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17
Vi was bleeding, which was nothing new to Caitlyn. There had been split lips, swollen eyes, and a multitude of other injuries. Her scars were a constellation of memories from boxing, street fights, mixed martial arts, and so many more places Caitlyn couldn't even imagine.
“Ok Vi, on the count of three… One… Two…”
Vi lets out a prolonged groan as Caitlyn proceeds to use a cotton ball to dab disinfectant across a cut on Vi’s cheek. It takes three cotton balls before she can fully wipe off all the blood.
The sun is setting and they are sitting on the hood of Caitlyn’s car outside of the school gym. There is no one else around but the two of them, under a random light in the parking lot. Caitlyn has gotten used to having bandages and a first aid kit in her trunk for moments like these. Vi wouldn’t let the school nurses touch her, she could power through the pain. She didn’t need help from anyone. It was only afterwards that her guard finally went down, and Caitlyn was the one to patch her back up.
“I thought you were going on three? That was more like two point five.”
“This goes much faster if I catch you off guard. Now, show me your hands.”
The first time Caitlyn saw Vi without her hand wraps had been an accident. It was after a brutal fight and Vi had disappeared into the gym bathroom as soon as it was over. When the exhibition had finished and Vi had still not come out of the bathroom, Caitlyn went to the back looking for her.
Vi was at the bathroom sink, with both of her hands under the flowing water. Steam was rising up but Vi showed no reaction to the heat. She was standing, unmoving, and just staring at her hands. If anyone else had been at the sink, their hands would have been burnt by now.
Without saying a word, Caitlyn walked up to Vi and turned off the faucet. Looking down she could see Vi’s hands flaring red, but most importantly, she could see the scars and cuts that she usually covered. While Vi continued staring down at the sink, Caitlyn took a paper towel and one of Vi’s hands in her own, and started lightly drying them. With silence still between them, Caitlyn found Vi’s bag and a roll of hand wraps.She could feel Vi slightly shaking as she went round and round, making sure she fully covered the same amount of skin Vi always did.
Vi had never had another moment like when Caitlyn had helped her the first time, but Caitlyn still insisted on changing the hand wraps whenever she got injured. Today was no different and Caitlyn began cleaning the injuries under Vi’s hand wraps with the same meticulous care as the others. Just like all the times before, Caitlyn made sure to fully wrap Vi’s hands the way she liked them.
“And… done.”
Vi leans back on the hood of the car and just stares at the sky while Caitlyn packs up all the first aid equipment.
“Do you mind if we just stay out here? There won’t be many after school parking lot nights for long.”
“Vi, it’s getting cold. We should at least sit in the car.”
“I have an extra sweater in my bag. It’s probably too big, but it should keep you warm. The stars are much brighter when you’re right under them.”
Caitlyn rummages around in Vi’s bag for a few and eventually pulls out an oversized red sweater. After quickly putting it on, Caitlyn realizes that although it is too big, it also strangely fits.
“Hah! Looking good, Cupcake!”
Caitlyn leans back on the hood and rests her head on Vi’s shoulder. Vi wraps one arm around her while they lay under the stars and the one random parking lot light.
“You know you’re never getting this back, right?”
27
The revolving doors begin as people enter and exit life. Old friendships fall apart, relationships come and go, and the consistency of being young begins to burn away. It becomes easier and easier to accept how easy connections may fall apart. For every relationship that breaks away, another one continues to strengthen.
There wasn’t much to the apartment, if it could even be called that. There was a barely balancing side table that had morphed into a makeshift desk, a sofa bed with no cushion, and an assortment of furniture that had been picked up piecemeal. They were in no way poor, but neither had that much attachment to ‘things’ and preferred to keep the bare minimum of what they needed to survive.
“Cupcake, how attached are you to this place?” Vi had been sitting on the couch, playing games on her phone when she randomly popped her head up and started addressing Caitlyn.
“I mean… It’s fine I guess? Why do you ask?” Caitlyn was working from the makeshift desk fighting to keep it from wobbling whenever she typed on her keyboard. She was bundled up in Vi’s red sweater while sipping tea between keystrokes.
“I was just thinking, you can’t do much in an apartment and after a while, you end up paying more in rent than if you had bought a house…”
“You want to buy a house?”
