Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Dude how can you not like the main character, like, he's fucking awesome in every way!" Eren yelled with wide green eyes looking at Mikasa. He couldn't get rid of the word 'dude' on his mouth even after they started dating. But Mikasa didn't mind, she found it funny actually.

"I just think he's annoying. There I said it."

"Annoying?!" Eren gasped. "I'm- it's- it's because you haven't read the manga. That's right. I'd tell you but I'm not gonna spoil it for you."

"No I don't mind, you can tell me."

"No!" he waved his hand as if dismissing her, "Go read it yourself. Armin, you've read it haven't you?"

Armin was looking at his phone for quite some time now. Eren nudged him on the arm, causing Armin to startle.

"I said phone-free time! Socialize with your real friends!"

"Ah, sorry. What did you say again?" he closed the screen immediately.

"Wait was that Reiner?"

"Uh, yeah... He posted a picture with Annie. It was her birthday the other day apparently."

"Oh, happy birthday."

"I'm sure she heard it now," said Mikasa sarcastically.

"Dude I'm not going up to her just to say that shit. What if she hears one word wrong and then executes me publicly?"

"What?" said Armin, half tired of his best friend's bullshit but half intrigued with the mention of his acquaintance...executing someone.

"They say she beat the shit out of Jean the other day. I mean yeah I appreciate it and all but damn. And she's like, tiny. You wouldn't expect it from such a tiny girl."

"She was the shortest in the volleyball team. But she sure made up for it." Mikasa continued, "I also saw her at the gym a couple of times." she said while looking through her phone, her face cupped in her palm.
''Don't measure a girl by the size.''

''That made no sense,'' said Eren with genuine confusion written on his face which was soon covered by Mikasa's palm shutting him off.

Armin opened his phone screen to look at the picture again. There was Reiner, smiling widely with his arm around Annie, who was wearing a silver little crown with pink gems, one like the princess costumes you'd see in the children's toys section. Their faces were almost smashed together so Annie's one eye was closed, making her look like a cute cartoon character smiling with a wink. He zoomed into her face without thinking. The shape of her lips and cupids bow was visible even with her puckish smile. The pale blue of her eyes was as sharp as ever even while narrowed. She was wearing a white crop top with some necklaces.

"Bro, don't you see her every day? How do you not know? I bet people from your faculty are talking about it too. That son of a bitch seems to be popular around here. Some people are still hung up on their high school personas I guess."

"Huh? I've never heard anything about that... But I don't think Annie's the type to mess with someone out of nowhere, for no reason."

"Yeah, I'm sure that filly face deserved it."

Then he went on, jumping from one subject to another, Mikasa joining in while still scrolling through her phone. And Armin couldn't help but think of what Eren had just said about some people staying hung upon high school. It was true that college wasn't as different from high school as he'd like it to be. Especially the people. Not that he knew so many people but interactions with new people were inevitable nevertheless. They had rented their own place with Eren, so he imagined most people got closer from the beginning because they stayed in the dorms. The majority seemed to just mind their own business but of course, there were also many outgoing and friendly people who got 'popular' in no time. The word had such cringe feeling clung to it. But there wasn't anything wrong with being outgoing and friendly. Eren managed to befriend some of these 'popular' guys without even meaning to. So did Mikasa and him, automatically. There was Reiner, he was the stereotype of a popular guy straight out of a Disney movie: tall, fit, handsome, sociable and in Armin's opinion a bit obnoxious. And he had his closest friend who was the opposite of him. Other people thought of Eren and him as opposites too, he assumed. It wasn't strange, really.

Armin enjoyed getting to know new people. It was always interesting. He believed the best way to fulfil your time on this earth as a human was to experience as much as you could and to make meaningful connections. And people you met along the way were a big part of it. The thing is, he just never got out of his way to do that, to meet people. Two of the most important people in his life were his childhood friends. And it was an amazing experience to grow up together, even raise each other in some ways, change and evolve into the people they have become and still enjoy each other's company as much. But it didn't mean that he didn't want anyone else in his life.

''Oh, I wanna go to that cafe that I told you about, Mikasa,'' said Eren, lifting his head suddenly. ''Armin you come too! They have something like that bubble juice but different.''

''Nah, you guys go. I gotta go to the mall, got some stuff to do.''

''Aw man. Later then. Was it bobby?''

And of course, it got significantly worse since his two best friends became more than friends.
Armin was truly happy to finally see them together without this weird tension going on. Ironically, once they got rid of the awkwardness between each other, it's like they transmitted it to Armin. They weren't really the mushy type of couple in public, thankfully, but sometimes the awkwardness and the third-wheeling was simply inevitable.

It wasn't just Mikasa and Eren. Everyone he knew seemed to have someone by their side now. It made him a little nauseous from anxiety when he dwelled too much on it. He already felt too behind in life and his peers and this matter only added to it. Not that he liked anyone in particular. Even if he did, he'd probably find a way to mess it up. But he could admit -only to himself- that he did crave romantic love. Neither his friends nor family thought or expected this sort of thing from him, probably. It was embarrassing to talk about such things when you had no real experience. Especially when all the people around your age have already been there, done that. And even though he would never say it, being inexperienced in these things made it to the top five of his biggest insecurities. And there wasn't even a reason, an excuse to soothe this feeling. Things just simply did not happen. And admittedly, he didn't go out of his way to make anything happen. But why would he? Wasn't it supposed to come naturally? What was the point if you fooled yourself just to have some 'things happen'?

---

The first exams had ended, take a break, a voice in his head said. And it was pretty persuasive too. But he felt a bit guilty for thinking he even deserved a break in the first place since he admittedly didn't give his best this semester. But then there was all that mental struggles and all that stress he went through no matter how much or how little he studied. So maybe he did deserve a break just like everyone else. But it wasn't every day that he was in a good stable mood and felt like he could study and get it through his head. It would be bad to waste such a mood. His legs brought him to the stop while he was trying to decide. Well, too late I guess, he thought. Then he started thinking about all the other times where his body and brain went disconnected, then thought about executive dysfunction, ADHD, maybe he did have ADHD, he's been doing some research about it for a while now, then he remembered he was gonna call his mom, he hoped she wouldn't ask him to visit home anytime soon. Was he gonna buy groceries or was Eren supposed to do that this week? He really wanted some coffee now. Then something drew him out of his thoughts. The sight of a small blonde dressed in a black leather jacket which she put her hands inside the pockets of, a black pleated mini skirt, black tights and black boots. She was halfway facing away but he could see a glimpse of her face from the side. Annie Leonhardt.

He'd seen her quite a few times at the same stop as she passed him by and kept walking. Maybe she was taking the bus to somewhere else today. Or maybe she was too tired to walk. His eyes landed on her legs momentarily. He remembered what Mikasa said about seeing her at the gym. Well, it wasn't surprising that she was sporty. He remembered seeing her on the opposing team when he went to see Mikasa's volleyball matches. She was noticeably small, even tiny compared to the other girls in the field, but she sure as hell made herself impossible to ignore.

But he didn't see her that often around the campus with others. She was a med student too, that he knew for sure. She was a year above him but she had two failed courses she was retaking. They have talked a few times before, then and there. But that wasn't enough to start a conversation randomly. Who even did that? What would he even say? He recalled Reiner making fun of her 'anti-socialness'. They were childhood friends, at least he assumed them to be from the way they referred to each other.

He called for the orange cat passing beside him and kneeled down when it actually ran to him. And something strange happened. While his head was down, looking at the cat, he saw black boots approaching and kneeling right in front of him. He looked up, more abruptly he would have liked to.

''Hi, Armin.''

''Oh, hi Annie.''

She petted the cat with him, at some point taking the whole cat to herself, squeezing the hell out of its cheeks before gently brushing over its whiskers. He chuckled lightly and watched her pale little hands going crazy over the orange fur.

''Gosh, I miss my cat.'' she sighed.

''You have a cat at home?''

''Yeah. His name's Pickle. He's a little shit but he knows how to make you love him.''

''Aw, got a picture?''

She immediately pulled her hands back from the cat to take her phone out of her pocket and looked through it for a few seconds.

''Here!''

He leaned slightly closer to see pictures of a grown, chubby tabby cat. Sleeping, screaming into the camera lens, trying to puke, glaring at Annie from the side who was smashing their faces together and more.

''He's absolutely precious. Tabby cats are the best.''

''I know! They're so unappreciated!''

''Maybe you can facetime him.''

She let out a sigh mixed with laughter. ''I tried. I told my dad to put the phone in front of him but he just didn't give a fuck. Like, at all. He heard my voice and legit closed his eyes to fall back to sleep.''

He snorted, ''And it's proven that cats can see digital screens.''

''Damn, that helps a lot.''

''I think cats not giving a fuck is just their general thing though, you know. Don't take it personally.''

''Yeah, I know. But then you go out and see cats like this right here...'' she squeezed the cats cheeks between her thumb and index finger and shook its dazed face from left to right.

''Are you staying at a dormitory?''

She tilted her head just for a second to peek at him and then at the road. ''Yeah, you?''

''No, apartment. I just realized the cat privilege I have.''

''Oh, yeah... I wish we could have pets in the dorm but then it would be a mess with someone's cat chasing someone's bird and stuff. Do you...live here or did you move for college?''

''Oh, no. Moved for college. You? Wait you just told me- I mean why else would you facetime your dad, right?''

''Yeah, me too.''

Thankfully she seemed unfazed by his sudden awkwardness. He would be too if it wasn't himself. No one cares as much as you do, he reminded himself but his relaxed mood was faltered in seconds.

''You live alone?''

He glanced at her briefly. Her head was still looking down, her hands waiting mid-air for the cat to make a full turn around her to come back in front of them.

''No. With Eren, actually. You know him?''

She hummed in response. By the lack of a verbal response, it was likely that she didn't get a great first impression of him. Well, that wasn't uncommon. He went back to petting the cat. The thick fur seemed to neutralize his cold hands a bit. He took another glance at the stop -there were suddenly fewer people waiting, two or three?- and at Annie. Her hair came from both sides to shield her face and he couldn't look back down when she put one strand of hair behind her ear to reveal her striking features. Her eyes were much lighter from up close, pale blue. Your pale blue eyes. And with that description, the next song to be stuck in his mind for the rest of the day was chosen by his not so beloved brain. And she had blonde, straight brows above them. A nose that curved downwards, full, heart-shaped lips. And a v jawline that framed her face nicely. It wasn't inexplicable that some found her intimidating. Especially her icy eyes that looked like they could eat you raw. But he didn't think so. Then he saw the cat brushing against her bag from the right and making its way to another turn.

But Armin noticed that her eyes stayed on his hands instead of following the cat. So he looked down at them too. His green veins were more visible under daylight. He was one of those people who were cursed with cold hands at all times of the year. The cat decided it wouldn't finish the last turn and kept walking lazily behind Annie. He noticed her cheeks and nose got a little red. He rubbed his hands. Despite the shifting weather that made you easily sick and of course the seasonal depression, he actually liked spring. He was so ready to leave winter behind.

''Ah, that's mine. See you later.'' she quickly got up and walked towards the bus, Armin got up with her too.

''Bye!''

He put his hands in his pocket and took a slow deep breath. And realised he probably missed the bus already.

---

He arrived at home before he even knew. Time flew by when you were a chronic maladaptive daydreamer, he thought to himself, a bit reproachfully.

He suddenly felt annoyance rising from inside for a different reason when he felt his phone buzzing. Then he felt bad after seeing it was his mom. It wasn't like he got calls from so many people every day, yet here he was being a brat about a phone call from his mom, who was probably just wondering if he's alright. He picked up after breathing out deeply out of exhaustion.

''Hi, mom!''

''Ah, how are you?! I didn't wanna call while you were in class, you're not in class, right?''

''No, no, I'm home. How're you doing?''

She sighed but he could hear her smile in it. ''Same old same old. Your dad just burnt down the toaster cuz I made fun of his warm bread.''

He snorted, ''What?''

''Why use the toaster if you don't even eat an actual toast?! I know I like 'em a bit on the burnt side but what he makes isn't even toast, it's just warm bread!''

''So he just... destroyed the whole thing because of that?''

''Yeah... Well, not like he smashed it out of anger or anything but it became a casualty because of his sick, stubborn desire to prove a point. Do you guys have a toaster?''

''No. No, we don't.''

''Still living on ramen?''

''No actually, we eat pretty decently.''

''Hmh?''

''Yeah, you'd be surprised. Send me some recipes if you don't believe it, I'll send back pictures to you.''

''I believe you! I'm glad you're doing good. What about the finals?''

''What about them?''

''The finals haven't started yet?''

''No, not yet.'' he didn't want to say when. He didn't want to remember himself. ''How's grandpa? Haven't talked to him in a while.''

''He's alright. Still refuses to get a mobile phone. But he called you from home, right?''

''Yeah yeah, I talked to him.''

''You're coming after the finals?''

He wasn't sure if it was a question or an order.

''Uhh, I hope so? I don't wanna promise anything but I'll try to be there.''

There was a few seconds of silence and just when Armin was about to start stressing she replied.

''Alright dear. We don't got no rush. Take care, eat well, don't worry about anything back here. Tell Eren I say hi.''

''I will. You too. Goodbye, mom.''

''Bye, dear.''

They hung up. Well. At least something got checked out from his mental to-do list. Except it underlined even more stuff. He had to study. He had to study extra hard to fix up his mess in the finals. And he had to take better care of himself but how were you supposed to take care of yourself and ''relax'' when your brain decided to shut down directly when faced with an inconvenience? He didn't expect to struggle this hard. He didn't. And having to pretend like it was nothing increased the pressure immensely. He couldn't talk about these things to his family. As their solution to most things ever since he was a kid was to ''just take it easy''. Well, I can't fucking take it easy, he wanted to say. It sure was an intriguing case of how different he was character-wise from his parents. But then, his mother was so different from his grandfather too. Maybe their genes made it a habit to skip a generation every time.

They really tried hard to make him more outgoing as a kid. And encouraged him to do all kinds of stuff; boy scouts, karate, swimming, archery. Not that he had zero interest in these things, but even as a kid, he mostly did it to make his parents content. His eyes drifted to the drawer beside him. There lay the camera he bought after saving up for months, now dumped and tossed into the drawer. One hobby that he thought he'd be consistent with. He just had a special talent for turning every possible chance for pleasure into a source of stress. That's all he felt looking at it; stress. Why did he let go? Why couldn't he just hold onto something and be good at it? He didn't have a single thing going on that he could trust. Not a single thing he could be confident in. Not a single thing that was going perfectly with him. Nothing about himself that he could rely on without a doubt. Being good at school without even trying and getting so much validation from it only to get to college and do average while trying really messed up with him. Because that was his thing growing up. That was what his family was proud of him for. And that was the one stable thing that was gonna benefit him in real life. People weren't even surprised when he got to med school. He should've realised then that the expectations were never gonna stop growing with each thing he accomplished. And that void inside him was never gonna be fully satisfied. He wasn't confident even back when he did have something he was good at compared to his peers. Because he felt as he was inherently inferior to others and being above average with a few things was only enough to make him equal to them, never above. He lay there, watching his thoughts being born as words and sentences. He was numb to all of this. It was getting boring. He was getting bored of himself and all the things he just could not get over.

---

After gaming for a while, he decided to take a look at his phone. And he spent the last two hours stalking-uhm scrolling through Annie's social media. Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, you name it, he's seen it. Not in a creepy way, he reminded himself. Everybody stalked everybody on the internet. It wasn't strange. He didn't use Instagram so he didn't have the app on his phone, but to his luck, she wasn't active on there either so there wasn't much to see. He might have taken a screenshot of a photo but it wasn't anything serious! People viewed other people's accounts, again and again, all the time! It was the same thing. He just didn't want to make an account, that's all. He had screenshots of lots of random stuff on his phone. Everyone did! And he thought about following her on Twitter but he supposed that she wouldn't recognize him since he didn't have his picture, and he wasn't sure if it would be better or worse for her to recognise him. It shouldn't be weird, he thought, since she seemed like the type of person he'd like to follow anyway. They only had a handful of interactions without some others being involved throughout the semester yet that was enough for a good impression.

Because he always recollected her to be funny and intelligent. And seeing more of her opinions and sense of humour, unfiltered, written behind a screen without holding back only confirmed that impression further. And that was the beauty of the internet. You could get to know someone much deeper and quicker than you would while being in the same room.

He felt a tingle in his stomach from excitement. The fact that they were physically so close and that he could talk to her in real life if he wanted to awaken something in him. But that was ridiculous. He was just bored. He was just procrastinating like usual and Annie happened to be the subject of it. More like, the reason of it, said a voice in his head. He started closing the tabs one by one.

The one that surprised him the most was YouTube.
He had no idea Annie sang. Okay, that was a lie, he had seen her walking around with a guitar on her back before. But he just never imagined her singing songs. And from such a variety too... From her style and choice of expression, he assumed she'd be exclusively into...hard stuff. Then he realised how stupid that sounded. He didn't think they had so many artists in common.

She also had themes like making upbeat songs sad or rewriting the song's lyrics from another person's point of view. He decided to listen to every single one before sleeping and he couldn't even bother to feel weird about it. He was simply appreciating talent that clearly deserved it.

An hour or so later, he was still laying in bed, one arm under his head, the other holding the phone, his eyes tired and squinted, looking at his phone. He yawned as he switched his position in bed and adjusted his earphones. The earphones kinda hurt his ear on the side he was laying on but he was too focused to care.

She sounds like an angel. This was all he could think about. Armin loved music. Who didn't? He was no expert for sure unless you count watching The Voice with Eren from their computer chairs and turning around when they liked the contestant. But he had enough hearing abilities to say this girl had talent. The first video she ever uploaded was from a few years ago. She barely showed her face back then. The lightning she had wasn't the best and she had a long fringe that hid the half of her face that was facing the camera. It seemed like she had gained more confidence over time. He tried to guess when will the next one come based on the date differences between the videos.

