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Smoker shoved his shoulder against the cabin door, but it wouldn’t budge. "Dammit! I think snow or ice or something's got the door jammed up. Drake, get over here. Turn into an allosaurus and break us out or something!"
Tashigi crossed her arms. "It’s a blizzard out there. Even if Drake broke the door, we'd be running into a snowstorm. It’s not safe."
"Hina doesn’t want to die," said Hina, but sounded surprisingly indifferent.
"Why don’t we just make a fire and like, make a cuddle pile?" Tashigi suggested.
"Fine fine…" Smoker let out a resigned sigh. "If this storm isn’t gone by morning though…"
"Shush," Hina ordered. She took his arm and led him back to join them. "Just relax."
Smoker plopped down on the wooden floor and crossed his arms, huffing. "I have places to be."
Hina ran her fingers through his hair soothingly. "No you don’t. Not tonight."
Smoker leaned into her touch. "But-"
"Shush."
Tashigi giggled. She snuggled her head onto Drake's shoulder. "Besides, it’s a nice way to spend the night. This is perfect."
Guilt made Drake's skin prickle. "Yeah," he agreed, voice a low murmur, barely audible. He nuzzled into Tashigi's neck while Smoker and Hina came to join them, forming a cuddle pile.
"What’s wrong?" Smoker pressed.
"Nothing." Drake averted his eyes. "It’s nothing."
"It’s not nothing," Smoker pressed. He wrapped his arms around the other man, pulling Drake back against his chest. "Now tell me. What’s going through that mind of yours?"
Drake closed his eyes, melting against Smoker's solid frame. He could feel Tashigi's hand in his, and Hina's on his thigh. These were his people. The ones closest to his heart. Saying something was the furthest thing from something he wanted to do. Three against one. Smoker was the most insistent, but he knew Hina would reinforce him, and Tashigi was a naturally curious— and worried— soul. Most of the time, it was endearing. He was with his favourite people, his partners, the handsome man and the strong, beautiful women he loved, but he didn’t want to talk. Tense silence passed, and he tried not to let himself be so jumpy. Being afraid of his own lovers made their last day together tense. He didn’t want their last memories of him to be him having a nervous breakdown and crying into Smoker's shoulder. That would be embarrassing!
"Drake. Tell us," Hina ordered.
"It’s fine. Just some old memories," he lied.
Smoker pressed a kiss to Drake's temple. "Come on, let’s make the fire, then settle in. You don’t need to think about the past."
Drake wished it was that easy. More than that though, he wished that he didn’t feel the need to lie, but if people knew, he was taking risks he couldn’t afford. Smoker went to make the fire while Hina went to search a tiny closet for blankets or warmer wear as the night went on, gradually becoming colder and colder. Tashigi took Drake's hand and laced their fingers together in the meantime while they sat there together.
"Drake, please. Tell me." She shifted closer. "I’m worried about you."
Drake trembled, looking away. He couldn’t meet those beautiful cocoa brown eyes without feeling even worse. "Tash, you can’t say anything. Not to anyone, not even Smoker and Hina. No matter how heavy it weighs on your mind. Are you sure you want to know?"
"I want to know."
"Can you promise me you won’t say anything? I need to know…I need to know I can trust you."
"You can. I promise. It’s going to be okay."
It was even harder with her, since she’d always been so against pirates, regardless of who they were. "One more hug? I could use one right now…"
Tashigi pulled herself up to sit on his lap and hug him koala-style. "I love you. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. I’m here."
"I’m leaving."
Tashigi faltered. "Wh-What?"
"I’m leaving. I was given a special assignment, and in order to do it, I have to…I have to leave the Marines. Everyone here has to think I’ve betrayed them. It’s for the best. I promise."
"Where will you go?"
"I can’t say yet, but I won’t be alone."
"You’re going to join a pirate crew, aren’t you?"
"Yes, Tashigi, but not because I want to. I want to be here with you and Smoker and Hina, and one day, I’ll be home, and assuming you still want me, I’ll come back. I want nothing more than to hold and be held."
Tashigi stared at him, not sure what to think. "What’s so important you would abandon us?"
"I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, I am. I just…" Drake's heart was splitting in two. He had promised he’d serve his faction. He’d promised to stand by his partners. Then he’d agreed to this assignment. There was no way to do both at once. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Tashigi…can you kiss me until the hurt is gone? One last time?"
"I’ve never seen you so close to crying…"
Tashigi reached up to brush a tear away from his eye, then leaned in to kiss him, soft and gentle. There was a little of everything with their group. The rare kisses and gestures of affection from Smoker, who expressed his love more verbally, and in acts of service. The rough, passionate, dominant force of Hina that set his blood on fire, and the soft, gentle, chaste innocence that was Tashigi. He knew for a fact she wasn’t as innocent as she seemed, but he loved those tentative, cautious kisses, and the way her hand trailed slowly up his chest, barely touching, just enough that he could feel her fingertips gliding up and over his muscles through the fabric of his coat. He was a Rear-Admiral and had amazing partners, girlfriends and a boyfriend who he loved, who all loved each other, and he had a good life overall, and it hadn’t fallen into his lap either. Drake had worked hard to get here…now he would throw it all away on a whim that maybe this would be worth it at the end of the day.
