Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dante woke himself up with a snort. He'd broken the one rule about concussion, not to fall asleep. Still, for what it was worth, he felt miles better. A belly laugh from below also told him that Alastor was still in the land of the living.

'Woozy! You ok buddy?!'

'Other than the near-death experience yeah, what the hell was with that guy Dante?! less bug in the system and more fighting your shadow!'.

Dante twitched at Alastor's forgivable ignorance. This descent into hell was trying to play on his fears but that, that was TOO real. He had to know. He pulled himself to his feet, shuffling towards the edge of the rampart.

'Ver......He can't have gone far' Dante breathed a sigh of relief seeing Alastor hadn't noticed his slip up; shit that had been close. He hopped down into the courtyard the blade had landed in. The large glass skylight in the center told him that, architecturally, they must be above the atrium with the statues. 'If we hurry, we can catch him before he disappears back into the Rottenpockets. At least for now Woozy, even though we are in hell, I don't think it can get any wor-'

THWACK!

'OH COME ON!'

Dante looked down at the molten stake firmly implanted in his ribs.

'Aaaaaaahahahah there you are fleshling'

Dante rolled his eyes at a familiar silky voice. He stared up into Phantom's blind face, the eye sockets were still oozing. The creature had struck him with its stinger as he'd turned back from picking up Alastor. The sensation was tingly but much less severe than a bite from these creatures. In Dante's own words 'The bite hurts like hell'.

'You aint allowed to do that' He smirked, pointing a finger at Phantom 'That's Woozy's job!'

'Yeah and I'm damn good at it! piss off Shelob! go stab somebody else! this spot's taken!'

'ALASTOR! LANGUAGE!'

'SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU' Phantom's voice cracked, clearly on at the end of his tether. He waggled a limb at the impaled Dante. 'Recess time is over boy! Here there's plenty of room to get REEEEEAL NASTY!' He gloated, clearly pleased with himself.

'Ya think so Incy Wincy?' Dante raised an eyebrow, before bursting into one of his overdramatics. 'THANK GOD FOR THAT! Cause I gotta admit, I was getting bored shitless with these childish games!'

He bit down hard on the stinger. Phantom roared and tried to shake him loose, but Dante was clamped on with a bite power way above anything a human could do like a dog on a chew toy much to Alastor's amusement. The stinger began to splinter noisily under the pressure of his bite. Still attached, Dante death rolled, snapping to limb like a tree trunk.
Phantom roared in agony. He pulled the stinger from his chest as easily as if he'd been sewing.

'Now' Dante circled the spider, sucking the warm marrow from the limb. 'Is this nasty enough for you? Cause you certainly taste better than you look’.

'FLESHLING!!!!'

Phantom did its stomping dance routine; Dante mimicked, amused by the tantrum. 'YOU FORGET! I may be blind, but I can still SMELL YOU!'

'Or can you?’

Dante mentally questioned Phantom’s claim. His species was well known for having an acute sense of smell, and the hearing on these things wasn’t too bad either, but Dante's coat was still soaked in Phantom's blood! surely he couldn't smell him! Dante grinned. 'Woozy, go dark..... we're going to have some fun with this spider before we squash it'.

'WHERE ARE YOU FLESHLING!?' Phantom Screamed. His had gone silent, clearly calling Phantom's bluff about scent, Clearly, Dante was smarter than the bravado and the stupid dress sense he gave off. However, there were patches of his scent.

'HA!' Phantom struck with one of its legs, launching Ivory into the air.

'You better not have broken that Incy Wincy'.

'WHAT?!'

Phantom spun round, lashing out again with another leg, this time striking Ebony.

‘CAN WE NOT ABUSE MY CHILDREN PLEASE!!! you’ll make me cry'

He wheeled round enraged by the taunts, the skylight was straining under his weight.

'No more hiding flesssssshling'

'Fine by me!'

Dante launched himself at Phantom from the edge of the courtyard. He had discarded Ebony and Ivory knowing they smelt of him, using them as bait to get Phantom over the glass. He threw himself into a powerslide, passing under Phantom and slashing out with Alastor and a smaller sharper blade he always carried on his person.

'Now, its just a simple matter of gravity Woozy'.

Phantom's wounded legs couldn't support his weight and he collapsed. The skylight couldn't take it either, and he fell through with a panicked roar. Dante calmly collected his firearms, approaching the skylight as the roars turned to screams. He peered over the edge to find Phantom firmly impaled on the Geyron statue. The spider was struggling to free himself, but its weight was just pushing his body further and further onto the statue.

'FLESSSSSHLING!!!! WHAT ARE YOU FLESSSSSHLING!/ YOU ARE NO ORDINARY HUMAN!....WAIT!'

Phantom sniffed, then recoiled in fear at the scent.

'The legendary Sparda...IT CANNOT BE!? YOUUU!?'

'You're half right Incy Wincy' Dante was still chewing on its stinger. 'I'm his son, Dante'. He blew Phantom a kiss as his body turned to ash.

'Sweet dreams'.

Unknown to Dante, Trish, was watching this entire scene unfold from the atrium. She waited until Dante and that cocky devil arm were out of sight, but most importantly, earshot.

