Archive of Our Own

He clicked his tongue annoyingly, staring deep towards a ranting teacher that scribbled whatever nonsense on the black board, he didn't even want to know.

It wasn't because he hated that subject or he was somewhat dumb or the teacher couldn't properly teach them. He just simply lazy even to focus in class. He wasn't even determine to get perfect score anyway. So, why struggle your ass out if you had other goals that more important than that?

He took out his earphones and plucked them in his ear, completely blocked any sounds to slip in when he played the songs on his playlist and bopped along. He looked outside of the window, appreciating the scenery and watching how two cats rolling onto each other. Completely silly. It brought smile on his face.

He didn't have any idea of what happened until he felt the tension in the class' atmosphere. He turned his attention back to the front, realising how almost all the students were looking at him, with amusements adorned their faces. He cowered, feeling overwhelmed under the bombarded attention.

He pulled out the earbuds when the teacher looked like muttering something.

"Are you listening, Christopher?" the teacher with rectangle spectacles eyeing him suspiciously. Chan nodded slightly not wanting to pick a fight or make a scene if he was being too honest with the teacher.

"Okay, answer this equation then. Come in front,"

Oh shit.

Chan bit his lips hard. He haven't even focus for once in this particular subject ever since in January. He didn't even feel the urge to understand either. So how would he know if he didn't know?

He looked at the thread of numbers with alphabets. No, there were mostly alphabets without a single number. He sighed anxiously.

In the middle of the stress hurricane in his brain, he still could hear how the whispers went around taunting and mocking, snickering and hushing. And all of that made him done tiredly and straight his eyes right into the teacher's orbs without hesitation.

He shrugged his shoulders with nonchalant. "I don't know, teacher,"

"Dumb bitch," that was a voice of the queen in the class that sat a little bit more
front than his seat. She glanced towards him with disgust when everybody around her started to snicker and laugh along.

"Don't laugh!" the teacher warned making Chan rolled his eyes to the back. "You, Christopher. Detention this afternoon for daydreaming in my class!"

The girl snorted again. However Chan just lift his shoulder lightly and brought back his gaze outside, not caring of anything.

He was certain that all the teachers already grew tired of his ignorant behaviour but once again, he could careless about it, couldn't he?

The hours passed by rather quickly but exhaustingly. He walked over his locker at the back of the class just to met with a slender yet tall body blocking his way. He just knew by the pose the body made that it was the 'queen' girl in his class that for reason unknown always had problems with him.

He looked up taking the mischievous smile in his brain. He rolled his eyes annoyingly and with nonchalant, brushing pass the girl until she nearly stumble over one of the desk.

He walked out of the class, completely ignore the yell that thrown onto him. He kept on his stoic expression until he bumped into a strong figure that made him stumble backwards and fell flat onto the floor.

"Oh? Sorry! I didn't see you," muttered the figure and quickly helped Chan up by easily grabbing his arm.

"Are you okay?"

There was a small tint of red that spread on his pale cheeks. He nodded then mumbled a little "thank you,"

Suddenly, out of content, the long blonde reached out and patted his hair. The gesture made the shorter one stiff awkwardly.

"You should be eating more, you know? You're too skinny and could be easily knocked over,"

He couldn't help but felt a shiver ran down his spine by the smirk the taller one tugged on his lips. Even though a stronger blush managed to take over the paleness on his face.

He furrowed frighteningly observing the taller one as he walked away from his previous spot. A scrowl appeared on his face upon realising the meaning.

Oblivious about a pair of piercing eyes that bored the scene from not far away.

---

Detention sucks.

Chan huffed tiredly. Even though he basically doing nothing in the detention room, it still drained his energy a little bit too much for his liking. Fatigue took over him when he walked out of the class and and on his way to the gate.

Probably, maybe because he didn't eat anything since he woke up that morning until it's already past noon.

He sighed whilst tightening his grip on the string of his bag. Eyes staring down on the street as he walked through clear sight.