But before he could find an answer, he was startled by the loud thump of the door closing. And a dramatic sigh followed that. His alone time was over. Welp, it was good while it lasted. He enjoyed spending time with Eren, obviously. He wouldn't have decided to live with him otherwise. But being alone for at least a few hours every day was very much needed.

''Dudeeeee, I gotta go to the grocery store tomorrow. I'd go now but I'm so fucking tired.'' the sound of a lid closing loudly came after Eren's voice.

''It's alright,'' he shouted back. ''you could have left some milk though. I don't know how do you go through a carton every day...''

Eren giggled as he slipped out of his boots and tossed them aside before coming to the room. ''Milk is awesome, that's why.''

''Are you tryna become one of the gym bros?''

''What?'' he looked at him with a confused frown that could easily be mistaken as a fuming expression by someone who didn't know him. But Armin knew he wasn't actually angry. He really liked hanging out with that guy Reiner. And funnily, he dragged him and Mikasa along a lot of the time because in his words he ''didn't wanna neglect the two of them just because he made new friends''. Neither Armin nor Mikasa had any particular interest in them. But they didn't have a dislike for them either and it was nice to see different faces once in a while. Plus they both found it really endearing every time Eren had one of his 'moments'.

Besides via them, they also got to meet some other people all around the university. Even if they didn't end up getting much close, he was glad to have met them. And expanding his environment may do some good to his overall college experience. He suddenly noticed that every time he'd seen Annie with Reiner and Berthold was when it was just the three of them. He didn't think Mikasa and Eren ever talked to her personally. Huh. Well just because they were friends prior didn't mean they had to walk around together everywhere. He wondered if anyone thought that way about their little group of three. Well, maybe his friends were that something in his life. Going just right.

Chapter Text

With March coming to an end, the temperature was getting warmer and the summer closer. Armin didn't like summer, he just liked swimming and being free of work. He hated the hot weather and wished he could stay in these 'break months' before what he called the 'actual seasons' such as summer and winter came. Spring felt like a time to rest, to prepare, to pick yourself back up, to put it more cliche; to be reborn.
In art, spring symbolised rebirth, hope, youth, growth and love. And it felt like it too. It was probably the serotonin from sunshine.

It was the three of them again, as their schedules matched in between classes that day.

''Mikasa.''

He started second-guessing the millisecond his mouth moved. But it was too late.

''Hmm?''

''Do you still need customers for readings and stuff? I mean I just heard some girls in class talking about tarot stuff, so...''

''Oh, sure!'' she talked without looking at him as she destroyed Eren from the other side of the ping-pong table. She took a step back from where she was leaning and grinned with victory as Eren groaned on the other side.

''And, I know you wouldn't even think that but just so you know, that's also something guys use to get your attention, so some may be cautious towards you. Although you're cute, they might be dating someone already.''

''Oh.''

Oh.
Now there was a lot to unpack there. First of all, he despised being called cute. It was the go-to compliment when you weren't conventionally attractive. Because it was easier for people to say. He did have somewhat of a 'glow up' after high school ━got rid of his coconut mop and got a nicer haircut, started wearing contacts and dressing better though that one was up to debate. He grew a little taller too. But it seemed he was still the cute guy, the nerdy guy, the guy you wouldn't mind letting your girl be friends with, the guy you wouldn't see as a 'threat'... Secondly, he didn't want to believe the possibility of Annie taking it like that. He never thought he would ever be 'that guy' girls avoided and warned each other about. He felt disgusted by himself. Which brought up the main thing: Did he mean it that way? Did he? He didn't think he did. Plus Mikasa didn't even seem to consider it as an option. Cause he would never talk to a girl in 'that way'. Because flirting was for the hot guys, not the cute ones, right...

It seemed more reasonable in his head last night when he saw a few stuff about zodiac signs when he stumbled upon Annie's socials again. They had some mutual friends on social media too it seemed. And he immediately thought of Mikasa. He just wanted to support his best friend's small business. And maybe strike up a conversation. Why not? There wasn't anything weird or creepy about two people having a conversation, it was the inferiority complex clouding his judgement again.

''Let's go eat something. I'm starving.''

''The loser pays!'' Mikasa gave a shiny smile which Eren returned with an eye roll and threw his arm around her.

They sat in a small cafe on the campus, close to Mikasa's dorm. Two black tea and a coffee that gave you diabetes just by looking at it.

''They literally do not care. No one. But they made that pretty clear from the start when we filed a complaint about that thief on the first week. You might be seeing me for the last time, so, enjoy.''

Armin looked at Mikasa for a second to chuckle before looking back down at the smoke squirming and rushing out of the cup with the wind.

''What the fuck are these people getting paid for then?! They have one fucking job! To protect you! Y'all are fucking insane. I've never heard anything like that from the guys' dorms. But still. We need to do something about this.'' said Eren before falling back into his seat, a furious expression still on his face.

''Well, you could go to the most prestigious school or dormitory but this kinda stuff is inevitable,'' Armin said to his fuming friend. He also wanted to say that he should cut down on the sugar but that was for another time.

''I don't care if it's inevitable. Their job is to prevent it. That's what they get paid for. It's not a trivial issue either, we're talking about a fucking psycho walking around the dorm Mikasa lives and sleeps in, stabbing someone for some reason I don't give a shit about.''

''Meh. I mean I also carry a pocketknife everywhere. Plus if there is anything I can do it's kicking ass. Don't talk like you don't know your own girlfriend.'' she sipped on her tea calmly.

Eren clicked his tongue and reached to take her hands into his. ''Babe of course I know. You're the strongest person I've ever met. But this is just ridiculous. They can't be so careless about stuff like that. I'll come talk to that excuse of a security guy.''

Mikasa sighed and leaned closer to the table to cup her face with Eren's hand that she was still holding, ''Now you're the one being ridiculous...''

''Does anyone suspect a particular individual?'' asked Armin before the conversation could take a turn. He loved his friends but sometimes they were embarrassing...

''Um, no. Not that I heard of. Anyways, what are you two doing? Living the dream student life at home? Chaos free, hmh?''

Armin snorted without looking up. ''Bold of you to assume you can live a chaos free life with Eren. Don't talk like you don't know your own boyfriend.''

''Hey!'' he pulled one hand to raise his finger at him as Mikasa giggled beside him. ''There's chaos and then there's chaos. When did I ever pull a damn knife on you?''

''And this is why I do the cooking, you do the cleaning.''

Eren gave a comically offended look, and they enjoyed the mindless chatting for a while, and Armin and Mikasa tried to convince Eren to get a more normal drink next time.

''Heyy, 'sup bros?''

They turned left to the familiar voice to see Reiner grinning and walking towards them with Berthold beside him. They happily took the invitation and sat with them.

''Well, if things go right we're getting our own apartment with Bert before this summer. You're all invited!''

''To...live with you?'' Eren asked in confusion, which made Reiner let out a big loud laugh.

''To the opening party bro! But sure if you want a change of environment you can come stay, like I told- Hey, wait are you guys in the group chat?'' he turned to Armin and Mikasa.

''Uh, I don't think so.''

''Oh okay, I'll add you now.''

After some more small talk, they bid their goodbyes and parted ways. Armin walked Mikasa to her class after they left Eren first. Then he pulled out his headphones and decided to do his favourite thing; daydream while listening to music. Sometimes it was a simple pleasure, sometimes it was a must to get through the day, sometimes a need to put himself to sleep when he kept dwelling on real-life and his anxiety kept him from both doing something about his worries and sleeping. You Are the Ocean by Phantogram came on shuffle, he put his hands in his pockets. He jumped from one imaginary scenario to another as he wandered around the large campus.

He walked on the less crowded side of the road but of course, it wasn't as enjoyable as walking on a deserted road. Before he even realised it, he was passing by his faculty building which was the closest one to the bus stop.

He heard a high voice yelling something and he saw Annie when he turned his gaze that way. But it wasn't coming from her, as he realised with noticing the other taller girl behind her catching up to say something, turning Annie back to herself from the arm as she did so.

He needed to cross the road to go on his way to the stop, he tried to keep his eyes down to not accidentally make eye contact for some strange reason. But then he felt like he was being rude and weird for no reason. So he raised his gaze again to see Annie coming up right behind him when he stepped on the sidewalk.

''Hi, Annie.''

''Hm? Oh, hi.'' she turned her cold eyes ahead as they walked side by side.

''Hello, stranger?'' said the higher voice as she came up behind them and linked arms with Annie, ''Do we know you?''

Her voice was so vibrant especially after hearing Annie's.

''He's a freshman, I got a class with him.''

''Ooh. Does he have a name?''

Armin felt her eyes crushing him as he opened his mouth to answer,

''Oh he's got earphones now,'' then she mouthed a sorry which did not look convincing at all.

''No, I'm not listening right now... Armin, by the way.''

''Hey Armin, I'm Hitch, I suppose you already know Annie, huh?''

''Didn't you say you needed to pick something up?'' Annie asked in a tired mumble.

''Oh yeah, I'm turning this way. Bye-bye! Nice to meet ya!''

She left them in silence for a moment before Armin decided to speak again.

"So... You're close with Hitch?"

"Yeah. We're roommates actually. She's like an annoying soccer mom sometimes.''

She sighed and peeked back at her friend one last time but Hitch was already going with her back now turned to them.

''What do you mean, like, is she concerned for you?''

"Hmm... She's just happy I'm talking to new people, that's all... Befriending the most extroverted person ever as soon as I came here was obviously a great move."

"I'm not the best at making friends either but it happens. Actually looking back, I think I've never been the one to initiate things. I guess people just come to me and I either take them in my life or not. Wait that sounds so cocky- I didn't mean it like that!"

She chuckled while nodding reassuringly, "No, no, I get it. Really. I'm too observing I don't even feel like I'm a part of the game sometimes. So it's always other people making the first move.''

''Yes, exactly...''

''I've been called antisocial my whole life but honestly, I think I'm making progress. At least in the past year or so."

"Imagine if we could just go up to someone and say hey let's be friends like in kindergarten."

"Hmm not gonna lie, I'd be a liiitle creeped out depending on who's asking 'cause, there are all kinds of people around but the idea itself is great. I like honest and straightforward people."

Her answer was surprisingly encouraging and positive, the conversation with her came so easy and smooth he completely forgot about the worries of a few minutes ago.

"So... Okay, one non-creepy way would be, I guess, to ask questions."

"Okay. What is your name?"

"Now, not that far.''

She giggled and in a jokingly defensive manner said "Okay okay. Hmm..."

She thought for a moment and Armin wondered how could someone ever think of this girl as intimidating or unfriendly.

"If nothing was illegal, what would you do?"

"Steal. That would be the first probably. And... There are a few people I'd like to kill. Maybe the president too but there'd be people much more skilled already going at it. Do we have a time limit? If so probably just a few harmless self-serving deeds. What would you do?"

"Are you directing my own question back at me?"

"Yes? Are you avoiding my question?"

"My question."

"That's even worse, are you avoiding your own question?"

"No? Why do you think I am?"

"Are you trying to make up some time to think of an answer?"

"You asked way too many questions buddy, when is it my turn again?"

Armin couldn't help but laugh as they kept talking, dodging a pole at the last second like the clumsy mess he was. He wasn't sure where they were walking and the campus seemed pretty busy in the middle of the day. He liked to walk around when it was really early in the morning with no one around. But where could they be going? What did Annie have in mind? This question felt like a dig at his head. But the answer to the first question was simple, where else they could go together except for the bus stop.

Armin wondered if someone else would have used this opportunity to... He didn't dare finish his words. To do what, a voice in his head asked. To ask a random girl out, a girl way out of your league too, and just go hang out at some place? As if you've done it a dozen times? Or ever?

The thing is, the action itself was nowhere near absurd and he was aware of this voice's irrationality; they were acquaintances and just recently had a conversation. It wouldn't be the weirdest occurrence in history if they sat down at some cafe to continue their chat. Like, who cares? He wouldn't care if it was someone else. He wouldn't care if he was someone else.

However, even the thought was enough to make him want to crawl under a rock with shame. He felt like he didn't have a right to do these kinds of things which was so stupid he couldn't even say it out loud. Let alone with a girl like Annie... He looked down at their hands hanging loosely by their side, he slowed down his steps just slightly.

"Question. I know, cliche but, does your tattoo have a meaning?"

He noticed for the first time when they were petting a cat a few days ago, that a tiny little "18" was tattooed on her wrist down her thumb.

"Oh, this? Well, the story goes... I had one of the worst years of my life in seventeen. It was very...destructive. I found really shitty ways to cope with things, met some shitty people, it was just a whole mess. A month or two after my eighteenth birthday I finally gained some strength to get up and I decided to get my shit together. And I actually did. I did pretty well. And I promised my past and future selves that I was gonna make it worth not dying. Then I gassed myself a bit too much and got this, I don't know..." she shrugged shyly and looked the other way.

Armin was curious for more of her story but he figured it would be invasive to ask further since it seemed very personal. He felt immense sympathy for the girl with icy eyes who knew how to save herself from her own flames although he didn't know the details.

"That's really cool. It's so easy to remember your failure but it's so hard to remember and acknowledge your victories. So it's great to have a permanent mark for it."

"Yeah, you said it better."

She nodded without looking at him, then tied her light blonde hair up, as she usually did.

Despite being a year younger than her and just hearing about her life experiences which he knew were much deeper than what she told him, he felt so close to her. Not inferior, not superior. So close he could almost trust her.

"I fucking hate summer. Except for the holiday and iced coffee. Wish we could stay in these months."

"Yeah," he agreed surely, "the humidity is disgusting."

"Some people wait in their caves for weeks without showering and then get on the fucking bus. And they always come to stand next to me too. It's beyond bad luck at this point it's like, intentional almost. They have a cult and they come up to me the second I get on for some subtle invitation."

"To exit the summer simulation you must whisper 'soap' three times in their ear."

She continued with a lifeless sarcastic tone, "I was considering jumping onto the seasonal depression train this summer, the heat will add to my suffering, you know. But if you have any other recommendations..."

"Oh definitely recommend it. The guilt from wasted free time will give you enough self hate to benefit from your depressed opportunities for the rest of the year."

She sighed deeply. Armin realized their steps were back at the same speed. A slight breeze of fresh cold air passed through his face, and he talked without thinking,

"What are you doing today?"

"Hmh?" she turned her head back at him, he didn't look back but he could see from the corner of his eye. "Uh, nothing. Nothing I guess.''

''Ay Armin!''

Armin looked up to see Connie and Sasha grinning over their way. He greeted them back and they met after a few steps.

''Hey, Annie!'' they both said at the same time, then turned back to each other with shared laughter.

''Hey,'' Annie replied back with a smile.

''What are you guys doing?''

Armin saw from the corner of his eye Annie turned her head to look at him for a second before answering, ''Nothing.''

''Ah, there's not much to do, yeah? I mean obviously, there's a lot but you just don't wanna.'' Connie said as he yawned. ''Don't you just hate it when you wanna do something 'cause you're bored but you don't wanna do anything 'cause you just fuckin' don't.''

''Oh my god literally same,'' Sasha agreed with an exhausted yet still somehow enthusiastic look.

Armin chuckled with a nod, ''Yeah, yeah. Exactly...''

''Anyways see y'all around, we're gonna take off since this fucking bus decided not to come today.''

''That's what she said-'' Sasha was pushed forward by his friend who took a hold of her by the shoulders to keep her going.

They both murmured a goodbye to them before going back to their aimless walk.

''What were you saying?''

''Huh? Me?'' Armin knew damn well what he had just said but half of him was hoping she'd forgotten that he ever asked it and that she ever answered it. The other half, however...

''Yeah, you.''

''Uhm... I said what are you doing today...?'' the fact that she was making him spell it out once again instead of just responding was...

''Yeah. Wanna go sit somewhere? Really don't feel like getting on the bus and getting abducted by the musty cult or some shit.''

''Yeah, sure.''

What.

''Where do you wanna go?'' he said in his most nonchalant demeanour.

The.

''I don't care honestly, we could just sit at the park here. There are cats.''

Fuck.

''You wanna get some chocolate sundae from Burger King first? I've been craving it since last night.''

''Sure.''

They reached the little park after getting their sundaes, Armin would walk past here sometimes but he didn't realize before how empty it looked. Which was weird considering people were always in search of vacant spaces to make out and the park was on the campus with no little kids to come around...

Annie started calling for cats as they sat down at the benches.

"I showed Hitch my cat on facetime the other day and he literally hung up on us. So she was like, he's a male Virgo, what do you expect?"

He snorted at that, "Oh, by the way, Mikasa reads birth charts and stuff. I can ask her if you're interested, she'll do a favour for you. Do you believe in that stuff?"

"Oh, I know. Well, not fully but I like reading about it sometimes. You can have fun with stuff and not get hooked on, you know."

"Yeah yeah, definitely."

"Plus I wouldn't be talking to you if I truly believed in that. Aries and Scorpio. Literally the worst duo ever."

"Why? Fire and water. Don't the opposites attract?"

"Those are magnets, we're people," she said with a small smile, her eyes were half-lidded yet he could still see their glimmering. "But we're not opposites, do you not think so?"

"We aren't I guess..."

"You guess?"

"No, we aren't."

After some quiet, she cut the stillness with a different tone than her usual monotone tone, "Why would you think we're opposites?"

Was she just bored and wanted to fill up the silence or did she actually care enough to bring up what he said again?

"Um. I don't know," he said lamely. I don't know, because you're cool? What could he even say to that without embarrassing himself?

"I didn't say we were."

"But you suggested it."

"Maybe I'm just prejudiced," he shrugged.

"Uh okay, Miss Bennett."

He looked at her with a chuckle to see her trying to hold her laugh behind a tight smile.

"I love when people laugh at their own jokes."

To that, she finally let out a loud laugh, throwing her head back slightly while covering her mouth with one hand. Her voice surrounded the atmosphere around them like the sweet spring hue.

"But if I didn't find it funny, why would I say it, right?!"

"Exactly!"

After digging a few more bites, he felt it was his turn to fill up the silence, "This is sickeningly sweet."

