Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Yae Miko was terrifying.

This simple fact was something that the Canine General of Watatsumi Island had come to know well. It wasn’t that she was physically intimidating, nor especially hostile. In fact, she was quite gentle-mannered and always wore a serene smile. Even her baby-pink hair smelled distinctly of chamomile and sugared fruits. It’s the soap, she’d said to him. I really can’t recommend that store highly enough...you should give it a try. I know you’d like it.

The thing that made the fox-eared lady so scary was simply that she reminded Gorou of his fears. Irrational ones at that - really, they were more of insecurities - but fears nonetheless. She reminded him that he was smaller than almost anyone he knew, especially his trusted soldiers who’d grown brawny over the course of many battles. She reminded him that despite his efforts to understand those around him, he was often blunt and thick-skulled. Most of all, she reminded him that he was not as powerful and aloof as he pretended to be. He loved pastries and cakes even if they weren’t often available. He loved having his ears rubbed by close friends, though he’d never admit it. And, the cherry on top, he loved to keep his tail as soft and shiny as a masterful artist’s paintbrush.

While he wasn’t scared of these things literally, it was the implications of them that made his hair stand on end. How could he run the rebellion and protect his comrades if he was the weakest on the battlefield? The blood of the troops who’d trusted him as he led them to their needless deaths was forever on his hands.

He was glad to leave. He never wanted to try facing her ever again in his life if he could avoid it. It was stupid and he hated it, but dealing with her was more arduous than any war he’d fought. Getting away from her was like taking off tight shoes after a long day, a pure and ecstatic form of relief.

And yet, he still found himself shivering even as he retreated from the shrine. Aether, the similarly short-but-capable traveler, was leaning on Gorou’s shoulder as they both staggered away from the impromptu combat zone. The blond had easily recognized the Guuji’s true nature, despite hardly remarking on it out loud. They didn’t talk much, but the way their braid sagged like a mirror of Gorou’s tail made the pointy-eared fighter feel less alone. Gorou had learned as of late that feeling seen was one of his favorite things in the world.

Both the sun in the sky and the pit in his stomach began to sink as he realized that Aether would probably be leaving soon. They were never in one place for very long, always carrying out various missions of their own.

Today of all days, he decided he really didn’t want to be left alone.

“Hey, Aether?”

The other adventurer turned to face Gorou with an open gaze.

“If you aren’t already planning to, you should definitely stay the night here on the island.”

“Okay, sounds good,” Aether replied nonchalantly with almost unsettling speed.

True to his title as a general, Gorou had accounted for many possible outcomes in an instant before even daring to take action. This outcome had not been one of them. He stood stunned on his feet like a fish out of water.

Luckily, he hadn’t needed to account for much. The walk to the nearest inn passed in comfortable silence, save for ambient sounds of life and the gentle falling of leaves in the sunset scenery of Narukami Island.

Warm light flooded every corner of the lobby. The line to the front desk was empty since it wasn’t a special occasion and there weren’t many tourists. Had it been a holiday, however, they may not have gotten a place to stay at all.

As they sauntered toward the reception, Gorou was looking forward to putting the day to rest. His tail swung softly like a pendulum at the thought of leaving it all behind for the night. Realizing this movement a few seconds too late, he tried to stifle it before anyone saw. This was a mistake. The warm anticipation he’d had faded along with the subtle motion like sidewalk chalk in the rain, leaving him feeling stiff and awkward.

Aether noticed a small blur in his peripheral vision. As any sane person would, he then snuck a glance in his companion’s direction. He found Gorou wagging his tail, seemingly unconsciously. Aether struggled to suppress a laugh and turned his face away, failing to conceal a grin.

Cute.

In all fairness, they were right. It was very cute.

By the time he looked back, though, it had stopped. Gorou’s posture gained an air of pessimism, something Aether didn’t think he was capable of. He wondered what had happened to dull his usually abundant energy at the snap of a finger. If they were honest, they were a bit concerned.

When Gorou got to the counter he spoke clearly and politely, as expected of a leader. The transaction was completed within minutes. By all means, he seemed alright.

