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Stargazing Secrets
The grass tickled the back of Alizeh’s neck as she lay nestled among some of the longer strands. Her eyes were trained on the sky, more specifically the stars twinkling overhead, but her hearing was still very much trained on her surroundings. Stargazing out here was a normal occurrence, and she was yet to run into trouble, but this was still LA and she knew she still had to be alert. At the sound of a slight rustle, she allowed her eyes to stray but they returned to the sky when she spotted the familiar lanky frame of her best friend.
A couple of minutes later, Shane dropped into the grass beside her and flopped onto his back. “Hey Buckaroo.”
She had to smile at the nickname. When she had first met Shane he had made a quip, ‘rock n roll Buckaroo’, and for some reason which was still unbeknown to her, she had been unable to stop the giggles that had escaped. Since then he had affectionately used the nickname when talking to her. “Hey, what brings you out here?”
He shrugged, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know, I just kinda like it out here.”
Alizeh had shown him the spot a couple of weeks ago after he had complained that Los Angeles was too busy and chaotic. He was certain that no matter how long he lived there, he would never quite adjust to the high levels of traffic and noise, the stark contrast to the village he had grown up in. He had been amazed at the hidden gem she had uncovered, a large open space with clear skies and peaceful silence.
When Alizeh remained silent, he quietly told her, “I can leave if you’re looking for some alone time.”
“You’re welcome to stay, I didn’t come out here for anything in particular. I just like it out here too.” She twisted her neck to offer him a small smile before looking back up and tracing the constellations.
They lay in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, until Shane voiced the thought, “The view is really pretty out here.”
She hummed in agreement. “Yeah, it is. The sunset is beautiful.”
“How about the sunrise?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never watched it.”
They again lapsed into silence. That was one of the things Shane loved about their friendship, even the silences were comfortable. He was a pretty socially awkward person at the best of times, more shy and timid than his on-screen BuzzFeed persona implied, but with Alizeh it had always been easy.
He wasn't sure how long they lay like that, but eventually Alizeh softly spoke again. "I used to come out here to escape for a little bit."
"Escape what?" He twisted his neck so that he could look at her with a raised eyebrow.
She didn't turn to look at him, eyes still trained on the stars. "Life."
He wanted to ask her what she was talking about but something in the sad tint of her usually chipper voice stopped him. Instead he quietly waited for her to elaborate.
"I dated a guy when I first moved to LA, Jason. He was a bad boy, and at the time I guess I thought that's what I was into. He was pretty cool when we first got together, he rode a motorcycle, he took me to dive bars and he was pretty good in bed." Shane chuckled beside her before he could stop himself. If she minded, she kept it to herself as she continued, "One day things changed, I don't really know why, but he was more distant and less interested. I mean, he was never really romantic, but he used to take an interest in how my day had been, what I'd done...that kinda stuff. He uh, he kinda stopped listening, started going out more and coming home late. A few times he didn't come home at all."
She fell silent long enough for Shane to unconsciously mumble, "Fuck him." Realising he had voiced that out loud, he sheepishly added, "Sorry."
He guessed she had missed the quip, either that or she purposely chose to ignore it. "I knew he was cheating on me, but I refused to believe it. I was lonely in LA, I didn't really have any friends and if he left me..." She trailed off, clearly trying to keep check of her emotions.
Shane, who found feelings in general to be particularly difficult, did the only thing he could think of to comfort her, he wordlessly held out his hand, palm facing up, and waited. A moment later, she placed her palm atop his and he laced their fingers together, his long, slender fingers tangling with her equally slender but much shorter digits.
After another minute of gathering her thoughts, she continued, "I used to come out here to think, to really asses the choices I'd made. Moving to LA was one of the scariest things I did, even now I still get homesick."
He wanted to sympathise and tell her he did too, that moving to LA had been the single hardest thing he had ever done in his life, but at the same time he didn't want to interrupt and risk her not finishing her story.
"Eventually I decided that I couldn't pretend any more, I couldn't look past what he was doing, and I left. When we got together I fell pretty fast and really hard, I'd moved in with him and suddenly I had nowhere to go. I found a really shit but affordable apartment, got myself a steady job, even though it was as far removed from what I wanted to do as physically possible, and did everything I could to forget about him. I know now that it wasn't love, it was dependency, and I'll never make that mistake again. I wasted months of my life wondering why I wasn't good enough, trying to change myself so maybe he'd stay home, and I promised when I walked away that I wouldn't turn into that person again."
Shane squeezed her fingers just enough to let her know he was there for her if there was anything else she wanted to get off her chest.
This time she squeezed back and twisted her neck to offer him a sincere smile. "Then I met you and Ryan, and suddenly LA didn't seem as lonely any more."
"I'm glad."
"That LA doesn't seem as lonely any more?" She quirked an eyebrow, and Shane knew there was so much more to that question than met the eye.
"Well yeah, obviously, but I meant I'm glad we met." His dark eyes sparkled as the moonlight reflected off them.
"Me too."
Making himself more comfortable by folding his free arm and resting his head on his wrist, he looked back up at the sky and asked, "Do you know any of the constellations?"
"Yeah, do you?" She too returned her attention to the previous task of stargazing, feeling much lighter and brighter than she had earlier that evening.
"A few." He paused for a moment, trying to decide whether to open up in a rare display of vulnerability, and when Alizeh squeezed his fingers again, as if sensing his internal debate, he decided to take a leap of faith. "I know what it feels like, moving to a strange city where you don't know anyone and constantly feel homesick. Moving to LA was the hardest thing I've ever done, and until I met Ryan I considered changing my mind and moving back home. My brother lives out here, but we aren't really all that close, and I felt pretty lonely and a little bit scared too. If you ever feel lost, or if you just want someone to have a chitter chatter with, you know you're always welcome to come over to my place."
"Thank you, you're always welcome to come to my place too. I've moved into a less shitty apartment since my break up with Jason." She chuckled and allowed herself to discreetly shuffle a little closer. "I uh, I can't imagine you being scared of anything."
"You'd be surprised. I'm not scared of ghosts, because they aren't real, but there's plenty of things I'm scared of. With you and Ryan around, I think I'll be okay though."
"I'm real grateful you accepted me into your little group."
"I know I speak for both us when I say we're real happy you wanted to join our group."
"Are you working tomorrow?"
"No."
"Want to stay up and watch the sunrise?"
"Can we go for breakfast later?"
"Sure thing."
"You're on."
"So, do you believe in aliens?"
He laughed, the moment truly broken as he rolled his eyes and dramatically begged, "Aww come on, don't go getting all Boogara on me."
"What can I say, when I look up at that sky I just wait for signs of little green men."
"Yeah well, you'll have a long wait. If there is alien life, which there may well be, it ain't 'little green men'."
"We'll see Shane-o Madejo."
Once Shane's giggles subsided, an affectionate smile still playing on his lips at the nickname only she used, he softly told her, "I'm really glad you moved to LA."
Squeezing his fingers in a silent promise that she was in this for the long haul, she whispered back, "Me too."