'He's defeated the Phantom. He's an idiot and yet....such strength, such......power!'. She frowned. 'This is going to be a bit more difficult than I thought.

Chapter Text

'Awwwww crap!'

Dante facepalmed and sighed. They'd left the castle and now stood on an overlook, beyond which, were visible....

'Gardens?! In hell?! I guess Mundus has a kink for topiary' Alastor chuckled.

'He's not Woozy' Dante sighed, pointing to the arch at the end of the overlook. 'You see the text? Canto XXV, It's a reference. We're further down now, in the circles of Malice. Circle 7 to be precise. This is the domain of Ladon, the patron of thieves'. He cracked his knuckles. 'Acheron is on the other side, provided we don't get caught'.

'Get caught? by who Dante? is this guy overly protective of his roses?'

'Woozy....use those two brain cells of yours and start a fire. what happens to thieves in hell?'.

'Oh that's easy chief! they turn into reptiles an-....oh......OH'. Dante smirked as Alastor cursed under his breath in a series of buzzes.

'Blades........Shit'.

They descended from the overlook and into the grounds. For a garden of hell there was something evil and intoxicating yet, there was also something soothing about the place. Alastor was buzzing with questions.

'So what's the deal with this Ladon guy Dante? You seem flustered. Did you get frisky with one of his pet blades?'.

'Woozy your imagination I can never decide is a blessing or a curse' Dante laughed. 'I've been drunk, I've been horny, but I've never once looked at a demonic reptile and thought, you know what? I'll give it a go, its on the bucket list'.

'Now now Chief there's no need to be sarcastic'.

'Besides, Ladon isn't exactly......humanoid, lets just say'. He continued. 'He's a dragon'.

'A DRAGON! AW HELL NO DANTE I'M NOT FIGHTING A DRAGON!'.

'Keep your voice down Woozy and we won't have to' Dante hissed. 'Two dragon brothers doggy watch the coffers of the underworld. Ladon, protects the Qilphoth fruit, the apples of hell, that grow from a single tree in this circle. His sibling, Ifrit, guards the terrace of Avarice'.

'Ifrit?' Alastor buzzed and Dante pictured the devil arm's eyes widening like pizza bases. 'I know that name! Ifrit. He is an OLD ASS wyrm! Rumor has it he could've ruled the underworld. They say he's supposed to be really intelligent'.

'Indeed' Dante's voice was distant. Two demonic brothers? At opposite ends of the spectrum? He knew that song too well but Alastor's fawning over a demon the blade clearly considered a role model made him smile.

'Just don't touch anything here Woozy. If Ladon thinks we're stealing his stuff, every Blade, Fury, Riot, and Chaos will be upon us. He's the one they should have put in charge of Avarice'.

They eventually arrived at an enclosed orchard at what had to be the furthest tip of the circle. In the center grew a single gnarled tree. Its fruit, if it could be called that, resembled a freaky cross between Chinese lanterns and beating hearts. 'Is that?' Alastor sounded disgusted as we watched the 'fruit' beat, oozing as they did so.

'The Qilphoth yeah' Dante grimaced too. He couldn't fathom how demons found such things so....appealing. He didn't even want to start thinking about how they'd taste. 'Remember what I said Woozy, Look, don't touch. Chances are Ladon's watching us now, he won't wanna leave his power fruit unguar-'

'Dante look! 2 o'clock!'.

He looked. The black angel was in the shadow of the tree, fixated on the fruit. 'It's now or never Woozy' He whispered 'If he eats that shit, we won't be able to stop him. This is our only chance!' He slammed Alastor into the turf, making enough of a noise to get the angel's attention. Dante stepped forward.

‘What are you doing idiot?! you really have a death wish?!’ Alastor protested.

Please Woozy’ Dante’s voice was calm, quiet, no bravado, no ego. ‘I know it's crazy but...I want to try something, I.....I NEED to know'.

‘Pffft, your funeral, but you owe me some answers afterward Dante!’ Alastor scoffed.

'You won't be needed that' Dante gestured to the Angel's black blade. 'I just wanna talk big guy'. The demon said nothing, remaining motionless. Dante realized he was going to have to take the lead on this one. Alastor continued his muffled protest.

'A man of guts and honor, I like you. but there's more to you than this, something I can't quite put my finger on' They were face to face now. 'Just because I don't remember who you are doesn't mean I don't KNOW, who you are'. Dante was looking for something, anything, a synapse to fire. He gulped as he forced the word he was looking for from his lips.

‘B…. brother?'

Dante doubled over as the greatsword was rammed into his chest. Blood poured from his mouth, staining his teeth, as a familiar yet twisted voice rasped in his ear.

' you lack.......motivation'.

Dante death rattled at the word, the color drained from his face, almost as fast as the blood that was pouring from his jaws. He knew only ONE individual for who that word was part of their default vocabulary.

'The one time…… I was hoping....I was gonna be wrong'.

The Black Angel casually sidestepped him as Dante fell forward. His erratic heartbeats made his body twitch violently on the ground. He was still aware of the demon's presence, and of Alastor rushing to his side screaming.

' YOU BASTARD! DANTE! DANTE COME ON! GET UP! PLEASE GET UP! GET....NO GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME CREEP! PUT ME DOWN! DAAAANTEEE!'