Aether really shouldn’t have worried. Gorou was a general. He could handle himself.

The room they’d gotten had two beds, each with linen sheets freshly washed. Simplistic paintings of mountain views adorned the walls. A sturdy wooden desk of a deep hue rested in the corner along with a small lamp that would prove useful in the night. Overall, the space had a warm and inviting energy despite its lack of personality.

“Ah...I’ve got some writing to do. Don’t mind me.” Gorou explained as he prepared sheets of paper and a container of ink on the surface of the desk. Aether merely nodded in reply, climbing into one of the beds.

Alone with the lamplight, Gorou began his work.

The writing he was doing in question was for a panel on the newspaper. Unfortunately, that newspaper was under the jurisdiction of none other than Yae Miko herself. She wasn’t directly involved in Gorou’s advice panel, but just thinking of it brought back unpleasant memories from the daytime.

His handwriting began to get sloppy. The situation he was trying to remedy seemed so distant from him. It was just letters on a page, nothing more. Gorou felt a disconnect where he usually felt empathetic towards an asker. Why was this happening? How could he call himself a helpful voice when he didn’t even care about the problem he was given?

Tired. That must’ve been it. He was just tired. It had been a long day.

He gathered up the pieces of parchment once more. The ink bottle had its cap returned to it. No work had been completed that night, though he’d tried. In all truthfulness, he was a bit upset at himself for not trying harder.

Even so, he slid the chair back from the table and stood up sluggishly. He didn’t bother replacing it before he dragged himself to the empty bed. Its softness brought him little comfort as he collapsed face-first onto it. His arms itched longingly but he decided he’d had enough of hugging his god-damned tail. Bringing his arms in close to his chest, he tried to drift off into restful oblivion.

Oblivion did not come.

He tossed and turned, wrinkling and creasing the perfect sheets. The pillow was arguably the ideal temperature on both sides and yet it still didn’t feel comfortable. Maybe it was something in the air that made him so restless. Maybe he just wasn’t tired after all.

He resolved to stop moving until he eventually passed out.

He waited quite a while.

Was it a while, actually? He didn’t check. He was too busy not moving.

Eventually, he started trying to daydream - in order to entice his brain into dreaming for real. What was he supposed to think about, though? There was too much on his mind to pick out something nice.

His brain ended up picking for him.

Just as horror started to drip into his headspace like fresh blood, he realized something.

You can’t close your eyes to the inside of your own head.

Chapter Text

Gorou was accustomed to moonless hours on patrol, prioritizing stealth over anything else, but this was something different. His heightened night vision couldn’t help him as he became engulfed in a void-like darkness even deeper than ink. Stark, starless, absolute midnight overwhelmed his sights.

He would’ve opened his eyes but they were glued shut. Erratic gasps shook his lungs as he fought to breathe. Beads of cold sweat formed all over his body, instilling a clamminess that only made him shiver harder. He wanted to run. Energy coiled in his legs and he braced to flee, but it found no release. He couldn’t move. No matter how much he wanted to, how hard his heart pounded against his ribs, how loud his throat tried to scream, he was stuck. Paralyzed by fear, Gorou was forced to watch the scenes playing out in his now-corrupted mind.

Idiot leader. There would never be enough time to take accountability for his mistakes. If there was, by some miracle, it would still never be okay. Those people would never come back from the dead. Their corpses would forever lie bent and twisted under the bloodied Earth. Their families and lovers would weep relentlessly until they, too, joined the ranks of the fallen. Gorou saw bodies pile on top of him, weighing him down until he couldn’t breathe. He saw their faces. These people he’d commanded had no light behind them anymore. The horrible picture of their pale, empty faces stuck to him no matter how tight he sealed his eyes.

Sounds of writhing screams filled the quiet room. He recognized the voices that cried out in agony. He knew them well. He’d laughed alongside them many times over meals. He’d advised them when they were unsure. But now, thanks to his orders, those voices could never laugh again. They would forever remain silent and it was his fault. The only one who could hear their suffering was him, in the hellscape his mind had become. Maybe he deserved it.