"I was just gonna say how come you didn't say that 'cause everyone does. Why is everyone so chocolate intolerant... Maybe I'm too tolerant... I don't know..." she murmured as she kept poking the last bite with her little plastic spoon, obviously not wanting to finish it. Armin watched her calm but focused gaze on the sundae for a while before handing her his cup without a word. She looked up and down at the cup and then at him, shook her head. But when he gestured for her to take it again she accepted it with a bashful smile.

He thought how each little word, gaze and gesture brought people closer and how much more comfortable silence became when people were closer. The significance of little things could be so endearing. It made sense. It made him comfortable.

"Are you two close? With Mikasa I mean."

"Oh, of course. We're childhood friends."

"Ooh... Nice."

''And you're friends with Reiner and... Berthold? Yeah?''

''Yup...'' she sighed before repeating slowly, ''Yes, I am,''

''Now it looks like we came to the same college because we're besties or some shit but it's not like that,'' she added.

''Nah, I didn't think it was. I don't see you around them much. Just heard your name mentioned a few times in some stories so I figured you were old friends.''

''I'm afraid to ask...but which stories?''

''Uhh, I think it was the jail one-''

''Oh my god okay, I can't bear to hear it again. I swear this guy has fucking dementia.''

He laughed lightly, ''I don't think he forgets, it's just that he loves to brag.''

Annie snorted, ''Well damn, you said it.''

''Sorry, didn't mean it to be rude.''

''It's alright, he would have laughed too. Plus Reiner's an asshole in case you haven't noticed, which I'm pretty sure you have.'' she eyed him with the last part and he wasn't sure whether to be ashamed or get even cheekier. Her gaze felt like a flashlight held upon his face in the dark.

''Really don't wanna talk shit about a mutual friend right now, especially to you.''

''Hmh? Why is that?''

''Erm... 'Cause we don't talk much? Don't wanna stain the limited impression you have of me with this stuff like I'm some gossiper.''

''Oh... Here I was thinking, damn do I look like I can't be talked shit to?''

He chuckled nervously, ''I heard you do more than that.'' there was a brown and white cat walking near, so he pspspsed for it.

''Yeah, I'm all bite no bark actually. But I do enjoy barking from time to time.'' she took another bite from her second cup and added with a full mouth, ''By barking I meant talking shit but I can also do animal sounds.''

''You talk to animals too?''

''One time I got cat-called by a jerk and I started barking at him. He lost his shit.''

''Oh.'' he met her gaze, in search of a proper reaction as the cat jumped in between them to rub its face on his hand. The best thing about the whole campus was how friendly and trusting the street animals were.

''So of course, I ran after him to bark some more...'' she abruptly stopped mid-bite, then offered the little spoon to the cat, which it declined, so she ate it herself.

''I'm sorry that assault is so common and normalised that you talk about it like some stupid little story.''

''Hmh, yeah...'' she played with her food some more, Armin wondered if she'd want a third one.

''Do I have your number?'' he froze momentarily when she met his gaze to ask, hopefully he hadn't been staring...

''In a non-creepy way, of course,'' she added, her voice was dull but her eyes had a playful glim.

''Um, I don't think so?'' he tried to play a smile to match her mood. Was she referencing his initiation to get to know each other in a 'non-creepy' way? Regardless, he pulled out his phone to exchange numbers.

''Question,'' she announced as she put the cup in her hand aside and pulled one leg to herself to sit comfortably.

''Is it best to avoid conflict or confront it?''

He felt a little disappointed when the cat suddenly jumped down and left them. ''Hmm... That depends on the situation. I mean if it can be avoided, sure. But if it's too late and it already happened, it is better to just face it at that point.''

She nodded slowly, their bodies were turned a bit sideways to meet each other's gaze while talking, though Annie's eyes were fixed at the empty space between them now, her hand cupping her face. Armin couldn't be sure if she was bored or not but he wanted to believe that was just her face and kept going.

''Not every conflict is fundamentally bad though. Sometimes it's necessary even. For instance, I want people who I can disagree with in my life because I wanna be able to make sure that they will still be in my life even after we argue and fight. Otherwise, it just shows that the bond is weak and meant to break sooner or later.''

''I think that's what I want too. But sometimes I'm so scared of the answer I try my hardest to push them away with my arguments. Like, I guess I test people too much. It's almost like I try to make them leave even though that's obviously not what I or what they want. It's like I'm trying to prove myself a point.'' her voice got softer with each sentence, she seemed lost in her thoughts with one hand twirling the strand of hair that managed to escape from her loose bun.

''Abandonment or whatever you're scared of happening is coded as inevitable in your head because of the past events, so even though it's not what you want, you contribute to it at the cost of your own sake so that it seems like it was your choice. You know, it's amazing how far our brains go just to prove their delusions and protect us even when we don't want to be protected.''

''Delusions? Those aren't delusions, those are the scars you got left with after things that had happened to you. It's trauma. Your brain doesn't just make shit up. There's a reason for every reaction.''

''Sometimes it does make shit up though,'' he adjusted in his seat to sit straighter, ''Like, I fully agree with what you just said but I'm talking about something else. Sometimes we subconsciously decide what we are thinking is the reality instead of just a possibility because we're desperate to gain some sort of control over the situation.''

''Okay but that's still not making shit up. Those thoughts that we believe to be the reality were our reality once, so the mind seeks a certain pattern to follow. Because what you are used to feels safer no matter what, it could be fucking horrible even but it still feels safer just because it's familiar.''

''That's what I'm saying! The mind always seeks a pattern to follow and when things don't go according to that, it makes you distort things to match that past pattern just so it doesn't have to face and accept a new, unknown reality.''

They talked for some more time that neither of them checked their phone to see. And after a while, a natural silence fell between and both felt like it was now time to part.

''So... Uhm...'' he suddenly felt awkward standing on his feet ''It was nice talking to you.''

''Yeah! Definitely...'' she also put her hands in her pockets, despite her smaller figure she carried herself so differently, as Mikasa would say, 'her aura was very strong'.

''Maybe we should talk more, you know...'' she mumbled between glancing up and down, ''Since we're officially friends now...with the verbal contract and shit.''

He chuckled, ''That's a way to put it.'' and he added, ''We should.''

They said their goodbyes afterwards and parted ways.
He didn't listen to music on his way home, instead let his mind wander around and digest the whole day with no interruption.

"Welcome home cheater."

"Hi," he said back to Eren with a casual smile. ''Wait, who?'' he took off his shoes to walk in and said hi to Mikasa.

Eren giggled, "You know that one picture the woman paints the front of the house with like huge letters 'WELCOME HOME CHEATER' for her husband to see. Anyway, where were you? I thought you'd be home by now."

"Oh, I was just...around."

"Don't say you were waiting for us cause you didn't even pick up when I called."

"Oh, no, sorry about that, it was on silent. I was just with Annie."

"Annie?" he turned to look at Armin for a second before turning back to continue putting out stuff they bought. "Reiner's friend Annie, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Please tell me she wasn't armed."

"I don't think she needs equipment," added Mikasa without looking.

''Here you are, thinking you've left your bullies in middle school and then comes-''

''Oh, shut it. She's not a bully,'' Mikasa said from the other side of their small table, looking through plastic bags.

"So what did you guys do?"

"Uhh we just hung out, you know. Walked around, sat down at the park for a while. Then we got some dessert and...just...talked, you know?"

"So you went on a date with the ice queen?"

"No, we didn't! It wasn't a date?" he was surprised to hear the uncertainty in his voice, almost like he was asking a question rather than stating the truth. Almost like he wanted them to answer it for him.

"I don't knooow~" Eren singsonged, "sounds like a date to me!" Armin wanted to slap himself for the hope rising in him just from the smug face of his friend. He knew it wasn't a date. So why was he getting all worked up for the possibility of it? So what even if it was -which it certainly wasn't. He bit the inside of his cheeks to not let a stupid smile slip away.

"I would have known if it was a date, right?"

"Honestly I'm not so sure," said Mikasa "have you ever been on one?"

''Pretty sure I know what it means.''

He peeked at Mikasa briefly just to see her expression but much to his frustration, it didn't give away much as usual. Great. Now he just looked like he was averting his eyes which only added to his already embarrassing state.

However then she said something that raised eyebrows from both Armin and Eren, "But hey, it makes sense actually, when you think about it."

"W-what? What makes sense?"

"You two. Don't you think so too?" she turned to Eren who was considering the situation on a more serious level just now.

"I... Ah? Yeah? I think? I mean I was just joking but anything is possible, right. If he likes her then sure go for it. But I still don't see it if we're being honest."

''I don't like her-''

"It's 'cause you're dense, Eren. No offence baby."

No offence was taken from his lovely girlfriend whose instincts he trusted in.

"I thought you guys didn't even talk to each other... Why do you say that, Mikasa?" Armin questioned after they practically ignored his anti-confession.

"We're not close but of course we've talked before. We cool."

"Armin," and he took a big deep breath when Eren started again, he already couldn't wait for him to finish at this point, "you know you can talk to us, right? About everything, like seriously, everything. I may not be the best at giving advice but you know I'm always here for you. I'll listen. Okay, I may not be the best at listening either but you get the gist."

Armin couldn't help but chuckle and feel a bit of relief. Of course, he knew that. Of course. God, he was such an ungrateful bastard, complaining about his friends being "too concerned".

"I know, I know. And I appreciate it, hope you know that too. But like I said, there isn't much to talk about. We're two friends hanging out. Just 'cause she's a girl doesn't mean it has to be another way."

"Alright then. Whatever you say."

He couldn't be sure if there was disbelief in his tone or if he just dropped the subject in genuine carelessness, he wasn't in the mood to question that anyway.

''Did you ask anybody about the birth charts?'' Mikasa asked.

''Huh? Oh... Well, I asked but didn't get a yes for certain.''

''Did you ask Annie?''

Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He was just about to call for Mikasa to ask something but pushed the voice back inside at the last second to ask Google instead. It definitely felt awkward googling his birthday after adding 'zodiac sign'. Of course, he knew his own zodiac sign, aside from the fact that his best friend has literally made a business out of it, no matter how disinterested, everyone must have known their sign. He wanted to make sure he remembered it right, which was weird since unchanging personal information was not likely to be forgotten, even for the most forgetful person. Weird, he thought. Was it that obvious that she could just tell as if it's written on his face?

''Hmh,'' he nodded at his friend slowly while looking at his phone.

''Oh you were hunting for Mikasa? That's what you talked to her for?'' Eren asked.

Armin sighed without looking up from his phone, ''You know, she's actually really nice. Aren't you kinda imitating your middle school bullies by deciding someone is bad without even making the effort to talk to them?'' he debated for a moment on saying more but couldn't help it, ''It's especially rich coming from you, the embodiment of anger issues, topped with repulsive and reckless behaviour.''

Mikasa laughed heartily as Eren looked at them in shock.

''Woah...'' he said in disbelief, ''Just wow... Good friends stab you in the front, huh... Y'all having a field day with me today or something?''

Mikasa swiftly came up to put a kiss on his lips before reaching for the kitchen shelf behind him, ''It's tough love, the best kind.''

After putting everything away the two of them settled on the sofa, snuggling. Armin followed them after a while of snacking on some newly groceries. He dropped his body to the other couch like dead weight with a sigh and pulled out his phone. He went to his messages with anticipation after seeing the number 75 on there.

Connie
you either a smart fella or a fart smella

Sasha
who tf let this guy in

Connie
ur mom

Sasha
my mom has more balls than you

Connie
ye i would know xd

Marco
i am very uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the studio today

Reiner
moms with balls>>>>>>

Marco
now what the...

Ymir
may i request a statement on why you are so interested in balls? genuinely asking. thanks in advance!

Berthold
i am very disappointed with reiner but not just today
in general

Reiner
bro...

Connie
LMAOOOOOO

Sasha
i'm sorry but deserved ahsjahdkwjfkwkdk

Jean
LMAOOO the word disappointment wasn't even mentioned

Berthold
it never leaves my mind

Connie
HELPP

Reiner
B R O . . .

Berthold
don't take it personal

Ymir
he says after attacking him personally????? LMAOOOOO

Sasha
YOU LITERALLY SAID HIS NAME

Berthold
i mean the last part !!

Annie
no you're right don't hold back
i think we're all disappointed with reiner
on different degrees

Porco
it's like a spectrum

Annie
exactly

Porco
and i'm at the very end of it

Connie
damn give him a breakkkk

Porco
how bout we break his NOSE

Yeah... He didn't think he'd be much active on that chat. But it was very nice of Reiner to try to include everyone around him. His attitude reminded him of the kindergarten techniques for socializing as he mentioned to Annie earlier. He went to take a look to see if there was anyone he knew of. Aside from Eren and Mikasa, there was Marco, Sasha, Connie and Annie. And there were a few he recognised but never really talked to. Like Historia, Hitch, Jean ━well technically he did talk to Jean but it was to negotiate on behalf of Eren so he didn't think it would count. And he had been in the same class with Hitch though obviously she never noticed. He always got intimidating vibes from her ━as controversial as he may be, he was under the impression that, unlike Annie, Hitch gave you enough reasons to think that way. Though she seemed to be close to Annie, he assumed that was just the very first layer of her from the outside.

Annie
laughing and screaming and stomping

Marco
annie joining only when reiner is getting slandered is my fav part

Annie
it's a full-time job at this point

Reiner
you'll never be the employee of the month cuz i hate myself more than u do ;))

Annie
good

Ymir
as you should king, keep up the good work <3

Connie
you ok bro ??

Berthold
reiner did you take your hot guy pills today?

Reiner
brb

Sasha
what the hell is that

Porco
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ANTIDEPRESSANTS LMAOOOOOO

Pieck
how do YOU know...
sounds sus to me! ^_^

Jean
.........

Porco
cuz only this mf would need to call it some corny ass shit like that

Pieck
i guess one corny mf recognises another! (:

Connie
OOOOOOOHHHH

Sasha
aghh aghhh call an ambulance

Porco
dude wtf why are you defending him

Pieck
i'm not lmao i just love messing with u :D

Porco
ok weirdo

Pieck
just noticed weirdo rhymes with porco
what a small world we live in

Ymir
anyways guys i gotta take my hot girl pills (irritable bowel syndrome) now with some holy water (sparkling), see ya

Historia
I'M CRYINGAGHSJKAHGSDDHJKSDA

Then he went to the chat of just him, Eren and Mikasa to find he wasn't alone in his thoughts, though he was a few hours late to the conversation.

Mikasa
what the fuck is going on in the chat

Eren
you mean asylum

Mikasa
yeah my phone almost fell off the table from all the vibrations

Eren
lmaoo
i guess some of them are the friends from hometown they were talking about

Mikasa
then what are we doing in there

Eren
idk
but hey what's the problem

Mikasa
it's fine
i'll just mute the chat

Eren
armin where are u

Then he furrowed his brows and clicked on the latest notification which directed him to Twitter. Someone had followed him. He clicked on the profile to make sure he was seeing the name right, there wasn't a display name but the username said Leonhardt which sounded awfully like Annie's surname as he recalled it. And the profile picture was a character he couldn't recognize.

' @LEONHARDT
i am one (1) anxiety attack away from dropping out and just selling feet pics istg

President of the Poundtown @Reiner_Braun
feet feminist?

' @LEONHARDT
you wanna be blocked again so bad don't you

He scrolled a bit though he knew he's seen her account before. But the shame was gone since she was the one to actually follow him openly instead of creeping in and leaving it at that. Maybe he could learn a thing or two from the infamous anti-social girl, though it was surprising he seemed to be the only one who noticed that.

' @LEONHARDT
i asked god for one night without nightmares and this mf said aight no sleep for you then,,,,,i hate it here

' @LEONHARDT
date idea: you drive me to my lobotomy while i play u my fav playlist of the week

He followed her back and went back to scrolling through his timeline in an attempt to distract himself. But he failed. What was it about this girl, he asked in a search for answers. It had to have a logical explanation. What was it that made her so alluring, so attractive, so...

He sat there in astonishment and slight embarrassment, watching his thoughts pass by, hung on the words that came right out of his own mind. He couldn't believe he had such thoughts about Annie already made inside his brain, waiting to be let out. But this was the furthest they could ever go since there was no way he would ever say these things out loud. He couldn't even say it out loud to himself let alone to Annie. He'd never experienced romantic attraction before, not for anyone in particular. The feeling itself wasn't uncommon of course, but even though he recognised it, he still struggled to believe it was what he was experiencing. Things like this just didn't happen to him. Romance was never a part of his personal life, apart from observing other people experiencing it. And even though it was about time it entered his life and even though he genuinely wanted it, there was so much dread tied to it. So many insecurities to unravel and a high-security comfort zone that he couldn't leave without hurting every time.

After some thought organising and mental cleansing, finally, he came to the conclusion that Annie was an objectively admirable person who cracked open like the magma underneath her arctic appearance. A talented person who had a voice she used knowingly with every heartfelt emotion inside her, giving justice to her granted gift; who had glassy eyes that made you question the possibility of mind-reading. And everyone would agree. It was simply an objective fact. And Armin was no different from anyone to think that way. He immediately felt lighter after coming to an answer.
Ugh, mind-reading was the one superstition that actually made him doubt in fear sometimes.

He closed the screen and dragged his bag of bones straight to his bedroom to take a nap and to leave his friends alone for a while.

Chapter Text

Annie jumped off her bed where she was taking a nap. After morning class, she didn't know what to do with herself. Surely there was much to do —she could always study, but even besides that. Besides responsibilities she could watch something, write something, play something, but listing the options did absolutely nothing to the almost poignant feeling of boredom she felt in her core. The weather was too good to spend it laying in bed without even falling asleep.

She put on the oversized shirt she took off earlier with an anime girl design, she took her black leather jacket just in case and wore a mini skirt on her ripped tights. She wore her not so high heeled boots which were harder to find than you'd think. Her hair was in a low bun as usual with two strands falling from the sides. Hitch said she either looked like a homeless guy or a gothic whore and nothing in between. But she thought she kept it pretty casual honestly. Now, putting effort into your looks gave you a boost of confidence for sure, but she didn't bother to force herself when she didn't genuinely feel like putting that effort.

