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Shuichi pressed his key into the golden doorknob of his spacious apartment, feeling a sense of dread as he unlocked it and stepped forwards, entering the dimly lit space.
His amber eyes analyzed and scanned the empty, lifeless apartment.
It seemed strange how quiet it seemed. How once an apartment full of life, was now reduced to a shell. A distant memory Shuichi desperately tried to hold onto as his fingers started to slowly slip from the grasp.
“Shuichi!” Kokichi cooed as he emerged to greet the detective who had just arrived home. “My beloved detective, you were so busy with work, I felt totally ignored! So, to help me vent my frustrations I set Kiibo’s socks on fire!” Kokichi had a wicked grin on his face as he stared at the less than amused Shuichi.
“Or was that a lie...?” Kokichi shrugged as his mischievous grin stayed glued to his face as he awaited the taller man’s reaction.
“Kokichi, please tell me you did not actually do that.” Shuichi with a slight frown on his face, shut the door behind him and took off his coat. Soon, smaller arms had wrapped around his waist. He could not help himself as he gave the smaller man below a small smile.
“You’re no fun, you know...” Kokichi glanced at him, a small pout had formed on his face. Sometimes Shuichi wondered how Kokichi, an adult man old enough to marry and pay taxes was just as childish and immature as when they were teenagers. “I obviously didn’t set Kiibo’s socks on fire! Miu would kill me anyways if I messed with her stupid boyfriend.”
Shuichi wrapped his arms around Kokichi, holding him close, not wanting to let go of the smaller male.
“But I wasn’t lying about the first part...” Kokichi murmured softly, with a blank stare upon his face. Shuichi knew that stare. That stare of when Kokichi was just being honest, not covering up his words with lies and mischief.
“I know, my love,” Shuichi said as he buried his face on the crook of Kokichi’s neck. He felt his warmth and inhaled his scent. To Shuichi this was pure bliss. "I'm almost done with the case. I will wrap it up quick, this case isn’t a challenge.”
Kokichi peered curiously at Shuichi. He spent a couple of minutes in silence as if he were absorbing Shuichi’s words, cutting, and analyzing them. “Do you promise?”
“I promise,” Shuichi said planting a kiss on Kokichi’s forehead.
Kokichi gave him one of his iconic wide, silly grins. He tackled Shuichi with much force which caused them to fall on the floor.
“Now, you must pinky swear! If you break the promise, I might just have to kill you!” Kokichi said, his smiling face instantly transformed into a serious, cold one that did not match his tone.
Shuichi glanced at Kokichi’s outstretched pinky that was in front of his face. He understood that Kokichi was just teasing him, this was just his childish way of saying, “Please don’t break my trust.”
Shuichi gave him a shy smile and intertwined their pinkies. “I promise Kokichi, you won’t have to kill me.”
Kokichi’s face went blank, and Shuichi could see a faint blush spread on his cheeks. He turned to Shuichi, and he gave him a smile. A smile that was not filled with mischief or hidden meanings.
A true genuine smile.
One that was rare, one that Shuichi believed Kokichi only showed him.
Shuichi could not help the intrusive thoughts that entered his brain. The date marked on his calendar was today.
Today.
He had even set up visiting a local florist, to mark the occasion. Shuichi could not help but smile at the recollection of when Kokichi was trying to show his affection towards him. They were both shy when it came to love, dancing around their feelings.
Shuichi had arrived for his last period in high school and found a bouquet of beautiful varieties of colored flowers on top of his desk.
He remembered when he found a bouquet of flowers on top of his desk at the end of the day, with his best friend, Kaede, giving him a grin and telling him he should find out the meaning of the flowers.
He had rushed to the library and found a book about flower languages. White camellias meant “you are adorable,” blue salvias meant “I think of you,” white clovers meant “think of me,” gardenias meant “you’re lovely, secret love,” hydrangeas “thank you for understanding,” an iris for “trust,” and a red rose for “I love you.”
Shuichi pondered hard at who would give him such lovely flowers, but who would also confess.
Well. Even though Shuichi was a detective, he was oblivious when it came to love.
Kokichi and Kaede always laughed at him for not being able to guess that Kokichi, who everyone knew had the biggest crush on Shuichi except Shuichi himself, was the one that gave the flowers to the soon-to-be-detective.
He blamed himself for the thoughts, but more so he blamed himself for not taking his anxiety medications.
A low chuckle escaped his lips as Shuichi thought of the irony of it all.
Kokichi Ouma. A prankster, a trickster, and the man he loved.