Gorou had never felt so helpless.

He was too preoccupied to notice, but it’s worth mentioning that the bodies of the dead had dissipated by this point, faded out like a mirage without leaving a trace. Did it really matter, though? After all, what’s the relief of one horror when another one is only going to follow?

Hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny spiders ran up and down his body, filling his awareness with little less than the chattering of their million tiny legs. A fist grabbed his tail and yanked at the fur. Another hand pressed down on his exposed neck. Dull claws dragged along his arms and back. Hot tears stung his eyes and burned his face, the only thing he could count on that was real. He knew nothing he was experiencing was real. He knew it so clearly and yet he couldn’t stop panicking like a child afraid of the dark.

“Little one...did you really think no one would look down on you? That no one would see you for what you are?” Yae Miko’s ghostly chuckle reverberated in his ears, heckling him. “Silly dog, silly dog.” Her voice was so familiar, so recognizable he could practically see her looming figure above where he lay. Jeering taunts echoed around him as if he was in a canyon.

Hints of a baby-pink vignette tinged his vision, the acrid smell of pressed flowers and rotting fruits filled his nose. The foreboding clunks of fortune boxes rolling around him as they fell like hail from an unknown source made him think one would fall on him. He grew even more desperate to escape this newfound torment.

Stop it

Please

Leave me alone

His pleas went unheard. No one would’ve been able to tell exactly how much sand would have fallen had there been an hourglass. That being said, it would definitely have been enough to suffocate in. If you’d asked Gorou, he would have told you it was enough to fill an entire desert. He truly felt lost, unreachable in the great expanse of what his reality had become.

A tiny weep finally escaped Gorou’s paralysis.

Choking sobs soon followed.

Curled up and hugging himself for dear life, Gorou cried like he hadn’t in a long time. Like a kid, a lost puppy caught in the thunder. His facade had finally broken and all the fears he’d been hiding from were tumbling out in an avalanche. It should have been cathartic. It wasn’t.

He flinched as a final hand took its hold on his shoulder. His jaw tightened in preparation for another wave of hallucinations.

“Gorou? Are you okay?”

Chapter Text

Aether, though they always had practically infinite energy, found it easy to drift off to sleep. The bed was clean and warm, the air was fresh, and the gentle sound of pen on parchment reminded him that he was sharing a room with someone he trusted and admired. 

It was almost funny how different that person looked when Aether woke up.

 The sleeping traveler was disturbed by a cry from the dark, a pitiful sound that was so...out of place. He almost thought he’d imagined it. It only solidified in his senses when it happened again and again in succession. A desperate chorus erupted from the other side of the moonlit room - an SOS signal.

They turned over in their bed to investigate, half stuck in denial. They didn’t want him to feel like that. Anyone else would’ve been better. Dread washed over him and his heart ran a bit colder when he discovered that it was, in fact, Gorou that had been making those sirening sounds.

Rapid yet quiet footsteps clamored across the empty floor. A bed was left vacant and disheveled as its inhabitant fled to their companion’s side.

Aether laid a careful hand on Gorou’s shoulder, watching as he shivered like a newborn deer. He rocked him back and forth as gently as a baby in a crib.

“Gorou? Are you okay?” He whispered, afraid to make the situation worse.

To Aether’s merit, they definitely did not end up making it worse.

The pressure on Gorou’s arm did not relent. Rather, the voice that came with it continued to speak in hushed tones.

“It’s me, Aether...are you awake?”

He wanted it to be real. The idea of being comforted after such an experience brought him bliss. At the same time, that very experience didn’t let him trust anything. The fear of being tricked again by his own mind hitched his breathing and kept his eyes glued shut.

A few moments passed, struggling to get air to his lungs. Like a drowning sailor in a thunderstorm, he tried to stay afloat above the churning, freezing water. His vessel had washed away from him, leaving him stranded. Hope abandoned him as he began to succumb to the icy depths that swirled in his psyche. 

