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If someone asked Taehyung, he would never have said that Jimin fits a ballroom wedding. It's a little bit too formal and Taehyung always imagined Jimin marrying on the beach or in the countryside, dressed with something that would flow with the wind and with the sun shining on his light blonde hair.
But now here he is, watching his best friend, his favorite person, his soulmate getting married in some fancy ballroom, wearing a red tuxedo and with his hair dyed black.
And it still fits Jimin perfectly.
Taehyung thinks it's because happiness fits Jimin very well, and nothing makes Jimin happier than Namjoon, his now husband. And when the two of them kissed to seal the deal, Jimin started to cry instantly. So did Namjoon. So did Taehyung. The perfect wedding to the perfect people.
They seem so happy right now, and it makes Taehyung feel warm inside. Taehyung watched Jimin pining over Namjoon for years, dealing with every heartbreak each time Namjoon started dating someone new, listening to Jimin saying now he would finally confess every time Namjoon got single again. It took years for them to finally get together, but once they did, Taehyung knew it was for life.
Jimin is someone out of a fairy tale, a person too precious to this world, who deserves to be cherished and loved and cared for. Namjoon does all that. They are now in the middle of the ballroom, dancing together, Namjoon with his two left feet and Jimin flowing like water, guiding his husband perfectly, and all Namjoon can see is Jimin. His eyes shine full of love and devotion, the purest feeling warming the entire ballroom.
Taehyung couldn't have been happier for them.
But there's also a small part of him, a part that he usually hides, that from time to time tries to overcome Taehyung, that feels jealous.
Not about Namjoon or Jimin, but their relationship. Jealous about the way Namjoon bends a little to kiss Jimin's lips, about the way Jimin's cheeks go instantly red even though kissing is a daily basis for them. Jealous about how they look at each other like there's no one else in the world, like everything is just them. Jealous because Taehyung wishes he was loved just like that.
But, actually, he doesn't.
Long ago, Taehyung understood he's ace and aro. It was a long way to where he's now, but Taehyung learned to accept and love himself. Learned that he is all he needs, that taking care of himself is the hardest love he could ever have. Taehyung learned that he can be his own person and he's actually happier like that and, even though he never really fell in love, he has loved so many people that he doesn't really need a romantic relationship. He doesn't want one.
But then again, he doesn't like to be lonely.
And the thing is, most of the time, that’s how he feels.
He knows it’s not like that at all, he has so many friends and people who care for him, people who have proven countless times that they will always have Taehyung’s back, no matter what. But at the end of the day, Taehyung still goes home alone and lies alone on his very big bed. He buys groceries for just one person and everything he has is single-sized (except for his bed). At the end of the day, everybody has someone, except Taehyung.
He couldn’t have been happier for Jimin, he couldn’t. Seeing Jimin happy is enough to make Taehyung happy, but it hurts a little. Hurts knowing that Jimin doesn’t need Taehyung anymore, even though Jimin is everything Taehyung has. And even if deep down he knows Jimin will stay his best friend in the world, his one and only soulmate, he also knows that Namjoon is and always will be Jimin’s priority. If Jimin had to choose between Taehyung and Namjoon, he would choose Namjoon. And honestly, Taehyung doesn’t even blame him, doesn’t think his friend would be wrong in doing that. He’s in love, he’s married to Namjoon, he committed. That’s ok, that’s what people do.It’s just not what Taehyung does.
And that’s where it hurts the most. Knowing that this is a feeling he’ll always have, his entire life. At the end of every day of his life, he’ll go to his big bed and sleep alone, and wake up the same. He’ll keep buying single-sized stuff and he’ll never divide the bills with someone. His bathroom will always have just one single toothbrush.
“Can I have this dance?” a hand appears in front of him, bringing Taehyung back from a place he didn’t even realize he had been.
“It would be my pleasure” Taehyung smiles and accepts Hoseok’s hand, letting his friend guide him to the dance floor, letting Hoseok hold his waist while they start a slow dance, following the slow song that is playing.