Speaking of Hitch, she'd be in the room soon now, so Annie didn't have much alone time left to lose anyway. She grabbed her black crossbody bag and left the room, hoping to find a destination on the way.

She breathed out the fresh spring air contently. Her body was not in the mood for any exercise except for this light walking at the moment. Let's see... What do you do outside... She frowned as her music got interrupted by her phone ringing.

Oh great... She's been dreading talking to her dad for a while now. They didn't have a fight or anything. But it was exhausting to even think about it. It felt like a chore rather than comforting or exciting. She picked it up before she could dwell on her thoughts any longer.

"Hi, dad."

"What were you doing? Did you go to class today?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"I don't want to disturb you, so I just assume you're busy and I expect you will call when you have the time."

"Ah, yeah, thanks. Sorry I was gonna call you today. I just got to my room, so..."

"I haven't heard your voice in weeks."

"I'm sure it hasn't been that long. Sorry."

"How were the exams? Did you eat?"

"Uhh, it's like I told you. Finals haven't started yet. And I ate too much actually."

"Good, good..."

"How are you?"

"Ah, same old same old. I'm thinking about working again. This retirement thing is no good for me."

She clicked her tongue in disapproval, then kept on talking with her old man for a few more minutes before they both said their goodbyes, she promised to call more often, then another round of goodbyes, she assured him she wasn't letting anything get to her and was focusing on her school, the last goodbyes and hanging up. Nine minutes and forty-three seconds. That was a long one, she said to herself.

She walked a bit more while listening to music and found herself at the gate of the library garden. And like Alice following the white rabbit, she started following the white kitten to the entrance of the building.

Talking to her dad reminded her of finals again. She thought maybe she could sit down and read some pfd notes on her phone for a bit. Since this goddamn kitten wasn’t going to let itself be loved and squeezed.

She immediately debated her decision with the first step in as she inhaled the suffocating air of the library, especially just after breathing in the fresh air outside. Welp, too late now. The library on the campus wasn't that great. She preferred the one in the city with enormous rooms with all kinds of books from various languages and paintings hung up on the walls. She walked past the first few tables and they were all full with people studying, sleeping, taking notes, giggling and talking through notes...

Then her eyes caught a familiar face with warm brown eyes, was he- oh- the eyes were, in fact, looking at her now.

She smiled kindly, at least she thought she did so in her head. He smiled back with a little wave as to greet her probably. He was sitting by himself and before she could see more her legs walked past by. For someone who did martial arts for as long as she could remember, she sure had too many moments where her body rebelled against her mind and acted on its own. Maybe that wasn't a contradiction though, maybe it made sense for her body to take control. But that didn't explain the times she physically felt her face smiling but apparently it wasn't visible on the outside. Weird. She shook the rambling thoughts off as she hesitantly stopped on her feet when she saw the back of the room was even busier. She looked at the staircase on her left, then her feet. Don't be such a coward. She instinctively checked her phone as she always did when she realised in the middle of the street that she was walking the wrong way. Then she turned around to walk back.

God this was so fucking embarrassing. She walked back, looking around as if she didn't have an exact destination in her mind.

''May I?''

Armin looked up from his laptop with his thick brows slightly furrowed, ''Hm? Of course, sit.''

"What're you thinking about?" she whispered as she sat with her little bag on her lap.

"Would you believe me if I said nothing..."

She chuckled as she started cracking her knuckles one by one, "Not really."

He chuckled too, his dimples on both sides showing, "Why? Don't you just have... empty brain moments? Like you're not thinking anything, you're just feeling... some things... but because you aren't thinking, you don't know what you're feeling because you're not thinking about it so you don't identify the emotions."

"So you can't tell how you're feeling right now?"

"I guess sometimes it's enough to just, simply feel. To know it's pumping in your chest. And tingling behind your fingertips. Any feeling in general makes you feel alive, so..."

Annie repeated the last part one more time in her head before nodding slowly.

When she got sick of silence, she always thought to herself, if someone just said the first words, she was gonna carry on whatever subject that came to mind. It was the first words. The hardest words to ever speak. But she usually did not. It got more and more frustrating with the thought. She could at least make up a sentence, it didn't have to mean something. Anything. Just blurt out something.

Sometimes it came so naturally she didn't even surprise herself, as if she's always been a natural like that. Some people just had a thing to them, they made you feel comfortable enough to speak up as if you've known them for a while. The first night she spent with Hitch, she was quiet like the dead despite her roommate's immense efforts to try to get her to open up. The second night, they were analysing Taylor Swift lyrics and then psychoanalysing each other and trying to guess their venus signs by their favourite lyrics of hers.

'Which ninja turtle are you cosplaying today, huh?'

Armin looked at her, a puzzled frown on his very puzzled face. He must've dozed off again.

''I mean your pants. Turtle green.''

She just wished she didn't say anything at all. Where was this conversation even going to? It was weird as fuck... There was nothing worse in this frightful world than having to explain your own joke.

''Oh, you mean this colour? I never thought of it like that.'' Armin said, because what could he say to such a question, really? Then he looked down at his pants and just chuckled, bowing his head even lower.

''How do you come up with such things? Really creative.'' his voice was quiet and soft. Annie couldn't figure out if this sucker was actually shy or being totally sarcastic.

''I've got a trash can in my skull.'' That was it. That was the explanation. She wasn't even saying it to bash herself, her brain was literally trash.

"What, does that make me a racoon?"

"Racoons are cool. Every animal starting with an r is cool." Okay, that was weird. But it wasn't even her final form yet. She should just be glad it wasn't worse and go on with her day. She could do that.

After successfully turning down a great conversation opener or maybe even a compliment and realizing it only after it was too late, she scooted her chair a tiny bit closer to stare at his laptop screen because she was annoying like that.

''Is that pathology? I've got some notes if you need it. I don't normally take neat notes so it wouldn't go to waste.''

''That would be great, thanks.''

‘’Can you be quiet please?’’ a voice next to them warned calmly and rightfully so.

"Uh, you wanna go out for a bit?'' he whispered, ''To get some air? If you’re not going to study, of course. I just don’t want to-"

''Sure.'' Sure. Why not. Everyone liked fresh air. Without air, she would die within a minute and a half. Yes, a whole ass minute and a half since she had excellent stamina. She was a good swimmer too which helped with breath. She internally told herself to shut the fuck up already and got up feeling stupid for just having arrived here.

Annie had an urge to swallow. Swallow hard. She looked down at his hands. His hands were so close to hers. His punches, his punches were so close to hers. Which was good in case they wanted to fight. It was the nature of humankind to fight. For plenty of reasons but mostly survival. Anyways.

She hoped they would see the white kitten so she could take get revenge by loving the shit out of that little bastard. She started pspspsing.

‘’It seems like we really bond over cats, huh?’’ Armin asked as he sat down on the nearest bench and gestured for her to do the same.

‘’I didn’t think so. We have a variety of subjects. I think.’’

‘’Oh no, you’re definitely right. I just meant that we always end up petting cats together somehow.’’

''Oh, yeah. By the way, I'm sorry if I kept you from studying.''

''I was thinking the same for you! I mean I was the one suggesting to go out, so, haha...''

''I wasn't in the mood to study anyway so...'' she stretched her legs and stared at her boots for a minute. ''I talked to my dad just now, so I felt like I should study more.''

Armin hummed knowingly, ''I don't think I've talked to my dad in weeks. It feels like a chore.''

''Exactly.''

''He's already disappointed that I had to come here. But I didn't have a single choice from my city just so I could get away for a bit.''

''Ex-fucking-actly. Like bro, I didn't come all the way here for you to try and monitor me from your couch.''

They talked until it started to get dark a little. Then they said goodbye and parted to go on their ways. When Annie came back to her room, her friend greeted her merrily.

"Hey!"

"Hi."

"Where did you go, I thought you didn't have class after morning today?"

"I went to the library."

"Hmm, studying without me? No harsh feelings! I guess he's a better teacher than me huh..."

"Who?"

"I know you were meeting with that guy, what did you study, anatomy?"

"You're spying on me now?" she murmured with an eye roll as she dropped her bag and opened the little cabinet.

"Oh, I don't need to, since you don't even bother to deny it."

Annie took a box of cereal to eat it like chips before settling down on her bed and tried her best to ignore her roommate on the opposite side of the small room. But unfortunately for her, ignoring Hitch was not really an option.

"Well, I know you don't care as much but I'll tell you anyway," Hitch stopped for a moment until Annie peeked behind the box on her knees to see better only to meet with her friend's cheeky face, knowing she finally got her attention.

"I'm seeing someone too, actually. Maybe. Possibly."

"As in dating or hallucinating...?"

"Oh my gosh shut up Annie. Dating. You should try it some time, they don't bite I promise. Unless you want them to."

"What am I, a fucking dog trainer?"

'Ah, we should set you up with that emo guy, how did I not think of this, what was his name... The one with the black nail polish. I mean he's kind of hard to miss with the hair and everything. You like bad boys don't you? Yes you dooo~ Look at you looking like you're off to an Avril Lavigne concert in 2010." and she laughed her ass off while Annie stared at her with a blank expression, which only seemed to intensify Hitch's laugh.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah, I think so!" her laughter faded into silence gradually "Annie, have you ever dated someone before?"

''Not really, no," she said through her teeth, shoulders lowering as she slowly sank down in her bed. At least she couldn't see her face directly behind her knees now.

"Hm, are you not interested in that stuff? Just to make it clear though, I'm not judging or anything, just asking. 'Cause I know you're secretly melodramatic so don't you dare get me wrong."

''It just didn't happen and I never got out of my way to seek it, simple as that. No sob story, sorry to disappoint."

She couldn't tell Hitch that she was pretty sure she could be the next Virgin Mary. Never had a partner, never had a hook-up, never had a real kiss, never been called someone's girlfriend. Not that it was necessarily a horrible thing, looking at it objectively, she wouldn't ever think badly of someone for dumb things like that. But it felt embarrassing when it was about herself. It felt embarrassing to be this age with no real experience while all of her peers had been there done that. It felt embarrassing to have wasted her teenage years away with insecurities, mental illness and toxic people. It felt embarrassing to have wasted her supposedly best years too busy hating herself.

Sometimes she wished she was outwardly self-destructive, she wished she had more bad experiences with people and the outside world instead of living inside her head. Even though just one bad experience with someone was enough to hurt her so badly. Even more embarrassingly, sometimes she even envied people in toxic relationships. She sure pitied them and internally thought of herself as above them, because she'd rather stand alone than let anyone pull her down. But in certain low moments, when it was herself keeping her down on the cold harsh ground, she thought she might as well feel loved if she was going to suffer anyway. She might as well have some company if she was going to have to live with herself until her last breath. It was stupid. Very stupid.

It wasn't like the volunteers had lined up in front of her. But it also wasn't as if nobody's ever been interested. There had been a few boys thorough the years, had she not be so self conscious to take it as mocking, as cruelty. Had she not be so insecure to believe anyone who's interested in her must be playing a prank. And the bashful subtlety of some of them only made it harder for her to understand. And then there was one individual she'd rather not remember. One time her insecurities were proven right and the cruellest voices in her mind had a good laugh with her.

It was enough to turn her stomach with humiliation to remember the fact that the closest she got to being in a relationship was one-sided the whole time. The humiliation of having been led on sent chills down her spine as she tried to shake it off while also trying to look unbothered as she didn't want her friend to think she was the cause of this sudden discomfort.

But it suited her, really. Having a whole relationship and a breakup all by herself while the other person hadn't give a fuck about her the whole time.

"You just gotta activate your inner whore, girl. You got the tools, you just gotta use 'em."

"I don't wanna fuck around. I want something solid with commitment and devotion." she cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. Why was she even talking about this to Hitch. Or anyone at all. But to Annie's surprise, Hitch didn't laugh. She didn't giggle, she didn't give a sarcastic response. She simply nodded, still looking at the clothes she was folding. Like she didn't think it was ridiculous, like Annie wasn't ridiculous.

"Hm... I wasn't necessarily talking about fucking around though. I'm a relationship person too. Don't be surprised."

"I'm not, really" she hoped Hitch didn't get her wrong in any way.

Then Hitch sighed with exhaustion, "I better have a library date too, actually. It's so hard to be a girlboss these days. You just gotta gatekeep yourself from the world and gaslight yourself into studying."

"Oh my god shut the fuck up."

"Watch your profanity bitch, you're talking to a woman in medicine."

"Who is the lucky victim anyway?"

"Well," she sat upright on her bed and started looking at something on the wall "he's an engineering student, such a nerd too, my gosh... Maybe we can bond over our questionable taste in men."

Annie scoffed with a little laugh, "Speak for yourself."

"Ours is kind of like a love-hate thing."

"I'm listening."

She sighed loudly as she adjusted herself impatiently, "Ahg, it's like, one minute I'm thinking, I can't stand to see him, one minute I'm like I wish I could see him more."

"Hmm, have you tried insulting him?"

"Oh, I did. Believe me, I did. I roast the shit out of him and he does the same to me. But sometimes I can't tell if he feels the same or if he's genuinely irritated, like, purely irritated and nothing more."

"I can't say anything for sure since I haven't seen him. But I have trust in your annoying, pushy and slutty personality. And if he doesn't get it, he doesn't get it. That would be his loss."

"Wow, that helps a lot."

"Anytime bestie."

Loneliness was hard as it is, and people all around rubbing it in her face only made it harder to bear. Of course, she wasn't lonely just because of a lack of romance, loneliness was far deeper than not having someone to smooch. She knew this better than anyone. Yet she still craved a special bond with someone she could share everything with. Someone who could see all of her and still adore her. And she wanted someone to return it to. She wanted to love someone so bad. To be fascinated by another mind, making the effort to figure them out. Making them feel safe and loved...

But unconditional love only existed in fiction. And that's where she found solace, just like everyone else. Remembering that everyone did this made her feel like less of a loser.

At the end of the day, she was happy that Hitch found someone else to bully in the name of love since that would allow her more Hitch-free time. And she knew her friend had so much love to give. And even more trouble but whatever.

She remembered the notes she promised Armin. Should she send them? What if he already forgot about it? Well, it probably wasn’t that important anyway. She kept finding excuses as she got up and searched for one of her paper piles to find the notes from last year. It was probably in a notebook, she thought only after making a bigger mess. And then there they were.

Should she just send the pics without saying anything else? Wouldn't it be rude or awkward? Wouldn't it seem like she just wanted to be done with it? But what was she even gonna say if she did? "here's the notes". No period in the end. that sounded normal, she guessed. not too much but more than nothing. Okay, she decided on that last idea and pressed send without thinking any further.

Annie

[picture]

[picture]

[picture]

here's the notes

Armin

thank you :)

Annie

ofc

It was probably the lack of dialogue that made her nervous, the completely empty screen under his name. Okay so she sent the first text, what a big fucking deal. Then she opened a crime documentary on YouTube to have something going on while she ate her dinner. It didn't help with her night terrors but it did help with boredom. Halfway through she got tired of swiping the notifications away and getting interrupted and just clicked on the last notification from the group chat.

Reiner

i can feel the summer in my veins bro

Ymir

that sounds concerning tbh

Berthold

Can you be addicted to a season?

Ymir

anything is possible in reinerland

Reiner

this is bullying

Ymir

and im proud to be a part of it

Pieck

[video]

so who wants to go swimming this summer ^_^

Porco

never been so glad to live on land

Sasha

omg what the hell is that

Connie

bro the ocean is scary asf just stop exploring it

Krista

but mermaids :(

Annie

fr we've seen enough

Armin

how dare you

Reiner

LMAOOO WHY ARE U OFFENDED LIL BRO

Eren

armin is oceansexual and we accept him the way he is <3

Reiner

ooooh sex on the beach i got you bro;)

Porco

this mf dumber than a fish

Annie

you into tentacle stuff or...?

Armin

NO LMAO EW

Reiner

ooooooohhhh

Armin

no im most definitely not

Connie

[chanting] TENTACLES. IN. MY. MOUTH.

Sasha

TENTACLES IN MY MOUTH

Mikasa

sasha they don't mean it like that...

Hitch

drop him sis

Mikasa

who?

Armin

eren im gonna kill you:)

Eren

yeahh choke me like one of your octopus girls

Reiner

LMAOOOO

Berthold

AHSKAHDKSKD

Marco

did y'all know that male seahorses give birth

Connie

sealife said malewife rights !! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

Reiner

octopus up my ass

Ymir

everyone knows you like it up the ass omg stop reminding us every single day

Jean

y'all just made me google tentacle kink and i fucking hate you guys for that

Eren

hey jean you know bout furries?

google necrophilia

jean oculolinctus

Mikasa

why do you know about this stuff eren........

Jean

i ain't falling for that a second time lmao

mf thinks everyone's just as dumb as himself

Eren

jean your mom called

she said she's into coprophilia

Connie

don't forget to lock the doors and windows tonight lmaoo

Mikasa

stop with the mom jokes... how old are you

Pieck

^^^^^

Eren

i'm sorry ur right

jean im sorry for making you cry too

Jean

who tf said I'm crying

Eren

idk man you haven't responded in two minutes 

Jean 

some people have lives

you can't relate

Mikasa

ok enough

Jean

my apologies mikasa

Reiner

we should go swimming someday

Pieck

omg yes

i mean you guys could go without us too

Berthold

but we should definitely go again together too when we come back there

Reiner

yessss

Marco

asylum beach episode when

Porco

sometimes y'all just put random words together and hope it will form a sentence

Ymir

HDJWHFJAJKDKSKSK don't be such a grandpa porco it's internet language

Marco

HAJSJWJDJWJKSD AW :(

Jean

he is speaking the language of gods

Marco

aw :'')

Porco

you mean nerds

Sasha

mamma mia (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

Connie

guysa donta fighta

She thought if she was a bit too ‘off’ today towards Armin. It was probably nothing. It wasn’t like they were besties who talked every single day. Did she want them to be? Well, that sure was a question. She clicked off from the group chat to go back to Armin.