“No! I mean, it doesn’t have to be a house. We can get a condo. Somewhere in the city. Something with, you know, ownership. This apartment just feels so temporary.”
Caitlyn stops typing and looks directly over at Vi whose head is still peaking over the top of the couch. There are a thousand thoughts going through her mind along with every argument and counter-argument she can come up with. She has evidence it is a good idea and evidence it is a bad idea. Mainly, Vi’s question has just left her confused.
“Where is this coming from?” Caitlyn’s voice is much quieter than when they first began speaking.
“Ugh, okay look. I don’t know about you, but I think things are going pretty well right now. Compared to everyone else we have it together, you know? At least as together as people in their 20s can have it. So, why shouldn’t we think about more stable things?”
“Stable things.”
“If you don't want to, that's perfectly fine. I’m perfectly fine being here. No pressure at all. It’s cool. We’re cool.”
“Violet.”
Vi shuts up as Caitlyn takes a deep breath before speaking again.
“Have you looked into any places?”
“Uh, well, no.”
“Prices?”
“No…”
“Neighborhoods?”
“...”
“Have you done any research into what home ownership entails?”
“Okay, now you’re just being mean Cupcake.”
“Listen, a condo is easier to manage than a house. Let’s take some time, find two or three we like and then see where that takes us. How does that sound?”
“Seriously? That was fast. I was expecting I’d need to write a dissertation or prepare a legal brief.”
“Don’t push your luck. I’m not saying I’m convinced, but I’m open to at least looking into the idea. From an economical standpoint it does make sense…”
Before Caitlyn can finish her sentence, Vi flies over the couch and grabs her in a bear hug, almost knocking over her computer and cup of tea.
“If we are going to get a condo, it needs a better heating system. I’m tired of freezing all day and night.”
“Aw, but I thought you enjoyed bundling up in old, crusty sweaters? Plus, you’d probably be cold in the Sahara desert.”
37
There are very few arguments, but the ones that do happen hurt. These are the moments when everything boils over all at once. What made the arguments so hurtful is that they were quiet. There was no yelling, no fighting, but just moments of silence or soft responses. Vi wore her anger on her face. She would scowl or turn red, a public display of the emotions she held within. Caitlyn was different.
Vi had known Caitlyn long enough to know that Caitlyn didn’t get angry. No, Caitlyn would shut down. There would be no talking or any emotional reaction. She wasn’t moody, but would go through life on autopilot, doing the things she needed to do with as little human interaction as possible.
During their first major argument, by the time Vi had calmed down she had tried to get Caitlyn’s attention and was met with the bare minimum of social interactions. “Yes.” “No.” There was zero chance of any type of conversation and Vi eventually gave up. They went about their daily routines, with Vi prodding Caitlyn a bit each day until finally there was some sort of response, and everything went back to normal. Vi never brought up these “shut down” moments and neither did Caitlyn.
After a particularly bad argument, Vi thought it best to take some time away and stayed with her sister. It felt better than being in a silent condo and the time away would probably be better for them both. What Vi didn’t expect was how far silence could travel. There were no text messages nor phone calls. Caitlyn didn’t believe in social media, so there was silence on that front also. She knew through friends that Caitlyn was fine, but the silence felt even heavier when they were apart.
After the fifth day of separated silence, and against her best judgment, Vi couldn’t take it anymore. It was almost 10 at night and she was tired of not sleeping in her own bed. She hastily packed up her bag and headed back home.
She hadn't been staying far away, but the distance felt farther and farther as she continued walking. Vi alternated between a jog and a walk, trying to hurry up but also using the time to think about what she'd say when she got home. Even if Caitlyn would have a reaction when she got home.
Once Vi finally got to the condo building, she slowed to a walk and made her way up the stairs. After taking a deep breath Vi opened the door and found Caitlyn laying on the couch with papers spread all over the coffee table and a half-drunk glass of tea balancing on the edge. Caitlyn working late wasn’t new, but she never worked from the couch. It was either the kitchen table or a corner desk, never the couch. Vi turns to slowly lock the door but makes a bit too much noise and Caitlyn begins to stir awake.
Vi doesn’t move out of the entrance as Caitlyn just stares, with bloodshot eyes, up at her from the couch.