“This wedding is so beautiful, it’s just so Jimin and Namjoon” Hoseok says over the music, a little loud, but Taehyung is pretty sure he’s the only one who can hear it.
“I would never ever have imagined that a ballroom wedding would suit Jimin, but indeed, it’s perfect. It’s really him. And Namjoon.”
“I love weddings so much. Who do you think will be the next one getting married?” Hoseok looks happy, big heart smile and everything. Taehyung smiles too. “I know it won’t be Yoongi and Jin, they already said they don’t wanna get married.”
“It could be you and Jungkook, if you two grew some balls and confessed to each other” Taehyung laughs when Hoseok’s face goes instantly red and he actually misses one step in their dance.
“What are you talking about, you gremlin? Me and Jungkook have nothing to confess to each other.”
“Just saying that this fuck buddies you two have going on isn’t fooling anyone, except maybe you two losers.”
“You brat!” Hoseok hits Taehyung’s arm and the younger one only laughs harder. “If I marry Jungkook, who’ll dance with you, huh?”
And that’s true. Taehyung is always the single friend. Always the only one among a lot of twos. It has always been like this, Taehyung’s presence always makes the group an odd number.
“I’ll just take turns with all of you. You guys love me too much to not dance with me.”
“And that’s completely right, but you’re still a brat.” Hoseok lays his head on Taehyung’s shoulder, hugging him tighter.
The first time Taehyung told someone he was aro, they asked if Taehyung couldn’t love. Taehyung knows he doesn’t need a romantic relationship, that he doesn’t want one. He knows he has plenty of love inside himself, that he loves so much that sometimes it hurts too. Taehyung loves being ace and aro because those are important parts of him that make him who he really is.
So even when it’s sad, even when he sometimes feels so lonely and out of place, he remembers that it’s ok to feel a little sad from time to time. He remembers that he doesn’t need romantic love to know what love feels like, and he doesn’t need a romantic relationship to be a full person, to fulfill his own life. It’s just another way for the world to try to impose something on everyone, and punish those who don't fit the mold.
Taehyung already has a lot of love in his life, all the love he could wish for, the love that truly makes him happy. He’s allowed to have whatever love makes him feel good and not feel bad about it. And if people around him live another kind of love, that’s ok too.
“You know, hyung” Taehyung says once the music ends and another one begins. “I think there’s someone who also wants to dance with you.”
Next to the bar, Jungkook watches them both dancing with a shy smile on his face. Hoseok follows Taehyung’s gaze, finding Jungkook and smiling sweetly. It’s fun to watch fools in love, Taehyung thinks.
“Will you be ok?” Hoseok asks and Taehyung just smiles. It’s funny how Hoseok always knows.
“I’m always ok, hyung” they move away from each other, ending their dancing. “Can you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Talk to Jungkook.”
“Tae…” Hoseok winces, as if the simple idea of talking to Jungkook would physically hurt him.
“He’s crazy about you, hyung. And you are about him. And you two deserve to be happy together. Happier, actually.”
Hoseok smiles, shy, and nods before leaving in Jungkook’s direction. Taehyung smiles and goes back to his seat, watching as Hoseok and Jungkook hug each other, hoping they will finally get somewhere with their relationship.
From the other side of the ballroom, Taehyung captures Jimin’s gaze on him, smiling wildly. Taehyung smiles back and watches as Jimin excuses himself to the other guests and crosses the entire place just so he can sit on Taehyung’s lap and talk nonstop about how this is the best day of his life, because he’s with the best people in the world, marrying to the most perfect man to ever put foot on planet Earth.
Those moments are when Taehyung remembers everything is fine and how happy he is. It doesn't really matter if he’ll be the uncle with too many dogs, the eternal bachelor, the one among all the twos. He knows this strange feeling will never really leave, this fear and sadness will always be there, somewhere. But every day he gets better and better at dealing with it. At the end of the day, Taehyung will lay alone on his bed, knowing he’ll never be really lonely.