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One in Front of the Other
Buck had handed back the phone he had used to call Maddie and now he was trying to think what he needed to do next. He looked up as he heard Eddie call his name. He couldn’t think, he could even move. He shook himself, he needed to tell Eddie, he knew that, but that didn’t stop the fact that even saying those words were going to hurt. Was going to hurt Eddie so much. Christopher was Eddie’s world after all. And he was Buck’s.
“Where’s Christopher?” Eddie asked him.
“Eddie,” Buck said, trying to get Eddie to stop talking, he needed him to stop, he needed him to be quiet so he could speak and tell him. “We… We were at the pier. I… I had him, I did Eddie, I really did,” he said, voice breaking as he took hold of Christopher’s glasses that were hanging around his neck. “I had him and then I lost him. I lost him, Eddie.”
“Buck,” Eddie’s voice stuttered, cracking as he tried to keep his emotions in check. His eyes filled with tears as he was starting to realize what Buck was trying to tell him. The man was telling him about how they had been on the pier, they had been having fun and then the wave hit. How he tried to keep hold of him. Eddie was barely taking it in, all he could think of was his son.
“I lost him, but I’m going… I’m going back out. I needed to come here and check. But I’m going to find him. I promise Eddie. I promise, I will find him,” he said standing up as straight as he could as he took off the glasses. “I promise,” he repeated once more.
Eddie didn’t speak another word, his world was blurry and it was bleak. He felt like the sun had left his world dark and cold. He didn’t notice when his son’s glasses were shoved into his hands. Or even when Buck walked away from him, going to carry out his promise of going to find Christopher. Eddie tried to blink away the tears, but it didn’t work. He raised a hand to wipe them away, only to find Christopher’s glasses in his hands. He stared at them before he collapsed to his knees, a wailing cry breaking free.
“Eddie!” Bobby yelled as those he had brought in were now being seen too. Hen and Chimney rushed over.
“What’s wrong?” Hen asked, her voice gentle as she then spotted the glasses in his hands. “Eddie,” she called to him again, getting to her knees and putting an arm around him.
“Chris… he was at the pier with Buck,” Eddie finally gasped out. His world was gone, he let himself lean against Hen, he no longer cared.
“They were…” Bobby’s eyes went wide.
“Buck, he…” Eddie couldn’t continue. He shook himself, “I need. I need to find him, I need to find Chris,” he said as he pulled the broken bits of himself back together. He needed to find Chris, he needed to know for sure. And he wouldn’t… he couldn’t let it go until he held Christopher in his arms, one way or another.
“You’re in no-“
“I’m going Bobby, my son is out there,” Eddie said, finally wiping away the tears and glancing around, “Where’s Buck?” he frowned.
The three looked at each other, “We haven’t seen Buck,” Bobby said carefully.
“Buck, he was… with Chris, at the pier. He-“ Eddie stopped, trying to remember what Buck had been telling him. “He went back out,” he said, “he went back out to find Chris.”
“Okay, I think we’re going back out,” Hen said, getting nods from the other two.
“I’ll call Athena, and we’ll all go out to look for Chris and for Buck,” Bobby said, putting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder as he began to stand.
No one wanted to say anything about the possibility that Christopher wouldn’t be found.
XxXxX
Buck had to concentrate as he put one foot in front of the other. Calling for Christopher as he walked. He needed to find him, he promised Eddie he would and he would. He had to. He didn’t want to be in a world without Christopher. The kid meant so much to Buck. He carried on, one foot in front of the other and Christopher's name being shouted until his voice was hoarse, but he carried on.
XxXxX
The first rays of sunlight was starting to peek over the horizon and there was still no sign of Christopher or Buck. Those of the 118 and Athena were still searching for the two. Not stopping, even when they had been told to go home, to rest. But not one of them wanted to. Two of their own were out there, and none wanted to stop until Christopher and Buck were found. Maddie had turned up at the VA and volunteered to help. Mainly staying there in case the two were brought in.
Those of the 118 was ready to drop, but none dared to stop. As they walked tirelessly through the devastation of Santa Monica, they helped where they could, tagging and sending the locations of those they couldn’t. The sun was high in the sky when their radios crackled to life. Over twenty-four hours away and on scene. Ready to drop but sheer determination kept them going.
“Call out for Captain Nash of the 118,” came the voice of a dispatcher.
“This is Captain Nash,” Bobby said, hand on his radio, his voice was tired.