Yet, it was blocked with a so familiar shoes as he halted his movement and hesitantly brought his tired gaze upwards.

Today was indeed hellish for that poor boy when he had to face with a person he wanted to see the least.

Jake.

Chan bit his lips nervously, contrast with his eyes that pierced into the other's orbs. He tried to chase away his drowsiness in order to stay firm and not submit to this monster easily.

He squirmed and cowered a little bit when even more people gathered around him with a very intense gaze, as if he would be eaten alive.

He turned around slowly, pretending that nothing happened but much to his dismay, his back also being blocked by a few people.

Just to taste his luck, he turned back facing Jake then drew his eyes back on the floor and tried to walk pass the intimidate person. Just when he started to move his limbs faster, a strong hand gripped on his elbow and pretty much pulled him back in a merciless pace.

"Where are you trying to go? Hmm?" the deep voice managed to make Chan shuddered in fear.

"D-don't touch me," he chocked out despite his trembling voice. Seizing away his arm from the other's grasp. Rubbing slowly at the sore spot that surely would be bruised.

A certain whiny and disgusting voice peaked on his attention as a girl suddenly appeared out of nowhere and clung on Jake's arm.

"Babe, look! He pushed me earlier and now he's being rude to you.. Don't you wanna do something Jakey~?" the girl snuggled her overgrown chest on said Jake whilst pointing his worm like index repetitively to Chan.

A little bit of pleasant crept into his system when Jake shrugged off the girl clingy hands away.

"what are you doing here Wonyoung?"

"hmm~? what do you mean~ I just want to meet you," then the girl smiled in victory when Jake sneaked his hand on her waist. She stared down at Chan with mockery smile of hers.

He wanted to roll his eyes but quickly shattered when a few hands grabbed him and restrained his movement. The next time he knew, was a certain fingers that clawed on his jaw to make Chan look at him in the eyes.

"W-what do you want Jake? L-let me go!" he wriggled under the restrain as the grip on his jaw grew painfully stronger.

"You're getting bratty nowadays, whore," the man breezed his deep voice on Chan's ear making him shudder.

"I don't remember anything to do with you. Now let me go," the pale one tried to form his voice firmer and stern. He didn't even sure if he was success with that.

"Don't pretend like I don't see what you did with Hyunjin earlier," Jake voiced those words through his gritted teeth whilst his hand now grip on Chan's neck firmly that nearly knocked out all the air out of his lungs.

Chan started to choke on his breath and his face reddened because of the lack of air. "It's n-none of.. your b-bussiness," he started to suffocate.

Jake pierced his eyes into Chan with uneven rage before he threw the boy's head to the side. Chan's choked cough was heard afterwards, entangling with several.

Then the hands that restrained him earlier felt loose and he fell onto the floor, still touching his aching neck whilst coughing loudly.

"Hear this slut!" the other Australian grabbed Chan by his hair so hard, forced a yelp out of the smaller one. "You heard this one didn't you? Who said you could display your pathetic ass on anyone other than me?" he tugged on the strands harder that Chan groaned in pain.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see how Wonyoung's face changed to frown because of Jake's words.

" You're not anyone that c-can tell me what to do!" Chan practically trashing out of the grip. The sentence probably sounded like some jokes to brunette as his body shook with laughter.

"Say it again bitc-"

"Jake? W-what? Why did you say that? Eww. Do you have feelings towards that fag? Don't make a disgusting joke Jake," Wonyoung took a step backwards and flailed her fingers like she was disgusted. And playfully gagged towards Chan.

Jake scoffed and his hand consciously released his death grip on Chan's hair and stood up before he turned around facing the plump lips girl.

Chan on the other hand, took his opportunity to build up guard and gather his bag. Looking rather intensely towards the two said 'couple'. (As Wonyoung wanted to believe)

Wonyoung stared right into Jake's eyes as the 6 foot tall man hovered over her. A little pout was formed on her glistening lips. She crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side, whining. "I know you aren't right, baby?"