Suddenly, an unhindered force swept him out of the water. Gorou’s body was heaved skywards into a pair of sturdy arms. One was gripping his torso as if it was afraid he’d run away, the other was cradling his skull against a soft and warm slab. A rhythmic beat emanated from it, going thump-thump with the speed of a sprinter’s tracks.

The storm clouds broke over Gorou’s head, cracking like old paint. His eyes creaked open and his hopes were confirmed. Above him was Aether, holding him closely and looking at him with a worried gaze.

Immediately Gorou reclosed his eyes and raised his arm to wrap around the other’s neck, returning the embrace. He was still terrified but he threw himself into the trust that this was real. All that mattered was that they were here, so it was all going to be okay. It was cheesy, sure, but it was true. Nothing could hurt him now. In their little bubble, nothing could even try.

It wasn’t the feeling of rain after a drought, seeping through your broken skin. It was close, but the beauty lies in its difference. It was holding your hands in front of a fireplace and the fire holding you too, a hot contrast to the cold outside. The flame, bright and lively, its reflection gleaming in your eye. It was familiar foods filling your starved stomach, grease and salt and sugar and fat and all things home. It was the feeling of collapsing in bed after an exhausting week and the knowledge that you didn’t have to get up for a while. A heavy feeling, dragging your eyelids downward until they droop like exhaling lungs, finally releasing. It was dragging downwards and downwards on, and yet hell must be someplace else entirely if this is what hides below the Earth. It was relief in the form of comfort.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Aether’s voice held a panicked edge as if he were praying for his words to be true.

“Y...yeah. Yeah.” Recuperating, Gorou settled himself on the mattress. He gradually leaned less and less onto Aether, whose arms kept hanging around him apprehensively.

“Nightmare?”

“...I guess so.” It hadn’t felt like a nightmare. It had been vastly different, so present and vivid...for all practical purposes, though, it essentially was a kind of nightmare. Whereas a nightmare might leave you with your mind racing, Gorou simply felt tired. The same as he had before the storm, a dull exhaust that doesn’t actually sleep. He sat there on the bed, vacant, for a moment that felt like a lifetime.

“Um...do you want to talk about it?” Aether’s question was really more of a thinly-veiled prompt.

Gorou most decidedly did not want to talk about it. He shook his head without saying a word. It was a curt response, but it was all he could muster.

“Are you going back to sleep, then?” The lack of agreement otherwise had certainly suggested so from an outside perspective.

Gorou knew he wouldn’t be able to at this rate. Even if he tried, what’s to say he wouldn’t just be barraged with living nightmares again? The threat of it all was too much to risk.

“No, not right now.”

As you can probably tell, this put Aether in quite a frustrating spot. Something was clearly wrong, and he couldn’t understand why Gorou wouldn’t open up about it. He was trying to help but he wouldn’t let him.

Then they caught themself, a little upset they’d even started to think that. Of course they understood. Some things are just too much to bear, and bringing them up in the dead of night probably isn’t the greatest idea. No wonder Gorou seemed so shaken. Aether had known he was a general, but the implications of that title had slipped his mind. It was such a heavy burden for one person to carry all alone.

Aether decided he was going to help him carry it. Gorou clearly wasn’t dandy, even if he wouldn’t admit that. If he wouldn’t ask for the help he needed, Aether would have to ask for him. They braced themself for the possibly brash proposition they were about to make.

“Can I stay up with you?”

Gorou visibly hesitated. He had no reason to reject this offer, of course, and yet the thought of making someone else comfort him was daunting. They’d already picked him up in their arms, for crying out loud. His hands still laid across his shoulders tentatively.

Mortifying as it was, he couldn’t deny that it was nice, and it was making him feel at least somewhat better. He did want Aether to stay with him - his presence alone was incredibly reassuring. 

Was it guilt that kept him from saying that one word? Not even a word, a simple ‘mhm’ would have sufficed. A nod, at the bare minimum. Maybe it was embarrassment? Whatever the case, he found himself unable to reply. A puff of air left his nose, slightly angry at himself for his inability to carry out such a basic act. He resigned to savor the touch while it remained if he couldn’t have more.