“It’s Josh,” he said, “We received word from Cedars. A young boy and man were brought in recently, matching the description of who you are looking for,” he told him. He stopped speaking for a few moments as someone could be heard talking in the background. “Confirm that it is Christopher Diaz and Evan Buckley that have been found. Christopher is awake and said that his dad was Eddie Diaz and worked at the 118. The male is unconscious, but Christopher said he’s Buck,” he said, his words were slightly rushed. He had been able to have some sleep only to return to dispatch some hours later and find out that Maddie had gone down to the old VA to help, as her brother and Christopher were missing.
“Thank you,” Bobby said, almost falling to the floor in relief. Athena was beside him as soon as he wobbled on his feet.
“Bobby?” she called out as she reached him, her hands steadying him.
“They found them,” he answered her, “Eddie,” he looked around, trying to find the man. He was further away, unable to hear the good news.
“Eddie!” Athena called out to him.
Eddie turned to look at them, his eyes were red-rimmed and his face stained with tears. Christopher’s glasses around his neck, In the same place they had been for Buck the day before. He looked lost and devastated as he slowly walked over to them, stumbling slightly over some debris that he didn’t notice.
“Eddie,” Bobby said, hands on the man’s shoulders as soon as he got close enough, “They found them. Christopher and Buck have been found. Christopher-“ he stopped as Eddie started crying and Bobby knew that the man was thinking the worst. “They are alive. Christopher was able to tell the people at Cedars that his dad worked for the 118 and was Eddie Diaz.”
“Captain Nash, the 133 are heading your way to come and grab you. Captain Mehta is going to be meeting you all and you all either home or to Cedars, it’s your choice on what you do,” Josh said over the radio.
“Thank you,” Athena was the one to reach up and speak as Eddie had collapsed against Bobby, shaking as he asked how Christopher was.
It was almost ten minutes later that a couple of trucks were pulling up near them. Captain Mehta jumped out, “Nash,” he greeted the other man.
“Mehta, good to see you,” Bobby nodded at the man, no one could really dredge up a smile as the A-shift of the 118 were gathered and got in the trucks. A few of them fell asleep as they were driven from Santa Monica.
XxXxX
Every single member of the 118 stayed at the hospital as they waited for news. Eddie had got with Athena to the reception and asked about his son. Walking along the corridors and trying his best not to break out into a run to call for Christopher, Eddie just wanted to gold his son and never let him go again. He was taken to one of the singular rooms in one of the adult wards. They were full to bursting with the more serious cases from the Pier being taken there. Each hospital that was close to Santa Monica was having the same trouble. The less serious ones were all being rerouted somewhere else.
“Daddy!” came the yell from the bed.
Eddie rushed over gathering Christopher in his arms as the eight-year-old started to try and get to him. “How… how is he?” he asked as a doctor walked in a few moments later.
“He’s doing well, dehydrated and a little hungry. Exhausted as well, which we’re seeing a lot of. So no surprise there. He has superficial cuts and a sprain on his ankle. But other than that, he will be just fine. The IV is fluids and antibiotics. He’s been given a mild pain reliever at the moment. But he should be good to go home as soon as the IV is done,” the doctor said.
“Daddy, they won’t let me see Bucky, I want to see Bucky dad,” Christopher said, beginning to cry as he clung to his father.
“Evan Buckley, he… he…” Eddie said, unsure if he even had a right to ask.
“The young man that came in with Christopher?” the doctor asked. “We’ve not been able to formally identify him at all. Though he says that it’s Buck or Bucky.”
“I can identify him,” Athena said from where she had stood back as father and son reunited, “And if it is, please see about putting those two together. I think Chris here would be grateful,” she said.
“I will see what I can do, we’re being pushed to our limit,” the doctor said.
“I know, we all do. We’ve been on scene for over twenty hours,” Athena told him, “You don’t have to tell us about being pushed beyond limits. We are all,” she reminded him.
The doctor nodded, “Come with me,” he told her.
“You stay here,” she told the two, “I’ll go and see what I can do,” she said, reaching out and squeezing Eddie's shoulder. She could see that he was torn, he wanted to stay with his son, but he also needed to know how Buck was doing.
“Thank you,” Eddie nodded, sitting on the bed now with Christopher on his lap.
Athena followed the doctor out of the room, closing the door, “Do keep them together. While they haven’t admitted anything, I know Eddie there, and Buck, care about each other deeply. And Christopher is their world.”