She reached for Jake's arm just to be brushed away. "So? What if I am?"

"Y-you.. You're kidding," she let out a weak laugh.

"No,"

"Jake? B-but we're together right now... Y-you're not c-cheating on... me..?,"

"Shut up whore! Enough with your delusional. Now leave. Or you're gonna be forced to watch,"

The queen girl's breath hitch as her eyes already prick with unshedding tears. She sniffled and started cry the next moment. She ran away like her life depended on it with her broken sobs that could be heard from afar.

Poor girl. Surely crumbling apart.

However, the scene wasn't doing Chan any good when he thought earlier about taking his leave when the scene stealing over. But nothing went as he wanted when Jake's peoples strangled him from running away like Wonyoung freely did.

He indeed had to face this.

With a quick reflex he shoved away his body to the side and swung his heavy bag to one of the man from his left. The bag was collided with his ear. Ow, Chan could feel the dull and stinging on the brain by looking how the man stunned over, eyes shut tightly as he clasped his poor ear.

He took this golden opportunity to kicked the doubled man by kicking him on the groin that forced a painful groan from the other.

His was frantically sawyed his legs quickly attempted to ran away from those group but being halted by a pair of hands that yanked him back at place. But thanks to his adrenaline rush, he managed to pushed the person off of him and ran away as fast as he could.

His heart was beating so fast he could hear his own breathing. Didn't want anything to let his guard down, he continued on running. Even when he was already far away from school his instinct told him to not stop right there and desperately searched for a crowd.

The footsteps that chased him was still there, not far behind him. But his legs were starting to give out. Luckily for him, he managed to make his way to the town where he bumped into several people.

His panic was subsided when he grasped the opportonity by desperately tugged onto a person's shirt flailingly explained that some people were after him.

He turned around almost as fast as his ramblings, to find that Jake and his group were there, not so far, staring at their prey with piercing eyes, waiting for their chance to jump in.

Chan hyperventilated, worried that whoever the person he stumbled upon wasn't going to help him. But his mind loaded when the man pulled his wrist and led him to a bundle store. His vision was clear of their presence afterwards.

He released a breath that he didn't know he was holding. Absentmindedly staring at his savior who brought him hidden between the hangers and a pile of clothes.

He threw his eyes out for a second, just ro make sure that none of the gang or Jake himself saw him. After he was sure that they lost a sight of him, he retracted his eyes on the boy who kept his eyes on him suspiciously yet worriedly.

He grimaced. Bowed his head slightly. Embarrassed. He could feel his face getting slightly hot, "Thank you for saving me. I- I'll go. Thank you again, it was very considerate of you,"

When he made an attempt to move, a hand blocked his way. "Wait,"

Chan's eyes widened. He was slightly cowered. Should he run away from this man instead? For a mere second, he chose to against it.

"Do you think that if you go home now, they won't find you? At the middle of your road? Let me send you," the man said calmly. His voice was deep that made Chan mesmerised.

He stared at the person in awe. How could someone wants to help him this far? Let alone wants to accompany him home. But then he felt his brain was hit with a realisation, then a wave of instinct kicking in.

He backed away a little, drew a distance between them two. "It's okay sir. You don't have to do that. If needed, i can wait till everything clear and go home. You don't have to," he tried to stay firm with a pathetic attempt.

But then, the taller man scoffed. "Do I look like a bad person to you? Besides, i don't seems like having any problem with you do I? Just like the grudge that Jake has against you," the person crossed his hands over his chest and leaned against one of the shelve. Staring at Chan intently.

Now, the mentioned boy started to panic. How did this man knew Jake? Was he.. Or Who was he? Am I just brought myself into another trouble?!

"Hey relax Chan. I don't know how you live at the school all this year, but we're literally study at the same place and the same year. And your issues with that oaf Jake was a top topic there. If you don't know.." he wore an amused expression. Looking at Chan as if he was some sort of funny walking thing.

