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Oikawa was always curious about the boy who lived next door. He’d rarely see them. Only catching spare glances every so often through windows or the tiny hole in the fence that separated their yards. When he did see them, Oikawa was instantly transfixed. They had spiky black hair that always looked ruffled and beautiful teal eyes. They wore a pair of soft grey pants, a sweater and a knitted hat with the word “VOLLEYBALL” embroidered across the folded part. Oikawa knew he wanted to be their friend. He knew, but he couldn’t. The fence that kept them apart made it so. However, Oikawa wasn’t one to give up so easily.
He first spoke to the boy in the middle of october. The leaves were almost all gone from the trees having formed a mess of oranges, reds, and yellows along the ground. The days became more chilled, layers started to be worn. Oikawa was wearing his favourite hat ever, decorated with little green alien heads. His coat pulled tightly around his body as he played in the leaves, laughing as they flew through the air.
“What are you doing?” A small voice asked, startling Oikawa from the leaf pile he’d been making.
Oikawa’s head turned towards the fence, his eyes widening as he saw slivers of someone on the other side. He lets out a scream, backpedalling and ending up landing on his butt.
The person on the other side laughed. “You okay?” They asked between giggles.
“Who are you?” Oikawa asked, returning to his small feet. He pressed his hand against the wood of the fence like he was reaching out for the person on the other side.
“My name’s Hajime. Iwaizumi Hajime. What’s yours?” The other asked.
“Mine’s Oikawa Tooru. Are you an alien?”
The other let out another laugh, “No! I’m not an alien. I’m a boy.”
“How do you know that? Maybe you are an alien and were just told you’re human!” Oikawa gasped, his eyes round in awe. The other, Iwaizumi, shrieked with laughter only growing in volume as Oikawa persisted with his theory.
A week later, Oikawa was confused to find that Iwaizumi wasn't there anymore. He wasn’t waiting at the fence as he normally had been before. Oikawa had asked his parents if they knew where his new friend was. They simply blinked in confusion and asked what friend. “There’s no kid on the other side of the fence, Tooru. Are you feeling sick?” Oikawa would fight back, arguing that there was someone there. A kid, his age. “Hajime! He said his name is Hajime! ” They’d shake their heads and whisper something about imagination. It would be weeks before Oikawa would see Iwaizumi again.
When they saw each other again, it was through the crack in the fence, which Oikawa watched carefully everyday. Iwaizumi didn’t look how he had before, he looked sickly, thin. He looked as though a gentle breeze could push him over. Something was wrong.
“Are you okay?” Oikawa asked.
Iwaizumi shrugged, “I’m not sure. My mom and dad keep talking like there's something going on. They’re scared. I’m scared. I feel gross.”
Oikawa slipped a hand through the crack in the fence, holding it out for the other young boy to grab onto. Iwaizumi’s frail hand weakly grabbed Oikawa’s. It was like holding straws of hay, thin, small. They were cold (cold like those of a corpse). Oikawa squeezed the hand, trying to transfer some of his warmth to the other. It seemed impossible.
“Hajime! Come back inside! It’s too cold for you.” A voice called.
Iwaizumi turned, slipping his hand from Oikawa’s grasp. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay! See you soon!” Oikawa smiled excitedly, he couldn’t wait to talk to his new friend again.
Months went by, Oikawa and Iwaizumi stayed in contact through the crack in the fence. They talked about nothing and everything. Oikawa learned so much about the other, he’d made a friend. His first friend who he really felt close to. He’d tell Iwaizumi everything about his life. They were little boys who had their whole lives in front of them, little boys that had so much to see and experience. Despite that, they’d rather spend their time talking to an almost stranger through a crack in a fence. They were young and naive and yet they felt as though they could conquer the world together.
As their friendship grew, eventually their parents met. After that however, the boys still weren’t allowed to meet face to face. Whenever Oikawa mentioned his friend, his parents would simply look at him in sadness. “Maybe not yet.” They’d say. But it had been long enough, why couldn’t they meet yet?
