Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You sat across from a blob of glitches, pure evil apparently but eh. It began to make odd hissing noises which you assumed was it talking about how it already loves you or something.

It noticed you staring at it and cleared its nonexistent throat.

“The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.”

You had immediately fallen in love with its perfect memorization of the fitness gram pacer test of hell’s beginning. That’s all you wanted in someone, for them to recite this to you on your first date in Leshy’s cabin.

Suddenly, the door was kicked open by a tree, some grandpa, skeleton woman, and a cringe gamer robot (according to the others). They all held bats.

Skeleton grandma and cringe gamer robot began to bonk you, however your very tough big brain from stealing robot’s strategy blocked it and sent the two back into their weak card forms with your beloved evil data entity. Magnificus continued the bonking but weak tree can’t do anything.

Leshy had quickly hit you with his camera, taking a picture immediately afterwards so you were now a squirrel card.

OLD_DATA immediately began crying, not helping with the situation at all. It grabbed your card and melted into a puddle of glitches.

“Oh fuck” OLD_DATA does swear

You got out of your card form, kissing OLD_DATA. Hmm static.

Bone Lord is screaming.

Everyone is screaming except for you two. Why are you even dating this thing?

Inscryption’s disk exploded, GameFuna is confused as fuck now. this was a mistake-

Chapter Text

I forgot to change the date to today fuck-