“As I said, I will see what we can do, at the moment the young man is in ICU,” he told her as he started to lead the way.
Athena paused, “ICU?” she asked, staring at him.
“He’s lost a lot of blood, and I do mean a very significant amount. Enough that if they had waited any longer for him to get here, there would have been nothing that we could have done. As it is, his body was beginning to shut down. He was conscious until he was found, and it is a miracle that he was from what I’ve seen. He is having a little bit of trouble with his breathing, not enough to incubate but worrying enough that we are keeping an eye on it. We’re seeing that a lot with victims of the Tsunami, they have breathed in a little water. He also has a very high temperature, we’re trying to keep it down,” he answered her, “We’re treating him for Sepsis, several of his wounds are infected. We’re doing all we can at the moment,” he finished.
Athena sent up a prayer, “Please don’t take that boy away from us,” she said. She knew that it would be Buck, if Christopher had said so, it was true.
The doctor stopped outside one of the side rooms in the ICU ward, “We’ve put him in his own room for now. We didn’t know if we should have brought young Christopher down here with him in this condition. Which is why he is the next ward.”
Athena nodded as the door opened. “Oh Buck,” she murmured as she slowly went over to the bed. He was flushed with fever, though the rest of him was so pale. Cuts littered his face and his arm was bandaged heavily. “He is Evan Buckley. He’s on blood thinners at the moment, I don’t, I don’t know how it will help or hinder. He had some clots in his leg.”
“Thank you, we’ll have someone come in and check for any more. Make sure that isn’t an issue at the moment and we’ll keep an eye on the situation,” he nodded, “we can send off for his medical records now that we know who he is. I’ll let you be with him for a moment. We’ll contact his emergency contacts now that we know.”
“You won’t have to go far, Eddie Diaz is one of them, the other is my husband and they are in the waiting room. Along with the rest of his crew. We’ve been looking for them as soon as we heard they had been on the pier,” she said as she saw the ice packs around him. “Ice?” she asked, looking at the man in the doorway.
“We’re using what we can, his temperature keeps going up dramatically. We use ice to help us bring it down to a more manageable level. We… I’m sorry to say, but we might be fighting a losing battle if we can’t get his temperature down. He’s being given blood for what he has lost, but his body is recovering from a trauma and with a very high fever, we might be able to do enough,” he warned her.
Athena nodded, placing a kiss on Buck’s forehead, “I need to tell Bobby, and Eddie,” she said as she stood up straight.
The doctor nodded and let her out of the room. Athena was silent as she walked the corridor back to Christopher's room. She knocked quietly and entered. Seeing Christopher now asleep in his father’s arms, Eddie looked like he wanted to do the same thing and join his son in dreamland.
“Is it him?” Eddie asked her, his voice quiet and rough.
“It is,” Athena said, “And Eddie, it… it doesn’t look good,” she told him the truth, knowing better than to sugarcoat anything. “He has lost a lot of blood, he almost died. Any longer in getting here and he would have. He has a really bad infection going. They are using ice packs to try and control his high temperature. His breathing isn’t the best, but that might be because of being in the ocean and breathing in some of the water.” She told him what she could. “I need to go and inform Bobby before they call him to tell him,” she said, worried about not being there when he found out about Buck's condition.
“Thank you, for telling me,” Eddie said gratefully as the tears ran down his face again. His face had been stained with them for over fourteen hours. Since the moment Buck had told him about Christopher being missing. Now Christopher was in his arms and Buck… Buck might never be in them again.
Athena left him with his son and headed back to the waiting room. Finding Bobby and the rest of the 118 still covered in muck, just as she was still covered in Cooper's blood, she again explained Buck’s condition and then Christophers. A sob broke from Bobby as a cry came from Maddie who had arrived while Athena was with Eddie.
“There’s nothing we can really do, and we are all exhausted,” she said, “each of us is about ready to drop at this point. Call someone to come and pick you up to go home. If they can’t then I’ll see what I can do,” she told them all.
“I want to see Buck,” Maddie said as she moved forwards.
“I’ll take you down to see him, one at a time. Let’s not overwhelm him at all. And I don’t know what the doc said about visitors. But as soon as you have, go home, rest, eat. And showers for all of us I think,” she added.
“I’ll have Karen bring something for Eddie and Chris to change into,” Hen said, voice shaking a little as she walked off to call her wife, to tell her what they knew of Buck and Chris.
“I’ll stay-“ Bobby began.