Annie

question

would you recognise me if i turned into a cat

Armin

hahshwjdja what?

Annie

i said what i said.

Armin

yeah but what are you saying D:

i mean how

well

if you came up to me and gave me a sign then maybe i could

Annie

like if i just came and stared at you

Armin

aah you gotta do more than staring

Annie

oh wow.

Armin

what??

Annie

nothing

just wow

Armin

what wow???

Annie

i got my answer thank you

Armin

okay okay seriously

if you just disappeared out of nowhere (in human form) then i would already be looking for you so when you came back as a cat maybe my gut feelings would catch on even if i can't rationalize it yet

then i would take you home so you're safe

and i would teach you the mors alphabet so you could tell me something by blinking

Annie

ok that was good

Armin

i read somewhere that cats say i love you by looking into your eyes and blinking slowly

i mean just saying they know how to use their eyes lol i'm not even sure that's true but well lol

Armin

i tried to do that but pickles would just turn his face the other way :( damn he hates me fr

Armin

maybe he just doesn't like eye contact :( just like some humans don't or can't

Annie

maybe

what would you do if i was a chair

Armin

JSJAJDJWKFJWKS annie how sleep deprived are you

Annie

i feel like you keep avoiding my questions ಠಿ_ಠ

Armin

i'd keep you in my room so nobody sits on you??? idk??? what do chairs want???

Annie

bwahahahdjajxkwkfkskcp

Armin

well what if i turned into a crab?

Annie

bon appetit to me :P

Armin

AJDHWKDJWK ANNIE NO

Annie

ANNIE YES

Armin

AHAHDJSJDSKFKS

Annie

don't worry i'd take you to see the ocean one last time

Armin

how thoughtful of you

Annie

i'm too nice aren't i

Before they realized the time it was past mid-night, Annie was curled up on her bed, holding up her phone which was charging and watching a video Armin sent her about voice acting and reading him ramble on and on about why she should give it a try. He had heard her make a few impressions of singers before, but for some reason, the voice messages of her doing some anime girls saying some stuff or just laughing maniacally made him so excited. Well, she wasn’t going to judge anyone’s interests since the shit she got excited for was usually far worse than some giggles and ara aras.

Chapter Text

"Hello Arminn, whatchu doooooin'?"

"Oh hi, Isabella! I was just about to cure cancer, actually."

"Anything I can help with?" she batted her eyes in the cartoon character's mannerisms.

"Can you ride a scuba dive?"

"Sure thing!" she sat down beside him and swung her bag next to her. ''How are you?''

''I'm fine, you?''

''Meh. Fine. The class bore the shit outta me. I swear I'd finish school faster if I started all over again from high school.''

''Yeah...''

He seemed quieter than usual. ''Really, what's up with you?''

''Just stressed out a bit, that's all.''

''About what?''

He sighed, ''Everything but also nothing at the same time...? I know it makes no sense.''

''No, it does, really.''

He shifted his body to turn towards her, she became all ears.

''I just feel like I'm not doing anything. At all. Like, I'm not depressed. I know this because I know what depression is like. But for some reason, I can't bring myself to do anything. Things I used to enjoy... And the things I have to do,'' he scoffed, ''they're already outta the window.''

Annie found herself quite sympathizing with him. Sometimes you just had empty periods in your life where you simply... existed. Nothing more. She couldn’t say she related at the moment but she could sure say a few words, she guessed.

''Didn't you say we have empty brain moments sometimes? Well, sometimes they last longer than an hour or two, you know? Sometimes we just exist and sometimes that is enough.''

She hoped she didn't sound stupid or like she was trying too hard to sound deep. That wasn't her intention. That was just exactly what she meant.
''Like, I like to scribble stuff and sometimes I feel like I'm completely made of words, waiting to be written, not just let out but written not spoken. Words can have specific requirements, or I feel so at least. But sometimes I can't write a single fucking word for my life. You gotta recharge once in a while, you know. Living is fucking exhausting man. Give yourself a break.''

''I didn't know you wrote. What kind of things do you write?'' he asked, his voice sounding the most vivid it has the whole day.

''Ah, it's nothing, like I said. Just scribbling and shit...'' she knew her voice was getting lower and lower with each word because she was embarrassed but ironically that only made her even more embarrassed. But thankfully Armin didn't insist to know like most people did.

''I was really into photography,'' he started, ''I used to draw too but I dropped that long ago.''

''Can I see some?''

''Ah, I don't have any on my phone right now! I mean they're not worth seeing anyway.'' she could physically see the worry and embarrassment on his face and did her absolute best to hold back an evil smile. What the fuck could be cute about someone getting red in the face, she wondered.

After she went back to her dorm room that evening, she washed her face and lay on the bed before checking her phone, just to revisit the same apps again and again mindlessly, waiting to see something new... She came across a post on Twitter while scrolling down, a photoshoot of a model she knew. She was wearing a half ripped off wedding dress which was covered in blood and she was standing in front of a black car. She thought back to their conversation with Armin. I mean, he was probably just an amateur but it still reminded her of him. She had gotten used to being and even singing in front of a camera as she practised to get over this fear for years. However, she couldn't imagine herself posing in front of a camera all dolled up. Or could she... Well, she did pretend to pose to a magazine cover sometimes right after doing her make-up, if that counts. She looked back at the notification screen on her screen after it vibrated. Speak of the devil.

Armin
i found a cowboy hat lol
[picture]
idk where did it come from i guess it's eren's

Annie
oh my god
please do the fuckboy face with a cowboy hat on

Armin
SHDKAHDKAKSLSLD NO

Annie
do it.

Armin
noooo
why would you want that lmao

Annie
i love cowboys!
cmon.

Armin
no D:

Annie
JUST DO IT FFS

Armin
i haven't been peer pressured this hard into smoking weed

Annie
i guess it's an everyday thing for you then huh
girls begging for a picture of your face

Armin
so you ARE a bully.....

Annie
hell yea i am
now gimme that pic nerd or else >:(

Armin
ahdjwjdkekdks oh no i surrender
[picture]

Annie
phewwww
armin ray cyrus

Armin
i should've gotten a mullet like him when i had long hair

Annie
omg let me see

Armin
nah it really didn't look good
now payback time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Annie
i don't have a cool hatt i wish i did

Armin
what else you got

Annie
oh waitt
[picture]

It was a picture of her wearing black fluffy cat ears on her head with a little peace sign.

Armin
that'sssss not an equivalent exchange lol

Annie
*casually lets you know i got the reference before answering*
why??

Armin
cuz you unironically look good
wait do you like anime

Annie
lol ok

Armin
what?

Annie
nothing

Armin
did i say something wrong?

Annie
no nvm
i just googled cowboy poems for an appropriate answer but couldn't find one

Armin
oh
a little yee and a haw would be enough

Annie
AHSKAHDKQJDKAK
and yes i do like some
but i like reading manga more
but not reading anything atm

Armin
me neither
it's like my attention span is getting smaller and smaller each day

Annie
little squishy brains mmm

Armin
yummy

Annie
i ate brain when i was little

Armin
LMAOO WHAT

Annie
SERIOUSLYSJFKWKKFLE

Armin
cannibalism or??

Annie
ye i ate my own
jk like i remember walking past a butcher with my dad one day and he just goes i got you eating brain a few times when you were little, where did all that brain go
i was like ??????
first of all excuse me second of all wtf

Armin
why do dads say the most random stuff unprovoked

Annie
i hate offal so fukin much now

Armin
when i was little i found out the meat is actually from animals so i wanted to go vegetarian so i sat my mom down to tell her and explain everything and stuff
she said oh okay i thought you were gonna say something bad sure
that same day for dinner she made a three course meal with meat in each one and forced me to eat because 'i couldn't starve'

Annie
lmaoooo queen shit
omg wait

Armin
what

Annie
i was going through stuff to find the cat ears and i found some good stuff
[picture]
[picture]
i always wanted to take cool pics with these lmao like wannabe tumblr girls

Armin
are those angel wings??
we can do it actually
i have a pro camera
it reminded me of that one video
was it give me love ed sheeran
with the angel

Annie
oo yea i know
where tf we gonna do that tho

Armin
i'll find a way if you really wanna do this

Annie
you know what i'll never be this young and pretty again so fuck it let's do this
i'll show it to my grandkids in the future like you see kids granny was a thottie

Armin
as they're changing your diaper

Annie
SHUT UP

Armin
ajswjdjakdkks sure granma now let's get you to bed

Annie
i don't wanna live that long but sometimes i wanna be a cool old lady
like the ones that smoke slim cigarettes and dress in a vintage/modern mixed style and gives life advice and calls you darling

Armin
you'll be the coolest badassest granma picking up the kids from school with your motorbike and all the other kids being jealous

Annie
ahahdjajdjwkfksl
what if i have ginger genes and i don't know about it and i make tiny little ed sheerans

Armin
LMAOOOO that's on you after the first one tho
but ginger hair is pretty

Annie
do you have ginger genes

Armin
no i don't think so

Annie
i found my heart shaped blue sunglasses i was obsessed with these last summer
but worn them like five times only lol
ok but i still see that mullet potential on you so you should send me a pic

Armin
ok but like i said it wasn't good...
[picture]

Annie
what are you talking about it looks so good
i love long hair on guys

Armin
nah you don't gotta say that to boost me lol

Annie
me? lying to people just to make them feel better?
lol
you should know better than that
maybe i should photograph you too
for a confidence boost
but then i've never held a real camera before so i might make it even worse

Armin
you have a really artistic vibe actually : )

Annie
mm i used to draw too but not really good

He wanted to see if she would tell him about her YouTube channel but apparently she didn't want him to know or just didn't feel like talking about it. So he made a mental note to not mention it again.

Annie
can i see a few photographs you took before
wanna see who i'm working with ya know

Armin
uh they're all in my laptop but there should be a few here too
one second
[picture]
[picture]
[picture]

Annie
these are so beautiful wtf

Armin
shakdkaka thanks it's cause the people are beautiful

Annie
just take my compliments you little shit

Armin
okay, thank you : ]

Annie
ur welcome
you better make me look good too

Armin
if you really don't know how beautiful you are i'll be disappointed in your lack of self awareness tbh

He was afraid he was crossing a line but the sweet dopamine rush of it suppressed the anxiety. Right when he was about to accept he wasn't getting a reply-

Annie
ok fuckboy
whatever you say ;)

He tried to control the big smile plastered on his face since it was starting to hurt but it was no use.

Armin
cowboys don't lie

Annie
we should make a competition of who has the worst pics from puberty

Armin
i would win so hard idk who would be more embarrassed at that

Annie
nu uhh don't be so sure

Armin
we can even have different categories like
the worst hair, the worst outfit

Annie
high school, middle school, kid

Armin
i would bully middle school me too they were right

Annie
SHAJSHJDJDJSJ noo
let's make good pics that future us would be proud of

Armin
that's more motivating than you think actually
let's do it
i'll do something about the place, i'll let you know

Annie
okay :>
good night

Armin
goodnight

Oh my god, she thought. Oh my god?! What the hell? She was doing some artistic angel photoshoot with a guy she met not even a month ago? Who the hell was she? Annie got up from where she lay to sit on her bed in shock. Hitch asked what the hell was wrong with her but she just brushed it off. She had shit to pack. She had to take a shower, fuck, did she wax her moustache this week? She had to find something nice and white to wear to match the angelic aesthetic. After staring at the ground from her bed for a few more minutes she got up to get ready for tomorrow. This was way too spontaneous for her. She wasn't a spontaneous person and she hated doing things in a rush. But this was different, she supposed. This was a nice excitement, not really anxiety like she knew. And maybe it was a good thing that it was spontaneous because she would most likely chicken out if she had a chance to give it more thought. It was just gonna be a nice memory to look back, she reminded herself. Confidence wasn't something to be scared of.

After looking through her every piece of clothing she owned she picked out a white bralette from her closet. It wasn't exactly like a bra... It could even be a crop top if you looked at it enough with that thought in mind. Alright, she didn't have any pretty white clothes except for a white tennis skirt. Maybe Hitch was right about her sense of fashion after all.

She went to the window to put on her headphones and distract herself from her mad heartbeat and excitement that could turn into anxiety at any moment. Then she prepared her backpack before finally going to sleep. She wanted to text him again just to make sure but then decided not to. That might seem too pushy or eager, she thought. Maybe the next day when he calls she should pretend like she totally forgot about it. No, that was just stupid. Sigh.

The next day Annie put on her white lacy bralette and stared at herself in front of the mirror for a minute --if she looked at it too much she knew she would just take it off and throw it out. It looked fine, she consoled herself. There wasn't really much to show there anyway, so it didn't look too ‘revealing’, it could be even a crop top you wore outside, she repeated to herself. Then she put a random shirt over it and wore her white mini skirt. Maybe she should've borrowed decent clothes from someone. Who, though. Hitch was double her height and there wasn't anyone else around here she was close to. She wished she had white fishnet stockings for this. Then she took off the little black heart necklace she always wore and put on a delicate looking silver one with a tiny little angel on it. It was her dad's present and she rarely ever wore it. She did like it on its own but it didn't go with most of her stuff. And now was its time to shine. Lastly, she put on her white sneakers and left the room.

She walked hastily to the bus station where Armin was supposed to be waiting for her, and… there he was.
"Hi-"

"Hi."

"You look- um. It's really nice out today, you wanna walk instead? It's not that far."

"Uhh, it's a little windy. I'm wearing a skirt."

"Oh- sorry, sorry didn't notice that."

Annie smirked, "You really didn't notice I wore a skirt? Well, fuck that shirt of yours too then."

"I, no I'm-"

"Let's hope it doesn't get dirty on the way, I rarely wear white for a reason."

They didn't talk much on the way, but it was no awkward silence. Stealing glances then and there, Annie asking when will they get off two minutes into the ride, Armin not telling where were they going as after he heard Annie had never been there before, he wanted to keep it that way until she saw with her own eyes...

"Woah." Annie walked into the room as she clung to her bag and squeezed it a bit tighter. "This is fucking awesome."

It was a room of a small building at the fine arts facility, which was outside of the campus. But the whole place looked like a school on its own. There were multiple small buildings outside which were like museums all made with art from students there. Armin had been there a few times with Eren and Mikasa when they first came here and surprisingly there were never many people around.

She walked around the first small room of many before turning back "You gonna draw me like one of your French girls or what?" she dropped the bag in her hands before walking back towards the vintage burgundy sofa beneath a big painting.

"You like it?"

"Of course I do! How come I've never heard of here before? Are we even allowed to take pictures here?"

"Nothing says otherwise." he shrugged.

She nodded slowly as she kept walking around a bit more, taking a breath "So we just...?"

"Uh, yeah, whenever you want to!"

"Alright then."

"Alright."

"I meant let's get started."

"Oh!" he turned back to get his bag and pulled out his camera, "Don't be mad but honestly I don't know what we're doing right now."

Annie scoffed, "Why would I be mad, dumbass." then she looked down and sighed before continuing "Look, I know this is so random and spontaneous which isn't like me at all— and I don't wanna pressure you or anything-"

"No, no, not at all! I know, it's very spontaneous and I was the one who said let's do it tomorrow. I don't know why I said that, it isn't like me either, really..."

"If it isn't like you and it isn't like me, it must be a sign from the gods then," she sighed before taking her shirt off. "We must give the gods what they want."

Before she could even see Armin's reaction, she kneeled down in front of her bag to take the wings, the main theme of the photos, the main thing that caused this whole thing to happen in the first place. "Can you help me put these on?"

"S-sure..." Armin hesitantly held the thin ropes in the back of the wings and tried to tie them up from her behind. "Is this good?"

"I think I need them a bit tighter."
She parted her hair to both sides down her shoulders to pull them back and to reveal her back, making it easier for him. He tried his hardest to not touch her skin which made it awfully difficult. Annie noticed but didn't say anything.
"Okay, done.

''Am I supposed to be looking innocent?''

''You can be whatever you want. Devil was an angel too.''

She smirked at that, ''Damn right he was, wasn't he?''

''Don't look directly here, you can just hang out on your own, look at stuff, just do your own thing like I'm not here.''

''I mean I wouldn't be here standing in my bra if you weren't here.''

Armin swallowed and averted his eyes, pretending to fix something on the camera.
''I meant bralette. It's not a bra, actually.''
He just nodded like it was the most normal response ever before they got to it.

Then she followed his directions, which were in the end, no directions. She just hung around without a care as the camera kept on taking her from different angles. It was fun to pretend like an actual fallen angel, the last one of its kind, being examined with curiosity by a mere mortal. Only from afar though, since nobody would be daring enough to actually touch an angel.
Meanwhile, she studied the paintings around the room. They were very beautiful indeed. She took a mental note to come here again some other time. At some point Annie realised just how relaxed her face and body became, she didn't even have to try. She didn't know if she looked good but she felt good, and somehow that was enough. Even though the point of the photos was to look pretty in them. Or at least she thought so. She thought of how when you loved someone you saw them prettier than they were in someone else’s eyes. Maybe that went for ourselves too. Maybe real confidence was just self-compassion.

''God... You're actually a real-life angel.''

She turned her head abruptly to the voice as she got pulled back from her thoughts to the present, directly facing the camera.
''Sorry, were you daydreaming?'' he asked before taking another one as she gained her loose and relaxed composure back.

''Yes... I was I guess.''

''Okay keep going then.''
She blinked and opened her mouth to say something, realized she didn't know what she wanted to say, then turned her head back to the other way with a frown. They took some more shots, taking breaks in between to walk around and admire all the art they were surrounded with.

''When can I get these, by the way?'' she asked as she put on her blouse back.

''Oh, it doesn't take long. I'll upload them to my laptop today, they will be ready tomorrow at worst.'' they walked out of the building with both of their hands clutching their bags and kind of fidgeting awkwardly. ''You can come see them now if you want...''

''At your place?'' her tone wasn't teasing or even surprised but it still made him sink down in embarrassment as he hummed a yes, as casual as he could. Why would he suggest something so unnecessary...

''Hm alright. Do you wanna walk? The sun is out now, I really can't fucking bear the bus when it's hot.''