“You came back.” Caitlyn’s voice is trembling and barely above a whisper. Vi has to strain to catch it all.
“Of course, I was going to come back. Did you think…?”
Caitlyn’s silence answers Vi’s question for her.
After a couple more moments of silence, Vi walks into the living room and sits on the floor in front of the couch. It’s only when she is up close that she realizes Caitlyn is still wearing her old red sweater.
"Why are you on the couch?"
"I don't like sleeping alone, and being in a half empty bed makes it worst." Caitlyn's voice is still low, but much clearer now that Vi is sitting next to her, “I want you to know, I don’t intend to push you away. I just need some time to process things. I feel like any response I give will be the wrong one and I must think of another one. Then you’ll get upset because I don’t respond to you, but it’s because I can’t, not that I don’t want to. Then I try to explain it all, but I don’t articulate it correctly and it’s all a jumbled mess and… I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
Vi turns her head to look at a blushing Caitlyn and gives a small smile. “You are. Also,” Vi tugs Caitlyn’s sleeve, “you’re still wearing my sweater.”
“My sweater.” Caitlyn gives a small smile. “Violet, can we please go to bed?”
Vi reaches up, grabbing Caitlyn's hand in her own. It had been years since she wore her hand wraps and the accumulated scars brush against Caitlyn's skin.
“Of course.”
47
They had no plans. So, what if there was a pile of work to get done and they both could really use the free day to catch up? Despite the slight bit of anxiety in knowing they’d eventually need to return to their responsibilities, today was not the day. Not when they both had the same day off for the first time in a long time.
“You know Cupcake, as comfortable as this is, we are eventually going to have to get up.”
“No.” Caitlyn’s voice comes out in a muffled pout as she wraps her arms around Vi tighter, further trapping her in the bed. Sleep deprivation hit her hard last night and it was no wonder she was barely coherent.
“I’m about to die of starvation.”
Caitlyn grunts and proceeds to roll to the other side of the bed, finally freeing Vi.
Vi heads to the kitchen leaving Caitlyn passed out in a pillow fort. During the entire walk she can hear her stomach grumbling and Vi realizes just how hungry she is. After turning on the coffee machine and the kettle she goes searching through every cabinet looking for something to eat. The kitchen was fully stocked, Caitlyn made sure of that, but that didn’t mean there was anything Vi felt like eating that morning.
Vi finally manages to find something she’s content eating when Caitlyn slowly drags herself into the kitchen. She’d managed to pull her bed hair into a ponytail and was abiding by her “no-work-no-makeup” mantra this morning. Caitlyn reaches the kettle right when it hits the boiling point, and goes straight into making a cup of tea.
“How long are you going to keep that?”
“What?”
“That prehistoric red sweater.” Vi points a spoon at Caitlyn who is wearing the same 30-year-old red sweater she stole from Vi in a high-school parking lot. The same one she wore when they agreed to buy their condo. The same one she wore when staying up all night on the couch, hoping Vi came back. The same one that’s followed them throughout their lives, packed and unpacked multiple times. It’s faded and some of the hems are frayed, but besides the passage of time, Caitlyn has kept it in pretty good condition.
“Meh, it's warm and I like it. What are you eating?”
“I couldn’t decide what to eat, so I chose the best breakfast of all.”
“Cereal.”
“Yeah, everyone loves cereal.” Vi begins munching on her breakfast and passes a bowl to Caitlyn.
Caitlyn takes the bowl and sits at the kitchen counter with her tea while Vi continues eating her cereal leaning against the refrigerator.
They had both reached the age where small talk over a bowl of cereal was perfectly fine as long as they had each other’s company. Their conversations could be about everything and sometimes nothing at all. At times one of them would bring up an old memory like the time Vi got knocked out by the same person twice in a row or how Caitlyn would freeze up when a random stranger called her “hot”. The second one Vi doesn’t like to talk about.
Neither of them had any hopes for the future or even thoughts on how the rest of their lives were going to play out. They knew the ups and downs they’d gone through to get where they currently were, and with that they were content. Everything could blow up tomorrow and they had no control over that. Their main focus was right now, in the middle of their kitchen eating two bowls of cereal and Caitlyn in Vi’s old red sweater. It was at this moment, they were happy.