“I’m starting fifth grade tomorrow! Are you going to school?” Oikawa asked one day. He was excited to start. He was anxious to know if his friend would be there too or not. He hoped that he would be. (But from the glances his parents had exchanged when he’d voiced this, he wasn’t sure Iwaizumi would go.)
Iwaizumi shook his head, “No, I can’t go. My mom says I’m not allowed.”
“Why not? It sounds like you aren’t allowed to do a lot of things.”
“Because I can’t. My mom is worried that I’ll get hurt.”
“Then how are you going to make other friends?”
“I have you and that’s all I need.”
Oikawa felt warm at the words. He was happy that he meant something to the other, he was so happy. He didn’t mind being the only person who really knew who Iwaizumi was, but he didn’t want him to be alone when Oikawa couldn’t be there.
“Why can’t Iwa-chan come out and play with me? It’s unfair!” Oikawa argued, he’d asked his parents if they could meet up and play. It was no surprise when the answer had been a strong “No” .
“Because he’s not at his house, Tooru. He’s—” His mom paused to find the right word, “Away.”
“Where’d he go?” Oikawa pouted, crossing his arms over his small chest.
“To a place that will make sure he’s good. Apparently he got hurt, so his mom is worried for him.” His mum explained.
“They took him to the doctors?”
“Yes, so that’s why he can’t play, okay?” His mom crouched in front of him and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. Oikawa nodded. It made sense. His own parents would definitely be concerned if he got hurt.
As he went to bed that night, he wondered about what could’ve happened to send Iwaizumi to the doctors. Was it that bad?
(He only found out later how bad it was.)
They grew up on either side of the fence, never having met up outside of their little talks. Oikawa was getting irritated to say the least. They were almost in high school, why couldn’t Iwaizumi and him see each other. They shared what they called hugs, the grasp of the other’s hand through the fence, the closest they could be. The distance between them, while seeming to be small, felt like crossing countries and oceans, a distance that only seemed to grow bigger.
Oikawa would tell Iwaizumi all about volleyball, about what he’d learnt, other friends he’d made (but none of them could compare to Iwaizumi). They were closer than close (but that sense of distance was still there). He’d gotten used to their meetings, even the occasional disappearances that would happen. It became a routine: go to school, get home, do homework, then go outside and talk to Iwaizumi through the fence. It was a routine, Oikawa didn’t want to break.
In high school, Oikawa got a cell phone. He had begged his parents for one, then proceeded to beg Iwaizumi to get one as well, that way they could talk not just those fleeting moments by the fence. They may have no longer been as naïve as they had once been, but to them, the world was still open to exploration. They were still young, still naïve enough to believe that the world was one full of happiness. They had yet to witness the terrible dangers that would come as they live life.
They began to text back and forth all day. Oikawa would complain about school work and teachers, as well as the people in his class. They were best friends, the best of friends one could be. They gave each other a paradise they never thought was possible. Iwaizumi would listen to the other’s rants, feeling a sense of normalcy wash over him as he listened. He found it freeing to hear these little rants from his best friend (his only friend).
“And then he looked at me and said: ‘So you still go by the great King, but I’m the new King of the Court.” Which is so rude!” Oikawa was ranting once again about Kageyama.
“You’ll always be the King to me.” Iwaizumi whispered. He coughed harshly, fully falling into another fit. His coughing had gotten worse, his voice was rough and scratchy. Each cough felt like a knife through Oikawa’s heart.
“Are you okay? Do I need to get your mom?” Oikawa rushed, slipping his hand through the crack of the fence.
Iwaizumi shook his head, “It’ll be over soon.” He rasped.
Oikawa doubted that, but he let it slide. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he didn’t want to call Iwaizumi’s parents either, because that usually meant he’d have to go inside and their talk would be over. It was selfish, he knows that, but time with Iwaizumi was fleeting, sacred even. He couldn’t let any second go to waste.
