Work Text:
She was eagerly awaiting Cullen's return from Wycome. Last time he'd gone to help her clan, the keeper had told him a few embarrassing stories about her childhood that he teased her with for a while. But he'd also brought news of how her clan was doing, how her parents and friends were doing.
"Inquisitor." She turned to find Leliana behind her. Something about her was different, but the Inquisitor knew not what it was.
"Yes? Are they near?" She asked, trying to keep the smile off her face.
"My scouts reported that they're on the mountain path as we speak."
"I'll go meet them. Thanks for your hard work." She replied as she gave a nod and quickly went on her way.
She could see Cullen in the distance after a half an hour walk and eagerly waved at him. To her surprise, his wave back was half-hearted, tired even. The soldiers too, seemed different from normal. A fear wrapped itself around her as she approached Cullen and with every step, her heart seemed to become heavier.
"Long time no see." She said, trying to hide her uneasiness.
"Indeed, it's been a few weeks, hasn't it?" He looked to the ground, not facing her.
"What's wrong? Everyone's-"
"Wycome. It- they'd gone crazy and we had to retreat." He swallowed hard. "Then they started attacking Clan Lavellan-" She didn't even hear the rest of his story, she could guess what had happened by looking at the pity in everyone's eyes as they marched by. Before long, she was left alone with Cullen and a deafening silence around her. She stared ahead blankly as she saw the faces of her clan mates flashing before her eyes. Mother, father, keeper, friends. Gone, all of them.
She flickered her eyes, blinking the visions of what the massacre probably looked like away. Cullen had taken her into his arms while she'd been spacing out. His arms tightly around her as he whispered comforting words to her.
"If only I could've-"
"It's not your fault." She said, placing her hands on his chest plate and pushing him away gently. She forced a smile and nodded.
"Thanks for your hard work. Welcome back." He stared at her in disbelief for a few moments before smiling weakly as well.
"Do you want to start heading back to Skyhold, or..?"
"You go on ahead, I'll follow along in a bit." He gave her an understanding nod before hesitantly turning and returning to the fortress.
She'd spent a little over an hour crying into the snow before returning to Skyhold. She ignored the stares as she marched up the stairs, through the main hall and into her quarters. Right now, she didn't want to face anyone. She didn't want anyone's pity. She sat on the side of her bed and opened the drawer of the cabinet beside it, taking out a set of letters. She stared at them and wanted to cry, but she couldn't. Nothing came.
"Inquisitor?" She looked up to find Cullen standing in front of her. She hadn't even heard him coming up the stairs. He looked from the bundle of letters to her, a worried look in his eyes.
"T-these are the letters I exchanged with them." She explained as she put them back in the drawer and closed it with a deep breath.
"How are you doing?" He asked as he sat beside her. She shrugged, unconsciously rubbing at her sore eyes.
"I don't know." She leaned against him and sighed. "Everything's just ... empty." He put his arm around her and let out a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, if only-" She stood up and turned to him, her arms behind her back.
"I told you already, it's not your fault." She threw him a smile. "I'll be fine." He stood and took her hands from behind her back, holding them tightly in his own.
"If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know, okay?" She nodded.
"I will. Thank you, Cullen." She said as she stood on her toes and pecked him on the lips.
Everything started falling back into place again over time. Routines, missions, the Breach. Everything threaded to the front of her mind while her own issues retreated to the back of her mind. That didn't mean she had gotten over it, however, the contrary had happened. Every night she woke up, bathed in sweat, the screams of her family and friends ringing in her ears.
This night was no different, once again she shot up with a gasp as sweat trickled down her cold skin. She shivered and got out of bed. After a while of pacing back and forth, she finally descended the stairs and made for the rotunda from which she could access the bridge to Cullen's quarters.
She climbed the ladder and stood in front of his bed. He was already sound asleep.
'I shouldn't wake him...' She thought with a sigh. Just as she'd turned around to head back down the ladder, she heard him calling her name. She turned, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed.
"Are you okay? Is there anything wrong?" He asked as he got out of bed and walked up to her.
"I-I had a nightmare." She murmured as she leaned into him and put her arms around him.
"Come along." He whispered as he pulled her along onto the bed. Once she'd settled into his arms, with her head resting on his chest she felt less scared of falling asleep again.
He gently kissed her forehead as he raked a hand through her hair.
"We should do this more often." She murmured as she yawned.
"I'd like that."
"Me too."
"You said that." With a grin she finally fell into a well deserved slumber with Cullen standing watch over her dreams.