''Sure.''

On their way back to the campus Annie suggested they listen to music, she seemed much more thrilled than she did a bit earlier.

''Okay let's do a Russian roulette. We shuffle and we gotta listen to whatever comes up.''

Armin wasn't that fond of the idea frankly, but Annie seemed so comfortable so it was a judgement-free zone, he guessed. She went first. And she really went with it. He wasn't aware that singing the song was included in the game.

She sang with her whole heart, her whole body. Armin watched her little performance as they walked side by side, he couldn't care less if he bumped into something. She sure knew how to keep one's eyes on her when she wanted to. Or maybe it was him. His eyes.

"And I~, no I can't be the only one... I bet it's hearts all over the world tonight, with the love of their life who feeeeell what I feel when I'm with you with you with you with you with youuuuuu, girllll~..."

''Okay fun fact, the first recorded cover- oh I sing by the way, like, nothing serious just for fun. Anyways the first song I actually took a video of me singing was this song.''

He realized he's been biting his lip when her eyes met his directly ''Oh, really? What was it called again?''

''With You by Chris Brown. I was inspired by Justin Bieber. He covered this song, you know that video? Before he got super famous?''

''No, I don't know. You like Justin Bieber?''

''I mean I wasn't a fangirl as they say but I did like him, so what? I liked a lot of different stuff. Do you have any idea how hard it was to like Justin, 1D and stuff as the only emo kid at school?! I deserve a fucking medal for the amount of bullying. Like, I was a weirdo even for the weirdos.''

''Aww...''

''Corny as shit I know but I was genuinely inspired by some singers. Like you know that meme, the banner that says your music saved me or some shit.'' they both chuckled.

''It's not corny at all. Music does that to everyone, in different ways and from different genres. It shouldn't be embarrassing to be impressed by something, especially art. Since it's meant to awaken emotions.''

''Yeah, you're right. You said it better.'' she nodded slowly with her both hands now in her pockets, the music was muffled in her pocket but still audible since there wasn't anyone or any cars passing by.

''And fandoms were more fun back in the day.''

''Yeah, definitely,'' he agreed, ''sometimes I really wanna go back to middle school and live there for a while. Not to change my fate or anything, but just to take a break from now.''

She thought for a moment before responding, ''Yeah. Going back to the past to change something always seemed scary to me. 'Cause you know, the butterfly effect and shit. But taking a break from the present, then being able to come back sounds really nice.''

''I wish we met sooner. Like maybe in high school.''

''Nah, you wouldn't like high school Annie. She was annoying as fuck.''

''Why? I mean we all grew up, most of us at least. I'm not the person I was a year ago, but still. Maybe we'd be annoying together for all you know.''

She was quiet for a moment before responding in almost a whisper, ''Maybe.''

"with you, with you, with you, with you, with you...~"

'I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About' started playing, Armin hoped he wouldn't have to spell out the name of the songs for obvious reasons.
''Okay so, the story goes...'' he started, and he was feeling pretty comfortable instead of embarrassed with the song that came on, it didn't matter if it was a song that brought up his taste or just a guilty pleasure. Plus he assumed Annie most likely also had an emo phase.

''There was this fanfic about an anime I read years ago. And the author made this whole universe and had different stories that focused on different characters, but they were all happening in the same universe. Some of them weren't even written yet, they just had a summary and a title that he chose from a song. And while I was looking for playlists made for one of the stories, I found this. It was just playing in the background and this one just caught up on my ears and made me look back at the screen. It's kinda cool how you can imagine the whole thing without writing a single word and interpret different songs according to it.''

''Yes! I love discovering songs through stories and movies! Or people. But it's more fun when it's ridiculously specific like you said now. It's like a little secret and it just automatically comes with a memory attached to the song as to how you found it. I love this song by the way. God, thank everything holy that I was so insecure in high school, I would've been a theatre kid. A punk one, that is. 'Cause you can never get bullied enough.''

''Oh, we would definitely be friends.''

He tightened his fists inside his pockets and felt his chest filling with the fresh air, the faded smell of flowers and something else he couldn't identify. Her cheeks and nose were a light shade of pink from the refreshing cold air and the excitement she's been carrying with every word she talked. It suited her so well, he thought. In fact, he was sure excitement has never looked this good on anybody before.

''My turn!'' she took her phone out of her pocket ''Oh oh this!''

He snapped back to it and let the smile he's been holding run free on his flushed face,
''What? This is my favourite cover of this song. And this is also the first song I tried to play on guitar but then I got frustrated and tried another, spoilers, that didn't work either. Turns out you can't master something on the first try.''

The girl singing had a soft, lovely voice but her pronunciation wasn't fully clear.

''What's it called?''

''Flightless bird. You've watched Twilight, right? I mean you have a girl best friend.''

''Yeah, I have,'' he smiled fondly as images of a movie night all four of them together came to his mind. Wait, four?

''And before you ask, I'm team Charlie.''

Annie laughed loudly, now holding the phone in the air between them. ''Seriously! He deserved better! God, I wish he would adopt me! Or marry me. I don't fucking know.''

It was Armin's turn now, Creation by The Pierces came on.
''I don't remember where I heard this from, to be honest. Probably ended up clicking on it while on a new music hunt on YouTube.''

I can see just who you are
You are you are the missing part
The only living boy left in the world

What’s the city done to you?
You’re walking down Fifth Avenue
You’re looking for salvation in a girl

If you get what you receive
It comes down to what you believe
Do you believe you’re someone she can love?

Annie didn't say anything back until the end of the song, neither did Armin. They simply enjoyed the song together.

''That was really great, Armin.''

''Yeah, I like it too. I forgot I even had it on my phone though.''

''Text me the name later 'cause I know I'll forget.''

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl

"Ohh my god..."

How many I told you's and start overs
And shoulders have you cried on before?
How many promises be honest girl?
How many tears you let hit the floor?

She stopped for a moment as someone walked by, putting her hands in the pockets of her black leather jacket, then she immediately pulled it out and went back at it. And she went hard.

"Cuz I saw so many pretty faces, before I saw you! You! Now all I see is youuuu~ I'm coming for you, I'm coming for you! No! No! Don't need these other pretty faces like I need youuuu!"

"Are you serenading me?'' he asked jokingly.

"Uh well, yes?"

"Well, you’re succeeding."
Armin had to look back at her when her voice which surpassed the song and all sounds around before left his ears, and he was met with a wide-eyed Annie looking straight ahead and biting the inside of her cheeks. Did she think he was being... He totally shouldn't have said that. He wanted to slap himself now.

"I'd really love to hear you sing... Without the background noises, you know. I mean- I'm not calling your taste in songs, like, background noise, you get what I mean, right? I just like your voice, really."
Yup, Armin to do rescue. Wherever there was someone embarrassed, he was on his way to make it worse by embarrassing himself even more. Great job.

"Well, I might do something from him if you want since you loved Justin so much."

"Yup. Love him. Justin."

She giggled, her normally pale face still kept its pinkish colour.
"He had this thing where every time he was gonna perform this song, he would take a girl from the audience to the stage, and serenade her."

"Did you want that?"

"I mean, I'd probably faint on the stage and not remember anything so it would be just humiliation without the prize, so..."

"Not a fangirl at all."

"Hey! I did like him, alright. I was a My Chemical Romance, Breaking Benjamin, Mayday Parade kinda girl, yes, but I was also a JB, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga kinda girl."

''Mrs Worlwide.''

''Wait what was that from? Pitbull? Man, I miss childhood.''

They went on and on about random stuff till the way home, one subject bringing up another like a matryoshka doll.
And it made him happy to think about how much he learnt about Annie that day. The first song she played on acoustic guitar, her first concert, some of the struggles they shared growing up and still do to this day, how much she appreciated all forms of art, what kind of songs her cat hated, that one time she laughed so hard at her own joke she almost puked, that she was almost going to be a national athlete in martial arts, that she too was often woken up by nightmares, what a soft heart she had... That one she didn't say upright. She even seemed like she wanted to keep it a secret. And it made him realize one thing, one thing he now undeniably saw in himself: He was desperate to know more about her.

As they got closer and closer, his heart didn't stop echoing in his skull through the whole way to the building. It felt weird... Annie coming to his place... It shouldn't be weird. What was weird about a friend coming over? Mikasa was there with them all the time.

''Did you ask Eren? I don't want to be the unwanted guest.''

''Oh, he doesn't mind. Why would he?''

Armin
eren are you home

Eren
no why

Armin
ok
just asked
when will you be

Eren
idk we're still on our way there so
a few hours later i guess
traffic

Armin
ok have fun

Eren
you too lol
dude srsly what's up do you need something

Armin
annie is coming to get something
i was gonna hand her but forgot

It took a little while for Eren to respond which made Armin think he was either in shock or he was discussing the text with Mikasa. Or both.

Eren
okayyyy

''What does he say?'' he snapped back with the voice of Annie, she was facing him with a little smirk planted on her face.

''Uh, he doesn't say anything. Just okay.''

Annie turned her head back and hummed in response but Armin he had a feeling she didn't believe him.

''You think he doesn't like you or something?''

''Wouldn't be the first one.''

''Well just so you know, he doesn't dislike you, he's just surprised to see the two of us together.''

God, he did not just use the word together for the second time now. He did not. He wanted to kick himself in the guts. The urge got stronger each second Annie didn't respond.

''Yeah, I bet he thinks I'm bullying you or something. Reiner told me I got quite the reputation, especially after the thing with Jean. But we aren't even on bad terms now. He knows he deserved it. People just love the drama.''

He looked at her briefly, a bit puzzled that she took it so personally when all he really said was okay.

''You know, Annie... People may be intimidated by you for different reasons than that.''

He didn't know how was he going to finish and seal this opinion if she questioned further, which he knew for a fact she was going to. He hated starting something he couldn't finish but he just couldn't hold it in. He really didn’t want her to feel bad about herself, especially when there was no reason for it. And it sucked that once you started a sentence you had to finish it. But she deserved to know not everyone viewed her as this scary girl who messed with people out of nowhere.

''What does that mean?'' his regret intensified with the low and oh very questioning tone of her voice.

''Well... I mean... people are scared to talk to someone they think of highly too, you know.''

She looked at him in the eye for a second and snorted, ''Not sure if that's the case now, Armin.''

''People think you're cool, actually. And you're a pretty girl, obviously, people are more likely to be intimidated by someone attractive so there's another reason. And you're usually by yourself when you could easily have people around you if you wanted, so there's that too.''

He was surprised at himself and the words coming out of his mouth today, even more so when Annie didn't give the reaction he thought she would.
She turned his gaze back to him, and he once again felt himself cornered by those icy eyes. Then he saw a tiny smile underneath before she turned her head and breathed out a tiny breath from her nose.

''I don't remember if it's messy or not so if it is, well, excuse me and Eren.''

''You call this a mess? You should see my room.''

He quickly went to his room to bring the laptop. And they looked at all the photos they've taken so far.

''I still can't believe I did such a thing honestly.''

Most if not all of them came out fantastic. Annie was a natural, the photographer being someone she knew definitely helped of course. She looked like she owned the whole room, and she did honestly. Armin was simply there to capture it, nothing more.

''I wish we had polaroids too,'' she said, leaning into the screen behind him. ''Granny was a baddie written on the bottom.''

''Are you implying that you'll retire from baddieness once you get old?'' questioned Armin doubtfully.

''You know what, you're right. Old women fucking rock.''

He chuckled as he clicked off the page after they looked at every single one they took.

''I better get going now,'' Annie exclaimed, grabbing her bag.

''Oh okay. See you later then. Annie?''

''Hmh?'' she stopped right at the doorway.

''Thank you.'' he could feel and see the surprise in her eyes though she tried not to display it. ''I know you wanted me to pick up the camera again, after seeing me upset about it. So... Thank you for accepting this.''

''I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to feel hot. See ya! Don't forget the finals next week.''

And just like that, he stood before the shut door by himself, unsure as to what to think. He didn't know what to think but he knew for a fact he was feeling good.

---

"Oh, Annie left already?" Eren asked after throwing his bag on the couch and then himself.

"Yeah I told you, she just dropped by to pick up some stuff."

"Didn't you say she forgot something here?"

"No...? She's never been here before."

"Right... Hey, why don't you invite her over some time?"

Armin looked at him with a mix of annoyance and confusion, "I don't know, maybe I will."
Then he looked over from the corner of his eye to see Eren looking like he was either having bowel knots or trying to hold his laughter like a little kid. He pushed his bag off to the floor to make himself more comfortable where he lay and leaned forward a bit with his face in his palm.
"So what did you guys do?"

"We crushed your gaming set-up. It was fun."

"Aw man! Don't even joke about that!"

"We took a few pictures and she wanted to come take a look right after instead of waiting, okay? Why are you being so weird about Annie?"

"You do realise I'm not interrogating you, right? That you're the one making it feel like that?"

"Pft what is that even mean?" playing dumb was not a skill of his, this was a very pathetic attempt and Eren was aware of that as he knew Armin better than anyone. He sighed with a faint smile before putting his feet up to the back of the couch.

''Imma tell you something. Not about anyone or anything in particular, just bro talk, okay? Being friends before dating is awesome 'cause you already know that person and you already love them. So it's easy to add up from there. And there's no unpleasant surprises, just pleasant ones. Veeery pleasant ones.'' he took a breath as he kept his eyes on the wall, ''I don't know how do people date complete strangers honestly. Good for them but I couldn't do it.''

Armin found himself agreeing with his friend even if he didn't say anything and just nodded along. What he said was very relatable to him as well.

''I've known Mikasa for half of my life and it still took me a while to understand these things. I guess I was just a late bloomer or something.''

''There's nothing wrong with that.''

''Yeah, it's for the best. I don't think I would have been a good boyfriend a few years ago, to be honest. I'm very happy now. We’re very happy. Mikasa would say knock on the wood. Oh, speaking of her,'' he stretched his body to reach his bag and took something from his small backpack and handed it to Armin. It was a small pouch and on the inside,

''Crystals?''

''Yeah, she said you'd need that one. I don't remember what it's called but it was pink something.''

''Oh really?'' he asked sarcastically as he turned the pink little stones in his hands. Now he had some google searches to do. He suddenly remembered something from what a few days ago? Last week? The opposite sides talk with Annie...

''Don't the opposites attract?"
"Those are magnets, we're people. But we're not opposites, do you not think so?"
Then she said something about their zodiacs not aligning. How did she know his birthday anyway?

---

"Were you with Armin?"

Annie stopped at her feet for a second at the mention of his name. She didn't say 'that guy' or worse, 'that nerd'. She remembered his name.
"Yeah" she threw her backpack by the bed before throwing herself on it.

"Hmm..."
That sound never indicated good things.
"I'm glad you're getting out of your musty shell, it's about damn time you do. I just never saw him as your type."

"We're friends."

"What do you guys even talk about?"

She scoffed to brush the thoughts off and started with her slightly sarcastic tone. "Are you asking me what do friends talk about? Shit, Hitch. Never pegged you as a loner. I almost feel bad for you."

"He won't stick around for long assuming you talk to all of your friends with that attitude. Just saying!" she said the last part with an exaggeratedly sweet voice that irked Annie so much she wanted to cover her ears.

"Would you give me the honour of being the first one to leave? It's been a long time of me waiting."

"Ugh, shut up you love me."

"It won't last long, not with that attitude."

"Okay okay sorry! Just tell me what are you guys up to? I've never seen you so interested in someone. So of course I'm curious! Can you blame me? Hm? Hm? Can you? No!"

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion mixed with anger. What the fuck was that supposed to mean now? She couldn't be interested in people? And why did it have to be in a romantic way when she did show interest in someone? She went straight to her bed, completely ignoring her roommate who was still very much waiting for an answer. But her voice changed when she saw Annie’s face getting down like that.

''What's wrong? Did you guys argue or something?''

''Stop linking my mood changes to other people. No one controls how I feel. And no we didn't argue. It would've been fine even if we did so...'' she said the last part quietly before burying her face into a pillow.

''Huh?'' Annie could hear her friend coming closer and then sitting on her bed. ''Then tell me, what happened?''
She shook her head without raising her face from the pillow before Hitch pulled her hair.

''OUW!''

''Speaaaaaaakk'' she screeched like a crow, not a cute one, and Annie gave up since she was so fucking tired, alright?

''I met with Armin.''

''No fucking shit, I figured that already.''

''And we took pictures.''

''That's nice, what kind?''

''...Of me...''
Hitch didn't move her eyes from her, trying to understand. A haze of confusion, realization and shock passed through her eyes one by one...

''YOU WHAT???''

''NO, NO, NOT LIKE THAT!''

''LIKE HOW??''

''WHAT HOW? I-''

''HE TOOK NUDES OF YOU?''

''NO THE FUCK HE DIDN'T, can we stop yelling please.''

Hitch was getting more and more frustrated with not knowing what the actual situation was and how to react to it, she asked again as she tried to catch her breath from shouting, ''Then what's the problem?''
Now it was Annie's time to get frustrated as she didn't know how to answer this. What was the problem, really? And at the same time, what wasn't?

''I don't know... I don't know okay? We just said let's take some pictures so we did and it was great- it's still great but...''

''But?''

She sighed deeply, ''I don't fucking know Hitch. What am I doing?'' she knew right after that question that she was about to get vulnerable and she was too tired to feel bad about it just yet.
''I don't even know this guy for a whole month, I mean, it's not like we're flirting or anything but...''

''Do you wish you were flirting or anything?'' Hitch asked gently without a trace of teasing. She knew it was hard for Annie to speak up about private things like that, so when she did it out of her own will, Hitch knew how to be quiet and listen.

''I don't know...''

''How do you feel around him?''

''Understood...'' she was surprised at the very first that came out of her mouth as it came so naturally like it has been waiting to be spoken. ''Seen. Interesting. Confident. Pretty. But still kinda shy.''

''Oh, Annie...''
Annie didn't know how it was supposed to feel like having a big sister caring and looking out for you but she figured it was kind of close to this, this thing she was feeling in the moment. She almost wanted to hug Hitch but she knew herself enough to not do it because her allergies would start acting up and she'd shed a tear or two. God, spring allergies were awful.