“No,” Athena said, her voice firm, “We all need to rest,” she repeated, “I know Bobby, I know, we want to be there for him, but at the moment we will be useless to him if we just collapsed from exhaustion. All of us have been awake for longer than 30 hours. All of us. It’s the afternoon, the day after the Tsunami, we all need rest. See Buck and then home, everyone,” she said, giving the 118 and Maddie a pointed look.
XxXxX
Eddie slept, Christopher asleep on top of him. He woke up sometime later. Looking at the clock he could see that it was now evening. There was a bag on a chair and a note. He went to move Christopher so he could lay down on the bed but only caused the eight-year-old to wake up.
“Daddy!” came the panicked call as he clung onto him.
“It’s okay mijo, I’m right here, I’m right here,” Eddie said as he gathered him back into his arms and held him. Rubbing his back.
“I want Bucky, please, daddy, I want Bucky,” he cried.
Eddie’s heart was breaking for the third time within the last day and a half. “I know,” he said, “I know you want him.” How could he tell his son, that his hero, that the man that loved him as his own may not make it? That he is so ill.
“Daddy,” Christopher cried, “Buck, please.”
Eddie closed his eyes and nodded, “We… we’ll need to clean up mijo, we do,” he said instead of really answering his son. He was shaking his head, “We have to. Bucky isn’t well and we need to be nice and clean to see him,” he said.
It was difficult, getting Christopher to wash and get into the clean clothes that Hen had Karen get. The note on them telling him that they had gone home to rest. That they would try and get back to them. That he would need to call his Abuela and Pepa about what had happened. Christopher was on the bed, nice and clean, the bedding having been quickly changed while they were in the bathroom. Seeing his phone dead, he was glad that Karen had tucked his away in the bag as well. On charge, he went and cleaned up himself. He was hungry, but didn’t know if he would be able to eat without wanting to throw it all backup. His stomach was in knots. Back in the room, the doctor walked in not moments after he had walked back inside.
“I’m just going to check Christopher over, and if all is fine, then I’m going to release him. I’m prescribing a course of antibiotics for him to take over the next week. This is mostly a precaution, but one everyone is going to have to deal with,” he said as he handed that over before going over to Christopher and checking the eight year old over. “Rest your ankle and if all goes well, you should be good in about two weeks. But make sure to get him a proper check up when you can,” he finished as he glanced at Eddie.
“Thank you,” Eddie nodded, “We’re going to say hello to Buck,” he said, looking at the doctor to make sure that would be alright.
The doctor sighed but nodded, “that will be fine.”
Eddie gave him a tight smile as he then asked, “Where?”
“Room 407,” he answered, “you’re in 419,” he added.
Eddie nodded, Buck was so close. “Thank you,” he said again as he gathered Christopher in his arms, his phone charged enough that he should be able to call Pepa and tell her where to come and pick him up in a bit. Knowing he would need to go to his Abuela’s to explain what had happened. He was too tired and in no fit state to even think about driving himself. Moments later he was entering Buck’s room.
“Bucky,” Christopher sniffled as he burst into tears. “He’s going to be okay right dad?” he asked as he looked at his father, tears running down his face.
“We’ll just have to keep reminding him that we’re waiting for him,” Eddie said as he let Christopher down in the chair, making sure it was close to the bed.
“I got lost daddy, I didn’t hold on and I fell back into the water,” Christopher said, looking at Buck as he spoke. “But I did what Bucky told me, I kept swimming and I found a surfboard,” he added. I knew how to surf so I got on it. Then the water started to go away again. A lady came and she wanted me to go with her. But, I knew Bucky would be looking for me so I said no,” he added.
“Yeah,” Eddie said, his voice quiet as he wondered how scared his son had to have been during the day. Not knowing where Buck was and not able to get to them.
“I walked a bit, trying to find the truck again, but I fell. So, I stayed there and I waited. It was so dark but then I heard Bucky. He found me, daddy,” Christopher sniffled, “He found me. And he told me that now we have to keep walking. One foot in front of the other,” he nodded to each word. “So, we did, but I got really tired so Bucky carried me and I fell asleep. I woke up here Daddy and Bucky wasn’t with me. I wanted Bucky,” he said, his little cries breaking Eddie even more as he held his son, letting him take hold of one of Buck’s hands, to reassure himself that his Bucky was there.
