didn’t want him to. You both wanted to stay like this for a while longer.
“I’ve always loved you too, Nanami.” you smiled, teary eyed as you looked at him. You kissed him one last time as your train arrived to take you home, and with everything in you you hoped you’d see him again soon.
You heard the birds sing as you boarded your train, and you were the happiest you’d ever been.
-
we get a few years and then it wants us back
You got the news a few days later that Nanami was gone, and you felt broken.
You spent so much time avoiding your own impending mortality, and to have someone that you had cared for, that you had loved so dearly so long ago ripped from existence shattered you into pieces. It reminded you that life was fleeting, that one day, the ground would swallow you whole too, whether you were ready or not. You wondered if Nanami had come to terms with this.
It was cold that night while you stood on your balcony, wrapped in an old jacket he’d given you back in your high school days that you couldn’t seem to get rid of. It was oddly quiet too, not even the sound of singing birds could be found. The skyline of Tokyo was bright, lights blinking and colors everchanging against the night sky, and all you could do was stare out into it.
You thought about Nanami, what it would be like if you had never left him behind back then. If he’d be standing right beside you, his arms wrapped around you as you admired that ever-changing skyline, trying to keep you warm so you didn’t wake up with a cold the next day. You wondered if you would have been married by then, if he would have retired early and moved out of the country with you.
But just like that Tokyo skyline, you were both ever-changing. You wondered then if you both would have wanted that. For you to be by his side while he risked his life everyday doing something you ran so far away from. If you wanted to face your own impending doom every day while he stared at his in the forms of blood and curses, waiting for the day he never came back. You thought maybe he did want that, after seeing him again, but now you would never be sure.
You were very different people from when you’d first fallen in love. You wondered if that would have mattered. Nanami would remain your biggest what-if .
Wrapping his jacket a bit closer around your frame, you turned and headed back into your living room. As you stared into the space, you pictured that final dance you had with him. Slow and soft, time passing by as slow and sweet as honey.
two slow dancers, last ones out.
You could have lived in that moment forever.