They did not get too deep as Annie didn't feel like it and Hitch didn't insist. They continued from where they left before and went down to dinner afterwards.

Armin
[picture]
you really think little annie stands a chance against this fella?

She smiled widely before even opening the picture. He remembered what she said about racing their old pictures. She opened the picture to see a little Armin she almost couldn't recognize with his long bangs that covered his eyes, a big toothless smile, wearing some kind of cosplay she didn't know of.

''You're looking at baby crows again? Or kittens this time?'' she looked up at Hitch talking to her from across the room, on her own bed. She was teasing her again for googling baby animals to look at before going to sleep. Well, baby animals shouldn't have been so damn cute and comforting then if they didn't want to be looked at for comfort.

''Kittens.''

She pulled her quilt over her head and lay on her side, facing the wall. It was nice to have something cute to look at before sleep.

Chapter Text

Armin

mikasa did you send me pink quarts

Mikasa

yessss ;p

Eren

pinky squat

Mikasa

im thinkin about giving some to annie too

Armin

i'm so done with you guys

Mikasa

uhhh you're welcome armin

Eren

what does that do??

Armin

google it

love stuff basically

Eren

what are you complaining about dude that's awesome

mikasa is this how you seduced me

Mikasa

no i didn't need to ;)

Eren

i'm gonna eat you

Armin

first of all, stop.

second of all DAMN mikasa okay...

Mikasa

no offense to youuuuuu

i'm just saying you guys could use a little bit of help and that is okay <3

He guessed Annie hadn't posted the photos yet. He went to check her profile to see she, in fact, didn't. Well, maybe he could go first and do it. He didn't upright take Annie's permission but they both talked about posting them openly, so he thought it would be okay to do so.

armin @ aarlert

just stole the baddest angel of heavens

He posted two of his favourites from the whole shoot. It was difficult to pick favourites since she was breathtaking in every single one. Even the ones she considered ''bloopers'' One of them was her looking directly at the camera with her ice-blue eyes reflecting the natural sunlight. He couldn't help but stare at it. The other was a bit more authentic, she was looking away without realising the camera. She was a natural which Armin did not expect. Apparently, she didn't expect it either since she admitted to being very nervous about the whole thing on the way back home. She seemed far from it. She owned the whole room, the camera and beholder of the eyes that captured her...

He immediately closed the screen after clicking post. He knew he was going to get all awkward and delete it if he let himself dwell on it. Annie would understand the language he used and just how much of his words to take seriously, but he thought he might surprise his friends a little. And maybe they would leave him and Annie alone.

armin @ aarlert

just stole the baddest angel of heavens

connie springroll @ taurusking

oh my god armin arlert???? ain't that the guy who fed a whole orphanage yesterday?? you're a real one man keep it up

armin @ aarlert

what can i say,,, i just love the kids : ) thanks bro

connie springroll @ taurusking

ARMIN IS THIS YOU FR???? lmaooo i mean yuhh get it i guess

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

AYO????? BRO IS THUS ANVIE???

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

ARMIN TGANKS FOR GIVIMG ME 100K TO PAY MY STUDENT LOAN DUDE THE DEVIL (CAPYTALISM) WORKS HARD BUT YOU WORK HARDER!! ALSO THANKS FOR DONATING YOUR LIVER TO MY SICK GRANMA THAT MEANT A LOT

armin @ aarlert

don't even mention it bro i got you !! and your granma i guess

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

armin arlert? isn't that the guy who saved the titanic ship?? what a noble man you are what is he even gonna do with all that fortune ALL BY HIMSELF

armin @ aarlert

what can I say I'm a very giving person : ) ...

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

my brother here down horrendously god bless him... go get her bro

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

why isn't anyone talking about how hot annie is like helloooooo?????????

Mrs. Ramsey☜ (↼_↼) @ sashablouse

FR LIKE HOLY SHIT ANNIE

wednesday addams priv acc @ minacarolina

BESTIE I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE-

★big tiddy goth gf (taken)★ @ MIKA_SA

I thought you weren't interested in photography anymore... You just had to find your muse I guess....... ((:

armin @ aarlert

: )

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

im gonna burn all those baggy ass clothes omg you can't hide all that from the world it's not fairrrrrrr

marco (he/they) @ marconcheese

*clears throat* SHEEEEESSSSSHHHHH

President of the Poundtown @ Reiner_Braun

yessirrrr i believe in marleyan women supremacy (annies a brotha tho so dont get it twisted)

ymir @ lesbiancent

oh believe me no one's getting it twisted

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

bro said no hetero

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

LMAOOOOO

connie springroll @ taurusking

HSJDHAJDBAJJDS none of that straight shit here -reiner braun 2k22

Mrs. Ramsey☜ (↼_↼) @ sashablouse

shiiittt have to agree with the no hetero

★big tiddy goth gf (taken)★ @ MIKA_SA

?? sasha

Mrs. Ramsey☜ (↼_↼) @ sashablouse

MIKA YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY NUMBER ONE

wednesday addams priv acc @ minacarolina

y'all having five different conversations under the tweet wtf (T_T) annie notice us

' @ LEONHARDT

*adjustes sunglasses* talk to my manager

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

did this bitch just-

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

miss leonhardt are you gonna confirm the rumours ????????

' @ LEONHARDT

nah

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

which ones?????

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

i was hoping SHE would ask not u ಥ‿ಥ

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

she doesn't give a fuck but i can make her if you tell me ;)

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

well... i may have heard some things about a certain someone who's certainly getting closer to annie

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

hmmm i think i may have heard about such an individual too...

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

who tf are y'all talking about this is armin's post take the gossip somewhere else

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

i would ask if he's fr but i'm scared of the answer

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

excuse my language ladies but oh my god eren you're so fucking stupid

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

ahsjqhdkwndkandkanksask

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

joejean

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

what???

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

joe mama said those same words to me last night

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

aight im done arguing im straight up murdering you tomorrow

★big tiddy goth gf (taken)★ @ MIKA_SA

eren go back to ur cage and jean shut it

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

my apologies mikasa

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

good night to everyone except horse human hybrids.

armin @ aarlert

with every notification i get one layer deeper i sink in the pit of disappointment

' @ LEONHARDT

AHSJQHDKWNDKANDKAKDK oh boy you're gonna regret this

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

if you want us to shut up so bad how about y'all give us some answers hmm??

marco (he/they) @ marconcheese

i see no questions tbh, just chaos

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

they know exactly what we're asking thoooooo

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

ok i think that's enough fun for tonight,,, let's don't make them leave them regret ever posting this

connie springroll @ taurusking

fr he's gonna delete the post bc of y'all lol

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

already saved the pics 3:) 

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

and you wonder why she doesn't tell you anything...

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

hush filly boy

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

what if this was actually my last straw

✧FREEDØM FIGHTER✧ @ JAGERBOMB

don't kill urself i'll get bored

Jean Kirstein @ jeankirstein

oh wow

' @ LEONHARDT

i can be your angle ,;;,or yuor devil

The first picture was Annie sitting with her legs underneath her on a burgundy sofa with light coming from the window beside her, her hands lightly cupping her face, smiling closed-eyed with a tilt of the head. She looked truly angelic. So innocent and lovely, captured at the right time while she was still her authentic self but smiling genuinely, feeling safe and relaxed in her environment. Probably joking about something and Armin giggling behind the camera. The second picture was taken from a bit lower angle while she was standing in front of a big painting, emphasising her slim and curvy frame. And it had some editing on it to make the atmosphere a bit darker and the colours more prominent. She was looking right at the camera, her face was only halfway turned but her eyes were impossible to not notice. Her features appeared sharp and her eyes piercing, almost accusing even. She looked like a goddess rather than an angel. A powerful, vindictive goddess who looked right through you with knowing eyes. It was so difficult to take your eyes off with every detail from the natural daylight shining on her light blonde hair, the subtle shadow play with the editing complementing her ab definition and divine hips, she almost imprisoned your eyes to the photo.

Whatever ethereal creature she resembled, she looked absolutely heavenly in every single photo.

wednesday addams priv acc @ minacarolina

hand in marriage. now.

been that b still that b @ hitch_dd

if i were you i'd hang these up my wall fr. maybe i should have a shoot too

ymir @ lesbiancient

GIRL WHAT THE HELL ALMOST THREW MY PHONE

historia @ deadlydyke

ANNIE BRINGING HOT GIRL SUMMER BACK!!!

pieck finger lickin' good @ pikku09

your honour she's been caught slaying AGAIN

President of the Poundtown @ Reiner_Braun

i feel like a proud dad :')

' @ LEONHARDT

wtf get the fuck outta my post

---

A day after, they were sitting at the same cafe they usually hang by when they were with Reiner and Berthold, somewhere they mostly just walked past when it was the three of them.

"One time after I took my twelve-year-old cousin to see frozen and I heard Annie asking her if she cried in the theatre."

''Well, did she?''

''No bro I did.''

They laughed lightly and Armin couldn't help but notice his friends' smiles were bigger than the rest and their wide-open eyes were on him instantly with the mention of Annie's name... Which was a little... worrying honestly.

"When did she leave, by the way?" Eren started, looking right into Armin's eyes that clearly said 'don't you dare'. Well, Eren  did  dare as he usually did. "The other day when she came over I mean. 'Cause I know I came home a bit late but still."

All eyes turned to Armin, he could practically feel the shock slapping them in the face.

"You're close with Annie?" Berthold asked after clearing his throat, gathering his composure back. ''I didn't know.''

"I...Yeah? Yeah, I am."

"Woow bro melting off the ice queen, huh?" Reiner's nudge on the arm was more like a full-strength punch, considering the difference in their size.

"What did she say? Did she bully you this time?"

"Yeah, Reiner. She said she was gonna use me as a cadaver."

"What I hear is she wants to see you nakey nakey! What, don't give me that look, I thought you were all about that optimist shit? Aren't you?"

''She's not a bully, they're friends," said Mikasa coolly, honestly Armin was thankful to know that Mikasa wouldn't go further than just giving him some looks and giggles, at least not in front of other people. Especially if those other people were Annie's friends.

"I'm just joking bro, I like Annie. She's fucking awesome."

"Anyone who beats Jean has my respect, to be honest," shrugged Eren before devouring a handful of chips.

"Yeah, that's why Bert had a crush on her, he likes weirdos, I mean who am I to judge?"

Now it was Berthold's turn to carry the weight of every single gaze on the table, except for his obnoxious best friend who kept on talking after sipping on his beer. "She once told him that she was spiritually connected to Snoop Dogg. Not gonna lie I see why you would've fallen for that."

And finally, after what Armin assumed was a kick under the table that hopefully kicked some sense into him, Reiner closed his mouth and opened his eyes wide instead.

"Wait were you guys dating before?" Eren asked directly to Berthold.

"No, no! We weren't. We aren't. It was just a stupid childhood crush, really..."

"Aw c'mon bro! Don't do yourself like that. She's just shy, everyone knows that."

You could see Berthold turn fifty shades of red as he begged his friend with his eyes to shut up already but to his luck, Reiner seemed to be the only one who didn't get the hint.

Right when he started to feel like at least the topic was worn off, "What, she likes him too?!" Eren asked.

"No, no-" Berthold started.

"Fuck if I know bruh, she's shy you know. She doesn't speak of that kind of stuff, keeps it all inside."

Oh.  Oh . Armin suddenly felt sick to his stomach for some reason. Berthold and Annie. Annie and Berthold. Well, he couldn't really imagine it but he guessed it made sense. They were already friends long before Armin even met them. And Berthold was a tall, nice looking guy who had an agreeable personality.

He realised he hadn't blinked for a while when his eyes hurt from dryness. He should be focusing on the paper in front of him instead of zoning out. It made no sense for him to get upset. What was he thinking, another soldier fallen into the love zone? Was he really that pathetic, getting jealous of his friends for having something he didn't? He should be happy for her just like he was happy for his other friends who found love. He  was  happy. He repeated the words to himself. He was happy for them. Something moved inside him and he suddenly felt his lip twitching and the need to puke this disgusting feeling out of his system.

"That chad looking ass did it on purpose because of the photos you posted," Mikasa said as she threw her bag onto the kitchen table after they came to their place.

"What? Me?!"

"Who else do we know that photographed Annie like a cover girl, Armin?"

His face felt hot when it was put into words like that... That was...

"He's trying to tell us to back off."

"As if! Annie's not some territory he can mark like a damn dog."

"Guys I really don't think they meant it like that-"

"Shush!'' Eren and Mikasa said in unity.

"I never really trusted those two. And you trust people way too easily Eren." she sat down on the sofa with her legs underneath and pulled out her phone.

"Shut up, I hate when you're right."

"Must be a hard life then."

---

Annie

hey i couldn't find any childhood photos of meee

Armin

it's ok

Annie

anyway wyd

Armin

nothing

Annie

ok then

What the hell was that? That attitude? And why did it... make her chest hurt? She could feel the cold through the screen. After all the laughs and giggles of the weekend, what the hell was this attitude? That's right, he realised what a horrible person she truly was and decided to cut it off before it was too late. No that was not true... Annie looked at the floor from her bed with the phone in her hands, struggling to make sense of the situation. She was being dramatic. It was probably nothing.  Maybe something else happened, not everything is about you, you self centred cunt , said a voice in her head. That's right! What if his mom died or something? Or maybe his arms were broken and it was so hard for him to text. But for some reason, he didn't want Annie to know. Possibilities! She lay back down and faced the white, empty ceiling. She had to do something about this.

Soon her silence was interrupted by her roommate coming back in from breakfast. Thankfully she didn't seem to be in a chatty mood either. But it didn't take long.

''Wow,'' Hitch said in fake surprise and suppressed laughter while looking at her phone. ''Not an ounce of dignity left in those eyes. I sent you the video, keep it as a memory.''

Someone in the lab took a video of their friend during class and you could see Armin and Annie in the back together. Annie was looking at Armin with a smile like you were supposed to do when someone was talking to you, and she was resting her face in her palm like she always did in class. And for some strange reason, this was a fantastic discovery for her dear friend. Annie didn't say anything. She could have said something like ''Shut the fuck up'' or ''Mind your own business'' or ''I was just smiling at a joke, you're just trying to create drama'' But she couldn't. Or she didn't. She just watched the video, then diverted her eyes with a straight face and waited. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say, but one thing she knew about herself, she wasn't keen to lie.

''So? What do you say? You have to tell me something now before it's too late and my whole Pinterest page is occupied with wedding dresses.''

''I don't know what to tell you.''

''So you're not denying?''

''What am I supposed to deny exactly...''

''Oh baby you should have learned I'm not the one to play these word games. But if you insist, I'll spell it out for you. You're not denying that you have a big fat juicy sloppy saucy plumpy-''

''HITCH WHAT THE FUCK-''

''-crush on this nerd Armin? Hm? Is that correct?''

''Jesus fucking christ I wasn't even gonna lie but you just made me want to.''

''Cute! Now we're clear, I'm glad. Well lucky for you, It's not unrequited. It would suck if your first heartbreak was something ending without even starting. What? Don't tell me you're  that  dense.''

''Shut it. We're friends. Maybe not even that. Probably not anymore...''

''Hah?!''

She looked over at her before getting up from her bed to land on hers. ''What's that supposed to mean?''

''Nothing. It means nothing.''

She turned her face the other way. She knew Hitch was asking out of genuine concern, not just curiosity. Which was a big part of their friendship. Annie had no one else to talk to about such topics, and though she wouldn't say it out loud, she really wanted to talk to someone. This wasn't something she could solve within herself. She wasn't good at things like that. Like... relationships. And... guys. Hitch was both experienced enough to know what she was talking about and she was Annie's closest friend in the city. Okay, her only friend. The moral of the story, if she was ever going to open up to someone about this, it was going to be her. Ugh. Vulnerability.

"So you just had a great weekend together and now he's being cold out of nowhere?"

"Hmmh." Annie felt weird as fuck sitting at a cafe on the campus with Hitch talking about her boy problems about a boy that wasn't even hers. She felt like she was a character in a teenage drama she would watch as a guilty pleasure. Something caught her eye that stopped her mind from thinking for a moment. Wow.

"What's there?" Hitch turned around in her seat to see what was Annie looking at, and she noticed Armin walking past talking with a short blonde girl. "Well he certainly has a type." she giggled before turning back to Annie and seeing the way her face fell. More so than usual.

"I'm sorry. Oh my god Annie he's a fucking asshole."

"He's not doing anything."

"Well, I mean, yeah but still! Guys are assholes. That nerd should be fucking grateful he got so close to getting you and he's out there being greedy?! The audacity..."

The bad thoughts that she could possibly brush off as paranoia were now confirmed to be certain by Hitch's reaction. Armin was talking to this girl. Like,  talking  talking. If Hitch was so sure of it too...

"I mean that's Historia so it's not like he could ever get her. I'm not saying she's better than you! I'm just saying she's a lesbian so he shouldn't even be thinking about it. When I came out as bi..."

Annie got nauseous as Hitch kept on talking and talking which went from one ear and left from another. She didn't want to believe this was it. She didn't want to believe the cruellest voices in her head were right once again. Even Hitch got the impression that there was something. So there must be something. Why else would Historia talk to him? Well, she was one of the prettiest girls she's seen, she wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to photograph her. He was probably tired and grossed out after their little so-called shoot and now he wanted to do something decent with a decent girl who actually looked like a model. She did look like she could definitely model. She suddenly felt so big in her seat. Like she was taking up too much space.

"Hey? Hey!" Hitch snapped her fingers in front of Annie's face to get her attention. "Don't doze off there, I'm saying something." she took a sip from her iced coffee while casually eyeing the people around.

"Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. Maybe he wasn't in the mood to talk then. The thing with Historia isn't even anything to take seriously, I wouldn't worry about it."

"Maybe."

They finished their drinks and Annie, despite the persistent pleads of Hitch, went straight to the room. She had no more energy left to go shopping or anywhere for that matter.