Eddie watched his son and then looked at Buck. The promise he had made to find his son after he had told him he was missing had been kept and had, and may still cost him his life. “Keep fighting to come home Buck,” he murmured. “Mijo, we need to go home, we’ll come back here to see Buck tomorrow, but you need to get some proper rest and food. And I know Pepa and Abuela will need to see you when they find out what has happened,” he told his son.
“Please, let me stay, dad,” he begged.
Eddie sighed, “I’m sorry. I would love nothing more than to stay here as well, but we have to go home. We’ll come back, both of us will, I promise.”
It took a while but Eddie was able to convince Christopher to leave. Eddie himself didn’t want to leave. Didn’t want the chance of Buck waking up alone, not knowing anyone around him. Or for anyone to tell him that Christopher was alright.
XxXxX
It was five days before Buck’s fever would break and another two after that for him to finally wake up. His body had been slow to heal. And it would be another week before he was let home. Though in the end, it was because Eddie had insisted that Buck joined them at the Diaz home for his recovery. Christopher hadn’t wanted to let go of him as soon as he had woken up. Now Buck was on the couch in the Diaz home, arguing with Eddie about where he would be sleeping.
“Really, Eds I’ll be fine on the couch,” Buck repeated himself once again.
“Not happening Buck,” he replied, shaking his head, “You’re taking the bed.”
“Eds-“
“You are taking the bed, do not make me pick you up and carry you, Buck, because you know I will do it,” Eddie glared at him.
Buck flushed at the thought. “Fine, but we can.. share,” he suggested.
Eddie blinked a few times, “Okay,” he said after a few moments of silence between them.
Buck nodded and then settled back on the couch, “You know how sorry I am, don’t you? That I lost Chris.”
“Evan, I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice and I will tell you a thousand more. You saved him, he went after him and you almost died doing so. You were safe, you were at the VA, but you went back out on your own. You didn’t even wait for me,” Eddie said, knowing that him being in his head, trying to work past that shock of his son being missing, and maybe even being dead. That realization that he could never hold or see him again, had him shutting the world out, and giving Buck the chance to leave.
“I had to go back out, I had to find him for you. I couldn’t… I couldn’t just do nothing,” Buck said, looking down at his hands.
Eddie reached over, taking hold of one and squeezing it. “I know, but wait for me. Don’t leave me behind. I got him back, but then I almost lost you. You almost died and that scares me almost as much as the thought of losing Chris. You both mean the world to me. Could I carry on if I had Chris, yes, could I do so happily,” he stated, “Not really. You… you’re a part of this family. And you always will be. You belong here, you are my family. Chris is… Chris loves you and he would be devastated, just like I would have been if we had lost you.” He couldn’t even bring himself to think of a world without Christopher, he doubted even Buck would be able to survive that.
“I lost him Eds,” Buck shook his head as tears started to fall. He was glad that Christopher was already in bed so he wouldn’t see this. “I lost him,” he repeated again.
“You saved him, you found him again. You… you… I trust you the most out of everyone in this world with my son… with our son, and he is ours. Because from the moment you entered his life you have treated him like a father would. You are there for him, encouraging and loving. Doing what you can to let him grow. You did what I would have done, walked to the ends of the earth to find him and keep him safe. You did that Evan, you did,” Eddie said as he moved closer. “How can I not call him our son when you are his father as I am.”
“I- Eddie,” Buck said, voice breaking, “I love him so much and I…”
“I love you, Evan,” Eddie said as he looked up, “It was so slow to happen, but when Athena came in and told me that you might not make it. I knew I couldn’t let a chance pass me by again. I was holding Chris in my arms and I wanted you there as well. To know that you were safe and well.” Eddie could still feel the pain in his chest as he thought of that moment. Just thinking of no Buck with them on an early morning. No Chris and Buck in the kitchen making pancakes ever again. No staying up late watching films and tucking Christopher into bed when he fell asleep on them.
Buck looked up at him, seeing the look on Eddie’s face. His emotions were there, everything in that moment was right there on his face and he nodded, “I love you as well. I just… I didn’t know I was allowed to,” his voice shook as he admitted it.
Eddie leaned in slowly, and kissed him, “We’ll talk more later, now, it’s time to go to bed and rest,” he said as Buck gave a little laugh.
“Fine, bed and sleep,” Buck smiled as he was helped to his feet. He was still feeling weak, and it would take him a while longer to get back on his feet again. But he would do it, and with Eddie backing him and standing by him and holding his hand as they took each day. Buck would be back at work just before Halloween, paperwork all sorted to acknowledge the change between them signed as well.