When Oikawa’s friends found out about Iwaizumi, they wanted to meet him. But they couldn’t. There were still rules that Oikawa had to follow, still things that they weren’t allowed to do. Meeting beyond the fence was still taboo. It felt very restricting, the thought that they couldn’t meet anywhere else, it was as if the world was against them. But Oikawa wasn’t going to give up so easily.
One night, during their second year of high school, Oikawa planned to steal Iwaizumi from his home. He told the other his plan, begging for him to agree. Finally after days of asking, Iwaizumi gave in. So, they planned out their escape. Oikawa told his parents he was going out with some of his friends, while Iwaizumi was thinking of how he could sneak out. They were going to face the world, no matter what met them on the other side of the door.
The day came when they’d scheduled their escape. Everything was going right. Oikawa managed to sneak to where they would be meeting (two houses down from Iwaizumi’s house), he was tapping his foot impatiently. He couldn’t wait to see Iwaizumi, his entire body buzzing with energy. Nervous energy, excited energy. He was feeling so many different things. So many questions in his mind, so many swirling in his head. He couldn’t decide, couldn’t figure out what—
“Oikawa?” A timid voice pulled him from his thoughts.
Oikawa turned, his eyes widening at what he saw. A wheelchair. Iwaizumi was in a wheelchair. It was a stereotypical black chair that reminded him of hospitals. Iwaizumi himself looked rough. Even then that word just scratched the surface of what he looked like. His hair was short, shaved close to his head. His eyes were dull, like unpolished jewels. He looked ghostly, like a husk. But when Iwaizumi looked up into Oikawa’s eyes, the corners of his mouth twitched and his eyes seemed to sparkle. Like for the first time in his life, he was seeing something worth living for.
“Sorry for not warning you about the wheelchair.” His hands twitched anxiously in his lap.
“No, no. That’s fine. It’s fine. How did you sneak out?” Oikawa waved his hands erratically in front of him, dismissing the apology.
Iwaizumi gave a raspy choke that must have been his version of a laugh, “I’m not confined to it. I can walk, but just not for very long, so I snuck both myself and my wheelchair out.”
Oikawa smiled, “Now that’s some dedication.”
Iwaizumi let out another choked and raspy laugh. His laugh quickly turned into a cough, a terrible cough that shook his body. He held up a hand as Oikawa tried to get closer to him. “I’m fine. It’s just a little cough. So, what are we going to do?”
Oikawa smirked, “We’re going to have the time of our lives.”
“Why the fuck do you think this is fun?” Iwaizumi whispered.
“Because it’s an amazing movie about aliens, duh! Look! The General is definitely going to do something messed up here.” Oikawa hissed back, eyes focused on the movie screen in front of him. They got weird stares and people shushing them in the theatre for speaking. The theatre was fairly full, but not full enough to be overly uncomfortable. They’d taken seats near the screen, in order for Iwaizumi to be able to see the screen and watch the movie. Normally, Oikawa didn’t like sitting near the front, opting to sit at the back of the theatre in order to get some kind of privacy and also not have neck problems, but for Iwaizumi, he’d make an exception (he’d always make an exception for him).
The movie ended in the way most alien movies did. Iwaizumi complained about the ending as he wheeled himself out of the movie theatre, “It’s fucking stupid. Alien movies always end the same, always go the same.”
“Iwa, that’s mean. Alien movies are amazing.” Oikawa whined.
“No they aren’t. The best movies are ones with Godzilla in them.”
Oikawa rolled his eyes, “Of course you like those ones.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Iwaizumi stopped pushing his wheelchair and spun to face the other.
“For someone who has spent most of their life in their house you sure use lots of vulgar language. One would’ve thought you wouldn’t, seeing as you are with your parents the whole time.” Oikawa stated blandly.
“Die.” The other’s eyebrows furrowed, a scowl appearing on his face.