"Hey hey hey, is everything okay over here?" Smoker pressed, catching sight of a stray tear Tashigi couldn’t catch. "You’re…crying."
"He’s just…having some childhood memories," Tashigi lied. She hated lying. Especially to Smoker, he almost always saw through her. If he could see past it this time though, he didn’t call bullshit.
"Ah shit…Drake, c'mere." Smoker tugged him and Tashigi both closer to the warmth of the fire. "We've gotcha," he promised.
Smoker was not generally a sensitive or soft man, but one of his partners was hurting, and he didn’t know why, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what was going on to trigger this out of the blue. What he did want though was to be able to offer some source, however small, of comfort. He had never seen Drake cry. Not once in all the time he had known the man, but whatever was wrong now had brought him to the brink of tears.
"We're going to cuddle you, okay? Just…don’t cry."
Tashigi fixed Smoker with a stern look. "Everyone cries. He’s struggling."
It was taking all Tashigi's willpower to keep her mouth shut, and it had only been five minutes since she’d learned what was going on, but sue wouldn’t betray Drake's trust. That said, she wanted to talk. She wanted to tell them what Drake had said, so they’d be in on it too and waiting for his return, but…he had trusted her to keep it secret. Hina wrapped her arm around Drake's waist and tugged Smoker into the cuddle pile, where he could pull Drake and Tashigi against him. Not for the first time and hopefully not for the last, Drake relaxed in the warm embrace of his lovers.
___________
"You’re still awake?" Hina asked, glancing over at Tashigi.
Tashigi didn’t answer for a long time, only poked at the log and tossed a couple more sticks on the fire, drawing her knees to her chest and fixing her tired eyes on the warm glow. The guys had long since dozed off, but Tashigi couldn’t get herself to sleep no matter how tired she was, so had resigned to tending the dying fire so they wouldn’t all freeze to death. Hina wouldn’t leave her alone though. The pink haired woman crawled over and hugged Tashigi from behind, kissing her cheek gently, just a soft brush of lips.
"You’re doing well with the fire."
Tashigi closed her eyes. "Thanks. I just want to make sure the cabin isn’t super cold. I don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty sure since he ate his Devilfruit, Drake is cold-blooded."
"That’s what Smoker is for. He’s cuddling Drake. You need sleep too though. Come keep Hina warm."
Tashigi dropped her head onto Hina's shoulder. "Sorry, I’m just…stressed."
"You’ll be more stressed if you don’t sleep." Yet another good point. "At least come lay down. The fire will be fine."
Tashigi sighed. "Okay, but you have to promise not to stop holding me."
Hina's ruby lips curved into a smile, and she wrapped her arms around the young woman's smaller frame. "Hina promises. Now come cuddle."
Tashigi caved. She curled up with her head against Hina's chest, the taller woman wrapping her arms around the younger girl. Being the youngest of the group, Tashigi often wondered why they had even wanted her, easily ten years younger than them, but they were all adults, and everyone here had chosen her, just as she’d chosen them, just as they'd chosen each other. Now she was laying in Rear-Admiral Hina's arms, safe and sound, warm by the fire. Stressed, but safe. Tashigi slowly breathed out and closed her eyes.
"You are warm!"
Tashigi smiled softly. "I know."
_______________
Dawn came. While Tashigi, Hina, and Smoker all slept soundly, Drake rose for the day. His gaze shifted over the three. Hina, strong and brave, Unafraid of anything. Smoker, determined and focused, knowing where his heart lie at all times. Tashigi, ambitious and a bit clumsy, in an endearing way that he would miss. As quiet as he could, Drake made his way around the room, pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads, heart aching. This was it. They would wake up and he would be gone.
"I love you." Then, shouldering his bag, Drake forced the door open now that the snow had stopped, and disappeared.
Tashigi opened her eyes, sitting up, which roused Hina. Drake was missing, and a wistful smile came across Tashigi's face. While she couldn’t condone piracy for any reason, she understood why he did it. Why he abandoned them. No. It's not abandonment if he’s doing it for us, right? Hina noticed at the same time, and roughly shook Smoker awake, worry creasing her brow. Smoker sat up…and immediately noticed Drake's absence.
"Uhhhh…where's Drake…?"
"I woke up and he was gone. His bag is gone too," Tashigi noted.
"You mean he left us here? Rude. I’ll have to have a word when we get back," Smoker grumbled.
Tashigi looped her arm through his. "He's out in that blizzard…we can’t go after him." Just buy him a little time.
"He’s Drake. He'll be okay. Chances are he'll wimp out and come back when it gets too cold."
"I doubt it. Speaking of cold…" Tashigi smiled sheepishly, shivering.
Hina grabbed her and Smoker. "Come. Hina will warm you up." She wrapped herself around the two, and they melted against her.
_____________
Drake would’ve rather been back at the cabin. He could imagine them, distressed at his absence. Maybe looking for him. Maybe curled up. Maybe crying. That hadn't been part of the plan. However, it was what it was. Tashigi knew. She’d guide them through it, and one day…assuming he survived that long, one day, Drake would be back.
For now, it was time to make a new life.