Work Text:
“wow ilike holy fck I am so hungry kaneki!!!!!!! 11!!!!11!” hide looked down at his plump thighs because wow he was hungry. Kaneki looked at bleach head for like 74 seconds before snapping his neck back into reality. Why was hide hungry? Why was hide telling kaneki this? Kaneki cant fucknig help him god he is so useless on his own. Kaneki realized that he was also hungry, as the scent of pulsing veins aroused his taste hunger thing
“neki????? Are you ok???” hide spat. “you look like pale and youre breathing super fast”
Kaneki squeeeked. “yea im pretty alright alright alright hide, lets go eat somewhere if youre hungry” Hide cried like actual tears because he was gonna eat.
“I have a grand idea” hide said as he pointed his finger into the air. ‘please end my pathetic life’ kaneki thought as he prepared himself for the awful food that was about to come.
“lets……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………mc’freakin’ lose it.” Hide said in a hushed tone.
“wtf the fuck is a mcfreakin hide” kaneki said while turning his head 180 degrees. Hide slapped his back so fucking hard kaneki swore he was going to lift off to the moon.
“it’s the ronALD mcDONALd KANEKI” hide screeched. Oh, that fucking place. They walked like 809 minutes to reach the clown house. When they entered kaneki actually gasped outloud when he saw his masky fried friend Uta. Uta smashed his face into the register.
“ready to……………………………..mcfreakin lose it guys” he said as his face started to bleed.
Hide actually gt so excited he broke the ceiling. “YEhah YELL HEAH fucICk ME RONALD w YOUR BURGERS” he screamed as Uta put 69,420 burgers onto the grill at once.
by the time they were done both kaneki and hide threw up 21 times. They mcfreakin lost it.
They decided it would be best to go back to hide’s apartment and fuckin kick back and probably like sleep.
The untered the apartment around sunset. Kaneki loved the sunset it reminded him that life will end just like this day. He loved to stare at the colours.
“kaneki you asshat lets go inside” hide said, making kaneki remember that he still was alive and suffering.
They sat their fat asses on the couch about a foot away from eachother. Hide put his feet up on kanekis lap because bff’s do that shit no homo. Kaneki got a book cus hes a nerd.
Hide couldnt help but watch kanekis grey Gandalf eyes as they swept back and forth through the book that looks like it’s been shoved up an ass or two.
Hide suddenly felt super super super super duper warm inside like wowowowowowowowowowo. Hide got the urge to like lean over and like kiss the mother fucker. He inched a little closer to kaneki. Like so close kaneki could feel his breath. Kaneki shuddered a little cus his breathe was like on his neck and it was warm
“h hi hhhh h hhhHHH Hide????” kaneki muttered out. Hide was sniffing his neck cus he had lost all control. Was hide gay for kanekii??? Why was he suddenly really feeling it??? We just don’t know.
“mmm yes neki??” hide said back like kinda sexual. Kaneki felt heat rise to his face.
“I I I I I I UH im I –“
“NekI are you blushing???!??” hide said as he got even closer to the booys face.
“II AM NOT BLUSHING Uyoure bluHSIng! !” kaneki retorted. Just then hIde kissed KANEKI ON THE MONTH WITH NO WARNING WHAT SO EVER. He pushed neki ack onto the sofa, and released the lip lock for a breath of air.
“HIDE HDiE What!” neki was beat red like he was a fruity
“kaneki, I think I want to lance of longinus your central dogma” hide said almost too bluntly
‘holy fuck!’ was all kaneki can think when he heard this. ‘he likes me!’
“hHhhh hhide?? Do you like me???” hide slid back ontop of kaneki and whispered “just welcome me to chili’s” kaneki knew this meant yes. Hide began to kiss his boney little collar bones and nip at his neck. Passion rose from kanekis stomach as the bleach bitch was suckin on his jaw bone
“h h hi, ww w elcome to chili’s hide” he managed to squeak out. Hide was in the clear. He stuck his fuckin hands under kanekis shurt and touched his flat chest lol he had no b00bies. Kaneki immedietly grabbed hide’s hips and pulled him closer closer closer.
“kaneki I think im gay fur u” hide said. All kaneki did was wine back cus he was suffering
Kaneki felt hide’s fuckin chest and nearly died when did his bff become so hot holy shIT. Things were getting heated and kaneki could feel the heat rising by the second. Hide tried to position himself better for kaneki but ended of pushed kaneki off the stupid couch and sent his tiny figure flying across the room. All hide saw was a blue and black blur across the room.
Kaneki got up and kinda wanted to cry. He had scratches all over his face from smashing thtough the tv. They quickly healed due to his ghoul ass. Hides eyes widened
“oh my fucking god” kaneki said. Hide knows. All hide does is smile
“your ghoul eye is hot ho” hide said referring to his kakugan eye ball tit. “I already knew kaneki, I mean, like, nishiki beat the fuck out of me so like yeah ghouls”
Neki was afraid but also a but relieved, but then got filled with rage.
“YOU MENA U MADE ME EAT LIKE 85 BURGERS KNOWING I WAS SGHOUL DO U KNOW HOW GROSS THOSE ARE TO ME” kaneki screeched at the butthole sun flower.
“lol” hide said. Kaneki then proceeded to kick hide’s ass before making out w him.
The end