“The world wouldn’t be ready for that, Iwa-chan. The world still needs me.” Oikawa posed dramatically, extending one hand towards the sky with another placed delicately on his chest.
“In your fucking dreams.”
They raced home after eating at a fast food restaurant, Oikawa insisting they do after he found out Iwaizumi had never had fast food before. Oikawa made sure Iwaizumi made it to his home and made it through the door. After that, Oikawa heads back to his own house. When he arrives he thinks back to what they did, the time they’d spent. He honestly wasn’t expecting Iwaizumi to be in a wheelchair that’s for sure, but it didn’t change the moments they had together. It changed absolutely nothing other than maybe Oikawa’s plans to walk around the world (which he had when he was younger, but lost due to geography class. That’s right Oshita-sensei, fuck geography). Otherwise, Oikawa was happy that he got to see Iwaizumi in person, for real. No peeks through the hole in the fence, nothing. Everything felt better, it felt good. He couldn’t forget how beautiful Iwaizumi’s eyes were. They were eyes that showed more deeply what the ever persistent scowl could not. His heart fluttered at the idea of forever gazing into those eyes. He loved the idea, it fueled him now. Melting into his very bones. Soaked up by his brain like it was a wet sponge. He never wanted to leave Iwaizumi, ever.
“Oikawa, he can’t go outside!” After their first sneak outside, they’d continue to take those little trips. Going into the outside world to explore, to let Iwaizumi see the sights. They hadn’t been caught, until now.
“Why not? Tell me why he can’t go outside! You’ve held onto some secret about what’s going on with Iwa, but I deserve to know!” Oikawa shouted back to his mother.
“Do not talk to your mother like that.” His mom snapped, “This is a hard time for the Iwaizumis and a hard time for us as well.”
“Please, just tell me! I need to know what’s going on. Iwa won’t tell me, but whenever I ask he just looks so sad and guilty.” Oikawa’s throat and eyes burned.
His moms looked at one another, their eyes sad, mouths drawn in a tight line. They then turn their gazes to their son. “We can’t tell you if he wants to. It’s his to tell.”
“Seriously? Just tell me please! I want to know what’s going on but I'm just being kept in the dark!” He flops back against the couch cushions. His parents look back at each other.
“Please,” Oikawa whispers. “I need to know.”
His mother sat down beside him on the couch and opened her arms towards her son. Oikawa leaned in, letting himself be wrapped up by her comforting embrace. “Iwaizumi is sick, really really sick. That’s why he goes to the doctors a lot, and why you can’t take him out.”
“How sick is he?” He asked timidly, afraid to know the answer.
“They don’t know if he’s going to make it past this year.” His mother chokes out, fresh tears falling down her cheeks. “He has a heart condition, Dilated Cardiomyopathy. It’s where the heart can’t pump blood as well because the left ventricle is enlarged or weakened. He’s dying, Tooru.”
Oikawa felt tears slip from his eyes, the build up from this whole conversation had finally hit him. “Isn’t there a cure? Can’t the doctors do something?”
His mom shook her head, walking over from where she’d been standing, “No, honey. They’ve tried everything, the medication and treatments aren’t working. We didn’t want to tell you, because we knew it’d only upset you.”
“Is there a way he can live?” He couldn’t hide the hope in his voice.
“Not that we know of. They’ve probably discussed it with their doctor.” His mother explained.
“Okay.” He untangled himself from his parents arms.
“Okay?”
“I’m going to find a way to help him.” He stood up and headed towards his room, climbing the stairs two at a time.
“Tooru!” His parents reached out towards him to try and stop him, but he’d already made up his mind.
Oikawa entered his room, wiping the tears off his cheeks. He sat down at his desk, opened his computer and started to search for answers.