However, this information made Chan hang his mouth open. The fact that the person who just saved him was a student at his school and even know his name, was too much for him today.

But he barely knew who this person was.

"Crap it. Now I'll accompany you home. No argument,"

The freckled boy then grasped Chan's wrist once again and drag him out of the shop after he made sure none of the Jake or his lackeys were there.

But Chan's movement what stopped him. "Wait, but I don't know you?" Chan took a step back and brought his hands up in defense manner. Who knows if the boy actually planned something with his bully.

But what the taller made was playfully gasped in shock. "Really? What you do at school to not recognise the most popular person, who happened to be in the same year? You're impressive Chan! I bet you don't know Hyunjin either,"

Chan's face heated up at the mention of Hyunjin. And the latter caught him right handed. He almost could see the other's smirking and before he could comment further on it, someone's voice interrupted them.

"Felix!"

It managed to catch both of their attentions. But Chan quickly regret it, when he felt himself blush even more if that was possible. He stared on the ground, trying hard to be invisible.

"Why you didn't tell me you're he- oh? Hey Chan?"

Chan's breath hitched. He knew his name?! He actually fuckin knew his name! He bit his lower lips and held the urge to stomp his foot on the hard surface of the ground. But he slowly lifted his head, looking shyly at Hyunjin.

"Hai," the small voice managed to crack out his throat. He doubt that any of them heard it, so he nodded instead. He ignored the knowing look of the felix guy threw at them.

Then a handsome smirk on the other man's lips felt like the end of Chan. He never thought that a time like this would come, where he had two interactions with his crush in a single day.

But then, Chan couldn't excuse himself whatsoever when Felix started rambling about the insident from earlier.

But maybe that wasn't bad either, when he got a chance of having years old crush bringing him home. Maybe a little too luckily overwhelmed when the other said he was making sure that he's safe.

Maybe his day wasn't that unlucky after all.

---

He smiled sheepishly upon entering his apartment that always been empty. He hadn't any schedule at work today, so he busied himself by smiling, giggling and remembering every tiny moment he had with Hyunjin that day. He was literally simping over that popular man.

But he could detect a tiny bit despise in himself because didn't know that Felix guy was a good friend with Hyunjin. Nothing he could do now that he already known.

He shrugged and threw his gaze elsewhere. Eveywhete around the house and jogged towards his room.

He sat on the study table and opened a thick maroon book with a grin. He grabbed a pen and started scribble on the blank space, filling it with words about his today's happy occasion. But maybe inserted the unpleasant incident as well.

He actually never keen on doing diary because it did sound silly to him. But one day when he found himself scratching the pen's ink on a paper to ground himself from whatever unforgivable experience he faced that day, it was comforting. To know that he could tell anything about his problem, even though to just a piece of paper.

---

He sat for a while longer before proceed to the gym class. After making sure that everyone had already left the classroom, he stood up slowly but his vision started to form dark spots that he nearly stumble over.

He gripped his chair, but before the wooden furniture could tilt at the end and make him fall, someone's hand already steadied him by grabbing his upper arm.

"Hey, you okay?"

He stunned and make a rapid turn of his head to see who that was, but the dizziness washed over by the sudden movement. He whimpered whilst shutting his eyes tightly.

And the other figure ushered him to sit which he was thankful for. After the blurriness in his vision subdued, he lifted his gaze again to catch a very familiar figure that stood tall in front of him. And just like that, a dark blush crept to his cheeks.

'Why is Hyunjin doing here?!'

"You okay? You look paler," Hyunjin asked with his so manly charm. Chan felt like flying for having his crush caring about him.

He nodded slowly, not trustling his voice to speak. He looked up again when Hyunjin shuffled and sat on the chair beside him. Jisung's place. And he could feel his face heated impossibly up.

"Have you ever eat anything today?" And Chan startled a while bit when he found his tongue couldn't lie on that one question. Hyunjin asked that as if he already knew what Chan would answer.