Kokichi always declared he was “evil,” but Shuichi knew that could not be even further from the truth. Even when they were just friends Kokichi had helped him, encouraged him. He gently nudged him along, and never tried to push too hard in things that might make him uncomfortable. Due to all the support, Shuichi’s mental health began to improve. His doctor noticed it too and told him he could be off his medication.
Now he was back at square one. He had to taste the bitter pills all over again.
Shuichi had once felt as if he were on top of the world, as if he had it all. As if Kokichi and him were both kings ruling the world together. He had things people only dream of, a wonderful well-paying job, a happy marriage, and surrounded by supportive friends.
Out of the corner of his eye, he had noticed an object. Turning his head towards the unknown article, he felt his blood run cold.
A dice. Not just any dice, Kokichi’s dice.
It was hard not to soften when he thought of his Kokichi. He was a year younger than him, shorter in height, plum hair with matching deep purple eyes with the final addition of beautiful pale skin. His lips were surprisingly soft, with just a hint of chapness to it. His voice was angelic, and Shuichi wish he could listen to it forever.
Kokichi had also been a leader of prank group named “D.I.C.E,” which matched his mischievous nature. As they grew older, they had to disband. They were maturing, looking to settle down.
Kokichi still held D.I.C.E near to his heart, and often texted and video-called the members. All the members were orphans themselves so D.I.C.E was the only family they had.
He had obviously missed them and reminisced about the old times. He had filled the apartment with many dice themed items.
Shuichi knew that Kokichi’s love for dice was not only because of the D.I.C.E members, but rather because of the power dice held.
Chance.
“You can work so hard all your life, but in the end it all falls to chance. What is the chance you get promoted over your employee? What is the chance you get recognized? What’s the chance you leave the house and come back alive?” Shuichi remembered Kokichi’s dark words.
They were always with him now.
Ever since...
Chance. Stupid, stupid chance.
Chance was the force that took Kokichi away.
Kokichi... he had struggled a lot.
He had trust issues; he hid behind lies. Not terrible lies, it was like an addiction. He lied about trivial things he did not need to. Being a detective, Shuichi was able to point some of them out. He found the smaller man interesting, a charming quality to him.
Shuichi thought his husband was happy.
He thought he was enough for him.
He thought he was enough for Kokichi.
Kokichi had a mask, he over exaggerated his behaviour so no one could truly know what he felt.
If Kokichi felt like crying, he would put on his over dramatic cry which fooled everyone to think he was faking it.
Kokichi hated being vulnerable.
But Kokichi felt comfortable around Shuichi.
Kokichi let him know little things about him, Shuichi slowly began to realize and pick apart the lies.
Shuichi found him interesting. Like a puzzle.
And Kokichi found him interesting too. He wondered what the detective would be able to find out, like clues to a hidden treasure.
True opposites, Kokichi's loud, childish nature contrasting Shuichi's quiet, shy nature. But they were united, an invisible bond tied them together.
Shuichi thought he understood Kokichi more than ever.
He was so wrong.
Maybe if he vented less to Kokichi. If Shuichi paid more attention, worked less, would it all change? If Shuichi had asked, “how are you doing?” more often, would the chance change?
But it was impossible to change things now.
Shuichi brought his hands to his face, trying to desperately hide behind them. He held the dice firmly, as if it were the last trace of Kokichi.
In a way it was.
Choked sobs escaped Shuichi's lips as he just stared at the stupid dice.
He missed him so much.
He wished he could have helped Kokichi as much as Kokichi had helped him.
Pulling himself together, as best as he could, he put on his coat and grabbed his keys. He had arrived at the florist, grabbing the bouquet he had ordered for Kokichi.
Pushing back the old memories of the bouquet Kokichi had given him, he got into his car and drove to his destination.
Once arrived at the spot, he looked down at the bouquet. He had gotten for Kokichi yellow tulips “sunshine in your smile,” since Kokichi’s grins were iconic to his person and they always lit up Shuichi’s day, calla lilies “beauty,” Kokichi was the most beautiful person he ever laid eyes on, white myrtle “love in marriage,” he knew Kokichi had loved him, and Shuichi returned that love in full, red chrysanthemums “I love you,” he loved Kokichi so much and will always, heliotropes “eternal love, devotion,” Shuichi would always stay be Kokichi’s side, no matter what, forget-me-nots “true love, do not forget me,” he would never leave Kokichi, especially since he knew the boy’s fear of being abandoned, pink carnations “I will never forget you” as if he were to reassure him and comfort him, and sweet peas “blissful pleasures, good-byes, thank you for a lovely time.”
Shuichi kneeled and placed the flowers down on the earth as his amber eyes stared at the harden stone that bore his beloved’s name.
“I love you. I miss you so much, Kokichi."