She felt her heart sting with humiliation. The only thing she could wish for was to disappear. To change schools and go back home. To die maybe. Yes, it was even more embarrassing if you said it as it was: a dumb girl killing herself because her stupid little crush didn't like her back. She couldn't understand if she was genuinely hurt or if she was just angry at herself for being so stupid, so naïve, so desperate, so hopeless, the list went on and on in her head. Self-degradation had no end, after all. She bit the inside of her cheeks harder and leaned down on her legs with her elbows to put pressure on her slightly shaking knees. This was fucking ridiculous. This was seriously so fucking ridiculous. If someone else told this as if it were their own experience, she'd scoff and tell them to move on already. There wasn't even anything to move on from. And that somehow made it hurt more. Because it was all in her head. She lived everything inside of her head. Everything was just possibilities, not reality. How the fuck did she manage to convince herself this far? This had to be bigger than some stupid puppy love. This was about her losing touch with reality. This was about her somehow slipping out of character and misinterpreting things. That's it, she thought as her mind got clearer as the clouds that darkened her judgement started fading away. It was never about Armin. It was about her and her stupid ass clinging onto the first guy who gave her the tiniest bit of attention just so she could live the stupid ass romance she's dreamt of in her fantasies. It could be any guy in the world. Her disappointment, hurt and anger ought to be solved within herself. It wasn't healthy to expect someone to 'fix' her. That someone was never going to come. Even if they did, she was certain that she would find a way to ruin everything like she always did.

She raised her head and saw a glimpse of herself in the window glass. Her hair looked worse than usual. She almost laughed at herself for even thinking that anyone would actually love her. She started fidgeting with a strand of hair.

He just didn't like him. It was easy and simple. She probably wasn't even his type. Of course she wasn't. Understandable.  Just fucking look at yourself,  said a voice in her head. Why the fuck would he look at you that way? She took a shower this morning and now she was making her hair greasy again. The thought only added the weight on her chest, as if taking a shower again was the hardest thing in the world. He was going to meet a girl who's successful, pretty and nice. A decent girl who wasn't so sick in the head. A clean looking girl who got her shit together, who won't be a burden to him. Who will make his life easier. And she'll be at their wedding as his good friend. If they were still friends, that is. The friend who dropped out and watched everyone else graduate, get married and build their lives. She would be living with her dad, unemployed, depressed, living a life she just couldn't bring herself to end out of cowardice.

She wasn't worthy of the love of someone like that. If she was worth anything at all. The melodramatic feast her brain presented only added to the feeling of shame. But she knew she had to be dramatic first to get over it. She got over stuff rather quickly actually, she just had to let it all out in an absolutely, ridiculously sentimental way first.

---

Armin lay on his bed with his notebook beside his pillow and the nauseating, uneasy feeling from earlier still in his stomach. But despite the slight envy and the great discomfort he still couldn't quite figure out, embarrassingly enough, a small part of him felt kind of giddy for having his name mentioned with a girl, not to say that girl in question was no other than Annie Leonhart herself. The cool, beautiful, talented, witty, charming Annie Leonhardt.

He knew he was totally being childish and dumb but he just couldn't bring himself to reply or talk to Annie after the talk of this afternoon. He couldn't bring himself to talk to anyone at all but he didn't care about anyone as much as he cared about her. Wow, that was pathetic, he thought. A girl he met, what, maybe a month ago? And he cared about a girl who wasn't even her girlfriend this much? All he could think of was images of Annie and Berthold together. Images that didn't even exist in his memory. His mind was the most creative when it had a chance to torture him.

' @ LEONHARDT

this mf got me singing taylor swift in the shower

Oh . Well. Alright then. The ugly sensation of jealousy coated his eyes as he looked at the screen with eyes that almost despised the girl he just admitted caring deeply for. It didn't suit him, no. Jealousy was a very ugly trait, he was aware. And being jealous of someone who owed him absolutely nothing was even worse, because he knew there was no justification for this. He had no right to be angry or upset with Annie. Not that he wanted to be. Communication was the key. But not when it comes to things like this. He had no right to go up and ask her what was her relations with Berthold. That would be creepy as hell. He huffed and turned to the other side of the bed. Then he turned his pillow to lay on the cooler side. There was no reason to be upset and his face had no business burning the way it did. He did however have lots of subjects to study for and the finals were finally coming.

Chapter Text

In the past few days, Armin had done nothing but study, take a break to have a mental breakdown, look at the screen and close it back without sending a message to Annie, and eat a certainly-not-enough amount of junk food. He should have started studying a month ago but he was too busy... Well, doing stuff. Like hanging out with Annie, thinking about hanging out with Annie, texting with Annie with his books waiting open in front of him.  And look where that got you , a voice in his head said. And unfortunately, it was right. He needed to get his shit together. It wasn't even like they had a breakup or anything. It was so dumb to let something like this invade his thoughts and get in the way of his studies. Or get in the way of his daily life in general. Eren and Mikasa were asking about it. He had no answer to give them. Even with his personal business, he managed to disappoint people. He hadn't talked to Reiner or Berthold after the last time and he didn't know if Eren did, he didn't care to ask. He saw Annie and Hitch the other day and just walked passed them without saying a hello. He probably looked like a weirdo just staring at them as he walked past. Ugh. The embarrassment was nauseating. He didn't want to think any more about that moment. For someone with a painfully average memory, his brain really made sure that he never forgot that three seconds of embarrassment. He didn't want to think about what Annie must be thinking of him. He already knew. She thought he was a fucking loser. So did everyone, secretly. Mikasa and Eren kept inviting him to study dates or just to hang out like they always did. He didn't want to be a burden or disturb them. They were better off left alone without him third-wheeling them. Plus, he really needed to study. And it wasn't really possible with the two of them sitting next to each other.

"Aw come on dude! I study better in groups. Plus teaching is the best way to learn, it's a win-win!"

"It's not like you're studying when you're alone now, is it?"

He looked at Mikasa's eyes, they were knowing if not accusing. She always knew. At the end of the day, he had no choice but to comply and go to study with his friends. They found an empty space in the library and settled down with their bags. He remembered the time he ran into Annie in this library. Then he smiled and his eyes softened with the thought of her giggling like a child, or fidgeting with her hands or her hair when she zoned out. Her small, dainty but possibly deathly hands and fingertips that turned harsh from years of guitar practice. Her just slightly chipped black nail polish and silver rings. That small, black heart necklace that she didn't take off. He never thought ever so fondly of small actions like that for anybody before. He was always prone to noticing details about people and he knew how to appreciate small things in life. But it was different to be so drawn to details of an individual in particular. And to have such fond feelings about them for it. His heart ached with longing for that one person. For Annie. He held his pencil tighter when he felt his hands slightly shake above the paper in front of him. He could only hope his friends didn't notice it. But his mind was too occupied to think about that now. It was full of what ifs and regrets. He swore he could make a better impression if he met her once again. But there was no turning back in time, unfortunately. After three hours of whispering, showing each other stuff on their phones, giggling quietly and maybe a good twenty minutes of studying, they dropped Mikasa by her dorm and then went back to their apartment.

---

Mikasa

hey annie it's mikasa

Annie

hey

Mikasa

i just wanted to say you look amazing in the photos

Annie

uh thank you really it's all armin's work

Mikasa

oh he would disagree

Annie

?

Mikasa

can i come hang out with you if you're free?

Annie

ok it's room 201

Meanwhile, under Eren and Armin's roof, things were getting a bit more hopeless. Armin buried his face in his hands in a desperate attempt to calm down.

"Why are you doing this to me..."

"COME ON DUDE IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD!"

"EREN I ASKED YOU A MIDDLE SCHOOL QUESTION!"

"OKAY SMARTASS YOU SOLVE IT THEN!"

Armin thanked everything holy for not studying to be a teacher because he did not have the mental capacity or patience for this. Teaching one adult Eren had got him to his limits before midnight. Regardless, he was grateful for the company taking his mind off of someone else. Funny how someone who made your day better just by coming to your mind could turn into a discomfort you avoided like the plague. He didn't realize the cruelty he was causing Annie because he didn't think she would care. Not because she was heartless, but because he didn't think he mattered that much to her. Armin was so focused on his own view of himself and how absolutely insignificant he must be that he did not realize Annie might have seen him any differently. That wasn't very self-aware of him now, was it. Armin saw his phone buzzing with the name Mika on it, he picked it up. She was probably calling to check up on them...

"Hey, what's up."

"I'm good, how are you two doing? Did Eren survive?"

"Barely. But I'm not so different either, to be honest."

"Have you talked to Annie?"

"...No? Why?" He heard an exhausted sigh on the other side of the phone and got nervous. Was he seriously disappointing not only Annie but his friends too?

"Just checking in. I don't want you to lose a good friend, you know."

"Didn't know you were so fond of her."

"Shh! Huh? You're the one to talk." Then he thought he heard a laugh and a slapping, and another shh said not directly into the phone.

"Are you watching something?"

"Yeah, this new anime I told you about. So... What do you truly think of this girl Armin? Be honest with yourself if not with me."

He breathed out with exhaustion and spilled the words he'd been holding for so long, they had no choice but to fly out anymore. The simple words he'd been trying to say, to admit, to think even. With the safety and convenience of the moment and the trust of his good friend, he said it.

"She's just... so different but at the same time, I've never met someone so much like myself. It's such a bizarre concept for me 'cause I've never met someone like this before. You know that dynamic where you're so similar to someone but also just the right amount of different? That balance? Now I'm not saying I'm some special unique snowflake with no other but... But you get it, right?"

"I get it, Armin. I get it."

He huffed and buried his face in his hand in frustration mixed with relaxation and comfort from knowing that at least his friend understood.

"But I don't think she wants to talk to me anymore. Why would she, really?"

There was a silence before a strong shushing and some noises he figured were from the headphones. "Mikasa?"

"Here! I mean... I completely understand what you're saying. But I think you're wrong on the last part; I think she does want to talk to you. In fact, she's waiting for you to talk to her first."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

He waited for a while to think about this suggestion. "What do I even say?"

"I don't know, what do you want to say?"

"What do I want to say..." Now to that, he certainly took his time thinking. What did he want to say? It was almost scary how his mind didn't even allow him to think about it, not even in the comfort of his own head where nobody could hear. He felt his heart beating fast. Was he this hopeless, really? He felt like he wasn't allowed to think such things let alone say them out loud. He couldn't imagine himself in this position. He didn't think of himself as deserving of such things. Love...

"Armin?"

"Y-yeah! Uhm..."

"What do you need to tell her, have you decided?"

"What do I  need  to tell her... Now that's a whole different question."

"Yeah, and you do nothing but repeat those questions."

"...Sorry."

"Don't apologise to me. You know what you need to do. I trust in you."

Do I, really?  He didn't dare to ask her. He was scared of the answer. He was scared that there was no answer. Why was everything so damn complicated? Why did it have to be so complicated to simply be human and feel things?

---

The next morning, Armin walked past his friend who was still sleeping to quickly munch on something in the kitchen before he left for his first final.

The weather was nice. He almost wanted to take the first bus that stopped and go somewhere else where he could sit and think about why the hell were all of his coping mechanisms based on escapism. But he had an exam to take. He didn't realise how annoying the shaking of his hands was until the paper was put in front of him. Shit.

The number of questions was much less than he had expected which lowered his chance of getting them right. He cursed himself for looking over some things, thinking they weren't that important. He stared at the paper for a while, imagining how could he make it less embarrassing to just give out a clean paper and leave before everyone else. So he waited for a bit. He felt the presence of someone sitting next to him but didn't care to look. He just thanked he wasn't at least late for the exam, now that would double his anxiety which he didn't even want to imagine. But again, he also had nothing to put into this paper so he should be more worried about that. God, he felt so stupid for even waking up for this. He really got out of his warm bed and came here to give absolutely nothing. Nothing like a hit on your self-esteem as the first thing in the morning. The best way to start out your day. If this was the start he couldn't even dare to imagine how he was going to survive this whole week and the next one right after that. Could one thing, just one thing go right in his life? Could he just do one damn thing decently? Did he have to disappoint everyone in his life with every little thing he did? More like didn't do. He knew his mom was going to call him and ask how was it going. He knew his friends were going to ask about his notoriously non-existent love life, he hoped the love birds actually had a chance to study so they wouldn't be in the position he was in later today. He felt a sharp pain in his legs from squeezing his muscles so hard but didn't relax them. And suddenly his paper was taken away from him. He was so shocked at first that he couldn't even turn his head to look. Could it be that the professor saw him, got angry at how useless he was being and just took the paper away? He discreetly looked to the left at the girl sitting next to him as she very swiftly changed their papers. Then he looked at the new paper in front of him. Name: Annie Leonhart. He jumped in his seat when he heard the professor's voice, giving out his classic warnings about keeping their eyes ahead and such. He couldn't move for a moment. Was Annie helping her? Why? How? Well, it was obvious how but... Why...

After a good ol' dreadful ten minutes, Annie, princess charming and the saviour of his academic life, changed the papers back very quickly before hastily getting up to give her own paper and leave. Armin just stared at the door as and after she went out. Then he looked back down at his paper again. Except for a few blanks, there was enough writing to help him pass. He was embarrassingly a bit disappointed to see that was all. What did he expect, a cute little note of encouragement? He cringed at himself for being so needy and squeezed the pen in his hands. Since he had nothing more to add to this, he looked at her handwriting on his paper for a few seconds more before giving his paper and leaving. He ran down the stairs quickly enough to just leave this building as soon as possible and breathe air but also slow enough to convince himself that he wasn't hoping to run into Annie outside. At the end of the last stair, he said fuck it and fastened in the hopes of running into her. She should be waiting at the stop, right?

Unfortunately, she wasn't. So there was no point in taking the bus. He pulled out the headphones from his backpack and took a deep breath. It was like a weight was pulled off of his shoulders. He had to text her tonight. Why wait for tonight? Okay, he had to text her today. This awkwardness was getting too long.

After hours of distracting himself and keeping busy with all kinds of stuff, he finally decided to text her.

Armin

hey

Annie

hey.

Armin

how's it going

Annie

normal

Armin

i'm sorry for being weird earlier it had nothing to do with you

and thank you so much for saving me today

Annie

that's good to hear, wish i heard it sooner tho

Armin

i'm sorry

Annie

okay armin

Armin

how are you

Annie 

not so great

it's no big deal tho

Armin

it's ok if you don't wanna talk rn it's also ok if you wanna talk abt it

i'll listen to anything you wanna say

Annie

thank you

how about we do talk but about something else?

Armin

of course

Annie

what do you think about princess diana's death

Armin

uhmm i know my mom really liked her but idk much about all those theories tbh

Annie

it's not a theory it's real that she was murdered

Armin

oh by the queen or...?

Annie

yeah that old cunt and her wack ass family

Armin

i think i remember my mom googling how to send a letter to england so she could send threats to the queen lmao

Annie

LMAOOO QUEEN SHIT

LIKE REAL ACTUAL QUEEN SHIT

what's ur mom's sign

Armin

gemini why :D

Annie

ahdkwkdks idk just asked

Armin

do aries and gemini get along?

Annie

yup

Armin

nice : ]

Oh god. The crystals. He remembered Mikasa's words from earlier about how she was going to give Annie the same ones she gave him.

Armin

have you talked to mikasa lately

Annie

why

Armin

it's nothing

Annie

was she gonna tell me something

Armin

no i just remembered her when you asked abt signs lol

Annie

alright thennn

Armin knew Mikasa couldn't have possibly told Annie anything. She respected her best friend's privacy. For a second though, he couldn't be 100% sure about it... Nah, she wouldn't. It was Mikasa we were talking about! She was the most reliable friend he ever had to privilege to have! The next day, Armin sat straight on his chair with his friends, his mouth open from the brand new information he's been given. "You what?!"

Mikasa sipped on her iced tea and shrugged next to Eren. "Since you weren't talking to her, I thought why not."

"Are you tryna steal his girl now?" Eren turned to ask, the two of them giggling. But not Armin. "So..." Eren relaxed his shoulders and leaned into the table, "what did you guys do?"

"It's between girls."

"What? Come on babe it's us! Your best friends! And I believe I also have boyfriend privileges." Mikasa smiled fondly at him before rolling her eyes.

"Mostly we listened to Mitski and cried. It was nice."

"What? Why?" Despite knowing damn well how dumbfounded he looked and sounded, Armin was too busy, well... being dumbfounded and trying to hide it. But the image of Annie crying did something to his chest that he couldn't explain.

"Wait does this mean I'm next? Is it my turn to hang out with Annie?"

"No," Armin said very firmly, changing the tone of the conversation.

"She's actually really soft, you know. Well, she  is  a Venus Pisces," said Mikasa like it was the most obvious thing.

"Do you seriously know the charts of everyone around you by memory..." asked Eren.

"You'll thank me later."

Armin sighed with his face buried in his hands, "I'm not going to thank you for memorising Annie's Uranus or whatever. I trusted you! I thought we agreed that you would leave me alone in this!"

"I don't remember agreeing on such a thing. Plus, what are friends for? You guys are such babies, you don't even have anything to fight about. You're just too proud to step up and say anything. I did you a favour."

He hated to admit how absolutely right she was. There wasn't anything to argue about and it would be such a waste to ruin their friendship over nothing. Also what Annie did for him today still occupied his mind. He needed to return the favour, he hated feeling like he owed something to someone. But what could he possibly do for her? He was sure that Annie was capable of anything and everything just fine for herself. Or was she... Maybe she was just giving out that impression because she couldn't help for help? That sounded like the Annie he knew.

''So...'' Eren started hastily. ''Are we going to the party next week?''

''What party?''

''You know, at Reiner's place.''

''I don't feel like going, but I don't want you guys to not go just because of me.'' And Armin meant it, it did nothing but add to the guilt he felt when his friends refrained from socialising in the fear that they would leave him alone.

''Then it is settled. We're all going.'' Mikasa said the last words and neither of them disagreed. There was no point in arguing. Since they had made up with Annie, it should have been just fine. Berthold wasn't a pugnacious guy. What could go wrong?