The smaller one bit on his lip nervously, but made no motion or voice to answer the latter's.

"Eat this," And by a swift second, he saw the blonde man placed a wrapped sandwiches on his desk. Chan stared at him questioningly.

"You probably felt dizzy because you don't eat yet. And have this," he handed Chan a box of chocolate milk which the brunette took it hesitantly. "Could help with your low blood sugar,"

"Thank you.. B-but you don't have to," he said quietly.

"Yes, but I want to,"

Could this man make Chan even more fluster and red? Absolutely.

"thank you. I-I'll be going," Chan made his way up of his sitting position but Hyunjin tugged on his sleeve, gesture him to sit down again.

"You need to eat first Chan,"

"But I have class," Chan furrowed his brows making him looked innocent.

"What subject?"

"Gym," Chan threw his eyes onto his clasped hands.

The taller man scoffed. "Are you planning to make yourself embarrased by fainting in the middle of the court? Sit, and eat those and I'll talk to the coach,"

Chan huffed unconsciously pouted. "Fine,"

Hyunjin smirked handsomely and Chan almost missed the sight. "Good,"

And the two sat there together whilst Chan eating those food in silence. He didn't have that much appetite to eat but somehow, the cheese sandwich that Hyunjin gave made his mouth water. And not so surprisingly, the meals helped with his dizziness and fatigue for the rest of the curfew.

He found himself received stuffs from Hyunjin almost everyday, and mostly food or high sugar drink and sometimes candy and chocolate. He was confused and didn't have enough courage to ask Hyunjin how did he knew about his blood sugar.

But his anorexic habit made him felt too much with the amount of food Hyunjin gave him. And he found himself gave away some big amount to Jisung. His desk mate. And the boy received that happily.

But some other times, Chan just couldn't contain his excitement when he found under his desk, a few packet of sweets or protein bar and sticky notes. He was appreciating a little too much the handwriting of Hwang Hyunjin's on that.

'You need some sugar so i
brought it to you
Eat.'
-Hj-

Or;

'Don't skip meal Chan:!
And if you have the urge to
sleep in the class just do it,
-Hj-

And he involved with the note, a box of milk for Chan to take it. And once he even came over to his class again to pass him a carton of panadol which helped Chan a lot. Hyunjin was caring and he almost couldn't believe that.

How was the other wanted to do something for him when they barely know each other well? He couldn't help but felt a slight insecurity slipped in of getting false hope.

But he knew that Hyunjin wouldn't trick him right?

---

His body was slammed on the wall, forcing a pain groan from his pale lips. He was currently half lying on the floor whilst eyeing the attacker intensely. Of course they had to do something to him for whatever reason.

And of course they had to locked him up in a store room after the curfew until the school was empty and dragged him up here on the rooftop. Of fucking course.

The man who was standing mockingly before him then bent over and clawed on Chan's jaw harshly. He winced but still kept their eyes connected, refused to submit.

He swatted away the big hand just to be strangled hard on the floor.

"Let go!" he growled trying to be intimidating but to no avail. Instead, his action made the attacker bursted out his vicious laugh much to Chan's annoyance.

"Shut up, whore! Stay still and quiet like a slut you are! What? Do you think your prince will come to your rescue? What a sweet dream, worthless shit,"

Chan felt like crying. Why his life like this? Why everybody picked on him, even this unknown gangs did even though Chan was sure he never had interacted with them before or pissed them off? Just because he was really a worthless piece? Or a poor and a parentless teenager?

Was that his fault for him to be in that sitiation?

He spat right on the vicious looking yet still fine face. And he was proud of that when the latter formed a confuse and shock expression.

Then the man stood up firmly and stepped away slightly leaving Chan a space to run away. Much to his surprise.

But that was just a temporary when suddenly a striking pain shot up on his abdomen when the man kicked him hard on the stomach.

He rolled over and wrapped his arms around his abdomen with a groan escaping his parted lips. He tried to occupied with the pain when another blow came again, this time from another boy that just stood aside earlier.