Iwaizumi Hajime had always been planning his funeral. Since the day he got his diagnosis, until now, it’s always been on his mind. The impending doom of one day having to die is heavy, he carries it everyday, walking around with this massive feeling of dread and guilt. He hadn’t wanted friends, he knew that in the end it would make it harder for him to want to leave. He’s prepared for his death for a long time now, having friends just put a dent in it. He didn’t want anyone to have to deal with the grief of losing him, anyone that is except for family.
The day they found out was the day everything just collapsed. The doctors had told them that there were treatments that could be done, but once again his survival was not one that was overly seen as possible. He was declining, no matter the treatment, he would decline. So, he’s accepted the fact that he’s going to die. He didn’t want to die exactly, the life he lived was boring and bland. It was sad how he never got to experience the things that kids his age had or have. He couldn’t knock off the chance that he could be a teenager for once.
They were twenty years old now, Iwaizumi had surprisingly survived for this long considering how he was. Oikawa was in university, studying sports medicine. He had a life, a future job opportunity. Yet, he still came down on weekends to visit, to talk to Iwaizumi. They called almost every night, face-timed whenever they could. Oikawa spent more time talking to Iwaizumi than he did to anyone else.
This time when Oikawa visited, there was heaviness in the air. It was obvious that Iwaizumi’s heart was on its last legs. He was confined to the wheelchair and never left his room, he wouldn’t even go into his backyard. His parents were terrified. At any moment, Iwaizumi could drop, his heart could stop beating. Everything in their lives would be gone in an instant. There were now magazines strewn in the house, filled with funeral preparation tips as well as books about grieving. Everyone was getting ready.
Oikawa began driving out every four days. Three days. Two days. It became this race against time, seeing how many memories they could fit into those few hours. Memories that they would hold onto for the rest of their lives. Things felt empty.
They were driving down the streets in the middle of the night. Iwaizumi was in the passenger seat, his wheelchair put in the back. Oikawa was driving, a soft tuny playing through the speakers of his used car. The night sky was endless above them, stars bright. Iwaizumi stared out the front windshield, watching the road. His face was gaunt, eyes always tired, his skin pale as his heart tried to pump blood.
“Oikawa.” He rasps. He hardly talks now-a-days, only speaks when he needs to. “What would you’ve done if we never met?”
“Been bored and lonely.” Oikawa answers, his eyes flickering over to his best friend before returning to the road.
“Sometimes I wish we never met. So you didn’t have to watch me die.”
“Don’t talk that way, Iwa. You can still live. You just need a heart transplant and—”
“I’m not doing that. I don’t want to live my life with another person’s heart in my body. It won’t be mine then.” Iwaizumi interrupted.
“Why? Please, this could be the way that you live .”
“Tooru, promise me something.”
“Always.”
“When I die, promise you’ll forget about me.”
“No, anything but that, please, Hajime—”
“Live your life, Tooru. Don’t spend your days grieving over someone who was going to die anyways. It’s not like it’s a big shock that it’s happening. Promise me that you’ll forget about me and just live your life.”
“Iwa, please—”
“No, Tooru! I am dying . You’ve stuck with me this long only watching it happen day after day, year after year. I’m not going to get better! I won’t! Not now, not ever! Promise me, Tooru, please! This is the only thing I want!” Iwaizumi shouted. The car was quiet, all that could be heard was the soft music playing through the stereo system.
Oikawa’s eyes burned, tears quickly building up. He pulls over on the side of the road and puts the car in park. “How can I forget about you, when you’re the only thing I think of?”
Iwaizumi paused, “Then find someone else to think of.”
“I can’t! I love you, Hajime. Everyday when I wake up I think of making you smile, of making you laugh. Everyday I want to see you. Everyday I think of you laying in your bed, dying. Everyday I think of all the ways I could show you that I love you. Everyday Hajime. That includes for the rest of my life.” Oikawa was shouting now, tears freely streaming down his cheeks. He collapses on top of the steering wheel in front of him.
“Everyday, I wish that I could help you. But you refuse. You refuse to live because you’ve given up! You’ve given up on trying to live. I’ve never given up on you! Ever! I never will. So please, please. Live.” The last word is a whisper.