Fortunately for him, Aether was fully prepared to make one more brash move.

Aether tucked him once again against their shoulder. The hand that wasn’t now wrapped around his back drifted up towards Gorou’s head, resting its fingers in a mass of fluffy hair just behind his ear. They moved up and down rhythmically like a heartbeat.

Gorou, for lack of a better word, was quietly overjoyed.

He rotated his head to dig the bridge of his nose against Aether’s collarbone; his hands meeting at the back of Aether’s torso. The both of them began to sway slowly where they sat on the edge of the mattress.

Though neither of them were covered by a blanket, the shared heat of their bodies kept them plenty warm. A lively furnace to fight the chill of any midnight breeze; the touch was molten lava cake filling their souls with an indescribably rich sweetness. A guilty pleasure at its finest, they sat in indulgence with each other not wanting to break away. But no matter how pleasant it may be, a guilty pleasure is still guilty. Gorou knew this well.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, fighting to shove the words out of his lungs.

“Wait, why are you sorry?”

“You shouldn’t have to do this for me. It’s stupid.”

“I’m not just doing this for you,” A blush rose to their face. “I like it too. And it’s not stupid.”

To no one’s surprise, they were both now blushing. Gorou half-heartedly grumbled something about no you’re wrong but was ultimately drowned out by the sound of both their hearts beating much faster than they reasonably should have. Aether chuckled awkwardly under his breath.

“Hey, Gorou?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I. Uh. Can I pet your tail?”

Gorou tensed.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit-

Aether felt the way Gorou froze under his touch. His mind raced in fear that he’d overstepped a boundary.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit-

Then Gorou, in true disaster fashion, pressed so firmly into Aether that he fell over onto his back, the fall cushioned by the bed. His tail whipped about like a windmill.

Aether’s brain stopped for a moment after that. As anyone’s would’ve.

Once he’d properly collected himself back into working order, he began to shift underneath the other body. Turning onto their side, Gorou fell into place next to them. His head tucked securely beneath Aether’s chin, he brought his tail up between them both.

Aether’s hands stroked Gorou’s tail carefully. They grinned silently at the way it wagged slightly, even if that did make it a bit more difficult. It was nice.

‘Nice’ wasn’t a good enough word to describe how Aether was feeling, but it was technically correct. It was nice in the way that a strong gust of wind on a warm summer day is nice; like hearing the unrestrained laughter of someone you hold dear as you both lose your breath cackling. It was nice like the sunrise pink that seeps into your cheeks when you try and fail to suppress a smile. It was nice like pinky promises and honey in herbal tea.

Basking in it all, Aether closed his eyes. He let himself start to drift away slightly, cautious as to not fall asleep. He didn’t want to miss any of this, he wanted to savor every second.

Gorou couldn’t remember the last time he’d been held like this. Close and delicate, it quickly became one of his favorite things in the whole world. The way Aether’s fingers sifted through the fur of his tail was so vastly different from the pain he’d felt in his nightmare. His worries melted away from him like snow in the springtime as his consciousness started to get heavier.

He hadn’t slept yet. He was tired. He had a right to be.

Fighting to stay awake, he noticed a change in Aether. Their hands began to slow, the patterns of motion becoming more inconsistent. A sheepish smile crept into his cheeks as he watched it seem to run itself dry.

It eventually came to rest at about the same time Gorou’s eyes were finally too heavy to keep open. Both of their breathing was even and deep, unhurried and calm. A vast sky unfolded behind Gorou’s eyelids, the same dark indigo as the cloudless night outside. With bleary tears forming in their corners, he let out a small yawn.

His hand drifted towards Aether’s where it slept on his tail. He gently placed it atop the other at a snail’s pace to not wake him. The curves fit perfectly together, no adjustment needed.

The moon smiled at them from overhead, and the breeze blew a bit softer. All of Narukami Island was overcome with a sense of familiarity, of home.

“Thank you, Aether.”