The kicked him and stomped hard on his back that he almost hear his bone cracking. They didn't seemed like stopping even though Chan whimpered and beg them to stop because he was sure he never talk nor cause a problem to this boys.

Out of blue, two pair of hands grabbed his upper arms harshly and forced him to a standing position. He whimpered from a surging pain that washed over his stomach and bent ever so slightly because of the quick movemennt.

And again, he was attacked with blow after blow on his chest and stomach by fists that knocked breaths out of his lungs crucially.

He coughed violently and felt a copper taste in his mouth.

"P-please...stop please..," he begged pleadingly.

And almost instantly after, he felt himself being dragged down by gravity onto the floor with a loud thud. They seemed satisfied though by what they had caused.

When Chan tried to grasp every given moment for him to drew back his air and cope with the crushing pain, a female voice interrupted them with a sickly whine.

"Isn't this too much?" of course he knew who that was. And everything makes sense now that this girl who held a unexplainable grudge against him would do anything to get rid of him. Just because of her so called boyfriend 'fancied' him.

This two couple weren't much different after all.

He could hear the girl's presence near him as she crouched down before the curling boy that limped on the floor.

"Oh, what and endearing sight, sigh," She reached over to brush Chan's wild strands that covered half of his face but Chan hit it away with the last strength he had left.

And this was where he found, he was doomed.

The evil witch chuckled playfully and stood up, looking down at him and backed away just enough for her to glance over at the few guys from earlier.

She then took out his phone tapping on the screen. And the words she said after that what made Chan's heart sank.

"Do whatever you want," she glare fiercely towards the gangs with hidden meaning planted neatly in her eyes.

---

Chan cried. And cried and cried constantly almost not very sure if he could even stop doing that for now. He hugged his knees tightly as if shielding his used body from this cruel world.

He pressed his back on the tiles in his spaced bathroom hoping that he would be swallowed by the wall.

Letting the cold water poured out of the shower and freezing him to death, still couldn't make his brain occupied from the certain memory.

He sobbed even harder and scrubbed his arm with the raw scrubber so hard that left redness on his skin. But he didn't stop even a stinging pain already tingling along his arms and body.

He wanted to claw, to scratch his skin hard so he would erase all the disgusting trails on his it.

His brain flashed the scene over and over that he almost burst because of it. He screamed out his lungs in pure frustration until the soreness crept in his throat.

Even 'devastated' word couldn't compare with the worthless feeling he felt at the moment. Continuously ruining him in the inside that he felt like dying. Which he believed so.

And his eyes also didn't even seem like had enough with pouring out the tears.

He had found himself regained consciousness the day before in the hospital bed. Everything so white and painful. One by one images washed over him reminding himself of why he could possibly ended up there.

And he was crying, so hard even the presence of Hyunjin who he believed was his saviour (at least the one who found him and brought him there) couldn't make anything feel better.

It turned out that the blonde tall boy really found him on the rooftop barely conscious and... wrecked. Of course, Hyunjin's defeated self didn't say the last word to him. But he himself knew better than anybody else.

He didn't panicked or worked up when he found the two visible figure in his ward, That Hyunjin guy and his best buddy, Felix. But all he felt was shame and humiliating by the fact that happened.

His already cracked self was crushing down that he wasn't even felt embarrassed to cry in front of the two of them.

He was in pain. So, so much pain.

And the last thing he found out was, he ran away from the hospital even before the date he could be discharged. Without anyone knowing, not even Hyunjin.

---

The days flew by emptily and he spent most of the week doing nothing and lying on the uncomfortable bed cocooned his depressing self. He didn't even care anymore about the school or his work. Not that he would live much longer.

Not that he planned to anyways.

Once again, his empty head being filled with Hyunjin and Hyunjin. Why must the boy came over his thoughts? He was pretty much sure that the aforementioned didn't even reciprocated his feeling other than a tiny bit empathy.