The words ‘I love you’ are like a bomb. Iwaizumi reaches across to Oikawa, hands grasping at his face and pulling him towards himself. Then their lips are crashing together, like two comets that are drawn by a magnetic force. The kiss is wet, sloppy and uncoordinated but it’s perfect. They’re both crying now, their tears mixing together as their lips stay locked together as if they were super glued. Time seems to stop. That clock that had been ticking down the second, minutes, hours, to Iwaizumi’s death is for once frozen. Nothing else mattered but the two of them together. They are like two pieces of a puzzle that fit so perfectly.
Yet, the clock begins to move again. Their lips part from one another, hands still holding the other’s face as close as they could be, their breaths mingling, lips tingling, senses on overdrive. The clock is ticking again. Iwaizumi can feel it, feel how his heart continues to fail at its job as it was before. He feels lightheaded, a common occurrence. Iwaizumi was dying, a single kiss would not change that. A single shooting star passes overhead, as if even the stars were crying for them.
Oikawa was in class when he got the phone call. He stood up abruptly, feeling his eyes burn. He grabbed his things and raced out of the lecture hall, ignoring the shouts of concern that followed him. He took off through the campus and got to his car. His hands were shaking as he tried to put the key in the ignition, sight being blurred as his tears slipped free.
“Hajime’s in the hospital. He’s dying, Tooru. You have to come here now, there isn’t much time left. He wants to see you.”
He started his car and drove, his mind stuck in an endless loop of memories with fresh waves of tears accompanying each one. The feeling of a pair of lips against his own, a frail hand grasping the side of his face with weak strength. A pair of eyes so beautiful, looking so tired, so dull. Black hair that feels so soft under his fingertips. A smile that makes him smile, a row of teeth that aren’t perfect but they are to him. A laugh that always ends in a horrible coughing fit but at the beginning it sounds so free, the claws of sickness not reaching it just yet. A pained sob left Oikawa’s lips, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, knuckles turning white. His phone rang in the cupholder, he reached for it. He didn’t notice the truck swerve. He didn’t see it coming until he looked back up and it was too late. There was the screeching of tires and the sound of impact. Glass shattered and for a moment, Oikawa was weightless then everything went black. His last thought being, I never got to say goodbye.
Iwaizumi opened his eyes. Beside him is his parents, both anxiously waiting at the edge of his hospital bed. “Mom? Dad?” He croaked.
“Hajime!” His mother grabbed his hand, holding it close to her chest. Her eyes were teary, no doubt the tears would fall soon.
“What’s going on?” He asked.
“You’re at the hospital, sweetie. You collapsed so we brought you here.”
“Where’s Tooru?” A memory of soft lips against his under the night sky flashes in his mind.
“He’s on his way. We called him while they were getting you settled in. The doctor told us there isn’t much time left.” His father says, eyes sad. His own tears started to build at the corners.
“I’m so tired.” Iwaizumi whispered.
“I know, baby. I know. Just hold on, hold on until Oikawa comes.” His mom ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m too tired.” His eyes fluttered closed, his body reaching out for sleep to come. The darkness slowly closed in on him from all sides. He wanted to wait, he really did. Oikawa was one of the people he didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, but sleep sounded so amazing. He could feel his heart dying, he could feel it as it struggled to pump blood to the rest of him. His brain slowed, heart slowing, muscles becoming impossible to move. He couldn’t wiggle his toes he realizes, nor his fingers. “Tooru.” The name was a whisper, a quiet cry for someone who wasn’t there. Then the black surrounded him and pulled him into its depths.
Somewhere far away, two souls find themselves wrapped in each other’s embrace. Their tears mingling once again as they love one another to no end. They were together once again. Wrapped around each other as if they were each other’s paradise.
Iwaizumi had always been planning his funeral, never had he thought he’d be buried beside the one person he truly loved.