Of course. Because he was pathetic.

Or the latter already felt disgusted with Chan by now. And he was very sure of that.

Poor thing.

He wanted to cry again but beated himself for it. He liked the empty feelings more than feeling worthless and pity.

He rubbed his sore and tired eyes. He couldn't sleep, afraid of the nightmares in the dream more than anything. He ignored all the rings that came from his phone (that already dead a few days ago) and even a few knocking at his front door days before.
He was glad that he didn't let Hyunjin and Felix knew where he lived.

He scoffed painfully. Why he even bother to think that Hyunjin would like to come even if he knew and save this poor self once again? Silly.

Pathetic. Disgusting thing.

He blinked and inhaled deeply. Even breathing was very hard right now.

He suddenly made his brain wandered about, he just thought that it might be necessary to tell his employer at the cat cafe, that he wanted to resign or take a break.

His boss of all people, deserve an explaination or a note of why Chan hadn't came to work for a literal week. The man was very kind and considerate towards him all this time. He owed that person too much to disappear without a news.

So he forced himself up to charge his phone and inform the boss about his break. But when the device was being turned on, it buzzed repeatedly with neglected notifications. He furrowed his brows looking at many missed calls and messages from Hyunjin. And also a lot from unknown numbers that he hadn't any strength to open. And a few messages from Jisung. His deskmate.

He opened it finding himself feeling guilty for ignore the boy. Jisung was a new student and he hadn't many friend. It must be difficult for him to study with an empty space beside him for the whole week.

Chan smiled sadly upon reading those texts.

Chan, where?
21 march.

You haven't come to school for three days already.

Are you sick?
23 march.

Are you okay?
Yesterday.

Chan..

Please. Pls don't do anythin stupid Chan pls tell ur okay?

Chan.. i'm sorry I wasnt ther'.

I shld've help you

I'm sorry Chan pls forgive me

Pls dont do anything stupid okay?

Tell me where you live?

Chan please..
Today.

Chan stared at the text a while longer before a confusion crept into him. Why Jisung's.. texting style looked so suspicious as if.. As if he knew something happened.

He punched the back button and stared at the unsaved numbers that filled in his message box. His hand was shaky with fear.

He slowly pressed one of the numbers at the very top. And the sight wasn't pleasant.

Not at all.

His heart was beating impossibly fast. Or stopped thumping, he wasn't even sure. What he knew was he started hyperventilating and wide eyeing staring at the messages that was sent.

So many insults and names.

He clicked on the other numbers as well to found out more and to be hurting more. He almost couldn't even control his hands that rapidly scrolled down every texts and insults and harasses.

He looked through all the messages until the last one who happened to be the first foreign number that contacted him. But this time he got himself an explanation.

With a video that was sent to him by this sender.

A video of him.

His face grew impossibly paler.

---

His breath trapped in the lungs made his heart beating fast of every possiblity. He was indeed barged in Chan's apartment when he finally knew where exactly the boy lived after the silent treatment for nearly over a week. And seeing what was currently being a hot topic at school right at the moment really a crazy move to leave Chan all alone.

The boy was inhumanly hurt. And he was desperately tried to help and stop him from doing anything stupid.

But when he met with the unsettling silence in the house with the absence of Chan in the said block was really his best fear that made him suffocated thoughts.

He frantically called the smaller boy over and over again even after several declined. He won't give up. Hell. He didn't want to fucking give up.

He stormed in the bathroom once again before made a run out of Chan's small apartment. Honestly, he didn't know where exactly to go but he ran anyways and just following his instinct.

For the umpteenth time he called, this last attempt before he started to lose hope was which Chan picked up the phone.

"Fuck. Thanks god..Chan!" he called out between his panic. "Where are you?!" he spoke between his raged breath, turning his head everywhere in case he spot Chan at one of the alleyway.

And the other end of the call started sobbing. A heart breaking one that made Hyunjin's system overflew with concern.

"Chan? Please tell me where are you. I'm coming to you, yeah?" he said softly and even felt his voice cracked at the end of it.

Chan inhaled a shudder one before silent. Hyunjin waited patiently for the other to mutter something.

"H-hyunjin...?" the call was weak that made Hyunjin bit his lip. The feeling of regret and wanting to protect the other was nearly unbearable.

"I'm here Channie. Keep talking please... Pause whatever you're doing right now and focus on your breathing for me. Talk to me okay?" he said sadly.

He had called Felix before to help him looking for Chan and the boy probably in his way right at the moment. He just hope that Felix found Chan on his way or whatever. Anything just to ensure Chan's safety.

And Chan's hoarse voice was heard again. And Hyunjin could do anything to constantly hear that for the rest of his life.

"It's.. it's hurt so much..I feel humiliated and- and...and nothing value to me anymore.. I just.." his sobs was wrecked again pitifully. "I just thinking about-" and it was continued by the full blown cry.

"I- I'm scared Hyunjin... I'm tired,"

Hyunjin's panic was settled again. He could hear how the other boy shuffled around and probably stumbled and how the wind sounded like he was at the side of the road where cars passed by.

And it have him a clue.

"Channie.. Please hear me properly okay? Please calm down and stay there. Don't ever do anything and I'll be there in a few and don't hang up on me right? I'll be quick, okay love?" he tried to sound genuine which he really was.

He thought that Chan would cry even more or say more words about how tired he was. But he didn't expect the hung up from the other side. He could feel himself slipping to the madness.

"Oh fuck!"

He ran to wherever place that peeked on his mind at the moment. He didn't even bother to contact Felix or what. All that matter was Chan and what he capablr of doing.

He was raging with anger. He felt utterly stupid for had said that in hoped that Chan would find comfort in it. And of course he freaked the boy out even more like he had a bad intention or something.

His grip on his phone tighter, that he didn't realise that his fear had suffocated him to the core and formed to a tear. Both eyes started to blur.

'Please. Please Chan... Please don't,'

Every step he took felt heavy that screwed him inside out and drowned in the frustration. He breathed heavily and every image he had created in his mind wasn't unpleasant to ease anything.

What if, he was the one who triggered it even more?

'Don't give up on yourself please,'

He made it to the place where he believed Chan was at.

He saw him.
He saw Chan there, with a position that made his heart stopped a beat.

He was standing unbalancely on the edge of the bridge. Grips trembling on the handle. Chest heaving with every forced breath that looked painful.

He wasn't late.

Chan was there. His sweet feature still dazzlingly visible through his frail form.

His Channie. His lovely little boy who he had a crush on for a very long time.

Hyunjin rushed over, didn't want to waste a bit more time that could make him lost his light forever. He reached out and wrapped his strong arms around the thin waist with a swift movement.

He put a force to turned Chan around. Hearing the gasp out of the chapped lips was the most relief thing he felt at the moment, knowing that the loved one was still alive and breathing.

It was almost overwhelming with happiness that he let out a shudder breath. A stream of tears kept pouring out of his eyes with thankfulness.

Chan was shocked upon seeing him that he screamed and flailed whilst hitting his chest hard. A sobs rocked him hard.

"L-let me go!"

The taller grasped both Chan's wrist to halt the movement and stared him right in the eyes. Taking in the narrow cheeks and darkest shade under his puffy red eyes. The feature that could be describe as a pain.

"Chan! please... Please don't do this,"

"N-no... Y-you just don't understand anything! It always me..," he gasped sharply. "It always me,"

Chan weakened under his touched that he stumbled into Hyunjin's arms. Tears soaking his shirt which he didn't mind a slightest bit.

"I'll take you far from here if that would make you forget about this. Please give me a chance Channie...I'm begging you,"

Hyunjin hugged the smaller boy tightly and kissed his hair, shushing softly in hoped that it would calm him down.

"Save me..Hyunjin,"

"I will. I promise,"

'I'll never give up on you. Love,'